Watch What Crappens - #3010 RHOSLC S602 Part One: Gout of Bounds

Episode Date: September 24, 2025

This is part one of a two-part Recap!Lisa Barlow makes her big return to Real Housewives of Salt Lake City as she goes head to head with Bronwyn about court cases, Amex bills, and gout-related highjinks. Plus, Heather wedges in a storyline about — you guessed it — Mormon trauma! In other words, it was a hilarious episode.To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watcher Crappins ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. welcome to watch what crap ends, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker, joining me today is the wonderful, hilarious, glorious, sexy, Ronnie Karam. How are you, Ronnie? That's me. Hi, Ben. How are you?

Doing pretty well. Excited. That's Salt Lake City Day, varsity-level housewives show that we are about to start our recap for. Just in one second, first a reminder that not only do we have a Patreon. but we also do a weekly bonus episode and this week's bonus episode is a cast breakdown of the Great British Bake Off because why not? We actually recapped that earlier yesterday and we did a little cast, cast breakdown and had a lot of fun with it. So if you are a big baking fan or you know people that are, go check that out on Patreon. And we also have video there so you can watch us on video, which is really fun.

By the way, thank you to everyone who showed up to crappy hour earlier this week. We had a lot of fun talking about Bravo headlines. We do that every other week, and we alternate that with going on Amazon Live. So that'll be coming up on Monday. So that's all the exciting stuff to talk about. Oh, and by the way, thank you to everyone who had to endure the annoying nuisance of my microphone over the, over Orange County and Miami. Apologies. I don't know what was going on, but let me tell you something.

I ditched that microphone. I, I ditched it. I got rid of it. I got a new one. I think it was a mic issue. This road pod mic USB garbage. So it is out. One day you're in,

the next day you're out. So goodbye, road pod mic. You are no longer welcome here on this podcast. Thanks, seriously, thanks. Sorry to everyone that that was super annoying to. Got a lot of people who were like, oh my God, your microphone. I thought it was my AirPods.

No, it was me. It was me. It's me. Maybe you sold a bunch of new AirPods. so that's good. Yeah, maybe. But I'll tell you one thing, that microphone,

it's not going on to my Amazon. It's not going on to our Amazon live anytime soon, I'll say it that much. For anyone just trying to start up a podcast. All right, here we are with some Real House Wives of Salt Lake City season six, episode two,

Law and Out of Order. They should have just called this episode Gout Dick Sucker and been done with it. Yeah, oh, that's what I was trying to think of, I have to think of a name for the episode. And I was like, what was, What was the thing? What, what is the gout?

It's going to be a gout fun, everyone. Who knows the form? One day, maybe it's what I just said. One day you're in there. One day you're gout. That's true. One day you're in. The next day you're gout.

One day you're in. One day you are gout. Down and gout of Beverly Hills. Oh, South Lake City. Okay. So when we left, everybody was scared that they were going to be killed by the slut killer of Salt Lake City. Whatever her name is.

Slut-shaming ghosts. I'm like, hello, it's 2025 ghosts. Stop with the slut-shaming. But, and my favorite part was that was, of course, Meredith taking it so seriously. Like, I have to get back to my family. I have a toddler. And, like, legit freaking out. But guess what?

Everybody's fine. They lived. It was a shocker. And Meredith tells us, they're not going to let us die. It's too big of a liability for the network. You never know what Bravo might do for ratings. I wouldn't put a best amount. Bravo's like, you know, what if we did as a rating stunt?

We just let a ghost kill our entire cast. Well, I guess that could be kind of fun. The next chapter in the Bravo reckoning, they murdered us. Leah Sweeney's like, I was murdered. Leah Sweeney is suing as a ghost. Bravo murdered me in a Salt Lake City episode.

I'm not even on that fucking show. This is a crisis. Okay, this is unsafe work environment. They literally are having ghosts kill us. We're being hunted by ghosts. It's not right. We're taking into the courts. We're going to sue a ghost.

It's just Ramona the whole time, the slut killer. It's always been Ramona. She's just like, you know what? You're a loose girl. That's it. You know what? I think girls should have manners, okay? So I was raised.

Sorry. You're going to have to join now. Yeah. You was slutty. a slutty girl in Salt Lake and you shouldn't be messing up the hills of Provo, okay? Because I remember this one time when I was a little girl, my father's best friend Geraldine, Bart Smith said, you know what? You're a loose

girl and you need to get yourself in order. And to this day, I've never been able to be slutty, okay? I've never been able to do it. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but that's just the truth. I feel bad for even having to come to Slut Lake City, okay? Thet! Start! So everybody's waking up in their RV and

And Whitney's like, are you ready to go brush your teeth down by the river? They're like, uh, no. She's like, that's what you do. It's like, I know that Whitney does that at home, too. She just walks down to that little pond thing behind her house. And it's just like, brush up, brush, brush, brush, brush, brush, yeah, she, a little known fact that is the go down to the river to brush your teeth is actually the original lyrics for down to the river to pray. as I went down to the river to brush my teeth thoughting about that good old way

Just imagining Whitney's singing an old hymn An old hymn About brushing her teeth Whitney just loves the outdoors She's got a poll out there Coming out of the pot So Meredith is like

Is there a coffee maker? or a cappuccino maker on here. She was like, this is not the four seasons, Meredith. Listen, a curig is not too much to ask. Get a fucking curig. You're in an RV, for Christ's sake. You can have a bed. You can have a microwave.

You can have a curing. Get a curing. There should be a curing on that thing, because that is like a luxury RV. If you've got an RV that can fit, like, all those adults and their housewives and it can be kind of lux, there should be room for like a little baby curig.

I would say it's not. I know this is Salt Lake City, and you guys are low budget and community theater. But still, you can at least give people a curing for cry sick. Get some Quest coffee in the fridge. Yeah, this was unfortunately a poorly conceived trip based on the fact that they got hot dogs with no buns, hamburger buns with no hamburgers and asparagus with no way to cook them. So I guess a curing is just really a bridge too far.

