Watch What Crappens - #2987 Below Deck S12E14 Part 1: Don’t Speak

Episode Date: September 2, 2025

This is part 1 of a two-part recapThe crew is given orders to stop speaking to Solene on Below Deck and she takes it well. Just kidding! To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watcher Crappins ad-free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. What's what happens when there's so much than crap is. and welcome to watch what crappins. I forgot to play her intro video, but we're going to roll with that. Hi, I'm Ronnie, and that's Ben over there. Hi, Ben.

Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? Good. What's going on with you today, honey? Not much. Just had a really fun Labor Day weekend. We had so much fun on Amazon Live last night. I went over to Ronnie's house to give him his birthday gift,

and then we played video games and did Amazon Live together, and you all should watch it because we always act like. to little kids when we are sitting together and on camera we were playing the quest uh what is it the quest three virtual reality stuff that was really fun i got to watch ben play golf well it's pretty yeah this was pretty fun and few daily and so yeah we had a good teenage boy day um today is below deck day okay if you want these on video go over to patreon if you want them a week later you don't care about getting them fresh you can get them free on youtube at our watch what crappens channel also on patreon is where you get our bonus episodes we did a three hour love island last week

which was a lot and this week we're going to probably do real house as a potomic trailer trash uh yeah just came out a below deck trailer just came out too but honestly it looks the same it's a bunch of fuck boys i didn't even watch each other except this time there's also captain sandy you know offering a hug after everybody gets fucked over so this one's that grow that should be fun It has been kind of weird having a little lighter schedule. We're not used to that. I mean, Bravo has been lightning up, and then now we've got McBee leaving. I mean, what the heck?

What are we supposed to do? Well, some things we can consider a blessing. I think we're about to get Salt Lake City coming back. Potomac is coming back. We will have a below deck med. I'm sure there'll be some other things. But I agree. It is kind of lighter. I'm sort of enjoying it. I mean, I'm enjoying this sort of casual time. But we need to, we need to, we need to have our Bravo though. Like, we could only have so much downtime. Okay. So like let's fill the, let's fill the Bravo coffers again. Let's get some shows up and running. But for the meantime, it seems like this below deck is winding down. The end is nigh. They have one charter left. I just want to say something that I think we've said before. But I feel like it's just important just to see. say it now. Like, Fraser, it's been, I think, three seasons of him being chief stew. I think he,

I just don't know if he's up for it. I just don't think he can do it. I don't. I don't think he's a manager. I think he is, I think he is someone who is detail oriented. And I think that he's probably a good, like, obeyer. But I feel like when it comes to watching him manage his staff season after season, I just fear that this is not his strong suit. And he always talks about trying to grow and trying to get better. But I feel like when Jess gives Soso the reprimand that's stronger than Fraser, that's not good. You can't have Jess be the one who is a better chief sue than Fraser is. Well, yeah, I mean, I think Fraser probably plays to the audience, you know, because he mentions a lot, like, well, first they said I was this and then they said

I was that. And I think he means the audience, you know? Like he says in this episode, I'm trying to change my managerial skill because I was too confrontational last time. And then now I'm trying to do this. It seems like he finishes the season, reads what people are saying, and tries to adjust instead of just doing a good job. You know what I mean? Like he's trying to win points with the audience. He's too affected by the audience. And I think it's got to be really hard when you're a reality star to, and I'll use that term lightly, but to read all the shit that said about you online. And we see it with housewives all the time trying to adjust their behavior. And it just ends up screwing you over because then you're trying to be someone else.

And if you can't even be yourself that well, you're certainly not going to be anybody else that well. And I think it ends up screwing them over. And Fraser is suffering from that. I saw something he was doing an Instagram lot, not like Q&A thing, you know, where they ask questions and he answers it. And someone said, some, someone asked him some question. He was like, well, you know, I've got to give the haters the chance to comment. Have fun haters. And I'm like, you care too much. Like, you're on a show.

People are going to comment about the show. I know it can't be easy to read that stuff because, listen, we get nasty comments sometimes. And we'll be, both of us will be fetal. I mean, not as much anymore. We get used to it. But there have been times where we're like, oh, my God. So I get it. But at the same time, you know, you put yourself out there and people have the right to say something.

And I wouldn't be able to read anything because I think even the perfect people get called idiots and assholes on the internet, no one escapes. Yeah. Yeah. I think what if the issue is that he's too concerned about like, you know, his public persona, that's, that's not good. I just don't know. I just, you know, he keeps on, he keeps on acting like in the past he was too quick to fire. I'm like, well, maybe you were too quick to fire. but it's also not great to be too slow to fire as well. But it's not even about firing. It just seems like, we made some jokes last week about how Fraser was like, I'm going to give So-So talking to.

And he walks up and he's like, please be a little faster. Can you please work some more? And it's like, you've got to like, you've got to like crack, crack the whip, whatever it is, you got to like, you got to like, come on, like light the fire under these people a little bit more. And it's not like, okay. So yesterday, I went to, I'm going to relate this to terrible parenting, because I think that's what this ultimately is. I went to a farmer's market yesterday.

And they had, you were going to talk about Bueller because you were over here yesterday. And Bueller kept licking you and coming to sit by you and coming to sit on you and coming to sit under you. I went to my friend's house and his dog was out of control. I was like, wait a minute. The star is heading too close to home. No. So I went, I went to the, I went to a farmer's market. And they had, you know, those little things, the anti-fly things, that little propeller.

that go around. They're like the, there's little like, those little coens, goes around. So some little kid

plucks it like a, like a vendor had put it amongst their wares. Some little kid plucks it off because they thinks it's a toy. So the vendor is smiling at first

and the kid's like, ooh, and then the kid starts walking away with it. And then the dad's like, okay, you have to give that back. And he's like,

no. He's like, you have to give that back. He goes, I want it. It's like, you have to give that back. And like,

is walking far away. And I'm like, and the dad's like, the dad makes this sort of like lame sort of swipe at it. He goes, and the kid's like, no. And the dad goes, he has this look like, well, I try it. I'm like, you're the dad. You're bigger, you're stronger. You can pull that thing away from your son. Don't be like, why are you negotiating with your little terrorist?

