Watch What Crappens - #3136 My Secret Santa Part Three With Reality Gays

Episode Date: December 29, 2025

This is part 3 of 4 We are joined by pod buddies Mattie (@themattmarr) and Poodle (@jakeitorfakeit) of Reality Gays (@realitygayspodcast) for our yearly tradition of trashing a Christmas movie for four hours. This time, the film is My Secret Santa from @netflix. It’s Mrs Doubtfire with only the Doubt. Enjoy part one and check back the next few days for all four episodes! To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watcher Crappins ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Hello everybody. It is time for part three of our gay crappins crossover. Recapping My Secret Santa. And here is part three of this cinematic masterpiece recap starting now. So anyway, so this guy went on a bender in Italy. He got cooked up out of his mind. I guess he's sort of supposed to be some sort of like Kendall Roy character that like went and got I'm nuts, except he comes back like a nice Kindle Roy. And he says, and the father says, in all honesty, this sentence, Matthew, before your mother died, I promised her I would raise you the best I possibly could.

Cool. As opposed to, I don't know. If she's lived. Yeah, when your mom was alive, I didn't give a shit how I raised you. But, man, when she was done. And he delivered it so woodenly and just. it's a shame they gave this guy lines like this because

they were laughable I thought it would just be an endless supply of money but this time statues in Italy Matthew damn it you're going to work your debt off in this hotel I know he's like sorry dad it won't happen again it's like and then Matthew

also just like well I guess this is what I have to do like he's not like I don't have to work here if I don't have to I'm going to do my own shit fuck you ad, he's just like, okay, I guess I'll take some sort of unglomerous middle management position at a some sort of generic. It's like makes total sense.

Yeah. Yeah. No, he doesn't argue at all. He's just like, sure, I will work for $50,000 a year. You're correct, dad. And now Natasha, this is our new GM, my son. And now Natasha's rage makes so much more sense. Look at this woman.

She is like working at this hotel, trying to do things, trying to help things. She's working super hard things get thrown at her all the time she's working the hardest and then when she's up for a promotion this nepo baby just gets slotted in with his with his with his stripes and his polka dots blended together in his outfits yeah and y'all i just want everyone to notice in the next scene um when he's there he is already wearing a tie he is and it's going to pay off later put it on i think natasha put it on okay it was also like this ill-fing fitting shirt and it was like again it was like it was like a polka dot tie with like a striped

shirt it was like a lot so um so natasha is like wait a second i have to train him and the dad's like yeah well you know if anybody can no one better than you you know and make sure this resort is ready for the holidays actually i know why you're not a GM but we won't talk about that natasha and we won't even talk about it at the end when you're still not the GM what the fuck is that Well, they ship her off to London. Well, but no, because that's where her ex-husband lives in London. Why do you want to live where your ex-husband is? Because the child that we-

Because women should not be on their own. They have to be married, okay. Women do not need to be sinks. This is a Christmas movie. Don't you know? A woman living alone is the saddest Christmas you can ever. You're right. Women shouldn't have careers in Christmas movies.

This is a great American country movie. we used to call it gay ass country I um yeah so she has to like I like the dad's like and be sure to get this resort ready for the holidays I'm like sir the Klotz cookie company is in full swing you are the holidays are beyond they be gone

meanwhile back at the hotel where they live Zoe is somehow asleep with a Santa hat on What was she doing? What is wrong? What is, why are we infantilizing this child? What is wrong with this girl?

And then she's like, oh my God, I'm going to take off her Santa had and tuck her into bed. So she tucked her in and then leaves on the string lights. And then she leaves and the room burns down and the daughter's down. She does. She leaves her daughter asleep on the sofa. She does. She's like afraid to do any. She's afraid to upset her daughter.

She's like, I won't even wake up my daughter to make her go into bed. Because she's like, God forbid, I push back on any of my daughter's, like, happiness, like whether it means sleeping in bed or going to snowboarding academy. So instead, she takes the hat off, which I'm like, well, why are you taking the hat off of her? She was comfortable. And she puts it on herself. Obviously to, I wrote down, I wrote down the same thing. I'm like, why is she taking her Santa hat?

Why does she have the Santa hat on? And they're like, oh, she put it on to advance. So she could see herself in the mirror. And she has this moment of, it's supposed to be this kind of parallel of the Grinch. idea when the Grinch has a hat on or something and she smiles and but then it's but it's a lot stupider because the Grinch actually makes sense yeah no because in this case she's like huh I'm wearing this hat you know it'd be amazing is if I hit up my horror gay brother and his partner and I had to make me an animatronics fat suit that way I look like Santa Claus and I can dupe an

entire resort and make about you know five thousand dollars to pay for like one bucket full one one drop in the bucket for the stupid snowboard Academy tuition. And this all happened in that one second. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, so she's, they're at the gaze. And so they're like, you want to another thing of exposition. They're so good

at this. They're like, wait a minute. You're telling us that you want to dress like an old white man so that you could be a Santa Claus and get the money for your kid to go to snowboarding school, which you couldn't afford otherwise after you got fired from the Klotz cookie company. And I'm like, yep, that's the movie. And where do we stop?

They're like, this is the dumbest idea I've ever heard of. When do we start? And we have a montage. And as I'm like, oh, great. A montage. I was like, oh, yes, a montage. I love it. Well, that's done.

Yeah. It was really fast. I think, you know, a montage is a lot, is some time on like, you need at least, I think, 10 different scenarios or shots for a montage. We got three. Yeah. I'm really concerned. that these gays doing prosthetics

aren't going to have to don't have enough to do in this city. I can't imagine there's that much horror work. I agree. Telemarkets. Telecommute. They're hand-painting this prosthetic face. I bet you they have an Etsy store.

Yeah, maybe. I mean, who has a face scanner at their home? Listen, weeks. I don't know. You know that they do marketing for. They do like, I'm going to AI this. and Google it and see how much

the one thing that made sense you know that they work for Airbnb you know they're just remote workers for Airbnb and this is like what they do on the side

and then they have to do how many how many meetings how many Zoom calls they have to do where then people come on like whoa where are you guys at well actually we're in a resort town

we actually moved here after the pandemic so you're not in New York with the rest of the team no no we're not with the rest of the team every single time they have a Zoom call

that's what it goes it did make sense that they had lots of lentils because that's very gay like they just went to their little pantry. And he had a lot of dried goods store. They had a lot of lentils. They stuck up.

