Watch What Crappens - 3152 Southern Charm S11e06 Phoning It In The Oven

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

Patricia hosts her annual men’s dinner on Southern Charm, and there’s only minimal damage this time (although, still waiting to find out if Randy’s replacement phone is still intact). Also, Salley is still hot for Craig, and Austin and Craig attempt to patch things up. To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to watch our crappins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me is the one and only Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie. How's it going? Good. Hello, Ben. Hello, hello. We are here today to talk Southern Charm and so many other things before we get into that are happening here with Crappins. Very exciting stuff. First and foremost, Crappins ad free is back.

and it now lives on Patreon. So go to patreon.com slash watch for Crappins. And you can listen to Crappins without the ads if you support over there. Also, the Golden Crappies tickets on sale this Friday. And the tickets will be available on our website and there'll be links on our social media. The Golden Crappies are going to be on February 27th

in Los Angeles at the Fonda Theater. It's going to be a great time. We always have an amazing time. It's so great to bring the whole community together. We usually have some really wonderful special guests. And we will continue that. We will continue to have special guests and wonderful guests and fun times, fellow content creators, people from who knows where.

And we just have the best time. So come join us for that. It's a spectacular time. There will be some streaming. Details for that will be. Sometimes once that's ready, we'll let you know, but it's just not ready yet. But please come join us. And if you are listening to this in time, there is a Patreon presale

that's going from 10. to 10 p.m. on Thursday, January 8th. That's available on Patreon. So I can't wait. We're going to be assembling a ballot. It's going to be a great time. We'll ask for your help with that. And then the voting will begin. It's award season, guys. This is the most prominent award in the world of Bravo. So please be part of it. Come be there in person. Help out with the ballot and do your civic duty so that way the right people are rewarded the right things. With that all being said, let's now pivot over to Charleston so we can talk about

season 11 episode 6 a medium rare apology for for Southern charm Southern charm It was a male It was the boys dinner episode Kind of a tame boys dinner episode I mean

Whatever But we did get some good Randy lore So Oh my God the Randy lore was thick Oh that was you You watched this before me And you said there was some good Randy stuff and I could not believe how good the Randy stuff was. It was amazing. Like we've been

joking about Randy for a while about like, you know, how Patricia teases him and electrocutes him because he's so like inept as a butler. But like actually it looks like there may be some truth to our joking a little bit. Like it's kind of a disaster, a true disaster. But yeah. So we start at Madison's new home. She's moving into the new home. That can go right there on the screen in porch. okay. So they're moving stuff in and what's his buns? The guy, the hot guy comes in. He's like, oh, yeah, this teddy bear

told him to throw it away. He's like, oh, throw it away. I already threw him away. Let's keep the teddy bear. Let's keep the teddy bear to remember that we threw Austin in the trash. All right. Great. So then over at Austin's house, he's with the cats and he's like,

hey, it's insane right now. It's your favorite thing is watching me scoop your poop. Oh my God, he poop so much. said shit, it's crazy. So he does that. And then we go over Craig. And he is in a business meeting with Jerry and Amanda. And they're like, business, business, business.

Jerry's like, I think there's a good chaos. And there's, I think there's a chaos we inflict on ourselves to multiple deals to national stores and their synergies and rapid, really rapid growth. And, you know, indexes and income and revenue, blah, blah, blah. And Craig's just sitting there like slurping from his coffee. He's lifted the, the straw out of the coffee and is licking the whipped cream or whatever. off the bottom of it and slurping it. And one of the partners is like,

I cannot take a meeting seriously with this idiot licking his straw. I mean, if anybody wonders what Craig does in his business, this is it. You see it right here. And I'm surprised they even show us so much of the inner workings because it's Jerry. It is Jerry and Amanda.

Okay. They're like, we're going to do everything. You just have to add your pretty little slurping face. You know, he's like, okay. It's basically a scene from big,

right? Like they're trying to conduct actual work and there's a grown man child just in the middle of it, just slurping us a shake that they have to contend with. You know, I feel like if you- By the end of it, you're like, is Elizabeth Perkins a pedophile? Discuss. I feel like if you re-watch big, you probably realize that Tom Hanks is the villain after all. He's like the one who is just literally a child who fails upwards into this toy company.

And you realize, like, why does he get any credit for anything? So anyway, you know what I always think about with Big? I always think about how when he wakes up as Tom Hanks and the mom gets like, it's like, who's this adult male in my house? And like, it takes like a knife. It's like, get out of the house. I remember after I saw that movie, my mom was like, I would always recognize my son. I would never hold a knife on my son.

I would always recognize you. This day, like 30 years later, I'm like, if you came home 30 years older, I would still know it's you. Okay. My mom doesn't even talk like that. But like in that moment, she talked like Dolores. She's like, I would always remember you. I would know you, honey. I would know you.

I rode here with you and I'm leaving here with you. So now we go over to Patricia's and she's like, Randy. He's like, oh, I'm coming, man. I'm coming. Oh, what I'm thinking. All right. I'm setting the table here. So I'm just going to play.

I say put the place card in front, but we've got to fill up the space a little bit. So, wait, the wrong spoon is here. Why is this the wrong spoon? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please don't, Randy. Take this spoon, hold it, hold it to your forehead. Okay, now ding your head with it. Ding, ow! Good boy.

Randy, what happened to the place card I just told you to hold? Um, it's gone. What do you mean? I eat it. Why did you eat the place card? I don't know. I got distracted. Oh, Randy. Okay, give me that spoon again.

There you go. All right, giving this spoon back to you. Now, how did that happen? Okay, wait a minute. This is a, why are these turned the wrong way? These forks are turned the wrong way, Randy. He's like, I'll just turn them. I'll just turn them like this.

Thank you, Randy. Hold on. Hold up that fork. Look at the times. Put it close up to your eye. Look at that closer, closer. Ow! That's right. That's right. That's what we get for putting the wrong forks. God, you got to train him. Randy is a very nice person, but he was not professionally trained as a butler. He was really a bartender, and he is most interested in developing his job as a DJ. I was like, wow, everyone on Bravo wants to be a DJ. What's going on? And we see a picture of him, and he's literally like DJ Randy, and he's like DJing, like some sort of outdoor event. It's a wedding.

of some sort. It's like, are you kidding me? It's the most hilarious twist. I was not expecting that. I feel like I guess is the backstory that Patricia could not find a butler, so it got like a temp butler and has been just waiting for the real thing to come around. They just don't have trained butlers anymore.

They just don't have them anymore, I guess. There's no such thing as a trained butler. But this one does try to spin plates. Very frustrating. Randy. He says he's working on a Nora Jones remix, whatever that means.

So he's, he looks terrified. I mean, Ramby really is like, okay, okay. Is it this? Is this, did I do it right now? My fork goes above the plate, Randy. So I usually come in and rearrange silverware because it's not done properly. Because I don't know if you heard this part, but DJ. something I wish I'd known before I'd hired him but now it's I'm in too deep I get too much joy from activating his shock collar to let him go oh well anyway Randy I think with these these forks and spoons I think they have to be clean though

of course of course clean it's your way of saying what man sorry clean the forks and spoons and knives please Randy I'm so sorry, ma'am. I'm so sorry, ma'am. Well, there are a lot of little niceties I know about because I had Michael, who was professionally trained. Michael was a DJ in the sense that he could do the job. He was, he called himself a DJ. He called himself a DJ, but mainly that's because he called himself also a dish jockey.

