Watch What Crappens - #3100 Vanderpump Rules S12E1 Part 2: A Whole New SUR-ld

Episode Date: December 4, 2025

This is part 2 of 2Vanderpump Rules has returned with a whole new cast of ding dongs. They’re younger, they’re dimmer, and their hair has way less helpful products applied. Let’s do this! To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watcher Crappins ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. and welcome to watch what crap ends a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about this is part two of the recap if you miss part one go check out your podcast feed

it's right there and without further ado let's get right back into the recap so Kim is like oh my god we're like literally sharing $500 with eight servers like so we're gonna make like $50

I love that for us oh my god I can't believe I'm basically living in destitution just to be on a TV show yeah so now they're gonna get ready and Demi's like Oh, my God, someone's in my favorite bathroom.

Who's in there? Kimberly. God damn it, Kimberly. Kimberly, it's my favorite bathroom. It's the only bathroom. Exactly. So we go to the Belmont, and outside Kimberly's walking with a boyfriend, Marcus. And she's like, hey, Marcus, do I look chunk? Do I look fine?

Babe! He's like, who cares, baby? You look great. You forgot Kimberly's important backstory. Sorry. Oh, I thought you just did it. Sorry. Go ahead.

No, this is it. I moved to L.A. from New York about two years ago, but I'm not a stereotypical New Yorker. I'm too zen. Just kidding. I'm as Taipei as they come. The girls at Sur have become like my sisters. We love like sisters. And we also fight like sisters. But to be clear, it's never my fault. Yeah, she really, really bit off a lot with that one. Yeah. She really reads the line. So they order stuff. Natalie gets a double teetos with a splash of lemon And Marcus does an 805. It's important stuff to know. Audrey's like, can I just do a tequila and ginger with a lime?

Thanks. Audrey's are a scream queen, right? Yeah, she is. Just want to double check. Still just learning those names. So Marcus is like, Demi, I'm not coming to work for the next three days from that bullshit shift I just worked. You know what they had me do?

I had to actually walk up to strangers who were sitting at a table ask them what they want to eat? Like, who does that? That's crazy. So they're all like, no, my shift was the worst. No, my shift was the worst. And Ali's like, nah, mine was because Lisa was angry with me, you guys. What? But like, no one did what you did. She's like, guys, my ex is driving me crazy right now. Yeah, I love how she says her ex. That's just like so funny.

Just to be clear, I had Paolo first. We're like, oh, ooh, you stole from Demi? You stole from like the assistant. assistant manager of sir. Damn. And also, Paolo is really pulling some young ladies. My goodness. He really is.

Yeah. That's how to do it at 54. Good God. That's how you do it. Yeah. I'm like, am I still too young for double A-R-P? Double-A-R-P. I want a discount for a movie or something.

Kim says, Demi was dating Paolo literally up until the day that Natalie started dating Paulo. So, you know what that means. Yeah. Natalie says, Demi and I weren't even friends yet. Like, I didn't even know what their relationship was, and I can't help that he started making out with me in the middle of the abbey. Why don't all these straight people keep going to the abbey and making out?

Get out of our bar. Get out of our bar. Stop it. Enough. Stop having storylines there. God. Just because Wutterburn's made a song about it. What's her face?

The Pink Pony Club girl. Yeah. Now you all think it's just your makeout place. Get out of here. Look, this was a sand of all. and Raquel makeout session. Yeah, it's been going on long before. Not fair.

Roan, Miss Chapel, Rome. Take it to the Belmont. Yeah. Take it to the Belmont. We have our own district for a reason. So, Dempney's like, that's bullshit. Everyone knew that Paolo and I were a thing. And back at the Belmont,

Shane's like, okay, but is he older than your dad or younger than your dad? He's younger than my dad. He's younger than my dad and my stepdad. are you happy? He's like, okay, that's a bride. And she's like, well, talk, talk about the girl that you brought tonight. Call tie my ass. You told me you would never bring a girl into my workplace. And you're so interested in me. And then you did it anyway, Shane Davis. He's like, yeah, yeah, you're right. You're right. You know what? You're right. So I apologize about it. Here's the thing. Okay. Give me attention and I'll give it back to you. I mean, I feel like my celebrity crush is Rangossing in the notebook. And it kind of looks like, Shane. Because they both have eyes and a nose Also, I'm not mad at you I'm just saying

He's like, yeah Well, I'm not gonna lie to you though Because I was like crashing the fuck out What? Why? Because I was like, I'm kind of feeling this girl I don't think she's feeling me So like I fucked up

I'm sorry But I'll make it up to you, alright We'll see You like jeeps? He's like jeeps I got one Yeah I love a jeep

Top down make it up to you Yeah Can we go to the beach after school in your jeep? Yeah, do I get a hug or no? Do I get a hug or no? Okay, I guess I'll just like slide into your arms a little bit. I'm still like a little bit. Yeah, yeah, I got a hug, kind of, yeah.

