Watch What Crappens - #3071 Below Deck Med S10E07 Part One: The Blah-chelor

Episode Date: November 11, 2025

This is part one of a two-parterKizzy has dumped Tommy on Below Deck Mediterranean, so she’s got the boys right where she wants them…until a new hottie stew enters and ruins K’s chance at a first place prize in the cleaning and possibly the shagging departments. Let the games begin! Also, a run down weirdo has a dating show on the boat. To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watcher Crappins ad-free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. What would you do if the ocean vanished, only to come rushing back towards you as a 30-foot wall of water? In this season of Against the Odds, we live four extraordinary stories of survival during the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami, the deadliest on record. Listen to Against the Odds on the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts. What happens? Watch what happens when there's so much than crap is. Well, hello, and welcome to what happens.

I'm Ronnie and that's Benjamin over there. Hello, Ben. How you doing? I'm doing great. Thank you, Ronnie. how are you doing and hello good you look very handsome i enjoy your prep you shirt thank you it's my little unique low shirt oh looks very handsome well welcome to the show everybody today is below deck day very exciting times here in the crappins universe it's also bravo con week so we're going to go

that should be fun getting our fits together and um we are having a meet up in los vegas for crappins listeners it is free. So come to it. If you're going to be in Vegas, we'd love to meet you. Okay, because that's what it'll meet up is. We all meet.

We hug. Talk about our dreams and ambitions. Can I say something? I think we can officially upgrade it to party. It's not a meetup anymore. It's now a party. Oh, it's a party. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, it's a crappence party. Jenny's. I'm so sorry. It's because I'm from Austin. And that's always Jenny and Amy. I feel like our two just, you know, girls fighting on the on the playground.

like he's going to eat my ice cream he's going to eat mine love you both and so excited to be because you know that's ben's dream and it's become my dream as time has gone on because ben introduced me to jennies and then jennies introduced me to jennies and now i love jenny's the only relationship we're all swallow who love their ice cream and is that approved messaging you will you will be getting free ice cream over there so come there will also be booze that's not free you have to pay for that but it's free to come so come it's going to be at a place called beer park it's in the paris hotel and casino so it's right there on the strip by um provocon and the hotels and all that good stuff so we hope you come it's at 10 p.m on saturday night we're going to be partying so bring your

party shoes also amazon live was a disaster yesterday because the app broke so we didn't ditch you on purpose we will be finding a way to make up for that soon we don't know when but very soon we'll be doing that. And what else do we have to say? If you want videos of these recaps, they're all on video now. Go over to Crappins on demand on Patreon. And that's where you get bonus episodes this week. We are doing Real Housewives of Beverly Hills trailer. And that's it for the announcements. Let's get, do you have anything to add my little sugar plum? Um, I just want to say I'm really excited for Jenny's. I just want there's, you know, there's not a single Jenny's ice cream shop in all of Las Vegas. So if you want

Jenny's ice cream on Saturday night. We're going to be the first Jenny's shop. We are introducing Jennings to Las Vegas, baby. That's kind of weird. It's like a 10 o'clock party where we're going to be like, yeah, let's make some, let's make custom drinks and get ice cream because that's how we roll. I mean, you know, that's exactly how I roll. That's what I'm doing at any 10 o'clock.

I'm like, I want one of those two things, if not both together. But no, just to clarify, Jenny's is providing some ice cream for everyone and it's be a super fun time um but yeah i'm gonna be getting lit uh so any who yeah kitty all right let's get to it we are here with below dick mediterranean um which is fun you know what a fun show what a great show guys this one is season 10 episodes of seven it's called le vi and bros levin bros um which i think means max is jealous because his parents got divorced i don't I don't really understand his thing. Or his parents didn't like him.

So he's sad because bros are broing without him. Yeah. I didn't really understand, but it was fun to watch Max cry. It makes more sense when you realize that Nathan is his dad. And you're like, oh, that's why it hurts so much. It's getting to get it all over again. Daddy. Daddy.

Buddy. A lot of French men with daddy issues on below deck these days. This is like the second season in a row. It's like we had Anthony last season, be like, oh, my daddy. this is for your daddy and now we have max been like oh i do not speak to my daddy so i was hoping to get daddy love from nathan so well yeah but max uh the other dad was passed away right so he would that was true that was still the issue it's a dad his dad died a lot of discussion about now let's not bury the lead though this episode yes max was you know feeling like you know

he's it's an a and b conversation so he needs to see as well way out of it. But the real story with this episode is that Bravo decided to experiment with Blending a dating show with Below Deck by having this guy on there and bring on like six or seven ladies to see who would be his, his forever love. And by forever, I mean, for the next weekend or something like that. So it became like a dating show. And I have to say they promoted this. It was in the trailer. They really pushed this. And I was. like, oh, my God, this is ridiculous. I actually loved it.

You loved it? You know what? Because it was like very small. It was like on the side. And like so much of it was about the crew making comments about what they were seeing. And I just, I kind of loved like having a focus on an audience reacting to a dating show essentially. Yeah. Is it human trafficking?

I mean, what would you call it? This was straight up human trafficking, right? I mean, I'm not really sure. but when she said the ladies are all from her service, I was like, oh, that's fishy. That's not a great way to put it.

She should say they're all clients of mine looking for love, but not be like they're from my service. Yeah. And then the guy, the bachelor, I mean, look, I'm used to the bachelor.

I used to recap the bachelor. But, you know, that guy is generally hot and has something going for him. Like he's either an ex-football player or an oil magnate or, I don't know,

they've been getting worse like Peter the pilot. And I was like, I think you're maybe a Spirit Airlines pilot part time. Like, I didn't really believe it. You know, they get lower. They're like, oh, it's an accountant. Who's this guy? What's he do? He's got a baseball glove for a face. The man is severely sun damaged and bald and not very nice. So I'm not really sure why anybody would be fighting for him. I'm saying hoes. I'm saying this was a boat of hose. That's the only way I can I can get it right in my head because no normal person is going to do this. Um, I, those aren't normal.

I just mean no, no person who's not getting paid is going to be trying to date that baseball glove on purpose. I know. He was kind of like a low rent, temu version of Chip from Chip and Joanna. And Chip is already kind of a taboo version of himself. He does have chip vibes. Yeah. He just here.

And like, Chip is all. There's no, like, high-end version of Chip. Chip is already entering the comparison at the Temu level. So then when you add this, like, Temu version of a Temu thing. Yeah, I don't understand why people are clamoring for this guy. I mean, in some ways, that awful girl, you know, I kind of, I kind of bonded with her in a sense when she was like, I'm just in it for the yacht. But then she was actually so terrible that I couldn't, I had to. She's vile.

I was like, make her the new stew. Make her the new stew. Why isn't Anna the new stew? That's who we need. She's also a pathological liar, right? Like, you definitely got the sense that she was high on something and she just lies all day long. Because every story was like, well, forgive me for living. She's like a not, like, you know when you ask like a nine-year-old to like, oh, how was your day today?

It was good. Like, I saw a really famous person and they asked me to come like hang out with him. But I didn't go because mom said that had to be home. You're like, okay, that's fine. Like all her stories have had that kind of arc to it. like yeah one time i like flew to can for like one day and took a picture and then i left yeah it was so fun i was like you are a liar you got let out of your crate that they have you in on the human trafficking boat for some air in con and then you were put back in to be delivered to whatever

baseball glove you had to date next do not tell me that woman is not a traveling saleswoman that's that's um by the way i can't stop thinking about chip from chip and joanna i'm still convinced that that guy is emotionally abusive. I think he has anger issues and I think he probably like squeezes Joanna's arm too hard in confessional. Like there's something creepy about that guy. I don't trust anybody who smiles like that constantly like, like making the husband jokes. Something's wrong with Chip. Mark my words. Something's going to come out about that guy at some point that he was just awful this whole time. Oh, he's terrible. He's just the worst. Yeah. That's why Joanna always looks so miserable, you know? Always. Always. Yeah. But fuck Chip. Okay. So anyway, yeah, Anna, too. She's a liar. But I liked her, you know.

