Watch What Crappens - #297: Bridge Baby & the Great Fratsby

Episode Date: May 31, 2016

Timestamps below! Southern Charm went to LA for a week, and they failed miserably in the getting laid department. Fortunately, they arrived home in time for Craig to be a failure at bourbon, too. AW! RHOD had a calm week, but there were still plenty of poop jokes and LeeAnne labelling herself to give us another hour of pure joy. Timestamps: 0-20:05 Crappens Mailbag: Landon and Julie from Ladies of London meet in an elevator 23:00 Southern Charm: Trip to LA 1:19:30 RHOD: Bonding over poop jokes, calm before the Austin storm. Bonus #83: Top Ten Non Housewives Shows on Bravo We love lists! This week’s bonus is all about ranking the non Housewives show on Bravo. Enjoy and thanks for the support!! ------------------- This month's ringers are posted! LeeAnne, Erika Jayne and JD lead the pack. To get them, subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. For all our other links and extras, go to http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com ---------- See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crappins would like to thank its premium subscribers, Cassie Bugalski and Christy Doherty. We love you, girls. Watch What Crappens. There's so much that crappens. Watch What Crappens.

Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Hello and welcome to the Watch What Crappens podcast. The podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on ye olde brobs. I'm Ronnie Karam from Trash Talk TV. And as usual, I'm here with a gorgeous, talented, thin, and smart, intellectually advanced Ben Mandelker of the B-Side blog and the Banta Blinda podcast. Hello, Benji. Hi, Ronnie. How are you doing?

You're so kind. We just did the most fun bonus. We talked about random shit and then got into Food Network Star like crazy. We should have started with that. I know. Well, we covered the necessities, a.k. We should have started with that. I know. Well, we covered the necessities, a.k.a. Harambe, the dead gorilla, which meant that I could get on my soapbox about bad parenting, even though I'm single and I've never been a parent. We got so into Harambe, I didn't even get to read the quote from Donald Trump. I was like, I love that they're interviewing.

They're asking Donald Trump. It's like running for president. Trump, what do you think about the gorilla? Gorillas are stupid. Like, I don't even know what he said. I just thought it was hilarious that they're interviewing, they're asking Donald Trump. It's like running for president. Trump, what do you think about the grill? Grills are stupid. Like, I don't even know what he said. I just thought it was hilarious that they interviewed him. Well, yeah, we talked about that. We talked about, what was, there was something in the middle.

Oh, Yolanda. That picture of Yolanda. Yolanda, Britney, Johnny Depp, possibly maybe hitting his model. Yeah. But then we got really into Food Network Star. We talked about Anna from Real Housewives of Miami being on Food Network Star. And then at that point, we just went in deep

and we went through the entire cast and we made fun of the whole thing. Yeah, we broke that shit down. So listen to it. It's a long one. It's like hour 15. Also, the ringers are up today and I'm going to play them right now.

How the fuck do I do? Ha ha! Boy! Bow at me. You trying to make me sound like a ringtone? Little mimicker. See? Those were them. Wow, that was so good. It's magical. So those are that. So if you want to subscribe, go to

patreon.com slash watchwhatcrappens, and thank you to everybody who does. We love ya. Also, come to our, go to patreon.com slash watch what crappens. And thank you to everybody who does. We love you. Also, come to our Facebook page, facebook.com slash watch what crappens, to talk crap during the week, during the live show threads and stuff with other listeners, or post your own links. Do whatever you want over there. If you want to talk about these episodes here that you're listening to right now,

come talk about them over there. We love it. You can also go to watch what crappens.com. That's where all our personal links are. So if you want to find our Snapchats or Instas or what have you, they're over there. And that's it. That's it. Yeah.

So I have two things. Two things that I'm going to shamelessly shill. I'm taking advantage of our podcast audience. Captive audience. One thing that actually pertains to this podcast. This is really important guys we are having our 300th episode party next week we are hitting episode 300 it will it'll be uh it'll be released next thursday and we're gonna have a party that night we're not doing a live

show it was just too annoying to put that all together. But we are having a party. It's going to be at Revolver Video Bar in West Hollywood, sort of across the street from Pump. I'm sure we'll do a field trip there later on. We have a back room and we have a bartender. Okay. It's not open bar because we is cheap. Okay. We're like poor people getting married. Okay.

We're like, come buy your own drink and let's talk. Yeah. You don't have to bring a gift, though, so that's nice. Yeah, don't bring a gift. Just bring yourselves. Well, don't say don't. I'm just saying you don't have to. Oh, yeah. Bring a gift. Bring a gift and pay for your own drinks. But no, for real,

please comment at 8pm at Revolver. We had such a nice turnout for our live show that I hope we can match that or even exceed it. Bring your friends. Bring whoever you want. We're just going to drink and have fun and party and just celebrate the fact that we've done 300 episodes. Matt Whitfield is going to be there.

Oh, hell yeah. I'm so excited, Ben. I don't ever have birthday parties. I'm not like a believer in, like, I don't know, parties where I'm involved. So I'm so excited to have it. It'll be like my 40th. Well, I'm excited that we're actually organizing something, you know, because normally what happens is we hit a big milestone and we're like, oh, yeah, we should have done something. So this is a big deal for us just in terms of the organizational effort it's taken.

There's not going gonna be a step and repeat but if someone wants to make us one then we will gladly let me see if we can put one up um no but it'll be it'll be really fun so i really hope it'll be a great time just to like chill out with all the listeners uh we had so much fun meeting so many of you guys at the improv last uh last month so uh let's just do it again let's just like party and have fun and then later on we'll get drunk and walk over to sir and pump where they're filming so um yeah also we're going at the time where there's not a lot of people so it'll just be us pretty much for the crappins party but then when you you know we'll have a few drinks and us we'll all be

best friends and then the strippers show up yes the bartenders take off their shirt at like 10 p.m. So, you know, listen, we got everyone covered, OK? Everyone is covered. Except the strippers. What? Everyone brings some singles. Yes. Maybe we could even play, get the theme song and play it on the speaker.

Who knows? Oh, hell yeah. That'd be fun. Remix that shit. The other thing that I'm shilling, this really has nothing to do with Brava. This is pure Ben Mandelker shilling. I just, I want people to go check out my blog because I just

did a review of this board game called Karuba and it's really fun and the publishers were kind enough to give me a review copy. So I want to send some love back and help get the word out about this game. So check out this game, Karuba. It's really fun.

If you're looking to add a board game to your collection, it's really worthwhile. It's good for all ages. It's not one of these really super crazy games that I normally play. It's really fun. Go to bsideblog.com to check that out. Karuba!

Karuba! With a K. I'll definitely do it. It's nominated for Game of the Year. So there you go. Sorry, okay? Like maybe we should get a red game carpet. You know I would love that.

And I still want to do, we mentioned this off air, I still want to do Catan with you and Matt Woodfield very, very soon. Oh, yeah, we have to. Oh, also, we have good guests coming up. Stephanie from For Crying Out Loud will be here. Stephanie Wilder-Taylor. She will be here Thursday to talk about that motherhood show.

Then the following week we have Anna David. Anna David is coming back. She hasn't been on in a few years, but she's coming back. We're going to record from the improv. She's got a new podcast that she's launching next week. She's very smart and always has good insight. And I'm really looking forward to both.

I love that she's back in time just to talk about someone else's addiction again. Because last time it was Kim Richards. And now it's like we've got a whole plethora of fucked up people with New York back on. I know. But she's coming on the Tuesdays show. people with New York back on. I know. But she's coming on the Tuesdays show, so we're going to talk about either Southern Charm with her or Dallas.

You know I'm going to be bringing up everybody in New York anyway. We can do that. I want her opinion. Absolutely. Okay, so that's that. Do we have anything you want to talk about before we get into the show? I mean, I already plugged my blog. Do you want to talk about before we get into the show? I mean, I already plugged my blog. Do you want to open anything?

Oh, yes. I really do. Gloria. I always sing that song when I'm trying to pass time. That song, Gloria from church. Oh, the only Gloria I know is Gloria, Gloria. It's like that, but it goes

Gloria. It's nothing like that, really. Crap, it's mailbag. Crap, it's mailbag. Crap, it's mailbag. Crap, it's mailbag. Crap, it's mailbag. Crap, it's mailbag, Gloria.

Gloria. You really don't remember. The letters in your mailbag Or the voices in your head Falling crap in his mailbag Well, we have a few stragglers from last week. Alexa Pascarella says, I am a third grade teacher and a bunch of my co-workers listen to you guys

and we love you. We quote you often and even use some references while teaching no oh my god that's terrifying do not get fired over us watch your little kids coming home to their parents going okay okay like telling abuse stories at story time for fun i'm'm sorry. I'm sorry. So hashtag knowledge. She says hashtag knowledge.

Our school is in a small town in Illinois named Manhattan, which I love that. Small town called Manhattan. What if the Real Housewives of New York cast got sent to Manhattan, Illinois as one of their trips and had to teach third grade for a day? How would that go? Thank you so much.

You have no idea how many smiles you give us on a daily basis. We can pick whatever housewife we want. Well, the cast, the whole cast got sent to Manhattan and they have to teach. Oh my God. Probably New York.

Remember, what? Oh, go ahead. No, no, from New York. Whichever housewife's from New York City. And they have to go to Manhattan. I mean, I've just put Ramona anywhere. Ramona's my choice for everything all the time. Yeah.

All right, children. Today we're going to learn about the Revolutionary War. Okay? This was the war where England wanted to control America. And America said, I'm sorry, that's de classe. We're going to pour out all our tea, because we don't drink tea here, because it makes us too flatulent, okay?

I'm sorry. No taxation without representation, Mario. Sorry. You've made Ramona so educated. I love it. That's like way, she'd be like, revolutionary war, okay? Like before, like when wars first started they were so boring okay like no one even wanted to be there they were like why make this war and then they made

like a revolutionize of the war okay like now at war soldiers have phones okay they have like internet service okay i'd go to war like i'd. You know, one thing that really was very important in the Revolutionary War is that Paul Revere went and got on a horse and went riding through Massachusetts. Whoa, that's crazy. That reminds me of one time when I was a little girl. I remember going to Massachusetts, the Berkshires, okay? And I remember being very alarmed. And I wanted to ride and get on a horse and tell everyone that I was alarmed.

But I couldn't. I couldn't get on a horse because Geraldine Parsons-Smith said, You're too fat to get on a horse. So to this day, I've never gotten on a horse, okay everyone that I was alarmed, but I couldn't. I couldn't get on a horse because Geraldine Parsons-Smith said, you're too fat to get on a horse. So to this day, I've never gotten on a horse. Okay? I'm sorry. I don't get on horses, and that was a revolutionary period for me. Okay? We won the Battle of the Alamo, and that's why we have cheaper

rental cars now. Okay? Christopher discovered... Christopher Columbus, like Luann said that he discovered the earth okay but like he discovered my vagina first okay like stop double dipping

Christopher Columbus like sloppy seconds okay then Bethany Bethany's like the coolest teacher alright alright alright children alright alright gather around okay

like sit on the floor we're getting story time okay let's let's it's crazy okay it's like a story okay alright I mean I don't even know which one to be on what is this like why is the cage bird sings I don's... It's crazy. Okay, it's like a story. Okay. All right. I mean, I don't even know which one to be on.

What is this? Like, why is the cage bird sings? I don't know. Is this about birds? Is this about cages? Like, what is this? What is this about? Like, I don't get it.

Is this like animals? Is this for children? Like, I don't get the story here. Like, I don't know. I don't want to do this anymore. Like, I don't... Honestly, like, if you ask me to go to the bathroom

one more time, my walls are going to be... I'm going to be on the dead. I'm in the middle of the circle here. I'm going to be in the middle of the circle and I'll be dead. I'll be bleeding on the floor and you'll all be traumatized, okay? I'm sorry. Why is the cage bird sing'm in the middle of the circle here. I'm going to be in the middle of the circle, and I'll be dead. I'll be bleeding on the floor, and you'll all be traumatized, okay?

I'm sorry. Why is the caged bird thing? This is why books are stupid, okay? Has this question even been answered ever? This book's been out forever. Still no one knows. Choose your own adventure? Why do I have to choose?

Why don't you give me an adventure? What's the point? How many adventures do I have to choose? Which adventures am I choosing from? Are they at Macy's? Where are they? Who are these people who are making these adventures anyway? I don't get the brand here. Just enough.