Yeah. So then Venus comes in to add his storyline. He's like, I'm a whore for cargo pants. And Audrey comes in with her storyline, I'm a whore for cargo pants. Well, just for any pants. Yeah, she's like, I'm a horror for pants. He's like, no, like, I'm more of a whore for coats. She goes, oh, my God, faux fur coat, leather coat, faux leather coat, parka, rain jacket, windbreaker.

Anorack. Any sort of coat of coat. Snow, I'll even, coat of snow, that works for me. Anything with a coat. Denham. Venus goes, yeah, you're reading my mind. Denim on denim. Yeah, denim on denim on denim.

Beyonce, motherfucker. Trump that gay. So back to Marcus, and he's talking to Chris. And he's like, hey, cheers for riding the fucking wave together, bro. Man, did they make you actually walk up to tables and out to take orders? Crazy, am I right? I'm going to hit you up, man. Cheers to friendship.

I think it's a good time. So then Chris leans over the table to grab Natalie's drink and Natalie hugs Marcus. And now Kim's mad. And to me, he's like, why are you looking upset right now? because, like, I see it in your face. You look, like, really mad. She's like, oh, my God, look at Natalie. Natalie's one of my closest friends here in L.A.

I just said we were, like, sisters. But ever since her breakup, she's been looking for attention in all the wrong places, including my boyfriend. Flashback to 12 hours earlier, Mark is saying to Natalie, how do you feel? We've been really in a good,

I'm sorry, saying this to Kim, whoa, Freudian slip, we've been really in a good place these last few. days, ha-ha. And Kim's like, yeah, I haven't felt this good about our relationship since we started dating. And he's like, you're not mad at me at all? She's like, no, I'm not mad at you. I will be mad at you if you keep hugging Natalie and texting her, though.

Back to the present after he just hugged Natalie, against explicitly against Kim's rules. Kim's telling us, Natalie was like sending Marcus a good morning text, which is like not appropriate to send anyone you're not dating. Okay, at first I'm like this, that's stupid. but I wouldn't like that if some girl was sending my boyfriend Good Morning. Like who does that? I agree. I think Good Morning text is a little bit. That's weird. A little flirty. Yeah, that is weird. So Marcus, Marcus is like, okay, well,

Hey, Natalie, we have some things that me and you will only understand. Like that time I put my penis in your vagina last night. Remember that? We only understand it. Our secret. Yeah. Go ahead, though. We have our banter. We have our banter, though. And we have our friendship and it's like not romantic it's like so not romantic yeah like we are like crash out queens we're just two queens who crash out and then have sex afterwards that's not romantic yeah like i love you but like i'm not interested in you like look at you gross i've got shane davis

after me after all he's like oh my god shame davis fuck yeah that guy'd fuck yeah she don't came for that guy but like i'm not into you either and that's why it's cool we're just friends right Oh, my God. Then she's sending him pictures of heels. Like, that's a guy's fantasy to see heels. They're called Fuck Me in Heels for a reason. I mean, like, really? Yeah, well, I told Shane, she's a crash-out queen.

I love her to death, but, Demi's like, you do not love her to death. You guys really aren't even friends. Kim's like, thank you. Thank you. You know, it's like, oh, my God. Like, what's happening, guys? Are we talking about denim, on denim, on denim? They're telling me that, like, Natalie, that me and Natalie aren't even friends.

Like, what the hell? Kim's like, you're not friends. Natalie's like, I'm sorry. We're not friends. That's like saying that me and Shane Davis aren't an item. She's like, you're not, you're not friends. And Demi's like, yeah, you guys are friendly, but you're not friends for sure. And so they're all fighting.

Like, are Natalie and Mark is friends or not? And Natalie's like, he literally called me his sister. And Kim was like, you guys don't even know anything about each other aside from what's going on a star okay so like okay that's not true Kimberly that's not fucking true at all I'm mad I use your full name oh my god your full name don't you dare triple syllable me bitch and then we just cut to this guy this older guy with a mustache just staring at everyone like what happened I used to come here and do shots with my bros and now I'm the old man on the street looking at the youngsters fighting right in at the Belmont and Kim's like I will

literally fuck up everyone here and Audrey's like Kim being upset with Natalie wanting to be friends with Marcus what are we in the 1900s they should have just cut back to that guy with a mustache and the fucking weird

newsies hat I know so Kim is like I mean so okay if you have friends with him what are his sister's names you don't even know them uh-uh you don't know and Venus is like well I don't know

And Marcus is like, see? And Audrey says, yeah, but just because they have like a wiener and she had not had a wiener? Like, does that mean that one can't be friends with the other? This is just psychotic. This is like some 1900 psychotic bullshit. Am I right? So 1997. This is like Jane Boston.