But of course, you know, I like all the terrible people in this. So they make it more interesting for me. So let's start at 7.30 a.m. Everybody's getting up. Josh is mixing something in a kitchen aid and explodes all over the place. So he grabs it by the head and shoves it down into the hot plate. Tells it to get the fuck over. Get with it.

He gets in shit attitude. Yeah. And Kizzy, her big thing is that she jokes. just broke up with Tommy on the phone. So now she is, you know what, hold on. Hold on, everyone. Let's also talk about Kizzy. I feel like Kizzy is just a, you know, she's, she is a toxic. This is a, this is, I'm not going to say she's a toxic person, a toxic girl, a toxic coworker.

I'm just calling her a toxic because she's just a toxic. And we saw it from the beginning when she was planting seeds to get like V sent out to the deck crew. we saw shadows of that one girl that was on below deck sailing i always forget her name but she stuffed her face full of pasta but uh kizzy she's not as like outwardly nasty as ashley that was her name but i thought that like this week when she that girl had like a full on tear in her skirt and she just let it go so that way the girl could be humiliated or would somehow like it would cause her demise. I was like, oh, you're a vile person inside, inside and out. Like, you are terrible. I'm like, I can't like, I was like, I thought, did she let her do it? I mean, did she see it?

Did we see her see it? Yeah. And she was like, I'm just going to ignore it. Yeah. She said, I probably should say something. And she then she like laughs. I'm like, you are so nasty. And you're trying to be like cutesy, but you are nasty. Oh. Yeah. I mean, I mean, she keeps talking like she's so evil, like she's here to be the villain, you know, she's like, I'm going to go on this TV show and I'm going to be the villain. It's going to be wonderful. But she's not really doing anything. I mean, she says in her confessionals that she's a villain. It's like, yeah, I'm going to steal that guy. I'm going to steal that guy. I'm fucking everybody on this boat. And I don't care. I'm going to be number one, no matter what. But then she's very nice to everybody. So I'm so confused. Like, her villainy is confusing and is actually pissing me off because I feel like she's catfishing me in the villainy department, you know? Mm-hmm. Well, that's why... Something is she's not giving it to me. Yeah, well, that's why I say she's, like, nicer. She presents...

She's not as bad as Ashley, because she does... She doesn't seem as bad as Ashley was that one season. But I just feel like I've got my eye on you because I, like, I see how you're undermining people in this episode at one point. She tells the new girl, like, oh, you know, V, she really likes Joe. She's very much like, he's mine. And, like, V never did that, but she's painting a picture of V as being this possessive. person that you have to be careful of like she pits people against each other in subtle ways and i don't approve and the producers are including all those little tidbits because

they want us to see it i mean or they want to make a narrative but they want us to see it primarily i'm just saying she's on my radar and i don't appreciate it i don't appreciate her the way she's moving yeah okay well i just don't appreciate that she's not evil enough i need more okay so that's but we both have problems not you're not getting a good yelp review from either one of us, Kizzi is like, oh God, I did call Tom last night. What did he say? I was like, how do you feel about me kissing other people?

And, you know, she's like, yeah, I feel guilty because he was like, what the fuck? But Aisha doesn't care. I mean, this is about, you were dating for a month. Stop it. Asia literally doesn't care. So Kizzy tells us, I can write people off quite easily. Like, I can break up with people I've been in a two-year relationship with

and be like, oh, okay, who's next? I'm like, are you still the same person who says, my greatest hobby in the world is love. I love, love. If I couldn't have love, I would want to replace it with, I don't know, more love. I just can't live without it. And then you're like, oh, God, yeah,

I just, like, kick people to the curb and on to the next one. Like, which one is it? Like, you have to, like, at one point, you have to, like, settle in on a character. Yeah, I don't think she's decided who she is yet. You know, she's just young. I think she thinks it's fun to be like, look at me. I'm sex and loving and I have so many partners.

But ultimately, I don't think she lives like that probably because she seems confused by it, you know? She seems confused by the lifestyle. And now she's like, oh, told me, what are we going to do? Yeah, I get over for people in two seconds, whatever. I don't know. I'm just not really buying it. I think she probably flies a lot.

Yeah. So we get snips of everybody getting ready for the charter. Josh is cooking, people are mopping, Kizzy's doing laundry. Aisha, Josh and V are in the kitchen together, and V comes to visit. And they're talking about Joe. Did you make your mind up about Joe?

Joe and V sitting in a tree. F you see K finger in the box. That's where pink comes out. Why does V have to make a remind up about Joe, by the way? It's not, it's like, what is the deadline? It must be just a production thing. Like, okay, by the end of this episode, we need to know where you're standing with him because we need to build the rest of the season.

So she's like, yeah, I dig him. And that was like the last thing V says all episode because she was just like relegated to the sidelines like, okay, well, your storyline's kind of wrapped up. You made it to the outside. And now we just want to focus on Kizzy. So V's like, I mean, I'm not trying to do anything serious, but like his attention seemed more like just like a regular boat fling. Yeah.

So I'm sure I won't get hurt or anything by, you know, opening my heart to this guy. And I'm just going to trust that when he says things that I have a beautiful soul and that he sees me as different from the other girls, that he actually really means it. And we can build something real on that. It should probably work out okay for us. So now Kizzy is planting some little jealousy seeds with Joe. And he's saying last night was so fun. And she's like, what was you necking V? He's like necking, me, necking. She's like, well, I don't know. You were doing little kissing noises. What was that? Because you're whispering. You're whispering. Oh, yeah. And the nose got in the way because of me big nose. That's what happened. So, um, uh, so then back at the galley, V is just saying, like, oh, yeah, Joe, he said that. He said, I'm really scared of you. Like, I'm like, why are you scared of me? He's like so mysterious. I think I really like him.

This could be real. This could be real between me and you. I'm so scared. I'm so scared of how you make me feel. Shut up, Joe. That's why he was saying he's scared. So Aisha's like, well, I just don't want you to get hurt. She's like, yeah, I'm not going to get hurt. I'm not going to. You are going to get hurt. Joe, he's a fuck boy.

He's a fuck boy with a receding hairline. He's in a rush to get as much as he can before it starts to fall off. So it's just like, it looks like V and Kizzi are both interested in Joe. And I'm worried that last season could play out all over again. And then we see Ellie and Brie with Ellie being like, You have violated girl clothes. And Brie being like, But I don't know about girl code because I lost it in the laundry room.

I had girl code here, but then I lost it because I tried to iron it with a curling iron and it got so curly. I couldn't recognize it anymore. What was the word that she would always say? I was going to ask you. It wasn't indubitably. Is she doing what she is supposed to be doing? that's for something like that but i don't remember the one once a season is done it's like all the jokes get like locked away and sent off to like luxembourg or something the dvary has been raised

to make space for a million more below decks oh so a show's like yeah jo's a sweet guy but he's usually just faking the shit none of this is real you know she knows his game so then we go to joe um with kizzy and um he's like oh i feel cheeky i feel cheeky now she's like he he he so now we see more cleaning and stuff like that and um the deck team are talking about doing the flats and the stainless you know and v's like to be out there not doing any more laundry she's like yeah i just want to kill it and prove that i'm an asset to the deck team oh yeah look at my muscle yeah man it's time for a commercial it's time for a commercial it's time for for a crappence commercial.

Picture this. You're standing on the beach when you notice something strange. The horizon doesn't look right. At first, all you can see is a thin white line stretching as far as your eyes can see. Then, the line starts to rise. But it's not the horizon at all. It's a wave. A 30-foot wall of water.