Okay. This kid just stole something from the, from the vendor. And you're like, for a moment, I felt like if no one was watching, the guy would have been like, well, he really wants it. So. And I kind of feel like. that's how Fraser is with Salane. He's kind of like, well, could you not take any breaks?

That would be great. Thank you. And you just need to sometimes grab the toy out and give it back to the farmer. Yeah, I mean, look, I'm not as down on Saline as everybody else. I think in the whole scheme of things, the people that we've seen on below deck, I mean, we could have Camille. You know what I mean? Someone like that, who is just literally the worst. Salane has an attitude.

Salane does smoke when she's not supposed to. she does she did do that thing where she just went to bed and didn't finish her work i mean i'm not going to sit here and say saline is a good employee but i think we've seen way worse and one point that he made in his q and a um he was kind of standing up for saline and saying like the because everyone's like why aren't you firing saline she's terrible and he said you know because she at least she's nice about it and she like takes the notes and she actually does work hard and you know People are like, what? What about the time she went to bed when she didn't? You know, I see that side, too. But I also do see his side in that, in that Salain does work. I mean, we don't, we see Saline take too many breaks or eat breakfast when she's not supposed to. And Barbara even said, and I trust Barbara, like Barbara seems like a trustworthy employee, right? And when she says, we're all used to Saline not really doing as much work as she's supposed to do. So, and making Rainbow. You know, we give Rainbow a lot of shit on the show, but Rainbow does. pick up a lot of slack of this girl. So I'm not standing up for Slane and saying she's the best,

but I do think that we also see Saline working, and that seems to be a hard job. And I see her working and keeping it light and having fun. So I don't know. But the thing with Fraser is he's just such a wuss. He always does these manipulative ways of dealing with things instead of just dealing with head on. He's got the balls to go to the captain and complain to everybody. But he doesn't really have the nuts to do it right to their face in the proper way. So I definitely see what you're saying. And he does it again in this episode. It's like, you know, you tell people not to talk to Salane. It's brought up right in front of you and you just, you just stay quiet and wait for somebody else to get accused. And it's like, that's not cool. Like, you've got to have

the stones, dude, to say, I did that because you were not, because you're not working, right? So I'm trying to, you know, whatever his reasoning was, he should have just said it instead of staying quiet and just letting selain go on a rampage trying to find out who did that you know yeah just a wuss he's a wuss you know yeah i just i just don't think he has necessarily like i don't think he has like the management's like skill put him out to pasture yeah i just don't think i just don't think this is his i don't think it's a strong point sorry and as far as what you were saying about that kid you know i saw a kid i was at the music store last night and they're this kid this dad was another dad comes in with this kid his kid's in his diaper you know it's hollywood like put your kid in

some shoes sir and put your kid in some clothes okay because this is a grimy ass town okay it's sunset strip guitar center this baby runs in and runs straight to a bass drum and just starts punching the shit out of the bass drum and the dad's like uh-huh i'm a little musician there look at this i already got a little beetle on my hands am i right and i just thought uh uh of something I say on the show all the time, which is the late Great Burning Mac, America, beat your children. Okay? I mean, what the hell?

If they're beating a drum, then you can beat them. Yes. Okay, so here we go with below deck season 12, episode 14. Nobody puts baby breaks in the corner. Kind of funny. So previously, Kerry has told Kyle that he can't mingle with guests anymore. He's on guest probation. And where we left off was Rainbow being like, ah, ah, don't punch her. Ah, don't punch her, but I want to punch her. I want to punch her. Take me to

Holland. Don't hit her, bro. She's not fucking worth it, bro. Bro, bro, bro. Very tough, Rainbow. So Saline is like, oh, Rainbow again, she did the fucking list. I wouldn't, I will report this book every day. I try. I try. Why does no one give me the quizzes? I try. I'm not the children. I will say this. In Salane's credit, where I think Saline really excels is that she is like strangely very plucky. She gets yelled at and then she sort of shrugs as, okay, you want to have war. We have war. But okay, go back to work now. Well, it's like someone, it's like Jacks on Vanderpump rules, right? Jacks is the quick. He's the best apologizer because he's had to do it so many times and i think that's how selain is i mean she's just so fucking annoying she's probably been told

off by everybody that she comes in contact with and she's just she can bounce back yeah she really can um so yeah so rainbow is like going through it but like of course like nothing happens like literally nothing happens on that front so uh seline is basically just like you know rainbows again she do the fucking list i report back to book again every day i try every day i just try it So basically she doesn't. She just ignores Rainbow. Whatever Rainbow yelled at her about last week. And Rainbow decides instead of beating her ass, she's just going to make her take some champagne upstairs. So she gives her a drink order. And Salane is telling, she's complaining to Jess and saying, oh, this girl, you know, I do this work. But this girl doesn't do nothing. But all day, freaking day, she acts tough. I don't understand this girl. And then she spells her drinks. And she's like, oh, no. the last one i don't have any work because amigos i don't know i can see so-so is not working up to her standards i know rainbow has been working her ass off all season and i do think so-so is an apple at the moment that's rotting but she did that to herself some would say these are the consequences

of her actions yeah you were fine with that when you were you know hooking up with Solane, ma'am. I think she's pulling kind of a Gary here. She's pulling a fuck boy where she's not hooking up with the person anymore and then suddenly starts coming up with reasons to not like her. Not that she's really long about Saline, but this was fine with you a couple of weeks ago in the shower, as I recall. Yeah, not only that, don't forget last episode, Celine sat down Jess and was like, I didn't like the way you treated me. I thought we had something and you were like really mean to me and you discarded me and so saline went off on jess last episode and now all of a sudden jess is like she's not a good worker i'm like okay so this

is your revenge you're gonna plot out revenge against so late it happens to be that you're right but we know your motivations are not because of the vessel you're not pure ma'am your motivations are not pure and we've seen this many times it's usually with men doing it to women but you know Congratulations on breaking that ass ceiling. I mean, Jesus. Now you can be just like Gary. Congrats, Jess. I'm rooting for you, Jess.

