Watch What Crappens - #3046 Below Deck Med S10E04: Just the Dip

Episode Date: October 21, 2025

An awful brat on Below Deck Mediterranean demands a late night dip in the ocean, and of course he gets away with it because the deck team has fewer brain cells than a dangling fender. Someone’s on the chopping block, but who? And will anyone ever make Szechuan chicken? To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watcher Crappins ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Hello, and welcome to Watch What Crapins? The podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker. Joining me today is someone who is not only lovely and handsome, but he will never make demands for Cetuan chicken after 11. Yeah, it's Ronnie Karam.

Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Cessuan chicken. I just want Cessuan chicken. I just would really love some Cichuan chicken. I can really see myself being hungry for what I am. boys hi ronnie hi are you we are talking below-deck med today very fun episode um in case you missed it last night we had a super fun crappy hour none other than lea black formerly of the real

housewives of miami came and joined us and she spoke very bluntly and plainly about her opinions on the current ladies she definitely said some things where i was like wow you Just said that. So if you want to hear some hot takes from someone who was in the mix and knows these women, definitely go listen to that episode because, wow, she was, Leo went there. I was like, oh, I felt like I was in trouble. And I was like, I didn't even do anything. I was just listening. I felt like I was going to get in trouble by someone.

I was like, oh, my God, this is crazy. But it was a great time. Thanks to everyone who joined us for that. We do crappy hour every other week. Mondays, 530 on the West Coast. on the East Coast, and we usually alternate that with an Amazon Live. So anyway, we will always keep you updated on what we're doing on our Mondays. We will always, you know, stay here to hear all the updates on what our schedule is on all

that front. And of course, there's Patreon. That's where people can watch things like Crappy Hour. They can also watch our beautiful faces right now with Crappins on Demand. We do a weekly bonus episode. Last week, we did a trailer trash on Southern Charm. That was really fun. and this week, who knows.

So that's really all the fun stuff. Patreon.com slash watch for crappins. Today, it's time to get back to Below Deck Met. I have to say, I'm really, I'm feeling so refreshed because, I mean, you know me, not only do I like to beat a dead horse, I will just, I will do like beating practice on it because I will go, I will go to this well over and over again. I really hated last season of regular Blow Deck, but I have to say this season of Below Deck Met, I'm really enjoying, and I feel like it's giving us the things that we

really want which is obnoxious guess it's incompetence it's undermining um i'm i'm feeling good about it and i felt like this episode last night was like a really solid episode of below deck where you're really stressed out and angry all at once you know what did you think well that's good um i uh that's how nice for you bless your heart um i don't know i'm kind of bored so far i think I think below deck just needs a few episodes to get warmed up, but the guy, you know, the fop with the Cessuan chicken, like, shut up. I just wanted to kill him. And then I think all the stews are kind of too similar. They're kind of, I don't know, they're both too similar.

And then the deck, I don't know, maybe it's, I don't know, I'm tired. I'm tired. But I think that this happens to me every, every few months with Below Deck, because it's just always on, you know. So I think it just needs a little more time to get firing. But right now these people are just too stupid. They're all just too stupid for me. Like, I don't care. I know that Kizzy thinks she's really hot and that's great for her.

I just, I don't care who she ends up fucking. I don't care about Tommy. That girl who keeps talking about her dead boyfriend and the diver. And so she's so traumatized by the sea. Girl, you're on the sea. You're on the sea. You're on the sea. You're in it.

I like, I like, I like the. That's what I'm saying. I don't hate them. I'm just kind of at this point. Like, why did I hire these people? I feel like a manager sitting in a restaurant, looking at everybody missing orders, and just running behind with bread. I'm like, you can't even fill up waters. Why did I hire any of you?

Is this all my fault? Well, I like that. I like that V is in like her act one of a horror movie, which is that she's like, she's traumatized by this horrific accident. She's mourning and she's going on a boat to deal with her trauma. And like probably midway through the season, she'll start to see ghosts. terrible things will happen there'll be blood coming out of the bunk bed or something like that like isn't this a standard set up isn't this a standard set up for horror movies is that there's always a woman who's grieving the death of a lover and she goes off to somewhere to mourn and then it turns out

that it manifests as a ghost it's very tried and like how about we have a ghost manifest out of happiness how about a happy ghost why are ghosts so angry why did ghosts always want to do this to us like literally if i were a ghost i would be like hey bitch guess what i can do walk through a while oh my god wasn't that amazing oh you can't do it sorry like how about like a gay annoying ghost i think that would be a much better version for like i i think i'd be a great ghost i would be the best ghost if i haunted you i would want to play games with you i'd want to cook for you like why are why are these ghosts they're gonna go to hell if i was a ghost i'd just walk up to you and say why the fuck are you in my chair get out of my chair that's my chair that's all i would

care about just like an ornery ghosts but like why these ghosts oh i always want to kill. Yeah, I always want to kill and take over the daughter and kill the mom. And they're so dramatic. That's always like no one's like. Oh, the soul is trapped. It needs to be released to go back to go to the afterlife. Well, you know what? Ghost, if you acted better, like the way you're acting right now, you want to go to the afterlife. You're going to go to hell. You're going to be banished to hell. Why don't you act better as a ghost and you go to heaven, right? What's wrong with them? Yeah. Ghost don't really think it through. I think it's so mad. I generally worked myself into a tizzy. Like that wasn't even me doing a like i was generally like thinking about ghosts and got myself mad um ghosts are also just drama queens

you know it's like people who didn't get enough attention in life and now they're trying to get all this attention in death like we can't even see you you know what i mean get a hobby go take a class like when you go to halloween and you see all the you know all the ghosts that are bleeding and you're like you didn't even have a job in real life you know what i mean like those people that come up to you and not scary farm those aren't even people who made an effort in real life and now i have to deal with you when you're dead like i didn't i wouldn't even give you a a second glance at them all. Like, why do I have to have you running up to me with noisy shoes at my scary farm? Yeah. And could you talk normally? Like, when you possess people, why do you

have to possess them in such a strange way? If I were to possess someone, I would like, you know what I would do? If I were a ghost, I would possess a boring person and then give them personality. Instead of taking over someone with personality and then making them speak things like, do you want to play? Like, why are you doing? Like, why are you doing? Like, why are you talking like that talk like a real person ghosts yeah i agree i would i'd like the makeover ghost idea where you're just a ghost and you go help people who just don't don't understand like how to come their bangs you know or you know you're like guess what we're going to do today brush our teeth it'd be like do you want to play do you want to play oh good girl i want to play too

okay let's do something about those bangs yeah um but anyway i i want to say getting back to blow med because that is what we're here to do talk about this obviously this primary is major douchebag just the worst spoiled brat etc i'm going to give him one one thing which is that last episode at two in the morning he wants a sechuan chicken and they give him chili concarnate because it was a crazy request there is a part of me that felt like given his request last night could they have like prepped some sechuan chicken earlier in the day for late that night like why did they not think like oh we didn't have the such one chicken last night but let's have it for tonight

like that's a little like I think that he was entitled to get it the second night but they should have prepared for it you know what I'm saying yeah but he gave them and it wasn't this their eight course meal and then by the way this eight course meal which we'll talk about when we get to it was so much food it wasn't

it wasn't it was a weird it was a weird so he just slammed them with so much food that I don't think he thought that this person could even eat it because he didn't even make it through his dessert. I think this is just one of those people who just wants to be like, I'm rich. Look what I can do.

A hundred percent. I can say Setsuan chicken and they'll make it. And so I liked that Aisha was like, no, you're an asshole. We're not doing that. I think that's the first time we've ever seen that. Or someone's just like, no. Hey, do you want chef? You don't either?

Yeah, we're not doing that. Okay, go to bed, you know? I was surprised with that, honestly. I was surprised that they basically rejected him. And it was good that they did. I'm just saying that like probably earlier in the day while the chef was doing something, he probably could have like stir fried some Setschuan chicken real quickly, put it in some type of wear, and then the crew could have like, they could have just had it on hand.