I love that they just got like 20 pounds on lentils. There are entry level handheld scanners that are around $700 to $1,000. So if this was their job, it's not out of the realm of possibilities that would have this. How much work are they going to have in this town? Well, their Etsy store is very popular. I guess. Maybe they have a kiosk in the mall. but you know the worst thing about this all these gays spent all this time and she just goes

merry christmas and they're like a little lower and then she went merry christmas but it still sounds kind of like margot kidder at her worst like it's not even really low it can't even Kathleen turd her yes merry christmas it actually made me wonder why why why did also Netflix not hire an actress who speaks in a deeper register who can sort of like You would have to audition. You would have to audition with your Santa voice. Look, I'm telling you now, Hillary Swank would have sold this fucking movie. Oh, yeah.

Like, we would have believed everything. Salma Hayek. Claire Dane's. Claire Dane's. This was definitely a terrifying Santa look that they gave her. They put it on her and I was like, this doesn't do something scary. It's like Norman Rockwellish. It is.

It's Norman Rockwell, but it was also she had these really spark. eyes behind it like the movie species it was so creepy natasha hendridge would have been great she would have been good i wonder what she's doing now i know she's great i feel like she should have been more like gay icon she went nowhere after it yeah yeah it's a real shame that's sad she could have been something she blew it she fucking blew it so maybe she didn't blow enough yeah the santa splurt montage and uh boom we've So now we go over to the audition. The chorus line.

Yeah, they're all holding their head shots in front of their base. Who am I anyway? Am I my resume? I just want a child of my life. Dun-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-d-d-d-d-d-t. Get this job. But it's just so much of winos. It's just a bunch of fun.

That's who was in the Dillard's break room. He was a total drunk. The audition for Santa is to just stand there, look slovenly and rosy-cheeked, and extremely lazy. All these guys are drunks. Everyone looked like the town drunk. But you know what, Natasha, like, really needs to think of what it's like on the other side.

Like, what is it like for, like, a chunky white guy? Like, everything's not just handed to us necessarily all the time. And she's just walking up and down the line looking at us like, gross gross you're disgusting wouldn't fuck you get out of here what is this a calvin klein ad why are we being so judgmental with the poor santas the the other thing here is she knows it's late in the season you've got to import a santa they should have just started in this town there's not that many people you needed to call like seattle or she didn't have time because he ran off with a latin lover so there's literally just three out no the santa retired it was confused

Oh, Santa Retired Christmas, which I don't know why you choose Christmas to retire. Retire after your last season. Yeah. It makes no difference. Yeah. Agreed. And so later on, they, Matthew shows up and he's like, your email said four. He's like, you must have misread it.

So then you already assume because from her look that she is fucking gaslighting him. And she's going to continue to gaslight him to make sure he fails, even though he probably fail on his own because he has no skills to do this. Yeah, she's doing like weird things to make him fail. It's like, oh, I told you the wrong time. I told you the email said 3 p.m. And he's like, no, it didn't it? It said 4.

So I kind of really read it again. That's verifiable. He can send that to whoever he wants to. Like, you need to come up with better ways. He was going to bumble into this anyway. that's the thing and later on the whole thing with

he has a problem with public speaking that was my favorite character flaw it's like I guess I'm just not good at public speaking it is the greatest

it is everyone's greatest fear yeah but they also just like dealt with that in the most half-ass way and like that's the easiest like arc you can put

into one of these stories is like someone coaching you have the coaching montage and some like and he's like you know he's like I hate

talking in public and they're like, guess what? Tia, you fix that. And then she is like, fine, the next scene. It's like, oh, I guess we'll just assume that he went through some, some therapy for that. Yeah, but also if you're going to have this guy who's a lazy drunk, he's always in trouble living off his dad's money and now he has to work at this hotel, make him a lazy drunk, drug addict idiot who's working at the hotel. And then he learns to be better from the Santa lady. And then Santa learned, I mean, why does he just show up? And he's like the perfect employee coming in at the exact right time and doing well it comes in he's not like hopped up no track marks no nothing yeah he's fine he's fine yeah we find a couple more hookers on his arm some white powder on his nose again this was written by gay man

because they don't know how hard it is for women to actually date a guy at this age who's not a piece of shit true now the gays are like oh my god he's in his 50s he's finally ready to settle down all right exactly she she dismisses all the santas and of course course we have Hugh or well we don't know Alexander walks in Taylor comes in and dresses Santa and they're like whoa because of course

Taylor looks like the perfect Santa because she's not actually dressed now she's not dressed she's just in a sweater she's not even in the suit yet and this is actually her as as the role of what we find out is Hugh man because Matt is like well she turns around and she sees

Matthew and she goes you and she goes He goes, what? He goes, Hugh, because she's like, what's your name? And she's like, I'm not Hugh. I mean, Hugh, man, Hugh, man. Hugh, man. Like, hi, Hugh, man. So that's, like, the whole thing.

I had to pause. But in the credits, Alexandra, what's her Breckenridge, she was credited in a triple role. She was credited as both Taylor. She was credited as Santa Claus and she's credited as Hugh Man. Oh, for Christ. that she actually was Santa Claus. She wasn't, there was like at some, when, when she became Santa Claus, she actually stopped

being humane. Wait, so telling me, does she got paid three day rates? I hope so. She's going to eat all, she's going to eat all of her, all of her chances of winning at the, at the Emmys because she's playing through. She's going to be up against two other characters. Also, Taylor's a unisex name. So you could have just used that.

name. You could have still been Taylor, you're so right. You could have been Taylor. You're dumb fuck. Like, you're so dumb. She's dumb in so many different ways. So, um, so he is like,

but he also like, they're also doing this thing where like, he, he, he sees something in Hugh's eyes. Yeah. Elaborate here. The whole thing is that he can recognize through eyes. He's he recognized her through the eyes on the, on the album. And now he's like, think about this, this, think about this guy, Matthew, okay, this is someone who's been on

like a lot of drugs or done a lot of drugs because he's like, I'm looking at this octogenarian round man with a beard and for some reason I'm wondering, is it that hot girl I met yesterday? Yes. Could I have a future with this Santa?

Yes. And this was the weirdest part of the movie was that they built in this thing where he wants to fuck Hugh. Like, and he doesn't really understand why he's attracted to Hugh. And he just rolls with it. And I loved that for the character that he's just like,

I kind of want to fuck this old man. He's like, I don't know why he's like, why do I want to fuck this old guy? Why do I feel so comfortable with him that I want to fuck him? And he doesn't have a moment where he's like, oh my God, am I gay for old man? Like he doesn't have that moment. I'll just roll with it.

I'm attracted to. I'm attracted to him. He's only 86 year old man, I've only, I've wanted to have sex. with yes he just assumes he has like a fractured relationship with his dad and the reason why it's so able to open up to hugh man is because this guy is stepping in for where his dad wasn't and that probably explains why he has feel sexual things because it's like a whole bunch of stuff being dug up from childhood yeah and i loved that they didn't make it this whole like oh my god why am i attracted to santa i'm like am i gay oh god they didn't make this whole thing they just

made him like maybe i am like who knows maybe i maybe i'm going to take it up the butt from santa And I'm fine with that. You know what? He does have a moment. He does have a moment where he thinks about it. And this is fast forwarding very far into the movie. But there is a moment where he legitimately believes that human is having gay sex in the bathroom. And he and he has a look on his face like, you know, I always suspected it.