It was much more helpful for the job. so then we see clips of michael with angel wings on you know doing perfectly doing a dining table and saying here you're here ma'am thank you god i just just have this little wire sticking out from that electrical socket nothing to use it on because michael is just so talented cut to randy Randy, hand me your hand. Ow! Well, you take the goods, you take it the bad, you take them both,

and there you have. Yep, still got an untrained Butler. DJ Butler. So she goes, well, I don't expect Randy to know all these things, but last night he put his phone in the oven. So cut

to last night, I smell something burning Randy, and in I know I didn't get to put the blowtorch on your hair yet today. So what is that smell? I know. I smell something burning and I'm familiar with the smell of Randy burning. What is that, Randy? And he's like, well, last night, someone didn't clean the ovens and they put the bottom train correctly.

And I could not see what I was doing. So I turned the light on on my phone. And then I got distracted. I'm sorry. And then we turned on the oven to heat up some food and my phone was in the oven. I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry. Show me again.

how you did that. Now put your hand in that oven there and so where was your hand when you turn the oven? Click on, ma'am. The oven's on. I know, Randy. Keep your hand in there, right? Ma'am. Ma'am. Oh, ma'am. Ma'am, I don't want to do Hansel and Gretel

again today. It's too late. The game has started. Well, it melted and there were toxic fumes all over the house, so I breathed in deeply and my face hasn't moved since. So, well, thank God for small survivors.

Randy. Randy. So he got distracted so he put his phone down and he put his phone down in the oven, which is a strange choice. But then like did you not remember that you were cleaning the oven? You still turned on the oven? Like you just didn't you like leave the oven open? It's like you got to try. Didn't you leave the oven open to be like, I'm going to come back to this?

and then like there's so many questions. You know, I see it. Like you're using your flashlight on your phone. You're looking in the oven. You're like, oh, okay, I think I see it. Then you put the phone down and you start, you know, messing with the pilot light or whatever. And you're like, oh, my God, I got it.

Okay, the oven's working. Thank God you close the oven. You're like, okay, let's test this suckerat. Anybody want a grilled cheese? You turn it on, boom. You hear Siri like, please help, please, please help. Please. I'm sorry, I didn't get that.

I'm sorry I didn't get that. It's a bit hot in here. I'm sorry, I didn't get that. Uh-huh. One more time. No. We'll continue charging when your phone isn't overheating. Overheating.

Tell my children I love them. Just kidding, I don't have children because I gave my mortal coil for this phone. Goodbye, cruel world. Whoa. Siri. So Randy asked if she's ready for a cocktail. It's like, born ready.

I'll be right out with it, ma'am. Don't put it in the oven. You fucking loser. Randy, this martini is just your melted cell phone. Oh, I'm so sorry I got distracted again. Hey, Whitney. Hey, honey, what do you think for the guy's dinner? He's like,

so the place, the police have dragons on him? Wow. That would be a good tattoo, mother. Well, you know, they say that when you're addicted to something, you're chasing the dragon. And unfortunately, I'm addicted to chasing the dragon that is torturing Randy. Get in here. I got my cattle prod, Randy. Bite your tongue about tattoos. Now, I've always had male dinners.

I get a lot more gossip with the guys. I mean, they're just much more fun than the women they bring on here to sexually harass every year. those ladies are just full of HR complaints boring it's time for a commercial it's time for a crappin's commercial okay I'm gonna let you do the place mats and you decide who goes next to him okay can you choose who goes where

and so Whitney's like I'm not sure I just saw I just saw Austin has he he's a little reticent about seeing Craig these days so we see we flashback to Austin and Whitney and Austin's like, do I want to subject myself to Craig's fucking assholeery? But am I interested to hear what Craig has to say to me because I just want to almost like prove to myself that Craig does not have an apology of his bones? Well, maybe this is a good

thing because it would kind of force them to come and be together. You know, I mean, gosh, they've just gone so far. It'd be such a shame to watch them age alone. I mean, someone needs to support Craig with those eyebrows really showing their ears. Well, Craig insisted that he's not going to come unless we provide a straw for him to slurp on something. So I didn't know what that really meant, but I

sure we could provide that. But this will be sort of like a detente, right? Well, if not, we have fabulous food. Now we go to Shep. Going over to his cousin Marcy's house, it's the return of Marcy. Marcy. Marcy, I'm having a baby.

So they say hi and she's and the dog Harper starts barking and or it doesn't bark. And Mars said, wow, she didn't bark at you like she normally does at everyone else. And she's how weird. She's just sniffing your butt. I'm rolling over. Dogs, no dogs. She has sense goodness. Gorsh.

Well, you remember, Edie, Edie, this is your cousin. Here you go. And so this is like her child. It seems so apparently like, Shepp has not visited Marcy in like three years, which is like about the last time she was on the show. So basically he's like, come on my show. She comes on the show. He hangs out with her.

At the moment she's off the show, it's like, bye, Marcy. Have fun with your kids in nowhere land. So Shep's like, how's it going, little baby? How old are you now? Wow, gosh. Have you ever heard of amygdon? Look at its pretty little freckled lips. So she's very shy. She's three and a half, Shep, just come on in here. So,

Shep, listen, I'm married now. I've got babies. Ah, look, there's my husband. He's got another one of the babies. My husband's like, hi, it's me. I got another one of the babies. Wow, both of you look at that. Yeah, Chef, so you know what people with babies like to talk about? When are you going to have a baby? You're nothing unless you're married with a baby. What are you going to do it, Shep? You're useless without a marriage and a baby, Shep. Oh, gosh. Look, okay, I would love to be struck by lightning. If we're a real lightning, of course, not the real lightning. That would be terrible. Gersh, but I'm just not going to pick the next person that walks by and say, let's go.

We're not going to just find some beautiful woman in the Caribbean and say, I'm in love with you and I'm going to send you incessant texts for the rest of your life. No, I won't do that. So here we are at the unconventional age of 45 trying to still figure things out. Gosh. And John's like, Evie, come with me. Mama's trying to talk. We're not ready for you to hang out with other.

children yet. See? We do this a lot. Divide and conquer. Now let's get true. Let's get honest about this. You're buying a new house. What is it? Like if you build it, then you'll have a family. Is that how you're going to do? Oh my God. People with kids, just stop. Congratulations on your kids. Seriously. I mean, the world needs to go on somehow. And I'm certainly not going to help it. But shut the fuck up. Just because you did it doesn't mean the rest of us have to. I mean, Jesus, every friend with the kid is like, when is your turn? Aren't you going to have a kid? Kay, stop kids all the time. Be a great father. You should do a right. You should do a right. right now. You're not too old. Do it right now. Do it right now. I have a number. Would you like one of my eggs? Inseminate one of my eggs. I'll put it inside of me and carry it myself. God damn it. You have to have a baby. Are you people that lonely? Get a hobby. Jesus. It's because they need to drag us all into the hell that they're in right now. Yes. It's like drug addicts. Drug addicts aren't just happy doing drugs alone. You know, they all need friends to do the drugs with them. You want to do my drugs with me? No. Keep your fucking baby on your side of the fence. I respect your decision, but I'm staying. clean. Thank you. You know what? If I went up to someone like Marcy and I was like, you know what you got to do,

you've just got to go to brunch. You just have to come to brunch. You know what? Just come to brunch. It's the most fun thing. It's like, but I've got kids. Like, well, you got to come to brunch. Like it's just like, why are you going to come to brunch? I know that's a nice story that you've got kids. But it's about time you finally came to brunch because that's essentially what they do when they're telling us to have kids. They're saying like, stop the lifestyle that you have and the needs and the things that you're doing and come do my lifestyle instead. It's like, no, I want to want to go to brunch, you can have fun with your kids. Yeah, it's just, there's just something desperate about it.

