Watch What Crappens - #3120 Below Deck Med S10E12: Kizz and Tell

Episode Date: December 16, 2025

We absolutely CANNOT believe that Joe stepped out on V the first chance he had! Below Deck Mediterranean has us shaking our heads but also patting our backs for seeing this coming a mile away. Plus, a cliffhanger twist! To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watcher Crappins ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Welcome to Watch What Crapins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the hilarious and glorious and just beautifully stubbly. Ronnie Karam, how are you? Well, hello. How are you doing, Ben? Look at that sexy afternoon shame.

What was it called? Five o'clock shadow. Five o'clock shadow. Yeah. Welcome to your podcast. Ronnie. We are here today to talk about below deck med. What an episode. Before we dive into that, thanks to everyone who showed up to our various live things yesterday, including the inimitable Allison Roman. That was so cool that Allison Roman came and dropped by Crappy Hour, our last one of

the year. If you missed it, don't worry, it's here. It's going to be, it's on our feet if it's not already, and it's on YouTube. So go check it out. And in the new year, join us for future crappy hours and then also join us on patreon patreon.com slash watch what crapans weekly bonus episodes um video discord community all that great stuff so thanks to everyone who supports us over there thanks to everyone who comes to watch the crappy hour thanks to anyone who just listens to the show to anyone who subscribes what a great year we've had and we're winding down but uh that is basically that for that what is going on with you rani how are you feeling what's what's good good everything is Good over here. Just getting ready for Christmas, doing a little shopping, etc. I'm in Texas. It's cold. It's wintery over here. It's like 45 degrees. It was 45 degrees today. So it was nice and chilly. It's good to wear a jacket. Well, I missed you because this morning I also went on to Jeff Lewis's show on Sirius XM. So go listen to that if you missed that one. In Your Place was actress Elizabeth Rome.

So, you know, she held down the fort, even without my, my beautiful rondola there. Well, that's fun. How's she? She's awesome. She's so cool. She's beautiful also. I was like, I was sitting next to her trying to be cool. I was like, but internally, I was like, you're so pretty.

But I tend to do that a lot with, with women. Orgous ladies. Just like, wow. Yeah. Yeah, she is very beautiful. My gosh. Yeah, she is. But anyway, thanks to Jeff and Shane and that whole crew over there for having me back on.

So that's going, you're chung. Because she's in law and order. I should have. I should have. Okay. I don't think there's anyone else have to thank. I'm giving like an Oscar speech this morning. I want to thank below that.

Good morning. Yeah. It's a good morning when you show up and you're like, I'd like to thank you all. Thank you all just for being a part of my story. All right. Thank you. I've been a part of my journey. Yeah. Thanks. I had a croissant afterwards. You know, the, the serious XM is right next to tartine. So it's like I always act like I just came out of the dentist office. I'm like, well, I deserve a croissant after being on the radio. So I went and there is no croissant that leaves more evidence all over your body than a tartine croissant. Those are the crumbliest croissons. I always get them all over myself. So yeah, that's good. You did it after because you can't walk into Jeff Lewis covered in carbs. He'll be like, ew. Were you eating carbs?

I don't need carbs. I hate carbs. We hate carbs here. Don't we, Shane? Shane would be like, yeah, we hate carbs. Well, they're always so nice over there. They offer to get me breakfast. So this time I said, no, I'll take an avocado toast.

And God, this delicious avocado toast, but it was, like, covered in, in, like, chili crisp, and it was, like, oil and all this stuff. I was so messy. And then, like, if people come in, I'm like, I can't, especially, I'm not going to touch Elizabeth Rome with my chili oil fingers, but I was a mess before the show started. And I was so embarrassed. That's funny. Well, you had quite a morning.

Avocado toast to frisson. Wow, it's like an orgy over there. It's just a bedlam. I can't believe I've already gained back half the weight I lost with my no-carb October. How did that happen? No wonder you showed up. Like, I think it might be time for a no-carb January or whatever. Yeah, I need to.

I mean, it's been pretty intense since I've been pretty carbly. Well, that's good. Well, today is our carbs below-deck med, season 10, episode 20, episode 20. 12, The Forbidden Kiss. Wow. What an episode. What an episode. It's nice to see that Joe comes from a, from a hashtag boy mom because he 100% does.

We got to meet Joe's mom today. He's like, oh, darling, whatever you want to do, it's the woman's fault. Just do whatever you want. Did she trick you into it, darling? Did she? Did you trick you? I know. It's like you just see how it happens.

You see, you have this all, this is how people like Joe were made. What a piece of trash he is. What garbage. But we're not surprised. We knew this would happen. But when you actually see it happen. And then you see him crying over what he's done. And you, but you also see how, and also Kizzy.

I mean, these are just too obnoxious people. This is as close to below deck ever. We'll get to a scand of all moment. So, you know, we got to enjoy it. But, but like, I don't know that I'd say that. Well, I mean, you have a friend. That was such a big deal because those two people were so. together forever and everybody believed it.

You know, I mean, Tom Sandoval was shocking because he was such a dope on the show, but I don't know, he was always kind of, you were always kind of rooting for him because he was always against Jacks and all, you know, I mean, it's not like he didn't have any faults, but it was a shock that he did that. But this was not a shock. No, this was not a shock. I'll tell you who's going to be shocked that girl's sinuses, V. She's going to be, do you think you're sad now?

Your grief is going to be tripled after this. Her sinuses are going to fall out of her nose. We're going to need to go there and put straws in there for her because this guy's a total asshole and yeah, fuck Kizzy too. I mean, Kizzy, like, we both knew, we knew that both of these people, they're just trash and they're going to bring nothing but trash to whoever they're involved with. And Kizzy got engaged to that dude that she's Tommy or whatever, whoever she's been calling all season. And have fun, Tommy, because your life will be filled with trash now. You know, trash garbage person, garbage. Yeah.

Talk about a future divorce. What, she's like 23. I don't know how old Tommy is, but you guys will be divorced soon. So, congrats on your future divorce. It's not even a wedding. It's a pre-divorce party that you'll be having. Yeah. And, you know, good luck to both of you all.

You're interesting. I, the reason why I said it was like as close to blood I could ever get to Skandival is that you have one girl who is like going through shit and her best, her quote, well, not maybe not best friend, but her friend sort of quote unquote cheating with her stand of all type. it's just as close to the show can really get to that kind of shit. Yeah. But I was so happy. Honestly, I was, I really enjoyed the episode because I was very invested in this stupid situation. And coming off of last season where I just did not give a shit about any of the romantic hijinks, it felt good to be annoyed, you know? And it's also nice, like, you know, for a super judgmental person like me, when things come true, you know, like when you're, you know that someone's a piece of shit and they're pretending they're not a piece of shit.

And then they turn out to be a piece of shit. And it's just, it's comforting to know. Like, it's comforting to know. Like, there are pieces of shit. That's not comforting. But, you know, the fact that you still got it, you know. It's like, still got it. Not that this was a difficult case or anything, but, you know, Joe, people like Joe can fool people.

Even like Aisha, who's like, well, I don't know. I mean, it is Joe, but he does seem to have changed. No, we did not fucking change. And we even get the glorious tears of the. Oh, how could I? I did not. I've made a mistake. Oh, now I'm the victim because I made out with somebody. Oh, it's just glorious. Yeah. I feel like, you know, I feel like we are like, I feel like we are a gay couple who, um, have trained a seeing eye dog. Like we, we are the one who took in the dog for three years, trained the seeing eye dog. And then you send the seeing eye dog out in the wild and you say, oh, I hope all our training worked and the dog does the right thing. And then the dog crosses the street at the right time. And you're like, Yes, our training worked. It's like we put in the time,

we put in the time to study these people on Bravo. And then we're like, okay, let's see if all of our hard work has paid off. And it does. It paid off. We totally see it. Or maybe this is the way an FBI profiler feels. Like after they spent all that time profiling and then they have like a case and they're like, ooh, well, if my experience profiling all these criminals is correct,

then this person, Buffalo Bill, has Jody Foster in a way. well. And then it turns out Jody Foster's in a well. I'm like, did it. Yeah, I knew it. And it's not like being a fan of Buffalo Bill or anything. We're not cheering for that. Like, yes, you put somebody in a well. Yes, give them the lotion, bitch. It's not that. It's just like called it, you know. So yeah, it feels good. Put in the work. We put in the work to be able to recognize these things. And it's like nice when, like to know that that work was not all in vain. Yeah. So we opened with Kizzy on the deck with, um, with David. Oh, God. The, the charter guest, the David, that she's going to fuck.

