Watch What Crappens - #2972 RHOM S7E11 Part One: Flamencos On The Side of My Face

Episode Date: August 18, 2025

This is part one of a two-part recapThe ladies of Real Housewives of Miami take a spiritual Flamenco class in Spain and stomp all over each other’s souls. Larsa flips her lid about Lisa not unfollowing Marcus, Julia starts fights then cries that people are fighting, and Stephanie pretends to have the best marriage of all time. It’s a fun one. To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watcher Crappins ad-free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Watch what happens. Who cares what happens when there's so much than crap is. everybody and welcome to watch what clapens i'm ronnie and that is ben hello ben hi how are you good two nights in a row of me jam jams how you feel about it great so good i have to say that um uh that that last night's episode what was really fun was that it was the first episode this season that's airing after orange county and so orange counties in new orleans this show is in spain it's like

dual trips, dual peak housewives. And it was like really great because Orange County was such an amazing episode, but it was like an angry episode. Like they were all fighting and there's like there's bitterness there. So it was fun. It's always great to go to Miami and they are always so silly and ridiculous. And they have fights, but they're so there's like they're just petty and stupid. It felt like a nice like dessert. Like we had our main course and we had a dessert. It felt like a complete meal for me, you know? Yeah, I had a little duce, if you will, duce. As I would say in Spain. Yeah, this is a great show.

I love it. We did record this on Friday. It is Friday right now. We're probably hearing it on Monday or so because, you know, we're spreading out the spreading out to letting it out. We don't have anything on Mondays right now. So this is going on our Monday. But last week, we put out an episode of trailer trash over on our Patreon, which is a preview

of the trailer. That's a preview of the preview. It's a recap of the trailer for Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. We've not recorded it yet, but we have. by the time you're listening to this, and let me tell you the hilarity, okay? What a good time. I'm so glad that show is back. I cannot wait to talk about it again.

This fall is looking up batch, so we're so grateful for that. So grateful for you guys for being here. If you want this on video, go watch it over on Patreon, and that's where you get all of our videos day after. If you don't want to pay, that is fine. You will see them a week later

over on our YouTube channel for free. But there are a week later and that does not include bonus episodes sorry um so everybody thanks and bonus episodes also are patreon as well amazon live is this monday 4 pm pacific time that's where we sell stuff on amazon and it's ridiculous and fun join us for that and uh thanks everybody for giving us this really fun life to lead because it's been it's a long fucking day we're not even halfway through our day but we're laughing our asses off so thank you we love you guys yeah thank you for real for

okay let's get into some jim jams Unfollow or unfriend Season 7, Episode 11. We're in Seville, Seville, Seville, Spain. Cevice, and it's raining. Oh, well, look at the weather. I feel like I'm in Miami. Like, we brought the rain to Sevea.

And Maris was like, wow, we brought the hurricane season. I wish we'd see we're here to put some tape on this Radisson collection window, am I right? I mean, what do you have to say about dinner the other night? By the way, this hotel was driving me nuts. all episode. It's so small. It's so small. Like, are there no more, are there like no glamorous hotels in, in Sevilla for these ladies? I mean, this is a real housewife show. This is like a, it's actually like a perfectly fine hotel for like Normies, but I just want for like a real housewives show. Like there should be like grand lobbies and like, I don't know, more than like

two blank walls close to each other in their presidential suites. It's driving me nuts. Yeah, That's a tiny little place. But, you know, everywhere, it's not America. America, like, has big things for no reason, you know? Like, the houses in Texas, where I live, you've got these doors that are 20 feet tall. It's like, why do we need 20-foot-tall doors in every house? And why are the ceilings, like, 50? Why do you live in the hottest place in the world?

And you can't cool your house down because the walls are cavernous. Like, they're so high in every house. Why? Why are we doing this? Yeah. And, yeah, they're like, listen, this building has been here for 19,000 years. Okay. And now it's a Radisson. It's like this was formerly, this was once the house of the most important flamenco designer in all of Sevilla.

And now it is part of the Radisson collection. Did you guys ever know that polka dots were an accident, but now they're popular? I love that. I love that too, actually. I thought that was so cool. That's really cool. And I was like, I could be a fashion designer. Do you know how much shit I spill on myself at eating, like eating at lunch?

or dinner or whatever, I'm constantly getting splotches on myself. And I would love to just make that fashion. It's like, oh, there's some pizza on your, pizza sauce on your shirt, or is it high men's fashion in 2026? Coming at you. Yeah, that was, I feel like we could be real innovators in the flamenco space. Yeah.

I just looked it up, by the way. I was like, you know what? I'm worried that I'm taking this like too much on face value from like a random lady on TV. Like, is this really true? that polka dots were like just an error and they just they ran with it and the answer is yes that is what happened because they had to use low fabric low cost fabric the uh the the the originally o g flamenco people so like when i show up places and people are like did you get that on a fashion shoot what are you wearing you look fucking amazing and i was like it's old navy

because i didn't have any money left over after mortgage so well that and also because it's my favorite store on the planet oh okay app after this. I just want to announce this. Oh, that's fancy. Well, you're, that's my old baby. Yeah, that's fancy. I'm going to step up. Because like this little polo that I'm wearing here, I just, I'm, it's very cute.

Thank you. Thank you. That's all I was. I was like, can I just want my polo to be acknowledged? It is really cute. I'm surprised that I didn't say that earlier. I was thinking it when we were talking earlier. I was like, wow, what a cute polo.

