Watch What Crappens - #304: Vulture’s Brian Moylan: The Countess Report

Episode Date: June 23, 2016

Vulture’s hilarious Brian Moylan (@BrianJMoylan) joins us for this week’s bloody Real Housewives of New York and Before They Were Housewives: LuAnne DeLesseps. We laughed our butts off. Then we talked Below Deck Med’s Danny entertaining old dudes and Shahs of Sunset’s Reza ruining lives for fun. Enjoy! Timestamps below! Timestamps: 00 Opening chatter and Crappens Mailbag: Kim/Dorinda Intervention and Before They Were Housewives: LuAnn Edition 23:18 Vulture’s Brian Moylan talks RHONY and LuAnn 1:57:40 Below Deck Med 2:07:30 Shahs of Sunset Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. For all our other links and extras, go to http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Watch What Crappens would like to thank its gorgeous premium sponsors, Cassie Budolski and Christy Doherty. We love you girls. Hello and welcome to the Watch What Crappens podcast, the podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on Bravo. I'm Ronnie Karam from the Rose Pricks podcast and Trash Talk TV, and here I am with the gorgeous, talented, thin, and not hangry ever at all, Ben Mandelker of the B-Side blog at the Banter Blender. Hi, Ben, old. Oh, hello, hello. I'm so grateful

for you for always calling me thin because I'm really having some body issues this week. So, thank you. Thank you. I have them. I have them. I'm sorry. I can't help it. I'm a gay man in Los Angeles. I'm a 40-year-old gay man in Los Angeles. There's some point where you just have to go, who the fuck cares, really, honestly?

Well, I still have three more years to go before I can call myself that. So I haven't reached it yet. So I still care. I hope you do. It's so freeing. Yay. I ordered a pulled pork sandwich, french fries, and a milkshake yesterday from Uber Eats. And they brought it to my home.

And I was not even embarrassed at all. You know what's so funny? I just got the email about Bay City Sandwiches. Because it's Wednesday. And I got one right now that's email about get your Bay City Sandwich from Uber Eats. And I'm like, ooh, why did I not do that? I could have had a Bay City Sandwich. That Uber Eats is amazing.

It's $5. And then you don't tip. Hello. I haven't. I actually have not used it yet. So, but I'm, I will do it at some point. I need to stop it because I'm going to start using it all the time now. I didn't know it was that cheap.

You can have them go to fucking Chick-fil-A. Oh, Jesus. I do use Postmates. I use Postmates quite a bit. They suck. They're always like, we don't have a driver who's available. They tell you like half an hour later. I'm like, really? Because I could use a chick-fil-a in my stomach right now i've had a very indoors kind of a week if you can't tell okay anyway we're talking about food

already uh hi everybody yeah it's hot out but i have a new air conditioner what what what what what i'm so happy um you guys if you want to hear more about chick-fil-a cravings and uber eats come over to facebook.com slash watch what crap ends to talk to other listeners and also if you want to subscribe we have a premium feed where we have our uh bonus episodes which this week was all about big brother and big brother is just a hilarious mess this year already so go check that out that's at patreon.com slash watch what crop ends and also our google hangout is this week and that's through patreon as well um that's our party it's this uh thursday or next thursday night rather what date has that been the what's it's like the 29th. I would imagine it's the 30th. It's the 30th. The 30th.

Okay. Yeah, it's my Ramona math I'm doing. It's the 30th. And that's at 6 p.m. Pacific. So find out about that over at patreon.com slash watchwhatcrappens. And for all of our links, come to watchwhatcrappens.com. Yeah. A lot of good stuff there. I want to say, by the way, real quickly, you know, I'm like a stickler.

I hate saying something that's factually wrong. I just get very embarrassed. I don't know why. It's just like the student in me. So I need to correct myself from the previous episode. We were talking about Southern Charm, and I had this rant about, why were there people dressed like Confederate soldiers at the Founders Ball? Well, stupid me.

Turns out I'm the idiot here. Those were soldiers from the Citadel whose uniforms do look sort of Confederacy. But they were not. Those were not because I was like, how did they show black people? And they show Confederate soldiers. I was like, what are they doing? The sad part is that it's actually believable on this show. So you know what?

Shame on you, show, for even making that a believable mistake. There we go. Thank you, Ronnie, for letting me off the hook. Yeah. Look, I can't be admitting all the wrong shit I say because it's every minute of the day. I'm spouting off nonfactual shit all day. It's just that we make fun of these people for every small thing that they say,

and I feel a bit of pressure to make sure everything I say is factually correct. Well, I'm absolutely never mindful of being a hypocrite. I think it's really fun. It's my hobby. I have no problem with being a total hypocrite. Okay, well, that's good then. And that's why we're a good marriage i just

snorted that's so it's because big brother started god damn it yeah big brother oh my god we're gonna talk about that a little bit with we're not so basically we have brian moylan coming on the episode today which is really exciting he is a writer for vulture and he does the recaps for real housewives of new York and Beverly Hills and Orange County. So we're going to talk with him about Real Housewives of New York City and also the Luann special bit and we may even

veer off course into Big Brother territory. That's coming up. I'm really excited. I love that guy. He's so funny. It's always nice to meet people in this little world because I'm always at home you know so like someone like that is so talented and funny and i've been reading him for a long time so except it's beverly hills because i wrote those two bitch um but i do like to look at his and see how different um our opinions are and he is so he's like hilarious

in a way that's not horribly mean which which I like. There's a special talent. It requires special talent to do that. I do not have that, but I appreciate it in him. So why don't we mosey on over to the Krappen's mailbag? Sorry. mailbag sorry sorry I'm sorry okay let's face it let's face it it's neither snowing nor raining so I especially expect some mail um Mick uh Resendez uh says hi guys first time caller long time listener and I finally figured out how Patreon in the mailbag works anyways I literally have

a book full of questions for you guys but I'll start with one request can you do an intervention with Kim Richards facilitated by Dorinda with Ramona and Bethany as support I thank you in advance for the car accident I'll probably be getting into listening to this PS thank you so much for the pride bonus episode and thank be getting into listening to this. P.S. Thank you so much for the Pride bonus episode. And thank you for helping so many of us laugh through the hard times.

Love you, boys. Mick Resendez. And I would like to add that someone wanted to pile on to that. Oh, Deliza D. says, piggybacking on Mick's question, Ben, would love to add Dr. Phil to the list of interveners. So an intervention with Kim Richards, facilitated by Dorinda, with Ramona, Bethany, and Dr. Phil. Okay. And scene. Who do you want to be?

I can be Ramona. Kim Richards is really good, and so is your Dorinda. So I'll be Ramona, Beth Kim Richards is really good and so is your Dorinda so I'll be Ramona and Stephanie they're just different tones so I'll do different shades in the same voice it's all spectrum except for Dr. Phil I haven't done my Dr. Phil in like a year so we'll see what happens

my Dorinda is basically Kim Richards doing an impersonation of Rosie from the Jetsons okay Kim is so good to see she's such a good girl okay Kim is so good to see you she's such a good girl everybody loves her you like to talk in town

but I gotta tell you I can't invite you over to breakfast because everybody's saying you're drunk yeah you got a problem Kim oh yeah I got a problem yeah you think I got a problem yeah Kim. Oh, yeah, I got a problem? Yeah, you think I got a problem? Yeah, you try getting your house stolen.

Hey, Kim, let's face it, okay? You're getting drunk. You're stealing things out of Target, okay? Yeah, I see. Those are on the aisle that you're on your way out. It's called the on your way out aisle. I've been stealing. I don't get it. Like an on your way out. It's called the on your way out aisle. I've been stealing. I don't get it.

Like, an on your way out aisle. Like, what is that? Is that, like, a place where you go, like, is this supposed to be an entrance or an exit? It's not on your way out aisle. It's like a checkout. You know what? I think you've checked out, like, five times by now.

Okay, you're checked out, and you need to check in to rehab. Okay, literally, like, I die. Like, I can't. Like, literally too much, Kim. I can't. Yolanda! Yolanda! There's no one named Yolanda here, Kim

Okay, that's back I think that what Kim needs right now Is not to be around you ladies She needs to check in With her glasses that are the size of Paint buckets right now Hey, speaking of checking in

Did you guys see that movie I was in? Winston Checks In, it's a little monkey And that guy, I dated him for a while. Emilio Estevez got so mad at me. Whoa, that's crazy. You know, Emilio Estevez was in that movie called Young Guns. And I remember I always said to Mario, like, you are Young Gun. You're going to take this world by storm.

And I remember I always say that. And then he left me, okay? So I always told this to Luanne, and she never got it. But I think you get it, Kim. I think you do. I think you're okay. Yeah, I get it. You're threatening me. You're threatening me, you beasts. Literally, I can't even talk

about threats. Literally, the only threat right now is my vagina to the floor. It's just blood everywhere. I can't. Seriously, enough with your drugs. I'm bleeding. I'm gonna bleed all over you. Something's wrong. Something's wrong. Ring, ring. your drugs. I'm bleeding. I'm going to bleed all over you. Something's wrong. Something's wrong. Ring, ring. Hold on, I gotta get that. Hold on.

Beast. I link out. Let it go. It's a good cliffhanger for the scene that we've done. We'll be back with Bravo Theater next week uh it is kind of it is kind of funny how the mailbag has basically been like okay this person this person this person now do it and it's fun every time love these crazy people i know i love them um okay so uh uh benjamin cohen mr cohen says i was watching

the scary island trilogy this weekend bethany was not the main character she was just part of the cast it seemed like all excuse me all the housewives got equal producer interview time even alex ramona was promoting her true renewal lines. Fast forward to 2016 and Bethany dominates the cast and production with an iron fist. As good as the season has been, it's clear Bethany is calling the shots. How do you think Bethany managed to basically become the Hulk Hogan

he had creative control in the WCW contract of Real Housewives? Well, let's hope they end up the same way. Swing gawker. I think it's pretty obvious. Bethany, she's a big star. She has a huge business. She had her own talk show.

She's known in pop culture. She's a celebrity beyond the Housewives. And they needed her back. And so she was able to call the shots. She's like, okay, you're going to have me back. I want this, this, and this. And it's a full time. Yeah, the thing that I'm noticing is that Bethany seems like she's calling the shots in production.

But she's not. Like, she's calling the shot. Obviously she's not. Because Luann and Sonya wouldn't even be here. So she's not calling the shots to that degree but she's calling them so well among the women because the women on these shows are so they put money so high up in their respectable qualities it's like the highest quality you could have like mother theresa they'd be like she's ugly and poor like why why bother with her but bethany is like rich super super

rich and it she became rich by selling housewives products which is kind of also all their goal so i think they just you know they fear her because she's the richest and she's the bossiest so they're like we'll do whatever we can or she's gonna push us out like she's done many many a time like poor little christy yeah you know yeah so i think that's why she's calling because they're all pussies, basically, is her answer. They're letting her do it.

Yeah, and you know what? Also, the other women, to be fair, are not doing a huge amount this season. And Ramona, listen, Ramona always gets plenty of time because she's like a big personality and she gets into fights with people. And that's what Bethany does too.

I mean, Bethany gets into fights with people and she causes drama or with people and that's what bethany does too i mean bethany gets into fights with people and she she causes drama or the subject of it and you can't say the same for carol or jewels um sometimes you can for a lot of times you can for dorinda but even sonia i mean sonia's sort of in the mix she has a storyline going but um it pertains to bethany so she also is getting all that attention because she's acting out. Yeah, those old days like Scary Island where Bethany wasn't you know, she was just part of the team

that's when Bethany was great because she was commenting on stuff and now she's making it on purpose, like she came back with that typical, kind of that NeNe Leakes thing or that Brandi Glanville thing where they're like, well, that's my job, I create chaos so here I am, that's what i do so you can hate me if you want to but like i'm making good tv so i mean she said something almost literally that when she was

on watch what happens so yeah it's kind of making me not like her but then of course she's still fucking hilarious and so i do you know it's like a love-hate love. Yeah. It's funny because remember when she came back last season, I was like, I'm over. I'm talking like her now. I'm over her, though. But I was like, I can't stand Bethany anymore. And by the end of the season, I was like, I'm so glad she's back. And I'm still very pro-Bethany, even if she is, you know, like a saw to the brain, you know ear saw an ear saw a jigsaw um justinian

dear old justinian who's over in china right now um justinian bateman love your work justinian bateman no we we like justinian he used to live here in la and now he's in shanghai um he says hello hotties do we need to read more um please read selections from this amazing vulture interview with luann in your luann voices and so funny he links to this interview that brian moylan our guest for today did with luann um yesterday you're gonna have to text that over to me i don't have it you're not on the mailbag oh my goodness well i'll text that over to me. I don't have it. I'm not on the mailbag. Oh, my goodness. Well, I'll text it over to you right now. I'm like having Ben read mailbag. I know.

You know, I forgot. I should have texted you ahead of time. So basically – You want to take care of me? So there's this – so Brian, our guest, he did an interview with Luann ahead of her special that aired last night, Luann Tells All, or before they were housewives. Luann! So he interviewed Luann and

this is what the interview says. And so per Justin's request, we're going to do these, read these parts in her voices. So, question. Were the other women jealous that you were filming this special? Well, I don't think they knew.

I don't think Bravo went out and said, we're going to do a whole biography of Luan's life and not you. Andy is not crazy. I have, you didn't send it to me yet. Oh, here it is. I did send it to you. Fine, I'll Google it. Yeah.

How about, how about this one, about this red dress, how it got her to where it is today. And she says, it's amazing the journey I've been on and for how far I've come. When I met my husband in Switzerland, he asked, where had I been all his life? And I said, getting ready for you. It's true. I lived in New York. So that made me more sophisticated. And then I moved to Milan, which made me more sophisticated.

All these years were getting me primed, my French aristocrat. I don't think he would have looked twice at me if it wasn't groomed. I was grooming myself all those years getting ready for him. She talks as if she's a video game leveling up. Like she's getting experience points. I'm a level three social climber there i'm ready for you i'm level three which means i can get an 80 year old with ear hair to want to fuck me like what the hell it's so gross like this whole luann special we talk

about well we're going to talk about it a little bit but that's she's just so fucking ridiculous and that's why i love luann but really what's the prize she just sees one man who's grosser and richer than the last and then she just jumps on it it's like thank god women don't have to get boners you know all these housewives would have completely different lives as they actually had to get something up to do these disgusting men that they go out with yeah it's it's actually crazy um like how many of the stories were like well i was dating this guy and he promised me he could do this for me so then we did that and then i met this other guy and so i said well bye even though we were dating for even though we're living together for two years i just

left him the night left to know it and then what's the next guy and then it's like one just goes one after the other yeah so what was the best part of going through all the old footage and photos from your past lives oh all the great memories and fabulous places I've lived. I have video footage of when I was first married in 1993. It was my son who found the tape. And I think in the interview she says it was her daughter, right? No, she says the son. She did?

Yeah. Wait, what's her son's name? Noel. Oh, okay. Sorry, girl name it was my son who found the tape and it was a vhs that probably translated i was so moved to just remember how in love we were especially because we're divorced now and we were so happy back then i mean but the chateau i wanted to rob my own chateau i was she. I was like a burglar standing outside

my own home saying, well, I wish I could be in there. And then boom, I was in there. Didn't even have to break a window. You know she probably has some very serious sexual fantasies involving robbers. Really

old ones. She's like, caught you you again you slow-moving robber you know that robber would have made it out with a flat screen had he not tripped over his testicles i married him then i married him because he had stolen my paintings which were worth a lot of money let's face it um i'll do one more question do you care about soccer at all i never really understood a lot about it i was just having a good time being around all those soccer players i got invited to all their parties and all these things it was such an incredible time in my life i kind of felt bad for luann watching the special because she was living a fairy tale you know and and you could see as she was talking about it like how happy she was thinking back on that life that

she had and how wonderful it was and and she still lives a pretty glamorous life despite any time any despite everything we say about you know her being like looking pathetic in gray gardens she's still pretty leaving a pretty fabulous life but i do kind of feel bad for her i like looking pathetic in Grey Gardens. She's still leading a pretty fabulous life, but I do kind of feel bad for her. I like that she was admitting stuff when she was like, well, I was a failed model. So I just thought, how am I going to let anybody know that I failed? So you know what they say, walk into a cable access shop.

