Watch What Crappens - #3132 Crappens Rewind: My Octopus Teacher on Netflix (Part 1)

Episode Date: December 24, 2025

This is part one of a two-part recap!Can Ben and Ronnie take on a nature doc? Absolutely. Let’s revisit their journey under the sea to visit Patty the octopus and her needy human friend. Oh, and F those pajama sharks.*This episode originally aired September 2020See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watcher Crappins ad-free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Watch what happens. Who cares what happens when there's so much than crappins. Oh, what happens when there's so much than crappins. I'm excited for this bonus episode. I'm very excited, too. Ben picked this bonus episode.

We were looking for things to cover, and I was like, okay, octopus, whatever, stupid, whatever. Octopus, I guess I have to watch an octopus video now. And then, of course, I cried. It's the best thing I've ever seen, and I really want to find love now. So what I mean. So what for Rodney's talking about is there's this documentary on Netflix called My Octopus Teacher, and people are starting to talk about it. Cameron from Southern Charm put up a video where she was a blubbering mess.

She was like, oh, I just talked to this is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. And it just felt like this was going to be a thing that people would be talking about. And if it doesn't quite reach Tiger King levels, that's fine. But I just was like, this seems almost ridiculous enough and yet great enough that we should cover it. And we've never recapped a nature documentary before. Recapped everything else, I think, except for nature. We've Vanderpump rules. I mean, that's true.

That is basically like life on the savannah with, you know, animals and, and, you know, whatever. Lots of things with warts, you know, eating each other. Yeah. Throwing feces at each other. So, yeah, so this is, it's the documentary is called, my octopus teacher. And it's about a man who befriends an octopus. So, I mean, shall we dive in? Should we get into this madness?

Yes, let's get in. Now, this is basically one big, long story told by him. Okay, so that's pretty much what you're going to get in this. Yeah. And it opens with an octopus swimming. People say octopus are like alien. But the strange thing is, as you get close to them, you realize you're very similar in a lot of ways. No.

Okay. So let's say, let's just look. I have they, Tom's. She has a tombs. I can change my color. She can change my color. It's like, sir, what LSD are you taking? She can change her texture and grow horns.

I can change my texture and grow horns. Now, physically, that might not be true. You know, I was resisting this movie. And I have been listening to the Oprah Super Soul podcast. As you know, I love it. And Bray Brown was on there. Now, I resist some Brunei Brown in my life. Like, I don't need some snooty Texas woman telling me what to do.

I've had one my whole life. But then I listened to Brene Brown, love her now, of course. And her whole thing is about being vulnerable, and if you're resisting something, it's because it's bothering you on a level that you need to address, and you need to stop resisting that, and you need to be vulnerable to it. And so I was like, why am I resisting this octopus thing? And by the end of this, I was like, oh my God, I am just like that octopus. I'm even made of jelly.

I could probably hide in a rock really fast. You could. I think you're, like, made for an octopus lifestyle. like hanging out in a den, maybe going out, maybe just meeting someone. Yeah. Yeah, I'm like, I want to die alone until it's time to pop out a baby. And then I'll, like, let a man in to, like, impregnate me for about five minutes. And then I'm going to be like, fuck his.

I want a shark to eat me, you know. Yeah, I think this trajectory really works well for you. Oh, I guess we should say that this is the, if you haven't watched the movie, there will be spoilers because we're going to recap the whole thing. So, that was a post-spoiler wording. that was yeah post-spoiler warning like I mean you had to know so the it's an octopus okay nature is violent so yeah so this guy his name is Craig and he's telling we're seeing this beauty by the way imagery is beautiful in this so beautiful like you can just put it on a mutant just watch it and you'll

just be zend out it's great but he's like you're stepping into this completely different world such an incredible feeling and you think you're on on the brink of something extraordinary, but there's a line that can't be crossed. You cannot have sex with the octopus. You cannot. You. I mean, wasn't every family in the country going, please don't fuck that octopus.

Don't fuck the octopus. Because you know there's that show on Netflix right now that everyone's like, I'm canceling my Netflix. It's called cuties. Yes. A French film or whatever. And everyone's freaking out that it's child pornography and this and that. Now, I have not watched cuties because I've read all this stuff and I'm like,

if I even watch this, I'm probably a pedophile. while. Like, I'm not watching that. Like, I'm terrified to even watch it now. Um, but I've obviously read a bunch like everyone else. But now I'm like, oh my God, is Netflix trying to get me to fuck an octopus? Like, what's going on? Is it brainwashing? What if the octopus wants to fuck you? What about that? I mean, that would be flattering. I wouldn't do it, but I would be more flattered, you know? If it were the other way around, I would be horrified. But yeah, everyone I think at the same time was like, please do not. Don't have sex to the octopus, please. And by the way, we never see his wife, if he even has one, because I would really like to know what she thinks about

this entire situation, okay? Like, my husband is swimming out into the ocean to hang out with an octopus. I don't know. I think I would have some concerns. I feel like we don't see his wife, but I feel like it's Nicole Kidman in Big Little Lies without the abuse, just like bangs and sad. Yeah, and he's like got major depression issues, as he kind of of alludes to, but basically I wrote Sad movie, Guy Alone. So that's my overall note for this. But he's like, it was quite a long

time ago that day that's all started. My octopus teacher! We're in Western Cape South Africa. There's waves against the cliffs. And these are not like cute waves. Like, isn't that pretty? It's like a, it's like a photo. These are like biblical waves wiping out humanity, you know.

This is like some Mary Elizabeth Matronio screaming at you that you are in the jaws of the monster. Like, you have to get out of there. Yeah. And the place is on the tip of Africa. It's known as the Cape of Storms. My childhood memories are completely dominated by the rocky shore and the tide. Beam, boom, boom, tide, tide.

And then we see this little tiny house, which, I mean, who builds a house right where... Who builds a house in the middle of a damn wave? I just want to see that one. I want to see that house on House Hunters International. house number three is far from town and also the ocean knocks it over every few months house number three was owned by a very nice man who drowned in his sleep well i just love these appliances it's fully updated mainly because it was destroyed about two weeks ago and oh look there goes the door so he actually says he's like i grew up in a wooden bungalow as a child

and it was built below the waterline and the ocean would knock down the doors and fill the bottom of the house with water and it was incredibly exciting to literally live in the force of that giant Atlantic Ocean. I'm like, that sounds awful. The ocean is like flooding your first floor every single time. What about your toys?

What about your TV? Like, what's a nightmare. That's what kind of life he's living. That's why I'm saying he's a depressed person. He's living in a wave, basically, a constant wave. What can you not have? You can't have a TV in there. You can't plug in your phone downstairs.

