Watch What Crappens - #2977 RHOC S19E07 Part 1: See Ya Later, Alligator

Episode Date: August 22, 2025

This is part 1 of 2With Tamra having quit The Real Housewives of Orange County, we now catch up with Tamra, who has rejoined The Real Housewives of Orange County.  More fascinatingly, Tamra’s roofie bomb continues to reverberate as confirmation from an unnamed “reputable journalist” leads the cast to doubt Katie after all. Now, an alliance crumbles, and it’s Gretchen who’s in the hot seat. But also Katie. But also Jenn a little bit.  But still Tamra. You can watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watcher Crappins ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Hello, and welcome to watch what crap ends a podcast about all that crap. We just love to watch on Bravo. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today. It's the one and only Ronnie, Karen, and a matching green shirt. Hi, Ronnie. How are you?

Hi, we are having a very olive green shirt day. Yeah, we are. Mine looks darker, but only because I don't have a lot of light on it. And look at you throwing a pillow back there. Oh, I'm only one pillow on a chair. What the heck? Okay, do the intro. I'm going to fix that.

Okay, you fix that. Ron is going to go go take care of his pillows back there. We are here. It's Orange County Day. We love Orange County Day. So here's what you need to know about Watch for Crappins and the Watch for Crappins experience. So we have a Patreon, patreon.com slash watch for crappens, where you can actually do all sorts

of fun things. Like you can listen to our bonus episodes. We do a bonus episode every single week. This week we actually told stories of our youth and being young and in the business and Ronnie's interactions with Robert Goulet and Sally Kellerman and I talked about my interactions with Amy Sedaris and Diane Cannon and there was some I don't remember what my first story oh what was my first story was it Diane Cannon I don't know but we've only stuff um yeah we just told old stories about being young and coming up in Hollywood or just in the business

in general so that was actually a really really fun and lovely bonus episode also crap is on demand you can watch us, not just listen. These videos are here on Patreon for a week before they go out to our YouTube. So that's the big, that's a surprisingly large pitch for Patreon. You'd think we'd never talk about it before. And don't forget that this Monday we have crappy hour. That's when we do a show on YouTube live. It's also simulcast to Instagram where we talk about Bravo headlines and things like that. We have a lot of fun with it. If you've never watched it, it's usually the two of us. Sometimes we have a guest. In fact, one of our more recent guests, is a lady who has been quite the topic on Real Housewives of Orange County, Kiki Monique, which is my way of saying, let's talk about some Orange County, this episode. Ronnie, what did you think? What did you think about this episode? This episode, to me, was like, it was like Rashomon, but it was like Rahashio-Simon. It was like, Ro-C-Mond.

It was R-H-O-C-Man because, like, the number of perspectives that start to come out, and by the end of it, you're like, what is their truth? Well, you know, we had already spoken before this a little bit because I started the day really upset. I mean, I came on to talk to Ben and we got on the phone and I was like, what the hell? I hate these kind of episodes where things just proved me wrong. You know, I'm a Virgo. I like to have my judgments correct. And last week, well, a couple of things happened.

Last week after the recap, because look, I remember saying in last week's recap, I don't understand Tamara's motivation. Why would she lie about this? And I don't believe Katie, but at the same time, I don't believe Tamara either. But I hate not knowing what's going on. It makes me crazy. And then Tamara post it, because I wrote the description for last week in the episode notes. And I said something like, Tamara's evil plan failed.

And then Tamara commented on our post on Instagram saying, What do you mean my evil plan failed? What the hell is that supposed to mean? What do I have to gain from this information? whatever and I didn't respond but um and then uh because of course I was referring to you trying to turn everybody against Katie and it blew up in your face is what I what I meant in the description then I went on to judgey girls to talk to Courtney which you're going to go on this week as well and we were talking about OC and we talked about it at length a really long time and I've just I hate being wrong

on multiple episodes and not being able to figure out what's going on and it pissed me off and then I watched this one. And, you know, it made me mad, but here's why I'm mad. Because I actually have to kind of apologize. Like, Tamara, I mean, you were right. So ultimately, I have to even apologize to Tamara. So I'm going to do it. I'm just going to suck it up. I was wrong. You were right. I still don't believe the way that you handled it was proper. And I still believe you're mostly an asshole on this show. But when you're right, you're right. And this time, you know what? You were right. So there. Okay. There. I don't know. I actually loved it. You were frustrated by it, but I loved it. I loved that by the end of the episode, we discover that they're all lying. They're all covering up their own stories. They all are, they're all unreliable narrators. And I think that's actually a really fun and exciting space to be in. Normally, you'd say, if they're all lying, this is actually shitty because then we don't know what's true. But I think that's what's actually so funny. Like, I think as we discover, like, oh, actually, Gretchen may have said this.

or she said something close to it and then she's saying no I never said it but then she does say it and then Katie is like well I didn't say it but now I did say it but this is what I really said and Jen's like maybe I said it maybe it didn't and now Katie seems like she's gonna turn on them

it's so first of all they're all lying they're all like they're all lying yeah they're all lying but I didn't see it coming that Gretchen and Slade had had told everybody and then called to tell them to lie about it, you know? I mean, that was like an element I didn't see. You know, because what was confusing me last week was why would Gretchen, okay, if they have

this whole thing and Katie did go tell Kiki Monique this stuff, then why wouldn't Gretchen be furious at Katie for telling Gretchen Monique, you know, for telling Kiki Monique? That was what was confusing. Like, if she did do it, and it seems like she probably did, then why isn't Gretchen mad if Gretchen said that? But then we find out this week the answer is because Gretchen and Slurie. thought that they had stopped it by telling Katie not to say anything. Well, all three of them were dumb because they have all made this actually much more of a scandal than it actually is.

