Watch What Crappens - #3058 Wife Swap The Real Housewives Edition S1E2: Midnight Train to Gorga

Episode Date: October 30, 2025

Melissa heads to a messy household in Georgia while a Double Dutch enthusiast steps into the gleaming world of the Gorgas. Highjinks ensue on Wife Swap: The Real Housewives Edition. Plus, Phaedra! To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watcher Crappins ad-free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. What's crap, crap, watch what happens when there's so much than crap is. welcome to watch our crap and it's a podcast about all that crap on bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me here is my wife that maybe one day will swap. It's Ronnie Karim. How's it going? How dare you? Hello. That would be a funny wife swap because then I would be like taking care of Bueller and then you would be like with Dom and that would be like a very funny like compare and contrast. That's a pretty actually pretty easy swap I would

actually say. Welcome everyone. We're talking wives. swap. It's the Melissa Gorga Wife Swap episode. Just a reminder, we have a wonderful and active Patreon. Patreon.com slash watch for Crappins. We have weekly bonus episodes. We also have Crappins on demand where you get to watch the video component of our podcast. We have a Discord community. Everything is wonderful out there. So come join us on Patreon. Also on Mondays, we do some sort of live thing. This coming Monday, we have Crappy Hour, which is going to be where we talk about Bravo headlines and talk to you all and sort of just shoot the shit

that's on YouTube and at Simulcast on Patreon and Instagram. So come join us for that. That'll be at 5.30 on the West Coast and 8.30 on the East Coast. And don't forget we have daylight savings time. Daylight savings time is ending this weekend. So don't miss crappy hour by that one hour.

Yeah. Oh, I hate when that happens. I can't get used to the dark. Getting your hour back. Well, talk about hour swap, so much per wife swap. So anyway, what does that mean? Wait, fall forward, spring back. Oh, so we gain an hour. You fall back.

We gain an hour. You gain an hour. Fall back, spring forward, fall back. So we lose an hour. You gain an hour because it's like you went through nine, nine a.m. And guess what? You fall back. So you'd be going through nine a second time.

You gain an hour. Whoa. Okay. Isn't that crazy? I'll never get it. But thank God the phones do it for you now, so you don't really have to do anything. I know, it's nice. Isn't that great? God, isn't that great? So that's the excitement of this weekend. Today we are talking about Wiveswap. It's our second episode. I loved last week's episode with Angie Kay. I thought it was so fun. It was so sweet. I also enjoyed this one quite a bit. But I feel like I can see some of the cracks on the Wife Swap experience. I'm like, okay, I'm glad this can be a short like four episode excursion. You saw cracks? What were your cracks?

I felt like I saw more of the staging this episode. I felt like I could see like the kids were not as good actors as the Idaho kids. I'm not going to lie. The kids were like, I am so happy to clean. I was like, okay. I mean, to be fair, it may have just been that they just needed to have the kids to say the line again. It may not have been scripted like that. But I did think it was still, it was better than I thought.

I thought, okay, Angie was such a good episode. I was like, oh God, Melissa Gorga. Will this be a good episode? Well, Melissa seems like she's going to be braddyer. But Melissa was actually pretty good. I actually enjoyed Melissa. And even though we know that she did not spend a night in that house, because she said as much, I think, what, on Jeff's show?

But Melissa is okay. She said she begged the producers not to have to stay there and insisted on staying in a hotel, which, you know, is weird. I mean, it's two days, you know. Jesus Christ, they're giving you a pile of money. You can sleep in a fucking bed for two. for two nights or one night, whatever it is. Yeah.

I guess I'm wondering, is every episode just going to be like, we're going from a clean house to a dirty house? Is that just what it's going to be? I felt like some of the lessons were like not as strong in this one. But they're definitely going from a clean house to a dirty house. Like one house is gross. One house is really clean. And then you have to eat different things at the different houses.

That's also a big thing. That's just what it is. Oh, my God. People eating differently. This is going to be crazy. I did I did really like this one I was impressed with Melissa but I mean you know

that she didn't bug me as much as she normally does I thought she'd be a lot snottier especially after hearing some of those Jeff Lewis clips because she really came off like an asshole in that so I thought oh this is going to be really cringy but she wasn't bad but still as usual the stars were Joe and the kids and actually it made me think wow I actually want to see more of her kids

because those oaths I mean those are those two idiots Those two idiots. I mean, wow. What blocks of cheese. What meatballs those guys are for sure. So I want to see more of them because I was cracking up at how stupid they were and just how thick.

I mean, they're just, they're made out. They're just pure beef, you know. And I was cracking up the whole time. And the daughter, I think, has grown up to be really cute and gorgeous. Like, I like her personality a lot. And the other family was great. I loved all of the other family. that mom is fucking hilarious.

So I really liked it. Yeah, I agree. I think the show still has a lot of sweetness. You know, another crack I saw was when they all went to the construction side together, I was like, this is like, this doesn't make sense.

It does not make sense. The whole family's going to go to a construction site together. So I thought like it was something like that that just didn't feel, it felt like it was a little jump to sharky, which is, I know, crazy. The whole show doesn't make sense. The whole show is ridiculous.

But, you know, in the, we're going to step into another world like I don't know I thought I was like I'm just not buying this part of it so I just wasn't as completely sold on this episode as much as the last I just didn't feel like as tight of a of a of a of a show but let's whatever who cares I do think they need to spend more time I think that spending one basically one full day together is what it looks like maybe two is just not enough time you know it's like wow you see that somebody doesn't do their dishes and you get to judge it and also I don't believe that because I've literally

never met a mother who is going to just leave or a father who's going to just leave dirty dishes of a family of five piled in a sink all night long. That's just disgusting. I mean, it's flies. There are flies. We've all had pests. There are pests. I just don't believe that. When Melissa said you didn't want to spend the night there, I was like, oh, my God, what a, what a snobby bitch. But then when we saw the place, I was like, I can kind of understand. I feel like a neat freak and then you come in and you see like that nasty has blender and everything else just sitting out there. And you think of like the past and the flies. You're like, yeah, you leave a fruit blender out all day and it's not covered in flies.