Thank you. Well, the thing was that two weeks ago, I don't know why I'm telling the story now, but I'm in it. I'm in it. We're going through it now. Two weeks ago, I went to the naked gun. I took myself to the grove. Ugh, disgusting. I went to the grove to go to the naked gun. And I had time. I mean, the grove is fun, but it's also annoying. And I had some time to kill. So I was like, well, you know what? Let's get a cocky and go to the gap. Although I didn't really have a cocky. But I went to the gap and had all these cute polo shirts. And I've been wearing them and I'm feeling cute in them. And I feel like I haven't. It's really cute in a little while. So I'm going to go back and buy more polo shirts. everyone get ready it's my polo era polo era yeah that's pretty cute i like it on you it's very preppy i like your preppy look you've been upping your preppy empty lately and i think it's good on you you know what i like a prepi is like my my native look i'm from westchester new y i'm from westchester new york i went to school in new hampshire like preppy is like my true vibe that's my yeah babe live it i could go to a party i could teach lisa hoxing a thing or two

They start, Alexa and Marisol start talking about what a mess last night was. And we see the clip of Alexia saying, who do you think you are? And Stephanie's saying, Stephanie Shaji or whatever. She's like, oh, big shit. And I'm Alexia in the polar, okay? Well, you said I had a big head. I'm Alexia. Back to the present.

Stephanie is getting glam with Larsa. And she's like, bitch, why did you say I have a big head? I have a normal size head. Like, I really don't like this. Everybody talking about my big head now. Did you see the purses that my husband sent me to this presidential suite? You have a large head. It's okay.

The celebrities have large heads. Is she large-headed? I don't notice that she's large-headed. I don't think it's, like, massively large. But, like, a large head is enviable because all the celebrities have big heads. Like, if you're a famous person, you're usually a famous person, partially because you have a very large head. Did you not know this? What does that say?

No, I didn't know that, but I've got a humongous head and I'm not as full. That's why, Ronnie, that's why you're basically a star. Like, that's why people love you. Basically, I'm a star. You're basically like a star. You're like Alexia. No, it's for real. Like, it's like when they, there was like, there was some study that like analyze all these

famous people and like there was something about facial symmetry, but also having a large head. It photographs and it films very well. And people like it. And people, you see a large head. You just want to get an autograph, I guess. Well, maybe eventually one day I'll become famous. I'll be an actor or something.

You are famous. No, I'm not. I've always wanted to be an actor, so maybe I'll go try it at 50. Why not? I'll do an old person rewrite of my life. You should. Well, you know what? What you miss, Ronnie, is that when you were on vacation, Eric Williams was on the podcast,

and we're talking about, he is adorable. And if one should listen to it, that's a gay-ass podcast. But we were talking about, like, you know, he comes from an acting background. I don't come from an acting background, but I do have a sag card that I've never. used because I got grandfathered into it through some bureaucracy. So I randomly have a sag card. I have a sag face. And we both were like, hey, casting directors, like, just put us in a commercial. We just want to be in a commercial. And I think you need to join in on the blatant plea and say, hey, I've got a big celebrity head. I've got a celebrity ready head. Put me into

commercial. I have to giant head, everybody. Come on. Do it. Put me, Ronnie and Aaron. Eric Williams in commercials, all in one commercial and separate ones, mix and match. Do what you will. But we know those casting producers out there, and we just want to be in a commercial. Yeah, I would freaking love that. Okay, let's do it. But if there has to be one person, it should be Ronnie. It should be Ronnie because this.

No, no, we don't, it's not Sophie's choice. Let's all do commercials. I would fucking love that. That's why I grew a mustache because people are like, you know, it's a different look. No, I didn't, it's not why I grew one, but it's why I kept one because I got a mustache. And then someone was like, oh, maybe you'll start working a lot now as an actor because you changed your look. and that's what happens.

Now, I've never auditioned for anything, but maybe just being in the sprouts, people would be like, oh, my God, who's that bald guy with a giant head and a mustache? Oh, yes, we're having a movie about the porn stash. Come on. Yeah. Get on board. All right. So anyway, they're talking about big heads.

I think Stephanie's head is not big. I don't think it looks too big. But I would say if she feels that it's too big, she should not do helmet hair on purpose. because she's like doing that like you know madman kind of jacky oh helmet head thing and it's not doing you it's very fish if you're worried about that yeah fisher price lego very fisher price it's like a it's like a it's like a plastic i just have this one fisher price i mean i'm acting like it you're not gonna it's like the blue it was like the lady with the blue she had like a dress so like her figure was like round it was for like curving and out a little bit and then she had blonde hair

and she just had that look on her face you put her in the bus like that's kind of like her hair That's her vibe. She is very thick of price. She's a Lego person on a bus hair. So we go back to Alexi and Mary Sol and Mary Sol's like, listen, we're going to make a work. We need to know each other. We just all need to get to know or more.

And that's really all it is. I'm sure everything is going to work out. Great. Back to Lars and Stephanie, Lars is like, look, like, I feel like all I know today, like, I feel like it's going to like be fun like. Because like I feel like I'm looking forward to getting a cute flamingo dress. I love flamingo.

I just want to dress that's pink and has feathers. I can't wait for it. I love that they invented flamingos in Sevilla. So then night earlier, Marisol is telling us about that they're going to be going to this boutique. And I was waiting, but I just want to say right now, after Marisol made this big announcement at the table, and they talked about like appointments and putting Lisa in the late appointment, I thought for sure there was going to be some massive drama around this. I was imagining last year the real house was at Dubai. when um when uh lisa milan secured all those like local indonesian dresses and they all had like

breakdowns over it i was like oh we're going to get that again i'm looking forward to it never happened and i'm a bit disappointed about that yeah well and understandably so so um they're all getting ready for this flamenco thing basically and remembering the past and stephanie's like okay well who's in our group because they're splitting up because it's housewives and so So the first group is going to be Larsa, Marisol, and Adriana, and the other group gets Lisa. And Larsa's like, what a, like, treat like? Hate her. I hate Lisa, like, so, like much like.

