Watch What Crappens - #3036 Below Deck Med S10E03 Part One: Run, Wave Runner! Run!

Episode Date: October 14, 2025

This is part one of a two-part recap!Below Deck Mediterranean struggles with a crew that doesn’t know what it’s doing as a waverunner makes a run for it and a silly fop boards demands szechuan in the background. To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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That's R-A-K-U-T-E-N-C-A. Well, what happens what happens. Well, hello, and welcome to watch what happens. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben over there's so much what happens. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben over there. Hello. How's it? How's it going? How are you doing today in this gloomy, rainy Los Angeles Day? Oh, I'm so cozy. I've got my sweatshirt on, as you can see with Crappins on demand. And I've also got my sweatpants on. And I'm just like, I'm just like ready to crawl under a blanket and do something even cozy. I don't know what I'm going to, I'll play like spelling bee on my New York Times app.

I don't know. But I'm just cozy. What about you? Yeah, I'm cozying it up. I'm wearing my Beyonce. H hoodie, like Cowboy Carter hoodie. I feel very, Beyonce-ed up. I love wearing a hoodie to work.

And it's a very exciting day because, oh, this is a very rough hoodie. It's like a very stiff material. So I'm echoing actually in my own ears. I'll take that off. Welcome. I've never echoed in a hoodie before. That's so weird. I didn't.

I could hear the ocean. I didn't either. Well, everybody, welcome to the show. It's Below Deck Mediterranean Day. Gather ran for some hugs and some naps, okay, on this cozy day. You can find this video on Crappins On Demand, which is on Patreon. That's also where you get bonus episodes. This week, we are doing a preview of the Southern Charm trailer, a trailer trash, as we call them.

So join us over there for that. Thanks for everybody who came to Amazon Live last night. That was super fun shopping with you guys. We do that Mondays at 4 p.m. every other Monday. And when we're not doing that, we are doing Crappy Hour Live, which is a Bravo News thingy that we do every other. Monday at 5.30 p.m. on YouTube and Patreon for free. So join us for that. You can find links to everything on our social, link in bio, at Instagram, okay? Or on Instagram, I guess I should say. And that's it for that. Let's get to the recap. Well, you know, before we do the recap, I just want to

give a shout out to one of our great friends here in our Bravo world. Also, we just love her in general. Amy Phillips. Amy Phillips. Excuse me. I'm getting choked up. Oh, my God. Amy Phillips. Oh, my God. I know everything. Amy Phillips. Amy Phillips of Drama Darling's podcast. We love Amy. She's subbed in for both of us over the summer at various times. And she's wonderful. And if you're going to BravoCon, we just want to flag this for you that at nighttime, like, you know, I don't know what the schedule is, but I don't think there's things scheduled tonight. So if you're looking for something cool to do, Amy Phillips is doing this thing called cabaretami. And it's going to be at the Hard Rock Cafe. She does her comedy cabaret. And you're like, you know, she does like a million

impersonations. So she's going to be doing it. So if you ever wanted to see Tamara and Gretchen singing Wicked, which I think we all want to see, it's Tamara and Gretchen. You know, Amy is going to knock it out of the park. So definitely go check out Amy's Cabarini that's going to be happening during BravoCon weekend. And she's also let us know that it's going to be at the

hard rock on the strip. And your ticket if you get it. Yeah, isn't that a minute? Like hard rock. And your ticket gets you 20% off of food for the day of the show. And if you want to get tickets, go to ticket web and search Cabaret that's C-A-B-R-A-M-Y.

or you can just check out Amy's Instagram at Meet Amy Phillips and her link will be in the bio. So go support our girl Amy. Yeah, she's the best. I saw it last time I was at Bravo. It was great. Yeah, she does a great show

and she's a great person. She's a great. She really is. Ventriloquist. She's like a legitimately a great person. She's not a ventriloquist. But she is a great magician. It's a great magic show.

And she strips. She takes off all our clothes. What she can do with a tassel, you don't even realize. So you can make her tassel sound like Rachel Zoh. Wait until the ping pong section, the ping pong ball section. It is absolutely incredibly amy. Okay.

Okay. We'll be there. Love you, Amy. Okay, everybody. Let's check out below deck Mediterranean season 10 episode three, excess baggage. We have been in a fight with Christian, who's a dummy, who tries to make us think that he's getting phone numbers wherever he goes. and Max, who's also a dummy, he's a French dummy, which really makes no difference except his voice is super fun when he yells at people.

And Christian's mad that he's getting bossed around all the time. And Max is mad because he's trying to be, I don't know, who did he say he was, what dictator was he trying to be? With the guillotine. Oh, he's trying to be Robespierre. He's trying to live up to the legacy of Robespierre. Yeah, Muslimini. I don't know where that came from.

But he is, I don't know history very well. Can you tell? I'm a reality person. And so they're yelling at each other. And Christian is like, don't do that. You don't fucking know me. Okay? So don't push my buttons.