I just, yeah, there's something weird about that. But you have to suspend the disbelief because it's so silly, you know, it's two days. What are they going to do? What are they going to do? What are they going to do? But I just felt like it could have just been a tighter episode in terms of like the compare and contrast. Like we used to do this before and now we do this now. And now we're going to learn from it. I was like, really, but bringing Antonia to a construction site that doesn't make.

any sense. If it was like, okay, instead of going to work, Joe, you're going to, we're all going to go to the movies together. You're going to spend more time with your family. That makes sense to me. But like, not, we're all just going to go standing around in the dirt. But I think I'm probably being too critical about a very stupid show that. Yeah, I think it's just a dumb show. Yeah. Just a dumb show. Just a dumb show, Ben. Yeah. So, um, basically, we meet Melissa and Joe, who we already know. Melissa is like a CEO boss bet, you guys. She has a booted. and a sprinkle cookie company. So she's also got a dog that wears a diaper.

So that's, you know, her thing. Antonio's off to college, but she's going to come shoot, okay? So she'll be here. And then there's Gino and Joey. And we see a typical day of Melissa's. Joe's out at 6.30. He doesn't come home till dinner time, probably cheating most days or at strip clubs. And she has coffee.

She works out. She does glam. And then she goes to work. I think it's funny that the housewives, actually do glam every day. That was crazy. She's like, I'm doing something that rich people really do?

No, this is a very lonely person. That's what this is. You're doing glam to go to the mall kiosk that you rent? I mean, come on. Yeah. If you're putting on glam just to show up at envy, then you're doing too much. I guess her justification is that she goes to envy

and then she puts on clothing and then she puts that on social media to advertise envy. And then she can write off the glam. And she can write off envy, but it seems like a sad existence. Yeah, it does. And maybe that's why I kind of felt for Melissa. And the other wife picks up on it right away where she's like, oh, my God, this is one sad person, you know. And I agree.

And I think that that was kind of what the other wife got when she went into Angie's life. She was like, wow, this is a sad woman. Like, all she does is spend time cleaning her sunglasses and spending time with her kids. So I think that's interesting. It's an interesting parallel that it's like, wow, look at all this money and you're still very lonely and all you want to do is clean. Yeah, it sort of didn't make sense to have these episodes back to back because they were so similar in terms of like what they do. But I feel like Bravo was like, we just cannot have Emily Simpson be our second episode. We have to bury her in the middle of this four episode season.

Yeah. The fall off will be drastic. Yeah. So then the producers are asking Gino who cleans up the clean. close, like, mom does. Like, who makes the food? Mom. Who, uh, finishes your sentences because you can't access all your words.

Mom does. She does. She does. She does. And just their dead eyes. They both, both the boys are like, duh. It's like, so, like two oxes after they've eaten. Joe's like, my wife, she's just so OCD.

You know what I'm saying? Like, I can't with her. Like, she's like, she's, she got to have everything. thing. Like, what the hell? It's crazy. Am I right? I'm a man. She's a woman. A man was born with a dick. A woman was born with a mop in her hand. Am I right? You can catch that at Gino's comedy club coming up soon. All right? A lot of my analness comes from my childhood. I didn't grow up in a house where everything was run as tight. And I lost my dad at a very young age. And I always said, not in my house. We're not using my dad at a young age in this house.

I'm like, wait, what in the dad thing you have to do with it? My house is a piece of shit and my dad died too but I said, not in my house, not in my house, there he is, nah, not in my house. We're going to go see mommy and daddy

home together every night and I'm keeping it neat and I keep it clean. Yeah, you're so OCD with everything, am I right? Yeah, that's the word, OCD. She's like, it's like too much, right?

Like, what is it? The boobs to make it like that? Am I right? Like, this is why we can't vote. You know, you can't get women in there to vote because all they do, they spend an hour and they're cleaning out the voting booth. Then no one gets in there. You know what I'm saying? Women. Well, what I hope to get from this swap is just to like let some things go, you know, like, I don't know. I don't know what I really want to let go of right now. I'm actually really just

trying to hold on to everything. My kids, Joe. I don't know. I've got a sad life. So now we go to Georgia. Why do we have to believe, why are we supposed to believe that none of the real housewives have maids like are you fucking kidding me you're you're telling me that none of you have maids i don't believe it you've all got like the secret little room behind the laundry room called the maids room we all know it okay yeah so uh then we go over to georgia and we meet michelle and she's saying like i don't think i can handle you know the 1950s 1960s man comes home woman does the cooking kind of thing woman does i mean woman does the cooking man goes to work she's like no so we meet michelle and Sean and they love being together all the time. They have three kids, Sean Jr., Phoenix, and Maverick,

and they have a vegan household for health, and they have, they're really obsessed with double Dutch. And as soon as they started talking about double Dutch, I was like, oh, I've seen these people before. How have I seen these people before? And it was, I did some research. They were on the amazing race. And I was like, oh, that's right. These people with the double Dutch business, they were always talking about it's like everything is about double dutch and I really love these people but they really like the double it's too much too much of the double dodge like it's too much and also like how are you running like some sort of like athletic company but you are not disciplined at all with your cleaning I don't understand that normally people who are like trainers or athletes

are super super disciplined about everything in their life especially their personal space oh really I don't know I don't make me not want to trust their double dutching I don't know. Yeah. Well, I don't think double-datching is really like a discipline. I mean, I guess it's a skill that you learn, but it's not like a... Well, I guess it is because it's like an Olympic sport, right? What's when she's saying is, I think I was surprised because I was like, wow, that's a sport.