So Marcus is like, this is a dumb conversation. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it anymore. And why can't we be fucking sorry? Nobody said that. Both of you were saying it. Natalie's like, I have actual photographic evidence in Marcus and I have been friends since before any of us ever even knew, Kimberly. Okay, here it is.

I was at Marcus's birthday in 2023, and they've been dating for how long? Not even a year. So he also likes to say I'm a little sister to him. And last I checked, incest is not okay. Yeah, our friendship goes back so long, like at least 18 months. Like, we are very well established from 2023, which we know is basically the beginning of time. There was like a different president then. Yeah.

In 2023, it was crazy. There hadn't even been an Olympics in Paris yet. It was that long ago. So then outside, Kim is crying inside. And Venus is lecturing Marcus. He's like, you need to stand up for Natalie. He's like, Venus, you want me to take Natalie's side over my girlfriend? Okay, listen, you know what I have to go home to?

She's going to be crazy And I've already defended Natalie And now I'm gonna get in trouble For defending Natalie And already my girlfriend's like Do not fucking touch me Because you defended Natalie Okay yeah but so basically

What you're saying is like You're gonna let Natalie look like a dumbass bitch All night rather than stand up for her You're not even letting her have a denim jacket To put on something else That's denim Not even any denim on denim for your own girlfriend I don't know about that

Like I'm already in trouble Venus Okay He's like yeah okay I know I get it so then we end that scene we know it's not going to end well with those two because this girl's a crazy drama queen and she's dating someone who's going to bring her nothing but drama so this is one of those couples like as someone in the restaurant I would steer clear this couple because it's that couple in high school that's just like oh my god we have so much drama that's why we're popular and they're always like every day is their new drama I'm busy and you're not have time for your shit okay it's badly scripted Yeah. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappins commercial.

So now we go to Audrey rollerblading by the beach. We're getting a lot of beach scenes, which is shocking because this is like a West Hollywood show. And in the original show, they would definitely go to the beach, but not as often as this in one episode because it's like a schlop. And they were also honest. Like they would go to the beach, but they'd be like, oh, my God, I drove two hours for this. So why do I have to fight with him today? I haven't been, I haven't been to the beach, like the L.A. Beach in, well, actually, I went in August. It was like my first time. And since the, before August, it had been pre-pandemic since I went to the beach.

It's like, it's work to get out there when you're, when you're on this side of the 405. Yeah. So, um, Audrey's rollerblading and then she kind of like falls over. And then Venus is like basically painting like a jacked torso. And he's like, oh my God. This is like my dream man. A man with no head. I sure have painted him with a dick Wow, he's missing both of his heads So then Chris and Jason get together And they're practicing a script

Because Jason's an acting class He's like, yeah, I got class every Thursday, bro He's like, what script is this? It's the graduate, you want to be Mrs. Robinson? You're basically trying to fuck me. You know, he's like, who's Mrs. Robinson? He doesn't get it. But now we have Marcus, Marcus and Shane.

I'm going to bro out at the gym. So Marcus is like, hey man, looking swole already. I'm going to be a two out of ten today on effort. He's like, oh, really? Two out of ten. Let's make it a three out of ten, buddy. Yeah, Shane's probably like my longest friend in L.A. Because I've known him for 11 years now.

We're old. It's like a rap race out here, and it's so helpful. Like someone's doing the same thing as you, namely Coke, even though he doesn't do that anymore. Yeah, we're signed to the same. modeling agency, so we'd go to the same casting, but, you know, like, I'd lose if he'd win, but still, Shane's like, yeah, it's very hard to compare with the Shane Meister. I was flown to in my city by Calvin Klein. I got to walk for Belmont. I got to walk for LeCost, Izod, Penguin, you name it. And Marcus is like, yeah, I'm the budget model. I'm some random person who,

when some random person needs to hire a model and pay 500 to 500, 500, dollars to you i'm your boy like you know this is the guy who's like on the cover of like the random Halloween costume you got from spirit Halloween store like this is the guy in like the policeman outfit right or like in the toga yeah the front of the print model yeah he's got they're trying to give him the jack storyline but with the schwartz resume basically that's correct but but actually like Shane like I mean those are like legitimate credits that he has and they show some of his like modeling day stuff and they're they're much more legit than Jack. I mean, Jack's was like a model. And we always talk about how we remember Jack's

pre-vanderpump rules around L.A. He went to my gym. You just would seem around. You went to castings with him. Jacks was hot, hot, hot. But he wasn't doing this kind of modeling. And he was doing, I think, like, he was modeling, but not like this. But, but Shane Davis, I don't know why I'm like, some, like, case for Shane Davis being a better model. He's also a fuck boy idiot as well. I like that you have such energy for, like, washed up male models. You're like, well, I'm like, guys, we have to make a difference. We have to understand who's in what tier. So Marcus is like, whoa, how did they go with what's her face call time?

