Watch What Crappens - #3164 Southern Charm S11E07 Part 1: Chick Me Girl*

Episode Date: January 15, 2026

This is part one of a two-part recapMadison has the ladies of Southern Charm over to her new house for a pajama party, but the guys crash it and Austen unites them all against Craig. Also, Salley gets desperation chicks who chirp “pick me” and still loses the guy. *by Ben Mandelker del Toro **Happy Bagel Friday To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crapins, the podcast for all the crap we love to talk about. On ye old braves, I'm Ronnie, and that's Ben. Hello, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? Happy bagel. Thursday slash National Bagel Day. Oh, well, it's going great, going great. Congratulations on having a national day made after a year. personal holiday. Yeah, thank you.

Pretty big, Ben. You made a holiday happen. Yeah, I feel like saucy when she came up with outfit of the day, day. U-U-U-T-da. Although I am upset. Whenever I'm in New York, I get bagels from the specific place, and they always make a killer bagel.

So today, I was like, I'm ordering it. I saved it up all week, and I ordered it, and I got my bagel. And honestly, it was not a very good bagel. And I was like, how could you do this to me on Bigel Thursday, a National Bagel Day? So I guess there's only one path forward, which is, I guess I'll get another bagel from somewhere else. Well, you have business meetings today in New York. So why don't you just make them all at bagel places?

I know. No, it's just an excuse so I can get another bagel tomorrow. That's the real key. Oh, we have a big day. I've recorded. But tomorrow's not bagel day. Well, it's in the spirit of. No.

I mean, you can't have a holiday made after your personal day and then be like, well, it's also bagel Friday, man. That's not how it works. Okay. Tomorrow's Christmas, everybody. We just because. No, I'll say it's Greek bagel day tomorrow because you know, there's always like Greek, like Greek, like Greek Easter, you know, like that's like eight days later. That's true. Or you could do like bagel Hanukkah where it just goes on for like eight days or whatever it is. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's, well, tomorrow is shot. It's a very big back-to-back thing because today is national bagel day. Tomorrow is Shaw Day's birthday. So I think like we, can celebrate Chadeh with a bagel tomorrow, which, you know, the smooth operator.

I feel like Chade wouldn't appreciate, you know what, I feel like Chadee wouldn't appreciate a carb celebration because Shade keeps pretty in shape. But you know what I'm going to stop knowing you and just yes, you. Yes. So lucky day. Well, Shadee would want me to do something sensual for myself. That would bring me joy. And that would be having a bagel.

But she herself would probably get like a little bowl of kind of like Japanese farm food, you know, like something like lovely and delicious. That's, you know, like maybe something that involves like a kelp or, I don't know, like beautifully arranged. And that would be her bagel Thursday and it wouldn't be a bagel at all. In fact, she would actually tell people it's a bagel. She's like, well, it's my bagel. It's not a bagel shot. She's like, it doesn't matter.

Shadeh's bagel is what she says a bagel is. Is it a crime to call this a bagel? Yeah. Oh gosh. Okay. Okay. guess what? It is time for Southern Charm.

But first, the golden crappies are on February 27th here in the glorious, glamorous Los Angeles, California, during a old season, as it should be. Come to that. It's going to be super fun. You can get tickets over ticket links at watch what crapans.com. You can also go to our link in bio on our Instagram. That's also where you'll find links to our Patreon, our Amazon Lives, which are every Monday at 4. Crappy hour is every other Monday at 5.30 Pacific time, which is this coming Monday. Might have a special guest. So tune in.

Won't say who it is in case they flake. But it should be fine. And then Crappie's tickets also on Patreon is where you get bonus episodes, all of our video recaps, which we do every day now. We're covering traders over on bonus. And we have ad-free listening now on Patreon. So go over there. Thanks to everybody who's signed up over there.

We sure love you guys. I'm just speeding through that, not because I don't care about those things, but because I care about you, the audience, okay? Thank you. And now is Southern Charm Day? Man, congratulations to Vanita, because Vanita got her. I mean, she had one week where she said, he is going to walk you like a leash on a dog and then dump you. And then Sally's like, how dare you? I wanted that to happen on my own after I get some chicks.

And then she left, and then the very next week. I'm actually mad at Vanita. I'm mad at Vanita. Okay. I mean, we've trotted this out before. I think we've, I feel like we root for Vanita, but she's just not very good at this show. And it seemed like at the beginning of the season, she got the memo on how to be a reality star. You know, she stormed out of a party.

But then she, like, she's been overdoing it. And, like, she stormed out of this. Well, actually, I would not say that she storm. She didn't storm. But she left. She was breezy. It wasn't a storm. It was a breeze.

It was like a light cloud in the sky. But she left the slumber party early. It's like, girl, you can't leave early like this because you missed the biggest told you so. She thought she had her told you so a moment. She just had to wait 20 minutes. And she would have had the biggest told you so moment because it was like what she left on was so small. Like she could have had so much joy and she could have gloated so hard. And she missed it.

