Watch What Crappens - #3122 Vanderpump Rules S12E3 Part 1: Venus Try Trap

Episode Date: December 18, 2025

This is part one of a two-part recap!Vanderpump Rules is all about the gang’s first pool party where Venus loses his shit and attacks some girl and Natalie and Marcus get revenge by outing all of the trash he’s been talking. To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watcher Crappins ad-free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Watch what happens. Who cares what happens when there's so much than crap is. Hello and welcome to what's what's crappins. I'm Ronnie. That's been over there. Hello, Benoons. Hi, Ronnie. How's it going?

Good. It's Vanderpom Rules Day. So we're very excited. Monday will be our last Amazon Live. Join us at 4 p.m. Pacific Time on Amazon Live. You can find that link in our link in bio over on Instagram. So do it. Do it. This week we had Angela, Angela Roman, Allison Roman, the famous chef, who I call Angela it for some reason um we're just so close i just started calling her angie for sure um it was

really fun talking to her join us uh you can go listen to that at crappy hour this week and our christmas movie with the reality gaze this year will be a four-part recap of my secret santa on netflix so probably save yourself some sanity and don't watch it but listen to it because it's really fun times and today phantom pump rules season 12 episode Three, crash out queens. Whoa. Whoa. I've got to say, I'm, I'm, last week, I was like, I think I liked the reboot.

And this week, I'm like, I'm fully committed. I'm like in it. I, I, not only like it. I was like, I'm actually already teetering towards love. I was so entertained by this stupid episode. It was just what I needed, stupid back and forth about, you said this, and then this. And then she texted this. You got, like, a toxic couple.

You've got, like, you've got a, you know, an angry, I was about to say a toxic queen. I was able to say an angry gay. It's just, it's so silly. It's so stupid. And it's like, I'm just surprised that it's only three episodes old.

I feel like I'm actually already like, I feel like I'm already in it. I'm in the trenches. And I'm not saying this because I went to the Vanderbump Rules thing last week. And I met some of them. I'm not influenced by that at all. I'm saying it like I, I think it's just like the,

it's exactly what I want and need right now. And I think it's doing a great job. Yeah. I'm really enjoying it as well. I'm actually trying to find this article with What's His Button in it, Venus, that he was on the podcast. And some of the quotes are just so funny. I wanted to read it to you, but I cannot find. Oh, Venus.

Yes. So he was on So Bad It's Good with Ryan Bailey, Vanderpump Rules Server, Venus is the title of the episode. Venus has a talking head look. Okay, he talks about his talking head. They talk about him why he's working at Sir. he said he did watch Vanderpump rules but he's really a fan of Vanderpump Lisa is my queen

and I finally just grew up here and was like I'm sending in an application and I was hired on the spot and I've been the Queen Bee of Sir ever since Okay, it's the first red flag Then he's talking about how he grew up in a town

with small pastures and cows and he only had a post office and gas station So he had to get out of there And he says So I always knew I was not meant to have this small town farm life. I just have some kids and that's about it. Like, no way. I was like, I'm a star. I've always known I was a star. I started writing memoirs in the fourth grade.

Memoirs. Multiple memoirs. Multiple versions of his life. So we've got delusional people who are already completely famous in their own mind. I mean, got to love it. And the show has gone back to its most important feature. which is a lazy Susan of awfulness because I'm like wow Marcus and Marcus and him I'm like ugh they're toxic and awful there of course are there a couple that drags everyone into their drama and then the moment everyone gets dragged in and then you say something like fuck her and they get back together and it gets back to like her that she that you say fuck her or whatever it is and then they kick you out and it's like oh god I hate those toxic couples but then

you got Venus you're like oh but Venus is awful and then you're like you're like you then you're like, well, but Natasha, but then Natasha's awful. It's like you're going back and forth. And that is the most Vanderpumpian quality that you could have. It's just like a lazy Susan of awfulness that revolves around such low stake things that I'm feeling very much at home. Yeah, and one of the biggest worries was, oh, my God, they don't work at the restaurant, blah, blah, blah, you know, people were saying that before. But it looks like they do actually work there. I mean, at least they have to work.

And they're showing a lot of the restaurant stuff, which I really like, you know, just, working in the restaurant so much of my life. I really love seeing the pettiness in the restaurant and how everybody's turning against like one person at a time. It's just so fun. Yeah. And it doesn't feel really as performative as I was afraid it would. I felt like they are generally like annoyed at each other and frustrated and they're like exploding with, you know, fury. So I'm, I, that's why I'm like, this is great. And like it's just so stupid. I mean, this whole episode is just, you know, like a rock climbing and Shane Davis is like, yeah, I got shot three times. It's like, what? It's just funny

It's just not that getting shots funny It's just a way It's like, yeah man, I got shot Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. You're like, this It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, I love this. Like, what? Um, yeah, so we open up with everyone waking up

because it was just Audrey's birthday party So everybody's hungover And Audrey's like, whoever planned this surf photo shoot for the day after my birthday It's diabolical. I'm gonna get revenge on them by not using any Moistizer or hair product. And I'm hungover, I'm sweaty, but you know what?

I just go into Sir, and there's so many glamorous photos. Do they have flies on them? Yeah, but I mean, it's Sir. So I'm just like, oh, my God, am I going to be in the Wallace, sir? Am I going to be on the Wallace, sir? She's saying that the photos on the Wallet, sir, are glamorous is also hilarious. She's like seeing these like archival photos of like Jackson, Katie, and the whole cast from like 2012. She's like, wow, the golden age of Hollywood.

