Watch What Crappens - #310: Disorders and Cover-Ups

Episode Date: July 14, 2016

Timestamps below! Bethenny is shocked at being called cold on this week’s Real Housewives of New York, and Golnessa is shocked that anyone would tell someone in chemotherapy to quit smoking. No one is really shocked on Below Deck Mediterranean, but they iron a lot of stuff anyway. Enjoy! Timestamps: 0 Opening chatter. Toasters, Fabio’s gooseident, and Sheanna from Vanderpump rules what’s butter and what isn’t. 13:30 Crappens Mailback: Mrs. Beador Goes to Washington 34:15 Real Housewives of New York 1:36:15 Shahs of Sunset 1:59:40 Below Deck Med Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. For all our other links and extras, go to http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to the Watch What Crappens podcast, the podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on ye olde brobs. I'm Ronnie Karam from Trash Talk TV, the Rose Pricks Bachelor podcast, and Big Brother's Mother podcast. And here I am with the gorgeous, talented, internet, able, sexy, and well-fleeked. Can you say well fleeked ben mandelker from the b-side blog and the banter blender podcast thank you ronnie for those hi thank you for those kind words i'm feeling very well fleeked today my fleekness is really on fleek i'm not making any sense because

we were just talking before we started about Rihanna lyrics and how she just doesn't even bother writing any anymore. She's like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Great job, Rih. So, you guys,

thanks for listening to the show. You can find us at watchwhatcrappens.com. All of our links are there. Come to facebook.com slash watchwhatcrappens to talk to other listeners throughout the week about the shows as they air and the live show threads.

And also, if you want our bonus episodes or ringtones or want to do our Google Hangouts and all that fun extra stuff, come over to Patreon.com slash Watch What Crappens. And you get all of our bonus episodes. It's it for that. This week, we've been really going crazy with the Food Network Star. Oh, my God. So good. So go over there if you want to make fun of people, you know, crying about their terrible grilled cheese sandwiches

that they're making for a food competition. You know, we need to have a follow-up moment with our bonus episode from Tuesday because one thing that happened during that episode is that Ronnieonnie purchased a toaster oven live on the bonus episode and i had previously purchased a vitamix right before the bonus episode and we said that you know they're both scheduled to arrive today when we're recording and the big excitement is going to be whose is going to arrive first during the podcast.

I'll bet it's yours. Even though you have like doors and locks and all this shit to go through and you have to go up levels and then down these hallways and like they really have to work to get to your house. But you'll still win. I think they like the challenge because it actually arrived yesterday. You son of a bitch. I know. I know. I broke the rules my they it was supposed to arrive during the podcast so we could have our little game god darn it i knew you would

win you just have winter energy it's not fair did you wait did your toaster hasn't come no and i actually looked at the tracking thing and by the way it was amazon prime that's where so why we're so excited it was like a holiday you guys but um i don't even know who cares who cares really do i need to go off about my amazon prime for an hour no no one needs that i'll just say that uh i posted a picture of my vitamix uh and i put it on instagram it has 250 likes it's more popular than i think anything i've ever posted before in that case let's start talking about more products we want to order on the internet. What the hell are we wasting our time for? That's amazing.

I'm happy to also report that the picture, it was not just a picture of the Vitamix. I also, it's like a little collage thing. And it was a picture of the Vitamix next to a picture of Sheena holding up her tattoo saying, It's all happening. And then I tagged her and then she liked the photo. So I feel like my Vitamix has been present. Sheena liked your Vitamix photo. I feel like, we can bring everything back to Bravo, right?

And I feel like Sheena approving of my Vitamix makes it all the more spectacular. Well, she does like blended cocktails. She's saying, I'll take one of each of the premium. Rihanna wrote those lines for Sheena. I think I'm going to just try one of each of the prime cocktails. Nevitamates, preferably. Babies, just hear this. I'm going to take one of each of the premium.

I'm going to take one of each of the premium. I love your vagina. So, guys, today we're going to be talking about the Real Housewives of New York's neurotic asses and Below Deck Mediterranean with The Crying Man, which is my favorite thing to happen on TV. I love A Crying Man, you guys. And also, what's the other one? Shaz. The Shaz of Sunset. The funny thing is that we didn't do Shaz the other day because we're like, you know, this podcast has just been going on forever.

Actually, it was a shorter podcast for us. But I think the experience of talking about New Jersey and Orange County back to back was just like it took a special amount of energy. There wasn't enough energy to talk about exhausting people. Yeah. Those are some pretty exhausting people. It's like two shows full of like... You know, that's also what it sounds like when Sheena goes swimming. I'm so sick of people saying people from Azusa can't swim.

That's so racist. It's all happening. The butterfly. The free fly. Whatever. Crawl. It's all drowning. I feel like she...

I can't believe there's water in this pool right now. Oh, Sina. I can't believe it's not butter. She should replace Fabio. pool right now. Oh, Sina. I can't believe it's not butter. She should replace Fabio. She should replace Fabio. She should replace him 20 years ago whenever those commercials came out. It's like way too late.

She should because she could really expand the world if I can't believe it's not butter. I can't believe it's not a bed. I can't believe it's not broccoli bed. I can't believe it's not broccoli. Broccolini? What? Broccolini? Why do you have to keep reinventing things that are already invented, okay?

I can't believe it's not cat food. I just like thinking that Sheena would say, I can't believe it's not butter, really to anything. Like if she did get a new bed, she'd be like, I can't believe it's not butter, really, to anything. If she did get a new bed, she'd be like, I can't believe it's not butter. And it would totally make sense.

That's what she says when she sees Shays. I can't believe it's not butter. The mailman comes. I can't believe it's not butter. She was expecting Land O'Lakes in the mail. I just subscribed to Butter of the Month Club. I can't believe it's not butter. She was expecting Land O'Lakes in the mail. I just subscribed to Butter of the Month Club. I can't believe

it's not butter. Oh, I just found a parking space. I can't believe it's not butter. I can't believe it doesn't get butter. It gets better? I can't believe it's not better because it gets better she just goes down the entire aisle of like the of at the grocery until she gets to the butter no i can't believe it's not butter no i can't believe it's not butter

no i can't believe it's not butter ah butter butter i can't believe it it's not then she actually gets i can't believe it's not butter finally butter she gets home what i can't believe it's not butters i can't believe it's not butter how could i have done that oh i can't believe it's not butter going back to the store hi store i can't believe it's not better i think i'll have one of each of the i can't believe it's not butter. I think I'll have one of each of the I can't believe it's not butter flavors. Oh, Lord. This is a sign of things to come.

Brace yourselves over there. Are we even done with our little housekeeping? I don't think so. Yeah, we're done. We're totally done. We're done with the show. It was fun talking about Shaz. Bye, everybody.

Sorry about Shaz, Sheena, and my Vitamix. So thanks, everyone. It's been a great podcast could you imagine if we just ended the podcast we just end the podcast there and then we'll do like a second episode but people will be like wait a second what this is episode

it'll show up in people's iTunes it's like oh great episode 310 and we won't even number it or anything just say i can't believe it's not butter and then make people say that whenever it comes up in their feet again i can't believe it's not butter and then yeah i think that's really what we have fabio will rise from the dead actually fabio is still alive i saw him selling cheese and whole foods a while back yeah he uh i remember i had a trial membership to gold gym in hollywood and he would work out there and i remember one time doing like the like tricep push to pull down thing and uh he

was next to me doing it because it's you know it's like i'm one of those towers where it's like i'm on one side he's on the other and i was like i don't know how i could realistically continue doing this exercise with Fabio doing the same exercise next to me. It's just not fair or right. There's also, I'm sure, that smell of, like, really fancy kind of Old Spice. Mixed with margarine. Yeah, I imagine that he would admit that, which is good in a gym,

because, you know, it smells like feet and butts. I also remember going into the locker room once once and he was in front of the mirror combing i mean brushing his hair like marshall brady it was amazing he's like like 100 200 it's just like it just felt like an iconic moment hit her ass in the nose with a football yeah i should have done well he he himself once got hit with that bird remember when he went on that roller coaster no is that a thing i can't imagine fabio getting on a roller coaster like how does he even fit in that little car that guy is humongous i know this was probably like around 1999 or 2000 and there was a roller coaster um opening up it was the theme of the roller coaster was like gods and goddesses greek whatever so as a tie-in, they were like, let's get Fabio because he's sort of godlike.

He has that Zeus kind of quality to him. So he got on this roller coaster for his inaugural journey. And while the roller coaster was going, he collided. Like a bird was going by, he collided with a bird. A bird hit his face on the roller coaster. When the roller coaster was over, his face was covered with blood because i saw in a movie preview birds can't see through transparent things like they don't understand them fabio's just like a big plate of glass to a bird the bird's like i can't believe it's not zeus i can't believe it's not better, and I just broke my neck.

I was flying towards butter. I didn't know what an alcoholic is. Oh, Sina. I love that show so much. But alas, it's not on for a long time. So let's get on with the show and open some dong-diddle-dee-dong-dong-dongs, man. I know. We really, really happened.

By the way, the Fabio thing happened 17 years ago. Oh, my God. He still hasn't recovered. Just saw him in a whole thing. It happened on March 30, 1999. And I know this because there's an article, like, three weeks ago about it, saying, remembering the day Fabio got goosed by bush gardens. Oh, man.

Only in America do we have a fairy tale ending with Fabio getting smacked in the face with a bird. It's like the best disfigurement I've ever heard of in my life. Like Fabio could have had it all. He could have been the longest lasting, I can't believe it's not butter, salesman of the history of the world. But alas, a bird smacked into his face one day. Wait, it's actually wait i know we have to get on with the podcast but it turns out it was like a little different and more grotesque than i thought it was um on the ride task yeah so on as the riders hurtled towards the ground

at approximately 70 miles per hour there was a goose that had been nesting nearby and it flew in the path of the speeding coaster car um the goose hit the front of the car it was a goose that had been nesting nearby and it flew in the path of the speeding coaster car. The goose hit the front of the car. It was a goose. It wasn't just a bird. It was a goose. It hit the front of the car, which broke its neck, and the bird's carcass flipped upwards, striking Fabio on the bridge of his nose.

Fabio was disfigured by the ass of a goose. By a flying goose carcass. You know, that was some goose ass straight up in his face. Like, God can be terrible, but he can also be hilarious. You're awful, Muriel. Well, you know what I got to say about that goose? I can't believe it's not butter! That was Rihanna writing the lyrics to her mailbag song.

Rihanna, a song by Patti LuPone. Where have you been all my life? All my life, life, life, life. Well, how have you been all my life? Umbrella, hello, hello, hello. We all need an umbrella, don't we? Okay, we have so many questions.

It's so awesome that people are donating at the mailbag level for Patreon. It's really, really cool. Of course, this means we have more questions. So we are putting out calls for new questions a little bit later now because we can get to everyone's questions. So just so everyone knows that. Why don't we start with Michael Horn? Michael Horn. Michael Horn. Miguel.

Michael, what sort of horn are you? That's my crap and it's a mailbag question for you. If you could be a horn, what sort of horn would you be? I think he'd be a tennis axe. I know that's a reed. But it counts, doesn't it? I feel like he would be a trombone. A reed horn.

A trombone. Maybe he's a shofar. That counts. A shofar. Okay, Heather. Whenever you say something fancy pants, I'm going to call you Heather because we're watching OC. Not fancy pants. It's a goat horn that's turned into an instrument in Jewish Judaism.

Okay, it's Jewish fancy pants. Anywho, Michael Horn says, Dorinda was at Melissa's house last night with Teresa and Melissa for the New Jersey premiere. What do you guys think that was like? Oh, my gosh. A lot of laughs and a lot of drunken people. It's funny sometimes we forget like of all the Housewives franchises, these two are the closest. I mean, they're they're basically right across the river, you know, and it just feels like they're so far apart.

So when the idea of Dorinda, who is part of one world being in Franklin Lakes is really strange. Well, from what I read, Dorinda was writing letters to Teresa in jail. Truly. I mean, I read it on the internet, which makes it true, y'all. She was like, Teresa, I love you. I love everything you do. I love the things that you do. You don't know people.

You're a good person. She's a good girl inside I imagine Dorinda sending her a packet of like ten letters that only say you better back it up so that way when Teresa gets into a fight she just pulls out the letters and pretends Dorinda's there here here's the first one you better back it up

next one you better back it up next one you better back it up you don't want a sandwich you don't need a sandwich Teresa better back it up. Back it up, Mr. You don't want to sandwich only the sandwich, Teresa. Love back it up. Yeah, she was writing fan mail. So Dorinda is a huge fan of the shows. All the shows, apparently. Like, she tweets them.

She kind of does that Jill Zarin thing where she'll just tweet Julia Roberts. But the difference is, like, Julia Roberts would text back and be like, oh, my God, back it up, girl. XO. Kissy face. What did Michael Horne ask? He asked what do we think it was like. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God.

I was like, we're totally skipping this, but that's the point. We're like doing Dorinda in it. That's the point of it. I feel like there was just a lot of like people talking at each other you know so i don't know i think there was a lot of like i they cut that out from something else theresa i never said that it's like i don't care like it didn't offend me like it's true awkward because it's about to get ugly on that show yeah it's gonna get real ugly um benjamin cohen uh he says oh you know we should have read this the other day because last week benjamin ben are you benjamin

or ben uh he was like i got a good question i got a good question from crap it's mailbag i'm like sorry not to have you in today so i'm sorry we made you wait a whole week but he says i am reading the book crisis of Character. It has details of how explosive Bill and Hillary were in the White House. I couldn't help but think of another famous couple with mistress drama. Please act out what a fight like that would be if it was David that was the president and Shannon caught him. So basically, what would happen if Shannon and David were in the White House and David was president and David had had an affair?

Oh, my gosh. Okay, who do you want to be? I'll be Shannon. Okay, I'll be David. Okay. Oh, hello, dear. I wasn't expecting you here. David?

David. What are you doing with the interns? Oh, the interns. Oh, dear. David? David? What have you been doing with the interns? Oh, the interns? Oh, dear. Well, I was walking along the oval office and going in an oval shape because that's how the office is shaped. So, just walking around. David? David, Dr. Moon says you should only be in rooms that are rectangle, and the fact that you're in an oval shape has me feeling 30 to 40 negative thoughts more than usual.

But I ran. 60 to 80. I ran as they wore. Iraq. Do you have a blue dress, dear? David. David. David.

I am trying to fight for our marriage, and you are off with interns. David, I can't do this. Next thing I know, you're going to be taking me to a gastropub and giving me sugar in all the sugars. Gastropub in all of D.C. I felt really bad, dear, so I made you this poster board that charts our relationship, dear. Here's where I met you. And then way above

here at the top of the board is when I became president. And then, whoa, way down here. It's you. Oh, it's a rope. It's you. The rope's around my neck and you're pulling me back down to your level, dear. Do you see that there in the poster? David? David? You might as well just take me to Arlington Cemetery

right now and put me under a cross that says Here lies Shaddam Dorr, killed by infidelity in the White House. If only, dear. If only. There we go. Our little White House dear. I don't know how successful that was. I'm sorry, everyone. That's totally David.