Vanita don't leave like that again. You don't know what spoils of victory. you could have had. Yeah. Couldn't we almost have it all? But no, you left again. Stop leaving.

Stop leaving, Benita. Stay. Stay and enjoy the fruits of your labor. That's what I say. That's right. Well, this episode is

Season 11, episode 7. It's called Foul Play, and it's spelled F-O-W-L. You guys, I was going to call this episode because it's my turn to title an episode. And I was going to call it the death of the pick me chicks. That's so dramatic. I love it.

But I didn't want people to think I was calling all the women on the show pick me chicks, you know, because they'd see the title and be like, oh my God, that's not cool. They're not picnys. And not get that I was talking about the little chicks that Sally bought.

So I didn't go with it. But I just wanted to talk about it's stupid. It's like slump. Um, part, slumber party, or, uh, pajama drama or something, pajama drama, I think. But it's just, you know, kind of lame, but whatever. I'd done like, well, I wish there was some sort of like book moment because then it could be chick lit. But there was, but there's no, it doesn't make sense, the lit, who cares? Unless they're good, well, they're sort of getting drunk.

No, it doesn't work. Yeah. White chicks. Chick lit. Chick lit. Oh, yeah. That would have been funny if somebody got wasted. but yeah whatever so uh it's called foul play which i really like and um um chick filet

wait what is that chick for chick chick chick churlay chick for chick for late chick chick chick we could also use chicken but chicks you know we're going to look i think pajama drama's probably where it's at i think yeah that's that's just all i have that's all i have got it me. So Sally is at her house and she's got her friend Riley over and the dogs are trying to run out the gate. I'm rooting for the dogs. Yeah. Because I feel like Sally probably takes, she probably talks to the dogs too much about her relationship. Like it's natural to talk to your dog. You know, my dog knows everything, which I mean, dogs can't talk. So thankfully, thankfully, because God, he's got a lot of dirt. But I talk to the dog about everything and my life is pretty

boring. I'll be like, God, do you know what I'm really craving hostess donuts? Why? Why am I craving that? And he just looks at me like, I would just like a pretzel. It's like anything, literally anything, drop a buggler on the ground. I'll eat it. What do you do? What privilege do you have to get hostess donuts, you know? And then I order some and he just sits there and watches me eat them. And I'm like, but they're chocolate. You can't. I mean, a dog's life is hell. So Sally's double dog life has got to be hell. They just hear about boys all day, like shitty, shitty boys. I know.

It's just got to be exhausting. And she probably, you know, because she is that friend, that girlfriend who just yammers on about the boys. Well, I really like Craig. And I think he, like, really likes me. But he hasn't made a move on me yet. But, like, I think we're just, like, getting close to there. Maybe I should just tell him that I like him.

I mean, it's 2026. A girl can say what she wants to say. And the dogs are like, just honestly, host his donut. Come on. Like, just drop it on the floor for me. I don't really care about your boy problems. Exactly. Exactly. That's why I'm brooding for the dogs to run.

You know, I'm like, round little weiner dogs. Round little white weiner dogs. Keep running. The spirit of Storm and Bambi are alive in these dogs. That's a reference to Kyle Richards' dogs that are always trying to escape into greater Encino. I block everything Kyle Richards out of my brain. I'm like, who's that? Stormy Bamos.

But Sally is, Sally is having a really. sad episode and I almost felt bad for Sally but I decided not to. So she is she has ordered like a chicken coop off Amazon and or something. Maybe probably not Amazon because you had to use actual screws. Where did it come? You have you can get like a house on Amazon. I saw an influencer do it once. You can't even say. I was considering doing that. Have you ever considered getting like a little house on Amazon that you put in your backyard? This person got a house. house they got a house they got like a like a prefab house that they weren't on amazon i swear to god i saw it is it nice i don't even know who the influencer is and i'm influenced i want a house it was like um you know it's like one of those you know like it's sort of like rectangular and it was it was fascinating i was so confused as how to how we got that on amazon but like i definitely saw that i mean we'll put it on our Amazon Live next. We should. We should do an Amazon live. We should get houses from Amazon Live. Come on. Yeah, we just need a plot of land and some plumbing. But, you know, that's pretty easy in L.A., right?

Dude, I just went to Amazon and I typed in house and the house came up. Like a real house. Well, it's a gazebo. No, and then a purple, a sunroom patio came up. Backyard Discovery, but this isn't Amazon Life. We'll do this another day. But that is fascinating. I want an Amazon. on house. Okay, so anyway, the point is Sally got a little chicken coop and she's putting it together with real screws. I mean, chicken coops have not graduated to the little

L-wrench, you know, technology, which is crazy. So you have to use real screws. Sorry everybody gets chicken cubes. And she is building a chicken coop because she wants to get chicks because Craig mentioned that he wants chickens in his yard. So she figures if

she gets chickens in her yard, then Craig will have to come over and be like the dad of the chickens and then they'll fall in love and then they'll be together forever. That's not a good plan. Chickens die young and also you kill chickens and eat them. I mean, it's just not very romantic. This is one of the saddest things we've ever seen in the history of Bravo. I'm not going to lie.

