Watch What Crappens - #3103 RHOBH S15E01 Part 1: Here We Zoe Again

Episode Date: December 5, 2025

This is part 1 of a two part recapRachel Zoe returns to tv for the fifteenth season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Kyle throws and activity party and Sutton has to face the group after losing to close friendships. You know it’s bad when you bring Reba on as an ally. To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, hello there. How's everybody doing? Welcome to Watch What Crapins. I'm Ronnie and that's Ben. Hello, Ben. Hello, Ronnie. How are you doing? Good. Happy birthday still. It's still your birthday as we record this. This won't be released until Friday, but it is still Thursday in our world and it's Ben's birthday, everybody. So party, baby. Guys, this is my birthday year. So you kind of have to celebrate it every week. Every day, every week. Yeah, every day. Every day. And I've got good news for you, Ben, Garcel did not unfollow you. Happy birthday. Because she never followed you in the first place. Never followed you

in the first place for us. So don't worry about it. But you know what? At least we didn't get screwed over. And now we don't have to spend the whole season going, why did Garcel and follow us? How confusing? What is confusing about this, ladies? You were, assholes to Garcel. She didn't like you. Her only friend jumped over the fence to be the second she got a chance to be friends with the popular girls. And she dipped out. What the fuck don't you understand. And fuck, fuck to read for trying to make Garcel look like she was like an opportunist. No, like you do not get to cast Garcel as someone who was building alliances for, you know, to go to battle on a reality show. That's what you guys do. You only expect that because that's how you operate,

Ma'am. Yeah. How dare you? You back away from you back away from Garcell. Oh my gosh, did I have called this episode Black Girl missing? We already did that. That was a missed opportunity. We did?

Yeah, we've done that. We did. Oh, darn it. Okay. Well, everybody, welcome to Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Day. Kind of a boring episode and we're already fired up. Can you see? It's going to be how the season is going to go.

I don't care how little happens. I will always get infuriated. I know. I was watching the episode. And I was like, I was already like, oh my God, Ronnie's going to get mad at this part. Oh my God, Ronnie's going to get mad at this part. Oh my God, Ronnie's going to get mad at this part.

Really? I wasn't really mad. I didn't get mad at anything except the Garcell stuff towards the end. I don't know why I feel so protective over Garcel. I just think that they're jerks. We all love Garcel. They are, they were jerk. Well, because it's just another victim of this core group of women who just keep running

fan favorites off of the show. And then we're stuck. season after season of Kyle, Dorit, and Erica gnatering away about like stuff that's just not that interesting. Although I have to say

I actually liked Kyle this episode. I mean, this is the way every season begins. I enjoy, I have no issues with Kyle so far. Actually, I'm going to put a pin in that because maybe by the end of this recap,

I will have remembered there was something that bothered me. But like, I was like okay with Kyle. Yeah. I was like, I was okay with Kyle this episode. Erica was just Erica. Derreet's Derreets to I don't know. It was like, honestly, I thought the premiere was pretty lifeless. I'm not going to lie.

You know, it was kind of lifeless, but it was the first episode. And I don't know. It's kind of a comfort show for me. I, and I'm talking about how much I get enraged. But you know, I do love rage. I feel comforted by rage. I didn't really feel enraged. I did feel some comfort watching it because it's like, oh, they're back. And it feels like no time is past because they're still fighting over the same shit. And I don't know. I like Kyle's new face. Every year, Kyle has a new face. And I like this update. I think it's very good. I think it was a good. Singriba back. I don't know. I liked it.

Rachel Zoe fits right in. So, you know, on that note, on that note, I had the privilege last night of meeting Rachel Zoe. That was my story. I met Rachel Zoh. So Courtney from two judgy girls and I, we went to the Spotify unwrapped party, which is super fun. And it was largely podcast.

TikTokers, things like that, and then things. And which was cool. We saw some colleagues that we knew, we were friends with, et cetera. I was nice to see them. And then there's Rachel Zoe. And I wasn't going to say, I don't, I don't really have anything to say to Rachel's O.

But then we were like, listen, this is, we both were like, we should say something. We have to say something of Rachel Zoe report. She's Bravo royalty, ultimately, whether we like it or not. I don't have any issues with it. But like, she's Rachel Zoh. Bravo is built.

partially on her back. So I was like, okay, how do you talk to Rachel Zoe? How do you go up to Rachel's O? Because it's not, I don't know, like, I know how to go up to someone like Tamara. I know how to go up to someone like Whitney Rose. But Rachel Zoh is a little different. So I was like, you know what?

I have a tried and true tactic at a Hollywood party when you want to go up to a successful female, famous female, I get as gay as possible. So I walk right up to go, Oh my God, Rachel Zoe, gay icon. I literally said that to her. Oh, my God, Ben. I was going to say, you should have just gone,

oh, my God, my God, my God. But you literally did. Because it always, it's very disarming. And she just smiled. And she's like, oh, my God, hi. And I'm like, oh, my God, we just watched the screener because Courtney had just watched it too. We just watched it.

And Courtney's like, you were so good. You were still vulnerable. She's like, yeah, I was like really vulnerable. I'm like, yeah, you did such a great job. And at that point I normaled out. She was actually very nice. She was very nice. Admittedly, for the first three quarters of the conversation,

she thought we worked at Bravo. So I don't know if she was being nice to us because she thought we were like brass. But we're like, yeah, he did a great job. She's like, yeah. It was like really good. It was really fun. I haven't really watched much of it.

We're like, yeah. Well, she's like, you know, my old choice to be able to watch everything, but I don't watch much of it. We're like, cool. And then we said we're podcasters. And she's like, oh, cool. And then we had like a little bit more,

like a little bit more conversation. and this music was playing and she points. She goes, wait a second. We're like, what? She goes like, these are my friends. Like what? These are my friends. The musicians?