Tamara ignited something. She knew she would ignite it because Gretchen should, if this is what happened, Gretchen should just be like, well, yeah, I told her that I was concerned that I had been drugged and I went to the hospital and I got some test done. And I think that like Gretchen is like flinching now because she's afraid she's going to get sued or something. something like that. But like it's so old and it's so it's all hearsay and it's all so silly that like I don't know. And I don't think it's a big deal. And on top of that, the person who brought up on camera was Tamara. It's not Gretchen. So like I just, I feel like the more that they are defensive and they change their stories, the more they're making it sound like this is a big scandal that someone should be like should be to blame for and that someone should be

angry about. And honestly, it's not. I think that I think that Gretchen had a right to, if Gretchen said that she had a right to say i thought that that tamra roofied me no because they took it even further and she said tamra did roof she said she did get she did test positive for drugs she went to the hospital and they tested her and she had drugs in her system and then she denies that she said that no gretchen said no gretchen said that she went to the hospital but she didn't we did we saw her say that she went to the hospital right but it was katy who said no we see gretchen's lie because we see gretchen say well we'll get to it in the recap it It's in the notes, but we see where Gretchen says in the van, I did have to go to the hospital and then, oh, no, you're right.

We didn't see Gretchen say they found drugs in my system. Well, I don't know. We'll have to get to it. By the way, it's too confusing. It's too much. It's too much. But by the way, how easy it was for you to, like, miss that detail is how these things get, like, blown way out of proportion because it's a human thing to do. Like, you hear, like, 95% of the sentence and you fill in the last little gap there.

And then that's something. pull out of, you know, there's the added thing of you're trying to concentrate on what's happening, because it's like watching the end of the mystery where everything, you're finding out the truth and stories start being told, right? So you're finding out the truth and you're trying to listen to what Gretchen is saying, but she's wearing the dumbest outfit I've ever seen in my life. And I'm trying to concentrate on what she's saying, but I'm concentrating on what she's physically saying with that outfit, that pink thing that she was wearing with the buckles and the box news hair. It was so.

crazy that it threw me off. And then I rewound it and I tried to listen again, but I couldn't stop staring at the dress. And I started thinking, who sells this? Where do you even buy this? Like, this is horrible. Like, what kind of baby Jane-ass store is selling this thing in the first place? And then I start going into the conspiracy theories about that. And it's like somebody making her dress like this. And why is she dressing like this? What's wrong with her? And then I start going into a spiral of like, how could I ever believe somebody that dressed like this? Like, Has Gretchen been off the show long enough that I forget that she's also a fucking liar? You know, and also the biggest-

But Tamara's a liar too. Because don't forget, Tamara spent all last episodes saying that she doesn't drink anymore and she's sober and you will never see me like this. And now, oh, by the way, I did have a X and had some drinks. It's like, oh, okay. You're allowed to lie if you're an alcoholic. That's kind of part of. But they're all, the point is that they all, they all shift their reality.

and their truths, and they lie all the time. And I actually think it's hilarious. It was. It was very funny. It's hilarious the way they do it and are always clutching their pearls. Like, me? Well, I never said that. It's like, it was on camera.

You guys are such idiots. Oh, I thought it was great. I thought it was like a commentary on like postmodern storytelling or whatever. It just was so good. Well, it was very funny. And two judgy girls call it, Courtney said that they call it loser on loser crime. Like you can't let yourself get upset because it's loser on loser crime. I think that's such a great term and it's so fitting for this show because I was really worked up and I'm pissed because the first episode of that came out already and the next one doesn't come out I think until tomorrow.

So it sucks or whenever maybe today because we're recording this a little bit early. So whenever this thing comes out, I'm already wrong. Everyone knows I'm wrong as they're listening if that makes any sense. So it's just sucks. You know, it just sucks for me. but it's also great for me as an audience member because what an episode. So let's get going. We just had Tamara run out of the restaurant screaming,

You'll never see my face again, bitches. Is somebody going to get me an Uber? Why do I have to get my own Uber? It's not normal. I am worried right now. Look how worried I am. Did you see on Instagram? She put there it's been a lawyer.

Long rhyme, peace out. I'm now. She had a story about Gretchen, and when Gretchen's in believable, she got mad. Gretchen's like, um, I'm going to believe my friend who hasn't hurt me. Okay, that's who I'm going to believe. Well, it was so clear that with like Kiki Monique, like you weren't the one who said it, but like at the table, she went back on that and she was like, what if Gretchen did tell Katie this? Like, she drinks and she's like nasty. Like, like, who can I, like, she's like, who can I poke, right? There's like, something turned it. I know. I saw it. I saw it all happen.

And of course, by something turned it, I mean turned Wendy Malick's face from normal to old and wretched. Is that what we're talking about? No. I mean, I know she's going to therapy and like she's working on shit, but like you can't be a dick. You can't be a dick. And Emily's like, oh, you can.

You can be a dick. But you got to apologize for being a dick. That's how I do it. You don't apologize. And you can't be a dick. By the way, you're not, you're not, like, allowed to be a dick. But people are, like, if you were allowed to be a dick, you wouldn't have to apologize for it. Also, I love that Gina and Emily are looking like the non-dicks in this episode.