But then this guy would have been like, no, you know, I don't want Sishuan chicken now. Now I want, you know, fried calamari fresh from the sea. You know, he just wants to prove his worth to his poorer guest, his poorer, you know, companions on the boat. So I don't think there's any making that kind of a person happy, you know? They just want to look powerful. They'll probably die young, you know? You can't beat a maid. That's probably what he really wanted to do was just beat up a maid in front of his friends to show his power.

That's what would have happened in like a king's show, you know, or that he would have just like decapitated a gesture or something. But he can't do that anymore. So now he has to ask for Sheshwan chicken. Yeah. God, could you imagine that guy being a ghost in your house? Oh, God. My mommy, my mommy's going to get you. Could you imagine having a ghost that all it's doing every day is requesting you meant to make it Setschuan chicken?

Like you have no, you don't have a body, you can't eat the Setschuan chicken, but I just like the smell of it. It's like, no, I'm not making Setschuan chicken for you, ghosts. Okay, so Kristen is floating away on the jet ski as he was last week. Now, there was a lot of controversy online, like, oh my God, but maybe he's really, you know, comatose or whatever, because he got hit in the head with that, whatever, that hook, anchor hook thing. And so maybe he's like really just out there dazed and confused. No, he's just an idiot, okay? He's an idiot. Which we learn in this episode.

There's no medical reason for it. He's just stupid. God bless his wide-eyed heart. He's got the wide eyes of a stupid person, you know, and they make their eyes really wide to look like, look, look. It's like, no, you're not, you know? It's just like blank. A comic, like he should be in like the Sunday Funnies or something like that. Like he sort of has that look of like a character that sort of strolls in.

as stupid people do. You know how stupid people are always strolling in? But what's funny is that he is stupid, but he's also failing on the shoulders of Tessa's stupidity because she didn't, we find out soon that she didn't fuel the jet ski. So the jet ski died and he's stuck on it. And he doesn't radio for help. He's just floating on it, be like, huh, what happened here?

So these are just two stupid people doing stupid things. Yeah, so once he's really far away, he finally radios them. he's like uh guys uh come and get me i'm drifting really far from the boat i mean on on the good hand i did get a phone number from a dolphin but you know i am considered not this far away from the boat so that's a good thing but i need some help so nathan's like a god jesus and captain uh captain are you are you fucking kidding me are you fucking kidding me one and the guests are like the guests are just lying around they want to go jet skiing and stuff And now we see, like, Tessa's just folding a towel, just folding a towel, you know, making yourself busy.

Max is probably yelling at the lines somewhere. And Christian's just still floating away. So Nathan's like, Tessa, Tessa, Tessa, hello, Tessa, hello, Tessa. Okay, towel on Tessa's hand. Maybe you can help. Maybe you can be more effective than Tessa herself. Okay, we're going to have to stay on top of the fueling of the jet skis going forward, all right? Yeah, yeah, copy.

Sorry, my bad. It just got so much going on here with one of the boys. getting married. Another one having a baby. Sorry, I didn't refuel the jet skis. I was just thinking about how I raised those boys since they were boys. Well, this is terrible. This is terrible. And then we see a flashback to Nathan telling Tessa the night before about how she has to do the job list and how the biggest part of this is refueling jet skis. And then Tessa is just on the radio. She's like, I totally forgot about that. Sorry.

Stupid, that's not. Sora, I was so busy folding this terrible that I forgot about jet ski fuel. Sorry, me, dear. So then Nathan goes up to Sandy, and Sandy's like, wow, you know, you really need to organize this. And, you know, they have to take care of their duties, okay? Because, you know, I can't be sitting here watching them. I got to catch up on like two episodes of wind. I'm behind.

Yeah, well, I've said that to them two twice now. Okay, well, I'm sorry. you have to do all that explaining, you know, and that should be common sense, but yet, you know, you have some people who don't get it. Have you tried hugging them? They probably need a hug, maybe a nap. Yeah, you know, people are like pants. Sometimes you have to just sit, sit a pair down and say, stop going below the ankles until they learn, until they learn. So Max is like, oh, the dynamic of the deck team. It's like taking Christian on the shoulder, taking test on the shoulder just getting heavier so heavy on my shoulder so useless don't just don't wait fucking

100 meters to say oh you know you know i'm lost you know i why is max for some reason the one that annoys me the most he is the most competent of these deck hands which is not saying much because he's i don't think he's like that great but like the fact that he thinks he's such a good deck hand when he's he reminds me of like um like a 14 year old like when he first came on the show he was like a nine-year-old he was very really truly acted like a child now he's like a teenager who thinks that like not even like barely a teenager who thinks that they know everything and like no you're still just 14 you can't even drive yet sir like he to me absolutely nuts to me what makes him crazy is he's not a terribly competent person but he looks so competent compared to where he's at

and it reminds me of kind of like modern politics where you're like how did these fucking morons get in charge and then you look at everybody surrounding them and you're like oh because those people are even dumber you know yeah and it's sad and it leads to just stupidity all over the place and that's that's that's kind of what's annoying me with the whole season like they're all so bad like if everybody sucks you know there's no one to really root for i mean when they get me to the point where i would actually vote for max politically this country is doomed that's all i'm Yeah, you know, I'm projecting too much, but still, like, that's, that's what scares me about, Max. Um, the, because then we see him get on to a jet ski to go save Christian.

So he goes and then he like does like circles around Christian, almost like he's in some teen movie or like some 1950s motorcycle movies, like just circling menacingly. I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? Stop that. This is why I can't get on Max's side. Like, why are you making me take Christian? Like Christian sitting there looking at Max like, you fucking. idiot. I'm like, why are you making me take the incompetent dude side here? But that's what Max does every episode so far. Yeah. So he takes him back to the boat. And meanwhile, everyone else

is working. And Nathan is telling Tessa to pass him along a line for the jet ski. And she's just like, la, la, she's just like ignoring him doing whatever. And he's like, Tessa, Tessa, Tessa. She's like, la, la, la. And he's like, we need to be quicker. And she's like, I just wish that we had more Leadership. It's like, oh God, for Christ's sake, Tessa. Thessa's not only terrible at her job. She's also toxic. Yeah.

Which means, A, I kind of don't like her, but also, B, I would totally be smoking cigarettes without her outside and talking shit about everybody. Yeah. I think what's funny about Tessa is that in her confessions, she does her hair. So it looks like a thatch roof in medieval times. You know, it's like this blonde kind of like, like angle. a frame that's on her head that I'm like not even sure if it's like even fitting right or whatever so I do appreciate that old 60s you know like evening

gown just teased up hair and brought all the way it's like a split down the middle and like it sort of looks like it's just place on her like Fisher price hair but or Lego hair yeah so I do enjoy that but she seems to be more or less a waste of space so Nathan saying the first charter I was giving my team the benefit of the doubt. I was also going to the toilet every five seconds on account of food poisoning. I try teaching them. And we see him teaching them, quote unquote, teaching them, which is like, oh, be sure to hold the rope up here. Okay. But now second charter. This has gone beyond a joke because it was a joke before. Keep an eye on. And we see him like now bossing people

around, be like, do this, do that, fuel this or whatever. And basically he's like, yeah, they, uh, they, they don't know what they're doing. Yeah. But it's like fueling the, Fueling the jet skis is a pretty basic thing. Like, come on. And so Tessa apologizes. And he's like, you know, just take initiative and think 10 steps ahead. And she's like, yeah, I don't know. I mean, you know what?

I mean, this team just feels kind of weak. It's like, you are the team, Tessa. You are the team. You are the team. You are the one who didn't refuel. I don't think you need leadership to tell you to refuel the machines that guests will be using. That's, that's like, I just was waiting for someone to tell me what to do with all this gasoline and what to do with this jet ski.