She's like, it's crazy because like my friends are over there, but this music is my friends. It's crazy if they're over there, but this music's my friends. Like, oh. So we go, okay, well, it was great meeting you. We were like, I was sort of like, we felt like, I personally felt like it was her way of saying,

I don't know what else to say to these people. They're very nice. but like I don't know what else to say to these these two podcasters. So I'm just going to kind of like, so we were like, okay. And we were like, we realized she, she wants us to go. It's time. We've used up her space. And then she went over to her.

That's cute. I would have all these Rachel, so pillows in my living room, but I've also got a Jill Zarin rug. Do you think that's a conflict of interest? How do you feel about Jill Zarin? I need to tell my pillows what to think about the rug. Should I replace the rug?

I replaced the rug. I already replaced it. I got it with something from Rugstock. com. It's really cute. By the way, I want, you're so vulnerable. You were so vulnerable. I wanted to be like, what was it like filming this compared to like, but it was 20 years ago. I said, you know, bravo's changed so much to the whole community. I was like, oh, I said, I said, yeah. And, and BravoCon, that was wild. She was wild. She was very, she was very gracious to us. You know, she's just trying to enjoy a party and we're, that was wild. That was bad, manas. It was wild. But anyway, she was so nice. She was very, she was very gracious to us. You know, she's just trying to enjoy a party and we're, and we're, sitting there being ridiculous. Fanning out. Yeah. I mean, Love it. You know. I was like, I just need

to have an interaction that I can report back with. And it was a very lovely Rachel's O interaction. So that is my story, everyone. Oh, she took something from her purse or something. I think it was good. You did good. Yeah, thank you. Thank you, everyone. It was, I went into the wild. I went into the wild. I did something heroic.

You're welcome, everyone. So it was. Okay, so here we go. episode 1501, Hot Girl Summer. Now, here's the problem I have right up top. Where is Trixie Monicle? Where is she? Who, this new lady they have on there? I don't like her.

They've also got a whole violin section, which I do like, because I do like them bringing back kind of the old flavor of the music. Yeah. But we had this weird opening song that was all in echo, and everything was slow-mo, and everyone's like very glittery, you know, kind of a typical thing. But it was like, welcome back to Beverly Hills moment. The song was like, you spin me right round because call me when your time runs out. Because I know, I know, I know what life's bound.

It was like Trixie Carpenter. They were like, let's do Trixie, but let's make her more like Sabrina Carpenter, okay? So she's like, uh, except, I mean, this is no shade to Sabrina Carpenter. It's just like the Bravo version is just, you know, far inferior. Yeah, Sabrina Carpenter's got enough on her plate this week. Just leave that girl alone. Oh, that's right. Anything from us, that's for sure.

Yeah. She's finding the main Cheeto and Chief over there. We support Sabrina Carpenter. But yeah, they did neuter our trixie. Like, we want, you know, declarations of girl boss being a boss. Yeah. I want like, car. I've got a car.

Because I'm a girl with the car. A girl with the car. And then you see the cars passing because we still got all the same footage where they just showed the duchiest cars available on the market, driving past and glittering. You know, they put that glitter. over it where it's like, the worst. And then it's like a douchebag.

It's like a lois and a, you know, the worst. Yeah. Well, I think what was so, what was so tricky for me with this premiere is that the shows on Bravo have been so high key lately, you know,

with Salt Lake City, the return of Vanderpump rules. We just had this. Potomac. Potomac is, everything's just being extra. We just had an extra Miami season. I mean,

extra OC season. Everything has been like kind of, of up here. I mean, Southern Charm is Southern Charm, but everything is really hitting at an intensity level. And then we just sort of like saunter into Beverly Hills and this show is just like

it's got Barbara Walters filters. Everything is slow. We're watching slow mo of them. And just, I was, I felt like someone hit the brakes on Bravo. And I was like, and I was like, okay, we have to go to Beverly Hills tempo. And it really, it's hard having this show on at the same time as Salt Lake City.

It just, it really is. because they're just, we're in Salt Lake City mindset, and it's really hard to pivot into Beverly Hills. Yeah, it's like you're watching one of the best comedies on TV. And Potomac's been really good, too, this year, I might say, how I've had. And that's been on, you know, that's on right now as well. And so you've got both of those really firing on all cylinders.

And then you've got this one, which, yeah, I was low-key. I was thinking while I was watching it, why is this one the highest rated? Why? I mean, I like it. I've always loved this show. I mean, this was the first show I ever recapped as a, as a blogger and um well the first housewife show and so i love it just for that i've like i have

a personal history with it i've always loved it i've recapped every episode of this show so i love it but i'm like why does every why is this the highest one i think it's the money really at the end of the day i think it's that everyone on here is like rich rich and that's something you know there's something to be said for that like you see all their homes and all their cars and they are all right even Erica. It's like, even Erica is like the poorest one and she's still in red heels and, you know, living off that friend of, I mean, I don't know where she's getting her money. Yeah, I don't know, but, but just minus Erica. Everyone else is like, whoa. It's luxury. Well, I'm also, this show is,

you know, it's been around for a long time. And, you know, it's very hard to bring people onto new shows because everyone's watching something else. Like, God forbid, you stop watching Saffirance for five seconds and watch a real housewife show. And I'm, by the way, you know what, New York Times, you really need to get it together. New York Times once again did their list of best TV shows the year. And they go out of the way to include every single type of show, except there's not a single reality show. They include like a show that's like on Disney Kids.

They're like, this cartoon is actually very witty, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, and once again, they even put in a section that says flawed but like noteworthy. And they put the bear in. It's like, so you go out of your way for a flawed show. Everyone agrees that the bear flopped this year. I mean, even the lovers of the bear agree. Yeah, it's like you'll go out of the way to recognize shows that are really flawed, but they're like prestige. Whereas like, there's excellent reality TV that is crafted beautifully, crafted intelligently.

You know, there is art in reality TV. People have to think about how to make a storyline. People have to know what questions. Producers have to craft a narrative out of watching Erica wash, you know, wash a car, you know. And they do it. do it very well and they make us all laugh. Like this is high grade comedy. And the New York Times still will not recognize it.