I had no idea. I've seen it a lot like on TikToks and stuff. I've always wanted to know how to do that, but girl, I can barely get out of bed. I'm not going to double-dutch. I don't know if it's not an Olympic sport, but there is some sort of like world championship that she is the world champion of. And they've been on like a million talk show. I at first thought I'd seen them on a house hunters, but it was amazing race. But then doing the research, they've been on all the morning shows and they do the double-dutch thing.

It's all about double-dutch. And so- Don't put house hunters past them. I can see them on house hunters being like, we need a room to jump rope in. 100%. They are 100% going to be on house hunters if they haven't been already. Yeah. And then every house they go see, they're going to be like, well, this is nice for the office. But can we jump rope in here?

I don't think so, Mindy. You better get back to the books. It's Mindy Kaling as their realtor. She thinks. She's like smiling at her own jokes. So Sean is saying. I'm sorry. I thought you were saying Mindy.

What's her face from Facts of Life? Mindy Cohen. Mindy Kaling. Sorry. Yeah, Mindy Cohen also. It's the real estate firm of Mindy and Mindy. So Michelle must just spend time with her family, even if that means not doing her dishes. And she's like, if we're all miserable, but

the house is clean. What kind of life is that? A dirty life. I mean, I don't know. I feel like I'd be, I'd rather be miserable in a clean house than happy in a dirty one. If that makes any sense. I think I would rather be happy in a largely tidy house because I'm not going to act like, look, I'm not, I'm not anal retentive. I keep things largely clean. But like, sometimes I have dinner and I'm like, I'm too tired to do dishes. And I'll, I'll clean my dishes. in the morning. And like I will do that. But what I try not to do and what I generally don't do is like things don't pile up. And like it's not, it does not look the way it did in this place. But like I don't always clean my dishes the same night. I will do them in the morning sometimes. I don't always either. But I'll at least like put them in the sink. Like I'll take the food off of them. Put them in the sink and then soak them. You know, like I'll put water on them. So I'm not waking up to crusty shit. And I think that a lot of it was my problem with it was they were just like, leaving all their food and piling it up with all the food out and just and then then you wake up and you can't do the dishes because everything is caked on there and then it's like it just makes

it so much harder thing and like you know what when I my my my kitchen definitely gets messy when I'm here alone like if Dom is like out in New York working on something for sure I'm like even more lenient because I know it's just me and I'm like if I make a mess it's my own mess. It's my own fault. It's like, you know what? I did this to myself. And I kind of feel like, but like, but if Dom is here or if someone's here, if someone were staying with me, I'm like much more attentive to it because like you're sharing the space with people. So it's shocking to me to have like a whole family, a whole like a grip of people under one household. And it's just like, oh, let's just let it just stack up with food on it. Because like other people need to use the

kitchen. Other people need to do things in there. Yeah, there's one thing about like you can be sloppy, but this is sloppy, sloppy. Like, sloppy is like leaving your dishes soaking. Sloppy, sloppy is caked up food on your dishes. You know what I mean? Like, there's just, there's a difference because it just makes it harder. So then Michelle's like, well, you know, we're happy being, you know, not cleaning because we spend time together. But eventually someone has to clean that stuff.

I don't know. I'm so hung up on the clean house. It's not even the clean house because the rest of the house didn't bother me. It was the kitchen. That bugged me. I was like, this is unsanitary. Yeah. This is like the, this is, this is like cholera waiting to happen.

Okay. So then Michelle's like, well, cleaning with kids is like cleaning in quicksand. Living with kids is like living in quicksand. What are you going to do? Just not have them? You know what they call kids? Quicksand. Goodbye money.

Goodbye brunch. You have kids now. They are quicksand. It's like your soul, your entire soul is in quicksand, okay? Hey, you want to do something fun? Sorry, you got to go to a soccer game to watch a bunch of kids chasing a ball. And then you got to hand out orange drink. Enjoy the quicksand.

It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappence commercial. So then Melissa is finding out that she's going to Georgia, and they're like, ew. And she's like, yeah, Georgia. And they're like, where'd at? Where'd that? You know, her kids are like, what's that? A 10-minute scene while the kids try to figure out where Georgia is.

Yeah, they're like, what is that? What's a Georgia? and then at the other family she's like, I'm going to New Jersey and the kid's like, oh my God! Yes! Yes! Like she won something. Really excited.

I've never seen anybody so excited to go to New Jersey. You're going to New Jersey. Yes, queen! So Michelle says, the only thing I know of housewives is they live a very wealthy life and you've got to throw a glassier there and the house must be flawless.

So Melissa is saying, to Joe like, well, I don't like leaving you. He's like, yeah, you ain't sleeping without me. You ain't when they don't get, when I release the poison, it's not the same when you're not there, huh? Huh, huh?

Yeah, it's like, I made you a present, all right? And he's made a pillow with his picture on it. And she's like, oh my God, you put yourself on a pillow, Joe? Oh my God. I got to take this pillow. So now we go to the women walking through each other's home.

and Melissa's like, okay, interesting paint choices. Because every room is a really, really bright primary color. It's like one room's bright orange and then another room is like bright royal blue. Yeah, and it's like that. Like it feels like the wall was painted with like paint that you make like make a painting with, not like with wall paint. So it sort of has that kind of like you can sort of see the layers through it. And Melissa's like, okay.

And so she's like, okay, interesting. It's like, well, I brought sprinkle cookies, so I'll just put these right here. And, okay, let me see what they eat. Oh, my God. Do they own a fruit farm? Because she just sees nothing but fruit in their refrigerator. Yeah. She's, and then Michelle goes into her house, and her house looks great.