And you called this, too, because I really thought she was going to go through with it and bang him. But she didn't. You were right. Last week you said she's just going to chicken out and be like, no, no, no, no, no. And you were right. So that's what she's doing. He's like, are you afraid? You're afraid of getting in trouble right now?

Oh, for following your passions. Ooh, on the deck of this boat. And she's like, yeah. And he's like, well, I don't want to get you in trouble. Bad girl. Well, the reason why I knew nothing was going to happen was because if they did kiss, they would have shown us that and then made that the cliffhanger. But if they don't kiss, then that means nothing happens.

Like, they're going to do a cliffhanger trying to get you to think they might kiss. But if they've got nothing to show, they'll show it and then make that the cliffhanger. So that was what I was going off of. Well, you did it. Whatever you did, you did it right. So she's like, I feel like I would get fired. Please, please don't get me in trouble. And he's like, oh, I would never get you in trouble.

and she's like oh my god you know it's taking me close to i had to get this close to kiss a charter guest to realize that maybe i've taken it a bit too far oh aisha would flip his shit if i started snogging david on the deck i can't do it i can't tell that i'm sorry do you have a girlfriend or a relationship that i can ruin then i'm i'm sorry i'm not in competition with anybody so this is a total turn off to me, which I think is probably what she really meant. Because, you know, with her, it's like the conquest, the competition and the winning. Yeah, exactly.

He actually made himself a little bit too available too. So she's like, don't worry. I don't see myself being with someone from America. He's like, oh, are you breaking up with me? She's like, I'm really so sorry to do this. He's like, it's like, Romeo, Juliet. I was like, and she's like, but they both ended up dead,

so it's probably for the best. Right. Oh, fuck my life. where Juliet just couldn't be with Romeo because he was American. She's like gross, okay? Get your country in order. And Juliet also can't wind up with Romeo because Juliet's part of the service, the waitstaff at the castle. Or not in the castle. Yeah.

I love some good American shaming on below deck. She's like, I will sleep with literally anybody but an American. Sorry. Get it to gear over there, guys. Learn to drive on the correct side of the road and give me a call. Okay. I do love that. even like the worst of what Britain has to offer they can still be like yeah but at least

an American when we're being looked down on by the kizzies of the world we're we're really sunk over here but you know what though like you know we did it to ourselves um yeah no kidding I mean I could see her point and I think he has a perfect attitude he's like yeah sure am I see the news too I mean I get it we're so Now, I left my phone downstairs. Like, who walks around without his phone? Now, how am I going to check texts? Just kidding.

Yeah, go ahead. It's just weird. Joe goes into the galley. Well, Kizzy goes into the galley, and that's where Joe is. And he's like, hold, good morning. She's like, ha, ha, ha, good morning because it's late at night. It's a joke. Get it?

Because it's like, lately. See, here's the way that comedy works. You say something that's unexpected. Like, if it's nighttime, you say, good morning. He just had to be there. So Joe's like, I can't wait for this talk, honestly. And Kizzy's like, well, he hates me now. because I broke up with him.

And I attract like a needy emotional man. That's what I do, Joe. And he's like, that's me. She goes, oh, you got fucking wifed up. So no, what work out for us, Joe? And he's like, yeah, but. And she goes, you fucking idiot. So now it's time for bedtime.

It's 428 when they go to bed. And now it's the next morning. Captain Sandy's out there filming. She's like, wow, so peaceful out here. God, it's great. It's like Norma's phone waiting for, Amanda call. It's so peaceful.

It's like Norma's phone. It's on, do not disturb, except it naturally. She doesn't have to turn the setting on. It's just quiet. No interruptions. What I'm trying to say is no one calls her. So now everybody gets up and starts working in the morning and Nathan and Joe are talking. And Joe's like, oh, Kizzy smells good, bro.

And he's like, she smells good. Don't be stupid. Don't be stupid, bro. And he's like, what have I done? because everybody knows what you're going to do. So later, when you're crying and saying, oh, I just got so drunk. No, you've been planning this.

This was premeditated. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. By the way, now is a great time. I know we talked about this on crappy hour, but as long as Nathan's showing up here in case you missed it, now is a good time to tell the audience that Nathan's actually complete garbage and racist.

And if you don't know what that's about, go listen to Crappy Hour because it's really unsettling and it's really disappointing. Yeah, Nathan. that guy. So, um, in the galley, Max is attacking Kathy with a hug. He's like, oh, zos, so, zos, zon, gins, kissing her cheek. And this week, she's kind of softened to Max, which I was surprised by. I thought she was kind of grossed out by him. I thought she got the ick and she was just going to be done with him. But I guess she's giving him a other go. Yeah. Um,

she finally got her chocolate. So it got really softened up. Yeah, she got the act. She turned the page and It's a new kitty on a new month. And you know what? She found the streets to keep going. Yeah. Yeah. So he's like, you know, bouncing all over her. And she's like, it's too much energy.

So then Sandy is like, okay, well, okay, Nathan, just so you know it's really tight in here. So, okay, Max, we're going to, we're going to park in a different parking spot. So Max is going to do something else. Okay, we need him to do puppetry. So I need him to do some hand, some shadow puppets. Okay. And he's going to take his, he's got to pretend. he's got to show me how big he says his penis is and then he's got to demonstrate how big

it really is so go wide and then go small with his palms that's what i need to do big and then small i mean they cut to max on the swim platform and he's just throwing tiles up in the air like oh and she's like okay well listen this is america's cup and our original marina is full for the rest of the season so we got to go to the new one but it's more challenging because it's real thin right You got to try and get in there. So we're going to try it, you know, and we got to swing, got to have ground lines. We've got to know what we're going to do here. I need everyone on board that I can trust.

I need to trust people. I need to know that the bow thruster gave way to the last talking. Bout thruster, ball thrusting, parking is very difficult. It's a parking monologue. Just to get comfortable. It's going to go for a while. So now, new marina, back in my mind. I need the crew to be focused and calling distances perfectly, all right?

Now, why am I trusting a man on below deck to be honest about inches? I don't know But let's see Let's see how it works out This much room matters This much room matters So the guests are waking up And go to breakfast

And then we see V Who has her Quote of the Quote of the episode Which is AK. Her blowing her nose So she says

I know my body well And right now Whatever I'm experiencing It's like so in the thick of grief Just a lot going on I hate being sad. So she's blowing her nose still. She's still sick.

Yeah, she goes off to cry. And then now it's anchor hauling time. So Max is asking Nathan. He's like, oh, what am I supposed to be doing as the boss of the border? And he's like, okay, you know, here's what you do. And Max is like, oh, it's my chance. My chance to become the lead deck and, you know, zoom, zoom. Just like fucking crash down.

Why does he think he's getting a chance to be lead deckend? wasn't it already assigned? I don't know. Did they just like pull this interview from a different part of the season? So, so Max is like, okay, I'm on position and I'm at 2 a.m.

And Nathan's like, oh my God, he's like, oh, that's car, 2 a.m. So Max is like, this is not about Joe. It's about Nathan, not being fair because you wake hard and you're like the best one. And then his best friends show up

and just fuck me over. It's like corruption, okay? In politics, this is corruption. I'm like, it's not that deep, bro. It's just a fake position on a show. show big decads. If it's really, if it's truly like politics, there's enough room for every idiot.

