Watch What Crappens - #306: Game of Calzones

Episode Date: June 30, 2016

Grab your stolen pizza plate: we're back with a brand new episode of "Watch What Crappens!" We're talking RHONY, we're talking Below Deck: Med, we're talking eating disorders, we're talking fibroids, we're talking yachties, and we're talking calzones! Come listen! 00:07:18 - Crappens Mailbag 00:23:34 - CLEAR THE FLEMM 00:34:14 - Real Housewives of New York City 01:42:09 - Below Deck: Med Subscribe at https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Support us at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens Follow us at facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Visit us at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap happens? What happens? What happens?

Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crappens, the podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com and the Banter Blender. And joining me is the talented, hilarious, multi-hat-wearing podcaster extraordinaire Ronnie Caron from TrashTalkTV.com and the Rose Pricks Podcast and Big Brother Smother Podcast with Matt Whitfield. It's a lot of talking, Ben. It's a lot of talking, Ben.

It's a lot of chatter. That is a lot of hatred to be tossing out at strangers on TV you are the Ryan Seacrest of podcasting TV the hateful Ryan Seacrest isn't that just Ryan Seacrest

no he's not hateful he's so nice I know but don't you feel like underneath it all he's so hateful yes he gave us the Kardashardashians yeah um he's and shah's a sunset yes there's something wrong about that man for sure he's gonna we're gonna find out a bunch of terrible things about him one day well he's a former fatty so he is taking it all out on us oh what the hell dude i'm a current fatty i guess you have to be like you have to work harder damn it oh ryan seacrest don't ever change ryan seacrest please never stop talking

with your mouth semi-closed i love his gigantic open like hungry hippo mouth when he talks i love ryan seacrest actually i think he's so talented really is. To do what he does is not easy, and he makes it look very easy. So I say good for you, Ryan C. Crest. Gotta unhinge that jaw just to get through one episode of American Idol. Damn, that mouth opens big. It does. It does. It's like an angler

fish. I'm too dumb to know what that is. Just a fish whose mouth opens big. You know, remember the beginning of Finding Nemo? There was, like, the little fish was entranced by a little lantern, and then it's all of a sudden a big scary fish? No, I'm too stupid to remember Finding Nemo. I'm going to do that this whole podcast.

I'm just going to whine and hate everything. I'm going to relate everything to myself and then hate it oh my god you know what i did today i found a piece of of hacked software in my blog that's been there since 2013 oh i hate that just sitting there because my site keeps on it does this weird thing where, like, if you do certain searches, like, my site comes up for it. Like, dog porn or shit like that. And Google Ads is like, hey, you're violating our standards. Our standards. And I'm like, what?

And this is how it goes down in my brain and i'm like fine i've got to get to the root of this i don't know why my site does this so i spent hours and hours and hours and i found like a little file amongst the thousand like 22 000 files i found one and i'm just feeling like this huge sense of pride right now like i think as you know when you finally find that stupid invasive file and you eradicate it, you're like, yes, I've been there. But I couldn't find my last one on RonnieKeram.com. I haven't had that up in ages because I was like, who cares? Like, who's going to that?

But then it started getting hacked. I was selling audio books. I mean, I was selling the most random things. I was like, audio books? Like, there's an an audiobook seller hacker? Does anybody make money from that? At least get back to the bug bin or whatever the other shit was. Make it worth it.

Well, maybe they probably got a bunch of money from Catherine Dennis because she likes those audiobooks with Shep. So romantic. Do you need to feel smart around someone you're being a hoe with? Listen to an audiobook at the same time. Oh, yes. So anyway, everyone, welcome to the podcast. Come to facebook.com forward slash watch for crap and to join in our crap and community, which has grown and billowed and become huge and wonderful and everyone's chatty and people put up all sorts of gossip and wonderful things on our facebook page for instance did you know that um katie ross is not going to return to real house as a potomac that was posted on our wall oh really why she posted something on instagram uh that was like oh sorry i'm not like i'm not interesting enough uh kel enough Kelsey Ann McCormick posted it

It was a tweet actually Katie Ross says Sad to announce I will not be on Hashtag RHOP this season Sad face Can't make my life exciting enough Hashtag delivered tomorrow Oh

So wait Katie Ross So that was the model girl Oh I liked her She was just coming into her own But she's probably too waspy for this, and she's realizing it. So she's like, see ya. Oh, man. Well, also, it kind of ruined her life in a way.

Like, it ruined her, you know, her sugar daddy situation. Yeah, it ruined her waspiness. And then it couldn't be good for, you know, I'm sure the father was using everything he could possibly use against her. Like every clip, you know, because she has little babies at home. Yeah. Yeah, no. Yeah. So come to Facebook for that kind of stuff.

Come to WatchYourCrapHands.com to have fun with, get our links to all our social media and you can have fun with that. I've started to post really stupid videos on Snapchat, which is fun. And then lastly, patreon.com forward slash watch what happens where you can actually support the podcast NPR style. And people who support,

you don't get a tote bag, at least not yet. We've been sort of floating the tote around for like two years. But what you do get is access to a bonus episode every single week. We did a really fun one this week about Food Network Star and our favorite apps to use. I mean, we are going in on Food Network Star every single week. And it's sometimes it's more fun than the shows we're covering on the main show, I have to say. Food Network's hilarious.

It is hilarious. And then tonight, if you get to listen to this in time, we're doing a listener hangout on Google Hangouts, and the information will be on our Facebook page and on Patreon. So that's really fun. That's when, like, 10 of us get to go on the Internet and chat and talk for an hour. So that's that. Talk some poopins.

Talk some poopins. That's that. That's all she wrote. So everyone get involved in all those fronts. And then in the meantime, another thing you can do with the Patreon thing is you can come and write something for the Krappins Mailbag. Mailbag, mailbag, mailbag. That was the bass goat. Yeah.

He just joined the group. Yeah. We still need a tenor. And someone needs to make some cute pinstripe jackets for them so that way they can go sing on the boardwalk. Who's dinging? Is that you dinging over there? That was me that was me sorry everyone everyone who just checked your phones it was me you damn ding ding ding dong you damn mimicker um i did not put it on vibrate you know there's also talk about what's going to happen with dallas um someone posted an article uh andy cohen called in to a radio show and they asked about Dallas. And it sounds like, you know, there might be a second season. He's like, yeah, I think there's still a second season.

But it sounds like it would also be they'll also be wildly miscast recast. Oh, that's too bad. Well, they'll keep crazy Leanne. They better. Yeah, they will. Because she can hate any rich person they put in front of her because she has that natural resentment for them. Yeah, I think they almost got it. They almost got it.

But sometimes the damage is done. Once one of these shows gets a reputation for being bad, it takes a long time to get the audience to want to try it out. I know, but they also had so many housewives shows this year. They added two and it's just been like too much. I mean, they had three at one time at one point didn't they have three airing at one time it's like whoa i feel like at their peak they once had four airing smaller smaller so in the crap it's mailbag look at this our dearest benjamin cohen he has written us a message in the mailbag.

I'm going to open up the message right now. Ben Zaccone, yes. He says, as a Jew from New Jersey, I am really disappointed in how the cast of Real Housewives of New Jersey have remained homogeneously Italian. New Jersey is perhaps one of the most diverse states in the country. Aside from all the New York Jews, there's just about every other race, creed color other reality shows that new jersey also cast italians like josie licious why do you think that reality tv in general equates new jersey with italian stereotypes um i think they do it because reality tv in general only deals with stereotypes they there's no subtlety in reality tv there's no room to paint accurate pictures.

Reality TV is like, okay, these are the stereotypes that we have, the regional stereotypes. Um, and we want to put them on TV because it's really funny to laugh at them. And, um, let's just go at it.

So for Jersey, you get Italians for Manhattan. Originally it was Jewish neurotic Jews. It's moved away from that. Um, Miami was sort of latina they didn't quite fully live up to that stereotype atlanta's black people potomac is black people which is sort of it's it's like a interesting uh because potomac you well originally they want potomac was dc and dc was white women and they're like this is boring so like let's do a black version and then OC is is vapid blondes and Beverly Hills are rich crazy ladies yes rich crazy ladies who gave up their ethnicity on their fifth facelift yeah their genes don't even know what

they are anymore also um for Jersey Italians are tricky because you can't just throw anybody in the cage with Italians. Yeah. Not everybody's going to be able to keep up. Italians grow up knowing how to yell, knowing how to fight. You can't put one of those crazy ladies with just some regular crackery type lady. She won't be able to handle herself. I mean, they yell about everything on that show. I mean, look at the bloodshed

that was over sugar cookies being brought to a party. I mean, that brought a whole family down. Exactly. And you know, people are curious about these communities, too. Okay, we can't act like we're not. People, like, why do you think Jersey Shore was such a massive hit? Because for years prior to that show coming to MTV,

there were videos all over YouTube, all over the internet about, hey, look at these guidos on the Jersey Shore. Look at them. And there were tons of them. I used to watch them because they were hilarious because it's like this crazy subculture that we're not part of and we're like fascinated by and amused by, which probably is like obnoxious and probably racist. by which probably is like obnoxious and probably racist but we're still like fascinated by these customs and and rituals of these subcultures and there's a fascination i think about italian americans uh because i think not all italian americans but the ones that we're seeing on tv they're really really tacky and loud and we're like i can, so much of reality TV is I can't believe these people are acting

like this in public and on TV. And that's what we're seeing with these tacky ass, you know, Italians in New Jersey. And it's just, yeah, you could show the Jewish populations and the black populations in New Jersey, but there's not as much of that cultural rubbernecking that's going on. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That may sound insensitive, but it's true. Well, you can't, you know, if you're looking for a Real Housewives show to represent your culture, you're looking in the wrong place because they will not do anything anyway.

So it make you look stupid. Yeah, exactly. I mean, look, honestly, all of them. all of them like you know one of the reasons why people tune in to shahs is to see them driving like you know ridiculous you know white bmws and and like gold everywhere and being super tacky and dallas ostensibly was supposed to be like look at these crazy texas ladies the big hair i think it was supposed to be like look at their big hair and like how atlantic they are which didn't really live up to that southern charm look at these people in the south with their you know serious soccer suits and everything you know everything is kind of like a look at these people now yeah

i just don't i don't think that there's if you're looking at jersey jews and jersey black people in jersey whoever else there's as much of that like oh look at those people it's like okay there's some jewish people also they don't really mix i've noticed they don't really mix very much because when i watch new jersey that's pretty italian i mean yeah they don't even seem to know anybody that's not i mean kim d but like i said after the fifth facelift it doesn't count like i think she's lived there for so long and sold so many clothes yeah to italians that she's become italian um but yeah like kim g can't handle it you know she's out of there and she tried i mean that was an evil woman like she came in swinging and she still couldn't handle it so well you get on something else that's

really important is that these are insular communities on all the shows for the most part which is that you're not just going to be able to, like, it's like we don't have access to these communities. On Beverly Hills, these are the wealthy, you know, the wealthy generation of child stars and soap stars, et cetera. But that's like their own world, and our only access into that world is through TV, you know? And same with, you know and same with you know black atlanta perhaps um or well atlanta is actually getting their first non-black cast

member next season and it's a i believe she's she's some kind of middle eastern lady since yeah since kim and then kim is hinting that she's coming back. She should. I don't know. But they got a Middle Eastern lady who owns a store. And I was like, oh, girl. Yeah. Man, Middle Eastern women can rip you a new one. Oh, they certainly can. Speaking as one. I can't wait to see what that's about.

So I think that's why Jersey is synonymous with Italian. And also, what's hot is hot. If people were not interested in seeing Italians in Jersey, then the ratings would tank. But we still tune in. Still a huge market for it. Yep. All right. What's next in there?

Well, Jackie Flavin says, This play smells like for sonia's basement parentheses i'm so excited for this oh my god sonia's basement holy crap well i think we would have naturally just fallen into that anyway in this episode because we were in sonia's basement yes we're talking about her literal basement not like the state of her life. Yeah, not just like her butt crack. Okay. Sonia's basement probably smells like, I think first up, a mixture between cat pee and dead cats. Because you know that she has had both. Just a bunch of cats peeing on their other dead carcasses?

Yes, they're just like marking the other cat i think it smells like car wet cardboard and old andy's mints i think it smells like mothballs and um cheese that was left down there for too long i think it smells like corroded batteries and Fritos. I think it smells like some adopted intern that got smushed by a box and was just left down there and left to rot and Febreze. I think it smells like butterscotch candies and starfish. I think it probably smells like my friend Cheryl used to say when I was a kid. Every time we walked into the Dillard, she would go, it smells like a woman's ass in here. And that was the first time I really ever learned what that smell was. And now every time I smell it, I'm like, oh, my God, woman ass.

I think it smells like the shavings at the bottom of a hamster cage mixed with shoe okay both the footwear and the pastry i think it smells like leftovers that you put in like a Tupperware thing and then forget about. And then it starts like lifting the lid up because there's so much decomposing air. And then you lift it to see what it was. And then you almost die. I think it smells like kimchi that's been left out in the sun. Kimchi!