She's a terrible person. She's such like a groupie-like. Groupie-like, like. Larsa is, she's roiling over the fact that Lisa. Cecil is not unfollowed Marcus Jordan and Larsa is saying I love when Lisa

says she needs to set boundaries with her friends meanwhile she shows up like days later it's like you set a boundary on like

time or you need to you need to set a boundary on being late so that way you can be on time so yeah showed her yeah this is very Larsa coded

I was like what the fuck are you talking about yeah she wants boundaries but then she's late I guess the idea is that like i guess the idea is like oh you want to you want your friends to show up and pull up and whatever and yet you just show up late like you just don't even care about us like you want

us to do things to acknowledge your feelings and then you don't even show up on time like you're late i don't care if my friends show up on time i really don't and if i'm like standing there waiting for them but my friends know if they're more than 15 late i'm doing whatever i was going to do without them so if i go to a show and you're late and i got you a ticket and you don't show up for half an hour you know late which has happened recently i don't get mad i just go into the the show i'm not going to stand out in the rain and wait for you but like you do you you know this is why i don't like going to um i've i've stopped liking going to concerts with people i'm literally going to go to see dave matthews band see i am in my prep era going to dave matthews band

next week alone because i'm like i don't want to coordinate about like when you're getting to my place and then we're going to drive down there maybe we'll meet someplace and i'll find you give you your ticket or we'll do this and then you want to have a hot dog and then the show's starting but you're waiting in the long line because you want to have a hot dog. I don't want to do any of that. Every time somebody wants to go to the hot dog line. Oh my God. And the show's about to begin.

I'm like, I don't want to. And it's like, will you wait with me? I'm like, no, I will not wait with you. I'm going to the seats. And then you're there. And like, even though you're there, your friend's not there. And you're thinking like, well, they're going to be late. And then they're going to like walk in.

They're going to have all their hot dogs and all their sodas and their chips. And they're going to make it'll just be a pain in the ass. And then you're like, you're like, no, I just want to listen the song. Matthews, not your hot dog journey, you late ass. Yes. So one day earlier... I'm trying to listen to a 17-minute long jam, okay? Yeah.

So we see all these clips of the ladies being annoyed with Lisa being late and stuff. And Hotel Magdalena Plaza, Stephanie sees Lisa. I'm like, I made it. How are you? You look so cute. And Stephanie's like, did you come by train for real? Like, is that something you really did? Is that something people do?

Do you have a man that owns the train? Or was it like a public one that anybody could go on? That is so sad. That is so sad. Yeah, train, that's crazy. Hi, like, hi, like, hi, this and that, X, Y, Z. Oh, my God, you made it. You made it.

I guess, well, with all that time on the train, you had time to unfollow Marcus Jordan by now, right? Like, we were worried about you, like. it took like so much like time to keep following marcus that you're late well i have legal matters that need my presence number one but you were just like insane parts like yeah it was insane parts and i was elected as a judge and i had to preside over some court cases there so there were legal matters i had to deal with and it was also a long weekend and i was

with some lawyers and they were helping to represent me with the law things St. Barts, where everybody goes to talk about legal cases. What is confusing here? And so we see a picture of Jody and Lisa kissing in St. Bart's. And Lars is like, wait, Lahn St. Bart, you'd like crack me up like with your lies like. And she goes, yes, hey, boss, any more questions? Sorry, objection. Because that's what you do in legal cases.

Just like what legal cases does, like, Lisa have that she can only, like, solve it in St. Bart. what's next? Like doing your taxes in Bali? Like what's next? Like I feel like. Like what's like what's next? Like, um, starting an LLC in the Philippines. Like what's next? Am I right? I'm on a row. Let's do it. I'm on a row. I've got a lot more in me. What's next? Like getting her property taxes lowered while she's in Thailand? Like, like what's next? Like, um, get. getting temporary parking passes, like, when you're in Turkmenistan, like? I'm out of places like, I'm out of places in America.

I'm not keeping surprised I knew about Turkmenistan, to be honest. Lisa's like, me not making the flight, got nothing to do with me being a same boss, okay? I'm finalizing my divorce. I was hit with a bunch of legal work, signatures, paperwork, phone calls, suntans, pinia colladas. not exactly in that order, okay? Life happens. What I'm gathering is that there was a long weekend and Lisa went to St. Bart's,

and then she got back from the long weekend, so she had to do all this legal stuff before going on the trip, right? Is that what there's, that, does that what it is? I guess that's what she's saying, yeah. But, like, lawyers, if you're a high profile case, I think the lawyer will, like, be available on the weekends. Just going to say that right now. Well, and also we learned that she didn't do the paperwork in signature.

because later she gets a call from the lawyer that says this is due in an hour. And she's like, how could you tell me I've only got an hour? I'm like, this is probably the stuff that you were supposed to do before you went on your long weekend, Lisa. It's like, it's probably the end of the timeline that you were supposed to get it in, you dummy. What? So, it's so silly. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappence commercial.

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I'm still here. So now Adriana and Gertie joined the ladies. And if everyone sort of gathers, they're all saying good morning. Everyone's like, oh, you look colorful and everything. And Marisol shows up last. And Julia's like, so, we are going to do Stephanie, Larsa, Lisa, Marisol, Adriana, and Gaut. You're going to go shopping now.

Then Gertie, I, Alexia, Kiki, chicken, go shopping later. Where's Kiki? And everyone looks around and Kiki is missing, but she's coming. So everybody leaves. What's that? Doesn't she? Doesn't Kiki show up like a second later? Yeah.