I'm sorry, reality TV is 25 years old. You cannot keep acting like it's a fad, some trashy fad that just came around. It's here. It's a genre and it needs to be respected. And that is today's soapbox until the next one. Yes, yes. So, um,

make that a clip and put it on YouTube. Now, this episode might not be the best one to be making that. This is a terrible example for it. Let's just pretend we made this on the Salt Lake City recap. Yeah. Just cut us out and put the start of our next Salt Lake City. Literally anything else that's on Bravo right now other than the show. Yeah, but I did still enjoy, you know, I did still enjoy having it back.

And there are shifting dynamics, you know, now that Garcel's gone, as Sutton's left all alone. It's very interesting watching people because they smell blood in the water with Sutton. And they are going to come for her ass. And, you know, I enjoy Sutton as a housewife. But, you know, I enjoy setting the most when she's backed into a corner and acting like a crazy person. So it's, Tom, Tom's a running. Time's a ticking. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah, it's going to be great. It's going to be great watching her crumble. She'll be a full disaster. She's like, you know, when you're playing a video game and there's like a boss and the boss sends out like little minions and you have to like kill the minions before you can get to the boss. This is in from the perspective of the Fox Force Five, the minions have now been destroyed. And now it's just Sutton. Sutton.

They're ready to go in for Sutton. And, well, I guess she does have Jennifer Tilly. But, yeah, Sutton's blood in the water for sure. Yeah. So we start with setting on a horse. And then it's slow-mo. So go slower horse. Go slower horse.

And then we see Erica in this insane scene washing her car at home in short shorts and stiletto heels with shoelaces on them very sexily. and I laughed. I laughed out loud. So, you know, we can't say this show doesn't have humor because that shit was funny. Yeah, it was so silly. And then we see Doreet coming out of like a, coming out of like a luxury store in Beverly Hills.

Like, ooh, I've a ledge. And she's got shopping bags. And she's just, you know, pausing on the sidewalk as if she's been actually like closer to way in that supermarket and that gross, I'm going to say grocery store in that store for like 10 years. Like she was kept underground. And these look like the pictures that were released by the tabloids last year of Doreet shopping.

And people were circling the pictures and posting them all over the internet and saying, Doreet is pretending that she was shopping at these stores. But you can tell these bags are used because they're crumpled. And, you know, it was like a big to-do on the internet. And I think it was the same shot because this looks, yeah, this looks like those pictures. So she's carrying all those bags. and she's going over to, well, we'll find out later. First we go over to Bose's house,

and she's, you know, just doing what Bose does. She's in her house with photographers everywhere, just going, yes, Bose, she looks amazing. Oh, Bose, give us your best angle. Buzz, just, Bob. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, now get me from the left. Now get me from the right.

Now get me from whatever angle you would normally get a CMO from. That's right. And right when everybody's like, oh, my God, is this my comfort show? or not. Here she is. It's Kyle Richards and a terrible outfit, driving and asking Alexia to call her daughter. Yeah. Or Siri to call her Alexia. Sorry. It's getting Alexia to call for her. That her daughter basically was turned into a digital assistant.

Yeah. So now. Even her daughter will never be Apple. Yeah. Never. So now we see Gavons. We see cars. And now Bose is at home with her kid, Lael. And they're making charcutory. And she's like, there's gold flakes on this pastry platter and that's all that matters. Because I have marketed this pastry to be high end. So Dorit arrives to have a little visit with Bose. And she's brought the shopping bags. That's where Derreet was going. And Boz tells her, you're a vision. And she's like, a vision. The times I've come here and not giving you a birthday gift. And finally, here I am with a gift for you for your birthday. girl not from her maze oh is this a blanket and then i can feel your warmth with it a two thousand dollar blanket from her maze you know that just came from pk's man cave or whatever she rewrapped it and derreet tells us over the course of the year we've gotten very very close a cooler when something good happens when something bad happens when it turns to day when it turns tonight when i've got eminemes we're

I'm going to go. Karek, I go booze. She's my best friend. She's, she's laying this on a little thick. Yeah. Well, she calls and leaves voice notes very long.

17 minute voice notes about carrots and M&Ms and daytime and night time. Can I just listen to this song, Two Speed? I love that Doreet does that. Sweetie, it's me, Doreet. It's been such a rough day. It's like,

oh, my God. Why is every voice note like a letter from a war? Okay. I know. No one needs 17 minutes of Doreet. I left a voice note this morning for someone and I felt so guilty

because I generally do not love receiving them because they tend to be rambling and I left a voice note and guess what? It was rambling as fuck I was like sorry oh there's a leaf blower

oh there's a there's a bird because like whenever people leave voice notes they feel compelled to narrate every single thing around them me included and I just was so embarrassed that I did that but you know

yeah it happens well it does it happens you know you complain about it but then you're like, I can leave a voice note. Why is everybody else able to leave a voice note? I'm going to leave a voice note. And then mine are 10 hours long.

And by the end, I like singing things in Patty Lepone voice. It's like, no one needs this, you know? I was just going to ask them to dinner. You ever notice that people always eat? You always hear people like eating a potato chip on a voice note. Like, why are you doing that? Yeah. Because people talk to voice notes like their assistant, right?