Kimchi! Oh, kimchi! Food network callback. Sorry. Mix mixed with pine needles pine needles um i think it smells like when you start doing the dr atkins diet and all you're eating is dead things like all this protein and stuff and then you start getting those dead burps but also a tic-tac like a tiny tic-tac i feel like it smells like lean cuisine and gravel um i feel like it smells like she spilled flour down there one time and then it rained and then everything got moldy and now it smells like that uh yeah i don't know if i could smells like pennies meets smells like pennies meets fluorescent lighting

one time i was driving around uh this big bag of dog food in my trunk and i just forgot about it and it rained or something i don't even know how it got wet but it got wet somehow and when i opened the trunk it i almost fell over dead and there were maggots crawling out of it so there's a nice way to give you a visual smells like yeah that's a visual smells like i see smells that was intense i see dead smells lauren willis asks by the way thanks jackie that was fun uh lauren willis asks what other treasures do you think jules keeps in her bag latikane percocet and adderall have been confirmed so far but you know that's just the tip of the pharmaceutical iceberg well i think that she keeps marinara cups i don't think that was from the restaurant i think she actually had a marinara cup in her bag that she put in the calzone totally she carries around those little marinara cups in case she meets some minority

she can ask to test to be her nanny she'll be like do you know how to use this measuring cup show me they're actually like her bra she just like takes a yarn and like puts them i would imagine she's got a roll of paper towels in there because you know know, I mean, if you throw up a lot, you wipe your mouth a lot. Probably some mouthwash. I feel like there's like tongue depressors in there. Yes. There's tongue depressors. There's probably like wet

wipes. You know, those wet wipes. Yeah. She's probably got a lot of plastic wear that she takes from restaurants. Like if she takes her kid to a Chipotle or whatever, she probably takes those pre-wrapped silvers or whatever. Yeah, I feel like she has some neurotic

things, like some neurotic klepto things. She probably has like a wad of deli numbers in there. There's a little ball that she's accumulated over the years of going to the deli counter or Ikea's customer service department. When you take a number like those little tickets yeah those little sort of like they look little spaceships like a chevron thing or whatever she just accumulates those i feel like she doesn't

know how to sew but she probably has like a little sewing kit in there anyway yeah i feel like she has an international power adapter so that way she can plug things in in different countries yeah she has no plan to she just has it oh my god that's such a good call or like those uh iphone those little extra batteries you can buy to plug in your iphone that she's never used but just in case like you can't just be without a battery you never know if Michael's going to call. Scissors maybe, but like stupid scissors. You know those like kid scissors that are like five inches long and aren't sharp at all.

They have plastic around the circles. I feel like maybe super glue. Yeah. Like she's got some kind of glue, like maybe a glue gun or something that she can just glue falling parts back on. Because you know shit's always falling off of her. There's like a hair clump falling off that she's had glued on there. You know that there's a lot of shit falling off of her. What about like

I think like one striped sock. Yes. Just a sock. Sometimes she puts things in but usually it's just wadded up. Actually she probably keeps her deli numbers in the sock. I would like to think that she keeps some kind of a measuring tape in there. Preferably one of the metal ones that stays straight when you pull it out. I don't know, maybe measure shoes when she buys them to make sure that she's towering at least five feet above her husband.

I think she just likes to have spatial awareness, too. She's like, I wonder how big this boutique is Hold on it's crazy I have a measuring tape in here Isn't that crazy Michael's always like what do you have one I have an issue with comfort Yeah I could definitely I could see that for sure Did we go through all the mail bags

We did Oh my gosh mail bag Mail bag Mail bag Did we go through all the mailbags? We did. Oh my gosh, mailbag! Mailbag! Mailbag! Ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da suckers we got no words we got no lines we got no we're so excited that's like terrible news for us jeez we're not getting money well you guys can go to jenabeauty.com j-e-n-a beauty.com to get some wonderful organic makeup go for it do that there was our ad maybe we could do a house ad and tell people we never tell people to subscribe on it, but you should subscribe on iTunes because we get a lot of times when it starts to go up, people will be like, where's the episode? I can't see it.

It doesn't always populate everywhere all at the same time. But if you subscribe on iTunes, it just comes to you naturally. You don't have to check. It just naturally comes. Yeah, and thanks to everybody who subscribes and leaves really nice comments over there. We'd love you. That's really awesome. Yeah.

So today we're going to talk. It's pretty simple. New York City and blowdeck med. All right. I'm down for both. I'm down for both, too. You know what I would love to do? What?

I would love to check in on something that we haven't done a long time. What? There's this woman who lives in London And she is Dutch royalty A teenager follows her around with a cell phone And she calls it her paparazzo Are you saying it's time to become illuminated With the queen, the princess, whatever she is Caroline Fleming?

Yes, sir. How lucky are you to have me teach you about me? Clear the phlegm. Clear the phlegm. Clear the phlegm. Brexit edition. Our look at Caroline Fleming of Ladies in London's Instagram. Yes, we could be looking at anybody's Instagram, but this woman is so full of herself,

and she's also found a way to make a profit off of every Instagram post. 90% of them are selling some rando thing, and I just love to see what she's got deals with. Yeah, I agree. Is there a photo in particular that you would like to start with? I will do the one where she's standing in front of her home. Which is, her address is 42. She's like a zero away from being like a happy pot smoker. But she's in front of her apartment on her stairs.

Wearing this weird old lady blue dress. And carrying a semi-matching purse. And then she's wearing kind of a weird jacket over. And a hat. A hat with a veil a weird jacket over and a hat. A hat with a veil. A pink hat with a veil. It's like she's going to a derby or something. Yes.

Yeah, because there's a picture of her with Juliet also. So I'm guessing they're at the derby. Well, as you'll read the caption, you'll find out. Oh. Oh, my gosh. It's my favorite kind. Tons of hashtags. Yes.

Her hashtags are my favorite. Okay. Caroline Fleming official. Yes. Her hashtags are my favorite. Okay. Caroline Fleming official. Hashtag Henley Regatta. Hashtag 2016. Hashtag Ladies of London. Hashtag Isabelle Marant.

Hashtag trousers. Hashtag trousers. Oh, I was wondering about hashtag trousers. And hashtag top. At Chloe. Hashtag coat. At Louboutin World. wondering about hashtag trousers and hashtag top at chloe hashtag coat at louis vuitton world hashtag wedges at the leblanc which i like that matt leblanc's getting something here yeah uh at i mean hashtag tote dash first time to henley dot dot dot dot dot and equipped with my wellies you never know with this English summer cry face cry face wow she really she really burned that English summer weather you never

know it is unpredictable English weather I sure told that English summer off isn't this English weather the most perfectly unpredictable isn't it has the most wonderful flavor English summer off. Isn't this English weather the most perfectly unpredictable? Doesn't it have the most wonderful flavor? English summer, don't you love when my Dutch father

killed yours? Killed your cloud? My Dutch fall father killed your summer? Isn't it quite amazing how my great, great, great grand cloud

killed your great, great, great grand cloud? New commenters Isn't it quite amazing how my great-great-great-grand-cloud killed your great-great-great-grand-cloud? You commenters on her Instagram are not helping, okay? This is actually a comment. Somebody goes, nice hat too. Any chance you could tag it? Lord. This must have been, this is Bundy McLaren Millinery, which is totally a local name from over there.

If I've ever heard one. There's only a lady missing in front. Probably like Valentino trolling her. Yes. It's like, I gave you that hat, bitch. You better tag it. Why would you tag trousers and not the hat I gave you? Valentina, troll the Fleming.

Troll her. Slowly. Slowly. The picture that I would like to highlight is Caroline Fleming. She's inside. She's doing some sort of yoga-esque pose, or maybe it's a bar method pose, but her hand is up reaching to the sky and her leg is out back. And she says, oh, yeah, it is a bar method thing because she goes hashtag ballet with at true b app at dasha cantor i am carrying the most intense tension in my neck and shoulders

right now dot dot dot dot dot and trying anything which could relieve it dot dot dot sad cry cry at Hoxton House hashtag leggings hey thanks for hashtagging my leggings in the most depressing post of the year I just don't get what means and somebody said

whatever that means I love Instagram comments and somebody said dust of invented cottage whatever that means and then some I love Instagram comments get a foam roller it's magic isn't this not the most magical foam roller you've ever seen I would try natural anti-inflammatories bromamine wait

bromamalane maybe among others ellipses and then another period smiley face feel better like she's coming like maybe someone would give me cure i don't understand why she's posing right by her front door but she can't extend fully because her back leg is almost touching her front door why is she doing it here is Is her house a mess? I don't know. Maybe she sat on her strange vagina bench in an improper position. Maybe too many Fritos for her guests have caused cramping.

I want to make sure I show off the towel rack in the bathroom while I do my ballet. Could you please move to the corner, little intern taker? How lucky are you to see me have tension? Oh, Lord. Lord. Well, God bless her, and we will check back in with her again.

Clear the flame. She was just talking about how hot it is, but she's wearing leg warmers. She's dumb. Well, but the good news is she has a lot of photos up with Caroline Sanbury and Juliet and a lot of photos up with caroline sandbury and juliet and a lot of hashtag ladies of london so man i'm yeah we understand the teams this year so it looks like it's gonna be juliet this chick and uh clear yeah which is like the best team i mean i don't

i honestly don't know what team could go against that because the other team will be marissa and that's it because i think um alexander is gone oh yes she is gone yes she is gone she's gone and then um sophie i think is in but she's clearly on team stanbury so it's basically them versus marissa oh my god that's. That's going to be good. She'll be like, I'm a hot dog queen. How dare you? I eat hot dogs like corn on the comms. I've brought American food to England.

All right. Yeah, I'm looking through all the pictures. I think Marissa. Oh, my God. Marissa is not in any of these. Girl, you better watch out. Well, also, don't forget that Caroline Fleming pretty much hates Marissa. Even though they had like a faux reconciliation.

Because Marissa is friends with Caroline's sister. And Caroline doesn't get along with her family. And the family's mad at her because the guy, the younger guy or whatever. Remember they had like a whole Cold War last season. Remember that when they went bowling and what was it? Marissa said something like oh, you look like a pedophile. Ha ha ha.

Well, it's good to know that pedophiles are good at bowling. Her fake accent on every other word. Here, I gave you a bowling shirt. It says pedophile. Kellen Fleming was not having it. That was amazing. I forgot about that.

That was a great, great simmering feud. Three strikes, you're still not 15. The best part about that is that Caroline Fleming is always trying to be one with the people and just so whimsical and fun and relaxed. And then it takes someone like Marissa to bring in that old aristocratic backbone. Marissa seems so nice,, that old aristocratic backbone, you know, Marissa seems so nice, but you get her around those women and she just starts getting so catty. I love it.

I can't wait for that show to come back. It's the best. It's actually one of the best shows that Bravo has ever done. All right. I'm officially closing this now because I cannot stop staring at it. I just saw Tori Spelling in a picture, uh, did not have grill marks on her face from the hibachi she fell on last

year over in Encino at the Encino Buddha restaurant. What's that place called? With the hibachis? You get a little Buddha glass and you can drink from? Yeah, it's famous. I forget. It's a chain. It's...

It's killing me. Oh, Benihana. Benihana. Yeah, Steve Aoki is the heir to it. Who? I was drinking a coffee. Sorry. Exactly.

Steve Aoki and his sister Devin, the model slash actress who's disappeared. Fun facts. Fun facts about Benihana. Probably from embarrassment from burning Tori Spelling's face. She'll never be the same again. I would like to see Hoku and Devin Aoki go at it. Like a daughter of famous Asians from the 60s battle. You know, Don Ho versus Benihana.

I don't even know if Benihana was actually the guy's name. Anyway. That could be in a future Bravo show. What an awful last name to be born with as a girl, Ho. Well, that's why she changed her name to Hoku. Yeah, there you go. But then Sudoku came out. Sudoku.

Why did she never capitalize on that? Hoku, what is wrong with you? What have you been doing for the past 15 years anyway? You had a song on the Snow Day soundtrack. The world was opening up to you sudoku comes along it's like bam here is your tie-in potential where are you hoku what are you up to yes you could have had different pictures on it and you could have called it so dot dot dot she probably wanted to call it so me but she couldn't

So me, but she couldn't. So me. Like, no, that's not going to sell properly. Let's move on to shows. Talk some crap about these shows. Real Housewives of New York was a maze town last night. Oh, every night. Every night. It really is.

Oh, every night. Every night. It really is. A lot of people on the Facebook were saying, oh, it's so boring until the one scene or whatever. And I watched it and I was like, what part is boring again? Because I'm cracking up. Yeah, exactly. It's always every single episode of Real Housewives of New York City should be put into the Library of Congress. single episode of real house of new york city should be put into the library of congress well this one opens with jewels walking into a restaurant called wild and you know it's true

because she's greeted by a chef with wacky glasses it's like whoa wait up follow through wacky chef super wild someone call hoku hello would you like to have a seat in the italian place wild it's wild and she's like do you have any pillows because i have pain issues i'd like i have some pain issues and he just looks at her like oh shit yeah she's like i forgot my donut pillow i'm like you probably forgot it because it reminds you of donuts you didn't want to have to sabotage it this is really crullering me i mean killing me it's like someone took a bear claw to me my vagina still hurts i would love to sit down on

eclair i mean a chair a chair a comfortable chair that's not the only giant holy mess Covered in awkward cream My vagina hurts Don't mind me I'm just frittering about Oh fritters I don't even know any more donuts

That was it we went through bear claw fritter I'm trying to think of something for a cronut But cronut We could talk about we couldn't profiterole i'm just gonna profiterole with the punches oh we're not that wild i'm sorry that poor guy looked at her like oh great i finally get a tv show in my damn restaurant and there's some crazy bitch complaining about pain issues and then he goes and starts gossiping with the waitress about how dumb she is, which I loved.

Yeah, exactly. They just were staring from afar. And then he never came back to the table. He's like, I will not be around those ladies. Yeah. He made her a little vagina.

