Watch What Crappens - #3041 RHOC S19E18 Part 1: Canal Retentive

Episode Date: October 17, 2025

This is part 1 of a 2-parterThe Real Housewives of Orange County head to Amsterdam to eat space cakes and paint phallic objects. Is it the calm before the storm? You can watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watcher Crappins ad-free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.ca slash Wondery. That's audible. Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, watch what crap, watch what happens when there's Well, hello, and welcome to watch our crappins, a podcast about all that crapins, we love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker, and joining me today in a dress full of all sorts of crazy cutouts as he walks along the sidewalks of Amsterdam is Mr. Ronnie Karam.

Hi, Ronnie. How are you? well hello ben what's going on with you not much um we are here today to talk orange county their their cast trip their big cast trip is underway we're going to get into all that but before we do just a reminder of course that we have a beautiful and vibrant patreon community that we'd love for you to join it's patreon.com slash watch for crapans we have a weekly bonus episode this week we did a trailer trash of the southern charm uh season 11 trailer which was a lot of fun So if you want to listen to that, you can check out the bonus episode there on Patreon.

Now you can also watch along with that, which is really fun where you can actually see the trailer that we are making fun of. And you can watch it by supporting on the Crappids on Demand level where you not only can see things like the trailer trash, but you can also see the video version of podcasts like the one you're listening to right now. Either way, whatever you want to do, that's up to you. And we support it no matter what. But if you are interested in any of that stuff, go to patreon.com slash watch what crapins. And then on Mondays, Mondays, we do some sort of live thing every Monday. Every other Monday we do crappy hour.

And we alternate that with Amazon Lives. And I believe that this week coming up is a crappy hour week. So join us for that. That's going to be at 5.30 on the West Coast and 8.30 on the East Coast. So that is the full thing. And I also am just going to blatantly shill my substaff. because there was sort of a fun, like kind of a fun one this week in the sense that I, you know, I write about food and I wrote about tinned fish. So if you don't like tin fish, you're not going to want, you're not going to like this. But if you're someone who likes tin fish, I had a little tin fish party and none other than celebrated drag artist. Kim Chi joined as well as my friends, Chris and Lindsay. And we had a really fun time. So if you want to read about the cool little tin fish party that we had, go check that out. It's called NBD Fancy. It's on SubSack. NBD Fancy. fun. That's my blatant

tinfish party. Yes. It was great. Hardines, smoked trout, anchovies. Yeah, that's a great substack. Check it out. Lots of good food in there to check out. My aunties love it. It's her favorite thing. Yeah. They talk about every time I talk to you. They're like, oh my God, wait, how's been? His substack's so good.

I love your, first of all, thanks. I love your aunts, like, regardless of subsack response, but I do love that every time I see your aunts, they're like, oh, your subsstack. stack. I'm like, oh, my God. They love it. Okay, here we are with Real Housewives of Orange County, season 19, episode 15, going Dutch. We're going to Amsterdam, people. We're going to Amsterdam. So we open at the Sherman Library and Gardens, which is a hilarious place to invite Real Housewives to, because Jen ain't reading. You know what I mean? especially the real housewives of orange county what what are they going to do so shannon is on the phone she's walking around setting up a party and um she's there with her assistant claire and shannon's like um this is shannon bador calling okay you have made a delivery for this luncheon and nothing that i ordered is here and i'm really upset about it i'm extra the police have been called the police

have been called. Ladies like, hold on, uh, what are you talking about? I ordered blush colored wine glasses and all I got was clear. How am I supposed to drink out of a clear glass? Oh, uh, well, unfortunately, all of our blush glasses have been reserved for a wedding, the Jansen wedding. Uh, so I'm like, oh, well, that's supposed to make it any better. I believe I put in that request for blush glasses and the fact that you can't even save

them for me. I mean, who, who's using those blush glasses right now? Slat fire down by the beach. I'm sorry, we accidentally reversed your order with the Jansen wedding, so you're going to be getting everything they got. Oh, is that why all the plates are horseshoes? How am I supposed to have my guests eat off a horseshoe?

Well, it is a cowboy wedding, ma'am. Sorry, this is not a cowboy wedding. This is a bridal shower. It's a blushing bride bridal shower. Look at these plates. They're square, but pointy on one end. I did not ask for square, but pointy plates. As I've known to say, this isn't my fucking plate, bitch!

I'm supposed to have flowers here. There are just bills of hay in the middle of the table. Bills of hay! And look, look, I looked at the back. I did some Googling, and I crossed out with Dr. Moon, and these plates have 30% levels of toxins in them. And you just want me to die? You just want me and my guests to die.

Is that what you want? Oh, well, at least you sent me the cake. Hold on. Let me just make sure the cake is okay. Okay, the cake says, this may not work out, but at least I'm not that horse, Shannon. What kind of cake is this?