I'm not going to lie, as does the kids say, Vanderpump Rules. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. This is really a sad, sad moment. You know, Sally last year, I felt seemed like an empowered young lady. I mean, she's still empowered. But I don't know, I felt like she wasn't so pick me.

And this year, I just find her to be very sad. And the fact that she is investing in chickens pretty much solely so that Craig will go with her to pick out the chickens. And like, hopefully she's going to win Craig over with chicken determination. Because Craig said at one point that he'd like to have chickens in his backyard. And so she's going to have chickens to show that they have the same interest. I just think it's sad, especially because I don't think Craig has any interest in chickens. I think it's just like his chat GPT brain sensed that that was the answer. That was the thing that Sally needed to hear in that moment in order for him to be charming.

Craig is not going to take care of chickens. I know he's got bees. Chickens is just going to be a bridge too far for him. And now she's stuck with chickens. Three chickens. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappence commercial. Chickens and it's just, you know, I just wish for her that, because her friends said,

so what prompted you to get a chicken coop and say, oh, I wanted her to say something like, oh, God, I've always wanted chickens. I've always thought it would be so cool to have eggs right in my backyard and take care of these sweet animals who don't deserve to die for Chick-fil-A and, you know, just like really learn some empathy. And my friend mentioned chickens and I was like, yeah, I've wanted chickens. I'm going to get the chickens. This was a sign to get to it.

But instead she doesn't. It's like she has no self-awareness. Or maybe she has all the self-awareness in the world because she's, her answer is, well, I was in Craig's hot Ted the other night. We were talking about it. And he said, if I got chickens, he'd go with me to pick out the chickens. So the next day I ordered a chicken coop. It's like, oh, God, you were so pathetic.

You were too gorgeous to be this pathetic. You know, I feel like, you know, when you're not like gorgeous like that, you think, like, oh, my God, what would life be like if I was that gorgeous? Like, people would open doors for me. people would buy me stuff. People would get me chickens. You know, it's like how you think. And then you see somebody that gorgeous.

And then you see that it just leads to nothing. And then it's like, well, what's the point of just being insecure about not being so gorgeous? And then it's like, did I have wasted all my life being insecure? I think it's like a really good thing. Just a good motto in general is don't invest into the edge of the welfare of, of, of other living beings just for the approval of a man. Okay. Unless it's a baby.

Unless it's a baby. Now I say if someone breaks up with you or is going to break up with you, then definitely that's the time when you're like, we should have a baby, you know? Okay. You know what? If it's a celebrity, have that baby because then you can always,

then you're tied to that celebrity to life. And that's very exciting. It's like, sorry, Guillermo del Toro. You may be a famous star now, but I have your child. Wow. I don't know what that's what I actually meant to say Benicio del Toro, but somehow I went to both, which is very different. It's a different, very different. Shape of water, more like shape of association with celebrity culture. Pan's labyrinth, more like the labyrinthine walls of getting to be,

connected to a celebrity okay by the way i'm in cuba gosh hey here's one from cuba frankenstein more like baby stein because now i have a celebrity's baby you can use that sally yeah um so it's sad and so the friend thinks it's sad too but she won't say it sad and she's like is Craig gonna name one of the chickens? And she's like, well, I do have a code to his house now. So dot, dot, dot. Yikes. First of all, you're going to buy the chickens for this guy who doesn't care. And then you're going to let him actually perform the sacred right of naming one of the chickens. No, like, don't let Craig name your chick. Don't do that at all. That's, these are your, you only have three, so you get to name them. Okay. My friend Katie, who you've met Katie, she used to have

a chicken in high school. And the chicken's name was Sid. And I always thought that was the funniest name for a chicken. Who names their chicken Sid? The chicken said. I like that. I like that for a chicken name. You can't let Craig name them because he'll be like, um, um, page. Okay, Craig.

No, there's not only one page in the world. Okay, there can be other pages. Okay, fine, Craig. What should we name the other chicken? Um, no me. Damn it, Craig. The third one can be named Natalie. all the girls I've loved before. So, yeah.

You could call this episode, chick me, chick me girl. Chick me girl, that's it. That's it. Chick me girl. I'm going to write it down. Thank you. Thank you, everyone. Chick me girl.

As if I just got a setting ovation from the audience. You did, you did from me. His titles were sometimes very hard. Ben's the title clean. So chick me, chick me, chick me girl. And then I'm going to put a little. little star and then when you read the star at the bottom it'll say by ben no you don't have to this is our no you're right you're right by ben mandelker del toro fueled by bagels

um happy bagel friday happy and then i'll put another star and say happy bagel friday happy Could you imagine if you trapped Guillermo del Toro with a baby? So. Sally has the code to your house. That's terrifying. Okay. So now we go over to Charlie's Gallery. And Craig arrives.