I get to join the pantheon of great waitstaff at Sir. Now, we have the famous Sir photo shoot, but this time it's done in the restaurant with the managers there and nobody's naked or in like kind of sexual, sexually creepy outfits, which is super weird. I'm like, what show is this? Things have changed. Weho is no, weho now has black plastic bags floating along streets. The hump is closed and now we have something called HR. We still don't know what it stands for, but it's very scary. Hoos and Rascals.

These report to the Hoos and Rascals department. So Guillermo's handing out shirts to people and they're getting the photo shoot set up. And Kim is like, I need my skim so my waist looks snatched. Because the surf photo shoot is a legendary. Yeah, and we see a shot of Natalie holding grapes and then Audrey's holding a lobster. I'm like, is there a lobster at the menu at Serg? I don't think there is. Yeah, do they have a lobster there?

I don't know that I would trust them with lobster. Even though the cockroach of the sea, isn't that what they call the lobster? Ooh, lobsters are not cockroaches of the sea. Yeah, because they like crawl along the bottom and just eat all the trash and stuff. It doesn't crawl along. I mean, look, we're, you know, I would say a crab would be more like a cockroach of the sea. But it's not either word me, a shrimp, a shrimp would be. Did not the lobster, the lobsters have a whole, I mean, do they pee through their eyeballs?

Yes. Is that, but are they the most beautiful little toddler at crustaceans out there? Yes. Um, I refuse. Yeah, I reject this. Lobster, lobster, cockroach of the sea is a historical term reflecting how these abundant bottom feeding crustaceans were once considered poverty food for the poor and prisoners in colonial America. Well, that's true. came a luxury delicacy through railroads, canning, and culinary elevation.

So there you go. They have similarities with cockroaches, like hard exoskeletons and scavenging habits, leading to the derogatory nickname. But the term also applies to other abundant marine life, like Shrank you. Like you called it. See, you called it. Because there's so many things that crawl along the floor. That's why there's also so many fish that, like, hide in the sand and then, like, eat them,

which is hilarious. Those are such, that's like, the worst thing. You know what else was called, a cockroach of the sea? whales, excuse me, that's, I'm going to push back on that one. Yeah, I'm going to push back. That's like, that's like crazy. Who is, okay, what AI system are you using that's coming up with? Who's called a whale, the cockroach? Whales aren't even fish?

It's just like a tiny little side I'm using called Google. Okay, who has, okay, all right, let me, you know who wrote that as a shark? Sharks hate whales. You just, you know that sharks hate whales, because sharks are like, we're the best, but then whales come along and like, sorry, we're kind of, like bigger. We're like bigger and a little bit scarier. And like some of us don't even eat other fish, but we're still somehow bigger than you. And they're like, fuck this. We're going to come to the cockroach of the sea because they're ruining our space. I'll tell you who wrote it. Ahab. Ahab wrote that shit. The cockroach of the sea. My last words. Dolphins did it to get at the whales.

That's crazy. I'm horrified. Natalie's like, wow, you know what? I just wanted to be in a place you're like you work where everybody's like oh my god so chic so perfect literally nobody says that about sir i don't know where those people think they're working do no one does no one on this cast know how to look up a yelp review because i i can tell you not one of them says that yeah literally um the words that are associated with sir are not chic and perfect the words are like oversized enchiladas and um dry please mop this restaurant i've right that phrase that was my review I was like it smells like barrot

please clean this restaurant please hello hello everyone I've arrived I've arrived I'm in casual magician form today I'm wearing a blazer but my shirt is open a few buttons sexy is back I remember oh it's so conservative

now I remember what it used to be when we first did it years ago nobody had any clothes on and we do see pictures clips from 11 years ago with the staff being naked and holding each other's boobs and stuff and peter's weaner flopping around over there um in yes great out a great out weiner which is weird because it actually looks like that now hey how come we never see peter i know the rumor was something he

he wasn't going to do this anymore because he wasn't getting paid but was he here he was on this episode yeah actually he did show up mm-hmm he was like ho ho ho ho this is sure different than it used to be guys he didn't say anything child like Peter he didn't say anything but he was like helping Natasha or something at the bar but um but now we see that times have changed because Guillermo's like do you want to remove your shirt at least he goes I mean only if you feel comfortable you definitely will not lose your job if you keep your shirt on you will just merely work in the back room and not be on television but only if it makes you comfortable to tick All I care about is the comfortability of children that work for us.

Please, please stay clothed. Girl, you've never hired somebody overweighted that place in your entire life. You only hire people, especially men, who will take off their shirt, okay? People, everybody does not walk around with six packs like that unless they're on your staff. I worked at an Appleby's and trust nobody looked like this. No one asked us to take our clothes off. Talk about some bad apples. If you don't feel comfortable, please put your shirt back on.

I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable at all. But if you want to show your beautiful nipples and six-pack, I won't stop you. And Chris says last night was a bad night to eat cake as he shows off his eight-pack. Shut off. Yeah, I hate when people do that. Stop lying. Stop trying to, like, relate to the people that you ate a cake. You did not eat a cake.

You did not. I like when hot people are like, do you know how hard it is to be hot? Do you know how traumatizing this is? I don't eat anything. I'm starving. That's what I need to hear from hot people. Yeah. Shut up.