I'm sorry, ma'am. You got everything for the Janssen wedding. Sorry. So she's furious. And then we go to Tamara getting glam. And she's like, I'm so confused what we're doing today. Shannon texts us last night. And the text from Shannon said,

hi there, everyone. Tomorrow is a lunch in the garden celebrating that Jen is getting married. She hasn't registered or anything. So it isn't an official bridal show. Or if she has, maybe she hasn't told me about it because I did think that we were close, but maybe we're not as close as I thought that we were. But, you know, that does happen from time to time.

I mean, maybe I'm not even invited to the wedding for all. No, she's already gotten married. I mean, it's sort of my lot in life to be forgotten about and cast aside. But that's okay. Anyway, I'm going to throw a not shower for a wedding that may have already happened that I've been disinvited from. Thank you, everyone. I just wanted you all to know that I have changed.

This is Shannon Bedore here. Please meet me to celebrate the wedding of a blonde slut from a beach. So I'm a good person now. Well, that's information would have been better a week ago, bitch. So, you know, what really would if you, you would have prepared some really sweet bridal thing for Jen if you had some advanced? Tamara, please. What does Tamara need any?

What does she need this information a week ago? Was her busy schedule of, you know, like picking out leopard skin, you know, bangle's interrupted? So we go to Gretchen's house. And she's like, oh, yeah, when I was in church, I was praying for Tamara and I. So he's like, did you? Shut up, Gretchen. You were praying for Tamara and you in church. Just be quiet.

Do you think Jesus sits up there and just laughs at her ass? I think so. And by the way, you know, Slade with his like, just for men, orange hair now. I'm like, okay. Can we, listen, I can't stand Slade. But if he's going to be on our TV, can we at least fix that hair color? Because this is something has gone very awry over there. Yeah, Slade's not, it's not ending well for Slade.

I mean, I was in church praying for Tamara and I was just asking Jesus, like, why couldn't Tamara try and be friends when I was, you know, running through a charity for people who had been wrongfully imprisoned, screaming, run for your life, bitch. So then we go back to Shannon and she's still fighting. Lady is like, I'm sorry, was it just a glasser? Oh, well, on my quote, I specifically wrote what I did. I needed a steak knife. I needed a normal knife. I needed a knife that had my blood on it because I pulled it from my back. Thank you very much, John Jansen and Alexis Bellino.

But now I've been served forks that are stuck into a doll with my face saying, thank God, it's not Shannon. Oh, sorry, ma'am. Like I said, we got all of the things for the Janssen wedding for your God damn it. And the lady just keeps putting her on hold. She's like, okay, hold on one second, please. I'll check on that. And Shannon is just getting more and more worked up. So then we go to Jen.

She's getting ready. And I don't want to do white. You know, I'm not going to do traditional wedding stuff. So I'm going to wear pink. I'm going to wear pink to my bottle shower. Do you think that's okay? It's okay. Thank you so much.

Thank you so much, glam girl. Thank you. Emily kept on joking. Just wear black. And I was like, that is so funny. Like, I don't know why you are not like more popular with the audience, Emily, with jokes like that, like just wear black. I mean, that's hilarious, right?

Everyone's laughing, right? She's so funny that, Emily. So Emily comes to the garden. and Shannon's like, well, I didn't really talk to you after that Western party. Thankfully, we're redoing it here today. Would you like an hors d'oeuvre? They're called Hope Shannon dies this year, Tar Tar. I don't know where they came from.

By the way, this is a safe place today. No one can say anything embarrassing because as far as I can tell, there's no blushing around the table. Thanks a lot. But I do have bandanas for you to wear if you'd like. Okay. Well, I haven't seen you since the other part. It's like, yeah, there were words being exchanged.

Most of them were not polite. They were not polite words. And then she goes, well, who do you mean with? She's, well, you and Emily, right? And so we see a flashback to Emily saying that Slade going up to fight was aggressive. And she's like, but he was fighting because he was about Slade and he has the right to stand off for himself. Yeah, from the thing that he started, as you mentioned last week.

So Gretchen's like, no, like coming up and saying, is not aggressive. It's like, okay, but look, I'm never going to be close friends with Tamara again, especially because I know that she's the one that's behind this entire mix-up, like, where are my blush glasses? But I'm not going after her. And I just wish that you could get to that point, too, because some of the girls are saying Gretchen is acting just like Tamara.

Sort of the way Alexis Bellino is acting just like me by getting married to all my exes. Oh, hilarious. I hope she's enjoying her blush glassware at her wedding. That's bullshit. I learned that word in church. I'm nothing like her. So she's like, well, you know, don't be Tamra. So the producer is saying, what's the difference between you and Tamara?