And it's racing straight toward you. On the day after Christmas in 2004, a 9.1 magnitude earthquake hit off the coast of Indonesia, triggering a devastating tsunami. It struck Thailand without warning. No alarms, no cell phone alerts, no evacuation. In this season of Against the Odds, experience one of the deadliest natural disasters in history through the perspectives of those who did everything they could to survive. Follow Against the Odds on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

You can binge all episodes of Against the Odds tsunami in Thailand early and ad-free right now on Wondery Plus. Guess what? There's a text. Bloop. Oh, God, it's Norma. Wait a second. This isn't Norma. This is, this is someone named Kathy. Oh, my God. My dream came true. Kathy came alive. Oh, God, someone get the chocolate. She's going to want it. Eck. Oh, gosh. All right. Norma, bloop. Norma, could you get us a water cooler? Because Kathy's coming on board. She loves a good water cooler. Bloop. Bloop.

Isha. Okay, question. Do we have any business suits? Because there might be a meeting. Kathy's not going to be comfortable unless she's in a business. business suit. Get that chocolate ready for her. Bloop. Hey, Norma, me, Sandy, again. Hey, speaking of water coolers, could we get a Norma cooler? Because you need to be cooler. Bloop. Hey, hey, Captain Sandy. It's Norma here. I am not going to get a water cooler, but what I can get you is a glass of water to throw in

your face. Because you being such a bitch today, I'm not in the mood. Bloop. Bloop. Yeah, you know what? having trouble on the boat here. I might need some new staffing because I think someone's on here because her name sounds like coozy. So, bloop. You know, for a moment, I thought you already had a staff as in a staff infection. That's what your face looks like. Bloop. Bloop. Rapunzel, Rapunzel, please take up your nose hair. Okay, you're black in the hallway. Bloop. Well, let me tell you something. If I ever drop my

Purpunzel here down the tower. Please don't climb it because I want to keep my head attached to my neck. What I'm saying is you're overweight. Bloop. Okay, you know what? You're coming for the kinkles now. I'm done with you. Bloop.

My bitch. Bloop. Love you, bitch. Love you. Okay. So now we see Nathan and what's his buns, Joe. And they're just being wacky. They're like doing like jigs and dancing around and doing like the river dance thing.

And then they're sliding wooden belly. They're sliding belly first across the wooden bar thing. It's a wooden belly. I wish. It's my dream. Yeah, it's very like slip and slide, except it's not a slip and slide. It's like a bar top or something. And so they're having fun.

And Max is just watching. And he's like, oh, no, that was my Nathan. He was my brother of arms. Now I'm forever alone. So poor Max. Beotene. Love me. Eotene.

Yeah, Max is starting to feel very, very lonely. And you see, don't you miss having someone to yell at and feel better than you should have kept that other guy around, Max. This is what you get. Yep. See, now you're just like the leftover. But, you know, he's thinking, okay. He's just like, well, daddy's life. Okay.

So he's, yeah, he's the third wheel. That's, he needs to be shamed. So meanwhile, Kathy is coming. Kathy, the new stew is coming. And everyone's getting excited. And Kizzy's talking to Josh. And she's like, are you excited? for the news to you, Josh.

She's like, oh, I forgot about that, to be honest, because you're my favorites to do it is. I just want to put a bunch of face paint on you and cram you into her car. I hope she's a lesbian. She's a Kathy. Okay, that's what she is. She's neither lesbian nor straight lady. She's a Kathy.

She's a lady who's going to be by the water cooler complaining about stuff. She's going to have stringy hair and crazy, kind of squinty eyes. She's Kathy. That's all she needs to be. Do you know any young people, named Kathy, by the way. It's like an old name, right? I mean, I have a friend named Kathy. Well, this is, by the way, Kathy with the C, which is important because that really speaks to the

comic. But I do have a friend who's Kathy with the C. And she's wonderful. But I agree, we don't really see too many Kathy's anymore. We see Cates. We get a lot of Kate, but we don't get Kathy, which actually made me really excited when they said her name was Kathy. I was like, oh, God, I love her. I was like, yes, I got Kathy. And she's pretty. And she's like, really on top of details. I'm like, yes. Yeah, so she arrives and we just see her from behind. It's like, done, dun, dun, dun, dun, it looks very sexy. She's wearing a tennis skirt, a little blazer, and her hair is all done.

She's wearing a hat. And she looks very pretty. I mean, we don't know yet, but she looks very dressed to be cleaning a boat, like very well-dressed. She is. She has really the little hat was what was really doing it. It was kind of like had an, it wasn't a beret. but it sort of reminded me of like Emily and Paris, the way like Emily and Paris shows up.

Like, I'm here to take over the city. And she sort of has that vibe coming out of the boat, but like British sounding. Yeah. Or is it Australian? Is she British or Australian? I think British, right? I think so.

Um, so Kathy comes and the boys just start falling out of the boat. They're like, oh, oh, Kathy, hello, hello, hello, hello. Cathy, Cathy, Kathy, Kathy. Yeah. And like, I'm a hugger. So can me a hug. And so they all have her. And just like, she reminds me of a young Mary Poppins.

She's a spoonful of sugar. Yeah, he is like, he's, he's very excited to see Kathy. They're all like, you know. A lot of people want to fuck Mary Poppins. I don't remember. I was very young when that came out. I mean, I've seen it older. I don't know.

She didn't give me like big, like, let's fuck vibes. Mary Poppins, right? You know, I've never seen Mary Poppins. You've never seen Mary Poppins? What kind of homosexual are you? I just, I don't know. I just haven't ever seen it. How do you even know anything about the suffrage movement?

I just know that there's umbrellas and I know there's that crazy song. Well, I know the super califragilistic espialidocious and chimney sweeping. There's that chimney sweep song, right? it's like what's it how's it go it's like da da oh no let's go fly a kite go go fly a kite something over the something flight beauty dody doody it's kind of boring

honestly Mary Poppin yeah not gonna lie maybe it wasn't really for gay people I don't think that's like a huge gay college movie Mary Poppins it's like a bunch of kids getting taken care of I'm sad my dad doesn't love me and she's like well I don't either but I'll teach you how to clean things like oh my god I love her And then penguins stands around on a ferris wheel or some shit. I don't know.

Dickman Dyke's very dirty in it. Oh, yeah. Because he's a chimney sweeper. Right. So I didn't like it. I was like that dirty guy's gross. We're really talking to him. Honestly,

it should never have been made in the first place. It's witchcraft. Like, I don't know why we're teaching our children that like you can fly with an umbrella. Like that's like unrealistic expectation. This is why children, this is why people don't know how to work anymore. This is why they don't have any work ethic because they just expect they can open up an umbrella and just fly off. to Madagascar. Well, you can't, okay?

Get to work. And it also really hurt the maid industry because, like the maid slash nanny industry, because I feel like every time there's someone working at your house, every kid's like, can you do any tricks? Like, no. Like, fuck, you fucking lame maid. Can't a nanny are you? Can't fly, can't make things fly through the air?

You suck. If you got time to lean on your umbrella, you got time to clean. Am I right? So yeah, she's a hugger. So she comes in and hugs people. And then she is like, oh, I'm a princess. You know that, right? And Aisha and Kizzy are just watching her.

And Kizzy's like, oh, my God, she's gorgeous. Fuck! I planned to ruins. I was going to be the hottest girl on the interior. Well, and see, just like Max, you got to be careful what you wish for because if you think that the producers aren't going to fuck with you, you're absolutely wrong. So now she's, Kizzy was so ready

to be like the reigning hot girl. Now that she's like, I'm finally single. I'm ready to be the number one. I will be the supreme. And then they bring in Kathy. So Max, like, oh, hello. I'm sorry. I was watching your eyes. What is your name again? She's like, Kathy. Oh, Kathy.