I just don't know. I wish I had good leadership around here. Okay. So then Jack, Cessuan Chicken Jack, is annoyed because his mom's calling him. Which, of course, she is. You know, Jack.

You're doing okay over there, Jack. You're not bothering anyone for Chisworn Chicken, are you? This is a lot of money for me and the dad. And Jack has a bratty friend in Katarina, who she's just like a, she's just like awful but I think because she's a girl I'm like amused by her because she's like she's almost like a caricature she's like a character in one of

those like wacky Australian movies like Muriel's wedding like the brady like sister or friend who says things that you're like people don't say this in real life and she's like oh my god like PO mom I mean you're just funding this like if you're at all I think I'll have a big reader why not let's margarita time because Why not? Why not? So now it's water time. And the team is still can't.

This team is little. This team still can't get organized. And Christian just keeps apologizing. And Sandy offers Nathan help and he denies it. And she's like, oh God, it's charter two and I'm paying attention. And I can see Nathan doing everything possible to lead his team. But, man, Tess and Christian are same as charter one. I'm not sure where their minds are.

but it is complete chaos. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappence commercial. So then we see Sandy on the bridge reviewing CVs for the crew. Why isn't she calling Norma? That's another problem I have with this season. Are we replacing Norma with your wife? Where's Norma?

Because I'm glad that you found happiness and everything. I'm not finding happiness. Get your wife off of here and get Norma. back on here. Okay? We dump Norma for your wife. I would rather switch the baby, hey, me, me, me, you're looking so sweet, me, me for, wow, Sandy, I found someone as talented as your hips. That is to say, completely none. But there's something. Give me some Norma. You see, I don't even have any normalism in me because there's no Norma here. There's no Norma spirit here. Norma, are you okay? That, that borderline didn't make sense. Are you? are you thinking straight uh well your head hasn't made sense for years and you keep that on your shoulders bloop bloop i don't know if i have to hear this guff from someone who wears pants that reach all the way down to her ankles bloop at least mine are still called ankles and not

cancels you get kinkles slut bloop bloop bloop cancels isn't that the name of the website you go on internet dating with bloop bloop please don't make fun of my masturbation material you you've got a little too far down bloop bloop your masturbation material what is that like a head of broccoli or some sort of like can of tuna like what what what what turns you on these days bloop also another bloop ha ha ha bloop not answering i'm very offended just dot dot dot dot moving dot dot dot moving dot dot dot she left me on red left me on red so um captain saddie's worried and then um eisha's like oh i have to admit my team is handling this second child are very well.

I mean, everyone can keep up. You know, it's like the juxtaposition between the interior and the deck is like, birds chirping, song singing on the inside. And then it's like Apocalypse knob on the outside. Selina versus Taylor, Taylor versus Charlie X, X, X, X. Ah.

Hey, is that, is that? Is that cookie monster outside talking about pop culture? Yeah, as soon as Aisha said this, it's like, okay, well, producers are not going to like that. They're going to try to destroy this. So then the producers are like, no, both people on the interior are working well. Let's move one to the outside and hire an idiot for Aisha. That's right. And sure enough, we then see Sandy still looking at the CV and saying, oh, hey.

Whoa, looks like V has a lot of experience on the deck. You know what I just realized? I, when I'm looking at her, when I'm looking at V's CV, I am seeing V, CV. See what I'm, I got to call Leah about this one. Well, hold on. Bloop. Hey there, Norma. I just wanted to say, hey, we have a V that's actually working up here.

No offense. Sorry, yours hasn't worked for a long time. But hey, you know, I just want you to know that we're putting our V to a lot more use than yours ever has been put to. Okay. Bloop. Bloop. Hey, bitch, I thought you were going to call and give me some good wordplay about the fact that I sent you a V to work on the C by sending you a CV about her, but instead you

decided to shame me. So thanks a lot, bitch. I sent a V to the C. So how do you like that? So now, Sandy sees that V has deck experience. And so then V and Josh are in the kitchen. V's asking Aisha how everything's going outside. And she's like, oh, God, every time I see them,

they're like, oh my God, have you had a day like that when you were on deck, V? She's like, yeah, but like I had to rely on myself because like I was the only one doing lines. You know, yeah, I'm just like really good at lines because I'd have to like tie them up alone. So yeah, I've learned a lot about lines. I can really tie lines.

Like I'm super, super good at lines. Yeah, I have like a little bit of experience on deck. I mean, I did win the award from like 2020 to 2024 of best deckhand and all of the, of the world. Who's crazy that award? But anyway, they surely won't put me out of the deck because I love it here on the interior. But ever since my boyfriend passed away, I've had a bad relationship with the ocean because he died underwater. So it's just like I needed some time to recover from that. So I put myself a more of an interior path and working on the deck

would bring me back to where it all started with Bond. So she talks about Bond. This whole backstory is so tragic. It's like very, very sad to me. And it actually is fast. Not only is it sad, dare I say, it's fascinating to me. So V is basically like redist to go out on the deck because it's it's cutting too close to she's not ready to face that trauma but guess what you're in bravo and they're going to make you do it and they're going to make you cry so get ready v yeah they'll ask you to like instructor dive soon because this is bravo they really will that's how they roll they're like you know what we're going to do underwater aerobics with v as a teacher okay go well they'll definitely schedule um they'll they'll

schedule like a guest and that guest will be someone who lost Like someone special in their lives and then V is going to bond with that person. They're going to do the whole thing. They're going to really like force it out of her for sure. Yeah. So V is still going on. She's like, yeah. I mean, I do lines.

I can teach you how to do a bowline. Do you want to know how to do a bow line? Do you want to know how to do a dragon line? I know how to do a dragon line. I know how to do a dragon line. Do you know how to do it? I can do it. Hey, give me a piece of spaghetti.

Give me a piece of spaghetti. You need to work on the deck team. They need you out there, but don't go too soon. I first have to shame Kizzy for not being as good as you, okay? So now Nathan and Sandy are standing together, and she's checking on him. And she's like, well, you know, you do a good job of explaining. I see explaining a lot. That's real good.

That's real good. And he's like, I'm just not doing nothing. She's like, well, it's frustrating. Trust me. Okay. I'm a person who worked with a lady who's named Rhymed with Banana and couldn't even get along with her. Okay? And you know what?

Normally, I love that banana. Listen, I know you feel like you're not. doing anything that only applies to your hairstyle, but everything else you're really killing it. You're really making a lot of good moves. So Christian and Tessa are on the back of the boat. And Christian's like, these snorkels are clean, yeah? And she's like, I don't know.

I mean, was this hard to put out? This ladder looks hard. I mean, who even came up with the idea ladders? Stairs are bad or ladders are hard. And he's like, I didn't do it. Really? It's like, it's like they do everything without us and then when they tell us to do it,

we have no fucking idea how to do it. And you know what's even worse is when they act, wait a second. He said when they tell us to do it, we have no fucking idea how to do it. Oh, sorry, I misread that. I was thinking my mind he was saying when they tell us how to do it.

He was like complaining that, oh, they tell us how to do it. No, we do everything. And then so we don't know how to do anything because they're not teaching us because they just keep doing it. No, they're teaching you. You guys are just dummies and you're not paying attention.

And instead of doing your job, you're sitting around complaining and trying to make everybody else the villain here when you're both the idiots you literally just went on a fucking jet ski and i don't even care if she didn't fill it up with gas didn't you look down and see that it wasn't full don't they have like a little empty i know they do because i've been on those things they have a little just like anything else they have a little ticker that goes all the way to e the gauge the gauge if you will so tessa tells us well i know i can do a good job just ask the mc b boys i raise them and guess what i can also do a a pretty mean print shop and flyer to invite you to a baby sharer so i just don't understand his leadership style like we can't even read your mind nathan and we can't understand that strange air is actually neither we can't read your mind and most pamphlets so what do you think about that so captains like we are we can't control everything that goes on on the on the boat you know look at nathan and max they just need to calm down uh oh no this is christian sorry He's like, yeah,

Christian doing his captain's hand The impersonation. Yeah, he's like, I can't do everything. I'm hot. You know, those guys are so mad, but they need to calm down.