I mean, a little like napkin tower for her vagina. I was like, that actually looks less comfortable. No kidding. I don't have a vagina. Thanks for the polyester napkin that absorbs nothing. No.

Please don't reuse those. I don't even want to know what Bethany's look like after she got up. We saw her pillow. So this was the big vagina summit. Everyone had something wrong with their vagina. Dorinda comes in. How's your vagina? How is it?

Lots of vagina talk right now. We've got tons of vagina talk. The funny thing is, Dorinda's like, you know, in my family, we don't talk about the vaginas. You could have a million vagina problems. We don't talk about it. But she walks in the first thing, she's like, how's the vagina? Well, the vagina, Jules, the vagina's due. You know what I mean?

How's yours? Well, his vagina, Jules' vagina is too. You know what I mean? You know, Jules' vagina is hurting, but, you know, there's a lot of sweetness in that vagina too. There's a lot of sweetness there. Jules, think about Jules. Her vagina means well. It means well. Dorinda is so whack. I love it. She's like, she will diss somebody

and then, she's got a very like southern thing about her, like that whole diss, but then she's like, but she's only awful because she's such a good person on the inside.

You should see her play Twister with that vagina. She's great with it. Bethany, of course, enters as she usually does What's the matter What is this What this place is wild

Like what the hell It's called wild Like this is crazy Like it's wild Like what am I gonna eat Something wild What do I have to shoot My own meal

Like what is this What are we in the wild Like I don't get it Like it's a It's a pizza place But like it's a pizza place But like it's wild Like the pizza's in the wild

Like there's something I don't know It's like in Italy Pizzas just run free Like I don't get it Like do we need a net I don't get it And Jules is like Jules is not, is barely coherent.

She's like, oh, Bethany, you need a, you need a, and Bethany's like, a verb, a verb, a verb. Yeah, I need a verb. All right. All right. Okay, now let's go to a conjunction. All right. Adjective. All right.

All right. All right. What's the matter? Okay, we'll do it. We'll do the whole sentence here. Okay, we're wild. This is wild. This is a wild place.

Okay? Words everywhere. I have to tell you about my vagina. We'll do it. We'll do the whole sentence here. Okay. We're wild. This is wild. This is a wild place. Okay. Words everywhere. I have to tell you about my vagina. And so she whips out her phone. Okay. First of all, you know nothing good is going to happen here because Bethany is dressed like a death crow. I mean, she's wearing this fur coat, but it looks like a crow. She looks like one of those things sitting on a fence in a uh edgar allen pope poem like

that wasn't a crow what was that thing a raven yeah well it's pretty much the same thing yeah that's what i thought but you never know now with the grackles i mean it's all confusing now with the grackles a new podcast by ronnie carom am i right how do you even know what you're watching, guys? Please subscribe on iTunes. Exclusively on Crackle. Now with the crackles. Well, you know, I think someone would take issue with what you're saying, Ronnie. And that person would be Ramona, who walks in through us.

She has like a norm from Cheers. And she's like, what is this, a private dining room? Hey, you know what? Bethany, you look really good. You look good. I'm sorry. You look good. I'm sorry. You look really good, Bethany. What are you wearing black to?

I'm wearing black. No, that's gray. Oh, yeah. That's crazy, okay? I still don't know numbers, okay? Like, what the heck? See if Ramona comes in. What is this, wild?

Look at me. I'm ready to be wild. Like, I'm totally dressed to be a single person in New York, okay? Let's get wild at mastro's and afterwards go to boutique okay find a lot of wild men there i'm gonna make my own calzone a man calzone a man sony okay um so what is it i know i'm the pizza and you could be my topping okay she did say uh i'm going to maestro so was she talking about a different restaurant or i think she's talking about maestro's because even the people in this town go to maestro's all the time

what the hell with that restaurant yeah well be careful of touching the plate they're burning hot well i and i always tell the story i always tell the story about the time when i went to maestro's my family we ordered to share a big port house steak. We had like half of it left over. And then we took it home. And when I opened it up, it was just salad. They stole half a giant expensive steak. Girl, there was some busboy so happy that night.

Yeah, seriously. Sitting at home eating your steak. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Well, Mastro's is also, when I've been there, I used to have a friend who worked there. And you go to the third level of Mastro's, the Beverly Hills one, obviously not the OC. Don't judge me, people. OC one is like the fanciest restaurant in all of OC.

That's when you see how these, because you always hear stories like, oh, the rich people here, they live like damn animals and all these sex parties and this and that. But whenever I see them, they seem so classy and nice. But man, now I see it when they're all when they're all at masters they get wasted it's like passing each other around i've never seen such a drunken crazy party in a place that costs so much money to eat at they get crazy there was i mean in beverly hills people do act like barbarians um i uh when one time my parents came into town and they took um took me and Lisa Timmons To Spago

For dinner once And it was really nice And we were sitting outside This beautiful courtyard And it was It was about four or five days Before Christmas So people were just like

In a rowdy mood And every single table Was full of people Who were like 45 to 50 And they were doing shots They were screaming from one table to another like hey cheers cheers and sending shots around there was one table these

people were making out as if they were 17 year olds and they were probably like pushing 60 fake boobs everywhere tassels hair tassels and silver and just crazy like just imagine the tackiest people you ever saw in beverly hills or oc just having it's a wild bacchanalia this should happen in beverly hills yes and this is why they all go to mastro's because it's like a sex den yeah well mastro's i think is like i think mastro's has got has good steak but compared to other steakhouses in town i don't think it's it's nearly as good but i think mastro's is is the is like the cheesy steakhouse that you think is like a really fancy super nice one but it's like the people who are like really in the know go to like someplace

nice yeah because they eat downstairs and then they go upstairs and just party like animals i love it yeah it's like very like shahs of sunset well i mean there's a reason why honestly mashows in newport beach is like the nicest place in orange cats like oh let's go to mash shows in newport beach that's what that explains everything does not yeah pretty much um so this uh jules has shown bethany her gigantic vagina which was terrifying because i do have to hand jules credit. Like, she has made me crazy. Nothing but crazy so far on the show. But, you know, she made Bethany legit laugh. And that is not easy. Because Bethany, like, she'll do a fake laugh at people or whatever.

But it's really hard to catch her off guard enough that she will really genuinely laugh at something. Even she was shocked. Like, she's just shocked that someone's pride is that low. That they will pass around a vagina that looks like Danny De devito's head coming out of someone's labia or whatever danny devito an alien yeah okay so ramona has come in okay so then of course jules bethany just got she's having her you know i'm dying of whatever storyline and jules is like look at my gorged vagina and she's like ah what is this you look at my gorged vagina. And she's like, oh, what is this? You know, like, what, your vagina story?

Like, I have a vagina too. Like, you want to hear my story? Like, maybe I got a story, huh? Huh? She's like, I got no family. Like, no one could come to the doctor with me. Like, thank God for Dorinda. You know, like, imagine if I had to take you, Jules.

Big sick figure of a friend, right? No, it's crazy. Ha ha. And Jules is like, wah, wah, wah. I just realized that i did this but there was a part where i went into the kitchen to get oh no i had my uber eats show up so i had to go outside and pick it up so i missed like two minutes of this i didn't come back until jules was putting drugs in her calzone okay so what happened between vag story and drugs in calzone so what happened was bethany

was you know she's she's going through she was saying how she really appreciated dorinda coming to the doctor with her and then ramona's like yeah that's because bethany has no family he's no family at all um and then like little orphan annie but she can't even tap dance it's like the saddest thing i've ever seen in my life okay okay so um so then um uh so so then Bethany was again, talking about how great it was that, that Dorinda came with her because she was so nurturing and so helpful. And then,

and then Bethany just like turns to Jules. It's like, yeah, imagine if I had taken Jules with me, like disaster. And Bethany just cracks up and Jules looks down at the ground, sadly. And he's like, I'm going to not eat my feelings tonight.

Yeah, Jules is like, she's only saying that because I don't have a nanny right now. So rude. So then the chef from Wild comes over with dough and they all have to make their own pizza dough and they get to make their own pizza, etc. And while Jules is putting together her pizza carol sitting next to her is like so how heavy are you like what's going on you don't eat do you and jules starts getting defensive and she's like i hate how like every time every time we get together it's always like everyone wants to talk about my eating disorder like i'm it puts me on the defensive i don't want to talk about it all the time i'm like well maybe if it had to do with

you being asian or jew, you would talk about it. No kidding. Or maybe if you didn't tell Bethany and then keep bringing it up over and over. Like, you're literally selling a liquid diet right now, lady. Yeah. I like that they cut down. So I saw this part. So they're making their calzone or whatever, and she's putting all of her pills in there.

She makes this joke, like, should I put some pills in here? Should I put some pills? And it's like, mm. So that's when I came back, and Carol's like, she really put her pills in there. She makes this joke like, should I put some pills in here? Should I put some pills? And it's like, hmm. So that's when I came back and Carol's like, she really put her pills in there. That girl's crazier than I thought. So she's putting all of her pills and acting crazy and no one's really noticing what she does. But yeah, that food issues thing, because she's like, why does everyone have to talk

about my food issues all the time? I guess seriously. And then it cuts to her telling Bethany. Yeah. You know, I anorexic, bulimic, whatever. Like, I just need to tell my friends because I need them to call me out on it because I need them to call me on this shit. So, of course, the minute they do, which was way too much, by the way the way obviously like it was way overboard i don't care if you have an eating disorder good for you i have like zero willpower you know but um you just

told them to call you on it and now you're like why are they always talking about my food issues yeah i don't know i have no idea jules you have no idea it's just only your main storyline this maybe because you can't chew without your jawbones poking out like they're in a sword fight with some invisible sword. I mean, she doesn't have any fat on her face to the point where when she chews, you can see the bone connecting her jaw together. It

pops out. It's so sad. What do you say? So sad and awkward. Sad-awkward? Sad-quird? I think it basically comes down to the fact that if the woman had to choose between talking about whatever's going on in your vagina and your eating disorder they're gonna go with eating disorder okay because at least in that case only one person is vomiting okay at least you don't have pictures of that to pass around the

table while we're trying to eat exactly so the funny the funny thing is while this is happening then jules goes you know what i'm to take the party up a little bit. You know what? No one's doing anything. So I decided to take the party up. And it cuts to her being like, here, can you make this calzone? And at the time I was like, how is that bringing it? It's like, oh, she's making a calzone instead of a pizza.

Wow. Jules is really making her mark now. This is about to go from a calzone to a bar mitzvah party. A bar mitzvah yera. The only cal... That was like Mexican. I don't know why I said that.

I was trying. I'm not into calorie zones, but I'm into calzones. So she was trying to eat a piece of her salad or whatever, and she wouldn't eat it. And of course, Jules is really a bad actor. So obviously, this is kind of forced. They're like, okay, fight about your eating disorder, because she looks like she's going to hyperventilate, even having to take a bite. She won't do it.

And then Carol is sitting on her side like this worried but accusatory grandma. She's like, oh, but so you don't want to eat, but you do want to eat, but it affects you eating, huh? And she's like, whatever. I'm fine, Carol. Really? Because you don't look it. Well, I am, Carol. Everything's fine, OK?

Well, it doesn't look fine. Are you about to throw up your stomach? You'll die. Don't die here. I don't like hugs. Maybe Jules didn't want to eat the pizza because Carol gave her a slice of vegan cheese on it. Maybe that's why. I'm calling it now.

Carol is totally going after this girl because it's bothering her so much. Notice that the people who it bothers the most, the only people who talk about it are the people with it. Carol and Bethany are both starving themselves. Everybody knows that Carol has an entire mouth of fake teeth and thin hair. So that's eating disorder right there. And Bethany, too, you can't tell me she doesn't have an eating disorder or a severe Adderall addiction, one of the two.

tell me she doesn't have an eating disorder or a severe uh adderall addiction one of the two yeah well uh it is it is funny that the the two skinniest women in the cast are the ones who are you know giving jewels the business but then again maybe it's because they've been there and they recognize it or are there right now or are they they're in the middle of it as they kept saying um by the way speaking of in the middle of all this my favorite was that ramona suddenly you know puts on her takes off her apron puts on her jack and it's like i gotta go gotta go to mastros and she just walks out with a plate of pizza but he's like you can take a pizza plate you can take it they got boxes it's pizza you gotta take a you take a pizza plate okay all right where are you going where are you going hey hey. Where are you going? Where are you going? Hey, hey, huh? Where are you going? Where are you going?

Shh. Be quiet, because it's a secret. Oh, God. Poor Ramona. No one cares, Ramona. Take a pizza plate to Mastro's, okay? Mario might be there. You know, like, I'm not planning on it, but just in case he's hungry, okay? Ramona is hilarious.

She steals the most random shit, a pizza plate. And you know, Wild Glass is back there. It's like counting it. He's going to charge Bravo for that shit. Yeah, he certainly will. I close down my restaurant for you. You cook my things into the pizza. You take my plate.

They're like, God damn it. We can't fill anywhere. This cast is going to be filming in parks. Like, for Yolanda and Kim. So Jules is... So, yeah, so now it's back to Jules. They're watching her like a hawk with a pizza in front of her, which she takes, like... I don't even know if she took a bite.

She sort of fiddled with it, and she cut a piece. I'm not sure if she actually ate anything. No, she was hyperventilating. She was. She was about to have a breakdown, because she had to eat a bite and everybody's looking at her. And, you know,

Bethany's dressed like the raven over there. She's like, knock, knock, knock. You eating? You eating? You gonna eat that? Come on. All right, all right.

The plane's coming to the hangar. Okay, come on now. Come on. The plane's coming to the hangar. Yeah, choo-choo. Choo-choo. Choo-choo. All right, all right.