He's like, Nika, I was nervous. But then later, bro, when that called me, she was like, she was calling me up, but she was like smiling me. And I was like, whoa, shit turned her on, bro. So I don't know, man. What are we like, why are we like crazy ass women, bro? Man, bro. Dude.

I don't fucking know, dude. I don't know. Speaking of crazy women, da-da-da-da-da-da-da. So now we go over to Kim's apartment where Venus is there. And Venus is like, how are you? And of course, Kim is the person that goes, I've had better days. How are you going to? So they sit and talk about what else her boyfriend.

She's like, oh, my God, I'm losing my mind. Tell me from your perspective, what you saw with Natalie and I? Like, what did you see? And he's like, you were saying that Marcus and Natalie aren't closed, but like Natalie's being told that they're like sisters so like I don't know I've heard him tell her that so she is kind right which I hate yeah and at the end of the day you get nothing for nothing and so you can say for the life of the us you mean I feel like the common denominator is Marcus so now we go back to the gym and Marcus is like yeah you don't even know the rest of the fucking story man the belmont was just like

the tip of the iceberg like as soon as we leave dude it'll all turned on me bro I get back to replace and she was like, oh, you're such a joke still with a shitty, such a shitty boyfriend. How are you going to let someone yell at me? I would never do that. So, like, what the hell do you want me to do? I'm like, what do you want me to do, you know? Huh? That's what I was saying, or, you know what?

It was crazy. Yeah, so then we come back to Kim. She's like, yeah, so we come back here and he does this typical market thing where he's like a wuss and he doesn't want to deal with it. So he just goes out to smoke a cigarette. I'm like, you want to smoke a fucking cigarette? And we start the couch on fire. So I started the couch on fire. And then he was like, oh my God, get it's on fire.

It's like, why don't you cry more, you fucking pussy? Yeah. I'm like, you're just a joke of a boyfriend. Fucking joke. I love that. So basically, and her story is like, I was yelling at him. He went outside to get away from me. So then I started crying inside.

And then he wouldn't even come in and console me for crying. Like, I love when people do that. Like, I can't believe, I can't believe you didn't even console me when I was crying at you for me yelling at you. So he basically told her that, like, you know what? Shut up. You're drunk. And he left.

So now he. it goes back. We go back to Marcus. He's like, yeah, she kept on calling me a joke of a boyfriend saying you're a fucking joke. Mind you, I knew I had to come to work out with your ass today, Shane Dave's. Yeah, that's right. And I'm trying to sleep. And I don't give a shit. She's like, I don't give a shit you're trying to sleep. Is your workout with Shane more important to you? And I'm like, kind of, yeah, man. He's like a pretty big model. And she's like, I don't care about a big model. Well, you should because we're in Los Angeles. It's a privilege to work out with Shane Davis. That's right. You tell her. And you still wouldn't believe you. It was five in the

morning and I finally just had to leave. Five in the morning, bro. Five in the morning, bro. You should have just told her, Bah, man. Wow, good thing you didn't have a call time. Like, Dika, am I right? So, Kim's like, and then he leaves.

Typical Marcus. So I'm calling him a hundred times because I just started having a panic attack, which is like a serious thing, right? And so I'm freaking out texting him and calling him, like answer the phone. Yeah, and then on the way home, I just hear my phone vibration, dog, nonstop, bro, vibrating nonstop, and I'm just not looking at it.

Kim's like, yeah, well, you have to do is pick up the phone, like pick up the hundred phone calls for me and it's going to be fine. Man, that's so dangerous. I'm glad you to drive your Jeep off the road. You do have a Jeep, right? You do have a Jeep, right? And Venus is like, as the only gay person here, let me tell you, Marcus and Kim are constantly circling the three Fs. flirting, fighting, and fucking. Yeah. If someone called me a hundred times, I would call the fucking police. I'd be like, help, help. So, Marcus is like, okay, so then I check her location and who do I see coming up the canyon?

And Shane's like, her little dot was coming right up the canyon, bro? He's like, yeah, bro, her doll was coming. So I go outside, I open the door, and I walk to my bed. And she's like, she didn't say one word. But then she woke up. She's like, we're going to talk about this. And I'm like, fuck, no, we're not going to talk about this. I got a workout with Shane motherfucking Davis, bro.