You know, it is necessary to keep evolving. You know, if it's a photo shoot, if it's different staff, I think that's been the secret to our longevity. That's why we keep our menu exactly the same. But now, now we have a new feature. It's small little bites that happen before the bigger. We call them appetizers. Yes, evolution.

We weren't okay to stop with the goat cheese bowl. So ten years ago we came up with the goat cheese empanada. Some times we think about what's something that we would want on a deserted island, and we call those desserts. Please enjoy. We weren't happy just to have a tuna. No! So we made it a tuna.

I need it a tuna, ta-ta-a-ta-a. So Guillermo's like, where, is Kim coming? I want Kim, and I want Kim to sit in the chair, so Kim comes in. And when she walks in, Mark is like, hey, honey, oh, honey, she's like, and everyone's like, what?

But they were just fighting for two episodes of the show. Why are they being nice to each other? And Natalie's standing right behind him going, I mean, they're so weird. Like, why are they being so cute right now? Like, I'm going to throw up. Like, hi, honey, hi.

I mean, it's like a weird king. like they literally get off on like screaming at each other and venus is like um i'm sorry but are these bitches like back the fuck together kim's like um full disclosure marcus and i got back together after the party last night yeah if you know what i'm saying and he's like me and kimberley yeah we never had the conversation of like we're back together but we just end up back together again So isn't that the beauty of being in a toxic relationship? Ugh. Um, is it the beauty?

So now they're doing more photo shoots and everything and they're doing a light change and stuff. And now Angelica, she's the new sir host as she arrives and he's like, oh darling, look at you innocent and sweet as pure as the driven snow. Come in here to be corrupted and ruined by my television show. Get in here, sweet. I didn't know if you were coming. Of course I'm coming. Of course I am. I'm so glad to be here, Lisa.

I was like, oh, no. That's girls so positive. Do you think she's going to cry a lot? Yes, she'll be destroyed. She'll be ground to a pulp. Oh, you look great. I want you to come meet the staff and just sit in for a picture, okay? Giamo, get the banana peel ready.

Okay, come on in. So she goes in, all the staff is sitting there in their ball gowns and looking right at her. comes and she's like and then falls right on her face like trips over her camera or something oh i had to hire angelica right on the spot she's gorgeous she's lovable she's flexible she put her ankle behind her head right in the interview oh god she kind of did because we see a flashback to her interview and she's like yeah i did taekwondo for about 10 years and i was a national champion do you want to see a move i could probably do this and she kicks like like a by the ceiling or something like that.

Oh, yes, Taekwondo, a skill set that's absolutely unnecessary in waiting and serving. You're hired. She has charm just oozing out of her paws. Oh, God, that's not the only thing that's going to be oozing out of her after a couple of months at this place. Am I right? Get it! Now remind me, when you won your National Championship in Taekwondo, what was the part where you were you? you gathered menus and said right this way it's time for a commercial it's time for a crappence commercial oh so she stands up and Lisa's like wow that was a good entrance

she's like I'm trying to live my leg as high as I possibly can't but these heels are like so big okay maybe my not my ideal first impression, but I feel like it really grounded me in a way. Are you sure you're okay, Angelica? Did you hurt yourself? Do you need to see? Hey, it's all. We are so evolved now.

We care. Please only take off your panties for this if you feel comfortable. She goes, she goes, well, I don't think it really, I don't think it really requires workers' comp, so I think I'm okay. She's like, oh, good. I don't understand. What that is, workers don't get comps here. You have to pay for a fare. Darling, yes, as I told you in your interview, workers are complimentary.

You're here for the Instagram likes. So she says, Oh, maybe I worked, like, maybe this worked in my favor because, like, now people are going to be, like, really nice to me, right? Because, like, who's going to be mean to the girl that just, like, ate shit? I'm like, literally all of them. They're like, oh, she's weak. We will destroy her.

Somewhere, like, an alarm just went off in Stasi's house. She's like, oh, my God, stupid bitch falling in, sir. Need to drive down there, do not drive down there. Yeah, when you hear a bell, it means a new server fell over in front of the team and sir. Every time you hear a bell ring, a new waitress just lost her vaj. So, Antelica's like, oh, my God, we're a great way to meet people. Am I right guys? And they're like, wow, you look so beautiful. And Josh goes, yeah, what an entrance.

I almost wanted to catch her. At which point, Ronnie left through the TV. He was like, you get out of here, you little bitch. He's mine. I'm falling down. I just fell down off my couch. Like, help me, Josh. Help me.

All right. Okay, sit down there. No, no one will get jealous of you. We don't like jealous people. So, Angelica, new girl who no one's ever met before and has no history. Please take the center spot in this photograph. I know. Move over.

Move over, Kim. literally made Kim move over so that the new girl could take the center spot. And I was like, uh-oh, uh-oh. Look sexy and welcoming. Try it, Kim. Now, Kim, I know that you don't understand the concept of welcoming, but what you do is you sort of smile. Yes, a smile. A smile. Okay, let me start from the beginning.