You can't iron anything. In the foyer. Dead fish in the foyer. Yeah. It's like, what, are you never iron? Like, that's, I mean, I don't either, but still. He was probably so annoying in school because he goes, most of my childhood was spent in rock pools, diving in the shallow kelp forest.

That's what I most love to do. It's like, hey, like, you're at school. It's like, hey, you want to come over? I got my he man figures. I have a better idea. Let's dive amongst the kelp. It's like, oh, Craig. would you like to come over to my house after school and get your feet all wrinkly because it'll be wet the entire time knock knock who's there the atlantic ocean pouring itself in exciting it's like is that delivery it's like every time that there's a knock on the door you don't know whether it's like uPS or a giant wave crashing into your house as an adult i'd been separated from that and that was fine at first until i

I went to Central Kalahari 20 years ago. And then it's like, bomb-p-de-bom-bom-bid-bom. Yeah. And now, you know, here we are. And there's like a man running with an arrow, like a tribal guy running with an arrow, and they're chasing some animal or something.

And he tells us, I was making a film called The Great Dance with my brother and met these men who were the best trekkers in the world. And to watch these men go to incredible lengths to find subtle finds in nature. Things my eyes couldn't see. And they were do it for. hours. They were inside the natural world, and I could feel I was outside.

Well, it's like, yes, you're outside. Like, deal with it. It's fine. We're all outside of it. Okay. But I wanted to be outside. Yeah. Like, you have to pick achievable goals, you know?

Like you can't go to a zoo and be like, God, I wish I was a monkey. My life sucks. Yeah. So 18 years later, by the way, and also, when he was making that movie, he was hot. He was real hot. I was like, Craig, how about that? The bigger goal is to get, like, great dance, but get back into, like, great dance shape. How about that?

Yeah, go back to hip-hop jazz, you know? But I think that he is still pretty hot. I mean, he had a pretty hot dad bod. I mean, look, that's even a goal for me. But he had a hot, like, a hot, like, you know, year 2000 bod. Or maybe it was like the 90s. I don't know when it was. But he's, like, totally one of those hot guys who uses petulie, and they're like,

I don't have to take a shower because I'm hot and I'm into nature. And you're like, gross. How many people did he bore at cocktail parties about, like, when I was in Kenya, I met the greatest trackers in the world. They could see a grain of salt and know exactly what animal it came from. It's like, great, thanks. We're trying to talk about Big Brother here. Who invited Craig again? And he does, like, subtle things that make me think, okay, like, he's sad and approachable now because he's filming himself at his kitchen table.

but he's like a snob in real life because he wears rimless glasses and I think people who wear rimless glasses are truly evil people like I think they feel like they're better than everybody they are yeah especially when they like befriend octopuses and then they're like my friend's an octopus and you're like well I can't top that

so so he's tell it's like 18 years later and he's had two years of hell and he's like worn out and he's just getting sick from all the pressure that's on him we're not really sure what the pressure is maybe the pressure to move into a house that's not getting knocked over by waves but he, I guess I'm assuming

it's from filmmaking, et cetera, and he just didn't want to see a camera or an edit suite ever again in his life. My great purpose was in pieces. Yeah, because he was a documentary filmmaker and he was choosing really dangerous shit to go document.

It's like, just walk around the desert for months at a time to find out how to track a, you know, tiger or whatever. So, yeah. Yeah, he was depressed and I guess once he went back to the real world he couldn't deal with an edit bay or something I don't know those are depressing places edit bays they really are no it is I mean this was 18 years after that but like I think that he just I don't know life caught up with him and I read in an article that he had like adrenal failure or something like that and he just wants to connect back

into something and so you know what is that adrenal failure like what is that gland I don't know maybe I think I don't know I would I don't know maybe it's the adrenal system that gives you adrenaline. I'm not sure. Maybe he's like, I failed to be startled. So he just... Nothing surprised me. I mean, I did grow up on a house that flooded every five minutes. When you wake up in the middle of the night, because a wave has knocked your bunk bed on its side again, you stop getting startled by things. Once you've seen your family dog be swept away to see... Once you wake up with a starfish on your face, you're no longer frightened. So he basically, he doesn't, he doesn't, he's like, he doesn't, he's like, he wants to be a good father to his son, but he's like, in a funk.

And he's like, he's like, so I took inspiration from the trackers and from childhood. And the only way I knew how to do it was to be in the ocean. Now, that's normally the point where someone signs up for Zumba, you know? It's a great time for Zumba. You can either plunge yourself into like vicious churning waves in the cape of storms that are like negative 500 degrees or take Zumba. Yeah, like I'm older, I'm slightly depressed, adrenal shit's going on. Apparently my wife won't even be in the same room with me. You know, I'll take a Zumba class or start walking around the neighborhood.

Board games. I'm always an advocate for board games. Southerzikam. But just like it's going to live in the ocean. You know, that's a little extreme, Craig. Yeah, and he, like, chooses, like, the worst part of the ocean. He is, like, literally, it's, it's, it's, it is a hellscape of water. There's, these waves crashing and craggy rocks, and it looks cold, like it feels cold.

And he's like, the water drops down 8 to 9 degrees Celsius, and you just have to relax. And then you'll get this beautiful time for 10 to 15 minutes when suddenly everything feels okay. I'm like, you're getting delirious. You're going into shock and you're delirious. You're literally dead, Craig. I think Craig died. I think this is all from his, like, yeah, his ghosts.

Yeah, you're dead, Craig. Okay, is someone going to tell Craig that he's dead? He's like, the cold upgrades the brain because you get a flood of chemicals every time you immerse. It's like, dude, if you had spent less time tracking and more time, like, out with people, you would have found cocaine.

Yeah, or cryotherapy. It's, like, much easier. You don't have to swim. So then he starts talking about how it gets easier and easier and easier. And then he goes, after about a year, you start to crave the cold. I'm like, okay, Craig. All right. Now you're getting annoying.

All right, craving the cold water. So he goes, he finds calm water. We see him diving. And again, I mean, we're probably going to say this a hundred times during this. This is just a stunningly gorgeous film. I mean, it is beautiful. And I think he's shooting it all himself, right? I'm not sure because there was another director that was listed, and her name was PIPA.

So I think PIPA might be in the mix as well. I can't tell. But you think she was in the water? Because I think to get that intimate. Maybe she did the interviews. Yeah. Maybe she got like a director or credit because she did interviews and maybe some of the nature of footage. Yeah, because, I mean, he just shot this.