You know, it's like, no, I don't want kids. What do you mean? Why not? Why don't know? Of course you want kids. I remember, don't want kids. What's the point of living if you don't have kids? I mean, humans are here to reproduce.

Oh my God, humans are also here to eat each other's ice cream. You know, like who's going to enjoy the ice cream? Me, I'm going to enjoy it. I'm giving enjoyment. Like, who's going to play my PlayStation? Me, I'm going to play that. That's what adults are here to do, too, okay? Who's going to ride your wild.

horses. Jeez, so annoying. And he's like, well, settling down is not something I aspire to. You know, but I do, I am looking for a woman who is willing to settle. But my heroes are all ill-behaved guys. Like Warren Beatty was a famous playboy, and he got married when he lost his looks. And then he had four kids. So it can be done.

Well, I mean, I'm not a famous playboy, unfortunately. Oh, gosh. Gosh, but I do hope to someday give an award to Lala Land and then rescind it. So then we go to Vanita, walking down the sidewalk to a bar called Tempest. And she's going to meet up with, she's going to meet up with Sally. And then there's this awkward moment where she comes into the, she sits at the bar and she's like tending to her face. And the bartender's like, wow, yeah, it's really hot out there. I get it.

She's like, I'm not sweating. I'm just oily. I'm fine. I just, this is my skin. So then she orders some champagne and oysters. And here comes Sally. And Sally's saying, it's weird coming and meeting you on these weird circumstances. Just how are you first of all?

Well, it's awkward right now. Like, yeah, it's never been awkward between us. Well, look, you start. I'm a great listener. So I'll let you go first. Because, well, first of all, I'm going to be completely honest with you right now. I don't want to stop hanging out with Craig. And Benita's like,

Okay. Well, good luck with that. She said, well, what's the end goal with that? Well, I don't think there needs to be an end goal. I mean, right now I'm just having fun. Why can't I just have fun? She goes, but Sally would like to be married, right? Sally would like to have kids, right? Well, I mean, if that's my end goal, yeah, sure, of course.

But why are you giving him the time of day? Because you are wasting it with him. You are wasting it. Oh, Jesus Christ, Vinita. Like, I get that you like hanging out with Sierra and, Cray. Sierra and Page. I get that you like hanging out with Sierra and Paige, but you don't have to do their bidding on every little thing.

You're on this show, and that's it. Like, you can't stop people from dating, people that you don't like on this show. Stop. This is just such a non-winning battle for you. And also, she spent, Vinita did an interview this week on a podcast on, why don't I remember what it was?

Anyway, I didn't watch it. I read little clips from it. And Sally responded to some of the things she was saying by saying, you know, look, Sally, JT was horrible to me. JT was so mean to me and so many of the women on that show. And Vanita had no problem being with him, even though I didn't like him. You know, I don't think that's a pretty good point. Vanita's bringing up this, oh, girl code, girl code, when she did worse last year with JT. Because JT was just downright mean to a lot of these people.

Because I think it's different. Yeah, I agree. That's a good point by Sally. Also, I just feel like, I don't know if, I think it's, I do think it's actually still shitty of Sally to, um, actually pursue a friendship in this case with Craig. You know, like she's, I guess the subtle difference is, if I'm going to try to talk this through here, the difference is that like JT and Vanita were sort of already had some sort of like friendship or situation before things went awry. but here it's like it's kind of starting with it's it's already bad and sally is interested in actually and actively growing it and pursuing it so there's like a subtle difference there but that being said ultimately i think that benita has made her point she's like i don't like craig and you're supposed to be

my friend and you're supposed to support me because i've told you i really don't like craig he was really mean to me and sally's basically been like yeah that's nice but i want to hook up with him and at this point like you can't really tell her not to do that just move on and just stop hanging out with Sally personally. I think Sally's shown you what her, like who she is and what she's loyal to or what she's interested in. And it's fine for Sally, but you can just move on and make new friends. Well, Sally was on the show last year and friends with Craig. And so was Vinita. Vanita was friends with Craig. So Sally started stuff with Craig before all of this went down. So Sally had a preexisting relationship with Craig. But Sally's trying to actually be romantic with Craig.

She's actually trying to. Right. But she had a preexisting. I'm just, saying she had a pre-existed. Like, she already knew Craig. It's not like he's some new guy that she's like, oh, now all day Craig. Like she knew Craig, you know, Vanita can't. Right. I still, I think Sally's point is strong. I think it's strong about the JT thing.

And, but I just think at this point, I guess, I think we're actually kind of just agreeing like Vinita, like, I mean, Vanita's mad. I think that's Sally. I think that Sally is still, like, it was shitty of Vanita to do it to Sally. But it also is shitty of Sally to do it to Vanita. And Vanita should just be like, okay, bye, go hang out with Molly. Oh, yeah. I mean, I can't believe it, but I'm Team Sally on this one.

And I like Vanita. I just think she's like the storyline-wise. It's like, oh, good. You're on this show. You're on this show. Like, be on this show. You're not on Pages show. It just seems, I don't mean that she has to get along with Craig and everything.

But it seems like she's fighting a battle for somebody else who's not even there. And it's just weird. It's like, is that girl even your friend? I don't know. Seems weird to me. It seems awkward for Vinita. So Vinita's like, well, there, you know, there's something to be said about a friend who can see the mistakes before you make them. And she's like, well, I want to find out for myself.

Well, then so God help me for saying this out loud, but I'll give you enough rope to hang yourself then. I'm trying to protect you because he will literally hold you and walk you like a dog on a leash until he's done with you. And then he will let that leash go. Okay. Okay. Well, Sally's like, well, never in my life have I ever had a grown adult where I tell me what I can and can't do? Not even my parents. Who the fuck are you to tell me what I can and can't do?

And first of all, I'm sure there are a lot of who've said that, but Vinita is like, meaning that I'm sure there's been a lot of people that I've said, Sally, you shouldn't do that. So Vinina goes, well, don't come crying to me when he fucking hurts you and breaks your heart. So it makes me wonder is like some of the relationship that Sally is constantly like calling Vanita and being like, this guy did this. to me and now I'm so mad. And she just has to listen to it over and over and over again. And she's just like, I'm sick of it and I don't want to hear about it anymore. Because if that is an element of their relationship, then I definitely understand why Vinita's like, please don't go down this path.