And I have to, you know, hand it to Melissa because that house was universally mocked when it was first revealed by us for, I think, half an hour, like a full half hour segment on crappy hour. Because Joe just did a terrible job on the first round of that house. Like the windows were all the wrong size and the roofs were all, there were like multiple roofs with different sizes that didn't match. I mean, it just looked crazy. And they did a good job on the re-remodel of this house. Yeah, it looks great now. And so Michelle's like, oh, my God, this is amazing.

This is huge. And then she goes into the kitchen, which has like, it feels like the kitchen has like four kitchen islands in it. It's just like a football field of kitchen islands. And she starts running around. She was, oh, my God, all the juicing I could do in here. Oh, my God. Whoa.

Oh, my God. But then she sees Melissa's olive oil. Melissa has taken an olive oil jug and bedazzled it. And she's like, okay. You designed the olive oil. Okay. You do not need to put glitter on olive oil, which I agree. So she goes through the fridge and she goes, okay, so we're eating baby chickens.

Okay. And cheese, cheese and cheese. You know, I'm sorry, but no cheese. Cheese is the devil. So she loves the house. Melissa is disgusted by her. She's like, wow, but she's trying not to me. She's like, they're not neat freaks.

And wow, that's so refreshing. Yeah. There's definitely little kids here, boys, because I see balls, basketballs, only boys like playing with balls. So we all know that. She's like, you know, my house is like monochromatic and like clean lines and extremely organized and extremely neat. And like you can tell that like, you know, that they live here. You can really see. It's like cut to the blender with some sort of like a gray purple smoothie.

do on it. Krusty blueberry all over the thing. And then she's like, yeah, you know, you can tell that they live here. It's amazing to see like what homeless people look like they would live inside of a house. This is crazy. So then Michelle is like, well, okay, they have a clean house. And I like a clean house, but I also like a lived-in house. And this house is very white and nobody lives here.

So house rules Melissa says Dear Miss temporary wife We are vegan No meat, no dairy And Melissa's like But I'm anemic So she continues reading

We are just finishing our group juice cleanse now Which means we have not eaten food in 10 days Just juice impossible In our household we don't follow traditional rules We have dinner on the sofa And we'd rather stay up late playing over, making it to bed on time. She's like, wow.

Wow. So then Michelle reads her rules. Joe gets home at 6.30 for dinner. And she's like, he's gone from 6.30 to 6.30? When do you guys hang out? And then she reads that she has to do all the chores and tidy up the house. And she's like, uh, yeah, I don't know. I don't know about this.

So Michelle is supposed to spend, Michelle wants Melissa to spend more time with her family. and Melissa just want someone to clean her house. That's basically all Melissa asked for. She's like, please clean. Yeah. So Melissa's like, well, I mean, the overall rules are that, like, there's no rules. I mean, there's a rule that they have to eat vegan, so they can't even eat any of my sprinkles. Like, oh, what a shame.

You know when they found out that Melissa was coming to the house with the sprinkled cookies? They were like, uh, we're vegan. Yeah, we're on a juice cleanse, actually. So we can't have your cookies. Sorry. Yeah. Although it would have been nice. to see somebody all these years later

just throw the sprinkle cookies in the trash, you know? I would have loved a nice full circle moment. Also, it would have been smart would be if Melissa said, well, don't worry, I actually have some vegan sprinkle cookies America, but instead it was like,

oh, well, no cookies. Well, she did later. Great marketing opportunity. Yeah, she did. She did later. They didn't look very appetizing, but she got that later.

So now, I must have missed that. The parents meet the kids. and she loves Michelle's kids. They're really cute kids. And so they ask the kids what they think of her. And one of the kids is like, she's very nice.

She's beautiful. And the girl's like nail polish, lip gloss, eyebrows. She's very well put together and everything is in place. It's very different from like... That's the dad. Oh.

Michelle's married. to a toddler. He's like, yeah, she's put together very different from us. So the gorgas come home and the dog has just peed all over the floor. And Michelle's like, why is that dog peeing? He's got on a diaper. Who put the diaper on the dog? Michelle's response to everything is so fucking funny.

She's like, what the fuck kind of diaper is this? Hey, wifey, what's your name? She's like, Michelle, like, hey, well, this is Gino. He's like, hi, Gina. Wait, you're the oldest, right? He's like, I don't know. And this is Joey. Hi, baby.

Joey's like, I don't know. Okay, well, both of you. Not a lot of lights going on in these houses, huh? So then we see where Melissa is going to sleep. And she's like, oh, beautiful. Wow. Do you have any matches that I could just light this bed on fire because it's disgusting. So you have a lot of books.

Do you guys read books a lot? And he's like, well, we don't, he's like, because I don't read to them as often as I should, you know, because we get in too late. And, yeah, we do everything together. And she's like, so you start your day together? So you're saying you guys are a team, basically. Yeah, I've never had a man help with a child in my life. He's never changed my child's diaper.

And he is, which is crazy. Yeah, that's crazy. And what's crazy is I've heard, I've heard that that's like not uncommon, which I'm sorry, the guys have got to help on that front. I will just say that if like both of every everyone has to get the shit on and the pee on their fingers in their face. I'm sorry. It cannot be just the moms. Why would you be with somebody who refuses to help with the diaper? That's that's idiot. Like I can't believe this. This is crazy. And to hear that that's commonplace? Oh, hell no. Yeah. No, no. So Michelle's asking Joe if he ever

cooked. He's like, no. And she's like, do you don't, you don't cook her a nice meal ever. He's like, Hey, I work a lot. Okay, I got to go to the construction side. I got to go to the trip club. I got to then go, like, go hang out with my bros, do, play some golf, you know, like, touch each other's asses, things like that. You know, I don't have time to cook her a nice meal, you know, that's what it is. She's like, well, I'm vegan.