And he's like, is there anyone here who looks like a really beautiful praying mantis? I want to talk to her. Oh, Charlie's over there selling a painting of a penguin. He's like, damn it. That was supposed to be my painting. Hey Charlie, meet my assistant who looks like Paige DeSorbo with Republican hair. Oh, hi, nice to meet you. This poor guy, the plus one to ever.

What's the guy's name? Oh, my God, this poor assistant. Greg drags this poor assistant around, and he's just so awkward. He's like, yeah, here's my, here's my good friend. What's his face? And he's like, uh, yeah, it's like a guy. Jack, yeah. Jack, Jack, Jack.

Oh, sweet Jack. I feel bad for him. I don't feel bad for him, actually. I just feel like he just has to deal. was so, I do feel bad for him. I feel bad that I feel bad that so much of Craig's bullshit. And he just seems like this sweet, lovely gay who's just, you know, he's like, just trying to have a baby with a celebrity. He's trying to just make it through college or whatever, get his extra college credit and he's not getting it. And you know, I look at, I look at Jack and I just think

head in a sack because of lyrics, Jack, Jack, Jack, head in a sack. But I also think this poor guy doesn't even know that his life is about to revolve around chicks that he's going to have to raise. Because Craig, when Craig says I'm going to get chickens, that means Jack is going to get chickens. Jack is going to have little chicks hanging off of his nipples for the next like three years. Here's what I feel bad about for Jack. I feel like Jack, like I feel like it's really hard to be a gay in Charleston. They're not a lot of options, as T.J. has announced many times. And I just feel like his few joys will be

After a long day of work at Craigs He gets to go home and watch Heated Rivalry And like that's his special thing Just watching Heated Rivalry And then he, the next day he goes out with Craig And this like Sally is there And then Sally is Charlie talking And Sally's like, oh my God

I've been watching Heated Rivalry It is so good I love it so much And Charlie's like oh my God I think that is so cute I love that show let's talk about it And he's like, but this was my thing, my gay thing. And now you basics have stolen it from me.

Yeah, poor Jack. Just can't mind. And they're like, Jack, why do you have crust on your shirt? What did you say? Nothing. So then. Oh, I know what he said. Charlie's like, I didn't know you were coming.

And he's like, oh, I didn't know you were coming. And he's like, but you just invited me. He does that Craig's smile that's like so charming, but also so punchable. Once you know, once you know he's just tricking you and manipulating you. And she's like,

well, I invited everyone. Well, I mean, no one really. I mean, I don't know. Do you guys want some champagne?

So you invited everybody or you didn't invite everybody? What is it, Charlie? It's so funny because Charlie is, I thought Charlie, remember that first episode? I was like, what a brat.

But like, she's like not a brat. And she's shockingly, I feel like uneasy and insecure, which makes sense because we meet her mom. This is our second time we have a conversation with her mom this episode. And so like now I understand why. But I thought she was going to be strident and like, I'm Charlie and I get the man that I want. And she's like, well, I invited us everyone. I mean, no one. I mean, I don't know.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. She's playing like a mini tuba. It's like, wait a minute. She's just going to freeze in front of one of the paintings to be like, I'm not here. This is just a painting of Charlie on campus. Yeah, I really like Charlie.

I think she's beautiful. I think she's sweet. I think she does think about other people's feelings, even though she's still going to go on this date. But, you know, I actually really like her too. And that's why I want to protect her from Greg because. I know. And most importantly, Ronnie, we know one thing about Charlie. She's decent.

Did you act decent on your date? Did you react decent? Yes, I know. Her mom's like, tell me, was there any intercourse, she's indecent, slobbing? Commercials, here comes one right now. So, Craig's like, I think I'm happier when I'm sharing my life with someone. Have you, oh, by the way, speaking of sharing lives,

have you ever been to low country oysters? You just ride around a boat all day eating oysters. You want to go? we could be like on the water together for a day. Jack's like, I thought you were going to take me to low country oysters. Huh? What? I'm the one who told you about that.

You're going to use my boat. My family's boat. Jack's like, wait a minute. That's my friend who owns low country oysters. Do I get to come? You're like, no. No, gay. Go watch the hockey show.

Go feed the bees. So, so Charlie, I was like, oh, to death together for like a day. Oh, no, Sally will kill me. He's like, yeah, I mean, it'll be good. Yeah, no, it'll be fun. Oh, God. I guess it's just so awkward to say, but the way that she looks at me and like, I don't know,

she just smiles when we talk. And like, there's something there I want to explore. Like, does her face do other faces? That's interesting to me. Okay, here's the way that she looks at you. And I can see it because I can read her face. Okay, this is how she looks at Craig. Well, he's cute, but God, he's dumb.