Because it's just going to mean I'm going to have to sit there on the phone for endless hours when we already know what the outcome is going to be. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. She hasn't said. We don't know. I mean, all we really know is that she, you know, she stuck up for page.

Craig got mad. And then now she's mad at Craig. they're mad at each other for page standing up, which just seems so silly. And Vanita tells us, you know, you either pick a man that I will make, you either pick a man that's going to make your life a living hell, or you pick me who's going to make your life sunshine and rainbows. Heaven or Hell, pick one. Sally's like, toxic male.

Thank you very much for that option. I'm going to pick this toxic mail every single time, okay? I live in Charleston. Now I'll let you get back to scrolling on JT's email while I go catch a cat. or is Instagram, scrolling his email, scrolling his Instagram while I go cast a blog. You go on scrolling. She's like, hacked. He does blogs.

So Vanita is like, I'm trying to protect you for someone who doesn't give two shits about you because let me find that for myself, which I think is also funny. Like that's a stupid thing to say, let me find out that he doesn't give me two shits. But you want me to let your heart get broken, but that's also like Vinita, like you will see just you do have to let people just make these stupid decisions because you have better things to do with your time than to steward her heart. Yeah. So then we go to Molly coming to Whitney's.

Okay. So how many of the new young cast members is Whitney going to fuck? Just everybody. Again, I request HR to show up at this show. Does Bravo still not have an HR? It is 2026. How is this still happening? That man has fucked every young person that's come on this show.

It's gross. They need to stop this. This is bad. So they go into the lair, which is literally called the lair. And he's like, oh, beautiful, what a beautiful dress. Welcome in. To please take a seat. And she's like, oh, well, happy belated birthday.

I bought you a treat. It's a cupcake. Get it. Remember? So we see a flashback to when he was like, don't put a cupcake in your mouth. So then he's like, it's a gift that just keeps on giving. She's like, whatever. You know, I love you.

You know, Whitney and I hooked. up 10 years ago and I was like, okay, maybe we'll date. And then I realized that's not going to happen. And also, why did I lower my standard? So, so low right now. We're like, brother and sister. I mean, she's too good for me. She's like, yeah, and I just keep torturing him for the rest of his life about the cupcake ordeal. Yeah, you said, because that was fucking rude. And he's like, so, uh, what's on your back there? You got a tattoo? What is that? It's like, yeah, I got it in Thailand. It was supposed to be euphonium, but it just turned out to be an elephant.

Things went left. That's the worst tattoo I've ever seen, seen my life. This is a bad tattoo. I was bad. She goes, you're the worst tattoo I've seen in my life, which I felt like was a fair comeback. And then he's like, no. And he shows his tattoo, which is actually the Jaegermeister logo. So I'm like, sir, I think we need to revisit the worst tattoo you've seen in your life

commentary. Elephant wins for the, I mean, elephant is definitely better than a fucking Yeager. Grow the fuck up. Oh, my God. God. So he's like, yeah, Gagermyster. She goes, yeah, that's pretty bad. So she's like, yeah, you know, I've been okay.

I've been I started singing. And he's like, you're singing now? Okay. Yeah. Okay. By the way, one thing we also have to note is that Whitney is wearing a trucker cap that says Arawan veteran. Did you see that?

So it looks like a veteran's cap. But it says Aeroon. So she's like, yeah. My butt hole cringes. I can't even tell you the amount of cringe. It's like top to bottom. And then it's like right in my my butt hole. It's just like cringe with this guy.

I mean, I kind of thought the hat was funny. But not funny enough. but I also felt like if I didn't mention it, I would get like a million messages being like, did you see Whitney's hat? So I'm acknowledging that I saw the hat. But Whitney, she's saying that she got a full ride college, full ride to college

because she sang in a band. And I'd love to see how close they are that they've been friends for 10 years and he had no idea that she even sang when this was like a big part of life. Yeah, she goes, yeah, you don't even listen to me. And he goes, okay, well, let's hear it. Let's hear it then.

So she whips out her phone and plays in. She goes, oh my God, it's so bad. I hate it. Okay, listen. So, you know, he's like a beautiful voice, you know. And the producer asks if it's his taste. And he's like, oh, yeah, but I have horrible taste in his music. You've heard of Renob, right?

Okay. And we get an extended montage of Whitney playing guitar. There's actually this one amazing shot where Whitney's like in his bedroom, like at home. And he's like, we're, we, we're, we know. And then Patricia, Patricia. comes in, does like a mom dance like, yeah, that's good music. Make me a grandchild. Head banging is where it's at.

So we get lots of clips of him playing and singing. And one of them is him singing, I asked you for a table dance. You came over and put your hand in my pants. So Whitney is like, your mother. My style of. Mother

That's not a true story Whitney I know I just like to think about you when I sing you Generally my style of music Does not really Commensurate with people at large So then he's like

Oh well Molly your voice is It's amazing It's beautiful It sounds like A 2025 version of Jan Orden I love it She's like yeah well I mean I don't suck at singing

But it's like It's fine Like whatever I was like I you know like you've missed so much by the way Sally started talking shit about me and being weird gross stupid talking shit about all it's like because she bringing up a surgery I had a labioplasty so then we see a flashback to this whole thing she goes yeah you know like the skin removal on my vagina lips and he's like oh

I have no issues with that I mean anything to shave the curtains for a nice clean appearance I mean I fully embrace okay you know what end this scene just stop this scene why would why Why is the scene even in here? Are you trying to make me jump out the window? I'll do it. Oh, so you kind of had like an Audi made an innie. Call the police. It's kind of like when you took that cupcake, it took that cupcake and put the bottom on the top,

turned into a sandwich. So what you do with your libya? Ugh. Okay. So now we go to Charlie going to a restaurant for her. You know, oh my God, you don't have kids yet? What the fuck is wrong with you? scene. This one is with her sister. And we meet her kids, Annie and Davis. So they come up and,

you know, they're annoying. And Charlie's like, wow, I wish you could have a margarita with me, but I guess you can't. She goes, yeah, I guess I can't either. So have you talked to Scarlett lately? Okay. Have you talked to any man, anything going on? Are we just going to waste our womanhood? Okay. Eggs don't last forever. Okay. Don't put all your eggs in one basket and then leave the basket basket on the porch and just let your eggs rot. You know what we say in the South? Unless that basket is the doctor's office and you're getting insaminated. Of course, these two have someone named Scarlett in their lives, first and foremost.

Then Charlie spends 10 to 20 minutes discussing her family, which is basically like I've got an older sister and a younger sister and like we have different dads. But it's like, well, I have an older sister and she was with a different dad, but then I have a younger sister and she was a different dad. And then I was with another dad, but then I like the third dad the most. And thank God I got third dad because the same. second dad I was not that into. And my sister and I don't talk to the second dad, but the first one was not an issue because usually with a different dad. I'm like, you got two sisters. It's fine.

We don't need to know the whole genealogy here. So another baby's on the way and they discussed the baby. The kid wants to name the baby flower ball, which is why children are not allowed to hold office. Fucking idiots. And then one of the other kids like, I'm having a taco. And Charlie's like, Me too. It's probably yet. It has a name. Davis Renee. Davis Renee.