So, also, her name, I have to say it every week. You can't expect much from a person that you call so-so. Okay, so then Celine is called over by Rainbow again. And she's like, you wanted to speak. If you have a second, I would love to have a talk. She's like, oh, my God, I thought we were done. Do you want to speak here? You want to speak?

here, you want to speak again? How many times you want to speak? Oh, my God, there's so much speaking. I'm just trying to clear the air, bro, because it's like, most of the time, it's like cool, but then, like, the other, like, 23 hours and 57 minutes. It's just not cool. And I just would love us to get that three minutes where I can tolerate you per day. I would love to expand that out to at least, like, a good seven minutes. Can we do that? Yeah, sometimes it's okay, but I don't know what happened is the war. You talk to me like I'm your baby children. Baby children. She's like, okay, well, can we just like try? Can't we try for a little more passion? Can't we do this tomorrow? Like, tomorrow can we just try to be like, to work better together? I'm like, Rainbow, why are you? This is my problem with Rainbow is that she's like, that's it. No more Mrs. Nice guy. I am gonna let her know how I really feel. And then she's like, tomorrow, can you?

Can we, like, try to make it work? Can we be better tomorrow? I'm like, Rainbow, give it up. Well, Rainbow wants to be friends with everyone. She wants to be liked, ultimately. And I don't think, it's just not, it's not going to happen. So keep it curt. Shalane, here's your things.

You got them done. Okay, you can go to bed. That's it. You don't need to have a whole discussion with people about every little thing. No is a full sentence. Yeah. So a guest asks for a booby cake for tomorrow, like a surprise,

cake, which I don't think so. Would you want that? If you, okay, you've just had cancer. You're about to get a double mastectomy. Okay. And her friend is like, well, my friend is about to lose her boobs, so let's make her a boob cake. Why the fuck would you do that? No, I don't want that. Listen, I just, what if I just lost all my money? I want someone to make me a money cake. That's, no, I don't want that. Don't make me that. Yeah, I can't say, I can't say, I can't say if I'd like it or not? Is it like owning the moment or is it like a brutal reminder? I'm not sure, but I also thought they got like breast-shaped cakes last episode, too. Oh, they did? Did they not? I thought so, but maybe it just was something that happened earlier in the season because this

seems to be a relatively common request across reality TV is a pub cake. Yeah, we've seen it before for sure. I mean, I know that for my 50th birthday, I wanted a moob cake. So I got, like some big hairy orbs for everybody to enjoy. No, I don't want that. You think I want to be reminded of my mobs? No. Yeah. So anyway, that's the plan, surprise cake.

And then Kyle is talking to Barbara and he's like, Saline doesn't, oh, because it's the second day of charter at 6 a.m. It's the morning, everyone. And Kyle's like, Saline doesn't think that she's done to me what just did her. And Barbara's like, that is not cool. like to say that's not nice so car goes not at all but at least i'm getting a ride out of it i need to keep fucking falling for women for fuck's sake i have to stop falling for women all the time i'm like yes and we also need to stop having these storylines about kyle and the woman he falls for because

it's been two seasons worth and honestly it's not it's never been compelling for me Kyle until you clean up your act and you're not just a shaky drunk you're going to be last choice and that's just the way it is and so it's not even lying she's just like well you you are all this left so well until next week and i make out with your best friend but uh or fuck your best friend but uh for now you're all that's you're my only option okay so have fun only option kyle clean up your act you seem like a nice boy yeah i don't think the cleaning up it's going to happen anytime soon it's time for a commercial it's time for a crap and's commercial bring you my new podcast, Nick Cannon at night.

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It's going to be sexy, freaky, messy, and you know what? You'll just have to watch this show. So don't be shy. Join the conversation and head over to YouTube to watch Nick Cannon at night or subscribe on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast. Want to watch episodes early and ad-free? Join Wondery Plus right now. So then Fraser goes and tells Anthony about the,

the boob cake and everything, and Anthony is just like, let me survive launch and crew launch first, and then, you know, it's going to be another story. So Anthony's just puttering around. And then Demo and Kyle are talking and just talking about how Kyle still has to keep his distance from the guests after he clearly had sex with that other guest and then claimed like it was a joke. I mean, just have your penis keep it to distance. I think you're fine, you know?

you're like squeegeing the deck just stop sticking your penis and things so then just and barbara are eating and jess is very tired it's just it's a rainbow she's like up to here with soso and all this personal stuff aside like you're really crap at your job

and also you yelled at me so i'm going to make your life hell now and barbara's like so so she doesn't take anything serious you know and she goes yes she thinks it's a joke it needs to be a point where you're held accountable so that way you feel the consequences of your actions. This is some BS.

You're not even on the, you're not even on the clean team, ma'am. You are a deck lady. So why don't you stay in your zone? Stay in your honor. You never even talk to Rainbow. Yeah. Like, no one talks to Rainbow. Like, Rainbow has no friends on this boat.

Like, I think they interface with her. They say hello, but no one has any meaningful conversations or bonding with Rainbow. So don't try to act like you're going to take up on behalf of Rainbow. Yeah. So Barbara's like, well, I'm the only one to work with Solane. She doesn't work enough. I mean, it's not a surprise. It's not a surprise.