And Max is like, push the button then. Push the button. Push the button. Okay, Fantasia. So Max is like, yeah, he's like, you don't know. He's like, this guy, you know, I ask him to just put this and I see him the other way doing like the shammy. Oh, my God. And Tessa's just sitting there watching, quietly, judging, putting everything in her, like, in her vault to complain about later.

Not actually doing any cleaning, of course, because it's Tessa, but she's just watching. Yeah. I like that Tessa is so judgmental, but also it doesn't work at all. Yeah. That's my favorite kind of judgmental. I love a judgmental that comes from a place of not having any leg to stand on, you know, in the argument. And so that's what she does. And it's really fun to watch.

And so I don't even know what they're really fighting. about, like, Max wants him to dry certain things, and he's like, but I did dry that. And he's like, no, you didn't dry it. And it's just a stupid fight. Max wants to be in charge. Christian doesn't want to be bossed around, but they're both dumb. So, Max, like, oh, since two days, every time we ask you something, there's a reason you don't do this thing. And he's like, but literally, I did the whole thing, bro.

Okay? The Shammie gave me his phone number. Max is like, oh, you, you, I ask you put on cover. There's no cover. So Nathan's like, okay, stop, lad. stop, Jesus fucking Christ, let's keep it professional. Finish the job. When you're off the boat, you have a conversation.

But for now, you know, get changed. We'll get ready to go out. Let's concentrate on not fixing my hair. Please. It's definitely a clash of egos, but they're not actually alpha males. They aren't lions. They're behaving like fucking cats. I'm like, oh, this.

I like cats. Stop that. Don't sully cats with these two idiots. They're acting like two stupid... platypus is biting over a piece of grass. Yeah. They're acting like boys. So Nathan's like, uh, what was that test?

And she's like, honestly, I don't need, oh, just can't, uh, could you pick up Sammy? No, still no. So everyone is cleaning because it's the, you know, the, they're, they're fixing up the boat, you know, because tonight they're going to go out. So now they're, they're getting excited. And Kizzy says, she's going to get. It's so drunk tonight. Like, she really can't wait. And then Sandy is in the bridge.

And she's listening to a voicemail from Leah that's like, Hi, baby. I'm on my way to work. I miss you. You're, like, so cute. Like, in, like, a sexy wife. Like, I'm so in love. What kind of way?

And, like, I don't know. Like, call me when you can. I love you. Me. Yeah. You're, like, really sexy. But, like, you're cute. But I don't mean it, like, in a bad way, baby.

I mean, like, you're not cute and I'm really sexy. Oh my God. How new are you to? Do you talk like that all the time? And Captain Sandy's just sitting there with a huge gun on her face. Like, wow. The luckiest girl alive. So I asked Norma if she ever gets voicemails like that. And she says sometimes she gets something left by the representative from sadness.com. So I don't know. People just get different kind of messages, I guess. Sadness.com or Norma. um my head's exploding over here so um v is asking asia for feedback on her cabins and asia's like whew you did it and then um kizzy is hanging with josh i don't know just people are doing things you know taking a nap before tonight what are we going to do so uh v still doesn't really seem to know what she's doing you know she has to learn about things like hand towels you know and Yeah, she has to, like, explain what hand towels are and why they're important because sometimes your hands get wet and you need a hand towel. I feel so determined to get V up to speed because a stronger team means more cold hard cash.

And right now, Scott and I, we've got a wedding coming up and we're doing repairs on the house. And I've got a mortgage and I need to paint the house. Pines expensive I like this gives herself like a three-night laugh break I'm not sure me too much more So So Sandy is

Walking through the boat like wow good Great looks like a hug This is like the clean version of a hug Great everybody did great So we're about to go out Max is going to go for Kizzy tonight. Everyone's all for Kizzy because she's like, I'm so horny. I just love

love. And Kizzy, is it me? Does Kizzy look different in every single shot that they show of her? I cannot get a grasp on what her face actually looks like. Like one moment, she sort of looks like kind of a British like, what was the name of the woman for Jerry Hall

from Star Trek or whatever? Like sometimes she looks like that. Sometimes she's like a little kind of like kind of like a mom version of like Charlie Seron. And then sometimes she's like this. She just has different looks. I think she looks like Rose McGowan sometimes from Charmed, went back in the Charmed days.

And I think sometimes she looks like Christina Ricci. Back in the Adams family days. But I don't know. I can't really figure it out. I do know this. She's probably a sociopath, which I like. She's like a sociopath with an extreme need for attention, which I think works really well on this show in general.

Yeah. Yeah, it's usually, it usually winds up like that. Yeah. And so she's texting Tommy, who I guess is her boyfriend, and it's really super romantic. She texts him, I can't poop. He says, sorry, I'm driving. I don't know what that means. Like, would he normally be able to help you if he wasn't driving?

Would he be able to talk you through it? Like, squeeze, but not so hard that, you know, you get a little bump. Yeah. What would you do? Close your eyes. Breathe deeply. Think of coffee coursing through your system. Yeah. Think of all the good things. Think of the fiber. So Aisha is, she's somehow found some like fake balls and she's like dipping them into Kizzy's mouth.