So they go outside and they think I'm not sure if they're not allowed to talk about cows. like if cows are branded a certain way here that they're not allowed to mention them, but it's weird because they go out and there's a bunch of cows across the little river thing. And they're like, wow, it's animals. Wow, it is animals. Come look at the animals and animals. It's like, you can call them cows. I mean, are we not allowed to say cows anymore?

What is 20.25 done to us? I know. Seriously, it's like on the baking show when they couldn't say marmite. They're like yeast extract. It's like, no, you can say, you. You can say cow. You can, it's, no, I'm not allowed to. As part of the conditions of me settling Whitney Rose into bankruptcy, I had to give up the word cow.

It's like, what, what are you talking about? You exploited my cowgina. All are you a bunch of animals out here. And Andy said, do you think they are saying the same thing about us? Mary's like, no. That was funny, because you know the cows are. They're like, Mur. Look at these crazy witches out here.

What are these ladies doing? What are they wearing? You were selling those cows short. Those are Bravo fans. Like, oh my God. Icon Meredith Marks. Icon. Mm.

You said my husband was gay. What if they're just like, what if they're just like the cow salt lake city? Like on cow housewives? It's like they, you know how they like do the traders in the same? same castle for both UK and the US, like the cow. They're like, it's like, I heard that. I heard that Clara Bell has four lawsuits against her. I hope you come to my book opening for The Good Moomin.

The bad moment. Sorry, I fucked up my dad joke. We're always waiting for Lisa. Holstein Mo. A little crossover. Crossover with the real houseways of Miami Cow. So they start making breakfast and, you know, bad choices for breakfast, too. Why are you bringing steaks?

Why? You're bringing steaks and the only thing you can eat them out of is a paper bowl. Come on. So they make breakfast. and Whitney and Heather brushed their, you know, dentures or whatever those things are. They're implants. What do you call them? Not dentures.

That's rude. I don't mean like, I'm older than them anyway. Chickles. Tic-Tex. Yeah. They're cleaning their implant teeth. Oh, scrabble. Scrabble pieces.

Okay. And Heather's like, I have no ability to spit. It's crazy. I lost that when I Botox my upper lip. So, I mean, spitting was kind of my. thing, but now I can't even spit. Yeah, I can't. It's no longer on my Tinder profile. I'm like, is there a Tinder profile, even in the first place, but at this point? So then Bronwyn is cooking the steak, and Mary's

like, Bronwyn, do you not know how to cook steak? I don't even think you eat steak. Do you? She's like, Mary, no, I don't, I don't cook anything. No, I don't. That is absolutely very true. I have Christian Seriano cook it for me. That is true. And Mary's like, I can tell by the way you're digging at that steak. It's like, damn, Mary's pretty harsh, but she's also not able to eat the steak. Like, she has a whole moment where she's like, how am I supposed to, I can't eat this. It's a bowl. It's a paper plastic.

It's paper, put, put, put. And you don't have a steak knife. Like, it is actually, it's, remember that commercial for milk where the guy, um, he like, he gets hit by like a, he's like this asshole. and he gets across the street, he gets hit by a bus, and then he winds up. And he's like in this room and there's all these cookies. He's like, oh, my God, I went to heaven. I can't believe it.

They actually accepted me in heaven. And he just was eating this big, glorious cookie. And then he reaches for the milk and all the milk containers are empty and he realizes he's actually in hell. I think this was like, this was like the steak version. I think that just happened all across America this morning when people woke up and realized they weren't raptured. I felt bad for so many people. on TikTok who were like, we are out of, we are being raptured today and I just wanted to say bye to everybody. There's one I sent you yesterday with this lady who's like, guys, this is

my last TikTok because I'm so blessed the rapture is happening tonight. And I am just so grateful to be taken. And all of you who are seeing this, you were not raptured. And I'm so sorry for you. But you know what? At least you can just go on and do all the sins you want to keep doing. So like Dead serious. What the fuck? I was almost disappointed that nobody was raptured when I woke up. I mean, that would definitely make dinner conversations the holidays a lot easier. You know what I mean? I'm like, oh, my God, you're all still here. I had a text from family this morning. I was like, oh, my God, they didn't take you. I thought there was a bus waiting for you, people. I think the tariffs were just too high for the rapture. I was like, I think we're going to cancel shipping on this. I think we're just cancel shipping to heaven. Okay, shipping is Shipping is suspended until the tarifford drops. Listen here, Jesus.

Listen here, Jesus. We're going to charge you 30% over to take these people up to heaven. He's like, I'm sorry, but I'm like notoriously poor. So, unfortunately, all the escalators up to heaven stopped. There was a little bit of an issue and you have to look into that. Poor things. They just woke up today because, you know, they woke up today and there's just empty milk cartons everywhere and they're like oh my god i'm actually in hell yes you are because you drank

all your milk yesterday because you thought your ass was being raptured guess what you're not now you have to go to the store and show your stupid face while you buy more milk what a strange final terrestrial act to do it's like well i'm about to be raptured let me drink a lot of milk i would do that that's what i would do dairy and carbs that's it's like he's coming i would definitely go straight to the dairy and the carbs there would be a lot of bagels and cream cheese banging out of my mouth. 100% because that's not sinful. It's just tastes good.

So, yeah, Brahman's basically saying, yeah, I don't know how to cook steak. So now they're sitting around and they're trying to eat this steak out of these bowls. Like, this entire camping trip is actually low-key, very frustrating to watch because they're so inept at it. And Heather's like, this place feels like I could bring the girls up here, rent an RV in, like, have a whole experience.