A smile is when you take the edges of your lips and move them upwards. You can do it, Kim. Try it, Kim. You're almost there. No, she can't smile. She doesn't know how to do it. Put her in the back. Okay, guys.

we've done the photo shoot and now we're going back to the uniform okay i'm germo oh smolder smolder yes all right please on your way out as everybody passes me please say i pledge allegiance to nicolane okay very good you can go you can go you can go so chris and audrey start to flirt chris is like yeah you were working she's like always working i mean you were pulling out all the moves and then jason's like yeah you were i if i if i had spoken first i would have said you pulled out the moves but he said it first so i'm just gonna say you you were yeah not all the moves though like y'all pulled on me last night remember when you guys gave me strip dance strip tees remember huh and then we just flash back to her getting the strip teased and be like oh oh my god I loved it so she's like yeah

chris is like really different from the other guys I've dated I mean he has like a decade on me okay like that's 10 years because he has 10 years above when I was even born like a decade so he probably had one of those blackberries that like you slide open and he thought it was like the coolest thing ever and he just like vigorously typed on it like with his thumbs and he was like yeah like checking out girls through his phone okay I hate to sound like the grandfather that I am but those were called T-Mobile sidekicks how dare you thank you and I had one and it was amazing he he probably had like a crank on a cell phone just to power it right so venus is like yeah guys i'm sorry i'm sorry sorry in the middle of this conversation i need to check my emails that's right i get them on my phone

oh you guys it's time to renew my aOL account excuse me i can do that right on my phone sorry what were you saying so venus is like hey marcus can i talk to you for a second he's like yeah what's on your mind well just about last night it's just like a recap of what a typical night is and then today like making out in the fucking photo like so what changed between last night and today he's like um we made up last night there wasn't a lot of talking i mean lips removing if you know what i'm saying what i'm trying to say is i put my penis in her vagina you're following any of this come on venus keep up and venus is falling into that trap as the gay friend who gets mad when people get back together and i know that sounds random but that is the thing because gay guys are always trapped right like

Like, especially when you're friends with both. And I think this is a general trap for people. But I think gay people fall more in this trap because we don't have as many people to date. So when, especially when you're younger and immature and it's like, okay, well, so we're friends. I'm going to listen to all your bullshit. But now you're back together with him and now I don't get to spend any time with you. It's, I don't know. I'm sure it's like an everybody thing.

But I just recognize that as like being the only gay guy at work. We're like, what the fuck, man? Like everyone else has people to talk. Like, I'm the one who always has to. listen to this shit. But I think it's extremely immature and it's so weird to be mad at people for getting back together. What do you think? I think it's great to get mad at people for getting back together. They're toxic. Well, no, but like from out from where we sit. I think what I think like when you're young, you don't realize that you just have to let people just fall into their own

bullshit, you know, and you feel like you can actually change things. And what what happens is, is as a gay, you're often put into sidekick position where when travesties happen, like a breakup, you know, especially, like, it's usually, usually it's the girl because of, you know, just guys are scared of gay people a lot. But like these days, things are modern, so that's nice to see. And usually like, they come to me with girls, you know. Yeah, but like usually it's like someone comes to us as the gay person.

It's like, oh my God, like you would not even believe he's just so awful. He's so mean. He doesn't even consider me. And they tell you all these things. And then you, you want to have. help your friend and you have a vision for your friend and that vision is look I love you both you're toxic together you need to start doing your own separate things and you can just move on and then we can all be happy and you start to you have this plan it's going to be amazing and then

you invest all this time and hours on the phone and you're hugging and they're crying you're doing with it and like that's time you could be on grinder that's time you could be doing anything else and instead you're doing this and then after you put in all that effort and you've you have a plan you've got the bullet points you know what step one step two step phase one phase three they just get back together not but what about all that work what about all that time and you get so annoyed and you're like what the fuck what the fuck we had a plan we had a dream we saw what the future was going to be like yeah he's like i taught you about the secret like i taught you about manifesting how could you yeah um but yeah he's like too far and the thing isn't it's her fault for being it's not their fault for look it is their fault for being toxic but what i'm saying is in this situation to me it's not the problem that they're a toxic relationship and that you spent all this time listening to it. The problem is you spending all the time listening to it. And that's the change it needs to be made. You're you're not the side. We don't have to be in that position where we're like the sidekick listening to everybody's drama all the time. I think we kind of put ourselves

in that position. And it's time to just not be that person because this is ridiculous. Like actually fighting with someone because they got back together and they're happy is crazy to me. I think he's coming off is completely crazy. Well now I wouldn't want to listen to their horse shit either. But I just wouldn't listen to it rather than root for them to break up all the time. Well, I don't know if they got back together and are happy. They're just saying that they're happy because they're two broken individuals. So Venus is like, yeah, their relationship is like one of the most toxic relationships I've ever seen in my entire life, which is why I like to embed myself entirely into their,

into their, into their duo. That's why we're a trio because I like to be around toxic people. And it's extremely offensive to me that my night at Audrey's birthday, I'm holding Kim crying, comforting her, which is what I've done a million fucking times since our day. and then the next day, like nothing fucking happened. I mean, yeah, but that's an interesting memory of the history because you were spending that, you were spending that birthday trying to get Marcus

to go in a stand-up for Natalie, actually, as I recall. So, yeah, I don't know, you're remembering this in a funny way. But he's very pissed off. And he's like, you put me in a position. He's got like the la-la lips. I think he's going for like the new la-la of this cast. Yeah. And it's working because he's even got like,

the lips and stuff. And so Marcus is like, I didn't put you in any position when you say things in front. And he's like, yes, you did. Yes, you did. I was up till 3 a.m. last night. Okay. Okay. I could have been that time concentrating on a parking space for today. But instead, I was working with you and your girlfriend. And he's like, nothing to do with me. He goes, yeah, I was dealing with bullchat because of the drama that you're always in. And then like the next day, you and Kim, like nothing happened. It's like so convenient for you when everyone else is affected by it. Well, good. Good for us. It has nothing to do with you. So stop getting involved with shit that ain't got nothing to do with you, which he's right. I mean, ultimately, if you're angry at Kim for going back over and over and over again to a guy who's toxic, you got to look inward and say, why am I going back to this couple that's toxic over and over and over again and getting myself embroiled in their situation? Just let her cry on the curb like everyone else and enjoy a bacon wrapped hot dog.