Bro, you're totally ruining my workout with Shane fucking Davis. I'm going to put in, I'm only going to be able to put an effort of two because of you, man. So Kim is like, yeah, I don't really think, like, it's like, you know, I think the reality is my comfortability with your friends, him and Demi, have been friends for years and years before me. Nothing's ever happened and they're friends fine. Not on the other hand, this is a new friendship, okay? This is a brand new. It doesn't go as far back as 2023, which as we all know is like, I don't know, is that like a decade from today? I don't know.

They do not have the same history. And Marcus is like, yeah, like, what the hell, bro? And Shane goes, yeah, bro, maybe we should just be single. He's like, yeah, maybe that's what they're trying to say to us, bro. So Venus is like, you know what, though? All this behavior is going to aid you, Kim. Like, it's a tell, you know? Like, you got to, you got to tell the man.

Oh, it's a tell the man to shut the fuck up 20, 25 that we're going to have. Yeah, girl. So then, now we're back at Sir. Lisa arrives. And there is Natalie. Not to be confused with Natalie. This is Natalie, who, you know, has been with us for years and years. And Lisa's like, oh, bonjour, how it's like, so, son, son, so on, ma.

Merde. Today, I was watching the camera because I was looking for something that I lost. And Marcus was twinking in the little bar kitchen, telling Jason how to do it, how to sneak it in. And then he comes over here chatting with Venus at the bar. They are casually asking Bart and they give us two shots. And then they look at shot and then they sneak to drink some more. Lisa. Lisa.

What a Natalie lose? She's like, I lost a cups worth of sangria where I'm could it be. We must look at the tips. So Lisa's like, listen, this isn't the first time we've heard this bullshit. There's a new sheriff in town, and her name is Miss Magic. Okay, and I mean, do we suspend all four of them? How's that going to hurt the business? Okay, America, time to hear some hard truths.

I know that people will sneak a drink here and there. I mean, this isn't my first rodeo. That's for sure. But this is 2025. It's not 2013. So has HR now. which stands for handsome raconteurs. We have to crack down, this kind of stuff.

Hustlers and roto-routers, HR. Sir has HR. We've got to crack down. So Natalie's like, I'm going to cry. I'm for real. So it's not respect. Well, we've been struggling with much. At least you're not to have the support of your staff.

Oh, it's so struggling. No, no broken bird. Ooh, I looked so hard for broken birds in this new generation. not realizing, there was one under me this whole time. Oh, America, but we ourselves are in our own broken bird. West Hollywood, the brokenest bird of all, was the center of nightlife in Los Angeles. But since COVID, it never seemed to recover. Please show some footage of a black plastic bag blowing across Robertson Avenue.

Oh, sir, has survived, but it has not been thriving. I'm going to have a staff meeting. And if that's not good enough, then who? Woosh. Do you understand smoke bomb? Where's the smoke bomb? Somebody, please. All right, hand me, Jiggy. Hand me the chicken. Woo! I already made the decision to say goodbye to one baby. And they show footage of Pump. No, Max. Show the footage of Max. Okay. I'm not going to do it again. So now we go to Lisa. She's like, all right, shit like this goes on. We're going to catch it, Diana. We're going to. I'm a. me, whatever your name is, we're going to deal with it. And I know it's been a really hard few months for you, hard few months,

but we've survived over the years. And we're going to survive now. Okay, Natalie, now get it together. And remember that this segment was decorated. This segment was directed by Ken Burns. We'll get through it. We'll bring West Hollywood back to life. So, meanwhile, young Natalie arrives at a recording studio and meets her producers,

Daniel and Dave, and she's like, I always knew I was going to be a singer-actor. Ariana Grande grew up in the neighborhood next to me, and she made it really big, really young, so like, why not me? I mean, we grew up in the same mall. We grew up eating the same Italian food. Tritoria Romana, hello. Like, we are literally putting the same stuff in our bodies, to the same sounds should be coming out of our bodies, too.