You're both dicks, too, Gina. I know you had one good episode, and I'll give you credit for that, but you, ma'am, are also a dick. So let's not forget about that. You know, and that's another thing. You can never forget on these shows. You're all dicks, okay? And I can never let myself forget again. you two were the ones snickering in the corner at Heather's birthday party about Gretchen's face.

So don't forget. So now it's the morning in New Orleans. People are waking up. Jen wakes up with the voodoo doll in her bed. And she's like, well, I swear, I didn't stick a pin in the voodoo Jennifer to get Tamara out of here. But it's more peaceful here. Like going home was the smartest thing she's ever done. Thank you, Tamara.

I just want to thank you. I just want to thank you for going home. And to my little doll Jennifer in bed with me, how did you get a cut fitness shirt? How did you get a cut fitness shirt and little pieces of Tamara's weave? That's crazy. That's crazy. Thank you. You look great.

The little doll is like, oh, my God, I woke up next to my former fatty photo. So then it's a fatty photo, fanny photo. So she calls Ryan, and she's like, oh, my God, Ryan, have you been on social? We went to dinner, and she was biting on everyone. And, oh, my God. And then Gina said, you're not going to sit at my table and come and slosh. And then she left. And then Gina tried to take the table home because she has kids.

It was very, very traumatic. And so then Gretchen calls Slade, who now has a mustache. And she's like, okay, listen, I know as someone who's also got an awkward mustache at the moment because of a middle age crisis. Listen, I don't know that I'm pulling it off or not. I'm not going to be my own judge and jury. Some people pull it off. Some people don't. Slade, you look like Ned Flambors.

You got it. You are totally flandersing it up. You can't do this to yourself. Slade. The one thing you have going for you is that you're handsome. Get rid of the Flanders stash. No offense, Ned Flanders, because you're hot in your own way. He can do a mustache, but not that mustache. That was a Flanders mustache because he already has Ned Flanders hair, and he honestly has Ned Flanders' board structure. So, like, don't do that. The worst Ned Flanders of all time. It's Slade Smiley. Well, I mean, Ned Flanders, Slate Smiley, it sort of matches. Namewise, yeah, for sure.

Yeah. So Gretchen's like, what in the serious hell monkey with this stash slade? I'm freaking exhausted. Dude, Tamara keeps, drops this bombshell that Katie tried to sell a story. And I feel like she was like trying to start a fight with me and Katie. And like, then she says, I'm done. I'm like leaving. I'm quitting this show. Like, I don't even know if he's here. I like when Gretchen tries to be smart and put stuff together. She's like, um, I felt like she was like trying to maybe start a fight with me and Katie. think gretchen like ding ding ding you're on it i was really on it slade's like yeah her lies and manipulations are catching up with her so i'm really loving this keeping slate like

limited to like a single face time per episode like like they're doing a really strong job of just keeping to focus on gretchen and not slade because slade was always the one who dragged her down and now that we have just really a focus on gretchen i'm actually a little surprised that she's not a full-fledged housewife because she's really very central to this season. But I'm also glad because if she were, they'd have a lot more Slade. And it would be hell of her. I thought she was a full-time housewife. She's a friend of. Yeah, she doesn't have a, she doesn't have an opening card or anything. She's a friend of. Oh, I thought she was a full-timer. The Slade thing is funny to me because they're very tricky with keeping Slade off camera a lot, not letting him get in the mix, but then

finding out in this episode how in the mix he really is. And that makes so much sense. you know that he's really back there pulling all the strings because it's very slayed what happens so then we go to katy talking to matt and she's uh she's telling us um i didn't tell kiki monique period i didn't do it katy you're such a fucking liar katy both katy katy in the same episode that she's found out lies another 15 times she also i mean this is katy's thing she's like i never said that i never did that okay I did that and I'm really sorry. I really am sorry. But

I won't do it again. Yeah, I really didn't do that. I really didn't do this other thing. Okay. You didn't know what I did do. I did but I only did it to one person. Only one per. I only told Matt and I'm sorry. I genuinely am sorry about that. And then we get a pretty good look into this marriage because she goes

we're going to see gators today Matt and one of these bitches is going to push me in. I just know it. And he's like, you push them first. I was like, okay. Well, now we see how you two are playing. Yeah. So now in Shannon's room, Emily comes over, and Shannon's, like, in disarray, as usual, Emily's like, you look stunning, princess.

Oh, well, did Tamara leave? Let's have a flashback to that moment. And then we go to the last night in the car where Shannon's reading a text from Tamara that says, I'm leaving at 4 a.m., come out with cameras. No, you know what? No, no. No, I am not. You guys, I am not the right or die.

I am no longer Tamara Judge's writer. No, hold on one second. We do have to pull over at this door and get her roast turkey because she didn't get to eat. Okay, so I'll bring that for her. I'm not going to do just what she wants at the snap of her fingers at 4 in the morning. I'm just not, but I was on the bar. I was on the bar.

I was standing on the bar texting Earl the Pearl about hurricanes. I mean, better late than never. Unfortunately, it was the cocktail, and I showed up a picture, and he said, but what about the real hurricane? I said, this is a real hurricane. What, my drink doesn't count anymore? Really, Earl? Oh, it just reminds me of Bali when she said, you'll never see me again.

And we saw her right after. Oh, who lips. And then we see the flashback, which is so funny. You'll never see me again. And it's like all echoy, and she runs out of the resort. Yeah. So, Emily's like, it's time to go. We got to go see Gators.