So I guess that's the sister. So the husband takes the kids outside because that's what happens on the show. They're like, okay, we've, can you get your husband to get the little rug rats out of the way? So we can have a real scene. Thank you very much. The ladies are talking. The ladies are talking and boys do not understand what come out of women's mouths. Okay.

Still haven't been able to decode that myth. I'll be outside. until you guys can shut up. So asking about prospects and Charlie's like saying that she likes Craig, but she's like, but you know, Charlie likes him, you know, and Davis-Renay is like, but he's single, right? Okay, you're a woman and it's your right to get. If there is a man with semen, that means that there is a uterus that is empty,

and you better get it in, okay? He's an alcoholic, he's unstable and, you know, probably going to ruin his life any minute now. Who cares? He's got a penis. You need one of those in your lives. Okay, you're embarrassing this family. Do you know what my daughter renamed me?

She called me non-ant ball. She used to call me flower ball. That's why the new kids can be called flower ball. But I'm not an aunt. And until I'm an aunt, she's going to keep on calling out for the rest of my life. And I will not be called non-ant ball for the rest of my life. Do you hear what I'm saying? Put that man semen in your vagina right now.

Commercials. Here comes one right now. So Charlie tells us that she was her mom's consoler growing up. And that that has a lot to do with her wanting to make sure that she was okay. So now she has to make sure all of her friends are okay. So she puts everyone's feelings before her own. And Davis-Rennie is like, well, maybe you can put your feelings, my feelings before yours and get a man. Okay.

Until somebody else understands what it is like to sleep next to Fred Flintstone every night. I don't want to hear about it. I told, I told Orkin, don't come by this house because I want there to be ants, lots and lots and Lots of ants. Let me be an ant. Well, you know, the older you get, the quicker, well, not quicker, but you know, you just know what you want, don't you? You know, and I'm just trying to give you the best older sister advice that I can. I just want you to be happy. Like me, like me, with my daughter who wants to name people Flower Ball. My son is picking his nose. And my fat, hairy husband,

who's outside sneaking drinks out of the flasky carries around and smoking marijuana. Okay, we are happy and I want you to be happy too. Like, oh my God, this show is stressing me out. I know. Consul me, bitch. I just want to be an aunt. So Craig now goes to a place. That's so Craig.

He goes to a bar called, by the way. That's his bar. Was that his bar? Yeah, that's his place. That's his and Austin's joint venture, which is weird that they haven't talked about it on the show yet because that's their right there like we ate each other well who's our our restaurant bar that we opened together well in that case my assessment was totally on the money i was

like that's such a crack name for a bar and it's his bar by the way by the way so crack is like um i think we're gonna go up to the snug today which i i don't know what that is the place to sit so whittner joins and And Craig is like, by the way, that was actually not me trying to make a joke. I literally just said by the way naturally as like a Craig impersonation. So it really is a well-named bar. He's like, I saw you worked out at my gym today. As if it's like he built the gym himself.

Winters are like, yeah, that place doesn't have a fan. It's burning. He's like, yeah, it's raw. It's like a raw workout. It's like raw. It was cracking up. And winter's like, yeah, the way a gym should be. I didn't realize you and Austin go there, you know.

Yeah, I go there at night. Austin walks on a treadmill and does cardio. It's not really a cardio gym. Craig's like, yeah, it's not even cardio gym. Yeah. So then when it was like, hey, have you talked to him since? Yeah, it's like a raw. It's a gym for raw.

Like the other day, I brought in like some cooked chicken and they're like, you can't bring that in here. It's a raw gym. I was like, but by the way, I think I. I can and they said no. This way it goes. Well, I've tried to talk to Austin, but like he's doing this victim thing and it's like really unhealthy. It's like really an unhealthy perspective to have.

He is the victim. You were the monster and he was the victim. So that means you have to apologize. Do you understand? You spent a whole year crying about how you didn't go to a dinner with Patricia at a restaurant. Okay. And they're going to complain about being their victim. But they're going to see each other tomorrow with the guy's dinner.

Yeah, but like I had. a good therapy session with chat GPT. This is what's happening, everyone. By the way, I figured out why I snapped on Austin. So I felt so wrong by the fallout from my breakup. And so he says, Austin keeping Audrey in a relationship when he knows they're not going to get married isn't fair. And I was on the other side of this with Paige.

And I think you got to let the person go live their life. you know, oh, so suddenly you have perspective on this. Oh, yeah. And I love that you let Paige go live her life. She dumped you, Craig. Okay, did chat GPT skip that part? Where you going? Who goes to chat GPT?

Stop. Come on. Craig is also, by the way, pulling the Venetan right now, saying who he should or should not be, like, making assessments. But also, like, yeah, chat GPD AI is like so complimentary and flattering. It's like, that's a great question. I mean, it's crazy. It's crazy. So it's insane right now.

So to go over it to therapy for it, like, Why am I so hurt by Austin's betrayal? It's because you're a great person, Craig, and of course you'd be upset because you have wonderful ideas and you have great perspective and you care only about your friends. And for someone to reject that would mean that they are rejecting you and they are bad people. Like, that's what Chad GPT is going to say to you. Yeah, exactly. So, Wittner.

So Wittner's like, okay, so you're saying you were triggered? Yeah. So, okay, just apologize for being triggered. But it doesn't mean he can fucking not show up to your house, not talk. you. Yeah, why would I go to someone's house who treated me like, like the last time he was with this guy in public, he got completely chewed out and dragged. Why would I go to that person's house? That's crazy. It's insane right now. And the thing is on top of that, Craig is like, like, why is Austin even spending time with this girl he doesn't want to have any sort of commitment with?

But then at the same time, he's like, I can't believe he decided to go hang out with his girlfriend instead of come to my pool party. Exactly. While in the same scene being. like, oh, God, I want to fuck these other two girls, but I don't want anything to do with them beyond that. Like, okay. Yeah. So, he's like, well, I'm really, like, sympathetic with him because, like, me and him have gone through the same thing.

Oh, no, Wittner's saying this. He's saying, yeah, you know, we've been through the same thing, like, because I got dumped too. And emotionally since the breakup, like, I'd be a liar if I said I didn't carry anger. But, like, you know, I was going to have a family. Like, that's where I was going. That was the plan.

So, yeah, I'm still angry. I still want to know what happened in this relationship. Because the whole, I will never forget him saying, yeah, you know, so then I did a bunch of stuff and then she got mad and left. Okay, I need the a bunch of stuff. Yeah. Because he's getting a really good edit. Like right now, Wittner is like the best guy on the show at the moment. But like also because we know it very little about him. And that's just like working in his favor because we know too much about everyone else. So Greg is like, well, this is definitely his grace season. But if he comes back next year, oh, they'll let him have it, especially Shep. They really will. So Craig goes, anyway, here's a report about my therapy. Chad GPT was like, you just have to be patient with yourself. Wow, that's some really deep therapy. It was chat GPT pulling some information from like a calendar at Hallmark store. So he's like, and I cried, dude.

I cried talking to my phone because my phone told me to be patient with myself. And then I waited for myself to stop crying. And I thought, wow, look at how I'm waiting for myself to stop crying. I am being patient with myself. It's working. the process is working. Yeah, you know, like, it was about shelving the book of my three years,

you know, because that chapter with page is closed. And I do feel like moving into this chapter that's past, like, oh, like, I want to fix my heart and, like, other parts of my body are now like, bro, fuck your heart. Like, what are the rules with, like, making out? Like, do you have to date right after?