So just keep telling. You'll eventually get something. So Nathan is showing Max, uh, you know, they're like one meter, one meter. And she said, I need to see your hands, Max. He's like, what? I don't have anything in the hand. She's like, no, I'm not accusing you of stealing anything. You need to tell me how many meters there are before we go into the thing.

Okay. I need to show, just show me your hands. And he just gives her the flash like for 20. He's like, yeah, yeah, because the whole. thing is that like he has to be like because of whatever he just has to do some sort of like hand thing and that's all he has to do so uh v is still um she still has to stuff he knows so nathan's gonna talk to captain sandy about that and then the guests are talking about being up late and david's like yeah i got broken up with guys have to recollect myself it's so tragic couldn't land

it couldn't land it and uh and then me all back with v she is still sick so yeah so Yeah, there's a lot of cutting to V being sick. So then a lot of stuff falls out of a cabinet and breaks. And below deck sailing was like, okay, we may be canceled, but we are not forgotten. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for stealing our best moment below deck med.

Isn't it bad enough you guys canceled us without taking our action scenes? Yeah, seriously. So meanwhile, the docking is still happening. And it's a lot of max. Like, here's what I understand. Literally, Captain Sandias, show me your hands. and then Max, like, puts his hands in his pockets. That's literally the opposite thing that you're supposed to be doing.

Yeah, and Max is, like, doing push-ups and sitting down. And she's like, Matt, Max, I'm going to need you on your feet, all right, need you alert. And he's like, oh, yes, I-sa-ha. So he gets up. And then Kathy is so glad they only have three charters left. And Josh is like, oh, so bit of sweet. And then, you know, it's just docking, measurements, hands, et cetera. And Nathan's asking for distances.

And Max is like, oh, she's on with, she's on, she's with me on the bill. Nathan, relax. And he's like, don't tell me to relax, bro. So like some fighting on the radio in addition to the mayhem, which I'm sure she loves. Yeah, it's a lot of back and forth. Because, you know, as we know, the bow thrusters went out last time and there were lines in the water and there's America's Cup. And like there's a Red Bull sponsorship happening. It's just a lot of scary things happening.

And I think if we don't get this, I need to see some hands. If we don't see some hands, we're going to call. Crash rolls. I think we're all going to die. Oh, we docked. We docked. We're fine. Everything's great. We're fine. Okay. Okay. Good job, everyone. Good job. Meanwhile, Max has just been acting like an idiot. He hasn't been doing anything right. And he's like, fuck, what do they want from me? And Nathan says, what the fuck are you doing, Max? Just because you're at Lee Deccan doesn't mean you get to throw your fucking hands in the air and say, I'm not going to do my job. Go back to your own country. You probably did say that, to be honest.

It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crap. Happens commercial. Okay, all right. Well, we made it. We docked. So we're all safe. Okay, so let's get back to you guys being stupid. So now it's, uh, Kizzy.

Kizzy's walking by Joe and sticks something in his butt cheeks. And he's like, clenches it in his butt. And she's like, so, uh, you know, the sexual chemistry is off the charts. They fingered the butt accent. yeah um so uh she's like well that was a little harder than it needed to be and yes i am talking to you joe okay i can see you in the cameras uh but good job everybody so uh then kathy asked kizzy how the night was and she's like oh my god he was like wait are you breaking up with me can you believe it an american wanted to marry me now it's time for the guest to depart and david just shakes kizzy's hand very professionally

And Kathy's like, I knew it was just going to be a handshake. I knew it. And so they're really sweet. They're like, oh, we appreciate everything you guys did. Thank you so much. I'm going to go get arrested now for fraud. Was it Cameron who got arrested for fraud? It was Cameron who's having fraud issues right the moment.

You're lucky you got me for tip before I got arrested for fraud because I borrowed this from 20 different family members and I'm never going to pay them back. Okay, thanks. Shaw Squad for Life. So, time to turn the boat around, okay. And so they're cleaning everything. V is coughing. So Nathan's like, hi, Captain. How are you doing, Nathan?

What's going on? Have any progressive views on people from different backgrounds for you? No, I don't. But with V, she doesn't feel so well. So I just wanted to let you know. You know, V has been through a lot this season already. And I feel like it's a combination of being fatigued and sick and just also having sex with Joe. That can really do a number on your body.

So also the anniversary of her boyfriend. So V. Just isn't a good place physically or mentally right now. Well, you need to have your team. You know, I get it. I get it. So don't worry. I got you. I got you.

I'm going to find something great. And I'm only going to bring professional vibes to the boat because I'm very about professionalism. Oh, gosh, how can I do this in the least dramatic way possible? Do you have anybody you absolutely hate in your life? Okay, maybe someone that hates you? Okay, an ex-girlfriend that you've recently fucked over on camera. I'll get right on it. Okay, go back to work.

Well, I just want to know what PA on the production staff went and coughed and blew their nose all over V's pillow to make her six. That way she'd be removed from this boat. So that way all these plot complications would happen because this is just so convenient. This is so perfect. They're like, oh, let's take her off the boat. What could possibly go wrong? I mean, it's like, it's kind of amazing. Yeah.

So she's texting deckhead number one. And she's like, hey, I might be in need of a tect temp deck hand. God damn it for one, for one charter. Okay, wanted to see if he could fill in for a few days in Barcelona. And then we see, oh, I might be in need of a temp deck hand. Oh, then we see someone being like, maybe, I don't know. So now we go back to Max and Nathan. And Max is like, can I show you something just so we agree on the boat? You tell me to speak with Captain Sandy?

So I'm on bow. She is there. I'm single. Like we see it, you know? Like, really? come on need done and he's like so you tell her anyway she told you to stop sitting down and to pay attention if i can hear captain sandy over that radio i know you aren't paying attention so you need to pay attention and do what she says simple as that now you'll be on the stern from now on you've been grounded

from the bow and what we call that as a stern talking to gat hat so then uh max is very he's pouting of course and he's like he's like uh sure yes and he does like uh to us he does like a middle finger a salute. He's like, first, bye-bye, to the lead deck and position. Now we can take the bow. Fuck dude. Chow. Max, you are the fuck up here. Okay. Stop acting like the system is working against you. You literally, all you had to do is show your hands to Captain Sandy, and you couldn't even do that. I don't, I'm sick of it. Yeah. And he's, Nathan's like, I'm sick of him. He's lying through his teeth, and now he's getting argumentative. I'm not having it. I'm not having it. And for revenge, I'm going to go walk around with a monk haircut. There you.

you go. I'm going to get him with this one. Tip meeting. Tip meeting. I wonder how V's doing. She's right. So how do you think the charted went, Aisha? She's like, oh, my girl, smashed it once again.

Wonderful job, girls. In fact, one of them actually almost smashed it too literally, but thankfully, she has her own psychological issues, which causes her to sabotage. Her own work sabotage, very convenient. So Vee can barely speak. She's like, I'm sick. And Captain Sandy's like, well, we're going to attack on the bridge after this, okay? All right, everybody, it's a great tip, 20 grand.

So, you know, I'm mediocre, I guess. Great. I don't know. We can be mid-40 one time. Remember that? That was fun. It's over now. But, you know, still not so bad.

And something else I want to say, tomorrow, guess what I'm going to say? My favorite word of the week, Alingi. Okay? We're going to the Yalingi Red Bull Racing Team headquarters. Isn't that exciting? I don't know if I'm more exciting to meet the Alinkies, the Reds, or the Bulls. Love them all. God, communist bulls.

Really into it. Have you ever seen a bull racing in the water? So thrilling, especially the red ones. Wow. So I know everyone's really excited. So get ready because it's going to happen tomorrow. And then we see, we're seeing like a lot of stock footage of this America's Cup and this team. I'm sure it's like a very big deal.

But to me, I'm like, Okay, like you, it's fine. I don't need to see all the stock footage. I get it. So, um, it's just like, oh, Scott would kill to see this. Oh, my God, we're so lucky. All right. What I want you to do is work real hard and turn the boat around.