David started all the wars in Iraq just to not have to talk about his affair. You know, sometimes it works. Sometimes, you know. Listen, we had to. I was in it. I was in it, man. I wasn't. I was trying.

I was. You know what? It was my fault. I should have it, Ben. I was trying. It was my fault. I should have been David and you should have been Shannon. I was not bringing the goods to the table on that performance. Oh, Ben. Ben, why are you beating yourself up? What the hell? Where are we living, Ben? I can't believe it's not butter.

David, I can't believe that wasn't butter, David. I'm sorry, Benjamin. You waited a week for that, and I let you down. Elise Hayes says, on Juicy Scoop with Heather McDonald, Shanna revealed that she was president and rush chair of her sorority in college. How would she address her chapter members regarding inappropriate partying or preparing to recruit new members? Oh, God. would she address her chapter members regarding inappropriate partying or preparing to recruit new members oh god well shannon would have multiple steps because she has that sober shannon who's like you know welcoming everybody into the house or or whatever so she'd be like well hello welcome huh look at you all new young girls welcome Welcome. Welcome to the house. You're going to do great here. She would

basically be Hell Week in a woman. You know, she just would just look at those girls rushing the house and give those her classic, her judgy eyes. Judgy eyes? Oh, look, Miss 18-year-old. Oh, look at you. You're a freshman. You're fresh off the boat. Aren't you so

special just being a fresh little girl in UCLA or USC? Well, some of us have worked hard to get to being a senior, all right? I started sororities. Miss Rush, I started Rush. I've been rushing for the past 20 years. It used to be a slow walk. I said, Rush! Rush! Do I like to go slowly the past 20 years. It used to be a slow walk. I said, rush! Rush!

Do I like to go slowly? No. No. Do I like to rush through our first time together? No. But that's the rules, and I made them. Hi, Miss Bedore. I just have to say I'm loving this sorority so far.

Who's this? Who's this? Who's this? Is this someone? David? David? Who's this? Who's this? Who's this? Is this someone? David? David? Who's this? Who's this little woman?

Did you meet her on the beach, David? David? How dare you call me? I'm in the car with my children. How dare you call me about Rush? I gave, you gave out the personal address to my sorority house. But then the second she gets drunk, she's the one that's like, yeah! She starts screaming. Just like, let's go!

Miss 30-year-old? Sometimes when I see a new sorority girl, I pee in my pants. Sometimes, when I see a new sorority girl, I pee in my pants. Do I like to pee in my pants? No, but these girls are always rushing me. Oh, Shin and Bedore. Sinem, House Mother, Den Mother. No. No.

Did one of those girls say one nice thing to me when they met me, which would show that they have signs of what it's like to be polite to another human being? No. No. She'd be all mad that they're not all introducing themselves. Who do you think you are, Miss 30-year-old? Man, I was so sad to see them unite at the end of the season, Megan and Shannonannon i know i i really missed that right i don't like the megan vicky i'm sorry the the vicky shannon rivalry i like the shannon megan rivalry yeah me too because megan gets more bothered vicky's like what

you know cancer i just did it to protect my daughter who's you know possibly dying of something right now in the hospital well it's okay because shannon's now going after kelly and they have they're having a big fight and there was a um there was an ish on social media because uh i forget who sent it to us was it maybe cindy c on the case case from this video that david and shannon went on to uh facebook live and were answering questions and David accidentally mentioned the name of this woman who is in this big feud

with Kelly. I think was the one who had an affair with Kelly's husband or ex-husband? Something like that or vice versa. But David was not supposed to mention the name her name is like dana wald or something like that and um uh and so shannon thought the facebook live recording

was done and she turns to because that's a big mistake david big mistake big fuck up david big fuck up david huge shannon is on that facebook live streaming thing all the time but she still doesn't really know how to work it you know she's typical housewife or your mom trying to work things you know like she puts her nose she's always kind of looking down at the camera like that with her reading glasses coming down her nose and she's like well I'll tell you what Miss Susie from Albuquerque that is not how it why they call it a Facebook I see his text a lot of David David what the name of this oh really miss Melissa from smothered in David well that is not very nice.

Oh, really? Mr. Kenneth Starr indicting my husband, David? David, we're stronger than ever. I don't care. Listen, he may have had sex with a Monica Lewinsky, but that just shows that I love him, and I've been working very hard to reduce down to five to seven negative thoughts a day

about David and Monica Lewinsky. Am I over it? Yes. Can I ever see a blue dress with that vomiting on it? No. No. No. No.

Do I make David raise and lower the chandelier in the White House 12 times a day now as punishment? Yes. Yes. David. David. That Hillary and Bill book is hilarious. I'm glad someone brought it up. I want to read it, but, you know, I just go too crazy with politics. But articles I've read about it are Hillary hating the Secret Service because she thought that they were leaking information about them to the press.

So she was super paranoid. And they'd be like, good morning. You know, what do you say? Just Mrs. Clinton or First Lady, whatever. They're like, good morning, First Lady Clinton. And she's like, oh, fuck yourself. See, I like that. I'm like, yes,

that's what I want in my president. It's just someone to walk around and be crabby. Go fuck yourself. Damn it. Go fuck yourself. That's actually what Shannon would do, I feel like, in the White House. To go back to that question, Shannon would just be walking around Hello, Miss Bedore. I'll go fuck yourself.

Damn it, Kevin. She'd just be walking around. Hello, Miss Bedore. I'll go fuck yourself. David, Kevin. She'd just get all victim-y. Here lies Shannon Bedore, dead because Putin was rude to her. David, David, I thought we were not going to have any secrets between us, and yet here we are, surrounded by a secret service. I start cruise missiles, Afghanistan. I start health care reform. She marches down to the Senate.

Congress? Congress. Here's my healthcare reform. Terrorists? Killed by the inability of Congress to adopt her healthcare reform. That was going to save millions of people.

Was I excited about it? Yes. Terrorists strap bombs to their babies and send them into churches to blow up innocent people. That is nothing compared to the little tiny bombs that my babies had to strap on when they came to their own mother's funeral that was given by people who understood what marriage used to feel like.

David, any words to say, David? Look, Angela, that's your name, dear. Damn it, David! Well, what are my thoughts on the drone policy? Well, the only drones I know are David, because he just walks around like an empty vessel, killing things on his path. David, David.

Drones? Really? Who does that? Hello, Miss Miss 30-year-old drone. Oh, Lord. What's next in that mailbag, Ben? See, we got back. We were able to do the Bedours in the White House. We just had to get into our zone

a little bit. Oh, Ben. Win or lose, we'll always repeat the same bits 50,000 times an hour. Sometimes it's all about how you enter it. Because when it's something like, do this scenario, if you don't enter it right, it just sort of never quite gets there. But if we go in with the right way, it can become amazing. For us, at least. I don't know if it was amazing for you guys at home, but for me like my favorite thing is doing a big long riff with

ronnie just because i like to make ronnie laugh oh ben you always do oh yes i like feeling things i like getting like all method and then getting into shannon and just feeling that crushing disappointment of david just all the time with his buggy eyes. Like, did David intend to say that woman's name out loud? I think he did. But I'm going to let him think that I don't think that because I don't want to war with David. I just like seeing what Outlander scenario, how far we can push it. You know, like how bizarre, how can we take it? And, you know, again, and I honestly, I really just do it for that moment when you just let out a belly laugh.

That's what I'm always waiting for. Salmon can be in any situation and it will work. This is true. This is true. Catherine asks, do you think the recent inclusion of smoking is to make the characters look more neurotic and unstable i can't recall ever seeing a housewife smoke unless it was in the background accidentally and now it's happening over and over this could just be my struggle to quit noticing i have noticed that there's been a lot more smoking because you know and just just in general in pop culture uh smoking has been kind of erased from movies and tv used to see characters smoking in movies a lot, especially like a scene after sex or something or like a moment where people are flirting.

And now you really do not see any smoking anywhere. So to see even just a few scenes of smoking on TV is kind of jarring. It is, but I think they're – correct me if I'm wrong, but I think it's just on New York, right, where they're smoking. And I think that's because Dorinda gets wasted. She's like, I don't smoke cigarettes. I don't give a fuck. And then Jules, that's her running away from the appetizers or whatever. Yeah.

Well, we did see smoking once on Beverly Hills when Lisa Vanderpump in Puerto Rico and they all ganged up on her. She wound up on a balcony smoking a cigarette. Yeah. Sort of like Celeste Talbot in Soap Dish. Like you don't even smoke. That's an old diva thing to do. Like, oh, I can't believe they did that to me. Get me a cigarette.

That's right. I said it. I think the thing is that on New York City, they have such a scorch the earth fights on a episode basis, like twice per episode, that they just can't help but turn to cigarettes. Yeah, cigarettes is one of the reasons I still smoke, even after quitting for a long time. One of the reasons I came back to it is smoking really is an escape hatch. I mean, I'm like, bye. Okay, good talking to talking to you guys bye i'll be outside for 10 minutes smoking and staring at a wall it's it's kind of a reset that smokers get that non-smokers don't get and i especially see it on new york because they're like uh can't take it this is all about my eating disorder you guys should be more

supportive of me uh and you know you need to run and escape otherwise it's just oh okay okay and bethany like how could you i had to grow up with this my whole life i had to grow up with this like how dare you stung it stung yes um yeah that's a good point i mean i mean nowadays you could probably make an excuse by saying i'm sorry i i have to step outside there's a pikachu that i have capture. But smoking is a good one too. Pikachus may come and go, but smoking will always be here. I just read, by the way, today that two people walked off a cliff in San Diego because they were trying to capture a Pokemon. The app should be called Survival of the Fittest.

I know. It actually should be called Making Mankind Better because it kind of is weeding out people you know between the people getting stabbed which also has happened someone got stabbed because they were looking for pokemon and someone came up and stabbed them um and people getting robbed i think it's actually kind of making humanity better weeding out the stupid ones yeah the darwin darwin go darwin go darwin mon go or whatever everyone's gonna be swimming out to easter island i should say also go to easter island too people are learning a very important lesson don't leave your house i mean this app is really telling people just go outside that's where the fun is

you can still play a game and be outside and everyone's like oh i'm outside whoa this is so freeing and then they die doing stupid things stay in your house there's people out there who's gonna stab you run you down stay in your house pokemon stay it also what's also kind of funny is that i read an article yesterday that there's a suburb in sydney a suburb of sydney where like all these rare pokemon keep showing up so there's like now like over a thousand people who are showing up every night to find pokemon and the residents are furious and they're like throwing eggs at them and being such assholes and part of me is like yeah like do that but then the other part is like you know what they're just milling about you know it's like they're not like rioting

or anything let them find their pokemon the fact that you feel the need to throw eggs at them and like cause destruction shows what's inherently wrong with humans that we just are sometimes we're just awful people yeah because people really are hating on that pokemon go they're like oh idiots like stay out like it's one thing when the holocaust museum says i get that because you know there's like the exhibit of here's what it was like to be in auschwitz and someone comes through being like, I found a Charmander. I think if people are roaming about a park, I don't know. Don't throw eggs at them, people.

Let them have their Pokemon. Let them have their Pokemon. And if you're one of the ones to run them over on accident, then, you know, gold star. Gold star. Gold star, yeah. But don't go out of your way to hurt them. They're going to hurt themselves. Exactly.

If you go out of your way, it's cold and tent, and you'll get in a lot of trouble. Sometimes you just need to sit back in a folding chair and, you know, watch people fall off cliffs. Yeah, enjoy it. Enjoy it. Yeah. All right. Well, I'm glad we had a good public service announcement. We'll get to the rest of the questions next week.

We still have, like, four more questions, four or five more questions in the bag. We'll get to them next week. Alright, thank you everybody for the mail. What do you want to start with, my little Benjus? Well, I think we have to start with New York City, right? It's only the best show on Bravo. That show, hilarious!

Hilarious. I think, by the way, I'm going to say it right now, New York City is in the running for the crappy award for best show of the year. They haven't had a bad episode yet. I mean, even the previous least are good. It's like previously on The Real Housewives of New York, okay? The surgery is a big deal. It's a big deal.

Like, seriously? Like, it's a huge deal. Like, everybody I asked, they're like, oh, my God. Surgery is huge. It's like a big, big, huge, like, gigantic. Like, it's a huge deal. Like everybody I asked, they're like, oh my God, that surgery is like huge. It's like a big, big, huge, like gigantic, like it's enormous. Like it's enormous. Do you know what I mean?

You know what I mean? I don't have a dad. I don't have a mom. I don't have, I was like, Jesus Christ, this is just the previouslys. I'm like Sonia getting into the limo. I'm like, hope you have a Percocet left. These bitches are stressing me they are crazy crazy crazy and it's kind of amazing that the fight that opened up tonight's episode we sort of thought it had peaked with luann

like is it is it like all my friends just bitches whatever i'm running out everyone can be supportive of me except you bitches why why is that what is it my man i'm in love like she is going off and they're like okay but sorry okay like like seriously everyone's happy for you no you're not you're not happy for me why do you want me to die why what is it about me, bitch? I'm like, whoa. Why is it that when I'm in love, you have to take me down? Everyone wants to bring me down. You're already down. What about a yellow song?

It's like, you're already down, girl. That would be like kicking someone off a lifeboat. They're just commenting on the lifeboat. But they also want to bring her down there's that too it's called a hobby luann okay i know it's like luann luann these this is they don't want to bring you down but they actually do want to bring you down it's like they do and they don't all at the same time they're like this is just what they do but they do also want to bring you down oh my god well she's so the same like you can't be a quarter a star quarterback for six years and then like rail against football yeah exactly oh ramona i was on tinder you know that what's that like

seriously like what's a tinder oh you know it's a phone thing a phone thing like what do you have sex with people that's disgusting who does that i saw mario i mean i just assumed you knew you know yeah yeah that's right fucking luann that's right yeah yeah luann you're an underminer too and we love you for it yes i think luann is just at her wit's end because she's had a tough tough tough season i mean she has had to go face to face with bethany which is not easy for many people i mean she had the berkshires i mean the berkshires the berkshires i mean having to deal with that a full hour. A full hour of a Luann-Bethany argument.

Oh, my God. I understand why she's exasperated at this point. She just wants to have a nice, frilly moment. And Luann is down. She's like, the truth is, I met Tom because I was going in for a bagging position to the store. I hadn't picked up the application yet, and he saw me and asked for a blowjob, and here we are, okay? Why can't you just be happy for me?