Because, like, I know you don't, but I don't want to lead anyone on, but I also want to make out with someone. The merged DNA of his chat GPT therapy with his own assessments of life is hilarious. Like the chapter is closed and the book is on the shelf, but the chapter is actually in a different volume. So I have to take that book and put it on the shelf. And then make sure they're in alphabetical order, but make sure also that I don't get horny

because my brain wants something. My penis wants something else and my penis wants to have sex with the book. That's what I'm trying to say. But then if I open my heart, then what is my, what page is my foot reading? You know what I mean? It's like my foot doesn't hear what my heart saying and my elbow only hears. with my foot seeing. It's like a real mind thought. Chat GPT said that I have to turn the page on this, but I thought, wait, she doesn't like

what I spin her around. So that's not going to work. What else should I do? So Wittner says, but that does beg the question. You've got two very young women who spent time in your hot tub. Are either of them a candidate or if you considered it? I mean, why not ask one of them to make out? And he's like, oh, so you've got like no fear to just ask someone out? Like what happens at the end of the day when there's nothing for nothing? Dude, after that, after what happened? I got a fucking 9,000 pound armor system on me. You can't get to the surface. I got stood up by a girl on Valentine's Day last year. And I was like, fuck it. I don't even care anymore. Which you know now like all the girls are

going to flock to him be like, wait a second, his walls are up. He's damaged. I can help him. My God, you got stood up on Valentine's Day. Oh God. Let's make a wait. a minute. Austin got kittens. Oh my God. What am I going to do? Well, I don't have any armor. I cried to a fucking robot yesterday. I cried. I cried into my phone. My best friend, chat GPT. So now we go to Patricia's house. And it's one hour before Patricia's gentleman dinner, which means that it's time to prepare. And there's a chef there who's cutting up a carrot nicely. And she's cutting up my heart and mincing it. Who is this chef? where has he been all my life and where do I find him?

What an adorable man. The chef. I loved this chef. Didn't you like this chef? I was like, who is that man? It's a man. Well,

I have to say he cooked a steak perfectly. So for that alone, I was very impressed. But, you know, hot tea. I thought he was a hottie. So Patricia comes down and she's like,

wait, night in the dining room mother with all your shinwassoi shinwassoi well you did the plus one right i said i do the plus one okay so you put me in the midst of it all here you know put me close to the taser so i can have easy access for randy later you know me just put me in the middle because i don't like to pry he's like god forbid mother Yeah, I don't think about the dragon in Eastern lore. I don't think it represents love and friendship. So maybe tonight everyone will resolve their issues and it'll be harmonious and civilized.

A bunch of losers. We shall see. So over at Austin's house, he is eating Chick-fil-A and Audrey calls. And she's like, what are you doing? She's like, he's like, watching my cats. They're like playing with my jacket now. It's insane, you know? look there's martini so he shows off the cats and everything and he basically is saying he's having a dinner before the dinner he's like because every year he never gets to eat because someone yells at him and he loses his appetite that's pretty funny he's eating before he goes and she's like okay so does that mean Craig's going to be there because I just don't like the way he's treating you and talking to you because at the end of the day you get nothing for nothing that's all you can save for the life of the poor and he doesn't know one single thing about our relationship all he knows is my eyebrows are funny and you can't

comment on that. And that's what pisses me off the most. Because y'all take one step forward and then it's 10 steps back every single time. Why does it have to be like that? Hold on. Let me pluck my eyebrows again. They're growing in. They're growing in. Hold on. Hold on. Okay. Are they gone? Are they gone? Okay, you can answer now. I'm afraid to. Normally I love the guy's dinner, but like now I'm got to deal with this halfway fake fucking friend Craig who I don't even want to know how to do with it right now. And I don't want to deal with him at all. Okay. She's like, well, you guys have obviously got like a lot to work, stuff to work on. But like,

just don't be like so forgiving to the point where tomorrow everything is perfectly fine. You forget like the things he was saying. So like, I guess what I'm trying to say at TLDR, please don't forgive him. And if you're going to forgive him,

don't like let him off the hook by saying something like, like, I don't know, like I care about you or some easy, facile bullshit like that, right? Got it. I'm gonna sit him down and say, Craig,

no matter what, I care about you. I can't help. I care about you. I take you back. I love you, Craig. She's like, oh, my eyebrows just grew back in.

Okay. So now we go over to, Patricia's and she's like, I'll sit in a little chair you always complained about because it's not a manly man chair. You with your manly tattoos and your Air One hat. I get it. So there's like incessant knocking at the door. And you know, Whitney and Patricia are both like, Randy, is he here? Someone check the oven.

The butler doesn't hear the door. He might be trapped in there. Can someone get him? I don't know which one we go do first, the front door or the oven door. Randy might still be stuck to the giant piece of rat catching paper that I put on his bed sheets. Someone unpeeled Randy so he can get the door. He comes out. He's like, oh, I got it, I got it, ma'am.

Got it, ma'am. So, Shep comes in. He's like, hey, Randolph. He's like, oh, sorry, I didn't get to open the door for you. You could just please tell, can please tell, ma'am, that I did open the door. Otherwise, I'm going to get five lashings tonight. He's like, yes, no problem. Well, you know, I've been here enough times to let myself in.

Hargers. So, you know, hellos and hellos and all that. And Jack, Whitney's like, the jacket's great. The shirt's terrible, but I still love you, bro. You already go staying. That's rain. It's raining outside. Life is good.

Thanks for having me. It's a rain stain. Stop looking at my rain stain. So they all sit down. And then Wittner shows up. And this is his first time meeting Miss Patricia. So he says hello to her and everything. And he just like sits down and there's some small talk about where he's going to sit.

And he gets a drink and he thanks them and everything. And then Craig arrives and he's like, could I have a beer, please? But what was so interesting is that Patricia was like very warm to him. Because the whole thing last season was Craig was never around. And so she's like, I'm not even going to have my birthday. I'm not inviting him because he's never around. And he just forgets about us. But now she was like, she's like, hey, darling.

So I guess they, I guess they settled their beef, huh? Well, he got rid of the thing that was really bothering her. The woman. You're right. You're right. Pagea. Now he's all back to the Southern Charm cast. His dreams of happiness are dashed so we can be friends again.

So he's like, wow, thank you for having me. Look at Craig. He brought a hostess gift. Wow. So, then we go to, now Whitney is, now Whitney says hi to Craig. And he's like, wow, someone's making an effort. Shepp looks like he took his shirt out of the dryer and threw it on. Hey, Garsh, do you guys see my forehead? I was moving at some metal glass fell out of the top of my shelf and hit me between the eyes.

And now I've got this mark between my eyes, Garsh. And she's like, okay, that was an uninteresting story. Next time just will come up with something funny. like, I don't know. You fell into an electric fence. Like the time I pushed Randy engine an electric fence. God, so fun.

It's funny how the cows can figure out how to get past that thing, but Randy can't. So, Shep is going to Cuba tomorrow. And then there's another knock-up door. She loves Cuba. He's always in Cuba.