This is full of passion. Okay, I'm going to call everybody's significant others and try and get a lot of fingers in the hole, okay? fingers through the hole going on on my boat. Okay? Yeah, yeah. So now Kathy starts getting drunk, which is fun. And then Joe is like, hey, Kizzy, how are you going to get drunk tonight? Can we shake

on it? Let's get drunk. So then V is like blowing her nose. So, and then Aisha's texting, Scott. They're just all doing their like, you know, afternoon stuff after they're done with the charter. And Nathan is telling Max to use a scupper for something on the deck or the scrubper.

The scrubper or the scupper, whatever it is. And I say, oh, but the scrapper is the better way to do it when they are dry. And it's like, yeah, but when you need to flush the scrubbers to get the shut out of it. It's like, yeah, dude. Oh, I just want to be rebellious. Like, I don't care. Just he's it out of him because my grandfather would be so proud of me to be rebellion. My grandfather was a war hero.

One of the resistance in World War II. You lead a lot of people take a cocktail molotov and throw it from the windows are fucking Nazi. You know, I'm Paris. And his blood is in my veins. That's why I have a bit of a problem with the authority. No boss on a plan is going to give me that. Uh, you, like, wiping down a window is just really not the same level. It's throwing him hot top cocktail the Nazis.

I'm just going to say that right now. Although it is an interesting ring for him to talk about bombing the racists. I know. I appreciate the legacy. Um, but like, maybe aspire for something greater than, like, ah, this beautiful rebellion is within me. That is why I should be in service for wealthy people. Yeah, I know. Like, wow, my grandfather is such a rebel in the world.

He's inspired me to clean deck. I know. I will not flush the scoppers, just because I'm rebel like grandfather. So Aisha is texting Scott, and I was like, you'll never believe it. We're going to the Elingy Red Bull something, or other. You can't believe how many times Captain Sandy said Lingy. I mean, it's just hilarious. And he's like, oh, I'm so jealous.

I wish I could be there. So now we see V and Sandy in the bridge and she's like, Okay, listen here, I see your eyes. I see your sad eyes. Don't be discouraged because I realize this song's really long, but you've got bad sinuses. I want you off my boat because I'm going to get some people here to give some deep throats.

Now get out. Go, go, go be sick somewhere else, okay? Why are you lifting that boom box over your head? Shh, in your eyes. I see you're tired in your eyes. You've got a sinus infection. Let's say anything, V. It's from a different generation.

Your elders would appreciate it. All right. Well, you're sick. You know, so you know what we do on Charter when people are sick. We give them lethal injections. Watch them squirm for a bit

and throw them overboard. But since we're on camera, we're just going to replace you for a while. So you know what? Get out of here, kid. Go. I'm sure there's a continental breakfast. Get everyone at a hotel sick.

Bye. Get out. Sending her off to the hotel. Now, normally when people, get sick on the show, they just are in their bed and then they just sit there for three days. Let's never forget when Kyle had like a toothache. He's a Captain Sandy. I don't think I, unfortunately cannot, did I work at all, Captain Sandy?

So I'm going to lay in bed for three days with my toothache. Oh, it was everything with that guy. I remember it was a toothache and an ankle. And like, he always had something going on that one. It's trauma. So he was out. Frank. So she's out

And Captain Sandy still loves her She's like if he has such a good work ethic You know You know The way she's just so willing To take a nap When I tell her too That's really what I'm looking for

In somebody You know I can't believe I'm kicking someone off the boat Who's taking this many naps But here we are So I'm the one who has to say Go take a break You know

You never have to say that around Norma Because we're always around Kit Kat bars And she's always taken one Okay Otherwise she wouldn't do it Okay So she's like

Like, yeah, when you come back, the job is yours. It's 100% yours. Nothing could ever change that. Okay? She goes, well, I'll come back with an iron fist. Thanks, Captain. Iron fist. I don't think this has anything to do with iron fist, but whatever.

So V is like telling everyone, I'm going to the hotel. And Joe's like, oh, I'm so sad to see you leave. And then he's like, like, he can barely contain the smile on his face. Yeah. Which does a lot because it's a big smile. So V's like, yeah, it's like such an emotional day. approaching, you know, it's great to know that Joe's going to be so supportive in there for me. And he's like, I'm sad to see her gone, but what's going on right now?

It feels so serious. I'm just in this weird headspace. It's crazy how much her illness is really affecting me. I know. What's he in a weird head space? He's like, it'll be good for her to get off the boat and they'll cover. And then when she comes back, she can go back to our hundred percent. Like, mm-hmm.

So, Kizzi then goes to Kathy. and she's like, I have to tell you something. Like last night, Joe and I were really flirtatious. And I don't want to do anything because I know she really likes him. I'm like, okay. Just because you're laying the groundwork now does not let you off the hook later. This is all, she's trying to lay it on thick that way no one would ever accuse her of being a shitty friend.

But you're going to be a shitty friend. That's not going to happen. So V walks in right at that time but doesn't hear them talking. And she's like, okay, I'm going. I'll be sure to take care of my boy. He's my joanance, okay? Take care of him. And Kissy's just rolling her eyes.

Like, oh, God. God, now I'm going to fuck him in every hole. You know? Yep. So, Kizzy's like, Kathy, are you going to Shag Max? She was like, no, disgusting. I hate that man. She's like, do you think he likes him more than him?

She's like, well, let me answer that with an eye roll, a scowl, and like a little vomit in my mouth. And she's like, well, I'm not even thinking about whether I like him or not. I just, you know, I want to kiss you. I want to kiss you if I don't, I don't. It's not that big of a deal. And it's because, backstory, backstory, backstory, backstory, my parents broke up when I was four years old.

Here's a picture of me at four years old looking exactly like I do now with less mascara. How does every picture of her look exactly like her? It's weird. I know. She says that she had three parents growing up because she had her mom, her stepdad, and her biological dad. And because of my split family, I'm very much a realist. When it comes to dating, it's been holding me back with my relationship with Max.

No, what's pulling you back is that Max is annoying as fuck, okay? And you're trying to tell yourself, it's not Max, it's you because you're broken somehow inside. No, Max is annoying. You're not broken. Okay, you're paying attention. Also, like, I'm booing this. Boo. Boo to Kathy.

What? You're going to give us some backstory, and your backstory is that your parents got divorced and, like, one of your parents remarried. Um, hello, this is below deck. Okay, you start off on a good note last week when you told us that you were raised in a taxi company. I'm like, can we get Danny DeVito into this story? What about Mary Lou Hennar, Tony Danza? It's not like, you can't just come on this show and be like, my parents got divorced, okay? There needs to be a commune.

There needs to be clown school. There needs to be fraud. There needs to be a baguette. There needs to be so much more. There needs to be a grandfather throwing malt off cocktails at the Nazis. But you're like, oh, wow, my parents got divorced. Excuse me, ma'am. This is a yacht.

This is not a Starbucks. Okay. Have a better backstory. Yeah. Give us more. I mean, make something up about your stepdad. I don't care. I have a stepdad, and he was a clown revolutionary.

He threw bombs at Nazis. I don't know. Okay, that works. That's fine. It's not the most original, but that's fine. Just take everyone else's backstory. My grandfather, my stepfather was a clown, a Nazi, and drove a taxi that talked like Herbie.

Okay. Yes. Yes. Yes, that's what we're talking about. But like, oh, I have commitment issues because my parents got divorced. I mean, what are we in like normal life? No, I don't think so. This is this is below deck. You need to step it up. So Nathan goes to talk to V and she says she's going to the hotel and he says to get better. Now they have to turn over the boat. V goes to the hotel. And she gets in the van stops for her and she gets in the van and goes, ah. Is that driver, you know that that driver was like, really? You've even got the door open. Could you stick your head out the door? I know you're sick, okay? I don't need to have it all over my face, all over the back of my neck.