But now it's confirmed. And on top of that, now like, is that me gay? Like, he's going through all those emotions. It does happen. Why isn't it me? Like, there was a moment in his face where he's like, Crying game moment. Why isn't he fucking me in a stall?

You know? And I like that for the character. Why isn't he, why isn't Santa giving me the business? Like, I thought I had something going with Santa and now he's fucking some stranger in a stall. Like, why is it not me? There is a moment, though, where he actually looks at her and it's authentic as fuck.

He goes, have we met somewhere? And he's looking at Santa with love. Like, that's honest. Because you know what it is? This is someone who's been so fucked up before that he's definitely had conversations with hot girls from the club where he's thought they were Santa Claus. He's like, I know at this point of my life that if I'm looking at someone's eyes and I'm feeling something and but they look like Santa Claus, eventually the drugs will wear off and it will actually be a hot girl. Also, he has also been so high on drugs that he has let a man blow him. Yeah, I thought Ben was going to.

Ben is so wholesome because I thought that's what Ben was going to say to and he didn't. Well, that's all the above. I love that Matthews here. All the above. He's definitely gotten at least a blow job. Oh, yeah. Later. He said, do I put my hand on the back of his head?

And he did. And he liked it. Wow. So is the way your voice got low at the end that really gross me out. I know. It was like a little too real. Yeah. It's really gross.

Have you? So the Taylor's like, so Hugh is like, have you ever been to the normal? Oh, it's been a long sleigh ride so you don't buy hot cocoa, you rent it. I'm like, you know, you're trying to be undercover and you're making a very specific reference to hot cocoa, which is kind of your thing with this guy, so be careful. See, he's like, Santa, you're slaying me.

You got me. And the next thing, he goes to the bathrooms, exactly. And at one point he's like, he's like, so. And Natasha goes, so what is it? Is this your Santa? And my thought is, the next question is, we haven't seen him in a suit yet. Do we know he actually has one?

And he goes, or do we have to do a background check, you know, because of laws? He's going to be around kids. Nope. It's all good. Send him out there, you know. Start the kids. Start the line for the kids. It's time for a commercial.

It's time for a crappin's commercial. So then, so then, so basically Hugh gets the job. Teller gets the job. So she calls her brother. And he's like, oh, my God, Matthew Lane, how have you never heard of him before? He's a trust fund baby. He's always in trouble. His dad owns the resort.

And we hear he's got a thing for old guys. Yeah, tons of exposition. Yeah. So this whole thing is like, oh, you better get the billionaire. So then we meet the elf. Jimmy, the chief elf. He's a giant. And he's like, he's like, come Jimmy, Jimmy the elf.

What is his time to be saying? Who hurt you, Jimmy? Wait, how many people at this hotel have had to deal with the jimmy nattering away? You order room service. He gets the knock on the door. And he comes in and rolls in that table. It's like, oh, how's it going today? It's a beautiful day.

I hope we get to go to the slope. So it's just wonderful times up there. And you're like, get out of here. I want to eat my French toast in my bed. Get out. Have you ever been, have you ever been like a grocery store where there's someone, it happens all the time in the south where I'm from. When people take your groceries out, that was a big thing.

Like, it doesn't matter who you are. they would never shut the fuck up about your day or their day and they're like yeah and one would start talking to me is like yeah really I spent some fun night with my girlfriend last night we went to this Chinese place we both like and then we went home we watched a movie

and I'm like just saying when are you leaving when are you stopping you finally you're still talking to me that's how it is and it is hard to get used to it because you went in L.A. people just ignore you even and because I'm very Texas in L.A. I'm like hey how you doing? And they're like, please don't speak me. Or pretend they don't even see me and just like keep walking, you know. But here it's like, hey, how you doing? They're like, well, you know, pretty good. I could be better, but I could be worse too. Let me tell you my back will not stop it. I used to be a football player.

No, you can slam me down on my head. I've always been fine. But now I bend over to tie my shoe lace and I'm at for three weeks. What's that about? Divorce ain't easy. I'll tell you that. I'm like, sorry, I asked. divorce ain't easy You know, you marry somebody you think it's going to last forever Yeah So she's on the phone And her brother has basically just said

Yeah, this guy's super famous You should be attracted to him And she's like, okay And Jimmy is and Jimmy is like Hey there Hugh Downs I mean Hugh Downs You're the same

It is like a few downs This is 2020 I'm looking at his In I'm not in the script and so um so basically natasha's like hey jimmy show our new santa to the changing room so we can get into costume so they go into this like locker room where for some reason like 60 employees are taking showers at the same time this was so funny though this was so funny because this is such a men's locker room in a place like a country club like your my dad's country club or whatever

you go in and just all these older guys they had one guy what was he doing was he He had like, wasn't it a razor, like an electric shaver? It looked like he was combing his armpit hair or something. Yeah, he was like, it was, I couldn't tell if it was deodorant or a shaver. It was odd. It was so funny because it is so a men's locker room. Just older guys doing weird old guy thing. It's always the, it's always the older guys just in the towel.

But here's what didn't make sense to me. We know that there's a thing, like employee locker rooms are a thing. But why was everyone showering? Why was everyone taking, like, a sauna? Like, what I didn't understand was, like, the amount of, like, nudity adjacency that was happening. Like, why, like, I would imagine people changing in and out of, like, their uniform to pedestrian clothes. But, like, you all decided to take a shower. I thought this was the, like, the spa or whatever that the guests got to use.

He just had a locker or something. I guess, no, it's a locker room for, I guess, because people have been skiing all day. But none of the people in this locker room looked like they could ski because they all look like they all look like they had. had bad knees. But the employee locker room should be in a separate place than the guest locker room. Well, some people don't have the facilities. This was like employee. This is a really nice resort.

Well, they're getting all the cup budgets. I don't know. But these were all like old country club guys. I think it was like a resort. I think they were using the resort locker room. Yes. No matter what version it is, whoever is right here, this portrayal of this thing was wrong. Like, if it was an employee locker room, why are they all bathing?

And if it was like a mixed locker room, why are the employees, like, showering with the guests? This was not heated rivalry. Yeah. This was cold sitting on a bench watching a bad game for me. But, like, so, like, I almost suggested that we mix this movie and just do the first episodes of heated rivalry today. Oh, my God. I haven't seen it yet. Oh, my God.