And he's like, vegan, what's that? She's like, yeah. But, you know, I am going to follow her rules, so I will make pasta your style, okay? And he's like, yeah, this house is great, right? She's psycho. She's like, she's like OCD. She's like nuts. She's like fucking crazy this woman.

All right. So then she's like, yeah, well, Melissa's going to trip out of my house. So Melissa's looking at around the kitchen and she has to like cook something vegan. And Melissa's like, oh my God, I don't know what to do. Oh, man. So then they're, she's like trying to figure out all the vegan food. And she's like, this is crazy. But it's French fries.

Yeah. Which is hilarious. And she wants to eat the fries, but she can't. because she has to juice cleanse for a day. So she sneaks fries and stuff. And then Sean's like, yeah, we're on the last day of the cleanse. So that's what you got to do. And she's like, but I'm hungry.

Oh, my God. I'm so hungry. So then over the up is like, are we to believe that Melissa Gorga has never done a juice cleanse? I mean, I think if you're a real housewife, I feel like every real housewife has done a juice cleanse at some point, right? Melissa Gorga is no stranger to starvation. No housewife is a stranger to starvation. I don't think any modern human being is a stranger to starvation. Like, I can't.

We've all done it at some point. Okay, come on now. Currently doing it as we speak. So militia, Michelle, Michelle is, has to make Sunday sauce. And she's like, she's like, Sunday sauce. Is that a thing? Antonia is like horrified this entire episode. She's the only one who doesn't seem to realize that this is all just some silly, you know, contrived thing for Bravo.

She's like in a nightmare. She's like, she doesn't even know. what Sunday sauce was. Oh my God. She's like calling up Gia. She's like, listen, I know our mom's run a beef, but you got to help me out. I'm stuck with the woman who doesn't know

about Sunday sauce. I'm going to be right there. Gino's just got spit dripping down his face. He's like, uh, so then Michelle is saying she hasn't touched animal eggs since the 80s, but she's mixing them in with the beef to make them some Sunday sauce.

And they eat it. And the boys are like, well, it's good. I'll eat it. I'll eat. You'd eat a fucking tire iron. I was about to say, they're like gnawing on a shoebox right now. It's pretty good. Like, you're not even eating the sauce. Yeah.

So she passes. And then Michelle's like, who's supposed to clean all this up? And they're like, you? It's like, I have to clean this up? Like, yeah, you got to do all of it. So she's like, okay, so I guess I'll do this. So now, um, over Michelle. Michelle's house. Don't clean up after dinner. And Melissa's like, I'm like in a different world right now.

Like, we're just going to like go to bed and leave all that in the sink right now. Like, none of that even goes. None of what goes on in this house goes on in my house at all. So Michelle's asking why they don't clean together. And Antonio's like, she's just so quick with it. Like we put our dishes in the sink and she cleans it really quick and then we leave. And that's it. And she's like, oh, so you're saying I'm too long. I'm taking too long. She's like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you're taking too long. He's the slowest clean I ever seen. What kind of woman are you, huh? So it's 9 o'clock, and all of Michelle's kids are bouncing around and having a fun time in the living room.

And Melissa's like, so I'm having, like, so much fun with the little kids right now because, like, I miss my kids being this age. But, like, I'm also like, they got to go to bed. So that way I can have some time for them to be asleep and me doing nothing. Because that's what I do best. So then it's four hours until the rules change. So Sean thinks that Melissa is very OCD And he wants to see what fun looks like So fun is not doing dishes

So now they're going to go do some double-dutch guys Because this family double-dutches So they go to the park and they double-dutch And she can kind of do it And the kid's like, yeah, she did okay But that was like the easiest thing ever And Melissa's saying You know I appreciate what an amazing hands-on dad

You know Sean is But like he never gets a break And that's going to change along with the dirty, disgusting dishes in that sink. So Melissa's rule is be the boss. Michelle goes out to envy and to go to try on clothing at the boutique. And then she's going to take pictures for social media. And she's also going to get like some glam on. Yeah.

So Michelle goes in there and everyone's kissing her ass like, oh my God. Hey, honey. Oh my God. You look fabulous today. So she tries on a lot of clothes, which I have to say are very Melissa. Very Melissa boutique. I don't think anybody's watching this. Like, wow, what a glamorous life.

I was like, wow, they can do rayon in so many different ways. That is incredible. So Michelle's like, yeah, you know, in her life you get to focus on just yourself. And I guess there's beauty in that. But it's a little lonely. I mean, the people who do come in and are nice to you are all. on Melissa's payroll. It's like, well, that was a read.

So then now it's time for the rules change. So Michelle is, first thing that she does is wipe off the makeup, which is funny. Because last week, we really went in on that woman for taking, like, putting back her top pony. After like, Sean made her hair nice, she was like, oh, back to me. And she put her stupid little, like her, not pony, her top knot of it back into her hair. I was so mad at her. But this time I was like, oh, yeah, take that makeup off. I was like totally.

supported Michelle taking up the makeup, which I didn't even think the makeup was like that crazy. But I don't know. I think there's a difference between having a glam team coming in where like the the glam team was like here is a here's a piece of Melissa's loneliness. Like this makeup represents the loneliness of Melissa's existence where she does nothing in her day except put makeup on, get glam done and then go to the store and take pictures. Whereas the other one was like a nice gesture from Sean, the husband. So I think in this case I was like okay with. One other lady seemed like a judgmental asshole and this lady doesn't. And also, yeah, I think like you said, Sean made an effort towards that lady to not do her overly Angie-like.

Like, he did a, he made an effort to make her hair, like how she already had her hair, just pretty. Like, he just did whatever, you know, he wasn't trying to make her anyone else. He was like making her the best of what she's got, which I thought was kind of a sweet gesture. Like, he could have teased up her hair and made her look crazy. but he made an effort to make her feel comfortable in her own skin whereas I think this guy was like

okay I gotta do a glam scene and he just shoved a bunch of makeup on her face. Yeah, I think if like Joe Gorga had done her glam which was a hilarious concept then it would have been like

oh that's like a little that's like a little bean he just did your glam for you but like it's just some just some old queen coming in to do the makeup because he's on the payroll. I'm like not as fussed about that.