I'm like, whoa, whoa, what? But I do like that there's a little bit of humility mixed in with that complete desperation um but overall good special yeah and by the way we kind of knocked it both out in the mailbag thanks mailbag i know exactly i just want to say also that there was it seemed like there were only two times when she really got choked up during the special one was talking about i think the the wedding the marriage falling apart and two two was when she had to reveal that she modeled at like a boat show or something. She's like, I mean, I had to hand out pamphlets.

I worked at a trade show. I was working at a trade show. I mean, can you imagine? It's the only time I've ever seen a Honda. Or when she talked about her first time filming and she had to go to like a cooking party ramona's she's like i mean i was out there so quickly so quickly i mean we don't do cooking lessons and ramona are you guys gonna like cook things like i mean like seriously let's face it it's a cooking party like she's still annoying even in the first episode it was called moms in manhattan it's like oh my god

luann i mean it's kind of an it was kind of an amazing story i mean she was just from working class berlin connecticut moved to the big city moved to europe married account and she locked that down she locked it down and then all of a sudden, public access TV and I'm working my way back up. So she is pretty resilient. She sure is. God bless you, Countess. God bless you. God bless her.

Well, we have more questions, but we'll just get to them next week. How about that? Yeah, we've got a big show today. We're going to be talking to Brian in just a second. And then we are going to be talking about Real Housewives of New York and Shaw's. So let's get to it. Yeah. Closing up that mailbag.

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Texture.com slash crappins. Here we are with Mr. Brian Moylan of Vulture. Hello, Brian. Hi, guys. How's it going? Thank you so much for coming on to the podcast. Thank you so much for having me. It's a pleasure.

For people who don't know, Brian does the recaps of Real Housewives of New York for Vulture, amongst many other recaps. And Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Thank you very much. And I'm doing Orange County this season. Oh, my God. First time ever. You sound so pleasant. How are you covering so many housewife shows and sounding so chipper?

Well, it's not so bad. I just do Orange County and New York. So it's only two. But, yeah. I have it down to a science. I've been doing it for a while. But two is a lot. But it'll doing it for a while. So but two is a lot, but it only be for like two months and then New York will be over and those have March County. Yeah.

Well, you you're super fun. Your recaps are super funny. And in fact, you know, one thing that people may or may not know about me is that since we talk about these shows for hours on end every week i actually don't really read a lot of recaps but after the episode where we were introduced to ray setter um a few weeks ago i was like this episode was amazing i need to see what people are saying i read your recap and you had a few choice lines that i feel like i i feel like would need to be shared with our audience so i, I can't wait to see it. Regarding Ray, you called him a taxidermy mouse with a fake mustache and a booger for a top hat. That's funny.

I don't even remember that I wrote that. That's real good. Plus work, Brian. You also called him a poop souffle dusted with rat poison. Called him a poop souffle dusted with rat poison. And you had a line about pubes that I thought I pasted into my notes, but it just copied the taxidermy mouse line again. So you said it was like something like a dusting of pubes.

And then you also said regarding John versus Ramona, their fight that episode, you said they're both dumpster fires that will haunt your nightmares for eternity. So after reading those lines i was like we have to reach out to this man and have him on the podcast why thank you gentlemen i am happy to oblige so um the thing is the past few weeks of real houses of new york city we have seen screaming. We've seen fighting. We've seen moments of drunkenness that are unparalleled. And of course, the episode that we bring you on for is the one where there's a puppy wedding and vaginal.

Oh my God. I know. That's what's so weird about this season is there have been really high highs. That episode with Ray was one of the best episodes ever. Berkshire's Fight is one of the best episodes ever and then like since berks the berkshire's fight it's been awful well i think i think last week was pretty good with that really bonkers luann conversation with bethany yes oh yeah that was good that was good but the rest of the episode well the thing

that annoyed me about this episode was that they spent the whole episode deciding who was and was not going to be invited to Mexico. And based on the previews, we kind of knew that nobody was going to Mexico. So I was not at all invested. And it was like Sonia wasn't invited, but she thought she was invited. And Luanne wasn't invited, but she thought she was invited. And Luanne wasn't invited, but she thought she was. And then Bethany uninvited her. And by the time that they canceled the trip, I wasn't even sure who was supposed to go on it anymore.

Like, it's just... I don't think Bethany was sure either. Do we think that there's... Is there going to be a trip, do we think? Do you think it's going to get postponed? Or do we think this is, like, totally messed up there? There must be a trip. There has to be a trip.

Yeah, they have to do something for a trip. You can't just have a season without a trip but that's usually towards the end of the season we've still got like 10 episodes left yeah i mean they i mean new york city does the best trips of all the franchises so there's if they if they don't do a special trip beyond just the berkshires then that's a real travesty. Was there trip footage in the trailer before the season? You know, I don't remember. I really don't remember either. They're like, this season on The Real Housewives.

I'm like Ramona dancing around in a bikini. I mean, that could have been at a yogurt shop. I don't know if that was necessarily... Right. Just a Tuesday. I don't know if that was necessarily. Right. Just a Tuesday. Well, why don't we get into the episode, which opens up with Carol and her dog, Baby, enduring the rain.

And I don't know what your thoughts on Baby are, Brian, but we I don't think we're big fans of Baby here. I mean, I'm like fine with baby i don't know i'm not really a dog person but i'm not going to take away carol's like dog love well i love baby i'm a dog lover i just don't like that it's an older woman pretending to be carrie radshaw and naming a dog baby it's just all so sad to me you know i mean baby is kind of an awful name for a dog exactly it's just very on the nose it's like well it's like what do you need carol let me know so i can help you get it because you're embarrassing everybody well and and doesn't adam think that she's like talking to him all the time she's like baby come here and he's like what it's like no i meant the dog she finally wants to call someone baby that will listen to her he's like strumming on the guitar in the back he's like, no, I meant the dog. She finally wants to call someone baby that will listen to her. It's like strumming on the guitar in the back.

It's like not listening at all. Well, I kind of feel like Adam and baby fill the same void in her life. Like she could play fetch with either one of them. It's true. And in dog years, they both make sense in her life. Yeah. So I'm with Ronnie in terms of that baby. I don't mind baby the dog, but baby the concept is just very sad.

I don't know. Yeah, I get it. I love I hate to criticize Carol because I love her. But I see what you're saying. I was a big Carol fan for the longest time. And really and I pushed back against against turning on her this season. I saw that's where it was going, but I'm like, I don't want to do this. But at a certain point, I just kind of felt like Carol is just started to really annoy me.

I think it really started to happen when she was sitting on that counter in the camera shop. And I just was like, what are you doing sitting on that counter? You're not a teenager. Are there no handlebars i am shocked at um you know just from reading in my social media you know i have a lot of fans that talk to me and whatever and the comments on my recaps and stuff how people have really turned against carol and bethany i'm i'm really surprised by that yeah i mean i have not turned against bethany but i've seen i've seen that yeah people are really not liking her this season well you haven't turned against her but

it's not like we're exactly nice to her either no that's like bethany i really like bethany i'm so glad she's on the show she's hilarious but man what she's an awful human being a lot of the time um so her i'm used to but but Carol, I just always loved Carol. This is the first time I've really not liked her. And I think it's because she's just kissing Bethany's ass so hard. And I really don't like that main girl thing. I didn't like it in junior high.

And I certainly don't like it when you're in like the Dillard's matronly age. Cut that shit out, girls. Well, I just, yeah, it's so like clicky. And what I don't like about this season what i loved about last season was that everybody was single and ready to mingle and they were all getting along more or less and you know hanging out together and i thought it was great and this season though it has been great you know there's like factions you know and there's like a weird

rift and everyone's trying to not include the land and not include sonia and i, how are you going to have a trip and not invite Sonia and Luann? Like that would be the most boring trip. And Bethany was all like, oh, this was going to be an adult trip. Like this was this wasn't going to be a shit show. And it's like, um, Bethany, they're all they're always a shit show. And I mean, you still invited Ramona Singer, who I said in my recap has a negative one million star rating on TripAdvisor. She is the easiest way to ruin a vacation. Yeah, exactly.

And it's always going to be the same thing. You know, the the the war for the bed, you know, like who gets what bed and the fights and the tears that happen afterwards. I'm having the poor guys in Mexico unpack for her. Did you put my shoes there? Okay. Like, do you understand me? Like, they're not even listening to me. Okay.

Habla espanol. Okay. You know, I mean, you know, I think Bethany and Carol are bringing out the worst in each other. See, I still, I mean, Carol still is funny to me, but I think that being around Bethany, Bethany is arguably the most successful of all the Real Housewives. Not arguably. It is, period.

It is, period. Yes. And Carol is like around that. I think when, you know, it was one thing for Carol to just sort of be a disaffected Greek chorus of the show before. She was just in the midst of this craziness saying these things. But now that she's like in with someone who transcends Real Housewives to a certain extent, then she now has this, she's giving off this vibe that she's like cooler than everyone. And in a way that's like unpleasant.

And it's also coming out in Bethany too. But the difference is like sort of as Ronnie was saying, we sort of know what Bethany is about. And she can be awful and she can be difficult. But that's kind of what we sign up for. And I'm like, I like it. I sort of like it when she tears someone down, even if I'm not always on her side. Yeah, like you can't get mad at Vicki Gumbelson for lying about cancer. You know?

Like, that's just Vicki. Like, what do you expect? Just what she does. I think the funny thing about Carol and Bethany is that of all the housewives, like, they're the two that I would want to have dinner with. Like, they seem like they would be, like, cool to hang out with one-on-one as people. They would be a really good time. And I think that they have that vibe together, and I think they hang out a lot together and are actually close friends. And it's when you put them in the context of everybody else that

yeah exactly like you said they they think that they're kind of cooler than everybody or they're like somehow above the craziness but the weird thing is that they kind of are cooler than everyone and they are and like what you said is true like they are the ones that I'd want to

most have dinner with and they are the ones that are the most have the best perspective on things. And yet when we're watching a show like this, we sort of have these expectations that we want all the women to play ball, you know? So even though in a real world situation, they're the ones that would probably be like my friends, they like on the show, you're like, don't be like that. You know, it's so strange. That's, I mean, that's, it's such a paradoxical thing that happens on these shows. Well, I think you really hit on it in that I think the biggest change for Bethany after she came back is that it's a question of context. Where before she would say all these things and be kind of like a jerk and, you know, call people out.

But because she had nothing and she was kind of the underdog, she was like us. You know what I mean? Like we were rooting for her. But then when, you know, and she was kind of the underdog she was like us you know what i mean like we were rooting for her but then when you know and she was like punching up and now that she's like at the top she's like punching down and like people don't like that and it's like the same thing you said about carol like when she was kind of on the outside it was one thing but now that it's it's not a change in carol it's just a change in the context of how we view carol exactly and i i i also am not a huge fan of the um the edit that luann's getting this season where she's just sort of kind of and some of it's really her her own fault but she's just sort of coming off as like this pathetic character

and it's like it's like she's the countess she needs to be the regal one even if it's all bullshit yeah um yeah so anyway so so carol carol and baby carol shows up um uh at this thing where she meets that there's this girl katie that she's friends with and carol tells us that they became friends carol and katie became friends because their puppies have playdates oh lord, Lord, we've all been there. Listen, people, if you get a dog, be careful of dog park people. They will ruin your life. But in case, like, for a moment, you thought this wasn't, like, sort of insufferable,

the dog that Baby hangs out with is named Toast and belongs to the Fat Jewish. So, of course, Carol's dog only hangs out with cool celebrity dogs. Of course. I mean, that is so New York City though, guys. I'm sorry. My old roommate had a dog

and so when I took the dog to the dog park in Hell's Kitchen it was like Broadway celebrity dog park. And you go and there's Cheyenne Jackson and his dog. And then there's Sutton Foster. Just fetch that ball. Catch that ball.

And so you're just like at the dog park. And then these people talk to you. And so you can have these sort of normal conversations with these people because it's about dogs. We have Big Brother people in our park. So whatever. I love Big Brother. If you want to do a Big Brother podcast. Oh, my God. Doing it. dogs you know what i mean big brother people in our park so whatever i love big brother if you want to do a big brother podcast oh my god doing it yeah we we may have to discuss that because i

mean on a later date because um every single this is just my one quick big brother aside yes i would sleep with every single man in that house this season including the fat one from the bronx right that guy's the worst although i do not approve of the age discrimination and fat discrimination on that show the poor thing i agree but i mean they really went out of their way casting the hot guys oh my god victor writing that big penis thing because every year they have that writing the big penis challenge and he was writing it like you have to he was sitting up like in I mean I'm sorry to be gross

but the guy was like in a gay porn I was just I was falling all over myself I was like oh Victor when the water was like when his hair was wet and he was like standing up I was like Victor by far is the hottest one for me he looks exactly like john snow he looks like a real world john snow and he's just like shirtless on the outside he's got less confused and not like you just came back from

you came back from the dead john snow could you look a little less like like a pussy you rose from the dead he's like but i'm scared oh come on jen and by the way i'm really mad that the resident gay is targeting uh davon who's like my favorite like i'm so mad that this could like affect her i mean i can't believe that it's like the gay and black people team and she's like against davon it's like girl you all need to band together because we know what happens to the gays and the black people and big brother exactly so oh god and they were like immediately because i think the thing that turned them right was when nicole walked in the house and didn't shake someone's hand because she was wanting to look at like the furniture that's cute that's cute that's cute that's but it's not as cute as i

thought it would be but i don't know i kind of hate her You know I like her I was happy to see her back I was getting concerned that there were no blonde people I was like this is the first time we've never had Any blondes on Big Brother I was a little concerned I just want Brittany to be on every season of Big Brother That's all I really want

Love her I want Janelle on every season She can be my blonde I wish that they would do a real house wives like a real housewives-esque show of former big brother ladies like rachel and janelle and you know just put them on and uh danielle donato oh i would watch the hell out of that show yeah just hanging out and fighting with each other. Yeah.

Yeah. I would feel good about that too. But, but there's something to be said about middle-aged women with some degree of wealth that really brings a different element to the real housewives than just a bunch of former reality stars vying for the camera. Yeah. This is instead of starting out poor, we get to watch them start rich and then turn poor.

Yeah. Leslie. Right. It's like losing your millions this week on bad business decisions. This week,

Sonia's pipes burst again. So people have been sending me photos of the to be opened tipsy girl restaurant in New York york yes is this a real restaurant yeah the awning is up the awning is up so um i would be happy to do a field report for

you guys when um it actually opens well i would like to try some tipsy girl prosecco and by the way bethany you know you've made such a big stink about this thing that you've given the Tipsy Girl brand so much more publicity than it ever would have gotten if it had just been another stupid Sonya thing. Right. Exactly. I love that Sonya is going to quit drinking while she's opening Tipsy Girl the restaurant. Yeah. You're not playing to your crowd, girl. Yeah.