I'm like, you just spent the past episode talking about how there was some prude ghosts trying to kill young women and now you're like it's a great place for my girls uh-uh no no it's not uh yeah so she says she's gonna rent a whole experience we could fish but it's too late now because annabel's leaving and so everybody's just kind of looking at her and Angie goes um do you mean she's going off to college she's like yeah she's the last kid in the house Wait for it, everybody. I have a very touching monologue coming about Empty Ness Syndrome. It's kind of a storyline.

So, all right, prepare yourself. Do we have any music? Do we have any? That would be great. I just brushed my teeth down the river. Did you get that? Okay. Okay, America.

Get ready for a really compelling storyline for this season. Well, she's the last kid in the house. I can't wait for it to happen. Like, it couldn't happen soon enough for me. And I feel guilty. I just feel like she's the last part of that era of my life. And I wanted to be over with, gone, done. Like, not my relationship with her, of course, but just trying to be a family, trying to be the mom and the dad.

Annabel actually said to me, she said, I feel like you've been in a fight or flight since dad left. And I said, I have been, because it's just been like the kids can't get screwed up. They can't get screwed up because then it would be my fault. I'm like, are we really sitting through another Mormon trauma storyline from Heather Gay? Heather Gay who writes these books about like bad Mormon out of the church, but then we have to sit through like, but now people will get mad at me if I mess at my daughters. I was like, well, thank God you went on to reality TV, which always is so healthy to all the families. Yeah, you know, she's doing the whole empty nester thing, but it's a twist on it because normally it's like, oh my God, you guys, the kids are leaving. What am I going to do? I don't know how to live in a house anymore. Suddenly it's just all mean. I've had my girls this whole time. And now. It's just mean. I'm a single. Like, what am I going to do? That's usually the storyline. But Heather's isn't. She's just like, thank God, my kids are gone. I can't wait to not be their mother anymore.

It has been exhausting having to be there every single day for those little bitches. I am so glad. Everyone's just kind of staring at her because it doesn't sound very sense. I mean, it sounds kind of mean, right? If you're watching it as her kids, to be like, geez, mom. I know. Even though, that said, I understand what she's saying. Like, it's exhausting and hard. You're raising three kids on your own. And, you know, I get that part of it, too.

But it does sound like, oh. I think everybody who was listening to it felt the same way because they do a pan around it, all the ladies sitting by the fire. They're all sitting in a circle. And they're all looking at how they're like, oh. And so she just keeps going. It's like a five-minute monologue. And she's like, yeah, I was born to be a wife and a mother. And any desire to be anything outside of that was.

basically a sin and i was in charge of raising the kids and he was in charge of providing and sitting in a hot tub outside and then when we left i was still 100 percent of charge of raising the kids i've never had one single night off not one night off you're on a trip right now um you take five years you take five trips you take five trips a year on this show man i mean i mean i mean i know what she means like you're a parent right i wonder if this is really just code for like i want to take in a lover and i feel guilty about having sex in my house is really as simple as that because we haven't seen much someone on twitter actually pointed out that like we've not seen much of her romantic we've seen nothing we've the closest we've seen of her having any sort of romantic life was that

when she like got horny over that guy at jen shaw's house in season one and there's nothing wrong with that. I just want to also add it's not like she needs to have that. But she sort of talks a game a little bit, but we don't actually see any of that. So maybe she has some sort of guilt about bringing a guy around while she's raising these daughters. I mean, I get the impression, honestly, that she's just sick of men and they're bullshit. You know, she's probably been too disappointed. I mean, and I'm probably projecting a lot of my own shit onto her. But I've always looked at her as kind of similar to me in that way, just like no more time. for this. Like, I have no more time for this. But I don't know, maybe she has been hiding it. But I get what she's saying, you know, and the whole, it's been really hard. And now I get to start a new chapter. But she's kind of vacillating between like, this is great and feeling like she should be like, this is horrible. I don't know. It feels like trying to kind of land a storyline. And I'm like, I think so too. I just don't care about this. Also, I've met a lot of parents were like, oh, thank God, the kids are out of the house. Like, they always, like, I think

parents my my from what I sense from from my friends who are parents and family members is that like you want you want your keep your kids around because it's like you love raising your kids and it's like a special time in your life and you know that like once they go up to college it's kind of like you know it's like they're starting their real adult lives and etc and so like you want to cling to it of course because sentimental you love your children but there's also a feeling of like oh I can do what I want now you know like I can I can I've done my I've done my I've sort of, you never feel like you've done your job, but you sort of feel like, okay, I can do the things I want to do. I can go travel. I can do this and that. I can, I can see what brunch is

like again, you know? And so I think Heather may be alluding to that, but she's trying to kind of like wrap it up in this like, and like whatever like tatters are left of her Mormon storylines of like, I was raised this way in the church to be a parent. It's like, you know what? Like, okay, fine. We can we can do this again. We can hop back on to the Mormon rodeo with you, Heather, but this one's a little, I don't know, it feels a little bit more of a reach. It's season six.

It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crap and it's commercial. It's season six and two books later. You're not the only one who has conflicted emotions about your children leaving the house. Jesus. There's a whole show about it. Well, them to nest.

Yeah. Although that was they came back. So you should be so lucky to have Dinah Manoff move back into your house, ma'am, ma'am. Dinamanoff. The kid, everybody's been waiting for it to return. Dinna Man Off. I want Dinna Man Off to move in with Heather and be like, I'll be a daughter. Shoulder pads.

I look at that era. It was really, really hard and mostly hard because I couldn't show them. It was hard. I acted like it was perfect and normal and I was just so happy and I was fine and I loved everything. stewing, but I was gritting my teeth the whole time with those little bitches. I'm exhausted. Day in, day out. Daughters here, daughters there.

Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy. Get out. Just get out. Sounds like you have put a lot of non-Greek expectations on yourself. Might I suggest Tahini? And Whitney's like, well, but she didn't have a choice about it. Didn't she leave her husband? Or did her husband leave her?