I don't know. But they're like, we got to wait for Kiki. Oh, Alexia, don't make me. Don't make me go have fun. Go have fun with the normal people who are sad, sad people. Go have fun with the people. Go have fun with non-stars. It's going to be okay for one day.

so dress group number one goes to the dress place uh they're where they're leaving for that and adrian is like oh look how beautiful it is you guys yeah exactly wow it's almost like god had a cocky and said let's get some good weather to savilla right lisa's like oh maybe we should buy some walking shoes and lordsa goes maybe you should get a watch just what yeah like we need to get you a great watch because i have one i have money and lorza goes oh my god does it like have the right time like and stuff because oh my god it wasn't about money lisa it's about you not being on time do you understand it's like a joke like she said something about a watch because you're late but like the watch works though no i know but the joke is that like you're running late

but like why would i get a new watch though because okay i'm not going to explain this to you she goes oh my god look they're selling an agenda right there let's get her an agenda she's like what what's that oh god okay you know what let's just go to the first fucking store, Lisa. Lisa has her own version of improv where the tenets of it are yes, huh? So they

then... So they're riding along. The other group that's not going to the dress store first is going to a market. Big night for markets on Bravo market visits. So they go and they look at those

vegetables and fruits and vegetables it looks great looks amazing actually as she goes i love the fruits and vegetables in europe smells good okay well you know the american apples are holding their heads in shame i'm sure right now the stinky disgusting grape smell of america i mean it's fair is it yes no the produce everything is like the produce is always so nice in europe it's really like, oh, look at me. Bonjour. I am French produce, and I am much nice. First of all, it's lovely.

The apples all have little berets. And, you know, the oranges are kind of like, they're just like full figured and beautiful and they just sort of effortless. They're so small and, like, puny and, like, making an effort. Like, in America, we have HGH. Like, we have youth growth hormone vegetables. Like, if you want an orange as big as your fucking head,

come to America, okay? I don't want to hear. Hear from your puny has like no steroids injected, fruits and vegetables. So they're walking around here. Kiki makes a joke about balls and everything. Meanwhile, Larsa's the shop, and she's like, where's going? She's like, Mariselle, all I know is that this place better have gorgeous dresses for us. Otherwise, I'm going to need to get Lisa to get a new watch.

Sorry, I didn't really remember to go with that one. What is it like dressmaking and like New Zealand? I'm still workshopping that. Lisa, Lisa, you should like the dressmaking because since you're moving a lot, it's like you're a dress making. So, think of, you. What? Address, because you're in a new address. Yeah, so.

You're like a dressmaking. I didn't make the address. I just moved to it. It's like a joke, though, Lisa, like. I got money. Okay, never mind. Never mind. So Stephanie's like,

Rosio, Como staz? That's good o'verte. And she's like, Very bien. Meng, say, oh, welcome. So they go in.

And Marisol's like, well, before this trip to Spain, Stephanie posted on her Instagram story, and then it was for her birthday. So Julie and I have been doing like a wizardly

things behind the scenes. You know, she has a presidential suite, has a staircase. So we've taken out every other step, maybe she falls. There's a balcony, and so we've taken out all of the railings. So, God, who knows, maybe it might be her visiting Jesus again day. You never really know what's going to happen.

Well, this is a very famous flamenco designer shop that actually Stephanie Leak that she loves. So we're going to get her a secret dress. We just have to make sure they can make a flamenco version of a 1961 Jackie O' Chanel suit. I'm fingers cross on that one. So Rosio's like, we make them hand by hand. Or no, we make them one by one and hand by hand. So no two are identical. Everyone's like, whoa, that's amazing. That's how many does faces.

But somehow we all do end up looking kind of alike. That's how Larsa's boobs were formed. No two are ever identical. So they're just like looking at it. They're looking at all these dress. they're super cool and everything and they're like there's we see the polka dots and everything and Lisa's like Rosio Rosio what's the history of flamenco dresses the first time Lisa has ever been inquisitive or curious about anything in the history of anything like literally 10 years

later Lisa's first question where she's wants to know about something she's like so then the lady talks about like the history what we talked about before about how there was this one person who make all the fabric and then there was some error printing error or whatever and they wound up with polka fabric and they went with it and then everyone was like yay polka dots yeah so everybody tries on these dresses and they're pretty and stuff and mary still's like oh my god i want the white one i want a wedding inspiration uh a wedding inspired dress i love getting married hey honey it's me yes i am still wearing my widow's outfit no offense honey um hey you want to get married again how about this time we have like a flamenco theme and we'll go to plaza de spagna and we'll have

another wedding there are you down he's like yeah i guess i'm getting used to it now i'll do whatever you need steve you still with me hit yourself on the back steve yeah sounds good i'm getting used to it now honey oh god wow he's steve is like anthony quinn killing over and in the movie from 1967, am I right, everyone? So, by way, how angry was Adriana that she did not get to tell the story about the Pocodots? Fun fact, polka dots were invented by gypsies in Sevilla. Boomie and Sanyahu, everybody. We're getting married again.

So what happened? I heard there was drama last night. And there's just like, yeah, I like, I like how to go, like the dinner. I like, and Alexia and like Stephanie, like, got kind of loud. Nah, you and Alexia were loud. Come on, I don't believe it. So we see a flip to that. Ah, I'm Alexia.

Oh, I'm Alexia. So Stephanie is like, well, we hash it out. But, you know, I'm also, like, really taken aback yesterday when the whole thing ended. And, like, everything was fine. And, oh, and I was like, you win, bro. No, even worse. Here's what I was really taken aback by. and we see a flashback of Marisol

after their fight saying every day in the week I'll bet on this fucking horse because she'll bury anyone she's a really good fighter she'll bury anyone and so now Stephanie's like that was like really mean

okay because no one was trying to bury anyone okay no I wasn't trying to bury her she wasn't trying to bury me none of us were trying to bury anyone so why you keep saying that we're trying to bury people well I thought she did excellent I'm sorry I thought she did very well

