Watch What Crappens - #316: Tom's Love Boat Promises Something For Everyone

Episode Date: August 4, 2016

Things are about to go overboard — or at least Ramona Singer is. For today's episode, Ronnie and Ben record from the world famous L.A. Improv, and to mark the occasion they tackle the most important subjects of all: "Real Housewives of New York" and "Real Housewives of Melbourne." It's loopy, silly fun. Come listen! 00:00:00 - Intro 00:05:07 - Crappens Mailbag! 00:16:20 - Real Housewives of New York 01:06:09 - Clear The Flemm 01:08:48 - Real Housewives of Melbourne Subscribe at https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Support us at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens Follow us at facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Visit us at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap happens? What happens? What happens?

Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com and the Banter Blender podcast, and joining me is a man of many podcasts and many voices and many emotions. It's Ronnie Karam from TrashTalkTV.com and the Rose Pricks podcast and Big Brother Smother. And another podcast soon, I'm sure. A podcast about podcasts. A podcast about podcasts.

So how do you feel about that podcast? The Meta Podcast. We are recording today from the world-famous improv in Los Angeles, California. We're sort of having a live show in that we're here with Maria, our producer. Maria! We have an audience. We've scared Straight Ben away. Yeah.

Bless his heart. Straight Ben is gone, so now we have Maria who could sing two different songs to three different songs to one by Blondie, one from West Side Story and one from Carlos Santana. So at any given time, we're going to bust one of them out. And whose hair is the same color as her glasses. And that's not easy because those are not like that's a that's a different color. It's not. It's like an aqua.

It's like a Statue of Liberty color it's not it's like an aqua it's like a statue of liberty you know it's so pretty love some matching hair yes yes um so this is an exciting episode just because it's another episode because at the improv um as i was telling ronnie beforehand i am sipping my starbucks cold brew and I see that, Ronnie, what do you have there? I have some Black Passion iced tea. Wow. I'm into some Black Passion. I have been there many times, my friend.

That's the story of my day in life. Black Passion. Ben Fetish tea. I went out drinking last night, so I'm coming back to life, slowly but surely. My flower is blooming. So much to talk about. We're going to talk about Real Housewives of New York today. Real Housewives of Melbourne. We're going to catch up on last week's episode to get you prepared for this week's episode. Yes.

So we'll be doing that. Crappin's Mailbag, as usual. But we have things that we have to, we always have things to promote, right? We always have things to promote, right? LA, the Los Angeles PodFest, which is a really cool, big, legitimate podcast thing, conference that's happening. Legitimate. It's legitimate. It's happening in September. Go to lapodfest.com if you want to get tickets for that. Or if you are across the country and want to watch on a feed, you can purchase a pass to watch the entire conference.

Not just our show, but several others, like 20 or 30 shows that are huge, legitimate, known podcasts. Yes. If you want to sit home and stream that to your Roku, y'all. Yeah. Your Apple TV or whatever. There's podcasts out the wazoo all day. Absolutely. Every day.

So go to lapodcast.com and use our promo code CRAPPINS to get $5 off, which is always nice. And then we've been talking about our new tune-in show, which we hyped up as premiering yesterday. But of course,

this is Watch Our Crappins. And it would only be appropriate for the crappins to crappin' out. Yeah, we turned that show in. We turned the show in, but there are some technical issues. So just keep an eye out. It will be on TuneIn. It just isn't there quite yet.

But keep an eye out because it will be there and it will be magnificent. Yeah, it was a good show. It was really good. And then we have our usual stuff, our social media. If you go to WatchOurCrappins.com, you get access to all our personal social media links. crappens.com you get access to all our personal social media links if you want to see you know me and ronnie doing our brand new instagram stories you can go you can go look at promoting instagram uh snapped all that stuff nothing and then um uh that was your notification you got your computer hooked in can you turn off your thing i'll put it on mute until we

have to use sound effects sorry everyone that was angie by the way our one of our damn it she knows when we record you know it's always someone who knows what we're doing always always um so uh then we uh go to patreon.com to support our podcast patreon.com forward slash watch for crap and you get access to bonus episode this week we talked all about food network star and the Food Network in general. And we have hangouts and all that stuff. And then Facebook.com forward slash Watch What Crappens. I mean, I don't even know what else there is to promote.

That's a lot. That's a lot. Just go over to the WatchWhatCrappens.com. You'll find out all of this. Yeah, it's all awesome and will enrich your life and your soul. So I think that's it. In the meantime, I think we can go on to the Krappen's mailbag. Do it, burn.

Our Krappen's mail this week has been delivered by Maria, our producer. She was riding the goat. She arrived. Wow. So, by the way, one of the questions has, like, a whole bunch of responses to it. There's actually, like, a thing going on on the Crab of the Mailbag. A self-answering mailbag. Well, there you go.

Made our lives easier. Okay. Okay. So, Mary Ahungo. A-J-A-N-G-O, Ahango? Ahango. Ahango. Mary Ahango.

Mary Ahango. That's probably how she introduces herself. Hello, Mary Ahango. She says, hello, you wonderful men. If, in fact, Luanne and Tom actually do get married, can you imagine how she would ask some of the other Real Housewives of New York ladies to be in her wedding? I'm mostly asking this because I adore your Luann voice, Ben. Oh, wow. Thank you.

And it's great because I was drinking last night, so my Luann voice is extra crispy and pretty dope. Well, I'd love for you to come to my wedding. Your seats are in that castle up there. We've got sound piped in. She won't let anybody in the actual ceremony. I'd love to have you come to our New Year's wedding. We would just absolutely adore it because I'm getting married. Can you believe it?

I mean, Sonia's going to be there. Everyone's going to be there. I mean, why, excuse me, why are you interrupting me while I'm inviting you to the wedding that I'm having? She's written her own vows the preacher would be like do you i'm getting married dear andy cohen i cordially invite you to come with your cameras to my wedding can you believe it i'm getting married andy can you believe it i don't think she would have ramona there she She would be an idiot. Ramona would walk right up to the preacher and be like, did you know?

Did you hear what happened with me and Tom? That's crazy. Well, there would definitely be that moment. If anyone has anything to say, say it now or forever hold your peace. Okay, whoa, this is crazy. Let's face it. I do have something to say at this wedding, okay? I went on like four or five dates with Tom, okay?

So do you think they shouldn't get married? No, I'm very happy for them. I've never seen Luanne so happy. I'm just saying, I went on four or five dates. So what's your point? I'm just saying, four or five dates. That's all we went to Baccarat, okay? Objection, okay?

I don't like you standing up at your wedding and pretending like i'm just some slut kind of girl okay i don't like talking about my dating right now okay and what's this wine that you're serving at the cocktail hour it's not even ramona pinot grigio i object to that i will never hold my peace for that okay i don't think ramona i don't think ramona will be invited to that do you have any wedding she's probably totally ruined by standing up during that section? Listen, I have something to say, okay? This pew is very uncomfortable, okay? I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, but let's face it. It's not made for modern ergonomics. This is not how you start a marriage, okay? I like how we just turned into a Ramona thing. Yeah. I like how we just turned into a Ramona thing. Yeah. Because Luann, like, if, because the question is, how would she invite them?

And Luann would just either send an evite, because, you know, she's not going to waste the money on the invitations for them. She'd put it in the post. She'd be like, well, I sent you a Facebook invite. I sent you an invite through the post. I mean, the post office. No, the New York Post. Page six. It all says you're cordially invited.

Since when have I had to invite Ramona to anything? She just shows up whether you invite her or not. Figured you would come. That was Angie again. Why is it still dinging in my damn ear? Because I unmuted it for the Crap It's Mailbag music and I forgot to mute it again. I'm in a manic, stressed place today. I don't know why. Okay.

Okay. But I get that way. And email stresses me out. Like, look, this is what i do every show turned upside down airplane mode i even took gmail off my uh ipad because whenever it popped up i'd be like it's usually like your website has exploded you know it's like something terrible every time let's pretend that every time the notification happens it's like ramona it's or or someone saying that we made a good joke but we could do ramona walk okay yeah let's play a game today let's play and ramona walked in because that's one of our favorite mailbag games okay let's

the theresa maravich started yes okay so from now on anytime someone texts us and we get a watch now we've now cursed at everyone you're welcome no more dings um next question from greenwood i like it it sounds like we're getting asked a question from a fox tv show greenwood greenwood that's a fox tv show no but it sounds like it would be one right a mysterious town with a star you haven't heard of in 30 years with it or it could be about a doctor named greenwood in greenwood his his great-grandfather established the town greenwood and now greenwood has the weight of the town legacy on his shoulders but he's a flawed doctor who's addicted to pills oh my god and then everybody mysteriously dies because he's so stressed out because he's got like he's got to worry about everybody's taxes yes and on top of that um people from ancient tarrytown are coming back

as in from 200 years ago sleepy hollow and he's got to fix it all in 24 hours please be a ding please be a ding come on come on angie text us okay uh greenwood says coming this fall on fox greenwood that's now starring one of meryl streep's daughters did you know she had two i didn't know two of them were actors did you tell me that okay i thought she only had one dog she has a son the son actually went to college with me but i was talking about how her daughter's on all these shows and someone said there's two of them there's two daughters and i

was like no it's the same girl right i don't i don't know i'm so confused there's that's for next week's mail the other ones how many how many street daughters are there yes and how do they compare to gg and bella, we're changing mailbag up. Now we're just asking you questions. We're asking for mailbag answers. Greenwood, could you answer this for us, please? How many daughters does Meryl Streep have? Actually, Maria, do you know the answer?

She's shaking her head. She can't wait to get out of here. So Greenwood says, My dearest Ben and Ronnie, I don't have a question, rather a pretty, pretty, pretty please for you to wish my BFF, Sienna Edlund, a happy birthday. I'm forever grateful for Sienna for introducing me to Watch What Crappens. And I know you two were the only thing that made her laugh and got her through her father in hospice before he passed away. made her laugh and got her through her father in hospice before he passed away.

You two are pretty powerful bitches and adored by myself and Sienna. She will just freak hearing a little birthday wish from you two. If you can swing a little birthday wish, please do. I would forever be grateful. Sending you both big hugs and lots of love from Vancouver, Canada, Sarah Greenwood.

Oh my God. That was amazing. Sienna. Sienna. Sienna. What, my God. That was amazing. Sienna. Sienna. Sienna. What a year. Jesus. Happy birthday, Sienna.

Happy birthday. You know, I'm sorry that you had to go through what you went through. And it's like an honor that we were able to bring any sort of, like, levity to that situation. Yeah. I don't have to say I'm so sad. I love you, Sienna. Yeah,ienna yeah sienna like hang in there we'll try to keep making you laugh as as much as possible live strong girl and if not you can always tune into greenwood this fall on fox by the way we have another birthday there's another birthday

announcement suzanne suzanne zaretsky's i feel like suzanne zaretsky talks like this i know never met her in real life but when she first started listening to the show, she would say, you guys, not all Jersey people are like that, okay? And we're like, yes, they are. Her responses were like, don't lie. Yes, they are. There's never been anyone on Jersey who doesn't sound like that. She's like, I don't sound like that.

Yes, you do, Suzanne. Happy birthday, Suzanne Zaretsky's son. I'm trying to find Suzanne. Happy birthday. You've got a great mother. I'm trying to find Suzanne. Happy birthday. You've got a great mother. I'm trying to find your son's name, but there's – Zaretsky. Baby Zaretsky.

Zaretsky Jr. Other one Zaretsky. Happy birthday, Zaretsky Jr. He's young. He's a young man, and he's one of our youngest listeners actually. But he's a little bit older to yesterday. He was. Happy you're older now. Happy you're older now.

Happy you're older. I can't find your name. I'm sorry. We have like a weird nervous energy when we're in here. And I think it's, or I do. But also I'm manic today. Ronnie is seeing a baby on the ceiling. But I think it's just because I'm not in my kitchen.

It feels so weird leaving my house. Like I've taken a shower. I smell my own soap and deodorant. It's weird. I'm not used to it. It's weird. Okay, let's face it. It's a different energy in it. It's weird. Okay, let's face it. It's a different energy in here.

These books around here. Let's face it. It's the improv. Okay? This is world class. Okay? Yeah, this room is set up like an old living room, kind of. Like there's leather couches and big bookcases where, you know, they were like, everybody,

just bring in whatever books are in your garage. It's like a housewife set where people are pretending to read. I know people ain't in here reading about the Civil War. Yeah. I'm going to go to the improv and read about the Lincoln Enigma. I need some jokes. Give me that Civil War book. The books are here basically just to cover the stains that Reza left when he sprayed champagne everywhere.

Still smells like bar rock. Thanks a lot, Reza. How many motherfuckers ever go reading at the improv? Am I right, motherfuckers? The Civil War? That so wasn't civil, am I right? If America wants to know about warring, they should come to Iran. Am I right, motherfuckers?

That's so Persian. Well, why don't we save the rest of these questions for our next episode? Do I? Happy birthday, birthday people. Happy birthday. Oh, no. You're on mute. That's why.