Literally, I'm crying. Come here right now. Oh, Bethany. Bethany and Ramona win every single thing because you can't have someone like Dorinda teaching school. She'd be like, two plus two is five. You broke my heart. You broke my heart.

Here, I made the math problem nice for you I made it nice for you You can't take out the chaos crayon When you're doing math math You gotta use the pencil You gotta use the auto pencil Not the chaos crayon The fire bell ring

Like all I need you to do is line up Like I just need you to be in line Like you can't even be in line Get your free pass back to Brooklyn. You can't add 2 plus 2 probably. I don't want to. I'm going home. No, no. Maybe

in Queens it's 2 plus 2 is 5, but I'm not. No, no. I'm going home. That's not how you treat a math problem. That answer definitely came from Queens. Meanwhile, Luann comes in and says, Miss Dillasep,

five minus three is one. Hardly. Oh, you know pie, do you? Well, I know girl code. I'm going to talk about a math equation. Okay, one woman dates one guy and then someone else says something bad about him and then cuts in front of you at the grocery store girl code yes or no no get out of

my class go to the principal i mean it's hard it's ridiculous so i can't even imagine sonia all right kids all right get around now we're gonna learn about we're gonna learn social studies you know i'm very good at social studies. I have a yacht in San Tropez, and I often have a Nigerian football team in there, and we always talk about studying social things. It's really very easy. Okay, which one of you guys wants to be my intern?

Okay, you're all hired. You're a little old for me, but... Okay, who's going to give me a facial? Okay, which one of you knows dos i need a computer number four okay all right i need to get the tube tv moved to the other corner i need six of you guys to haul it over there okay great you're all learning so much right now that's what it's my education's all about it's experiential you know

she'll be like did you get those permission slip slides you know how i told you to go into mommy's purse and get that book of papers and then have her sign one? I know you're not ripping off all the parents, okay, Sonia? She's like, I'm going to call my curriculum, I'm going to call it Common More. Common More curriculum. Sonia, that's like Common Core. I just want to have a curriculum, that's all. It's like I just got out of bankruptcy.

I just want to have my own curriculum. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was calling this bath class. I know it sounds like math but you know math does so well i just thought maybe i could get out of bankruptcy children your teacher won't be here today instead to teach you uh english is miss carol radswell children which one of you wants to be called baby?

All right. Who's going to pick up the ping pong balls? It's not going to be me. The ping pong balls. Oh, good. She's like, oh, my God, this is crazy. We have the same outfit on. Dressing like the children.

Hey, what's your favorite thing at Forever 21? I don't know. I don't go there either. It looks so old. You look like my mom. Oh, God. That was, that was. Was that all in the mailbs? I mean that was

That was from last week I think Last week mailbox Well good This is like a break show for us Even though we just did an hour and a half already But still We get to do

Not Shaws this week So excited Even though I've been liking Shaws Yeah I think so We get to do not-Shaws this week. So excited. So are we done with the mailbag then? Yeah, I think so. Yeah. I think BetsyMD had a question from last week. Oh, go for it. Go for it.

We didn't get to. We already have four in the new mailbag, but we'll get to those. But there's BetsyMD. Okay. She says, love y'all. Slow day on labor and delivery. Because I believe that BetsyMD is a lady doctor. You know what I'm saying?

I just want Madison Hildebrand laughing at a joke told by Martin Lawrence Ballard. Also, if Landon from Southern Charm and Julie from Ladies of London were to discuss a startup elevator pitch, how would that sound? Okay, so I'll be Martin Lawrence Ballard, and you can be Madison Hildebrand. Okay. Okay, this is Martin Lawrence Ballard and you can be Madison Hildebrand. Okay. This is Martin Lawrence Ballard's joke. What do you call an Ottoman that has polka dots

placed next to a chair that's striped? I don't know. What? Strange. Strange. What do you call a rug from India put under Kathy's feet? That's too much. Why?

Something that collects more dirt than usual. Oh, Martin. What do you call a sale on peppers at Fresh and Easy? Something that's never going to happen again because they went out of business. It's this cry. Oh, my God. Okay, so now who's in the elevator? So Landon and Julie are going to, they're discussing an elevator pitch for their next uh

travel for their next business which i guess would be a travel hog about jub balls i'll be landon okay oh my god so good to see you oh my god i didn't expect to see you right now crazy i don't want to go on a trip like an uplifting trip you know like jub balls like you eat them and then like you lift up your butt cheeks so you can let out a little air. I just want to take pictures of Chub Balls and put them on my blog and then like maybe like wait to do with Chub Balls and like where you could go with them. I don't know, because I kind of love shit. Oh, wait a second. I thought we were going in this elevator, but it turns out I don't get to ride in it.

I have to work at it now. I was sort of thinking that like my blog could be about looking at jump balls on an elevator. It's a 20, 10 second blog and then it just really goes way. I went outside and I was asking the tree about tree pose and I was like, I know how to do tree pose and then I started crying because

it took me five minutes longer than the tree did to get into tree pose. Oh, that's so funny because I just did a thing about the five best yoga studios that do tree posts. Oh, that's so funny because I just did a thing about the five best yoga studios that do tree posts. Do you know someone named Alexander? I've just been too nervous to ask who it is.

He's not invited. He's not invited. He's trying to have sex with Shep so he can't come. He's not invited. I'm sorry. Get over it. I'm butt. I'm sorry. Get over it.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Get over it. I love your real hot sauce of New York in Southern Charm. I'm sorry. Okay. Okay. C'est classe.

Okay. Oh, Landon thank y'all I really enjoyed doing a theoretical real house I was in New York City teaching elementary school that was kind of the highlight of my day so far teaching moment literally

seriously well before we get on the highlight of my day so far teaching moment that's the teaching moment literally literally seriously seriously well before we get on into these shows i wanted to tell you about something that i'm actually really enjoying so we're very lucky to be on this show because we get a lot of sponsors that we actually use which is very rare it's not like the same thing every week that's like it's a post-it note it's like stuff that we really like and we get to try all this stuff and i'm actually an official member like beyond my ad membership to club w wow that's awesome you're an actual member and by the way for the record if post-it notes want to advertise we're totally open to that yeah we're totally into you guys like we'll change our team yeah we are thrilled to partner with um uh club

w on this uh we're we're really excited about it uh club w club club club club club club w uh it uh it delivers it delivers wine straight to your door it's convenient yeah it's really convenient it's kind of like one of those clubs where you order dinner and stuff, but it's wine. And they are delicious. They have amazing artists, local artists do all of their stuff. When you go on their site, you have to take a test. It's like a taste test of all the things you like and dislike. I love that.

And so they help you pick out wines that are good. And I've actually gone through about six bottles of it by now. Love it. And it's delivered straight to your door. Wow. Well, because they work with top winemakers and growers from around the world to make their own wine, and

their $13 bottles would normally retail for $20, so they're a good deal. Yeah, they're good deals, great wines, and there's no risk. You choose your type and your quantity of bottles, just like how many you want, and there's no membership fee or cancellation fee, and there's 100% satisfaction guarantee. And if you're into label art, if that's your thing,

they partner with local artists to make really cool wine labels that are like little unique works of art. Yeah, so go over to ClubW.com every other day and check it out. Yeah, you take a – yeah. I'm like, am I at the wrong part of the copy? Yeah, so right now ClubW is offering our listeners $20 off your first order when you go to clubw.com slash crabbins. Yeah, it's Club W's – damn it, you're messing me up now. Sorry.

I'm like, wow, that's really good. I'm wondering if I can use a different email and get my $20. Yeah, I know. Well, so it actually gets better because I know everyone hates paying for shipping. So Club W will actually pay for your shipping on orders of four bottles or more. So take something off your to-do list, people. Just go to clubw.com slash crappins

to get $20 off your first order right now. That's clubw.com slash crappins. All righty. Thank you, Club Dolby. Yes. Thank you, Club Dilbias. Thank you. So what do you want to start with? Dallas or Southern Cham? I don't know. I don't know.

You pick, you pick, you pick. Let's do Southern Charm. Southern Charm it is. Previously on Southern Charm, everyone's an asshole except me. Stupid Cameron. Pretty much. That's Cameron in every opening now.

She's like, well, Catherine thought she was pregnant with the baby, but it turns out she's pregnant with stupid. Like everyone, everyone, she, everyone they cut on. I'm like, you know, she's just dissing them in her mind. Yeah. Cameron was not very present this episode, by the way, right? I don't think she was even in it, really. I think she probably called Whitney and was like, I stuck up for you last week. Now the internet hates me.

Please take me out of this show. Just put me in the beginning and the end again. That's how I like it. By the way, I got really excited because I just got a notification that Pickles started following us on Twitter at What Crabbins. But I looked, it was a different Pickles. Oh, you cannot steal Pickles' name. Yeah, this one's Pickles McKenzie. Pickles!

Pickles McKenzie! Cameron starts this by going, in one of her previously, she's explaining what's going on with Craig. And she's like, Craig needs to go sit in a corner for a while. He's been a bad boy. Craig just sat in Delaware for a year like hasn't he suffered enough this is all PTSD leave him alone post traumatic Delaware disorder PTSD they even started with Cameron opening doing something so boring she's like well I'm making making my vitamin drink. Delicious. She didn't even know how to do it.

She was confused. She's so bad in the kitchen she doesn't even know how to make a shake. Am I supposed to put this in a pan? I mean, motherhood, am I right? We have another instant update from Twitter. Tour group has been moved to midnight. Oh, poor tour group.

You know, tour group actually squeezed a good one out last week, and now they moved it. You guys, you've got to support your shows more than that, okay? It's not like there's millions of people watching the rest of them. I mean, look at their ratings. They just changed the way they even look at it now. It's like, you know, five children's head means five people. They don't even do it the same. It's like a 5.5 rating is like five and a half people watched it.

Oh, gosh. I'm sorry to interrupt. The notification just popped up on my screen from Amber Atkins. Poor tour group. Poor tour group, but lucky me. So Thomas and J. jd are playing polo and we open at we are whitney's la house every time they put whitney's name up on the screen i keep seeing whitey every time he probably just added the n and when he was 13. He was probably raised as Whitey. Hey, Whitey.

Come help Mama get into her casting. Sometimes you got to give up your nickname. Yeah. Craig's like, I wish I was named Whitey. Lick lip. That's stupid Whitey licking back at him. I can't even imitate his voice, Whitney, because he doesn't really have one. He just lick lips.

Sort of like a, his voice sounds a little bit like there's like a bubble in his throat, you know? But he does lick, he licks and like, then he has this like sort of squinty smile. Yeah, squinty. Mother. Mother. That's my impression of him. A squinty lick lipping like, well, mother wouldn't like that. He sort of has the voice of, like, a stuffy Mater D.

You know, like, well, I'm not sure that we can see you right now, but I'll see what we can do. Oh, sure. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Madame DuPont. He's so trying to be this frat boy. He's wearing, like, his frat boy thing he's got his 20 year old model his paid girlfriend running around the house you know in her pjs and stuff got a promise ring she's like promise ring what is what is a promise ring i don't understand it

what is this what the hell she says what the hell like, oh, you know, it's from the 50s. It's like from the 50s. And she's like, how can you say that? What the hell? And then he goes, well, you know, Craig is, you know, he's really messed with me. But he's going to come to L.A. I'm not sure how I feel. But it's up to him to have a reproach with me.

It's like, you can have it both ways. Are you a douchebag or are you trying to get into mensa? Just stop. Which is it? It's up to him to have a reproach with me. Who talks like that? I do feel like Whitney is smart. I think he's educated.

He's just... I want to say he's doing nothing with his life, but he's doing something with his life because he's producing a reality show. He's his life because he's producing a reality show. Yeah, he's banging models and he's on a reality show. He's doing as much as anybody else in this damn town. But I think that's what's frustrating is that he is educated. He's smart.

I've always said this. He's like a conservative fuddy-duddy. I mean, he would be. If he were not raised into money, he would be like Cooper's best friend. The two of them would just be snickering over over cocktails all the time but um but he wants to be this fratty renub guy from la who's like super cool and super hipster and it's like yeah i'm gonna go to the mondrian tonight or whatever yeah it's so frustrating listening to somebody like everybody else is trying to sound that smart and trying to get to be that rich and then he is that smart and that rich and he just wants to be the guy at fucking dumbo's or jumbo's clown room oh whatever

okay so koopa speaking of koopa why don't we join koopa and katherine my girl katherine i believe in you girl i believe in you katherine at the woodhouse spa and catherine i've never had a facial oh lord yeah right with any yeah any kind of exfoliates in it uh i love you know cooper is an interesting character first of all he refuses to like get out of his suit for his spa treatment he's like wearing a bow tie like bathrobe with a bow tie smithers he's basically basically Smithers. He really is. But he's like, oh, don't you worry, Catherine. I am going to take off my bow tie. I'll take off my Catherine, dear. Spa la la.