Are you manifesting? Can you manifest a hairbrush? Yeah, because Shannon sees the time as 11.11.11 manifest. I'm going to manifest, um, uh, maybe just a Snickers bar. I'm just a little bit hungry right now. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial. It's your man, Nick Cannon, and I'm here to bring you my new podcast, Nick Cannon at night. I've heard y'all been needing some advice in the love department. So who better to hell than yours truly. Now I'm serious. Every week I'm bringing out some of my celebrity friends and the best experts in the business to answer your most intimate relationship questions. Having

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at night or subscribe on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast want to watch episodes early and ad free join Wondery Plus right now so now everyone's getting in the car to go Gator Gator times

and Shannon's not ready yet she's like looking for lashes and Emily is like Did you guys see Tamara's post from the airport talking about mental health? You know what? If you're a person who is working on mental health, you don't do it on Instagram. You also don't join the real assize of Orange County. Yeah, and I think you do do it on Instagram.

I see everybody doing it on Instagram. Guys, I'm hurting today. Let's talk about it. That post was so Tamara. It's just like a picture of her giving a side face in the airport and saying, hashtag mental health is important. Everybody's bullying me. Stop the billy.

Hashton Trevor Project. It gets better, bitch. It gets better. Half is house. Oh, yeah. Well, only old fits have ladies on Instagram. She's having an old lady fit by doing it on Instagram. That's what old ladies do.

I think they really have the fits on Real Housewives. So then another car, Gretchen, is like, She expects us to be all accountable. And Katie's like, Yeah, but like then she starts and if you do it back to her, she runs, which is true, which is that Tamara pokes and pokes and pokes. And the moment there's any sort of pushback, she has a meltdown and leaves. Well, I can't believe how selfish it is for her to leave.

I mean, I've been taking up for her. I've been standing up for her. When people say things, I say things back to them. How could she do this to me? You know, as a big sister to her in the rich sister, poor sister program, I feel betrayed that my mentorship is being flung back in my face, as I was telling my friends, the turlottos, who have the winery. This poor person, I've put so much effort into her. I've bought her things like forks and knives and spoons and entomins donuts, and this is how she repays me. She's talking about Gina.

Gina's like, wait a minute. Oh, why are we talking about my two years ago storylines? My apologies. But meanwhile, Katie is lying about this whole thing because I'm called the journalist. And Gina tells us, yeah, she called this reputable journalist. She just looked up reputable journalist and found somebody. And they've verified what Tamara is saying. There's no journalist in Gina's Rolodex.

who I'm going to say is a reputable journalist. I'm just going to say that right now, okay? You were not, you were not reaching out to Diane Sawyer. You're not reaching out to, like, the ghost of Mike Wallace. You're not doing any of these. You're just reaching out to another one of us. I just want to know who this reputable journalist is. I have to know who it is.

It's like the owner of, like, silent woman or something. I know. It's probably, it's just like some, I don't know, like, someone who has, like, a freelancer for, like, the Orange County Register. or something like that. I don't know, which actually would be reputable, but still, I just don't believe that Gina has access to reputable journalists.

Yeah, sorry, it's a hard for all the other gossip bloggers and podcasters. Yeah, so Shannon calls, and she's like, oh my God, did you leave me? Why did you, why would you leave me? I was getting ready to go, I couldn't find my eyelash, and now I'm supposed to figure out how to come to you,

I don't know how to, what am I supposed to do? Get on the box, there's a bossy, I'm having a nervous breakdown out here. All right, all right. All right. I'll see you there. It's this unexplained Shannon sobbing on the phone scene

where they're just like, okay, whatever, bye. And like, we don't know why Shannon's sobbing. We don't know what's going on with her. We just know she's crying on the phone. And they're like, okay. It's like 11 a.m. time for her breakdown. You're just used to Shannon having a breakdown. I think she's crying because Emily just went up together

and said, okay, meet us downstairs. And then left, just left, Shannon because she took forever. Shannon's still expecting everyone to wait around and they've decided, no, we're not doing that anymore. Oh, I told her to be ready at noon. Well, we're messing with crocodiles. I can only do one crisis at a time.

All right? You guys, like, we finally got rid of Tamara and now we're going to have to stare at her Animal Kingdom version all day. So they arrive at airport adventures. Airboat. Which is like, sorry, airboats. Get it right, Ben. okay we're trying to work in a tie-in with airboat adventures please airboat adventures we are dressed

like crocodiles actually we're dressed like alligators today um we're hoping to get a free uh tour with airboat adventures next time we go to new orleans just putting it out there um so this guy jordan is he's like he's the main guy and they're all piling into their boat he's one of those flat boats with a big giant like fan on the back and then uh shannon's like in the car and she's like Okay, I just, okay, a driver, could you pull over? I just, I need to do my lashes. Just please pull over. Oh, God, where's the glue?

I can't find the glue, David. David, where's the glue? Is it, oh, my God. My eyelash glue is in my butt. I totally remember now I sat on my eyelash glue. Oh, God, is there anyone who can pull it out? It is funny that they actually pull over to the side of the road for her to do her eyelashes. Oh, God, I can't find the glue now.

Why can't I find the glue? Somebody called the girls. so back at the gator place there's like a statue of a gator and emily is asking the important questions like is this an actual size of an alligator that's crazy do they burritos because i have one in my purse alligator i'm the funny one on the show is this the original is this the original alligator leg or does this I got her have a new whip.