Oh, that's why there's no ding. You don't even have to get rid of the ding now. See, this whole thing, mute or unmute. It makes people crazy. There we go. Yeah, there we go. My mailbag. By the way, if you are going to be watching the Olympics starting tomorrow, because it starts tomorrow, okay, guess what?

Roddy and I are going to be recapping the opening ceremonies on next week's episode because Bravo's not going to be basically airing anything. So tomorrow's the opening ceremony? Tomorrow night. O time because i have dinner plans and i need to stay home to watch that um well we just you want me to dvr it you want to come over and watch it at some point dvr dvr let's talk let's walk watch next week we'll see where it goes we'll see how it happens yeah okay we're gonna you know what that's fun you know what there may be olympics but ronnie's got plans okay yes uh that doesn't happen often yeah no i feel like it happens. Yeah. Okay. We're going to, you know what? That's fine. You know what? There may be Olympics, but Ronnie's got plans. Okay. Yes. You know that doesn't happen often. Yeah. No.

I feel like it happens a lot, Ronnie. Don't sell yourself short. I'm still too cheap to pay for a damn DVR. Well, someday. Someday. So let's get on with Real Housewives of New York City, which was a crazy episode. You know, we say it all the time. No one travels like the real house

of new york city no one travels as hideously yeah as the real house always explosive even when they're just going to palm beach going on to a low rent yacht some loner boat which whose boat is this because they showed the lady whose boat it is she's got about 30 pounds of rented hair like that shit ain't even the same color as her hair. And she stays in the servants area. Have you noticed? She just wanted to be by the cameras. She saw that they were all downstairs. She basically looked like a cigarette girl.

Like she should have had a little tray strapped to her shoulders and been walking around, you know, selling cigarettes and candies. Yeah, pretty much. She looked like Charo. Yeah, it was strange. I don't think that Luann was loaned this by a friend. I think she got a free boat by saying Bravo a lot. She pulled a Kyle Richards and got some free boat. And now they're making some poor catering manager act like she's somebody's friend, you know?

I'd love to come meet your friends, but I have to wait to see when these Pop-Tarts are coming out. Bravo really missed an opportunity to have a really great Below Deck crossover. I mean, where was our girl Kate Chastain? She should have been there. have a really great below deck uh crossover i mean where was our girl kate chastain she should have been there you know when the below deck crew is too classy to even be on this show you know it's trouble if you can't even get rocky on your yacht and you're on bravo then you're in trouble luann she's like sorry i have a i have a really busy day at the coffee shop i can't shoot today um so uh we begin where we left off actually oh my god these old hags yeah carol sonia and ramona

are in a room somewhere in steerage on this yacht talking about tom uh and again you know ramona's doing her thing like let's face it i went on like four or five dates with tom okay and sonia i mean let's face it you were in love with him you were love with him. How rude is it that he's doing this right now? Let's face it, Sonia. Sonia, I think it's so big of you not to be sobbing right now when Luann stole your boyfriend. Like, how could you be so happy? And Sonia's like, no, I'm happy for her. Oh, you are?

I wouldn't be. I would be sobbing in the corner. I mean, how pathetic must you feel? And then Ramona's like, yeah, Luann knew about you and Tom. Yeah, she totally knew. And Sonia's like, really? She did? And Ramona's like, I mean, I don't know, but you know.

Yeah, when Ramona sees it, when Ramona sees that she's made Sonia cry. Because Sonia's been so drunk the past few years, she doesn't remember that she's already told everybody. I'm sure that every... It's not like Sonia has secret people that she sleeps with. She sleeps with them, she wakes up and she's like, I've got sperm on my face and it's from the guy down the hall.

Like she tells everybody. It's not like a secret. Yeah, certainly not from computer number three. But yeah, I felt bad for Sonia because she basically was manipulated into falling in love with Tom this episode. Yeah, she never knew she felt anything and now she's devastated because she basically was manipulated into falling in love with Tom this episode. Yeah. She never knew she felt anything. And now she's devastated because she can be talked into anything.

And when Ramona knows she's crying, she goes, well, it's murky. I love that word. It's all murky. Who knows? It's murky. And Carol's like, in another age, you would be considered lovers. Oh, God, Carol. If this was the old days, his father would have given your father a cow.

This is not Downton Abbey. No kidding. Far from it. This isn't junior prom, Carol. This is not impromptu part two. A little 1980s. Fiddler on the roof. So, meanwhile, upstairs, Luanne has her party starting to kick in.

And I love it. What makes a party is an eclectic mix. You picked up these people at a gay bar next to the tourist keychain shop down the street. Yeah, well, I like how she's like, you know, it's an eclectic mix of my friends and Tom's friends and Palm Beach socialites. I'm like, Palm Beach socialites? Did you raid the IHOP that's open all night? I've been to that IHOP at three in the morning, let me say. What's the Trader Joe's newspaper?

Like the Trader. Yeah, it's like the daily whatever. Tom's friend had it in the Trader Joe's paper. Huge. The society section. We were right under the almost expired onions we were on page six of the money saver so let's see here everyone's kind of mortified when they see the guests because people on tv aren't used to seeing so many fat people in a in a room let's face it okay like i

actually wrote that in my notes but then sonia actually said she's like i don't know who these people are i mean they say they're socialites but i mean if we put half of these people on one side of the boat it would sink god yeah that was amazing i also loved how when ramona and sonia finally head upstairs the party passing the hostess the or the owner of the yacht. Yes, he's wearing, I think she's wearing a catering uniform. She's like taking off her apron to do this. She's got some tartar sauce on her lace.

So they have the party, and this gay guy is like, oh my god, that's a real housewife. So he grabs Sonia, and then Luanne, I don't know if he picked up this, Luanne goes, oh, good, you picked the best of the two Good choice He's like hey girl come with me girl Of course Sonia takes it like

This guy wants to have sex with me She told him at one point You keep rubbing up on me like that I'm gonna turn into a diamond Poor Sonia Let's face it. Sonia is a big piece of charcoal, okay? Sonia is basically charcoal.

You can write your name on her, and if she starts on fire, she'll burn forever. Let's face it. The only way you're finding Sonia is if you go into Africa and go into a mine. That's where you find Sonia.

She's basically a diamond in the rough. If she still got her period, she could be a blood diamond and be Leo DiCaprio. But I don't think it's going to happen between you and me. Hey, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's not happening with Leonardo DiCaprio, okay? I'm sorry.

Whoa, whoa, this is crazy. This, whoa, when I was a little girl, I remember this one time, I went into a Zales and I found a diamond. I said, I want to get that diamond. And Geraldine Parsons. This, whoa, when I was a little girl, I remember this one time, I went into a Zales and I found a diamond. I said, I want to get that diamond. And Geraldine Parsons Smith said, no, bad girls like you don't deserve diamonds. And to this very day, I still can't go into Zales, okay?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I can't look at diamonds. I hate especially murky diamonds. Hey, what's that, a brown diamond? Listen, I've got bad news for you. Every kiss did not begin with K, okay? Although my favorite jewel is is K jewelers.

I never understood that place. Every kiss begins with K. I mean, how do you even spell that, K? If it were me, I would call it okay jewelers because their jewelry is just okay. So I call it okay jewelers. It would be called Ramona jewelers, okay? Every kiss begins with. Okay.

Oh, Sonia is now preparing herself to meet Tom because she's like, let's face it. She's about to have a nervous breakdown. So she tells us, Oh, Tom and I'll be fine. We'll laugh and we'll be okay in public because that's what we do.

We're diplomatic. Married to the mayor. I know know what the hell are you talking about juliana margulies um i liked also how when ramona like walked upstairs into the fan event and she was treating it like a fan event like she walked upstairs well basically was i'm ramona hi i'm ramona hi she was like so awkward and then she finally gets to makes her way over to Luann. And Luann just full on turns her back to her. And Ramona just stands there. Hello.

Hello. The way to deal with the Tom situation is not to block me from Tom. Hey, this is a football, Luann. Whoa, this is crazy. This reminds me of that one time when I went on four to five different dates with Tom and he went to the bathroom and I just had to wait there. This is what it's like waiting there for Tom. Ramona is such an asshole. Okay, first off, she didn't take any of her meds because whatever she's been doing this season and the rumors are, I think Sonia, I don't even think it's a rumor.

I think Sonia on Twitter was like, she's been on meds. That's why she's so calm. So whatever she's been taking, she did not take this episode. I mean, she's been on beds. That's why she's so calm. So whatever she's been taking, she did not take this episode. I mean, this girl's on fire. And she came up and she's pretending like she's so mortified at somebody saying that she slept with Tom. But then when she walks up to Tom, she does it like

Ramona flirting, where she's like, she's standing up straight and pushing out her implants. And she's doing this sexy face like I can never do it on the phone, but this is how she does it. She's like, she's like making this model face yeah and her boobs are all sticky it's just so awkward and hilarious and she just pivots like she's modeling something she pivots back and forth oh it's so awkward but does he see me hey yes you're a fucking crazy lighthouse so finally

tom is like hi hi, Ramona. And then Luann just like turns and just gives this like icy, angry smile. Doesn't even say, oh, hi. Oh, there you are. She just smiles like, I don't know what to do. This is awkward for me and I hate her. And they went on four to five different dates. So I'm just going to smile like a crazy person right now.

Poor Luann. She feels like somebody's going to steal her ball. I know. It's a community ball okay you cannot you cannot put a like a Wells Fargo sign outside a high school basketball court it's a community court Luann so um uh yeah so Sonia was scared and I actually was really enjoying Carol at this at this point because she was eating this all up she's like I just gotta see this I gotta see how it all pans out and i was like this reminded me of like carol that i that i used to really enjoy with the one who is just there to see the craziness unfold and laugh

yeah and kind of comment on it yeah guess why because bethany's not there yeah so we get carol back for one episode exactly so nice liking you again carol even if even if it's just for like 30 out of 40 of these minutes. Yeah. I missed you. So then Tom and Sonia finally are talking and it's super awkward. It is so awkward. Well, first of all, Sonia is now wondering if she should be having a nervous breakdown. Like she doesn't even know where she's supposed to be emotionally.

And she's like, Tom is just staring at me from across the room. He's right behind you. And you keep turning your back to him. So he's just kind of looking like, what is she going to do? You know, he looks terrified. Of course, that is kind of how he looks. He's got like those big eyes. Yeah. Always looking around the room for pussy.

Yep. But basically, she just says, oh, hi. Hi. I'm so happy for you and Luann. He's like, uh-huh. Yeah. Luann. Oh, I see them talking and I'm secure. We're friends.

We're all friends. Yeah, with benefits. Oh, and did you notice that Tom outed Luann on her big fucking lie picture? I told you that picture on the ski slope was a lie. Because Luann's story is, oh, we were on the slope. And then he got down on one knee and gave me this beautiful ring, and someone just happened to be there on my Instagram. Oh, so full of shit, Luann.

Tom's like, well, you know, we were drunk at the end of the D'Agostino's line waiting for the manager to approve our purchase. We're in the canned food aisle looking at some Del Monte options. Tom's like, we basically just ate a club sandwich. And I was like, wow, these club sandwiches. It's the perfect marriage between white bread and turkey. And then Luann started screaming, yes! We're getting married!

So I guess we're getting married. It's a triple-decker sandwich. Oh, my God. I would love a triplex. Basically, he said, we're packing to go to Vail, and it seemed like a good time while you're packing. Yeah. That's almost worse than the baking family. He was literally packing bags at Dacocinos.

You know, I was putting the eggs on top of the milk, and I thought, let's just go to Vail. I don't want to work here anymore. I'm never going to inherit this company. She's like, all right, but just take the bags out to my car first. When will my father be impressed? gonna inherit this company she's like all right just take the bags out to my car first when will my father be impressed so um so now we have oh this was fun because we saw we got to see a flashback of tom hitting on ramona and her friends from basically season one of real housewives of new york city did i skip ahead i don't remember no no i'm just looking through my i take 20 pages

of notes and this scene actually so much happened that I can't even find where I am. It's kind of like hard to remember what happened. But there was a scene of Tom hitting on Ramona and her friends. And people have been tweeting us pictures. There's been a marathon of like season one recently. And people are like, look who I found. It's Tom. So Bravo finally did put old footage of Tom up there.