Like, shit happens, you know? Just what you want to hear from a pilot, by the way. Yeah. I should have been, but I believe that I need to know why he was fired from being a pilot and didn't go back.

Because I'm starting to feel, I mean, we said it right at the beginning. Like, there's something fishy there with his whole, I was a pilot, and then COVID happened. And now I'm not a pilot anymore. Like, yeah, has been a few years and uh plane still fly something yeah planes are still in the air sir so what

happened on the plane what happened i want to know so um jack is uh looking around for asia he wants a milkshake and he's like i'll have a milk chike but only vanilla plus a little salt and you know some bread of course oh my can you make that too because katerina wants to have one that bitch oh my gosh she's such a slot you want to talk about katerina god did you hear she wants another margarita of course she does she's both a wine alcohol like all right i'll see up there with the milkshikes why not why not why not what's a margarita why not so i love when she said that what i loved is that she put her hands the air and she pointed her fingers at isha like i'm gonna have the margarita because what I'll have a milkshake, but only vanilla, no chocolate.

Like, okay, it's pretty standard. Just say a vanilla milkshake. If you order, by the way, I just want to put this out there, Ronnie, sorry to interrupt. If you order a vanilla milkshake, I do not think that chocolate is expected in that milkshake. Because that would not be a vanilla milkshake. That would be a chocolate milk shake or a whatever you call it, a swirl or a black eye or whatever. But if you order a vanilla milkshake, I'm going to say there's probably a 100% chance it's going to be a vanilla milkshake. Yeah.

It will not be a chocolate milkshake. So now Aisha Radio's for Kizzy to show Aisha what cookies Jacks likes. Because, you know, and she's like, oh, is he on his little milk and cookie time? Yes, it is. So now Nathan is trying to instruct Christian and Tessa to bring in jet skis and stuff. And, you know, Max is sighing because he doesn't want to help them. He's just about them, you guys. And then we cut to Tessa.

and she's like what am i even supposed to be doing why ain't anybody telling me what i'm supposed to be we just saw him telling you what to do why aren't you doing it i know always she just wanders around like an npc and like a like a villager in zelda or something like that so now kizzy is um asking josh about what's for dinner and he's making his he's getting doing his eight courses you know so he does this he's saying how like playing an eight course he's a man he was a crazy man of work for one chef which is true and he went to sleep really late and he woke up early and he's like he's like i just have you know i just have to time the preparation just right so everything doesn't get cold make sure everything element is perfectly prepped and then i've got to do that seven more

times and it's just exhausted for one chef so um yeah he's basically got work to do for him yeah he's got a lot to do so then we go to tessa and max and tessa's like oh my god we are the shittiest deck team at the Mom, we are just not making the dribble door proud. And Max is like, did you say we have this shitty is decor? And she's like, well, we are shit, aren't we? I mean, God. And he's like, what is your solution? What is this suggestion?

I don't know. And Max is like, yeah, she's the problem. Like, what the fuck is wrong with this girl? She goes, I think we're fucked. And goes, well, thank you for making us realize it. Mm, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, I'm meditating. He really needs to work on his hypnosis powers to help these people. Um, so now, uh, V is, she's done in the laundry and now she's going to help Kizzy decorate the table.

And Aisha is so proud. So she tells, she's just talking with Kizzy and she's like, V, she's been doing, she's been going so much quicker. And Kizzie's like, oh, cool. I mean, she's just coming along leaps and bounds. And Kizzi's like, I just wish we had an award to give up. We could all wear dresses and stand in a line and hand her a ward and say, you are the best, yes. You could be the and it presents the award. And since this is the first award, we'd say, sorry that no one else is good enough to ever have won this award before.

So we're just going to give it to Kizzy to give to her. Hand it over, Kizzy. You can't be in the picture. You didn't win the award. I'm sorry. Go over there. Sorry. I don't want to talk to you.

Oh, I just heard that the also won best personality in the interior department. That's so lovely. So Kizzy, is annoyed because kizzy we kizzy is of she is she's damaged let's let's just put it out that i'm just going to say it she's damaged she is of the mold i think we talked about this earlier she's of the mold of ashie from below deck sailing who is like desperate for male attention

and is also going to be cut through to the other woman and so kizzy is sitting here she's seeing the praise that v is getting which has no bearing on kizzy there's not it doesn't mean that it's not a zero-sum game, but she treats it that way, that if V is getting praised, that means because he is doing badly. And that's not how it is, but she says, she tells us, it's annoying because I'm definitely doing a lot more work. And I like to be recognized for like how much I do. Look, I put a tablecloth on this table. Isn't that amazing? Because I need to be the best, okay? I was always raised that way. I'm a very competitive person. Like, Michael Jordan competitive. I'm the Michael Jordan of putting tablecloths on tables. And I'd like to thank my mom for

that. She was always like, win, win, win, win, win. And when you're seven years old, you go to a dance performance and she's like, oh, God, stop being so slow. Lift that leg up higher. Jette father. She wasn't wrong. Second place is the first place in a long line of losers. It's like, okay, you need to go therapy. And congratulations. I just, I'm just so competitive, like Michael Jordan level competitive. I mean, not for the first time. I said out loud, you're claiming toilets. Stop with this. just stop with it i know she's always talking herself up like he it's me always waking up and it's the best hand me that toilet brush um i think i mean i can see why she's getting annoyed because she's got some newbie doesn't really know what she's doing she's having to train her and

then a she's like oh my god but it's like a little baby being upset that their baby sister is being praised for walking when they already know how to walk you know it's like well i'm walking no one's praising me but they can't remember when they were already praised for walking you know so then they go into the living room while their little sister is being breastfed and they stand right in front of their mom and they piss all over the carpet because they're sick at this treatment and then when their little sister goes to bed he starts ripping out little eyelashes one at a time until he gets caught and almost sent away to army cap at five years old i love that specific example that's not based in any sort of life

experience i have no idea who that would be so then nathan is on the radio uh he's going to have a meeting on the sun deck okay so ayesha's like why isn't your hat fitting your head because he's kind of wearing it above his uh head and he's like i'm just like wearing it like this she's like interesting so people are doing stuff and getting ready for dinner and kizzy and nathan um you know kizzy is has got a fan in her face and she uh She asked if there's a whole language with the fans, and she makes a joke that holding the fan in front of your perjurber, but J.J.

I was like, what is perjurber? Means come to my bedroom. And he's like, but don't you have a boyfriend? And she goes like, oh, I'm going to punch you in the face. So they're flirtation. So Aisha loves the table. She's like, oh, I love this table. They must have done it with me.

getting in the world so uh now it's time for sandy sandy's on face time with baby hey there little bear oh look at you baby look at you look at little bear baby that's her dog little bear and captain sandy's like i miss him and so we see little bear and uh she's like today was crazy and he's like oh well you look beautiful baby i'm sorry i was talking to little bear could you put put little bear back on the phone. Hey, little bear, this day was crazy. Gosh, I wish I was there to watch you lick your nuts. Get over.

I was really calm. Little bear's like, so, hey, hey, mama bear. So I have a little bit of an issue because here I thought I was a little bear and I finally saw myself in the mirror. I'm actually a dog. So how do you reconcile the fact that you name me a bear when I'm really a dog? Do you know what that does to a little dog's mind? and do know what sort of warped sense of self I have.

Woof, woof, I'm really not happy about this. Put your mother back on the phone. I don't know how to do with this. Okay. Hi, baby. Hey, baby. Little bear's been acting up, having some sort of dinner issues. Just tell little berries, little fish.

Just start calling him little fish. Surely that'll fix everything. Okay, little fish, you want dinner? Seems okay with it. I think we fooled him again. Love you, baby. I love you, baby. I'm a good man, gorgeous, baby.