I mean, it is just stunning. And I don't know how much color correction or whatever was done at the end. But I was, I mean, just totally taken away the whole time. Really gorgeous work. Yeah. Yeah, let's go back to make it for a stupid drag. Yeah. So he's like, he's talking about how, like, swimming through the kelp forest is really cool

because it's basically like, it's a forest, but you enter from the top and you can, it's basically like flying because, right, you're not bound by gravity. And, you know, we sell these jellyfish and, and everything. And he starts talking about getting, he's like, he goes, you naturally just get more relaxed in the water. I'm like, uh, I would not be more terrified than to be there, like, with only like my bathing suit on and a mask holding my breath while there are sharks swimming everywhere. I would be, that's not my idea of relaxing. Yes. I mean, and that's, I think that's why depressed people

do so well in the world because he's like, just kill me. What the fuck do I care? Oh, do you think I care about jellyfish? No, I'm going to go swim right in the middle of those jellyfish and let them surround my dead body and see if it's like it doesn't even occur to him. Like, I could die right now because I'm standing, he's not wearing a wetsuit or anything either. He's wearing his Costco swimming shorts into the water, and that's it. Yeah, well, he says, having a scuba tank in a thick kelb forest is not optimal for me.

Well, because you don't like air. Is that not optimal being able to breathe? Hate air, stupid air. Only pussies like air. It's like, if you really want to get close to an environment, yeah, it helps to not have a barrier. And I'm like, wow, I wonder if firemen ever feel like that. Yeah, exactly.

I want to be more like an amphibious animal. These goals that Craig has, I think we have to, I think we need to get him to a career coach. Like, so what would you like to be? An amphibious animal? All right, but you're not. So what else would you like to be? Yeah. Rich amphibious animal.

Okay, you're getting closer. Okay. So then we see like a penis fish. We see all different kinds of fish. Weird shit. I've never seen. Yeah. There's some thing in a coy.

It was like, it looked like a shark, but it was like in a, it was shaped like a donut. Or it was not shaped. It was like, it was like biting its tail and it was like rolling around in a donut shape. I was like, that animal has to get it together, because that's not good. Yes, the shark eating his own tail. It was like a little dog chasing his own tail, but it was a shark. And he had it in his mouth. It was like a horror movie.

It was weird. Yeah, he had identity issues. He's like, I wish I could be more like a land-walking animal. That's like me. I want to be amphibious. I'm figuring out of the shark's mindset. So he's like, and suddenly I realized, I've got the energy to take pictures and film again. And so we see all these beautiful shots.

We see a fish eating a crab, and then we see the fish eating his tail, and then we just see all these different kinds of... Jellyfish and weird things. Yeah, we see all these really cool fish. It's like going to a party on Real House House of New York, like all the people in the background who should sort of stare at the camera. It was like all those fish. Yeah, it's like basically Romano's birthday party. Oh, we got 15 of my closest fish friends, okay? There's like one fish trying...

We've all slept with him, okay? There's like one fish trying really hard for a look Yeah There's like a little Elise fish He just stands there in the middle of all this chaos Going Yeah She's the jellyfish

Those jellyfish I mean they're stunning creatures jellyfish What beautiful Why do they have to be such dicks Dude? Yeah they are dicks Like also does anyone eat jellyfish I'm sure there has to be a

They have to have a predator right And I'm wondering I actually am, like, glad they have a predator because I feel like, like, no one's here to fuck with you jellyfish, so the fact that you're so aggressive makes me want someone to fuck with you. Yeah, and they only work in the water. Like, Craig is privilege, you know, he has, like, waterland privilege because he can do both and still stay alive.

But, like, a jellyfish, it just looks like a used water balloon. I was going to say used condom, but that's disgusting. But I did end up saying it, which, anyway, it doesn't look the same when it comes out. It's all, bleh, because it's empty and stuff. So let me see. What do jellyfish eat, and what eats them? I'm looking at up. There's an article in New York Times that says,

Who wants to eat a gooey jellyfish? Pretty much everyone in the ocean. Whoa. So apparently, marine biologists had believed that jellyfish don't hold enough calories to be a significant part of the ocean's food chain. But guess what? Okay? Everyone wants a jellyfish, okay?

It's 50 my best jellyfishes, okay? We all highly desired. I guess everyone eats them. it doesn't tell me leatherback turtles and ocean sunfish are exceptionally big I guess did they eat

the jellyfish you know sunfish we talked about sunfish but how they're dumb yeah they're dummies maybe it's like a halopeno in the fish world it's just like a little sting

it's like a wonderful it's a wonderful spice well I feel like sometimes like yeah fish like their relationship to pain is like a little different than ours I think that we're more babies like fish are just like

oh well that sucked Anyway, I'm hungry No, don't say that How could you want to eat a fish after this Movie? Oh my God I've been eating fish And I felt so fucking guilty Okay, so the fish are

They show these fish that change color To wherever I mean, it's so neat And a big peach It's like a big peach With a squirmie tail Yeah All these really weird fish

Weird aliens It's time for a commercial It's time for a crappence commercial So then Craig is like I remember the day when it all started And then he basically starts talking about how he went to a He found this kelp forest And he's like

Everything is murky But there's a small patch where you can dive And I saw a strange shape to the left Which is what this movie also could have been called Because like half this documentary is him saying And then I don't know what overcame me But I looked to my left and I saw a shape that I will never forget in the rest of my life.

It's like every time it's like he sees something to the left. To the left, to the left. Saw strange shape to the left. So he sees this really strange thing. And it is pretty cool. It's like a circle. It's like a ball, but with all these shells glued to it. It looks like a collection of shells.

It looks like a second graders art project, basically. Like someone was given a styrofoam ball and they had to glue shells on it. Yeah, or like if the cast of Little Mermaid was going to go bowling, you know, like a seashell bowling ball or whatever. Yeah, it looked oddly delicious. And then these fish were like, what the hell is that? Hey, what the hell is that? Did you go see that shell ball?

Hey, did you see the shell ball? Let's go look at the shell ball. Yeah. Yeah. There's like three little fish who they just like, because, you know, they have big dumb eyes. Fish are dumb. If I'm a fish and I see a strange ball that's larger than me that I've never seen before, I'm not going up to it. Like how, I mean, how many nature, how.

Honestly, how many underwater videos do we have to watch of fish getting absolutely tricked all the time? It's like, oh, look, there's a lantern. Ah, I'm dead. You know, like, oh, look, there's like, this looks like a nice patch of sand that's curiously open. And then boom, there's like a flounder underneath. It's like they're constantly getting startled by other shit. I mean, all you have to say is treasure chest. I mean, fish are the only people left in the world that are like, oh, my God, it's a treasure chest.