The callback. You guys, in Bali, I realized I was living in fear. And now I don't want to do that. I'm like, I can't think of anything scarier. The murky water with alligators. So today, I'm going to see if I can break through my fear. Does she, does she know how boats and alligators work? Does she know the alligator is not going to crawl into the boat and is not going to eat up the boat?

Like, is she aware about how this process is going to go? Because she is really milking this fear moment. milking this fear moment a little bit too much if you ask me yeah i don't know i mean i feel like the scariest thing about going to see alligators is like looking into an animal that you could turn into with like a week without moisturizer if you really think about it i mean like lupiderm those lupiderm commercials always had that alligator slinking around yeah um i it was so funny because watching this whole sequence with the alligators it was like the first time i was like oh look that alligator's kind of cute. And I realized, oh, that's because I'm watching the real house size of Orange County and the alternate is just to look over it like Heather Debrough. I'm like, honestly, Heather Debrough and the rest of these ladies make the alligators look cute, just because they're just so scary. Not that they're ugly. They're beautiful. They're scary, though. And make the, like, oh, look at that cute cuddly alligator. Just wants to swim around all day and enjoy itself. Yeah. So we get on the boat and Shannon's still not there. And Emily's like, my pet peeves people.

people being late. We're leaving. Let's leave Shannon. Let's leave her. And Shannon arrives in some very high heels for some reason for an alligator boat. And we just get a, it's like, hi, hi, sorry, sorry, sorry, girls. Sorry, sorry, sorry, alligators. Sorry, person on a boat. Are you single? Listen, I've always wanted a man with a giant fan in the back of his car. So this is actually correct. Are my eye last is correct? Oh, hold on. My butt wants to wink at you. It's still there. I couldn't get it off. It was super glue. It was super. The driver gave me lash superglues. So these aren't coming out for a while. Wait a second. Is that John Jansen's son over there?

Oh, hi. Hi. Hi. Oh, you know what? It was just a rock sticking out of the swamp. Sorry. Hi, Alligator. Hey, I'm a boat person too.

I have a boat. Alligator. I love your shirts. In fact, I gave John Jansen several of your shirts. Is this a lacrosse factory? No. Oh, okay. My best.

And Gina's really mad. So, Shanna's like, oh, wait, we can't leave. What if I mean my coat? What if it suddenly gets freezing cold in the middle of Alligator Village? Please, somebody get my coat. Okay, thank you. So everybody's mad. What if it gets freezing cold in the middle of a sunny bayou in the American South?

What if it starts snowing this alligator swamp? Does anybody have sunscreen? Does anybody have sunscreen? Who, should we sing some Christmas? Carols? It feels like a winter wonderland here in the bayou. I can see Sarah Palin's backyard, which is crazy. Gina, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you mad? Gina's like, um, this is something that genuinely creates anxiety for me.

I have anxiety. That's my storyline. I couldn't get money. So anxiety and, um, um, I'm really stressed out. stress, oh. Gina, on the heels of announcing that she was no longer going to live with fear, is now turning this scene into

somehow an expression of her anxiety. Oh my God, this is so hard for me to be on a flat-bottom tourist boat around animals that can't reach me. Okay, this is hard. Oh, I'm sorry, it's because of that's because of the water. Well, it's not you, it's me. Oh, yeah,

you're afraid of water. I get it. And, well, I do still feel bad. I was late. Just, no, you should. should feel bad because you weren't late, you know, and you're always late. And I could get eaten by a crocodile today and people having fights and being late. And it's just like too many things. And like too many things. I hate when people fight, which is why I called the reporter.

That's why I'm going to report. I just hate conflict. First of all, it's an alligator, not a crocodile, Gina. And second of all, we should be so lucky if you got eaten by one today during the show. The first person to ever get spit back out. I know. That's the thing. You're going to need some more scalp treatments, honey.

It's like a bitchy alligator. It's like, I'm not eating that. Like it's like, I feel bad. So, Shathe's, like, oh, well, I'm sorry. I had an anxiety attack. So if you want to play the anxiety game, well, let's double or nothing, bitch, because I had an actual anxiety attack that was based off of real things. I'm going to link mine to a DUI.

So enjoy your alligator anxiety. Mine is related to. DUI and by extension, John Jansen. I couldn't even breathe. Am I breathing right now? Somebody hold glass under my nose. Am I breathing? Have I died?

And then she tells us, oh, ever since my DUI, I've been having anxiety attacks. I just, I haven't had time to process it. How much time do you fucking eat? How many martinis do you need to process your DUI? You got a DUI. You could have killed somebody.

You had a house. You had a fucking DUI with your dog in the car. Why do we have to feel sorry for you for having a DUI? That is the craziest shit I've ever heard. She talks like she's just come back from NOM for a year. She's like, well, after everything I've gone through, you did it to yourself. I just, I haven't had time to, to process it, even though I spent all last year processing

it on TV. So they're like, okay, fine. So they start speeding through the bayou, looking at gators. And of course, Heather's like, I don't like it. I do not like this at all. I don't like this too fast. I don't want to be on water in the first place. And now we're gliding by a shipwreck.