It's so... It takes me a long time to get through episodes. Let's just say that. It is so hot. I'm like, maybe tonight. Maybe. And it just got approved for season two. Wow.

And I'm like, nope, halfway through, almost. So here's what's also funny. And I just call someone. So Matthew, so, okay, I just want to remind everyone of where we've been. I just want to remind everyone of where we've been and where we're going to. Okay. So the previous scene. Santa auditions

Matthew shows up like we need to find a Santa Taylor walks in as you Matthew sees Taylor and's like you're going to be the Santa Taylor goes outside calls her brother and it's like oh my God I got this job

the brother's like well it's crazy and Natasha interrupts and says hey now that you've just been hired five minutes ago go go get changed she goes in get changed and out of the shower comes Matthew in a towel what why how did he get the

why first of why is he taking a shower in the middle of his workday? And second of all, we just saw him in the room doing Santa audition. That's a lot of gold. Got to wash the poor people off me. That's so funny. I didn't even think of that. But yeah, he's

standing right next door. He's in a town. And he's like, hey, small talk, small talk, small talk, PS. Here's my penis. Storyline. I'm not good at public speaking. Here's my weiner. And he drops his towel. She's like, oh, she goes, well, if you're nervous, you could just picture people naked.

jinglebows. Oh, oh, jingle bells. Oh, jingle bells. We also see the awful tattoos that he got in 2007. These, like, weird triangle tattoos on his back. It's like, oh, this poor actor. And they didn't cover those up.

Oh, they don't have a budget for that. It takes, it's time consuming to cover tattoos. Yeah. But he's like, I'm not, that's just not me. I'm just not the kind of person who wears a suit and a tie. Matthew, you've done everything in a hound's tooth, like, long overcoat. And you've got Republican. congressman here what are you talking about and then he says can you tie my tie

which is the creepiest like wait it's like wait you're you're you're standing like naked in front of this new runner you're you're sitting naked in front of a new hire and you're the boss and you're like old man started this way to be fair but usually it's not an old man and also i want to point out that when he dropped his towel like the way it was shot that you see enough of the curvature of the butt to know that like they had to get they had to give them the little sock and i'm like you're shooting a christmas movie you have to give your lead actor a sock this is very different than a lifetime that we would never get this much lower back up we're out of great american country now all the hallmark people are like

clutching their pearls like how dare you we're protesting netflix protest but also like almost a penis and a triangle back tat keep keep in mind now that in this like rom-com she's already seen his penis She's already seen his dick. That's kind of a significant thing. Yeah. And then he's like... And we know it's big because she continues forward on this path. Oh, well, that's true.

And then they have this... You don't only get a sexy scene in the movie. You get it in this recap. Yep. Uh-oh. Oh, look at that. Oh, Bueller. Oh, Bueller.

Look at him out like a lie. He does look like Poodle after a Saturday night. That's true. I got my legs cooked up like that too. I just love when he's laying. like that okay go ahead sorry to interrupt you the next the next thing is he says he's like he's and then there's this kind of semi erotic scene of him tying his tie there's something about it that's extremely intimate it is you're right and i'm telling you matthew is gonna fuck this

guy it's crazy so he's like did you tie my tie you old guys are good at that right it's so intimate and and he's like what your dad never taught you taught you to do it i sound like Billy Bob Thornton, do his sling blade. Well, so does she. So does she. Meat potatoes. Like, no, my dad never taught me how to do this,

despite his pledge to be a better dad to me after mom died. More exposition. He just told me how to make more money. He just taught me how to make money. And he's like, I wish I could talk to him like this. Like I guarantee his dad has taught him how to make a tie like 12 different times.

And this fucking, like, he's probably too high to even remember. But like, I was like, don't blame on your dad. And myself, would you complain? like I can't keep money make money like teach me how to make more money what are you complaining about you little brat and so like I'm sure the tie lesson came with how to make more money lesson too I'm just going to say they're probably were linked they they proceed to have this kind of weird porny conversation he's like I wish I could talk to him like this and then Santa goes

you know like man's a man talk like we're doing now he's like you know you just don't feel like a stranger I feel like we've met and my hamstring is so tight if only that I could get a massage. Only Santa was in a suit. Oh, my groin is really hurting today. Can you just pull back? Oh, your hands are magic. You don't feel like a stranger.

Crazy. I feel like we've met somewhere. Somewhere. It's a punk rock girl band once. No, Santa Claus. Have you been cooked up in a San Trope bathroom? No, because they really never,

they really never make it like he recognizes her, but he doesn't know from where. They really do make it like, I'm just attracted. to this old man. Even though we get the fucking, we get the fucking, I don't know,

the gun on the wall, whatever it's called. Chekhov's gun. Yeah, Chekhov's gun of a flavored lip balm that falls to the floor. Think unicorn kissable chapstick. And so it, now put a note in it because it comes back again

and then don't put a note in that because it's never going to be relevant. It does not help them. It doesn't help them. It does not help them at all. But he just gives us a good joke where he's like, oh, you have a lip balm and he says, you drive ready to slay at 10,000 feet.

Lucky I have lips at all. Oh, ho, ho, oh, me, Christmas. And then what I like is, during this, like, tie, make this tie thing, you can see that Taylor, the character of Taylor is like, the fuck I know about me doing a tie. I've got a daughter and never had to do any of this bullshit. Right. How does she do a single boss who works two jobs

who lives in a man and never stops? But when she's done, she wants. walks away and you can see the tie is done so poorly. No, it's not right. I was like, oh, I was hoping for a paternal moment, but I guess that didn't work out. Yeah, what I loved was that he was actually mad that the tie sucked. He was like, this old man. I almost blew that guy. I can't believe this new hire tied my tie badly when I was standing naked in front of him. My new eye.

So then we go to this elf. I feel so bad for this guy. So there's a huge crowd gathered for some speech about Santa Claus, which is bizarre in itself. So there's this crowd and this guy's like throwing it. He's like, here's gifts for everyone. Here's gifts for everyone. The bag is this big. What are you giving them? It's like a Mary Poppins bag.

It's like just refills. Guys, I've got a surprise for you. We are getting a speech from someone no one has ever heard of before about something anyone cares about. Welcome this guy. Yeah. But again, if they let us know that apparently he's famous, but he's actually infamous. But so, again, because they talk about later, like you see him in the papers. Yeah, oh, the brother, like, whatever, missed opportunity.

So he tries to get this speech to be like, hey, everyone, thanks for coming to the resort. We're going to light the tree now. So he's like, he and, like, and Hugh have to, like, turn this, this, this. They're going to like, they're trying to switch. There's a candy cane. It's a candy cane that they're going, Hey, I don't recognize you in your clothes. You go swimming with any swans lately, fucking loser.