you know good fight I was just saying but she didn't bury me Okay, and I didn't bury her. We're not burying each other. All right. Well, you know, you put whatever you want on your ice cream. I really don't care for it. I like peanut butter plane. I don't need anything on it. Okay. I love Marisol giving like a siniscore to like the fight. Well, I rank this. This movie was an A-minus. I would recommend it to anyone who have four stars on Google. Two and a half on Yelp. I didn't like the service. But great fight overall, guys. Yeah. Stephanie's like, yeah, I don't like it. I don't like that you. said I was buried. And she goes, okay, well, God, I'm glad you don't feel buried. You know, it's like if Lexa's eating chocolate chip ice cream, Marisol will be like, I love chocolate chip ice cream too. But then when Lexi is not around, Marisol would just be like, oh, no, I don't really like chocolate chip ice cream. I was like, wow, that was it. Thank you for

illustrating. Can I got some chocolate chip ice cream now? But you do have her back almost to a fault, Marisol. She's all right, ladies, thank you for the advice. But right now, let's do some more shopping, which was very skillful, I thought, because they were ready to have it out. And Trinotel was like, no. You're very boring non-friend people. I don't care. Unfortunately, I can't fight

with you because Alexia promised you buy me a bowl of chocolate chip ice cream later today, and I really don't want to miss that opportunity. So I'm just going to skiddle out of this conversation. Yeah, I'm done here. So now we go to the other women who are in the Mercado de Triana. And Julie is like, all right, girls.

Are you ready to emerge into Sevilla loves us, a culture of colors and tastes. Here we go. Okay, so they walk around this market and everything. And then Lexa's like, oh, look at those peppers. Those are like star peppers. Those are like Alexia peppers. Oh, beautiful.

Like, look like, grande, Los Pimientos. And Julia's like, I love it. I just want to smell everything. And she's sticking her nose and stuff. So they're looking at stuff. It's like really nice. You know, I'm like super jealous because I want to be doing all this stuff. as well and then they sit down and then there's like um julia proposes that they get some oysters

and um alexia is like oh well you know what oh you know what peter the spanish word for oyster is a euphemism for vulva because the spanish love uh to relate their foods is with sex so like julia really likes vulva i mean i meant oysters but of course that too i mean that was like a 40s like as a star i almost just said that julia likes vova which is hilarious isn't that hilarious everyone that was like Freudian that was like Freudian what just happened right now so they get these oysters they're gigantic they are enormous they're huge they're like fork and knife oysters these are like americans i would just swallow that's a lot those oysters will become famous someday they have big heads they'll be on a commercial they're like mission impossible level oysters

are huge so um they're they're like let's make kiki do it because kiki likes to have funny food So Kiki, you do it and look roast out and it'll be hilarious. It's going to be hilarious. So Kiki does it. And she's like, oh my God, oh my God. Swallow it, swallow it, swallow it. Please, people are watching. This is ridiculous.

Like, please don't give us any attention over here. There's a lady swallowing a giant oyster. She's never done it before. Everybody stop looking over here, please. Please. Okay, now Kiki, while you are doing this, I have projected several text messages up on the screens here just show everyone at the Mercado that you said in the past that you have liked oysters and

now you haven't. So Kiki is like, she hates this. She's like, they found like some canister for her to like puke up the oyster in, et cetera. And they're like, wow, normally Kiki is really good at swallowing things, but she's not swallowing well today. I wonder if something's wrong with her. Yeah. To like enter the Kiki drama moment. We know. Although Kiki did make a sexual jokes. I was like, maybe we're safe, but she's like, yeah, normally I'm a good swallower, but this was too big for me to swallow. And like, oh, my God, she's not making swallowing jokes by herself to us. So something must be wrong with her. And Gertie's like, ah, what's going on here? And they show a flashback to show that Kiki's just not herself.

And the flashback is, they've arrived in Sevilla and they're in like the van. And Marisol goes, welcome to Sevilla. And Alexia goes, Sevilla's beautiful. And then Kiki goes, yeah. that's it like oh my god she is not rhapsodizing about sevia so now they're all worried about her they're talking about how they're worried and kiki's saying that she's getting back into her groove she just needs to pass the storm but she needs to leave the conversation alone because she's already scared and they're like what what share what you have to share what you want to share do you don't have to do anything you don't want to do okay except swallow oysters but we made you do that that's you know it's fair to say that but from now on you don't have to

to do anything you want, you don't want to do. Don't speak. She says, okay, I'll tell you. So she tells the story, and she's saying there was a thing where a lot of Haitians and a lot of Mexicans and Guatemalans were coming over because Biden made it easy. So there was a law, like if you have family members in those countries, you don't have to go through the whole process. You can just do a paper.

And if you can be the support system for your family, you can bring them over. So she thought, well, I have a good job, and I should help as many people as I can. And so she was bringing some cousins in that she knew had no hope. And it was five people, which is crazy. I mean, that's a lot to take on because you have to support these people, you know? But she brings these cousins on, but like then more and more family members are like, bring me, bring me, bring me. Because, you know, like things are dire in Haiti. And all these people want to like be, she had to eventually say like, no, I can't do this anymore.

I can't keep, I can't support all of you. so she had to draw a line and then people were mad and she has some asshole cousin who's like I'm going to kill you like gave her a death threat she had to move it was so bad she actually had to move because of it and then her dad finally stepped in which I can't believe the dad took so long like it should have been right away the dad stepped in and so she's been like preoccupied with a lot of anxiety about this and she's only now starting to you know get things like you know get things like she's starting to like recover and it is What's funny about this, this is not funny, but what's funny is how with Lars and Lisa, it's like, why aren't you unfollow Marcus Jordan? I mean, while you have Kiki here, dealing with like an international crisis, a family crisis, death threats, murder, things that like tie into like American policy and stuff. And it's like, yeah, but like Lisa is still following Marcus. Yeah, I mean, it's so crazy. And it's, it's pretty amazing how Kiki stays so funny and so fun on this show. And she's got the dire, the most dire storylines every season.