I mean, there I was, in D'Agostino's, and I was asking a clerk, what's better, this or the house brand? He said the house brand, and I turned. It turns out it was Tom D'Agostino himself. I mean, it was love at first camp. I almost asked paper or plastic, and then it turns out I didn't even need a rubber

i bagged the dag with my dag bag yes i'm a songstress you know i don't know if you've heard that hey mr tagastino the lyrics just don't stop coming dag bag bag how dare you dare you we're gonna name our first child Dagmar Luann's probably pissed because

because she wants to have she wanted to have a wedding spinoff and these women are just totally destroying any possibility of it she better lock it down although actually it could go the other way maybe they're actually ensuring that's gonna happen because there's so much acrimony that of course probably be like yes we want this yeah of course this lady could pee herself and break down sobbing or get married to a rich guy no one knows let's watch yeah yeah you really don't know how that one's gonna end

yeah no you definitely don't even though because we have the internet so luanne uh storms out and she tells dorinda and she's like well you know i came here to support you and i'm not feeling very well and these bitches they just come after me i just like i can't i can't dorinda dorinda then dorinda has an issue with it she's like you know said she's going to come here and be supportive of me. I don't know if she knows how to receive. She doesn't know how to receive graciousness from me. You know, she's got to back it up. She's going forward, and she's got to back it up.

Yeah, so what I would say to Lorraine, like, Lorraine's a good, honest, like, inside person. But sometimes she has a misconstruction paper about these women. And what do the women think of her? Like, what are they? I mean, you know what I'm saying. No, Dorinda. No one knows what you're saying, woman. What you saying, Dorinda?

Here's what I'm saying. Sometimes I think that she's not drawing with the right crayon. She's drawing with the chaos crayon instead of drawing with the friendship crayon. That's all that it is. And you got to give a dude new crayon. And when you're drawing, you want a sandwich with the crayon? Because if you want a sandwich, you don't have a sandwich, okay see how to drop a sandwich okay there's up there's down and there's the middle there's not like a center middle like there's not there's a center middle so you know

i don't like fish all the time it's like what are you talking about it's like i don't even think they dorinda is talking about the actual situations, I think they're just like, okay, we need some more footage. Hey, Dorinda, paperclips, go. I'm holding together sometimes, and you're like, I need a staple. I'm like, okay, cut. There's like, you know, we got different paperclips. Some are big, some are small, some are alligator clips.

You get different things with different stacks. Different stacks of papers, and they all can't go. You can't put a little thing in a giant legal brief, okay? You gotta get an alligator clip, okay? They're like, okay, insert evergreen Dorinda nonsense clip here. Alright, Dorinda,

let's go with free weights. Go, Dorinda. Pick things up, things go down. Sometimes, like, who's gonna leave these? You're not gonna put them on a rack, You know what I mean? Hey, you know, you lift it up, you lift it up to make yourself bigger and better, but you know

what? If you drop it, you could hurt yourself. So, you know, you gotta be careful. Does anyone need bigger guns? That's the question. What really... Free weights... What is free in this world, okay? That's the thing. You know, not everything's free. Even if it's free weights, they're not

free. There's a price. There's a price to be paid. John, for example. John has lots of weight. It's not free. I could die at any moment. Let's be honest. He's got, you know, he's got a lot of weight, but he's going to pay for that weight someday. That's what I'm saying.

So Bethany starts going off because Dorinda is half-assed sticking up for it. Dorinda doesn't know she should be yelling. Like she's doing that thing where she's got both of her fingers pointed in the air like a bandito shooting and, you know, doing that little shooty dance thing. But she's not quite yelling yet. She's like, am I supposed to be mad? She doesn't understand what's happening with it. She's not sure she should yell.

And Bethany's like look look like seriously like with luann like we have a history of bs like it's always like that like like there's no change in luann like like here she goes i'm a countess like look at me i have a condo look at me i have a townhouse whoa i'm the way whoa she's so bitter that luann held her townhouse over her head. Yeah. Mm-hmm. This all comes down to the townhouse, Bethany.

It's always what she brings up. Ah, like I'm so plump because I'm like the Countess. Like, ugh. Yeah, I'm sorry. And then Ramona, meanwhile, is in the corner texting Luann. And they're like, well, why are you texting Luann? She's like, you know, I feel bad. You know, I feel bad.

I don't want to hurt Luann. And they're like, it's a Band-Aid. It's a Band-Aid, Ramona. That's like, you know, I feel bad, you know? I feel, like, I feel bad. I don't want to be, I don't want to hurt Luann. And they're like, it's a band-aid. It's a band-aid, Ramon. That's what Ramon always does. You know, she goes off someone that she says sorry. Like, I actually think it's nice that she sent a text to Luann. I know. Only Bethany could make sending a sorry text to somebody a bad thing.

Yeah, exactly. No one believes that BS. Like, what are you doing? Are you saying sorry? Like, please, you're wrong. Like, no one's believing that. Like, please, like, seriously, what are you typing right now? It's disgusting. Like, give it a break. Like, what are you doing? Are you saying you're sorry? Like, please, you're wrong. Like, no one's bullying Matt. Like, please, like, seriously, what are you typing right now? It's disgusting. Like, give it a break. Like, oh, no. Jeez, lady.

Says the woman who later in the episode thinks that by saying feel better is an expression of genuine empathy. So, like, what's it going to be, Bethany? Is it going to be that, like, saying anything counts or saying anything does not count? I think that girl's on so many prescriptions that all of her personalities actually kind of make sense if you think of it that way. Like, oh, she's coming down now. Like in this one. I was like, okay, she's coming down. She needs to go to bed soon.

You can tell the Adderall's worn off. She's probably taking her Ambien a little bit too soon. Like you can start to read the drug cycles of Bethany. Like, what? Like, seriously? Like, what are you mad about? And by the end, she's like, well, I shouldn't have been yelling at people. I'm like, okay, go to bed. It's definitely bedtime.

So, yeah. So then, so they're talking about Tom and the situation, and Sonia is elaborating on her relationship with Tom. She's like, you know, we kept it on the down low in certain discreet Upper East Side locales. I'm like, boutique. We know it's boutique. You don't have to be elusive on it.

We know it's boutique. You and Tom hooked up in the kitchen at boutique five times. Or behind the dumpster anywhere, really. Yeah. a boutique five times or behind the dumpster anywhere really yeah like if you started making like the detective a closed subway station staircase or whatever stairwell i listen listen i love gray and i love papayas why not why not hook up there we're adults i love history i just love i love history so you know we did it in front of a bookstore. Like, who cares?

What? It's what adults do. It's a dumb statue. So this, for whatever reason, Luanne was ready to yell, and she let them have it. I mean, I think that that had been coming for a while. No, no, no. Luanne was gone. Yeah, yeah.

She's out. Oh, yeah. I'm just leading up because I'll start talking for a while no no no luan luan is gone yeah yeah she's out oh yeah yeah i'm just leading up because oh i see i'll start talking for a million yeah so she's like going off bethany is trying to be calm and have a decent scene you know without losing her mind at least at first and then jules starts going off well supposedly about in defense of luann of course immediately it's like yes you were like that to Luann. I mean, how do you mean I think with my eating disorder? Well, the backstory – I mean, a little bit more of the context of that is that when they're talking about Luann, they're talking about something about friends talking behind each other's back.

And Carol's like, well, that's what friends do. Friends talk behind each other's back. That's's like, well, you know, that's what friends do. Friends talk behind each other's back. That's what friends do. And she's being coy. But I'm like, you know, you didn't really have much of a coy attitude when people were talking about Adam. Specifically Luanne. Carol. Carol.

Carol. No, but it's true. That was Carol saying, like, don't talk about Adam. But now it's like, oh, you know, friends talk behind each other's back. So I thought that was a curious beat from her. But also Luann was like, she's a child molester. I mean, that woman is a pedophile. Don't let your kids go.

I hope she's not allowed to live 50 feet within a school. Well, Luann's been wrong on that. Yes, Luann's been wrong on that. But so then Bethany starts saying, you know, she's like, you know, last time I had drinks with Luann. I mean, I was literally bleeding out of every part of my body. And she didn't even ask me one thing about me. She didn't even let me get a sentence out. And in my mind, I was like, yeah, says the queen of just railroad talking.

And to my shock, Jules pipes up. Of all people, Jules goes, no offense, Bethany, but the same thing with you. I was like, oh, my God. Jules is – she's going in. Jules is going in. And this is going to be a huge mess. And it's also going to be she's going to be just slaughtered by Bethany. That's what I thought.

I thought that Jules actually held her own pretty well during this argument. Yeah, Jules, this probably, you know, as usual, people get so worked up before they even get there. And it's not really making sense with the story. Especially since what she's mad at Bethany about is exactly what she's guilty of. Bethany had just come back from the hospital or whatever. You know, I know she's being overdramatic. But she's like, yeah, I was bleeding all over the place. Like, back from the hospital.

Like, I could have died. Like, serious. Like, it's a big deal. Big deal. Big deal. And Jules is like, oh, yeah, my vagina too. Like, I sat on a window. You know, so she's kind of doing what she's mad at Bethany about and it's it's hilarious because they're both fighting about

who's the more selfish assholes and they're both the most selfish assholes well I think though actually at its core is that Bethany has been belittling Jules and she's been condescending she's been a mean girl ever since that brunch situation in the hamptons and i think that's been eating away at her so i think the thing with the vaginas i think that's actually like it's something that she wouldn't have gotten mad about necessarily it's just that in the context of being constantly belittled she's just like what fuck you you know and and i and i liked it because what i loved about it is here is Bethany talking about like, I couldn't get a word in anyway. I couldn't get a word in.

I don't know. And then Jules says, actually, you do the same thing. And Jules says, you know, I had a problem. I went through shit. And Bethany goes, I don't know what you're talking about. I'm like, do you realize, Bethany, you just proved what Jules said. Jules said you don't – Jules said you, like Luann, don't listen to anything. I had a problem.

I don't know what you're talking about. What problem? I don't see a problem. What did I say? What did I do? Seriously? I talked about you and your husband? I did? Seriously? Why? Why would I do that? I don't care. What's the matter? Why would I talk about you? I don't care about you. Seriously? Why would I ask about you?

Why would I talk about you while I'm trying to eat a lunch? Like, gross. Gross. You're disgusting. So then Jules is like, I texted you like a hundred times about your vagina. And she's like, once. You texted me once. Oh, okay.

You want to bring up your text right now? Okay. Okay. Here's your text. Oh, your vagina. My vagina. And I'm like, wow, my vagina too. Like, seriously?

Like, Hamptons. And then you're like, not going to go. And then I'm like, my vagina too like seriously like uh hamptons and then you're like uh not gonna go and then i'm like okay well i'm gonna go saturday if you want to come and then you're like my vagina like what i just took painkillers so i was confused like what the fuck like what am i supposed to do with that like okay you took painkillers like okay who cares what do you want my vagina to sit outside like serrano de bergerac like at your house like is my vagina should i speak through my vagina so it's more acceptable playing the violin outside your house and Steve Martin will fall in love with you? Like what the hell?

Literally my walls are up all around the vagina. Like honestly, if I have to compare my vagina problems with yours, it's too much for me. Honestly, I can't. Literally, it's too much. It's like you have to control yourself. I can't talk about my vagina all the time and then talk about your vagina. There's only so much room for so many vaginas, okay? Literally my wall is up.

Literally kill me right now. Kill me right now. I'll be on the floor crying and dying okay in vaginal blood okay like literally i can't like seriously you're worried about being fat and then you bring up a movie with you know george dupard do like that's like the fattest guy in the world like cyrano cyrano door track seriously vagina like way to bring up that guy like i didn't say you did cyrano like more like cyrano cyra yes yes i want to get out of here like i can't Sarah no like more like Sarah Sarah yes yes I want to get out of here like I can't like literally like my dream is like to be dead right now see it was Jules was just going off

on her and she's like and you're selfish and you're mean and you keep you keep people when they're down and it was on my expense I'm like that is not how you say it and you just keep saying that same thing over and over it's on my expense well yeah and well well they're making me crazy well what was making me crazy well what was making me crazy too though is bethany's inability at least in this moment to um to like be accountable for any of this because one thing that bethany is good for is that i mean she when you come at her it's like she just attacks full force and then afterwards she sort of reflects and realizes so she does realize eventually but when Jules is saying like look

I was reaching out to you about your illness and you didn't care about mine and Bethany's like you sent me only one text and then when Bethany says her evidence of her supporting Jules saying no I text you I said hope you feel better I'm like well that was one text too so like why is it why is it okay like why is it not cool that Jules only sent one text to you and then then you sent only i think her point honestly and i'm playing i know like i'm literally the devil i get right now i'm not i'm not too invested don't worry i think that bethany in this instance was being more like okay like i was like i'm sorry like whatever you know like trying to blow it over and jules was just like coming at her with everything and so i don't think that Bethany cares

whether she called because she was like like seriously you're not my best friend like we're not married you don't have to call like I don't care like I don't care if you text me and Jules but Jules was hurt and then Jules also I mean let's be fair Jules is also like having another moment to be like and my eating disorder and how could you with them? When I am, when anybody's having a problem, then you're going after them. And Bethany totally, totally memos it. She's like, oh, you're eating disorder? Like, I seriously, like, I can't with you. Like, that's why I'm distant from you.

Because, like, you have an eating disorder. And that's what I grew up with, like, every day of my life. And so, like, now I look at you and I'm like, no, I can't with this. Because it's a lifestyle of lies. And so I just can't with you. I'm like, whoa, you're not only not saying i'm sorry you're taking all the tears from it and then like stabbing her with it at the end like yeah it's a web of lies well here's the thing what's interesting is that there actually was like a little bit of nuance to this fight in the way

that it got to that place because it wasn't just that like jules said like oh my gosh like i can never get a word in edgewise and you always call me stupid and i have an eating disorder it wasn't just like a vomit like that it actually progressed to that place mainly because of bethany if you really look at it because initially jules was saying listen i can't get a word word in edgewise like you're accusing luanne of of like of like railroading you but you railroad people like you're the one who also talks over everyone and you don't really ask about people yeah and then they're bickering about that and jules so mean she's like stupid as a stupid does what the hell exactly so that's what so that's

what happens is that jules says you know what this is all stupid and then some bethany goes well stupid is a stupid does so when she does that that's and that then sets jules off and says like i'm not stupid and i'm really sick and tired of you portraying me as stupid you know and what i loved was that bethany her bethany's response was but you baked a fork and a knife and a measuring cup into a calzone that i ate i'm like that is the best defense i've ever heard. It doesn't matter. It does matter. It does matter. It does.

It does matter. It does. It does. Like, there was a fork, and there was, like, a little measuring cup in a calzone. That matters. Like. You baked a fork and a knife and a measuring cup into a calzone that I ate. Your Honor, case dismissed.

And then Bethany's defense to us is, look, my humor, it's like making fun of people. Like, there. There it is. Like, you can't handle the truth. You can't handle me, okay? Like, you're the one who brings it up, and then, like, you don't want me to make fun of it. And then they do that cut that Jules is so mad when Bethany was like, you need a verb. Jules was like, I can't believe

she would say, like, I need a verb. She's like, yeah, you need a verb. You need a verb. You need a verb. You need a verb. You need a verb. You need a verb. Verb, verb, verb. I was surprised the verb came back. That stupid verb moment came back. But, like, I get it. Like, as, you know, I've been in a situation before where, you know, someone's been just incredibly condescending to me on an ongoing basis. And it makes you berserk. When someone is just like treating you like an idiot, like making you feel like an idiot nonstop, you – like for me, like you go to like a dark place and you get so, so, so, so angry.