Exactly. La. So he's like, yeah. So quit involving everyone. by doing it in front of everybody. And he's like, well, I didn't involve you. You were trying to be involved last night and I didn't say a single word to you. And that's true because he was running around trying to be involved on everybody's side. Like, well, now I need to have a talk with you.

And I need to have a talk with you. And I need to have a talk with you. So stop doing that, okay. Mark, but then at the same time, let's not let the toxic couple off the hook because we just need two episodes of what you say. They're awful. And you see Natalie being like, yeah.

She's like, oh, you know what? This is what he deserves. He deserves to get suspended. Like how many times off the time tell him right guys and she's sitting there talking everyone's ear off like they've heard it a million times where like no one cares and she's going around asking for advice ask for help crying at the party this is what he does to me this is what he always has to be I'm just like I can you believe he did that to me and oh my god he just said he's falling out of love with me and now like he's like

not falling out of love with me like Natalie can he believe it and he's going around being like I just can't even deal with her like I'm like they bought they pollute the entire party with their bullshit and then they act surprised that people who want to weigh in or have opinions about it. Yeah, that's true. That's true, too. And Kim is not only toxic in that relationship. She's just toxic in general. I mean, she's toxic with everybody. Like, she doesn't know Natalie, so she's going to go poison the new girl against Natalie. And she doesn't like him now, so she's going to do what she does to him. I mean, she's just kind of gross, you know. I agree. In general. But I guess this specific thing, I'm just saying, like, stop involving yourself with crazy people and then getting

mad that they're crazy, you know? Absolutely. Lazy Susan. Lazy Susan of awfulness. It's like I'm talking to myself watching this show, right? I'm like, what are you getting so mad about? You're watching this on purpose, you know? Yeah. And it is that because I love the toxicity. Like, I love to, I'm never going to yell at somebody for being toxic. I'll be like, why don't you call me when you were in a toxic mood?

Well, on the, on the topic of inserting yourself, here comes Natalie while Venus and Marcus are bickering. And Natalie's like, I think I need to step in here because the whole root of the problem is that he said, she said between you and I and then you walked away last night. because like, I'm not going to have the same conversation a hundred times. No, but we never even talked about it because our conversations have been like, we're like good friends. Like, for me, like, you've been like my good friend and like Kimberly is my good friend. And Demi, like, she's my good friend and Venus is like my good friend. And I would like to leave it at that, but like no one else does.

He's like, yeah, not my problem. But also that's not what they're talking about. So stop trying to make everything about you too, air sucker. And it's like, yeah, but like you need to say to your girlfriend and Demi, like Natalie is my friend. And that's what I need from you. Like everybody needs to know that because like I'm a friend right right guys right like I'm a friend everybody knows that Yeah I'm always gonna have Kimberly side especially when I say I'm falling out of love with her and I can't stand to her fucking face and I need to like need to have some space and break up with her I'm always gonna have a fucking side Yeah and you should though but you should though okay and then Kim's like okay now I need to step in too

Because I want to clarify this is when I was just cracking up I was like see this show is actually like I was like this show is good because they are now all latching them themselves onto this like each one of them it's like it's like a gravitational pull they just all add on to the stupid argument yeah and she's like well i want to clarify because i think things are getting misconstrued because i felt like if there was a boundary cross for me personally with the way that you were texting him okay natalie so that's it she's like are you kidding me because like didn't we have to solve the problems that we were having last night because like i thought we did and so we see how last night like kim was crying in natalie's arms and and everything and Natalie was there like consoling her and Natalie then's like, you know,

all that's changed in the last 16 hours is that Kim and Marcus, like Kim and Marcus are like back together again. That's the only thing that's changed. I'm like, well, that's a pretty big thing that changed. And Kim says, in that moment, I didn't know who to turn to and she was there. And I think that that's what was for me. Like rather than me missing her as a friend. I was like, oh, so you're a shitty person. You're just a shitty, shitty. You're just a shitty garbage person. Yeah. She's like, I was just using her. So what's the big deal? Yeah. I never said she was off the hook. I just, like, needed a vessel to pour my tears into, and she was there. But, like, hate her still. Oh, yeah. Okay. So then Marcus and Demi can hang out and go one-on-one

and go to lunch. And that's okay. And Kim goes, yeah, because they're like a different kind of friend. Take that. So then Natalie and Demi see them from, like, arguing, Natali and Demi. So Demi sees it. So now Demi's going to come over. And Natalie's like, I don't know if we, I think we should be finishing the photo shoot. And Demi's like, no, I've got something to say. So Demi walks over to this fight. Now she's like, you guys, Natalie wants to finish the photo shoot and I keep hearing my name. It's like her name was said once, but she's like, I keep hearing my name.

And I'm like, I'm already bored with this. Okay, so like who wants to fight with me now? Yeah, but all I've said is that you're my friend. And she's like, I don't want to hear you say my name today. So just like don't say that. Even if you're saying it like in a good way, like I do not want to hear it. Like I'm so serious. That's your problem.