So now it's time for the deck team to lift the tender out of the water. So this is a process where Max is on it and there's a hook going down and Nathan's got that like cigarette tray but that's actually a like a remote control thing. And everyone's confused because they're all idiots.

And Nathan's like, pass the painter tab as fast as we got got that over there, what Max? What you do? What you do? What you're doing? On hook of Max. And Max? And Max is getting.

like all mad so they have to he has to basically say like all right max let's start over all right take five because max gets angry and he like speeds the the tender away from the boat to be like huh i'm mad i'm mad max beyond thunderdome he's like no christian you need to pull to keep the boat even at all the time's there you're swinging the boat you're swinging the boat oh god we're gonna go back down again max one hooked yourself max oh my god what to we're all gonna die we're all gonna die then he speeds off and gets all pissed off and he's like max i can't have you getting emotional when we're doing crane. Crane needs some very calm hands. Crane hands, we call them. We need you to have crane hands, a little bear. He's like, I'm not a bear. Okay, well, it worked for Captain

Sandy's dog. All right. You can't be emotional. He's like, hey, it is not emotion made. It's like, but you can't throw your hands up. Listen to me now. I just need to get a really terrible haircut and just deal with what comes to you one day at a time. Sometimes if you get mad, just take it out on your hair. All right. The crane, the crane is the most dangerous thing and you need to be calm around the crane. I can't help it. I have a thing for Daphne.

No, not the Frazier crane, the boat crane. You need you to be calm as much as possible. Commercials. Here comes one right now. I commend Nathan because he actually is as his team, like especially as Max is like losing his mind and everyone's incompetent. like Nathan is very like he keeps his cool and he keeps like calm and I have to say that's like very impressive because I would be saying so many passive aggressive things and rolling my eyes

would be so pissy at that point I mean I don't know that it's really working I have to say I don't know that that approach is really working but it is nice to see someone able to stay calm but your team still does know what they're doing and it does whatever you're doing now doesn't seem to be scaring them I can see why guys in military training are like get down on your Get down. Give me 20, fatty. You're ugly. Your mama never liked you. That's why you're going to do what I'm saying. You know, you want to be the fastest kid in class.

You know, I can see why they're like that because you do it. You know, when someone's just standing there like, you know, I just need a little anger from you. I don't think it works. Well, I do think he needs to get the Mr. and talking to. But I do think that, like, in a moment of where everyone's, like, losing their minds and being chaotic, I thought it was, like, really cool that he was, like, just, like, centered. but that being said, it's time for him to start scolding. Now once everyone

like gathers around. Tess, I get your goddamn fingers out to your goddamn ears. I've known peanut butter sandwich is smarter than you, you tweet. Now get down and give me 20. Yeah, but I think if he does that in that moment, then Tessa just goes into the, I'm just not being led. That's like, oh, like, what am I even supposed to do? But like, I think

like for deck team meeting, he's got to be like, now listen up everyone. It's like that, it's like that movie, that book with the substitute, the teacher can't control her class so she like she has a quote unquote sick day and she comes in and drag she's like a she's like an old bitch and she yells at her students and gets them in line they don't realize it's the same teacher all along what movie is that that sounds great no it's

actually just they're turning into a movie it's a it's a famous children's book it's like mrs mrs wembley's day off or something but it's cool it's classic yeah yeah it's great to me um so nathan knows it's not fair to put all this work on max And when the others are incompetent, but if Max can't handle it, he's really fucked because Max is the only one who kind of knows what he's doing. So Max is like, okay, can we speak? Can you speak? And Nathan's like, okay, well, have an argument. Yeah, if that's what you want. Because Max is getting all upset because he's gotten and talking to. So now Jack's is, Jack, not Jack's, Jack is watching all of this, you know, eating his ice cream with only vanilla and no chocolate.

And he's loving it. And he's got his big fan hiding his face. It's like, oh my God, do you see this? The boys are, the boys are in trouble. The boys are in trouble. Yeah, he's definitely enjoying all of this. So now Nathan's going to pull

Max for a talk on the bow later. So now the girls, this girl, Katerina, this is one of my favorite moments of dialogue. I'll try to recapture it. So she basically is like, oh my God, what? I think that my mother should be happy because the worst thing I ever did was fraud. They're like, fraud, fraud.

What sort of fraud did you do? Oh, I said it was her, her, her. Why did you do that? Because I was trying to steal her. I was just trying to steal money from her. While I was trying to pretend to be my mom, stick money at the bank, it's no big deal, so it's only fraud. She defrauded her own mom by stealing her identity. So Aisha comes out and Jack's like, where's big dog Sandy?

Aisha, do you ever call her sandals? I'm just like, literally not once in my life have I said that. Sandals. That was funny to me. Sandals. Do you ever call Captain Sandy sandals? Well, it is one of my favorite pieces of footwear goes particularly well with my capri pants, but no one's actually ever called me that, unfortunately.

You know, if someone were ever going to call me out on my favorite shoe, I would hope they'd just call me, you know, Nurse Blacks. Because, God, I love those. The little rubbery sound they make is you walk across the floor. No one messes with you. And I'll tell you, you can stand on your feet for hours with those things. Well, you know, I do, you know, from like 2013 to 2017, I would have really liked being called Espedrill. But, you know, that time in my life is over. I'd like to think if I ever went to school, I'd be a Dr. Scholes.

So, so then Nathan's telling Max, you basically just stay calm. The crane is really dangerous. Stay calm. He's like, I know, but they are pissing me off. He's like, I know, but stay calm. Look, you and I are doing 50, 50. You're doing 50 and I'm doing 50. Okay.

It'll get sorted, but stay calm. I am calm. Yeah. I am calm. So now Josh is getting ready to serve dinner. So we get a clown monologue. He's like, this is. many similarities between music and cooking it's insane like a good song has really memorable

stuff and a great memorable riff and a great dish has a memorable flavor combination and a great song gives you feelings of nostalgia and a great dish will take you back home if a dish is like a song then an eight-course meal is like a concert oh please you're like the pentatonic's with 90 fucking things playing it once after this meal i can't believe anybody could even eat this was too much this was like serving a main core he was this is like serving eight main courses to people this isn't what is not to be doing it's a tasting menu sir yeah I agree first of all also his metaphor was really it was it was a real stretch saying like food is like music that's a fine premise but then he's like a good

song is really good and really good food is really good it's like okay that's not you know that doesn't make sense however you know like the concert okay fine if if dishes like a song it course meals like a concert fine and i realize i've gotten way to invested in his metaphor here but i agree getting back to what you're saying so it starts with the white gazpacho fine that's a nice opener okay so it's the gazpacho and then um i don't remember what's oh next the next thing goes right into is like is that like lobster or langestines it's like that's a big second course like shouldn't it be the progression be like a soup, like a small, something leafy or green or light, and you just sort of get bigger

and bigger and bigger. He starts off second course with lobster. At one point, he does those Wagyu tacos, which really upset me because first of all, you're kind of like taking away the entire point of having Wagyu in the first place. If you're sort of grinding it up and putting it into a taco, like the point of a Wagyu is that you have a piece of it and you cut into it. It's like butter. So having it just all ground up does nothing.

But there's also a big indelicate taco. and then he followed that up with like sea bass. I'm like, wait a second. So you went from the meat and he went back to the fish. I didn't understand what was going on here. Yeah, it was like fish, fish, big and big portions, like huge dinner-sized portions of everything. And then a huge soft shell crab. And then, you know, it's just too much.

It was too much. I don't know how they ate all that stuff. And Jack, meanwhile, his conversation, he's like, once we went to Paris and we spent 10,000 euros on lunch for three people, Mama's still calling me about it. Don't answer her, slag. Like, God, Cater, damn. I like, he said,

not only they said that they spent 10,000 on three people, he goes, which is a lot for three people. I'm like, it's a lot for 10 people. Like, that's a lot. Congratulations. You have a rich daddy, Jack. We're extremely impressed. So now we go to the cabins where V is knocking

off and she's talking to Tessa. And Tessa's like, dude, it is so stupid on deck. No one knows what they're doing. It's just shit. I mean, fingers crossed, this shit changes because it is just terrible. And V's, you know, pretty positive. So she's like, oh, okay.