Can I tell you some Sonya Tont morgan tea yes um so i was at a uh new york city gala benefit and um sonia tremont morgan was there and she recognized me so she kind of tottered over and then um started telling me about how you know she quit drinking because all the girls said that she drank too much and she quit drinking and blah, blah, blah. But she was obviously wasted. And I was like, Sonia, how are you going to tell me that you quit drinking? You smell like the bottom of a martini glass. She's like, no, that's just the ink cartridges. I've been printing things off of computer number three all afternoon. Right. She's like, that's just my perfume. i've been printing things off computer number three all afternoon right she's like that's just my perfume that's my v by vicky gumbelson

perfume it smells like margaritas and sadness i quit drinking listerine okay she didn't even know how to drink water last week when she's like i'm quitting drinking and she tried drinking water it was she's like i'm quitting drinking and she tried drinking water it was she's like couldn't do it she's doing shots of water bless her what do you want her to die leave her alone we all need to hydrate we all need to hydrate i know i i say let sonia's freak flag run free fly free whatever um so uh so we have this photo shoot with the dogs which is you know like whatever and by the way general note about this episode to me it felt very real housewives of So we have this photo shoot with the dogs, which is, you know, like, whatever. And by the way, general note about this episode, to me it felt very Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, right? It was kind of like a big, long episode where there was this sort of a kind of a dumb charity event at the end and nothing really happened in the middle. Like, normally in New York City we have two marquee arguments by the end of the show, right?

There's one at the 30 minute mark there's like the that's like the pre-argument you know like in the video yeah she's like the only one yelling at anybody this year because they're all terrified to get fired so it's like okay well bethany's bleeding today so we'll go to a dog wedding well i feel like the bethany bleed you know people have been kind of, you know, whatever about it. I think that the Bethany bleeding story is like a legit story. You know what I mean? Like if it were anybody else, I don't think people would really complain about it.

Well, it's a scary story. And it's strange to me that it has gone over one and a half episodes. You know, like she's been talking about going to the doctor for a long time. The season I have a medical, you know, I have medical have medical things like the season like that's what i'm doing like you know you were there like medical things every interview she's done medical things like it's scary like it's crazy like it's nuts medical like medical thing i'm like really if i was bleeding out of my penis for days i would be at the doctor post hasthaste yeah i mean i mean yeah i don't even need to bleed anywhere to go to the doctor post-haste like i have i got a weird itch somewhere on

my shoulder and i'm like oh my god it's shoulder cancer you know i'm like gotta go um i have to point out something i know we're still on the first scene of this show, but we will move on, I swear. But this lady who's her dog park friend has two things. This dog needs to get his tongue back in his mouth because that can't be comfortable and the poor thing can't swallow water. Oh, no, I love the tongue out. It was so cute. Stick your tongue out, though, for a couple of days and see how much you can swallow water. Okay, that dog's going to die.

And the second thing is this dog park friend has this weird habit. I wrote it down at the beginning. I was like, watch, this is going to be her thing. She's always wearing semi-transparent clothes. Why? Who does that? Why do I need to see your whale tail hanging out, talking in your dog scene? And then she wears a semi-transparent thing in the next scene.

Okay, that's all. I just had to say to somebody. I also was confused. The dog belongs to the fat Jewish, but it was this girl who was bringing it everywhere. Is this the fat Jewish's girlfriend? I didn't understand. And then later on when Simon Noonan walked the dog down the aisle, it was the

grandparent. I don't understand the family tree of Toast. No, I don't either. family tree of toasts no i don't either and i'm wondering if like she's maybe toast's professional manager or something i'm looking toast up on instagram right now to see how many followers she has because you know maybe she's like chairman of toast industries but the fat jewish like owns toast well maybe she's not talking about the fat jewish maybe they're just saying a fat jewish like maybe her instagram is just a fat jewish she's just a fat jew do you think the toast is gonna call sonia into toast's little doghouse

office and yell at sonia for coming too close to her brand. Toast is suing a bakery. It's a cheater. It's a cheater brand. I don't want anything to do with it, okay? Like, it's enough. I think that the American Bread Council is actually suing Toast for, you know,

trying to take away from bread. I don't know. Maybe the New Yorker will sue Toast. All right, so moving past toasts. I can't believe. Hold on. I'm going to make a really bad joke for a minute. I can't believe that there was a whole doggy wedding and nobody made the awful I would like to propose a toast joke.

Oh, yes. That would have been good. No, it would have been awful. There wasn't much of a reception. That's the problem. It was more of like a ceremony and a cake. It was like a ceremony. It was like one of those weird sponsor parties you go to.

You know what I mean? Where some brand is paying a bunch of money for you to show up and take pictures in front of their staff and repeat. It was all really weird. It was weird. And they had that socialite there. Who was that girl that was there? Oh their step and repeat. It was all really weird. It was weird. And they had that socialite there. Who was that girl that was there? Oh, Amanda Hurst. She's fierce.

Amanda Hurst. They're like, Amanda Hurst. I forgot about her. Well, she also was like the owner of the groom, right? There were so many dogs and people attached to dogs. I was getting confused because Carol was only there because Baby was in the bridal party. And Amanda Hearst's dog was the groom. But then Amanda Hearst was – like then there was some hot gay holding the groom instead of Amanda Hearst.

And then Baby had a co-parent. I had no idea that Baby had a co-parent. So everything was – No, that's Carol's hot gay neighbor. Oh, the one that she talked about Occupy Wall Street with, right? Yeah. He's been on Sparingly

in the past. She was the one she was like, we're part of the 99%, right? Yes, because I've threatened to beat him up because I want to be Carol's best gay friend. That's the only reason i remember him okay yeah okay that's i'm actually a little surprised i need girls who call me crying those are my kind of girlfriends you know like my phone's always ringing they're like i need

your help carol would never she'd just be like you want to protest something there's a bunch of millennials outside let's see what they're talking about i just like my girlfriends to be really slutty so that we can talk about all the boys that they're dating all the time that's like kind of all and then like send me pictures of the hot guys that they match with on tinder i fucking love a hot straight guy tinder picture i do i do like that too but i've found that with the girls that are slutty that who just only talk about the guys they're sleeping with they just talk and talk and talk and i'm a talker and i need to be able to talk too i mean i was just at a sushi place the other night i was just eating there alone and at the bar and there was a girl yammering away the entire time to her little gay friend and he all he said the entire time was, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't. I can't be that gay guy.

I am that kind of gay guy. Well, can't you tell your slutty gay friend, or your slutty friend about all the guys that you're sleeping with? Well, I am happily monogamous at the moment, but that's true. Before that, though, I was that gay guy

who was like, and then I'm like, but I'm dating this guy and then I'm hooked up with this guy. I was that gay guy who was like, and then I'm like, but I'm dating this guy. And then I'm like hooked up with this guy. I was pretty insufferable. I do not. I mean, I'm 40. So I'm like, it's the same thing. It's like there was a guy and then he was a slut. And then like the end.

Like, what do you need? It's the same story over and over. I think I learned from listening to my girlfriends that it's the same story over and over with the guys. It is kind of the same story over and over again with the guys so i'm just in it for the pictures yeah i my favorite thing is when people show me the pictures and i'm always like that's so inappropriate that you're showing it to me but i'm appreciative right did you send dick pics sometimes people will show me oh look at his dick i'm like i can't believe you're showing this to me but as long as you are i'm gonna appreciate it enjoy it um yeah i love them so speaking of dick pics uh we then go to dorinda and jewels

who are shopping together and dorinda is very excited because she's got a t-shirt that says spiritual gangster on so this is a highlight it looked like something you would buy at soul cycle that's what i thought i was like what soul cycle did you buy that at SoulCycle. That's what I thought. I was like, what SoulCycle did you buy that at, Dorinda? I will never forget that scene of Beverly Hills with SoulCycle. Work it, girl! That bike guy. But yeah, and of course, Jules. You know, I'm sorry.

I know Jules is getting a lot of pity right now because her midget cheated. But Jules. Of course, Jules' response is, oh, I love your shirt. I have the same one. Of course you do, Jules. We have to wear them together. I was like, yeah, that's just what the world needs, like 40-year-old twinsies.

Wearing stupid shirts, more important. I think Ramona, Dorinda couldn't even get it right. She's like, hey, remember when you said I was like a spiritual guider? So I got a t-shirt that says spiritual gangster. I'm a spiritual guider. Get it? t-shirt that says spiritual gangster i'm spiritual guider get it i

can't make fun of dorinda because she was the total mvp of this episode i have to say and she was so like it was so sweet to watch her take care of bethany and go to the doctor and then come back and explain everything to her yeah i mean girl if my friends were with me in home goods and i was like i'm bleeding out my asshole they would have been like bye girl call me when it's over that's because you talk about your dates too much they'd be like that's no shock we're gonna stay here for the candles again they're like i need a new duvet bye i i actually uh agree i was actually thinking about that when i was watching that you know through it all dorinda is so crazy and so nutty but i do feel like she has

a huge amount of sweetness in her which is why i think everyone really loves her on this show like why she was an out of box for new york city well i love that she's so nice but she's so blatantly abusive to john like you can just see her simmering and you know she hits him you know i have no sympathy for john i think he is just the worst human in the whole world that's why she's with him because she can hit him or yell at him or try and run him over with her car and everyone's like well it's john like what are you gonna do oh thank god she ran him over again have you um made a field trip to Madame Paulette um well no I've I've used Madame Paulette it's like famous yeah I mean

that's famous I didn't realize how famous it was until very recently until it's not inexpensive and there was a great story about it either in – no, it was in Fantastic Man magazine about, like, the whole business and talking to the people and how they get the stains out. Because they do, like, all the dresses for the Met Costume Institute, like, restoring dresses and taking stains. Like, Madame Paulette is legit. But now I can't go there anymore because I don't want to give John any of my money. Oh, I hate him so much. Well, one of the things that I love about Dorinda is her way with words. So, for instance, when they were talking about Sonia not getting invited to Mexico,

I love how Dorinda's like, she's like, well, we got to invite Sonia. I mean, she's the type of person who puts a lamb shit on her head. I got you. Yeah, you gotta invite Sonya. I mean, she's the type of person who puts a lamb shit on her head. I gotcha. Yeah, yeah. No, yeah. In that case, invite her. I love her. Sonya's a good person.

I can see she's doing good. Her eyes and her skin look amazing. I believe her. I'm like, well, you know. You're in the same boat. You can't take down another drunk. There's like a certain drunk, like you've got to stick up for your fellow drunks. I am just so glad that Dorinda learned her lesson about the trip.

And she was like, listen, Jules, here's how you need to do these housewife trips. Like say no to the first eight rosés. Because by the time dinner comes around you're gonna be like yelling at heather thompson about using the f word and it's not gonna look pretty watch out for dinner and then they cut to her like hello we're from the same neighborhood i love when they did that flashback too it's just like this show show, they have a field day with flashbacks. You know, they just – Oh, yeah.

Everyone looked like an asshole at all times, any montage. Well, and I love that there are, you know, at least three of the women who have been on so long. Like when they do those old Ramona, you know, like season one, season two, like girl, it's just amazing looking at her back then and now and everything. I mean, even like a few weeks ago when Luann and Bethany were fighting and the editors threw in a whole best of Bethany versus Luann montage going back to 2008. It was just like, oh, this could have been the whole hour. Just give me all of this. Speaking of which, can we talk about the before they were housewives special really quickly? Oh, yeah.

Because you only have about 10 minutes left with us. Yes. Which I thought was amazing, particularly because Luann and I are from the same part of Connecticut. Berlin? Well, I'm from Bristol, which is right next to Berlin. I just drove right. I was in that neighborhood this past weekend. I saw it on the highway sign.

Why were you driving through Connecticut? I went back up to New Hampshire for my college reunion. And so on the drive back down, I was heading down 91 and saw the signs and learned that it's Berlin, not Berlin. Yeah, they changed it during World War Two because they didn't want to be associated with Berlin. So now it's Berlin. Berlin. And the Berlin Turnpike is famous for rent by the hour motels. Oh, so much of that luann special makes sense now

exactly that really does that was like her whole resume that that thing like how many guys she's dated i love that she was so open about it she's like and then i fucked that guy and then well i was at a grocery store and saw that guy was richer so i fucked him and now i have a house. It's like, wow, good for you. I asked her. So I interviewed her about the special. And I love that she got some weird job hosting an Italian soccer show because she ran into Silvio Berlusconi backstage at like the Italian Emmys because, of course. And then I was like, did you have a love affair with Silvio Berlusconi? And she was like, no, no, no, no, no. And I was like, were you invited to a Bunglvia burlesconi and she was like no no no no and i was like were you invited to a bunga bunga party and she was like no i wish i was like thank you girl because i wish you were too and i wish i was well on the show she said um

he he came up and he said i wish that i was 30 years younger and i said you don't have to be and then i got a tv show on Italian. What? Oh my God. There were a lot of like yada, yada, yada moments on that special. She's like, well, I was dating this guy and he said, let's go to Milan. And next, you know, I'm in Milan and then, oh, I now have a TV show.

It's like, there were definitely some things that were way glossed over and it all had to do with men. Yeah. But, I mean, I love that her friends were like, oh yeah, Luanne loves men. They showed pictures of all these to do with men. Yeah. But, I mean, I love that her friends were like, oh, yeah, Luann loves men. They showed pictures of all these guys she was dating. And I think that she's pretty upfront about what a giant slut she is. And I'm kind of, like, into it.

And she never apologizes for it. Like, even when Bethany was like, you know, oh, you're a slut, you're a whore. She was never like, no, I'm not a slut and a whore. She's just like, yeah, I fuck a lot of dudes. Like, what? What's the problem? What was great is that you could see really, like, she wasn't just like a slut or a whore.

She was, she like parlayed it into really a fabulous life. You know? Hell yeah. It was like, if Bethany had seen that, I think that she would have really respected Luann's game. I mean, she knows her brand. You gotta give her that. Yeah.

I love her a lot more now that I've seen the special. Yeah. Then, you know, like I love how she tells that story with Silvio Berlusconi and he walks up to her and goes, who are you? And she says, I'm Luann from Berlin, Connecticut. It's like, girl, who are you trying to front? Like, oh, I'm just this little girl from the country, Connecticut. It's like, no, you're not. You're some crazy, like, gold digger.

She doesn't even. You know, bottle. I don't even think she knows how she's coming off, which is what I love about her. You know, she has no self-awareness. But I love that she's talking like, oh, and then I fucked that guy. And then I fucked that guy. And this guy was was richer so i left that one for this one and then she said well you know my hometown gave me everything i ever need it started my life oh soundbite yeah that was like that's your soundbite you just talked about fucking like five princes in a row

or when she walks into her childhood home and she's like this is where it all happened we used to hang out over there hang over there she turns the woman who lives there now just i don't know why i'm telling you this right i was like oh my god who is this woman and did she realize that she lived in the countess's house and once she found out that she lived in the countess's house did she know what that meant because girl if i lived in berlin connecticut and the countess called me up it's like you live in my old house i would freak the fuck out i it would be like the best day of my life you know she pulled out some clorox you know all purpose i would be actually like i would lose all my friends because

i'd spend probably the next six months casually mentioning how I lived in the Countess's old house. Oh, you know this is the Countess's old house. So this is my question for you. If they're going to keep doing these specials which I hope that they are, which Housewife, before

they were Housewife specials, do we want to see next? Sonia. Oh my god. Yeah,. Do we want to see next? Sonya. Oh my god. I want to see her with her home video on the yacht. When she was a yacht girl. Exactly. I need to get to the bottom of it. My number one is Lisa Vanderpump.

Just like to see the footage. Of her silk stockings episode. I want to go even farther back than that. I want to see her in the Poison Arrow video. I want to be able to try to figure out exactly how old she is

based on what she divulges on the Before Their Housewives special. Exactly. Yeah, she's definitely from that school of lying about your age, but it's not doing you any favors, because she's like i'm 55 darling i'm like uh don't say that because you look so much older like who no one wants to hear that like you look older you're only 50 i mean academy is a new scripted podcast that follows

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and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death.