So now Michelle's rule is nobody is leaving me. Okay. They're going to be together 24-7. And Joe's like, but what do I got to do? I got a conference call. All right. Who's going to press go on the Zoom and then go, there he is.

Who's going to catch me jerking off below the Zoom if I'm not on a Zoom in the first place, right? So she's like, nope, we are making a raw vegan dinner together. Okay? And you can change your faces because you're going to like it. And she knows like, this is just

my face though. I can't change I think that's just their face. So then Melissa's like, okay, well guys, I do believe in bedtime. So we are having bedtime tonight because your mother needs a little help with the organization and I just happen to be like the queen of organizing.

But in order to do that, I have some very important things that I want to shop for. So I'm going to take these three little ones shopping today. I'm like, oh my God, shopping. Yes. So she tells the husband he has to take a nap. And he's like, oh, okay. So her idea is to get them a dining room table. So she called a local friend in the area to help her figure it out. And her local friend is Fadra Parks. By the way,

Fadra Parks would have been great for this show. It should have been Fadra. And yeah, it should have been Fadra. I would have loved to see someone step into Fadra's life and raising those kids and being like, wow, you have you had an actual rocket ship that goes to space built for your child whose name is Mr. President. Okay. It'll be like, Welcome to my house. In the mornings, I like to make breakfast for Mr.

President and for Aiden. And then, around noon time, please go to the bank and get out $50,000 of cash and bring it to the courthouse. It's like, whoa. So she's going to get a dining room table. Okay, so Fadra's there waiting. And she's like, I've known Melissa for over a decade. She runs a tight ship

And when I saw her with three children in tow Woo, give me a Xanax You're in the dirty South Please don't say that I'm really struggling with the way I am truly in the dirty South right now Oh, it's just an expression But I see her going through something much more difficult

She's like, yeah, well they're vegan kids She's just oh Jesus I can't get enough money in life So Melissa updates her on what's going on at the house and she's like, he cooks, he cleans, he spends every minute with them. But he needs a break. And so Melissa's, meanwhile, yeah, sorry, we're so with Melissa. She's like, yeah, but it's so important to eat dinner together.

That's the only time I see my kids. So we're going to have them have family time. So then meanwhile. conversation like around the dinner table at the Gorga household. So Joey Jr., how was football today? Oh, good. Okay, Gino, how about you? I don't know.

Okay. What about you, Joe? How's the construction site? Baby, yeas. Wow, how am I feeling lonelier than when I was sitting in the makeup chair getting blush put on my face? Oh, God, I'm so happy.

Truly. So then we go back to Michelle, and she is making a raw meal for them. Nutritional yeast is how we make vegan cheese and vegan cheese sauce. And Joey's like, I literally thought cheese was vegan. She's like, how?

Are you serious? And he goes, Joe's like, Joey, forget it. Joey, just stop. Stop it. All right. And he says, but come on. What animal, when you cut it open, got cheese in it? And he goes, where do you get your milk from?

I'm like, Antonio, let's, you're asking questions. I don't know he can really answer right now. It's like a cow. Okay, well, I'll just let you figure that one out yourself. And then he just stares off into space with drool coming down his face like, oh. He does not really connect the dots there either. He's still like, but like if I get my milk from a cow, why would there be cheese in the cow, too?

It's not vegan. Yeah, it's dummy. So, Michelle is doing corn, coconut milk. She's doing all this stuff, but it's basically a plate of kale. That's what comes out is a plate of kale. And the kids just look at it, like, are you fucking kidding me? You know, it's like, I love my steak, right? I love my steak.

So back at the other house, Melissa's like, okay, well, I'm ready to eat pasta. And the kids are like, I don't like pasta. Okay, you know what call social services. Have you ever heard a child say that? Me, I didn't like pasta when I was a kid. I didn't like pasta when I was a kid. But, you know, like you just sort of make these claims of what you don't like when you're a kid and you just sort of lean into it. I was, for a moment there, I was scared because I was like, is Melissa going to like force non-vegan food on these kids?

like that seems a bit crazy to be like well i'm in town you're now you have to eat meat but she in fact did make a vegan meal she made a vegan red sauce for them with pasta and the kids were very happy yeah so they loved it so they sit down and they have dinner together and they're like oh my god this is amazing and all the kids love the food and the little girl's like huh yeah no you say it no go ahead she was like i didn't know onion and garlic made it better i was like have Have you not been cooking with onion and garlic all this time? That's vegan. Onion and garlic is vegan.

And so is pasta. I'm so confused. So then Melissa puts the kids to bed. And then we go back to Joe and they try their food. And Joe's like, oh, God, I mean, it's got a kick to it. I mean, it's all right. But is my meal? Like, I can't even believe this was prepared by someone with boobs.

This is how women cook where you come from. Oh, my God, they're so unhappy with it. They're like, Antonio's like, I just, this is bad. I feel, oh, I don't like this at all. So then they're going to, like, they're just going to, I guess, like, not do the dishes tonight. This could be their big things that don't have to do the dishes. And they're like, what? Antoria doesn't even really know what to do with herself.

She's just freaking out. And she was like, look at Antonia. She can't even move. And Antonio is like, I think I have to do this. I think I have to do this. I think I've become the mother now. That's what I have to do. I'm a woman.

I have to do dishes. She's like really concerned. Programming broken. Programming broken. So she misses her mom. She's like, and I don't want to eat this lady's food anymore. And Gina goes, it's bad. Commercials.