So that's fun. They're like tea bagging. And now they're all getting ready to go out to have their first night out as a team. So they're getting into their vans and they're excited. and V spills a beer on herself, and they're laughing, and guys are horny. And he was like, well, that's the first time I've ever had to finger up my ass. I do not believe you. I don't believe you. So then Nathan is saying to Max, first charter, and I think you and Christian are going to rip each other's throats out, eh, bra? And Max is like, yeah, yeah, every time we ask him something, he always finds something to say, you know, you know.

And then in the other van, V's with Christian and Josh. And they're, you know, having more fun while Max is just making everything about gossiping. Yeah, exactly. And Asia and Nathan are like sort of like, they're talking because basically, you know, his team is totally inept. And he's, you know, like, they're just trying to figure out what to do with everything with his deck team and everything. and Aisha saying there's just like, there's no time to train anyone. You just have to like dive in and go and, you know, because basically because it's below deck. So they are thrown into the fire as soon as possible they get like no lead time to get ready for guests, et cetera.

Yeah. So they arrive now at a... They're purposely given people who don't know what they're doing to make a good show. But I worry for the boat. They're getting out of hand at this point. I like when they had one or two people who don't know what they're doing and then everybody can bully that person. but having this many people not know what they're doing is a little scary

So Tessa meanwhile is like It's real hard though Like I don't think I've ever worked this hard in life Since the boys were born And now everybody is in downtown Barcelona Party It's our first party night with this crew right It's the first night we see them all doing their thing

And Nathan is He's like talking about how the women are a good look He's like the good-looking crew and he's like, oh, because of what I went through with gay-gare last season, you know, and then we see flashbacks

of them being annoying. He's like, I just want something casual. Casual is exactly what I like. Something deeply, deeply casual where you wouldn't have to say something like nine months later there's a baby.

You know, something easy, not too, nothing that will be like a lifetime commitment. Don't what I'm saying. Yeah, he's like, on the boat, I'm a person, but when I'm in the club, I'm a playboy.

Hmm. Mm-hmm. So they get to the. restaurant and everyone's really liking kizzy and um isa is i don't know it's one of those that's like that's a funny thing to say it's super awkward nothing's really going on yet they're kind of trying to pretend that they're all they're all in below deck mode where they're just walking around going woo woo but nothing's really happening and no one has a relationship yet yeah max is still talking about hypnosis max is definitely like the kid that went to sleep

sleepway camp and learned a lot of like cool things to sleepway camp from his friends and then has like come back to his regular friends and is trying to be like, oh, and here's something really cool that we did. I'm going to teach you how we did it. And like, no one cares. It's like, leave the hypnosis for hypnosis camp because no one cares about your hypnosis here in below dark world. He's like, I want to all do a hypnosis clinic. Yeah. He's like, I did learn for five months. A therapy hypnosis. You know, and the one moment I swear it fucking came to me you will do hypnosis now. I'm like, well, I have bad news for you. I know that you said that you had this epiphany

that you're suddenly going to become like hypnotherapist but you unfortunately may have been hypnotized because you're currently a deckhand on a boat so I think you're a little bit farther field from your therapy practice. Yeah, get hypnotized harder, bro. Yeah. So Kizzy is asking Nathan about his exes

and he's like, well, the most recent was last season. We're like best friends, you know, and just kind of, I kind of fucked it off. And she's like, RIP, I haven't pooped today. And Josh is asking where Max is going next. He's talking about the hypnosis. And then everyone just wants him to shut up. Christian's just looking at him like, you fucking kidding me with your fucking hypnosis?

Shut up. Who wants to calm themselves and close their eyes around Max? Literally nobody. Okay. So now Kizzy's doing that thing. This is something we see on below deck a lot, which is like the Thirsties do. who wants to get with all the guys, which, by the way, I support it. Go slut it up.

Those guys are good looking. Go get your fun, et cetera. But she does it. And like her flirting is just so clunky and so obvious. It's like, so she's like, she turns to Tessa and is like, do you want to do a Vajal with me? Of course the guys can hear it. And she's like, oh my God, she's going to talk about like Jules on her vagina and

everything. Like, you know, oh, what? Oh, you were listening in on that. It's like, okay. monkey flirt incoming yeah she's kind of doing of the flirting thing that people who are kind of not hot commodities do you know like we see it a lot with people who can't get dates who are like hey everybody feeling horny all the time it's me and you're like oh god it's like always awkward but it's an actual hot person acting like that it's like you don't have to put

yourself out there that hard you're already hot like what more do you need you don't like you don't need the vejazzling prop. You know what I mean? You're gifted. You're facially gifted. You're gorgeously gifted. So, like, you don't need to rely this hard on props. That's what I say. Yeah. And I feel like we've seen, we've seen some of these people on like below deck sailing. Like there was, remember that one crazy girl. Is that Ashley? Was her name Ashley? I don't remember. But she was the one who like binged on spaghetti when she couldn't get with Gary. she was of this mold and then the last season of below deck sailing there was a girl diana i was a diana i think it was diana or maybe diana you know i don't remember below deck people

i don't have i don't have space in my mental dvr to remember below deck people i didn't even remember max and he did a full old season i still don't really remember max and he's on the show right now yeah it was danny but like these these girls who are like you know they walk up to a guy be like, I'm going to go a vagina to my vagina. And, like, of course you're allowed to say that. And of course, you're allowed to be proud of that. There's nothing wrong with it. There's no slut shaming coming here. It's more like a clunky flirt shaming. I just feel like, just don't be so transparent. Put some art into it, you know? Yeah, artful, artful flirting.