And eventually it's just like this mess of anger and passive aggression just comes out. And I think that Jules has a point. I'm just feeling very sympathetic towards Jules in this I guess because as much as I love Bethany, Bethany is like she is rough. And I think that Jules is even though she's pretty vapid, she's also, I think, a gentle soul. And, you know, when she says, you know, your humor is at other people's expense and mine is at my own expense. I was like I was like, yeah, I'm glad you should point that out. Also, you're lying because your humor really only involves calzones. But aside from that and eating forks yeah putting putting uh flatware into calzones is really your

humor it's not really so much self-deprecating well bethany bethany is really mean i mean and i think in this fight she was just mean even though she was looking all victimized and hurt i mean she was being mean but at the same time i can't feel for Jules because Jules is one of those people who walks into the room. She's like, oh, hi. I took, you know, seven Percocet today. Like, it's nuts. I can't do this without a nanny. Like, I had to take my own.

Can you believe that? Like, my mother would never make toast. You know, and I have an eating disorder. Like, it's nuts. Like, I just want to barf right now. Am I right, guys? Like, oh, it's like just this bundle of mess like i don't even think she should really be on ltv because it's kind of unfair like she's got all this shit going on

and she's still sick and like to even try and bring any kind of sense to that that's off you know it's an awful addiction slash illness and self-torture thing so it just feels weird but i still can't completely be on her side. I'm like, shut up. I think you actually make some really good points. She is a neurotic mess, and she does open herself to it a bit, but at the same time,

though, still, Bethany really does take down people, and she gets real nasty, and she doesn't really own up to that you know i mean she's funny she's funny but like she's an ass she's so not sensitive at all and i and then of course this all turns around on dorinda because bethany's like your marriage like i don't give a fuck like who told you that and uh she kind of is trying to look at

dorinda she was oh well i just won't say any it's just somebody said it's just somebody yeah i think it came from dorinda medler so instead of like yeah and then she cuts a dorinda looking like beaker shocked she's like i don't know well i don't even know what you're talking about like someone saw a eating disorder like i don't know like someone's eating i didn't feed jewels this info no one tries to feed jewels anything like what am i crazy i'm staying out of it yeah and this is where jewel starts really getting into the body stuff she's like i may be very skinny but i love my body yep and then remote i love that they cut to ramona just watching i was like wow ramona is just not involved in this she's just watching she's she's like i'm sorry i'm not gonna get involved this argument okay okay i might i might not have a date later okay a maestro and so this is she says so this is now when bethany decides to uh she

decides that she is going to um uh take co-opt the body issue stuff she's like you know what i grew up i grew up with this okay i grew up my entire life i grew up with this okay like i this is what my life was tears this is what i grew up with and jewel starts to say something i'm gonna speak now you don't get to be the only one that speaks okay i'm like well doing a really great job of uh dispelling that image you have of no rooting over other people. I know. But Bethany's like, all right, look, I have been distant from you because Jules is like, I noticed. Like, okay, Jules, this isn't your husband where you can just like keep yelling through the whole fight just because you feel like it.

Like you actually have to stop fighting at some point and let the other person talk. Because even Bethany, and of course she's turning it all around to be about herself as usual but she's like yep i get it but it's dishonest disease and jules is just like fighting with her and bethany's like no look this is the part where i'm trying to be nice like how i'm calling you a pathological liar just because of like the disease you have like yeah i thought that's a clusterfuck the whole conversation was a cluster i know when bethany her chin started to tremble and she started to say this, I was like, okay, we're going to get somewhere now because now Bethany is going to talk about how it's affected her and they're going to bond. But instead, Bethany was like, yeah, so I actually keep my distance from you because I think you're a liar because of your disease. So I'm just protecting myself and I think you should understand that.

because of your disease. So I'm just protecting myself. And I think you should understand that. And then like, and then Bethany of all people says to, she yells at Jules because Jules is starting to pipe up again. She's like, don't yell at me for anything. I'm like,

says the main yeller. I mean, Bethany is always yelling and now Jules, the first time she ever comes close to yelling. Now you're shutting her down like that. I just love how Bethany somehow cast herself as the victim of the eating disorder in this. And you know what? Just from looking at her face, because it's not like she's some great actress.

I mean, she's just Bethany. And from looking at her face, I think she believes it. That's the part that's so hilarious. She's like, how dare this bulimic bitch tell me about an eating disorder? I've been around an eating disorder longer than she's been alive. You know, like in her mind. And then when she yells, because Jules is like, I know you told me about your mother. And she goes,

I'm allowed to protect myself. I'm allowed to protect me. Alright, don't yell at me. Yeah. Literally, my walls are up. Like, let me have my walls. Like, why can't I have my walls? Like, that's all I want. Like, seriously, like, call Kathy Dennis. Like, give me walls. I want walls. Nothing but walls. It's a lot for me. Like, to be around someone like that like with an eating disorder like a liar like look at her like like get a

close-up of that salmon get a close-up they do i know meanwhile through all this jules has not touched her food um like seriously like i i don't understand why like you're not like appreciating the fact how hard it is for me to be around you jules like i wish you would understand that okay oh yeah well three days ago i barfed okay there i said it i barfed three days ago and i'm not gonna try and hide it because i want to talk about it ramona goes jesus yeah it's not jesus it's my life like oh god okay life queen of empathy oh jesus jules who doesn't want to talk about her eating disorder, but has brought it up in every fucking scene. No, she wants to talk about it. It's Dorinda who says you shouldn't be talking about it so much because these women are going to destroy you with it, essentially.

I like that Dorinda said, you know, like, Bethany, I can see. It's like some kind of disorder with her. Like, she doesn't even know what she's doing but carol carol's mean yeah and carol they cut to carol and being right in front of right in front of jules being like it's hard to watch her eat yeah that's me but the funny thing is that bethany is then bethany and carol start getting upset when dorinda says when she's saying to the table like, no, what I told Jules is you shouldn't talk about your eating disorder so much because these women don't know you

and they're going to say things, whatever, yada and Bethany is upset, now Bethany is upset, like I can't believe she would think I'd be insensitive, I'm like, you realize you just told Jules you don't want to get close to her because you think that she's going to lie to you because she has an eating disorder and you're also sitting next to Carol who's going,

Well, I may not know eating disorders, but I know denial. I'm like, A, you don't eat. Yes, you do understand an eating disorder. You call it every day. And B, you're you think you're 20.

I don't even know. I don't even need to go off on it again, but girl, if anybody is in denial, it's the lady writing handlebars, writing a cookbook with a 20-year-old, and naming a dog baby. Okay? But the thing is that with Dorinda, I mean, she's right. I mean, you know, like, Jules should be careful who she says this stuff to. Right. I mean, you know, like Jules should be careful who she says this stuff to. But at the same time, if Jules doesn't address it, these women are just going to talk and talk and talk about it. I think she has a disease. You need to talk about it. You've got to say something. She's got disorders. You've got to talk about it.

You know, like it just would have like built up. So in a way, I think Jules thought she was nipping it in the bud. And another way, she was being sort of a narcissist because she was just like, I want to talk about my problem again. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know what the balance is between addressing it without making it a thing. I don't know. Dorinda just gives everybody the same advice.

It's like, I don't know how I say that about you. It's Ramona. I mean, Bethany. And then they act, they all turn. It's like, well, Dorinda told me. Yeah, she's trying to warn you, okay? Like, it's like that little thing in a video game that little floating thing that's giving you information like you might look for the

key here you don't shoot at that why would you shoot that it's Dorinda it's like the paper clip from Microsoft Office hey you want to print something um so in the middle of all this, then Ramona suddenly pops up and goes, I want to do something fun. And I was like, what? Hey, I've got a good idea. I want to do something fun. I want to have a party. And Bethany goes, I won't go. And Sonny goes, I'm not going either.

Let's go to this place, the Mohegan Sun. It's sunny. There's a Bobby Flay restaurant. We can all go. Who would have thought? I'm the one to open things up. I just love the dwindling

glamour of this trip. It starts off with Mexico, goes down to West Palm Beach, and now it's just mohegan sun suburban connecticut hey let's get on the bus and go to connecticut okay how about that we gotta go somewhere for a cast vacation okay and bethany looks all traumatized she's like like all right like just order dessert and then i'm gonna go it's like whoa way to put your foot down. Listen, I just said I can't be in the sun.

I can't be in the sun, okay? You know what? I literally can't go to Mohegan Sun. It'll just bleed me out. Okay, I can't. I love it right away. She's like, no, I'm not going to go. So now we get Luann and Ramona meeting up in the street or whatever.

I love when they meet up in the street. I wrote this. I wrote the same thing. And if you thought you were going to get a break from the fighting, you were wrong because we were into fight number two of the episode, which takes place as they are quietly strolling, not quietly, but just sort of pleasantly strolling along through the Upper East Side on a street, just screaming at each other.

Luann is still on the rip of whatever she snorted the night before because she is still the same amount of angry and just not listening to anything. It's like she walks up and she's like, well, last night was great. Thanks a lot. That's what I want everybody to know. That's great.

Why would you be blah, blah, blah? I'm so disappointed. Ramona's like, yeah, I'm disappointed too. Oh, really? You're disappointed, Ramona? That's great. You're disappointed. Oh, you're disappointed inona that's great you're disappointed oh you're disappointed in me well i'm disappointed in you yeah okay well they were i love this whole conversation because it took a while for it to actually get off the ground because they were just parroting each other like i was very disappointed last night i was

disappointed too with me yeah with you why don't you tell me i'll tell you okay okay great great look i'm just here trying to build bridges okay like if it weren't for people building bridges the cars would never be able to get here from new jersey you know the best part of that building of bridges that you can walk across and destroy someone's life in the process bridges in madison county has made me orgasm like 30 times since mario left okay it's all insane. Disappointed, okay? Whoa, whoa. I just got a great idea.

Why don't we have a new book called The Bridges of Madison Avenue, okay? That way we don't have to go to Wisconsin. Oh, don't be ridiculous. I don't need a bridge on this street. Me too. It's called the Sidewalk Ramona, right? It's a crosswalk. Well, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry if I want a pedestrian bridge. I just don't like intersections, okay? That makes me very anxious. Okay, Luwalk well i'm sorry i'm sorry if i want a pedestrian bridge i just don't like intersections okay that made me very anxious okay luanne i'm sorry that you don't understand that all the time why can't everybody be happy for my crosswalks except these bitches i don't understand what it is with you luanne it's always walk or don't walk i don't know what's going on with you oh how dare you? Sometimes I blink. And you know, you know when something's blinking, if it's real or not, whether you can walk across, run across, or you have to wait for the next light.

You know, and I know, Ramona. Okay, I'm in love, and that's it. I'm in love. I saw him blink one time. That's it. It's my soul mate. What? You've known him for like five minutes? Like, seriously? It's just not long enough okay it's not a meaningful relationship it's long enough to cook popcorn in a microwave ramona

whoa louisanne okay here a smart woman says it takes a full year four seasons to get to know someone okay that's what a smart woman says i'll write the name of my new book a smart woman by ramona singer it takes a season and a half for for Mario to have time to realize what he's done. Chapter three. Whoa. You know what's crazy about this? This is really bringing me back, Luan. Whoa, this is really crazy.

I remember one time I once was trying to grow a plant and I was waiting for it. I was like, come on, plant. Why don't you just grow already? Why are you still a seed? And then Geraldine Parsons-Smith came in and said, hey, a stupid woman thinks a plant grows in one day. And I said, you know what? From this day on, I'm never going to refer to myself as a stupid woman. That's why I always say a smart woman knows that things grow in a year, okay?

If a tree grows in Brooklyn but there's no bridges to get anybody to Brooklyn to see the tree grow? Is the tree growing? Where's Brooklyn? What happens if it falls over? Okay? If it falls over, does it make a bridge? And does it make a sound? What happens? I don't know.

Okay? Luann, why don't you think about these things all the time, Luann? This fight was like literally this stupid. So it's just Luann yelling and then Ramona like, what? And then they ended up walking down the street arm in arm like, oh, here we are. OK, well, I hate you. I hate you, too. God, I'm going to hate you forever.

You, too. Oh, gosh, I love that we can do this. It is kind of amazing. I mean, they fight, fight, fight. And the next thing you know, they're chuckling. It just doesn't make any sense. But I did appreciate two things that Ramona said. First, first she said luanne i'm just giving you some sisterly advice i'm like oh melbourne she took that one right out of the andrea playbook don't be such

a slut okay close your legs okay close your legs okay and then luanne of course i like luanne she's really pushing this new tagline and i actually think it's working for me when she's like like i said last night it's bl before lou you got that oh ramona and lou well i don't care what you say about me if you don't care then why do i have jelly from the toast you just ate in my eye like that hurt like i don't care say whatever you want and they're like walking down walking down arm and arm like you two are so fucked up and amazing i also love what when ramona accused her of violating girl code and luanne just has this she just turns the camera and gives a look to the camera like can you believe this shit can you believe this shit i wrote the song on gorilla code i know about it but to be fair to be fair i mean luann is like

again i mean she she is a queen of some amazing bullshit she's like she's like listen like like he's a man i'm a woman and we can do what we want and unfortunately people get hurt i'm like well what happened with car and Adam then? Because you didn't seem to have that clear of a mindset with that. Well, that wasn't just a man. That was my employee. Now, if you had hired Tom to do something, and I came into your house and stopped him from fixing your sink or something, well, that would be different. Oh, Luann.

Yeah, Luann's history, especially after watching the Lu luann show i just love how she was like look ramona we're different okay maybe it takes you longer when i see them i know for example when i was in that relationship with the perfectly lovely italian man and you know living in his home and then i met someone richer and older i just left him a note you know that actually really feels like that she's like i found someone better that's how it is like this woman knows above everyone else that who cares like of course he's gonna fuck around this is called a retirement plan ramona mismanaged yes yes exactly and luanne's right it's not that a woman steals a man it's that a man chooses to

leave a woman that's i do believe that well she didn't even steal this one. She just, you know, grabbed his hand or something. Romo's like, that's what she does. It's like, you take her around a man. It's like, she's climbing like a tree, okay? Listen, Ramona, when you know, you know. You know when you're in love? No, you know when a man's going to give you an Italian talk show. talk show um uh yeah i don't i i think ramona is a little bit too um invested in this gossip she heard about luann taking tom's hand and yada yada that's like too much and they're up there

they're engaged so well it's her typical thing she's just going about it in a different way than bethany is because bethany's like you're a whore, you're a slut like everyone knows it. And Ramona's like, you see, like you stole a man from a club. Like, I'm just saying, okay? Like, people are saying. You do it time and time again. Yeah. Luann is a fake bitch and

so now it's her time to pay the piper. But, I mean, how many years does she have to pay the piper? Just accept it. Yeah, well, I think the fans love Luann more than ever. So, you know, these women are just going to have to deal with it. Deal with it, bitch. How can we feel anything when Carol is so hurt? Let's go see what Carol and Adam are doing.