You don't want to have some backups in JFK. Okay, there are a lot of planes coming on the highway. Okay, there's tarmac. Okay, we can't be waiting here. Okay, you gotta come in there are a lot of planes coming on the highway Okay, this tarmac, we can't be waiting here You gotta come in, you gotta let us into the hangar Literally, if the hangar doesn't open right now We're just shutting down the airport Okay, calling the FAA Grounding all planes, okay, until this one gets the hangar

Literally, I can't, literally, I'm dead Literally, just throw me out of the plane right now Just let me die, let me just land somewhere in Minnesota I just want to plop on the ground if I have to watch this go any longer Seriously, I can't If ever there's a time that Bethany regretted getting rid of Heather, it was now. Are you sure

you don't want a meatball? Are you sure? Well, Heather would start to scold her. Okay, young lady, you're going to eat this right now. We are not leaving this table until you eat that. Okay, young lady? You're about to get a one-way ticket to Silent Town, young lady? You're about to get a one-way ticket to Silent Town, young lady.

You want to be quiet for an hour? I didn't think so. Open up. Choo-choo. Choo-choo. Jules, you want some hummus? You want some hummus? Want a meatball? There are meatballs in the fridge, I think. I can go back there. If you don't have an eating disorder yet, you will. So, Jules

goes out to have a cigarette with Dorinda, I think. And then, of course, Carol and Bethany are just fucking awful. disorder yet you will so jules goes out to have a cigarette and with dorinda i think and then of course carol and bethany are just fucking awful my god she carol goes oh yeah there she goes to have a cigarette bethany's like yeah she's doing that because the food's coming so she doesn't want to have to eat so she's doing pounds. That's crazy. I'm so jealous. And then, of course, still talking about it loudly when she comes back in because that's how she is. And then so Jules starts her hyperventilating thing.

And Bethany's like, I think she's in the middle of her eating disorder and not really dealing with it. But why doesn't Jules at this point, you know, she keeps on saying or she was saying later on, like, everyone's, you know, they're sort of like tiptoeing around it. Just ask me. Just ask me. I'm like, well, how about why don't you actually just set up and be like, hey, everyone, could you just please stop talking about my food and the way it really bothers me? But she doesn't. Instead. She's the one who brings it up.

Yeah. Instead, the calzone arrives and she's like, okay, everyone, look at the calzone. Okay. Someone cut it. I don't want to cut into it. Carol you do it you cut into it and it's like it was like a fork and a knife and a marinara cup were in there and it was just like a such a bizarre prank that wasn't funny or interesting it just was strange and jules is cracking up and bethany is losing her shit she's like there's a fork and a knife and a marinara cup? A stainless steel marinara

cup? In the calzone I was eating? Are you fucking kidding me? I like that she's like, it's stainless steel. Are you kidding me? Like, stainless steel. Really? Is stainless steel, like, deathly? I think they use it. You didn't eat the marinara cup.

One thing, it was like a rusted nail. She's going to catch Zika from stainless steel. you didn't eat the marinara cup one thing it was like a rusted nail like she's gonna catch Zika from stainless steel calm down over there so all of this is very disturbing and I do have to say they did call it I mean of course Jules it's not like you have to really be a psychic

to figure her out but when I think Bethany said yeah she did that to sabotage it so she didn't have to eat it, which is, you know, true. And then Jules is like, oh, I put all of my pills in there. I had a, you know, and then she lists like 20 pills. Yeah. And Carol goes, Adderall, you shouldn't be taking Adderall. That makes you lose weight.

It's like, okay, Jules. I mean, Carol, you're not incorrect. But out of all the drugs she just listed, that's the one you're worried about? She's mixing 20 pills. Yeah, why does she have so many pills? I mean, this is an indictment about being a rich housewife in New York City with nothing to do. Nothing but time on your hands just to take pills. And she's just crazier.

Like, it just makes her fucking crazy. And that's, like, her personality. Like, i'm the crazy one i take 20 pills and like it's nuts but it's not funny babe it's sad she's also like not that crazy like compared to these other women she's just she's taking all these pills and it's it's not making her a crazy reality star she's just sort of this skinny sad pathetic she crazy wave bitch is crazy and we're gonna see it it's gonna come out big time because towards the end of this episode when she started going off uh that was just crazy ranting it was nuts yeah it's like these crazy tangents she's in a terrible marriage so that's

what this is that's the source of all of this yeah eating disorder the the drugs it's all that's the source of all of this. Eating disorder, the drugs, that's what it all comes back to. Yeah, so Carol is giving her more shit. Like, oh, but Adderall, bleh. Finally, she just says, you know what, Carol, just leave me alone. Just stop. Just go. I'm okay. Yeah, I'm okay.

I don't want to talk about it. She's like, yeah, but you said you took 20 pills, and then you cooked a measuring cup into a calzone. That's just me. Like, I'm hilarious. Really? Because sad clowns are crying on the outside. Shut up, Carol.

Leave her alone. You're the one dating a 20-year-old, you know, sitting on handlebars and shit like that. Okay, mind your own bees. Yeah, exactly. Carol's probably concerned because she wasn't sure if the stainless steel cup was vegan or not. I used to be a junk food addict,

but now I'm open to eating a measuring cup. Am I supposed to? I'm a reluctant measuring cup eater. So let's see. Side effects of Adderall. Okay, so next up we get a guest spot from Heather. Now, Heather is still just a gigantic pod of insecurity, and it is so good seeing her again.

I loved seeing Heather again. She didn't do much, but I loved seeing her. Hey, mamas. So Carol and her go ice skating, Good seeing her again. I loved seeing Heather again. She didn't do much, but I loved seeing her. Hey, mamas. So Carol and her go ice skating, and Carol's like, I love Heather. My only complaint about Heather is that she's so darn busy. Okay. I don't think she's even bothered with Heather since it ended. Yeah, exactly.

Well, Heather's in the middle of a lawsuit, I believe, her with her the investors of of her brand right probably spanx spanx is like enough like how many housewives are gonna rip off our brand and just like sew in a new you know what do you call this a new tag or whatever yeah it probably is not even spanx it's probably the jill zarin whatever whatever her uh shapewear thing she was doing. She's getting sued by Yum Yum. The candy. Yes, squeeze. Yum Yum Donuts, I've called. Yes.

Yummy tummy. So she goes to see Heather, and they go to Ice Skate. Where is that? Brian Square Park? Thank God. They were at Brian Square Park. They were ice skating.

It was Carol and Adam with Heather and her husband. And they went sort of circling around. And then... Adam's that asshole in the skating rink. When she started skating with Heather, he starts to skate against traffic with his stupid camera that she bought him, like taking pictures.

Like, dude, you're making everybody fall. Get out of here. You don't care. Yeah, I don't like that. So then Carol and Heather go off to an area where they can sit and gab. And it's pretty much just Carol weighing in on Jules. She's like, yeah, there's this new girl. And it's like, it kind of was like a rehash of

the previous scene basically she's like well then well before she even got to that she was heather's like your relationship's good right like you guys are good right she's like yeah yeah tell me how are things going? She's like, well, I told you about the book idea, right? She's like, oh, God, you could just see it in Heather's face. Like, I really think I want to hear about your fake book. Carol's like, well, we were working together and we can't seem to get past the proposal. Like, that's three paragraphs, Carol. Exactly.

You phony. Come on. paragraphs carol exactly you phony come on at what point did you ever think it was smart to welcome your vegan your 29 year old vegan chef uh into your creative process you're the professional writer here not him like you're being ridiculous and then they show the um they show them trying to work together and she's like what do you think about this for the proposal and he's like nope nope that's not gonna work babe she's like uh but why it has to have flowery language and he's like whatever it's like just saying no to say no it's like having a teenage son yeah no it's like no mother not a collaboration that i think will work very well and i also don't think it's a book that has a lot of potential.

Yeah. I don't know what they're bringing to the vegan cookbook world that hasn't already been there before. And, you know, I don't know if I trust her as an authority, and I don't know if I trust him as an authority, except for the fact that they're on TV. They're thin. I trust anybody who's thin.

They're thin and pretty. Okay, I take it back. I trust thin people. It's better than Weight Watchers where they have like, every time I went to Weight Watchers, my Weight Watchers therapist, whatever you call it,

like the group leader, was always like really chunky and had like really long pointy nails and stuff. Janelle. I'll never forget you, Janelle. Okay, so then she starts, they get into, you know, gossiping about the eating disorder and this and stuff. Janelle. I'll never forget you, Janelle. Okay, so then she starts they get into, you know, gossiping about the eating disorder and this and that.

And while she's telling Heather about this new girl, Heather just looked like like she just looks so insecure and sad. And then Carol's like trying to make her feel better. Yeah, but she's crazy she's no heather that's for sure yeah does anybody ask about me motherfuckers

so jules and dorinda okay so this is when jules just starts to freaking unravel well it doesn't help that when dorinda walks in, she's like, when she offers a fish stick to Dorinda, she's like, now I can't. I'm becoming a full-figured woman. Oh, yeah. How could you say that in front of Jules? How could you say that? Jules would probably be like, full-figured, you're obese!

No kidding. Jules is like pulling out her own hair, like, get her away from me! What if I catch it? So she's, yeah this like yeah she's like it's like why don't we talk about what happened the other night the ladies were i mean carol was just she would not stop confronting me and i just just thought to myself, look, just be honest and open and ask me about it if you want to. Ask me about my eating disorder. Ask me about my marriage.

I don't care. I'm like, then why are you about to cry about it right now? Because that's literally what you're crying about right now. She asked you about it. You can't have it both ways, lady. And then Jules is like, she goes, she's mad at me for doing Adderall because she says it makes people lose weight okay and then Dorinda's like well oh wow oh she goes well what you need to do is you need to put it back in their court yeah so now you're bringing up exercise which is

also going to make her well Dorinda's not going to work against Carol. Dorinda's response was a little bit more caustic than that. It was like, all right, well, when they ask you, say, well, what are you doing dating a 21-year-old? Whatever. She's like, well, I don't want to go there. She's a little more scorched the earth, you know. But I liked how Jules then just starts ranting and raving. And she actually starts taking a page out of Bethany's book.

And she's like, you know, when Bethany makes fun of me, like all her humor, it comes at the expense of others. You know what? It makes me, you know, my guard is up with her now. Like I'm not going to share with her. My guard is up. Oh, my God. You're Bethanying Bethany.

Yes. Your guard, her wall my wall's up to your god okay your gods can't come through my wall all right you know what send your gods through okay you know i have other gods on top of my wall they're gonna put oil onto your guards okay and then you kill them all right like literally i can't like literally like stop the invasion like what are we what are we like gauls in 12th century like like literally i can't like it's medieval times like like where's charlemagne like who's charlemagne like i don't i don't get what that is that like a wine is that like a like where's skinny charlemagne? Like, who's Charlemagne? Like, I don't get what that is. Is that like a wine? Is that like a, like, where's skinny Charlemagne? Like, I don't get it. Like, too much.

Okay? It's like a Sims. They're just building cities to keep each other away from each other. But my city is blocking your city. I've erected a whole city full of walls, so there you go. Yeah. Like, literally, like, is there a trade agreement? Because, like, otherwise, like, my city is fine.

Like, I literally don't need your city. Like, I have a castle. Like, I have a castle, a cathedral, like, everything I need. Okay. Like, literally, like, you, like, your city, like, I don't know what's in. Like, is there, like, a hut? Is there, like, a butcher shop? Like, I don't get it. Like, I literally don't need your city. Like, I have a castle. Like, I have a castle, a cathedral, like, everything I need. Okay, like, literally, like, you, like, your city. Like, I don't know what's in it. Like, is there, like, a hut? Is there, like, a butcher shop?

Like, I don't get it. Like, I don't get it. I don't want it. Oh, this Jules. It's got to suck for Dorinda because Dorinda is really the only one who will sit and listen to Jules. And Jules is the worst kind of friend to have because all she does is complain about how hard her life is, but nothing is hard. Like, nothing for her is hard. Okay.

Well, she does have a broken okay she does have a broken vagina from a window from a window okay but when she's like oh you know everything's like just been so hard for me like my dad you know like remember when we were on vacation so my dad you know my housekeeper left i mean my nanny left me my vagina you know it's just all these things like she literally said that my n know, it's just all these things. Like, she literally said that. My nanny, my vagina, you know, all these things. I can't find batteries, you know? I wanted to plug something, I wanted to use my new thing, and I couldn't

find batteries for it. Like, what more could go wrong? But she actually says things couldn't get worse. I'm like, well, they're about to. They're about to, sweetheart. And she is eating, she's pretending to eat, because she just had that food fight, or whatever. She's offended about food is eating she's pretending to eat because she just had that food fight or whatever she's offended about food so she's pretending to eat and she's doing it in that way that all that bethany does basically where she's like look i'm eating in a scene like eating really big like

community theater eating yeah she's like well i just ate a bugle. That's it for lunch. Watermelon, watermelon, watermelon, watermelon. That's what you always say in a community theater when you're in a craft scene and you have to pretend you're talking. Oh, we were not. I was taught rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb. All these things. She's like, I hate the theater ever since I was in the community theater version of it. We used to make watermelon and rhubarb salads. Fiddler on the, you the straw asian roof my favorite musical is fiddler on the dojo karaoke on the roof

is this my little dumpling i steamed um so i have to point out that while she's fake chewing and her jaw bones are popping out like disturbingly she goes you know me i'm always putting on such a happy face yeah fake eating fake eating oh god this is making me so sad who's gonna take care of me who's gonna take care of me she was about to launch into a movie musical or whatever, stage musical right there. That was going to be her big song, like her Rodgers and Hammerstein or – The 11 o'clock number. Yeah, exactly. It was going to be her Jennifer Holliday.