She's like, can I go back and look at my list to remind me? Because I made a list. Points and now I'm not like Tamara. So she reads from the notes on her phone. Yeah, I just want to point out that this list that she's made on her notes app is actually a checklist. It has the little circles that you can check. off. So I like the idea that she has this list. But at certain point, she might actually be like, check, check. I do do that. I like that. So she doesn't have a child calling her a manipulator and a liar yet, which we'll give it time. Yeah, exactly. Your child hasn't hit the age where she's about to start calling you a manipulator and a liar yet. Give her the language and she'll use it. That's what I say. Yeah, exactly. I haven't been sued and lost because of my lives. And then almost

it again for another lie, parentheses, Jimblino and Ryan. I like that she has to add a parenthetical to remind herself of what her bullet point is. I didn't reach out to Tamara's X and try and get dirt on her. Michelle Slade's X. I'm not profiting from people's pain, aka her podcast. You are profiting from people's pain. You're on a real housewife show. Yeah.

She's not harming or constantly hurting her friends, debatable. I'm not disclosing. First kid again? Yeah, exactly I'm not Paycheck these days I'm not disclosing personal information my friends asked me to not talk about

like she did to Shannon about her dad What was that thing about Tamara having sex with a boy bander? Oh wait, I forget It's something that Gretchen said, I believe. Anyway, going on, moving on. I don't have several exes coming forward publicly to say I'm a liar and a cheater.

They're dead. that's not fair you weren't you like literally sued about this um yeah that's true actually you are being sued but you were sued by somebody who called you a fucking liar and a cheater and the guy that you were lying and cheating on before that passed away so she doesn't call or dm bloggers and try to get them to post horrible things about my castmates uh you have slade and slade does Yeah. Are you fucking crazy? Gretchen, what's wrong with you?

I actually feel bad when I mess up. She doesn't. She has zero remorse and repeats and repeats her patterns. And this is the short list. By the way, you having a list at all means that you are exactly like Tamara, by the way. You need to break it to you. The list itself. The list is the verification.

So Shannon just hopes they can keep it light today. Okay. Because today is about Jen and there's nothing lighter than Jen. Okay. Can we just keep it like as light as the light coming through these clear glasses? By the way, would you like a sugar cube for your champagne? They've been laid out on the table. What the hell is going on at that wedding? So Heather shows up and she's like, oh, hi, hi, I apologize for, we're in the grass here. I guess they saw all this horse-like decor and put us out in the pasture, things like. A lot. Thanks a lot.

Hold on. I'm just ariading the grass with my heels. What are it is. I'm about this dress, but it's too short. Yeah. Yeah. And others like, you can borrow my dress if you want to. It's so nice to say that to somebody that's not Gina. Hey, did you, hey, Tamara, did you say hi to Gretchen? Or as I like to call her, Gretcher. She's like, no, it's her as close and saying hi to people. So she walks by Gretchen and hugs Shannon instead. And it's like, oh, I guess she's not saying hi.

That's so funny. Gretchen's like, well, I'm not surprised at all. I don't expect her to. Oh, yeah? Well, have fun. This is a really pretty. This is a pretty little picnic that you set up, Shannon. The clear glasses are a little tacky.

I think, well, it wasn't my intention to have clear glasses. I wanted to have blushed glasses here, Tamara. Thanks a lot for bringing that up. Wait a minute. Why I saw the food? in 10 cups. Oh, damn it, Tamara. Wait a minute.

Are we eating chili cone carne out of cups? Wait a second. Why is there a hexagonal thing in the middle of this table? Well, they sent over the McBee Dynasty wedding arch and I don't even understand why they did that. The real mix up here. Oh, my God. Look, my name is on the card on the table. Did I get a card?

That's where you have to sit, Gina. It's a name card. It's a place setting. For fuck's sake, Gina. Just sit down. Gina's so impressed with like the slightest hint of luxury. Like a spoke name tag. My name's name.

By the way, I want to say, since I did invoke it, and I'm embarrassed that I invoked it, thank you to all the, truly the messages of sympathy that are out there to me because it's been announced that McBee Dynasty is filming for its third season. And so, yes, I have seen. it and I'm already mentally preparing. And I'm not even going to, I'm not even going to try to have a good attitude about it. Normally, this is when I say, you know what?

I'm going to try to be into it. No, I'm not. I am deeply frustrated and annoyed by it. Wait, see you soon, Jesse McBean, you handsome little devil. Can't wait for you to get your little butt to reappear on my screen. Just give me Tessa. Just give me Tess and I'll be okay. Oh my God.

Give me Galena. Give me Jesse. Give me the messy brother Cole, Tiny Mouth Cole. Give me all of them, the hot one. It's so stressed out all the time. I'm into it. Just improve your, you know what? Fine, give us the show.

Just fire everyone on production and put like a proper Bravo production team behind it and make it a Bravo show, please, and then I'll be okay. But like, as it is now, like, we, I don't need to see this like fake any bullshit. Sorry. Wow. You know, McBee, catching strays. Geez, just leave MacBee alone. I caught full on non-strays.