Really, if you think about it, the stuff she's talked about has been pretty, you know, serious. And she still like bounces right back and like can hang. And it's, you know, she doesn't get enough credit, Kiki, I think, on this show. 100%. I mean, she's really just, she's just like so great, like season after season. So she tells us this whole story and it's like very sad. And then they're relating because, you know, like pretty much. much everyone on this cast is like either immigrant or first generation.

And so they they can relate to these sort of stories. And you know, when Diallo was subbing in for you, he meant he mentioned something about the show that has like really stuck with me that was so profound, which is that like this is a show where almost for almost everyone on the cast, English is their second language. And it is actually, if you think about that, that is such an amazing thing with this show. Like all everyone in this cast has come from like, uh, like, uh, like a different country or a different background. And I just think that is so fascinating.

And so when you do see these stories bubble up on the show, I actually just love it. Cause I just feel like it also reminds us that as like wacky and silly and effervescent as the show is, there's like a huge amount of, there's a huge amount of like backstory to all these people and how they got here. And given that everyone has backstory.

And I just feel like this is a unique like show in that it's like in many ways not to get too like academic but like that it's really cool that is against the backdrop of of all these people you know having come from different places and walks of life and arriving here in Miami yeah so they talk about the immigration policy and I mean yes I have nothing bad no I just my thought like it's just makes me I think about like I love that the show makes me think about this once in a while it's really cool yeah yeah where else do you see storylines like that like okay so I'm bringing in people and trying to help as many as I can

and now they're threatening to murder me and I have to move my house. Like, what the fuck? I'm like, what? Not happening on Orange County. Yeah. So she's starting to feel a little bit better. And her dad, you know, stepped in, like you said. And Alexi is like, you know, I know Kiki's a warrior.

That's why she's my kind of friend. But you know what? I love that she's opening up and she's sharing this with us. We should make her eat another oyster immediately because that shit was funny. That shit was funny. commercials here comes one right now would now be a great time to mention the latest to to toad news did you see todd's video from today this morning no what is it well everyone if you were missing todd and his famous addresses to the camera to clear things up congratulations. There's a new one in store for you. I watch, I think, like, two or three minutes of it.

And then I was like, this should be wrapping up soon. And I saw there were still like four or five. I was like, I can't do this. But from what I saw, this is what it was. Hello, I am Todd Napola. I am here to address everything. One of the worst things that I ever did in my entire life was participate in the real housewives of Miami. I thought it would be a fun thing to do. And the woman that I love does it. But I realized these people just wanna slander me. Adriana, the producers, the castmates, all they wanna do is take something and lie about it

and turn it into a story at my expense. And I was okay with that. You know, I tried to do, I tried to participate in it, but then all they would do is make up lies about me not having a lot of money. Well, I just bought a shopping center for $16 million. Does that sound like someone who doesn't have money to you? Anyway, I had to come to the difficult decision

to leave my beautiful and wonderful wife because I could not live with this show and she couldn't live without it. So I had to make a difficult thing. And that was fine. I wasn't going to say anything. I was going to let it go on. The producers have to do this. They have to make a story. I was okay with being the story. But what I was not okay with was when Peter went on TV and said I was bad to Frankie. Let me tell you something. There's only two people who have ever cared for Frankie more than Frankie himself, Alexia and Frankie's biological father, who, by the way, does not get enough for credit for doing all these things. He takes them out for baseball on the weekends.

But outside of those two people, I have spent every single waking hour of the past seven years caring for Frankie. I love that boy. I woke up in the morning and have coffee and I talk with Frankie. And at night, I talk with Frankie. I talk with Frankie at different times of the day. I love that boy.

So for Peter to even say something like that, I just couldn't stand by any longer. I had to set the record straight. And I was like, okay. Oh, my God. That's exhausting. Is this all written down? I don't know if there's a transcript.

I don't think there is. So you were just making all that up from memory? I just made that up from memory of this point. Jesus Christ, Todd. Also, I love that Todd skirts around it and blames everybody else for starting these stories, but not Alexia. Alexia is the one coming on the TV sobbing and saying you're a narcissist and then throwing a narcissist party in your honor to talk about what a monster you are.

It was not. It was to celebrate Greek gods and goddesses and Australian influencers. And saying, please, girls, don't let me get back with this man. What all matter? He's terrible. He's horrible. I mean, that's Alexia. And also, it's funny that Alexia is calling him a narcissist over and over again

when she wouldn't quit the show for love. Which is kind of narcissistic. Although, I would say, don't you dare quit the show for love. You know, get rid of that man. Yeah, I think that was a smart. You should never give up your career for a man. I'm just saying because it was a, it's something about her being a star on TV that she chose the stardom over the, over the man. But guess what?

You know what? You had the stardom first. The man came second. So the man, you're going to come just how you came chronologically. Second. That's right. Todd. That's right.

So that is the Todd update that felt like a nice pallet cleanser after Akiki's death threats from Haiti. storyline um so now time to do uh well then we have another well we have a nice pivot here in the show because alexia's saying not only as kiki's good friend but as my parents coming here as immigrants i can relate to her situation and then julia says on that note girls we have a fitting to go to it's like on that note on the note of uh there are death threats against me for my own cousin well on that note let's go try on flamenca dresses i was like sure if that's going to be your transition then by all means transition away yeah um so picture time and julia's like are you going to post this picture on instagram because you unfollowed me on instagram and gertie's like oh that was i don't

even know why i would do that come here give me a hug give me a hug give me a deep deep hug and alexia is like oh by the way lisa also needs to unfollow marcus by the way and we see flashbacks to Larsa talking about that and everything. And so then more just like walking around the city, having fun, et cetera, going to the cobblestone seat, street. And Lisa is like, God, how are you walking in those stiletto heels on the cobblestone? Larissa, didn't you get the memo? God, cobblestone.