I was like, that is so mean about to say that about Gina. That's really not just like try to get along with her. But I like that they show an actual boat that's just capsized for no reason. We never find out what it is. It's not like a pirate set piece. I thought they were going to cut to like a set piece of a pirate ship. But no, it's just someone's boat that's tipped over. in the water. It's like, this doesn't bode. Well, this does not bode. Do you understand? So they see

something flip in the water and then we see an alligator. And Gina's like, oh my God, I don't like that at all. I'm trying to be brave. But I'm feeling anxiety right now. Oh my God. Even that alligator is mad that Shannon's knee. It's like a small cute alligator basking in the sun on the side. It's like, and they're all like, oh my God, it's like a baby. It's a tiny cute alligator. And she's like, oh, my God, no, no, my God. This is, like, really hard from, like, my post-Bally anxiety. Like, I can't do this anymore. I called a very reputable journalist, and he said the alligators were coming to kill us all.

So when a little baby starts coming at them? And they're like, oh, my God. And then Gina's like, oh, my God, where's the mom in the day? And, hey, how many of you share a room? And Katie goes, it looks vacant and small. I'm like, that's sort of what I say about Gretchen, right? She's like, I want to see a real one. So then there's one in the water and then she's like,

oh my god, where's the mom and the dad? Is the mom like really crazy and like screwing everyone up with like divorce papers and stuff? And the guy's like, well, actually with alligators, every male is a deadbeat dad. Oh, well. Oh, a little John Jansen in the bayou today, huh? No, Tamara can just refer to Slade as an alligator.

She doesn't have to say deadbeat anymore. 31, queen of snorogasm. Well, the mother will protect the nest, you know. That's how moms are. And Heather's like, that resonates. That resonates. I will protect my nest as well. hey alligator you should write an autobiography we'll have a party for it at no boo it's going to be

amazing is that alligator's nests within view of drake alligator's nests just wondering um so uh gina's like wow like the more you just like here with alligators like the more comfortable you are with um like yeah you all seem fine with tamara i mean my god i know that's like the most horrifying creature on this channel and everyone's just fine with tammy Now, you know, even when Tamara comes in screaming and yelling, you just get used to it. Yeah, but also you're not like swimming in the murky waters with these alligators. You're on a flat boat and perfectly safe. So you don't get any sort of like medal of honor for just like going on a very standard tourist experience.

Yeah. So back at the hotel, Emily calls Shane while she was in bed with Gina. And Shane's like, what? She's like, oh, you don't look very excited to see me. I'm busy. I'm busy over here, okay? He's like, yeah, thanks for calling. What are you busier than me?

I've got kids. I've got family. I've got workers here. He's like, oh, he really misses me. Yeah. And then she talks about, she's asking questions about Luke. She's talking about like his arfit and like, you know,

the link to autism. And she feels really guilty being on this trip. And Shane's like, well, I have dogs and workers. kids. It's a lot going on here. And lots of humor too. God, America, isn't he just so funny? Yeah. She's like, love you. Say about Shane. I mean, just hangs up on her. So now let's go to Bourbon House Seafood. Emily is wearing these heels that looks like she's been captured by pirates and is about to be thrown overboard. I've never seen heels with like manacles. Like it looked like she was chained to something. They were huge, thick manacles on the ankles.

I did not see them. You do, you know, Orange County fashion is like Gina being around alligators, where you just get used to it and you stop noticing it as much. Yeah. It's like, oh, it's totally normal. I mean, Emily is doing, definitely going for some looks this season. There's that one confessional look where I was like, oh, well, this is a choice, Emily. What is it the one with her hair in the top ponytail or something? She needs to not do that.

What is that look? Look, I think Emily is a beautiful. She looks, she's a beautiful woman. I really do think that. But her, she looks like a shrunken head or something with that in that look. I know what it is. It's weird. It's not a hit.

It's not a hit. So they go and Heather is like, ooh, fried oysters. That's what New Orleans is known for, right? I love it. They call these, what I love about this is people say, I live in my own world around rich people. But what a rich person, would someone like that ever come? to New Orleans and order a poor boy sandwich? I don't think

so. I'll have one of the poor boys please. Now do these sandwiches, can they be hired as servants? Can the poor boys drive cars? We call these Alfredo sandwiches at home. Just stuff Alfredo full of shrimp and call it a staff meal.

And Emily's like, wow, really lovely, really lovely, isn't it? Everybody, like Heather said, oh, it's so lovely. I'm so fancy. I ordered fried oysters. I'm going to put a fried oyster in my purse. She's like, stop making fun of me. Sometimes I feel like you say things to me that if I said to you, it wouldn't be okay, Emily.

She's like, I can take a joke. Can we please order Emily some size 12 jeans? How dare you? How dare you? No, I could take a joke. I could take a joke. Okay, good, because your hair looks like snuffaloficus today. Snuffalo off against.

How dare you? How dare you? And Gina's like choking on something and making a big scene. And it's like, are you choking? Your periostasis isn't working? What's happening? What is peristolstice, by the way? Parastolstis.

I don't know what peristosis is, but in 1997 I did film a television pilot called Emergency Doc and it was Emergency Comma, Doc. And it was me with Patrick Dempsey smiling at each other. And I did have a very funny line where, I said, your peristolsus isn't working, because otherwise, you'd be making out with me. Unfortunately, CBS did not pick it up to order. Actually, let me confirm. Parastalysis is a series of wave-like muscle contractions that move food through the digestive tract

and other tubular organs, like the esophagus and the uterors, the ureaders. It's an involuntary process that's crucial for digestion. see Sutton Strack on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, which I'm still not on, and I'm very upset about. What's so funny is that Heather's having this, like, this sort of stern moment with Emily, and I bet in her mind she's thinking, this is great, this will be the centerpiece of the episode.