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The other one I'm dying to see is the Candy Burris Before They Were Housewives special. Oh, well, yes. I mean, that is, yes. That would be absolutely amazing. And Chili and t-biz need to be in that motherfucker that's all i'm saying i feel like a ramona would be pretty good it would just be hilarious because everything would be imbued with such importance like oh this is the

bank this is the bank where i got my first bank account and i came here and i put in my cash i said there goes my money am i ever gonna see again? And then I learned about withdrawing. So now I know how to put money in and take it out. It was amazing. That is an exceptionally good Ramona from start to finish. That is exactly what it would be like. I just want to see

young Mario at the beach pictures. Oh my god. Oh wait, you know which one really would be good? Even though we've kind of already had it, but I kind of can't pictures oh my god oh wait you know you know which one really would be would be good even though we've kind of already had it but i kind of can't get enough of it would be some kyle richards oh yeah because that whole m richards well both of them because that family saga is so crazy and there's so much about the city of los angeles I, that that could actually be the next OJ made in America.

I cannot wait for the Richards sitcom. That's going to be on TV land or whatever the hell. Did it get picked up? I believe. Do we know who's going to be in it? No, but apparently Porsche has, was going out to pilot season.

Whoa. Portia from Atlanta? No, Portia, Kyle's daughter. Oh, I was going to say, whoa, they're really going to change that up. She's like, here I am. Portia from Real Housewives of Atlanta playing me. Portia Williams and Portia, little Portia, could have a show together called Two Peas in a Pod,

and I think it would be amazing. One would be Portia and one would be Porsche B. Well, Brian, I know you have to go. We barely even got into the episode. I know. I was just happy to like bullshit about Housewives for 45 minutes. That's what this podcast is all about. It's just bullshitting about it.

And so we really thank you for coming on. You have to come back. Any time. Let me know. So fun. And, yeah, we didn't even get to hearing about your Real Housewives of New York bus tour that you took. Oh, girl. Next time. I'll tell you all about it. Okay. York bus tour that you took. Oh, girl. Next time.

I'll tell you all about it. Okay. Thanks so much for coming on. Bye, Brian. Thanks so much. They find you on Twitter. Brian J. Moylan. At Brian J. Moylan.

All right. Awesome. All right. Bye, guys. Bye, Brian. That was so fun. He was so hilarious. Yeah.

I can't wait to have him come back. And it's also kind of hilarious that we only got into it through one scene of the recap. I know, but we also did get to talk about Big Brother and Game of Thrones. So that was fun. That's true, too. No. But that's, but like, either way, I mean, it's still so fun to just like gab about New York in that way. But why don't we get back to our recap of the show, shall we?

Okay. So we have just left the Manny Petty talking about Dorinda. Yeah. Or Dorinda talking about Sonia. And now we go over to Sonia's house. And Sonia's calling her dog's baby, which I think is hilarious because she's even stealing that so they'll be more popular on Facebook. Doing whatever she can. Yeah.

doing whatever she can yeah so so ramona comes over um and and just to visit and sonia tells ramona that she stopped drinking and so now ramona's like oh good the old old sonia's back now good who's old sonia yeah and where when did we ever meet her because i've never met the sonia that wasn't drunk and like putting her vagina on random things like who are you like what what is this relationship yeah weren't they wasn't their whole friendship based on the fact that they're two drunk girls you just get into trouble all the time yeah until bethany got mad at you okay here's the old sonia that bethany won't yell at okay actually i don't know if you noticed, but during this scene, because they were talking about, you know, what Sonia has to do,

how to apologize to Bethany, and Ramona told Sonia that all Bethany wants is some acknowledgement that Sonia infringed or whatever. And so they cut to a flashback from like two days prior where Bethany says, you know, all I want is some acknowledgement. That's all I want, some acknowledgement.

And then I don't know if you picked up on this, but Ramona goes, acknowledgement, okay. She wanted some acknowledgement, okay. She just literally did our Ramona okay. Okay. Okay. Well, that shit comes from a real place. Let's face it, okay? Let's face it, okay?

She just wants acknowledgement, okay? Now, I'll acknowledge that I love old Sonya because I already lost Mario. I don't want to lose you, too. I'm like, Mario left you, okay? You are the one who dumped Sonya. These, you were the one who don't song you. These are two totally different things. Don't compare them. But you know she's still going to take like some Ziploc full of chicken salad or something

in case Mario comes home later. Mm-hmm. Oh my God. And then, yeah, this was also like an amazing scene because it was, again, Ramona picking up her new role this season, which is coaching people on how the hell to apologize because ramona's gotten herself into so much trouble over the past few seasons that she has become an expert on how to just smooth things over she's like all you have

to do is say i'm sorry okay just say i'm sorry i apologize i acknowledge what i did was wrong just say i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry forgive me i'm sorry forgive like sorriness like forgive me i'm sorry okay like sorry really truly sorry okay i was like okay it's like just continue that until someone nods and pats you on the head and says okay like so you have to do just don't stop until they say okay sonia looked like her eyes were getting tired she was rubbing her eyes like wait a minute so am i supposed to say it wasn't your idea? No, no. Just all you have to say.

I'm sorry. Okay. Forgive me. Okay. I'm sorry. Okay. Forgive me. Okay.

Forgive me. Sorry. Sorry, please. So it was like, all right. So I'll say, Bethany, when I came up with the Skinny Girl brand, I gave it to you in the hopes that I could then make a Tipsy Girl brand. And I'm sorry for that. No, no, Sonia.

No. Okay. When I originally had pickles come up with the first skinny girl flavor. No, that's not what you say. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Am I suing pickles for suing my name?

I mean, people have been putting those on their sandwich all year and I'm not saying anything. No, that's not the argument. Okay. This isn't with dill. People have been putting those on their sandwich all year, and I'm not saying anything. No, that's not the argument, okay? This isn't with Dilt. And I like when Ramona was trying to express how angry Bethany has been. She's like, on a scale of 1 to 10. 100! Okay.

So we cut back to Jules and Dorinda still. What are they even talking about? Jules told me. So Dorinda is they even talking about? Jules told me, so Dorinda is showing her shadiness here because she's like, yeah, you know, I haven't even talked to that girl. Like, I was friends with that girl and, you know, like, she was telling me that

Ramona didn't even date that guy. She only went out with him one time. Yeah. Yeah, that was kind of funny. Like, she definitely is, you know, I mean, is there any surprise that Ramona was embellishing how many times they went on a date? I mean, you could see when Luanne asked her how many times they go out, she was like, uh, uh, seven? She's like counting her fingers. Seven? And then it cuts to Ramona going, girl code, okay?

It's girl code, okay? And then Dorinda's like, yeah, well, you never know, Ramona. Maybe it's rolling to the light. Maybe she ran into some guy in the line at McDonald's. Maybe that's dating. Poor Dorinda. Like, you know that's coming from her real life because she's always in that goddamn line with John. Yeah.

Like, you're pulling from your recent experiences and it's just making us feel worse for you. By the way, you know, the thing is, as much as we like Dorinda and we just said how sweet she is, she's also been spending a lot of time this episode, this scene, talking about how, you know, Sonya's so sweet. You know, it's not a part of that, Sonya. We all love Sonya. Deep down inside, she's just a good person. I'm like, yeah, she's so sweet. That's why you keep on excluding her from things. Like, way to be. Yep, because they don't want

to get fired. I hate watching everybody be terrified of Bethany. I don't like it. I know, and Jules is so naive talking about the trip to Mexico. She's like, I hope there's no fighting. I really want a good time. Have you seen this show ever? It's been on for like 10 years.

Okay, like, there will be plenty of fighting. If you thought the Berkshires was bad, that was just the wind up. Oh my God, in Mexico? Mm-hmm. Amazing. Mexico will be a disaster.

And then at the end of the scene, the women decide to leave the store without buying anything. And Jules is like, I feel bad not buying anything. You know me, Jewish guilt. Did I mention I'm Jewish? I'm Jewish. It feels like it I feel bad not buying anything. You know me. Jewish guilt.

Did I mention I'm Jewish? I'm Jewish. It feels like it's Hanukkah right now. I say that because I'm Jewish. Okay. Could you hold this? Oh, because they were in the nail place. I'm back in TJ Maxx.

Why do I keep going to TJ Maxx? They were just at a store. They weren't even at another random store. They were just in some store, some boutique. I'll come pick up that adding machine another day, okay? That's the Jewish Asian in me. You know, I'm surprised I didn't become an accountant. Or a doctor.

Or a bagel. Or some noodles. Or a porky. Because I'm Jewish and Asian. Michael. So, role play okay so here we go we're back to sonia and ramona and ramona is going to teach her sonia how to apologize by playing bethany and it was hilarious yeah ramona's version of Bethany's face. She's like, like this shaking face. And she kind of nailed it. You know, like when Sonya's like,

Bethany, I'm sorry, Ramona as Bethany is like, what are you stupid? I don't understand. How do you not think? You're supposed to be a smart girl. How do you not think?

It's like, yeah, that's pretty much how it goes. Well, I don't feel, oh, what do you mean you don't feel? Like,

it's a copycat. It's not like if you feel it's a copycat, it's a copycat. Okay. I don't feel. Oh, what do you mean you don't feel? Like, it's a copycat. It's not like if you feel it's a copycat. It's a copycat. Okay. You don't feel. It is. It is. Okay.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la. She just starts going crazy. Yeah, she's like, my impersonation of Bethany is me having an epileptic seizure. That's my. Which is kind of accurate. I mean, it's kind of one of the only scenes this season where ramona's face has made sense yeah she definitely got it like just destroying sonia it's like you would oh yeah no no just say when you role play as bethany suddenly you can just destroy sonia

she just got better and better at it with each iteration because you know of course sonia's like well i got new guest house no i don't know that's not what you say and then at one point she goes really really i mean really really i mean really really really really and then did you notice that while she was role playing she kept doing this like stage turn where she was like turning all the way to the side and it's like what is this why do i have to stare at this painting of your vagina sonia it's so awkward can that girl face away it's like just this painting of sonia with her legs spread wide open ramona had to keep putting her face right back in it the thing that ramona could not get right is that she kept on

she was she just kept on shaking her head when she was yelling, and her hair was just going everywhere, and her hands were going everywhere. And that's the one thing that Bethany has, is that she has just total poise, and just rails you, whatever, she just destroys you with her words. Whereas Ramona was just like this big, hairy lioness just screaming at Sonya.

Yeah, it was pretty much just epilepsy. Yeah, yeah, pretty much. Okay, Carol and Bethany? Carol is jonesing for a Diet Coke. Oh, God, Carol, with your jonesing. Yeah, I'm so current in 99%. I can't toke up marijuanas in here. There's no Mary Jane on your menu, so I'm jonesing for a DC, okay?

The waitress is like, all right, old man. Hey. And meanwhile, so Bethany comes in and she's like, what's the matter? I'm bleeding all over my head. I'm bleeding a lot. I lost a lot of blood. I got to go to the doctor. Literally, I don't even go to doctors.

What is a doctor? I don't even understand. Is that a hospital? I don't know what a hospital like literally you know what just just send me to a store like just put me in the store just you know just put me down like i'm literally if i'm guessing about the doctor again i'll be on the floor crying like i'll be doing snow angels in my blood like i can't like literally too much like i'm literally bleeding out my vagina and my butt like i don't even know where it's coming from like i'm gonna

get a rash just from like all the wetness like i'm gonna wear diapers and i don't even care because like luann like is still more of a mess than me. Like, what the hell? Like, I asked her, like, are you literally on meth right now? Like, seriously. Yeah. By the way, I feel, you know, this is going to be judgy podcaster time. I feel, I mean, it's really scary, you know, if you're bleeding like that.

And I feel like I would not be wanting wine. I feel like that's a strange choice. Right? You're sitting there talking about how weak you are. And you're going to pass that. And then you order a glass of wine when you're bleeding. When you're hemorrhaging. Like, what are you thinking, lady?

Well, they call it self-medication for a reason. Okay? Yeah, I guess so. Okay! Just kidding. So it turns out Bethany has fibroids and cysts. And it's causing complications or whatever. So that's what she suspects.

But like you mentioned, the more important topic is whether or not Luann's coming to Mexico. And then Carol kind of gets her back because she's like, wait, so you didn't say completely that she couldn't come? Like, what was the sentence you used? Why is she still texting you? She's like she's like oh and then carol tells us luann's always inviting herself bitch stay home um she's on the same cast as you so it's not like this is some random party even though later in the episode we find out that luann literally is always doing that she calls dorinda and she's like

hey how are you doing? What are you up to? Well, I'm getting ready for a ball. Okay, yes, thank you. I'll come. I'll meet you there in ten. Thanks for the invitation. How do you think she got an Italian TV show?

Like, oh, you know, we have a new Italian TV show. Oh, yes, I'd love to host it. Thank you so much. I'll see you soon. She just never even cared. She just kept showing up on the stage. She, I mean, they didn't need a Sharon Stone impersonator. Sharon Stone was probably there and the way I probably went on the stage as her.

Oh, I've got this, Sharon. Don't you worry. You can hang out here. They're like, we're, uh, we didn't give Sharon Stone a line on purpose. Okay. No, no. Sharon Stone is getting a line and I'm saying it. Hi, Arnold.

So Carol's pissed off that Bethany's not standing up. Well, she's not pissed, but she's like, I can't believe you didn't completely disinvite her. But then she's like, but, you know, Sonia's going to come to the dog wedding. I hope it's okay, but you gotta love someone with boxed wine

in their purse. Am I right? Yeah, and meanwhile, Bethany is saying, like, I don't want Luanne and Sonia to have ho-bag moments on the trip. What's that supposed to mean? Don't act like your trip to tequila is going to be this civilized experience. As we were mentioning before, like, not allowed to have ho-bag moments. That's what we're here for. We're waiting for the ho-bag moments.

Why don't you stop worrying about everybody else's vagina and just get yours taken care of? Just for today, today okay i'm sick of hearing about your bleedy vagina like gross get some stitches girl well i'm paying so much for this trip like it's nuts like i'm paying for helicopters and i'm paying for this and i'm paying for for mexico like i'm literally like paying for mexico i'm like walls up walls down you know that costs a lot of money literally like literally like i hired a cartel down. That costs a lot of money. Literally, I hired a cartel. Seriously, a cartel is coming. A cartel is

flying helicopters. We're all going to go to a cartel to kill it. I can't. Literally, it's too much. There's no room for Luann. The last thing I need is to get decapitated. I can't. Decapitated. Luann would fend that shit off. She'd be like, you want some head? I'll do it.

No, Luann would fend that shit off. She'd be like, you want some head? I'll do it. No, Luanne would wind up being the replacement for El Chapo. She'll be like, oh, okay, sure, I'll run the cartel. Why not? It's fun. Turns out I've taken more head than anybody in the cartel. I win. Money can't buy your class. But it can buy you drugs.

Come, have our drugs. But it can buy you drugs, which you'll have to take over the border in your ass it rhymes with class new song drug code so jules talk about wait i just want to say before we go to jules that while bethany was sitting here talking to carol about like the land's crazy behavior and everything and not inviting people and then maybe like will sonia come or not she's like well you know like i said it's everybody's trip like since when did it become everybody's trip you have mentioned the helicopters and the caviar and the tequila tasting for skinny girl so many times now suddenly it's everybody's trip and yet luan's not allowed to come please yep these two are failing miserably because they're gonna be

forced to take them like no producer worth his salt is gonna say no yeah you're not taking you're taking them bethany okay like i know you're the boss of everything but you're not that much of the boss you're still own bitch yeah i couldn't and by the way i couldn't tell if the reason why there was a luann special after this was to say sorry there was no luann in the episode so here's a full hour of her? Or was it to say, yeah, she's kind of on the way out, so here's our parting gift?