So I was like, oh, hey, hey, hey, hey. Yeah, I wanted to call you, just wanted to make sure you got the time for this thing that we're doing on Tuesday. say, oh my God, that car's in my way. Tell that car to get out of my way. I need that car to out of my way. Yeah, anyway, haven't paid my electric bill yet. We really need to get that done. Really need to get that done. So just go ahead and pencil that in. Pencil that in for Thursday. It's like, I don't work for you. I'm calling me like this. Just text me. Please. So, um, Bose is like, wow, this is something sweet because life sometimes hasn't been so sweet. Isn't that right to read? And she's like, no, it's okay. It's okay. Really? My life has been

fine. No, it's not okay. Because I've seen things online and it's not okay to read. It's not okay. It is not okay. And we see that photo that we all saw of P.K. making out with the woman at the valet stand. The only place for middle age men in a midlife crisis to make out with someone. So truly, like all these guys, all these guys with their newly pierced ears listening to like John Summit and EDM are like now like, hey, so there's a valet. so why do we go over there and make out from the valet so that's how someone can see us yeah let's do that right now so we see that picture of that poor deluded lady making out with pk yeah that poor future disappointed lady it's time for a commercial it's time for a crappin's commercial and so boz is like kissing a woman

on the streets in l'lay not okay not okay when i saw pictures of him kissing that shee inversion of derreet First I rolled my eyes and then I threw up a little. Let's like not also like let's, sure, sheen, Doreet, but let's not act like, you know, P.K. is the Airmaid's version of anything. He's like the sheen. He's like the sheen snuggles bear, right? So Doreet is like, yes, when I saw that on the street, I felt like, gee, that's it. That is it. That, well, furthermore, that is it. That's it. And I'd like to further add. That's it. That's it. that man on the street, I don't know him. I thought, gee, that's not the man that I know who has got diabetes, one, two, three, and six.

No, who is that? It's a stranger. And the next day you filed, let me just move your story along, because you're not quite getting to it. That's right, it was that day. I filed that day. I filed my nails, and I said, guess what? Now that my nails are filed, I'm going to email my lawyer. No, no, when I said filed, I was moving, I was advancing your storyline, just a little bit faster, you know, just getting it right there. Okay, you filed for divorce. And Ronnie, you are not on the stage,

so whatever you were saying here on the podcast is not being heard by anyone, including me. So I will bring you here on to the stage to talk. There you are, Ronnie. I don't know what happened to me. But the day after, we had to go to a baseball game. The Jiga had. Jenga had a baseball game.

And honestly, I felt so disgusted with him. Look at the picture. And then they put a picture up, and she's sitting on the first bench looking all sad, watching a baseball game. And then he's all the way up on the top bench, all the way to the right of her, all pastily watching a baseball game. Why are they the only parents there? Mm-hmm. Why?

There were the only people in this picture. Are you guys even there at the right time? Where's Jagger? I don't even think this was Jagger's baseball game. I think these two weirdos just ended up in a park ignoring each other. So poetic, you know. Yeah. So the kids.

Does he see the kids? Well, he travels a lot And so when he sees them It will be on a Saturday night As far as the kids go You know, I only speak the best about their father only I say No, he only eats the Pringles

Because he loves them He wants to support the company And that's why he eats so many of them He just wants to keep people in business In this economy Only the best things about PK Your father suffers from liver beeties That's why he's always gone, I tell them

It's a disease He can't help it Absentitis But he's the master of his own disaster. You rhymed, girl, you rhymed. That's right, I did. Because I'm a rhymer now. And when I filed, do you think I'm going to check that box that says joint custody?

No! No! He doesn't even have working joints. Why would he get joint custody? He can't even take care of the ones he has. Publicly, he wants to save face. P.K. does not have the lifestyle. He can have the kids 50% of the time.

He's off busy doing things like putting on pantones in Britain or unlocking boy George from radiators. So he doesn't have time for children. Hmm. Well, I don't know, but if you know, when I filed, it was big news, huge, huge, all over the world's internet. And guess what, Kyle texted me, she texted me four days after, four days after. Hmm. I would like to give this season's first by saying, What?

What a wasted opportunity to not say, Hey, I'm with you. How could she not use this as a great, great opportunity to say, I am your friend, Reed? When Kyle and I saw each other at the reunion, I was really hopeful that her and I had finally turned to Kana, but no, no. And then we see the clip of Kyle being like,

Well, you know, I know things that weren't really great this year, but I was hoping that now we can be front again now that it's all over or whatever. And during a second, and I trusted it. But I'm not going to trust what comes out of her mouth. I'm going to trust her actions. She had every opportunity to show me that we were back and she was there. And has she shown me that? Gee, no, absolutely not. I'm going to say this in at least six languages.

New. New. New. Nune. Nain. Shit. Yeah. So meanwhile, we go over to Kyle's house and she's cooking at home.

And she's like really into pleasing her daughter. So she's making flour and corn tortillas, guys. Yeah. And Sophia comes in and she's like attitudey now. I didn't even. I don't even know which one Sophia is, but now I do because of this scene. Yeah. Well, what I did not appreciate it from Sophia is that Kyle's like, hey guys, I'm going to make, I'm using like flour and corn tortillas for me.

What do you guys want? And Sophia's like, can you make us an egg salad sandwich? Sophia, what part about the tortillas says that your mom's also making egg salad sandwiches? No, make a request that pertains the tortillas or don't make a request at all. Or make it yourself. It's also egg salad. Like make your own egg salad. You're 23 now, or however old you are.

Let Kyle make her tortilla sampler. Yeah, but that's why I know who Sophia is now. Because she's like, you know what? Nobody knows who I am on this show. Fuck that. I'm coming into my first scene of season 15, and I'm demanding egg salad on taco night. That's it.

You guys can just deal with it. I'm a grown woman now. She's a real disruptor. Yeah, Gen Z. Gen Z. Egg salad is, like, so in with Gen Z now. Eggs out on tortillas. That's huge.

Manny stuff, big. So Carl's like, yeah, Sophia and Portia obviously live at home. And so Sophia's like, do you guys want matas if I order? There's another thing. Let's fuck up. Taco Night. What do you think? So she's having matcha and egg salad on Taco Night.

So Kyle's like, by the way, it's like really annoying that the gate rings all the time with all these orders. Kyle's very anti-Dore-Dash. I'm like, what happened to last season when Kyle was so happy when anyone rang to doorbell and she's like there trying to move a chair through the French door. She's like, I wish someone would come to me. Someone would come over. And you get so happy when DoorDash or postmates arrives with like a Starbucks. Yeah. And Sophia's like, really, baby? I'm sorry. Get over it. There's a new Sophia in town. Hey, mom, guess what? I know you just made me with that egg salad sandwich, but I hate it. So I ordered one from fat sales. Sorry.