Well, I'm not going to say anything about that because I believe in positivity. Okay. And so, Tess is like, Nathan's not delegating. It's not just that. You know, we're not just a problem. But it's like something's bullshit. And I'm not the type of person to keep my mouth shut or gas filled in tanks. You know, because grown up, when I was five years old, I told my client.

class meets. There was no Santa. And they're like, you're lying. You're lying. But obviously, I have to save it's bullshit. It's bullshit, those little fuckers. You are not, you're not ruining everyone's lives. You're not taking away everyone's innocence because you were calling out bullshit. You were doing it because you were a little turd. That's why. You were the obnoxious bratty girl. We all know you kicked, you kicked adults shins. you had meltdowns in the Starbucks when you didn't get a cake pop you were a terror

that's what you were you were not like on some crusade to call out bullshit you weren't like you know what I'm sick and tired of this bullshit because by the way no one thinks that Santa no one thinks that telling Santa kids that Santa is real is bullshit no one's like look at this bullshit con they're spreading

to the youth of the world no we're gonna fight we're gonna get rid of this disinformation you're just a not yeah you're just a little asshole so now um max is doing a handstand okay and dinner's still going now there's a roast chicken which is fucking crazy then are the beef tacos that look like chili like you mentioned it um and uh now kizzy's doing dishes and talking to max and christian and max is like i'm so in love since the beginning i saw your eyes was mine and i was like

And Kizzi's like, oh, Tom's going to punch you in the face. Oh, no problem. I love sparring. I love sparring. So Christian's asking how long they've been together. And she says, like two months. And she tells us, love is 100% my drug of choice. I've been in relationship for pretty much like my entire life.

When I was 18 to 21, I was in relationship and I broke up with one boyfriend and I had maybe four days where I was single. and I'm in another relationship for another two years and I probably have a deep-rooted fear of being by myself. Like, that does not mean that you are addicted to love. That means you are, have probably deep psychological issues where you are afraid that you can't exist without the attention of a male. So, yeah, I think you should maybe get that sorted out a little bit.

But also two months, that's not your boyfriend. Like, can we stop? Yeah. It's two months. And Christian's like, wow, imagine you pregnant. And Max is like, is that true? She's like, I bet you stop chit-chatting and get washing boys. So then now they're at the end of this huge dinner.

We've just seen all this food go out. It was way too much food. It was a crazy amount of food. And Jack can't finish his crumb roulette, which is also a pretty basic end to the meal. That is a very, it was also like just a basic creme brulee, like nothing funky or special looking about it. Yeah. So Jack's like, but I'm going to be hungry. Ray, can you make me a Shishuan chicken?

And everyone's staring at him. They're like, come on, Jack. You don't need to make him do that. And the chef is just looking and I'm like, are you kidding me? And he's like, no, no, I really want a Shishuan chicken. Yeah, so he's like. Oh, wow. No, there's still more.

There's Black Cod coming out. I thought they were at the end. Wow, Jesus. No, no. No, the meal continues on. Black Cod is coming out. He's already on about his Shishuan chicken. Ceshwan chicken.

So yeah, now black card comes up. Yeah, yeah, we're only at, we're only in, we're only in the black cod course. And by the way, Max is eating stuff out of the kitchen again, infuriating me. And we have black miso cod, which for some reason comes after the chicken and the, and the tacos and everything. And then they have like a pistachio with a caviar bump, which that's fine. That's like what these, these guests would want, et cetera. But then it's weird that he doesn't have that as the grand finale. He has a grand finale of creme brule.

like that doesn't i don't get it at all yeah so he gets applause they all loved it and so this is where jack's like i want chicken and josh is shocked and they're like come on you don't need that jack but i do i need chicken all right and josh is like i'm sorry what the concert's over everybody's walking to their cars i'm not playing you another fucking song yeah and then he says and he's like he's like jack you realize that was eight courses and And it's actually 1 a.m. I didn't even realize it was 1 a.m. at this point, until right now at this moment, I thought it was like 10.30.

So it's 1 a.m. The guy's exhausted. And so the fact that Jack is saying that he wants such one chicken at 2 a.m. When it's 1 a.m. right now, I didn't realize it was that close. So I thought this was like 10, 3 4 hours, whatever. So basically, Josh looks at Aish and goes, I don't know what to do here, which I kind of felt like you just say, let me go look into it and just go downstairs. go to sleep and let me should cover for you i don't think like you should be saying that in front

the guess she's like well he does need to sleep so if you could just think of something that will only take 10 minutes and goes okay what's real quick she tells us we always say never say no that we're seven star service and we'll do anything but if you look at the teeny tiny tiny tiny printed the bottom it says within reason you stupid motherfucker so the answer is no mommy's boy you don't get a motherfucking swissuan chicken they're like well what about some chips french fries and they're like uh okay so then jack i mean josh has to go downstairs and make french fries and um then uh nathan is down there talking to kizzy and he's like hi you got an awesome on because he's like having a good time, we've got a good team, better than you think, you know, better than, better than you I think. And basically she just casually mentions, by the way, you know that V has quite a lot of experience on deck. I was like, oh, a little undermine her. Yeah, little underminer. Like you might want to take V so one of us can win some awards. That would be nice. So then we cut to Jack being a drunk moron and getting his fries.

and um so then uh he's not even that hungry anymore when he no of course not because it's all about the power and i'm surprised he didn't have a little fit that he just got smacked down in front of his friends and didn't get what he asked for so um now nathan's going to bed and he's like christian whatever you do do not let the guest swim and he's like oh because they're drinking and he's like but also because of the condition of the water and also it's below deck and you can't let people go swim at night without supervision you fucking moron yeah So Kizzy and Josh are talking, and Josh is like, you know what my problem is? Once I've set like a bar, I find it's really hard to get any lower.

Last time we checked you were in clown makeup, so I think there's a lot of room to go higher, though. Yeah. So then Kizzy brings, fucking Kizzy. She's just trying so hard. And she really doesn't have that many biters. And I think it's because this show, they're just so tired. So they're like, whatever, whatever, Kizzy, you know. Yeah, she has no biters.

but she and the thing is that she's trying so hard to get a bite solely that way she can say home taken sorry um so that they're just not going to put that much effort i think she wants to start a little drama between the guys and they're like we're not fighting over something that's free you know yeah like you're not fighting over the last free sample is what i'm saying we're not fighting over second place in the interior wars kizzie you know v um so kizzy brings the the guests are in the jacuzzi, they're drunk, they're being silly, they're whatever, flopping around. And Jack's like, can we go in the ocean? And he's like, no, I'm afraid not because there's not enough deck team down there.

And they're like, can you wake them up then? And so she's like, oh, okay, so she radios Nathan. And Nathan's like, no, no, under no condition. Like they cannot go out there. They cannot under any condition go out to the ocean. So she tells them. She goes, you can't go out there. You're going to be dragged away by the condition.

And Jack's just rolling his eyes. Like, I'm calling money. So then everybody goes to bed, but Kizzy and Kristen. And so Christian goes, pardon me, to check on them. And Jack's about to fall over. And his friends look really worried, but they're not going to say anything because he's probably paying for this whole thing. And so Kristen comes over and he's like, listen, I don't want to have to jump in and save you.