I caught full-on aimed at me and my brain bullets from McBee. So they're going to catch some strays and it'll be okay. I hope we meet them and Jesse can just give me the kiss. He's always wanted to give me. And I'll be like, oh my God, Jesse McPee was like so nice. And oh, my God, Stephen McBee, Jr. Like, actually was like so cool and he's like really friendly. It's actually a lot smarter than I ever thought.

Like, I actually really like these guys. Guys, let's like watch season three. I don't watch part of season one. You know, that's because that's how I operate, unfortunately. I'm a pushover. Go on. So Jim is thanking them for the bridal party or whatever. She's like, this is the nicest thing I'm going to do.

I mean, I'm not going to do anything nice for my wedding. This is like the nicest thing I'm going to have because as a divorced person, I just feel like, you know, like I have a scarlet letter feeling because I'm divorced. And the way I was raised is you get married one time and that's the rest of your life. And my parents so proudly put so much effort in my wedding. And I don't know. That fell apart. So with Ryan, I don't want to do anything like that, which is why I'm marrying a non-traditional person,

a person who spray paints things on his shorts. Oh, well, this isn't a bridal shower because we're, we're celebrating the fact that a year later, you're still engaged and it's coming up. I mean, this is a bridal shower for me to prove that I've been a good friend to you for when you inevitably backstab me just the way that Alexis Bolino did. Why is there a tiny little trampoline in the middle of our table? I did not order that. Is that from the wedding?

Damn it, that's what she's supposed to be giving her vows on. God, someone gets us over to the Bolino wedding immediately. Well, Jen's getting married someday, and who knows who's going to throw the luncheon next year? If Jill's still getting, if Jen's still getting married? I don't know which one of you, you vindictive bitches would ever do anything as kind as what I am doing. Shannon Badoor, everybody's friend. So I thought I would have. And Heather DeBrow's not going to, she doesn't throw parties for the, for the, for the help.

So I don't see her throwing any sort of luncheon for Jen. I don't think she even knows who Jen does. Who is Jen? why do we keep mentioning this Jen person? Is she a guest member? See? Exactly. I definitely think that Jen and Ryan are going to get married because like he compliments her a lot.

Who doesn't like that? You know, I mean, he does over-sexualize her a lot and I really wish he would stop doing that. By the way, if we talked about Travis's bulls lately, we shouldn't talk about Travis's ball. Yeah, seriously. Click, click, click. Wait, sorry, that was me doing an impersonation of Shannon's

Oh, oh, toast. Thank you very much for over clinking my clink. My clink goes like this. Clink, clink, clink. Very dimier. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappence commercial. All right, Shana wants to say something.

Okay, well, yes. I thought everyone could go around the table and give Jen their most sound wedding advice. And as we all know, we are a table of women who have had very stable. and positive relationships that have not ended in disaster or tabloid headlines. So let's go around the horn and tell everyone about successes they've had. Just feel free to raise your non-blush glass and share. Gina's like, but we're all divorced except for Heather. She goes, well, maybe we'll finish with Heather's advice.

Okay, he did good your second try. So Tamara's like, well, your second wedding, lucky marriage, you know what not to do. know, because time and I used to find that crazy and say mean things to each other. And, you know, Eddie, we don't get mad. We don't get, we don't go to bed angry. Eddie goes to bed and big bear. Yeah, good, Eddie. We won't get mad.

We don't say mean things to each other. So the way we don't say mean things to each other is we just sort of done talk. He doesn't talk, really. So it's kind of, what's that great? Yeah, Batch. John's like, oh, well, I will say as someone who has a very successful track record in relationships, I will say communication is. the key to success. For instance, if there is a hurricane barreling down on your house that is

very far inland and one might not expect her to be a hurricane heading that way you should communicate, there's a hurricane coming. And then your very caring partner who may want you to eat better in life with vegetables can say, oh, I didn't realize that. But if you don't communicate, then that won't be understood and then you'll wind up fighting. So what I'm trying to say is check the national weather forecast. Thank you. Um, okay, well, Emily, I don't know what your first husband was like. So what was that like? Oh, he was a good guy, but like, Shane is my person. You know, Shane, I could put in my purse with my turkey sandwiches. And I think that's really important. So, you know, everybody has a person. So if you haven't found yours, maybe sit on G-Chap for a while and wait for some dude who's bored at work to just say, I'm bored, want to get married to it.

Yeah. I mean, until you've understood what it's like to have the joy of trying to solve a. a troll's riddle to pass a bridge, then you'll understand what it's like to be with with Shane. He's just my person. That's great advice. What about you, Gretcher's. What's your advice? I would definitely say that like when everybody's saying best friends, like that's important. And faith is a really big important part of our relationship.

So it's really important to be really Christian at certain points of your life when it works for you. Yeah, basically, I would suggest. that, you know, multiple marriage is really not good, but it is kind of okay. I believe in polygamy. Three people should be in the marriage. You, your husband, and Jesus. Tamara's like, oh, for fuck sake. She's rolling your eyes.