It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappence commercial. So she's like, yeah, you know, that's where you'd be. Diamonds on your vagina. I just have a little love heart of gems. But then later she tells us that the last boat she was on, she left with three STDs. And I'm wondering how that works with all the Vajazzling, you know? I mean, doesn't that make it like crustier?

Or are you trying to like hide stuff with the Vajazzle? Like, it's not an STD. It's a Vajal, you know? Yeah, I am very curious about that. It's an interesting detail. Then she giggled it off. But like it's, I think, Again, it's just to be like, look at me.

Well, then she's like, acts like she's embarrassed. She's like, oh, my God. I'm like, you're the one who introduced it to the table. Like, it's fine. I mean, obviously, like, if it's fine, I'm sure you got it all cleared up, right? But, like, I don't know. Like, I can't stand to clunky flirt. That's just what it comes down to.

Yeah, but they're all falling for it, you know, because he's like, it's just muffed diamonds. And so the girls are laughing. And Nathan's like, wow, she's definitely trouble. She's definitely trouble. You know what I like? when I have sex with somebody, I like to feel my penis being slowly chipped away like a pencil in a pencil sharpener. That's what I imagine that hermit jazzle is like.

Hervin jazzle, it's like textured. It's like when you, it's like when you're feeling the radio button on your steering wheel. That was a really specific comparison. I also, One of those finger torture games, you know, where it's like a basket weaving thing that you put your finger into. I mean, I know that you don't, you don't vajazzle the interiors or whatever. But you see, that's what you get for talking about vejazzling and trying to make it this big deal.

Because you're making everybody wonder, like, well, what is that like? You know, especially with the STD talk in the same conversation. It's just too much. And so I also, by the way, you know what I hate is when guys say things like, Kizzy's definitely trouble. No, you're trouble. You don't put it on her. She's a clunky flirt. You're the guy who has no self-control,

although it doesn't seem like you need to have self-control because it doesn't seem like you're in a relationship. But I hate when they do that, they just put it all on the girl. I mean, that drives me nuts. Yes, she's annoying. And yes, she's basically like, like, you know, trying to be like, look at me, boys.

But at the same time, like, bro, like, you're trouble. She's not trouble. I mean, girls say that about guys too, like, oh, here comes. trouble. I think it just means like a nice, sexy. Well, what always happens is it's always guys like Nathan or Gary or whoever who like the big flirt is on board and then they get their rocks off.

They have sex. They have a good time. And then they want to keep the option for more good times. So they say sweet nothings. And then the girls wind up getting attached. And then all of a sudden they're like, whoa this is too much and suddenly this idea of like their trouble is now come to fruition but it's largely because the guys have been fuck with them in the first place you know like it's usually on the

guys i just i guess i'm just on one this morning well i'll just wait for the i'll just wait for that to actually happen because you know that's gonna something like that always happens on below deck anyway so i'm just enjoying the calm before the the storm yeah the calm before the the man trouble storm so um because he's like how am i get a vajal that says bravado that's a gigantic a private part you have there jesus that's a big vajazzle it's also a bold statement to put on your on your hoo-ha i feel like bravado bravado the hoo-ha coming soon to a wiener near you this vagina's been places you've never seen before bravado and nathan's like i would do a sparkly cobra that would be my pizzazzle that would look like a mealworm you talking about a sparkly cobra on your wiener no and also also penises change sizes

too much to be vejazzled that's why you can't have a one minute it would be like oh you know like it's crumpling all up together and it would cut you it wouldn't feel good you need to have it on something, I guess, more solid. You couldn't put it on your nuts either. Those things are always up and down, up and down. Big small, big small, here, there. What are you going to do? Guys, just don't jazzle yourself. Don't pizzazzle yourself. Just, we, we should do it on like the back of our elbows. Something. I think, I think you should, you should pizzazzle an image that looks like the back of a yacht. And so that way, every time you get a boner, it looks like the pass the rail coming up and getting reaching for the dock they can bring like luggage across it or maybe

you could sew one part of your nut sack to like closer up towards the head of the penis so that whenever it gets erect it can look like the sails going up on um sailing yacht how about a ballerina who is uh in the process of doing an arabesque it's like oh my oh my oh my oh my Look at that ballerina's wonderful form. It's like, no, I just have a boner. Or you could just sew like little arms on the side. And so when it starts to get bigger, it looks like one of those car wash things that's like flinging its arms around.