Did you guys see the treasure chest? I see it. I see it. Let's go over there. but we're always you know we're always told or I you know I'm always told or I feel like I've always learned that fish are dumb right like other animals are I don't know like they feel things or as a vegetarian I guess I've tricked myself into thinking that like why is pescatarian a thing why can you only eat fish and not other things and people are like well fish are on a different level you know they don't they don't feel the same way they don't have the same feeling feelings that other animals do. And then after watching this, I feel like a murderer who's been tricked. Okay? Well, okay. So fine. Maybe apply that to octopuses, but then look at these stupid fish, just going right up to this shell. This crazy ball of shells. They're so cute. I love

that they're so curious. You know, they're like, hey, guys, this is something new in the neighborhood. I've never, you know, I just figured fish have a neighborhood. They don't have a neighborhood. They just swim around dumbly and wait for something to eat that, you know? But they do. They have like a little neighborhood. And they're like, something's new here, guys, we should check it out. And then two of the other fish, you're like, you're starting to make them sound like Brandy Glanville. Hey, the fish!

Guys, I'm glad that we gather here by the strange shell formation because I'd like to say that six months ago, this shell formation and I, we had sex. The shell formation ate me out. I've got the text to prove it.

And she said that you're a bitch. So two of the fish are like, I'm not staying by that stupid thing. That's crazy. I'm getting away from that. And that one dumb fish is like, no, I want to taste it. it's stupid

it's like it's like the like knowing that it might be food always outweighs the fact that it might be the end of your life always with fish it's like when you're cleaning the cat's like what is that I guess I'll taste it you know

fish are yeah it's like fish when they see a pebble oh man they're like I know it's a pebble I've I've seen all these pebbles on this floor but maybe for the first one of my life this pebble is actually food nope not food I'm gonna spit it out again every single time it's time for a commercial it's time for a crap and's commercial i'm being totally freaked out right now because on my desk i have um little stuffed animals that people have given me over the years i have a little jiggy and i have a little lucy lucy apple juice

and i was moving them around like i just looked you know i was moving them out of the way for a water bottle and i just turned around and lucy lucy apple juice is staring right into my eyes oh wow It's creepy. Wow. Look away from me. I can see why Dorek got rid of you. Let's wait. So, so Craig is looking at this shell ball and then suddenly an octopus flies out.

Like the shells all dropped. It was, and there was this octopus that had surrounded itself in a ball with all these shells, and it flies away. And Craig's like, at the time, I didn't know I had witnessed something extraordinary. I'd come at the end of a whole drama. You think, what on earth is this animal doing? I think she's a little bit afraid of me So she lifts up this extremely slippery algae And wraps it like a cloak

And she does She goes to this huge algae tree And wraps herself in it And then like peeks out with her little crazy alien eyes She looks very accessoryized She's basically like so glamorous in that moment She just like wrapped an algae That was the moment when I was taking notes

When I just named her Patty Because I was like she's giving me like lots of Patty Lepone vibes Like don't look at me right now I'm in my, I'm just, just wrapped my show, and it's been curtain, and I'm now here in my evening wear, my evening gown, I'm the octopus. Yeah, it was a very, like, very big, spang bar, like, very, like, uh, buxum moment for the octopus, and it was so cute, and then, boom, she was gone, and then...

I wrote boom, she was gone also. Oh, did he say that? I don't know, but boom, she was gone. Like, she just jetted out of there. She just dropped her feather boa on her cloak, and then he, like, jetted for it. Cigrant holder. Yeah, she's jetting through the water, and then she, he never mentions this, I don't think, but they like blow brown, is that ink?

Is that sweet ink, I guess? Yeah. Well, it's Octopus ink, yeah. Octopus ink. I mean, what does that do? Is it like when a skunk shoots you? No, it's just to like obscure, it's like to be like, you can't see me, you know? And that is so Patti Lepone to be just like, take like a jar of ink, like, ink that

she has near by and just like throw it in your face. while she runs away. I said no autographs. I'll be there and I'll be there. Listen, I'm a woman of the stage. So the octopus flies away and Craig's like, well, I felt like there was something to this creature that was unusual. There was something special about her.

She had a fashion sense, and I had this crazy idea. What would happen if I abandoned my family for a year and visited an octopus instead every single day? What would happen if I brought this octopus to Chico's? I've seen what it can do with algae. What could it do with a nice rap? What would happen if I interfered with this octopus's life and nearly got it killed a few times because of me?

So day one. Initially, she was affected by my presence, so I thought, I'll just leave the camera and get her going about a business. So he leaves the camera No photos, please, no photos Yeah, she's like Turn off your goddamn cell phones I'm not here for your amusement

She just knocks the camera right over it The camera just like right there in her face Right by her den And she just puts her tentacle and just like pulls it down Like enough She's so cute Like she's kind of hiding from it with seashells And then she like kind of touches it with a seashell

So she doesn't like get burned by it or whatever, then she touches it. And then she's like, fuck that. And she just turns it down. She's just like, yeah, she literally puts it down. So then, and it was just like, and while she's like getting used to this camera, he is like, you know, roving around this area, trying to understand the kelp forest. And then he finds like this cave that's packed with pajama sharks.

They're like all crammed in there, like a bunch of Jill's errands. And they're all like, hi. Hi. They suck. Those sharks suck. They suck. They're flat. They're flat in shape.

And then they have these eyes that look kind of like costume jewelry. Like that, you know that jewelry is like painted with glittery paint? Yeah. Their eyes. And then they have these like two little teeth that stick out in the front. They don't look like the brightest shark in the world. They look like idiot sharks, actually. Huge idiots.

cartoonishly idiot idiot I did like their stripes there was something sort of cuddly about the stripes I know it seems odd because you know how sharks are like the worst but like in stuffed animal form they're kind of the best and the stripes were sort of like they kind of I was getting confused because I was getting like um stuffed animal feedback from the stripes but I was like no but it's a real shark so I fucking hate the shark but I thought like there was something like I did kind of want to like pet the shark in a weird way because I think because of the stripes yeah they did have cute stripes and they also i really did like their their um triangle work on their body like the fins or whatever they had a yeah they had a seven or eight fins tons yeah so they look from far away you're like

wow what a well fined shark like that's so creative but then you get up close to it and you're like and they're like they're like the family and charlie in the chocolate factory they're just like all in the same bed yeah they're like oh my god get another they're also kind of like the burglars from home alone. Like, they've got that kind of stupid energy about them. Like, there they go, bumbling around, trying to find Kevin again. Yeah, exactly. That is exactly right. I did not like, first of all, also, if I'm, like, in the ocean and I'm like, oh, I'm just going to come into a cave and look, oh, there's like 15 sharks just hanging out in here. He was, like, way too chill about that. I'm like, uh, like, that's when I start panicking and bunk my head at the top of the cave and

probably die i think that he's got serious problems at home i mean i think that you're right like his wife you never see his wife his son doesn't really talk to him ever in the film but we don't see his son until way later and i think that he's i think he's on a suicide mission and like one day someone's going to find my camera and see all this great work i did you know yeah i'm going to go hang out with the sharks so yeah he goes to hang out with the sharks and watch them and they're just such assholes they're all fighting each other they're all yeah they're just yeah they're just gross um And then they do everything by smell. And that's why they're in a bad mood, because they have really sensitive smells.