Like, it doesn't even bother me. Like, why would it be bothering Jess? So clearly, it's not about work. You know, she sees that. So then the deck team is setting up the water toys, et cetera. And then Fraser is, the guest are, eating breakfast and Fraser and Hugo we're talking. So Fraser's like, well, today on the beach,

I'm sending Rainbow and Solane because, you know, that'll work out well. Here's what I do to two people who hate each other. I put them alone on the island. Now, call me daddy. If you could just tell you a crew not to talk to her, sleep with her, walk anywhere near her, look in her direction, just ignore her presence entirely, pretend like she's a piece of

trash that's just washed up on the show. Sure. Could they do that for me, please? That'd be so wonderful. Thank you. So instead of managing his own crew, he's asking Hugo to manage his crew in a way that's not going to interact badly with him. He's just so, come on. This is weak. And this is bad parenting where you expect everyone else to make modifications for your devil child. Right. And if it's that bad, then you should just go to the beach and do the beach job instead of. It's like going up to the saline. Yeah.

It's like going up to the farmer and saying, hey, I'm going to bring my kid tomorrow. Could you not put out the little propeller thing for the flies? Otherwise, he's going to take it. It's like, no, you tell your kid not to take the propeller thing. So the farmer could. And's really upset with that fly thing. The lettuce.

Very upset. I'm telling you, if you had seen it, if you had seen it, it was horrifying. Like, this kid was such a brat. And the dad, I mean, this dad was like 6-3 towering over. Not there's the kids, but most of the people in the market. And he was like, he had. just this like oafy look like well there's nothing i can do i was like we tied the kid to a pole and chop and then untime at the end and load him into the car that's what you do at this point the

you don't need a fly fan you need a fly swatter for your child swat him on the head my mom used to do it that's that was her that was her like peaceful way of child abuse she would just smack us with the fly swatter you know it wasn't a bat so i guess she felt like she was a good mom um So, yeah, also, Fraser, if you feel like you're having trouble managing an employee, don't send them off to a fun beach day or why don't you go to the beach with Salane so you can train her. Like if you're going to keep somebody that everybody else is pretty much agreeing is not trained well enough for this job, then go train her. You know that you're putting Rainbow into a nervous breakdown.

I mean, go trainer yourself, sir. Yeah, I mean, I think there should be consequences. You told her not to take breaks. She took breaks all on the last episode. She does not get to go on a beach picnic. Now, maybe a beach picnic is, I don't know, is that considered fun to go to or is it considered a pain in the ass? I'm not sure.

Probably, but like if you, but, you know, they never get off the boat. So it's kind of like when you're in prison, like going into the prison yard is not a great yard, right? But at least you're not in your cell. Yeah. And, you know, they all seem to love interacting with guests. I would not have sent her in the first place. I would have punished her. Like, there should be repercussions to her.

there should be consequences to her actions. So, Kerry, all right, Captain Kerry here. We're going to St. Boffs. We've got a very resource heavy day today with the beach picnic. Now, let me tell you something about beach picnics. They're fun. They're gorgeous. They're glamorous.

They can kill you. We could lose the entire cast today. If something happens, there could be a tsunami. That we could put a rope down on top of a gas brain. We never know what could happen on a beach picnic. Like, okay, calm it down. Just go to St. Barth's, okay? It's going to be fine.

But even worse, even worse. Once we get to St. Bartz, we're going to have to Med Moor. That's right, everyone. Countdown to Med Mooring is on. Watch out for Med Mooring. And did you know that nine out of ten Med Moors end in a shipwreck when someone's played volleyball on a beach early in the day? This is a high-stakes operation, and I'm not going to take it lightly.

Midmoors are difficult, and the crew are going to be tired, and if they're off their game, it can severely impact what I do. If things go directly as planned, we're going to be, if things don't go exactly as planned, we're going to be in severe trouble. Guest brains all over the beach, at the very least, it'll be an adventure. So Fraser, it goes up to Salain, is like, okay, Rainbow is going with you and she's in charge. Just make sure you're helping her with anything she needs with service wise.

And make sure that if anyone comes over and talks to you, that you remind them that they're not supposed to talk to you. Thank you so much. What? So then Hugo now goes around and tells everyone, hey, um, Fraser's asked me to just while you're there, like, don't talk to Rainbow or don't talk to So-So, because he'll distract. her. Now, this is why I don't like about Hugo. He should just say, when you're on the beach today, don't distract the, don't distract the team because they've got to deal with the guests and we don't, we just don't want any distractions. Just say that. But he's also kind of like throwing Fraser under the bus. He's like, well, Fraser told me to tell you. I'm like, what sort

of leader does that? Just say, okay, we want to, we're cutting down on the chit chat. I don't want to see you guys talking with the interior team because they've got to focus on the guests and there's been too many distractions this season like do it that way i think i think he goes yeah but he top out yeah he does tattle yeah it's like yeah it's a cop out it also oh sorry go ahead no it's gonna say sort of probably about what you're about to say is that like by saying hey fraser told me to tell you it kind of like loses a lot of authority too like people don't take it seriously it's like this isn't from me i just have to tell you and i just don't think that's a good leadership quality from Hugo either.

And saying stuff like, you know, don't talk to Soso because he's worried about Rainbow and Soso getting along. And, you know, she's flirting with boys. She's not pulling her weight. It's like, bro, those are like managerial things you had in a managerial discussion. You shouldn't go to the other employees and be like, wow, the boss hates her flirting with boys. And then, nana, nina.

And it's like, that's not your business to be spread to that. And also he's telling it to another bad employee, Damo, who's just a big fucking gossip and wants to start shit at every turn. apparently because of what he's doing in the second half of the season so he's really the soul cast is ridiculous at this point this whole cast is is full of shit at this point so demo's like okay oh i mean it's impossible it's not ideal i suppose that we don't get to talk to so-so it's not ideal well just what is not ideal i mean like how much how much value are you getting at a so-so at this point anyway out of your conversations with her yeah so

they're all talking like, well, she can't do a job and that's not all fault. And he's like, well, I don't care if she can do her job. It's someone else's problem. But I don't want any of you talking to her. That's it. Okay. So he's like, yeah, you know, she sucks. But if it'll make Fraser's life, Fraser's, God, it's hard not to say Frazier.