And he was like hitting on Ramona and her friend. And he's like, hey hey are you guys models and he's to one of the to one woman who used to be on the show quite a bit he was saying you know i forgot what he was saying like you're beautiful you're one of you could be a model until ramona's like you're lazy i'm lazy okay and then that's when she was doing her flirting thing again where she like she like pulls her one shoulder really far forward and the other really far back and then hits it like hits the other shoulder forward it's like oh she's like playing baseball no arms it's crazy there's like it's somehow put faces on this podcast ramona is so crazy uh so we saw that and i mean tom yes like i guess flirting

with her isn't this just some old rich dude who goes from hotel to hotel flirting with people in the lobby getting wasted and having sex with them i mean why is ramona acting like she's so different well and she's she's so full of bullshit because she brought this she's brought this up several times and then she claims it's like no big deal i'm over you know i'm not gonna talk about it anymore but now she's talking about it i think to exert some sort of revenge on luann because the stupid article that that ramona's in a tizzy about because basically someone that she wanted a bone i guess got mad at her but so now she's going and telling everyone she's telling some random lady that she went out with tom four or five times and he's like he's like no it was just like once or twice she's like

okay baby okay baby because it's your party i'll just like once or twice. She's like, okay, baby. Okay, baby. Because it's your party, I'll just say one or two. I'm like, you are so inappropriate, Ramona. You are so inappropriate. She's so mean. Okay, baby. Whatever you want, baby. That's the way you want to play, baby?

Okay, baby. I'm like, what do you think? You're in dirty dancing? You may be alone. If she were in Orange County, I'm telling you, it would not end the way it did for Ramona. There would have been screaming and fighting, and she would have been kicked out of the party. Don't put baby in Orange County, I'm telling you, it would not end the way it did for Ramona. There would have been screaming and fighting and she would have been kicked out of the party. Don't put baby in a corner, okay? I had the time of my life, okay?

And I owe it all to you, baby. When Tom lifted me up, it was amazing. We could never do that lift, not even in the lake. Poor Sonia, okay. So she's, we've already said that she talked to tom but tom was like oh hello sonia nice to see you you look fine you look great you're alive so that's good well the weather's wonderful is it not and sonia's like oh thank you madame you know she's like thank you monsieur she's like curtsies and goes away like what the fuck was that like he's so distant why is tom so

distant now because he's been fucking you for 10 years and he's at his engagement party yeah exactly come on come on now we love you sonia but you gotta be like wise to some of these things if you want to see how he really feels wait in the kitchen like everybody else yeah so you know the rules you've been to beauchamp what's that place called which studs whatever that bar is where they go fuck oh beauchamp beauchamp beauchamp is like the the sandwich bar spin-off yeah it's like a kind of eggs luann eggs so sonia has to has to start moving moving forward in her life so she winds up cozying up to a guy who looks somewhere between harold ramus and ben stein well yeah when old person closes and another sits down with a appetizer she's like there he is and he's like i love your dress and you wear it very well i'm like wow great she's like oh i love

he's so mature i love a woman who can you know who's very pretty and also has a wonderful dress she's like well i think i can fit that jesus sonia this isn't a job interview she's like i like he's like i like strong women i like strong women i like beautiful women and i like women who are dressed very well you're a gay man then right is that because that's what all gay men love pretty much well he did like call sonia over yeah that seems to be Sonia's luck on this show. But then she's like, I don't know. He's paying too much attention to me, which makes me think he doesn't have money. I'm like, well, do you remember who you were boating for 10 years?

Yep. Look how that ended up. Leaky walls. Yeah, exactly. She's living in Hurricane Katrina. God bless her heart. Yeah. So, Carol, Tom, and Carol.

Yes, Carol, Tom, and Ramona are now talking. Because Tom is still hanging around with Ramona for some reason and she won't leave him alone yeah and then he tells her hey baby okay baby okay he makes the most odd observation he goes she smells like a grapefruit now we can take this a bunch of different ways carol runs with this she's like grape Oh, that's the most romantic thing I've ever heard a man say to a woman. Of course, she's dating a vegan. So to her, that would be good. To anybody who's ever had a weight problem, a grapefruit is what is force-fed you during Weight Watchers. I was going to say, when I think of grapefruit, I think of something sour that you don't want to see at breakfast.

Yes. It's like slightly nicer than saying you smell like cottage cheese yeah like when is grapefruit ever a good smell and honestly we all know that if you're going to compliment someone on their citrus fragrance as ramona later calls it you're going to say orange lemon lime like pretty much grapefruit is the bottom of the citrus yeah it's disgusting grapefruit is disgusting like what is your metabolism getting sped up i guess i got so mad when i heard grapefruit grapefruit infuriates me to this day yeah and then like and then ramona goes really you have to flirt with me i mean you're engaged

now i'm like you know just settle down he could have been like hey do you need a refill oh my god why are you flirting so much? That's crazy. Let's face it. You're engaged now, okay? By the way, whenever I do that, I'm just doing really harsh shoulder punches. I know. Over and over again. It's really fun for me to watch it. It looks like Ronnie is deflecting lasers with his shoulder.

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. It's like if she was completely armless and she had to play handball. She could just use her shoulders to hit the things he likes my fragrance of citrus okay that's that should really be on her next t-shirt ramona she literally said that men are from mars women are from grapefruit orchids he's just not into that grapefruit he's just not into your grapefruit. He's just not into your grapefruit. By Ramona Singer. Okay.

Okay. Okay. I'm going to go drink some Five Alive right now. And I'm going to try to isolate the grapefruit flavor because that's the me. That's the me and the Five Alive. And then Ramona to show that she doesn't. At this point, Ben sent me a text and was like, this is insane. Like, wait until you get to the start

and i just bet as my mom would say ramona's cruising for a bruising that girl is just fucking with lewann in any way she can she's doing her shoulder flirt thing her shoulder beating a ball thing with tom and then she's like i'm gonna dance now okay i don't care i'm single and then she does like the ramona's version of what is sexy. Like, girl, you need to get some mirrors up in the next dance place you're in. Because this is not cute. It's the car dealership inflatable dude dance. That's what it was. Floppy.

But jerkier. Yeah, it was jerkier. Like, it actually makes the floppy inflatable car dealership guy look like he's, like, a ballroom dancer. Yeah. You know, if you could take, if you take a gif of something, it'll take one out of every ten pictures to make that move. It's like that. Yeah. Like, the flop's here, everything is there.

Yeah. It's like really loose voguing. It was like she was being electrocuted. Yes. There you go. That's better, yeah. You know, like, she takes the electric slide to a different level. She's like, look, I put batteries in water for this dance.

Attached to my shoes. Please don't end the death penalty, okay? When those guys get the switch turned on, it's like the only time I see a guy I can dance with. I want to walk on to Electric Avenue. So then if you can't see anything, get sadder. Let's watch Jules make a drink because jules has a drink that's in one whole foods in america what are you making right now ramona walked in is that grapefruit is that grapefruit you're making you drink jules why are you making so

why are you making so many drinks i mean you're one girl you're making drinks for 10 people all at once that's sloppy sloppy. It's messy. Are any of these drinks made with grapefruit? Because I like to call those Ramona spritzes. Okay, I'm going back to dancing now. Okay. Okay. Spelling my drink, Ramona.

Oh, Jesus. No, no, no. Ramona's back. Ramona, go to the dance floor. So Jules is making this drink because she understands juices, you guys. And her drink, I just started laughing because she made a Fandango. She's like, it's called a Fandango. With 777 film taken.

I'm making a Fandango. Fucking Jules. Why don't you tell me what you want to drink? Welcome to Fandango.ango for citrus press two for titos press three people who are 20 years old are like i don't get the joke um so um so sonia is uh so sonia approaches luann and tells her how happy she is for luann. And Lu's like, well, we're getting married. Can you believe it, Sonya? Can you believe it?

We're getting married. We're getting married. Can you believe it? She literally flashes her fingers in Sonya's face. She's like, I'm so happy we're getting married. Yes, we know. And Sonya's sad. Although I do think, like, I feel bad for Sonya.

Like, I get it. But I also feel like she can't hold it against Lu. I'm sorry. Like, I feel bad for Sonya. Like, I get it. But I also feel like she can't hold it against Lou. I'm sorry. Because, A, I don't think Lou understands, like, what Sonya's going through.

And Sonya hasn't made any effort to explain it. And it's also, like, Sonya said that they were just friends with benefits. And she acted like it was no big deal. So I don't think Lou has any obligation to be sensitive to Sonya for that. I think she should expect that Sonya would be happy for her. But I do feel bad for sonia nonetheless i feel bad for sonia only because i think that she would have jumped on well i mean she did jump on tom multiple times but she would have jumped on the opportunity to marry him but for whatever reason he's gonna marry luann but not her so i think she's like

why would she why would why would the basically because's a rich person, not because it's a man. I mean, let's face it. Is the man really that rich, though? No, no, I'm saying Tom. Like, the only reason they're fighting over Tom is because he's rich. It's not like it's because he's such a charming, nice guy that they think is going to be, you know, faithful or anything like that. It's because he's some rich guy. So she's like, I've put the work in.

Like, my vagina has literally put the work in for 10 years. That's the lesson. And now this slut's, like, stealing him in two seconds to get a marriage? That's the lesson, everyone. If you want to get married, you got to be a lady. Can't give it up too quickly, right? Yeah, like Sonya. Like Sonya.

I mean, like Luann, not only boning him, but doing it at Sonya's house in the upstairs room. With the tube TV yeah i think sonia just feels like why isn't it me you know unfortunately she doesn't have friends who are close enough that can just tell her it's because her house smells like katrina that's why your walls are leaking so now maybe he's allergic to mold i don't know one of the highlights of the episode is now it's when dorinda gives her drunk speech and we can just play it for you because it's really magnificent ready yeah i have a dream i'm so happy that you know that i am part of this and then you feel like that you know not a moment in time not a moment that happens

every every once in a while you know you just know when it's right. And it's right. It's right. It's the moment in time. It's the moment in time. It's the moment in time. I love you like a sweaty cake from Publix. That was a sweaty ass grocery store cake that Tom brought in. It certainly was. I just want to say that people are happy together sometimes.

And there's a red balloon. And to celebrate, there's a car on the floor, which is Richard's here. Richard would like to say something. Everyone let the car to speak. You know, sometimes getting in a relationship it's like a garden you see a hole and the hole needs to get filled and the hole sounds like it's a beam of dirt yeah and i was the trowel you know and you know it's a moment in time it's just we're all here together and you know it's uh crayons and sandwiches and you you know, balloons and light.

Anybody got some cilantro? It's not a bad idea to plant it when you're filling the hole. Now, I know not everyone likes cilantro, but, you know, it's a genetic thing. But I love it. I love cilantro. You know, and I think it's time that everyone liked it, too. With toothpaste. I just agree.

I like parsley. Dorinda. It's a sweet herb. It's a sweet herb. And I love that they just know Dorinda by now. They're like, yep, there's drunk Dorinda. Yeah. Slurring about nothing.

They're wheeling her out on a dolly. Like, okay, you're done. I got so, so low dolly. That's a girl who deserves to get married. So the whole party ends with probably the best line of the night from Luanne, which goes, Don't say goodnight, just disappear, like elegant people do. God bless you, Luanne. This boat was named I-A-G.

What is that? Isn't that like a famous money company? That's A-E-G. A-I-G is the insurance. A-E-G is the insurance. A-I-G, I think, is the promoter or the other way around. International Actors

Gross. I don't know why I wrote it down. I just for a minute thought it said lag. I was like, perfect! Add an S. S-S-Lag. I had, perfect. Add an S. SS lag. Yeah. I had my engagement party on the S lag. As elegant people do. Next day, Jules calls a nanny.

Her husband's out fucking somebody in the Hamptons and she's upset. Sorry. Yeah, that's fine. This guy, what an asshole he is. The nanny's like, I cannot deal with Rio and the other one. It's too much, please. Send Mr. back, please. And then she calls him up, and he is such a dick.

He's like, well, I have, yeah, I'm coming home. You said you're going home last night. Well, I'm not home. I mean, my parents want to see them. I mean, I got a thousand and one things to do. You're such an asshole. You don't want to see your kids. It's bad.

Well, maybe he just doesn't want to see your kids it's it's bad well maybe he just doesn't want to hang out with them because their names are stupid michael you can't see your kids for one night michael i feel so bad for rio right now though all seriousness i mean not just because their parents are getting divorced but also look at what's going on in rio yeah you know it's like poor people named isis like they have to walk around with that name okay you can't just name something terrible isis like what are these people supposed to do i know like i wonder how jules feels every time she sees the headline that says rio overwhelmed with feces is rio's the girl right i don't know it's rio and jagger i think rio's the girl which actually the name makes

sense because she's the one who wouldn't get potty trained and in rio they're really having trouble with the toilets yeah they have to like they have to um the sailors have like for the sailing teams they have to they have to sail through like sewage ridden waterways yeah and it's terrible and the toilets are flushing yeah so it's a poor rio sorry sorry for making fun of a baby listen, if you're a baby and you're listening to this podcast, shame on you. Shame. You're grounded. Yeah. Grounded.

It's only bad to make fun of babies to their face. Okay. So now the Mrs. Roper trend on Bravo continues because Dorinda is now in the very Mrs. Roper outfit. And she's in a robe and she's like, you know, it's 10 a.m. It's like half the day is gone already. We know it's like people got to wake up already. It's like, you know, it's 10 a.m. It's like half the day is gone already. We know it's like people got to wake up already. It's like, you know, they got to wake up.

So she goes, wakes up Carol. I'm like, Carol. Oh, I'm not really sure what's happening. Something about Tom. People need to stop talking about Tom. He's a dishonest Tom. Yeah. So they're talking again about Tom.