Do I have to date him just because I'm on this TV show? I really do like being on this TV show. And if I don't date somebody from the TV show, how am I going to stay on the TV show? God, is it him? See, the only one available? Geez, I don't like him. His waterfall countertops don't even go together properly. He does have a remote control for his fires in the back year.

yard, which is cool. But isn't that kind of douchey? Oh, I don't know. He has a hot tub, but I did get white spots all over my skin last time I was in it. Like, you just see the look of I could, but is it really what I want? You know, she's got that, like, cringe on her face, and that's what I'm reading. If only, there were a pretty good looking guy who just had a nice, steady profession, like a lawyer or something like that and his own house. and a little, just a little bit of trauma in his life that I could fix.

Oh, well, I guess there's no one like that on the cast. Craig is. Yeah, I know, poor guy. But you know what they say about him, and by they, I mean, Sally on Watch What Happens Life. Yeah. Someone was like, why don't you go for Sally? I mean, why don't you go for that guy, Wattner or whatever? Like, he's cute and has a job.

And why is everybody dissing him for the other guys? And she goes, yeah, well, I don't think you guys know him yet. and it was actually nice to hear that because I was like, okay, good, he is going to be a douchebag. Because I hate this insecurity of not knowing if a guy on Southern Charm is going to be a douchebag. Like nine times out of ten, they're a douchebag. So just make it happen. I don't need the build up.

Just be a douchebag so I can hate you now. Is it possible, though? I really don't want to be an apologize for Wittner because there's just no upside for defending any man on Southern Charm ever. but is it possible that like Whitner and Sally go on some date and he's like yeah I really like a driven woman you know I wake up at 4 in the morning

and I run around Charleston 10 times and I come back and then I do push-ups and then I do like I read just a I read a book and then I go to work and I like a woman who works hard like that too is interested in things like that and it's like just wants to have like go to go to lectures and stuff like that and she's like

ew he is so snobby I don't like him at all Like, is it possible that he just, like, they have a date and he makes, like, reasonable requests of what he wants, not reasonable, but like, just. Yeah, I was going to say, hang up at four in the morning is not reasonable. And by the way, I talked to Mama 10 times in that schedule. But, like, is it possible he says something that's more of like, like, an adult lifestyle kind of thing, quote unquote, adult lifestyle thing where she's like, oh, he's snobby. Like, I can imagine something like that happens and then she's turned off. So I'm going to like. I can too.

I don't know that I'm really ready to trust Sally's judgment. Exactly. That's the thing. She's bought three chickens for Craig. So now, like when she says, just wait to get to know him, he probably, like, Wittner might just, like, read her for filth a little bit. Like, why did you get chickens for a man? That's a stupid thing.

You're better than that. And she's like, I hate you, you know? So, like, I'm going to, I'm going to, right now I like Wittner, and I'm going to stay in a place where I like him until I have evidence that I shouldn't. Yeah, I agree. But it's like picking a murderer, you know, when you watch Southern Charm and you're like, oh, my God, who's the douchebag? Yeah. You know, I mean, granted, it's like watching, well, I don't want to say what movie it is because it's a spoiler alert, even though it's really old.

But the one where they all did it, you know? But, you know, it's like that kind of murder. They're all the murderers. Yeah. Those damn dogs. Do you get those puppies? Crewelly gets all the blame, but it's also for henchmen. I'd just like to add.

So now we go to Madison's new house. And, oh, wait, are we in a new house? Sorry. No, no. First we go back to Sally's. Yeah, about to say. And she's still making the chicken coop. And she's like, am I going to regret getting chickens?

And her friend's like, no, it'll be an experience. And maybe a lifelong experience. Oh, stop. For them. Stop. What kind of friend is this? He's like, no, maybe Craig's going to marry you now because you got chickens. This girl probably goes home and laughs at Sally.

She's like, ha, ha, tricks Sally into falling in love again. Seriously. By the way, Ronnie, for the record, I did text you a listing for a house from Amazon. I saw it. I'm like, how big is 20 feet? Is that big? Trustfully. Speaking of which, Madison's new house, which is definitely not something you can order from a website, is a massive brick southern house.

And boxes are around. And Madison is still very pregnant. And there's clothes all everywhere. And some professional organizers are there to help her short stuff. And yes, I did look them up to see if they were the home edit and they weren't. So that's the news of that. We watched one episode of that show. That really stuck with you, that one.

The rainbow. I watched one episode of that show during the pandemic, like years ago. And you still bring that one out. You really like that one. It's not so much that I like it. It's just it's stuck in my head. Because I've seen two organizing shows ever. One was the home edit.

Well, I'm not going to, I'm not going to. not going to count Marie Kondo. She's like her own thing. One was the home edit and one was this random ass show that was on HDTV. I don't know if it's still there where the lady was like, okay, are you a ladybug? Are you a grasshopper? Are you a cicada? And it was like that was how you should classify you in terms of how you need to organize.

I'm a floss water. Oh, bam. Get out of my house. So weird that Leanne Locken was her first client. Welcome to the home edit. The Liam Locken. Wait a minute. I'm maddening you out.