It's just shocking how much people are disgusting. You know, they just will, like, we are raised. I think, but globally, people are raised. Cover your mouth when you cough, okay? Now, I know that masks have gotten politicized. But if you have a stance on a mask, it's a whole, it's a lightning rod issue, which is literally the stupidest thing in the world. But, like, it's just an extension of that. Like, cover your fucking mouth.

Like, don't cough in my face, okay? If you've got to cough, keep it buried. Like, even cough into your shirt. Do something, but don't just step into a car and just cough onto someone's ear. B. Yeah, V. So, Nathan comes, oh, no, I've already done that. So now, Joe is cozying up to Kizzy already.

I mean, this woman has just walked off the boat. And he's immediately like, oh, you look lovely, don't you? Oh, yo, you just look so lovely. Oh, God, I can't remember the last time I said that. Oh, about five minutes to go with V. Yeah. Max, meanwhile, tells Kathy, oh, you look like Marie Antoinette. Oh, yes, that's a big compliment for me because I'm a rebellion.

You know, I hate. I hate people in power, which is why you are a beautiful Marie Antoinette. I'm like, you know, the story of Marie Antoinette, right? I know. Is this your subtle way of asking for head? Get out of here. And, of course, she doesn't know. She doesn't know who that is. She's like, I don't know who that is.

So now it's a boys fan and a girls van. And the boys, Max, is like, brawl, did you see the boobies? She got boobies on hell. And Nathan's like, well, if you want me to look, I'll look. And then we go to the girls van, and Kizzy and Aisha are just texting. And Kizzy's like, oh, there's just, there's something going on between Joe and I. Genuinely, I don't think I've ever got on with someone

as well I get on with Joe. I think, so here's what's obnoxious about this. Aside from the base level, obnoxiousness of anything that comes out of Kizzy's mouth, is if this guy is like with your friend

and you know they are together and you've said enough, like I would never do anything because she really likes him and you know also that she's in a fragile place or whatever, the fact that she keeps on like going on about this to people like, wow,

there's just something between us is so shitty. I think, because she's obviously trying to advance a narrative and, like, shift things or whatever. And, like, if, I don't know, I kind of just feel like, even if you felt that way, I would just sort of, like, keep it to myself or maybe I would, like, treat it with, like, a little bit more gravity because someone could get hurt in that situation, like, maybe pull Asia to the side and be like, I have a weird situation because I feel like there's something going on between us, but like my friend is, but the fact that she just sort of like announced in the van, like, oh my God, isn't that hilarious guys, knowing full well that something like that could just get back to V and be hurtful? Like, I just think it's just shitty. I just think the way she moves is shitty. No, that's why she's doing it. She's dedicated to her game.

You know, she's like, even if I don't end up hooking up with this guy, I'm going to make everybody think I'm going to and I'm going to make it get back to V. I'm going to talk to literally every person on this boat just so I can hurt it. Yeah, just to like hurt that. So, Kathy's like, oh, he's such a nice guy, hey. No. What gave you that idea? And Aisha's like, I mean, I love Joe, but, you know, I really do hate any guy.

It just always does this. It's like doing his duck lips. Yes. Try his like faux model thing. And Kathy's like, yeah, he does do that, doesn't he? Smold does, does me. He really does. Kizzy tells us, the kizzy puzzle is a very complex one.

I'm like, no, it's not. You didn't get attention from men in your life. And now you crave male attention. And the puzzle has been solved. It's a one-piece puzzle. Yeah. You're a male-centered person who always loses. the mail.

And it's going to happen again. You're going to center around the mail to get what you want to hurt someone else's feelings. And he's still going to cry and dump you later and then make you feel guilty about it. Have fun. Nothing complex about this. It's not even a puzzle. It's just a square. It's like you opened up a jigsaw puzzle and then just a giant square in there.

It's done. Commercials. Here comes one right now. So she's like, but it's still, it's one the time. I'm still struggling, kind of struggling to put together myself, maybe I need to do some self-therapy. And so now it's like going back and forth between her, like, as a therapist and then her as a patient. She's like, welcome to therapy, Kizzy Kitchner.

I'm your therapist, Kizzy Kitchner. By the way, I never realized her last name was Kitchner and really makes sense what her profession is she literally works in the kitchen. I love that she's, but I love that her name is Kitchner and she still won't fuck the chef. And he's like, please. She's like, oh, I just think I wish there was one man I was compatible with, just one person. and with a penis who, God, would fit with Kitchener. She's like, we're literally in a kitchen right now.

Nope, I can't think of one. All right. Her last name isn't even kitchen. It's like Kizzy Kitchener. The implications, Kitchener is like she's someone who does kitchens. She's a kitchener. She still won't do the guy in the kitchen. So she has this fake therapy thing and it's stupid and nothing is solved.

I think it's amusing how amusing she thinks she is. And this audience probably just hates her. I mean, I don't read a lot of, like, below-deck reddits or anything. I'm assuming everyone hates her, but wow. I think so. So she's like, well, I'm not going to do anything. And Kathy's like, okay, listen, a cheeky little flirt, whatever. Just stay toxic, queen.

Stay toxic. And Kizzy laughs. Stay toxic. I'm like, no, she was making fun. That was sarcasm. Yeah. That was sarcasm. So they go to dinner and Kathy's in a much better mood.

day. She says she needs a drink because she's feeling frisky. And then Joe pulls out the chair for Kizzy and the boys go smoke. And Josh is asking Kizzy and Aisha if either of them snore. You know, we're seeing Josh's game, basically. He's like, so does anyone here snore? Anyone? Anyone here have a deathly fear of clowns? Anyone? Anyone ever tried growing broccoli and human shit? anyone and I wanted to see the picture of me naked with just a

but I'm not squash covering my privates because I was on commune no um Kizzi hate snores and um Asha's like Scott snores

and I love it it's just so loud and comforting oh I miss Scott well she really does love him I mean the talk of how much she misses his snoring she loves

And she starts to cry at the table. So everyone's like, oh, Aisha. She's like, what I love about mine and Scott's relationship is we let each other go off and chase our dreams. But I do find that the older I get, I'm thinking about the future and maybe it's not on a boat. Because guess what? It's more fun to stick your finger up someone's bum when it's on land. Yeah, so she's crying and she's leaving. She's going to be out of here soon, is basically what she's telling us.

So now food, drink, shot, shot, chat, chat, chats. And Kathy's like, and a huck, huck, huck to a jolly good fuck. Max is like, oh, she's so romantic. And then Joe and Kizzy go to the bathroom together, super subtle, these two. So they go downstairs into kind of like the bathroom foyer, what would you call that, like a little waiting room for the bathroom? And then she sits down and he's like massaging her and they're getting all sexy. yeah acting in a way that you wouldn't act if you've basically been talking to someone and saying that you want to you know i'm thinking of nobody has a relationship nobody else but you it's only you only yeah and you don't want to hurt someone and you're talking about how you don't want to hurt someone and then after when the season's done you want to like go off and do other things with them just acting a way that you wouldn't act when you say those things but of course he's doing it but the way but acting the way you do act when you are just a paint by the numbers fuck boy

yeah so back at the table Nathan is talking to Asia and Josh and he's like they want to fuck so bad right now from day one and Josh is like yeah well she still wants him I know that and he's like 100 and listen I don't want them to I don't want them to I don't want them to either and the way he's behaving is making V think that they're only with each other and so if he did something with Kizzy and I it would be shit it would be shit So Nathan's like Watching this thoughtitious behavior between Kizzy and Joe, I'm just thinking about V man, V has just got off the boat, you know? Yeah, it just makes it even more complicated knowing that V experienced losing the love

of her life. This is probably the first time she's feeling any sort of romantic excitement since then. So Nathan's like, oh, if they do that it's going to create tension because I don't stand for that. He better not fuck this up. And he tells them, he's like a dog with two dick.

I think it's just like a dog with one dick, honestly. I think dogs are not known for being like terribly monogamous. I think a dog with one dick can really get around. Yeah. So now they go back in the vans and Joe's like, what am I supposed to do, man? And Nathan's like, you can't do it. You can't do it. Please don't do it.