No, it's the sound of your voice. that's my problem like after last night like your voice ouch why are you being so rude i i feel like it because i feel like it what about that assistant manager marry a catch up i said it because i feel like i'm like don't bitch don't be a bitch okay how about you don't be a bitch so maybe you shouldn't tell me not to be a bitch at work because like i'm a boss okay i can't apologize anymore you're bitchy all the time maybe you should maybe you should Maybe you should stop, though. Maybe you should.

Okay, you know what? I was bitchy for one night. Sorry. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Now, wait a second. I know what you're doing right now, but stop it, stop it. We've got a photo shoot. Please stop creating drama on this highly rated dramatic television show.

Please go ahead. Do it without your shirts on if you're comfortable. Do you need to take a break? Natalie, maybe speaks to H.R. Hooligans and rascals. Well, I'm trying to be professional. She's not making it easy, Lisa, because, like, she needs to leave me alone

because, like, I'm literally shaking right now. Darling, Ken has been literally shaking for 25 years. He still managed us to carry the dog across the restaurant on cue. So please get back to work. She needs to, like, leave me alone, Lisa. For at least, like, one day, just, like, leave me alone. Oh, I'll talk to you tomorrow about it. Today, the harassment continues tomorrow.

We'll deal with it. I'm so tired of betrayed like shit by my friends. This is Natalie complaining in the background. She's just going off about she got herself angry about a fight that she wasn't even in. So now we go to a rock climbing place. And Shane goes up to the front desk and he's like, hey, glaring some shoes off you guys. I'm Shane Davis. Shane Davis.

You might have my name written down somewhere you will soon. Hey, can I just tell you? I've got beautiful eyes. We forgot. You didn't notice that he said that last week. When he was flirting with the girl, I guess Natalie's like, hey, just have to tell you, I've got beautiful eyes. So Natalie shows up and she's like, oh my God, Shane Davis. Are you trying to kill me?

This is crazy rock climbing. And he's doing it without the ropes. He's like, yeah, just rock climbing without the rope. Yeah, I'm Shane Davis. That's pretty much how I roll. Danger. I'm no stranger to danger, okay? Yeah.

He's like, yeah, I met... I met... Yeah, I'm, like, pretty used to, like, rock climbing. I met Natalie a month ago, and, like, the fireiness to her, it's, like, very intriguing to me. So, she's like, sorry we got off on the wrong foot when I told you that I didn't like you come into it to my workplace with another girl and you did it anyway. She goes, but at the same time, like, I feel kind of... time, like, I feel connection. It's like, undeniable. Like, we're both cute. We're both single. We're both, like, a little bit fucked up. I mean, geez, I guess we're going to rock climb.

That sounds like hell. Yeah, man. We're both fucked up. Let's climb some rocks, man. So, um, he gets, like, in the harness and everything. And he's like, hey, you got my phone. I'm going to take some sweet photos when I get to the top of this wall. And she's not into rock climbing at all, obviously. And he's like, well, I think rock climbing is like the perfect date for me, Natalie, because she's, like, in a sneak peek in my lifestyle. Because when I'm not modeling, I'm a personal trainer. So I'm, like, very active.

Like, I climb things. And that's just it. Like, you want to join my life of climbing stuff? Great. If not, Scyonara, sucker. Shane Davis. Look at this very intense look into the inner workings, the inner life of Shane Davis as he climbs a rock.

Natalie I like guys who are like Not only my gorgeous I work out a lot Get used to it And Natalie's like She does not want to do this But she's like

Come on Shane Just help me help you Get me naked somewhere Do we have to do this So they start climbing And she's like My nails are too long for this I just realize

And the employee's like Yeah that's Yeah you shouldn't have done You shouldn't have come here today You're killing it man You know my friends Would probably describe me as a player with a heart of gold and I'm honest and I'm caring and like I'm compassionate

but if and if I feel nurtured and cared for and I feel safe that's like crack to me man yeah crack safety safety is crack guys emotional safety yeah I'm an involved guy but I also work out a lot and I'm a model Shane Davis and so then Natalie they Natalie he takes a picture of her and she goes up and then she's like oh my god coming down with scary. He's like, yeah, I want to do this black one. Okay, I'm going to do it. Okay, take a picture of me when I get to the top, man. Okay, take a photo of me and my most vulnerable state at top of this rock wall. Okay, well, I'm going to have to use your phone because I don't know where my phone is. He's like, okay, don't go snooping around now. She goes, yeah, is it like screenshots to my Instagram? Maybe. So, um, she's like, I do like Shane a lot, and I feel like it's this really could go somewhere, like literally to the top of a wall. And he literally, is like the epitome of my physical type, but I also don't wanna make the same mistake

that I made before. I was just like jumping into a relationship when I've only been single for a few months. Like I'm a crazy bitch, that's me. Hmm. Commercials, here comes one right now. So they rock climb and stuff and he's like, uh, yeah, you know that, uh,

you gotta get one. Yeah, I'm posing, I'm posing for the camera. He, like, makes it flexes. Yeah, he flexes his arm at the top of the wall. She's like, wow, that's so, that's so vulnerable. He goes, yeah, that's vulnerable. They literally say that. He flexes his arm at the top of a rock wall.