I forget about this. I forget what the story was. Did she leave her husband? I think she, or did she, I think it was a church related thing, right? Or no, she got kicked out of the church because she divorced the husband, right? I think there was an alien abduction that, like, just severed their family and they just were not able to reconcile. An alien abduction. So Bronwyn tries to relate.

Brahmin goes, oh, Heather, like, obviously I took a very different track. I was also raised, two parents who were still together, 50 plus years, Mormon. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And when I had Gwen, myself, by myself, I went through the same insecurity like this is not how it was supposed to be happening. I was supposed to have a family. It was supposed to be marriage and a temple. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. All that kind of stuff. But I feel the exact opposite of Heather, you know, because Gwen's graduated in October and she needs to be leaving. And instead, I moved her boyfriend into her house so she could stay longer and he could pick up the poop. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So I didn't think this was bad. I didn't think it was bad. Yeah, I didn't think it was bad. Yeah, I think she was just kind of telling her experience. But Andy goes, yeah, Heather, these should be the best years of your life. And Heather's like, I know. And that's why I feel guilty. That's why I feel guilty. I just want them out. So Bronwyn talks about her and she's talking about how she's not prepared for Gwen to move out. And then we get a clip of Gwen and the boyfriend making breakfast or something in Bronwyn's house. And Gwen has become Bronwyn. Did you notice? I think you have the same haircut. The exact same. hair cut, the same posture, the same nodding while she's making an egg or whatever. She's like, yep, I'm doing a dish.

I'm doing a dish right now, mother. I'm doing it right now. I don't want any of it from you about it, young lady. I'm like, oh, my God, this is frightening. I mean, I get like resembling your mother in a way. I mean, let's face it, I'm a red wig away from being mine. But this was weird, like exactly the same. Yeah, so Brahman's like, I mean, what if Quedon moves out?

I have, you know, all this time and space and freedom to do something fabulous with my life. And I don't make something fabulous out of my life. I don't know who I am if I'm not Gwen's mom. I'm like, I hate to break it to you, but you also have that time right now. You're wealthy. So Bronwyn said, I'm just, I'm not ready to be done. My insecurity is I haven't done enough with Gwen yet, okay? I haven't dressed her in a hot dog dress.

There's so much more to do. I need more time with her. Quinn still has not gone to lunch wearing a bikini while it's snowing outside. And that's something as a mother that I just can't, although she did lie about having a diamond necklace. last week, and that made me kind of proud. So she's like, yeah, I'm insecure because I feel like I need more time with her. So Heather says, but I feel like you're saying that I don't love my kids because I want them to leave.

No, she didn't say that. You are the one saying that you want your kids to leave and you feel guilty for wanting them to leave. Is that? Are we in a movie theater because I'm seeing a lot of projection over there in that corner, Heather? So I'm like, what? And Heather's like, I mean, I love my kids so much. So much. Well, I wasn't saying that. I was saying I wish you wouldn't question why you feel like you have to do it that way. You can do however you want, you know, however you did it. It's perfect. That's what I'm trying to say to you. I wish you wouldn't question the way you did it. She's like, what? Are you saying that I should be questioning? Are you saying I hate my children? Are you saying my children are just as good as those animals over there of unknown species? Oh, so now you're accusing me of voting for post-worth abortion. Thanks a lot, Bronwyn.

Thanks a lot. She's like, no, I'm not. So now you're saying I should just be able to infanticide my own teenage children. She's like, no, I'm not saying that at all. Oh, so murder my children. That's what you're saying. I hate my children and I should disembow them right now, right now. It's, wait, it's funny, Heather, because now I just want to be a stay-at-home mom and I can't be.

I'm actually going through the reverse. Like, this whole crisis of failure of my business has really made. made me just want to be home with my kids and my business fails and I can't be now and I still have to figure out how to make money. Wendy just inserting her storyline

into this like nascent fight. Heather's trying to make a fight out of nothing and when he's now trying to take the nothing fight and make it her own. Yeah, Bronwyn inserted her thought. I mean, I think they're supposed to be doing like you share and I share, right? It's like a girl's trip.

Yeah. You know, we're each sharing our feelings. But Bronwyn does it and Heather's like, oh, really? So I didn't do it your way. Now I want to murder my children. And then Whitney's like, well, geez, Heather, all I want is to be a stay-at-home mom. Heather doesn't jump on her. Like, oh, so you're saying I didn't want to be a stay-at-at-home mom?

Like, she's not jumping on her. She's just going to be mad at Bronwyn now. Exactly. Wait, America, listen to this. Over the last couple of months, Justin and I decided we wanted to start an adventure. Oh, wait, adventure together. So we merged Wild Rose Beauty into another entity. And we were wildly successful to start.

We sold fives of things. And then business started plummeting. And then we were just trying whatever we can to make it through, whatever we're calling this phase of failure. Yeah. So we see a flashback to her crying to Justin about how it's really, really hard having a failed business. And Justin's like, yeah, well, maybe this is Justin Walker that we need to balance it out more because, honey, we did go all in. Okay, that was all of our money. Okay.

So while I eat these baked beans out of a can over the fireplace, you know, maybe it's not we're supposed to be focused right now. Maybe we need to focus on actually making some money. So I'm going to go back to the actual MLM company that makes money where I'm currently working and complain about how your MLM made no money. Okay. Thanks. Yeah.

It's funny how life will just keep you moving, especially if you're on a poll. And Mary's like, well, it'll change. Yeah, life will change. out that anymore. Hey, by the way, how's Robert doing? Robert Jr. And so Mary says that he's doing okay. And he's taking it day by day. And some days are good and some days are bad. He has highs and lows, and lows, et cetera. Which is, of course, you know, a little heartbreaking for us because I think a lot of us in the audience saw the headlines only from a few weeks ago that Robert was recently, he recently was arrested. It sounded like he had a relapse of everything. So I know that.