Like, even, like, women in Saudi Arabia are like, geez, like, loosen up a little bit. He's like, now, good burka. How did that ever go out of style? My favorite Nickelodeon movie was Good Burka. With Keaton and Kale. He's trying to pretend that he's such good friends with Catherine. I'm not really buying it. She's like, wow, I've never had this.

And he's like, oh, it's so wonderful to spend time with you. And what about that poor little baby in your tummy, darling? You want to talk about it? Here, let's have some of this spa whiskey. Yeah, he's drinking the whiskey. He is, you know, part of me wants to say, you know, Cooper is, what, like 47 or something like that. He's, like, way too old to be hanging out with Catherine. But then I remember

that he's one of these self-loathing gays who just wants to be a hanger-on and she's famous, so, you know. And he can't get into Patricia's house anymore. Well, Patricia was only a featured cast member and Catherine's a full cast member, so. That's where he's going to go.

The bread is really buttered not with a butt with not with the bread is just dipped into some olive oil oh catherine forgets i don't know how many gay friends she's had but listen you are not going to be friends with a gay guy who's not going to pelt you with our advice for no reason like she never asked for it but he's like here's what i think darling and she's like well it would be this is really comfortable and, it would be, this is really comfortable and relaxing. It would be more relaxing if when I got home, Thomas would be there. I'm a 24-year-old mother of two. If you don't think I'm nervous and overwhelmed and put too much on my plate, you don't think. I think that's what people said when you got knocked up.

You don't think. Yeah. If it was on your plate, it would be no problem. They'd just be calling you fat. It's in your vagina. You're putting too much in your vagina plate. I'm surprised that she didn't take this opportunity to say, Thomas never takes me to the spa, Thomas.

Like, Irm, I'm really stressed. And, Irm, I need some relaxation. But, Irm, Thomas never takes me to the the spa All he does is take me to the mailbox Erm, erm That's my favorite thing, erm By the way, I love one of our listeners Wrote on Facebook that The baby's crib

Looks like Magneto's prison cell When I read that, I laughed out loud Like a hard laugh Except it blocks any brain waves Like the baby's brain can never be matured prison cell. I read that. I laughed out loud, like a hard laugh. Except it blocks any brain waves. Like the baby's brain can never be matured. It's no, it's actually,

it's actually to help the baby to preserve it from crazy parents. Someone was like, well, your parents are Thomas and Catherine. Please get in this little box. Stay there until it's safe. When the baby comes out of the crib, the baby puts his hand up like really fast and whiskey goes flying into Catherine's hand

he puts his other hand up whiskey goes into Thomas' hand he's not magnetic he just knows how to control bourbon and whiskey that's so perfect that's so funny because speaking of the crib she's like Thomas has been so good to me lately which means she's maxed out every credit card ever he's so good to me man he has been so good to me lately. Which means, like, she's maxed out every credit card ever.

She's like, he's so good to me. Man, he's been so nice. Like, he came over and put together cribs that he bought. I hope it lasts. Like, Catherine's version of love is so sad. I know. I hope he renews my Amazon Prime membership. She's like, Todd Pennington's been so loving to me also.

He keeps on teaching me how to build things on the TV. Anyone have Amazon Prime's number? I want to marry him. She's at the point where she's just like trying to fuck for money websites. And then Cooper's sort of like, now listen here, Catherine, I don't mean to be rude, but kind of feel like, you know, maybe you should move on from Thomas. Like, don't you ever get the feeling that he doesn't really care about you? And she's like, erm, well, you know, he's 53 and never had a baby before, so it's just hard for him.

He doesn't get what it's like to have babies, but I think he's coming around. I just have to teach him like you know so much about having a baby at 20, whatever you are. He doesn't have my experience. Now that we got Sandy Duncan out of his campaign office, I can be the one to teach him

things. He's only used vaginas as entrances, never exits. And stupid Cooper's like, hey hey you fell for once and now you're gonna fall for it twice i'm like do you mean fall on it because i don't see what he tricked her into he's not the one who tricked her i mean those two are both assholes but come on yeah no one tricked anybody here well yeah cooper is probably just happy that they're having a boy and a girl so that they can take each other to his next Founders Ball. Thank God!

I couldn't even let your daughter into daycare without a male escort. Now announcing Miss Kinsey. Here's some applesauce for your entrance. Miss Kinsey has been validated by her younger brother with a penis next up is thomas's plantation every time they write thomas's plantation i cringe i know it's it's it's so funny because because uh you know i mean the same night that Roots was on. The same night that Roots was on. Was it? Oh, yeah. There was this whole thing.

A&E did a remake of Roots, and they showed it over the weekend, and they simulcast it on, like, ten different networks. I didn't actually watch it. I wish it opened with a Thomas voiceover that said, we weren't full of the Civil War. We just said that so many people got killed it's my favorite thomas quote ever i'll watch what happens and he's like uh aren't you uncomfortable with i don't know the civil war and he's like all right we're gonna play a game okay is this a penis or is this the civil war? All right. What's this? Whose tits are bigger? World War II or the Civil War?

Who has a bigger dick? Lincoln or Grant or Lee? I mean, I don't know. What do you like to party with? So, like, what outfits do you like better? The gray outfits or the blue outfits? So, JD is that friend that every woman is worried about their husband having. Because everything that happens, he's like, are you sure that woman's not trying to trick your friend?

Well, but he has common sense. I'm sorry. J.D. is the only one on this show. Well, I shouldn't say the only one. But J.D JD's pretty smart. And he's like, well, now Catherine had a lot of friends while you guys were dating. So maybe you should get a paternity test. There may be lots of fish in the sea, boy, but there's more on Catherine's vagina.

Hey, boy, good, good news. We have the new Gentry Hotel paternity test coming out that Craig has been working on. Right, Craig? Wait, where's Craig? What? I had Craig put together a flow chart of all the people Catherine's been with, boy. Where's that flow chart, Craig? Never mind, then.

I said Catherine's had a lot of people. They better get a paternity test. So he's telling him, he's like, I hate to be the one to tell you to get a paternity test, but get a paternity test, brother. Remember when we used to dream of the day we'd be sitting on our porch watching our children pay polo while we discovered ways to trick moms out of getting their money by proving that that baby is someone else's. Oh, I remember those days, boy. Remember those days when we were just going to be playing some polo?

It was just going to be us doing it all together with our children, but it's going to be our children and not some stranger children like Cooper. Oh, you don't want to wait a baby. Trust me, boy. You don't want to wait a baby. You're like what um so he's talking about getting this paternity test and i'm impressed that thomas didn't go right to katherine like

you're having your baby tomorrow you might have a swap that thing when it comes out make sure that it's not a waiter baby well there were two things at play here. One is that at this point, Thomas is so exhausted from her crazy that he is just – he's on the best behavior. You can see it. I mean this is – I've never seen someone be more restrained on reality TV. The way he says these compliments through gritted teeth. But the other thing is he wants to have a scion, and I'm not talking about a car. He wants to continue the Ravenel name forward, so even if it's not his son, he wants

to look the other way, because there's probably been 50 years of pressure on him by his parents to have a baby boy, to continue the Ravenel name. You know how many babies I've impregnated people with that have just wasted them? I mean, I don't even know where they are now.

Well, I'm 50. I'm not wasting another baby. I mean, those bridges aren't going to name themselves. He's probably got a whole construction crew of poor babies. We've got sidewalks to name, okay? We've got a lot of men. I like that JD also brought up the George Bush thing. Yeah.

Because he was like, say me once, say me twice. What George Bush say? What George Bush say? What George Bush say? Shame on me, shame on me. Shame on boy, shame on boy, boy. What did George Bush say? Shame on Catherine. That's what I think he said.

Shame on Catherine. Why did he say that? So funny, so prescient, that George W. Bush. That baby's trying to lie to you. Smoke it out. You need to smoke it out. Isn't that the Taylor Swift song?

Smoke it out. Smoke it out. So Craig is next. Craig and Naomi. I want to go to L.A. Like, all the guys are going to L.A. And I've never been to L.A. before. So I want to go.

I was, like, really trying to fight for Catherine's honor, but then this trip to L.A. came up, so I was like, sorry, crusade's over, Jesus. And I was like, um, but, like, don't you have work? He's like, yeah, but. And he's like, um, but, like, don't you, like, like, aren't you guys launching a bourbon thing and aren't you trying to get in with bourbon?

Yeah, but I called everyone already, so. Yeah, but, like, I had a list, and, like, I called them. And then they cut to Craig doing everything he's supposed to do, and he's sitting there with his feet on the desk while he drinks whiskey. At his desk. I'm sorry. I did it. Like. How can you pass up, like, a dream trip to L.A.?

It's like a dream. That's where people dream, and then they wake up, and they're like, whoa, am I dreaming, or am I in L.A.? It's crazy. And then a homeless guy will walk up to you and say, what's your dream? And I'll be like, I don't know. So it must have been a town where you're not the only one pissing themselves at a party. I want to go into a store, and I to say big mistake huge huge you don't even have crazy collars in this store like what sort of shirts do you sell in your la

how is uh no me still with him how she just looks at him like really come on don't you have like aren't you making any effort? He's like, yeah, I'm making an effort. Like, I still don't have hair on my chest. Like, back off. I worked out. Like, what do you want? Like, okay, honey.

Poor Nomi. She's so cute. She's like, I'm going to be stuck in this poor person rental forever. Like, how exactly do I explain to Craig that if he wants to get ahead at J.D.'s business, he has to actually be at J.D.'s business? But I thought you were going to be running the company. Like, that's what I heard. Poor, poor Naomi. I wonder how she feels watching this show.

I wonder if she's like, I'm just going to pretend that these scenes did not happen and I've not been totally duped by a gigolo. She has earmuffs for the eyes. She takes her earmuffs and rotates them 90 degrees and just puts them over her eyes. My eyes are cold. So let's see here. Cameron and Landon at a candle store.

Landon's like, oh, I love your candle store. I'm going to start a candle store. I can't wait to pitch candles to Lockhart store. I'm going to start a candle store. I can't wait to pitch candles to Lockhart Steel. I'm going to have a website about candles and cows. I love cows. And street lamps. Oh, I love street lamps, too. Electricity's amazing.

Am I right? I hear that these things you could put candles into are called candelabras. I hear that these things you could put candles into are called candelabras. Her candle store closes because her electricity shop up the street bankrupts it. She's competing with herself in businesses. She, um, yeah, Landon

is getting real serious about her travel blog, so she's been going around taking pictures of things and writing about them. I took a picture of that candle. You know you're not traveling, right? You know, you're like in the same city. city just in case just in case there's like a blog about you know like things you can start on fire with matches it's cool new technology called candles so i like what she was describing the editors on this are so funny because they just caught craig

drinking at work with his feet on the desk. And now she's like, yeah, I'm taking pictures. And then it shows her on her computer, like, trying to log into iCloud. Oh, man. I guess she learned nothing from her stint on the hills as an assistant. Did anybody? So now they are, the camera's basically like, don't you need a man?

Do you want a ship? Or do you think that you're just single because you're just waiting for ship? She's like, maybe. Because like, now he's getting serious and I'm like, well, if you're gonna get serious, what about me? Pretty much. She's like, I moved out of my houseboat

to be on land closer to Shep, and now he's dating another girl. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History?

Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue.

And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th

or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top ten, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success.

If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app

or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. I finally brought my ship in and then he decided to get married on a boat. The one thing I really took away from the scene was that when they were making their candles, they poured hot wax out of this thing. So it came sloshing out, this clear liquid came sloshing out into a mug.

And then they cut to Landon drinking white wine. And for a moment, I thought she was drinking the wax. I was like, Landon, no! This is delicious. I'm going to write about this in my travel book. She can't open her mouth. Seals her own mouth shut. She Beetlejuiced herself.

Do not say that two more times. Hey, where did Leanne come from? Leanne just burst in. I'm from a different franchise. Leanne is on every show to me. I love her. She's like the boogeyman. She's the boogeyman. She just shows is on every show to me. I love her. She's like the boogeyman. She's the boogeyman.