Wait a minute. I came into the bedroom you're supposed to remodel and other people's clothes are in here. It's my bedroom now, bitch. We call that an edit. Possession is nine-tenths of ownership. Back to fuck off, bitch. Wait a second. All your stuff is in here.

We call that a jump cut. Home edit. So, yeah. So we go to Maddo. And she's like, wow, look me. 31 weeks pregnant and still look like a Barbie doll. Ain't it hard, everybody? Look at all these clothes.

I can't wear everybody. And so they're putting her clothes in this closet. And she has a dog named Karen. Sorry. She has a what? Of course, Madison has a dog named Karen. Oh, my gosh. Of course he does.

So funny. That's so funny. Do you know that my room was original name was Karen? Because that was like the, The Karen thing started in 2020, but our Roombas came in 2019. And so I named my Roomba Karen because I thought it would be a funny name for a Roomba. And then I changed it to Dolores when, because it was part of an ad campaign that we did. So you named yours Ramona.

So I named mine Dolores. So it would also have a Bravo name. But then when the Karen thing got big, I was like, damn, man, I should have kept my Rumba named Karen because they would have been ahead of the Karen wave. Isn't that crazy? Like two out of three of our Roomba names have been canceled. I mean, the things that... And one, one, the traders. Spoiler.

Oh, yes. That's just a spoiler. God damn, Ben. So, Logan is a show. She has a professional organized over there. And they're organizing her staff. And Madison's like, let's be honest. The fact that I have to dress my body right now, adapting to the weight in my legs, my stomach, my chest, it's grossing me out. I mean, listen, being 5'3 and being pregnant, it's not made for short girls.

It's brutal, damn there. It's brutal. Yeah, so now she eats a cookie from crumble and then, which I still have never had a crumble cookie, but I hear they're terrible. I've heard nothing but terrible things about the crumble cookies, but I've never had one that's not dry, but, you know, I think it just depends. Cookies are rough because it depends on when you get the cookie. You know, Librea Bakery is very famous here in L.A. And every time I get something that's from LaBrea Bakery, like at a grocery store, it's always dry and shitty. And the other day, I happened to get one that was fresh and dull.

delicious. And I was like, this is the most amazing brand I've ever had from a grocery store. And I was so proud of La Brea Bakery for finally making it in my mind, you know, because I was like, I've tried this for literally 16 years and it's never worked. And I finally got one that was just perfection. Well, I think that if your brand is called crumble cookies, we really can't complain about them being dry. I mean, it's just right there. Yeah, it's in the name. Yeah. You know, when people tell you what their cookies are, believe them. Yeah. That's why when people ask me, on a date and they're like, hey, you want to go out with your name?

And I'm like, um, hating you in a week. What's yours? You're like, my name is don't buy chickens for me. It's not going to work. It's not going to work as the middle name. So Brett is, you know what I think Madison needs right now in this scene, some charisma. Let's get Brett on the phone. Yeah.

Hi, Brett. And he's like, I like your overalls. I mean, yeah, it's all for the work. I'm doing all the house. I mean, they're just talking about this. house. That was funny though, because she goes, it's all the work I'm doing on the house and he goes, yeah, that's good. She's, you know that with sarcasm, right? He's like, yeah. You got to get out of California with all those betas. That man, that man is handsome, but he is a bump on a long. Yeah, a beautiful, a beautiful bump on a beautiful log. Truly. Yeah, yeah, it's not. Well, okay, so she, Matt is talking about she never thought she's going to have another baby, but then Breckley. camera along and now she wants to have another, now they're having another baby and she's excited and

yada, yada, yada. And, uh, you know, they're just, they're just talking about boring couple of stuff. Honestly, it's just there's babies and, and, you know, houses and Hudson's getting older. So now we go over to Wittner. Is everyone okay if we move on from Madison, FaceTiming Brett? Yeah, I want to talk about the chicken coop more. Just get me back to the chicken coop. That's all I literally do. I literally cannot wait until we get back to those chickens. But for right now, we have Wittner and his dog Bacchus. So I love the, I just love the variety of dog names that we've got going on. We've got Bacchus. We've got Karen. And of course, we've got Charles, who we haven't seen much of. Actually, it's funny, we complain about Charles so much. And yet I feel like we don't see Charles anymore. Don't forget Little Craig. Little Craig.

So Austin meets up with Wittner. and also like, oh wow, wow, that's cool you got a dog, then Pachas, but you know, I'm a cat guy now, starting like three episodes ago, but you're cute, Bacchus is cute, I'm a cat dad, okay, you want to see my kittens? You're my kittens,

it's martini, yeah, he's a rite, and then Piper, yeah, long-year beauty, yeah, cat dad, hell up. Yeah, and Wittner's like same age. Or same litter, right? Like, don't get me started on my cats. I'm obsessed with my cats, and I call my mother every day.