And then the other man, in the other van, Max and Kathy, she has her legs in his lap. And he's like, oh, and she invites him to sleep in her cabin. And she's like, let's go to the hot tub first. And he's like, oh, I love your air like this. She goes, do you prefer it when it's wavy or like this? And he's like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's a rebel. So then Aisha's telling everyone in the band that she told Scott that she's so happy

she gets to spend the rest of her life with him, which is very nice. And then they're just to go, now they get back to the boat. They get in the hot tub. but they're drunk, they're making out, Nathan's foot winds up in Kathy's vagina, you know, these things happen. And Joe and Kizzy are being really close and really flirty. And they're also very, very drunk. And Joe's like, I'm not very good, am I? She goes, no, it appears not. She's like, well, maybe I'm doing a little bit of me. She's like, I don't know what you're saying, but you're hot, so I'll just pretend like I do. Yeah, so they're wasted. And Nathan are siding them.

And he's like, this is fucked up. I'm going to bed. And she's like, same. Could anybody stand out my room, stand outside my room and just sound like Darth Vader for a bit so I can go to sleep. And by the way, notice that, like, Nathan totally removes himself from that situation. Admittedly, Joe and Kizzy are adults, and they do not need tending after. But if Nathan was really concerned about what Joe would be doing, and also, even if Ayesha were, but I feel like it's a little bit more on Nathan, he would be like, hey, Joe, you should come to bed also. But he's just like, I'm out of your peace.

Nah, he already, he already knows what Joe's going to do. He's known a million Joe's. He's been yachting for a long time. He knows what to him. I'm sure he's been a Joe many times. He knows what Joe's doing and he's just like, I'm out of here. See ya. And no point in trying to help him out.

It's too late. Yeah. And it's not his responsibility. I mean, he's, that's the thing. Like, your best friends with a douchebag. What are you going to do? Like get mad when they're a douchebag? He's a douchebag.

He knows he's a douchebag. That's his friend. I'm the biggest job has. he's acting shocked. Actually, I'm going to, I'm pushing back slightly. Normally I would actually 100% agree with you and I'm only going to be 99% because I agree at a certain point you're adults like, you just make your choices and like, you know, when you're like 23, you feel like, oh my God, I have to protect. I have to step in. But like, so normally I'd be like, you know what, you make your own choices. But in this case, Nathan is the Boson and he knows

that this will cause an issue on deck. It'll be, it will, it will, he already says, he already said at some point in the episode, like the last thing I want is for this to happen because, you know, they're both like V and Joe both on my team. So I think actually for the smoothness, not smoothness, but for the tranquility of your team, you would be like, hey, I'm pulling you back to bed because I don't need drama on deck. So I think there's one percent. I disagree with you where I think that just in terms of as a boss, he could have stepped in. Yeah.

So now everybody goes. What's that? I don't really care as much as they sound like Yeah, I mean, I just, I mean, honestly, my whole thing is like, I don't care. It's like arguing about what should be on top in a trash compactor. Like, I really don't care if they're trash. And I think that it's probably better for V to realize that she's with trash because the whole thing, the whole danger with someone like V, it's like,

if everybody protects her from this asshole, she's going to go around like, oh my God, he's such a good guy. And I've finally broken a man, you know, how she's been doing. And I think it's better that she just separates. There's the hard way. Yeah. Because he's a good faker. So it's like they're putting him in a situation where he's not going to be able to fake his way out of this one, which he'll still try to do by crying and being like it was just drunkenness instead of premeditation, which I talked to this girl about fucking her for two days, you know.

So then Joe and Kizzy, of course, stay up. Everyone else is drunk eating downstairs. Nathan's going to bed with Lucky Charms, which is just, I think if we wrote that. it would be like so, um, like racist. What's like, of course he is. And, um, then we go back to the hot tub and Kissy's like, oh, I think we should probably go before we fall in love, eh? And he's like, yes, before this turns in to a problem because we're having too much of a laugh. Am I right? So they all go to, they're all getting out of bed and out of the hot tub, et cetera.

And then Kizzy and Joe were at a table and his legs were on her chair. And he's like, like, I'm going to bed after this. I can't deal with you. And she's like, it's your choice, not mine. But it's nice that we can be so stupid. But I still find you sexy. But she's like, mm-hmm. So then Joe's like, oh, that's the fucking thing.

Oh, I can't, I can't get with you. Cause I'm Victoria. And she's like, no, no, no, no, of course not. And I was like, because we've got V. No, no, no, of course not. Of course not. And it's not even on the table, babes. No, we're not.

Where's the camera? Can we make sure the camera gets us saying it's absolutely not on the table, babes that we're going to get together. Yeah, Victoria, she doesn't deserve, like, disrespect from me. Yeah, let's go to bed. Because you're trouble and you're wearing me jumper. And so they get up and he's like, oh, it's just such a massive battle between what I want and what I don't want and what I know is wrong and what I know is right. So Kizzy goes around the corner. They see the camera where the camera is and they go and they hide behind the camera so the camera can't get them. And then they start making out. And then they show a close up of water dripping into a bucket, which I didn't get. Did you see that? I was so confused. I was like, I was like trying to discern what they were

trying to show us. I was like, what? Yeah, I was like, is there a reflection of something? Is this supposed to be like a leaky wiener? Like, I don't know what it was supposed to be, but it was funny. And so then she purposely, like, kind of like, oh, what, whoops, I'm making out too far. Now the camera's catching us, whoops. And then she looks up in the camera. I'm just like, oops, you got caught. So you see, it's not just be, no one can trust her. Like, I'm telling you, this girl is just making trouble just to make trouble.

Like, why do you think she's going to, like, she's not even a good cheating partner. You know what I mean? Yeah. And not that I'm saying, like, oh, that would be better. but at least have some skill in what you're trying to do, you know? You can't even be a good villain. You're just like you're so bad at it. Yep.

Yeah, no, she's trash. So then they're like, oh, no, what are we going to do? So then, of course, my favorite is the cameraman who comes bolting down. Because you know they told the cameraman, okay, stay back. It's that way they think that they're alone. And then like, okay, they're caught. They know they're not alone. Go, go, swarm, swarm, swarm.

This cameraman goes running down there and they're like, oh. Because he, didn't he cover the camera or something? They did something to the camera. They tried. Joe tried to move the camera out of the way, but at this point, the cameraman was already there. And then Joe was like, oh, Kizu just fell. She just fell down here. I can't just save her.

She just fell. You didn't see anything. I'm like, okay. Yeah. So now they have to go to the galley. And she's like, oh, God, just don't talk about this ever. Don't talk about it ever. And he's like, okay.

So then let's see. and Kathy go to bed together, and he's like, oh, oh la la, and they start doing the deed. And then Nathan sees Joe, and he's like, what the fuck happened tonight? And he's like, I can't remember, but it might cost me her. So now it's

the next morning. And Joe wakes up and he's very depressed looking, which shows that he does remember. He's very, very depressed. And Kathy and Max are still in bed, and she's like, what if every single person knows that we've just fucked? How embarrassing? He's like, oh, I will not see anything.

for a few hours. Yeah, right. He's going to come out of their high-fiving everybody. Like, yes. We're punching the air like he's rocky. We've got a revolution. So Josh sees Kizzy in the kitchen. He's like, okay, give me the gossip.

She's like, literally no gossip. He's like, no way. No, seriously, there's no gossip. Tee. So then we go to Max and Joe, and Max is like, oh, do you remember how? we come back? And he's like, I do actually. No, no, I don't. And so they're saying, Joe, do you remember about last night? He's like, absolutely nothing. I'm claiming the old blackout

defense. He's like, bits and pieces. What I remember is a blur. So he just says that he remembers having fun. So sure. What's, so what I like about this is that they are both really shitty, both as a partner and as a friend, and then they both are very comfortable lying. So great, Great episode for both of you. Yeah, so Josh is still giving Kizzy a look. And she's like, stop giving me that look, okay? Just deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, tonight, deny, tonight. Don't tell Vee, deny, tonight.