But it's just, like, treated as this, like, random backdrop to, like, Juno, like, hacking up along, like, she's, like, choking on an oyster. And you just hear, like, Gina's like, being a fool. But then you just hear Heather scolding Emily and she's like, da-da-da-da-da-da-da. It's just like how Shannon was just sobbing on the phone

and no one's like, oh, that's just what Shannon does. It's like Heather scolding Emily. How dare you? It's very offensive when you are mean to me. I could do mean things to you. For example, you ask so many questions. For example, I have a question. I have a question.

That's you, Emily. That's my imitation of you. How about Dem Apples? How does that make you feel? Emily's like, okay, Heather, I'm sorry. Thank you. That is all I needed. Thank you.

Oh, God, All in a Day's Work. That's a top-rated episode right there. Which reminds me of the time I was in a pilot with Drew Carey called All in a Day's Work. Unfortunately, I was recast by Nancy Travis. It was literally All in One Day's Work. So that's not one of my proudest moments. Where's she? Where's Emily Travis?

Where's Nancy Travis now? Nowhere. Okay. Well, hey, can I have some milk just to see if Nancy Travis's picture is on the back? Great. Thank you. Hey, congratulations, Nancy Travis. No one knew for a long time if your name was Travis, Nancy or Nancy Travis.

Firsty, firsty, firsty. Commercials. Here comes one right now. Gina's like, what have I died listening to Emily fight with Heather Debrough? What have I died? Like, I can't. Okay, so they go to the table, they go to the table, and they start talking about Tamara. Like, where is she?

Has anybody talked to her? And Gina's like, no. But when she left, she brought up a room. That was really horrible. And like, I was swinging your way, Katie. But like, I don't know what to do now. But in my heart, like, I got to know. So I called the journalist.

You just see Katie's face, like, oh, God. Oh, God, I'm already caught. Can I just have one oyster? Yeah, last night I said, what is happening? And he said that Kiki and Katie went to lunch. And seven minutes into lunch, Katie said, like, on naked waisted that, like, Gretchen suspected that, like, she had been, like, woofied and, like, she went to the hospital. And Kitty goes, that didn't happen, though. It was happy hour, not lunch.

This whole story needs to be dismissed. It's a very credible journalist, Katie, okay? Like, very, very, very credible. Like, this journalist served in Iraq. Okay. Yeah, very, very good. It was Bob Woodward and called Bernstein-Level. I mean, we really got there.

I love that Gina would know that. I know. Gretchen's like, But that credible journalist, if they're credible, quoted in, unquoted in, then why did they call me? Like, nobody called me. me about it. And Gina's like, well, no, they didn't call you because they're not going to print

it because they know what's on the end. They know what's on me. So they're not going to print it. And she goes, if it's a lie, then why are we talking about it? She's like, well, if she sat at lunch and said that about you, then like, oh, what do I get on? And Gretchen's like, I need proof. I need proof and this is the truth. And Heather's like, well, you have Kiki's number. Why don't you use it? And Shannon goes, well, text her. Text her. Text her and walk to another room. Walk to another room and call her. And if you have to cry to where you can do that too, I've done that many times.

So Jen is like, yeah, you need to. Go give her a heads up. Well, I don't know if I can actually call her. I mean, I do have her phone number, but, you know, it's just time differences. There's that. You know, like, I don't know. How will she know it's me? I'm afraid, you know, I'm Verizon.

She's AT&T. I'm not sure you can release. It's very difficult. I'm out of minutes. I'm out of minutes. Is there a Wi-Fi in here? If only there was Wi-Fi in here, I could call her. It's just not getting any reception.

Yeah, it's rough. It's not funny. My phone just doesn't really hurt. Yeah, my phone doesn't work. Whoops, my phone died. Sorry, everybody. Well, here's a battery. My phone fell in water.

It's waterproof. Okay. My phone has been stepped on by me. I can't. Oh, unfortunately, my phone was trampled by a Mardi Gras parade passing by in the streets. It just cannot be used. if i were katie i would be calling her and i would be saying kiki monique why did you say this i just don't know why my friend wouldn't clear this up with my other friends this is very important what's going on with my friend and honestly at this point like they should be saying let's remember the whole reason why this came up

this entire thing came up because tamara was trying to turn katie and gretchen against each other it was to serve a maniacal evil plan to just ruin friendships. That's what this was for. And it was to get revenge on Katie for precedes slights that camera feels. And so like whether Katie did say it or didn't say it, the fact that they are giving it so much credence and then getting so mad about it

is actually just supporting Tamara. And I think that's why Gretchen just doesn't want to touch it. She's like, I'm not going to fall into Tamara's plan of having you guys turn against me. Even if she did say this, I'm just not gonna let on that I that I said it or care or whatever. And then Gina's, Gina's like, well, I'm sorry, Katie's like, do you, like, Gina says, do you need blood? Like, think to yourself, do you ever tell a story? Do you ever tell a story?

And Katie's like, well, you told us that, you know, you told us that story at Mastroes. She said that to Gretchen because Gretchen apparently sat them all down. And Katie tells us that Jen, Ryan, Gretchen, Slade, Matt, and her all went to Mastros and Gretchen's. God, so much shit goes down at Mastros. Hombie shows. Yeah. So my shit goes down at Mastroes, Mastros, anything that's in that, like, Costa Mesa Mall, that's going to happen. Or is the refined spectrum. And Jen's like, yeah, she said she was really sick from drinking.