Just tell any woman you know. That's a man who calls his mother, I'm ad cats. Same litter is what I say about every season about this show. Well, same litter this year. Same litter on my TV. We've been calling the Ben on this show litter for years. Get Bet Midler.

We need to clean up this litter. So, also, yeah, I think it's not you have another male friend of the friend group that isn't named Craig. And Wittner's like, yeah, I think Austin Lines to talk to me because I, you know, you know, I can relate to all. Austin in a way that he doesn't feel like he's being lectured, you know? So, hey, so, Austin, are you or are you not, like, any sort of, in any sort of mindset to hang out with Craig and get a couple of drinks?

You want to get the whole gang back together? Because I'm really trying to join this group, but none of you guys are hanging out and Shep's all the way in Cuba. So kind of having a hard time making inroads on this TV show. Can you help me out a little bit here, please? Yeah, yeah. So, you know, I was talking to Craig and guys, all right? And it was productive.

It wasn't productive. me gave me a whole bunch of stories with butts at the end of it you know i don't take this apologies by the way i don't take him his apologies by the way god damn it crack and um witness like yeah i agree i mean anything before a butt doesn't really count all that much but you know he's like i want to forgive and forget with craig it just doesn't feel like it used to which is smooth it's easy show the pictures and he's like hanging on craig's back on the back of a boat the wind is blowing through their hair. Go the easy times when it was easy, breezy. It's like a yacht rock album cover, the two of them. So I also love like Austin saying like, yeah, I never, I never accept

Craig's apologies. Like, and they cut to a shot of him accepting Craig's apology. You always accept his apologies. So Austin's like, yeah, well, you know, we didn't have to work for it. Like, not having to think about it. It was just like something like, you know, there's something about me that just like triggers him sometimes. I don't know what it is. I'm like, don't listen. Austin, you're being a little hard on Craig. There's something about you that triggers everyone, not just Craig. Close your mouth while you eat. I'm a cat dad, though.

Yeah, it gets a little hot, Tedded. Towards me specifically, it's towards me specifically, bro. And Wittner's like, yeah, you know, I'm seeing more of a rivalry than a friendship. A heated rivalry. Jack is like. Jack is at home like, blink, he's just got like a tent in his pants. He's like, oh, no. Not again.

Wait, why did they put Austin on my show? Take Austin out of my stories. So, yeah, he says it's more of a rivalry. And Wittener's like, you know, Austin has a bit of a victim complex. So he's going to feel like he's being attacked. And Craig has a narcissistic streak. So he's going to want to be controlling. And whether or not those two pieces fit together is, you know,

to be determined. I think it has been determined. And then first of all, I, first of all, sir, thank you for that lovely read because you were absolutely correct.

And, uh, they do not fit together. And that's the fun of the show. Yeah. And there's like, oh, it's amazing how friendship can sound like a relationship,

right? And Austin says, brother, I've literally been Dave Craig for years. Oh, well. Jack just climaxed. He's like,

oh, God. It was like a whole season and, in one scene. Head in a sack. So then we go over to Fish House, Deck, and Bar. So Vanita, she heads up a very long staircase and meets up with Lever. And then Rodrigo shows up and Molly. And it's time for them to talk shit.

So they order some pokey. And Leva's like, wait, I always thought it was pokey. Like, I've been ordering pokey instead of pokey. Is something wrong with me? There's another Leva moment where you're like, you are a restaurant owner. Could you please pretend you're a restaurant owner? Could you please pretend you're a restaurant owner on this show? Because remember last year she had one too where she was like, I mean, what even is charcutory?

She said something like that where it's like, what? You know, or like, what is duck liver? I don't remember what it was, but I remember we were horrified. Well, as the great Whitney Houston once sang, it's not right, but it is okay. So Rodrigo says, I believe in you in pokey The greatest pokey of all

Is happening To me So then Rodriguez says I just feel bad because I don't know I mean Molly and I have been going to You know Highlo We're working out

And she was my account of coach and I lost my all accountability and I'm just eating a lot of food. They're basically just like feeling bad about how they look and everything because they're saying they're not working out and stuff. And then Vanita. Why is this every conversation with a gay? Like seriously, even I don't even mean on TV like it's not fair. It's like every conversation with a gay.

Whenever we sit down, it's like the obligatory. How's everybody? I feel fat. Okay, here's what I did this week. The reasons I feel fat. I feel like a piece of shit. You guys, I'm a piece of shit because I ate out of his donut last night, even though my dog

was judging me. Anybody else? Okay, let's gossip now. Got that out of the way. I think that's why I struggled with that first episode of heated rivalry because I was like, when are they going to talk about how they just feel like they haven't been eating right probably recently?

Yes, where was that? No, but that was a fantasy. That show was a fantasy because every episode, they just showed them working out tirelessly. It's like, you know, all the years of them struggling while they were on a peloton reading their text, if they got a text from that.