Heather's like, okay, well, here's what I say. People are going to judge your relationship. They're going to judge it. They're going to say mean things about you. He's cheating. He never loved her. He's off sleeping with the people that work in his. office on botched. Fuck them. You're richer than them. Thank you. Thank you. That was

Brownlings quality. Groundlings quality. Listen, here's how to make a marriage work. First, marry someone incredibly wealthy. Second, be very scary and make them feel like if they ever leave, you're going to text them things about adjudication for the rest of their life. Third, Make sure you invite poor people over to their home and then invite your other rich friends over and you can laugh at the poor people. Flashback to Dr. Jen, anyone? No. Okay, that's fine. Most importantly, he's going to want onion rings at a very nice party one day. Tell him no. Keep him in his place. My right, ladies. Hey, do you fart in front of Terry?

I don't fart. Instead, what I do is I hold up a picture of Wendy Mell. Alec, and then I let one lose, and I say, she did it. Did you fart in front of John Jansen, Shannon? She's like, no, but he wouldn't his sleep all the time. It would wake me up. Oh, my God, the thunder from down on the, like, let's not compare John Janssen to anyone who is on the thunder from down. It's just, I know what you're trying to say there, Gina, but let's just not even go there.

It's so nice that we can all sit together and have a good time. right just us and this taco from my purse oh girls we should go on a vacation together okay that's what girls do it's like a smooth smooth transition to your fake vacation planning and jim's like we should go somewhere warm like borah borah yeah like the maldives or borah borah and everyone's like oh yeah that's like too sleepy batch and shan i would love to go somewhere potentially in europe so i can go see stella afterwards like shana you used that card last year You can't do the, I, you can't like use the show to subsidize your, your travel to see Stella for two years in a row. I mean, you can.

That's probably a smart thing to do. But like, you can't do that. But, because you know, they're all like, well, we wanted to go somewhere tropical this year. We went to Europe last year. Like, no, we're going to go to Europe again. So they're going to go to Amsterdam. Yeah, they choose Amsterdam. And Heather's like, you know, my parents lived there for 15 years.

They're like, oh, really? And there are a million times. It's a beautiful city. They have all the gorgeous canals and pot's legal. And you know, I'm a real hip lady who's into pot now. I do the pot. Did you know that when you're wealthy in Amsterdam and you fire a servant, you just push them in the canal? It's great.

Everyone watches and everyone knows to act better in the household. So now we go over to Heather's. penthouse with Terry and she's offering him a Diet Coke and he's like, yeah, Nicky says I drink too much soda. I shouldn't have that. You want water? That's boring. Was that for me or you? Because I am the funny one in this. That was my joke because I offered, I offered you a soda and I said, well, do you want water instead? Because it was obviously boring and it was a very funny joke. Was it not? Thank you, Alfredo. Thank you. what's the sparkling thing called all the sparkling thing that's called lecois lecois no it's not it's called lecroy

lecroy came out with a very specific announcement that it's prepared it's called lecroy i don't know why because it should be called lecois yeah it's not to be confused with madison from southern charm just you know anyway it was lecroy madison lecroy she's lucroi and this is the drink is la qua la croix um I spoke to Josh Flag, television's Josh Flag. Oh, you did? Yes. So we had a great conversation. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Blah, blah, blah. That's flashback music. Okay. Hey, Josh. God, that's sparkling scene of Josh. Doesn't it make you want to cancel that show all over again? Am I right, ladies? Hey, America, does everyone want to see me talking with Josh Flagg?

Here we go. Hey, Josh, Joshua, just wanted an update on the house. What are you thinking? She's like, well, it's just going to take one person and it's what it is. It's not overpriced. So you think a few months it'll take to sell? Do you think Drake might sell it? Drake is always looking over at it, sort of pining.

But maybe that's just me. He's staring at. I don't know. I have this kind of appeal. Yeah. So they decide that they'd rather be going to Paris on private jets and spending money on another money pit. So now they're talking about Amsterdam and she talks about her dad.

Her dad worked for an international company, and they were based in Amsterdam. So her parents moved there in college, and so she visited all the time. It's fascinating. She goes, you know what's funny? So my mom called me the other day. Oh. Alfredo, God damn it. That was a punchline.

That's all I had to say. Thank you, Alfred. I was a little late, but it was... Alfred, you're lucky we're not in Amsterdam because you would be in that water right now. So she's talking to her mom and she's like, oh, thanks, mom. I got this. And she holds up a white gift bag. It's like a crinkly bag.

And she goes, this is dad. Could you find something even less bougie to put him in? My God. My mom is so controlling. God forbid. I talk about him in a way that she doesn't deem appropriate. But that's just the way it is. And we see a flashback to years ago.

and when both her parents were, like 2013, they came on the show. So in all these years, she's never dumped his ashes anywhere. Alfredo, no, wrong time, wrong timing. I figured his happy places were in New York, Puerto Vallarta, and Amsterdam. Okay, well, why don't you dump him in the Herringroch, right in front of his house? That's what I thought I would do. Did you just listen to me, Terry? You'd see I was getting there.