Max. I'm like, oh, I'm glad because I didn't remember your name either. Oh, no. Oh, mother's love deprived from Kathy. Oh, she's like, oh, it's because you were looking at my eyes too? I'm just like, no. Hello. And so they meet. And then Max is in the galley

with Kizzy and Josh. And Max is like, oh, I'm sorry, Kizzy. I'm sorry, baby. Don't cheat on you. Okay. She's like, you better not cheat on me because I just hit my finger really hard. It's like, oh, I give you off your finger. Kissy, Kissy, kis. So Kizzy now meets her competition, Kathy. Kizzy and Kathy, she's like,

How are you doing? She's like, I'm really well. I've been over in America for this season. Disgusting, I know. Awful. Do I look tackier now? It's my biggest concern. Well, I'm a chief stew on another yacht. And what about you? Are you the 16th stew? Looks like, by the way, you're washing that surface there. And she's like, oh, my God. So is this on your rotation? She's like, oh, well, I'm off. I'm off time now. I just get bored. I just have to work. You know, some days I wake up and I think I could sleep late. And then I think, no. I could take another step towards perfection. And that's always what I choose. Welcome. I'm Kathy. I'm here to ruin your goddamn life. Everything I passed sparkles.

I like that every time she passed a room, she would like reorganize things and then they would like have the cartoon sparkle over it. I love that. Kathy's here. Kathy's like, well, normally I'm a chief stew, but I'm going to slum it here. It's sort of like, you know, when Charlie's Theron put on that ugly face and didn't put makeup on one on Oscar, that's kind of what I'm doing here. but still version, you know.

What I'm trying to say is you're part of my slumming it experience. Okay, toodles. I'm going for the golden Sammy, or will it when you? Well, I thought I could do the Nicole Kidney version, put on a fake nose, or I could do the Charlie's Theron version and put on fake teeth. I said, you know what, I'll just be beautiful, but I'll do it in the laundry room instead, and I think that should work out. I will limp, though, while I do laundry.

Get a little Daniel Day in there just in case. Just in case. How my right foot? Ow, my right foot. It's the wrong foot. Sorry. Should I learn how to twirk? That might work well based on how Enora did upsetting Demi.

So I'm not sure. Anora. It's funny that you say that because I was thinking as they make her pass everything and it starts sparkling, they should have Cassie or Kizzy passing everything and just watch. watch it kind of with her away. You know, she's like, Dimmy in the, in that movie that she lost the substance. Was it? The substance, yeah. She's like, oh, here I go, it's finally my chance. I finally got the substance.

And then Kathy comes in and she's like, oh, God, why can't I walk straight? Why is my skin falling? Just lost your finger. Let's be honest, Kathy was birthed out of Kizzy's back. Now we all know what happened. They're like, Kizzi, aren't you two young to have a substance? They've given Kizzy some kind of. kind of a pill that she actually has to stay awake and watch what the other one's doing. Yeah, it's like a faulty substance.

It's like a cruel substance. I definitely could see Kizzy doing that scene in the middle of the substance where Demi Moore tries to put makeup on before a date and then she keeps redoing it over and over again until she looks like demented. That is definitely in Kizzy's future. And I'll give it like, you know, 30 years. Yeah. Okay, so we see Nathan showing V stuff.

And then we go to Kathy and the camera's focused on her butt because it's below deck. They're pervs. And so Aisha is called to the bridge and she brings Kathy. Okay. Meanwhile, Max is like, which one is your favorite, Jill? And he's like, Victoria, but she wouldn't want a man like me anyway because I'm not after a relationship. I'm like, wow, here you go. Already dumping V the second.

Yes. You have a chance to jump to something else. God. And also laying the groundwork to say this is going too fast. it's too fast and like oh she's so committed she's so into me and i just don't want anything that's serious i'm going to have to dump her i'm going to have to dump her she's cray cray oh my god look at these crazy women can't control their emotions yeah he's already not act like they're can they like not act like they're picking out a toyota camry like so which one's your favorite

hmm i like the one with the anti lock brakes oh but i like the one of the sunroof the glove compartment's a bit rattledy on that one bro i'm not sure about it um But I forgot what I was going to say But yeah These guys are gross Oh I think he's already He's already working up To use the defense of like

Well I'm sorry Your boyfriend's dead But it's not my fault And you can't You can't treat me like him I'm not him Get off of me You know like trying to make her

He's going to try And make her look crazy Like she's trying to transfer The dead boyfriend On to him You know And he's also like A little bit doing

The Madonna and the horror thing You know that concept Where someone is like So is a Madonna The Hoars? Like the Virgin Madonna or I don't know what it is but like one person is like actually too special so you actually don't do anything with them but then like you go to like the whore and the whore is the one that

you'll actually like get all sexual with because they're the whore you know what I'm saying so he's I feel like the more he talks says like oh V you know she's deep she has a soul she's been through things the more he's actually sort of putting her in a box of like well I can't touch her. So he's going to lead her on, but he's not going to do anything with her because she's actually too sacred. But then he'll like slum it up with Kizzy or whoever. I'm just going to ask why he would have done psychological with her. It's just something new came in and he knows all the guys want her. So he wants to win. That's what I think. It's called the Madonna horror complex. I just want to say the Madonna horror complex.

It's my friend. Or my mother would call it the Madonna Madonna complex. I remember one time we were in a department store or something when I was a little kid and like a virgin came on and my mom was like covering my ears through the store. She's like, do not listen to it. Do not listen to it. That is just sin. She's like, why are you playing sin in the stores? Is this a family-friendly store? Because you were playing a prostitute's music right now.

My dad has been dealing with 40 years of an internal question. saying she doesn't even have a voice why why is she on the radio she doesn't even have a voice she's not hitting the notes that's my dad every time a madonna song comes on almost before auto tune give her a break i mean he didn't he didn't have a terrible point honestly yeah okay so captain sandy's like okay well you know look hey kathy got a water cooler for you can't wait to hear you to hear what you think about nine to five life my right anybody inviting Kathy to their birthday party? Didn't think so. Kathy, this is going to be fun.

It's going to be like having Norma here on the boat. Okay. So excited for you. So anyway, Aisha's a great leader. Okay. And I've been looking at your CV. You were a chief suit. What do you think about that, Aisha?

Little competition there. Oh, I'm just so happy. It's two. Have you been one? And she's like, oh my God, fuck yeah. Yeah. And her mouth just hangs open for like 10 minutes. So Captain Tindigo goes, well, okay, so Kathy will begin charter today.

Do you have anything to say? But I can't believe this. Count any man in your age bracket fix anything. Is your generation letting the fine art of fixing things just die? God, I love, I love when you just speak the truth, Kathy. It's just so fun. Like, you really just nail it. So meanwhile, we go back to the other.

people, Josh and Kizzy. And Kizzy's like, I mean, she's a fucking chief steward. I feel like my life's about to turn into a living hell. I mean, she won't want to be in laundry. And he's like, well, at the end of the day, she signed up for this. And if she doesn't want fucking do it, and there's a door, right? We'll remember that, Josh, next time you complain about some, about cooking something for someone. Next time you complain about cooking up some Sichuan chicken at 2 a.m. I don't know why I'm coming for Josh. He's right. So then, uh, now it's It's time for a preference sheet meeting.

Okay, okay. Preference sheet. Okay. My God, I really want to be on the Kathy side of this, but I got to stick with the deck crew because it's closer to wind. Okay. So, this is a cool charter, everyone. We've never done anyone like this.

It's our first time we're doing a charter with a lady who works a 95 job. Okay, Kathy, come on, pick it up. Tell us what's going on in your workplace. Kathy, tell us a little bit about yourself. Well, you know, as I always say, three bagels, two bowls of fudge ripple ice cream. 17 Oreos and a Twinkie. So what? It's not like he'll ever call me again anyway. Harumph. All right. So true. So true. Kathy. Yeah. Well, she's really, she's really teaching me.