So Alexia, who's the other one, is like, Mom, I've got lots of exciting things for you to see. I can't wait to you see them. Because this is the daughter who's getting married. So here, every time she comes over, she's going to whip out that Pinterest board that she's got going. And this is her doing that, you know? We've all, well, I guess we haven't all, but a lot of us have had that sister who's gotten married, or a lot of us have been that sister who's gotten married. I've had the sister who's getting married. Can I just tell you that was a year of looking at fucking books.

I'm sure. Look at the idea I had for this. Look at the idea I had for this. Did you know that rice throwing rice kills birds because it expands in their stomach and then they die? Give me my ear back. Not even with that man anymore. You divorced him. Why did I have to sit through that whole year?

Give me my year back. Yeah, exactly. So I was like, um, Alexia's engaged. And like I met Jake when he was in third grade with Alexia. And they were just like, we're ultimately best friends. And like, as a mom, that's all you want in life. it's to be best friends with your daughter's best friend. So I'm kind of like getting married also if you think about it.

I mean, I just want someone to love my child like that. It's like a dream come true. I'm so happy. Oh, married his best friend. You know, every mother wants her daughter to divorce her best friend. So beautiful. So, yeah, she's engaged. And Kyle talks about Farah.

And I like that she's like, yeah, Farah was engaged, but that didn't really go through. So Alexi is the first to get married. And I want her to have everything. she wants. I just want it to be the most magical day. However, it's hard to find trained butterflies, which is what she wants, because Lexi's like, yeah, I want to train butterflies, mom. She's like, no. I want to have, like, um, I want to have like butterflies. I'm going to have tarot decks. And I also want to have like, I don't know, like a Stevie Nix vibe, but I also like, like, rope, rope, other shapes, like a lot of macramay. And it's like, uh-huh, uh-huh. Okay, great. All right. So I

know we're talking about, um, but like, how about we just, like, overshadow it with my wedding? Because here's my wedding album. Okay, everyone, look, look at what things were like when I when I believe that our wedding would, our marriage would work out. Okay, look at the photos, guys. When I believed in love. Yeah, this is so, Kyle, to be like, oh, my God, happy wedding day. Here's pictures of me and your dad at our wedding day. Oh, geez, Kyle.

Come on. You got to compete with your own kid. Let Alexia have her dead butterfly moment. Yeah, seriously. So she's like, so guys, if dad shut up with a date, what would you do? And so he's like, kill him. Throw egg salad at his face. No, just kidding.

I would never waste that. Throw your tortillas at his face. Yeah, when he was photographed with that woman at the ballet, I texted him. And I was like, what, you're doing the absolute most dad? Tone it down. And he said they thought it was private. And I'm like, oh, really? You thought a valet was private? Really?

I feel like it must be exhausting dealing with Mauricio in his midlife crisis. I mean, like, I would go nuts. He really is doing the most, and he is ridiculous about it. I mean, is he really doing a lot? I did see that photo shoot that he did where he was in the leather pants. Did you see that one? Yeah.

He's just like, I don't know, like the photo, the making out in public right in front of the paparazzi is just so much. Like going out to clubs in like a biza. I'm like, sir, you're like 56 years old. I don't know. I'm like at a certain time like, why are you trying to act like a kid?

Like, I don't know. It's so midlife crisis-y. It's just it's so cringy. It's cringy. It's cringy. It's cringy. Sorry. It's cring me.

Stop judging me. So Porsche was like, well, at first I pretended none of this was happening, but then I went to therapy and I'm doing really well, you guys. And so everyone's like, oh, my God, we're so impressed with Porsche. But we get, like, clips of Porsche, like, crying and stuff. And Kyle's like, yeah, she has her moments, but now she's 17, and they all have something to say, and they all have strong opinions. And they are alpha females. So, sorry, Mo. Yeah, definitely alpha females.

Yeah, so. They want egg salad when they want egg salad. Sorry, Mo. So now we go, like, guess what? We're going to go to Bel Air. It's like Rachel Zoh's first Beverly Hills scene. So we go to her house and we hear like lots of Rachel Zoh phrases in the background. And then she's just in a house that looks basically just like Kyle's house.

And Sutton's house. And everyone has the same house on this show. I can't even tell what house we're at anymore. And I'm pretty good at recognizing the homes. They all look exactly the same. Yeah. And I'm like, I don't know. I'm sick of Kyle's house.

Is this a, it's sort of, I'm having a weird reaction. I don't like when we see the exterior of Kyle's house. I don't like being there. I don't, I just, I don't like this house. I don't like her house. I loved her past her, the house she had previously. I love that one. But this one, I just, I see those hedges, those tall hedges.

I see the backyard that's trying to be like these Savannah pumps. I see the wall art. I see the checkered floor. I see the interior design. The wall art trying to be like Erica James. It's just like too much trying to be like other people in one big gaudy place. And when the gate open and I see the street and then I'm like, I know it's probably annoying

to pull out of that driveway because the hedges cause blind spots. I just, I don't want to be in any of it. I want a new house. Get a new house. You're rich. Get a new house for us, Kyle. Yeah, so I was excited to see Rachel's, but you're right. It is just kind of like everybody else is on this show. And it's not, like, for someone who's a stylist,

I thought there would be more interesting style in the house. It's just like a plain, big white, typical, rich person, you know, Beverly Hills house. Yeah, it's like white, white, white, white, white. White marble, white walls, white everything. So she's like, oh, my God, there's nothing like me that is remotely chic or cute in a flat. It's like I'm either Barefa or in like a nine-inch hill.

I'll literally put on full cat eye makeup. up to go to sleep because I'm unapologetically myself. This is me. This is the happiest me. Wait a second. Oh, those are my friends? Oh, those are my friends playing right now. Oh, God, that's wild.

That my friends are playing during my monologue. That's wild. So she goes to Kathy Hilton's house, and I like this because it's like, okay, let's have a scene for the most famous people to talk to each other. So they go and they, and Rachel's like, oh my God, Kathy, I want to hear everything. And Kathy's like, oh, I love that you came by. I love that I can't buy too. It's like, wow, it's actually bananas that I came by.