Do-do-do-do-do-do-do. It's a vegan pizza party. Adam looks really tired, and he's wearing this knit cap. He looks kind of like, I don't know, like badass slash exhausted criminal. And I was like, he has a very young version of the face from the time to make the donuts guy. He's like, time to make the cauliflower donuts. Time to blend the cauliflower donuts. Time to blend some cauliflower. Well, I think the truth is that if you mix Adam with John, you get the Dunkin' Donuts guy. With John.

Mix anything with John, please. Time to eat the donuts. Shut up John Sorry babe So Dorinda and Carol So Dorinda's coming over Because Dorinda just shows up basically this season At every cast member's home and just eats They're like Dorinda's coming

She's lucky It's like hello hello Dorinda Adam's making your favorite. He's been crushing potatoes until vodka comes out all day. And Bethany arrives to meet them. Yeah, like, what am I? Like, what is this hallway?

Like, seriously? Like, where's the welcome mat? Like, I'm literally bleeding right now. Like, I'll just stand here like a puppy waiting to go out in the rain. Like, literally, this is, like, stressful for me right now. Like, I can't be stressed. Like, I need to know right now. Like, I'll just stand here like a puppy waiting to go out in the rain. Like, literally, this is, like, stressful for me right now. Like, I can't be stressed. Like, I need to know where the living room is. Like, honestly, like, I'm bleeding from fibroids, and I don't need to stress out the living room right now.

So Bethany is unable to recover from how awful Jules was to her. And she's like, I mean, like, who is this person? Like, seriously? Like, I don't know. Like, she started showing up to lunch one day. Like, I don't care. It's like, like, what do I care? Like, seriously? Like, I don't know. Like, she just started showing up to lunch one day. Like, I don't care. It's like, what do I care? Like, she means nothing to me.

It's not like I hate her, but like, she's just like this thing. Like, it's there, you know? Like a post office. Like, she's like one of those post things you put mail into. Like, she's just sitting there on the corner of the street, and I'm like, I have no need for that. Like, I have email. Like, duh. Like, literally, like, people don't like them so much that, like, in the UK, they don't even have them.

Like, literally, the only thing they do in London is put bombs in them, okay in the uk they don't even have them like literally the only thing they do in london is put bombs them okay so they don't even have them okay literally like she's just like a bomb container okay i can't i literally can't with the mailbox and as is the theme for today's bravo show all the shows well two of the shows we're talking about today it's uh someone who's just gutted like someone who's just seems like the strongest person in the world is just gutted when they are called cold. That's right. I can't believe she called me a cold person. Like, there's no turning back from that.

Like, really? Yeah. You've called someone a whore, a slut, a bad mother, and that was in one, like, minute. Yeah, this was a case of what you always love to talk about, punching the bully in the face and they cry. Yeah, this was a case of what you always love to talk about, punching the bully in the face and they cry. Because Carol was also like, you know, what she should have done was if she thought that we were talking behind her back, she should have approached us in a calm and pleasant way and said, hey, I don't like that you're talking behind my back. I'm like, no, first of all, I mean, yes, in an ideal world, yes. But A, you guys probably wouldn't have even afforded that. You would have laughed in her face.

wouldn't have even afforded that you would have laughed in her face and be well maybe not so much you carol but bethany is the queen of yelling at people across the table instead of just telling them in a in a proper way like what's bothering her so it's just i don't know it was very self-serving and carol was like all she did was alienate her alienate us or whatever and i'm like so you're accusing her of alienating you when she's just reacting by being alienated by you guys like it doesn't work that way it's like she's the one who's alienated and she's frustrated you have to you should be empathetic to that and not now complain that you're alienated now yeah she's just gonna be a bitch to this woman and i love that she doesn't see what a hypocrite she is when she's like well her food her food issues are embarrassing hey adam are you done with that shredded up cucumber for dinner yet

i know i think i think you know the moment that you get served pizzas vegan pizzas in the shape of a heart is the moment that you lose the food issue battle yeah exactly when he's like i'm trying to perfect a zero a negative calorie pizza where it'll take more energy to chew than it will to digest like what get the shit out of here you live in new york you're giving me a cauliflower pizza i'd dump his ass in two seconds yeah what's the point of looking like the dunkin donuts guy if you're just gonna make cauliflower pizza yeah i don't know the heart-shaped thing for some reason i was like oh bethany's like, whoa, whoa, wow.

That's amazing. Like, whoa. Have you ever made hearts before? Like, whoa, delicious. Whoa, Adam. Whoa, wow. So what else happens? Those two are stupid.

Rock goes. Oh, my God. The best part. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month.

Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others.

Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's industry's Myhala Harold, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by

the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at the list on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of.

But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Dinner at Sonia's. Yeah, dinner party time.

These new confused interns. Yeah. Dinner party time. These new confused interns. Yeah. They're looking around like American Airlines just landed and let them out of a crate. They're like. Yeah, these poor kids. They don't know what they're getting in for. Getting into. She's trying to teach them how to do every stupid little thing.

She's like, okay, here's how to walk across the living room and answer the phone. Because this means people are at the door, the door. Oh my goodness. And then, um, uh, of course,

so the interns are not the only ones there. We also have Patrick who is Sonia's brother-in-law's Butler, which is his, who is Sonia's brother-in-law's butler, which is his official title. Sonia's brother-in-law's butler. So she is having this dinner party to show she's back in it by borrowing her ex-husband's brother's butler and getting some brand new interns delivered. Exactly. Dusting off the china from the basement that she just recovered and uh she's gonna have a nice fancy party and jules is setting i got very scared here for a moment because jules is like jules is setting her up with someone in

rocco and who works in the restaurant industry and i was really i honestly was convinced that it's gonna be rocco to spirito i, God, this guy cannot get off of Bravo. He just keeps on popping up. Oh, my gosh. She's probably already tasted him. Yeah, she probably has. If you're going to fix Sonya for something more than a bone, you know it's like a 90-year-old man dripping with money. Yep.

Smelling like mothballs and, I don't know, beef jerky and like Old Spice. Yeah. So the guests start to arrive jules and michael show up and while they're waiting at the door jules is mad at michael michael again you're 10 minutes late to come home and you take a shower meanwhile he's got the glow of a man who's just unloaded 13 gallons of sperm into a nanny that's so mean sorry jules uh yeah and then meanwhile sonya's upstairs like this is how you answer the door you pick up the phone and you go hello hello because they can't hear you and if they can't hear who knows it could be the duane reed

guy god forbid god forbid the duwayne Reed guy comes in. Sonia, you crazy. So she finally figures out how to open the door. Jules and then Dorinda's coming with John. She's like, is she going to let us in? Is she going to let us in? What's up, John? Is she going to let us in?

It's crazy. Sonia. They all finally get up there, and Sonia's got this old-ass place setting everywhere. And Sonia's like, I do it because I really respect history. It's like Wesson being served in a square container from the 80s. Let's be honest. Let's be honest. Your dishwasher's broken, and you had to open the vagina, because it's the only thing that's clean.

And Rocco is in love. Sonya's like, oh my god, this man could leak out his butt at any moment. I'm in love. Like, this is him. I've met him. I've found him. And he's like, oh, I love the napkins. Oh, look at these napkins.

These are class. And she's like, yes, thank you for noticing. Those are very classy napkins. I got them in Rome via, you know, do you know Princess Di? Have you heard of her? It's like, oh, she loved a napkins. I got them in Rome on via, you know, do you know princess dive? You heard of her? It's like, Oh, she loved a napkin. Yeah.

I will never forget this day for as long as I live. I know he, that guy was such a bullshatter. He literally said, I swear this is going to be in my memory for the rest of my life. I'm like, it's just, I mean,

admittedly it was a cool story about how the napkins were so big. Cause you had it for a week and you had to like, when you wiped your mouth, he then moved over, moved over and you had had to keep on moving over until you were done for the week so i was like oh that's cool that's not a good story for a man who's about to be in a home well well meanwhile john was like oh look how big these napkins i've never seen them these napkins are so big i'm not gonna be out of business this has never seen a napkin so big. I'm not going to be out of business. I've never seen a napkin so big. You know what? Relax. Just relax, John.

Just relax. That's the problem, John. Yeah. I've never seen a napkin this big. Yeah. Okay. That's a problem, John. Okay. Yeah.

So they're talking. Where are we right now? Basically, they just get in there, and they're all talking about how Sonia's ready for love again. And the old man's like, oh, the nap again. Oh, the nap again. And then it turns. They somehow turn it. Jules is like, yeah, well.

Oh, Sonia's like, well, what do you think of last night about dinner? I was like, oh, geez, Sonia. Why? Don't do this. And Jules is like, well, I have some, what did is like well I have some would she say I have some some uh anxiety yeah uh so then they start like egging her on to tell them feelings and she basically does the same thing like when you at dinner again of course but of course it's not her fault Sonia brought it up but still it's like another dinner talking about an eating disorder yeah you know soup's on everybody well um i did

appreciate that jules said regarding bethany i've never met a woman who's had so many problems with so many women i was like you know i'm glad you said that because just in the wake of that whole um attack bethany made on the wind like you're not a girl's girl you're not a girl's girl and we were saying that entire time like bethany is the least girl's girl. You're not a girl's girl. And we were saying that entire time, like, Bethany is the least girl's girl. Girl. You know? So I'm glad that someone finally said it on the show. Yeah, they're going.

But, you know, it's so hard for me to fight for stupid Jules. So she starts going off about her thing. It's like, it's inappropriate. Like, anybody, if someone has a problem, like, you just, like, that's it. You don't kick them when they're down. And John's like, yeah, people talking about eating disorder. It's just shame. Dorinda's like, John, she throws up, okay?

That's why I had to bring it up. Try it. Eat less, pig. Jesus Christ, John. John, it's an intervention for you, okay? Not for Jules, all right? You got to start throwing up your food more, John. That's why I got this big napkin for you.

This ain't a kumbaya, John. It's an eating plan. Pay attention. So's an eating plan. Pay attention. So then we get on. So then, unless I'm missing anything, we then go forward to the party bus for Mohegan's son. And everyone's getting on.

Ramona's there. She set up the bus. And then Carol gets on. And then Jules comes on. And Jules is like, hi! And then, of course, Carol's such a bitch. She's like, she's too much. I'm like, she's too much. But Bethany comes on and she's not.

I mean, Bethany comes like, what's going on? What's the matter? What's the matter, boss? What's going on? Where am I sitting? Okay, what's going on? Seriously? Like, what is this?

A bus? A plane? Like, is this a little house? Like, do people live in here? Like, what are we, in the middle of the woods? Like, this is like a full bed in it. Like, what the hell? Like, I literally, like, I feel like it's going to take off.

I feel like we're like a spaceship. Like, we're going to Mars. Like, honestly, we're going to Mars. You know why? You know why? Because this is like out of this is this gonna i feel like it's gonna take off i feel like we're like a spaceship like we're going to mars like like honestly we're going to mars you know what you know what because this is like out of this world these people are like aliens for me right now like literally my walls are up like my walls are up and my mask is on like i'm not gonna be breathing anything but oxygen for right now okay like literally i can't it's like too much and in an episode after bethany was scolded for mocking someone's eating disorders she's like yeah look at this like we're on this bus and like jules is there and it's like she's a little ficus tree in the corner over there so sonia of course fucked up her teeth again so she's like anybody got a percocet how's my teeth and bethany's like what is it with your teeth like

seriously it's always your teeth like what the hell yeah and then um they did a toast to luann who just got engaged and bethany is now mad because she had to find out in the press you know like you know if we were really friends as you say if we had this deep connection you're gonna text me i'm like well why would she text you you've been such a bitch to her about this whole thing honestly and you just all the women just went in on her like you know at dinner so why would she text you of course she's not gonna text you she's like what we're like family like really we're like family why didn't you text me i'm like well when was the last time you texted your mother you're kind of answering your own question

okay so bethany is uh like mad at her so then she starts talking to dorinda and she's like like what's wrong with that girl like seriously like calling me cold? Who does that? I was hurt. I was bleeding and crying. I was leaking from every hole. Seriously? Why don't you just poke my ear with a kebab so I can bleed out of that hole too? Seriously. She's like, when she called me cold, that stung.

That stung. I'm like, you know what? Bethany, you have stung so many people. I mean, you have such a sharp tongue mouth. I mean, you know what, Bethany, you have stung so many people. I mean, you have such a sharp-tongued mouth. I mean, you are like the resident bumblebee because you are seeing people left and right. And so, yeah, you should see what it feels like to get stung once in a while. And Dorinda's like, you know, Bethany, people can hear us. We're not in a dressing room.

We're in a box of a dress. All right, Bethany, people can hear us. We're not in a dressing room. We're in a bus of a dress. Alright? Bethany, people can hear you. So she tries to get away because Bethany's just saying it so Jules will hear, which she's done that five times this year. So Dorinda gets like a big old HEB tray of shrimp. And she's like, yeah,

this is shrimp, and sits next down to the girl with the eating disorder. God bless her. So of course jules is like i can't believe bethany would do that to me why would she do that i mean she's hurting my feelings talk about an eating disorder on a bus and a plumber and dorinda can't win you know yeah yeah by the way we have to mention also that when they were talking about luanne's ring um i might i loved when they're saying like uh dorinda was saying like oh yeah she got an eight carat ring it's very old school and sony goes i'd say eight carats is a little nouveau

girl all you're getting from adam is literally eight carats i don't know what you acting so snotty about. Yeah. So then Bethany, now that Bethany is in a fight with Jules and she's been in a fight with Luann, she realizes she has to do some alliance building. She decides it's time to, you know, make up with Sonya. So her first olive branch is that when Sonya is doing her makeup, Bethany just yells, I had a palette. I had a palette. Sonya's like, I love it. I know. It's it's a nice palette here i want to sit next to you i just want to say i can't help but be in love with you you're just wonderful okay i'm sorry i don't like yelling i don't like yelling people unless it's

like you know jules and luann no i don't i don't like yelling i know i acted like an animal and you know like i don't like that i don't like when someone makes me so mad that I become, like, crazy. Like, I'm an animal. Like, I, I, I, I, you know what I mean? She's like, yes, yes, I do. And, you know, after that day, Bethany, I had to step away and say, what have I done? What did I do? I had to step away because, you know, you were saying it's so obvious. And I thought, huh, I better think about that. And I sure did.

She's like, oh, yeah, well, all right. You know, because, like, she doesn't seem completely deranged now, I guess. So, like, I guess think about that. And I sure did. She's like, oh, yeah, well, all right. You know, because, like, she doesn't seem completely deranged now, I guess. So, like, I guess we can talk. Like, we can have a conversation. She's like, wow, all this time I've taken figuring out what it was that I did. Oh, yeah, you made me an animal. Yes. And, woof, I hope I figure out what I did soon to really make you go that crazy.