Someone take care of me. You open a window and break your vagina. A kid's crying in the bedroom. Help me. I'm down. I'd that she was um she was so happy when she was in the hospital because she could be away from her husband and kids because they always make her do so much and i'm like wow this woman is like this is tragic she is miserable but also she's saying this as a nanny is bringing down crying rio she's like there there we go again i have to do more i'm like you realize there's a

full human being who is taking care of your child right now she's got a new nanny and a new housekeeper and she's complaining that she has too much to do i can't feel bad for someone like that especially when they're complaining about all this shit that has nothing to even do with her like it was so hard when my dad was in the hospital you were on vacation like you didn't even go see your dad but it is fucked up that when she did have to go to the emergency room because she broke her vagina that that michael wouldn't take her call and that he didn't show up until 8 p.m that's kind of fucked up i mean kind of but what is the guy working is the guy he was in the hamptons because this girl this girl could be this girl's crazy

you know that this girl is calling every day five times a day where are you it's so difficult you know what i have to like they wanted me to make them a sandwich like i don't know how to do that my mother wouldn't do that what do i have to do well normally i would say yes except for the fact that we know he's a cheater so no he's the scumbag here i'm sorry well yeah he's just come back for cheating but that doesn't make her less crazy or difficult to deal with if you are married to her oh my goodness well speaking of crazy we now go to the regional revival of driving miss fibroids as bethany is getting a ride to the doctor and she's just babbling to her driver she's like wow i got i got a fibroid so i can get some surgery you know it's like a sword it's like i'm bleeding everywhere like i don't know what to kevin what's gonna happen like i don't know

she might die because i noticed at the beginning of this uh you know in the opening how i'm always noticing new things in this i noticed that she's wearing some white crop top dress it looks kind of like a zombie hallow. And I was like, oh my God, what if the storyline is that Bethany dies, but still stays alive as a zombie? Amazing. The skinny walking dead.

Yes. So this is her weird new storyline. She's like, yeah, this guy, it's like Morgan Freeman up front. And she's like, oh yeah,

this guy, like I don't have a dad. I don't have a mom. I don't have brothers. I don't have a sister. Like I don't have friends. I don't even have't have a sister like i don't have friends i don't even have a neighbor like the walls are so thick i don't even know if you can consider that a neighbor but thankfully you know like for years like the only person i can ever trust is like this driver like he's like my dad like i was like oh really so now you have a super meaningful relationship that you're going to

finally share with the world yeah oh this poor driver he deserves a raise because he has had to listen to her neuroses day in day out for like three years now this poor guy if she mentions the piggly wiggly one more time morgan freeman yeah and then when so he he takes you to the the doctors and then he and then she's like, here, here's this pillow. You know, what's the matter? I have blood all over. It's disgusting. Can you get it cleaned?

Can you get this blood cleaned? Can you get my vagina blood cleaned off this pillow? I'm like, how about I just burn that thing? I'll take that bloody pillow, Miss Daisy. So then we skip over to Sonia, who is with two new gays. I'm not sure if they're intern gays. I think they were. I feel like one of them was an intern and one was the intern's friend or something. But they are like, I don't know, they're cartoon gays.

Your typical Bravo gay. It's like, girl. Yeah, they're hilarious. She's like, I have to clean up my basement. And they're like, you are a basement girl. You need to clean up you. You're a basement. That is so like you to keep stuff inside you.

Just like you, girl. I'm like, what are you even talking about? I know. And she's, I like how she begins the scene by declaring, anyone who's anyone is dying their dog these days. Like, really? And then, I think

she means anyone who's anyone has a dog that's died, maybe. But, um, like Milu, very proud dog. He would never be died. So she went to get Marley dyed pink, and he wound up orange. She's like, it's a David Bowie tribute. Too soon, Sonia.

Too soon. So we always joke about her being a hoarder, but she, I mean, she really, really is a hoarder. And she even says it. She says she's like a high-class hoarder. But she is, she's showing the gays around all her boxes in the basement, and she's like, oh, here's a nose trimmer, nose hair trimmer, in case the other one breaks. I'm like, you have backup nose hair trimmers just in case?

She's like, oh, well, look at this. This is for a baby gift. You know, just in case someone has a baby. I've got this is for a baby gift you know just in case someone has a baby i've got a bunch of baby this is the baby gift aisle like this is the saddest thing i've ever said these are curtains these these are curtains that were caught in the hurricane i was keeping like these well you got curtains that were tattered and destroyed in a hurricane you're holding on to them because you might someday fix them yes and i recognize them and those weren't only the curtains they were like the valance it's like what you're keeping the moldy valance really my my favorite part was in

the middle of this they cut to one of the gays who he's like wearing this like little blazer he just looks so disgusted to be in a basement he just picks up a random poof and then just listlessly toss it to the side it's like you can't even get me excited about a poof girl i mean it's disgusting we're leaving he was like in need of a chardonnay um and she's like i've been avoiding the basement since the divorce oh god i'm gonna have diarrhea and they're like girl no girl please it's like well it's just very difficult for me to look at all this stuff. She's looking at baby toys. It's like your baby is in college or military school or some shit like that. Come on, man. You just haven't wanted to clean.

And Dorinda's in there trying to clean things up. You know what? You got to say goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye right now. You got to say goodbye to this, okay? You got to say goodbye. It's time for you to just let this go, Sonya, okay?

It's time to let it go. She's like, yeah, but i'm really sad because you know the family unit this is like getting rid again it's like morning again the family unit and it's like yeah okay there's something else you need to let go of sonia okay it's time to get over it i'm like you still cry when you see nickels on the i was just about to say sonia's gonna pull out a jar of pennies and turn his like excuse me son. I'm getting a private call from Richard. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Herald,

a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat or be eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of

life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. right now by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month.

Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some.

As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. You can't even walk around Vegas because those nickel machines win and you have a nervous breakdown. What are you telling? I used to like going to Vegas to remember him, but then they switched it all to credit cards.

And I said, what's the point? What's Richard? I love the light in Vegas, though. It's so wonderful, especially in the past, you's Richard? I love the light in Vegas though. It's so wonderful. Especially in the Paris Casino because it's like being across the channel. Thump. Head on window. That's why. Windows are tinted. I feel dumb. I love the Paris Casino.

They got a big blue balloon. It's almost like Richard's balloon. So this is the scene. This is yet another Dorinda scene. Because first she was with Jules, who no one wants to hang out with. And now she's with Sonia. And in all these scenes, she just tries to stay positive. And just give very general advice.

You know? She'd be like, well, here's what I always say. When you get up in the morning, it's time to get up and get up. Like, okay. Well, thanks. You should write a book, Dorinda. Any other advice? Well, no. when you put things in

the basement that's when you go downstairs and you leave them there and you go back up the stairs sonia so he's like well but before we address that i have this blow dryer here and i kind of want to keep it because now i have a blow dryer for every floor why is it from 1977 this looks older than your dog's die job tribute oh god when sonia was doing her monologue about how difficult it is because you know her sugar daddy left or whatever and she's i'm sorry to be laughing because it is sound like divorce is sad i get it but she's like sitting there pretending to cry but she can't quite make herself cry and her backdrop is this all these shelves filled of old shit it's like wesson bottles it's like bottles of oil and they're so old they're like

the old design like not only the logo is old they don't even make those bottles anymore it's like completely changed she is i mean she's ready for the zombie apocalypse that's for sure like she will have her hair blown out okay she will uh have drapes ready to go and she will be frying until the last day she'll be the only zombie with like a brand new pashmina she'll be a very proud zombie. So then we go back to driving Miss Frank. I just want to say, by the way, I'm loving Dorinda. And I think, you know, she is a crazy lady.

But these scenes where she does go and, like, help people, et cetera, she really is very nurturing. And when she takes Bethany to the doctor and she visits Jules and she helps Sonia, she really, I do feel like she is very loving and nurturing and helpful. And I just love her. She's a good girl. She is a good drunkard mess. Yes, what really rounds it out for me is the seething hatred she has for her boyfriend.

And that she shows it all over her face while she gets drunk with him on dates. I think that is so hilarious. I like to think that this wonderful, kind woman just goes home and beats some fat guy just makes my life. Well, you know, I mean, it goes back to why this series is so good, because all these women are really multidimensional. If you think about it, they all you know, you see Dorinda and she is a drunken mess. She is a disaster. She's slurring. She beats up on John. And she's, you know, on on one hand she's like a total handful

and awful but then she is so sweet and so nurturing and it's like they're different sides and you see with all the women and that's why jules kind of you know she just doesn't quite fit in because she doesn't bring much to the table except this one thing of being skinny you know and and that's why other real housewives series like the previous new jersey cast they were all very one-dimensional they're just like loud messes and and what's so good about new york city is that they are crazy but then you you see the human side and you like them yeah yeah yeah i agree like yeah i love me some darina no no i just i totally agree i don't really have anything to add to it i'm like that's that's so true. I'm like looking at you. Hey, Ronnie, I made it nice. I made it nice,

Ronnie. I got introspective. I thought about things, and I made it nice. We're from the same neighborhood, Heather. If no one could have thoughts on people, then no one's getting thoughts on people. You can all go home.

You can make fun of me. you can make fun of me you can make fun of richard you can make fun of my boyfriend but don't you make fun of my mother all the cake don't you make fun of betty crocker she's a good woman i got close-up of deli tray that she cooked nothing on. So good. So now going back to Bethany. Bethany. Oh, good. Bethany's drive is now riding again with Kevin. And now she's full-on bawling. Because the doctor was like, oh, by the way, no, this is going to be major surgery.

Your uterus is really messed up. And so, I mean, it's scary. I mean, I don't, I'm not making fun of her for crying. But what to me is funny is she calls up and calls up her friend. She's like, yeah, he says it's going to be a major surgery. It's going to be way bigger. It's going to be way bigger. And I thought it was going to be a smaller, but it's going to be big.

It's going to be a major surgery. That'll be three days now. It's going to be a whole thing. It's like, it's crazy. I got to get a living will. I got to give him God's bit. I got to get a living will. The man's taking my whole uterus.

It's crazy. Anyway, I'll talk to you later. Her friend's like, oh, you'll be okay. All right. Well, well, I don't have a mom. I don't have a dad. I don't have a sister. I don't have All right. Well, I don't have a mom. I don't have a dad. I don't have a sister. I don't have a brother.

Like, I don't even know. Like, the newspaper guy doesn't even deliver to me anymore. I'm so alone. I'm so alone. There used to be a spider. There used to be a spider in the bathroom. It's not even there anymore. Like, what do I have?

Like, I've got nothing. I've got nothing. I don't even have spiders. I don't have spiders. I don't have family. I don't have a newspaper guy. Like, literally, there's a bodega downstairs. No one's even working in it anymore.

Like, I don't even know. Like, it's closed. Like, no people in my life. Like, literally, last night, I turned on the news to see if it was going to be ready when I was getting it anymore. Like, I don't even know. Like, it's closed. Like, no people in my life. Like, literally, last night, I turned on the news to see if it was going to be ready when I was getting my surgery. The weatherman wasn't even there.

It was like he wasn't even there. Like, there was, like, someone filming for the weatherman. I was like, I don't even have a weatherman. Like, what the hell? Like, literally, like, not even Kevin's here.

Like, I don't know, I don't even know who's driving this car. It's just driving on its own. It's like, it's crazy. It's like possessed. I don't know. It's like a ghost.

It's a ghost car. I don't know. Like, maybe it's a machine. Maybe it's, like, the future. I don't know what it is. Like, Star Wars. Oh, I'm here. Oh, that's machine. Maybe it's, like, the future. I don't know what it is. Like, Star Wars. Oh, I'm here. Oh, that's right.

Morgan Freeman's still in the front seat. What, is he going to drive me into the hospital and, like, wait in the waiting room in this car? Like, what the hell? I can come out of the car. No, don't you dare. Can't even clean a bloody pillow. It's, like, a week later, the pillow's still bloody. I don't care.

Like, what sort of chauffeur are you? I don't get it. Her friend, it was so, it was sad because she's like, I don't have any room. I just need someone. And her friend's like, do you want me to come down there? Do you want me to come down there right now? She's like, no, no, I don't even want to. She's like, good, okay, I got to go.

So Bethany's like sobbing. And I was, you know, I guess feeling things. And then he pulls over to the doctor and she's like, okay, you know what? Go take care of that. Get that taken care of. Like, what is that? Like, it's not, and she's already back to like neurotic

bitching orders at Morgan Freeman. What's the matter? What's the matter? That's how she walks into the doctor's office. I don't know. What's the matter? What's the matter? Okay, so it's like, all right,

it's the uterus, all right. You know what I need? I need a verb. I need a verb in the uterus, all right? So, Jules, Son sonia and luann there's like another true i noticed that he's been like lingering around for the several episodes but he doesn't actually speak he just is there yes i'm wondering if philip seymour hoffman is actually still alive and just living method for the sequel. No, he finally realized an actor's life is nothing if you can't be on a reality show.

So he has faked his death and he has resurfaced by tagging along with Luann to the Blue Note. So I, you know, my favorite thing to do is to say, I told you so. And I get to, of course, this show is so on the nose. Again, you don't have to be a psychic to predict things on this show. But Luann wasn't proposed to. Motherfucker. You liar, Luann. Lies.