Like, I'm dead. By the way, this house? Gorge. Gorge. It's a gorge right now. My name is Rachel Zell. You may or may not remember me from Bravo because I've lived in this house before. Some might say I built it.

It's gorge. This house is wild. It's a wild gorge house. So we see shots of her trying to, she's like in the closet and she's trying to reach a purse. Like, oh, my gosh. I'm like really bad habits is shopping I die I die like I shop and then I die I die death by shopping That's me. Kathy and I have been friends forever I was friends with Paris back in 2000. I don't know what

Yeah, we were friends first but then I like saw Kathy and the other one Nikki whatever I saw him shopping and I was like oh my God in love like totally in love backwards in love dead died Dead on the floor dead literally dead died I died okay I'm just to sort of slip in here between you saying dead and bananas. I just want to show you a couple of things. We're going to go to a wedding in Rome. So I don't know. Take a look at it, Rachel. What do you think? Oh my God. I'm in a moment right now. It's a moment because I feel like you're going to need pop outfit after outfit out really quickly. People expect so much from you, Kathy. I mean, they really do. I mean, I'm going to need some pants for you to wear over your head,

you know, something like that. Yeah. No, I get called a lot for fashion advice, but they like it, like, scared. Like, do you like this? You're like literally one of my best friends. Like, first of all, I'm like, take that off. It's awful. It's disgusting. First of all, no. You look hideous. Like, literally, I'm actually embarrassed. I can't actually believe we're friends. This may be at the end of our friendship. But, like, it's like, okay. Like, we're friends. You can say these things to me? It's like, can we?

She whips out. Yeah. It's like, they're terrified of me because I hate them. And so she whips out this purse that's as big as a small child. And she's like, yeah, this is one of my vintage Gucci bags. I never go to Europe without it. It's heavy. It's very heavy. Yeah, like, literally, it's like, heavy and chic. It's actually like heavy because it's like full of being chic. It's got like nothing but chic inside. It's chic.

I die. Bananas. So she talks about her career. Tommy Hilfiger gave her her first big styling job. Yeah, I started in music. Backstreet boys, Brittany, et cetera, et cetera. Celine, sorry, couldn't do it. But moved to L.A.

2003, first red carpet job at Jennifer Garner, then 24-7. I'm styling Cameron. Kate, Salma. Celine, no, still no, Celine. She tried it. Mm-mm. I said no. Still say no. Going through a rough time, still now. Sorry. Dead. I'm dead. Yeah. Celine. Celine still with us. Kathy, by the way, those glasses are like amazing, especially

with gold eye patches. I'm dead. Literally dead. Dead from gold patches. Okay. Then I started a media business with my clothing line in 2011. And now I have like about 40 different brand licenses extensions and I work with. And like they just surround me. And I'm just like, you guys are like my friends. You know, playing on the radio right now. I love it. You guys should watch me in a brand meeting. Okay, here I go. Oh my god, this necklace. Dead, dying. I'm dead. Like I'm on the floor. Like, this is like crazy. It's like insane. All right. Buy it. That ring. Gorge. Gorge. Index paper. Index paper. I love that. I love that pen. Gorge. Put a feeding tumor in me. I'm in a coma. Dead. Dying. This table. I see the light. Should I go towards the light? Should I go towards the light? Should I go

towards the light or should I come back? I want to see like what the necklace looks like on me. So if I go towards light, is that heaven or is that like hell? I don't even know. But like right now I don't have to decide because like I'm a vegetable. Like I'm a human vegetable. Like that my vessel. That makes that gorgeous. You know what? I almost went to the light because that light was gorge. And then I was like, I actually don't really like that good in this light. So I went away from the light. And now I'm back here. I'm not fed. I'm alive. That's how I ended up in purgatory. Yeah. So yeah, like Roger, you might remember him. He's like Roger with an extemporaneous D. Yeah. So Raj, uh, like we were like the notebook couple.

I mean, did one of them die? One of them died, right? I never really made it to the end of that movie because I was watching it with Raj. Who wouldn't stop eating popcorn in my fucking ear? Okay. They actually licensed that notebook. I was like, you know what?

You know what you need? We need gorge notebooks for like everyone. And now we have them. There was like amazing, wild bananas notebooks. Yeah. I mean, it was just my relationship with Raj was just like my reaction of watching the notebook where I was like, this movie would have been better with Ryan Gosling. Ryan Gosling was in that movie.

Oh, I really, yeah. I haven't seen the note, but dead. Dead. Like literally dead. Dead. I have kids. Guess what? I've got two kids. One kid's named Sky. Is he going to France for two weeks? Another one's name is Caius or chaos. We don't know. We pronounce differently every single time. Caius. It actually gives him like some, that builds character. Caius. We're like, we want to get as many vowels into his name without any consonants in the middle.

So we came up with Caius. Yeah, me and Raj, we just, at the end of the day, get nothing for nothing. That's all you can say for the life of the dead. Okay. And, you know, we're just like different. Like, we were different. Like, before we weren't different, but then we got married and we were different. So, like, I've been divorcing him for like literally 20 years.

Yeah. Like being the same as like wild. And I was like, well, we'd be different. It's now we're different. And now I'm like dead because we're like so different. It's crazy. So Kathy's like, mm-hmm. So the marriage isn't going great.

Okay. Well, you know what? I love that you come. Oh, to help me. you know, things like this, where you come in, you look at my rack, say no to everything, and then show me your giant purse. That was fun. But I just want you to know, I'm always there for you. I'm always there for you.

And you know what people come to Kathy for? Advice. That's what? Advice. Thanks. Thanks. I'm like, dad. Why is there a blender on your head?