We all know that. He was trying to break into his father-in-law's home or something. Yeah, he's going to get away from that lady. That wife, that needs to end, that wife. The wife, why the wife? Why is it the wife's lost? Because they're in a toxic relationship. I'm not blaming her for her. I'm just saying that like, this is not a relationship that's working out well.

Yeah, I'm sure her parents are feeling the same way. Like, get the hell away from him because, yeah, they were trying to get them. Remember that whole like kidnapping charge and stuff because the kid was living over there when she was underage? They both? That whole thing is a fucking mess. Those kids need to be separated. Okay. Let's get in there.

Money, get your anti-van. It's ready. Just get one of them in there. Especially after that Robert scene, I was like, oh, God, I'm showing up there. So we're doing it because I have keys to an anti-van. I will be showing up there any minute. Get in this one of them. We are going to a job center.

We are going to an employment center, sir. Okay. So, Mary is saying, you know, she only has one kid and she can't leave, you know, someone raised three, you know? And so she's saying, you should feel some type of accomplishment just for that, you know, like three kids and they're all leaving. That's pretty amazing. And everyone's really quiet because now Heather's mad for whatever reason. And Heather's initial story was a little cringe. She can't spit. She's got hot dugs stuck in her teeth and she can't spit it out. She's facing the judgment of those quote unquote animals across the river that

are like, look at that one. Look at that lady over there with that food stuck in her mouth. Not even chewing it like a good. So Heather's like, I cannot wait to get home to indoor plumbing, a bed, and the ability to tow my hands, to what, wash my hands with the sink that drains. It's going to dream. And my daughter who's still there, that little. My daughter. I can't wait to go home and take a bath and then see my daughter, who should be gone by now.

Can't wait. Can't wait to go home and get chained back up to that barnacle who I call my daughter. Chains up the barnacle Oh, it's funny That's quite a role reversal For a barnacle, I have to say The barnacle's like, Whoa, this feels nice.

Nice to be attached to for once. Barclicals brag to the other barnacles. Oh, are you guys still attaching yourself to things? Oh, someone attached. I'm being chained. Yeah, yeah, I'm being chained, y'all. So now, if this show hasn't gone low rent enough, the RV gets stuck in the snow

and I'll talk about talk about a metaphor Heather Heather did the whole story about yet again had a different way that she's gotten fucked over by Mormonism and we cut basically

into a scene of an RV stuck in a hole and so they have to everyone has to get out and push this RV out of the hole and they do actually they push it out

and Mary is like no I'm not I will not be pushing an RV No, so she just sits there. Good for her. Good. But it's just so Salt Lake City when the entire cast has to get out and push the vehicle out of the muddy hole. Yeah, setting up the backdrop of dirty snow. After a scene done all unfolding chairs in a freaking camping site.

It's just. It was plastic wear in bowls that they can't cut the stakes. Cows watching with judgment. The cows are actually eating in a morning. dignified way. SLC is just so SLC and I love that every year they're like you know what we're not going to do this year improve conditions for our cast no okay we just want more big gulp cups and folding chairs do we have permission to film on the shoulders of any freeways this year okay we're just going to do this gorilla style okay jump out of the car

that being said I have to say I was I was very excited to return to society in fact I actually don't think it was like the smartest. I didn't love starting the season off in this like dingy campsite. I think like it was funny, but I'd like starting in, you know, civilization and in normal life and then go on a trip. But like just starting in like a shitty,

shitty campsite with like mud and muck and like garbage everywhere in dumpsters and like a rotting, rusting school bus. I don't know. I think we could. I think it was funny, but I like, I like going through the,

the bland um the bland nowhere of these like suburbs that they live in what i don't know what's the right where it's not a bland nowhere it's like the generic like uh i don't know the words are gone let's just i'll just talk yeah like the intro to the new season it's like well sean and i still live in a house with a bed that is as big as a city so we do not have to touch you know yeah the generic suburbia that of this cast you know Heather right writing another book like I'm writing my third book burping Mormon it's about how I was never allowed to burp until I broke free of the chains of Mormonism and now I burp whenever I want to

burp sorry I'm so sorry it's so hard to let it go just a recap on where we all stand with burping Mary burps only once a month Bronwyn I'm not sure if she burps or if she farts and Meredith if she did burp she would never let you hear it hi I'm your narrator Heather You exploited my burpina. I have to say also, like, half the charm of Salt Lake City is seeing the strange restaurants they go to. I mean, there was that season where they just ate nowhere but, like, Cochino, Tuscana. So now we see them back in their daily lives. We get another one in this episode, which is great.

Yeah. So, yeah, Whitney and her kids, they're running and she's running beside them while they e-bike. She's trying to race them. It's wacky. And then we go to Angie and Electra walking Celia. And Angie's like, look at Celia. She wants to go see her boyfriend across the park. And she's like, that's a girl, mom.

Then she is a lesbian. We will go get her a lesbian dog. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. A, ah, uh, uh, uh, Greek, Greek, Greek, Greek, Greek, Greek, Greek, Greek. It is quite Greek. I mean, I love Lesbos. That's, that's Greek right there. That is Greek.

So then we see Meredith and Seth Looking at turkeys They're like wow Hey Seth I heard about this thing called animals And we saw some big ones I don't know what they were called But I was thinking that maybe we should look at some animals also So they were looking at turkeys

And Meredith is like the one with the red chin Is that the man or And if it is a man Is it a toddler or is it a grown man Yeah and he must be Mormon Because he's got two wives Sorry, I'm a DJ now. I have to do a beat when I laugh.

So now Heather is driving and Angie calls her. And they're talking about going to Amy's party. Who's Amy, you guys? I'm going to Amy's party. We don't really have socialites in Salt Lake City. Our social structure is based on church. But if we did, it would definitely apply to Amy. She lives in a huge house.