She goes, that was so vulnerable of you. That was so vulnerable. He's like, you want to hit one? You want to hit one more? You want to, like, chill for a bit? Like, let's take a little breather. Let's get deep together. Okay, I don't know if I've told you this, but like, deep in my heart,

I'm a person who works out. I hope that's okay for you. Yeah. It's like a deal breaker for me. Well, guess what? Now that you're back down on the floor, here's your phone back. And that was like really special. I gave you my, you know, your phone back because I had back surgery once.

He's like, oh yeah. I saw it. What? I mean, no. Tell me about it. He said, I saw it. I guess he did mean he went through her Instagram. She's like, yeah.

Yeah. I love your back surgery stories. Those were like so real. And she's, she tells us that she has scole. as a kid, so she had to wear a back brace. I mean, hi, nice to meet you. I'm Natalie. My spine was like this.

Not the cutest luck. Okay. But, you know, and he goes, well, you probably developed a lot of perseverance from that shit. She's like, yeah, especially because they, like, make you stand up and walk the very next day. So my spine is, like, still not straight. Like, they can, wait, should I see it? And so she's like, yeah, look, look, they can only do so much. Like, look at this.

Look at my spine. It, like, protrudes. He's like, wow. Oh, man. That's awesome. She's like, yeah, I look like dainty, but I have like 24 screws in my back. And like it's like not my favorite thing about myself, but it is what it is. I'm just like used to it.

And if I'm ever cremated, someone needs to warn them because they're going to take me out. It's going to be like a lot of hardware. But there's like 24 people that can have a piece of me when I'm no longer here. And I think that's like actually very beautiful. Guys, there's going to be like 24 people in this world who'll be able to like use my screws. And that's just like a beautiful thing to be able to get back. way. I just love the idea of different family members walking around. Like every time I look at the screw, I think of Natalie. I miss you girl. I miss you girl. So then Shane is going to now

one up her. He's like, yeah, I broke my back too, man. Like when I was like 19 years old, I got shot three times and one of the bullets blew out the left lung and it just like popped out right here, right where my beautiful peck is. Yeah, check that out. You want to know why? You know why I did that? Because, you know, my best friend, he shot me because I got the modeling contract. You know, the classic, get a modeling contract, get shot three times because of it. You know how it goes. Oldest story in the book. Wait, so this story, so I get a modeling contract. I tell my buddies I'm about to move and my best friend hits me up and he's like, I need your help. So my best friend in me got into a fight

with a group of guys. So it's like, so your best friend didn't shoot you? Or did he shoot you? What's trying to shoot the other guys and he shot Shane instead? Yes, I think so because he says he got stabbed, and I tried to tackle the guy and stab him. And then the same time, like, he just went like this. He was like, bim, bib, bib, bib. And I got shot, which is why I put some bandied tattoos on my body. Jeez. He's like, I was paralyzed, but I learned how to walk in three months.

That's right. And I walked back in that modeling agency, and I said, hey, motherfuckers, you still want to take me. And they were like, God, you're gorgeous to work out. And I was like, yeah, I do. And they're like, we're compatible. And that was my most vulnerable moment with casting directors. I fucked them all. I fucked all of the casting directors.

And I shot them all over the face. His story is, yeah, man, I got shot. I was paralyzed. I rehabed myself back. And I was still hot. Still got it, man. I'm still fucking hot. Calvin Klein flew me out to Milan.

I didn't even know how to pronounce it. I called it Mulan. God, I wanted to be in that movie so bad. You know, the other guys can be like, Live action Mulan, if you got to want to do a sequel for it, I could probably be someone in it. I mean, now that goes tangled, but I'll take any role. Yeah, and so I got bandit tattoos all over the entry and exit wounds, just because I don't want to take my life super serious. It did hurt getting went over my butthole, but technically that is an exit wound, so I let him do it.

I don't want to look at like I'm a victim. I mean, you were shot three times. You were literally a victim. You were literally a victim, so it's okay if you do that. We'll allow you to have that one. It's okay. You don't have to be that defensive about it. She's like,

I don't want to look at life like I'm a victim, although I will use it to get a girl in bed. Oh. Like, yeah, sometimes using the gunshot wounds as a lure. Like, I know she can't help on a prima level, but like she's little turns on. Yeah, I've been shot three times. Works every fucking time.

Well, that's a, that is, you know, it's actually a very scary story, but it's also such a stupid story. It's like your friend, like what are you first of all are you in like west side story you like signed a modeling contract and your friend's like wait a second i got i've got to help me out i'm going to get into a fight so he goes to like a knife fight but then there's guns like where was what are you doing and if you're in the middle about to you just sign a modeling contract why are you going to go like

step into a street fight somewhere it just was so wild and crazy models like meeting up and group getting into group fight with guns and knives like do models do that i would think that If you're, if you're all, because I'm, I'm imagining that they're fighting other models, right? 100%. It's a model. You know, and they're like, yeah, we got a gun. I got a gun. I'm a model with the gun.

Then they started fighting over like Calvin Klein contracts and then it turns into a, well, it's just a crazy story. What the hell? You would think if you were models, you'd be fighting with like foam swords. You know what I mean? Yeah. You don't want to hurt your faces. It's like the battle of like Willamina versus Ford. It's like, da, da, nah, nah, da, nah, nah, nah.

It's, I, I just love the idea of this. Like, I mean, I'm sure it was like not a model fight, but I'm like with you. All I do is I just imagine a bunch of models, like having some sort of like catwalk moment. And that's like, that's like their fight. Yeah, it's crazy. So then we go to Sir and there's Peter. He's helping Chris muddle. He's like, this is how you muddle, son.