I know what I walked like, girl, walk, like, walk baby girl like. Mary Sol, take us to get ice cream so that possibly I can say you only or ordered that kind of ice cream because Alexia ordered that kind of ice cream. So I can make my earlier statement make sense at an ice cream shop. She's like, all right, all right. I'll find some of my ice cream for you and a little brown friend from one. How do you say cocky in ice cream? Dang.

So they go and they get ice cream, which looked delicious. And then, of course, this was so funny. So they walk into an ice cream store. And Stephanie goes, um, do you have ice cream? Girl. No, this is where they sell Buicks. It's nothing but a glass case filled with ice cream. That seems like a Larsa question, quite frankly.

Do you have ice cream like? Well, maybe, maybe she thought it was only gelato. And she was like, do you have ice cream? No, that's too much credit. Too much credit for her. Yeah, maybe. So Larsa gets at Cone. an ice cream cone

she starts licking it she's like Marisa like does this look like I feel like sexual like ah she starts

filleting the ice cream she starts like putting the ice cream between her toes and then like deep throating the cone it's like okay Larissa

wow when I saw her licking that ice cream cone and I was like wow what's going on here it's like Carrie Grant with a cigar. Am I right, everyone? Oh, Lord. All right. We're going to go back to the hotel.

Julia just set up something called spiritual flamenco, which should be interesting. All right. It's basically you guys stomping on my head and calling it spiritualism. I'm assuming is what this is going to be. Let's get to it. They're like, we're supposed to wear something flowing or something. Flowy, I don't have anything flowing. I have nothing that's It's flowy. That's ridiculous. You're all fired. You can't fire us. You're not our boss. Okay. So then now the other group goes shopping for flamenco dresses. And it's just, you know, they're trying on different things. They all look cute and nice and pretty. And they're all enjoying it. And they're all saying with, I like, that's one. I like that one at everything. And Julia's like, how good does it? Alexia? How good do you feel to be out of Miami in Sevilla? And Alexi's like, oh, so good. When I travel, I disconnect. You know, I's like, I I talked to Frankie and I like that. Like, I think like two times I talked to him and then, you know, text with Todd and then we FaceTime and then three of us zoom together.

And then we did another Zoom with Peter and then we did one just with Peter and Frankie together. Then Frankie. And then I did like Todd. Todd, he went to Starbucks. So I zoomed in with Todd on going to Starbucks. I just love being disconnected. It's so good. Yeah, I even talked to Todd.

And actually he just like text it. Like he's always text me like, good morning. Good morning. He's like, Buenos Aires, whatever. And it's like, it's like so romantic. And it's like, so severely. connects you with Todd? Oh, no, I've always been connected to Todd.

You know what connects me to Todd? Todd. Okay, that's it. Like, that's it. But you're physically away from Miami, so you could feel him more or you could feel him less? So what is it your physically now away from him? What do you feel now? She's like, I'm feeling him more, you know, because like, look, I'm wearing my ring again.

I'm wearing my ring again. It's like he's right here. Like, I wish I could be wearing his ring in front of Frankie because that would like make it more real, but like, yeah. Julia is, like, trying so hard. Like, the whole point of this trip is to get Alexia away from America so that how the she'll, like, not think about Todd. And Alexei's like, I'm thinking about Todd more than ever before. Like, God, wow, this trip has been so great to bring me closer to Todd.

Julie's like, um, let me tell you what I've got. I've got location turned off of my heart. Okay, my heart doesn't, you can't, if you go and find my, it's not going to say my heart because there's no location. Okay. Guess what? Even though I'm far, far from Todd, I stuck a air tag. in his shoe, so I feel very close to him now.

So then the producer is asking her, why are you wearing a ring again? She goes, because I'm still married. Maybe that's why. Like, what a crazy question. That's like nuts. So then we go back to Larsa and Stephanie, Lisa, all the other girls inside.

And Larsa's like, oh my God, like, I just feel like Alexei. Like, she like does not, like, say anything about, like, Todd, like, anymore, like I feel like. Yeah, well, the last update I have was the night before the trip. He took her to New York, and they had a wonderful weekend. She was in New York with him, like, yeah, well, she was with him. She's happy.

She's good now. It's like the honeymoon phase again, like, yeah, well, when she's not good, she's not easier to be around. It gets unpleasant, you know? Let's look a, all right, let's look a clip package of her being unpleasant. Look at her. She was so unpleasant. Look, she's crying, crying in front of the gays at the restaurant. You know what?

It's just terrible. Lars is like, well, if Todd and Alexia get back together, like, you do realize, like, you lose Alexia, right, like? Because stop. Stop that. It's like, well, I've said it once. I'll say it again. If those two end up together, I'm going to end up with cement shoes on the bottom of the Miami River. Listen, you know why I am never going to see Todd again? Because Alexia tells me where she's going, and I don't go there. Well, I feel like, what's that?

Oh, I made a joke. I was waiting for the audience to laugh. Oh, sorry, it's just me. All right. All right, there you go. Well, I feel like it's, like, really important for your friends, like, to know that they, like, have your back. But, like, I want to be there for Alexia. Like, I'm so there for people.

Like, that's who I am. I'm, like, such a good friend to everyone. Like, did anyone ask Lisa if she's unfollowed my ex-boyfriend? Since I'm such a good friend to you, like, since I've done things like, um, be friends with you and such and X, and this and that. Is anyone doing the same for me like? Oh, wait, did she unfollow him? I don't think she, like, unfollow him like, and but I don't think so. I mean, like, I just checked like five times today, and she's still like following like five, five, what I feel like?

Well, then I'll say, say something if it bothers you. But did you, like what, like, what am I supposed to say? Hey, there she is. Lisa, like, did you like, I feel like everyone unfollow Marcus? No. No. But, like, are you, like, planning to? were like, I feel like no.