And I think that would be the worst talent to have. That would be the worst gift is like an increased sense of smell. Everything stinks. Well, and also, like, in the ocean, like, there's just, like, nothing but fish poop everywhere. Like, it's all, it's, like, everywhere. The entire ocean is fish poop, especially down there on the floor. That's where all the poop lands. I mean, I think we've all seen, like, a fish tank, like, that hasn't been clean.

And you see all that shit. And, you know, like, fish are really gross when they poop. Like, have you ever seen the poop? a goldfish when it's pooping. It looks like a line of like, like a streamer, like a party streamer just like coming out of its butt. And you're like, please just like finish with that and let it settle. Because I don't, I cannot watch you swimming around this tank like you have a banner behind you advertising course light. Like just drop your head. We're raiding it around with the banner that says, congratulations Aviva. You did it. You did it. You shat in the tank.

So he's watching the sharks and they're smelling the octopus. So they're getting down into her little cave or her little dog bed or whatever it is and she's so far up in there that she's just peeking out but they can't reach her and he's like i'm thinking how long before something happens with these animals i would hate it if i lure her out of her den and make her extremely vulnerable i would hate that and then yeah i felt like that too i mean i like him and everything but i was like don't get this bitch killed like what are you thinking she has a plan okay she has a plant. Yeah.

So, so, what stinks more than a human? I mean, why aren't they coming up to him to smell

his old spice armpits, you know? If you think he wears the odorant, you are sad the mistake. So,

uh, so now day 26. So the octopus, like, she's now, like, chilling out a little bit and, you know,

she's curious, but she's not taking, she's not taking stupid chances. She's sort of like, she's sort of like, half in the den, but she's sort of like,

she's like, you know, I started to like, now like, hey, I'm going to touch you, you know? And so, like, he'll put his hand out, and then she, like, puts her tentacle out and, like, touches. And it's like, it's like a Chaudet video. It's, like, very underwater and sensual and, like, you know. I started crying. No, did you?

Yes, it's this part. I started crying because she's, like, holding onto the back of her little cave and just peeking out, like, in case he's a predator. But then he reaches out her hand, and then she reaches out her long arm and just starts, like, touching his arm. And the music, too. I mean, we can't. underestimate the power of music in this. It's like, la la, la, la, la. I was like, the most romantic shit you've ever heard.

I was like, this is the sweetest thing I've ever seen. I know. Part of me was wondering, am I just projecting some sort of, like, human aspects onto this octopus? Was it just like, is there food here? Is this food? Is this food under his arm? Like, you know, like, sometimes I wonder if, like, we are just projecting this

emotion from the octopus, but it felt right. I don't think it's projecting because the octopus really did act like an animal, you know, for any, well, we've all spent time with some kind of animal, right? And so when you're getting to know an animal and they don't trust you at first, and it was making all the same moves as like a rescue dog, you know? And then when it starts to play around how it does it and like lowers its head and kind of looks at you, I mean, it was so cute. And it just goes to show you, everything is alive, you guys. Stop eating it. Stop eating it. Stop eating patty the pole the octopus. And he's like, something happens when the animal makes contact. I like to call it an erection.

I'm not proud. I'm not proud. I'm not proud, but this is the natural world. And at some point you have to breathe. Yeah, and he's a person, he's a your talker. Like when he tells stories, he's like, you were down in the water and you're looking around, but at some point you have to breathe, so you go up to, I'm like, stop saying me, okay? because you're making this, like, very scary.

Because you're saying me, and that makes me argue with him. You know, I'm like, no, I'm not. No, I'm not. Don't tell me what I'm doing. How about that? So now the octopus is at the point where it's starting to come out of the den fully. And so now it's, like, full trust. And then we're watching the octopus swimming around.

And that's when he starts talking about, like, they're quite amazing. They can look spiky, look smooth, look sexy, look beguiling. They can wear flats. They can wear tap shoes. They can wear a turban. Pageboy haircut, have long braids down to the ground. They have so many looks. Well, I didn't know this about octopi or octopuses.

Octopuses, yeah. That they can do all that and they grow little horns. And the way it was changing colors is it like past rocks or the way it hid from other things by looking just like the thing. It was really neat. And even match texture, like Max changed their textures to look like rock and stuff. It's neat. Yeah, it is really crazy. And he's like, but once in a while, sometimes she takes out her two little legs and starts walking along.

This was so good because she, right before, right as he was saying this, she curled up, she curled all of her legs up to look like a big hairdo. It was so cute. Yeah. Right? And then she kind of moves, and then two little legs come down, and she looks like a lady in a big dress walking around. Those are the old lady in the dress. Hey, boys, I'm here. It's like this octopus strutting along.

Like, yes, I've made myself look like a rock, because I'm here to rock your world. Hit it, boys. Yes. I put she walks like a lady, ha, because she really does. And then away she goes, just walking down the, you know, diminishing. She's just strutton. And the judgy fish is watching her like, that tramp. Look at that tramp walking down.

Yeah, all those fish are so, they're so stupid, though, because they don't even realize it's the octopus probably. They're like, who's this bitch walking around? Someone go tell the octopus. We've got trash in the neighborhood. So stupid. So, and this is when, you know, yeah, so this is when Craig tells us that she basically has one year.

to live. That's the average age or age range for a, or age length for an octopus. So we know, like, he's already setting up. Like, don't start thinking this is going to be like a lifelong friendship because it's going to be, it's not going to last that long. Well, and he already looks like he's holding scissors in one hand, just ready to end it on camera. This whole time feels like a last will and testament, you know? Yeah. How long? How long do octopus live? Because do ox? It's in one to two years.

Three years. Three years? Well, octopus, I don't know. It just says average. Who knows? Wikipedia, anyone can change it. Patty might have gone on here and changed it. Tell me, I'm going to live one day.