Frazier's life. And also I'm gay. So I think my zuz often turn into juz. So anyway, because I was trained by Jaja. The gay icon, Zaja Gabor. Jaza, see? So the Zah turns into Zha. Blame Jaja, okay?

Why can't, why, okay, here's a question. Why can't we invent a new letter in our language that does the jah sound? I'm just so sick of, is it ZS, is it ZH? Is it there a J in there? Can we just create a new letter? Is this like the worst thing in the world if we create a new letter? Who says that we can't start a new letter up? We've got so many people who don't even know the alphabet as it is.

Like, we don't need to add to that. Do you know how many people can't read in America? I'm going to look at it up. I know, but like, why do we have to punish those who do and who are just trying to find, like, better ways to express themselves? Like, I think we need, like, a dedicated letter. At the very least, an accent. But, like, and I understand this messes up keyboards.

So that's why it may be an accent's the better way to go. That we go only have to press option. Do you know how long I had to wait for a keyboard with USBC? Like, it took a long time. Okay, so in 2020. So that's what I'm saying. Maybe an accent. An accent is good because you can press like the option button and then and then like a little submen.

I don't even know the accents as they are. There's one that goes this way. There's one that goes that way. But I'm saying let's let's just start a campaign and we'll increase public awareness. And we'll know what the, like, I think it should be like a Z with like something on it. And like that will be our jea sound going forward. Because you know what I hate is when you want to write as yous because like instead of saying, going there as usual or like, let's keep it real cash and you have to write like C-A-S-ZH and it just

doesn't feel or look right. Z-H, I'm done, I'm done, I don't want to do it anymore. I want to pioneer a new accent so we can all be on the same page. Okay, so in 2024, an estimated 21% of U.S. adults are functionally illiterate. That's crazy. And you want to add letters? Well, they're not getting any better. I mean, like, it's not like that, it's not like the letter is going to be the thing

that breaks them from being literate again. We need to just add grunts to the American language. We just need to start grunting at each other and pointing at things and rubbing our bellies. And that's that's it. So just go back to grants harder. Just I don't know why are we so locked in on what letters we can and can't have?

Like, why can't we add more letters? Why can't we add, like, why can't there be like a, like a, like a, why can't we do this? You wanna really fuck with people, add a new number. That's really gonna throw everything off. That'll be like, Wild. Come on. That would be amazing. All the smart people would be like, wait a minute. Everything's changed. Okay. But the number's called Jevin. And you're like, how do you spell that? Yeah, I know a kid named Jevin, actually. No, Jevin. Jevin. Well, see. I would know that. I'd use my new letter. I'd use my new letter. Wait a minute. You just won this argument. Okay. So, now Rainbow, now they're doing beach setup. And Rainbow's like, um, a lot of things drive me. One of my of my. One of my My exes told me I wasn't ambitious enough for him.

I mean, fuck that guy. But also I've seen success. I mean, look at me. I'm kind of like a heartless killer in the sense that if I really want something, I'll get it. No ifs, ands, or butts. It's my rainbow, you clean toilets. I mean, there's nothing like to look down on with that. I'm just saying you're acting like you just won a fucking piece.

Hewlett, sir, girl. Like, you just cleaned shit off a toilet this morning. That is hilarious. Yeah, no, but a lot of things drive me. And it really bothered me when my ex said that I wasn't ambitious, but to be fair, he was literally driving me at that moment because I said I didn't want to learn how to drive. So, uh, I guess there was something to it. The things do really technically drive me. Um, but yeah, it's hilarious.

I love it when, I love it. Like, look, you're still, look. She's cleaning toilets, but she is on a career path. She wants to move up. She wants to be a chief stew someday. So, you know, you can still be ambitious even when you clean toilets. Yeah, I know. She is acting.

She is acting like she is like a character on succession. And totally. You're not serious people. So Rainbow is talking to Kyle. She's like, so, how are things going with you in Soso? And he's like, oh, you want to use me? Use me. I'm fine with being used.

And then he tells Demo, but did you, did you hear the guy say not to speak to her? And he's like, oh, yeah, we're not allowed to speak with her, which sounds like a her problem and not a me problem. So I'm going to go gossip about it and make it an everybody problem. It's going to be amazing. Yeah. So now they all tumble into the tender and head to the beach picnic and everything. And Rainbow's giving some orders about drink service and everything. and like almost pops a cork into Solane's eye, et cetera.

And Solian's like, oh, you tried to give me already? She's like, yeah, I know. You just got here. Oh, God. I didn't even think I could kill you with a cork. But now that you've opened up that possibility. So, so. I'm going to start calling you, bro, bro.

Bro, I would really like to start over. I did just poke you in the face with a cork. But I think we need to just start over. Clean slate, bro. Clean slate. okay you want clean slate now fine we have another clean sleigh well i mean what is this late another year so then uh fraser is talking to jess and asking about solane and if anything is going to happen with him after this season and she's like um you know i don't

know like sometimes i have a feeling that she has something still for soso and it's like honestly i really don't think they do really because jess is slowly breaking down because she's freaking out over Salain. Like, she's acting like a maniac at this point. So I don't think Fraser has the best instincts as far as this stuff goes. Yeah. And then he's like, so questioned, have you, you know, finger, finger, scissor, sighing, sigurds.