This is the heckler. Hey, I don't recognize you with your clothes because I saw that video that was released of you. And you were naked getting blown by an old guy in Venice before you crash into that statue. He's getting a little by like a Nick Fuentes fan. Yes. In the middle of a, of a hello, welcome Santa Ceremony. And the epilogue in this movie is that he gets a ticket from Venice, from getting blown by that guy, by the Vatican.

And they're all up on their gossip. They're all up on their international gossip. Like, I read an okay that you were, you were been hanging around with Jade. What's her name? So funny. So, yeah, they have to pull a lover to start the tree up. But instead. They fall over for some reason.

And that makes the lever spark, and it starts the whole tree on fire with fireworks. What the what is this? This wasn't their problem, though. Like, that's the whole thing. This is, this is your electrical issue. I know. I was like, I was like, why is this? I was like, but also, why is it that, like, why did this happen?

They turned it on and it sparked and went crazy. Like, there's, this is terrible. It should have been, it should have been Natasha did that on purpose. like she she mangled it or something she changed the wiring because she was trying to but but it's also just happens because of no reason yeah I also would have liked she's over there smirking like ha ha he's gonna get fired because he set the tree on fire I would have liked her to have schemed a bit more like I would have liked it if the reason why Hugh got hired without a background check was because she she pushed it through and she told her her buddy like it's fine because when this blows up it's gonna all fall on him and then I'll finally get that promotion. But instead, she just sort of like endured watching this Nepo baby mess up time and time again, which was actually more realistic.

Yeah. But like, she did mess with them. She just messed with them in dumb ways. She's like, I'm going to make you do a lot of paperwork. I'm going to lie about an email. Also realistic. Also realistic. Can we say that when Jimmy the elf just starts going,

we wish you a Merry Christmas We wish you a Merry Christmas When everything is melting down It doesn't stop the Lenny from Mice and Men comparisons It doesn't help them now So Taylor gets home So Taylor drives her and dresses to you

Yeah even though she has full capabilities to change out of Santa Her Santa costume costume in the van Because that's what she does the rest of the movie She decides you know what this time Let's drive all the way home I'm gonna go home at Santa And try to hide from my daughter

that I'm dressing like Santa every day. And this is the thing. So you expect to walk into your home dressed as Santa. What if you see another, just and walk right in to your apartment. What if you saw a neighbor? And so explain that. Well, instead, Dora Lee comes out. Dora Lee comes out and she's like, what are you doing in Mrs. Jacobson's band?

Which I actually, again, I think that like Dora Lee is the only one with real layers because she's like she expects that that rent money but she's also like fiercely protective of her tenants exactly like there's stuff going on in here this woman this woman did a whole character bio for herself she did and and the i totally think she's the only one who did it yeah she sketched it out you know like when they dropped themselves she like she did the makeup she like put in the dalcrow's beats and everything her script so of course she's very dora lee she's like oh wait a minute And what's the gut up, huh? You're going to a party, huh?

You're a party boy. You alone? No, Mrs. Scullo. I'm Dorley. I'm a super. You need anything? I'm right down the hall from Mrs. Jenkins. Okay, Santa, I want to stuff my stockings.

Yeah, I want to come down my chimney. Oh, yeah. But the way she sells it is so realistic. I'm like, she is 100% like into this, like, this Santa that has some unknown sex appeal. And now two maiden characters. Now two main characters want to fuck this Santa. I know. I'll set your nose on fire, roon, reindeer.

Get in here. I'm going to prancer your dancer, bitch. Get on your knees. I'm like, damn, lady, you're just meeting this creep in a van outside for the first time. Calm down, Doralee. She's into it. So, Zoe says, this is the best day of my whole life. She's talking, she's at the, at the snowboard.

camp. I have to say I'm reading Ronnie did the notes for both of us and I'm reading it and so says daughter best in my life bitch nice outfit the 90s called they want their board back

bitch so this bitch says hey they want their board back well she didn't have a name yet so Taylor sees this and she's like oh don't listen to her they're just jealous okay oh god stay bundled up we can't afford

trips to the ER you can don't put your kid in snowboard camp she's like okay what the fuck what's wrong with you just like be careful on your motorcycle on the way to snowboard camp I have a feeling there were some notes originally that people kept saying I don't know if they remember they're poor enough so we need to remind them that they're dire straits consistently funny it's only Campbell's soup tonight and we're sharing a bowl you know or something like that that's one of these things I think they're trying to make the stakes higher, but it doesn't work because the stakes are snowboarding

camp. I know, I would have liked if she was... I wish, I wish Zoe were like a star student and she got into like a hotel management program. Yeah. It was like she wants to go to Cornell that has like a, the number one hotel management program in the country and she's like, this will get me into Cornell

because I'm going to do hotel management. And but the thing is like, in order to pay for it, you have to also be an employee or they give preference to like people who work at the at the hotel would have made more sense than snowboarding but there was something and then she could have worked very good christmas movie no she could have worked under natasha so she could be present in the story more and there could be more hijinks and near misses i think that's true too i don't know if we would have believed her yeah she should have had to work there yeah uh yes and so then like the the that's when the mom says

we're just jealous and matthew's like Hey, screaming kittens. Again, still calling her that. What? Hey, screaming kittens. Hey, screaming kittens. To me, I thought he was talking to the kids. I was like, whoa, inappropriate.

Doesn't it? Screaming kittens? Doesn't it sounds like. Doesn't it sound like that's a name for her boobs or something? Oh, look at you with those screaming kittens. I'm a huge fan of your mom. She's like, that's not my mother. Oh, oh, you.

You're just assumes that's her child. And she's like, Zoe's like, wait, my mom has fans. She was like the most lame person And look at her lame ass sweater Am I right guys? High five like that We still hate you Boy

So She's terrible to her mother Commercials Here comes one right now So Taylor's like Well nothing says Happy Holidays Like an exploding Christmas tree

I heard By the way Yeah people talk It was all over the newspaper I saw it on, I saw it on happening. Now, if you, if you see later on, there's this, like, Twitter thing that's just called happening. Oh. Yeah.

Happening is that. All of the art and all of their, like, prop art designs are terrible. Happening. It's just called happening. It was like, it was like when the net came out with Sandra Bullock in 1996 and they're like, this is what the internet will look like. That's what happening. Yeah. Happening looked like that.

God. that movie. I remember thinking, Mike, one day, my little fat kid self, I went, and one day, am I going to be able to order pizza from my computer? Yes, remember that? God, I watched that one. They're like chatting on AOL.

They're like, oh. Yep. Clack, clack, clack, clack on their giant keyboards. Must upload a three megabyte file. This is taking forever. They're closing in. Five minutes. How am I going to get this JPEG to the feds in time?