She's really teaching. She knows things. She's been out in the world, you know. Okay. Well, this is a primary. He's enlisted as Joe. He's the CEO and founder of a wealth management company. And he's enlisted as personal matchmaker Amy. Amy is well in her field. and she really doesn't like other people, but she tries real hard for the cameras to put on a smile every now and then, so please enjoy that when she does that. But this is the first time she has ever hosted a single event for Clyde while they're chartering a yacht.

There were six eligible women to join him on this trip with the hopes of finding love. Oh! Oh, Kathy, do you have something to add to that? looks like you're raising your hand. Yes, I'd like to say something. My friends all hurry home from work to be with their husbands, and they plan every day around spending time with their children.

It just makes me feel like it's time to make some big changes on my own mom, and I think I'm finally ready to make a real commitment. And I remember my mom said, oh, sweetie, does that mean you're, you're, you're, and I said, I'm going to get a dog, mom. Okay. All right. So now the question is, who's he going to choose out of all these beautiful women? Well, the primary single Joe is coming on with six birds, but I'm the bad guy for only wanting two, you know?

Damn. And then we see a split screen of Kizzy and V. They didn't add, they didn't add Kathy yet. Which is interesting. Why would they? They never had me, do they? So back to interior, Kizzy is reading hers, a night two. all the women that are still on the yacht will have dinner together with Joe.

And then after the final breakfast, if Joe's made a lasting connection, then he may leave the yacht with his new, bought, and paid for girlfriend. Mm-hmm. Who's he going to pick? So that's going to be the whole thing. It's basically just like a mini bachelor happening on this boat and there's with eliminations and all. So basically, first they're going to pick up Joe and Amy and then they're going to go bring in the girls a little bit later. So now it's time to clean and Kathy's walking around like the crew mess she's like hmm I don't know this is really driving me crazy and she goes just she just starts cleaning everything like crazy yeah it's just

messy like in her eyes she's a perfectionist and so she is even organizing the pillow at the crew table which is is something she's like this is too much for me I just can't do it you know oh god act can I just say ac I think about how much I love my own time. I love getting to do whatever I want. Me, Kathy. Thank you. That was one of my greatest quotes.

So now everybody's working. Kathy's removing provisions from bins with rubber gloves on. Okay, so she's very careful. And this might also means that she's committed crimes before. And then the guests arrive. And Aisha loves what Kathy is doing. She's like, oh my God, the crew mess looks amazing, Kathy. And Kathy's like, oh, by the way, Kizzy, the roles you did for the towels are wonderful, just wonderful.

I'm so excited to know I'm working with such a knowledgeable human being. She's like, Aisha did it. She's, oh, of course. Okay, I'll find you something to compliment you about soon. Look at you. Look at you getting Joe's attention. What a handsome man. Congratulations, your gorgeous and you deserve it. That's actually, um, the oh all right well i'll keep trying i'll find something soon hmm the way that you piled all those rags on the floor in the shape of an amoeba instead of putting them in their own separate bin not my choice of how it operate but i love your

artistry i respect your voice that one yeah that was me i know i know dear dear kizzi i know so um now we see a wicked themed commercial with Ariana Beerman and Meredith and Sutton and Giselle. It's a lot of people on a wicked commercial. It was, I feel like, Bravo's best commercial since the heydays of summers by Bravo or whatever it was. I mean, I don't know. I miss those. So summer by Bravo things.

They really need to bring those back. That was great brand building. Why would they stop? That was like the best. That was the, when they would finally emerge, it was the best. But, you know, maybe we can relaunch that. Maybe we can get it to some people's ears of BravoCon this weekend and be like, you know what we really want to bring back?

Princess Lung Island? No, Summer by Bravo. That's what you want. So Amy is telling Bachelor Joe, Amy's like the assistant or the, no, not the assistant, the love, the love, the brothel owner. She's the bravaloner. And she's telling Bachelor Joe that she feels good and she's,

she's purchased a lot of amazing people to come on this boat. And he's just like, he has that like old, confused look in his face, you know? just like uh-huh yeah i can't wait to meet women i hope to find someone worthy of me on this boat get out of here with your knockoff tommy bahama clothes and you're you're nasty that you're greasy nastiness your chip face this guy's so gross and he says at one point that he's 47 he is not 47 you are not i'm turning 47 in three weeks you are not 47 your bald spot is 47 inches oh Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate.

That man is 60 if he's a day. Yeah. Commercials. Here comes one right now. He's definitely in his 50s. Which is fine, but, you know, don't lie about it. And then also getting everybody in their, like, early 30s to date. It's just guys are just so fucking gross.

A 23-year-old. Yeah. To quote Fergie. To quote the great poet of our time, Fergie. No, no, no. no, no, no, no, no, don't lie. And then I did a cartwheel, everyone, people who are not watching, I just did a cartwheel.

So, Kathy is cleaning, and Kathy's like, I have a question, Kizzy. Captain Sandy, so she gave me a bath mat, so what kind of tables does she have? And Kizzy's like,

one of the gray ones? Okay, is it a huge gray one? Or is it a normal size gray one? Obviously, you've been working on this boat for, I guess, six episodes of this season, and you should know which size towel the captain of the boat has, right? So which one is it? Can you tell me? Because he's like, I think the normal size one? Okay, your lack of confidence shows me that you're, as inept as I initially thought.

Thank you, carry on. Well, you're certainly not an abacus, are you? I'm definitely not going to be counting on you. All right. Thank you. Thank you for your time. So... I can know what an abacus is.

I know, dear. I know. Does that mean I get to kiss Abba? Yeah. So now V and Joe are talking about soccer. And he's like, oh, I played soccer. And she's like, what position? He's like, oh, the forward ass face position.

She's like, oh, my God, I paid forward ass face too. Isn't that great? Like, feeling like you're just so in charge of everything. Like, I'm totally on equal fitting as you is soccer. And he's like, I can't wait to dump this lady. I'm jumping out. Look at her hanging all over me with a soccer bragging. God, she's so clingy.

She wants to know everything about my childhood with soccer. And then we see, like, rival goofy photos of them in soccer. It's like, here's Joe looking awkward as a 12-year-old. And here's the looking awkward as a 12-year-old. Who looks more awkward? And then it cuts to Sandy, who's very serious all of a sudden. And she goes, finally, Nathan has an experienced deck team. so he can do his job properly.

His test as a bosun starts now. Okay, relax. Okay, Sandy. And now it begins, the great test. So then we go to Isha on the deck talking to Joe, and she's like, have you had a terrible relationship in the past Bachelor, Joe? He's like, oh, yeah, you have several of them, many of most of them. God, shit.

Ladies, am I right? Can't live with them. can't live without him. So then Aisha is telling us about her worst date. She goes, The worst aid I ever had was this guy that I was sleeping with. He ran me a bath and used dishwashing liquid instead of bubble bath. So I had to wake up the next morning and I'm covered, head to toe, and a giant rash.

So I hope Bachelor Joe has a much better time on a first date on a super yacht in Spain. Poor sweet Alicia, I mean, Aisha, that that's her worst date. That's your worst date story. Someone put dishwashing soap in your bath. I mean, seriously, you're too innocent for this world. Kathy just walks by and says, I know too much about life to have any optimism. Exhibition point.

I'll tell you who my best date is, myself. Shall I tell you? tell you about the guiltometer so for instance imagine my mom is saying you who and she has cake and i just say you're welcome the guiltometer okay so um bachelor jo's like yeah you know you get more particular as you get older you know my god about age especially you wanted to be younger you know i don't really have any kids in mine. It would be nice to go. I mean, I do have some kids, but it would be nice to go to a high school play and be like, that's my girlfriend. That right there. That's my girlfriend. She's like, well, I guess you get stuck in your ways, do you? She's like, yeah.