She's like, yeah, I was an animal trying to steal my business. I wish I just understood what I did. Bethany, just so you know, I wrote down all the things that I did on computer number three, but it broke. So Pickles is fixing it and once it's fixed, we're going to print it out on the dot matrix printer for you. It's going to be a big

banner. I got an actual typing machine. She just came out of the crate yesterday. I forgot her name, but she has been yelling hello into the phone very loudly, and the Duane Reade guy found our door. So, overall success. We're trying to fix the intercom with pieces from intercoms 1,

2, and 3. I gave Rocco a blowjob this morning, and now I can't remember anything. It's crazy. Crazy how that works. And that ends New York. So next week. It's a big deal.

Like more. Oh, God. So like next week on The Real Housewives of New York. By the way, I just want to clarify that I still love Bethany. She endlessly entertains me, and I think she's super smart, and I do love her. But sometimes I do like when she gets a little bit of the business. Because she serves that a lot, and she can be so mean. And so I like it when people step to her a little bit.

So that's why I've been taking Jules aside today. Because, I mean, you know, I generally think Jules is a nothing. But I was happy to see Jules get a voice. I was happy to see her step up and start to earn a little bit of her golden apple there. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I think she's doing good at least at that. Like, they're trying to blow her off like they do all the new younger housewives.

Everybody just blows them off and ignores them. And then before you know it, you've got America jane on your hands yeah ignore them make them on your side dorinda smart you know she's building a little tiny army yeah uh she is no i mean dorinda has been dorinda's been one of the great like late late run additions to a housewives franchise i actually don't know if i know anyone who has been a better addition to a show so late in the run i mean like what she came on season seven or whatever season eight i don't know uh yeah she's been this is her third season her third one already i thought this is her second uh well last year oh god it feels like heather and them have been gone for longer. I guess this is her second season.

Heather – yeah. This is – she came in season eight because Heather and – Heather and Carol and Aviva came in. They were on for two seasons. Aviva went away. And then Dorinda came on. Yeah. So Dorinda came on season eight. I think this is season nine right now.

So, I mean – well, actually, wait. No. Shannon Bedore, obviously. Shannon Bedore and dorinda are probably two of the best late edition uh edition of course there aren't there haven't been many bravo shows that have been around as long as these so it's not like there's a big uh pool but um you know it's always great when when when we're like greatest new edition the trolley in real housewives of dallas like uh but it know. But it's always great when Bravo can find someone

and they feel like they've been there for the past 10 years and that they are sort of just like instant classics. And I just want to say another thing. When you mentioned Dallas, I was thinking about New York City and why it's so good. I think one thing that separates New York City a little bit from the rest of the pack is that the focus is almost entirely on the women whereas New Jersey

Dallas they've all been left and their kids have grown up and moved out whereas the other ones it's more like this is what life is like when you've got toddlers now of course Jules has little kids but I think one of the reasons why it works so well is because it's about

the women and I think one of the reasons why it works so well is because it's about the women. And I think when Bravo tries to do the kids stuff or the suburban stuff, it just doesn't work. It's just not as compelling. Unless they're the Judaized children. In which case... I mean, the Judaized children are funny, but truthfully, even then, ongoing scenes of Teresa yelling at Melania are not nearly as compelling as when the adults are clashing. Yeah, as when someone is yelling

at Teresa. Yeah. Or Teresa is yelling at someone. The best scenes in Dallas were when Leanne was fighting with the women. It wasn't when Brandy was watching her kid throw spaghetti at the wall. Although that was gold. Or when Brandy made her kids play in the box. She's like, here's your playground. It's like a box.

Yeah, I mean, those scenes can be funny and they can be cute, but they're not compelling. I guess that's what I'm saying. I'm never really, really drawn to the scene, like the family scenes. And I don't know if it's me because I'm famously not totally kid-friendly,

but I actually think it's, I think with Bravo is like, if you think about it, the main stars on Bravo tend to be in their 30s and 40s and i think that it's we're drawn to that and if we want to see kids we'd go watch something on tlc yeah also this one nobody has kids at home and nobody has a man like what are you going to show just rocco rocco's still probably trying to figure out how to flush the toilet without having it run. He's like, oh, why does this sink a run? Pull up the handle, Rocco. Pull it up.

Another thing I was thinking about. This is like the segment. This is Ben – the thoughts that Ben had today. I was thinking that it would be wonderful if someone could write a think piece. Maybe – what's her name? Russ Nussbaum from new york or whatever i would love to see a think piece about women in their 40s on bravo and why we are drawn to them because you know one thing that has always comes up time and time again

is how in hollywood if you're over a certain age you can't get roles right you cannot get movie roles maybe you get like something on tv as a but like there's a period of time where you have to almost get old enough to play the mom or the grandmother. And of a certain age, you cannot be seen on TV or film. And yet when it comes to Bravo, when it comes to these Real Housewives shows, that is the exact age that we go crazy over. that we go crazy over. And I wonder why is it that, not that it works, but why is it that pop culture allows for it in reality TV and Bravo

and it becomes so buzzworthy and yet we refuse to see it in our movies? Well, I think the young people, the young hot people aren't going to do these shows because they're still auditioning for movies. It's really not until they give up later that they're like, fine, I'll do a reality show. Right.

But you know, there are young hot people doing reality shows on all the other networks, on E! and all, you know, wherever else. But Real Housewives creates so much buzz. I mean, one thing is that it's just, you know, they'll be on the cover of magazines. They are just – people talk about these shows. Everyone watches them. Everyone does. Even if they don't want to admit it, everyone does. It's part of, like, the pop culture conversation.

And at the heart of it are women in their 40s and their 50s or late 30s and that is the that is the age group that is famously shunned in the rest of pop culture so i i feel like there's a think piece there i don't know what i don't know what it is which is why i want someone else to write it but i think it's a fascinating um exception to the quote-unquote rule well my theory is that they're just really cheap because there comes a point where people are just like i want more instagram likes than dollars i'm already rich so give me a tv show and i'll debase myself in any way you need and then the rest of us who are sitting at home and not 20 we need something to watch you know those shows all still with like the young kids and stuff.

Those shows still get the biggest ratings. But, you know, even if these pull in a couple of million at the most, it's a couple of million of people who just need to see someone get told off. OK, being an adult is I don't want to watch people fucking. I want to watch people telling somebody off in a store. Yeah, I don't know. I would. Listeners, why don't you chime in uh leave us comments on our facebook page uh on this post because i would love to hear what other people

think i think that there's something there maybe i'll maybe i'll maybe i'll reach out to uh to some of our uh journalist friends and see if they're gonna write something why don't you write it you're a damn writer i don't want to but then have to research and have to do research and interview people. You know, Jessica Ogilvie, who is a guest on this show, she writes for LA Weekly and Playboy and various other things. And she writes a lot about gender and also gender in – she wrote a cover story for LA Weekly about gender and the film industry. So we'll get – I'm going to get her on the case. Yeah, you do it because I'm too shallow for any of that. I'm like, who cares?

It's a bunch of bitches fighting. I'm in. And also, I like to see the facial changes. Yeah, well, that too. Okay, now let's head over to Shaws of Sunset. Shaws, shaws, shaws. Well, another fun episode. And I have to say, there really can be no better way to honor the legacy of the Mayans

than having Reza and Gigi get into a huge fight at the base of one of their pyramids. A bunch of people that need to be beheaded. I mean, I have never felt so excited as I did when they walked up to that Mayan ruined temple thing. Because I watched that Mel Gibson movie where people were just getting beheaded and they were throwing heads down the thing. I was like, finally, an episode. It's happening. This episode, I guess we could just talk about the characters and stuff, right? Do you want to go all the way through?

But I do have to say it opened with Servin and Nima in bed together. Aw, drip. How cute. By the way, the Mayans have been trying to tell us so many times that it's the end of the world, like end of days. And they're like, listen, Gigi and Reza and Asa are on top of one of our pyramids. How much more explicitly can we tell you? This is the end of days. This is the end of the world right now, people.

What else can we do? Talk about rolling in your grave. Those torsos are like just like swinging machetes back and forth in their grave. They're like itching to behead somebody. Oh, gosh. The shrunken head. Sorry, I took a sip of coffee. Oh, I'm looking through my notes because this was last.

This was Monday. I'm like, what? It was. Yeah, it was. It was a while ago. So the so what happens, they they, you know, because they're still in Belize and they go climbing up the the temple. And Gigi, of course, is my ra my ra you know she has that weird bubble voice and she's like like my knees are killing me they're numb i can't you know but i and they

don't even care but i'm gonna keep going i'm gonna because i'm a trooper and they're all like no it's not your ra it's because you went clubbing until four in the morning and you're hung over she's only been awake for two hours and she smells like gin who does that who does that that's not ra okay it's alcoholism i just i just had a flashback to my you know like when you are like going about your day and all of a sudden something triggers a memory from a dream you're like oh my god i dreamt about that i had a dream that i was doing reza impersonations for chad ochocinco and he was like that's really good oh god and then mike is still on with his innocent oh i just made one mistake i don't get it like i just don't understand like why won't she take i'm like acting all innocent this guy's

so full of shit yeah and he's like you know i'm so lucky to wake up and i look around and i have these guys from my friends they're not fair weather friends like they're real i'm like really because yeah last year one of them was accusing you of almost rape and the other ones were jumping on your side and trying to ruin your marriage. Yeah. Yeah, you know what? They're not fair-weather friends. They're just shitty friends. That's all. Yeah, they're just bad.

Just shitty, shitty, shitty friends. Mike can't just state the case. Reza's like, Well, you know, I'm not judging you for cheating. I'm just glad you talked. I mean, you're bigger and you're better. I mean, literally bigger. And your breath could be better.

But, you know, good for you. Okay. Bye. Mike. Mike. you're bigger and you're better i mean literally bigger and your breath could be better but you know good for you okay bye mike all i care about right now is getting you better all right i'll judge you next season that's all i can't kick a man when he's down so stand up mike stand up it's like thanks man you're a good friend re He's like, I didn't realize you were already standing, Mike. Sorry. Mike, I'll do anything to fix this marriage. Anything. Like, uh, too late.

How many bitches did you stick that dick into? Get out of here. Like it was one little thing, Mike. No one's buying it. Yeah. Yeah. Too much duel. Too much duel.

Yeah. You've done enough. MJ and Tommy. The humidity? It feels like between my legs is a bread factory. He's so disgusting, and yet I really enjoy him. I really feel like he and MJ are a match made in heaven. Seeing their big doughy bodies on top of each other.

Two whales that just showed up on a beach. It was really romantic. But they're not suffocating yet. It's that moment before you know that it's really bad for the whales. It just sort of looked like two loaves of bread. One was maybe like a pumpernickel ask and the other was like a white bread and they're both a little undercooked oh white bread's blend it's like a club sandwich made with you know a hoagie a white bread and some rye

it's all there extra mayo hey It's like a pile of cold cuts. Hey, are these horses going to lick my balls? They're going to lick my nuts? So they're going horseback riding. I've never felt as bad for an animal as I have that horse. And I've watched every Netflix food documentary there is, okay? I've been guilted into veganism like three times and I still never cried for an animal

like I cried for that poor horse. I know. Even the horse in the Sleepy Hollow Disney movie would be like, damn. That was one scared horse. My mom was behind me watching this because I watched this all on the same night. She's like,

that girl's tits are bigger than the horse it's like okay mother be quiet back there oh my god you know i don't want i don't want a fat shame uh mj but it was quite the sight it was not even fat i mean those boobs are they were put in there like she chose that size and then she like and then she wears like the tightest clothing possible so everything it looks like it's just about to explode out just like a skinny just like a skinny person when you make your entire life about your body people are going to talk about your body yeah it's true um yeah so they are they're going on they're on the horses and stuff so they go to the temple.

And, well, I mean, we're doing character by character, but sort of chronologically, right? I didn't really write a lot of notes. I'm just going from what I remember. But what I do know is that after they got down from this temple and, you know, after they had this, like, moment of looking out over the world and having some fake epiphanies, which is what they do, like, anytime they open up a can of Sunkist, they get to the bottom. And Asa is like hey gg hey hey monkey uh so i want to take pictures of you for my my relationship thing because you know being single is part of like being in a relationship that's part of dating that's the evolution of my art project it's like rolling my eyes masturbation is a relationship babe babe babe babe babe it's a relationship like going on tinder that's like a relationship i want to take a picture of you

and your cell phone you know i'm gonna do it with my cell phone so it'll be like really meta like i get it you know and then it's gonna be like we'll put it on tinder and then take a screenshot and then that'll be in the book and then of course reza teary as ever it's like well why is she gonna be in it like why are you making a relationship book and then having like someone who never has a relationship like why is she in it like he has to get all yeah wordy about it and gg does the classic gg petulant thing or what other petulant people do is like um we're having a conversation between the two of us as two adults as grown adults and such you know when they when people say that but they try to use like formal language

then they just trip themselves over it like so I don't really understand what you have to do by your part to do this situation. And he's like, because I'm talking about her art project. And then all of a sudden it was like hell broke loose. It's just basically Gigi being, whenever she shows up that drunk, I think Reza's like, okay, showtime, let's do this. It's like this woman, obviously, and it's her fault. It's not like somebody makes her that drunk every day.

And he's like, all right, she'll try and stab somebody. This is our chance to get her off the show. Yep. So they start fighting. I assume the fight was, again, about the RA and getting drunk. He's saying, like, what person who's this sick and needs, like, a chemo, you know, parties? And then she's like,

oh, shut up, you stupid queen, or whatever. And that's basically it. They just scream and yell at each other. And then everyone's like, okay, that was fun. Let's go home, guys.

Yeah. And then on the drive back to the hotel, Gigi is talking about, like, you know, like how she wants to go out after dinner tonight. And then she starts talking about Reza.

And she's like, yeah, I know a guy at the gym who said he has a sex tape of having sex with Reza. So if he says he wants the truth, he says I'm holding back. You're just going to see the real truth. Well, my first thought was Reza would never be that bold because no person who's overweight and feels like they're losing it wants a sex tape you know it's the last thing we want but then i remembered this man has no shame comedy reza's comedy okay yeah exactly i mean he's not a good comedian but he's comedy um he uh i just love that mj didn't even take it seriously you know on any other show be like oh shit there's a sex tape there's a sex tape and she's like yeah there's a sex tape and i'm

just like no there's not there's not a sex tape at all and gg's crazy and this is what she always does she has nothing on reza yeah i don't i don't know like i don't even care i just don't make me see it who if somebody does have this sex tape please do not leak I've never begged anything to not leak this much yeah this is keep this let's keep this one in let's keep it in um and then uh um so then they're at dinner and Mike is once again talking about Jessica is like my duel all the problems are from the duel and then gg goes this conversation is boring you know and then mike gets mike gets mad and you know because gg's like wasted at this point again but it was another moment of mike like everyone sits down to dinner

and mike's like yeah you know it's a rough day because like i keep thinking where's jessica because you know like i love her, I would do anything for Jessica. She completes me. He said that. I'm like, you're quoting the girl from Jerry Maguire right now. Come on. Yeah. No. No, that's you had me at hello.