I'm not going to last them all. I'm going to live forever. So I guess it for age. Don't cry for me, coral reefs. What's new? Coral Reef. I'm now. Even as an octopus,

she can't enunciate for shit. Here's to the octopuses who launch. So I guess at her age, while this was being shot, she probably only had like a year left. So she changes, oh wait, I keep going back to the lady in her dress. Okay, she puts her body in a strange form like a rock, and then two of the legs start moving again, like the rock is moving,

and then she changes into the wobbly extraordinary lady again. and he's like, perhaps she's trying to mimic algae. Or a fucking amazing Broadway star, sir. Maybe she just wants to serve a luck. Well, this is how she works. The incredible creativity to deceive. An octopus is essentially a snail that's lost its shell, a soft animal that relies on intelligence.

She has no mother or father. She's alone. Like, oh my God, you're killing me with this. Craig. Craig is falling in love. So now it's day 52 and he starts talking about how, you know, if you're going to become friends with an octopus, like your kit, like your camera kit and everything has to be perfect. Everything has to be instinct because, you know, you can't afford to make mistakes, but unfortunately he was still making mistakes at that point because one day she was following me. It was such an honor. Here she was, a Broadway star, following me through the

Kelp Farras and then suddenly my lens dropped and scared Paddy away. And then she just like, it's like, fuck this shit. I'm gone. Yeah. And she ran and blew ink at him. And it's like, you could have kicked yourself. Stop it, Craig. I could not have. That could have ended in the most incredible interaction. Have you ruined it forever? Will it ever trust you? And then I approached her too fast. And that's when she left the den and got a real fright and didn't come back to that And then I thought it was over. He was gone. I know.

In her documentary, it's like a girl talking in the vow, you know? And then I tried to leave, and they wouldn't leave me alone. He said if I didn't come back there, he was going to send everybody the video of me walking like a sexy lady down the street. What are you talking about? Yeah. Her documentary is like, so this guy, this big thing is, is, is. creeping around. I'm really not sure what the deal is with him. I've, like, pretended to be nice.

I've pretended to be polite. I've tried to sort of like look ugly, dressed down, sort of look like an old lady in a coat. He still follows me around. And then the other day, he just like throws some shit at me, which I felt like was a threat. And then I'm just hanging at my den, and I'm like, about to fall asleep. And I wake up and he just comes like barging towards me. And I'm like, you know what? Enough with this guy. I'm getting like a restraining order. And I'm done. I'm done. That's her documentary. Yeah, he is pretty creepy.

So then it's very sad music, because we're still on his point of view. And he's like, well, I had these amazing experience with trekkers. I wondered if anyone could trick underwater. This animal has spent millions of years practicing how to be lost. I had to learn what octopass tracks looked like. It was so difficult. What's the difference between urgent tracks, fish tracks, worm tracks, egg casings? I'm like, oh, my God.

Oh, my God, Mark Hellenberger. I just want him to hold a flashlight above his head, you know, like a black light. I just wanted someone to just, like, maybe his wife just, like, find another octopus and just, like, put it down there. I'd be like, here, can you just, like, stop? Like, because she's, like, walked into, like, the living room and there's, like, a bulletin board with, like, all these... It's, like, it literally is, like, CSI or, like, the Golden State Killer or something. There's, like, yarn from, like, wait a second, I spoke to this piece of cap, and it said it saw nothing. But then this enemy said that it saw an octopus.

who's lying? It's like, okay. The jellyfish said she last saw a beautiful woman in a sexy dress getting a burger at Inintrout. And there's like this, that shows this footage of this crab because he's like looking everywhere and this like crab poked out of the sand like, seriously, WTF, could you just like leave us alone? Like we don't know where the octopus is. And honestly, we don't care because honestly she wants to eat me. So just please get away.

Yeah, and then he's drawing a map of every little. thing, and it's like Star Maps, basically. And then we see it, like, going across his goggles, like a beautiful mind. It's crazy. He's, like, losing his mind over this. Yeah, I wonder if they are going to make a movie out of this. I'll bet they do with the guy from a beautiful mind, what's his name? Russell Crow. Yeah, this is totally a Rosalcrow project. Tom Hardy. This is total Tom Hardy to me. He'll be, like, super serious, you know, and he'll talk her a lot. Yeah. So So then we get, but they'll make it like really gross because it's Hollywood. And his wife would be like Kate Beckinsdale or something.

Like trying to look ugly, but it's like obviously like a beautiful Hollywood actress. Yeah. Yeah. So then we see the other crab arm and those are the animals. She's fleeing. And then he picks up a shell to study it and he's looking at everything that she ate and the marks that she's left in the sand and the algae and all this stuff. It's basically me playing Animal Crossing, diving for like. sea shells and animal crossing. Within one or two meters,

I felt her. I knew she was close to me now. And then... She's there. Well, fuck it. If you work this hard, I might as well let him into my life. So, finally, looking for a week, day after

day, there she was. It's like a human friend, waving and saying, hello, I'm excited to see you. I could feel it. Except it's an octopus in a new den trying to get away from you. So she puts out a tentacle, like, all right, okay. And so they're like, they're happy. And so then there's this actually really sweet scene where he like, he puts out his hand.

And she's like, fuck it. I'm going for it. And so she just like swims up and just like latches on to his hand. And then he's like, oh, no, but I have to breathe. So he like goes up to the surface. And he thinks that she's just going to, like, let go and be like, okay, back to the den. But instead she's like, no, I'm, I want this. This is a free ride to the surface.

I'm in. I'm in. And she goes with him. She rides his hand the whole way. It was so cute. It was, that was so cute when she did that. Yeah. And he's like, and there I was staring into the eyes of this incredible creature.

And they just, like, sit there and be friends, I guess, for a long time. And then she swims away from him. And he's like, it was different. The story was kind of funny. He's like, it was difficult to see it first what she was getting out of the relationship. I think it was pretty clear what she was getting out of it. She's like, oh, sweet, I have a giant thing that can protect me against those pajama sharks. I'm going to be friends with it because it will surely protect me anytime I need it to be protected.

That's the way animals work. Right. And he goes back down and he's like, it's quite stimmer. for that huge intelligence, and they just stare at each other under the water. And he's like, you know, somehow she understands that this thing's not dangerous. So to do a little tango. And I was like, finally some dancing, you know, because she does, like, reach her arm out and, like, he takes the arm and, uh, yeah.

And he's like, maybe it does give you some sort of strange octopus level of joy. Like, no, you are now her defender. She realizes this is a mutually beneficial relationship. You can defend her and she can give you, she's like, I don't know what I can give you, but you're defending me now, okay? You're part of this now. She's giving you a film and you're giving her a defense. Yes.