Great logic. She likes tacos, I like tacos, a d'r, superstar. So Daniel's like, all right, take it from the top, all right, just do whatever feels good. And she's, at first she sounds really good because she has some riffs and stuff, but most of her

singing really is just like, but it sounds on key mostly. She's like, okay, should we do a little bit more of like a, or do you want a little more of that? Yeah, well, I'm writing this song called Passenger and, which I like, because

that's a call back to Stasi's dark passenger from Dexter, which you always had. And I wrote it after I went on a date with someone for like the first time after my breakup because I met this gone hinge and then I had sex for the first time in like six months and it was amazing so I wrote a song about it. Yeah. He was like a passenger. It's like

pull up, get in, then I drive, then I stop because there's a stoplight and then you say, what's going? I'm with you and then I'm like not much with you because he's a passenger. Okay, Dave, Dave and Dan. Okay, let's do a straight double of the pre And then like we'll do like a

See I know every part of me And then we'll do like we'll go back to the chorus And I'll do like thinking that I know every part of me It's like yeah, that's great man So Demi comes she's like Like I happen to be in the neighborhood Like totally normal place for a talk music studio And she's like you sound great babe

Great Wow babe Why don't you hear me sing some more No no that's okay Take it baby take me and kiss me Wow There's not be a passenger Fire, babe, as in I want to set fire to myself after listening to that, babe.

Thank you. So, how did you feel something? So trash, babe. It means the opposite to what it sounds like. Okay, so, yeah, let's hang out. Okay. Yeah, let's hang out. Yeah, let's hang out.

And Dave's like, yeah, we got to get into some production stuff anyway, which is why we'll leave you in the production studio and we'll just go to the break room. Okay. See you. You know, I'm trying, the fact that these producers are named Dan and Dave. I'm like semi-traumatized because my brother's name is Dan. And back in 1992, speaking of the Olympics, back in 1990, 1999, there was this enormous ad campaign because with these two track and field stars, one was named Dan, one was named Dave. And every commercial

was like, Dan or Dave, who's going to win? Dan or Dave, Dan or Dave, Dan or Dave. And I remember my brother was going on college tours at the time. So we went to Wheaton College and we're walking around and we have a tour guide. And my dad is like, the guy asked my brother's name. And my dad goes, well you know those commercials of Dan and Dave well this one's Dan and the tour guy looked and then he was confused

he was like wait you're Dan and then the guy thought he was Dan from the commercials even though this was a 17 year old kid and that guy was like an Olympian and then it was so I was so embarrassed like Dad stop it and my dad was like Dan and Dave you know like Dan and Dave and I was like

Stop it Dad Every time I hear Dan and Dave I'm like taken back to being like so mortified by my dad He's like stealing to valor. I love that. I like that the guy is like, wow, that's an Olympian. Wow.

Like, takes no fact checking into it. Like, not even with his eyes. Like, not even with his eyes. Like, I'll just put it. But I was like, of course, I was like an eighth grade. I was seventh or eighth grade. I was like, this is so embarrassing.

So anyway, um, so they're talking about Natalie's breakdown at the restaurant. And she actually yelled at Demi. too and Demi did not like that. She's like, I'm so sorry Demi, but like what sent me off was when he was like, if you have anything to say, you can communicate with me through Demi. I mean, after a year and a half of him not wanting to speak to you at all, and this is what I'm saying, like it always feels like we're in a love triangle. Is it really a love triangle of two points of the triangle are triangulating behind the other

points back? Actually, you have a tree burn? It's like a kite. That's like a kite. It's a kite angle. But in the past, like, I pretty much, like, I'm over it at this point because, like, normally when two girls share an axe, it causes problems, but it just brought us closer together because, like, we've both dated a senior citizen. Yeah. So, Natalie's like, I value our friendship more than anything. Remind me your name again?

Okay, I'm going to cry because, like, for us to start out the way we did with how complicated it was and for us to get here two years later with you sitting here listening to the smells of Ariana Grande's favorite restaurants. I started coming up through my music. It just means so much for me. So then we go to Chris and Jason's apartment. And Chris is like, all right, bro, what are we working with? Yeah, we waxed already?

What the fuck? What is this is fun? Oh, so this is where the boys are hanging out. Like, they're going to go surfing. Yeah, they're talking about, oh, it's like, is your bow waxed already? I was like, what is this scene? Okay, surfboards. So we find out that they're half cousins because their moms were half sisters.

But yeah, I think Jason is more of a fucking brother. Yeah, man. And Jason's like, yeah, we look like twins. I actually have an identical twin. People freak out when they see all three of us together. It's just like too much fucking eyebrows for them. Am I right?

Because Jason's eyebrows really, they are tall, wide, and they really have a, they go far. They are big boys, you know? So then Jason's like, hey, let's go to the beach, man. So they go to the beach with their surfboards. and they're like, hey, you need to catch a tan on that white ass. And Chris is like, yeah, if I actually tan my ass, it would be burnt as fuck, man. Whoa.

So they talk about how they weren't close until they both wrestled in high school. Rar. I mean, these two just fuck already. And please do it on camera. And they're like, yeah, I'd whip his ass now, but like up and down fucking sir instead of the mat. We'd write scripts together. We'd travel the world together. We got a lot of trouble together.