I think she's probably been cut out of so much of the episodes because we're not seeing the Luann at home stuff. So they're probably just like, well, she probably just never shut the fuck up, honestly. I mean, that's probably just all footage that they had because she's like, and blah blah blah i'm not one to talk about memories did i tell you about the time that i met bob hope while i was going under the bob hope sign in palm springs

did i tell you that well my good friend honey child always used to say the hope springs eternal honey child talk about branding Hope springs eternal. Honeychild, talk about branding. Bees literally had her coming out of her ass. I mean, now that was a friend. So next up is Jules. Speaking of branding, Jules, the Jules is over talking about her business, which you've got to give her credit because usually it takes them a couple of seasons before they're like oh i have to actually do something

so i'll make a fake business or you know have an instagram or whatever yeah but she quietly went ahead and made herself uh guess what a beverage this is the season where everyone comes out with their own drink guess what it's made of asian things yes it's like wakame and ginger or whatever so it's called modern alchemy and it's a did you say it's a clearing tonic it's a cleanse yes she called it a clearing tonic but yes it's a cleanse and you're anorexic yeah are you really selling liquid food jewels and she's like well this is really helping me with my recovery. I'm like, yeah, because you're not stress eating? Like, what the hell, Jules?

Well, it's like that old saying for the Hair Club for Men, I'm not just the president, I'm a client. That's what's going on with this drink. My drink will help you. It's not food, you won't get fat, and you still won't smell like vomit.

It's basically like a healthier mouthwash. Well, yeah. And everyone's like, oh, it's surprisingly refreshing. It's so lovely. I could drink this many times a day. I'm like, she's selling you a cleanse. Whoa. Here comes the shipment to MJ

we got five cases of Modern Alchemy for MJ time for some cleansing there's your target audience right there yeah so I'm the food guy she's like this food guy is like the top food guru

or whatever in the world and then you meet the guy and he's like whoa love the taste of this everything's really functional lols your functional ingredients does that mean you just farted like what does that mean it's really functional how the hell you would you know are you cleansing right now he's like pooping on the floor well great to meet you thanks for this meeting yeah i can tell this is a really successful product because i really want to shit myself right now no one has asian ingredients on asian ingredients on the market i'm like no one tell jewels about ginseng and green tea poop tea yeah i don't even know if it's even

called poop tea or if that's just the asian spelling and it looks like poop tea yeah i don't even know if it's even called poop tea or if that's just the asian spelling and it looks like poop tea but it will make you poop yeah i think there's like a lot of asian ingredients in the market to be honest i mean even if they're not in drinks there's just a lot of asian it's like asian that's crazy and the husband sitting there with his his shirt unbuttoned and his arm on the back of the chair so gross and they kept making all these little comments he's like yeah i'm proud of her it's like she's cheating like weird and then she was making comments like well this is good i have my business because you might be taking half of my shit one day it's like oh bad timing with this well part of me was wondering did she see the

writing on the wall and was like um okay i'm gonna be leaving this guy i need to get my shit together so that way i have some money when i leave right she would have done that after like who starts a business when you're about to divorce somebody because then he'll get after that right that's true i mean i really know about all that stuff but and then when she said i just wanted him to know i'm capable and strong i was like uh yeah in a way that doesn't involve picking up your children i'm capable. I just don't want to change a diaper. Okay, Michael.

Yeah. Is that his name, Michael? Michael, yeah. I always think his name is Jonathan, but it's Michael. Because I always want to say Jonathan, but it's really Michael. What about when the husband, the sensitive guy that he is, is like, this soundorexic tea. I mean, my wife is just like I love Lucy in that chocolate factory where she can't stop shoving food in her face. What are you doing?

What are either of you doing? Do you have any self-awareness? You're making binge jokes while this anorexic is selling things that you don't have to eat. And it's also like he was really taking a page from Richie from Real Housewives of New Jersey where totally undermining his wife on national TV. It was really insulting and she was like, would you stop making fun of me? But it's kind of true. It's rude. Here she is trying to launch her product on TV.

That's the whole reason for this entire stupid meeting is there are cameras there. And he's just making her look like a jackass you know beth no one ever did that to bethany that's for sure oh well she didn't have one yeah exactly that too it was embarrassing you when there's not one around that's why i don't have one around well that's one of the reasons also i was i felt bad for her you could see she was angry because she's just trying to to try to frame her image as a businesswoman and he's just like a bunch of bumbling ladies in a factory huh can't even do that but he did do the thing where he's like wow this is delicious i could imagine having this multiple times a day

it's like okay you're not selling them yeah i can imagine having it multiple times a day too because he is full of shit you need to have it every day poop out some of that shit you're full of boy yeah and now the most amazing scene the real housewives of new york tribute to home goods yes god bless you after years and years the real housewives brand actually enters the tj maxx. And it actually happened twice in one night. Twice. I couldn't believe it. Because they went to Homegirls and then later on the Luann special,

they showed a clip of her doing the Countess Report from the TJ Maxx of Bridgehampton. She's like, we're here at the greatest discount store in all of eastern Long Island. It's called TJ Maxx. I'm the Countess. Welcome to the Countessess report i love a bargain also potatoes here we are on the tj maxx parking lot talking about the best potato farmers and

i was like what the fuck is this i love her countess report talking about potatoes yeah i kind of wish they'd bring back the countess report well that's next lu next. If Luanne gets fired, she will walk right back into that station. Some call it moxie, and some call it just having no pride. Either way, she will always have a camera in front of her face from now on. Yeah. So they walk in. Bethany and Dorinda go over to the Home Goods, which, you know, New York is such a fabulous city in so many ways.

But these stores are not the way. Like, you see this HomeGoods. It looks like a very long hallway. I'm like, oh, you poor things. The Austin HomeGoods is like five parking lots full of crap. It's amazing. Yeah, they need to go to the suburbs for that, you know? They should have contacted Michelle Collins because Michelle Collins is the HomeGoods queen.

Oh, yeah. She knows where all the good ones are and she knows all the tricks i mean it's amazing you haven't lived until you've gone to home goods with michelle i haven't gone to home goods but i have gone to tj max we went three of us she did she was like no you should buy that no stitching is gross no is that offensive i'm sorry that offensive? I'm sorry, but no. It's gross. Yeah. No, she's, I mean, she's actually really, Michelle's a great person to shop with. I mean, she just, she knows her. She's like, no.

She's like, I have to say, it looks terrible on you. There's no lie there. I love it. So Bethany and Dorinda are in the Home Goods, and Dorinda's like, I need to write covers. and Dorinda are in the home goods, and Dorinda's like, I need to make covers, and she starts listing all this stuff, and then it flashes to Bethany being at

her house helping her just basically clean up for her remodel, and she's holding a glitter skull. Where'd you get this? Where'd you get this? From the Halloween shop. Alright, alright. Okay. Alright. I don't get it. I don't get what this skull does. Like, is this glitter? I can't tell. Is it like a stripper? i don't get it like i don't get what this i don't get what this skull does like it was this glitter it's like i can't tell is it like

is it like a stripper like i like i don't get it like this is what is this whole bag skull doing like i don't get it with you like it's like it's like there's too much going on here like honestly like you're like a you're like a hoarder okay i can't deal with all this hoarding okay like literally literally my walls are up my walls are up and their boxes on the other side and kristin take me down inside of them okay i can't literally i can't our school's happy now like what the hell like it's got glitter on it like who who puts glitter on a skull it's like disgusting it's like he said he's dead like now he's gay like what you're making this guy gay like doesn't he get a choice like that's crazy like gay what you know what you're like you know

what you're a smart woman you know you're a smart woman and you shouldn't have a stupid skull okay like i respect you i believe you know i actually love you i actually really enjoy you i really i really enjoy hanging out with you but this is stupid skull like I don't get it like honestly It's a cheater skull like it's not my skull like like this getting too close to my skull. I don't like it Okay, you know what? I'm sorry. Well, I want I don't want anything to do like literally my walls are up Well, sometimes they get lonely and I like to feel like I could just talk to Carol So I can't Carol house, baby fine

School like bouncing up the little skull up and down. Hey, are you sitting on some handlebars? That's crazy, Carol. No, Dorinda, you're just talking to a basket on a bike. What? No. It's Carol. They look at this little fancy pizza cutter, and Beth is like, what is this?

What is this? Is this supposed to cut a pizza? Like, what the hell? She's like, yeah, that's a fancy pizza cutter. And Bethany's like, what is this? What is this? Is this supposed to cut a pizza? Like, what the hell? She's like, yeah, that's a fancy pizza cutter. You take it out, and then people wonder, what else does she have? No, actually, even before that, I mean, it was like an amazing moment. But when Bethany was like, what is this? I don't get it.

Is this like a rocket or a blade? I don't get it. Is this supposed to go on a shoe? I don't get it. And Dorinda a rocket or a blade? I don't get it. Is it supposed to go on a shoe? I don't get it. And Dorinda's like, that's for a pizza. She just yells at her. Or when she's trying to tell her to buy the jewelry box. She's like, you gotta buy this jewelry box.

It's red. It's your color. It's skinny girl. That's why we came here. Look at the logo. Look at the signs. Look at the cards. Get one of those cards.

It's red kristen tigman sees the sees the jewelry box and just starts crying automatically i feel left out um yeah no the pizza moment was amazing what else does she have hey if you don't want to make a pizza don't make a pizza um then bethany is bleeding to death or whatever. She's like, oh, my God. Like, I'm bleeding. Like, I was going to go to the doctor after this.

But, like, I'm seriously bleeding. Like, it's crazy. Like, I'm bleeding on the floor. Like, I can't even tell. Like, everything's right in here. But, like, someone's going to slip. Like, I'm out. Like, I got to go.

She's like, do you want me to come with you? All right. I guess. Yeah. Yeah. You want to come? All right. I'm coming.

And then there's also this, like, scene bethany just pushing her car around and going something's wrong with me something's wrong with me something's wrong with me something's wrong with me and i'm like this should be your new tagline you know the opening of the show you know like throw me to the wolves and i'll come back leading the pack. Something's wrong with me. Something's wrong with me. I gotta go. What's the matter? Something's wrong with me. I'm literally pissing blood in a diaper right now. Like a fine wine, I get better with time.

Something's wrong with me. Just this terrified look. She's just staring at you through the TV. Great. She's in a full grocery cart. Yeah, she's just in a grocery cart full of duvets and strange pizza cutters. Something's wrong with me. I don't get it.

I don't get what's wrong with me, but something's wrong. I don't normally bleed like this. No one bleeds like that. Welcome to HomeGoods. How are you today? Something's wrong with me. Oh, well, okay. Well, we've got a cell on towels in the back.

You're going to need to sop up my blood. It's going everywhere. I bled all over HomeGoods. Like, literally, I can't. Like, I can't. This is what happens when I go into discount stores, okay? I just start bleeding. So Jules is over at her place ordering a haircut from an app.

And I don't know why I wrote that down. I just thought it was really funny. Yeah, well, because they kept on zooming in on the logo. It was Priv. Priv. It's like privilege. That's the theme of the show. Everybody saying things short because now they all decided that that's how young people talk.

Did you notice that? Like, we're calling Priv. Well, that's Redix. Well, I thought it was going to be Redix. young people talk did you notice that like we're calling priv well that's for dicks like everything i'm just jonesing for a private haircut um jules has a new nanny and she is so patronizing to her she's like hey those aren't cookies they're for the dog i know this morning you were confused i was like shut up jules throw her under the bus on national TV, you asshole. It reminded me of in Bullets Over Broadway when Tracy Ullman's character was talking to Olive. What's her face?

Jennifer. I mean, yeah. Jennifer Tilly. And she's trying to describe something to the character. And then she just looks at us. Oh, you're tired. You're not taking it in which i just always think about that line all the time the way she just strokes her cheek

oh you're tired you're not taking it in that's what jules was doing to the nanny i love the compromise for this nanny so the husband wants one he can fuck and speak spanish and then the husband the wife wants one that he can't fuck and just will take care of the kids so they compromise she got one that he won't fuck and just will take care of the kids. So they compromise. She got one that he won't fuck, but also will speak Spanish. But also she doesn't have to speak to you because she doesn't know English either. So funny. And this maid already hates her.

Poor thing. She doesn't even know the, you know, the language, which is fine. But poor Jules, she's not even trying. She's like, yeah yeah she doesn't even know English so you know what are you gonna do okay go over there to the dining room table it's like dining room table okay and then she just turns around and she rolls her eyes at the camera like what do I do like what is this someone show me this and it was amazing uh and jules is like bless her heart um so then sonia walks in with her dog rouge and sonia was wearing this brown fur coat so she's wearing a brown fur coat and carrying this brown

dog and i was like you're now just like a rebranded cruella de vil at this point i hope no one's allergic to mothballs in this dog wedding they're all gonna fall over it's like double the dog that's double the mothballs yeah i thought her dog's name was rogue is it rouge that makes more sense rouge i wrote down hilarious and stupid oh you know because i like to do cabaret so it's like moulin rouge you know that's what it's like everyone in san tropez loves rouge okay rushes he's a very proud dog just like milu but my partners have trademarked his name as Baby. No, Cookie. My dog, Toast.

She's, like, taking credit for all these insta-likes. Cookie actually used to be on a Nigerian football team. Yeah. Cookie. I love the name Toast for a dog. Cookie. I love the name Coast for a dog. So then,

now's like one of the worst parts of the entire episode. Let's see here. Jules fat shaming her dog. I ordered priv. Sonia, I just did a little... What'd she say? This is the worst part. I said, this is the worst part. Here we go. I had an accident involving my coochie.

She was straddling a window. She decided to open up a window. I guess it was a, maybe it was an aborted suicide attempt. Is that what someone on, I think, our Facebook page said? Oh, my God. I hope not. She's like, I don't have a nanny to pull this baby out of me, okay? I cannot have another child until there is someone to carry it in their stomach for me, okay?

I'm sitting on a window. She straddled a window and hurt her vagina and got a hematoma there and freaked out. And then she took pictures of her hematoma and started showing it to Sonya. I mean, I don't know how Sonya even got through the scene. I would have just vomited. Not because it's like... I mean, it's a vagina how Sonya even got through the scene. I would have just vomited. Not because it's like... I mean, it's a vagina. I'm a gay male.

I'm on this path for a reason. Like any vagina. Any vagina. No, I don't think anyone wants to see any close-up photos of hematomas in private bits. Well, if anyone should be forced to, it's Sonya. Lord knows she shoved hers in plenty of people's faces over the seasons. She just went to that poor guy who's been practicing for three weeks. Oh, this reminds me of this time when Madonna just got a surgery and she showed me all the pictures afterwards. Yeah.

We used to do that all the time. Is that one of those things that they used to buff the floors in the gym in high school? Okay, I'm down. Go ahead. Do what you got to do. And Jewel, who said, is that a hematomato? Oh, that was Jewel's. She's like, yeah, it's like a hematoma, a tomato, like a hematomato.

Jewel's so proud of her stupidity. It's crazy. I'm Jewish, and yet I have no interest in medicine. Isn't that crazy? I don't even know how many days this is because I would have to add them up. That's so anti-Asian of me. I haven't used my abacus in I don't know how many days because i haven't used my abacus this is also the second housewives show tonight that we're hearing sonia like whoa that's bigger than a hematoma that's like insane her husband's gonna have post-traumatic stress which is what

got from running off the road one time she's like well my marriage fell down and it was irreparable after i ran off the road i had post-traumatic stress which was only solved with uh someone else's in america well i i mean only luann could attribute the the downfall of her marriage to driving off the road in gashad and like it's just it's like like, I mean, it was actually a very scary story. But, like, I mean, her story is it's like, I'm not saying it in a way that I don't believe it. It's just like, it's an incredible

story. She went tumbling down a mountainside in Gstaad. They show the mountain and it's like the Swiss Alps. I'm like, I'm sure she tumbled down that whole mountain. And then she had to go back to america and then was drawn to public access television her story is crazy she has a crazy story pre-house was i had post-traumatic stress and i thought i'm made for tv so i came back to america and i

marched up to a tv station and i said i'm from italy and they it was owned by Italians. And they said, let's give this Italian girl a chance. You are nuts. You are literally nuts. Yeah, kind of. The Countess Report. And Anderson Cooper apologized for that mean stuff he said about my song. And I said, thank you, Anderson. Yeah.