So now Captain Sandy comes to get him because, guys, it's time to go see the Olingue, Red Bull race. Okay, Alingy, Olingy, Lingy, O'Lingie, I'm going to say Olingy as many times as I can. Okay, let's go. So they go into some Red Bull branded boats and they go to the The Alingi, the Alingi Little Tiny Boat Race Festival. Linky tiny little boat race festival. So guess what?

Everyone, we're here. So the Elingie Red Bull Racing Team headquarters, it's very exclusive. You know, Norma can't even get within like a 10 mile radius of this place. It's so exclusive. But that has to do with just the fact that she stocked the owner of it for many years in a row. And they became very alarmed with their presence. So anyway, to be able to be part of this is super cool. I mean, it's just one of the perks of Yad.

It's getting to go check out a Lingy. It's the Roger Federer of Boats, basically. Yeah, so they get like a little tour of this place. They're like, oh, my God, it's so amazing. And they see it in there. And then, guess what? Matchmaker, matchmaker, make you a match, find you a find. Catch you a catch.

It's me. Matchmaker, turn some better, okay, because I've done it. Alicia, I mean, Aisha, I have a very special present for you outside, something Norman's never had. A date show up. Okay, go out there and check it out. And it's Scott. Like, Oh,

Scott. Scott, the Olingee Headquarters starts, like, crumpling. It's Brickadoon. It just disappears for 12 years. Scott is dressed like he is someone who works at Alingi. And so when he turns around, she's like,

and so she cries and it's lovely. And Max, like, who is that? This is crazy that she falls in love. so quickly with some of him a Lingy. I'm like, no, that's Scott. He's like, no, me. So everyone's like, oh, this is so sweet. I'm surprised because he wasn't like,

hey, Scott, I like the way he looks. I kind of feel like we have a vibe together. Guys, Scott won't stop flirting with me. So he found out one or day off was and called Sandy, and they hooked it up. And so it's like really romantic. And Sandy's like, Captain Sandy, more like, Cuba, Sandy.

Lingy. So Scott's going to join them tonight on the boat And they finish their tour And Aisha's just like so excited She's just so happy And Joe is now talking to Kizzy Be like, I genuinely don't remember what happened last night I think we played Scrabble

And she's like Well we would like You should probably go to bed Because this is going to This is going a way that it shouldn't go And I went oh don't kiss me Don't kiss me And it was like a little tee

Because I think you kissed me to remember So I think it's so funny that the way she's like jogging his memory to this thing that they're like, we won't say a thing, we won't say a thing, but she's like, remember though that we did this though, right? Like I want to make sure this is logged in your brain because if you happen to gossip about it and then it comes out and then your relationship goes down the tube and then we could be together, that would be pretty fun, but don't say anything, don't see anything. Well, yeah, I mean, she has to get it on record that he knows what they did. so she doesn't look like a liar later when she reveals what they did. So he's like, I can't afford to hurt Victoria. And she's like, that's why we don't say anything.

So she's like, well, here's the thing. I don't regret having a kiss with Joe. You know, we've had great vibes from literally the day he walked on. But because, you know, her boyfriend died and everything, I shouldn't add more fuel to the fire because, you know, that would be shitty. That would be a shitty thing to do. No, it's shitty what you did. Adding fuel to the fire by telling her doesn't make it less shit.

shitty. Not telling her doesn't make it less shitty. Oh, whatever. So he's doing the whole, what the fuck have I done, bro? Just what you've been planning to do for two days. I will not accept the eye and blacked out and it's all alcohol's fault. I'm sick of it. Why doesn't Tito sue these people? You know, they've got to be so sick of being blamed for everything.

They're like, we're just a refreshing beverage. And you people use us for every excuse in the book. Like, are you ever, like, do people, like, do people, like this ever get embarrassed? I mean, do you ever think, like, isn't it so embarrassing that people see me and they know exactly what I'm going to do? And it doesn't matter what I say, because I know I'm going to do it, and then I do do it, like that I'm so predictable like that. Like, aren't you embarrassed that we see you come on to the show and we see, we can say exactly what your story beats are going to be? Like, aren't you mortify that that's how you operate in life? I know the answer.

The answer is no, they're, they're not embarrassed, but like, I would be mortified. So, of course, Now, first rule of fuck boy is in, which is that you've got to align your image with your mother. So he calls his mom. And she's like, hello, you Joe. And he's like, Mom, I made a mistake. Remember Victoria that I was telling you about? As she means a great deal for me, which is why I call her Victoria. She's like, yeah, do Joe.

He's like, well, last night I got drunk. And there's another girl named Kizzy. Uh, Joe, you got to do something about it, yeah. Joe, Joe, why are you crying, Joe? No, Joe. You're going to make me cry, Joe. But here's the thing V's off the boat

Because she's not well And V's got a situation That I can't even wish upon My worst enemy And the first night she's not here I go and do this shit ma I go It's like

Oh just be honest Just be truthful Because you know She's not your girlfriend Anyway is she Huh What you're gonna do It's her own fault

It's her own fault For not locking you down Son Boys will be boys And he's like I just don't want I thought today, Jesus Christ. Ah, Joe, are you so upset, Joe?

I raised such a good boy to get me so upset like this, Joe. And he's like, I can't imagine the pain that she's going through mom. She's like, oh, you've got me crying now, Joe. I'm the one going through the pain, knowing my boy is such a good boy with feelings for somebody to that's about the fact that you would feel like this for somebody else's feelings, Joe. You raised a fucking asshole, okay?

Get stronger on the phone. And you owe V an apology for raising that piece of shit. How about, like, Joe, get your shit together and maybe treat women a little bit better and treating someone like this and then waking up and crying to your mother to get some auditing and sympathy is not really a good look. So get your shit together and grow the fuck up. You've barely got a hair line left, okay? He's like, I genuinely like Victoria. The number one thing is that I don't want to hurt her. It doesn't matter how many times you call V Victoria does not mean you respect her.

Okay. Just because use the full name does not mean that you've afforded any sort of thoughtfulness to this, this. this girl. But now he's like, oh, I just don't want to hurt her. Like, I don't care many times you say, I don't want to hurt her. You already have done the thing. That's too late. It's, you've done it. You've been a piece of shit. You lived up to everyone's expectations in the worst way. Yeah. So now it's like a relaxing day. She's, you know, using scissors to cut a pizza, as you do. And Max is talking to Scott and being like, oh, she loves you so much. Love, I love love. I love. I'm French. The way she is speaking about you. I'm like,

Like, wow, you know? Oh, it is like how my grandfather spoke of bombs that he was about to raw Nazis, huh? I love love, but I also love rebellion. I also love waving a big flag, and I love stealing bread for my family. It's like, X, you're just doing Les Miserables.

So, so. Oh, la, la, la, la, la, jettem, I'm, I need to make a poo. And Scott's like, oh, gosh, She's always talking about poo. So then in their room, Joe and Nathan are talking. And Joe's like, he says, like, you're like, and Joe's like, oh, fuck. He's like furious. He's giving him this look.

Joe's like, it wasn't a, I just was like, it was just like a quick peck. I'm like, you claim you don't remember. So how are you going to explain what sort of kiss it was? So Nathan is mad. Yeah. It's like, I'm disappointed. It's clear the man doesn't learn from his mistakes. And now, I mean, didn't you just make out with Kizzy two nights ago?

What the hell are you talking? I mean, I know he's not technically with Gail or whatever, but you're still calling Gail and being like, I miss you. I wish I could free you. He's like, so now to see him playing with V, it just doesn't float my boat. I don't think it's cool. So now they go out and Sandy's getting, while they're going into their van, Sandy gets a response from a deckhand that says, Hello, Captain Sandy. Yes, I am available to come on board.