Like, like, I don't know if I'm going to. It depends on if he's on Traders again. I'm waiting to see what her star goes. But like, you told me like you were going to, like, you told like Alexia like. Yeah, but then we got into all this, you know, stuff.

And you've been like, not so great to me in. Oh, I've been not so great to you. Really? Like, I've been like, not so, like, great. Like, to you like, to you like, I feel like. I don't want to talk about it here on the street. We're right in front of the ice cream place.

It's too scary. for them i don't want to do this right here okay no but like what have i done to you this like not so great then i don't want i don't want to do this okay i need to collect my thoughts i got a lot of thoughts they need to be collected i left the plane back there to get some there's one i left the thought on the train too oh my god it was such a good thought so i just need to collect them all and then we can talk about another time i don't want to do the scene right now but like you told me you were gonna and then you told alexia like you were gonna too let's so like we're like telling people including like alexia a lot of unspecified things

happened with us. I can't articulate it right now because I've got to think of what they are. Okay, I got to come up with some things, okay? I can't just like do a scene, okay? I have to work with uh, Jody. We've got to come up with some examples. I talk to chat GPT and see what happened. But like a sense of message,

but like a sense of message or you don't care about me. Like, you know what? Like I would never like talk to you again like, I would never like acknowledge you again like because like publicly like Oh God. All right. All right, girls. Can we just love some. This is not good. Lisa, Lisa, just

on follow Marcus already, okay? Yeah, and she's like, trust me. You were like, you were like not missed yesterday. Like, no even cared. Like, someone was like, where's Lisa? And then everybody's like, oh, Lisa, she's so stupid, like, she's probably somewhere following somebody

stupid, someplace, like, who even cares like? We all ordered drinks, and we're like, ha, ha, ha, ha, who's Lisa like? No one cared. Yeah, you were not missed at all. Leave me alone. You weren't missed at all yesterday. Best believe that. Or maybe I should say worst believe that because you're the thing that's the worst thing to believe in. And Lisa's like, whatever. You know what? I still follow Marcus because he's a better friend

to me than she is. I'm like, you know what? I guess you're just like a groupie like. Because you used to follow Pippin and now you follow Jordan. Like you're groupie. It's all good groupie yeah you're like the worst kind of groupie the kind of groupie that doesn't even have sex with him like I did Lisa's like what groupie

you dated him you only did athletes you're like a fritted groupie like you fritted groupie you're like a groupie that can't get past like the metal things outside of mass square garden but like the real groupies can go through that and into the tunnel

and get to hang out backstage and then like eat like the little like cheese and meats that they have in the reception area for when the athletes come out, but you have to stand outside. And when you get hungry, you have to go to a hot dog vendor. That's like down the street. And then you have to go find your place in line again by the metal grades. That's sad

for you. Does Marcus even have groupies? He's not a sports star. Is he? He's just like related to somebody. Like I don't even think that counts. Yeah, it does not count. No. So, um, I love that Lisa pointed out. She's like, oh my God, this girl who's always associated

with an athlete, a rapper, the Kardashians, like, no bigger groupie than Larza Bippen. I mean, what in the clout? Thank you. Now that said, Larza sucks, but also you should unfollow Marcus.

You should unfollow. What the hell? You guys just made up. You should do it as like a gesture that you want to move forward. Like, why are you, what,

yeah, I mean, the fact that she is still following Marcus at her, like, or just get like a burner account or something. But like, yeah, this is,

I think it's shitty of Lisa at this point because she's made a request and you're just being a dick about it at this point. Yeah. So now, Lisa is going off to Marisol in the lobby. She's like, she just came at me. She said, well, you shouldn't follow him. Okay. Well, someone's being an asshole. I'm not going to do what they say. Well, someone at some point needs to move the needle here. All right. Someone's got to do something. It's not going to be resolved right now. All right. And Adriana's like, I got to be. Like, this is so boring. Like, I love Adriana because none of this drama involves her. And she is so bored when it's not involving her.

It's like, I'm going to behave on one trip. And God is going to be the worst. of my life because it's so boring yeah seriously so um lisa's like so you weren't missed you weren't missed last night like what she said i wasn't even missed that's crazy well i mean now you're just being mean to each other no like i'm literally not actually saying anything to her anymore okay she's being mean to me she's calling me a groupie she called me multiple names i wrote it down right here so for instance she called me a groupie she called me a lady with legs and arms i hated that one She called me a grouper, which I don't even know what that is. It's a fish, I think.

Well, that's not very nice. She said I was group think. I don't get that. Well, that's a psychological principle. When a lot of people are together, they sort of like move the needle on what's logical. And by the end, they get to some other place where they're thinking that something's normal. And it really isn't. They've just all convinced themselves that I'm not even following anymore.

I don't like this. I'm not happy. Why would she even call me Gropa? Like, what the fuck is that? All right. You know, now I think she's just trying to think of words that she's heard before. I want to go to bed It's not normal to take notes

Okay, yes, I'm taking notes I'm writing every word down Look at this one I can't even, that's not a word It says Grappaf, grappled No it doesn't Yeah, it does

All right, spell it for me B, no, you're wrong, I'm going to bed I'm going back Wait, wait, wait, wait, look at this, look at this It's underwear, yeah It's Fruit of the Loom And she circled the one in the middle and said you the grapes yeah unacceptable all right let's get ready for spirituals for mankind

necessities okay you need it yeah okay i'm going back to my room okay i'm not a stenographer or anything like that and uh i'll give you about five minutes to figure out what stenographer means okay hey everyone this is the end of part one of this recap for part two keeping eye on your podcast feed. It is coming up in just a moment. Thanks so much for listening. Catch on the second half. Watch what Crapins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. It's always a party on Allison Block. Our way is the Amberway. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clap. Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. She's not just a Sheila. She's a

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