It's my hot. Why are you giving me this fan? That way you can sleep better. Literally, I die. I'm going to brand this fan. The shoes. Here comes one right now. So now everybody's primping, Kyle's primping,

Erica comes over and compliments her. Like, oh my God, you look so pretty. Oh, my God, you look so pretty. It's Beverly Hills. So there's like five minutes of, oh my God, you look so pretty at the beginning of every scene. So Kyle was like, by the way, Erica,

like how did everything go at London? By the way, Keshah was there too. Just want to remind you that, like, what was cool that you did like your show in London? I know someone more famous than you who was also in London, who also did a show. So like, you're no, nothing special. But anyway, tell me about Hoopla.

Tell me how Hoopla was. Was it as good as it was on the big stage where Keshah was? Did they start saying you're the new Keshah? Or they say that just a Kasha because Keshah was there? I don't know. I asked Keshah about you. She said she didn't see you, but she did hear someone trying to squeak out a song and she started raising the wall.

Do you remember that reality show that Keshah was on? It was like American Idol, but it was called, I think it was called the Wall, wasn't it? And they had to sing behind a wall or something. And like, yeah, I'm so stupid. Eric's like, yeah, it was a great show. Had a great time. Paris was there too. Okay, it was a wonderful time.

I honestly think it was the best show I ever did in my entire life. Oh, yeah? What did you think about Keisha's show? Well, I don't know. I guess it was good. Let's talk about Kesha show instead. Oh, okay. Because I know Kesha.

Okay. And then we see clips of Erica's show at whatever this thing is. And she's in like a red pleather of boostie on all four is slapping her butt. Like, yep, that's an Erica song. Good to see she can still do that. You know, it's going to be 20 years down the line. She's going to be in Branson, Missouri. Like, my pooh, my pooh, I'm patting up my pooh.

My post is on fire. It's my pooh. Seriously. So she's like, so they're going to go to Sutton's house today. And she's like, oh, well, you know, rib already, you're all a good friend. She's like, no. So you haven't even met her yet? You're going to love her.

She's so strong. Well, the sort of personality, the draw, I love everything about it. Which is funny because it's actually everything that Erica protests, like her entire life is a protest against that. But I love that. She's like, I love it. I'm like, you're going to get, I was waiting for Erica to get absolutely triggered by Reba. But actually, she was. Me too.

I was actually upset. I thought she was going to, too, because Erica's thing on this show, like her Vanderpump and then her Sutton later. Like the older women, she projects all of her mommy issues on to. She is triggered, you know? So I thought it was going to happen, but she didn't fuck with Riba. Riba's the real deal. Yeah. Or maybe it's like when you just, at a certain point, it's like, okay, this is someone's mom.

Like they are who they are. They're ossified. I'm not going to change them. I might as well just enjoy it. But when you see it of someone in your peer group, that's when it's like, that's when the triggers happen. It's like, you're acting just like my mother. But like when it's someone else, it's like,

I don't know her. I don't care. Like, whatever. I'm just amused. Yeah. So then we get the new violin section, and it's not the old violins, which were like, plump, plumb, plumb, plumb, plume, plumb, plume, plumb, plume,

something like that. And now they're like, I don't know, they're intense. The violins are intense now. So we get them for the first time over at Sutton's. And Riva's sitting there playing the piano. I wish we knew what Rieba was playing. She's playing horror rock and roll, the piano version, actually. New York, D.

and Chicago and Detroit. And the dog runs upstairs crying from her playing. The dog's like, and then we get Nick, who's the party planner guy, because Avi no longer with us, guys. So setting updates us on her life for son James, graduating.

So my mother's here for support. Losing James to college. It's hurting me. So my mother and I get along better and never now. We talk more. we have so much face time. I mean, we're just so much happier. I'm so, so grateful.

I was like, wow, you're opening the season. You have no allies left. You had to bring Riba to shoot with. Girl, you went danger. Yeah. And notably they did not even trot out Jennifer Tilly this episode, which was surprising because she's such a fan favorite. But no Jennifer Tilly.

So Sutton's like, Mother, are you wearing my earrings? She says, these are my earrings. At least they are now. She's like, that. Why wouldn't I wear my ear? Why wouldn't I wear your earrings? You're wearing my jeans all over your face. Southern Kyle and Erica are joking about.

They're like, oh my God, here we go. Sutton's House turning up the main road. Embarrassing. Because they're like, how do we get to Sun's House? I don't know, just follow the main road. What's he talking about? You're not fancy. You live on a main road.

You act like you're the queen of Sheba. So Kyle's like, hello, they show up and they say. Kyle does her usual hello. Oh my God, I loved actually hearing this again where she goes, hello, how are you? Reba's like, oh, here comes this tweet. Hello. Well, what a pleasure to meet you, Erica. I can't wait to hear your story.

Something tells me it would only be published and so in the back of a 7-Eleven somewhere. Now, excuse me, let me sit in my chair where I like to get bored. So Kyle's like, are you scared, Sutton? Are you scared? She's like, no, no. Sutton tells us,

Eric and I have been through a lot in five years, and we see five years of them fighting on the show. It's always fun. So we're both guarding for good reasons. But I'm so happy to see you all. I'm so happy that you came here. I was like, well, obviously, we're missing Avi. So you want to talk about that?

I have nothing going on. So my daughter wants egg salad. So go ahead. Tell us about your drama. Avi, what happened? She's like, oh, okay. Well, I let Avi go. Okay.

She says, nothing really happened. There was not like any drama. I would love to hear Avi's side of that. He must have an ironclad, NDA, for Avi not to have gone on a podcast yet. Have I searched? Yeah, I am fairly certain that something probably happened. But, no, I really don't know.

Nothing really happened. There was, like, no drama. I mean, I love him. He made me laugh so hard. The way I would bounce plates and then apples and the knives and then more plates on top of his head. And he'd be like, stop doing this to me. And I'd be like, no, you're my servant.

You have to do this. Now, stand still. Oh, goodness. That was fun. It's been really sad. Really, really sad. And the mom smiles like that. Pansy.

finally got rid of him. Finally. He's asked me in my own kitchen. Yeah. So she tells us, well, I've known Avi for a while, and he's seen a lot. He saw me married. He saw me divorce. And he's seen Porter graduate.