And Ramona comes in and she's saying her thing again. She goes, there's a lot of things I am, but one thing I'm not is a lawyer. No, you're a liar, and that in and of itself was a lie. I'm not a liar. Here's what happened, okay? So I met him in a hotel, and then we went to Raoul's, okay? And then we went at Raoul's, and carol not stirring the shit at all is like did he put his hand on your knee i think carol's idea of sluttiness yeah she's like nope but one

thing he did one thing he did do it was crazy okay he got a pen and he wrote on my leg, he put hot and it said TD and RS. I was like, so basically it's STD with an R in there somewhere. It's a good thing that he didn't do it the other way around because then it would be RSTD. He was basically marking you. Like our STD. He was basically marking you so he wouldn't make the same mistake next time he was in the lobby of the Regency. Okay, Ramona. You know what they say. Pass? You know what they say.

You know what they say. Let's face it. What goes on at Red Wolves stays at Red Wolves. And the same for Baccarat. Okay? Let's face it. What goes around comes in Luan's face. Okay?

What can I tell you? And then meanwhile, Sonia is Netflixing and chilling by herself in her room. I don't think I care. I don't think I care what's going on with him. Do I care? And then meanwhile, Sonia is Netflixing and chilling by herself in her room. I don't think I care. I don't think I care what's going on with him. Do I care? Do I care? Do I care?

Ramona's fake romantic story was so sad. So Dorinda's like, what? What is going on? How is Tom supposedly now in a relationship with Sonia? She hasn't heard all the other stuff going on. So she's like, wait a second. This isn't right. Ramona's like, well, they dated, okay. And Dermot goes, no, they slept together after drinking heaven.

Isn't that right, Richard? And she picks up a quarter. Right, Richard? isn't that right richard and she picks up a quarter right richard so um ramona then goes unless did i skip anything but ramona goes to sonia now and she basically is once again whipping sonia into a frenzy and she's like it's kind of weird that your good girlfriend is getting married now to the guy you would love us with oh god she just starts this whole thing again oh one thing i forgot to say uh was that remote the end of ramona's story she goes and then after he made the heart on my leg we went to his apartment and

they were like what and they're like what she goes yeah he was gonna teach me how to play backgammon and they're like what how does that well Why would he do that? And she's like, I don't know. I just always wanted to know how to play. Okay. And that's such a typical Ramona thing. She was probably like, backgammon? I don't know how to play. You going to teach me? And he's like, sure, come over.

It's like, oh my God, I'm going to play backgammon at his house. And he's like lowering the lights and coming out in a robe. And she's like, when do we start the backgammon? I can't wait to play. He's like putting his arm around her. So is this part of backgammon? This is exciting. He oh never mind just get out of here this isn't working promote is so crazy weird game so yeah then she's trying to talk sonja into having a nervous breakdown again yeah and then it works because sonja woke up woke up sonja woke up and was like oh i feel better i feel so silly for how i acted

about that whole tom and Luann thing. Who cares? You should be upset. You should act weird. You would love us. You would love us. Like Carol said, in another time,

you would be called lovers, okay? In another time, your father would have a donkey right now from Tom's family. What does your father have? Nothing, okay? In another time, you'd be played by Emma Thompson, okay? So then Chief Potstourer, Dorinda goes upstairs where breakfast is being served.

You know, Luanne's always good for serving her breakfast where everything goes wrong. So Dorinda goes upstairs and the first thing she says is, yeah, there's still going on about Tom's story downstairs. So Luanne goes, What? What do you mean? What kind about Tom's story downstairs. So Luann just- What? What do you mean? What kind of Tom's story? I don't know.

Somebody's got screwed. Ramona smells like a grapefruit. I don't know. Luann's like, grapefruit? What? Tom loves grapefruit. He serves it at his diner. You ever been to Tom's diner?

Luann gets worked up into a tizzy. So mad. Starts pacing on the boat like, what is she doing? What does she think she's doing? Tom, Graveford. I'm going to wring her neck. Where is she? I'm going to throw her off the side of this boat.

And then she leaves in this huff, ready to murder Durand. And she's like, Carol comes to breakfast. She's like, oh, you look pretty. He's like carol comes carol comes to breakfast like oh you look pretty like thank you where is everybody and she goes oh i started some shit just so i could have some breakfast yeah pretty much so luann the land storms downstairs and at this point luann and ramona are truly like sisters like they are not even frenemies they fight like sisters yeah and luann says you're inappropriate and i want you to stop right now do you understand me or i'm gonna throw you off the side of the boat this is when ramona starts going into manic ramona mode which i love because she starts

out with psycho whisper ramona where she's like best okay what are you talking about maybe you should be quiet and explain it gently. The wind, you're scaring Sonia, okay? It's like, no, you know what I'm talking about. The way you just go everywhere and tell everybody that you're dating Tom. You're not dating Tom. Why would you say that? Who would say that?

Now, the wind. Yeah. And the best is, and she's also like, she also needles her too, because the wind goes, don't talk about Tom in my marriage. Ramona goes, what marriage? And Luan goes, don't be that jealous bitch. It's not elegant. Let's talk about your inappropriateness, okay?

Okay. Okay, so then Luan stop telling her to shut up. So then Ramona switches from whisper to just gonna yell and scream and throw more of a fit than Luann so that she can't be in trouble. And she's like, you're the one perpetuating this, okay, Luann? Here's what I don't like. My name in the press about people I'm dating. I don't like people talking about I'm dating. And then she's like she's within the paper her hair is flopping around and well the best is like blinking her whole head

and she's like i don't need everyone knowing that i dated this dude and he goes well he's a gentleman not a dude be cool don't be uncool oh bitch oh god so then i don't want my dating life out there so she's like when did i even say that i didn't say you were at a fashion show okay and then it came out in the newspaper show me this newspaper then go get it so she's sitting on the bed with sonia while ramona is blinking down the hallway you know shaking her weave around so luanne's talking to sonia and she's like who would care i mean who would even care about that and sonia's trying to know if she should cry she's like freaking out so ramona comes in with this newspaper and it's

like a coupon she has a clipping she actually brought a press clipping yeah she has it tripped out and it's still flat which means it's like in some kind of folder or something in ramona's fucking purse yeah it's so funny it's like a slip it looks like a baja fresh coupon yeah so she brings it in and sonia puts on her reading glasses and uh well ramona's already here she's already here sorry damn this game uh so she puts on her reading glasses to read it and uh they're fighting over it ramona's just like you see there it is you said and sonny goes well she just said that you did like who cares but ramona doesn't care now now her hair is flipping yeah you perpetuated okay she throws the newspaper up it was amazing that will definitely become a

gift at some point just toss the newspaper runs out of the room because she knows she's not gonna win the fight you're perpetuating this. You're a bitch for doing that. I don't need my name in the press. I don't want my name in the press. Unless I want my name in the press, which is all the time. God. So Ramona goes upstairs where everybody's trying to eat.

And she goes, oh, my God, I just can't. Okay. Like, I just had a huge fight with the man. Okay. I just said, hey, listen here, sister. You STFU. Okay. Whatever. Like, I can't, okay? Like, I just had a huge fight with the man, okay? I just said, hey, listen here, sister. You STFU, okay? Whatever. Like, I can't.

I need eggs. Are there eggs? Where's the eggs? That was amazing. If Luan hadn't commented, it wouldn't have been in the goddamn article. I need eggs. Now Sonya's down there crying. Why is Sonya crying? Why are you crying? Ram need eggs. Now Sonya's down there crying. I was trying to go, why is Sonya crying?

Why are you crying? Ramona was crying for Sonya. Why does Lou get a piss? Why does Tom get a pass? Who plays with people's feelings that way? Oh, come on. It was not, no one's playing with people's feelings. You guys are actively inserting your feelings.

That way they can be played with. And that way you can say that you're a victim in all this yeah she never had closure that's the best part she never had closure okay dorinda dorinda's like the only thing she never i don't even know what's the problem with sonia is there's too much opening yes exactly thank you thank you thank you thank you okay okay friendship okay i'm like luann lu. That's true friendship, okay? Unlike Luann. Luann's, I mean, Sonia's still down on the bed reading the tiny clipping over and over with her glasses. She's like, can I keep this? Meanwhile, God was like, I feel bad for Sonia. So we're going to send a yacht of really hot shirtless guys.

We're just going to have them glide by. Sonia's just so glad to be in the paper. Cheer up, Sonia. Cheer up. Yeah. Hot boys. Sonia's just so glad to be in the paper Cheer up, Sonia Cheer up

Hot boys Only boys from a distance would act like they're going to jump off a boat to swim over I know So then Luanne emerges from steerage And she walks up to Ramona and says Can you apologize for what you just said? And they have this awful faux apology She's like, I'll apologize for raising my voice

Well, I'll apologize for raising my voice too What am I for raising my voice too am i apologizing for it she goes you should apologize for talking about tom and i should apologize for raising my voice so i'm sorry for raising my voice and ramona's like okay i'm sorry for raising my voice she goes that's not what i'm talking about ramona stop talking about tom okay fine i have nothing i'm sorry everything i have to say so there i'm sorry okay okay i'm done. Okay. I'm done saying that Tom was trying to stick it inside of me during a backgammon game. Hey, it's over. Like, it's done now.

We were playing backgammon and baccarat. I can't help it. I'm sorry. It's what happened. Stop using Tom's sports against him. Right? So then Sonia comes up and she's like, Luann, I just don't want you to think that I've been starting any of this Tom stuff. I just want you to know.

And Luann's like, look, I don't blame him for going for you. You're hot. Okay. The point is, is that I'm marrying him. I got the ring. I got the ring. It was so cold. It was amazing.

So then we go down to Miami at the Wasamata Resort and Spa where Bethany. Wasamata. Huh? Wasamata. Wasamata Resort and Spa where Bethany – Wasamata, hey. Hey, hey. Wasamata, hey. I've got a room. I'm supposed to have a room at the Wasamata Resort and Spa. Every time I look out, I see that sign, Wasamata, and I say, what would you do if you got a text? That's Wasamata.

Have you seen the text I got? It's like I know who killed Jimmy Hoppa, okay? So this bitch, she spends the whole season railing on Jules for being skinny, and she walks in in her bikini looking like a twig, okay? She looks like the dancing skeleton on the internet. Yeah, and I'm not saying this to body shame her. I'm saying it because, like, it's really pot calling the kettle black. Like, it's really— It's hypocrite shaming. Yeah, it's hypocrite shaming, exactly.

So she walks in, and she is—she's all unnerved because she got some texts. Yeah. What am I going to do? Like, seriously? Like, she's coming back here, and now she's all unnerved because she got some texts. Yeah. What am I gonna do? Like, seriously? Like, she's coming back here, and now, she's gonna come back here. I was getting texts at two in the morning, the day before the engagement. The day before. I'm getting all these texts. Like, ding, ding, ding. Like, every time I heard them, it was, like, making me crazy. It's like, how many notifications do I have to hear?

It's like, it's like, it's like every single second, a ding. Like, I don't want a ding. I want a don. Okay, you know what? Like, literally, it's like too much. You know what? Like, literally, if someone tries to text me one more time, like, my wall's ding. Like, I don't want a ding. I want a don. Okay, you know what? Like, literally, it's like too much. You know what? Like, literally, if someone tries to text me one more time, like, my wall's up. Like, I'll be on the floor crying. Like, literally, I'm going to throw myself off the What's the Matter Resort on Spa balcony and just, like, into the bay and just, like, kill me. Just kill me in the bay.

Like, eat me up, a shark. I want a manatee to just eat me up. I don't care. Like, whatever it is. I'm going to die. It's a McFlurry of texts. It's a McFlurry. I'm not eating that.

It's disgusting. And what sort of straw is that anyway? Is it a spoon? Is it a straw? I don't get it. I don't get it. I don't understand the brand of the straw. Like, what is this? Like, I don't eating that. It's disgusting. And what sort of straw is that anyway? Is it a spoon? Is it a straw? I don't get it. I don't get it. I don't understand the brand of the straw. Like, what is this?

Like, I don't want it. Like, honestly, like, just, okay, fine. It's fine. Do your own thing. But it's not for me. It's a cheater brand of a real spoon. That's what I'm saying. So she calls Carol, who's in the Marriott van or whatever with, it was Ramona, right?

I think it was Ramona, maybe Jules. I don't remember who it was. I right i think it was maybe jules i don't remember who yeah i think ramona was in the back like looking wow i'm on a drive right yeah whoever it was and carol like hello oh my god you won't believe it flurry flurry flurry flurry attacks ding ding ding ding ding well i can't talk because i'm in the car what what do i do like what am i supposed to do i don't know i can talk later well what am i supposed to do i don't know i don't know just hang up the phone you're making me fucking crazy i need that's the one one time when you get here i need someone one time like i guess it's just like i have to like if it's like more than two more than one if it's like two then i can't like it's too much so they get to the hotel and ramona and sonia of course doing

their normal going from room to room seeing which ones they're going to the hotel, and Ramona and Sonia are, of course, doing their normal, going from room to room, seeing which ones they're going to claim. Yeah, and this was actually hilarious because the hotel messed up the keys and only gave five keys. It had six, and one of them was already Bethany's key. And Ramona's just spinning the time machine. No, we only have five keys. Where's my luggage? I don't know where my luggage is. Look at this view.