And you just see the lines form it of the picture. Like, I just received an email that says Netflix, WGA, FYC. Do we think it's for this movie? Oh, no, it's not. Damn it. I was really hoping they were going to throw this movie into award contention. Oh, my God. Oh, no.

That would have been nice. I did get a little blurb that. My phone was blowing up earlier. A little aside. John Cameron Mitchell is going to be in the next. Mary. Yeah, that was released. That's very exciting.

His picture is not very flattering in that. I mean, I figure, like, everyone, they kind of give glamour shots to do that, you know, and John Cameron Mitchell is just like blank-faced. Like, hey, hey. Anyway, but back to real art, not that fucking terrible theater shit. No, no. Yeah. He's like, how about that hot chocolate now?

She's like, I'm busy. I'm busy. And then she's like, Mom. So he's like, Mom, you're not. You were like spent last Saturday night organizing your sock drawer. You're pathetic and you're a loser and you're fat and you smell like funnions. Let me tell you one thing my mom's not. Busy.

And by the way, mom, while you're reorganizing your sock drawer, what was the deal with that book, My Secret Garden that you found in there? My mom was not busy. She's just got to climb up the stairs to the bell tower to frig herself to the My Secret Garden book I found. Yes. So he's like, oh, there. God bless the outcast when she comes. Sorry.

So the whole point of this little scene is that she actually one thing that happens is that Taylor accidentally references something at that tree lighting ceremony that he's like, wait, you were there. I mean, everyone knows about it. So she's showing that she's already having issues living the double life. Yes. And that isn't that and the pressure of living a double life. One day into it.

That will grow and grow and become more, more. difficult for her in a different movie that would have been better. Yeah. In a different movie that would have been better, yes. Well, now is a huge part in the plot because Matt has to give a speech and he is terrified. Terrified.

So he has to give a speech to this town who was obsessed with the Hotel Santa. Yeah. And so he's already been in the news. He found out. So he's got to get up there. And he's like, uh, uh, well, uh, it's a big day.

Um, uh, um, uh, just say the village is open. He's like, the village is open. Like, yeah, it's too good. So now we get to our Santa visits. And I thought this was the most creative thing they did in the movie, which I agree. I agree. You know, we were talking earlier, like, they have to make Santa some kind of a character, you know. And so I really liked that they made her version of Santa that she's just being honest with the kids and she can't help it.

I love this. And really, and really kind of honest and more like just pragmatic. This is pragmatic Santa, which Santa never is. Yeah. Yeah, because Santa doesn't have to deal with the repercussions. You know, Santa is just like a hot guy, you know, in a bar that you fuck one time. He can tell you whatever he wants. He doesn't deal with you pregnant.

God. Memories. Well, it's also weird that, like, Taylor decides that she's. So Taylor, like, decides that she is going to, like, be, like, we're getting back to, like, the Klotz cookie Taylor, where she's going to be joyless and, like, angry. And she's going to be, like, no. you're not supposed to have dreams you're being you have you have like like whatever you want in life you can't have it be more realistic where is this taylor when she talks to her own daughter that's what i'd like to know her daughter who's that snowboard academy she's she's obsessed with like

either not disappointing her daughter and just buying her daughter off with money well i think she's scared of her daughter because her daughter's terrible to her her so she's preaching frugality and yeah she's preaching pragmatism and frugality to these kids like the kids like i want to have a pony she's like well how about a paper clip but they're like also she's like what do you want a pony yeah i wanted a pony you know but you got to think about the logistics you know where do you live a shit hole apartment yeah i know because your mom's it's gonna poop all over the floor your mom could barely take it care of a child have you had a bath today honey no you're having your mother's a loser you're lucky i don't call social services

now take a candy cane out of the bucket because that's all you're fucking getting for Christmas and say thank you to me. Oh, wait, you forgot. Oh, Merry Christmas, three wives. There it is. And like, I wish if Taylor had been this, like, you know, like penny pinching the entire movie,

like, it would, this would have been perfect courage or gross. It would have really gelled, but it doesn't. You can see it when everyone else's kids, but you can't see it. Yes, make her like a Scrooge Santa. Yeah, I love that. And when she told the kid, she's like, get up here, little girl. Okay, what do you want for Christmas?

Oh, God, that breath, your teeth, the plaque. How about a toothbrush? Okay, how about a toothbrush and some floss? All right. Possibly a chastity belt, because I do not see things going very well. You're going to be on the pole in no time. So some child comes running up on and just like jumps on her. And I guess, I don't know, they have sharp items on their outfit.

It was like he staps or something. Yeah, like some poor, like maybe the fat seed is like poorly designed. and so all the lentils start to pour out. It's just like horrifying. Yes. Looks like if you're standing far away, it looks like Santa shot himself.

Why didn't the kids scream? Like I want some reaction. Very like Drew Barrymore and scream with her guts out. Absolutely. And like no one, spoiler. No one is even. No one backs an eye. No one's like even bothered.

She just gets up and like clutches her stomach and leaves, but there's like a puddle of lentils. And everyone's like, Yeah, it happens. I have gathered these lentils into a pot. Yeah. I guess they could be like, well, I was my fat suit.

From Into the Woods. Yeah. So now we see the men girls. Back out on the slopes, we see the mean girls. Like, nice van. What are you living in a van?

Loser. And she's like, what's the problem? She said, clearly, I'm not the one with the problem. Poor person. I kept thinking, what is this bullying going to what is how is this going to pay off um yeah yeah i kept trying to well my my question is also like i almost want to see more of it i actually because i really don't like zoe and i actually

felt like she needed to be taught i think she needed to have like some life lessons and i would have liked to have seen more of like what the social dynamics were at this like snowboard academy that's been tacked on to this movie but we just know that this girl is just like a she's just like a bitch bully who just like does not like newcomers at the snowboard academy and there's no and There's no clarification of who she is and there's no, like, there's no snowboard, there's no snowboard race or there's no snowboarding, actually. Yeah, we never see them snowboard. Like, at least let there be a race where like the two girls have to go face to face or something like that. That would have been interesting.

In fact, later on, when Zoe gets injured, it should have been that they have a climactic race for a big test and they're going down. And Zoe is doing such a good job. And then, and then this, and then this skank trips her or something right. before the finish line and she gets injured and then she feels bad and then she's like, oh my God. That's exactly what you have happened. We don't even know if Zoe can actually snowboard. We don't.