Here comes one right now. So now they're going to go outside a new double Dutch. I'm, like, really sick of the double-dutch already. So they do it. So the other town gets the special gift of Fadra, and we get the special gift of the fucking sisters. Hey, too non-smoking. Too non-smoking, all right?

What is that? Kitchen's a mess in there. Melissa's going to be furious. Okay, look, I wore some diamond necklaces to go double-tatching. That's what we do in this family. Oh, my God. All the sisters. I know, that really is a big trade-off.

Michelle definitely got the raw end of that stick. Yeah. So they do some double jumping. And then Melissa is just loving that little kids need her because she puts the kids to bed and they all need hugs and stuff. And she's like, I loved when my kids needed me depended on me. Like I miss that so much. Your kids do need you. Can two of them even reen? So I know honestly. So Michelle then is saying how she's just having a blast of family, but she feels the need to clean up because she's like, it's so clean in here that I want to actually keep it clean. So she. actually goes into the kitchen late at night and cleans. Oh, everybody's learning, guys. But then they have Joe Gorga on like the Blair Witch Cam, and he's like, hey, there he is. It's 1 a.m. I had vegan food tonight.

I think I'm turning gay. I don't know what's happening now. I just woke up in the middle of the night thinking there was a cock in my ass. But it was just, you know, it was that kale or whatever. So my stomach is making the noise. They're playing this noise. I'm going to say. I'm going to say.

He literally is acting like there's an ex-murderer downstairs that they're just hiding from. I got big of boo to me. I don't know what to do. So the next morning, Melissa, like today's organization day. Oh. And they're like, oh, God, please no. So she's like, okay, let's wipe down the table. And they're like, what?

Wipe it down. Let's get crumbs off of it and stuff. So then, and the other. family. They're making juice, which is going to be crazy. So they do make some juice. And Antonia acts like she's never tasted apple juice in her life. Just crazy. Yeah, I know. Right. And then Melissa's like there's more cleaning. And Sean, uh, the husband and that's Melissa's, I mean, Michelle's husband is saying, you know, Melissa showed us how organized we can actually be. When Michelle walks through the door, she's going to love it. I know. And she's going to want to keep it that way.

I'm like, mm-mm. It's not going to stay that way. I'm telling you that right now. It will not. because she puts shoe racks in and then she gets like a book organizer and stuff. And she's like, okay, I'm done here. Okay, so meanwhile, Joe has got to go to work. So this is the big construction site scene. And Michelle's like, I'm coming because we do everything together. Get in the car, Antonia.

And she's like, Joe is so old school. You know, men do the work. Women do the nails. He understand. So I'm going to prove to him that that's not how that works. I can live too. So now we're going to go to his job site and he's going to do the work.

and I'm going to kind of stand around and be kind of funny and then try to get all the construction workers to do double-dodge and then they're going to get annoyed and then someone's not going to pay attention they're going to lose their hand in some sort of saw

but it'll be worth it. So they drive up yeah, they drive up to the site and Joe purposely parks in a giant puddle of water and both of them are like no, hell no, you better move back so we can get out of this car. He's like, no, you're supposed to see

what it's like at a construction site. Women get covered in mud here. That's how it goes. And they're like, no, no, sir, move your car back. So he does. And then they get out and he's, he's trying to find a pipe in the ground. So he's like, okay, you got to dig here until you can find the pipe.

So she's like, give me the shovel. So she's doing that. And he's like, Antonio, what are you doing? And she's like taking selfies in the, I like that. She's like taking selfies in the tractor or whatever. Yeah. It's like, but I look cute. I can't find the pipe.

I know how to lay pipe. I can't always find out, I have to figure out how to find the pipe. Hey, there he is. Catch me on tour with the Darius door 2025. Hey. Out of these two pipes We're working on today Only one is filled with poison

That needs to get out Am I right? Guess which one? Back in Georgia See, this is a whole thing And I completely blocked it out of my brain Melissa found vegan sprinkle cookies But here's the thing

She, oh no, they're making vegan sprinkle cookies She's saying she found vegan sprinkles They're gonna make vegan sprinkle cookies I'm just saying she should have a vegan option In her line So she's like, hey guys Did you enjoy hanging out with me this week? They're like, yeah, did you have fun?

Yeah, that was cool that you got us a folding table. So much fun. Yeah. Oh, you guys are so sweet. You guys are making me cry. I'm going to cry. And then she starts crying in the kitchen. I'm a much.

I can't believe I'm leaving this family. I gave them a shoe rack in the table. I'm never going to forget this, kids. It was really cute, though, because the kids are sobbing. They're like, ah. And she shows the kids the pillow with Joe's face on it. And the kids hug the pillow. It's like, uh.

I'm like, okay, the kids are Quicksand, but they're cute, Quicksand. QuickSand doesn't come any cuter than these children. They are cute. So Sean's like, I learned that I need naps. So I'm going to start taking naps. So when Michelle comes home, I think I'll be doing more naps. Thank you, Melissa. Thank you, what a touching episode.

Now she has less support to do all the cleaning that she now has to do. Yeah. So then Joe's like, oh my God, I haven't cleaned. them my room's a mess my bed's the mess my you know your mom's gonna be pissed and they really played it up because there's like clothes hanging off the entry table they have like a polo shirt and like the foyer on like the console like this is okay I understand the place is not as clean as normal but like there's no reason for a polo shirt just to be like hanging out in the foyer this you all just tip off your clothes by the front door come on there's like a gremlin swinging from a fan

clothes everywhere. I'm like, this does not make any sense. So she comes in and she, her and Michelle talk and Michelle's like, oh, you know, this isn't dirty. We just lived a little, okay, and you were in my space and you know what living is like now. And she goes, oh,

yes, nice to meet you. I hope you had a nice day. So then they have, I actually liked their conversation that they had because it felt like it was real and they do kind of like choke up. And I felt like they really were connecting as like moms. And don't you love how I'm like giving a constant like update on like this is the part that I liked and this the part how you feel about

the show I know like this part I believed guys I'm Pauline Kale and this is what I think about why swap so Melissa's like first of all I'm obsessed with your kids they're like the most polite children and the sweetest kindness all three of them for if you want to count your husband she's thank you well we're together a lot so thank you thank you so much like yeah I heard but Sean needs like a little bit more time as well you know like maybe Maybe you should have more naps. Wouldn't you like that? That way you have more things on your plate.