I told you when she said, oh, well, he wants to marry me. She's acting like she's engaged. You didn't get engaged, fool. And we find that out here. So the ladies are getting together dorinda is literally dressed like rosie the jetsons maid she's wearing this silver yes let's just crack it be up mr jack son because she's really dressed like that today it was like evening gown meets some sort of like figure skating ensemble and it was just bizarre she's

like it's i love it it's on broadway i get to wear my costume top i was like well what about all the other times you wore costume tops you weren't on broadway then i want to hear all about this fake marriage you've got going but i have to finish up the living room hey all right i bought a bunch of kitchenware at home goods i melted it down i made this dress someone plug back into rinda so she has enough energy to listen to my story. It's ridiculous. I was so happy to see Luanne because she was not on last week. And this episode had gone on.

It's like 40 minutes in. And I was like, where's Luanne? Is it going to be the second week in a row? Is she in trouble? What's going on? And I was really nervous. So when Luanne showed up, I was like, oh, thank God. And, you know, I have to say, oddly enough, when she was like oh thank god and you know i have to say oddly

enough when she's when she was talking about how she and tom are looking at rings and and whatever when she first started babbling two weeks ago about oh we're gonna get married i know we've only known each other for three weeks we're gonna get married i was like you're a crazy bitch but then honestly after watching her special and seeing the way she's lived her life it just sort of makes sense with her now i'm'm like, oh, okay, yeah, that seems like it's Luann. Yeah, and it kind of makes sense for him. Like, it makes sense because Ramona later is saying, oh, this guy's just, you know, like a – he just has – what do they call it? Like a good time Charlie or whatever.

But that even makes it make more sense because they were probably, like, you know, having fun. And then when they cheat on each other, it's not going to really be that big of a deal. They're like, why don't we just get married? Yeah. Yeah. Because they were probably having fun. And when they cheat on each other, it's not going to be that big of a deal. Why don't we just get married? Yeah. We may as well get old together and have someone to eat breakfast with in between while the strangers were banging. Yeah. And by the way, I also felt like this show – this episode was going along fine.

I feel like this show suddenly had a pulse when Luanne came back on. It was crazy. It really felt like, oh, here's Luanne. Now it's going to get fun. Yeah. Which is weird because normally that's something you'd say about bethany or even carol at one point but um uh my favorite was when uh dorinda showed up in her crazy top this may have been my favorite part of the whole episode luanne goes girlfriend did you notice that hey girlfriend hey girl girlfriend oh she's like yeah what welcome to the summer mr jensen or whatever she said and she's like well we better enjoy it now because i'll be spending my winters at tom's

yeah palm springs palm beach um and sonia goes i don't see Tom as a marrying type. I mean, they're just like, I've just always seen them as two ships passing in the night. I mean, they stop to fuck and take in each other's fluids and then they keep going, but you know what I mean. Like, if ships could also be docks, I see them as two ships that dock on each other in the middle of the

night and then go to different ports in the day. If ships had scabs that you could freeze off they would be like two ships if one ship could get on top of the other ship in the middle of the night that's what i see them as they're like two ships trying to pass each other in that hallway between the restaurant and the kitchen at a bow bow champ what's that place boutique boutique they they're sort of like you know what it is they're sort of like that ship in that robert redford movie all is lost you know when the ship just falls apart and sinks into the ocean and he's got sharks around him that's sort of what

their ship is like it's kind of like robert redford Tom Hanks in Castaway. They're kind of like that ship on the love boat where a lot of celebrities come on and have sex, not necessarily with them, but on them and then leave again. They're sort of like that ship. It was a really famous ship. What was it called again? Everyone really loved it. It was really big. Oh, the Titanic. Yes.

I can't tell if they're more titanic or lusitania somewhere in between the two of them they both drowned leo dicaprio poor leo so uh ramona is having an issue issue because she hates this this feud between um luann and carol she wants them all to be all to go to vacations all together and ramona's like i really can't stand this it's put a damper on my fun with the group she goes it's put a damp that's that's ramona talk it's like what what's a damn there's a damp okay it's a damp it's Okay? Okay? Stop damping everything. I feel like Sonya's basement. Okay?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's like a wine cellar, okay? And not one that my Pinot Grigio ages in. Okay? I'm sorry. Stupid Ramona. She's like, Luan, can we have a talk in private?

Because, like, we need to talk. I feel like I'm always the meditator, okay? Whoa, whoa, this is crazy. This reminds me of when I was a little girl. I was in debate club, and it was my job to mediate the debates, okay? So I'd sit at a table, and people would debate things. And one time, Geraldine Parsons-Smith got up there and said, here's a debate thing for you.

You're stupid. Case closed. And I cried. And to this day, i can't watch presidential debates well that was kind of like the last presidential debate i watched actually because trump was in it he's like you're dumb you're an idiot i was laughing so hard okay uh so ramona oh we forgot to mention that victoria comes oh yeah this is our party what was this party it was just a party for the fun of it because theanne hadn't seen everyone in a while

and she was feeling disconnected, so she decided to throw a party. Ramona's like, Tom? How's this stolen, you know, not engaged person that you're with? And she's like, oh, he's great. Oh, Victoria loves Tom, don't you, Victoria? And Victoria nods like, okay, Mom. Like, I've met

this fucking idiot one time and he was eating my cereal yeah they're like what what about your son she's like well you know boys are difficult you know they're possessive of their mothers so he hates him okay great what about alex oh alex loves him alex will love anyone get that stop that alimony check oh victoria yes exactly her imitation of her ex-husband was funny she's's like, oh, he's delighted. He was like, oh, good for you, honey. Jesus Christ, how old is this poor guy?

So Ramona pulls Luanne over to a little seating area. And she's like, it's really funny how I thought Sonia would be on the outs with everyone. But now you're on the outs. So think about that. funny how i thought sonia would be on the outs with everyone but now you're on the outs so think about that luanne with her um with her uh youthful slang she's like do i look like i give a leap a flying leap well she wants to look like i give a flying leap she probably well she obviously wanted to say flying fuck but then she decided to count to sit at the end do i look like i give a leap this rerun can be shown on network tv now but then she decides to countess it at the end. Do I look like I give a flying leap?

This rerun can be shown on network TV now. Give it up, Singer. But that actually made me crack up, though. I was like, good for you, Luann. Yes, because she's already tried to be nice, so whatever. I'm with her. She's like, screw her. Because the flashback is that Carol's saying,

well, you know, she texted me and then she apologized. She said she was sorry, which is nice. It was in public. She hasn't reached out privately or whatever. That one wasn't good enough. Carol judging all the apologies and then Ramona's like, well, the way I see it, okay, is that you

made a beautiful gesture towards Carol. Remember when you made that beautiful gesture and you texted her and then it cuts to her like, how do you spell pedophile? Sorry I called you a pedophile. Beautiful. I had a tear in my eye. I was like, Avery, come look at this. I got a tear

in my eye. Like a fine wine, I've got tears in my eyes. She's like, I don't even understand. Yes, that was very kind of me. And then she didn't even take it. And Ramona goes, yeah, but then at my party, okay, at my party. I don't know why I wrote 10 A's, but she was really talking like her impression last night. At my party, then you fumbled the ball.

It was just like tennis. Like I gave you the ball, and then you ran with it, and then you like threw it, and then hit it with a racket, and then buried it in the ground. I was just like tennis. Like, I gave you the ball and then you ran with it and then you, like, threw it and then hit it with a racket and then buried it in the ground. I was like, what is she playing? You know? She struck out. What is that? You didn't even make the basket. I was like, you were supposed to hit a hole in one and instead you caught a

foul. Stupid. She goes, this is how you need to do it you need to say carol like i feel really deeply like really saddened about the gesture that i didn't make properly she's like oh give it a rest singer yeah i mean luann if she really really wanted to be friends with carol she probably should have been like hey let's get a drink and talk it over but you know what? I don't believe that Carol would have taken her up on it, to be honest. And I think she knew that too,

and she didn't want to be, and she also didn't want to overdo it. You know, you sort of, you know, you apologize. You try to do the best. So now Luanne's getting annoyed. And to be fair, Luanne also does not take criticism very well. But now Luanne is getting mad, and Luanne's like, I don't give a shit.

I'm in love. And everyone's like, what does that have to doann's like I don't give a shit I'm in love and everyone's like what does that have to do with anything I don't understand what does that have to do with the price of the tea you know with Starbucks what's that have to do with the price of tea in China she's like I heard that and by the way

Hoku's daughter's name is T-E-A so there T-Ho T-Ho daughter's name is t-e-a so they're t-ho t yeah t-o um so let me see follow the ball there's something i wanted to talk to you about this oh this is my other told you moment and this not you personally but just the tv everyone's like why is carol why is she so mad and why was luann so mad about that thing and i was like she will never forgive her not for sleeping with Adam but because Adam was the employee and it's so fucking Luann once she's finally losing it again she's like I'm supposed to apologize to her how about apologizing

to me she came into my home she dated my chef I mean he actually cooked decent things who do I have now Victoria you think she's cooking for me? Oh, God. Of course, this all comes back to taking an employee from Luanne. Exactly. And that's why, ultimately, she's not going to get an apology from Carol. Because when she says things like that, she just destroys all the progress. And honestly, Luanne, we love you, Luanne.

You're just like a shining star in a universe of reality stars. But we saw your special last week. We saw your history of dating someone for two and a half years, going to a dinner party, and then just running off with someone

else and getting married in two weeks. Someone richer and then just dumping the poor old person that was taking care of you for two years girl yeah so like you you you've been down the path of of impulsive love and uh i don't think you're real you really can't fault carol for it like if you want you can fault her for um i don't know i i think i i don't even remember the details of it like luann has always been on the losing side of this argument, if you ask me. And I love Luann,

but she's always been on the losing side of it. And she needs to get over it. Well, I think the ish for her, obviously, is that it's not just about friends. She doesn't like Carol either, but Carol's not just saying,

okay, we're going to just not be friends ignoring each other she's actively working to keep her out of scenes like she won't go on the vacation if luann comes yeah she's actively trying to get her fired from the show and that's just totally different that's not like you won't be my friend anymore go to lunch it's like you're trying to take my my well you know my job my money well luann has decided she's gonna turn the tables and good for her she's like well ladies since we're not going to mexico i'm gonna host the trip and we're gonna go to palm beach and guess what carol's not invited and you know what i'm not even sure that i'm not even sure

bethany's about and guess who is invited sonia yeah and i was like good for you luanne no one's gonna come but good for you well the all of the rest will. Dorinda will. There's Dorinda, Ramona, Luann, Sonia. So who are they? Jules will go because she's desperate to be on TV and away from children. Yeah, because Jules is sort of annoyed at Carol and Bethany right now. And, you know,

I am like, I'm sort of enjoying this weird little power struggle going on between the women i do wish they could all be friends but um i kind of do too but i am interested to see carol get it stuck to her yeah i don't i'm so glad that she's gonna finally get that turned on her so now they're gonna be shooting without carol what are you gonna do cry about a cat for for two weeks baby but you know the thing is i'm sorry the cat is like vinnie right baby and vinnie or vincent or

whatever i don't know but um the thing is that i think the reason why i want them to all be friends is because i'm afraid that bethany is too powerful and that she's gonna that that luanne's gonna get kicked off the show because we saw nini got sheree kicked off real housewives and sheree was like a fixture so it could happen i mean luanne's already been kicked off she had a season where she wasn't a cast member well they couldn't she couldn't do it this year and you know she wanted to so she couldn't do it this year so now carol's up trying to team up with her to get her kicked off but whoever is running this show is not going to have that because they've had they're like fine then we're gonna have sonia just film with two rando gays that she found and we'll have her go to the vagina clinic, which was one of the funniest fucking things of the season.

I mean, that scene was hysterical. So Sonya doesn't even need these bitches. She's doing fine on her own. And Luann seems to be doing fine on her own, too. Yeah, I mean, Luann is too popular. I mean, she is the only one who's had a before they were housewives special, as far as I know. Or I can remember. Maybe there was one for Bethany or Nini.

But Luann got one. She got a full-on special. The only one looking scared right now is Carol. Because when they had that three-week break and then they started shooting again and suddenly Carol tried to have storylines because someone told her, like, you're not doing enough. Like, you're doing nothing this season except kissing ass. So she was like, but I can't.

We had to watch her bring that terrarium over to Adam's house. It was so boring and so sad. I was like, she's fucked. She's drawing a line in the sand, but she's really not the one to be drawing a line in the sand. If anything, they'll get rid of her and just keep her as a

friend of Bethany. She's not doing enough. And she's too snooty. She can sit on as many counters as she wants or curl up in as many chairs at the pizzeria as she wants, but she's not doing enough. She can take her dog into any store that she wants to, okay? It's not going to make her a winner. You know what, Carol?

How about you start by picking up the ping pong balls next time? Leave them all around on the floor. Stupid, entitled lady. Can't stand it. I still think back. Two things. My two biggest pet peeves with Carol, she never picked up the ping pong balls when she went on a ping pong date. I love that you're still mad about that.

Oh, shit. The balls were everywhere. You were over. I think that was when there was a slight turn. That was a turning point. You were pissed. That was a turning point. And then when she sat on the counter at the camera store.

Well, that was a double whammy because she also brought a baby. Yeah, she brought a baby. Those are two Ben things. You do not like either of those things. That was a double whammy. I loved Carol. You know what? I still have hope that Carol can turn it around.