He probably loves some communism, that guy. It's all about it. He loves a cigar and a mojito. So, Now we meet Stephen, who's Whitney's friend, and Stephen is hilarious because he's kind of like a huge asshole. But like he's kind of mocking these guys like the entire time. He's amazing. He's like, he's amazing.

Yeah. Where does they get this guy? And why is he not a main cast member? This guy's fucking amazing. He's from like a patrician class that's above all these other people. And so he's just like, oh, look at that. Look at them stupid. Look at the stupid by saying things right now.

Are you serious? That's hilarious, stupid. I've heard so many wonderful things about you. He's like, oh, and I have heard the same about you. Now, thank you. This is for you. La Grand Dame, and he presents her, La Grand Dame. He definitely has some dandy energy, but I just don't know if that's just because he's British.

But Chap was like, oh, Dr. Stevens' background is fascinating, and I'm probably going to get it a little bit wrong, but his father was a British man who went to Nigeria to be in the physician for the ruling party at the time. And then he ended up marrying and having children with the daughter of the ruling class people down there. And then he moved to London. And now he's a doctor. Wow.

Just like his dad. I was like, great story shop. Thanks. Yeah, good one. One day I'll have a baby. So, um, La Grande Dame champagne typically costs between two and three hundred dollars for a standard bottle. And, um, it can go for 300.

And older rare vintages are around $1,000. So how many wicks does it have? The Grand Dame Champagne. So now Stephen sits down in an armchair and he's like, oh, I've got a plush seat as well. Hurrah for me, eh? Be careful. It's an antique. Oh, right.

An antique in America where things are 13 years old and they're considered an antique. That's adorable. Everything in this house is an empty. Stephen, to indoctrinate you with the guys' dinners, usually something disastrous happens. As you can see, Craig, well, he was born, and there's been chairs being broken, red wine spilled on a white sofa, Craig.

And it is actually, every time they do do this montage, which is now like an annual thing, it is pretty hilarious because first we see, like Craig breaking that chair. Oh my God, Craig, you broke the chair. And then we see Craig spilling the one. Craig. And then we see, I forgot about Whitney falling over last year.

It's a good montage. Well, I'm hoping that having all you elegant gentlemen here, we can all be civilized, eh? So, but I'm sorry. We're supposed to be civilized, but they're Americans. I don't think that's possible. So now they're talking about Austin. How's this going to go?

And Craig goes, My relationship with Austin depends on his current issues with himself. Because everything is everyone is everyone else's fault in his life. Craig, it was literally your fault. For him to skip, my pool party was so insane. So poor Austin.

Let me look up some more information about that. It's like, Craig, you don't have to read everything. single thing from chat GPT. Right. So Austin's coming down the sidewalk to come into this house. And poor Austin just looks like a mess. His jackets all not fold like the, what do you call this part of the jacket? The breast. Did you notice it was like folded out and he, poor guy. He just comes in looking like a mess. Yeah. So he comes in and he also, the funny thing is that like everyone has a gift

except for Shepp for Miss Patricia and so chef just keeps getting shown up by everyone with these bottles of wine it's awesome comes in just like well don't you look handsome he's like thanks I brought you a bottle of wine well first of all I'd like you to acknowledge my sarcasm

with my first point there and thank you for the bottle it's so interesting how you're wearing a dinner jacket both inside out and right side out at the same time wow So now chef Ben comes out with a tray of pork and ginger dumplings and peach hoizen.

And Craig's like, wow. Yeah, he's the best chef I've ever met. And the chef's like, wow, peach hoisen, hope this is as good as the peach hoistin I make it home. I hope I don't get any peach hoistin right between my eyes before I go to Cuba tomorrow. Gersh. Winners, I please don't drip hoison in my identity. drink. Thank you very much. So Randy is like, well,

everyone, the chef is ready when you are. Please don't hurt me. Please don't hurt me. Please. He comes up right behind Pat and he goes, I'm on this side of you, ma'am. She's like, oh, Jesus, Randy. God. He does. He bats around the left, but he's actually on the right. Dinner is

served. So, uh, they go to the table and find their seats. And Patricia's like, guess the theme. Wendner says, uh, Asian?

Very good. Otherwise known as horrible tattoos that Whitney didn't get. These were just prospects. I'm going to guess the theme. I need a little bit more to go on. Can you share what I'm guessing the theme of? For example, a list of word or images, a party or

event, a song playlist, a puzzle or a riddle, a class project. Craig, you don't have to do everything from chat GPT. Sorry. At this point, I think an exorcism needs to take place between Austin and Craig with the priest and spinning heads and barfing. So then Austin's like showing the cats of Patricia. This is, he's now getting to reap the rewards of pulling this move of getting cats, which is that he gets to show pictures of them off to everyone.

dear himself and make himself seem soft and nice. So Patricia's just like, oh, I just love cats. They are so cute. I love cats for other people. That's why I have none of them in this household. Get them away from me. I've seen enough. And he tells him that they're named Piper,

he tells her that they're named Piper Martini, but doesn't ask for a Piper, no. Which she's supposedly who that's based on, right? So I'm surprised they missed that. Come on, man. Yeah. So then Chef Ben comes out. Ronnie gets a boner and some more food.

So, Austin, we're going to have some wedding bells anytime soon? That was a joke for the audience because, of course, not. Ha, ha, ha. Well, I do like having you here. Listen, single with somebody. However it is, one thing is guaranteed. Austin's going to eat with his mouth wide open. So everyone put the plastic bags over your head.

Trust me, it'll be worth it in the end. So Austin's like when Patricia asks if he's getting married, he's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And this TV goes, I mean, I've heard of many news in my lifetime, but that was a really nice extended world. That was the biggest nerve I've ever heard. I'm even for American. That was a big N.O. Am I wrong?

Everyone, oh my God. I'm trying to be honest, you're right? All right. Well, what is it with you guys? I just don't understand it. Yeah, and so next comes some beef. It's like a beef and broccoli play. And chef Ben offers to give Austin a stick knife.

And he's like, if I didn't, if you need that knife, I didn't do my job. Well, there you go. That is the question. Let's take that for me. That's insane. Wow, I've never had rice like this before. so good. Delicious.

Gosh. Thank God. They need more, more white men running Chinese restaurants. I don't understand. Finally someone figured out how to fix it. So then Wittner is saying how

he, they ask Wittner, like who he thinks is hottest and or who he likes the most. And Wittner says, Charlie goes, but I got a polite, slightly awkward, no. So we see a flashback at Wittener is in the kitchen and he asks Charlie if she wants to go get a drink next week and Charlie's like um maybe like a small group situation like oh Charlie I mean winner's got to be better than Craig right why that's what I'm

thinking I'm like you have Wittner at least a chance Wittner seems like a really good catch and she but she's going for Craig I mean Craig is like the star right like he's hot and he's got the successful company and he's famous but like he's also dumb as bricks and it's not going to end well yeah well at least you took a swing right man well speaking to taking swings bring randy in here i want to have a little pinata action i fed him some butterscotch candies just to make this more fun um by the way i had a long chat with madison and she was saying uh you oh right no that restaurant So has the health department just gone out of commission or what? How did that happen anyway?