Oh, I love this flashing back to the luann special yeah it actually works pretty well because since she wasn't actually in the episode it works well to occasionally um dip into the luann special did you notice when ramona this might be the scene i'm not sure when it was because i might have missed it in my notes but did you notice that ramona even said this time and then i walked in. I was like, oh my God, Ramona's playing. Ramona walked in with herself. How would Ramona react to watching Luanne drive off the road?

Oh my God, did you see that? A car just went flying off the road. That's crazy. This is annoying, too, because now they've closed off the roads, and now I can't go get by that dress I wanted to get down in town. I can't believe it, okay? Luanne almost died with the kids in the car, and she's blaming black ice.

That's so racist. Mike, I don't even know why she has to say that. Who says that? Just say ice. Like, gross, Luanne. Let's face it. Let's face it. Luanne is a terrible driver, okay?

You can blame the ice, but I blame the booze that she was probably drinking or the penis that was probably in her mouth while she was driving in Gestalt. The ice probably heard her singing in the car and was like, kill her. You know? Who can blame it? It's the first time I've ever been on the same side as ice, okay? Whoa, whoa. This is crazy. This reminds me of this one time

When I was a child I once was ice skating And Geraldine Parsons-Smith came up to me and said Get off the ice, you're gonna crack the lake Cause you're so fat And I started to cry, and to this day, I still can't ice skate I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I can't do it I'm sorry, stay class A

And that's when I had sex with geraldine parsons smith okay so carol's friend uh and morrissey threw clothes couldn't stop and i was like of course this is carol's friend because this lady is buying her a cashmere sweater for her dog yeah i didn't i didn't even bother writing notes for this scene because i'm just saying i'm not i just can't indulge this this puppy wedding any longer carol was wearing madonna gloves okay jules and sonia are we still with them makeup from priv jules hairs who cares blah blah blah she's gonna apologize my next my next note is that bethany needs fibroid surgery surgery yes uh yes we're gonna get a cynthia storyline uh oh yeah that's right fibroids so um except that the difference is with this one versus the cynthia storyline is that i mean i know fibroids are like a they're like a big deal a lot of women um struggle with them etc but um i think watching bethany like um hemorrhage through HomeGoods gave this fibroid story more of a sense of urgency and scariness.

I don't know. It's not to take away anything from Cynthia's. It's really not the same storyline. I mean, Cynthia's was literally just to not have to fuck Peter. I don't even know that she actually had fibroids. She was just like, my fibroids. Because then when she finally got them out, she was like, oh, they still hurt. It's like, no, they don't.

You don't even have them in there. Her issue was like, I've got fibroids and they're making me fat, so I need to get them out. And with Bethany, it's like, I have lost 10% of my blood and I need to have fibroid surgery now, and I might need a hysterectomy. At which point, of course, I thought about

Dawn from Cheshire being like, my hysterectomy at which point of course i thought about dawn from cheshire being like my hysterectomy i can't have children i want to have another darby i want to free some spam and she's like 15 years younger than bethany but this was kind of weird when she who is she telling did you just tell me she's with dorinda she's with dorinda back at i think the office and then there's like an assistant watching being am i supposed to be crying now or organizing something like this this story is really touching what did you want me to do with these manila envelopes she's like kept wanting to ask a question and bethany's and then i'm gonna die like what are you gonna do like there's one that's like a myectomy and then there's a hysterectomy and there's a you know recoup rectum like i don't even know like what

are these things like what am i supposed to do, they're going to go through the smiley thing on my stomach. They're going to take some things out, but then I can't have a baby. I'm like, who are you kidding, lady? How are you going to have a baby anyway?

You aren't like a hen where you can just keep popping out eggs. Exactly. I was also trying to imagine what a terror Bethany would be at the hospital. Nurse, nurse.

Like, literally, like, I don't understand. I'm, like, pressing a button and, like, there's, like, no drugs coming in. Nurse, nurse, literally, I don't understand. I'm pressing a button and there's no drugs coming in. What's the point of the button? Why are there buttons? Is there a video game? Is there a TV somewhere? I don't understand this hospital. What's happening here? I don't know why I'm not getting service. Literally, just take me out of this gown. It doesn't even show up in the back. What sort of gown is this?

You know what? I don't even want to know. I don't get the brand. I don't get the brand of the gown. I just want to be out of here. Literally, just kill me now like take me down to mortuary downstairs like i can't what the hell is this food like what is this like my stuff doesn't even taste like anything it's ridiculous get me the hell out of here beep beep beep beep beep she just keeps pressing the thing on her arm okay can you shut this thing off like it keeps beeping like like i get it like i got a heartbeat like congratulations i'm a human being i got a heartbeat like if i'm dead you'll know I'm dead. Okay? I won't be talking. All right?

So you don't need this thing. Okay? Just shut up. Like, literally, I can't. Beep. Beep. Beep. Shut up.

Shut up over there, you stupid slut. Like, you're a whore. You're a slut. They're like, ma'am, are you yelling at the beeping machine again? Yes. It's a total whore. Like, I heard it over at the other person's bed. Like, what the hell?

Close your legs. You know what? I don't want to have anything to do with you, okay? You know what? You's bed. Like what the hell? Close your legs. You know what? I don't want to have anything to do with you, okay? You know what? You're not an answering machine, so stop beeping, okay? You are your cheater brand. You're an answering machine cheater. You're a cheater brand.

And I don't hear any messages, okay? Like literally I can't. Like how about I have voicemail? You're a cheater brand. You hear this thing beeping? Like what the hell? Cheater. Cheater brand.

So Dorinda is like – I like when dorinda is like game's over but i wrote that because um i thought she was talking about having a baby i don't know why i wrote those notes right in a row but i wrote can't have i can't have a baby and dorinda games over bethany that's not what she was saying because bethany's like i can't like this is the worst like i can't go to mexico now like i planned a great trip. Like, helicopters. Like, I bought us helicopters. I bought us security. Like, oh, how fancy. And by the way.

Helicopters and security. Hmm. Sounds fun, Bethany. Well, and also Bethany kept on saying, like, I organized everything. I did all this. And they kept on cutting to the assistant just sort of sitting there quietly. Let me. Like, no, I organized everything for hours on end.

You see her on orbits.helicopter.com like i don't know if i can cancel this yeah so dorinda bethany starts listing places she bled yeah i shouldn't be laughing i know this is not a nice thing to laugh at but bethany is too much it's like yeah so then the other day like i was taking notes on something, and I was like, bleeding. And then I was like, gonna get in a car, and I was like, I was bleeding in the car. And then I was like, oh my god, it's a pothole. I'm bleeding. I was like, okay, we get it. It's like, where's

your blood? Like, where's Waldo? Why did you wait so long to go to the doctor? That's crazy, Bethany. That's me. I don't ever go to the doctor. I could be bleeding from the eyes, and I'd be like, oh, well, you you know i'll sleep on it oh well all your drama always has to do with your vagina i know all the roads lead to my vagina it's like i mean it's 84 it's right here um i started doing a ramona i don't know why but um uh yeah no she was really obsessed with this trip she i mean she was like this could be so so fun i'm like well i actually don't think it. But, yeah, no, she was really obsessed with this trip.

I mean, she was like, this would be so, so fun. I'm like, well, I actually don't think it would be so fun. Because you're yelling at each other. I don't even care if they just go back to Governor's Island. Just as long as they're all there. Yeah, they better do a trip. I'm actually, I feel like this is a sign from God. Like, no, you stop what you're doing right now.

You are going to have Luanne on this trip. And if you don't i'm gonna make you bleed you will not stop bleeding into this is like me parting the red sea all over again let luan and sonia walk through and the sea will close again all right guys finally all right married? You're kind of hot. There's frogs flying from the sky. All right. So what? I don't care. Frogs. It happens.

You know, it's weird. I don't get it. I don't know why everyone's freaking out. All right. Darkness. Okay. There's been like a day of darkness. So what?

I've got a flashlight. You know, have you used your iPhone before? I don't get it. I don't get why this is supposed to be scary. What did you do on the eighth day? Like, what the hell? All right. You know what?

Go to a dermatologistology if you're so concerned about your boils just go to dermatologist like literally i can't like i don't want to hear it okay like like we all have our problems okay i'm bleeding you have got boils i don't know like i don't care your boils your cow died like literally enough like i can't just go store get your own meat like why you have to have your cow okay hey you know moses is he single read his book you never seen a bush burn before? Like, it's called fire. Okay? Speaking of, my bush right now, like, killing me.

Dying. Like, seriously dying. Like, I can't believe I'm not dying. Like, my bush is burning me. Like, it's not even saying anything except, ow. Like, what did your bush say? What did it say? Go ahead, God.

Tell me what your bush said. Mine is going, ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. I feel like Moses is always trying to, like, sell Pharaoh on us. Like, we get it. Like, he's a bad guy.

I'm sorry. He's bad. Okay? There's not a good relationship between Moses and Pharaoh. All right? I can't. Sometimes it's just better not to pick a side. It's like choosing between the less evil.

You know? It's like every election. What are you going to do? I can't. Literally, I don't have time for these plagues. Okay? I've got a business run. All right.

Hey, thank God I was at the river today. I found a baby in a basket. Can I keep him? I might not be able to have one again. Listen, this is getting too close to my brand. I'm starting something called Skinny Mana. Skinny Mana? When you walk into restaurants, the wait is just throw it at your head.

It just falls from the sky. Well, I was there when you first created Skinny Man. Stop. You know what? No. No, you know what? This is my brand. I create Skinny Man.

All right? So why don't you go up to Mount Sinai, find your tablets, and have fun with that because I got my Skinny Man. Well, when Bethany came up with Skinny Man, I was there having sex with a skinny man. And I'd like to think I was involved in that naming choice. Not taking advantage of it, girls. Not taking credit, girls. You know what?

Just stay off my matzah, okay? It's just like low-carb bread on my back. Okay, that I baked on my back. Just enough. Okay, I can't. So now we are at the dog wedding, Amanda Hurst. Okay, we talked about some of this. Jules is like, whoa, you guys, I could really use a vacation.

You don't even know. Arigato. Shut up, Jules is like, whoa, you guys, I could really use a vacation. You don't even know. Arigato. Shut up, Jules. I know. I was surprised that Quad didn't show up with her dogs. Paris is, uh, scary as honey. Is this a Pups in Paris event? Pups in Paris, honey.

Honey, there may be nuptials going on around here, but the sun is still shining and there are flowers in the basket. You say I do. I say I don't. Okay, quad. Thanks for coming to our wedding. I object.

Okay, quad. Sonia won't bring Bruce because he's socially awkward like Ramona. It's about time someone... I actually really respect that you know listen you know people think i absolutely hate dogs i don't hate dogs it's just that there are a lot of dog owners that just have this sense of entitlement and i'm not saying all dog owners have that because i'm sure that like 75 of our listeners have dogs like i get it there are a lot of great dogs but there's some people who just think every occasion is appropriate for a dog now it's kind of funny because this is actually a very dog appropriate occasion but some dogs don't mix well with other dogs and sonia had the good sense to say you know

what i'm not going to bring my dog because it'll be pandemonium and other people don't have that sense so i applaud sonia for for having some judgment i would be i would have brought rouge but i'm wearing him as a hat. What are you wearing? There's only so many bitches crazy as they need in one church or wherever they were. So this is where Sonia's like, oh, my God, the cost of these dog outfits is totes redicks. I learned that from Joliet, my intern. I learned that from Joliet, my intern. By the way, I couldn't help feeling also that this whole doggy wedding thing was the sort of thing that Carol would have made fun of in previous seasons.

She would have made fun of it. She would have rolled her eyes and we would have been on her side. So that's – I feel like, again, there's been a change in her character to a certain extent. Well, she was laughing at it. She was making fun of herself. I think someone, honestly, on their Christmas break was like, Carol, we have no footage of you where your tongue is not Bethany's asshole. So you're going to have to do something. So last week, she's like, I'm going to talk to Adam.

I mean, I never even knew Adam talked like that. He's like, hey. I was like, whoa. Please don't speak. And then she tried to have a heart-to-heart with Bethany. That didn't go over well. Bethany's like, please be quiet. Who are you? What, are you what you talk now like i didn't sign up for this and now she's going to a dog wedding you know she's trying she was trying and so they they resurrected cindy adams to read the nuptials which reminded me of when madonna married 30

couples on the grammys it was like all that was missing was the kentucky fried chicken colonel sanders outfit and you know madonna and madonna cindy adams you know she really loves dogs because she was wearing that dog sweater girl i was like this is your ugly christmas sweater and your terrible dog wedding sweater all rolled into one cindy congrats have i got some gossip for you, girls. Someone took a subway today. It's like, oh, come on, Cindy. I wish they brought Sue Simmons in for the occasion, too. In case you don't know who she is, she was an anchor on WNBC New York for years and years and years. for years and years and years and famously famously during a live um like promo for the evening news later that night she's she just yelled like what the fuck is this all about

one of the greatest moments in broadcasting coming up the dog wedding with cindy adams in a terrible sweater good for cindy adams not only for still you know being alive but also for using a current picture on her on her gossip page because a lot of people don't do that we'll use pictures that are like 30 years old cindy adams that is true she even has the same like poof the same meme oh she's had that poof for decades she's like loves that poof i don't know if she's just not taking new pictures or she just doesn't want to take new pictures because she doesn't want to have to change her sweater and her poof i don't know what it is but i like it i like his style i know um i

loved how during the nuptials or the puptuals as they called them when ramona showed up a little late she shows up and she's like at the like the reception desk or whatever and she opens up the program she goes toast and finn all right very cute i don't know why it just cracks me up and then just all the thought processes um walk toast down simon dunan walk toast down the aisle i was like uh uh fat jewish missed his own dog's wedding ramona i mean are you are you kidding me like this this is another one of their, like, young things. Ramona's like, a dog wedding? Like, seriously?

Are you kidding me? This is a little tutu, okay? I love that because my mom says that. It's a little tutu. It's a little tutu. Like, that's literally a little tutu that dog is wearing, okay? Okay. Sonia's like, those dogs don't even like each other.

They're not even sniffing each other's butts. Don't sign a prenup. I mean, I might as well just go to Boutique at this point. By the way, this stupid event raised $10,000. There were 300 people there. How did they only raise $10 dollars at a new york city charity event i'm sorry just sad i did the math on that and that's like what's not really very hard math that's like 33 a person okay so for the price of a ticket they didn't get any i mean

ten thousand dollars how much money do they spend putting building putting this event together actually now that you mention it carol said it was 150 a ticket so it kind of makes it kind of makes no sense that math and you know that they weren't subtracting whatever it cost to throw it because that hot where were they i mean that was an amazing place that they had it at that had to cost at least 15 and then the catering and then they had a huge wedding cake that of course ramona's like i'm gonna cut the cake okay like i see cake i'm hungry she just goes up and cuts the wedding cake the math yeah sorry i'm still like coming up on the math i can't even get to the cake yet well 300 people times 150 dollars how much is that that's um that's probably like 45,000, I imagine.