You saw how I am on wave runners. Okay, buddy. So he's like, please, can I go? in, please. I just want to feel it. So Kristen's like, put your toes in. You can just put your feet in. And he's like, but I want to feel Nemo. I want to feel the fish and Nemo under me. So well, okay. It's like, well, why don't you come on down? You can put your feet in. It's like, I promise I'll only put my feet in. It's like, okay, it's like this guy has been so annoying. And the only way to shut him up is to give him whatever the fuck he wants. No, like, if you were flying your plane and a passenger was like, I want to see in the captain's chair, you wouldn't be like, well,

He's persistent. I guess I'll let him sit in the captain's chair. You just say no. You just say like... Call Captain Lee. You'll do it. Yeah, you want to get in the goddamn water. You can swim back to Peru, motherfucker, all right? Or call Captain Kerry. Captain Kerry be like, all right, well, before you go down to the dock, let me just show you something in this room. It's something really exquisite and close the door on you. You're trapped in a room. Yeah. Democrats. Democrats. Let me out of this room. Democrats. Democrats. drag me in the room um so there's a monitor okay and uh nathan luckily he doesn't have water so he goes up to get some water and he sees jack on the well we see jack on the platform and he's not wearing a live vest and he just jumps in basically he's like uh look i'm just going to put my feet in but then he falls into the water on the platform he's like a weird yeah it's like a weird like Is it a jump in or not?

He sort of like plops down on his butt and then he goes into the water. It's like, I don't know if he fell. I don't know what happened. But he basically winds up in the water. And it's like, oh. And for some reason, Christian is like pouring a hose in the water. Was he trying to like. I don't know.

I don't know what he's doing. I don't know what that was about. I don't know why you water the water, but he was doing it. So Jack's, Jack is like, oh, it's so relaxing. And Christian's just watching him, not telling him to get out. So Nathan comes and sees this. And so Jack finally gets out onto the swim platform and Christian's just squirting him with the hose still saying nothing. So Nathan tells him, yeah, don't let him go to the swim platform when they've been drinking.

He's like, no. And Christian's like, no, no, just the feet, just the feet. He's like, no. And Nathan's like, all right, look, we have to go. I can't have you down here, you know, helps him up and gets them inside. That's how you do it. You just fucking say no. just say no just say no that's the end and if they insist and you can't come off

and then the first thing that happened they he they gets back up to the hot top it's like well as a satchewan chicken that's what i actually generally would feel like right now like this fries would get it but they just weren't quite enough like i want satchewan chicken god he's so insufferable god it's the worst just let him drown throw him back in there and just keep the boat going yeah honestly sometimes you just got to let nature play out okay i'm not saying murder the guy but don't let him murder himself just go but don't encourage him on a path where life will be a higher percentage you know yeah so stop saving the stupid people so christian's like bro i told him many times like it's i said he can

it's dangerous blah blah blah blah blah blah and nathan's like but under no circumstances like whatever whatever so christian's telling us look he's the primary he wants to put his feet in the water then do it this guy just has such low low standards for anything and nothing happened nathan's like this is gone from being incompetent to being dangerous and he's like when nothing happened so it's fine right and uh yeah that's not that's not the case he's going to go to captain sandy buddy so then 6 a.m the next morning um everybody is doing their work work work and uh nathan is telling max he's like yeah so i told christian under no circumstance is let the guests go in the water and drunk as fuck the guests are in the water so yeah i had to go

out there he's like no way man god damn it's like smashing a wave runner against what's like no no calm bro calm i would yeah so captain sandy's checking on everything and uh v is telling her that things were good and everyone's eating breakfast and a she's like so captain sandy when are you getting are you getting a Are you getting a boat? She's like, oh, yeah, I want to get a, I want to get a 50-footer boat. I'm going to call it large-sized bear. I can't wait. S.S. Large-sized bear.

And Vee is saying how they're just talking about like boats and everything and talking about like how V is talking about how our experience working on day charters and they're kind of bonding on that. And V's talking about all the lines that she's done. All the lines. So many lines. She's like, yeah, it's so hard to find docking space in Fort Lauderdale. Oh my God.

Oh, crazy, right? So hard to do lines there. And I'm great. It's just so many lines. Captain Sanders, like, wait a second. I think I have an idea that's not fully formed yet. I'll have to wait another episode. Yeah, well, you know, that is busy.

And when you do day charters, you're like on and off the docks. You've got to be good with lines. I'm so good with lines. Yes. I'm going to marry a line. I'm marrying a line. I'm like, oh, my God. I don't know what I'm thinking yet.

But sure, God, I would love to just be taken off of this job. put it on the deck so I can deal with lines I love lines I'm a line addict starting to get an idea here you're trying to get an idea you can't quite put my finger on it know who else likes lines I'm sure those guests um so Aisha is time for every I'm not it's the time for breakfast and or whatever and Asia saying hi to everyone and basically Christian is talking with V and they're flirting and talking about how like you know tanning and being natural yeah and how christian saying oh god would you feel proud of our how let's talk about like how she says her mom would be or her dad would be so happy if she went up with

like a latino guy etc yeah so she's like yeah christian has one of the best smiles i've ever seen it's like a line that's in the shape of a smile and like i've gone on a few dates since bond passed but I don't think there's ever a time when you're ready. And that's when I prefer to just throw myself into lines. So Christian's like, yeah, we also have Latino asses, huh? Right? And she's like, okay, sure. Just my parents would be so happy if I brought home my Hispanic guys.

Like, well, we don't need to spray tan. We don't need anything. You just need to have two Latino parents. She's like, okay. All right. Yes. We are Latino. Thank you for pointing that out.

Like, okay. Thank you. Thank you. so jack asked asia for some help to pack up his luggage and in case you didn't remember from the last episode he brought on seven giant pieces of luggage for two days and of course he spread everything everywhere so v is going to be put on that task yeah so it's a big cluster fuck in there um tessa is snoring in her cabin while everybody's looking for her so nathan goes to talk to the cabin and asia is talking to v about packing up for jack so um meanwhile let's see v goes into the so it's just a packing nightmare okay so nathan and sandy let's go to that so he's like long night cap long night one of the guests was drunk i told christian no circumstances go into the water they go into the water she's like right right you know what um an idea i was forming here i'm just not sure what it is and i was thinking what wouldn't it be great

if we had v down there she knows a lot about lines you know i just don't don't say that because there's an idea coming to me i just can't be sure what it is There's something to do, Valentine's? Is it Valentine's? No, victory. Valhalla, Valhalla, I can't think of it. Yeah, yeah, I wish there was someone on this boat that we could just plug in right at the last second to take over, but can't quite connect those dots just yet.

Let's just think about this for a little bit. Okay, like, you know what, let's dock the boat and then we'll figure it out because nothing will go wrong with the docking, okay? Yeah, surely. Surely with a crew that doesn't know what they're doing, the docking's going to go great. You know, I mean, look, on one hand, the guest went into the water when he wasn't supposed to that's bad that's dangerous on the other hand we could have rid the world of jack so i don't know where i stand on that really we could have done

a good thing there we just didn't follow through you know what we need to work on follow through follow through you let me get back to you this is a hmm this i'm close to something here let's just like let's just work on it let's let's let me marinate a little bit so the guests are having breakfast and they receive eggs and someone's like these eggs are really yellow which i don't think anyone's ever complained about before you're some people like that and so someone's like oh that probably won't even free range i'm like you need to be free range i don't know i'm like i'm like i'm coming up but it wasn't there but like i put you need to be put in the cage because you guys are too free range there we go yeah moving on so um v's like yeah a

Katerina came to pack her stuff, but I had already done it. And I got it, girl. And then she's just like, oh, my God. It's like a backhand compliment, but I'm just surprised how quickly V's been learning. It's amazing, V. Let's have a whole montage of our amazing shares. I would like to present a Lifetime Achievement Award for V. I've never seen anybody as good as me.

Because it's a good. Is it chat, GPT? or chat GPV. So Nathan and Max, Nathan's going to get a coffee, but he's like, get the lines ready for docking. So Max is like, so how was the midnight gets, swing with the guess, you stupid? He's like, oh my God, this guy, man. Wow. Wow.

So breakfast, everybody has their breakfast. Nathan wakes Tessa up to get on deck and like she's not late. She's totally late, by the way. And she's just muttering to herself, I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here. I want to be with the boys back at the firm. I want to be riding a combine with cold. So Max is talking about, he's making comments by going to the gym and whatever.