It's a lot. Hey, the rooms are messed up. What's going on here? Someone please call me someone who works here hey i need to get naked i need to hey can someone call a handyman i'd like to install some air conditioning okay it's a vacation okay uh so they get the wrong room keys and uh luann walks into bet Bethany's room. Yeah. And Bethany has this whole moment where she's like, of course, Luanne is the first to greet me. Are you fucking kidding me right now? I'm like, excuse me, princess. What is wrong?

Like, you need to calm down. There's nothing wrong with Luanne being the first. Like, God forbid, you know, you didn't get Carol first. Just, like, calm yourself. Yeah. forbid you know you didn't get carol first just like calm yourself yeah so she has a conversation with luanne which is so awkward because she's like so you're happy like sorry i missed it she's like ring ring i gotta ring i gotta ring oh so you're happy so uh you're happy now are you happy are you happy really really really of course i'm happy i'm i'm engaged i'm getting back do you believe that i'm getting married but you're really gonna get so you forgot a room you forgot a room

from wondery this is black history for real i'm francesca ramsey and i'm consciously what do most people think about when they hear the words Black History. Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some.

As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus

starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top ten, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will,

she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. You guys, I hear Ramona yelling in the background. I'm right here literally going, you forgot. Bethany is so shady. She's like, so you happy? Happy? You're seriously happy?

Because I know in your last relationship, you know you have that european kind of relationship where you just both fucked everybody but but this relationship is like that you monogamous we're getting married of course we're monogamous i mean why would we get married we're monogamous why you were whole for your whole life like now you're married yeah yeah we're getting married it's fine i'm you mean i'm horribly in love yes absolutely bethany but you know bethany i mean honestly she was doing she was doing her weird like law and order moment okay but it was such it was such a cold bitchy way to go about it like not like not showing any happiness whatever nice to see you her face is just straight she's angry she's got that typical

bethany piss on her face she just has to get out of it like just grow up a little bit she's just building her up to bring her down it's worse yeah it's like she's getting yeah her law and order where she's trying to get her to say all the false things so that they can start knocking them down one by one well in her mind she wants she basically wants to know like if you guys are in an open relationship then this picture is fine well we'll get to the picture but like if you're in an open relationship then there's no story here but if it's if you're saying it's a closed relationship then we then there's an issue so i i get what she's trying to say yeah but who on camera is gonna say oh yeah we're in an open relationship we're just getting married because we're old it's just she's just bethany sometimes can just be very nasty and

again for someone who claims to be a girl's girl she does not do anything that speaks of being a girl's girl in any way no yeah she's awful so she basically sets up luann for even a bigger fall when all she had to do was really go well i gotta show you this click yeah that's it that's it just be done with it yeah so she doesn't and luann knows she's like well bethany's acting different she's not being mean yeah and she's not being uh belligerent so she must be being sneaky yeah i wonder what she's up to don't don't don't coconut music yeah don't do any more ramones like we like the lawyer of our terrace it's wonderful light look we're good people like normally we take the best room because it's two of us but this time we

didn't okay somebody's like yes we did we got the terrace and she's like don't tell anybody that okay they got the big tv and I left it on the terrorist camera. They think they have a terrorist because it's a big TV, okay? We secretly cut the room where you turn it on and they show you pictures of the pool. And they say, do you want to go to the pool? I mean, we're lucky, okay? We are so lucky. My favorite TV show is about the buffet downstairs.

I like that Carol's so important to the the show they put her in the hospitality suite they're like okay carol you can sleep next to the tray of cheetos okay so finally they start gossiping bethany ramona and carol are all together and bethany's still like a sprinkler system of like just never shutting up that's that's exactly how it is left to right like like like assaults of assaults of bethanyisms what's the matter what's the matter what's the matter so she starts telling um well he's cheated already i mean like already cheated already i got and uh already. And some Playmate Bunny or something. Like a Playboy cover. I don't even know.

Like a bunny. Like, I don't even know. What's a legit bunny? I don't know. Roger Rabbit. He's like fucking Roger Rabbit on camera. I don't know. Ramona's like, no, don't say that.

Who was it? No, I don't. I feel so bad for Lou Wayne. Who was it? Where was it? Yeah, was it? Well, Bethany also says that what she's heard and by the way what a yenta bethany's being right now she's like she's saying that what she's heard is

that tom even though he has the dagostino family name he himself is not wealthy and he goes after wealthy women oh snapple i didn't get that part yeah she that's what bethany god she's like yenta the matchbreaker yeah yeah it's yeah yeah so she's um so finally she gets to it and she's like um it's a fact it's true i've got pictures well of that thomas making out with a girl at the bar at the regency for now yeah yeah and i got pictures and ramona goes i wish i didn't know that because now it's gonna come out of my mouth okay my storyline my yeah my storyline don't you dare don't you dare this is gonna be my moment with louisianne okay it's revenge revenge because i lost the fight over the brookshires okay this is my fight ramona ramona singer don't you dare like if you do like

literally i'll be on the floor crying i'll be like just like tell me now like literally like i've worked the only thing i've got okay i've bled through the entire second half of the season the only thing i got is this photo, okay? Like, literally, kill me now. Kill me now. Bethany said, yeah, I got this picture from the Regency. And Ramona goes, the Regency? That's where we go all the time. Like, he goes to three places. Like, the Regency, the Marriott, the McDonald's.

Then back in a circle, okay? And why is he still going? And back around. I can't believe you forgot. Back around. Why is he still on the same circuit, okay? Something not right. He's still going. And back her up. I can't believe you forgot. Back her up. Why is he still on the same circuit? Okay.

Something not right. I told her he's not a nice guy. Okay. And yeah, that's what I love when Ramona goes, a nice guy wouldn't do that. Yeah. Oh, God. I got a picture. Cannot wait. So when the show comes back in two weeks after the Olympics,

it looks like so much shit is going to happen. Like it's just pure madness. And the preview was amazing. I love the moment when Dorinda's like, I wish John were here. And then the man goes, I wish Tom were here. And Joel goes,

I'm so glad Michael isn't here. I'm having the best time. And then she's up on like a stage. I was like, I'm so glad Michael isn't here. I'm having the best time. And then she's up on, like, a stage. I was like, I'm, like, I'm actually, like, really happy for Jules getting, like, a backbone. Like, I've sort of enjoyed second half season Jules. I feel like she has started to come into her own of this woman who is growing more and more empowered against her husband. And speaking up against people like Bethany. Like, I'm enjoying Jules more.

I think she's moving into a typical housing. They always do it. They come on the show and then they leave their husband. It's like, they're looking for their own job and this is it. If they can ruin his life on the way out. Yeah. And actually Bethany said that on her own show.

And I was like, what a, what a wonderful observation that we made already. But she was saying that, yeah, I think she was calling it the lifeboat where people use the show as the lifeboat and they jump on just to get a divorce on camera yeah maybe that's what jules did and she also mentioned somebody else was one of them

oh she said kel i think she said that kelly on real housewives of orange county was one of those so we'll see we will see so um let's move on to something that we have not done in the longest time. Are you ready? Yeah. How lucky are you to have me teach you about me? Clear the phlegm. Clear the phlegm. This is a very special clear the phlegm because Instagram user NancyH829 actually tagged tagged ron and i in one of caroline fleming's

photo comment areas and for good reason this is one of the most phlegmiest phlegm phlegm photos of all time it's just a picture it's a bowl with some potatoes some little looks like baby eggplants maybe tomatoes or whatever just Just some little veggies. Some root vegetables and some tomatoes. That's right. So Caroline Fleming says, Denmark, Denmark, Denmark. Hot, hot, hot. How much we love you for so many different reasons.

Pictured is the washed results of our vegetable pickings from our dear retired estate manager's garden. The cutest thatched house with a perfect vegetable patch. Lucky, lucky divine memories from at Waldemar Slott. Now I will make the side dishes for our salmon tonight. Having dinner with my children and darling granny.

X, X. X space X. This is the most Caroline Fleming thing ever. What about the cutest thatched roof? Oh, our workers have the most adorable housing, don't they? Now, excuse me while I go to my castle. It is important that my children are close with the workers, even if they've gone, considering they've raised them. How lucky are you to work for me and grow your vegetables for me?

That poor gardener is probably like, bitch, I quit. Are you seriously stealing vegetables out of my backyard right now? Get the hell out of my yard. I've waited three months for those turnips to grow and you just took them and put them on your Instagram. No, bitch, give them back. It's like, thank God there's that teenager

following you around with an iPhone so I can have some evidence when I call the police on your ass. Well, it looks like those vegetables will be used for me and Granny tonight. X space X. Oh, Denmark. When I saw this picture, I just thought, I like the idea that she's not even bothering trying to pretend she cooks anymore. She's just like, oh, it's vegetables in a bowl.

We eat them with fork. I could totally imagine her doing that. Like, here, children. Here are some vegetables straight from the ground. Okay, well, that was it for a little clear the flam. Clear the flam. And now, it's on to my favorite show of all time. Roseanne, just time. Roseanne.

Just kidding. Murphy Brown. The Real Housewives of Melbourne. Oh, yes. Damn it. This show is hilarious to me. So funny. I was laughing so hard outside my house.

I was watching it eight in the morning like a crazy person because I couldn't sleep. And I thought, this is going to be stupid. It's eight in the morning. Who wants to sit here and laugh at eight in the morning? Fuck it. I was laughing really, really loud. Love you, show. Love you.

So this is episode two, which aired last week. So, okay, we're confusing our listeners. We understand. But for episode one, we recapped it the day before it aired because we were so excited. Then everyone was confused. They're like, wait, did it air already? No, so that was the day before. So we decided, okay, you know what we're so excited then everyone was confused like wait did it air already no that was so that was the day before so we decided okay you know what we're going to do

from now on we're going to recap them the day before a week later so it's before the next episode airs to get you excited for the next episode but the previous week and then everyone's like wait did you guys stop recording so like yeah we're being confusing so these are going to come out on thursday still but we're not going to be one episode ahead yeah we're gonna we're being confusing. So these are going to come out on Thursday still, but we're not going to be one episode ahead. Yeah, it'll be the Thursday after they air. So it'll be the day before the new episode airs. So to get you excited for the new episode, we're going to look back at last week's episode. Yeah.

Which is what we're doing now. So The Real Housewives of Melbourne. If you can follow that. So it is opening with Jackie. Jackie. Angels. Jackie. Becauseie's mama's coming she's like i got a call from my mom which means that my mom wants to come which means that she's gonna probably want to talk about babies can i even compare to my mother i don't know, Bean. My mom's so great. Can I compare to my mom? Okay, so this-

Wait, I have to stop you. Because you're doing Australian Ramona now. I know. I can't help. I mean, what am I going to do? I need an exorcism. I need a Ramona exorcism. My mom is so great.

But that's what separates Jackie from the others. Did you notice? She talks like that, kind of. She does. She does. She does, with wide eyes. My mum's here. Can you even compare to Ramona? Her mum was like, so you're going to have babies?

Mum! Ben, I told you my mum was going to come to talk about babies, didn't I, Ben? My mum just asked me about babies. This whole scene, she narrates it for Ben. He's just too stupid to know what's going on. And she's like, I don't know if I want to have a baby. Am I going to still be able to do my businesses? I'm like, what are your businesses?

Isn't your business predicting the future? So if you don't know how it's going to impact your businesses, that means your business is already in trouble. You're not helping yourself. What if Ben goes on tour? what if he's on tour i'm like i don't really see a silver chair world tour happening any times you never know i mean ben has really really worked himself up he's ironing his hair now that's nice he's got some new conditioner i don't even know if that's real hair what do you think it doesn't look real i think it's real but i just don't know

why jackie's asking us these questions she's the psychic she's the one who should know the answers what if ben goes on tour i don't see the angels haven't told me anything about the tour her mom makes them this big spread of food looks delicious by the way can i be anything like my mom ben your mom just opened packages of cookies i'm like let's stop pretending like your mom cooked all this shit okay you can be like your mom she's unpacking like the 99 cent store cookies and putting them on a plate you can do it jackie you can do it and then the mom's like i just know that if you don't have a child you'll be missing out on so many great things and i don't want you to be 65 and looking back and i wish we had a child and then they all just start crying. Yeah. Ben, did you hear that?

Mom said that if we didn't have a baby, we wouldn't know what to do. What do you think, Ben? He's like, I heard her. Okay. I'm just crying because I'm thinking about all the money I wasted on that stupid booze we made last year with the masks. Oh, yeah. We haven't heard of that. There's another product we're going to pretend didn't happen.