Yeah, but you have to do a little bit of work. You have to do some flopping on your end as well. That's true. Hey, sorry, guys. I'm doing just what we're accusing Kizzy of. And I'm doing really sexy flirting right now. I'm doing artless flirting right now. I know how many people have pulled over their cars right now

just too turned on to even drive. Sorry, guys. Sorry. You know, I think the thing, I'm trying to, like, articulate what it is about Kizzy, like this style of flirting that drives me nuts. Because I feel like you have to be really careful. When you try to describe what's irritating about it, you open up the door for people saying, like,

you're slut-shaming, a girl's allowed to flirt, da-da-da. And it's like, absolutely. a girl knows not only allowed to a girl should and enjoy it yada yada yada but there's something about like the this kind of flirt where she'll like make a passing comment

as if she is as if she tumbled out of her mouth as if she didn't mean to say it and then it brings the entire conversation at the table over to her and then she has to like laugh like oh this is so embarrassing I can't believe I accidentally said that and then everyone's asking her questions about

herself and then it's of course but it's also like usually about her sex life so in a way like she's trying to kind of like it's it's her way of I think trying to present herself as like you should like like hey hey check check me out which that part's fine but it's more the way that she like commandeers all the attention of the table and I don't like anyone who does this I don't like anyone who is just like does some social manipulation where whatever conversations were happening all come to a halt because this girl needs like attention at this moment or this boy it can happen with the boy too i want to add so i'm trying to like you're really getting yourself tied up over there well i like you know what me i like to when i

start a theory i like my theory to to make sense and i like it also to like i don't want to have to once the theory is locked in i don't want to have to explain it again i don't want to have to come on next week because because people are like what ben was saying on the show was so inappropriate and so backwards and I have to be like, this is what I really meant, because now I've thought about it for a week. This is what I really meant. I kind of like lock it in. And I think that what I'm locking in here is that Kizzy wants, is just like obnoxious. And she just wants a lot of attention and she wraps it up with her flirting and she makes her flirting annoying as a result.

Yeah. And I don't like it. Yeah. Okay. Well, fair. I mean, I, yeah. In my eyes, she's just an annoying attention hog. Like, she's just like desperate way to say.

And it's, um, it's awkward. Um, so she's just using the avenue of her Vajasel to get there. But, you know, we all do it in different. We all have our different ways of doing it. Uh, so we hear a phone dinging and I guess who it is. It's Tommy guys. Is Tommy still driving? I'm dying to know.

So Tommy's like, are you good? And she's like, yeah. And, um, she's like, oh my God, you guys, he's so in love. He just asked me if I'm good. He just asked me if I'm good. That's Tommy. He's my gentleman at home. And the guys are like,

What? She has a gentleman at home. And Tessus wants to know if they've said the L word. And she's like, yeah, we have. And then Josh looks very confused, even for a clown. Yeah, he's very confused. And Nathan is like, holy shit, she has a boyfriend. That's fucking bizarre. And then Christian's like, oh, fuck, that sucks.

And Max's like, oh, she went too far away, flirting with everyone on to announce that she has a boyfriend now. And then Josh, we just see him in clown makeup. going, wha! Please tell me that guy never gets laid because it just, it just wouldn't be fair to see that guy, that clown getting laid. Please.

Oh, he definitely gets laid. It's so annoying. That's why he's getting a positive feedback loop on that clown makeup. That's very unfortunate. So everyone, you know, the guys are confused,

but they're like, okay, I guess, cheers to that. So now it's 14. point five hours before the next charter. Max and Nathan go out for a sig and

Max is like soci of a boyfriend and Nathan's like lad I don't know there I don't even know I still don't even understand the Vachasel They are acting like the star running back on their fantasy football roster just went on injured reserve like oh wow wow we really

thought like I built my whole season around Kizzy but now she's like not going to be playing football for the next several months So I got to go find someone to replace us. Like, what do we do? Like, what's going to happen? I got a recruit. Do I go to the waiver wire?

Like, is there anyone even available? Everyone is like a third RB3 at best. Like, what do we do, guys? Like, they're in panic because Kizu is off the market. So they're sitting out there smoking. And then inside, Tessa and Isha are talking. But they're like people standing at the Golden Corral and there's one, you know, there's like one roll left on the buffet and they see someone take it and they're all

upset. Like, the roles were there for everybody. It didn't make you, it didn't make you special. You know what I mean? Like, if you all thought you had a chance, I mean, I don't know, just keep looking. You're fighting over the cottage cheese. So, Tessa, inside, the, the girls and Josh are still there. And Tessa's like, well, it's a deck beating, and I'm not part of it, which is okay, because those boys have watched them and then they grew up in their little children looking for they've come now. I mean, it's concerning that they're cracking, so I You know what I mean? I mean, the whole team, I don't know if I can trust this team.