She just shows up on a show. Be quiet now. Don't mention Beetlejuice at the Wax Store. Yeah, I'm under your bed. What, are you going to make fun of me? You don't understand what it's like being me. You have to sleep under your bed. The mad monster.

Boogeyman at me. Leanne Lock and Leanne Lock and Leanne Lock and Leanne Lock. Here I am, all all right i heard it first three times the old car and a trick so um whitney let's go see some craig and shep craig and shep show up at whitney's oh gosh like it's so amazing like it's so crazy it's la oh and then the big thing is that craig brought like he packed everything into one bag and craig's and shep's like gosh craig you only did one bag that's crazy i can't believe you did one bag gosh be on your best behavior already gone how many baseball caps did you bring like just two like come? Like, come on, Craig.

You're supposed to be like new Craig. You're like the same old Craig with one hat. Fucking chef walking around with his frat hats everywhere he goes. Yeah. Gosh, Craig, I can't believe you haven't tucked in your button down into your khakis real low. Like, gosh. How can you fit so many dockers into one bag, Craig? So the girlfriend's like, oh, hello, other young people.

I'm here for you. I promise you a ring. He's like, go take a shower, honey. Lick lip, lick lip, lick lip. So it's just Craig and Whitney alone. And Craig's like, whoa, like, your house is like, whoa, it's like a house is like whoa it's like a house like it's cool how you have a sink in here Whitney's like yeah so he's like have anything to say to me Craig's like Craig's big apology is um I was kind of a last minute addition but I would have been kind of sad if I didn't make it out here so thanks yep and then whitney starts this oh what do you

what do you care in the first place like yeah i mean why would you even care like like i know like by the way wait wait to continue to not look totally guilty as charged he's like why would you care in the first place i mean i don't like i don't know why would you even say that i didn didn't do it, but if I did it... What? What are you talking about? Just because this isn't a video podcast might have to do with what his face looks like. I know. What?

He is like the human personification of the sound. Yes. So we've got erm and psst. I mean, psst. Am I right? So basically, Craig is like, sorry. And he's like, okay, man. Just be more amusing because

before you used to have this persona and this one is less amusing than your other one. You've never even had an amusing persona to save your life. No kidding. Documentary, okay. And you tried on about ten different sides. Craig is basically there to bring young vaginas around Whitney.

That's all he's there for. It's like when the worm on the end of your hook starts giving you shade. You're like, you're a worm. I'm about to throw you into the lake. Shut up. Your job is to be eaten by gigantic fish. Personally, i really liked your craig impersonation of him apologizing just going sorry

like it was so quiet you just threw it in there really quietly but i totally heard it you were already talking on the next point but like the way you said it and just like everyone hit your rewind 15 second like two or three times because the way you just sort of slid it in there you're just like so Greg was like sorry and then anyway that's so him love it God he's so cute though notice when he was apologizing just in case Whitney's gay he was scratching his own back so he was like showing off his tries and buys he's like yeah well I'm still stronger and younger so you forgive me yet, buddy? I'm actually in my 20s. I don't actually have to dress to look like I'm in my 20s. Oh, God. Only Shep

thinks you look like you're 20 wearing plaid khakis and a frat boy hat. He looks like all of Barney's beaneries but with dentures. But at least Shep knows. At least Shep knows because he was like but before they were getting ready to go out, Shep's like, I don't know. Should I change? I feel like I look like Shep.

I feel like I look all Southern and fratty. I'm in LA. It's like, should I change? Like, Shep, there's no way. You can't. Just be you. It's fine. Everyone knows.

You're wealthy. You can just wear your money. Yeah. He doesn't shave or anything. Yeah. He didn't shave at all. Here I am. Oh, gosh.

Gosh. So let me see. Whitney and shep make craig take shots oh yeah i was like yeah they're such good friends because they're like remember last year like we had to take care of you and this year like you're back and you're supposed to be new but like now you're still not you want to do shots he's like no actually i think like you know new craig just likes wine and beer and stuff like he's happy with that. No, fuck New Craig. New Craig's a faggot. Here, have some shots. Okay.

Fine. Hey, I just want to know before things get really crazy tonight, are there any places I can dig a hole if I can't find my way back? Just wanted to know. Is there a guest room here? Or somewhere I can dig a hole?

In case I bring a hottie back? In case it gets real stormy and scary-like. We kept walking towards the beach. So house party. Yeah, so Shep is striking out at the house party. Shep is, like, trying all his moves on the L.A. girls. These are some butterfaces, too. I mean, these girls have real jobs in the day kind of butterface.

I mean, they actually have to work, darling. I know. Well, you know, it's unfortunate because Shep was leading with the wrong thing. He was leading with, like, trap boy, semi-misogynist, like, cheesy lines. And the girl's like, thanks, but no thanks. And he didn't realize that in L.A. what he has to lead with was, so I was looking at my trust fund the other day. Ding, ding, ding. I'm making a film.

Gosh. I was driving in my convertible Mercedes while my private plane was above me just making sure I didn't get lost. Thinking about the perfect person to star in my new film. Gosh. My new film is called Gosh. It's called gosh watch it it's five seconds long and it goes gosh starring who knows who gosh and then it's over and you go gosh that was it i would read the credits but gosh. I like his pickup lines. He's like,

It's a documentary about Oshkosh, but gosh. It was by Whitney, and it was all about himself. He's just interviewing five-year-olds about what they think of his suits. For some reason, Leon Talley Smith agreed to show up again. And Liza Minnelli. Don't forget. Oshkosh, but gosh. I. Hush, hush, hush. I know.

Hush, hush, hush. I married him. No, it's a close. It's closed, Liza. By the way, I called him Leon Talley Smith. His name is Andre Leon Talley. I don't know. Gosh, I can't even get the right star.

Who is this Leon Talley Smith? I don't know. You're so LA, you got him married to Will Smith. Gosh. Gosh, who is this leon tally smith i don't know you're so la you got him married to will smith gosh gosh who is this it says his name is miss jay from america's next top model gosh i don't even watch that anymore miss jay um is jay showing up in chef's documentary about oshkosh she's like when i first tried on oshkosh gosh i was like but then i was and I was like, you know what I'm saying? Backing up my Oshkosh.

I'm backing up my Oshkosh. It's Oshkosh, but gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh. Gosh, I hate short filmmaking. I want to go back to Charleston. Gosh. I love Shep's pickup lines. He goes, yeah, gosh, I'm from the South, but we're not provincial.

Like, you really think anybody. What did he say? He said provincial. Provincial. Still, look, I am one of these dumb hoes. I don't know. Could you imagine that poor girl standing with him? Like, what is he talking about?

It's like Sheena. Could you imagine that poor girl standing with him like, what is he talking about? What does that mean? It's like Sheena. She's like, they're like, I hate French food. I'm looking for a provincial person. What does that mean? Tell me. How provincial are you? Is that because he's from Canada?

Provincial is sort of my auntie's thing. You know, my friend works for Provincial Bank. my aunt these things. You know, my friend works for Provincial Bank. I had a checking account there once, but she wrote fake checks. They came to arrest him, but he was too stoned, so they couldn't drag him out.

So he's still in the system. My mom always said, innocent until Provincial guilty. I can't think of Provincial guilty. I have to stop up there. God bless Sina's heart. Yeah, no, Shep was striking out because he wasn't leading with the fact that he's really wealthy

and he was using really cheesy lines. And then the guy explaining, the best was the guy, some rando guy explaining what bourbon is to Craig. Craig still doesn't know what bourbon is. I know. Did you catch that? Yes, I did. They're like, okay. It's like, hey, Craig, here comes lesson number two. guy explaining what bourbon is to craig craig still doesn't know what bourbon is i know did you catch that yes i did they're like okay it's like hey craig here comes lesson number two

here's some more bourbon like all all craig knows is heat gosh he's like whoa so that's the difference so like there's like oh i get it now oh yeah i learned about everything i know about bourbon from in la so like wow greg's like yeah like remember how that guy like whitney was like laughing because that guy was making fun of me like that's so cool because like we can just be friends like if we were chicks we'd just be like on twitter right now being mean to each other well he's right i'm like yes you realize if that if like that is what epic feuds are made up in bravo is one girl saying like well you used to love them no i don't why would you even say that and then three years of twitter fighting yeah oh poor craig so the next morning uh whitney creeping

around in his full whitney garb he's like black jeans, black shirt, baseball cap. He's like, the good sign of a good night out with the boys is vomit with a meatball on the back. That's a good sign. I'm like, whatever. You probably made some Chef Boyardee in the middle of the night and poured it out in the backyard just so it would look like you guys went crazy. And that's so Whitney being interviewed and not Whitney's reaction because his reaction is like, Ugh! Yeah, his reaction is like,

Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! God, I hope my mom doesn't see this part.

Ugh! Ugh! I'm surprised you didn't call 911. I'd like to call a report of meatball in my backyard. Oh, you don't want to start digging around that backyard. Lord knows what's back there. Creep. Someone sent us a link of a gif.

The gif was Farskump running, speedy running. And they're like, Whitney going to tell on Craig to his mom. I'm like, yeah, that's pretty much Whitney's life. That's what I imagine. Whitney sees the vomit. I just imagine him running Farskump back to Charl mom. I'm like, yeah, that's pretty much Whitney's life. That's what I imagine. Whitney sees the vomit. I just imagine him running for scum like back to Charleston. Mom, someone threw up in my

backyard. Run, Forrest. Run. I always think about when I think of Catherine. Come back, Tommy. That's always what I'm thinking is that Forrest Gump scene. Oh, yeah. You want to talk about some women with HIV who will break your heart? Forrest Gump scene. Oh, yeah. You want to talk about some women with HIV

who will break your heart? Forrest Gump. Am I right? Am I right, guys? I forgot about that HIV twist. Doing the HIV twist way before Tyler Perry was doing it. Yeah. They're like, oh, that's crazy.

It's going to be a straight hippie girl. Everyone's like, whoa, minds blown. When Tom Hanks changed our thoughts. Leanne's like, I saw Forrest Gump gump i saw it i know what everyone went through because i saw forrest gump and philadelphia back to back hey you can call me a gump all you want to that man's won an oscars so um the next morning one thing i was really happy about with this morning scene is that craig and shep look like they really did just wake up. Because so many times on Bravo, it's like, oh, I don't want to wake up so early.

And everyone's hair is done and they have makeup set. These guys are just, they truly were. They just stumbled out of bed. I think it's like the only time they get out of bed is when the show comes over and says, okay, we're here. And then they still stay in bed half an hour. Yeah. Laziest guys on TV in bed half an hour. Yeah. Laziest guys on TV, and I love them. Yeah.

So the thing is that back at the Homestead, there's going to be this horse race, the Charleston Cup, and JD is using that to launch this Gentry Bourbon, which I already thought was a bourbon. I thought he said that his dad was making bourbon forever. Maybe it was just homebrew. It's a family business, boy. Well, it will be once I get my family to sign off on it.

Yeah. So some woman calls up a vendor, and she's like, hi, we need this and this and this. And JD's like, but I thought that Craig spoke to you. And she's like, no, I never heard anything from him. What? You haven't heard from Craig all week long. What?

Did he at least get the bowling pins in order for the bowling segment? What? Craig? Has he groomed the horses? What? Are there bills of hay out there or not? Craig? It's like, Jesus, how much do you have this guy doing, dude?

All right, Craig, have you birthed, though? Have you been taking care of the horses now, Craig? I actually have Craig racing in the cup. He's going to race the horses. Craig is going to be a horse, and I'm going to be the jockey. Yee-haw, Craig, yee-haw. Oh, JD. So this girl, she's like, nope, never heard from him.

So he's all pissed. So he starts calling Craig, but Craig's voicemail was full. Yeah. So he leaves one for Shep. Now listen here, Shep. I get that you boys are having your fun. I love having fun like every other boy. Tell that Craig to get back

here and and jump's like gosh why am i in the middle of this craig why like who's who doesn't clear out their voicemail craig gosh clear it out craig i've never even had full voicemail once craig not once like good point way to tell him off. I'm going to use that one. I've never had a full voicemail before. How dare you? Are you an alcoholic? Craig's like, I'm sorry. I just think that voicemail's overrated.

So sorry. Whatever. I'm in LA. They don't have voicemail in LA. So I'm not used to it. Well, I've never had to not go on a vacation because of work before. So. So I thought my voicemail made it pretty clear.