Who says you complete me? That's Jerry Maguire himself. Man, Jerry Maguire was full of those memes, eh? Good job. Oh, my God. Ronnie, help me help you remember Jerry Maguire. Show me the money, and I will show you the Jerry Maguire quotes. Okay, that's it.

Don't you remember? There was a whole song with Jerry Maguire quotes. Love that movie. So romantic. Unlike anything on this show. I actually love that movie. I remember seeing the movie theater and being like, this is the best movie I've ever seen in my life. I know.

That's why OJ made me so sad. I was like, oh, Cuba, come back. Don't you remember? Jerry Maguire wasn't that long ago. What happened to you? I love Cuba. I love Cuba. Okay.

So they're at dinner and Mike's like, yeah, because... By the way, he just got Emmy nominated for that today. Oh, right on. Sorry.

Mama? Mama? That's him in the OJ movie. Loved it. I want to talk to Mama! I love this movie. Okay, so they're at dinner and Mike's trying to act like he's not a total slimebag who's fucked God knows how many people and this is all deserved. And Gigi's like, uh, boring!

And so then they start fighting again with Gigi, who's again drunk. I mean, I guess at a certain point you have to drop the manners part of it. Just fight with the drunk. She's always drunk. She's always drunk. She's a disaster. She really is. And then we finally go back to America.

It's like everyone's miserable. So we finally go back to America where Mike is taking MJ to a flower shop because he's super serious about Jess. Like, whatever. Gigi finally goes to the dock. Oh, did you have a roses thing to say? I was going to say about the florist. I'm surprised you didn't mention it. Because when MJ and actually MJ took Mike to the florist because she's like, here, you're going to get some flowers and bring them to Jessica or whatever.

And the florist was this woman who was totally aware of being on tv she was giving this look like yes welcome to my flower shop welcome and i thought for sure you were gonna go off on her like there's another one trying to have a big break that stupid flower lady i think my eyes were too far back in my head i was like you're oh're going to go buy 62 flowers for Jessica, Mike. Really? Cheater. Yeah. Cheater, cheater. Also, the thing is with Mike, he's really beyond stupid. I mean, it's obvious that she's moved on. I mean, this is a woman who is refusing to go on an all-expense-paid trip to Belize on TV because she hates you that much.

You're not getting back together with her. And he knows it. He's only doing all this, oh, I really care. For future girls. Dude, it's pity pussy. That's all he's doing. He's using this show for pity pussy.

He's gotten so much pussy from this show, and now he's like, oh, now all the girls that come up to me in the club are like, oh, poor Mike. Can I get some pussy? You know what, though? I think it's actually even more than pity pussy.

I bet it's for his family. I bet he's trying. Because, you know, he's probably on a lot of shit from his mom. The mom probably never liked Jessica in the first place. But the fact that he cheated and it's embarrassing and, you know, like the community, da-da-da-da-da-da-da. This is damage control for his – like to his family. Like, like you know to show his family still a good good little jewish boy you know yeah it's still a stream of income at this point i haven't seen a lot of guys walking around in turtle skin shoes yet so i'm guessing he's still

taking money from home so then we get to go see gg at the doctor which is fucking hilarious okay so she's going to this guy again if someone's wearing a polo with a logo on it of some sort that looks like they got it from the cafe press come on guys it's not like she's at Kaiser Permanente right now okay well I I'm gonna I'm gonna push back on that a little bit okay because I don't think this doctor is a quack or anything i think that gg is dramatizing what he said i mean we saw it you know she goes there she's she's getting her chemo and it's like she's getting chemo so it's like okay well i guess we can't fight with that and then they asked the doctor and he's basically saying well it's the same thing as same medicine

chemo but he essentially says it's not the same he's like well i mean like in name only you know she has to be injected with it you know there's this there's the same drug but says it's not the same. He's like, well, I mean, like in name only. She has to be injected with it. There's the same drug. But essentially – It's a much different dosage basically. It's a different situation. She's not going to lose her hair. She's not going to go through all the awful – she's going to be nauseous the next day maybe.

It's not the same thing. It's Asa who brought this up because Asa comes. She's like, babe, like I didn't know how serious this was. Like what? That's a real doctor you know like this is nuts and then they uh go through the thing and also starts asking the doctor questions she's like first person yeah she's like so this is chemotherapy is this real chemotherapy babe like tell me do you have a wife do you have a wife i'm calling the doctor babe babe monkey hey monkey tell us about the drugs now come on

and the ma and uh she's getting pissed gg is getting pissed because also it's just walking and shitting all over everything that she's been saying so gg starts having this fit and then the mom is like crying and she's like oh all i'm saying is that maybe before the chemo you do something like i don't know maybe fruit vegetable or something and maybe not drink vodka maybe this then just stop smoking because i was like hey tell me this babe uh cigarettes so like smoking uh you know a pack of cigarettes a day you know maybe the occasional meth use uh constant drinking this isn't good for that right yeah well that well because what happened was before they even did the chemo uh gg had gone and met with her parents who look terrified you know it's like they've got like damien they've got little lady damien and they're just waiting for the giant dog to come up and like

attack their throats and and she's like i'm gonna get the chemo and the mom's like what about your diet why don't you why don't you try your diet her parents are terrified and just the mere suggestion of diet she's like no so then she goes to get her chemo and everything and that's when asked the doctor babe what what can we do and he's like well she should stop smoking and that's when the mom says oh would you would you turn around turn around and tell that to gg it's like you should stop smoking and then gg just loses it she goes. She has a hissy fit, a tantrum. She gets out of her bed and stomps over to the nurse's station and sits down. She's screaming.

I'm like, you know, you've got to grow up, Gigi. Smoking is all I have. Do you know what it's like to live like this? And then Asa talks to her and she's like, babe, we're just trying to help. Why don't you quit smoking? And she goes, because I don't want to. Yeah like so you want us you want us to feel bad you're gonna say i've tried everything and now i've gotta do chemo but you don't wanna you refuse to try to quit smoking well no we're not gonna listen to you now she's ridiculous i love that asa did at least earn a paycheck because

all she really does is stand on the sidelines like babe can you believe the marriage is on the rocks like you should confront that person like this time at least she did something which was calling gg out on her bullshit in front of the doctor loved it babe babe babe we also saw by the way the return of anita anita uh i think gg and anita fought season one if i remember correctly i think anita was like the hot persian girl threat to gg and they had a big old fight season one and so i mean anita shows up every every once in a while but i had forgotten about her it was nice to see her again so i didn't even notice like i don't know i don't know why i'm acting as it was an old friend like oh anita god it was good to see anita god what a wonderful thing great Great, doesn't she?

She's wonderful. That's a girl who drinks water. I mean, hasn't aged a day. She was smart. She could have probably joined the show and she was like, I missed your clear of it. Yeah, she's like, I have 100% chance more of getting stabbed in the face by Gigi if I stay on this show. So I'll just see her at the doctor. Yeah. So next, speaking of meeting a doctor,

my comedy, am I right? Oh my God. I did not think this was resurfacing. I thought this was over. I did not realize this was going to be part of an arc. So Reza is once again finding some way to make this whole situation with Mike have to do with him going after comedy i forget

what even the tenuous link was something like well mike has the courage to go and like be his own man and keep it real and so i'm gonna have the courage to work on my comedy because i don't give up i'm like what both are painful to watch super painful and he's you know practicing his stuff again with a dog and again like res's whole thing is that he just tries to appropriate black comedy. Not like dark comedy, but like comedy in the style of like black people comedy. Black culture comedy. Yeah. I'm like, what's the right thing?

It's like, these motherfuckers, am I right? Like, I was a step up motherfucker, am I right? Down low, am I right? It's like so insulting. then i mean you have to admit these producers are hilarious because they're like okay we're gonna send him to a comedy club in inglewood uh with an all-black audience and let's see what happens now the rest of it gets up there and he's like hey oh motherfuckers hey how many motherfuckers be from a foreign country right am i right motherfuckers be from a foreign country, right? Am I right, motherfuckers?

You know why they call it a green card, motherfuckers? Because the card is motherfucking green, am I right? Hello, Padomtu. Who here has a duel, am I right, motherfuckers? Duels be like, whoa, gotta ejaculate, right? You think your mama's is crazy? Persian mom's is crazy. There's like no gay clubs with your Persian mom.

There's no, like, popping bottles in Iran. It's like, oh, my God. You got to always have some gold. Some, like, gold for, like, when you're ready to go. Like, if your mom's sleeping, you tap her. She'll be like, what the fuck, motherfucker? I just was sleeping. We got to go.

We got to go. It was a revolution. Am I right? Am I right, motherfuckers? And then he's just climbed the beheading Mayan mount or whatever. He's like, I'm not going to be a victim of the stage. I will stand on the stage and make everyone else a victim. Please leave.

Oh, my God. It was so insulting. It was embarrassing. It was insulting. But they edited it in a way, he made like one joke. He said, I want to take a selfie with Erykah Badu over here. And then they edited it to make it sound like it was the biggest laugh. I guarantee it was not a big laugh, I guarantee. He just thought of the first black person he could think of.

He's like, Erykah Badu, right? And they're like, ha ha ha. He's like, I won! Finally, they're like, this homo knows us. Right, Briz? I really cannot. I cannot. It was mortifying.

I feel like, and it happened in the week when it was just like Black Lives Matters was like so crazy. And it's like, this is not what this world needs right now our race relations in this country are not in a great place we don't need reza appropriating black black humor it's just not working bad week for that reza bad week just be quiet reza sit down oh gosh am i right homies put some kappas in some pigs am I right oh jeez Reza just stop please just stop

oh my god so that was pretty much it I mean the rest of it was Gigi having a fit about not wanting to smoke while her mother sobs in the background all I asked was for her to eat apple. Oh, why me? Why me?

Mom! Just every time, like, we go to the computer, like, why don't you have an apple? I'm like, I don't want an apple, Mom! Not to eat, to type on. No, you can't type on an apple. It's a fruit. Oh, God, Mom. You don't know what it's like to type like this.

I wish you knew for one second what it was like to beat me. Oh, Lord, girl. Gigi's playing that Lady Gaga song in the background on repeat. You don't know what it's like. It's a song about R.A. No, it's actually a song about sexual abuse on college campuses. No, it's about R.A. No.

Why do you think they have R.A.! You're like, no. Why do you think they have R.A.'s on campuses? I'm glad they didn't go to Egypt because they get around one Ross statue and she'd like start sobbing and doing monologues. Bitch, everything ain't about you.

Why you call me a ho? No, we said Imhotep. Am I right? Imhotep? Like, that was the first gangster right there. Egyptians be like, let's build a pyramid. Like, what's up with a triangular building?

Like, you can't even have an elevator in there. Am I right, motherfuckers? Like, how about you enslave more people, Egyptians? Oh, Lord, Charles. All right, so next is let's go get on some of the drama. Drama. On the some of the drama. Drama. On the sea in the Mediterranean, where a bunch of maids are starting to go stir crazy and get hurt feelings with each other on a boat.

This was such a good episode. I hope you liked it also. Did you like it? Because I know you're not so into this season. I mean, to me, this show is like watching people change a Swiffer and crying at the same time i'm like i don't get it but i love watching it like every time i watch it i loved i was laughing the whole time i watched it so there i liked the combination of these asshole guests with danny and his i mean danny is the new rocky right i mean he can never be as bad as rocky but he basically is is boy rocky well lord knows he's been hit in the face enough times to be rocky oh yeah that kind of stupid like the real rocky

i mean he's uh okay so first of all these guests so the guests actually first appeared last episode um last episode there were these lovely older women who were just the best they were so polite and so sweet and they gave the biggest tip of all time and then they leave and these douchebags come from la and they have been they're just requesting one thing after another after another and when it takes like two minutes to get a drink they're like god what's up with the service around here what are they doing down there and at one point on this episode they're like god like what what are 12 people doing that they can't even get us drinks and then they cut to like everyone folding laundry and cleaning shit and you know i'm like you're the ones who left a bloody tampon

on the floor etc yeah those people are such douchebags, but I think after the sweet ladies of the last charter, I think the producers just were like, pull over, I don't care. What's the nearest shore? What's the nearest shore with the Dave and Busters? Or just walk in there and grab the tackiest fucking people you can

and tell them to pretend they're rich and bring them on the boat. Yeah, make sure they're American. I mean, these people were just disgusting. And, you know, I think this is why you don't get traumatized because it all goes back to waiting tables. And, man, so many of these people, you have to smile in their face and you know they've had money for five goddamn minutes. And it's like lottery winner types, you know, that you're just like,

ugh, you don't know everything because you earned money five minutes ago, you asshole. They're like, I've been here five minutes. I don't have bread. Well, I see that they got their food. You know, it's one of those customers. Fuck these people. It's these ugly, disgusting guys.

Big, fat, pasty guys. One of them's got bald head, but he's like dyed his head. I mean, please. With these young models who are like, yeah, that girl's a bitch. Like, I don't like how she looked at me. Well, they've done nothing to earn their money but blow an ugly dude with a dyed head oh fuck off yeah i mean hannah at the top of this episode basically the get the the primary guy they're supposed to be there from one end they're like yeah we think we're gonna stay and also um we

don't really like hannah so could we like not see her for a little bit? And it was a really dick move. And to be fair, Hannah's really bad at hiding her disdain. She does need to work on that, but these guys were also dicks. Yeah, Kate would show her disdain, but do it in a way that makes the other person feel like a loser. Instead of being like, I'm going to beat that bitch. I'm going to tell on that bitch. They're like, oh, how can I make this woman like me?

Like even that gay was like, I like your artwork. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, Kate would like, she would make you feel like shit. Like you do like an asshole thing and she'd give you this look, like she would give you a smile,

like I'm going to kill you and I'm going to haunt you in your dreams like Freddy Krueger, you know? And then they're like, gosh. And on top of that, she would then befriend everyone else except the one person she hates that way they all like her and then he's the loser and they make fun of him for for being the one that she hates you know yeah she's got she's got like a full-on sun tzu knowledge up in that brain yeah she knows she knows um but what was interesting was that this actually threw the entire charter on on the staff side into chaos because then since Hannah had to be – like she was not doing service as much and she was in the rooms, then Julia had to be the main woman.

And they were writing Julia so hard and they were doing that thing. And I always feel guilty when I do it as a customer when she's like, all right, does anyone want anything up here? Does anyone want any? Do them two want a cocktail? And I'm like, I'd just like some vodka with water. All right, vodka with water. And then she goes down and she brings it up. Actually, I'll have this.

And she comes down and brings it up. Actually, can I get a smoothie? Then she comes down and brings it up. I'll have one of these. It's like one after the other after the other. And they get worse and worse. I mean, smoothie, really? And then that fucker orders a smoothie, and she's down making it.