Masquerade by Bean. Did you hear about Masquerade? Moscata. Moscata. Yeah, that's right. That's right. But I like when Jackie gets, because Jackie will switch. She always pretends she's that positive one, but then she's irrationally angry at nothing, and she'll start telling people off.

And she does it even with her mom, because her mom's crying, and she's like mom i feel like you're making me feel guilty right now mom i don't like it and she like blinks like she's really mad at her i was like i'm sorry i just don't want you to feel like you wasted your life like did you hear that mom thinks we're wasting our life ben are we ben i hear you we're perfectly happy living in a giant cement rectangle of a house. Ben's like, I'm scared. It'll put, you know, that baby will pull my hair. It takes a lot of time to get this hair glued on. Poor Ben.

And then what did she say? She goes, what did Ben say? He said something like, well, I'm not sure if that's right. And she goes, Ben, are you taking the man's point of view right there? And he's like, yeah. I think that was later when they were talking about Janet. They were talking about Janet. Yeah.

So then Lydia goes on a drive with her daughter maid. And now Lydia is actually sitting in the front seat, which is the big deal. She moved to the front of the Suzuki. She probably finally realized there ain't no She moved to the front of the Suzuki. She probably finally realized there ain't no air conditioning in the back of a Suzuki. Yeah. Suspension's not good back there. It's not good for a fig.

My face is dripping. So the daughter is driving Lydia to Porsche. So that way she can buy a new car. It sounds like porch. Yeah, porch. We're going to porch. Portugal. I like to call Portugal porch, just like a whole figure of fig so my husband is madly in love with me so lydia is telling us how

she's gonna really miss driving around with joanna she's like i get to talk to her about where she's going in life i'm like literally i get to say you're going left now you're going right they're making another right right left right i'll help you out there i've been so offended that she keeps saying left and right with her hands like joanna is too stupid to even learn two things as if she didn't know what left and right was but still now i'm worried for joanna that she really doesn't know where all right up here you'll make right and you see see Lydia trying not to move her hand, like you see it moving a little bit. And she's like, I'm not going to do it. And then Joanna looks like around, like terrified, like what?

She's like, that way, that way, Joanna. I'll help you. And then when you see Joanna trying to park, she like turns on like the windshield wipers and hits the curb. I was like, maybe Lydia's not as crazy as we thought like joanna may have no idea how to drive oh you missed that light you got to make a u-turn do you need some help joanna looks terrified she's like all right i'll help you and then lydia's excited to get her push like i love the speed of a porsche can't i can't help but like a nice powerful speedy car i'm like you've just been driving around with Joanna

in her Suzuki for three weeks, ordering her to slow down. So don't tell me this about a Porsche. You hate speed. Her husband is there. My husband's madly in love with me. This weird scene. Okay, so this scene, Lydia is trying to, in this episode

she's trying to convince us she would never have an affair. But then in this scene, everything she says is related to, in this episode, she's trying to convince us she would never have an affair. But then in this scene, everything she says is related to sex or using her husband or related to sex again. Or flirting with a hot Porsche guy. Yeah, it's really weird. The husband's sitting there, he's like, all right, Lydia, what can I get you today, girlfriend? Yeah, it's like, you brought your dog, is your dog going to help you pick? And she goes, you being stupid? He's like's like all right then let's get on with it oh muriel you're awful i'll tell you what i like

some boot i like to go fast how do you think about that and the guy's like all right i'd like to go fast do you you like to move fast i bet your wife likes that you're married aren't you it's like actually no oh well i'm married to a gay guy so i think we could work something out I bet your wife likes that. You're married, aren't you? He's like, actually, no. Oh. Well, I'm married to a gay guy, so I think we can work something out. And then he starts playing along with her. I forget the stuff she's saying, but it's basically really on-the-nose stuff. Well, now that my husband's gone, you want to take it for a test drive? Maybe the third base?

And he's like, maybe for a quickie? She's like, no, we can take our time in the car it's like no stupid like i'm playing with you yeah he's like he's like abc she's like oh i know that one always be cheating uh no i meant always be closing but okay if cheating is what takes the close let's do it all right also let's take a spin you're free now she goes what does that mean that's like literally nothing sexual yeah oh you're randy aren't you no you're just coming up with shit she's so gross so now gina and amazing gina i'm a little scared for gina because she's starting to assume the role of andrea from season one she's

like i'm gonna go give petty flow some friendly advice i'm like uh-oh advice and gina's also started off this season where she's obviously thought to herself it's not worth fighting with the ladies she's silly so i'm just gonna be friends with all the ladies and just sit there good luck with that can't wait to see how long this one lasts it's not gonna last i think that her friendship with pediflora is so cute and so perfect it's like two cuckoo birds you know who can fly off the handle but becoming friends and now jeaner has become the the normal one in a relationship which is funny to watch because petty's like she's like hello there pedofleur

how you doing i'll tell you how i am doing i do not appreciate gamble that black widow bitch gamble that bitch. She's been saying that I've been calling her Black Widow, which I have been, but it's not for her to say what I've been saying about her. I'm really annoyed with Lydia. And Gina. Another reason Gina is forever my queen. She's on camera in a housewife show ordering pasta. Girl, I love you so much.

I was like, wow, I've never seen this on bravo before yes and she's not even eating like normal pasta she's like i'll take some pasta with a stick of butter on top yes girl i love you she was so a bowl of carbs so gina was basically like you know petaflour you have you have to be vulnerable okay you have to you have to learn to be vulnerable like you're not funny like you're always eddie the expert on everything but you're not vulnerable I'm like Gina this is I love you Gina but this is exactly your problem yes you want me to tell you how you come across I'm just gonna tell you the truth yeah come across as a hard woman this is just the truth you know when once they approach you you're like a little poopoo on the street you

know that the dog didn't mean to do it but it doesn't mean you want to roll around in it either you know and petaflor is just like looks like she's gonna cry which is really weird and she doesn't even start fighting with her and she she's like and would you say to gamble would you tell gamble she's like oh i call her black widow listen here, why would you do something so mean like that? What a horrible thing to say. You can't be a mean girl like that. Do you understand me, pedifluer? So pedifluer tries to like, she tries to like explain it.

It's like, no, I'm quick-witted. And she's like, well, not everyone thinks that. And then she goes, well, I'm quick-witted, but with that, she goes, the wit. Yeah. She's like, sometimes they say things that might not even sound like wit. Because you're not witter. Well, listen here, you're not a comedian. I'll tell you that much.

You can't talk about the girls with the girls. You say it too straight faced and you've got an accent. You're not a comedian. Listen, I know you like being Eddie Expert on a lot of things, but you're not an Eddie Expert on comedy. These things that Gina is telling me right now, it is a big pill. It is a big pill to swallow. So I need to go home, chew on the pill,

maybe let it digest into my system and we'll see. This pill. This pill is a very big pill. Huge pill. I need my son to come help me with the pill yes but i need somebody to stick up for me when these ladies go and she goes fine then if these ladies say something so you don't have to talk to the girls about the girls i'll talk to the girls for you but you can't think that i'm going behind your back and if someone says jr said something you can't say jr you said something she goes no i would have talked to you and you will do the same she's like fine then it's a pact and if i

disagree with you it's not a betrayal well that is a betrayal no no it's not a betrayal it's it's not a betrayal i see poor pedoflora is making an effort pedoflore is really affected by the people being mean to her on twitter i mean she came back 50 pounds thinner not 50 but thinner she looks she actually looks great and uh i actually do think that pedoflore when she is vulnerable as juna says she is much more likable like she had two vulnerable scenes this episode and she was very likable during them and then she went back to being awful yeah just, just being terrible. So now we're going to stay with Janet. What?

Where am I? No, Janet comes and visits Jackie and Bean. Oh, darling. Jackie and Bean? Janet. Well, I know that Jackie and Bean are having quite a sex life. I can tell you that much. Every time I'm around them them i feel like they probably

just did six and then you see jackie's holding a shaker and she's like oh yeah i'm shaking a drink he's like i see you darling i can see you my the angels are in my vagina right now and they're ready to get out if you know what i'm saying yes i know i know so they have uh Yes, I know. I know. So they have a... Sorry. They start drinking this terrible drink she makes. It's a mocktail.

It's like orange juice with salt. Yeah. It's like, babe. Hey, babe. You know, I don't think orange juice and salt are really going to be a good combination in the future. Ben, are you telling me how to make a drink? Yes. So let's see here.

So Jackie... I'm sorry. Janet says, well, you're not going to believe this. My ex-husband, he wants to meet up again. He's been missing me. And then her earring falls off. And Jackie's like, that's a sign that you're not listening to something. She's like, does he want to shag you? I don't know.

Maybe he wants to shag me. Maybe he can't find one of his socks. You know how men are. You'll find them under the bed five years later. He's like, you want to shag him? No. Liar! Your earring fell off.

That's what the angels do to tell you that your ex-husband wants to shag you. Your necklace is a little bit of skews, the angels tell you. But you want to shag him real bad. She says, oh. Well, when we were married, this is what happened with my husband. When we were married, I found out he was online dating. I found receipts for strip clubs and vaginas. And for me, that was it.

That was it. I said no. Is he still in love with you? He is. I don't know what to say. You just put your earring back in. That means you're ready for his penis back inside of you. It's the angels.

I know the earring fell out again. You're not listening to what I'm saying. Put it back in. Good, you listened. Is he still in love with you? She's like, I don't know. And she says, bullshit.

She goes, well, he did say he can't live without me. Is that the same? Yeah, pretty much. I'm getting a vision. Janet, I'm getting a vision that at night

you stop listening to people. Oh, it's because you take your earrings off before bed, don't you? I feel like the angels don't talk to you at night. Is that true, Janet? I feel like they only talk to you when you get ready to go out of the house, and then when you come home, they stop talking to you.

Isn't that true, Janet? Why, wouldn't people love me? Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you. Now I can actually see when I'm interrupting you. That's terrible. You weren't interrupting me, actually. Oh, I thought you were going to go on, Flora. No, no, no, no, no.

I was just taking a breath. Well, now that we're talking about cute couples that maybe will get back together and maybe won't, Petty Flora and her son. Ronnie, I hate to interrupt you. Looks like I'm not listening. I'm Ben! My earphone fell out. The angels just told me.

Ben's not listening to me. Yeah, so Petty Fleur. You're so right that that is similar to Ramona, but it's not the same voice. It's just similar. It's the same herky-jerky staccato voice pattern. I am excited. Excited. So now, like, the most romantic scene of the episode is between Petty Fleur and her son.

This was romantic. I mean, to anybody possibly fucking your children, children i mean this show is made for you this was like the most beautiful rom-com moment between two lovers um so her son comes over and he stands in the hallway looking at her picture like i'm like he has to every day like just looks at her big painting of herself she has this gigantic sort of pop art-esque portrait of herself that's over the fireplace huge it's probably like a 40 by 60 i know it's not an australian measuring machine metric system but it's a gigantic painting that a fan made for her so uh so the sun is his name nathan i forget what his name i don't know i just keep writing down

sun sun so he comes in and she's like so sun, sun, hot sun, what do you think about my pop art? What do you think about my painting? And he sort of like laughs. He's like, oh no, do I even have to ask? This is going to break my heart. And there's like a moment. And he goes, honestly, mom, it's gorgeous. And the music softens like, he said it.

He likes me. But then it's like, it's a mother and a son it's not like i know and they're trying it's a picture this one is over the fireplace and she's like a fan made it for me and you don't think it's too wrong for me to have picture right there up above the and he's like no mom it's you it's you mom and the fireplace is going and then the camera is behind one of the cameras is behind pettifur, and she's wearing a crop top. Yes. Come on, girl.

And the music is this total rom-com, like confession of love music. And he's like, it is you, Mom. It's always been you. You've always been gorgeous, Mom. I would stand at the window of our old house and wait for you to come home to me, Mom. I love you that much. You're so gorgeous and hot. I miss you.

I miss our moments on the moon he sure knows how to get his mom buttered up he knows exactly what to say he is not you see he's basically coming into this like it's over you know but he's gonna just say what he needs to say for her to feel okay about it it really is just like her relationship scene it's so fucking creepy she's like the last time we spoke i I know that I told you to ship up or ship out. And I switched the pitch on myself. And you shipped out. Why did you ship out?

Oh, it's supposed to be me, P.S., not you, not UPS. I would like to switch that painting on the wall to be of the Marine coming back and kissing after the war. You will be the Marine and I will be the... It's like, ship back in, ship back in! They are just complimenting each other. He's saying, you've always been the most beautiful woman, the most loving woman. We will always have something special.

You'll always be the number one. And she's like, like no you're the most handsome man i've ever met i am so proud of you and i dream of you every day the moments that we have it was like a wedding like it really was it's like i remember standing at the window waiting for you to drive in i'm like turning latino now i'm standing at the window waiting for you to drive back into my life. And she's like, oh, you are going to make me cry. And he's like, there's nothing stopping us from reconnecting. Nothing. By the way, he has actually an almost American accent. So he does not have to.