I feel like maybe there's a typo. Maybe there's a typo. If you divide 10,000 by 150, that means there's 66 people there. And there were more than 66 people there, I think, but maybe not. Well, they said 300, but maybe a lot of people just came because of the publicity. So they're like, you know, when they try and get famous people to come, they're like, you don't have to pay for your ticket. of the publicity. So they're like,

you know when they try and get famous people to come, they're like, you don't have to pay for your ticket. Well, there's either someone's lying or there was a typo with that final report

because that's crazy. Yeah. So yeah, so then Ramona went and got herself a slice of wedding cake. So, so funny. And Dorinda's like,

all right, guys. All right, everybody. Come over here. I have an announcement to make come on guys come on over i was with bethany the day here's the thing she's bleeding like a stuck pig okay she can tell you like dorinda's kind of excited to have news she's like and no mexico ramona but what? Like, I bought a new bikini, okay? Like, look at these pictures. She starts showing everyone. She's like, I was so ready. I was so ready to go to Mexico,

okay? Like, renew. And they're like, uh, Bethany could be dead. Well, you know, die after Mexico. Like, is that so hard, okay? Let's face it. I got a bathing suit Let's face it, okay I have you know now that we're not going to Mexico I can eat all the birthday cake that I want just why is that Did you bro staring at me so mad? I'm so mad at five boys right now Like I can't even five boys to two They're two two very cute. Very cute. That's two two I hope Bethany doesn't die because I've been totally mean to Luann for her. And she kept going.

But I have all my outfits ready. And then Sonya goes, well, I would be upset if I was invited in the first place. I mean, how do you think I feel? I was all charged up to talk to Bethany and she's not even here. You guys are so fucking full of yourselves i love it and then sonia which you know sonia gets yelled at for this later because she goes well i was normally i would just call bethany and say i hope you're feeling okay but now i don't want to call and look like a suck up like everyone else so i just didn't call and you you know, she's going to get, yeah.

Uh huh. Yup. Like, yeah, Bethany doesn't care if you're a suck up. That's the whole point. She wants you to be a suck up and she's got a little notebook by her beeping machine and she's writing down whoever called and how many times. Yeah.

Because if there's one thing that women on real housewives keep track of, it's who visited who at a hospital. Cause man, like, like i mean how many times not even real house of bravo in general like you didn't visit me when i was sick i didn't get a call for this i mean talk about quad husband's yeah you didn't do yeah oh yeah that's right because there was bethany and jill on that on that you didn't come see bobby i hope people remember that because bethany was like what i i sent flowers so i hope you remember that because Bethany was like, what? I sent flowers. So I hope you remember that argument because you know that Bethany is going to yell at Sonia.

I just feel that coming. Then Ramona over there cutting the cake. And then she's telling some rando. She's like, well, thanks to fibroids. Like, I don't have to wear a bathing suit now. So I'll have some cake. Am I right? Like, let's face it.

And then the last line, she goes, let them eat cake, capice? Get it? You see what I did there? I made a joke, okay? Let them eat cake. Because, you know, Mary Antoinette said that, okay? I think she lives on the Upper East Side somewhere. But she said it, okay?

Capice? Oh, Ramona. Capice. It's short for cake piece you know like a face you ever been to place cafes over the hudson river cafes okay well that brings us to the end of real housewives of new york now we're going to wrap up the episode and when I say wrap up I mean probably talk for another three hours but we're just going to wrap up by touching on Below Deck and this week's Shaw's Sunset which we had to move to today because

Southern Charm was freaking amazing and it was a season finale so Shaw's you know we'll be figuring out the schedule soon. Yeah too many big things were happening at the beginning of this week to bump anything to Thursday. We had to deal with the premiere,

the finale, the reunions that happened on the other show. We're moving Shaz to today. But before we get to Shaz, I will say I watched Below Deck Med just for the fun of it. I had a little bit of time on my hands. And I am still

enjoying this season uh it was more craziness um because there were a bunch of these old dudes that came on the yacht um and it was your standard 65 year old guys who like to think that they're like ladies man and so they they requested um that the yacht go to Mykonos, where they were going to find some girls. And so they went out. They took the little boat out to the party times. And they brought Bobby and Danny with them to get the ladies. God, Bobby and Danny, really? I mean, at least Danny got a stripper.

But that Bobby is just a goofball he's like from a cartoon yeah bobby and bobby bobby pretty much like failed he like walked up to a girl and was like hey hey uh can i kiss you uh can you come over like hang out with us and she's like no i'm speaking english no so then danny went up and then but danny does his cute little like charm thing. He's like, hey, hey, how about a kiss on the cheek? Can I get a kiss on the cheek? Just a little kiss on the cheek?

Okay. And he was, like, he was, like, very social, and he was able to get all these girls. And Bobby, at that point, Bobby was like, I'm over it. So he wasn't even trying, and he's also socially awkward. Did he walk away like, yep, they wanted me? That's Bobby right there. He's like, yep, she was trying to fuck me. That girl wanted me. Totally.

He was, there was, like, a a vibe of that there was a vibe uh he didn't really explicitly say it but he was pretty much just i think he was i don't remember what he was saying but he probably had a had a bunch of excuses like well i can't get i've got these old guys i can't i'm not gonna do this well i'm gonna be a professional whatever so so danny goes he drums up like eight women and uh and now dinner is going to be 13 people instead of five people. So there's a little bit of chaos in the kitchen. How could you spring this on me like that, girl? You need to give me some good heads up then, girl.

And Hannah, meanwhile, is suffering from a mig migraine and so she's just in a foul mood and uh she's trying to just they're all just kind of like scrambling the guys are back there they got the old dudes are wasted the girls are like not having fun they're sitting there there are these two girls that are like when is this over like can we get off this boat yet they're miserable and they keep they love danny and they keep saying things like, Danny! They call him, they're like, Danny's like the ninja. And they keep calling him the grasshopper. And Bobby is the something.

I know, they keep on saying, they're drunk. And they're like, Bobby, he looks like he'd be the man. But he's not the man. Danny's the man. Bobby sucks. But Danny's the man. And so they're like so danny's like feeling great you know and he's like in there and like daniel son daniel son he's like oh and he's

like and you know then you know um hannah's going absolutely berserk because now danny's like professional don't you think yeah she's like why do you have to be in this too many people in this galley too many people in this galley and bobby's getting mad and everyone's getting mad because like now danny's ego's gonna get inflated and meanwhile brian's downstairs yelling at jen just because he needs to yell at someone and so his ego is is out of control and um the whole thing was just classic you know danny being such an idiot um and they all are so mad at him and the guests love him the most. So funny.

I saw on Twitter. Well, two good things below deck wise. The captain. I love the old captain. Captain Rolls. What's his name? Lee. I'm so dumb.

Captain Lee. He's on Twitter. I like that he does old castmates of Big Brother or whatever show that's off the air now. They just tweet along with the new people. I love that. But he does that with his show. He's like, I'm going to live tweet below Deck Med. We'll see about that. We'll see about that.

He's already punishing himself. It's like, you don't get to get off the boat tonight now mary but it's funny because he'll tweet things like what didn't follow the rules well on my boat that wouldn't that wouldn't work buddy and i love that he's just antagonizing the other captain kind of like you let them get away with that huh i'll bet you wear slacks with your sneakers too don't you buddy so he tweeted something the other day, and he said, Well, gotta hand it to Danny. Not a bad move, kid.

And I was like, Whoa, that's crazy. But also I have to mention that Kate tweeted. Love Kate. Team Kate. Team Kate. Team Kate forever. Team Kate. Sorry.

Kate tweeted, Yeah Kate. Sorry. Kate tweeted. Yeah. Watching Netflix. And I'm so excited that Orange is the New Black is coming back. Might be too soon. Lovely. She's just the best. Oh, yeah.

Another thing that happened, which I think is going to be coming up next week on the show is that danny was showing the these old dudes pictures that he took with the tilted kilt girls and so they're like it's you know like it's unprofessional you shouldn't even have be taking pictures with guests in the first place and then you shouldn't be showing them to other guests yada yada yada so there's gonna be some controversy swirling around that and i mean as much as danny is unprofessional to be fair the guests loved him and were calling for him so he was just doing what also his boss was like getting rapey in a hot tub wasted and basically told i mean literally told a girl to sit on his

thumb it was being a total unprofessional yeah that's worse that's worse than so is bobby he's being a total sexual harasser. They're both disgusting. So at this point, Danny, do whatever the fuck you want. That Captain Aiden even checked in. He's just upstairs playing Canasta by himself. Well, also, the other development is that, you know, Bobby and Paula Abdul are, like, not really talking anymore because she approached him last week and was like, this is awkward. Like, stop flirting with me. Like, I really like you, but I've got a boyfriend so you can't

flirt with me anymore so now he's just not talking to her so and then meanwhile Hannah is like mad at Ben because Ben was like pissy to her so now Hannah is essentially flirting with Bobby to make Ben jealous so that's turning into something now

and and now Danny the it was actually great. So the episode ended. They went to dinner, the crew, their night off. They went to dinner and everyone's getting drunk. And Danny's just muttering to Jenny, so much fakeness, so much fakeness. Because he thought he saved the day because the guests loved him so much. And he got like an extra tip.

They gave him an MVP tip, the guests did. And he's like, Danny's like, save the day. Oh, really? Yeah. That doesn't happen much. Ever. It's never happened. And Danny spent the whole time, you know, he spends the whole time being like, did you hear that?

They said they love me. They love me, huh? Wow. I really love me. But they still got overall a very low tip so uh danny is like feeling underappreciated because he feels like he got the special tip that raised the whole tip higher but they still are shitting on him so he's like everyone's fake everyone's fake around here and then he's not they tell you right to your face you're an idiot yeah exactly and so he starts

going up on hannah and he's like you have a nasty attitude you have a nasty attitude and then she gives him this look and she's like what do you want to say to me what do you want to say and it's like scary and that's pretty sound effect from revenge i'm losing my voice after watching there was also as as usual some boat docking drama. It was like, oh, the waves are four feet high. And there was like, get some slack. Jen, you have too much slack in your rope. She has too much slack.

She has too much slack. She's like, I don't have too much slack. You're jumping to conclusions. She has too much slack. She's like, I don't have too much slack. I'm taking a nap. But either way, I still find it to be very enjoyable. Of course I've got slacks.

I'm a lesbian. I wish she was still making like a million lesbian jokes. That was so fun. She's like, guys, I understand. You want to go eat out? I get that because I'm a lesbian. Am I right, guys? Well, last week, Bobby did shove his dick between his legs and show Jen his mangina.

Oh, God. Which would normally get you fired. He's gross. Yeah. He's hot. I just like the regular captain going off. Well, that's unprofessional. I think it's hilarious.

I think they should just have his tweets popping up. His tweets should just be popping up through the whole show. Really? That's what you're doing, Ben? Wouldn't do that with me, peanut butter and jelly. I'll tell you what. So let's go talk about some shaz of sunset. Oh, let's do that.

Some shazters of sunset. Okay, so this episode was another Reza trying to ruin people's lives for no reason. I mean, Jesus. You know when the season's coming to an end because Reza's like, Well, I've gained 50 pounds and done nothing all year, so I guess I better earn that paycheck and ruin someone else's life. And so he just goes to town. You know, I guess our original prediction was that he would go after also this year because no one has really ever gone after also before well season one season one there was a big

like gg versus asa situation yeah but everyone was on also side yeah reza hasn't he hasn't been like well what also why don't you talk about how you're dating the brother of that child molester and that you probably molested children. Go ahead. Tell us. Tell us, Asa. What are you doing, babe? Babe.

What? Babe. Babe. Mashi's right here, babe. Babe, you just ate my In-N-Out, babe. Like, how could you do this to me? Babe. Babe.

My fashion show. Like, everyone's here for my fashion show, babe. Babe. Babe. Latoya's, like, right here. So, Gigi is, um, he's already gotten Gigi last week at the fashion show. So, he fucked over Asa and Gigi last week. And then he also fucked over Shervin because Shervin's been so nice.

And I think he went up to Shervin and was like, ooh, everyone thinks you're a pussy. You're going to get fired if you don't confront Gigi. So, he ruined that relationship as well. Yeah, he certainly did. And he did that with so, like, the efficiency with which he did that. He was just like, Shervin, you know, I'm questioning this RA. Like, you know, like, she's, like, supposed to have chemo? Like, I don't see any chemo at home, boy.

Like, that's so Persian to not see, like, the effects of chemo. Like, she's drinking. She's partying. You should say something. Say something. Say something right now. Right now. Right now.

Do it right now. All right. All right. Well, all right. Well, okay. All right, Rez. I'll say something. Say something. Say something right now. Right now. Right now. Do it right now. All right. Well, all right. Well, okay. All right, Rez. I'll say something. He totally had that nervous look of a housewife who's starting a fight just to get a scene.

You know when they get so nervous they look like they're going to pee on the floor? He had that. He's like, girl, I need to tell you. I'm just telling you because it's what everybody's saying, girl. Okay, listen up. And he's going at it, but he looks so scared. And his, like, coke eyes were, like, you know, moving back and forth. His big black cartoon coke eyes.

His handsome, beautiful coke eyes. Oh, rawr. So, yeah, he's hot. I feel like we have not given appropriate attention to Shervin's hair. Now, I'm not someone who normally goes for, like, the slick back hair, but his slick back hair is almost perfection. As slick back hair goes.

He looks like a cartoon, like a black and white cartoon, like the big boy, you know, with that slick back hair. It's like black and the black and white version. You can see your reflection in that thing. He's hot. And also really greasy and gross. But he seems so nice, too. That's what I like about him. You know really greasy and gross but he seems so nice too that's what i like about him you know i don't think he seems so nice now that i see him i think

he's totally closeted boning nema and they're the type who like they act like they're nice and then the second they shut the car door my friend cheryl calls it the clunk where you're like clunk and then you really start talking shit uh it's like clunk and that girl that bitch and nema's like yeah i agree because we got a little of that in this episode actually yeah well i mean the truth is that this you know your clunk theory is great and this is a show about a bunch of clunkers okay because everyone on this show shuts the door and talks shit i mean and no one does it more than mj and Reza. Yeah, they're really bad.

What was I going to say about Shervin? Oh, also a reason I don't think, I suspect that Shervin isn't very nice. Besides all the stuff that we saw, his disgusting behavior on that date. But also, you know, he's pretending, this guy gets no scenes. No one would give him the time of day last year.

You know, they treated him like an extra they didn't involve him in anything except gg so now gg is involving him he uses gg to like get more screen time and uses it the entire season but the minute reza tells him to turn on her he turns on her that's not cool that is so real housewives bullshit and i hate seeing grown men do that. I hate it. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if it's as cynical as that he was using Gigi to get more screen time. I think that Gigi really has a friendship with Nima.

I think that's the thing. It's her cousin, right? Yeah, it's her cousin. So that's real. I know, but she's like, granted, Gigi has someone to talk to anyway. It's like when Vicky's hanging out with you. I'm like, you know you suck. Listen, can you blame the guy? I mean, he's basically, like, gone through freshman hazing.

Like, okay, so you get stuck with all the Gigi scenes. You don't get to have any fun. You don't even get to come to the Palm Springs wedding. And then the moment that they say, okay, congratulations, you get to graduate now. Like, of course. Like, yes, I get to go swing at Gigi. But he wasn't really he has to betray his friend instead of just being an interesting person to get scenes

yeah well you know i don't like being interesting being interesting and being nice are two different things yeah yeah i don't need him to be nice i just didn't like that and i'm no like huge fan of gg i mean i think gg is completely full of and she's a horrible like violent person but yeah sorry i mean i don't know even even horrible people deserve friends and aren't going to turn on them like that especially after all of them have over and over again i think actually something i do like about shervin is that i do think he's smart and i think that his reads on a lot of the situations have been pretty spot on i think he seems like a bright guy and I always

appreciate that and I think Reza's smart too obviously he's just a fucker yeah he is I don't think Shervin's dumb it makes me feel bad for Gigi and I hate when people make me feel sorry for the people that are hateable

it puts me in an awkward position because I'm like but I hate when people make me feel sorry for the people that are hateable. Because it puts me in an awkward position. Because I'm like, but I hate her. But no, now I don't hate her. Now I like her. Now I feel bad for her. Like, stop. It's not fair. Stop manipulating me.