She throws fabulous parties. She's kind of a who's who of Salt Lake City. Wow. Yeah, Amy. I mean, she's a who's who and yet we've never seen her. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't know.

Let me tell you that. Amy knows a lot of people with really bad hair. Amy is a collector of friends with bad hair. There was so much hair. I thought, my God, you've got Angie sitting right here at the party. She's got a hair salon. Can someone please go? What are you people doing?

Is this like bed hair? Is that what you people do? It's just like you wake up and it's like, this is how God wanted it today. So I'm just going to put some hair spray on whatever shape I woke up with. And I'm going out with that. Fix yourselves. Well, you know, if you seek Amy and you got to have good hair, I guess. So then.

If you're seeking Amy, just know this. Time Daily. is not far behind. La la la la la la la la la that's what I say about that. So Heather, they're all excited because Amy, Amy's throwing a party. And so Heather now drives to Marco's Bistro to meet up with Lisa Barlow making her true in-person debut on the season because the FaceTime call on a flashback does not count. So they arrived and she's like, ah, I feel like I haven't seen. him forever.

Like, I know I've missed you, too. I just launched a great storyline about how I can't wait for my daughter to leave my house. You must feel the same way. She's like, oh, yeah, your hair looks beautiful. And I don't know if you saw this. And then the waiter comes up. The waiter comes up and he's like, hello. Hi.

Oh, my God, his eyes gold. Is there anything I can be healthy? Oh, what would you like? You guys want one thing to drink. You're like, ice tea. You're all very good. It's like, whoa, well, get the fuck out of here. I know this guy stands by the kitchen bossing around busboys while he's jangling change in his pocket or something.

Listen here, creep. Just get me a nice team. Back away. Back away slowly, sir. That was a real treat for crap is on demand. Don't watch crap's on demand. You missed Ronnie doing a very up close and personal. Hello.

Whoa. That guy flurring his eyes. That was pretty iconic. That's amazing. He needs a feather boa. he does but he also upstaged someone in the restaurant that someone on on Twitter flagged

there was a lady sitting in the neck no one's up staging that girl I'm telling you what no one's upstaging that girl we had two icons right in a row on this right in a row in the same scene and she is just looking at Heather and Lisa like just giving up and down with such disapproving eyes like really

because Heather takes off her jacket it's like winter I guess it's always winter there right so she takes off her jacket and She's wearing like a little mini skirt with, I mean, she's just so overdressed for this place. She looks crazy. She takes up her jacket. This girl just looks her up and down, I think, five times. And she doesn't even do it fast.

She does like a slow like, mm, mm, looks at her mom and then looks back and does it again. It was so good. The judgment. It was like, this is why we got sent to the side of the room because they had to film this person. So I'll have the Karnia Seda. Oh, I love Karnayasada because when I was young, it was very. The church was very against Karnay Asada. And now I'm having it whenever I can.

Yeah, that's amazing. So how was the trap? Like, where did you guys end up going? It's like Provo Canyon. Oh, really? And we were in an RV. What? Marie Kampag?

I can't even find. Just the way Lisa reacted to this whole thing, which she said, we went to Provo Canyon. Lisa went, oh, really? Like, gross. What the fuck were you doing in Provo Canyon? Don't you know they killed Good Time, Girl, sir? Haven't you heard that? And Lisa's like, you're sad not to be there with you guys.

Someone wrote to us and said that I guess it was South by Southwest weekend. Maybe she was there when this was happening. So she chose South by Southwest, which explained the. the celebrities. And my question is, I wonder, was she actually at a celebrity event at South by Southwest? Or was she by just saying she was at South by Southwest, just lumping herself in with any celebrity that was at the event? I'm not sure. Yeah, like anyone she saw passing on the street. I mean, it was a chance to see Blake and Ben. So, but what you chose? Hi, Dan. He's across the street right now. Hi, Ben. Yeah,

we're having a lunch meeting on the, you know, on the street right now. He's across fourth straight. Hi, Ben. Good meeting. Good meeting. Good meeting. You. Yeah. I got you a bowl at Kava. I'll beat you there. Commercials. Here comes one right now. So Heather was like, well, even though you physically weren't there, just like Martha Coolidge or whatever the name of that ghost was, you were part of the trip from the jump. A lot went down. What was the name of Mary Sorenson? Martha Sorensen? Yeah, Sorensen. Yeah, that's right. Sorensen.

I love that it was a coolidge, though. Basically, Lisa, you are part of the trip from the jump just the way my daughter is part of my household seemingly for eternity. A lot went down, unlike my life when my daughter's around. Well, I'm not just going to sit here and not say anything to Lisa. Part of our friendship is being up front with each other and making me look good and the other girls looking bad. so Lisa will like me and hate everybody else. Yeah. Well, Bronwyn just dropped that she had been doing all this research on your businesses and your lawsuits.

I'm like, this is also, this is a misrepresentation. Like, maybe Bronwyn has done research. But, like, also it was in the newspaper. I'm sorry, if something is in the newspaper, I think it really should be more like, get this, Bronwyn still uses legacy media. That should be more of the shocker that Bronwyn sits and reads the newspaper. Well, I mean, if she has all the cases, then I guess it would be true that she looked it up and got the cases, but they're out there and they were talked about in the paper. So fair. It's fair game. Sorry. It's very fair game. I mean, I mean, Bronwyn did like, she clearly read things with like very carefully because she was and continues to pull out specific references to these cases in a way that I know I wouldn't be able to if I just read it in the newspaper. So she did, she clearly has done more than read it in the newspaper. But Heather, Heather. makes it sound like Bronwyn went and dug up stuff that was like not out there to use on this show.

And it's like, this is public stuff, Heather. You're really misrepresenting the situation. And we even see the clip of Bronwyn being like, it was in the newspaper. Like it's literally in the newspaper. All you have to do is read. And it's the Beverly Hills fight. You know, it's like, how dare you do research on me? What are you coming for me?