You know, dad always said his happy place was wherever his kids weren't. So I don't know if it's going to ruin it if I'm actually there in Amsterdam, dumping them. Doesn't that kind of destroy the point? You know, my joke about my dad is that our relationship now is exactly the same. I said, my joke about my dad is that our relationship is not now exactly. Alfredo. Thank you. Alfredo's over there crying in the corner.

She's like, please stop crying. You're on duty. he was a very typical corporate dad gone before we got home after we at you know home after we had dinner and there wasn't really a lot of real communication i think that's hard for the first play i ever did my dad i waited for his review he came in late to the show left before intermission and when i got home he said Heather, please don't ever do that again. I remember when I was in the 1993 horse grilly production of Into the Woods,

and my dad said that's exactly where I'm heading after this show, because that was so awful, that he went to Amsterdam. I think that's what's hard for me. That's why I'm such a sensitive, emotional person. You might see right now the sensitivity and emotions just, coming off of me in waves. Alfredo, come over here and wave some emotion off of me.

Come on. Thank you. Wrong emotion. You're supposed to cry. Okay, Alfredo, could you please bring those bowls that are headed for Nobu? Just put them under my face and capture the tears. The emotions falling all over the place.

Well, you know, they say sometimes you marry your father. Am I unemotional? She's like, well, you've seen me cry a few times. at the American Express bill. But I'm... Damn it, Alfredo. Terry. He doesn't do it for you, Terry. You need to be...

You need to have groundlings experience before Alfredo plays the drum for you. I'm sorry, Terry. So we go to a wine bar with Gina and Trellas. I like the... Some of these scenes when they go to the restaurants, they're just faked. They're obviously a couple people from production

sitting at a table so they can get a quiet atmosphere. sphere, but it's Gina. So they're like, no, just put her in the middle of a loud bar. It's not bother with X. It's just fucking Gina. We're probably not going to use this footage anyway. Yeah. So it's a really stimulating scene because they're going to talk about their families.

Well, I have to keep up with you because you're like, you know, like a very handsome cowboy being. Like everybody was like talking about actually. He's like, oh boy. Yeah. You know like what everyone said though. They were like they thought was so cool to see you have like so much fun for the first time. in like six years on this TV show he's like I did have fun yeah like that right there like people now finally get to see like what a big personality you have because like you really need

like a night out like it's been like a lot like we've been under like a lot of stress this year and like really thankful and like happy and like everything seems to be working out everyone's back home and everything's like good again like I feel opposite of bad yeah like all the ladies in that party was so into they found you so sexy do you remember that lady came up to what was she saying to you she asked me if i wanted a weenie oh you see they like love you know yeah so like it's so good we have our kids back we're like so happy now you're such a good father oh my god are you crying i'm not crying you're crying you're crying oh i'm crying you're crying hey do you think if i send this back even though i've eaten most of it they'll give it to us for

free that's basically the whole scene right there you cry davis cry he's like can you talk about my my balls. All right. So now it is packing scenes. Everybody's packing to go to Amsterdam. Jen's going to take sexy stuff because they might go to a live sex show guys. Crazy. And are the ladies going to get along?

She's like, I don't know. Let's talk about the wedding stuff. You know, I mean, we don't have a date yet. But I wasn't pushing for a bridal shower. But it was so nice. And he's like, yeah, well, we had a date. And then Dawson decided to join the military. So we had to push it back two months so we can get his break during basic training,

which is totally a normal thing to happen during. basic training. They love giving vacation days in the army. Right. So then Jen's just saying like, I don't know, like, Shannon through this like bridal shower. I wasn't pushing for a bridal shower. I was like, well, you know, like really the, he's like the thing is that like probably Shannon did it for bonus points. And Jen is saying like, you know, Ryan and I, we communicate through everything. And he knows my reservations about being married again, you know, and how I'm really not comfortable with having paints that are on a wedding dress. Just isn't really a look. that I'm going for and like, I don't know.

I just kind of feel like if we get married, does it all go to hell? Because we're like, we're so good. And if I do that, like, is that gonna be the thing that breaks us? It's just like a weird thing that I have. It's almost like the sneaking suspicion that he's just being performatively good

until we get a Bravo wedding. And then after that, he's just back to cheating. I don't know why I think that. So they'd say that things have been good with the X lately because she's been stroking his ego. So that's been a lot easier. And she's worried that the stress from the X is going to break them up.

And, you know, stuff we've already heard a million times. So who cares? So then he's like, everything's going to be great. So, but take some sex pictures for me, honey. Maybe you could wear a, maybe you could wear a big coat that you could open up. And then you'll be naked underneath. Yeah. Oh, Ryan.