That's what I remember her saying. I mean, was that conveyed to be more? Was it more than that? And Jen's like, listen, she never said she was refeed. I was sitting right there. And we all know that I remember things. We all know that. And Katie's like, okay, audience, I'm going to use Heather.

line. Let me be clear. Okay. Gretchen said she felt sick. She went to the hospital. They did a toxicology report and they found drugs in her system. There, that's it. I said it. Okay, but you're kind of outing yourself because that's basically saying she got roofied. So then who did tell Kiki Monique that told this other guy? It was you. So why are you still lying about it? But it's not quite the same as saying you got roofied because it's still offer some wiggle room. Like there was drugs she had. Maybe it was medication. Maybe it was something else. Like she drank, she drank and maybe there was a reaction. Who knows? If you tell a group of people that night it naked wasted, I went to this thing. They plied me with drinks. I got so sick I had to go to the hospital. I had them run a toxicology report. And they did, in fact, find drugs in my system. That's accusing somebody of everything. To me, that's a pretty clear cut case. It's very close. But I think that in the court of housewives, you still can, You still have wiggle room out of that. And in fact, they all are using this.

They're all like, like roofy was probably not ever said. And so that's what's like, well, she never said roofied. And that's why Katie's like, I never said roofied. What it is was that there was drugs in the system. And the implication is roofy. But if you drill down, it actually could not mean that at all. But letting it hang there, which is a classic housewives move, is an implication that they all then go and run with.

So, Jean is like, well, everyone keeps coming into my hands about Katie, and I like, about Katie, and I feel like you don't want me to like her. Oh, no, Jean, Gretchen says that, sorry. And Jean is like, yeah, but I was open. Like, you came to me about Timra, and I was open and I listened to you. But then when I came to you about, you know, when I came to you about this, you're not open, and it makes me think that maybe you did say something to Katie, Gretchen. And then Gretchen's like, oh, you guys defend your friend Tamara and I can't defend my friend.

And I'm like, well, we hold Tamer accountable. You won't hold Katie accountable. Hold her accountable. You literally never hold Tamara accountable. Never. Follow her around. We've watched for season after season as Tamara has like gone after people like Shannon, et cetera. And like you just don't, you don't hold her accountable in the same way.

You may give her like a slap on the wrist here or there, but you don't hold her accountable. So Gretchen is like, Katie hasn't done anything to, get anything to me. Tamara has done something to everyone at this table. And it like hits them all like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And they still don't think to themselves, wow, yeah, Tamara's garbage. We shouldn't be friends with her anymore. They're like, okay. Well, anyway, moving on.

Chris is like, no, I can't eat. When I'm with these people, I can never eat. I just want to believe my friend and not the person who's proven to be a liar and a manipulator and conniving person. Like, who are you going to believe, America? And so Heather's like, wow, you know what? We've been scared and we've been honest about this with you, Katie. We're just very, very terrified of you because what, what, what's next? What is going to happen next?

I can promise you the truth will come out. Okay, guys, well, thanks for commenting New Orleans. We're all going to be traveling back a little bit lighter. No, we've eaten so many bignets. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. And seen, great episode, guys. It's going to go down as one of the Heather Dubrow, Emily, whatever her name is, fights of the century. I'm so glad we were able to find peace and resolve after that vicious trailer-centering fight that Emily and I had about how she makes fun of me and how she can't take a laugh.

So now we go back to Orange County and we get the like, oh, everybody is getting reacquainted with their loved ones. Jen is telling Ryan she wrote a cock and he's like, wow. Huh? It explains last week when we're like, cock, but it's a bull, but it's a bull. Why are they calling it a cock? Because it was a mechanical bull

that they put like chicken feathers on stuff, but they could call it a cock. Sorry, just wanted to clarify. Just want to circle back to a loose end from last week. Thank you so much, everyone. We're a very, we're a very reputable journalists ourselves. Lots of apologies today.

Yeah, we're, We're the reputable journalists. We're like, we're in the promulist. And Ryan's like, wow, you wrote a cock? Maybe tonight you could try writing it. Shut up. So then Shannon calls Sophie and it's like, well, I just got back from New Orleans. So Sophie, you can't hear me?

You can't hear you? Sophie, go outside and listen to your mother. Sophie, go outside. Oh, God, Sophie, just have another cocktail, okay? And then Sophie just lifts a beer up to the camera. It's like, yeah, Mom. Oh, that is so fun. Are you driving a car right now?

You are hilarious. Oh, I remember that when you do this, I have to laugh to show that this is funny to me, and I'm not reflecting on how lonely I am in my house right now and how I can't drink when the cameras are here. Otherwise, I face the judgment of American people. So I'll just laugh because I'm so happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. Happy for me.

So Gina gives her kids. gator gear and like, oh my god, that's Maryland smile. He's like, oh, look at that, you can use as a nose picker. And then we get very dramatic music, but they're still playing the old B-roll footage of like hot people doing things. It's like,

Someone has died. It's like a hot shirtless guy playing basketball. You guys might need some more depressing B-roll footage if we're going to play this music. The best part was, yeah, like they showed these hot guys, shirtless playing basketball. ball and this hot guy goes and he like does like a layup and just totally misses the

basket. I was like, oh. Well, maybe it was more of a fitting intro to a Tamra scene. Just missing the layup, like you can be hot, but you just got immortalized as someone who can't get the ball in the basket. Hello there. This is a two-part recap. Okay, this is the end of part one. So thank you so much for listening to this. Just come back a little later for part two. Watch what Crapins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. It's always a party on Allison Block. Our way is the Amber Way.

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