She just has a snowboard. Yeah, we're just supposed to take their word for it. And I don't personally. And we don't know why it even matters to her. So then we go back to the best character, the landlady, Doralee. And she sees them coming into the apartment. She's like, Mrs. Jacobson,

could you have your dad drop a check by? He never told me you so handsome or single. tell him I can pretend to be an angel just sit right on his tree and sound like gray yeah she's like wearing like this her boobs are out now my tongue is double jointed

and Zoe's like grandpa we don't have a grandpa she's like I don't know she's crazy she's crazy don't leave crazy she goes I make a great fruit cake some people don't like that you know funny I put I don't know are you sure he likes it but I make a great

fruit going on. Did she say like, I put bourbon in it or something like that? Yeah, I used bourbon. And then she slams the door in her face. She's like, God, I need a snack. I was like, oh, my God, they just faced this woman on me. This woman made a meal of every single line she had. She was the hero of this film.

She was so good. I'm not even joking. Okay, so now it's, no, more Santa stuff. We're to Santa stuff. Yeah. Hey, Santa. Oh, my God. I hate that song.

Sorry. I don't know what we're talking about, but Siri thinks I'm having an emergency right now. Sir is like, if you think it could be serious, I'll call someone. I'm fine. I'm fine. Just talking about how great this actresses. She got so hot from all the Dora Lee talk. The Dora Lee talk.

Oh, your heartbeat is going a little crazy there, sir. So now, guys, the news is in. The reviews are in everybody. This year Santa's a flop Santa is a flop It's on the front This is a dead Extra extra

Santa's not a pedophile He's just an asshole This Santa's really screwed The pooch this year This just in from Rex Reed I would rather sit on Three Pine Gones Than watch this Santa again

Cindy Adams gives it a thumbs down Leonard Maltin says I kind of liked him The first Leonard Moulton reference of the podcast. Like, we're going to have to fire Santa, aren't we? Oh, my God. What are we going to do? So then we go to Santa at the bar, and Matt comes in.

He's like, whoa, whoa, thanks for meeting me, man. Yeah. So, you know, when kids come to Santa, Santa usually says yes. She's like, yeah, and leaves the parents on the hook. That's how you get credit card debt. It's a fucking kids will ruin your life. Where does this come from? God.

What is this anger and resentment that she can't say to her daughter? It has to be channeled into Santa. Yeah. It's awful. All her resentment. It's like, I'm poor now because of that little bitch snowboarding past the window.

I just want to say something that I know that we're, we still have six hours more of this recap to go. We do. But I did ask AI to provide a Rex Reed-style pan of a terrible Santa. And this is what AI came up with. Bad Santa is naughty in all the wrong ways.

This vulgar witless exercise and yuletide misanthropy mistakes, profanity for wit. Oh, you know, I just realized it's actually reviewing the movie Bad Santa. And I'll take it back. Never mind. I thought it was like a bad Santa Claus. So that's why Ronnie won't do AI because he doesn't know what to ask. Yeah.

It's too much pressure. Also, you're getting in trouble. you shouldn't say that you're going to get totally stoned to death for using AI. And I will have a prepared response written by AI. Yes, yes. GPT will tell me how to deal with it. Matthew says, well, you know, none of this is your problem. You know, you seem a, and he's like, and then standing like,

you seem a little out of touch, never had a budget and put food on the table. And so now Santa's lecturing him. Yes. Yeah. Now Santa's like rich shaming the guy. And he's like, okay, well, you're right. Not everything they print about me is true. And Santa goes, yeah, I hear you.

Everybody knows who you are, but nobody does. And so now it's this weird waiting for Godot existentialism that we're in. And no one knows where we are. And he's like, you ever have someone significant in your life? Maybe. Well, there's this girl, and her daughter's taking lessons here, and she turned me down. She had her reasons. Like what?

Maybe she's just gun-shy. I don't know. And he's like, it's funny. You know, like, I don't know. I feel like I can just talk to you. Everywhere I go, it's like she's right here in front of me. Here you're two flaming candy cane. Bam.

Yes. And I like that there is so much sexual tension here. But doesn't it start to bother her? Like, here I am. I like this guy. I kind of want to bang this guy at some point. but he also wants to being an old man. Like, should that be a red flag?

You know what I mean? Also, like, why is she staying in this costume longer than necessary? Like, I feel like if I were leading a double life and I was dressed as Santa Claus and I'm not Santa Claus and I'm actually like a woman and my boss is a guy who's actually wooing me and my other, you know, version of my life, I would be like trying to get away as quickly as possible. I'm not trying to sit in like the resort restaurant and having flaming candy games. Well, also, no one wants to see Santa. at the bar. Drinking. That is so true.

No one batted an eye in this international cafe that had flags from across the world. No one wants to see drunk Santa who's going to like have to hold their kids in the next sit, in the next scene. Yeah. Ordering flaming canopades. Is that a thing? I thought that was a very strange. Santa from Dillards did have a flask. But I don't think that was a very strange choice.

And so of course we all know, as soon as we see the fire, we know what's going to happen. Yeah, the beard catches on fire. which has no and doesn't pay off. It's going to, this is going to be a problem. I wanted it to because look, something that Jag and I know a lot about are cheap wigs.

And if cheap wigs catch on fire, they're going to go up like a Roman candle. I kind of wanted her, I think it would have been better to have her beard because you could tell it was cheap CGI. I wanted her beard to just immediately, and then for some reason, And then we've got to do a comedy gift of put something over my face.

Maybe there's a pie right beside it. And she throws a pie on her face like Ms. Delfire. Maybe a crew pie. Yes. And the refrigerator that she goes to do the scene. The other part here is he kind of, he kind of pauses like something's weird there. But there was nothing that gave it away. I think he was, I think he thought there was some beat there that he needed to think.

Like, ooh, that's strange. that that man put the beard, put the fire in his beard out. And then we moved on. Pretty natural. Pretty natural. I think it's just supposed to be a... I think it's just supposed to be a comic beat and does not do anything to, like,

close the walls in on the situation. She is not a physical comedian. And it's a real problem. No. So then we go have a scene with the gaze. And she's like, oh my God, I really like him. But what do I do? Oh, my God.

I'm so scared. Oh. And it's like, where's my sister, the wild one? Being ethical. Yeah, yeah, exactly. She's like, he's my boss. He's not ethical. It's not ethical.

He's like, how ethical is to trick the hotel? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, so they're like, what happened to our punk rock sister who once mooned the crowd at graduation? We're like, oh, are we setting up a mooning scene later? No. She goes, she got lost. She got lost someplace.

But this is your chance to find her again. She's like, I won't be able to find her again as long as that. bitch daughter of mine still around because she ruined everything what did i say that she took my money my body my sex drive and everything i wanted her to think she used to be mine in a fucking santa suit that's what i don't just think if you're like a punk in a former punk rock band you also are like repulsed by the idea of your daughter like going and like doing something like like being a snowboarder plagiarly capitalist is kind of rebellious it's kind of rebellious it's like it's a little rock and roll and it also like this character would never be a little bit of

I'm a bit too much with like the wealthy people. I feel like if you're a punk rocker, you're like rebelling against money. This person could never be punk. It's just not, yeah, it's just not her. She was just like a, I agree.