I'm not here right now. So, like, why do you have what else you need to know? Like, sorry. Why am I the jerk? Like, if you're calling someone's voicemail and it's full, maybe you'd think to yourself, like, he's busy, you know? and it's full, maybe you'd think to yourself like, he's busy, you know? You know, maybe like, maybe if you see that I'm

full, then maybe you leave shorter messages in the future and don't clog it up so much in the past. Yeah, pretty much. So he's like, just toast him back. Go on. But then Shep is the one who winds up saying, I think people take work too seriously. I'm like, yeah, says the trust fund

baby. Yeah, said all of your great-grandparents who actually worked they're building things with their home so you can do nothing for the rest of your life yeah someone's got to pay for those fake dentures too big for his mouth for a great great great great great grandson in the future so then we cut to thomas and katherine they're at a coffee shop um and katherine is back on her spiel where she's you're an expert on babies i mean look at you having two babies in rapid succession i'm gonna call you a fertile myrtle like myrtle beach that's never going back up there again i was so nervous during this part because everything thomas said they were going like they would make that sound effect like cymbals crashing he's like well you sure got

pregnant again more quickly my sperm are exhausted who got you pregnant but he never really did that he didn't instead katherine just did her normal thing again which is like, it's so weird because I'm going to go home and I'll be alone after I have the baby. So like, that's weird. What about if something comes from Amazon and I'm not sure which L to use to screw everything together, Tommy? Thomas, you know, I don't have a box opener. I need you to come over with that little thing. Ring, ring, keep America great. I mean, I guess that's like his ringer.

And then he answers, and it's his decorator. I started laughing so hard. I cracked up. It's like, well, I've got a full crew at my house. And she's like, what do they need? Me to make decisions and stuff. And she's like, I need you to make decisions and stuff. I was expecting for a moment when he was talking to the decorator, I was expecting her to be like, oh, oh, contraction, contraction.

Oh, wait, hold on a second. I got to go. Oh, never mind. Sorry, Thomas. I'm sure she feels like it's a win because he gave up that fucking color. What was that color that they kept saying? Periwinkle? Periwinkle.

He probably painted over the periwinkle, and she's like, Every time they do it, the decorator calls, I have to smile. Now, Catherine, I just want to float this idea by you. I was thinking we could name our son Periwinkle.

Is that okay? No, Thomas! I just wanted to name him Perry. Why is she yelling? Erm, I want to name him Perry. Why is she yelling? I want to name him Herman, so I always go Herman. Herman and Perry.

Herman Periwinkle Ravenel. I was going to wait until the due date, but the baby is cragging. Oh, it's not doing anything? Yeah. Alright, get you to the hospital, girl. The baby's like, uh, I really liked it in the womb. Like, I don't know why I have to come into the real world.

The baby's first word. Urm. Urm. That's how it cries. Urm, urm, urm. Urm. I'd like to have some milk now. Urm.

Urm. Watching Catherine be so nice is so weird. I know. It's so weird. What is coming? I mean, I know like a baby's literally about to be ripped out of her, but what else? There has to be some other reason. Something fishy.

It's like in that awful Avengers movie we saw together last year when like Bruce Banner was doing something or like the Hulk was doing something. And Scarlett Johansson would have to swagger up to the Hulk and be like, hey, big guy, what's the matter? And then he would like turn back into Mark Ruffalo. And then he'd buy her a couch. So that's basically what Thomas is doing. Thomas is Scarlett Johansson and Irmface is the Hulk. And he basically has to be like, hey, little lady, what's the matter? Once from Amazon Prime. She's like, oh, panic attack is over. hulk and he basically has to be like hey little lady what's the matter once from amazon prom

she's like oh panic attack is over i'm like what by the way what happened to your bed rest why are you in a coffee shop well it's like being in bed but the espresso machine is easier to use because someone else does it she probably does have like an espresso. She's like, well, I wasn't going to go to the coffee shop, but I was in the neighborhood, so I thought I'd come by. Do we need reservations here? I'm just in the neighborhood coffee shop. They're like, we weren't even supposed to be open today,

but fine. Catherine's like, basically, she's like an Uber that doesn't't pick people up she just shows up and she only drives her around neighborhoods of people that she's either fucked or is gonna fuck yeah your uber's in the neighborhood and it's still pregnant with your baby So next up is Whitney's house. Craig has hired a masseuse for whatever reason. Oh, yeah.

This town has such good users. How has Catherine never had a facial? But Craig's like, I'm going to call him a masseuse. Like, the first thing I do. And the masseuse is typical L.A. idiot. Like, she's like, yeah, but human touch is so important. And like, it's like really important to hold your space so you can connect more with yourself. Crazy.

Cool. So does that mean you like give a handy after? She's like, well, I mean, I until i you know i can build things around my house is that what you mean like you're like a book i can't put down masseuse like i'm just like reading you and reading you and obsessed with your crack like shut up he was actually openly mocking her and she's like i don't she doesn't know the difference Yeah she did I think she sort of knew But he was actually being an asshole But like

He's kind of like well I don't care She's poor I don't live here I'll mock her gosh masseuse You're hot Now let's go to the Charleston Cup He's here with Adam Charleston Literally You look around and say who Who Let's go to the Charleston Club. He's Hugh of Anim Charleston. Literally. You'll look around and say, who?

Who? Who's Hugh? We all look the same. Bunch of white people. It's like the same person at every other party. It's like the same 20 people they know. Like, who are you trying to get to know about this? Because no one's in your tent except the 20 people.

These people ain't even coming over for free bourbon, dude. Note that Cooper was not there, so I mean it couldn't really be a who's who if Cooper's not there. Cooper. When everyone has a partner of the opposite sex, I will show up. Until then, RSV no.

I'm sorry, I do not see any escorts with those horses, so therefore I cannot accept this. Is that a female man running by herself that was whitney um becoming what's his face sorry i forgot who i was making fun of royal halston so let's see ginger bourbon what better even oh i just every time jd's down, I just try, boy. So the whole thing.

Oh, he has his own gay with the scarf. That's why he couldn't have the other gay. He has his own guy who's like his little John Lovetsey kind of gay. Yeah. Because you know the John Lovetsey guy probably hates Cooper. He's like, oh, that queen. He's not even from Charleston.

Girl, it's so sad to be at the bottom of the pool that doesn't know it's a bottom. It just tries to go on forever. You are at the bottom of the pool. Bottom. Accept it. Girl, this is a horse race and you are squarely in Greyhoundville. That's a sassy Charleston gay, you know.

I like it. whenever it completely shuts me up that's good i'm like nope no i can't try and top that so um so chef's grandpa died which is sad and then um so he's not coming to the event and then craig so craig flew supposedly flew back from la early so that way he could go to this event and he was supposed to be up early and helping JD put up the hay bales and set tables and you know things like that but instead he is being slow getting ready and even even Naomi is turning to Shep she's like Craig gosh gosh Craig just hurry up like you're taking so long gosh, you're moving slower than a bar exam, Craig. Hurry up.

He's like, I'm never going to finish this shower. And then you've got Butthead JD. He's like, where's Craig? Sometimes work is fun and games, and sometimes it's digging trenches. It's like, stop acting like you're digging a trench. You're basically making Craig show up to do the caterer's job he's like who's gonna set up these party tables who's gonna put the the linens on the tables the catering people dork like jesus christ i'm sorry though craig should have been there though well yeah he should

have but still i mean whitney i mean jd really does he's like are you serving the barbecue boy did you did you practice with your tonguess while you were in La La Land? Hey, where are the tickets for the coat check, boy? You're supposed to do the coat check. Hand out some cider now, will ya? All right, I've checked your coat. You can go. Just checking out everyone's coat.

I really liked your coat. Yeah, that's a nice coat. I was just in L.A., so I sort of know a thing about fashion now. I'm a big fan of the bellhop coat look that Cooper had me model, so I sort of know a thing or two. All the coats in L.A. So everyone piles into a party bus, and Craig is all hungover, and he's hacking up a up along much like I'm about to do after doing all these JD

impersonations. And he's like, just doesn't want to talk about anything. He's all grumpy. And Danny is like, did you know that like five years ago there were three whiskey distilleries and now they're like 700. Um,

so you don't feel like getting up and going to work quick. Really? He's like, Oh, fuck work. I hate it. Like I hope JD like dies. Bourbon's stupid. She's like, really JD? I mean, really Craig? Because like bourbon? Really? He's like, oh, fuck work. I hate it. Like, I hope JD, like, dies. Bourbon's stupid.

She's like, really, JD? I mean, really, Craig? Because, like, bourbon's important. He's like, I don't care. Stupid. I'm like, you realize this is your boss, right? Like, even though she's your friend right now, she's actually your boss, and you're like, I don't care. Yeah, she'll be like, listen, I didn't even want to be back in this business, but they pulled me back in. They begged me. I'm not gonna be in

this business with someone who doesn't take bourbon seriously he's like yeah i forgot that like the only reason why i started working with jd is to give me money so that way i can come back here but like it's not what i want to do with my life yeah she will be bringing that up yeah well actually you said you were really excited about the bourbon industry and here is a chance to learn about it and start working your way up. And instead, you're turning your nose up at it and you're not showing up to an event and you're being a baby. Well, there's so many things. There's so many things like people beat themselves up for. Like, you just have to be honest about your goals.

You know, Craig wants to be a lawyer because his parents want him to. Now he wants to do this because he just has to get out of his parents' house. And it's the only way they would give him 15 grand. And now he's boning some chick because she's got a place to stay and some allowance. That's enough. I mean, why can't that just be your life? Just say, I want to sit around,

be hot and rich and fuck all day and drink. Just do that. I mean, plenty of people do it. Lord knows you're doing it well. If you would just lower your expectations of you, of yourself, you'd see that you're already winning, hon. Pat on the head.

Well, the big mistake is you shouldn't go to work for a friend. That's what he should learn. Oh, Craig's mistake is working, period. You are not built to work. You don't have the brain for it. You don't have the drive for it. You have the ass for doing nothing. Just sit on that beautiful little butt.

He should be a bartender. No, it's harder work that's harder work well you could do a guard you could know he could do he could pass out like shots at a gay bar yes well yes yeah it's like here's a shot fine take it i'm really into like crafting because i'm shot guys they're like hey how are you like hey good how are you really into crafting have you ever like been on a motorboat i really want to sail like listen shop person i don't care about your dreams hand me my shot and get the fuck out of here i didn't pay five dollars to listen to your life story so when the gang finally shows up craig is avoiding jd so much at one point jd actually

was like come here boy come here and craig like, I don't see someone saying something. Like, literally don't see anything. Like, until he calls me vice boy, I'm done. Director of boy management? Fine. So then JD finally corners Craig. And Craig, he starts scolding Craig. He's like, you need to shut up more.

And Craig is like, sorry. It's just that, like, I'm really exhausted. Like, I, like, feel like shit. Like, for real. I feel like shit. It's not like I was faking it. Like, I mean, I'm not faking it. I mean, I was just in L.A.

I'm, like, exhausted from it. I'm like, why would you ever use that as your excuse don't like i'm sorry i'm under the weather because i went to la when i should have been working no no no craig and then jd's like well craig do you think you should have gone where that craig's like well i've never had to give up a trip for work or something, you know? Yeah, so in hindsight, yeah, I still would have gone. It's all so, so good. And then Craig, he's like, Yeah, at first I thought the law was my thing, but then I thought this was my thing.

But now I'm thinking, it's clear. I've got to get back on track. You know, when you miss law school, they just tell you, come back another time. They don't yell at you yeah you just get a year off i'm doing that again and then craig's like i feel like i'm being taken advantage of in this situation like he's totally taking advantage of me like how is he taking advantage of you when you were the one who skipped out on work to go to la and you knew you could do it because that's that's your friend that's you advantage of him. Well, I think JD is taking advantage of him

because he knows Craig is not going to work and then he just takes his money because he needs the money. So he's like, sure, your mama's got 15 grand and her life saves. Send it over. Call Prudential. I know her. That's called being the boss. Yeah, but I don't invest where I work.

Do you? I've never had to give money to work at applebee's or whatever well no i'm oh wait oh because oh yeah because craig invested he invested 15 grand and that's why he thought he was part of the company oh i forgot about that so now he paid to be part of it but jd is making him do the cater waiters job yeah that is shady but then even still like if i'm paying if i paid if i had if i bought in to where i'm working then i would also be sure that i would want to be there yeah because jd did show up early and help set up it's not like he wasn't doing it and he was expecting craig to

you know yeah i don't just lay down and be hot darling there's a job there somewhere for you keep looking either way i love this whole storyline i'm like craig perpetually amuses me um and i mean we look craig we like you don't you worry we like you um we just think you're really funny on the show yeah you're hot uh thomas and katherine night before the baby i'm getting so uncomfortable now watching thomas and katherine it's i've never seen them like this i've never seen them happy and then they're doing this family thing, like with the nanny, where she's like part of the family. And Thomas is like, I want a traditional family. He's doing his politician hands.