Yeah. Well, don't worry, you're not the only one with the comb over. Nathan's right over there, if you ever need to bond with somebody. This is like a Christmas carol for Nathan. It's the ghost of Christmas future is Joe. Except Nathan has a much better personality. So now we go back to laundry and Kizzy tells Kathy that she's like in the laundry doing stuff. And Kathy's like, oh, question. Okay. Do you have the separate bag for the rags?

You know the dirty rags? You know those disgusting rags you used to clean up things? You don't just throw them on the floor, do you? That's like, I mean, I was just in America and that's something that the Americans would do. But you're not from America. So you wouldn't do that, right? She's like, I actually do just throw them on the floor. Oh, oh, you do.

Oh, that's so adorable for you. Let's use bags. We need to use bags. We'll use bags. And also, do they just wash the rags with the regular clothes? Is that what she's saying? Because she's saying, do you have separate bags for rags and stuff? I thought she meant, like, are you just throwing them in with the regular uniforms and stuff like that?

Because that's nasty. I thought she meant, like, are you just throwing them on the floor? Like, when you're done, you throw them on the floor, and then you gather them up, and you throw them in the lawn. I wasn't totally sure. All I did know was that it was her subtle boss, bitch, British way of saying, you're doing it wrong. And I loved it.

So now we go to Amy. And she's like, when the women get here, Joe, I can go talk to them as a group and kind of let them know what to expect. You know, I'm going to show them a little golden pond. I'm going to show them a Paul Newman salad dressing cover and just say he's not really this hot, but he is this old. Okay, Thousand Island for the win. And then I'm going to say, okay, girls, come on up. Let's go meet Joe. And then one by one, he has a quick chat.

Okay, he's going to have a quick chat with each of them. Okay. It's going to be checking IDs just to make sure they're not over 32. Okay. We screened all the women and we asked, if you were still alive, would you fuck Richard Mulligan? And they all said yes. So they're approved. They're on the yacht.

We each said, okay, Richard Mulligan versus Dreyfus. And they all chose Dreyfus. They're going to love you. They are absolutely going to love you, Joe. There was one person who said, David Leisure, and we accepted that. We said that was fine. We said, you know, Joe Asuzu is okay. You're extremely popular.

There's a woman named Park Overall threatening to blow up the boat if I don't let her on, but I'm going to call her Bluff, not letting her on. I told her she can come on, but she can't actually wear overalls. And she said, that's just my name. And I said, okay, I wasn't sure you don't have to get hostile. And she said, you don't tell me who's to get hostile with who. So I said, okay, you just come on the boat. and you just get rid of her first.

Okay, just do me a favor. So now DeCan Joe takes some of V's water, and he's like, we can share it because we're sharing spit anyways. And then Sandy calls people to the bow for the anchor, and now it's bow time, but everybody's kind of running into each other and stuff, and it's looking a little messy. And Max is like, well, I don't know about this V and Joe's flirting.

It might be hurting us. So now we go back to The Bachelor, Bachelor Joe, and he's talking to Amy on the deck. And he's like, you know, I've come from a long history of not very successful relationships. So I have commitment issues. Oh, really? You wouldn't say. I mean, what part of courting seven people at once says you have community issues? I never would have thought.

And Amy's like, well, you did put here that you like confidence. What do you mean by that? I mean, I think it's a pretty straightforward sentence. Hmm, confidence. What does confidence mean? So he says, yeah, well, I've dated some folks that had some insecurities about themselves. You know, somehow I get involved with people that need things. So in order to weed out the people that need things, I decided, let me bring them all onto a yacht.

Because they probably want to come onto a yacht because they need this experience in their life. Well, that's the thing. He's basically saying, you know, know i'm rich so people are using me for my money and so i need more confident people i basically maybe i need people with money so i'm going to rent a yacht and get a bunch of desperate people from some dating service slash brothel who won't be using me for my money at all okay okay joe you're setting yourself up and i love that he's blaming all the women for just being so insecure around him joe i don't think they're the ones that are insecure they're not having to pay somebody

to bring them people that can't escape him. You know what I mean? Because this is a situation where they can't just leave the first date when they think he's fuggo or gross or smells weird. They have to stay. So he's just a gross guy. So she's like, oh, yeah, Joe, you're just taking the stray cats. Well, I've been a stray cat before.

Now I'm mama cat and I run all the stray cats. Don't damage the cats, Joe. Don't damage the cats. and then she gets onto attire and ascends up to the sky. So then so then Joe and Max are off

to go pick up the guests of the tender and everyone's talking about the girls are all on the dock talking about oh my God they're going to be partying suns at buns out or whatever and Bachelor Joe is like

do you want to put a bed on who I'm going to land up with and end up with and he's like no I don't because I want it to be me. So now the girls, the women get into the tender. And of course, Joe goes, I just have to say something. You all look fantastic, by the way. You all look fantastic. Okay, can you just like, you were there to pick them up. Could you like not be this cheesy with a guess? It's like borderline

offensive. Okay. I mean, it's nice to get a compliment, but like also, considering that he then turns and says the same thing to Kizzy in the kitchen, he's like, just want to see. You look fantastic. It's like, it's really the Carl Radke. You look great, by the way. Yeah, you look great. You look great, by the way. So Kizzy is talking to Aisha, and she's saying it's the perfect charter for her, because I just love, love. But now I'm getting on it, you know, and I'm getting on.

And so Aisha asks who's in her sights. And she's like, all of them. I think V will be upset with me if I get with Joe. So probably Joe. Why can't we just share? Why can't we do you? So, women arrive and Amy's like, everyone, these women are part of my service.

You can find them at 1,900, Amy girls. And then Aisha's like, oh, this matchmaker's a bit weird, but I'm so excited for the charter. Who's gonna choose who will it be? Let's fucking do this. I love that she just starts. I'm saying, the matchmaker's weird. Anyway, these girls seem great.

The matchmaker is weird. There's something fishy about this lady. She seems so miserable. She seems miserable. She is like, every time she has to smile, she seems so pained. Like, she hates Joe. She hates the women. And she just, you can tell she wants to let out her inner bitch, but she doesn't want to be a bitch on TV.

So she's just like really keeping it all in. She's holding it together. She's brass knuckling it. Well, just the whole, how the whole thing works. Like, okay, Joe, here's a bunch of girls lined up. Which do you like? Which don't you? All right.

Let's just get rid of those. You know, it's just so business-like and weird. It's like a job interview, and it's just, it's creepy. I wouldn't like my life either if it was, if it was like this, you know? It was probably a sizzle real. Yeah, it was, well, it was probably a sizzle reel. She probably had a sizzle reel going with a production company. And Bravo was like, we're going to pass.

So they said, how about we just, like, put her on the yacht instead. So she's probably so upset because she was supposed to have her own TV show and said she's getting like shoehorned into a below deck season. Yeah. So deckhand Joe gives them all the. all their shoes and he's like oh i've smelt all of them ladies gross and then um amy greets all the ladies and she's like ladies i cannot believe you are all here stretch your backs i know it was rough in those crates now listen there's a lovely bachelor by lovely i mean yeah it kind of looks like old yeller um in a bad way if old yeller had lived a little bit longer and not fallen down that well trying to save

timmy god i'm depressing myself aren't i well he's really old he farts on accident a lot. Just pretend you don't smell those. He's looking off into the distance. Just tell him, don't go towards the light, Joe. Come back. Come back, Joe. Because otherwise we're not going to get his money. Okay. Now, I'd love to introduce you.