I don't know if I can even trust this team. It's stressing me out, boss. It's stressing me out. Do you reckon it's rectifiable? I'm just happy it's not me. I'm just happy it's not me. It's what's going on. So Max, outside tells Christian, he's like,

Blur, can you punch me on the shoulder, please? Because I really want, like, that we succeed into males that can communicate each other. And it's like, okay, well, how about your hug instead? no punch and hug it out like we don't need to do any punching a good hug so they hug christian hates max i actually i have to say i liked christian more this episode because his hatred for max is so enjoyable for me like the way he just cannot hide how much he can can't stand this guy like his even though christian is a totally inept deckhand and probably should be fired and like his tales of aggression are not charming at all and they're the exact opposite i do just really

enjoy how like every time mac says something christian's just like shaking his head like why did i leave my anything i was doing in my life to come here to deal with this jackass yes we get christian backstory and he's like growing up and also called the crazy eyes in the first five minutes and here's here they are here they are here's the backstory so it's like growing up i used to solve my problems with being physical last time i got in a fight was two years ago, I was in Sydney, and there were some drunk guys, you know, being stupid and having fun. And one guy's came up towards me and he grabbed my nose. And he said, got your nose. He did that to me. So I punched him in the face. And I said, no, I got your nose.

So, first of all, I knocked him out. He said, what the hell? You can't knock somebody out for doing the, I got your nose trick. Do you know how many times I would have been knocked out? Jesus Christ. I love that. No, you can't do that and you shouldn't do that. But if you do the, but if you're drunk and you do the I got your nose trick to a random stranger, just know you might get your face knocked in.

Like that's, I'm not saying you had it coming, but just no, it is on like the short list of things that may, consequences that may happen. They have the consequences of my actions. I mean, no, I'm not advocating for it. That's an international. sign of like hi i'm just trying to be nice to you got your nose that's like a nice do you know my nieces i agree i don't i would not punch some of me i live in you know texas is a concealed carry state or whatever my nieces could have shot me back then if that was acceptable to be hatred towards that i was

always catching their nose i love catching noses i am definitely not catching anyone's nose in texas i will have a bullet in my head in three seconds okay like no i'm not doing it. There's just certain things you don't do. And I'm not saying, like, I don't like the mentality that like, I'm a nose bandit. I'm going to steal your nose. I don't like the idea that like we have to like, like violent men. We have to like cater our actions to to suit their needs and their impulses. Like they're the ones that should be working on themselves when we do things stupid. But that being said, we do live in a real world. And I am not grabbing a nose of any stranger anytime soon. I think, at least what I'm sorry. Well, you reserve the right to not grab a

nose. I'm just saying, you know, if someone does grab your nose, you shouldn't punch him in the face. I mean, that's like, that's a very nice thing. It's like, I don't know. It's like someone being like, I don't think it's a nice thing. Hi, I see you in the world. Got your nose. You literally are stealing my body part. That's not nice at all. That's terrible. Don't steal my nose. Don't put your fingers on my nose. Don't steal it. Don't hold it for ransom. Don't pretend to steal it. Don't even do a hoax rob. Don't do a hoax kidnapping for publicity. Get away from my nose.

Stay away from my baby. Yeah. So it was a big deal. So he got violent and he knocked this guy out. And also, I feel like in Sydney, I feel like that's like a drunk culture, right? Australia, I feel like is where guys get really drunk and start patting each other on the butt. I don't know. I'm kissing each other on the neck and stealing each other's nose.

I mean, it sounds like a perfectly charming place. It does. My impression of Australia is that there's a lot of like charming laughter. And so I think probably if a drunk Australian grab my nose in Australia, I'd be like, all right, it's funny. But I don't know if I would otherwise. I think I might give it a pass in Australia. So he's decided since he's already, you know, beaten a lot of nose robbers that he is going to accept Max's apology. because he doesn't want to put his job in jeopardy by punching Max in the nose as well.

So he's like, yeah, I'm just trying to keep myself calm so I don't do something stupid. Like, okay, crazy eyes. Get rid of him. Get rid of him. Yeah. They seem to be setting up that he's going to do something stupid, which he does by the end of the episode,

which is, you know, strains it on a jet ski. Because Kizzy is kind of a jazzle thing, like her trying to look cool. This is his trying to look cool. It's like, yeah, I beat a guy. I beat a guy for stealing my nose. Get out of here, sir.

So Josh is asking Kizzy where her guy is. And she's like, oh, back in England, it's new. You know, I came off my last bet with three STDs. Which has nothing to do with her guy, by the way. She's just like, the question was, where's your guy back in England? And then I came off the last boat with three SDDs. That has nothing to do with anything. But yeah, she's like, oh.

So now, of course, like, what? So it's a great deflections. that way they're not talking about the guy anymore. And they're centering the fact that she, like, loves to have sex. So she's like, really, like, she's like, you know, like, then she's like, oh my God, did I say that? And then they're like, what? She's like, no, it wasn't at the same time.

Yeah, it was at the same time. I had three at the same time. Isn't that hilarious? Josh is like, so would you say, you're juggling STDs? Oh, I'm a clown. Oh, I'm a clown. Speaking of grabbing your nose. Oh, geez.