But as long as she's feeding with Luann, it's going to be hard. Yeah, it was better when she was not kissing Bethany's ass and she was just being hilarious about everyone else's lives. When she and Bethany were being like a funny duo, I really loved that. I thought they were like two smart, funny women with really good observations on things. But when they became clicky, the charm went away. That being said, I do love Luann and Carol fighting because I just love when Luann just chops down Carol when she's mad. Oh, whatever, Carol. Did your mom tell you to say that, Carol?

Carol. Carol. Another party heard from carol well i don't want this cast really to change even jewels i mean i want to see i could lose it because she is about to go fucking crazy and i cannot wait because anybody who says when they bethany's like wow she sabotaged the food and she goes what that's how i like to enjoy my food like that was her responseany's like, wow, she sabotaged the food. And she goes, what? That's how I like to enjoy my food. Like, that was her response. It's like, some people just don't understand how I like to enjoy food. And that's to not ever eat it.

That kind of crazy, I'm all for. I don't know. I have to say, if you're going to have, like, a different kind of personality on there. Like, a not as major of a personality as almost like a different kind of personality on there, like a not as major of a personality as almost like a counterpoint, I prefer Kristen Taekman over Jules. I actually liked Kristen. She just had no...

There just was no room for her last season. The personalities were too big. But her first season, Kristen was... I mean, she was whiny, but she was funny. I mean, she would get into it with Ramona. I liked Kristen. Yeah, I also hate Kristen. I hate her.

I hated her husband. Oh, he was awful. But I also really liked looking at her. I mean, she would get into it with Ramona. I liked Kristen. Yeah, I also hate Kristen. Plus, I also just – I hated her husband. Oh, he was awful. But I also really liked looking at her. I just loved her fashion. She just looked great all the time. I just like a girl who's so sensitive and, like, she would cry. She's like, hey, they're just being competitive. And I just – that stuff I just love.

I think it's so cute. But she was also funny, too. She was. She was so funny and cute. And she had this weird thing with Elvis. I just felt like there was – Kristen gave us more that was interesting than Jules. Jules is just like, Michael, we're going to eat kosher again tonight, Michael. You know, my vagina's broken.

It's just not – I don't know. Jules is that why every guy talks about to their guy friends. It's like, God, this bitch won't leave me alone. She's called me 20 times today. She's complaining because she had to make toast, bro. She's actually a little too real. That's the problem with Jules. She represents

a lot of certain types of moms, I think, in the Upper East Side or in Manhattan. And it's like, ugh. It's crazy. Yeah, it's not like we don't really like them in real life. And they don't.

She doesn't become more entertaining on TV. So, yeah, I find her to be kind of a snotty asshole. But then again, like she is going through a victim thing, which makes me kind of like people more like when they're the victim. And also, she's really not mean. She's not mean. I think she's she's cool. She's actually someone be fun to chat with. mean she's not mean i think she's she's cool she's actually someone to be fun to chat with she's a selfish idiot and not complaining about not having a nanny and she can't raise her

children she doesn't know how to make an egg all that bragging about stupidity i don't like any of that shit and i hate people like that but at the same time she's really not hurting anybody's feelings like she's falling really flat on her jokes like she thinks she's being hilarious talking about her pill addictions and her eating disorders and all this stuff. And it's not funny. It's just sad, but she's nice.

She doesn't seem to be hurting anybody on purpose, which is what the rest of them do. She's nice. She's just like, um, she just, you know, it takes a certain personality to keep up with these women.

Cindy bar shop. When she was on it, she was nice too. She was sort of funny. Oh God. Well, she didn't even try. She would just be like,

what is wrong with these women? Seriously. They're crazy. Really gross. Yeah. It takes a certain kind of crazy to really hang with the big dogs. Yes. They,

I mean, I mean, this is a show that has, that has like captured lightning in a bottle so many times over. The fact that they were able to find, so late in the run, Dorinda in what? Is this season seven, season eight, wherever it is? The fact they found someone like that, who is like an all-time classic already, is amazing. And the fact that they canned some of the biggest personalities on Bravo and then brought in these new women.

And at first, we're like like but then it's like oh Carol Aviva Heather big personality like you know you just can't we need a game bring your a game well she seems to be trying she's putting all of her pain out there but she's also doing the thing

where she's like okay I'm gonna leave my husband I think I'll go on a housewife show so I can do it with a job there's still plenty of season left for her to be crazy so yeah let's see she seems to be warming up pretty quickly a lot of times they don't do shit their first year yeah okay she hasn't done shit to be honest well that's true i mean this is all her stuff has been happening in the off season but yeah. All right. So let's move on to... I almost said Big Brother.

Wrong notes. Big Brother. Big Brother. Big assholes on a boat. That's what you can call it. How did you enjoy your return to Below Deck Med, Ronnie? Oh, Below Deck, it was lovely. Yeah.

I know you have not been crazy about this season because it doesn't feel any different from a regular one but i'm i am like i'm into it i'm into it that's good i mean i just don't i i don't i like talking about it writing notes for it and stuff like that i just i just don't get it i just feel like why am i i typed three times why am i watching watching this? The whole episode is about someone having a cold, really? They're like, take his temperature! Take his temperature! I like it. By the way, I want to say, I tweeted about this.

I have to be a side blog. But I tweeted about this, and I think it really deserves mention on the podcast. That both Below Deck and Below Deck Med, it's really an impressive display, I guess you would say, of editing. They do a really great job with the editing on both those shows because they have a ton of footage. And they really find fun, interesting ways to incorporate it in. There are a lot of fast shots, all these montages. And they're really clever with it like for instance i thought of it midway through the show danny has like a fever of 112 or something like that and they cut to you know they always have these cuts of like so-and-so's get changing their shirt

and so-and-so's doing this and so-and-so's doing that and they have the music fast music playing and all these panels and they cut to daniel in bed grainy footage for like maybe half a second maybe it was a full second and they just include this little audio of him and that's it and i was like it was so funny because you know the editor you know that's a conscious decision that they're like let's put the audio in and it connotes what it connotes exactly what's going on in that corner of the of the yacht and like that's what really good editing is when you have a lot of footage, you don't have a lot of time on the show to incorporate it all in, and you

gotta find ways to convey it. And I just really want to applaud the editors for that. Yeah, they are good. That's always been my favorite part of the show, when they just are showing those whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. Yeah, because they're doing so much. It's like, there's a meal masturbating under a blanket. Stuff like that you have to really catch

by watching those you would never notice because they never mentioned it again and it was so quick i'm like wait a second yeah there's of course a pervert so i'm like freeze framing it through i'm like he's jerking it there's a lot of subtle um comedy that happens in those montages little things that the editors and producers want us to see they're like easter eggs almost and i just think it's great i do like the part the parts where i get into it is where they're not working i think just part of it is that i've been in service for so long that watching someone wait tables is lame to me like it just it makes me tired it makes my feet hurt but um when they're off which we start with them still partying after their last charter. And they get drunk because Brian turns into an evil frat boy douchebag.

Oh, he is the worst. Danny gets really sarcastic when he's drunk. And then Hannah just turns into the girl from Revenge where she's just evil. I actually really love it when Hannah turns evil. Well, when Danny starts up with Hannah and he's like, I forget what you said. He's like, you're nasty or whatever. He goes, someone needs to feed you some makeup because you've got an ugly personality. She goes, oh, yeah?

Well, look at who everyone hates on this boat, mate. He's like, oh. And then she walks away. She's like, get these cameras off me right now. Get them off me right now. Get them off of me. Get these cameras off of me. now get them off the map i'm imagining like gina liano showing up in her barrister uniform all right you hear the lady i said get these cameras off here right now you insignificant

ass has clear the perimeter you're called fitness i'm gonna treat you like i treat the cancer in my body i said get out of my body right now, you camera. You want me to burn you with a blowtorch? I'll do it, cancer. It ran away with its paint stand between its legs. And here's a bar of soap in the meantime. That's for you, Hannah, to clean up your nasty personality. Now, there's a housewife who could have a cancer thing i could get behind

like a cancer program i could get behind scare the cancer away well she did she's she has had the best cancer arc of all time it was basically i had cancer once and i said get out of my body and did her arc lasted 30 seconds and it was really impressive. I'm too fabulous for cancer, am I right? Still part now, cancer? Get out of my body. Cancer doesn't make she shoes, does it, girls? I said, all right, cancer, you're just a stupid cunt, and get out of here.

Can't wait. So close. July 22nd. Everybody set your DVRs. So after Hannah left and Julia went off to console her. Julia's got good girl code. She's great. She was raised right.

She's good to her boyfriend. She's good to her girlfriends. I like her. Good kid. I like her too. And so then they're all sitting around. You ought to be a little more professional Might

Then Danny's like MVP I was MVP And then Bobby's like Yeah most valuable pussy To which Danny says And you love to eat it too baby I'm like ugh this is disgusting

Yeah it's really really gross just really you're awful right i can't root for any of the guys i mean i did like ben but he's kind of a dick obviously and then uh brian obviously danny is obvious but this bobby we disagree on bobby i don't like him at all look think i don't know if you can hear what my face is doing right now while i talk but that's how he talks yeah no he's he's a buffoon but i don't know i i don't know if you can hear what my face is doing right now while I talk, but that's how he talks. Yeah, no, he's a buffoon. But I don't know. I don't mind him.

I really don't. And I like when Hannah then is talking to Julia and she's talking about Daniel. And she goes, she's like, I hate, I hate so much. When Daniel says, everywhere you fucking go, Hannah, you just cause drama. I don't cause drama. You cause the drama. He's really coming between me and dean we like two masks and i'm the comedy mask and he's the drama mask it's not the other way around i want to annihilate him i'm gonna annihilate him oh i love that she decides she's gonna annoy like dainty

oh this poor hannah hannah is so pretty and smart and funny and does a good i mean a fairly good job other than like throwing glassware off the boat you know little things she's done here and there but she does a good job but i just feel for her because she's that girl who's just like she decides she wants a man and then he doesn't want her back but she can't accept it and then she says things like she said to ben oh so here you are you have a nice girl here willing to do what you want and you're gonna treat her like that a nice girl you're gonna treat her like that is that how you think you're gonna talk somebody into like being your boyfriend well you know she is you know she is she's got the walls are up but she she is like

like a very vulnerable you can see she's an insecure person because up. But she is like a very vulnerable. You can see she's an insecure person. Because she tells Ben, she's like, what I need to know from you is are we just work colleagues? Are we friends? Because I need to know because I'm starting to get invested in you as a friend. And I want to know are we friends and should I get invested? Or are we work colleagues? And he's like, well, love, what's easier for me? And she goes, well, I think easier for you is work colleague.

But she says that because she wants to be friends. She wants to even be more than friends. But she says work colleague almost as a test because she wants him to be like, well, I don't want to be work colleagues. I want to be friends. But instead he's like, all right, we'll be work friends. Yeah. Well, then the way that she described it, he's like, well,, we'll be work friends. Yeah, well, then the way that she described it is like, well, what's the difference for me, mate?

And she's like, well, a friend. Like, we would talk about things and we'd laugh at each other. And then if we were just colleagues, then I would come down, that's it. I would just say what I need and then leave. It's like that's every chef's dream, babe. Exactly. As a friend, I would be allowed to say appetizer and entree. As a colleague, I have to say starter and main.

As a friend, I'll scream and yell at you, cry and throw things in the kitchen when things don't go right. As a colleague, I'll just come pick up the food and leave. And he's like, all right, that sounds great, doll. Good song. As a colleague, we'll have a very professional relationship. As a friend, there'll be a lot of drama yeah and he's like fuck that you know so he's like okay i'll choose colleague and then and she's like

she's like sitting on the floor cross-legged just sobbing to herself but i like this poor fucking i know i felt bad for her because she couldn't be honest with what she really wanted you know because she has this like she's built this persona of like i don't get invested in things i you know i'm very serious i just like to sleep around i've done relationships so at a moment when she's they're actually having like some emotional like um rawness she wasn't actually able to be truthful and i think that's i think she knew that that That's why she was crying. I was really invested. Yeah, well, Ben knows. He knows what a crazy girl is going to be like.

Because if he had said, okay, I want to be friends, then that would have meant that they have to have these relationships all the time. Where she's like, well, that hurt me the way you talk to me in the kitchen. Do you think that was respectful of me as your friend? It's like, oh, fuck off. You're going to be crazy. You can leave. Yeah, seriously. respectful of me as your friend it's like oh fuck off you're gonna be crazy you can leave yeah seriously so then hannah does the next best thing which is she calls bobby into her room and she's just fully topless it's like all right let's hit some six now you're hard yet are you hard are you hard wow yeah she sure did so she's's like basically attacking him, right? Yeah. Because we didn't really see what happened.

We hear smooching and then it comes around the hall and we see her and Bobby wrapped around each other. But they're not quite making out. Yeah, because she's on the bed still and he's standing at the bed. Yeah, it was kind of weird. But then the next day and she's like, oh, I can't stop looking at Bulby. If Bulby's in the room with Eddie Shitt, what else are you going to look at? It's like, oh, God, poor Hannah. And then, of course, Bobby's like, oh, gosh, I don't want to lead her on.

Shouldn't Bobby be in a cartoon where he works in a national park? Don't you feel like that should be it? Yes, oh, my God, thank you. Yes, he needs like a yellow stone hat right and there are people always like causing problems in the park he's like i'm gonna get you i'm gonna get you and he's always like i told those kids not to start fires he's basically like a long lost hannah barbara cartoon yes pretty much um his face is like cartoony enough he just needs like a bigger head on the little body so he goes down to julia who's still totally not into him like you're

a different part you're a different part oh where am i you're you're farther ahead um that you're unless you want to do a character by character which we can also do yeah okay let's do so then what happens later is that again she hannah finds bobby and this time they actually make out they make out on the deck and they're they're kissing etc okay so they were kissing no no no this happened there were two times the first time she was topless and she calls him into into his room into her room and and they're sort of embracing. And he's like, all I see are titties. All I see are titties.