So Michelle's like, well, one thing we do have in common is we do love our husbands. I mean, your husband does try to get sperm all over me more than my does. But still. And when everybody laughs, you know, and Joe went to work, I just felt so. Melissa goes, alone. She goes, yeah, like it was lonely. Like, that's a lot of hours in the day without your family. And she goes, yeah, we do spend a lot of time apart.

She goes, yeah, it's too much. and she says, well, I mean, listen, he's got to go to work, you know? Like, I can't just go sit in an excavator. I've got to make sprinkle cookies. Like, how am I going to do that? Like, we need a loan time. Michelle's like, okay, I'll let her believe this. Okay.

She's like, yeah, I mean, I've got, he goes to work. I got to go to work. I got to put on clothes. I got to do sprinkle cookies. Michelle's like, mm-hmm. Okay, yes, your work. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Almost it doesn't make those sprinkle cookies.

Does she? She doesn't. No, but like, you can see Michelle's like, uh-huh. Okay, well, I know you're not really working, but that's okay. That's okay. Yeah, I've been to your pretend jobs, ma'am. Okay. So she's like, yeah, you know, Michelle says, yeah, but I felt lonely and it's too much time for me to spend a part. And Melissa's like, okay, well, you think we spend too much time apart and you guys spend too much time together. So let's just both take 10% to start. And Michelle's like, okay, and agreed.

Also, your sisters are awful, so I murdered them. I hope that's okay. No one should have to live like that. Oh my God, we figured it out. So Michelle is saying, you know, my children are watching me and cleaning up and being tidy and being organized. It's just not for me. It's setting an example. And yes, I'm obsessed with my husband. But he also needs that time for him. And I want to give that to him. So that's what I'm going to do. And they basically learn lessons from each other. And then we see the epilogue is that Michelle and Sean are, they have a lone time. but only twice a week, and now they eat dinner at a table, which I am actually glad about. I am, you know, I hate eating dinner off of a coffee table. So I think Melissa did a good job getting them a nice little table. Yeah, Melissa is learning to chill, but her house is still spotless. And she's going to spend more quality time with her kids, but she still refuses to go to a construction site.

So much. She didn't change. She learned nothing. She learned nothing. Well, the other people also still don't do their dishes, but at least they have a table. So there's something going on there. And now they know Fadra. Yeah.

So that was pretty cute. So that was Wife Swap, everybody. Racing ourselves for the Emily Simpson episode next week. We'll see how that one turns out. Thanks everyone for being here. They were really smart to give her a pig. I'll tell you that. Because I'm going to watch it because I want to see that pig.

Well, I thought she'd be, didn't Emily have stories about like being raised in farm country in Ohio? I felt like that pig would be something she would be happy to see. Be like, oh my God. It's my childhood. because this pig was more of a mother to me than my own mother. Why isn't this pig calling me back? This pig is a liar.

I'm getting the polygraph. All right, everybody. Thanks for joining us. We will be back tomorrow with a little Real Housewives of Wormge County action, shall we? When Everything Changes. Don, Don, Don. The Big Everything Changes episode of Orange County. Like Kathy Chacoli.

Everything changes. Bye, everyone. See you on the next episode. Bye. Watch what Crapins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. It's always a party on Allison Block. Our way is the Amber Way.

It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clap. Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offit. She's not just a Sheila. She's a Daniela. We never miss her call, it's Diane Call.

Aaron McNicholas, she don't miss no trickulis. Hava Nigelah Weber. You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, you go, we all go for Hugo. Jamie, she has no less namey. She's our kind of mess. It's Jennifer Messer. Sips some scotch with Jessica Trotch. She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock.

Kristen the Pistin Anderson. Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacey Bee. Hey, sarah, sirrah, whatever will be will Lauren Sill. She gets a name from us. It's Lindsay D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McKinery. We love her on the rocks. It's Melissa Cox. Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the burg. This is Living with Michelle Vivian. I love a ya, Olivia Williamson. She sure is swell. It's Raquel. Yes, we can, uh, it's Savannah. Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge.

It's Tippy. And our super premium sponsors. She's VVIP. It's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin. Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neill. Put us on a stretcher.

It's Charlotte Fletcher. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily sides. Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland. Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs. It's our queen. It's Queen La Eiffa. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. Hale the Corkmaster, the Master of the Cork, Jennifer Corcoran.

We got our wish. It's Jen Plish. She's not harsh. She's Jill Hirsch. My favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo. She's a total knockout. It's Katie Manaw. We love him madly. It's Kyle Pod Chadley. In the study with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock. Gee, it's Lisa H. We're ride or die for Lisa Rider Barron.

She's a whiz. It's Liz Sarthy. Always killing it, it's Low Alcalani. The incredible edible Matthews sisters. She eases our woes, it's Melissa St. Rose. There's a chance of meatballs, it's Rebecca Cloud. Maximum love for Sandy Maximuska. She's the Queen Bee, it's Sarah Lemke. We cannot tell a lie, it's Sarah Teleth Sun.

Shannon, out of a canon, Anthony. Please don't stop at Solian Pop. Let's take off with Tamla Plain. We're obsessed all with Tessa V. She ain't no shrinking violet coo. We love you guys. If you like Watch What Crappins, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.