Well, I guess that's like no sturbation if you're if you're honking your own nose. So then, um, so, uh, Tessa's like, is like, is this one of them? And she claps and Kizzi's like, no, I didn't have to clap. And Aisha's like, is this one of them? So she like, pantomimes a crab. You see, there's one clown on board and now everybody's like panamiming. And well, actually, the, the irony is the clown is the only one not miming right now. Everyone's trying to mime different, like, so I'm surprised someone didn't try.

Try to be like, all right, okay, okay, sounds like, chat, pawn, pawn, pawn, gone, gone, come on, keep going, sounds like gone, gonorrhea, there we go. A little STD charades. Commercials, here comes one right now. So she's like, well, I don't have anything anymore. Well, those were three lucky STDs. If you've had three STDs and they're all the ones that you don't have anymore, those are very lucky ones. Because I think the normal, you know, the most common ones you have like forever, right?

So that's like, I don't know, I don't feel like I'd be bragging about STDs at dinner, but, you know. Yeah, it's, it's like a weird thing. Like, I'm not going to shame someone because they got, like, they got an SDD. Like, you know, shit happens, right? But like, it's just. But can I eat my calamari? You know what I mean? Without thinking of your private part crust.

Can I just enjoy my calamari? So she's ready to party. And they're like, yeah. Max is like, life is good. So now they head to the club, you guys. Max still wants to dance with Kizzy. He's like still into it. There's no keeping the men away from Kiz.

So, you know, they just party and woo a lot. And then Max and Christian are dancing. And Christian's showing Max some salsa moves. And everybody's like, what's with the bromance with these guys? And then Josh is, Josh tries with Kizzy again. He's like, is your boyfriend worried? I'm worried, clown. Back away.

Yeah. You don't need to be following me around the club all night asking me questions about Tommy, sir. Okay. Go go in a corner and pinch your, and pinch your nose for squeeze your own nose. Squeeze it off. So Kizzy is talking to Tessa and she's like, I'm like naturally a very flirty person, but I also love connection. Like, I just really, I love, love just so much. But while she's telling this, she's telling this the test, like, who seems bored out of her mind.

And meanwhile, because Kizzy's basically off the market, the guys are now circling around V, truly like sharks. And they're all, they're all being flirty. And Max is saying, like, they're saying some sort of stuff about how he's ready to bite anything. And she's like, oh, my God. And Kizzy's still just going on about like, you know, I just want to like embrace people and I want to hug people. and I want to like have conversations and feelings for people and I love that it just makes me feel so nice I love connection now hold on one second let me go to work upside down on Asia excuse me yeah and Tessa's just looking at her like gross because basically she does it because V is getting all this attention from the guys

and Kizzy is watching and she's like getting jealous and she's like wait a second so she barges in and does like an upside down to work lap dance thing yeah well V is giving Asha lap dance. And then now Vee gets up. So Kizzy is going to like upstage her lap dance. So she like does the upside down handstand lap dance thing. And so like, whoa, yeah. And of course, Aisha immediately acts like she's eating her butt.

And Starboard is like, yeah, it's going to be a good, this is going to be a good season. And Josh is like, oh, yeah, encourage that twerk. And Max is like, oh, she already like put fire on the palace. The mayor are about to explode. More parrying, more lap dance and everything. And Kizzie's like, I've been told I've been an old tigal. We all knew this. Aren't I?

Outrageous. So now they're all heading back to the boat and everything. And he's Christian showing everyone a tattoo on his butt of his ex-girlfriend's Instagram handle, which I love the branding. Literal branding. That's funny. And Aisha is finally, like, grossed out, you know. And so Christian's like, yeah, she's hot.

You guys can follow her. You guys can follow her. They're like, okay, you're gross. So Aisha sends Scott to miss you text emoji. And he doesn't even text back, you know, like hope you're pooping well, which I don't know. I don't know if this relationship's a solid one. We'll tell you that. So they go back to the boat.

everyone's just jacuzzi time and kizzy's like let's face time on my man's let's face home on man's um and christian sees her face timing so he gets on the phone and he's like oh she's a keeper yeah she's a real keeper the jazzle bro yeah so uh meanwhile uh max is like very disgusted by this because he's saying that she's like really thirsty and like she's in love with a guy but like she also wants to be single and it's like really fucked up etc so then the way he deals with it is he decides to hypnotize Christian. So they're like drunk and Max is doing some sort of hypnosis. He's like, okay, this, we're going to settle into a trance.

Okay, you're breathing in and breathing out. Okay, you're going to fall asleep. You're getting very sleepy. Are you okay? Oh, good night. And then he basically is like, when you wake up, you will be good at lines. And Christians sort of like wakes up and he's like, hmm. I don't think I went to sleep in the first place.

He's just looking at him with this face like, what are you trying to do right now? So Nathan calls Gail and it's 7 a.m. where she is. And he's really tired. She's like, you need to get some rest. And he's like, yeah, but I can't. And she's like, but you need to. And then we're supposed to be like, wow, these two belong together. So then Max and Christian, yeah, Max's hypnosis is really bad.