That was a big one. I mean, who didn't want to see Porter graduate? Big moment for him. Big, huge. You know, Avi was not only an employee. He was a close friend. He was a close friend, which is why I dumped his ass and I'll never see him right here. I'm sorry, inside voice.

And Eric is like, did you leave it on close terms? Had that work out? Well, I thought we did. But things got complicated when I said, you're fired. I will not give you any sort of benefits. I never want to see you ever again. And you were never a good assistant. Things just got complicated after that.

Look, I'm surprised to, I was surprised to hear this about Avi, but it's not like Sutton was that easy on him. And then we see clips of Sutton being like, where's my salad dressing? Where are my shoes? Where are my trousers? I just loved that they're like, let's show a really evil Sutton being mean to AviClip. Where's my salad dressing? You know she was a handful as a boss, though.

Oh, yeah. I mean, he looked terrified. I would never be Sutton's assistant. No, no, no, no. Yeah, he looked terrified in every scene. He was always like sweaty. Like, okay, yeah, shall they get you that? Wrong fork.

Okay. Well, well, I don't know. I said Coke zero, not that Coke. Yeah, it's like when she was like, he was a close friend. I'm like, he was on your payroll girl. Not a close friend. Sorry. And she goes, well, look, personally, I just, I don't need a personal assistant.

I just don't need that. And they're like, mm-hmm, okay. Meanwhile, next like, okay, ladies, getting everything just for just warming up your seat, Sutton. Okay. Sudden's saying she doesn't need a personal assistant when she named her own daughter, Porter, is hilarious to me. It's in the name. It's in the name.

I'd like you to meet my son, chambermaid. Come in here. Say hello. Say hello to the girls. You know what actor I'm really enjoying these days? Austin Butler, what a talent. What a talent. He's really got something.

And so Erica's like, well, Sutton's being invasive, but you don't want to talk about it. Then it gets around, especially around here. I get it. Sondon's like, it's just so hard. It's a friend that I've lost. A friend who was very bad at his job. A friend whose employer gave him chance after chance after chance.

Who had, honestly, one of the best employers that one could ever have. And that person is lost now. What a shame. Oh, speaking of that, what about Garcell? You lost her too. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Go ahead.

Talk about that now, Sutton. Kyle's just sitting there. Kyle's just sitting there piling it on, smiling. Her eyes are like semi-crossed. What does it feel like to know that you lost the war? Okay? Because people who decided up to watch Graham of Thrones, this is kind of like, you know,

when Circe just has to lose King's Landing eventually. We know it's going to happen and it finally happened. What's it feel like, huh? Will she speak to you at all, son? She's like, no, she won't. Because I was like, well, I reached out to her, but then I didn't hear back from her, and then, you know, I saw stuff in the press.

So. Well, she had followed me and I unfollowed her. Well, I had to find out in the press. Oh, go ahead. Go ahead. I just want to say that Kesha also unfollowed her. And I just heard about that from Kesha. Well, I had to find out in the press

that she had unfollowed me because I don't, I don't know these things. Yeah, I don't stare at Instagram all day at all. That's not me. It's just not me. I don't believe. But Kathy comes in. Yeah, I don't believe it either. Kathy comes in and gives like a hug to Reba and tries to do like a,

I think like a sort of like an air kiss, like a sideways kiss. And everybody's like, oh, no, you know, I don't like those sad kisses. I was like only Riba. Reba is the only person I think we've ever seen to actually critique Kathy Hilton. And Kathy goes, yeah, I don't like them either. You just gave her one. So now they have to go outside eat their lunch. And Kathy's like, can I lift my glass before we start cabiddling and caboodling and fiddleing and for tiddling?

Whatever, Reba, welcome to Los Angeles. I would just like to extend grace to all the McIntyres and just say I've loved your music for years. What's she talking about? I was playing Huey Lewis on the piano, not Reeve of McIntyre. Mother, be quiet, be nice and just say thank you. Okay. So mom and I were talking about Christian asking for an annulment in the Catholic Church. I don't know if you guys heard about this.

I was like, um, don't you have to agree to do that. I don't know, like, Kesha told me like you have to agree to that. You guys talk to Kesha lately? me. I'm the only one in friends with her. Oh, that's crazy. It's like, nope, you don't have to agree to it. And, you know, who are they going to choose? Someone named Sutton or someone named Christian. I mean, he's got

religion behind his name. I just got to notice that it was an old. My marriage has been eradicated from the Catholic Church. And so, they're like, oh, no. That's cold. What hell's Christian doing? He's like 70. What the fuck does

he care? We're a 60-something. But, like, what does he care? What the hell, in and reba's like does that mean that the children are bastards now is that what she said yes she said that she's like is that mean they're bastards she's like no no no they took care of i won't have any i couldn't understand what she said i i do you see where i said what i said that happening is still baffles i couldn't understand what she said that's funny this mean the kids are bastards does that mean the kids are bastards now i didn't get to this age to have bastard grandchildren, okay?

If they are bastards, I'm right in my mouth, the will right the second. Oh, mother. So she goes, nope, that changed. Francis changed everything. You know, so the children are legitimate mother, okay? I was like, oh my God, that's so stupid. I mean, I use my maiden name for work,

but now that's all I use. Wow. So like, whenever I'm like, totally the same, guys, whenever I'm working with John Wells, you know, because famously I did play in her story on ER, and anyway, John Wall's doing the pit now, kind of a big TV show. Anyway, whenever I work with him,

I just say Kyle Richards. So, you know, just letting everyone know. But basically, the marriage was an old, everything. And the letter that came to Sutton said Sutton Brown, or whatever her last name was. A guy's a monster, this Christian. It's so unnecessary. Yeah.

I'll be like, don't use my good name on Bravo television and sulliot for the ancestors. It's like, oh, shut up, sir. Shut up. Yeah. Hey everyone, this is the end of part one of this recap. For part two, keep an eye on your podcast feed. It is coming up in just a moment. Thanks so much for listening.

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