Oh, no, I dropped an anchor on my foot again. That's a girl. It's going to be a surprise. So now everybody wants to be as in love as Scott and Aisha. And Max is like, well, Captain is good, but she teaches me how to don't care, you know, just to fuck and don't care, which is good. It's good. So you have fucked her? Oh, no.

Oh, no. So now they go to this place that they're going to. And Kathy and Max are kissing. And they are at the Tablaude Carmen, where they're going to see flamenco dancing. And Nathan, Nathan's like, I remember this place. I came here with Gail. Let's show a clip.

Oh, gosh, I can't believe what a time it was. Now here I am alone, having this memory without Gail. Gail, Gail, Gail, Gail. Do you think he knows Gail's coming back? I mean, he's, he's got to know. I suspect he knows because the whole thing, like, oh, I can't believe a boy is making out with a girl when he, when she's, you know, when he's committed to some other girl. I think he's, he's trying to get on Gail's good sign, I think, already. Yeah.

And I also firmly believe that the producers scanned his social media and saw that he went there and was like, we got to put, we got to do this here. We got to go to the Femenko place. Also, an unsolicited review from our note taker, Shelby, who says, uh, that. Tablo de Carmen is really cool. I went there on a trip in high school in 2010. So I wonder if Nathan was like, I remember when I was here in high school. Oh my God.

I jumped into someone else's body. Oh, my God. So huge endorsements or tableau de Carmen. So he's now having, he's spiraling because he's remembering what it was like to be there with Gail. You know, just that supermodel he pushed out of his life. And so. Yeah. So Max wants to get scathe.

And she's like, you make me feel like I'm the only person in the room. and that there's only very little oxygen left which you are currently taking up. And it just makes me feel like a million dollars. So that's romantic. I still can't believe she's into Max. It's weirding me out at this point. It is weird.

Because he's very, he's just so peppy Lapew like just all over. He's like a squirrel just like going around a tree over and over again, you know, climbing a tree. It's just, he just reminded me of like a 14 year old. Actually, he reminds me like a 13 year old.

It reminds me of like when I went. went to my cousin's son's bar mitzvah and like all the little boys all like the 13 years old the man i shouldn't say 13 years old uh we're like playing football on the dance floor and then they all like pile on to each other they all like work themselves into a tizzy i'm like that's what max is max is just like he's just a hyperactive kid on a dance floor at a bar mitzvah that's and i'm like how does kathy like that yeah but um then we see this amazing flamenco i love this flamenco this lady was in it she was dancing up a storm and like And I just left the drama.

It's like the Stam-da-da-da-da-dun-tun-dun-stamping, stamping, stamping. It's like, Yeah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Yes. It was great. And Josh starts to cry because he loves the artistry of it, and he's like, I'm going to put this into my food.

So next time you see an omelet, just know, I swirled a few times and encanted from my gut. Like, why do we have to fill in our eggs? Why? He's like, I stomped it. I stumped it, that's why. He's like, I would like you to enjoy your lobster Benedict. So Joe, because he's like, I don't know what the fuck they were saying, but I sobbed at that trio.

And Joe's like, he was going here at the love of my life, and I've done you wrong. And then she got like upset. And she's like, that's hilarious. What a funny show. So, um, girls, we're just. trying to think of where Scott and I are going to sleep. And they're like, oh, just take the queen. And she's like, well, I'm sorry, because I know you guys made the bid in the first place. I'm so sorry. So they get the main room. And everybody's fucking on the boat. So

they do have to actually discuss it, you know, because it's not like most seasons where there's one couple who automatically is going to take it. And now V is texting Joe in the van. and she's like, I miss you nose blowing emoji. And then Nathan afterwards is like, I'm gonna go see fucking gal after this boy. It's like, really?

And Josh is like, well, why the fuck do you say that? He's like, well, you know, because Joe is upset because Joe doesn't like Gail because, again, another beautiful facet of Joe is that he was a dick to Gail for really no reason

just because he's like insecure guy. And Nathan's saying, saying Scott and Asia and like how they were so happy seeing each other and it's kind of just like sparked something in me you know how it makes what you to rethink of what's important in life and then obviously going to the flamenco thing all the memory just came flooding back to me flamenco etc so he's getting nostalgic also it's that he's just not attracted to any of the girls on board so he's like oh yeah there was that super hot girl that like i was actually in love with so maybe i should go back to that So now they go back to the boat and Ashton Scott go get dirty.

And Nathan, after just being so romantic, it's like, bhr, smells like salami. And then Max goes with Kathy and she's got a face mask on. And he's like, what is this? Are you robbing a bank? And actually, I think he said, it was very funny. He said, are you robbing to blend the bank? So then V text Kizzy. And she's like, hey, thinking about you're in the boat.

How's it going? Because you know there was a producer that was like, Hey, V, why don't you text your friends? See how they're doing. Gizzi, what an asshole. Yeah. And she's like, yeah, thinking about you on the boat, barf emoji.

How's it going? Blow nose emoji? And then she's like, I feel bad. She's texting me. Yeah, because you texted her. Why are you acting? She's just such a troublemaker this one.

And she was like, oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. And he closes the door. And she's like, I do feel like a really bad person. well that's good um because you are and joe's like yeah see him i'm gonna tell her and she goes oh for fuck's sake and he's like no and then he just leaves he's like good night yeah and then scott um scott has to leave for the airport so scott and h's just like there's just been so many moments this season where i've just been like gosh i really wish that scott was here and so to actually spend time with him like there's a moment they will cherish remember forever remember the time you put on

someone else's uniform, surprise with your Lingu, headquarters. All right, all right. Stupid Sandy. You went in her work again. Yeah, worked it. You just got stuck by the bow of

Sandy. So she was like, Nathan, Nathan, Bridge, bridge, bridge. Okay, Nathan, I don't want you to go into this charter without another deckhand. Okay, so I'm bringing in someone that you know. She's really gorgeous. She's a model. You fucked it up the first time.

Okay, let's see if this time you can park the boat. it's gail he's like oh jesus i'm so nervous i just burped up salami no you know for a short filling position like this gale's a perfect fit she's familiar with how the boat runs familiar with the team and we can break her heart when we tell her that nathan made out with kizzy and then uh and then we can just send her on her way so it's sort of a perfect match for us and uh she says that gale's perfect for this because she already knows the boat she already knows the team and you know she's been working on vesting ever since, so she's gained even more experience. Wow, it's meant to be. Why, I just cupid myself. Cupid got stuck by his own arrow. Jeez. Yeah. So Nathan's like, goes up to Joan.

He's like, bro, so V's not joining us this charter, but we have a replacement. Do we? Who is it? Who can I fuck? He's like, no, it's Gail. He's like, oh, you're taking the piss, aren't you? You're taking the piss. What the fuck? For the most part of last season, me and Gail, we're a good team until we started butting heads. No, you started budding heads with her because you were condescending and obnoxious to her. Yeah, because he always thought she was getting like an easy, the easier job because she's a girl.

And he was like, yeah, we see the flashback to her being like, you're a princess. And she's like, and you're a dick. And so then Nathan is telling Max and Aisha, and Aisha's like, oh, my God, gay. So Kathy is asked me, I'm asking Kizzy if she's going to get a cabin mate or if she's going to be alone. And I don't know.

Who is it? It's Gail. We already know. So it's raining and everybody's watching Nathan who's freaking out because he hasn't seen her in 10 months. And he doesn't know if he's going to get a kick in the nuts or not. So let's see. But I love that Kizzy has set herself up now to be on this boat with both Gail and V. And I hope she gets her comeuppance.

I know. And next week, it looks like Nathan is going to. professes love to gale which would be sort of sweet and lovely if um he didn't make me hate him over the weekend oh well that's life so we uh we do have that to look forward to next week and thanks everyone for being here be sure to follow us on patreon and on instagram and wherever else you may want to follow us or don't you can love your life without following it's fine it's fine who are we uh thanks for being here and we'll catch you in the next episode bye everyone. Bye.

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