He does, yeah. He's basically like, there's nothing stopping us from reconnecting. But he's literally saying these words like, you know, I don't know if we can be what we once were, but gosh darn it, we can be what we once were but gosh darn it we can work get our way back yeah she's like i want you to come home to me that is it i need you to come home to me he's like love lift us up where we belong and he's like no mom i'm with a girl and i she needs me in her life and I'm happy. I'm fine. She's like, oh.

What have I done? Sent my boy into the arms of another woman. What am I now? I'm no longer Petty Fleur. I'm just Dead Fleur. I'm Deadly Fleur. You stabbed me in the heart. Deadly Fleur. Old Fleur.irty Fleur. You stabbed me in the heart. Dirty Fleur.

Old Fleur. Alone Fleur. She actually did say at one point, This is like a dagger in my heart. She's so crazy. And he's like, Listen, I'm not coming back here. I found a place, a younger vagina.

But you can still buy me things. And she's like, I'm a place, a younger vagina. But you can still buy me things, you know? And she's like, I'm not ready for it. Okay, one last blowjob. You want to do it under the painting? Okay. So then we see Gambo and Susie driving around. Gambo is taking a ride with Susie.

And they meet up with Chica at the mall. Susie and Susie, I heard that last time I went to your home. We were slacking. We were slacking a little. The nervous slacks loud and complaining. Gamble's face is like this. She's got her wig tape. I don't know who's putting on that wig tape, but she's so uneven. One eye is up here.

The other eye is like she's trying to be a kid making Chinese eyes. She just looks crazy. She looks like a goofy cobra. You ever see a goofy cobra? Look on the internet. You'll see pictures. There are some pictures of cobras that are like this. That's what Gamble looks like.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Retail her. I just, her eyes are so wonky. I kept writing wonky eyes like 20 times because they seem to keep changing. She's a goofy Cobra. I brought pictures. Okay. There's a picture of a Cobra in a top hat. Actual photo of a Cobra.

Look, they're all, Cobras are really goofy sometimes. i did not know that about cobras that shit's hilarious there's like hundreds and then a girl in a bikini yeah fucking internet it's like literally wacky wacky people wacky cobras and then a chick in a bikini yeah um so this new girl is got it in for lydia so another reason this is one of my favorite shows in the world is because gamble's like i've seen lydia jimmy jimmy two collabs so when they start all meeting up and talking you think they're at jimmy too yeah no they're at a pottery bar okay and they're sitting around on the couches having champagne yes since when does pottery barn serve champagne by the way? Is that an Australian thing?

Remember last year, what was the store that opened there last year? Wasn't it like Crate and Barrel? No, it was like West Elm. Not even. It was like Z Gallery. Yeah, I think it was Z Gallery. No, it wasn't. I think it was West Elm.

It was West Elm or Z Gallery. And they're like, oh, the new West Elm. Oh, we have a private moment in the crate in the barrel. It's a private moment at Pier 19. Whatever it's called. Pier 1. Pottery Barn treating. It's like our mall stores here or there.

Yeah. Really fancy stores. Fancy Pottery Barn. Oh, the Pottery Barn. Who would ever think pottery in a barn? No. I mean, I thought it was outrageous when they put dresses in a barn. Oh, the pottery barn. Who would ever think pottery in a barn? No. I mean, I thought it was outrageous when they put dresses in a barn, but now pottery, too. I mean, every barn is exciting to me.

Yeah. It's small. You can just go to a farm. I would like to invite every single one of you women to the opening of Burlington Coat Factory. It's a factory of coats coats but it's here now and then typical gina she's like have you seen this this is something that we really love the idea of a drink tree i mean chica is that what i said you said gina oh no she's like i walked right up to that barn i said get this pottery out of my barn right now. And the pottery left. I gave him a gin of barn. Who do you think you are making pottery in a mall?

Who do you think you are? Get out of this mall right this instant. And it did. This is Chica who thinks everything's, like, fabulous. Here's an idea I can get behind. A drinks try. Do you have a drinks try? I love that.

Brucie will love this. And look at this. It's a ring to go have a drinks tray? I love that. Brucie will love this. Oh, look at this. It's a ring to go around napkins. I just love that. That's just fabulous. I wonder. Oh, look, this drawer opens right up. That's amazing. What a wonderful thing. Brucie. Gamble says, I don't have a drink tray, but we should probably get one because Volpe's going to be married to me. He'll need one. Now, Gamble, I'm not mad at you because you took the drink tray i'm mad at you because of the underlying lesson did you learn a lesson all right let's have some tea now i know did you learn how to talk to the drink you want to talk to the drink tray gamble gamble you have to stop putting the drinks not on the drink tray they're there for

trays there for a reason do you learn a reason. Did you learn a lesson now? Did you learn a lesson? Susie's here. Oh, Chica's line was, I love the concept of a drink tray. The concept. It's a new concept for Chica. She just loves all concepts, to be honest. She's so funny to me. What a great concept.

So they kind of switch up, right? They kind of split. Well, before that, what happens is the women are sitting around and they are going in on lydia you just literally said nonsense that i made total sense oh she just says her name. So Lydia, they're bashing. Her cheeker goes, that's upsetting

on so many levels. So Susie has hated Lydia for so long. She talked about the drink tray because there's an upstairs and a downstairs to it. So many levels. So many levels.aker name all the levels that's crazy so so they're bashing lydia um and suzy's really spearheading this because and suzy actually has an excellent theory suzy's saying well i think the reason why why Lydia told you everything about Petaflur is to get in with you, to build some fake trust with you, so that way she can then ultimately get in with Gina.

And Gamble's like, ah, little Gina's her own nation. I don't understand. Gina's her own country, and she'll be playing all of her own sports in the Olympics. It's Gina. Team Gina. Passing the baton to herself. country and she'll be playing all the sports in the olympics so suzy's saying this but the thing is they're all nodding and even gamble's like yeah she sounds like you know she's no she's terrible i don't know why she would do that you know and then chica of course because the greatest offense to chica is not saying something bad it's just terrible. I don't know why she would do that. And then Chica, of course, because the greatest offense to Chica is not saying something bad. It's, why would she tell you? Why would she tell you that she said something bad?

It's so upsetting on so many different continents of levels. The Olympics are already ruined for me. I don't like the concept of one girl telling another girl what the other girl said. It's like a broken drink tray. So then after all this bashing, here comes Lydia down the aisle. I was like, wait, Lydia, they're talking all this and Lydia's about to walk in. This is crazy. So Lydia walks in and everyone's kissing her like, oh, hi, Lydia.

How are you? I'm like, you guys are so fake. So then this is when they split up. This is when Chica and Susie get into like a bed. With their champagne at the pottery barn. And then Gamble and Lydia go to another corner. And Susie's like, well, I bet Gamble's probably telling Lydia everything that I just said. And sure enough, that's exactly what Gamble's doing.

And like literally Gamble's talking about what Susie said. And they're 10 feet away. I know. Well, she was saying that you're only friends with Mike if you get to join her. I do appreciate you putting your necks out for me. I appreciate that. And Lydia, Lydia's like, well, then why doesn't she come talk to me then? She feels that way.

And she starts getting all riled up and ready to go at her. But Lydia is just so stupid. Also, have you noticed that Lydia, first of all, just a gorgeous woman, I think. But man, not in fluorescence. You can see all the different pieces that she's got Mr. Potato Head on there. I don't know what they're doing with the lighting that's different. But I was like, whoa, is that a new chin implant? How did you do that between the porch store and here?

So now Lydia goes and confronts Susie and is like, what are you saying about me? I can't believe you said that. And they have like a whole fight, like a whole fight. And the best is that Gamble goes, tells us, it was a very awkward moment. I'm like, you created it, Gamble. You created the awkward moment. Don't act like you're a victim to it. This is a gutter conversation

so so suzy thinks that am i jumping ahead there that suzy no i mean i literally write down every single line for this because they're basically laughing at every line yeah suzy and lydia are now fighting and suzy's like well this is what is what Chica thinks is too, and she's bringing everyone into it. Not in a very bad way. Well, yeah, she is in a bad way, because this is where she's like, well, because Lydia said, why would you tell people that I'm having an affair with somebody that's coming directly after my marriage? And then she goes, well, I was only telling people because people were asking me, right,

Gina? I mean, right, Chica? And Chica's like, oh, did me ask? Yeah yeah i don't like the concept of me asking yeah and then she's like well right whoever else was there who is the other person there she's like all right well other people were asking me and so i thought it was important that i tell them if they ask me but nobody asked her she just she just brought all this shit upon herself and l did. And Lydia's going right for her throat. I liked it. But to be fair, I think Susie has a completely accurate read on everything. She thinks that Lydia wants to push Petifleur out of the group, in fact.

She says that because she just doesn't like Petifleur. She wants to move on to being with Gina. So she wants to push Petifleur out of the group. And Lydia's like, no. I'm trying to help the girls because I'm a mother. I'm a care. The mother and the care on me wants to help Petiflor and Gamble get together haven't you seen my daughter?

look at what I do, I'm so nurturing I think that she's wrong because Lydia went to lunch with Petiflor and yes she did repeat all of that stuff but they all do it and I think she was just doing it to start a fight that someone wasn't calling her a slut in which would be nice but then Petifora is the one that took all that back so how would that push her

out of the group if pedoflora gets mad about something gamble said which wasn't even anything that basically is being like that lydia's gonna jump size to gamble and then turn everyone against pedoflora that's that's what using this as a chance to do that good lord like they have to work that hard suzy's working way too hard for her second week. She's working hard, but she's right, though. She's right. And then Lydia's talking about how she's like, I've been so supportive of Petty Fleur.

And Susie's like, well, did you call her the next day to see how she was doing? Did you call her? And she's like, no. So, I mean, Susie basically called out Lydia's bullshit, too. But Susie also admitted that she's mad, and she readmits it somewhere in this when she was getting she was getting a divorce at the same time lydia

was getting a divorce and lydia was spreading rumors that she was going out on her husband and all this stuff and then so she doesn't say that to any of the ladies she has only told us this so no one understands really why she's going for lydia or why she cares but she's trying to get revenge on something that's so long ago well i'm sure it'll come out whatever the rumors are i'm sure they'll come out yeah well she's trying to get everybody and she's trying to get her in trouble now for things that happened a long time ago and lydia's like what the hell are you doing yeah i know i understand why lydia's like what the fuck like this has nothing to do with you even though lydia even though i think suzy's read is right she's in the wrong for bringing it up because it's not her thing to do, but it's still fun.

And I liked how basically Susie basically says, you know, well, you've been a bad friend. You spread rumors about me. And then all of a sudden, like, you come in and out of life. One moment you're talking to me, and then all of a sudden you don't. And then so Lydia's defense of why she is not a bad friend is just like, I never stopped talking to her. I never started talking to her. I never started talking to her. So you're not a bad friend because you were always,

you always hated her in the first place. So it doesn't count as being a bad friend if you always hated her. So I'm curious why Susie's not saying any of this to her face because they're having this big fight. And if she was married and I said you were having an affair... I think she was because they were all talking about this,

the Pottery Barn. And then Susie calls Lydia delusional for hanging out with Shane. Shane Warren. His son Warren, a man like that. And not expecting people to think you're having an affair, not expecting people to talk about it. Yeah.

They're going to fight about this the whole damn year and they're kind of both in the right i mean lydia has a right to hang out be friends with shane but she also should know that if she's gonna hang out with shane that people are gonna think that she's having an affair especially because lydia's husband's gay and especially since she just did a scene where she's trying to fuck a guy in the car that she's buying from him so yeah it's not like she's trying to hide the fact that she's a slut i think she's just like why is this bitch saying i'm a slut yeah she's actually i think proud of the fact everybody thinks she's having an affair with shane warren because it makes her look like younger and hotter

yeah exactly i think she likes the um the scandal by association yeah she's loving it so meanwhile janet is sauntering around to rock oh my god How she's walking down the street is so funny. She's like, oh, OK. Totally natural, Janet. So she meets up with her ex-husband, Brian. Brian. We finally see after two years. Brian's like, hello, dear. Reminds me of our first date.

Ridic ridiculous Brian. Yeah, he basically is like, okay, you have slandered me for two years, so I want to change the story a little bit if I can. And he's upset that she's been saying that he was unfaithful to her. Yes, and she goes, I don't even know how to react to that, Brian. What are you trying to say? I was never unfaithful to you, dear. That was just your perception.

My perception. It's a fact. It's a fact. It's not perception. It's perception and effect. Your perception is that I cheated on you and left you in September. My perception is that I left you in July. It's not.

Actually, because I wrote it down in my diary. He's like, I wrote it down too. No, you didn't, Brian. He's being so sneaky. He's basically trying to change the date of their separation. He's like, no, no, we separated three months before. So everything I did was not cheating because we were separating. She is so dumbfounded.

She's like. I don't know. I didn't know. If you left me, I didn't know. I was still doing your cooking, doing your cleaning. It's just perception. The only thing, if I ever cheated, the only thing, I'll be honest with you, the only thing I ever did was when we would go to Asia, I'd get happy endings.