And she's like, uh, honey, it was in the Los Angeles Times. And I was like, who reads? Who reads? Kyle is disgusting to read things. about your friends. Reading is offensive. Oh, God. What an idiot. So then we see her

saying this. And then Heather's like, it was clear that she was just there to annihilate you. I'm like, do you remember your entire storyline last season where Bronwyn said one like shady thing in the car and you spent the next eight episodes talking about how Bronwyn was there to destroy it? Like you were on a mission to destroy the newbie all of last season. And now here comes Bronwyn, who read something in the paper

that about your own castmate but that's a cast that has had like controversy like this before and it's like whoa this is crazy and on top of that Bronwyn I'm also having a beef with Lisa so of course she's going to bring it up like why are they why has Heather's surprise with this these two don't like each other anymore like of course she's going to bring this up and be and like dance in it when I was thinking about it you know after I watched it as I often do I'll just sit there and think about it you guys like what did I learn tonight from Salt Lake City what did I learn but I was thinking about it and how crazy this relationship was and like the levels of all the fighting. And I mean, Lisa and Bronwyn because Lisa brings Bronwyn on as her friend, right?

She's introduced as Lisa's friend. Lisa's talking Bronwyn up, this and that, meet my friend. She's so fabulous. Immediately, Bronwyn's like, Lisa, it's not sticking up for me, my stupid fights that I'm having with people. And so turned on Lisa. And Lisa's like, what are you talking about? Like, the whole season, Lisa was like, what are you even talking about? I'm doing nothing to you.

Like, I'm, what do you want me to do? Like, you're fighting with Heather. What am I supposed to do about it? It's like, you don't even like me. You're saying, you know, nah, nah, nah, no, no, no, no. So I think that was Brahman's fault last year. I totally still stand by that. I think Bronwyn was a total asshole to Lisa last year.

And then, of course, it was kind of easy because kind of everyone hates Lisa. So by the end of it, she'd, Lisa's also very easy to stir up. So then by the end of it, Lisa's playing down and dirty. And it's about this necklace. And I talked to this person about this necklace. So Lisa got down. and dirty by the end of last year. But in my mind, Brahma fucking deserved it because Bronwyn was being an asshole that whole season. So then this season, Bronwyn's like,

okay, you're going to be an asshole to me. Then I'm going to come on and own all my shit and I'm going to be like you to you. And so she's being like Lisa Barlow, basically. She's getting all of the Lisa, all the dirt, and she's throwing it right in Lisa's face with confidence, not giving a fuck. And now Lisa's having a breakdown. And it's hard to feel bad for Lisa because this is kind of a Lisa thing, but ultimately, Bronwyn started it last year. So I'm looking at it, like, this is all kind of low that you're taking someone's like lowest point while they're being trashed in the media and immediately first episode bringing it up. Like, that's kind of a dick move. But it's to Lisa and Lisa spent the last part of her year coming for Bronwyn and all of her

shit. And there was all that shit with her kid and the kids' grandparents and all of that, which was just really icky, I think. So I don't know. It's just, it's just, it's just, so hard to pick aside. It's like you have to stick with whatever the most recent shitty thing is and I think Bronwyn kind of won this episode. I guess that was a 20 minute way with me saying like Bronwyn just Bronwyn won this one

fair and square. Bronwyn like plays this episode like she and we we are on the record. We are big Lisa Barlow fans. Like Lisa Barlow we like love her. I'm endlessly amused and entertained by Lisa Barlow. Bronwyn won this one for sure. I think

I personally think that last season it was a little bit more was a little bit more nuanced or layered than just like oh, you know, Bronwyn got into a fight and then Lisa didn't have her back and Lisa's like, well, whatever. And like that Bronwyn started at all. I think there was, it was more to it than that. But also like

not enough to that I really care to really take any stance on it. I think that in this case, they enter the season. Like, you know, it always resets. Okay. So new season and they don't like each other. There's this crazy thing happening. It's in the newspaper. Lisa decided not to show up on the cast trip. She decided to allegedly maybe go to South by Southwest or if it's not that, then she went to something else instead of being on the show.

And dangerous move to do that, especially if you've got like a sharp-tonged rival and the stuff comes up and it comes up and that's just what it is. And Heather is like, yeah, she was almost there just to annihilate you. Well, she probably was. She probably was there just to annihilate Lisa. Because guess what? They're in a feud, Heather, and that's just how it goes. And I think it's really shitty, and it's a horrible precedent for our friend group. And I think it's something you need to squash immediately by getting Brahmin out of the friend group. You know, that's what Heather's saying.

That's all Heather wants. You know, that's all Heather wants, you know. So Heather's playing her own housewives game here, too, by just being like, oh, I was the only one who stuck up for you in this whole thing. So Lisa's like, wait, how do you squash something that doesn't exhaust? Like a baseless claim that got dismissed And another one that's on its way to getting dismissed I mean we didn't even do anything It's like so dismissable

It's like some I mean this whole thing is so dumb Like it's sort of like having regular coke Like that's so dumb Like what do you want to dig up like 15 years of my life And be like oh this is naughty Ooh Lisa Barlow got tied to a poll by her classmates Oh big deal

Like Lisa has dismissed cases Like, obviously, they're not that bright Because anyone with half a brown Would know a dismissed lawsuit is like Nothing. It's like dismissed. Like, no one sues the bottom bitch. They all go for the top. That's true.

Do people sue the bottom bitch? It is a fair point. That's a, I think that was actually, it was a good line. It was a good line. You probably could poke holes in it, but I think it was a good line in Housewives talk. So Lisa goes. Well, she, wait, hold on. One of the things here about Lisa and her monologue, and this is how I know Lisa is in trouble.