He's like, we're just seeing where our drinks are. Hey, fucker, there's no one here just shitting out smoothies, okay? They got to go in that wet box with mold all over it, try and find a blender that works, bring it up here, try and find a plug converter so it'll work. Fuck you. Fuck you. And who wants a smoothie after you've been drinking vodka with water like what's wrong with you what's wrong with you what's wrong with your taste palette kidding your taste buds eat a finger porky so jules um so julia after like a day of this she's going crazy because she really has not been exposed to this madness before. And it all comes to a – she's already getting weary and she's getting drained. And it all comes to a head when they ultimately want – the main guy wants a croissant.

So they don't have croissants and they know it's gonna be craziness and i love that this show like the the cliffhanger going into like the commercial break is there's no croissant very few shows can have a croissant cliffhanger so um of course you do a fucking course you do what everybody wants after a smoothie so there are no croissants but um brian but julia asked brian hey can you like zip to shore and get a croissant and so they go and within 15 minutes they get a whole thing of fresh croissants so then but in the meantime ben is making these breakfast burritos for everyone because they because they originally wanted breakfast sandwiches and the main guy wanted on the croissant but But now they're going to do it in breakfast burritos.

So 15 minutes later, they get the croissants and Julia says they don't want croissants. And everyone's like, no, we still want our burritos. But the main guy is like, no, I'll do a croissant. I'll definitely do a croissant, you know. And by the way, this is like a one moment when the guests were not being total assholes, you know. And so Julia tells Ben, oh, well, he's going to have a croissant sandwich. And Ben's like, well, he's going to have a croissant sandwich. And Ben's like, well, he was fine to have a croissant later as a snack. So I don't know why you told him that we got the croissants now.

And this, like, caused. It's almost like they want all this boner to sound when people want to eat croissants. This caused a meltdown. Oh, you know what it was? Because when they follow me on this, when the guy learned that there were no croissants, he was fine to have a breakfast burrito instead and have a croissant later as a snack, which is hilarious. And then when Brian rushed and got the croissants um ben was like wow you didn't have to rush because he was fine to have it as a snack later so then brian was kind of like oh okay well that's weird and then julia was mad because julia was like no he wanted a croissant now here's like if he he didn't say he wanted to have it later we said we'd give it to him later as a snack

and it's like wow whatever and then breakfast marina we don't even need a croissant darling and julia just lost it and like went downstairs started crying started calling ben a twat and like it was just it was just like the croissant like this this croissant broke this poor woman and then she started on her whole plight she's like well well i'm from the north and he's from the south and in england that means that he's from a much better place he's been to private schooling i haven't had private schooling and then he talks down to me because i'm just a you know a northerner and he talks down to me because I'm just a northerner.

And he talks down to me like, oh, I don't know anybody because I didn't go to private schooling. I'm like, oh, jeez, lady. So she's got like a chip on her shoulder. And I wonder, is this a thing in England, by the way? Because on Cheshire, there was a big dust up about private schooling versus public schooling. Yes, that was the same thing. She's like, I don't understand these thoughts because, you know, from here.

Did she go to public schooling? She's like, I dare she. What a slut. She's got manners. She's well-bred. That's her. That's her. Yeah, so, like, this just, it just it like it was a combination of julia was tired of

being talked down to she's exhausted from two months of ups and downs and these people were going crazy and it was just bringing out all this shit you know this this northern southern or working class elite whatever and she um she just loses it and eventually they have a conversation and she's like ben you don't realize you're condescending to those of us from the north we're just workers you know you don't realize it and he's like i don't understand how i'm condescending to you just because you're a little slower and you're not as educated i never said it was your fault you were dumber than me i don't understand why you're so upset, dear. Are you doing it right now, Ben?

The way you're talking to me right now. Oh, you're yelling. Oh, you're having a bit of the rag, are you, darling? How very working class of you to yell. I don't know if it's because you're from the South or if it's because you're a woman. But either way, neither thing is your fault darling so the thing is that ben hates being called an elitist um and his explanation for why is you know my father is a best-selling novelist and i grew up playing football with prince harry and prince william

and i grew up with that and I don't want to be that anymore I'm like you realize this is why people view you as an elitist because you just happen to drop that you played football with the princes yep I think he's just you know he's always wanted to be considered one of the normal guys and stuff and he couldn't and so he's like fuck it I'm gonna do something in the service industry and his dad probably dropped dead right then he's like i don't need your buddy father i will serve the people he's like oh it's like ben's riding a motorcycle you know it's like his rebellion and then he finally does it and some hoe from the north gonna or some hope yeah some hoe from the

north gonna come blow your cover and be like you're acting you're acting mighty posh man he's like yeah yeah because later on in the episode where the episode ends he's like it's not what i want to be it actually hurts me quite a bit and i don't i don't want people to think this of me. I really don't like being understood. I'm very sensitive, you stupid slag. It's not my fault that I understand what the word entree means. I can't give myself a lobotomy to bring myself to your level. I can't help it that I have very basic table manners. What, are you going to fry a man because he knows which fork

to eat a salad with? I'm sorry. I was invited to the royal wedding. That doesn't make me a bad person. So hang me. I know how many S's are in the word de sois. I apologize if I know

how to pronounce croissant and you do not. Julia the pussy. So he was crying in a parking lot. The whole thing was very sad. Well, I was going to say, Hannah had such a big lady boner that she could then be there for Ben and be like, it's all right. It's all right. It's all right. You can cry right here onto my bosom.

We're more than friends again now. Let me be the blanket for your damage. You're bleeding, Ben. Let me wrap you. Wrap yourself in a nice girl like me, Ben. I can be your hero baby. Let me be your snuggie. He's like, I don't want to be the worst person in the world you're not the worst person in the world there was hitler

don't forget about daniel oh yeah that's right daniel oh yeah that was the other story daniel acting like a damn fool it opens up with dan Daniel staring at the fucking trophy hose that the old disgusting guy has brought on. And he's already gotten in trouble. Yeah, he's already gotten in trouble for staring at guests before. He's just staring at the hose with their butt shots. Because they're taking pictures of their butts. And the funny thing is, everyone on this boat hates the guests and then he's like, I love the guests.

I think they're great. I'm like, of course you would. Cause you're a douche in training, you know? Um, and what I love, um, is that in case for those of you who haven't been following, uh, Danny, um, lost the rights to his phone on a charter because he was taking pictures and all that stuff that happened a few episodes ago so he's moping around like a child like gosh it's great sunset too bad i can't take a picture of it i don't have my phone oh my god that sunset is like instagram right now i don't

have instagram like can you believe this crazy that whoa man. He's always shaking his head. Yeah. Last episode. I mean, he is so ridiculous. Last episode, because he was on break, he asked Brian if he could take one of the jet skis out to explore a cave. And I was like, what? Like, don't make us root for Brian. I mean, he's awful.

He is the biggest dick on this boat. And you make us root for him every single week, Danny. You're making us root for the rapey one. He's like, gosh, I wish I could. That's not fair. Everyone gets to take pictures. It's just not fair. And later on, the guests want to go on ATVs

on an island, which by the way, they were at an island. Oh my god, do you hear the barking? Must be the mailman. Oh, my God. The toaster. I think it's time. Toaster time.

It's toaster time. We paused this update to find out if this is Ronnie receiving a toaster. This could be it. This could be the Amazon Prime toaster moment. I'm so excited. I'm very, very excited. I'll tell everyone about my Vitamix while we wait for Ronnie. The Vitamix is very exciting, and I cleaned it. I had nothing to blend. After all this talk, I had nothing

to blend, but I had to do a preliminary wash. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Is it happening, Ronnie? It's happening! Is it your toaster? Oh, it's a struggle. With my hands, I claw open the box. And here it is. Oh, Black & Decker. Yay.

It's the number one brand in Toaster Oven's mother trucks. That's amazing. I was just telling the people about my Vitamix and how I didn't have anything to blend so i did a i did a preliminary cleaning and you're supposed to with the cleaning you put water and soap in there and you start off at level one and bring it up to level five and i'm so used to magic bullet levels of power that when i moved it from like just one to two i was like oh my god what's happening this is so strong and i was like surely it cannot go any further if it goes any further this is like it's gonna explode like, this is like, it's going to explode. Like, I literally thought, and it started to go up to like, I didn't even get it to level five.

It was too scary. I got to level four. I was like, ah. I even, I did a little video of it. I like recorded it, of course, for like Snapchat. Of course you did. I love that. And you could hear me.

Like, I wasn't being funny. I was like, holy shit. Well, I wish I could have heard any of that story, but all I heard was even toast technology delivers delicious and even toast. And then there's like a picture with these toasts on a tray, and there's all these arrows coming from up and above and from the side. I can only assume that's the heat. Ronnie, I demand that you put a sexy J on that box and pretend it's from Sonia. I demand it. This is the first time a toaster has ever been delivered in the middle of our podcast.

We're just going to pretend it's not from Black & Decker. It's from Morgan & Pickles. It's from Black & Sonia. What? What did I do? I had no idea um so let's let's just like we let's finish up with below deck real quickly because i gotta boop so um so danny so these guests was it that i mentioned toast no it's that i drank a lot of coffee and it's you know it's time so um this bag is not a

toy lol so they were at one island they went from that island to um what's it called um the other island you know the one mykonos i believe and then they're like yeah we want to do some we want to like we want to do the atv thing which is back at the original house means they have to go five hours back the other way which is a pain for the crew i mean it's so obnoxious so to go atving they um they need the deckhands to go to go with them because everyone wants to get drunk so the deckhands can be like the sober atv drivers so um danny is excited about this and he loves this and when they're out there bobby and brian are taking pictures and danny's like it's not fair they're such hypocrites like they're taking pictures like why is that they get to take pictures and i can't take pictures i'm like shut up danny the difference

is because you're taking pictures of the guests and you're interacting with the guests in a way that's too personal whereas they are doing it discreetly when no one's looking yeah he's driving with one of the young girls i mean god bless her she looks like she got hit in the face with a pan of some sort but still she's younger yeah he's in this atv which i don't know why they had to do this it's like driving golf carts through a city it's weird but he's like hey yeah whoa look at us you're hot yeah i'm hot too yeah la right you want to party in LA? Whoa.

Hey, I wish there was a mountain right now called your face so I could just go sit on it all day long and feel amazing. She's like, yeah. Yeah, he's like, and I love that his rationale in the interview was like, we're in Greece. I got a beautiful girl next to me. We're vibing. How often does this happen i'm like every episode with you you stupid fuck like you fall in love with like someone brings it someone's

like hey look i found a potted plant from mykonos he's like whoa cool plant like how does this happen like i feel like i'm vibing with the plant we just pulled the something out of the ocean the boat started moving whoa how often does that happen whoa crazy right he is basic i mean he he's listen he he's like an actor he's he's he's like an actor right he's got an actor's personality he wants to control like uh control the room and not control the room but like you know be funny at one point when they're in um run the highland i don't know if you noticed this they're all at a bar and the guests are all joking about something and they're cracking up and he just like walks up to the group and starts laughing also like he doesn't even know what the what the joke was and

he starts to mouth something like he wants to pile on but he doesn't even realize what the joke is so he has to stop himself he's just like watermelon watermelon watermelon watermelon he was it's just he's so eager to be to be part of it and to be like the the star of a group of people yeah it's so sad and of course the guys all get it because like that's how they were until they you know turned 50 and made a dollar yeah so they all get it they're like oh look at this look at this pipsqueaks thinking he's gonna get some young piece of ass on a boatman salary. Good luck, buddy. Ha ha! Get us a croissant smoothie. Hey, snap.

Meanwhile, I just want to say that Jen, I mean, I would be shocked if she ever gets asked back because her whole arc this season has been, okay, Jen, tie a knot. No, not like that. Faster. No, it's not called a Jen knot. It's a this knot. Every week, Jen tying knots and not doing it well.

And then I'm split. I'm like, well, fuck Brian. He's so condescending. Let her tie a knot the way she wants to. Then I'm like, well, fuck Jen. How could she not know how to tie a knot? And Jen's like, oh God, all they want me to do is tie a knot. And I'm like, ugh, gross. Ugh. So stupid. There's not one way to tie your shoes okay it's like velcro there's like buckles like would you want me to buckle it brian idiot by the way we should mention that danny did get partial use of his phone back because he's like hey cap hey cap

um do you know i was thinking that like maybe you could let me have my phone back it'd be really good like trust uh trust exercise so you could see that like you can trust me maybe you could let me have my phone back it'd be really good like trust uh trust exercise so you could see that like you can trust me cap you can trust me hey cap let me have my phone cap let me have my phone i was like uh and then the captain's like yeah whatever as long as you just keep it in your room all right daniel all right young man you can have it at night young man ryan's like oh can anybody figure out why I'm missing a card from my solitaire deck? All right. This is the captain.

This is the captain. Has anybody seen the joke? Actually, my butt was itching and I scratched it and I was sitting on the Joker. Never mind, guys. As you were. And that was pretty much the episode. That captain is like barely even there. He always looks like he's just coming out of some kind of coma.

They're like, Captain, Captain, is there a fire fire is there a fire it's like being mean to me he's like oh fuck off i know i liked last week uh when the women asked him to come have dinner with him i don't know if you saw this ronnie or not but he came and he sat and it was like super awkward and then the main woman was wasted and and so one woman goes so captain like how long have you been married he's like well i just celebrated our 16th anniversary and they're like oh and then the main woman goes that's great so how long have you been married she was so wasted and then and then when she's going to bed or slash the bathroom to throw up she's like walking through the boat and she encounters like Hannah or some of the stewardesses or stews.

And she's like, so ladies, can I get you anything? Is everything okay? Can I get you anything? And they're like, we're the servants, not you. I was like, I love this lady. Oh, God. I was like, I love this lady. Oh, God.

We don't see that much of what happens next week, but I really wish they could transfer all of the storylines on Bravo because I would love to see these fuckers in an ATV war or like an ATV crash or something. Yeah, watch them get like an $11,000 tip also with these assholes. Yeah. So anyway, Ronnie, I hope you have a wonderful time toasting something. I hope you toast something and put it on our Facebook page because I think everyone wants to see that. Oh, I'm going to toast.

Somebody will be going to Sprouts in a little while to get some chicken. I'm going to be doing chicken recipes in the toaster. I'm going to toast a chicken thigh myself, actually, because I got one chicken thigh left over I got to toast. So anyway, while you do that, I'm going to go to the bathroom, okay? Everybody, thank you so much for being part of Watch What Crappens, okay? Go to watchwhatcrappens.com for our links,

all of these links. Go to patreon.com slash watchwhatcrappens for all our bonus episodes and ringtones and Google Hangouts, etc. Thank you so much to everybody who supports us over there. And if you want to talk crap with us during the week, on the shows as they air live, just come to our live show threads over at Facebook.com slash Watch What Crappens. Thanks, everyone. Bye.

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