From a Turkish wrestler. I was like, the only thing, the only thing? That is grounds for divorce times five. Please. And she started cracking up. Like, oh, oh. I can't try it. No.

She goes, happy endings. I was giving him those happy endings. I'm giving him hundreds of those for free i think he owes me hundreds of thousands of dollars janet hysterical oh my god i actually i really love jan i love the way she's she had like a really i think good outlook during that entire scene you know she was she was basically like this this guy he's a piece of work i'm not taking him back but maybe we'll have sex now but i'm not taking him back yeah because they totally had sex after that lunch yeah totally oh what about when he said well here we are on a restaurant you know what we like to do in a restaurant she's like don't say it. Do not say it, Brian. He's saying it because it was your idea.

Don't say it. Oh, no. No, Brian. No. It's amazing how Australians can add so many different phonetics to saying no. It's not just like no, no. It's like no, no. So now, Petit Fleur at the gym.

She's getting her body back so that way she can win back her son. Oh my God, her trainer. She has this evil trainer. She's like, listen here, you gotta jump, jump. I say jump. Who's the boss? Me, obviously.

I love the trainer her because she was barking at Petit Fleur. That was so funny. Now it's time for me to i love the trainer her because she was barking at pediflur that was so funny no it's time for me to get water no no absolutely not i need some water i'm going to faint no water no water you've had enough i say when i've had enough no i say bitch i was like this is amazing and they trained her so hard and then she's's like, all right, time's up. Great job, doll. Good to see you. And they give kisses. She's like, all right, bye then. So Susie comes over to pretend to work out.

Yeah, basically to build an alliance. She's like, oh, well, I just got into a fight with Lydia. I got to get some friends now because Gimbal's not my friend, I realized. Like, well. And then Petty Fleur, yeah, says the same thing where she's like, oh, I'm so sorry how we acted at your party. We were like hyenas. She's like, it's all right.

So how are you feeling? What do you think of Gamble? Immediately, like, you just apologized. Yeah. So they start talking all this shit about Gamble. And then it turns into the wedding. And Susie's like, well, are you going to go to her wedding if she invites you to the wedding? She goes, no, the question is not, will she invite me?

It is, will I go? Yeah, like, way to take Gina's advice well. You're learning. Way to be vulnerable. So speaking of the wedding, Gina then goes and meets up with Gamble at her dress fitting with that guy, Alan. Me playing John Lovett.

And Gamble looks like she's about to go figure skating It's the beginning of the Olympics Oh yes, really? Is it skating time? No, no You still have to wait two more years What? She's wearing a C3 dress with flowers

I've always wondered what I was going to look like in a wedding dress You're not in a wedding dress You look like Nancy Kerrigan I thought Gina was going to say You can't wear that in a wedding dress. You look like Nancy Kerrigan. I thought Gina was going to say, you can't wear that in a wedding because she's kind of looking at it weird. And she goes, actually, it looks like you're wearing underwear. Can we get rid of this stuff that looks like underwear here? And Alan, the dress designer, is getting all pissy. He's like, well, this isn't the dress, actually.

It's going to be a different dress. And Camel goes, instead of flowers, it's going be a different dress and the camel goes instead of flowers it's gonna be opals and and just like i don't get it and then the designer's like i don't want to have flowers i want to have architectural loins and jim goes wait a second if this isn't the dress where's the dress and he goes we'll get we, I'm sure we'll have time to get there. Now, listen here, mister. You get out of this wedding industry right this instant. This guy is so full.

He looks terrified of Gina. Terrified. He's looking around. He's like, well, it's not going to be this dress, but it's going to be the same shape. It's a skin tight dress. What are you talking about? And then on top of that like she's he's talking about the wedding because he's also the planner he's like yeah you know there'll be

some forks and knives and plates and jina's like is this is this man you just he's a wedding planner also he's a designer he's a designer he's not a planner he's like a designer what does this man do and gamble goes oh he's been to lots of weddings. So I thought, you know. Yes, he's been to them, Gamble. It doesn't mean he can do one. She's like, Gamble's like, oh. He's very talented.

He said he's going to teach. He taught me how to be on a hoverboard. And that, oh, no, it's not turned out well, I guess. Gina just like, oh, this man. Because the guy was just like, oh, hopefully we'll have time to finish it. Really? Finish it before the wedding? The wedding dress?

Hello? I also love how Melbourne is not turning the entire season into the march up to the wedding. They're like going to take care of it in episode two or three or four. Yeah. And be like, okay, now we're going to move on. Yeah. We said we'd pay for it, but you're getting a tray of subways and maybe a carpet to walk down oh well i'm getting married on the beach and jenna goes well what kind of shoes you're gonna wear them barefoot she goes no i'm here she goes well i've

been to a wedding on the beach and we all had to take off our shoes and she goes why? Because you can't walk on them dear. Jesus is just cracking up. Explaining very simple concepts. I like that concept. Walking on the beach. I don't like the concept of walking on the beach

with no shoes. It's like a big drinks tray at the wedding. Oh god. So now we go horse riding. So Petaflur has organized a day of horse riding where it's going to be Chaker, Jackie, and Vinnit. Now, this woman has an obsession with buffalo.

Everybody who loses a little. Like, you lose five pounds. And as a fat person, I know. Like, you lose five to ten pounds and you're like, everyone else is fat. They have eating disorders, you know? Like, you just see it get super critical because you're projecting she is totally doing that she's like i don't know if these other girls will be okay on their horse but mine will be okay they need buffalo and also earlier in the episode she was telling her trainer uh i need to uh i need some she said something like water and she's like

i don't want to be like a buffalo like where did you hear about buffaloes all of a sudden? Why is buffalo your go-to insult? Usually people go cow, like buffalo. I don't want to be like buffalo, both the animal or the city. Yeah. I don't want to be cold and past its prime. I will not be a shuffle off to. Buffalo.

Yes, I don't like it. I'm going to start calling you Bill, like Buffalo Bill. Get it? It's a Buffalo insult. Put on the lotion. Put on the lotion. So, Petaflur is driving with Susie to this riding event, and Susie is determined to give Petaflur a nickname.

She's like, what if I call you Piff? What if I call you Fleur? What if I call you Peti? What about P- you Fleur? What if I call you Petty? What about P-F? I'm like, please do not call her after P-F Changs. I do not like names.

My name is Petty Fleur. I'm Petty Fleur. That's just who I am. That is my name. By the way, I have to just say about the Buffalo thing. Again,

not taking Gina's advice about the jokes. You're not a comedian. Can't make Buffalo jokes all the time. Petty Fleur, like, listen to Gina. She's helping you. It is like watching buffaloes ride on horses.

Crazy! Deaf buffalo jam. So, now it's the horse riding. Okay, so they're gathering up to ride horses. Meanwhile, Lydia's doing a photo shoot in her house dressed like assistance makeup wearing diamond kitty ear headband and she goes blogging is so hard

i'm like that's because you're doing it wrong there's not supposed to do photo like this is reality show blogging is that you have a photo shoot for your blog. A real blogger just sits in their underwear and just, like, steals images from Google Images and writes stupid things. Yes, I think they heard at some Bravo Christmas party that you'll get a lot of free shit if you have a fashion blog. Because this is just loads of free shit that she's gotten. And it's all laid out. And she's like, do you like me in the earring? And Gamble comes over and she's like, I don't know if she's doing much writing. But she's like do you like look do you like me in the earring and gamble comes over and she's like i don't know she's doing much writing but she's having fun between lit we're gonna have to do something where we where we rank the fashion blogs of lydia stassi katie uh what's her face

kristin uh takeman and i think there was someone married to medicine or maybe there's claudia jordan maybe you have a blog i mean there's so many they've had so many there's so many of these stupid blogs the girl from newlyweds yes does she still count do we still count that barely oh by the way i read into craig and brendan uh uh yesterday at tiago they were so nice and sweet and they say hi at el tiago we love our newlyweds the first year with little friends um so gamble let's see okay so back to the horses oh wait no i just have to say that lydia's blog concept is my concept's about flirting with food and flirting with fashion and flirting with wasting money and flirting with teaching my

daughter how to drive i'm like like, lady, you know what? Don't get mad if people think you're having an affair with Shane Warne and then have a blog about flirting with inanimate objects, okay? Like, you're a flirt. Deal with it. Yeah, pretty much. It's about me flirting with cheese. Flirting with earrings.

Get this whole list, stupid Lydia. Flirting with paper tables. Flirting with spiders. So back at the horses. Cheese on barrels. Yeah, women are eating cheese. Sprinklers come. I don't even remember.

Oh, you know why? Because this part. Because nothing really is happening. I don't know why I'm writing about it. I came home drunk. I hadn't watched the end of the show. And I went out last night, got drunk, came home, and then I took notes. So I have notes.

I don't really remember what happened at this part. So basically they were just getting ready to ride, and they all started gossiping. Well, I think they actually did go riding already, and they're just gossiping after talking about it. And they start talking about Lydia and how much she's a bitch and all of this stuff. talking about lydia and how much she's a bitch and all of this stuff and then pediflora starts getting defensive for lydia which is kind of cute that pediflora would have a friendship that she would even go to bat for is like yeah i mean that shows some kind of growth right because suzy's like why do you think lydia hasn't called you yet why why not yeah suzy's just still here trying to spread her crap everywhere and pedi's like i don't know that i like that they talk about lydia like

this this isn't very nice to lydia which means she's gonna immediately be on the phone with lydia telling yeah this suzy lady and then gamble calls suzy a mafia mother and i don't remember why she called her a mafia mother well it's interesting because earlier suzy had said um these women don't understand i'm not i'm an italian and that means i like to have family meals with my. And I'm like, wait a second. Are you being threatening with that? Because now she's like, well, she's a mafia queen or whatever they say. Like, this woman will kill you.

So who knows? Maybe she is part of the mafias. Mafia. Mafia. And then I have a note here. This is clearly because I was drunk. It just says pedoflur. Just my note is pedoflur.

I don't know. I think because pediflur. Just my note is pediflur. I don't know. I think because pediflur was just being nice. But I like when then it comes back to Liddy and Gamble and they're talking about all this gossip. And Liddy is saying, well, Susie, Susie did go out. When she got divorced, she was constantly going out. Like, so what? I mean, what does that mean? And then Gamble tells tells it she's not

having an affair with sam lawrence he clarified it on the twitter like oh okay there's the real proof he said no on twitter okay in housewives world that's like cnn or whatever or the new york times i don't know i'm trying to come up with a reputable news source and i can't what does that say about america yeah uh so big gambles basically like she's mafia you know morphia don't you don't want to wake up with a horse in your your horse head in your bed like al pacino another one he's got a fire another one is a 500 year old boyfriend to somebody because who is she saying that about? I invited him to the wedding. She looks like Catherine Zeta-Jones.

Yes. The 500-year-old boyfriend. I was like, hello. Wolfie's like five years away, possibly, from Heaven's Gate. Exactly. I don't know what you're talking about. Exactly. I don't remember who she said that to, but.

I think she was saying it about Lydia. Yes. She looks like Catherine Zeta-Jones without the old boyfriend. It's all coming back to me slowly but surely through the haze. Don't worry. It's almost done. It's kind of funny. I seem to remember watching to the end of the show.

Well, that was pretty much it. They were just gossiping and Susie was doing her best to turn everybody against Lydia. Everybody is such a moth. They go to whatever light is shining. And so, of course, by the end, they're like, how could she? Lydia, Lydia, she's betrayed us all. So now everyone's mad. And then Jackie is probably the dumbest one out of all of them, even though she doesn't talk the dumbest.

To me, she's the dumbest because she's like, Lydia, if all of you knew what Lydia said about each and every one of you. Oh, yeah. Oh, no. So now they've turned Jackie. So Jackie's going to just start yelling and going off at her soon. Yeah. She's been turning this season for really no reason. Just that she does that every season.

She just gets mad at someone and then just is mad. Yeah. For no good reason. She can't remember what happened in the last five minutes. She just starts switching. So they've all decided they're going to go after Lydia now. They're all together.

And that's it. And that's pretty much it for this episode. We did it. Right here from the improv. So everyone remember to check out LAPodFest.com to get access to that stuff.

Yeah, LAPodFest. And if you sign up, use the code CRAPANDS. CRAPANDS. Then our tune-in show will be up shortly. By the way, I'm excited for next week's tune-in episode because our tune-in episode is about Bravo Gossip. And there is some amazing stuff about Erika Jayne on a radio show that one of our listeners posted on our Facebook page. It is awesome. And I can't wait to talk about that next week.

I hope, I hope you remember to talk about it. It's really good. Juicy stuff. Um, uh, apparently she does give a fuck. And then,

uh, and everyone can throw a Facebook page and Patreon and all that good stuff. And everyone can be lovely weekend. Enjoy and Patreon and all that good stuff. And everyone can have a lovely weekend. Enjoy the Olympics. All right, bye everyone. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens ad-free on Amazon Music.

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