So I'm only one episode into heated rivalry. I think this weekend I'm going to binge the rest of it. Question, does anyone in the fandom ever talk about the fact that those two guys really don't look very much like hockey players? Like they don't have like hockey player builds. Is that ever something that comes up or are we just supposed to just say go? No, I don't understand what that means. Like, how are hockey players built?

Hockey players look like they just, they look like little wall. They're kind of like little stone hinges. They're very blocky. They're very much like, you know those things in Super Mario, those big tiles that have like the face on them that go walking around and they fall in. Yeah, it's like the big statues. That's what the hockey players look like. My freshman year roommate in college was a hockey player.

And he was just like, he was just a rectangle. And he was the nicest guy. Such a sweet rectangle. And he was French-Canadian. I mean, I basically had my own heated rivalry, except he wasn't gay at all and nothing happened between us. But even hotter. I know.

He was so lovely, but he was so French-Canadian. Like he loved blasting Celine Dion. And he always hated it when I played my music. However, he was okay when I played Sarah McLaughlin, who, of course, is French-Canadian. The life of a hockey player remains. Yeah, I feel like you could have had sex with him. you know he was really straight he was really really really straight Sarah McLaughlin

Sarah McLaughlin Sleep with her Fred of her So then Okay so Sally is talking about Craig of course Well she's she's talking about Well no Vinita is talking about Sally and Craig

And she's like yeah you know Sally and I had a bit of a squabble And I was just flabbergasted I was like okay and I didn't even hug her on her way out and Leva's like yeah makes me sad because like generally I think you're like such a good friend to Sally but like Sally's not a girl's girl boom boom there it is there it is me love a girl girl girl of all girls girl ask the single mom I fired that's right for drinking when everybody else was also drinking So Molly, they all agree that Sally is not a girl's girl.

By the way, I also like Sally saying the squabble was so bad that didn't even hug afterwards to say goodbye. I'm like, do people normally hug goodbye after a squabble of any kind? But that's fine. So Vinina says, I expect what I give to people in friendships. So the abandonment thing is hard for me because I had a best friend I grew up with from diapers that stopped talking to me when I was in 11th grade. And I never thought there would be a moment in my life where I didn't have her. Then all of a sudden, she disappeared. And it was like, okay, wow.

And then there's a whole june. Okay, right, wait, pause. Really? That's the whole story. I need the rest of the story, man. Because I've watched you on this show. And just being like, yep, then she, for whatever reason, have no idea why. Stop talking to me.

What did you do? What did you do? I believe there's more to this, okay? There's a whole season here. Call that girl from 11th grade and get her on the show. And also, how does Vanita look exactly the same as she did in the 11th grade except for different hair? That is great. It was crazy.

Do you think they were like, Vanita, we need a picture from you when she's in 11th grade. And she's like, I don't have one. And they were like, okay, well, just put on this wig and then we'll take a picture. She's exactly the same. So Vanita's. And then she says, sorry, because I cut you off, so I didn't want you to get in peace. But then she goes. And then there was a whole JT thing.

No, and we see the clip of her at the reunion with JT saying, in September, you let me know that you and that girl were no longer together. And after that, we were going out on dates. We were working on figuring out if we would actually be boyfriend and girlfriend. And then the super teaser drops and she's in my DMs calling me a goddamn rat. And he goes, but you knew I had a girlfriend off camera. I had a girlfriend. She goes, oh, come on.

I did not. But then Vanita did a podcast recently where she said, oh, yeah, I was never with JT. I never even kissed that guy. He had a girlfriend the whole time. Okay. So which is it, Vinina? And this is the problem I have with Vinina. I just don't believe her.

I just don't believe her because she lies. And then it's like, did you forget that you lied? That was your entire reunion. Come on, man. At least stick with the lie. I don't even need the truth. Just if you're going to lie on a show, stick with the lie. So I don't believe you in this fight.

And I think you were totally right in this fight against Sally. That's the thing. But I still can't be on your side because of your own podcast confessions. My hot take is I honestly was never emotionally. invested in anything with the Vanita and JT thing. I didn't care about the stuff that was on camera. And I just never, so that, like, made it hard for me to get, like, really invested in, like, in, like, the, this, this stuff. So I just feel like with Vanita, I guess what I just want from her is, um, I think what we both want from her is we just want her to stand in her, stand in her

vanita in this a little bit more, you know, in the sense of like, I just, I'm just really upset that she stormed out. I keep on saying stormed out. She didn't storm out. I'm just still upset that she left the final scene today early when it could have been such a triumphant finita moment. I feel like she's so close to being so great on the show and then, but she's actually can't quite get there, you know, and that bothers me. It bothers me that she tells so many untruths. I mean, J.T. is J.T. Like, who's rooting for J.T. No one. But I mean, she did J.T. pretty dirty. I mean, who cares about JT though? Whatever, he's fine.

He's often... He's off in Bali with none of accesses. Yeah. With the money he got when he sold his mama's couch. Hello there. This is a two-part recap, okay? This is the end of part one. So thank you so much for listening to this.

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