Commercials. Here comes one right now. So now we go to the rental. Choucapistrano winery and Tamara and Eddie sit down. This is like a back to back to back sequence of uncharismatic husbands. Although actually Ryan has some charisma, but, oh my goodness. After we got through Travis, now we're here with Eddie. I mean, at least we didn't get a Shane scene.

So they're sitting down. Yeah, that's the true trifecta. Guess what, that's I met with Gina the other day. Like the sentence that no one wants to ever hear at the start of a conversation. It's like, oh, God. Yeah. And it started to look like a Jack Nicholson impression, isn't he? He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm here, here we are, about to order some food at lunch.

So she's like, yeah, you know, basically, yeah, she's saying she met with Gina and they were talking about Gretchen. And Eddie's like, I don't think you need to have that woman in your life, babe. I just don't think you need it. She's like, yeah, I don't want it in my life. I think she's toxic. I think she needs help. And I just feel like I don't want her in there. I hate that lady's fucking stupid toxic, bitch.

It's like, no, I was talking about the waitress. I don't really like her service. Yeah, too, bitch. This is, by the way, Eddie's role every season is to sit down with Tamara and say, yeah, that lady sucks. Don't have her in her life, man. So Tamara is like, so by the way, bitch, I had a talk with Sophia. And I let her know that we are fully aware.

Her new boyfriend spent the night, batch. And we have a flashback to, Tamara being like, are you having sex with a boyfriend? Finger and hole. Finger and hell. She's like, you're a freak, mom. So then Tamara's like, yeah, well, I'm concerned that she's got a boyfriend. Going to L.A. It's going to be a big fat now because she doesn't want to go to the way to college.

She can have a boyfriend in Orange County and still go to college in L.A. It's not like she's, you know, moving to. She's not doing a study abroad in Johannesburg, okay. She's not going to Juilliard for Christ's sake. Definitely not. So Tamara is like Yeah, you never know like 19 of a relationship's gonna last You can't take this pivotal moment of your life

Where you're gonna go in a carge and go I can't go because I have a boyfriend now No, that's not gonna work in this household Thatch So if she goes away, what does that mean for us and Eddie? He's like, well, I know we talked about moving out of state But I don't know how you feel about that Yeah, well sometimes I feel like we make plans

Like it's our plans for death Like we're gonna go somewhere Just shrivel up and die That's what we can plan for. Why have we got to play and shrivel up and die, Eddie? Come on. Where does Eddie want to move to? He wants to move out of state. Like, where do you think that he is thinking?

He's one of those people who wants to be like a Yellowstone person. You know, I was like, we can get a ranch and pretend we're cowboys and buy a big gigantic truck that makes no sense and live somewhere like, you know, like get an Idaho ranch. Yeah. Or maybe he's going to like try to join McBee Dynasty. He's sort of been sort of been dressing like that. a lot of like American flags and motorcycle things and whatnot so yeah he's really into that like the black American flag or whatever what does that mean anyway the black American flag I think it's uh you know what I will look it up I have an idea what it means I'll look it up

it is but um yeah he's he's got the imagery for sure so she's like yeah I don't want to just plan to die and he goes well God knows how long we're going to live my ground house nice 99 years old. So I might live a long time unless I get hit by a bus. Don't think I won't throw you under one. Thanks. I have kids because you annoy me when you eat. Stop chewing and stop listening around me.

Stop listening while you chew. If Eddie thinks he's going to drag Tamara away from her TV show by making them relocate to Wyoming or like Idaho or Montana. He's got another thing coming. That bus is going to come real quickly, Eddie. Well, they already got the Big Bear thing. when she was fired the first time they moved over to Big Bear or whatever. Or did she do that after she was, she did, they did that during the time that she was fired, right?

Yeah, during the time she was, yeah, exactly. Maybe he thinks that Big Bear is out of state. That'd be kind of funny. Yeah, let's go to be like Big Bear. Big Bear country. People are still packing, by the way. Emily's now packing and she's talking to Shane. You've been to Amsterdam, haven't you?

A long time ago. did you go to the red light district i think you would know the answer to that huh ha ha ha oh i actually really don't i can't really get a gauge on this one i did go there and i took bibles and i tried to turn people over but didn't really work out so well you're crazy shame but there was some more stuff in here in this camera thing i wanted to talk about so he's like hey you don't like my eating noises put some ear plugs in you know it's not a good way to react. And she says, I'm not an asshole. You're an asshole. And he's like, do you think we have a problem? She says, I think our problem is we don't communicate. And then it explodes. And I always say we've

got one good fight every six months. That's what I say. He goes, yeah, but it's how you talk to me, you know? And usually it's when you're drunk. And that's what makes you come at me. She says, oh, really? Do you think I have a drinking problem then? And he's like, yeah, for our relationship, you should never drink. You should be able to come to me and talk about what's hurting you. And she goes, Yeah, it's never going to happen. Uh-uh. Yeah. The class of therapy is really helping, huh?