Because normally I would come in here, like Lisa will handle Bronwyn easily. I think she handled her pretty easily last year. So watching this, I was like, oh, Lisa will handle her. No, because watching this diary room set this confessional, I knew Lisa was in trouble. She looks insane. Her makeup, I don't know if her glam team was like, I'm not even standing by you. Like they left. I don't know what happened.

She's got a full brown line at the top of her forehead. She looks like a doll. You know those, like, old Victorian dolls where they have, like, the foreheads and then their hair starts up here. She looked like one of those. There was like a full brown line of where her makeup started. Her hair was crazy. And then her eye makeup was crazy. And it looked like she had one black eye.

And so when she closed her eyes. It's like, you're a mess. Like, she closed her eyes. One of them was, it looked like it was swollen shut. I was like, you look like Heather's storyline the season that supposedly she got punched in the face by Jen Shaw or whatever. I mean, what is happening over there? She looks like she's been kidnapped. She looks like it's the end of a night that she's been kidnapped and she's making a video.

And I knew she's in trouble. She looks like Molly Sorensen found her. That's what I think. So then Lisa's like, look, I'll see them at Amy's and I have no problem talking about it. Well, what is going on with the lawsuit that they're even talking about? Tell me because I don't even know as Heather suddenly is playing dumb. Heather, who is one of the smartest people on this show and almost probably any other Housewives show, is something like, wait a second, there's a lawsuit happening. I don't know anything about it.

I don't even understand how this works. And yet somehow she's able to find out information that, like, Monica Garcia has a burner account that's been trolling them all. But, like, this is like something that's like widely available is like, what? It's impenetrable. There's a lawsuit? What? I don't understand things. I don't understand.

Like, come on, Heather. it's actually hilarious. Where would you even read that? What's a newspaper? I've never heard of such a thing. Growing up Mormon, we weren't allowed to do that. What are you talking about? I can't wait for my daughter to move out so I could read newspapers again. So Lisa's like, yeah, well, an old business partner from 15 years ago that we sold the business, so does, and that's spasas and molasses and thumbs. And then we have like another one like in a couple weeks and it got dismissed immediately. Like there's like no client. so it's just must and it's ridiculous and I don't own the same kind of business as anybody else has this fun group and I love a very different life from all of you I hang out with Blake loudly and Ben Affleck. Oh, ha ha. Do you know what it's like having a meeting with Ben Affleck when he's sitting across the restaurant of Taco Deli? You don't. You don't know. You don't know what I go throughout. You don't know. So, Heather's like, yeah, you know, your life is not that. different from all of us. Okay? I do Botox in a strip mall with the dollar store. So pretty big too, Lisa. No. Pretty big. It is. It is. Okay. Because while you're doing Botox next to a dollar tree, I'm setting up high tops next to a dollar tree.

So that's different. I do a different thing. Okay. This is Lisa's problem. Just these little comments, you know, like she's so much better than us. Like, you know, we get it. You don't want to be normal. But give the rest of us a little credit. Why don't you? so leis goes did anyone stand up from a other than you and others like um what about marith so well meredith was meredith you mean archonic no i meant like you were pretty quiet and she defended you at first but around the picnic table but then when the first lawsuits came out but then it just kind of got really heated and ugly especially when angie kind of piled on Heather Heather making herself sound like the only one who stood up for her When actually the only one who stood up for Lisa

Was Brittany Bateman by the way The only one who put herself out there And received blowback and ridicule was Brittany And Heather just did the Well I don't know what's going on You guys have to tell me Yeah Heather played dumb Britney was the one who stuck up for her

And I think Meredith did a little sticking up for her too She was like well I'm not going to talk about her When she's not here We should talk about this with Lisa Yeah. So Heather just goes to turn Lisa against everybody else, which works because Lisa is so easily swayed in these shows. Like they, she ends up losing it whenever they want her to lose it. She's just, she has no control, right?

So Heather's like, oh my God, are you crying? And Lisa's just like, ah! I wasted my inspector gadget coat for that. For that. Oh, go to the window, please. Am I preventilating? So Lisa is crying to us now and her crazy look with her like makeup

black eye and she's like, I'm just crying because I'm so frustrated. I'm so frustrated. And it's like all these years of sacrificing, I'm giving 100%. Do you know what it's like to have been in the same room as Robert Redford? Nobody does.

Nobody does. And now they're trying to tear it all down. They're trying to take it from me. Yeah. I've done so many sacrifices to know what it was like to leave my son so that way I can go hang out with Blake and Ben

your son's in Columbia well the other son he's very happy playing video games in his room but it was still a sacrifice okay I'm missing critical events okay like when my son he beat that one level that was really hard that was hard

because I've been putting everything into my brand and then you guys want to sit there and act like it's no big deal to rip it down it's okay that feel betrayed you were betrayed by everyone except me and me and the waiter please leave you're making us uncomfortable i'm just so frustrated for them to bring up shot to try and integrate my character it's disgusting okay let's dissect everybody's lifetime because and then she starts doing the thing where she starts grabbing both sides of her hair with two fingers and like moving it like flipping it out and then moving it down I'm saying, okay, you know what?

You want to dissect everyone's life because if they want to talk about mine, you know what? You're opening the door for me to talk about yours. That's what you're doing. The door's open. And then Heather, now stirring shit up, then does the whole, well, I think you can clear it up.

She's going to be like the nice moderate. She's going to be the wise one who's going to bring people together when she already broke everything in the first place. So now we go to the rules. She gets everybody to fight. And then she's like, we are women. And what women should do to do,

stand together as sisters, sisters who were traumatized by Joseph Smith. We go through the fire, we go through the water, we deal with Molly Sorensen, and in the end we come out stronger, but only if we listen to each other. And then afterwards, I will listen to all of you and turn it against you. That is what we do as sisters. Hello there. This is a two-part recap, okay? This is the end of part one.

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