She was, yeah. She's, she's no punk rocker. She's no Michelle Branch, that's for sure. She's no Michelle Branch. So the guy, the guy is like, well, but what happened my punk rock sister?

What happened to her? You should have asked that 10 years ago. What are you asking right now? She's been a wist for years, but this is your chance to find her again. And so then we're back at the ranch. Nobody's in line for Santa. Yeah. And so she's dressed with Santa and she sees Zoe.

They went on happening. And this bitch of a daughter, she goes up, what do you want for your Christmas, Zoe? And Santa goes, for my mom to get a boyfriend and get out of my fucking life. For real, what is wrong with her? I know. She's like, she's like, she's so... I want to have a life outside of me. I want to relax a little bit.

She's so serious, that bitch. Oh, yeah, because look at all Zoe's got going on over there. She won't even tell me about... Yeah, I just bankrupted her with this school. Ha-ha! Yeah, ha! She's in some stupid band called the screaming kittens, but she won't talk to me about it.

I already know all about it. Well, why don't you say something to her? Why don't you say, hey, mom, I found this out. So Taylor's like, well, wow, she looks young. She's like, I just wish I knew her back then. She used to, she just looked fun back then. Now she's boring and Spends her Saturday nights browsing through lands and catalogs.

Oh, boy. My mother had a lot of those. Yeah, so the boyfriend or the brother's like, you need to find that girl inside you again. So now Santa is like back on the job. and you know she and still being like you know Hugh is still being like well maybe you should think about something better or whatever and then but this kid is like she senses that there's something more there

and the kid is like I wish I wasn't scared of the dark I have a secret and so then she's like well guess what I have a secret I'm scared of the dark too especially when Matthew was there because it gets real weird real quickly I got glowing the dark sticky stars and now I feel like I'm an astronaut. Now I'm afraid to hide because now I'm afraid of suffocating because you know you can get a hole in your astronaut hat. Boom. You're dead. And in space, nobody can hear you scream. Yeah. But you be the boss of your own fear. Cut to Jimmy the elf. I know you wanted a pony, but what Santa's giving you is a DVD box set of Alien Earth. Enjoy. What made this

change happen? Because she spoke to her own daughter and her daughter said, I wish my mom was fun again. She won't even talk about her old past. And then she realized now she's depressed, I guess. So she has to do whatever her daughter says. To a child. Yeah. Also, I just want to point out, I know we've been doing this 10 hours

so far, but I just fixed my mic and I fixed it with a pen holder thing. And I was wondering what you were doing over there. From a shaving kit. You're McGiver. You're McGiver. I'm just McGaver that shit. Your microphone just broke. in the middle of the podcast.

It's just been really loose and I couldn't tie it without having two screw heads like two fillet heads. So I didn't know you were that handy, Ronnie. Ronnie's very handy. Ronnie's crafty. I am not crafty.

Ronny is, Ben, you're crafty too, though, aren't you? Crafty is different than handy though. Yeah, I'm kind of handy. So don't be jealous. Yeah. You have big hands. But we found out together at here. Enough about the employee changing room,

am I right? Yeah, right. We found the trick here. which is really getting to speak to the kid's souls. So guys, they don't really even need presents. You just, your kid tells them their trauma because, like, every, it's 20, 25. Every kid is triggered and every kid has some fucking trauma because they learned about it on TikTok. And so now that's what Santa does.

He fixes your traumas. This is such fucking bullshit. This is where the moment in the movie where I was like, so Santa's supposed to talk to the kids and see their souls. Yeah, it's very Gen Z. Gen Z wants that. Yeah, it's just like... So, but now Natasha is like getting frustrated because Natasha was like, oh, I was hoping this would blow up.

So now she's going to have a hostile moment with Matt. And Matthew's like, hey, Natasha, where are the invitations for the Christmas party? And she's like, on your desk. He's like, I don't see them. She's like, yeah, because you're totally untalented and capable of doing anything. They're hard to miss. And by the way, invoices for the supplies and work orders and new shift schedule and taxes and synergies and synergies, et corporations.

Yes, and I need the SEO and the QED reports immediately. This is sharp options are going down. This is so, this is so lazy. Right on top of that, Rose. Awful things to do to this, to do to poor T.Mauri. To make her do this. But Matthew gets a little quick,

I guess he's starting to feel his gayness with being attracted Santa because he said, by the way, I checked the email and you did say it was 4 p.m. Tong pop. The shade button. Yes. So now, by the way,

there's the assistant's like, guys, look, Santa has a line now. Everyone immediately left what they were doing all over town and rushed over here. What? The new headline just came out. Free therapy for your tricker, traumatized little loser. You've got to check happening on Twitter.

Check happening. Don't take your kids of therapy. Just take them to Santa. It turns out the kids aren't. They just had the Gen Z stare. They're staring off. I just have to connect with them. Connect.

Okay. And then he asked the girl, what's your Christmas wish? And the girl goes, she has a stutter. And he's like, well, I've heard that singing can help. I don't know where she gets this. It's like, let's try it together. So you think, oh, here's what's going to happen.

They're going to start singing. And then she's going to accidentally sing. her ladylike voice will come out and then they'll be like, what, what was going on with you? And they're like, sorry, whoops. No, no, they just, they just. Jingle bells, jingle bells. Now, this is when jingle bells,

everyone starts singing in 84 keys at once. Girl, I was wondering how you were dealing with this because you're a musician and this pitch was just like, okay, so she doesn't stutter, but she's just made us all death. So it doesn't matter if she stuttered at this point because we can't even tell. It was awful. This was a crime against music. First of all, I hate the song, Jingle Bells.

I despise it. It's not great. It's not even a Christmas song. Okay. We don't have time for this. Reference is Christmas. It's just about sledding. Yeah.

How about a little away in the manger for the stutterer? You know what I mean? Like, give her a chance to shine. Away in a manger. No grid for a bed. The little baby Jesus went down on. I forgot the words, but I really love baby Jesus. Lisa Barlow

Yes No, I knew it's Lisa Barlow The way Yeah, it's a way in a manger Jesus arrived in a porch I had a bigger manger than Jesus did I'm just saying It's not a competition

He came in a Porsche Four porches It was four porches And it gave us a bit of akela There were like three You got a cardio Watch But they weren't even that wise

Okay Here's who came to see baby Baby Jesus Brian Reynolds, Blake Lively, and Hume Cronin. Oh, I'm sorry. I was talking about my Vita Bar. Sorry. Hume Cronin.

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