No, I don't feel bad for her. And what I do love, again, is now that we're here in our third iteration this year of Fake Disease, you know, starting with Vicky gunvalson and brooks going to yolanda and now to this what i love about this is that like you know in this third iteration it's like faster it's more efficient and it's also it's sloppier like it's just it's such a sloppy conspiracy theory situation because gg did such a bad job of faking trumping up her stories they like they had the cameras there they caught her in all her lies of her embellishing her situation yes she has rheumatoid arthritis that's for sure but she's sitting here telling people

that she's going she's having chemo she's going in for a chemo treatment and all she was doing was going in to get her blood drawn and her mom is sitting there crying because she thinks her daughter's about to undergo this you know chemo and they show it she drags i love that she brings everybody to that doctor scene so they can see so she's got mj who she knows has a big mouth then she's got the parents and she's like so you're telling me i've got to get chemo, right? And he's like, no, I'm saying that there's a lot of different options and there's one that uses radiologoctomy or something that has radio. He's like, well, we'll play

the radio for you. And she's like, radiology? Wait a second. It could be similar. And then later on, she tells people that she's going to be undergoing radiation and Sherman's like no it's basically

they inject you with a radioactive isotope and they can see the gap and they can see the effect of it but it's not radiation so like what I love is how easy she was caught in her lies and how quickly they caught onto it like this is an arc that has taken two episodes not even

like an episode and a half and it's already like oh okay and when she gets all i can't believe these people are questioning me again even after last year when they were questioning me and i got two two lie detectors so what what they want me to take another one i'm like really because the first one you basically failed yes and yelled at the lie detector guy And then the second one just told you whatever you wanted to hear. What did the second one say? He didn't say you're telling the proof 100%. What did he say? He's like, well, I can't prove that you're lying.

She's like, see? See, everybody? Yeah, she is such a drama queen, you know? And one of the dramas she did was, you know, they as a group, their trip is they went to decide to go to Belize. And so they're all going to fly. It looks like it's this crazy arduous journey. And then and they're like, where are you, Gigi? And she's like, yeah, I'm not going to be able to make that flight.

It was such a juvenile, annoying response, like passive aggressive. I don't know how they put up with her. I mean, that's true. But just to play like literally Satan's advocate, she is kind of learning something because she was saying, I'm not going to go on that flight because I will stab somebody in their eye and nobody needs that on a plane. So like if you don't want me hitting people or stabbing people,

I'm going on a different flight. I was like, well, okay, that's growth. But we have to talk before they go because this is where Reza was really shit stirring. He's like, yeah, by the way, Reza, for anybody who doesn't follow any of the Twitters or Instagram or any of that, Reza and Jessica go at each other on there

and they just rip each. She's like, whatever, yo queen. And he's like, oh, screw you, slut. You know, like they just rip each she's like whatever yo queen and he's like oh screw you slut you know like they go after each other so to pretend they're friends is just so funny so he's like okay mike everything's great you want to come with us on this trip it'll be great brother remember like remember how i tried to ruin your life okay i'll see you on the trip so then he calls jessica to go to the most fluorescent lit place on Sunset Boulevard, Aroma Cafe. Awful.

By the way, if you're visiting Los Angeles, don't go to Aroma Cafe. It is awful. If you need to know how much it sucks, notice that this scene, they never even got a drink until the waiter came back like 30 minutes later to take their food order. That's pretty much an example of aroma right there yeah it stinks get it um also the fluorescent lights i can't believe they still do that in there and like they have a full bar in aroma is that true uh yeah i think so and they now have a sushi bar which is like why would you go there to get sushi and they play like just like shitty romanian house music it's just like the worst.

Yeah. But of course, it's totally fitting for these two. So Jessica comes in like $10,000, I'm only guessing, shoes. Like these spike heels. I'm like, you know you're at a Roma, right? So she comes and Reza's like, well, you know, I don't want to talk about your relationship because it's none of my business. But okay, what might do? What do you do? Like tell me I don't want to talk about your relationship because it's none of my business. But, okay, what'd Mike do? What'd he do? Like, tell me everything.

You want to come on this trip? You guys can fight. Like, you can't run away because there's nowhere to go. You can only film in this one cabin. She's like, um, I'll think about it. Reza was basically like, I want to know all the details because I want to use them against Mike. And I also am just curious. Yes.

Also, i want you to come on the trip because then you and mike will fight and we're either gonna make you look bad or mike look bad but either way it'll be good for the show so come on the show and she goes um i'm getting to this scene sorry we're skipping through uh so i'm trying to find the right part but she's like um i have to be honest i don't think i'm gonna go back to him and reza goes he does his goat cry and i was like thank you that was a tribute to our mailbag and then it went to then it got to commercial right he's like why

it was like that needs to be a gift and by the way and thank you to the people who made gifts i don't know if they made the gifts for us but they found the gifts or whatever from of from southern charm oh really i thought you were doing that no someone remember i remember we were like uh like someone needs to make a gift of katherine's eyes and. Oh, that's amazing. Thank you for doing that. I thought you were doing it because you were talking about it earlier. No, I'm not.

Yeah. But he's like, why? Not commercial. And then, of course, the big cliffhanger. She's like, he was cheating on me. Yeah, no shit. Like, everybody else knew this except you. And she goes, this time, like, all the time, you guys, everybody was telling me what was happening but i didn't want to believe it because you know jewish people don't think like that and i was a new jew

but now that i'm married you know and like i'm on tv i see the proof i mean i see the proof right in front of my eyes and it really itches like really bad like it doesn't go away like it'll go away for a month and then come back like herpes oh shh like you know i know you got your proof she's like i'm leaking i'm leaking my vagina is leaking maybe she had crabs like luann which we did not discuss you know how we have bed bugs well Well, in Italy, they have crabs. And my boyfriend, Elizabeth, her husband, she's like, my husband had a boat with crabs. No, it was a different guy entirely. It was someone else with big hairy arms.

They were on a plane and the crabs got onto his hair in the plane. Oh, I thought she said he had a boat with crabs. I was like, what? No, I think they were on a plane. I don't know. had a boat with crabs. I was like, what? No, I think they were on a plane. I don't know. Anyway, fucking Luanne. So Jessica's the same way, but she hasn't learned to really relish the crabs yet like Luanne has. I was like, oh, crabs.

Those were the times. Those were the fanciest crabs in Milan. Royal crabs. royal crabs. So Reza, so basically she's going to leave Mike for sure because she's found some serial killer to marry or whoever the hell she ended up dating. But I don't feel for her. Don't feel for him.

Cannot believe she didn't go on the trip. I can't believe, but I was actually, I was proud of her, you know, I asked every week how I go back and forth between the two of them. Cause they're both awful. You know, she, she had these very, she was proud of her. I ask her every week how I go back and forth between the two of them because they're both awful. She had these very – she just wanted to get married regardless of the guy.

She just wanted a ring on her finger, which felt – I just feel like in these day and age, I feel like people should aspire for more. I know that's like – it's easy for me to say and I don't walk in everyone's shoes. I get it. I know it's perhaps a very male- and i don't walk in everyone's shoes i get it like i know it's perhaps perhaps a very male entitled opinion i get it but i feel like she should have aspired for more in life than to just marry mike just for the ring yeah no kidding slob um so then i have to say this part as it goes jessica like mike is willing to Like, he's totally different now. He's willing to put in the work. Also, he's sticking to other people. But he's willing to take prep now.

It's like, Reza, you're standing up for someone who's probably fucking somebody else right now, Gabe. Exactly. So, yeah, so, like, so for Jessica, part of me wants to be like, well, that's what you get. You know, you get the slob so hot. Like, you know, you know what you're getting involved with. He's on TV. You just want to be famous. You just want to get a ring. You get this slob so hot. You know what you're getting involved with. He's on TV. You just want to be famous. You just want to get a ring.

You want to get some money. Yada, yada, yada. She's like, well, I'm Jewish now, and that's really opened up my dating pool. So sorry. But then the other part of me is like, but you know what, though? She learned a lesson. She grew. She saw the error of her ways, I like to think.

And he's a schmuck. And good for her for standing up for herself and saying, fuck this know she may be a bitch but she's an entitled bitch this girl dated like a disgusting guy that she was like basically dating at this time which she's not saying either for someone who wants to be so honest it's a disgusting guy it's a disgusting guy right did you read about him oh i've seen the pictures yeah she's so gross so she learned no lessons she's just found another dick to jump on okay you know what you win um so then i don't need to win i just needed to add that you don't need to win but you won um so i think it was actually uh so then um did reza did i feel like Reza called Jessica During the dinner Called Mike during the dinner or was it afterwards

She was like bye and he was like bye Okay Mike Like immediately whipped up his phone Well he had called beforehand and be like Hey just so you know like I'm talking with Jessica right now It's not a bitch session about you But I want to invite her Because I think that would be really good to get you guys

To talk outside of all the distractions of LA. That's so Persian, homeboy. Mike. And then afterwards he's like, yeah, it went totally well, Mike. She totally wants to come. I think it's going to be great. She totally wants you back. Like, she just needs some time for herself.

But you've got nothing to worry about, Mike, okay? Totally into it. And the reason why he said he did that right was because mike's a hothead he didn't want mike to do something like crazy and ruin the progress etc i'm like well how about you shouldn't have done this in the first place you should have meddled with this their their situation as if you really need that he's like please come on this trip so no one will confront me about anything in my own life like the fact that i'm going through bankruptcy right now please yeah yeah exactly deflection so then they go to belize right am i skipping i'm i probably i'm yeah it's okay we talked about a lot of this stuff they go to

they're all finally there and gg's like can you believe it like after all this time i'm finally like i'm closest to Mike out of all the people. Because we both understand what it's like having people lie about us. I'm like, you were the one who was lying about Mike. Yeah. So you understand what it's like to lie about Mike and also lie about yourself. So glad you're big enough to realize that, you dope. By the way, I love how Gigi and Lise is afraid of all of nature.

She's afraid of every single little bug and thing that's there in the jungle, which, I mean, I would be too. But then I'm like, but you're the one who always just talks about how camping is so relaxing for you and you love being with nature and it really takes you to a special place. Oh, that's true. So once again, you're just being a drama queen. Well, she's used to California parking lot camping.

It's very different. It's much easier to stab a random human in a parking lot than it is a tiny little spider in Belize. Yeah. Well, I love how they... So they were in this hot, humid villa at this resort and they have this tiny little pool and they're all complaining because it's like... They're not sure if it's a pool or a koi pond

without koi. I can feel you peeing on my leg. And MJ realizes that she has been pushing away Tommy so she tries to call him and try to make amends and she just babbles. She's the worst voicemail of all time. That is so funny. He's like

Hey, it's Tommy. Leave a message, okay? Boops. Like the boop is like, bah. So here I am in Belize. It's been really hard. Like the plane. I'm so hungry.

Like the food. 20 minutes of voicemail. Meanwhile, I'm just still chuckling to myself about how you turned Tommy into Edith Bunker. It's Tommy! Come on. Come on. I can't even do it.

My voice is dying. I can actually do an Edith Bunker. Please bring that up another day. I'm watching you. On the way to the upgrade. Hi, you've reached Tommy. I'm not home right now,

but if you'll leave me a message, I'll call you back later. Yeah. That was one of my days. so um so anyway i guess we could just probably move forward to this dinner right mj yes mj okay so everybody's basically wasted now which is the time the show gets good because they just start throwing each other into the bus for no reason it's like okay we're bored okay who's left should we ruin today reza you pick he's like okay but actually this time mj picked mj started she's like okay everybody i think like it's great to be around my friends so i think we should go around the table and fess up to something you know like diseases we faked or you know like things we're lying about about

doctors you know okay gg she's so obvious yeah and i don't remember what gg said res is like i like to masturbate and all the guys are like yeah i drink off once a day too like all the guys just talk about jerking off and then i'm like i'm getting out of that pool right now and nima's like i'm getting a boner so i'll go ahead and do this yeah um i have a confession i enable gg and she's like oh you want a piece yeah and she just at that point then it's like then it's then it's on gg has lost her mind he's trying to give a compliment he's's trying to say, I enabled you because I shouldn't have been drinking so much when you were trying to cut back. But I love you and I'm always going to be here for you. Something like that.

That's not a compliment. He's saying you're an alcoholic. He's like, I enabled Gigi's lies and alcoholism. Sorry, Gigi. Thanks, Nima. It's so nice. So nice. And so then she starts getting piping mad.

She's like, Gretchen, getting steaming mad. And then she starts doing her typical thing where she's not really making any sense, like making sort of generic threats

and proclamations. You wanna go? Hey, who wants to go? Hey, you wanna go with me now? That's right. Dead throat. Go. Go. You wanna go? Go then. Come on come on everybody get on now because now you're all dead whoa whoa back off and then she said something that i thought was kind of offensive um she said it in her interview thing regarding

sherman and she says hey if he shaves his arms and shaves his chest, he probably shaves his vagina, too. I was like, excuse you with your homophobic references. Who says that anyway? He gets that waxed when he's having his cornhole bleached. And you know it. Thank you. And besides, Nima's the bottom. Like, I mean, come on. That's not a two-bottom family.

Nima's definitely on the bottom of that dog pile. Yeah, that's true. Shervin's definitely on top. Yes, Nima's definitely on the bottom of that dog pile. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Yeah, Shervin's definitely on top. Yes, Nima's definitely the one who married into money. That's why she'll take it a little bit more from Shervin, but she is not about to take it from Nima. She's like, oh, you're going to turn on me too now, bitch? I'm with her. I mean, I know it's horrible to be with her at all because Nima's so nice.

But these two, like, if they really cared, it wouldn't, they wouldn't be doing this in front of the people that anybody who's watched this show for more than an episode knows that these people are just trying to ruin each other. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. That's all they do.

They just take each other down. They get drunk. They take each other down. And then they have these moments where they, they speak very seriously about how they're a family. And then that sort of like patches everything up, but it doesn't ever. And Reza, I've got an

announcement, America. This GGvention didn't work. I'm like, oh God, stop with your GGvention, okay? It's done. It's already over. Come up with something else. And haven't the last several years taught you anything that no GGventions

ever work? I mean, how many Gigi Ventions do they have to be? No kidding. Have fun in bankruptcy. Batch. You earned it. Batch. Batch.

Yeah, these people are fucking evil. This was a really fun episode, though. I was laughing so hard. And MJ saying, well, you know, she's trying to make herself the victim, which is hilarious. Like, she's admitting fault. Like, I'll give that to her because she is admitting fault. But she's also being very victim-y and like, well, I guess he just couldn't take me. I guess he just couldn't handle it. I'm like, yeah, because you were evil.

But when she said, well, I guess it's true. I'm turning into Vita. And I was like, well, bleaching your hair blonde and then coloring your eyebrows black is not helping you literally look like her right now and it's disturbing and a thick pencil around the lips also does not help either trying to play ping pong at the dinner

table is not helping okay making celery soup is not helping who are you this man Tommy who is this Tommy okay well that wraps us up for the day everybody thank you so much for listening thank you so much to Brian Moylan for being hot and coming on the show

you guys can find him over at Vulture he's doing Real Housewives of New York recaps and Real Housewives of Orange County currently you can find all of our links at watchwhatcrappens.com. Subscribe over on patreon.com slash watchwhatcrappens if you want to do our hangout next week. And facebook.com slash watchwhatcrappens to talk with other listeners and us over the weekend. Yep.

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