Okay, can you explain to me what green despacho is? Because like, I don't get it. And Natalie's like, haven't you ever heard? heard of fried green tomatoes and he goes yeah i mean have you seen the movie fried green tomatoes and she's like no he's like yeah well the boyfriend gets run over by a train so spoiler or anyways and then um margis is uh checking with kim about some asparagus um actually it's not their apartment they're checking about asparagus and he's like i got to be honest when we're not fighting it's like perfect you know what i mean it's like we're so loving there's

like no red flags like i love you i'm like that's a big qualification when we're not fighting there's no red flags i'm like but when you are fighting that's isn't that the red flag like i don't think you can just cut out the fighting and be like everything like you know our relationship is great except for the fact when we're fighting and we are breaking up all the time but when we're not like it's it's really a wonderful relationship i'm like but you can't that's that's too important can't do that yeah um so um is this what he was telling natalie that's what he was telling natalie that's what he was telling at home while like cross-cutting between them at home and then it's sir and everything and then venus is

then venus is serving a table after he uh has given the down low about fried green tomatoes which fried green tomatoes must feel like you know a buster keaton movie to these kids like what no kidding but also i'm surprised natalie hasn't watched it because she's a total towanda wasn't that her name when kathy bates like finally gets mad and like crashes into the sexy girl's car who bullied her in the parking lot and she's like I'm to Wanda goes crazy and she's like I'm I'm gonna sue you and she goes oh honey you may be young but I'm old and I've got insurance it's a classic moment yeah a good movie so Venus is like he's serving a table but he checks his phone and there's a text from Marcus so then he texts Marcus he texts Marcus back and Venus is like hey Natalie

when you have two seconds will you come with me and so I can show you some dumb shit. She's like, oh, absolutely. Surge, don't do that. I didn't do the ticket. Do it. Okay. So they go to the back. He's like, I want to show you this text message from Marcus. Okay, bitch. Look at this. Look what he wrote. Okay. So Marcus wrote a text message that said, Hey, dude, I've just seen a side of you that I really want nothing to do with and I can't respect it. And I don't want to be fake and act like we're cool. So no need to pretend like we are. Oh my God. Yeah. And I just like sat there for like two seconds to type this response. I was like, Marcus, you literally look like a dumbass, and so does Kim.

And I'm behaving out of retaliation towards your stupidity and the fact that you and Kim don't give a fuck about anyone but yourselves. And I don't want to hear about your clown-ass relationship from you or Kim. Y'all just look stupid as fuck. There, I said it. I personally feel so betrayed because I have held Kim when she cried a million times. And then we see a flashback of, like, him doing that. Yeah. And Kim being like, uh-huh, Marcus is like so difficult.

Oh, the thing is, like, you need to be active about this because this behavior will aid you, girl. So, he's like, yeah, I've been there a million times. And then we see a flashback to him being there for Marcus. And Marcos is like, I'm going home after what I've done, and I'm going to get reamed by Kimberly for defending Natalie. He's like, okay, I get it. I know, I know, bro. So back in the present, he's like, yeah. And so for the first time I'm, like, fed up.

And I'm like, fuck this shit. I'm like, fucking done. And, like, you push me to my fucking limit. And then you're going to make me out to be the bad guy. you haven't even seen me piss yet oh you haven't even seen it and natalie is like this is crazy because you're just giving your honest opinion so now we go back over to the kim and marcus um at their apartment looking at you know asparagus and kim is like those tiny little apartment kitchen and kim is holding like a knife as big as the kitchen just waving it out

i know and they're like strangely like they're there are a living room that just has like a white like decrepit sofa in it and nothing on the walls and she's like the thing that he said in those texts are unforgivable he's obviously harbored these feelings and just now feels like it's an opportunity to say it because like you just don't feel those things overnight like he's been feeling them for a long time he's like yeah and like he's coming out a relationship he said you and kimbly are a joke can you even believe that yeah that's what i'm saying yeah and i can't believe he was like talking about you like that like calling you a joke i mean with that she's like yeah it's so hurtful and so he says that he takes accountability that he texted venus first but when he sent me back

like what he sent me back like now that's starting a problem no you texted him you're not friends anymore so you started it sir but this guy has like this guy has had to receive all your like all your drama and he's tried to support you both and try to help you both and now like the moment you guys get together you're just like oh actually i don't think we're friends anymore because I didn't like that you were frustrated by us so by you're not our friends and so he writes back obviously a very catty text which wasn't great but like Marcus you started this Marcus literally started this you can't be like I admit I did write the first text but his text was worse so he really started it no you know it's really hard for me to be on Venus aside because I really don't like Venus going up to women and being like bitch bitch and like acting like he's going to beat up a woman and calling her bitch like listen I mean there is like gay slang like bitch and Lord knows that on this show or you know we say bitch it's not like you can never say the word bitch but like going

after women and calling them bitches and acting like you're going to get in a fight is just a horrible look and he does it all the time and it's gross and so I can't be on his side because he just seems like gross to me so I won't be on his side for right now so I'm not

going to be on Kim's side or Marcus's side either but it puts me in a conundrum but then again this is Vanderpump rules and so I'm just going to not be on anybody's side But for right now, Venus is grossing me out the most in this situation. Hey, everyone. This is the end of part one of this recap. For part two, keep an eye on your podcast feed.

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