Here he is. Shuffling, looking for the bathroom like it's three in the morning. Joe, it's still the daytime. Joe. Okay. It's Joseph, everybody. Now, if you start to talk to you about some little kind of like robot aliens that, like, are sitting in his tenement, uh, just, just humor him. Okay, he's really obsessed

with batteries not included. So just let him just let him just have that moment. If he looks bored, just ask him if he thinks Steve Gutenberg is gay and or talented. He will not stop talking for at least 15 minutes. He will offer to, uh, dive into the community swimming pool. Um, and just don't let him do it. Let him know that the aliens never came. came for me doesn't it it's dangerous for him to do it so one of the girls was like i'm ready honey and amy says there's love in the air that was chickpea farth i shouldn't have let had i shouldn't have joe have chickpeas is joseph so they all come up to meet joe and um they were supposed to go one by one but they tackle joe and we see their photos and description so we see anna first she was 20

23, Ms. World, which is very important if you're looking for a good relationship, okay? Beauty Queens only. That's all she needs on the resume. Is she, so Anna Alimant, so how she really was Miss World. That's shocking. I was like, because she acts so crazy. There's nothing about her that seems like a pageant person in this episode, but I guess, but I guess Miss World is different than Miss Universe, right? I wonder if Miss World is a different, okay, you know what? I'm just not going to go down this path. I'm just going to stop myself right now. Yeah, it's different. There's like Miss County and then Miss City and then Miss State and then Miss, you know, country and then Miss Universe and then Miss Worlds and then Miss Planet and then Miss Interplanetary, Miss Saturn. Miss World focuses on beauty with the purpose by emphasizing humanitarian work and social impact while Miss Universe celebrates confidently beautiful by highlighting confidence, glamour, and global ambassadorship.

So, I mean, I should have been able by watching the way Anna talk. and behaved on this episode. I should have clearly understood that Miss World was about emphasizing humanitarian work and social impact. So that was my bad, everyone. Well, I think, you know, another difference is like Miss World is generally the most fucked because it's the whole world and the whole world is fucked. So let's just face it.

So Anna, yeah, and I'm surprised she was 23 Ms. World, too, because she seems vile, like as a person. So then we go to Leah. She's a soprano opera singer, which is something. And I wasn't expecting that, except I was because I saw the previews. And then Alicia is a former champion bodybuilder. And Brooke has a master's degree from Harvard. We don't know what in, but really, she's going up against an opera singer, Ms. World, and a bodybuilder.

So at this point, she's just, she's too good to be here, right? Is Brooke the blonde girl who's like, oh, my God, poodles talk? Is she the one who, I don't remember which one was Brooke. But, and then there was also Mary Lee, who specializes. in red carpet makeup and her face is like her she's like it's like an extreme close-up on her face and i was like whoa be careful of this one but actually she wound up being one of the more normal ones turns out yeah i was like red specializes in red carpet makeup and that close-up face i was like red flags all around do the carpet i take it back show up like beige

okay so she does the makeup for the actual carpet yeah like hold on everyone don't walk on the carpet yet. So now they're going to do their one-on-ones, and Anna is taking pictures of the caviar. Which is so basic. I mean, not like, and I say that as someone who takes pictures of caviar, anytime I see it, I'm like, I'm like, I'm just saying, I'm basic and she's basic. We're basic together. Yeah.

And, well, it's just one of those things. Like, look, I'm around caviar. Ooh, I'm rich. That's the thing. It's like, I take pictures of things that, like, arrive in front of me that look. beautiful, but I would never go to a, to a, like a buffet. And if there's a caviar, they'd be like, oh, I got to take a picture of the caviar. So people know I'm around caviar.

Yeah. Yeah, but that's what they're doing. So that's what I'm, that's Anna's vibes. So no, I'm with you. I'm falling. I'm just reading the nets at the same time. So Josh is kind of looking at Kizzy in the kitchen. She's like, what are you looking at?

He's like, nothing, nothing. I was just wondering what my fucking tongs were. Oh, smooth. Smooth, buddy. All right. So now he's getting one on one time with Ashley. And he's like, you look amazing. And she's like, oh, my God, listen, this was a pretty hard first date to top. I mean, it was crazy. I was brought over here with my wrist tied with a bunch of girls I really didn't know. And then I was brought on a little dingy over to this big boat with an elderly person. And this lady taking pictures of eggs. This is terrifying. Would you let me off this boat? And then we see Amy talking to the other women. And she goes, guys, let me tell you about Joe. He is a great guy.

Okay, he's a finance guy. He's 47 and he's definitely 47. Don't even need to fact check it. So don't do it. And he already has two kids. He would love to have more kids. He just wants to have a lot of babies. That way he's not the only bald one in the household.

Okay. And Hannah goes, ew. Listen, it's not only about being bald. He also doesn't want to be the only infirm one in the household, Anna. She's like, oh, gross. And he goes, but he's all about chemistry. So things are negotiable. Like, thank you for highlighting that.

Because imagine if he was like, you know what I don't care about chemistry. I don't care if there's chemistry. Just find me a lady. So now Kathy's downstairs mumbling about herself. And she's like, oh, I suppose some things don't need to be washed then. Because things he just are not washed. and then she's vacuuming the washers and the dryers. There's too much dust on these.

Vacuum the washers. Vacuum, vacuum, vacuum, vacuum, vacuum. Vacuum, vacuum. When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye, eh? So now she's moving stuff on the counters and everything's gleaming and cartoon gleams, you know, and she's wearing her little rubber gloves. And it's like snow white has just passed all the gleams. everything's gleaming and gorgeous.

So then Isha runs into Sammy, Sandy, Sammy. Hey, Sammy. He's like, I can't stop making out with women, guys. So Captain Sandy's like, what's it like up there? She's like, it's good. We've got them hanging out there and taking them one by one. And they keep going up to him and saying, Santa Claus, when did you lose so much weight? Oh, good.

And then we see Nathan and Joe, they're talking about it. And Nathan's like, how do you reckon the day? going. He's like, oh, well, when you have money, you can do anything. Yeah, that's the way I probably would do it too, would you? He's like, yeah, like, light them, like, light them up, fly them in. Like, Nathan, you realize you had like a supermodel hanging off of your arm for like the past year and you're still like fantasizing on ways that you could like pick out the creme de la creme of the dating pool? Like, you realize you had something and you probably messed it up. I don't know if this is the creme de la creme. I don't think the creme to like

He's vandalizing. He's fantasizing off. Only he had money. He could just fly in the women and make his choices. It's like you already had someone really hot and nice. Yeah, send me a plumber any day. You know what I mean? He needs all this.

Just send me a man. A man who knows how to do something. Yeah. Ladies are mingling. Anna is like, oh my God, I want to take a photo. And so she like, she keeps doing this pose on the boat where she like leans back and puts her like hand on her forehead. her head and then closes her eyes and she's like oh girls love having a pose that they do all the

time i mean my niece does it she does this thing she does a cup she has like three that she goes through one is this where she puts her hand under her chin like this and smiles like really big she does it she's got like hundreds of pictures like that and then my favorite one that she does is where she stands straight with her hands on her hips and then she looks behind her she's not oh yeah that's the picture why are you taking the picture i don't want to see the back of your head what are you doing oh wait she's not she's oh yeah well i think that's like a jenzy thing it's like a gen z thing i think it's kind of obscure your face a little bit like there's also a thing that i see jenziers do where they'll take a picture but they'll have like their hands in

front of their face a little bit kind of like like you can't see it all it's a mystery you want to see more blocking or like going like this or like a hand or like a cup or something. There's also the Gen Z selfie. You know about the Gen Z selfie? No, what's the Gen Z selfie? Let me look. The Gen Z self, I'll describe it.