That's my rock out there. Right or die. Yeah. Fuck, yeah. I'll never forget the day he told me it doesn't hurt if you just hold on and think of something else for about five minutes. The biggest thing that I'm scared of in life is regret. I never want to be on my deathbed and think, oh, I should have done this. I should have done that.

Well, that sometimes regrets. It works in a way of like, oh, I shouldn't have done this and I shouldn't have done that. Like, I shouldn't have gone on Vanderpumbrils. But, yeah, that's fine. It's your journey. Shouldn't have fuck my cousin, you know. So then Jason's like, God, I got sand in my ass. Hey, bro, what's the better waves?

Jersey or Cali? He's like, yeah, I think the waves are better in Jersey, TBH. But like, when I go home, I'm just reminded of why we left. It's a dead end, bro. It's a dead end. It's a meatball and IKEA cul-de-sac. The overall goal of being in L.A., I just really want to create as many opportunities as I can.

You know, I do modeling, acting. I did two reality dating shows. I also do OnlyFans. It's a good gig, man. Even if you're shirtless in a shower with a little bit of oil on, you know, it's a good way to connect with people, bro. So my dream is to do a live action tangled and I'll be the Flynn Rider. I mean, I would kill it.

Come on, guys, look. I'm Flynn Rider, guys. Look at me. Imagine that's your dream. Live action tangled, bro. I'm there. I guess he does sort of look like Flynn Ryder, not that I'm looking at pictures of it.

But yeah, I love that that's what his gimmick. is, come on, Disney cat cast me. He's just waiting for that one shot. I'm sure Disney can't wait to cast the guy from Vanderpump rule to be the center of one of their multi-million dollar films. They can't wait to cast an only fans guy in a Disney movie. He's like, yeah,

well, Jason says, acting class, it's all picking up, you know, like I got asked to do another dancing thing, bro. Remember the thing I was talking about? Yeah, don't say what it was, though, because it was like mostly with my cornhole, but like, I don't know, it could be fun, like my dance of days. Remember Exotic nights, bro. That was his show.

Yeah, man. You know, back then, you know, like, you know, I was always like a really good boy, to be honest. Like, you know, it's kind of like a sexual intellectual. I was like, oh, fuck boy alert. I was like, oh, I like this guy. Fuck boy alert. The sexual intellectual. And he's like, by the time I got to college, though, I needed to pay rent. And I didn't want to be a bartender. And I was studying medicine. And I was in a fraternity. And I was wrestling. And I was sort of having late night encounters that were not supposed to talk about. So I'm like, what's the fastest way to make money? So I started dialing up some strip clubs. Hell yes.

God, I love a dumb ho who thinks he's smart. That's like my favorite. Sexual intellectual. Yeah. So Chris is like, yeah, you know, you just, I'm going to show you guys how to strip. And so he's like doing some stripping moves. He's like, don't push too hard, man. You don't want to look desperate.

Just have fun with it. You don't want to be corny. Like, really? The guy whose dream is to be a live, a live action. and tangled. It's afraid of being corny. Just a tangled character. Take off your shirt. Shut up. Hey, you know what?

That was the kind of start of that thing about TV and modeling, you know, back then. And it was kind of cool that we got to model in Athens. Wasn't that cool? I want to travel again. We got to go to like Europe. Imagine if they were sent to like Athens, Georgia and all this time they thought they went to Athens, Greece. They're like, wow.

So amazing how many people spoke English there. What a welcoming country. We got to go to like Europe, bro. And he goes, yeah. But I want to go to Thailand. Yeah, after watching White Lotus, I got to go to Thailand. Yeah, man. Nothing was an advertisement for Thailand like the White Lotus was.

God, everybody's like that. Even on the Dwell Hollows are doing that now. Like, yeah, Thailand. Woof. I mean, we make a great freaking team. I'll tell you that. I mean, before you know it, we'll be like the next Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. He's like, yeah.

Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait. Do you like apples? No. Oh, yeah, because I got a number. How about them apples? Oh, so good. Okay, so now we get a staff meeting. Dun, done, done.

And everyone's kind of wandering in. And so here we go. All right. So as you know, sir is my baby. No, Max is just some convict I adopted for a while. Stop asking about Max. All right. Natalie works her ass off here.

and this is her livelihood. Look at her. This woman has been wearing the same T.J. Max Blazer for 17 years. Poor Natalie. French tears, French tears, French tears. Her tears even come out as clotted cream. Right. A dedicated she is.

British. Now I'm pissed off. British than French, but that's okay. I have watched what has transpired on videos. By the way, Natalie, did you find what you were looking for? No, I did not find Lisa. I'll tell her did not find. I could not find my Edith Piaf CT set.