Well, what I want is a traditional family. I want to hear laughter. Now, the way that nanny is laughing with that baby, I would like that in my own home, away from Catherine. But they're like so happy. like that in my own home away from Catherine. But they're like so happy and then Catherine's like, hey, watch out because I was feeling sick and you're sitting on my barf.

Sorry. And then Kinsey starts cracking up. I mean, it was so cute. It just made me feel weird. It was not cute to me. I was like, that's disgusting. She's like, I would have cleaned it up, but I didn't have anyone to get the mop out of the box. And then Thomas, I fear a day of reckoning is forthcoming. would have cleaned it up but i didn't have anyone to get the mop out of the box and then thomas i

fear a day of reckoning is forthcoming how they talk on this show is so hilarious he's doing it this polish his uh politics here a day of reckoning is forthcoming yeah because you're about to ask her if she's had a baby with somebody else and is tricking you unless you can get that paternity test done in secret which you probably can i mean look on the internet fool yeah go on more at least which is not secret at all but um i loved how you know you know thomas is he you know he sees the he sees the finish line he's like she's almost it's almost out of her and then i can stop this charade he's like uh she's like i think we're doing a

really good job of being friends now and he's like yeah i'm like yeah that's because he's buying you what you need and he's showing up at your house and putting together cribs that's the only reason why he's learned he's learned what not to do yes but you know how men are very simple like you fuck them and feed them i think that's from dallas like you fuck them you feed them they're fine and that is kind of true but women are also simple like they act like they're so difficult and you wouldn't know from watching one of these shows that they're so simple but really she's getting attention she just needs him to listen to her and say oh i understand and that's it she's like i mean plus a few cribs and she's happy it's not really that hard he's like what's it's like

all i had to do was not fuck with the waitress during dinner. And suddenly Catherine's not yelling at me. I mean, what is that? He doesn't get it. So then the next morning they go and have a baby. Have that baby ripped out. That's right and um the name the name is saint julian remember ravenel my name is saint saint julian if god gives you something like this there's a reason

i'm like did god hide your condoms catherine i hate that she keeps saying that like god got her pregnant listen up virgin mary god did not get you pregnant. You did that. He did it on purpose. No, no he didn't. You did. Oh, I just see disaster. Thomas, this is the greatest thing I've ever been part of. I mean, I had Kinsey too, but you know, she didn't have a penis.

This one though, St. Julian. St. Julian, remember. Julian remember Ravenel. So southern. Can't wait until he gets a bridge. When he first goes to the dentist and has to get a bridge, his dad's going to be crying. It's his own little Ravenel bridge.

It's in his mouth, but you know things are different in 2016 we teleport next time cam's mom oh next week cameron's mom cameron's like is there something wrong with me if i don't want a baby and her mom's like hell no any fool can have a baby yeah i love that which is the perfect scene to put right after a damn fool had a baby. Absolutely. Absolutely. Damn fool had two babies. Damn right, damn fool.

Damn right, damn right. Well, so thank you very much for being so charming, Southern Charm. Thank you. You were just a charming show. So, Ben, you want to move over to the real Hatswells of Dallas? Yes. We're going to stay in the south and we're going to head west to Texas. Durn diddly, durn durn, y'all.

This was kind of a dull episode for me, I thought. How dare you. How dare you. I mean, it's funny in the way it's always funny, but it was even more suburban than usual, I thought. I think it's because Stephanie was the lead character this episode. And I was like... That is her laugh officially yeah um Stephanie we got to see

a lot more and I guess because it was more suburban uh when they're just all at home but this one all revolves around Stephanie and her husband who looks like he's got major anger issues and lots of fillers yeah and it looks like he probably takes like 12 dumps a day don't you feel like he's just always anger issues and lots of fillers yeah and it looks like he probably takes like 12 dumps a day don't you feel like he's just always pumping out shit yeah i think

we've actually talked about that before because i will never forget protein shake poop and i think he does that like protein shake it looks like a shake but it goes into your body your body takes all the moisture out and then it leaves a brick and then you have to poop out the brick yeah he that's i feel like that's just what comes out of it. It's just like, I feel like every, probably like every half an hour, it's like, oh, excuse me, everyone. I just have to go to the little man's room right now. God, take another shit. And for those of you who are grossed out, this is Real Housewives of Dallas. That's all they talk about is poop.

Okay, so get over it. This show has really pooped up our brains. Exactly. And it opens with the glorious image of Stephanie's son, Cruz, spitting milk into his bowl at breakfast. I was like, great.

This is, this is a great way to start off the episode. I love that. I can feel you being annoyed like two miles away as I watch this. I'm like, Oh, Ben hates that. I knew that you would.

Um, but I was catching some stuff from the dad that was cracking me up. Cause he continued it through the whole show, but she's like, oh, she wants some fruits. And he's like, boy, do you want some fruits? And he's like, yeah, you want to eat like birds, I mean?

You want to eat like birds? I'm like, just say it. You want to eat like a couple little fags. You know you're about to say it. Like, he had the tone that that's what he was about to say. And they were like, yeah! God damn it. Go to bed. So she is throwing him a birthday party and he's like the Sheena of Dallas.

Or the Stassi. I guess we could pick anyone from that show. He's like, where is it? Is it a trip? Is it a great venue? Well, I hope it's impressive. Someplace fun, I hope. And she's like, one time I flew everyone to Mexico

and one time I flew everyone to France and And one time I flew everyone to France. And one time, like, Jesus Christ, lady. God. I know. Yeah, they clearly went through all their money because this time they're only inviting like 30 people to a random bar that keeps the light on full blast for the show. Well, this is also where we learned something other weird about something else weird about her husband by the way the entire internet is hating on this guy they are going after him this week they're like what an ass i don't think he came off as that much as of an asshole i don't think so at all you just seem like an oaf but it's little things like this that that are why

he's like are you taking my assistant with you courtney because you know she needs to help you honey and should i get should i get a present for myself through courtney are you taking my assistant with you, Courtney? Because, you know, she needs to help you, honey. And should I get a present for myself through Courtney? Or are you going to get me something this year? She's like, but last year I did get you something. I got you laser hair removal for your back. I know. And he goes, hon, you got me one session. And she goes, I'm on a budget.

And I was like, oh, my God. You have to buy his gift out of your own allowance, which is probably like $50. I mean, how much is a laser hair removal? Well, you know, for him, it's probably, you know, that silverback gorilla has got nothing on this guy. You know, like, you know, this guy, they could have shot this guy in the zoo and he still would have been alive.

She's like, he was just trying to play with his kids on the playground. They're like, sorry, it was a gorilla. He could have shot this guy in the zoo and he still would have been alive she's like he was just trying to play with his kids on the playground like sorry it was a gorilla he could have killed the kids i like that she's having her own secrets hannah she's like okay now i can see what the best gift i can find for under 20 dollars is my poor thing is on a budget you've got two asian men with gun statues in your front yard. Yeah. Sad. I know. Exactly. I don't know. I thought they were just being tongue-in-cheek.

I didn't really think it was, like, a serious argument. But I did like that she outed him for his hairy back on TV when he's like, you didn't get me a gift. He's like, oh, I got you a gift for your hairy ass back. Yeah, and then he gets just redder and redder. That guy is so red-faced. It's so funny. He's he's so right i mean it's because he's probably trying to push out another shit he's probably constipated at the same time while he also he probably he probably shits a lot but there's probably about like 50 more shit that he doesn't get around to because he's constipated i think he just looks so angry all the time like he's about to blow

he never does he's like that's his face but he never quite does. He's like, I know. That's his face, but he never quite does it. I know. I just, I did think it was funny that he wanted Courtney, the assistant, to join.

And the funny thing is they talked up Courtney so much. You know, like, well, Courtney, she's, you know,

she's really responsible. She's like, Courtney's sort of like, you know, like our sister wife. She just sort of does everything. And then when we finally see Courtney, she's like 18 years

old and with big doe eyes it's like yeah that's a good idea let's do that have you asked if there's a menu we could look at a menu oh thank god courtney thank god you're here um so next up is carrie and the husband so this husband is just getting creepier by the episode yeah remember when i bought this dress remember when i bought those shoes baby yeah i bought those in florence yeah gross it's their baby's birthday and she's three and carrie so does not give a fuck about anybody anything she doesn't even know why she's in that house she's like yeah it's like my baby's birthday i got the i got a vanilla cake because i mean it's messy she's a pig let's face it she's like yeah it's like my baby's birthday i got that i got a vanilla cake because i mean it's messy she's a pig let's face it she's gonna get shit everywhere yeah which is smart by

the way because she will get shit everywhere she's like i don't care if it's the most bland cake ever at least it's not gonna stain and then mark's like i want chocolate i can't believe not getting she didn't eat the chocolate last year i'm not getting hot chocolate we're doing vanilla and that's it she's like i can't believe my baby is three. I mean, look at her. Look at me. Like, my body has at least had a decade to recover. Meanwhile, Carrie, they've just come out of surgery, and her hair is totally blown out.

She's got a face full of makeup, and she did surgery. Yeah, I worry about the boobs that these women are getting in them because those two are always laughing and joking and kind of moving around. Like, you are holding a chest open. Could you please calm down? Maybe this is where Yolanda got her faulty boobs. They were okay until the husband told a joke about a dress. She's like, that is hilarious! Slapping the table.

Slapping her boobs. she's like that is hilarious slapping the table slapping her boob um dun dun dun baby baby carrie husband carrie husband and a baby she's like mark couldn't even watch me have a c-section it's like oh my god all he could think of like look at that messy vagina it's gonna be like a month of work yeah yeah this one is this one um and then carrie and i'm sorry not carrie uh stephanie next we go to stephanie oh yeah now we meet courtney yeah yeah now they're right now they're at this bar um and the funny thing is they were talking about like over the top locations everything has been over the top and this is such like a generic suburban bar yeah i was like oh wow you are really dialing

it in this year like finally it's like time cameras come on and now you're gonna go like really really suburban my husband's a great american so i wanted to have something at the great american buffet and she's going over everything like she's doing it and she's like okay well the food the food's taken care of right courtney look at this menu okay should this be the 20s or should it be gatsby like what you saw the leo dicaprio movie so you think you know what that is he loses in the end right yes he loses big time why would you want to take a man with all this dripping money that just loses in the end it's like happy birthday

why is he crying i hate a gatsby theme i really do i'll tell you why because it's a pain in the so like for women i feel like you know it's fun for women because they can uh dress up in all these in this fun 20s stuff but for men you gotta like you either have to like you have to dust off a tuxedo or you have to find a tuxedo. And it's really expensive. It's really, really expensive for men. And you don't want to just, like, wear a tuxedo to some sloppy party in a strip mall. Yeah, I do not go to those.

My friend had a Mad Men party last year. I was like, nope. Yeah. I'm not wearing my nice clothes. I could be a fat secretary and I still wouldn't go. I was like, nope. Not going to do it. And I wear that every day.

Yeah. No, I'm not. So Brandy is trying to be funny. Brandy is really bugging me lately on this show. Me too, me too. She's not even funny. She's just talking all the time, saying stupid shit to try and get airtime.

She's like, maybe you should get, oh, you should do Gatsby theme and then we can do something like we can get Obama to write him a letter. Like, are you really this stupid? Please just stop talking. Yeah, it was like a fake Obama letter to say that you've been, like, recognized or something for something. Yeah, about, like, poop.

Like, there was something about poop in there. Who cares? Yeah, everything was about poop. Like, let's get him a toilet. Now we just saw a red horse, and now we see a big man on a horse statue. Uh-oh. Leanne. Hey, I'm here at the True Kitchen.

She goes to the True Kitchen restaurant. She's like, hi, can I have an order of some true tea? Because I've been drinking some lye tea, okay? And there's one thing I'm sick of swallowing, and it's other people's lyes. Well, to me it was funny. She was like, do you have tea? I'm like, what restaurant does not have tea? And they're like, yes, would you like some hot tea?