Craig, just so you know, any time we say, by the way, you don't have to say by the way also. By the way. We're trying to stick with edible things here, Craig. Now, I spoke with Madison and she was saying that you've been Mr. Hot Tub with girls every night. Is that true? And we see Madison is saying that. He's got a love triangle with a whole bunch of beta girls. You know, Sally, Sally and Sally and the other one, Charlie.

It's crazy. Miss Patricia's like, interesting. Well, it's been fun for me. I'm just, you know, they're the storyteller, hosting people telling stories in my hot tub. If only I could upload one of their consciences to my Alexa. And make them my therapist. God, I want a robot Charlie therapist. well what do you do when it gets really hot and steamy there in the hot tub he's like uh jump in the pool

like it's like a fun circuit like some people would make fun because like no one's kissed yet oh get out of here you fucking liar i don't believe you shop is like that's the most pg hot tub ever and stephen's like okay just indulge me on this but out of everyone craig you strike me as the person most likely to be in a serious relationship right now, right? And Craig makes the face like, sad. I'm dying inside. Did I just fuck up? Sorry. I'm so sorry. It just looks like you're the one. It looks like you're right there at the end about to fall in love right before his milk's expiration date hits and you're ugly forever. Oh, sorry. Oh, God. Single still. You know when you see an American. You know, when you see an American running to a McDonald's and they get there and it says,

close for the night and they just cry and cry and cry. That's your face right now. Well, the last day the milk is sold. I mean, God bless, Paul Shep over here is already sitting cheese. Look at him, just sitting, spitting cheese. But you, you had a chance. So has that going for you? It's like, oh. I was in a three-year relationship and I bought a ring and I thought we were going to get married. We're going to get married one day. And she just looked in the other direction. I took that to be a, I agree, yes.

We were in the pool one time and I said, yeah, we should get married. And then she called an Uber and I was like, nailed it. She left, but I wish we could go back. I can't lie to you and not say I wouldn't take her back. And they're like, oh, gosh, what? Crazy gorse, gosh, gosh, gosh. She left. you. She left you.

You're not the one who takes somebody back. She ran like hill. So Shep's like, wow, I'm so surprised. He said he would get back with her. You're surprised talking about. Craig's like, well, it takes a while for your heart to catch up to your brain and it takes

a while for your brain to catch up to everything, I guess. I don't know where that sentence was going. And Whitney's like, oh yeah, fuck that girl. She's too old anyway. She's still in her 30s now? Get rid of her. Unless she has a logo of some sort of alcoholic brand on her arm.

I don't care about her. Well, there. So, so, Ms. Patricia's like, well, you were very good at being single, Craig. Just as how Randy's very good at destroying his phones and kitchen appliances. Just like Randy's good at being. the single worst butler I've ever had in my entire life.

So he comes back out. Sweet rice cake with a bit of caramelized mango with some sesame candy, just sprinkled up at the top there, boy. This is incredible. It's the best one yet. You know, there isn't one right answer. Consider what aligns best with your priorities. Craig, stop reading your therapy right now during dessert. Sorry. Whitney, Patricia, thank you very much. As always, another successful guy's dinner.

This is amazing. We'll always have toast to that, right? Yep. And so they raised their glasses to toast, and they go, cheers, cheers, cheers. And then Stephen almost knocks his chair over. They're like, there it is. Oh, gosh, the broken chair of the year. Broke another chair.

Luckily, I'm one of the few. I could afford it. That was an amazing response. He's like, you cannot shame me. When we break chairs, we do it for fun. I could buy and sell every chair in this house. You all need to get new chairs over there. It's time.

Just it's okay. You know, this wasn't revolutionary war error. I'm not like this. Okay, I'm having fun. You all have a good time and funded this mural. the revolutionary war where you're having dessert. I know. I just loved how unbothered Stephen was about this chair.

He's like, you know, in Britain, we have some 1700s at the target. This is nothing. Five pounds. So she's like, I've had enough. I'm going upstairs. Yeah, so she goes. And Austin's like, oh, hey, Craig, maybe you're not to talk, yes? Oh, hey, let's go outside and talk.

So they go out and, um, let's see. So here's her big talk. So Austin's like, well, I can't lie and say that like sitting in the side tonight, like laughing, it wasn't really nice, you know? And like that hasn't been my settlement for the past week. And it's gone from obviously anger at Witt's house, you know, show the clip of that. Okay. And I just felt so utterly betrayed, Craig, utterly betrayed. I was like, what am I even doing here?

Well, of course, that was a singular out of anger action, but you triggered the fuck out of me and then I hit you back. So none of it was Craig's fault. No, he was triggered. He was triggered, guys. Someone did this to him. He's like, well, I don't know when you're going to laugh and when you're going to do that. Like, I don't know when you're going to go nuclear. Like, but you hurt me before too. It doesn't make it right.

Craig, the gentle, the gentle husk that is, Craig, be careful. foot with him. It's fragile guys. Do, I don't want to feel like I'm playing chess with my friends. Mostly because I don't allow to play chess. It's a hard game. Very hard game. There is no game of chess.

We don't, I don't even know what that is. I'll say, well, I don't want to be the ones. But, you're not. And I do want to apologize if you're open to it because I was pissed at you and that you fucking chirped at me. And then we see that more flashback of them fighting.

again and he's like because you know I like feeling safe around people and when you said that which is funny because Austin's whole thing is like I don't feel safe around you because I never know if you're going to laugh you're going to scream at me but now Craig is like I like being safe around people and when you said that it was just triggering all like my lifelong shit of having friends turned their back on me and I'm like working on it I went last night I went right to my therapist right to my fucking therapist after our fight and my therapist was like there's no internet connection and I was like I get it and she's like no I don't know what you're saying give me a moment and I was like I get it and I'm just like bummed I'm bummed I went to my fucking therapist to talk about it

I was so upset and then she started playing all about that bass again she said if it were easy you wouldn't be asking give yourself some grace and then she said I think it really comes down to what feels right for you in the long run and then she said whatever you choose make sure it's something you can stand by, Craig, you're just reading generic lines off of chat, TPT. But I'm bummed that you missed a party, you know? Like, I'm bummed that it had such a fallout, even though I never called and apologized to you or tried to work it out or actually get you to my party.

So I don't know what the bad forward is, but I would feel fine. And, you know, like, just like, let's give each other grace because, like, mine wasn't malicious. It's like, oh, it seemed pretty malicious, Greg. It was pretty malicious. When I, when I yelled at you in front of everyone and, like, belittled your relationship. It wasn't malicious. Well, that's a decision you're going to have to make.

I mean, I can't convince you of that. We either accept each other for who we are and move forward and I continue to give you space, but I miss hanging out with you. Well, all right. Well, I heard you and you heard me and I cannot help but fucking care about you, Craig. You know, Audrey's somewhere being like, oh, geez. Audrey's like, can I ever win? Can I ever fucking win? So Austin doesn't know what's next for them, but, you know, when you have your expectations low, you set low, you can't be disappointed. That's where he is with Craig.

I hope we can still be friends. By the way. Oh, cute. So saga continues. Thanks everyone for being here. A fun episode. We are back with the Valley and Beverly Hills and Traders. for a very busy Friday.

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