He starts doing all these, like, scissoring pantomimes and, like, all these weird little hand things. And Barbara's like, no, no, that's not nice what you're doing. No, no, we don't do that. And we don't, we can do them all at once, okay? doesn't have to be like one after the other. It's okay. Well, just as your boss, it's my job to know whether you're doing the

or the, there's none of this is there. Or is that little, blah, la, blah, blah, blah. None of this. She's like, please stop doing that. So, Salain is talking to Damo on the beach, and she's like, I love the feeling to escape. And he's like, yeah, do you hike the feeling to work? Because you're like, chef.

both of you complain all the day about your job but you choose your job like oh okay okay demo thanks for that she's like do you have problem with me demo he goes no way and then he just like walks off yeah what the hell i mean look i think this is why i came into this episode kind of being apologetic in her favor because i think they're kind of ganging up on her in this episode and i really don't like it like what the fuck what what'd she do to you damo back off yeah i mean look i do anything to them like all the all the all the all the all the debt crew ganging up on saline is weird yeah i um i also do think that like even if you are in different departments if there's one person who's doing a really shitty job the drama around that does sort of like it sort of takes over the whole boat

so i understand that people from different departments can still be frustrated because they get dragged into stuff but also damo needs to relax i know what you're talking about like it it was it felt It felt cruel. It felt cruel that it was like everyone has to ignore this one person. I don't like that everyone has to change to make to make Salane be better when Fraser could just tell Salane to be better. I do think that there is some value in saying, tell your, tell your department to stop distracting my people. I think you're allowed to say that. But it feels like it's not just that thing. They're making it like, oh, we can't speak to her because she's so immature and now we all have to blah, blah, blah, blah. No, they're just saying don't distract her while she's

supposed to be working. Well, actually, they're all making it this huge thing, you know. Well, because Hugo did that because Hugo's, yeah. But the original directive was like, tell people not to like talk to Celine while she's working. Like, it was a kind of a simple thing. And they're making it into this huge, like, oh, now we can't talk to Salain. Well, that's Salain's fault. Now we're mad at Saline because we're all being told we can't talk to Salain. It's like, it's being turned like, oh, now we're being accused of doing something wrong. All they're saying is don't distract the distractable child for Christ's sake yeah you know what they're all fucking idiots you don't have to beat her up just just idiots they're all idiots on a boat

I know and why don't I get mad at every little thing I mean that's like a personal thing with me I could never have that job I would just be furious all the time I can say I'm now well this is me happy all the time so imagine me doing that but we get to be furious while sitting down and they don't. They have to be purest and wiping things. Yeah, thank the Lord for chairs. I mean, there's so much to be grateful for in this world. The most grateful I am chairs. I just love chairs. I love them so much, even uncomfortable ones. I love them. I think Amy Grant should rewrite her seminal song, hats, and turn it into chairs. Chairs. Why do I got to have so many chairs in my life.

It's great song. I lie. Big chairs in a can not lie. No other brother can deny. When a chair rolls in with an itty bitty. There you go. You're getting it now. Wait. When a chair walked in

with an itty bitty waist and uh, then, then, you get sprung. Okay. You're closer. Commercials. Here comes one right now. So, Hugo is, he's like, I've talked to Kyle a few times, and I can tell he had a very difficult upbringing.

And we all have this drive to be better than we're watching. Wow. You looked at Kyle and saw like the tire mark on his face because, like, a truck ran over him because he was drunk and passed out on the road and thought, wow, this guy had a tough upbringing. What part about, like, his perpetual black eye bruises from getting into bar, brawls and what part about like the strange chicken pox he has on his face at all times tells you that this guy had an easy upbringing geez yeah um and oh instagram wall it's you go um he's like i grew up in a pretty rough part in new york it wasn't pretty and it wasn't nice so we left when i was 10 because my dad didn't want me growing up in that lifestyle you left because your dad was getting

in trouble for knocking on doors in the bronx and let's not pretend it's for any other reason Because you cannot just be pulling that shit in New York City, okay? No, no, no. Or did he grow up? He says it wasn't pretty and it wasn't nice, but he doesn't specify where it was. And I felt defensive for New York. It's like South Street Seaport. He was like, I grew up on 61st and second, and it was a horror show.

I grew up upstairs from Chipriani's, and let me tell you something. one horror after another. Who can even spell that? I had to move. I felt very defensive for New York. I mean, you know, give New York a break, Hugo. Hugo's just bad-mouthing everybody today.

He really is. He needs to get over it. I think he's one of his worst memories of growing up in New York. He goes, you know what? I remember police sirens. Oh, oh, oh, really? Police sirens. Oh, police sirens.

Oh, God. Do you want to know something, Hugo? While I was literally watching this scene, his monologue, I was also listening to a helicopter overhead with a searchlight scanning the neighborhood for someone who had tried to break into someone's house. Yeah, because I looked it up on the internet. And that was... Possibly my Bose's house.

I will say this. I guess I'll say this. Bose lives very close to me, as it turns out, because I've done some internet stalking and I'm really good at it. And there was, the helicopter was overhead for a very long time. And I was like, what is happening in the neighborhood? And I looked it up. And I saw it was like 12 minutes ago, someone trying to break into someone's house.

And I looked up where it was. And I was like, and I did some cross-referencing. I was like, that's Boz's house. Was someone trying to break into Boz's house? But I don't know. I don't know if she still lives there. She probably moved out since she's now on a TV show. But I'm just going to say, I've just, listen, I've just got to say,

Hugo, some of us live in real crime zones. I know, I guess. Where real Housewives' houses get maybe, like, their alarms go off, helicopters come. Just living in big cities, I guess, listening to somebody being like, I had to move. We heard a siren. It's like, oh, wow, move to the suburbs, dude, and listen to leaf blowers all fucking day and tell me what you'd prefer, because I'd much rather than a siren, okay? At least another, not just boring criminals around like the fucking.

fucking leaf blowers do. At least the police come and pick people up. Probably the wrong people half the time. But at least they're not just blowing them around the yard like the leaf blowers. Useless leaf blowing. This is the most hilarious rant. I cannot believe we are ranting at this guy because he would hear gunshots and sirens outside. We're like, get over it. We both live in like all the reasons to leave a neighborhood. We both live in places where we hear gunshots and sirens and we think it's like listening to somebody else being like, oh my God, I heard a police siren. Shut up.