I know. Tamara, who has just, like, been, like, sort of championing the values of open communication and, like, talking. And she literally just telling him right now, like, we don't talk. That's the problem. And he's like, well, you should talk to me about some of these things. Yeah, I'm not going to talk to you. No. Yeah.

Absolutely not. And also, Tamara, who's been projecting alcoholism on somebody for two years, even though the projection doesn't need my help, it's kind of true. But she's been projecting that anger on somebody else. And he's like, you have a fucking problem with alcohol. And our marriage is going down the tubes because you get drunk and abuse me emotionally. Yeah.

But in the spirit of open communication, that's not something I want to talk to you about. So then she says something. She's like, God, you live your life as an only child. And he goes, oh, there it is. That evil witch laugh. You married it, sir. Who knew that this would be the most entertaining marriage on this show?

I know. It's like once the season, there's like a moment where we see, like, the crazy cracks in it. So then we go after the Emily scene, we go to Shannon and she's leaving a voicemail for Stella. Hello, Stella. It's your mother. You may remember me. I'm the woman who gave birth to you who I think you may have lost my phone number. Anyway, first of all, have you ever seen such a terrible thing as?

as non-blush glasses at a luncheon at a garden library. Me neither, but that's what I had to endure. So anyway, we're going to go to Amsterdam so that way I can go visit you afterwards, which is another great testament to my mothering is that I come and I visit you. I don't know if it seems to go the other way around. I don't know if I get a visit either through the phone or just in person. But that's okay. I will visit you.

I will spend thousands of dollars. I will uproot an entire cast trip to go visit you. That's just the sacrifices I make. Anyway, so I wanted to know some of your favorite places to go in Amsterdam. If you don't mind, can we not include all of the drug addict places that you seem to enjoy going to these days late at night? I don't have any interest in that, and you shouldn't either, but that's okay. I will let you make your own choices. You are an adult.

So any insight you have would be wonderful. Call me back. So Gina's like, oh, my God, look how cute this blazer is. Doesn't it say, like, I'm in Amsterdam? He's like, oh, what are you guys going to do in Amsterdam? I don't know. We're going to get stoned a shut, probably. So then the ladies arrive at the airport, and Shannon has hurt her toe and needs a band-aid because she's bleeding.

Heather's like, oh, my God, let me see if I have a blister blocker. Come here, what a mess. She is a mess. The good news is we're going to get through TSA so much faster because Shannon already has one shoe off. because Shannon already has one shoe off. Hold on. Let me unzip my suitcase. Because Shannon already has one shoe off. Thank you. All right. Zip it back up.

I forgot he was in the, he was in the checked luggage there. Sorry about that. So they get on the plane and it's a jet blue ad. It's like, oh my God, look, everyone has their own pods. If everyone has a pod, is it even special? Can I get a special pod? I ordered a better pod. Wow, look how cool this is.

You can put your phone down and it charges. I've never seen this on an airplane. Okay, that's a wrap. Now, can I go on to my own private plane, please? Thank you so much. She just puts her hand on the charger. Just waits. It's invigorating.

She puts her phone down on Shannon's head. Is this the charger? That is my head. Oh, I wasn't sure how it works on a commercial. commercial plane. So the flight attendant comes up. She's like, welcome ladies, need me thing. And Emily's like, do you have a volume? By the way, I, but just, I was like, shut up, Emily. But also, Gretchen, who may have never even flown, let alone business class, just ever? Oh, my God. They have earphones.

Wait a second. There's a little tree that you could put your belongings on. Oh, my mom, Shannon, I'm so sorry. They don't have Love Hotel on the TV. She goes, oh, yes, yes, they do. You have to lock in. It's here. I love that Shannon's going to watch Love Hotel all the way to Amsterdam. She's going to watch herself unraveling.

Shannon, that's not the Love Hotel. That's the Weather Channel. Well, that was kind of my love hotel experience. So if you want to join my journey, come watch a hurricane with me. So, boom, they landed. 13 hours later, they're home. I mean, they're home in Amsterdam. So she's like, oh, my God.

Like, this is, like, nothing compared to, like, the words. Like, my last name, it's like my last name. Oh, my God, this is crazy. I can't even say these words. I don't know how to do it. Oh, this is the shopping street. This is the place where you shop. This is P. Street.

Hoostrot. This is a great street. I know where I am in retail. Always. Always. Oh, my gosh. This is so fun. Of course we're going to shop.

Of course there'll be some champagne and caviar for me. I'm so relatable to this season. Oh, you guys. So we are in the city of canals, root canals specifically. So I was wondering if we could find a dentist because my toe injury went up to my tooth. So it's, I'm in pain. I don't know if any of you remember, but I grew up on boats. I started boats.

And I have arranged for us to tour some Amsterdam canals. house. Oh, goop. Oh! Hey, everyone. This is the end of part one of this recap. For part two, keep an eye on your podcast feed. It is coming up in just a moment. Thanks so much

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