So she reaches, he reaches out and she sits on his hand and then she moves to his other hand, and then she goes to the surface again with him. And he's like, there's no greater feeling on us. And then she goes on his chest. That to me was remarkable when she was just on his chest like a pet. Yeah, it's like a little dog. Oh, my God. Yeah, that was adorable.

She rests for a while. They cuddle, basically, and then she swims away. And then we see him later standing by a tree. And he's like, all I could do all the time was think of her in water and on land. It became a bit of an obsession. You just want to visit her every day. Do you want to see what's going on? You couldn't wait to get back in the water.

Honey, are you talking about me or the octopus again? Oh, the octopus and not your wife? I need silence woman, go damn it! Okay, well, I made you dinner again if you want to have it. I know. We do need another camera on the wife, for sure, for when he's gone. Well, Craig's gone again. Oh, really?

So, Paige, what's going on with you and Craig? Well, he's been focused on someone else. Oh, really? Is it Diane down at the supermarket? No. an octopus oh i don't know what to say about that major um so then he goes back and we get a close-up of her face and he's like what is she thinking does she dream and what about probably you saving her from sharks he's probably like i got the high life now i got a bodyguard so she's like

excited and now he's like reading scientific papers about octopuses and he's like i did some research she's a common octopus a common one she's like fuck you i am patty okay i am doing a show every night down here in the kelp forest and you don't even see because you don't even come visit me at night okay don't tell me don't tell me that i'm common i'm so glad you felt defensive for patty too because i really did i was like that's rude it's a spectacular octopus yeah like she's just a common lonely octopus looking for any man to give her some attention okay she's not fantine okay she is a superstar yeah so two-thirds of her cognition is in her arms her entire body is thinking feeling exploring she's got two thousand suckers and using them independently you can compare her intelligence

to a dog or a cat thanks a lot or even a lower primate that he's like what part of of me changing my entire body to look like five different shapes and, like, fitting into the colors for any texture, says that I'm a lower primate, bitch, okay? Show me a dog turn into a rock and a dress. Last time I checked, no cat rolled itself up in shells and fooled a bunch of fish. Yeah, Craig is very elitist. You know, and that's why I think he wears remless glasses and goes down into the ocean. He's like, look at hold of you.

Can't even speak. Yeah, he's like, he's painting himself out to be like this amazing friend, but he's actually so dismissive, calling her a common octopus, like, belittling her intelligence, and then going back home and being like, oh, I'm friends with an octopus. And the octopus is like, you are not a friend, you have not even asked me how I'm doing. You just take pictures of me. Yeah, you're objectifying me. You're octopus, you're octopously objectifying me. Yeah. So he goes, so he keeps talking about her, and he's like, Morlosts shouldn't be this intelligent.

You're sounding gross, Craig. You're really sounding like an awesome. Yeah, I mean, you're the one who's like swimming in this violent water. Who's the intelligent one here, really? Yeah. He's like, well, you go into a place under study, and on a weekly basis, you can find something new to science. And so we see more of him swimming around, and then it's day.

104, and it's the whale day. Yeah, which doesn't really mean that much. You just see some whales swimming, and it's a full moon, and he's decided that since octopuses are supposed to be nocturnal, he wants to see them at night. So he decides to do a night dive, which is even crazier than doing a day dive, because it's like a day dive, but you can't see anything except what's in your little flashlight. So he's swimming around. It's a universal thing that the dark is fucking scary, right?

Like, it's scary to us as humans. We're like, oh, my God, the dark. That's where every horror movie takes place. Like, we get that that's scary. It's also very scary in the ocean, okay? Yeah. That's when all the scary shit happens in the ocean, too. Yeah, exactly.

Have we learned nothing from, like, the little mermaid? Those eels, they really come out at night, I feel like. So he's just swimming around. He's like, it's a bit scary. I'm like, yeah, no shit, Sherlock. And you hear the whales that, like, there's like, oh, in the background, you know? Yeah.

And so he's like, he goes, and she's not on the den, of course, because this is like, this is when she, It's time to... This is when Patty eats, you know? Like, I don't want to be... Don't show me eating. Don't show me eating. I'm wait till night time. No one can see me eating.

One meal a day. That's right, boys. I'll keep this body forever. And she's basically... He finally finds her, and she's basically what you would imagine Patty Lepone doing to her staff. You? No, you.

No, you. Okay, come here. Come here. Okay, I've had enough for you. All right. Bring me that. Bring me that glass. All right.

Now, where's that memo? She's, like, jabbing with all her tentacles. I asked for a coffee. Not for a toffee. It's like, Patty, your enunciation. You've got to get better. So she's just like catching fish. That's what she's up to.

Yeah, she's hunting and caught the neon jellyfish. Everything is so cool. It looks like it's made up, you know? It looks like a movie. I mean, it is a movie, but it looks like a fake movie. And so hyper alert because there's the sharks. And he's worried because she's not in the den. and I was going back to shore,

but then something made me veer slightly to the left, to the left. That's always to the left. To the left, to the left. Right in the shallow water. Can't see what she's doing, but lightning fast strikes using her arm like this strange weapon.

I was like, it's an octopus arm. It is a strange weapon. She's literally catching fish. She's eating. Yeah. And she's like rolling her arm up in a fraction of second and then catching them.

It's so cool. And he's like, I've never seen this in the day. It's different. The sharks. It's different for the sharks. It's more dangerous now. Because the dark,

I guess the sharks are afraid of the dark or something. Is that what it is? I wasn't totally sure. I wasn't sure what was going on. But I guess it just was safer for her at night. Because, I don't know. Stupid sharks are all easy. Patty performs only at night, okay?

Like, she's not a matinee person. Except for Mondays. We're dark on Mondays So then we cut back to Craig And he's sitting at his table And he's just staring off And he's like The first instinct is to scare shocks away

But that's interfering with the process of the forest I'm like you've already interfered Okay, because you're not a member there And you've already made her feel like She can like hang out with you during the day Because she has a protector So you've already interfered So don't talk about interfering

Because you already done it And you've already got your old spice smell all over her. She's probably like the strongest smelling thing in the ocean, you know, and I don't want to blame him because he seems so nice, but I just don't get, I don't get what he's saying. Like, yes, it's bad to interfere with things in the forest, but like, if you see someone pull out a gun in a 7-Eleven, you know, you want to interfere with like the nature of what's happening in the 7-Eleven? Like, protect the innocent? What did Patty do? Yeah, exactly. You're already anthropomorphizing this octopus. So, might as well just,

like, see it through, right? So he's like, she was out of the den near the edge of the forest doing some press on the today's show and that's when I saw the shark and so here comes Jill Zarin like hi so she comes Jill Zarin comes swimming through and so Patty goes to hide you know and Patty not Patty's strongest moment she's Patty has really been like on point with everything she's done all documentary but this is bad she just basically is like oh I'm just going to like sit in this crack where no one will ever be able to find me but it's like the perfect crack for you know pajama shark you know well those stark are so stupid like you just assumed that they're

always going to be stupid but even stupid people luck out sometimes you know look at that guy from malkop oh god so she hides in a leaf like she wraps herself in a leaf and he's like oh i thought she's safe right under the rock but now there are two and now there's these fucking i hate these sharks I hate them. They're terrible. I hate them so much. And then one of them, she's in the crack, but I guess not all the way in. So one of them clamps down on one of her arms.