She goes, hot tea sounds wonderful. Calm down, Leanne. Just calm down. I thought it was hilarious. I don't know why I've never gotten this. Maybe I've said it before, but I can't believe that the poor one has a boyfriend named Rich. I mean, that is too good. Every time they show his name, I'm like, lol.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm like, lol. Yeah. Yeah, I'm surprised he was let out of the ranch house. This is the first time I think we've seen him outside the house. This is my safe place. You know, Rich is my safe place. He's grounded, like an outlet. You know, we didn't have grounders and outlets in the carnival.

I mean, you plug something in, you could lose a child. She said safe place about 12 different times. Hot is my safe place when i have hot tea i feel good i feel safe they wouldn't let me have hot tea at the carny hot tea is my safe place hot tea is my safe place right you know what's my safe place the scrambler i only feel safe if i'm going on high speeds and looks like i'm gonna crash into something i get pulled away at the last second that's my safe place. I love her. I cannot help loving her.

She makes no sense. Half the stuff she says makes no sense. Oh, then she said again. She's like, I'm doing something for the hive women of Dallas, the HIV women. Grace, it's a safe place conference. That's my safe place. Grace. Grace is safe place. Hey, you want some tea with your HIV? That rhymes. Rhyming's my safe place. Grace. Grace is safe place. Hey, you want some tea with your HIV?

That rhymes. Rhyming's my safe place. I am trying to reach out to women who use the high occupancy vehicle lane, okay? Carpool women are my people. No, it's HIV, not HOV. Oh. Oh, how awkward. Well, Rich, I'm thinking that

you know, I may not have HIV yet. I mean, until the carnival comes back in town, you never thinking that, you know, I may not have HIV yet. I mean, until the carnival comes back in town, you never know. But for now, I don't have HIV. But God gave me the gift of being loud. And maybe that's why he sent me to the HIV women. And Rich is like, yeah, sometimes I just mute you. He's like, well, there, boom, I just put you on pause.

He's like, don't make me cancel my damn TiVo. You win. He always wins, this guy. Whenever he does that TiVo joke, I just melt. You know, TiVo's my safe place. Hey, can I have a little safe place for my safe place? This tea needs some milk. You know what I loved was

the waitress tried to silence Leanne because she starts talking about the Grace Project, and out of nowhere, this is such a small thing, but the waitress came by and just plopped down some iced tea in front of Rich. He got startled. He's like, well, with the Grace Project, boom!

Hey, way to not use any grace in the grace sentence, idiot. He gets so angry over everything. She's like, I just want this party to be easy. I just want the HIV party to be easy. And he's like, well, maybe you should stop fighting with people. She's like, I just want this party to be easy. I just want the HIV party to be easy. And he's like, well, maybe you should stop fighting with people. She's like, oh, you! But fighting is my safe place.

Danger is my safe place. So back to some party planning. Let's see here. I'm not sure if I'll invite Leanne with you coming. Typical housewives like, should I invite her to Travis's birthday? Because I know you don't like her, but I saw her talk to people with HIV.

I don't know what to do. Oh no, she hasn't seen that yet. She hasn't given a speech yet. Yeah, because then Leanne goes, there's this HIV thing where it's like women with HIV. It's the Grace Project. And so Leanne gets up and she's...

You know you can't sneak up on a carny. Tiffany comes in and she's like, hey girl, it's like, oh, you tricked me. You can't sneak up on a carny, girl. I loved how also, by the way, that when Leanne was talking about why she should speak at this conference,

she's like, well, these people with HIV have shame. And I have shame because I was sexually molested. And the music in the background was like, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. But anyway, no, you can't sneak up on a carny. Yeah, Tiffany's like, oh, well, it is wonderful to be here to support you, girl. I mean, it's just right after my Hessa Blues event, and that was amazing. I mean, my boyfriend sold two albums,

but that's two more than he had sold the day before. I was so excited when all the Hendra Heads came out to support him. Hendra Heads. And then Leanne Slack. This is a very important charity to me because cute women in my community have been murdered because they came out as HIV positive. So if there's

one thing I can do is to show this community that there are too many women with HIV to murder at one time, okay? I just want all these women in this room to know one of you is going to die by the end of my speech. I just want y'all to know. You don't sneak up on a carny, okay?

Especially if you have HIV. Thank y'all for gathering here. We are making a list of people to murder for murderers. That's my next charity. It's for murderers. We don't do the hunger games. We do the HIV games. All right.

So everyone go run around and kill each other now. But don't try to kill me. Can't sneak up on a corny. But everybody's always sneaking up on her. I love her. So let's see. I put myself in their shoes. And I thought, I need nicer shoes.

It would be a step up. There is power in numbers okay now we as women we are already starting with an uphill battle i'm like how are you how are you outnumbered as women you're 51 percent of the public of the population have you ever read the internet yeah no they she does have an uphill battle i mean it's leanne she's a woman a woman, Anna Carney. I like how she gets up there to tell her life story. Basically, the message was, if you're feeling sorry for yourself because you've got HIV, don't. Because this is what happened to me. I was abandoned. I was molested. And then the one person I was engaged to tried to kill me. Jesus, Leanne. Not with HIV. With a gun. But still,

it was horrifying. Whoa, Leon. Whoa. Whoa, Leon. Whoa. Now, listen here. When I was in the carny, I was given labels.

Right? I gave myself labels. One time I spelled Gucci wrong. Everybody made fun of me. Now, TJ Maxx ain't a label either. You can go there by labels let's talk more about labels everyone's like okay lady when does the food come out i'm like i want to hear more about who tried to kill you like one time one time they tried they forced me to do the

dunk tank and i couldn't swim and so a little boy threw that ball at that target and hit me and i fell in the tank and i nearly died one time jonathan lost the main screw for the ferris wheel and he wasn't sure if it was gonna hold up with that gum tape so he made me ride it i almost died one time that made me ride the merry-go-round but i fell off the horse and almost got trampled in the automatic stampede and that was that was not the merry-go-round that was the scary go-round okay one time i just was just so traumatized by all the labels i was working in the kitchen and they kept telling me this that uh soup spoons were falling down the garbage disposal i'm falling for that one again one time i was riding the trabant okay and it was going forward and i said don't you dare make this go backwards and they made it go backwards and I nearly lost myself. Okay? Nearly died on the

Tremont. So next up we get a nice view of a Texas steak as Stephanie is making dinner for my husband. That was the biggest piece of meat. That was bigger than his head. And then we get the husband. The boys are

playing and he's like, stop slapping each other like faggots. I mean girls. And she's like, don't say that. That's offensive to faggots boys are playing and he's like, stop slapping each other like faggots. I mean, girls. And she's like, don't say that. That's offensive to faggots and girls. And he's like, all right. Sorry, kids. Those kids are going to be such nightmares because he is raising them to be just like, he's like, all right, come hit me.

Hit me with your ninja hands. Ninja hands. Hit me now. Okay. Now go rape a woman. Go rape a woman. Okay, good. Pretty much. Get a DUI and then let me bail you out hands. Ninja hands. Hit me now. Okay. Now go rape a woman. Go rape a woman. Okay, good. Pretty much.

Get a DUI and then let me bail you out. Oh, childhood. Yeah. Should we ask daddy for more money for presents? Yeah, Stephanie's like, if daddy wants presents, maybe we should ask him for more allowance just for this week. What do you think, boys? Let's get him poo-poo.

Yeah, let's make him a poo-poo cake. Let's eat poo poo this whole fucking show is about poop and then stephanie calls up brandy and's like guess what my kids said they want they want me to give daddy a poop cake now go to bed kids you're too much like me and yeah and brandy of course oh that awesome. We should do like a poop cake made out of poop. Oh, yeah. By the way, I invited Leanne because she gave a good AIDS speech. Oh, that's great.

Well, I won't start anything. I'll just drink a lot of tequila. That always works. Yeah. If she makes you mad, just fart in her face. Yeah. Okay. Also, Steph then had some wine with Travis.

I was like, you know, I love you, but please stop micromanaging me. And he's like, yeah, I guess it's hard for me because my mom always had lists when I grew up. So I always want to give out lists. And if I can't give out a list, then it makes me feel some sort of way. It's like, wow. A great opportunity is that like, I'm different and I don't like list.

It's a great scene. You guys. Yeah. But at least he was more, at least he's like cooler about it than fricking what a Brandy's husband. He's like, Brandy's husband would have been like, are you serious right now?

I would have walked out. At least Travis is like, Oh yeah. Sorry. Yeah, he's like, Brandy's husband would have been like, are you serious right now? And would have walked out. At least Travis is like, oh, yeah, sorry. Yeah. He's like, okay, I'll be nice because there's cameras here. But then his face is like, ugh! Ugh! Brandy

calls Leanne, baby business voice. Oh, God, this was so funny. So Brandy, someone calls someone. Who called who? Brandy called Leanne. And Leanne is listed as loudmouth in her phone. Hilarious. And she's like, hey, Leanne.

And Leanne's like, hi. Hi, this is Leanne answering from not my safe space. May I ask who's calling? Brandy just did this whisper business meeting with her she's like hello leanne locken my name is brandy we have met each other before i wanted you to know that i don't care about aids parties i will go to thank you very much for doing business with i was like who are you what do you who are you calling what are you telling selling something on the old telemarketing? It was a very awkward call, but Leanne was being super cold on it.

She's like, alright, I'll meet. Okay, bye. Bye. Yeah, that was a fascinating thing. So, Cake with Dots, this is what happens to you if you eat too much sugar and get fat and pimply. Curious lesson to our kids. I got you a vanilla

cake to teach you not to get ugly yeah okay and then and mark is still upset about the lack of chocolate cake and he's like hey do you want chocolate cake and he's like yeah and he's like well mama didn't get it for you do you want a dress from florence papa bought mama one will Mama put it on right now? Yeah, this was a stupid thing. Let's just skip it. Yeah, let's skip it. Honestly, I hate the Carrie-Marc stuff. Carrie's good around the other ladies, but with Marc, actually almost all of them with their husbands are beyond all.

I really wish she would, like, unveil that hatred that she has. Like, everyone else, she walks into a room, she's like, ew, ew. Like, she kind of hates everybody. I wish she would just show that with her husband because you know that she has. Like everyone else, she walks into a room and she's like, ew, ew. Like she kind of hates everybody. I wish she would just show that with her husband because you know that's coming. Yeah, it is. Exactly. So then, speaking of hatred, Brandy and Leanne have their summit. Did you recognize the music?

I didn't. It was seriously like Gretchen Goes to the Library music from the stock, Alan Lazar. I guess they do. It's like, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Which is also the Leanne admits that she was sexually molested music. No, this is like that. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.

Gretchen goes to the library. Something like crazy. So they sit together and Leanne's like, One thing I've learned from being in the carny, get a grounder, and there are more important things in life than pettiness, okay? Also, this place has dishes on the wall, so if I get mad, I can just take one off the wall and throw it at this little redheaded bitch. You know, Greek weddings are my safe space,

so if I can emulate that in any way by throwing a dish, I'll be very happy. I really hated you, but then I heard your brother was in the army and tried to kill himself. Now, let me ask you a question. Do you know how many soldiers have HIV? Me neither.

The point is, I get it. Now, let's do some bumper cars. Randy's like, I was really mean to you because I didn't understand that you used your terrible stories about yourself to help other people. She's like, yeah, that's right. I've been waiting for this moment because you have pushed buttons. You've pushed buttons on me. No one has pushed buttons on me like that for a long time. You want to hear about the time people have pushed my buttons?

No, not really. Well, one time someone tried to push my button and kill me. It was when I was riding a Caterpillar. I was on that thing. It was going around and around. That little cover came up over me, and I thought, why are you trying to suffocate me in the Caterpillar? Which is now why I'm doing a charity for two-year-olds with toe fungus.

I get it. I get it. charity for two-year-olds with toe fungus i get it i get it oh she's like i look forward to getting to know you brandy because everyone says she's so funny like she has so much fun i mean i want to see that will you be funny with me and brandy's just staring at her like uh not funny she's like, what are your thoughts on poop? Oh, poor Leanne. So Leanne falls for it. She's like, oh, we're friends now.

That's how it works. You know, you can forgive people. I am falling for her like a log flume. I'm like that very tippy top of the log ride. You think you're about to die and then whoo, it's the most fun you ever had in your life. And you get a little wet in the process wet poop so they go shopping for stupid

dresses I'm only writing this down because Brandy's like I look like Ariel which is always a constant callback to this show so thank you well you have to also note that they went to a place called whatchamacallit, a designer boutique. Which makes posh look high end. And I think that's one of the lyrics in Part of Your World, isn't it?