Yes, but I'm going to say this is just purely because we're annoyed at Hugo. Because, like, honestly, it could have been really bad. There's a difference between hearing a police siren and one neighborhood versus another. And, like, when he said he lived in a rough neighborhood of New York, I believe it. I just don't want to hear it from him. I don't want to hear it right now. Yeah, he's just annoying me. So I'm not going to, I'm going to bitch about every single thing he says.

That's it. I'm not going to get, I'm not going to let him give himself a victim at it on my way. watch police sirens fuck out of here. I heard somebody yesterday trying to play two notes from a rap song over and over again for two

and a half hours at the top of the volume. Okay? That was right. Two notes. Yeah, two notes. It was just like dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. It was like some plinky like song

and they just kept playing it over and they were playing the song and then the piano was like trying to play over the song. I was like, oh my God, it's two notes. It's two fucking nuts. I almost marched over there and played it myself. I was like, come on. You know, as a wise man once said,

they not like us. They not like us. So he left because of police sirens. And he remembers hearing gunshots. Okay, well, gunshots are worse. I mean, gunshots. Listen, who hasn't heard a gunshot here and there? my right. Yes, suck it up, Hugo. Maybe I should have, maybe I should have finished reading

the paragraph before I went off for 10 minutes about what he was, he was. Because then I just like, okay, okay. And I co-signed just because it was fun to co-sign with you. So, um, he's like, who knows if I would even have gone to university? I mean, people in New York, they don't go to school. I mean, who knows if I would have gotten into yachting, you know? And I think that if Kyle wants to be better then great he's trying to figure himself out on who he is and where he fits in okay well that's good so you're very forgiving of kyle because he might have had a rough childhood um so it's okay that he's like wasted to the point of shaking half the time and sticking his dick in big ang but selain talking a little bit too much is going to send you over the fucking edge i see you i see you cyron

scaredy cat if you're raised in a tough neighborhood you stay in the tough neighborhood and you stick it out yeah god forbid you try to make your life better i'm not saying any of that i'm not saying not make your life better i'm just saying come on that bad i know he well there are people that are starving i mean also you know that this is probably like when he was talking about his neighborhood growing up. This is probably spliced from some interview from several weeks ago

that the editors just put in here to try to give some context as to why he was like being nice to Kyle. And like, you know, they make it sound like, well, I grew up in a bad neighborhood and I had to leave and I feel bad for Kyle because he had to grow up in a rough place. And like, they probably just spliced two concepts. I think it was one of those interviews where they were like, listen, this season is all about grandparent trauma. Do you have a dead grandparent? Do you have a grandparent that died horribly. Every cast member needs to share something about. He's like, no, but I did hear sirens and gunshots when I was young.

They're like, that's it. Okay, we're going to take that. Could you just make it that the gunshots might have killed one of your grandparents? Please, we really need to fit it into the season. Was your grandparent, did your grandfather drive a patrol car? No. Okay, can we say so? If we say those sirens were your grandfather.

Can you just say Kyle stuck his dick inside of your grandparent? mother over a police car while people were shooting in the background. Could we just maybe just juz it, just juss it. Okay, we're using the new letter for that, okay? That's a new letter. That's why he didn't understand the directions. He was like, I was so confused what the, when I got the email about what I was supposed to say. I didn't really understand the Z and the H.

I was like Zahoo and then there's a J at the end, Zahooja. Oh, okay. So, um, the Solane has a big knife. big chef's knife. And she's like, oh, how do we wash this knife? How do we wash? And Rainbow goes in the ocean. And she goes, oh, I'm professional washer. I would wash in the ocean. It is natural. And so she's just carrying this big thing and then puts it blade facing up towards her in her belt. And Rainbow's like, uh, bro, why are you putting sand on that? Bro, please don't put the knife in your pants. Bro. She's washing with sand, which is like, cannot

be good for the knife. Also, like with her bare fingers, like that's a chef's knife. Like that's, she was just like massaging it like a like a genie's lamp. And it's like, you're going to slice yourself. And then the fact that she puts it in her belt like a holster, but then she drops something. So she has to bend over, but like avoid this knife sticking out of her. I was like, you're, you could like literally kill yourself. That knife could just slice her wrist in one second and then you're done. See, that's why don't give Celine too much shit because Salain is one of those people that you see walking around and you're like, you know, what they're still alive more power to them because you know survival of the fittest etc like

this in nature like let's say even a hundred years ago she would have been dead in a week so good for her she's a survivor that's what i say yeah yeah okay well good for her she that was a crazy scene her washing that knife and then putting it in like her belt was actively horrifying But she did survive, and then they, everyone goes back, and Fraser's like, Hello, everyone, welcome back. We've got a nice, little refreshing raspberry vodka treat. It's not too strong, and then we're going to head to port. And then we're going to also go, we're going to maximize the experience to stay here,

and you can watch the sunset. And they're like, oh, we're going to be heading to St. Bart's soon. And so Carrie's like, all right, everyone, I hope you didn't get too fatigued serving lunch today because we'll be doing some Medmoor and St.Bots, alright? It's very scary. The guys will tell us where to put the anchor, so just keep on telling me where it needs to be because this med more is going to be a med more, not a med less. Do you follow? The biggest two things that old captains fear in the Caribbean is going through that bridge

and tying up insane baths. Insane boss, old mooring is what's called med mooring. It's where you put two anchors and you go back to the deep. dock there's a lot of vessels in there all jam packed the lines in the water i could run over a person could fall slightly in they could lose their hand or their head one of them could hit a coral reef which would knock one of the pieces out over the boat land on someone and couched their eye out anyone could die in men mooring season god damn it we're going to draw red warings the two scariest things in the Caribbean,

a small bridge in St. Martin, med boring in St. Bart's. And also, if Captain Glenn is nearby, just Captain Glenn, we all try to avoid him. You know, lots of accidents. Or Jason, really. Captain Jason, have the captain's in this franchise. Let's face it.