What you do is you take your phone and you, if it's an iPhone, you put it on the 0.5 lens. So it's the wide angle, you know? But you don't do it, you don't, you don't do it like, you're not aiming it towards yourself. Like you don't have the face forward camera. You do like the normal cameras.

taking a picture of like food or a landscape and then you turn the phone around and you hold it out in front of you and you aim the lens at your face and you just have to become really good at knowing which way it's looking it's kind of like how we had to do selfies back before we had front facing cameras and so you do this wide angle phone flipped around picture of yourself and um i've tried it a few times and i look crazy when i do it but that's the way the kids are doing it. That's what they're doing. I'll try to do one right now. See if I can do it. Okay, I want to see you do it. Okay, let me try. My office is messy right now, everyone. You're going to see a messy background. I apologize ahead of time. Okay. So I have it. It's on the 0.5. Okay. So I'm going to try

to take it. Okay. Okay. It's on point. Oh, no, it's not on point five. Now it's on point five. I'm going to turn it around and you use the side buttons. Okay. Okay. How did it? So this is how This is how it turned out. But what happens is, do you see? Yeah. Sorry people who are listening. This is not compelling content.

Hold on. Let me show it. Let me show it to be aware and see what he says. But what it does is it makes my head look tiny and my torso look enormous. Yeah, that's a weird. Yeah, that's a weird one. Yeah, I see what you're saying. They also like doing it really close to the face, but from above.

So it looks like your head is giant and then the rest of your face is tiny. weird the things that they do it actually completely distorts your body and it it looks it actually looks crazier than you can imagine okay i'm going to ask be what he thinks that's what bieler thinks of yourself it's the bueller cam okay so let's get uh back to it so now bachelor joe is talking to lea and she's like i'm an opera singer i just sing for president trump and he's like badass he goes i know i love him. So for anyone who is wondering who is performing at the Kennedy Center these days, keep an eye up for Leah,

the one and only performer. And now the one lady production of LeMay starring Leah as all the roles. She's like running around the stage. They're in the darkness. Leah. Because they can't sell any tickets. Hey, Leah, are you comfortable doing little shop because that will have required you to climb in and out of that plant? I'll do anything.

I'll let me green bottle from outer space and all that's green. Get back in the plant, Leah. I'm getting there. I'm getting there. So now, let's see. Sandy's just loving this speed dating. And then we go to Bachelor Joe talking to Alicia. and he's like, you know, my phone knows I go to sleep.

So it tells me it's time to go to bed. And she's like, oh, my God, you are speaking my language. Why are we awake right now? I love that he acts like the phone divined that. It's like you enter it in your settings when you like to go to sleep. And then the phone gives you like, you say like the health setting, right? You say how many hours you want to get per night. And then like it calculates when your alarm is.

And then it says, it's time for bedtime. He's like, wow, it just like knows me. I turn that shit off immediately. I turn all those things off the phone. It's like, time to stand up and breathe. How about it's time to fucking sit down and die? Stupid fucking phone. Tell me what to do.

Yeah, until you can start. For you to tell me to breathe the fuck out of here. It's like, what's that stupid? Yeah, stupid motherfucking phone. So, yeah, he goes to sleep at 9.30. He's like, yeah, my phone knows I like mushed up food. Will you mush up this food for me? It's caviar.

Mush it up. Hold on. I take a picture of it before you mush it up. So then the Joe's talking to Merrily and he's like, I'd like to go to Brazil. Oh, I have to invite you to go to Brazil. Brazil would have everything. Like if you want to go to the beach, we have the beach. If you want the mountains, really?

You don't say merely. You mean this giant fucking country of Brazil has a beach at a mountain. Oh, we have everything. You want to see a tree. We got trees in Brazil. Have you ever heard of sand? we have sands it's like the country has everything so now josh and the boys are talking in the galley

and uh they're talking to kizzy and he's like so kizzy when he loves and uh it's your turn to go talk to old man jo and she's like i'm up next they're like don't be a tramp kizzy and she's oh you're gonna get fucking smacked mate tiki so now we go back to him with anna and uh she's like oh this is my first time in barcelona unfortunately and she looks really uncomfortable. And he goes, isn't it amazing here in Barcelona? And she goes, um, yes, but it unfortunately can't compare to Centropay.

She thinks she's doing some sort of flex and he's like, um, you know, I'm the one who chartered this yacht. Like it's, yeah, impressed me with that. You mentioned Centrope. I'm paying for your trip. And now you're saying it's not good enough. So enjoy your old people in San Trope because that's who you're going to be stuck with. Okay.

Because this senior is not putting. up with you after 9.29 p.m. ma'am. I know. My phone is telling me it's time to go to sleep. So he's not into her. So now Kizzy and Kathy are separating laundry. And Kathy's like, so this laundry, this is, this is Joe's laundry. And Kizzy's like, yeah, he's so beautiful to me. He's mine. He's mine. Kathy's like, beautiful, isn't he? Has anyone else hooked up yet? And Kizzy's like, well, we and Joe did. And they're getting quite close. I think she's kind of like, he's mine, like jealous bitch, be careful.

Wee, we, we, we, we get too close. You'll get a stiletto in the eye if you know what I'm talking about. Watch out. Um, meanwhile, V and Joe were outside flirting. She's like, oh my God, this is wet. And he's like, oh, really? Who isn't? And she's like, that's hilarious, Joe.

So then Aisha is asking one of the ladies how it went and she liked him. Fine. And everyone's like, well, yeah, I guess he seems nice, right? right and then Anna is over there like making gross faces yeah deck team's getting the toys out and V is like yeah they're not even

using anything and then they're just doing some like some administrative stuff and Max Max has to go down like Nathan sends Matt Downs and then which leaves Nathan and Joe to hang out on deck and just have more fun so this is where Nathan Nathan I'm sorry this is where Max

tells us his tragic backstory he's like Nathan, like, along me on day shifts in the beginning, and then, like, his best friend come, and they change everything. Like, I'm feeling bad. And I understand that it's because I don't speak with my parents anymore. And, like, we have real bad relationship. And all these love that I lost I was like finding in friendship because I was, like, having connection with people. And what I couldn't find with people, I found with jellyfish. But I don't know. I just, I get emotional. I am so emotional every time you walk in the room. Oh, no. But it's good. It's okay. okay, I'd be good, that'd be strong.

Yeah, he really stretched that out into something. I mean, he's like, I hurt, my feelings are hurt because my parents. Wow, geez, we really blame them for everything, don't we? I mean, I blame my parents for everything. So I'm generally, I'm in, I'm in that, you know, like I like that. But this is a little bit of a stretch. You also could just be hurt by being demoted on the friendship ladder. I think just the simple act of it is enough.

Like, you don't even have to bring the parents into it. Like if you say, oh, the two of us were like, we're like the buddies and we were running things and now his friend came in and now I'm just kind of like the run to the litter and I'm sent to do overnights while they get to play and have fun and I'm left out. Like that's enough to make me feel bad for you. You don't even have to bring in the parents. Yeah, you don't need it. And I feel like that's kind of a modern thing, right? It's like if you don't like something, you can't just have an opinion anymore. It's like, well, my opinion matters because this is how I'm a victim, you know?

No, your opinion matters even if you're not a victim. Like you still have the right to have your feelings hurt. I agree. You don't have to be like, I have parental trauma. Who cares? Get over it. You're old. Like, just say you're pissed.

Well, you know what? At this point, then Kathy comes upstairs and goes, the story of a mother's life, trapped between a scream and a hug. I don't understand. You'll see it someday in the paper. So now, Joe is going down to the mess in complimenting Victoria and flirting with Victoria.

And it's annoying watching him because we've already heard him say things like, well, she won't be in the relationship with me anyway. So we know that he's getting ready to Lily Pat away from her. And he's still flirting with her really hard to make the fall harder for her, which is really annoying. And he's like, V, you're really an asset to the team. And Aisha's just like, oh, Jesus, because she hears it. And she knows exactly what he's doing.

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