But then later on, they're not really fully making out. But then later on, they're on the deck. And then they are fully kissing and making out. And that's when you hear that Joe Millionaire noises. Because he wakes up and he's like, well, I don't want to lead her on. And I'm going to turn into Shep. well i don't want to lead her on and i'm gonna turn into chef but uh he doesn't want to lead her on and and he doesn't want julia to think that he's into her because he likes julia more and still thinks that there's going to be a chance there because no means yes guys no means yes anybody who's considering date rape out there you learned

it from below deck so he goes to jul Julia who's like doing ironing or something and she's like, hello there, friend. By the way, she's always in that little closet. I feel like she spends 95% of her time ironing. The only person

who's ever been happy the whole time. She's like, here I am, my little friend. I'm ironing. What a lovely date. Holding iron in your hand, isn't it, mate?

Kate Chastain was probably so jealous. You know how she loves ironing in there i can be away from everyone um so he's like well bobby liar he is such a liar every time he tells the story it's totally different than what happened and he's like well we were hugging but it was like hugging too hard and then she started like smacking on my neck and then like she was like licking my neck and stuff and I'm like oh god you know he's making it sound like gross

and Julia says I don't know what he's doing here am I supposed to get jealous I'm not sure but it's pretty creepy I'll tell you that right now straight up now tell me are you trying to make me jealous forever or are you just a cold hearted snake i can't

tell you know what it is with bobby always one step forward and two steps back am i right well you know what i always say it's hip to be square i like that just don't want to huey lewis so um by the way and and and previously earlier like the night before she like found found Bobby's sunglasses or something. And she showed up and did a little dance. Like, I found your sunglasses. And then she gives the sunglasses and walks away. And he's like, dude, Jen, what am I supposed to do with that?

That's totally flirting. I'm like, it was not flirting. You guys are friends. She was acting like a friend to you. Yes. He's just failing so miserably. And it's not even fun to watch because i really like her so i'm like please leave her alone yeah just leave her alone you're getting

gross now exactly and i also kind of felt bad for hannah because hannah has this like faux i'm in charge of the situation and she's like bobby is is one of those men you can just sit with a cup of tea and just observe you know know, he's someone I like to have fun with. Just have this like a toy. I'm like, I know you're trying to seem empowered right now, but you realize you're going to Bobby. It's an act of desperation and he's not into you. And when you find out he's not into you, you're going to get you become furious. You actually have no control in this situation, despite the fact that you think you do.

I know. Maybe sad for her. She's going to be mortified. Yeah, exactly. Because he is doing that fakey thing. And I guess you could argue that Julia is kind of doing that with him. But she said flat out, like, I have a boyfriend. That's it.

You know, this isn't going to happen. And he just keeps going after it. But he's not doing that with Hannah. He's just, like, kind of keeping her as the emergency vag. Exactly. So let's talk about the guests for this charter. The life vaget, if you will. This is my...

Stupid. Life vaget. Vaget Brewster. So I think that this was like my favorite group of charter guests. It was just like a bunch of lovely older women who showed up just having a great time. And they were just like, oh, well, you know, the duvet I had was wonderful. Oh, look at that lapis lapis in the countertop. It's just great.

Let's get in the jet ski. Oh, it's 11 p.m. I think I'm going to turn in for the night. I was like, I love these women. Wait, wait. Before we go to bed, girls, let's have a real girls night. What do you think the floors are? What textile?

Come on. What textile? They knew every textile. They do textile they do everything look at those edison bulbs oh and look at this lepine it's like really they were i mean honestly like they were just they're my favorite i was like so nice to have a break from douchebag guests just even for us as viewers they were so cute and i love that the lady made all of her money teaching other women how to invest in economic crises and i was like what this brexit thing she's probably like all right girls get ready to make some money

she's like one of the people from the big short just waiting for everything to fall down so she can take enough money for her next cruise with her girlfriend and you can tell that they were really lovely women because when ben made those horrific s'mores they were like wow you really acted yourself ben i was like those i mean they were i they were so disgusting because they bought like flavored what they buy they bought flavored peeps they weren't even using graham crackers. It was like a total disaster. And Hannah couldn't even say it. She's like, all right, ladies, are you ready to have some smears?

What's a schmear? Anyone? What's a schmear? You put it on bagels. So they're going to have bagels? No, no. They want s'mores. Smears.

No. Like this is about to be another huge fight with Ben. Just get the word right. Write it down. Do me a favor. Not call it s'mores. S'mores. Like this is about to be another huge fight with Ben. Just get the word right. Write it down. All right. Can you do me a favor? Not call it S'mores. S'mores.

Call it S'mores. Proper name now. A S'more course is for breakfast, darling. We don't even use that word. Well, welcome to Europe. I know, darling. I'm actually European and you're Australian, so... You don't have to give me attitude, Ben.

That's right. I suppose you just want to make everything a Barbie, don't you? As a work colleague, I take that personally. Oh, of course you're obsessed withby since you've been so let's see so these ladies were cute there was zero drama and they all got to go to bed early which means that the um the cast got to drink when they went to bed which means that brian got to be a total asshole douchebag with one in his system. Not that look. He is such an asshole. I mean, even before this, he sat down

Danny at the beginning of the episode. He's like, alright, I want you to make a list of things that you can improve, and I'll make a list of things that I think you can improve, and we'll trade notes. It was just really condescending and one of those typical middle management supervisor dick moves. I'm like, ugh, you know, Danny is a disaster,

but why are you making me take his side now, Brian? Pretty much. That guy is terrible. And then Danny writes like a two-year-old. He's like, and he shows them the list. It's like, stop being so nice to the guests or stop being the most viable person and just be a team player um danny's stupid and i was glad he was bedridden for this episode so i want to ask you something from a previous episode that i didn't watch what happened

when ben got mad at hannah over that entree discussion and then went and tattletaled on her. What was that? So what happened was that this group, they wanted to do a Valentine's dinner and there were, there was going to be like... Well, we talked about that one.

So I saw the fight where he was like you said there wasn't going to be an entree darling. She's like, oh, I thought that was the, or whatever. I saw that, but then was like, you said there wasn't going to be an entree, darling. She's like, oh, I thought that was the, or whatever. I saw that, but then in the coming, for the next episode, he went up to the captain and tattled to him. They got into a big fight because Hannah wouldn't admit that she was wrong.

It was just like a typical spat. And so then he went up to the captain and he ratted her, he tattled. And the captain was like, I don't care. I mean, he was just like, okay. And then he was, the captain was like, I think an issue between the chef and the main stew is between them. So what?

So then – Oh, is that okay? Yeah, no. The captain didn't care really. Okay. Nice try, man. You little bastard. Exactly.

Does she know that he did that? Yes. She was furious. That's why they were having so many issues. So then they had like a talk and everything seemed like it was resolved. But then it all kind of came to the fore again at the end of the last episode, which is why they were sort of having – they're a little chippy at the top of this episode. So that is the whole back story with that. with that.

And then you have, which is funny because then Hannah, in this episode, at the top of it, she goes and she rats out Danny because she's going to be like, fine, I'm going to get revenge. She has a better case, however.

But she goes and she tells the captain, like, all right, Captain, Danny's been taking photos of all the guests and showing them to other guests. And, you know, discretion is number one in this industry

as they're being recorded on TV. And, by the way, Captain, that's something you usually get the boot for pretty quickly. Like, wow, you are ballsy. Well, he was taking naked pictures of them, right? Well, here's the thing. No, well, I mean, he was taking selfies with the girls. Oh, I thought he was taking ass pictures because someone was like, yeah, he's taking pictures of their asses and then showing it to the other guests well they hannah made it sound like he was sneaking around taking photos um and to be fair the photos were totally like under

like everyone consented it was photos with them so it was it really wasn't a big deal but if if the code of ethics amongst yachties is not to do that then it is a big deal well it's another one who doesn't tell the stories right because she also told the captain that he was standing there watching uh danny was standing there watching people have a threesome and that's not what happens yeah exactly and the captain the captain seems to understand this because he didn't fire danny and instead he just scolded danny He was like, I'm going to take your phone at the beginning of the charter. And Daniel's like, oh. Oh, all right. I mean, I understand if you think you have to do that, but you don't.

If you need to access anything, the password is MVP. It's MVP FYI. Please tell me if I get, look on my Bumble and see where that model is, okay? Just tell me where she is. So, yeah. So then... But then...

Well, we'll get back to Danny in a second. Let's go back to Brian, because that's where this all started. The captain's going to fall in love with Danny's mom, because you know she calls five times a day. He's going to be like, well, hello, young lady. Maybe it'll be like a Cyrano thing. He'll be like, this is Danny. And his mom will be like, I'm so in love with you. Well, I'm still here, mom.

It's like, it's the mother I never had. Captain whatever my name is. We still don't know what his name is. So Brian being a dick. So he is, first he's being a dick to Jen, which is always funny because when Jen and Brian have a fight, I never know which side to take because Jen's kind of like, uh. But then Brian's such a dick, too. He's being, that guy's being such a dick, and you know I hate dick. It's like, okay, lesbian, we get it.

Yeah. But then Brian, yeah, so Brian gets drunk at night, and he starts bossing around. He finds Jules. Because what happened was the captain had been in the crew mess, and Brian was there, and the captain was like, this place is a mess. Can you guys clean it up? And so then Brian goes and gets drunk, and then at 11.45 p.m. tells Jules to clean it up. And he starts bossing her around and bossing Hannah. And it was such a douchebag.

Oh, he was so bad. He went in there and he's like, you're going to clean that up? You've got to clean it. She's like, all right. You going to help us? No, you do it. And then she's like, all right. She's like, Julia's just trying to make light of it.

And she's doing it. She immediately starts cleaning. They're both cleaning. And then he just stands there. And she's doing it. She immediately starts cleaning. They're both cleaning. And then he just stands there. And he's like, that needs to be swept up. She's like, all right. You want a broom? And he's like, no, you can do it.

She's like, oh, fuck off. I like that Julia's like, fuck off. Yeah, and I like that Hannah turned around. This is when I really enjoyed the bitchy side of Hannah. She turns around. She's like, all right, you know what? You can't talk to my people like that. She really stood up for Julia, which I thought was very admirable. And when She turns around, she's like, all right, you know what? You can't talk to my people like that. She really stood up for Julia,

which I thought was very admirable. And when she stands up, she stands apart. She does not back away, and I really respect that. Listen here, mister. I don't think you should be talking to her like that. He's like, I'll talk however I want, bitch.

He was really like abusive husband in that. was not good and then he goes and of course is bitching to who is he bitching to ben or to the guys he went upstairs to drink more wine and yeah he's bitching to them he's just terrible and i like that the lesbian was like or jen i should stop calling her the lesbian that's so rude but jen is uh the whole episode he's like she doesn't even know how to tie a proper knot yeah and she's like uh he has a different way of tying the bala knot or whatever it is yeah it's like there's more than one way okay like what an idiot he's on her the whole time he's like hey you want to practice knots she's like yeah not not fuck off but she also has the most juvenile response she's like unless you're the president of the united states i hate being bossed around

like she's waiting for obama to call her and i love that jen's like i love that jen's like listen who do you think you are my boss like that is your boss yeah just do it you have a boss you're gonna get bossed around you dodo bird i know like so i always go back and forth i'm like uh who's writing this argument i'm like he's on a power trip she has been doing this a long time but she does seem like she's not that great at it and he does seem like he has a point so i never know what i'm where i stand on with those two um but i did like that she said you know i don't think he's an evil person like i've seen him be nice but he is like he does have a huge head and he's definitely sexist yeah and that's true and he wears a lot of makeup in the interview segments

so yes and he has highlights so then danny is sick and at first everyone thinks he's faking it but over the course of the episode his temperature keeps going up it's like 102 then 103 and then then it comes down to 102 and i thought it was actually so cute when ben found out that he had a temperature of 102 that ben went like running down there's like hey it's a cold compress and i like, that's so cute that he's like a mother hen to Danny. Well, someone needs to take care of Danny. Daniel. Once your body gets that hot, your insides can cook like an

old tribe, alright, darling? I'm concerned for Danny. He's, I mean, his fever was up to 103.6. That's crazy high. And he was having sharp stomach pains. i feel like he has appendicitis oh dr ben dr ben has has chimed in everyone i don't care clear him i like the captain's like all right well we need to get him off the boat so i'm ready back they were more

concerned about the guests getting sick than the fact that that danny's organs were failing him my guess is that it was mono and he probably got it from that hoe yeah and they're like wow hannah has some serious voodoo going on australian voodoo now do you want to be my friend my colleague or do you want to die of mono there's your options uh i mean while he's like dying And they're all like Everyone's responses vary from like I don't want to sleep in this to Wow, we're getting so much work done now that Danny's dying

Yep Well, it's true I mean, the little God bless his little heart Get him off the boat Yeah, get him out of there So that pretty much wraps this up for today, eh? Eh?

Yes, it does. Fun times, as usual. Good podcasts, good chatting. Fun times. Everyone come join us for the hangout tonight. And if you miss it tonight, then there's always next month. We can't help it if you lose. You want to be our friend or our colleague?

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Thank you everybody. Thanks. Bye. Happy July 4th. Oh yeah. Happy independence day. Y'all today is our podcast independence day. Bye. Hey prime members. is our podcast Independence Day. Independence!