And Christian just can't stand. He cannot stand Max and anything that he says. So, Kizzy is FaceTiming Tommy, which is about as interesting as that sounds. And she's like, you know, I really like Tom, but being on this boat has made me confused about being in a relationship. I'm sort of trying to unpack myself and my needs. Oh, good, because V can pack you back up. She's doing such a good job with the packing. V's actually already packed up your needs.

You don't even have to worry about it anymore. So now lines are coming in, and Max is like, bro, uncoil this, uncoiling recoil. And Christian's like, why? And he goes, because there's the problem. And Christian's like, but we're going to uncoil it anyway. He's like, just do it. Just do it. And, yeah, Christians, that's just the worst.

Why do you only have to pick one to fire? Just fire them both. I think fire every single person. Christian's like, oh, man, shut the fuck up. every day is the same thing telling me what to do nonstop is max i got a prison for you and he gets him like a middle finger in the confessional and because i can't tell if max is on a power trip right now or if something generally needs to be done it's hard to say because he is someone who loves the power trip so they're being dysfunctional and then um then aisha asks kizzie to do the laundry

and kiz he's like but where's where's v this is her third stew kind of thing to do and he's like oh v's been packing for the last two hours because she's so good she did it so quickly she's really one of the best views i've ever encountered so then max and nathan are on the deck with tess and christian and uh nathan asked tessa how she is and he's like you know um okay well you two on the stern with me the two crossover lines were going to put heaving lines on them so they're easier to throw so he's like oh jesus the first talking she said she couldn't do lines and you know it's not like you're throwing to pluto's but you know it's It's like it's flown to Pluto.

But basically he like gives her the achieving lines to cross over lines in the swim platform. He's trying to make it easier for. And she's still like, I'm what? This is hard. Yeah, he basically has put, I guess it's like a light line that's easier to throw. But there's like a little weight at the end of it. I don't know. And I guess there's some sort of knot.

I don't know if the knot is the weight or whatever it is. But there's a knot that's important. And now when they are coming in, they have to throw their lines a cruise. cross each other and she basically can't throw it all the way across and her knot comes undone. And I don't really truly understand what's going on, but I just know enough to know that she failed. Yeah, she sucks. So let's see. And she's slow.

He's like, he's like faster, Tessa, Fosser, Tessa, Fosser, Tessa, need to be a little faster. Fosser, Fosser, Fosser, Fosser, Fosser, Fosser, Fosser, come on, Tessa, Fosser. Yeah, and meanwhile, no one is communicating with Sandy. And she's like, I don't, I need to know what's going on back there. What is going on back there? what is going on back there and then the rope wasn't even tied tight so it comes undone and test is like sorry well i just wish i was taught right just like are you fucking serious what's going on back there what is going on back there i get more communication from little bear

and he's a fish so so max is uh max christian has done his heaving line duty so it goes up to help max and then they start fighting about who knows what like you got to pull more put more put more Put them all. Why is you going to? I'm pulling more. You want to say that to my face? Oh, fuck you. They're fighting. Captain Sandy is like, oh my God.

Hey, Nathan, you might want to go check on the bow. Bow, sort of like the way I checked on my bow wow. Little bear, that is, now known as the little fish. Little bow wow, our bear that we have in our backyard. He's pretty cute. Little dog. That's what we call our bear. Little bow wow for short.

So Max and Christian are fuck you in each other. And Nathan goes to check on them. He's like, no arguments. Let's be professional. So now he's trying to coach these guys about how to tie ropes and stuff. And meanwhile, because he goes to check on V and V is like sitting there and just like

still covered in the confetti that Aisha threw all over her for getting the packing done. And now it's time for guest departure. So everybody hugs by and Jack's like, hello, you love you guys. The only thing I love more than you say, swan chicken, am I right? Yes, I'm the Sichuan chicken guy, everybody. So, yeah, they give a tip. It's like an 18th, well, actually, we don't find out just yet, but they give the tip, they leave, everyone's happy, and then everyone's changing. And Nathan asks if Kizzy has a BBL. I didn't personally notice Kizzi having a noteworthy hindquarters.

I'm looking at her, but what is this, the 80s? Nathan's like, oh, do you have a BBL? What's there? What's that? What's that? What's that? that mean baby bum lift or something she's like brazilian brazilian buttlift bloody bamboo bitch oh he's like oh wow baby bum lift wow wild so okay charter number two everybody the good news is interior you killed it especially uv hey v give me my favorite line line exactly god i love when you say line says it a lot it's good it's her it's her catchphrase guys Okay. So it should give me a five, a high five. Okay. Yeah, deck. God, you guys are fucking terrible. You suck. Jeez. You suck and you have stupid hair too. Sorry. Sorry there, girl one. I don't know your name yet. But the rest of you, okay. You know, we got 18,000 euros. That's $20,000. So that's pretty good. You know, that's about 10,000 pairs of capris. Okay. So everybody per person, that's something or other, I don't know. I'm not here for my math. I'm here for my hairstyle. Okay. So everybody, let's turn it around. Okay, turn that beat around. Okay, people love that one. All right, go do it.

Isn't that tip about 10,000 euros less than the Bitcoin Bros? Yeah. Bitcoin Bros gave 30,000. So it's a shame. People are cheap. These people are cheap. I think 25,000 is what you are looking for for like a nice or standard tip. I think 20,000 is on the low end. So they're not doing that, Seshwan chicken. So, yeah. Sorry. So, cleaning, cleaning, cleaning, and everyone is cleaning, and Tessa is mad about something. She's like, this is fucked. She's always mad about something. So Aisha's telling her team that she's just so proud of them and wants them to keep going up and up and up. And Josh is going to go sleep.

But now finally, Captain Sandy and Nathan, time to have another powwow. So Sandy's like, so, how are you feeling about your deck crew? as anyone has anyone earned a capri pant you know where they still at ankle length have they how far have they grown and nathan's like well it's a clown show josh comes in juggling fucking steaks not you get out of here circus on steroids on a multimillion dollar yacht and captain sandy goes it's totally chaos i don't really want to say that but uh it is total chaos kind of like norma's hair when she goes out on a date. Am I right? I don't want to crush someone's spirit, except Norma's.

Okay, you want to talk about how bad Norma looks like in a bathing suit? Go ahead. Give me your opinion. He's like, Noah, that's pretty unprofessional. Yeah, well, okay. Well, the point is, you know, tell me your side of the story. He's like, my side of the story is you hired a bunch of fucking idiots. Did you even read the resume? It's probably on his inside dots, but his side is they suck.

Like, what the fuck do you want for me? You know? He's like, this one's crazy. Max is crazy. And then the other two were just terrible. You know, she's like, okay, well, here's what you're going to do, because you're a leader now. Fire one person. You only get to keep one.

It's like Sophie's choice. No, Sophie didn't want to kill both of her children. No, they, I fire them both. You know what my favorite reality, you know, my favorite reality trope is, is when there's like a competition and people do really badly. Like on Project runway, they'll do this once in a while. I'll be like, I'm sorry, Peter, I'm sorry, you're out. And then the other person gasps like, oh, feel. you. And also, Johann, you're out too. And you're like, yeah. Oh, that's what you meant when

they were when they're like, you're not safe either. You have to sew it out. Now we are giving you garbage bags, tape and so-sos and a squirrel. Make it bulk out in five minutes. I think Captain Jason did this to Vian last season on Down Under, right? Because he had to, he fired Johnny. And then I don't remember who was in the same session, but it was definitely the same episode. But I love it when it's like, and you're out too oh i love that yeah that's what they need to do here they need a good double firing just start over you know get nobs get nubs let's do that well they have to because well we know we know someone's getting fired because obviously because they said it and also gail's going to clearly come back but um but gail's not going to come back before nathan and kizzy uh make out i feel like so we'll see

see how that goes. Dun, dun, all right, everybody, thanks so much for being with us on

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