Terrifying. Terrifying to be at a wheel. Yeah, we actually used to be quite afraid of the Cracken. Uh, eaten ships up whole, but then, uh, one day Captain Glenn actually crashed into the Cracken and the Cracken actually died. So that was helpful. Uh, don't, we don't worry about the Crackin anymore, but, but yeah, there are some other concerns that we have. I don't know if you saw it on the news. Can we roll the footage? I'd love when they just kept rolling the footage of Jason crashing into that restaurant. That was the best.

Wasn't it a restaurant that he crashed into? Why do I have that in my head? He crashed into a dock or something. Okay, so I guess a dock from a restaurant. With the way from a restaurant? It was shot from a, from a restaurant. Oh, okay. All right. Once we get both anchors out, make sure they're slack. Very important.

I'll bring the boat aft. You're going to give me distances. Do not talk to Saline. All right. Now, you'll have interior staff on fenders. This is where they'll be most important. If I drift into a boat, those fenders are where I need to be. Let's get the sinkers up.

Let's buggy. Let's not die. Hold on. I've got a transmission. with St. Barts. All right. This is St. David, St. David to San boss. This is Captain Kelly. Just one of it. Yeah, I'm here. This is Captain Sandy. Okay. All right. I just want to make an alert everyone in St. Barts. Okay. When we arrive at our red boring, no one on the island is to talk to Solane. Do you copy? I really don't know who Solane is. I can tell you this. You've said Med

more so much that I'm back and ready to give you some more med. Okay. So good luck with you. I've just dry cleaned, um, my two pairs of capri pants that I bring on the show. And so I'm ready to go. Just, just don't die. All right. Well, Captain Sandy, before I hand this off to you, the below deck, uh, thing, please go tell your, your friend Norma that, uh, Med Moore, more like med poor. That's Norma. You can judge that one up. You heard about me. I'm sorry. Norma, Norma's not speaking to me right now because I didn't invite someone named Goherty, uh, to a dinner on a boat that's norm is still still pretty upset with that go ready more like go weirdo i'll talk to you later i mean bloop so um

what about the customary sign off and now he wants me to tell everyone about solan he won't even do the bloop so uh they left the anchor and they depart we have a a short stay leading five o'clock anchor chain straight up and down anchor chain straight up and down anchor in the pocket that is the consequence of my actions all right we're going we're heading to same box so enjoy you radio silence please why is no one talking on the radios why is no one talking i need some commune he just said radio silence god damn it i've put myself in a real quagmire Yeah. I was just making commentary about the future of legacy media.

Radio silence. So, he's like, all right, all right, just what do you see out there? She's like, I see consequences. I see actions. No. Okay, listen, I don't care about the gray boat. I only care about relentless. I was too relentless.

I was relentless about my own personal. No, there's a boat called relentless. I don't want to hear about your thoughts about being relentless. being relentless. Distance to relentless. 40, 40 meters. Captain, we're going to be dropping anchors between two yellow boys. 10 meters between two yellow boys.

Copy. It's booies. It's buoys. Please remember it's buoys, not boys. Who makes a big difference. Bois, booey, boys. He goes like, bridge, bridge, bridge. Your son is now passing the center of the ship.

Bridge, bridge, bridge, bridge. Redge. Dropping anchor, dropping anchor, dropping anchor, dropping anchor, don't test it. Where's my sitting? Okay, where's my, what's my sitting? It's about 25 metres, closing slowly. Oh, a bit of the coral reef has flown off and has just landed into a guest skull, gouting her eye out. There's a starfish on my head right now.

Could someone please help me? The starfish came up with the anchor. Help me. Is it a face hugger? Big Ange from the last chart has come to find a penis. Ah, she has been strangled by one of. of the mooring ropes. There's a xenomorph on board, everyone.

I hate to tell you. Something happened terribly with the med mooring and now there's a xenomorph and we've heard that Hugo has now been killed. Is everyone okay? Everyone's safe. I've been decapitated, Captain. I can't see anything anymore. I can only see my body on the other side of the anger.

Is there any way that we can transplant Jess's brain into a synthetic body, we can save her and have it. We can rename her after a Peter Pan character and she can continue on guiding us into port. Oh, never mind. I put it back on. Okay, we made it. All right, we're safe. God, thank God. That could have been terrible. All right, turns out actually there was no damage and no aliens on board. Congratulations. Everything's fine. Everything's fine. All right, talk that one up a little bit, but you know what? It's sleep season, I think. Do we still have that? Roy. Hugo, radio somebody, would you? He's like, hold on to engines. Oh, God, we're still doing this. Never mind. Okay, it's over. It's over. It's over. It just goes on. Of course, everything's fine. The number one rule of below deck is that if they're going to crash into something, it's going to be in the trailer. That's, we know. I still remember the dock crumbling on camera with Captain Glenn.

Hello there. This is a two-part recap. Okay. This is the end of part one. So thank you so much for listening to this. Just come back a little. later for part two watch what crapins would like to thank its premium sponsors ain't no thing like alison king it's always a party on alison block our way is the amber way it's the foster and the furious it's amanda foster it's always automatic with ashley auto put your hands together for carly clap get on the right foot with prissy off it she's not just a shella she's a daniela itchels we never miss her call it's diane call erin macnicholas she don't miss no trickleus have a Gila Weber. You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, you go, we all go for Hugo. Jamie, she has no less namey. She's our kind of mess. It's Jennifer Messer. Sips some scotch with

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