Oh, that is too bad. Well, this is what I saw on the video. Marcus was standing in the back of house, swooping cups of sangria and Vina standing there with Jason and Marcus taking shots. Before you even start working, what kind of service are you going to give? I'm not happy with you all.

Not at all. And you know the worst thing about it is that Natalie had to see this while she was looking for her missing item that we don't know it is. Natalie, are you quite okay? Look at her in her sad, sad, tearful rayon. Think about what you're doing to Natalie. West Hollywood used to be vibrant.

And the pandemic has brought us to our knees. Restaurant costs are up. Many restaurants close down. Do you want to be Hamburger Haven? Do you want to be Hamburger Haven or Hamburger Hadn't? Okay, so let me tell you, The one I'm angriest at of all, the one who I'm so mad about is Marcus. Marcus, Marcus, Marcus, Marcus. You're training him and getting shit-faced. Restaurant costs, like I said, restaurant costs are up. Restaurants are closed down. Things are up, things are down. Pips up, hose down. I've had enough of this. This is survival of the fittest. So right now, I want you to get your shit. Go home and have a really good think about it because let me tell you, I don't want to speak to you anymore, Mark. Marcus, until you report right back here this evening for your shift.

He's like, but I am fair. No, you aren't. I heard that you only gave a two out of ten in your work out with Shane Davis. What a handsome man. Get out! Did somebody say something about a jeep in there? Get out, employees only, Shane Davis. Sometimes people get a little too comfortable, and they make ridiculous decisions.

And this was one of them, and Marcus will pay for it. I haven't decided how yet, but I have decided this. Boys will be boys. What did I say until this happened? He was going to continue doing what he's doing. But also, like, is he dumb? Is he, like, so dumb? Be so for real right now.

I like that Kim gets mad at her boyfriend, and immediately she's just, like, has his back, not at all. She's like, yeah, dumbass drunk. They should fire him. They should get rid of him. So Venus is like, I don't even. drink at work, but the one time I fucking drink at work, I got caught, like

I had this producer outside on the sidewalk. This is like at the end of like Judge Judy when they lost the case. Yeah, it's like dead Lou Allen out there. He's like, how do you feel? He's like, well, I didn't expect it, but it's not my day. You know, I did do the crime, so I guess I got to do the time on my couch. Yeah, it's going to suck.

Yeah. And so, all right, everyone. Now, if we're going to continue to survive this is a business and you know that because I'm wearing a tie and a vest but also magic okay sorry about the smoke bomb not appropriate i understand you're all confused it's all about being your best and your brightest and making sure that nobody's waiting longer than three minutes for a drink not kind of walking up and being like oh i had a shot do we understand each other now this is the longest monologue i've ever given now leave please leave Hand me the old jiggy, hand me the old jiggy.

Ah, this is what is going to happen to your jobs. If you ever drink again at work. Smoke bomb, please, one smoke bomb. So then they're actually so shook that they not only go to the back alley. They seem to go to like a back alley of the back alley. They find some bench off like around the corner. And Venus is like, I thought I was going to shit my pants on that. That was like the scariest meeting that would be of our hard.

sir. Yeah. They're like, that was terrifying. So Audrey's like, I didn't even know they did that. They just seemed so normal. I can't believe they were drinking. I told him no so many times. Thank God. Thank God. So they're all like, yeah, they need to stop drinking at work. And Venus is like, I doubt he does it again. And Kim says, yeah, I definitely disagree. Honestly, I'm not going to sit here and be his support system about what just happened. Like, go beyond your own and realize what it's like for me not to be around. I mean, where's he, when I need him. I'm so fucking tired of it. It's like, oh, God, Kim. Jesus, still, we're not dating you. Do we have to listen to your bullshit, too? Be quiet. I love what she makes this about her.

Yeah. I mean, he can come to me and apologize and be remorseful and sit at my feet if he wants me to speak to him. I'm like, I don't think he's looking for support from you right now. So I'll just like, yeah, go tell him to get down on all fours and beg. Yeah, high five. High five. High five, girl power.

We did it. Yeah, so I don't know. That was the end of it. I enjoyed it. I mean, it was nothing, you know, Pulitzer are winning, but I don't think it's supposed to be. I think it's perfectly fun, perfectly fun entertainment. That's what we want from these shows.

We want them to be petty. We want them to be squabbling. And I like that they've been working here for like literal decades. I think that's important, like when you have a cast, it knows each other. And I mean, most of them have known each other since 20, 23. So that's a long time. That's a very long time.

All right, everybody. Thanks for being here. We'll be back tomorrow with Southern Charm. and then is the season premier of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. We'll talk to you next time. Bye. Watch what crappins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King.

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