Or is it What's It? It's like a Whatchamacallit or a What's It? Yeah. It's a What's It galore. You know, I'm seeing Little Mermaid this week I'm sorry that you can't come It's the concert version Who's playing who

I thought it was the one where they were going to be hanging from strings From the ceiling and stuff No Ariel is Sara Bareilles Who's that I can't Like Aries Baryalis Sounds like a flu I'm not going to write you a love song Because he asked for one I can't. It's Black Darius Baryalis or whatever. It sounds like a flu. Cerebralis, you know, like,

I'm not going to write you a love song because he asked for one because you need one. Oh, I'm not going to write you a love song. Na, na, na. You know that one that's like, I want to see you be brave. Oh, God. No one wants to see anybody be brave in A Little Mermaid.

It would kill the whole story i i'm trying to remember who else is in it um i think there's someone else who's in it that's like really cool but it's sarah varellis um oh titus titus burgess he's in it playing ariel no i i mean not ariel rebel wilson darren chris oh so rebel Wilson's going to be the sea witch She's going to be Ursula That's the only role I care about I think Rebel Wilson will probably be Ursula I hope I'm not being

Oh John Stamos You hope you're not being fattest What if John Stamos So Sarah Bareilles is Ariel Then Rebel Wilson is Ursula Titus Burgess as Sebastian. Darren Criss as Prince Eric. Norm Lewis, whoever that is.

Darren Criss? Wait, isn't he the gay from Glee? Yes, but I think he's supposed to be straight. How are you going to be the prince? And Stamos as Chef Louis. Ew. And Kali, Joshua Collins. Poisson, le Poisson.

How I love le Poisson. I'm sorry sorry that's not John Stamos I don't know who cast that I don't know why they cast John Stamos in that I'm selling my ticket Sarah Bareilles is Ariel But then the third show it's someone else I forget who it is I think it's the one who was originally her

I don't know But Alan Menken is going to show up Oh Alan Good to see ya We love Little Shop as well Al I forget who it is. I think it's the one who was originally her. I don't know. But Alan Menken's going to show up. Oh, Alan. Good to see you. We love Little Shop as well, Al. Yeah, we love Alan Menken. He did all the good stuff from Disney during that time. Well, he was part of a partnership.

Thank you. The other one's dead. Tim Rice, yeah. No, not Tim Rice. That's Andrew Lloyd Webber's partner. Oh, Howard. I'm sorry. Howard Ashman.

Yeah, good one. I couldn't remember. No, but didn't. That's Andrew Lloyd Webber's partner. Oh, Howard, Howard, I'm sorry, Howard Ashman. Yeah, good one. I couldn't remember. No, but then Tim Rice, but didn't Tim Rice do something with Alan Menken? Didn't they do Aladdin together? I think so, probably. They probably did. I don't know. Who knows? I'm done. I'm done with Broadway. I retired! I retired from Broadway when they wouldn't cast me for the 500th time.

So, the day at the party. So, Stephanie is nervous. She's so nervous. She's like, I'm so nervous. I'm party so Stephanie is nervous she's so nervous she's like I'm so nervous I'm pooping my pants nervous but I can't poop so it's just kind of coming out like a little turtle horse statues carrying her husband

they're getting dressed 30 people it's not a big deal and you're in a suburban bar yeah I'm going to skip over a couple getting ready scenes because sometimes couple getting ready scenes, because sometimes the getting ready scenes are really funny. But this week on this show, they were just like, I'm getting ready. Are you getting ready?

I'm getting ready, too. Well, the funny thing is, Mark was all concerned about the look and everything, and he has the most ridiculous bow tie on. For someone who's into fashion, he did not nail his Gatsby look by any means. I don't think she did either, really. He's like, oh, we can use your wedding dress from the wedding reception because that's so Gatsby. It's like, no, it's not.

Yeah, and then she did like a modern hairstyle. She should have put on at least like one of those flapper hats. You know, those headpieces that have the things. Like Leanne who thinks that Marilyn Monroe is so Gatsby. Leanne was like a terrible version of Jennifer Tilly in Bullets

Over Broadway. Charmed! I was just about to say that. Charmed! Charmed! Charmed! Damn it! So they start showing up. What were you going to say? I was just going to go into a line. I do have experience.

I do have experience. I do have experience. I love Jennifer Tilly in that movie. I know. When she does the haas, remember the therapist? She's like, it's from your childhood. Ha!

Yeah, but wouldn't she say haas, good to meet you, chum, chum. You be quiet over there. I'm being classy child child oh a little paltry huh looking at me

hey what are you looking at me what are you looking at me sir little paltry Nick Valenti's gonna be mad at you Nick Valenti oh my god I'm still so mad at that musical okay damn it getting back on getting back on points listen everyone if you're new to this podcast you're guaranteed to hear a big business soaked dish or bullets of a broadway reference once a week yeah at least so now um all i wrote was terrified marie hello al she's like i'm still scared but i'm in a

wig yeah poor marie poor people who were at the bar. When they first showed up, there was an old dude in a green polo shirt lounging around with his wife in the bar. I know. I was like, way to be on. You got the game on? No. It's a Gatsby party. Yeah, can't you tell by this bar that looks like a sports bar with the lights on?

Who's Gatsby play for? It's not a game. So, okay. The women start gathering. Is Leanne here? Yeah, so Leanne comes dressed like Marilyn Monroe, which is crazy. And every person who enters, Stephanie goes, You are gorgeous!

You are gorgeous! You are gorgeous! It's like every single one ding dong ding dong um so i just wrote down gorgeous a lot and then let me see here we oh okay so now brandy and leanne finally get their chance to bond oh wait carrie hasn't gotten there yet carrie shows up looking somewhat unenthused. Somewhat. She was like, I can't. It looked like it literally looked like they were using slow-mo on her entrance. I was like, is she really walking that slowly?

She's like, oh, gross, gross. She's like, if they serve me Frito Pie or chocolate cake, I'm leaving here immediately. I've eaten a fingernail before I came. I learned about these bitches. i've eaten a fingernail before i came i learned about these bitches so they uh leanne is being nice to brandy and brandy's being nice to leanne and carrie's like i'm not buying it honey you got suckered not me i'm like what did leanne really ever do to you you're the one who put shit on her seat and then laughed at her with a group of young mean girls it's true it's true like leanne only leanne just

reacted because you know leanne has some triggers and you trigger them a few times but meanwhile you know i literally have sat on poop before it's not funny to me how do you think they try to kill me okay they tried to drown me in poop because everyone knows i speak out of my ass when i sit in poop you're smothering me. So Leanne and Brandy are sitting down with, I don't even know who, a group of girls. And Leanne, they're wasted basically already. Yeah, sorry. Oh, with Tiffany, yeah.

What were you going to say? No, because Tiffany's like, what is it about cheap Mexican food, takeout food, that is so good? It's my favorite thing to eat after I've coked up, you know, in the bathroom. You know, it goes into your stomach and it absorbs all that cocaine. Isn't that right? That's what I always tell my husband, Aaron Hindra. I'm like, after you get your hair highlighted, we just have to have some cheap takeout food, okay? So that way we can do some cocaine later.

I know why you like it, Tiff, because she just loves to poop. When we were roommates, we would order pizza with jalapenos and then the next day, she would scream. She'd be like, bring me the ice cubes! And they started cracking up and Brandy's like dying and I was like, of course now they fall in love because now they're bonding

on a poop level. Exactly. Hey, Leanne, if we go to a Chinese restaurant, what would you order for an appetizer the poo poo platter oh my god we're best friends now i was already cracking up at the scene but when carrie caught mark she was sitting there and mark had a slider and remember that mark used to be fat until carrie like fat beat the fat right out of him and she's like whoa nice slider Mark and he's like oh sorry sorry babe bought this from Florence

she's like you can have it go ahead have it you're never going to hear the end of that yeah the whole night she's going to be like I would love to have sex with you but I don't know you're too fat right now so oh gosh yeah so then

so now Brandy who suddenly is now super friends with Tiffany and Leanne, is like, hey, you know, your birthday's coming up, and so is Carrie's, and so is someone else's. And I thought, let's go to Austin for our trip this year for birthdays. Like, well, that sounds great. As long as no one tries to molest or kill me, I am down. I don't have any husbands there that want to kill me, do I? As long as there aren't a whole bunch of bats there, because, you know,

that's my one thing, my one non-save space. It's not like a city full of bats, is it? Now, the electricity in Austin. Are there screws in the place, or is it just plain plugs? Because I'm not hurting my hand again. I'm bringing my curling iron now what sort of rides did they have there did they have like a reverse bungee jump i would be down for that wait until they see the gigantic bull statues in austin everyone's gonna freak out

i think they're even bigger than dallas's and they're everywhere by the way i wrote down every horse and bull statue we saw and i couldn't even mention them all because they were before every single scene okay so the next part this party went actually fine brandy got wasted everyone talked about poop carrie fat shamed her husband it was all good and well but now they're gonna go to austin and it looks hilarious. Oh, I forgot. One of the joke scenes, not joke scenes, but Steph was talking to her husband at one point in the show about planning his party. And he's like, well, I just want you to be naked in a cake and come out in a bikini and sing happy birthday. And she's like, oh, silly.

So it ends with her getting a cake at home that she's hiding inside of. And she jumps out of it like a bikini lingerie or whatever. And she banging bod and oh yeah she actually looked great this episode there are a lot of scenes where she didn't have a lot of makeup on and she looks fantastic yeah she's beautiful the women on this show are pretty beautiful yeah across the board i would say so yeah uh they're beautiful women but she climbs out perfect bob whatever the only reason i'm telling you this is because he goes oh baby i love you and she goes see isn't it better without a list i was like that was on his list this was literally on the list he gave you and you did it you sucka yeah and then and then she's saying happy birthday to you which bravo was like yay we can finally have this on the air without asking

for rights because that lawsuit went through and she like and she like sang it like with this like semi like real voice i was like well stephanie she has a good voice yeah she was like happy birthday yeah but you know what's so weird she actually has a really good voice you can tell but she won't use it she's like happy birthday to you happy birthday okay the end i'm like oh no don't tell me you're actually a singer but now you're being repressed by this big old angry person that's kind of what i was thinking i was like i bet she's a singer who then put it away and you know the thing is sometimes with happy birthday it feels like a little too ultra to to like sing it full out so she kind of wanted to sing it full out because she can't help herself but she also was embarrassed so she would go over and like happy birthday to you yes well housewife is like a stripper they were just looking for fame i mean it ended up with dicks in their

face and you know andy cohen asking you shitty things about your implants but that's what they that's what they started out as darling real talent so let's see maybe you never know good prediction though maybe she'll sing one day maybe I hope so. Good for her, Stephanie. So next week looks amazing because they go to Austin and Leanne has been nice for five minutes and can't help it anymore and is threatening to murder people. And Carrie's videotaping it on her

phone. She's like, you will not believe what I'm seeing right now. Someone is threatening Marie's life. And she's like, I will rip your legs off and shove them to the dog! Of course she goes after marie who is like the scared horse in the disney version of sleepy hollow you know the horse that like hides behind the rock and it's like it's that noise that's knees knocking that's what marie is and leanne says one of my favorite things ever this is my favorite thing when um people would

get in trouble like in my church school because I went to a religious school. Well, if I was perfect, I'd be nailed to a cross. Oh, so good. She's like, well, I have different interpretations of what killing means. You think killing is one thing? I think killing is another. Well, you just said that you almost got murdered by one of your husbands,

so I'm interested to see what your version is. Yeah. Being force-fed gummy bears until I pooped. Hey, everybody. Even with a dull episode, it's still really so fun to make fun of. I really like these shows. And also, I just love Leanne's craziness and her anger that will come out any moment. And I love her relationship with this rich guy and that he makes fun of her right to her face.

He's like, well, if you don't want people to burn you at the stake maybe be less of a witch and she's like oh you you are too much rich it's my safe space rich he's my balance board everybody thank you for coming to watch what crappens thank you thank you very much um watch what crappens.com for all our links. Patreon.com slash WatchWhatCrappens for our subscriber extras. And you will hear the Ringos right now. And Facebook.com slash WatchWhatCrappens to talk to us and everyone else. We love you all. Bye. Bye.

Hear this week's Ringos. How many fucks do I get? One. Ha ha. Boy. Bow at me. You trying to make me sound like a ringtone? Little mimicker. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens ad-free on Amazon Music.

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