We're still doing that. So then we go to Aisha holding noodles up above her face and lowering them into her mouth very slowly. And then we go back to Nathan and Gail's. notebook conversation. He's like, I have to be up in eight hours. And she's like, I'll let you sleep then. I can see the wrinkles under your eyes. And he's like, fuck off.

That's gross feet, you cheeky bastard. I like that. He's like, no, I don't have wrinkles from fatigue. I have wrinkles from age and weather. So Nathan's like, last season, I had an amazing girl I cared about. We had an amazing deck team and a great bond within the team. And I don't have that this year. And I think a major part of that is not having Gail around.

there's like a slight hole in my heart but I'm not trying to show that because I fuck things up and it's just time to move on this is so disappointing I mean like Gail is like you know she's this like very lovely

drop dead gorgeous girl and even even with that a guy is still going to be like I want something better I'm going to fuck it up it's just like what what hope does anyone have yeah so Nathan is giving a speech

to the team guys we need to have more urgency, okay? There's like drool coming down, Tesla's face. She's like, uh, okay. All right, I want people in the las. Organizing and inflate world, getting everything out, and obviously time management. What time is it? Uh, okay, well, we'll start, we'll start with that one at lunch. Everybody got to watch. All right, job list need to be done. We've seen job list, uh, Christian. You ever seen a job list? Christian, do not make me steal your nose, Christian. He's like, I fucking dare you. Fucking dare you.

First charter, Tessa came in late and she was sick. I came on late. I was sick blowing chunks everywhere, diarrhea all over the teak. But going to the second charter, we all know the boat. We're all healthy. And now it's time that we actually do our job well. No more excuses. Yeah.

Hey, Nathan. Sorry, someone took my nose. Oh, geez. How are we going to do that? How are we going to clean the decks without a nose? So good news. We see V making a bed. So she can do that now.

And then Tessa is talking to Christian And she says that she's getting pissed off Because there's like smudging or so I don't know Tessa's always like walking around griping about stuff under her breath And I don't really ever know what she's talking about But I always am friends with that person at work who's griping a lot I find them entertaining Yeah now it's time for the preference sheet

And wait is that person me? No, you're a very positive person and I gripe I would actually be honored. I am the griper. So Aisha, we now have our preference sheet meeting. So there's this guy, Jack, who was on, I guess, below deck down under. I just don't remember him very well.

And so Josh asks how this guy is. And she's like, well, he's a little bit specific. And we see, like, when he was last on the show, he's like, I want a pinata made out of chocolate. And also, can I have a deckhand come and breathe into my ear? So she's saying that Jack and his friends, Catarina Eleanor and her fiancée, Sam, Taylor, Simon, and his girlfriend Edina and Mickey with 2Ks

have been traveling through Europe, ruining all of the continent. And upon arrival, Jack would like the steeds to unpack for him in Catarina. Okay, so day one's water toys, wave runners, you know, everybody remember I said wave runners, all right? Because that's going to become a big plot point, okay? You're going to get your jam down, right? We're going to get our jam down with the wave runners? Okay, listen.

I know I'm using like I'm in a really good mood today, but it's because I got a little message this morning. They called me BB a few times. That's really enough to get me going. So they want a truffle-focused menu, and Josh explains that with truffles, you have to put them with stuff that really works with them, or they can taste kind of flat.

So that's something that we should know in general, I guess. because it has no bear on anything else. Do not add truffles to things that they don't go in. Okay, general chef rule. Wait a second. Wait a second. Are you saying I shouldn't put truffles on my Reese's pieces of peanut butter cup? I don't know.

I actually don't know what truffles go with. I thought truffles were over, but I think it's truffle oil that's kind of. The oil is over. Because on the food network, those chefs are always like, Truffle oil, basic. You're out. Yeah. Did you really just get me truffle oil on my friend?

You are out. This is the Guy Fiatty network, and we have class. Yeah, they really hate it. I seem to remember there were some top chef where Gail Simmons was like, it was like, truffle oil. It just tastes like truffle oil. It's like, too much. Like, quiet, Gail.

I actually still like truffle oil. You know whose favorite I hate truffle oil face is Alex Gornishelli? She has the best, I hate you in your truffle oil face. You know when Alex Gornishelli gets upset with someone. Well, she's always kind of upset. She's always like, I'm gonna mean this look to people. But man, when she hates your truffle oil, you're in trouble, mister.

You are in trouble. You know what's so funny? I'm such a follower because I actually really enjoy like a truffle French fry or a truffle. Like I don't have any problem with truffle oil whatsoever. I enjoy it. It's fun. It's tasty. But someone recently came over.

I was like, wait, you guys don't have truffle oil? Okay, you guys have to get truffle oil. And I was like, peasant. But like, I actually really like it. I'm such a food trend follower. It's like, oh, really? Druff Oil. What are we farmers?

Hey, everyone. This is the end of part one of this recap. For part two, keep an eye on your podcast feed. It is coming up in just a moment. Thanks so much for listening. Catch you on the second half. Watch what crappins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King.

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