And it starts rolling around like a dog with the toy, which is really obnoxious. Yeah, it's a death roll. Yeah, it's a death roll, but it's like trying to be cute. I'm like, you're killing my friend. It's not trying to be cute. It's just doing that thing because I think that's what, isn't that what like alligators do too? It's not like how alligators really gets you.

Well, yeah, they roll on you, but they roll on you to crush you. This thing, I guess, is... No, I thought they, like... I thought, like, by doing that, it sort of, like, stuns its prey, the spinning. Like, you know, whatever it is, it's like, when an animal starts spinning like that, it's bad news. Yeah. So they're, like, he's rolling around all over the ground, turning over and over, and I could clearly see her severed arm in its mouth. And I was so grossed out because it looked like calomari.

I know. I was like, I felt bad because for a moment, I was like, ooh, that looks at kind of delicious. I was like, I do love, I do love, I honestly, I do love a grilled octopus. It's like, if you go to a Greek restaurant and you get some grilled octopus, it is like so divine. So I kind of felt bad because that's what it looked like. And I was like, ooh, and then I was like, no, no, no, that's Patty's arm. No, we, no, stupid.

Jill Zarin, get out of there. Yeah, I was having such like vegan, vegetarian, flexitarian. I was having like a crisis the whole time, you know? So he chomps, the shark chumps down on it. And he's like, and then you have that terrible. feeling in your stomach. And I'm like, finally, at least we're on the same page now. I do have that terrible feeling in my stomach. Yeah. So now Patty's like okay, but now she's like weak. And so now she's just like, she's like, uh, and she's like, thanks a lot for the help. I mean, uh, I befriended

you for a reason. You just stood there and watched while this fucking shark ripped my arm off. And I'm just, I'm just supposed to sit here and we're supposed to be cool. No thanks. I'm going to my den. And not only watch, but watch with a fucking camera. You know, it's like all the crimes we see committed, like, you see Twitter videos, and you're like, why was nobody helping, you know? Like, how were you all sitting there with your cell phones out watching this terrible shit happen? And she's

probably thinking the same thing about him. Like, you're filming me now, Craig. And then he's like, I wanted to help her back to the den, but I didn't need to. Like, well, oh, oh, too little too late, okay, Craig. If you wanted to help, you should have helped with the shark. Yeah, sorry I let your arm get eaten off. Can I give you

a ride home? Like, no, Craig. And he's like, I didn't know what would happen to her. Would they finish her off that night? Well, it's a question you wouldn't have to ask if you just intervened in the first place. Yeah, make an effort. Fucking Craig. Seriously. So she closes her eyes under the rock and I'm crying again.

I cried like 10 times in this movie. So I'm crying. I'm like, this poor thing. And like her friend betrayed her. And he comes up for breath. And he's like, he's so depressed. So, in his, you know, to his credit, he's depressed. He's like, I didn't know what was going to happen.

her was this going to make her weak and vulnerable and finish her off i couldn't help but feeling am i responsible for this yes yes you are you are and then he's like i felt like it's something that had happened to me no are all your limbs intact it did not happen to you and he's like i started to think about my own death my own vulnerability my child what's his face what's his name again who's his mother tiny little pooper man whatever he is You know, I hadn't been an overly sentimental person towards animals before, but she was teaching me to become sensitized to the other. And I thought that was really sweet.

And I also thought it was funny that he's like, I'm going through my own dismembering as I walk to get myself a cup of coffee. Like, Craig. Also, you're not that sentimental because you let your friend's arm get ripped off by a shark, so. Yeah. And also, I was thinking about real estate. Like, how much does that place cost?

Because, wow, I mean, this place was amazing. I mean, the house looked beautiful. Oh, I thought I thought about the octopus den. I was like, I thought you were making a joke about the octopus den. No, that's like the underground parking of an apartment. But this place, his house is gorgeous. And he's like, look at me, so depressed. And he's looking out on this balcony that looks over the entire ocean.

I mean, it's stunning. It is beautiful. But then I was like, but you can't plug in a TV because you live with the water line. And so is it worth having this beautiful of a place if you can't even watch TV? Seriously. Well, they probably don't believe in TV. Okay? They probably like, they read books.

Yeah, they had to like drive into the city's Applebee's to watch this on Netflix. Yeah. So then, so he goes back to visit her the next day and he's all scared and she's alive and breathing, but she's weak and she's dull and white. She doesn't even have the energy to change colors. So he's like, I know I shouldn't interfere, but I must. So I got her an appetizer here, a muscle. I'm like, oh, so now, it was cute, but I'm also like, oh, so now it's okay to interfere? You're allowed to like, like, you're going to serve her a muscle, okay?

Looks delicious. Where's the aoli? Where's the aole? Yeah, and he opens it for her. It's really cute. He's like, yours's not feeling. Well, let me open this muscle for you. But it's such a man thing to do, isn't it?

It's like he cheats on you and then he brings you chocolates the next day. Like, oh, that fixes everything, Craig. Yeah, the muscle fixes everything. And meanwhile, the muscles are like, what did I do to deserve this? I felt so bad when she was all dolin white. It was like in Cuckoon, where they were all young and vibrant, and then they turned old again and died. It was like those last shots, you know. Yeah.

So I never saw Cuckoon, but I did recently read the plot. I did recently read the plot description on Wikipedia, and that's really not a lie. It sounds like I'm making a joke, but I was like, I went on a strange, I went on a strange journey about Cuckoon. Okay, so you have to watch, Cacoon, Steele Magnolias, and then. the color purple oh my god i'm just be crying all day well cocoon is more of a comedy i mean it's like it's got some drama in it but they die but there's death but you know i'm very sentimental these days even though i haven't cried yet in this movie i i i i'm i get sentimental when i think about death and it makes me like really tear up very ben you're talking about wanting to eat an octopus

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