Watch What Crappens - #317: Parade of Nations, Grudges

Episode Date: August 10, 2016

"Watch What Crappens" is celebrating the highs and lows of humanity (mainly the lows) as we recap the Opening Ceremonies of the Summer Olympics in Rio as well as the "Shahs of Sunset" reunion, Part 1. We'll let you decide which is the high and which is the low. Here are the time codes: 00:00:00 - Intro 00:07:20 - Crappens Mailbag 00:20:15 - Shahs of Sunset Reunion Part 1 01:05:41 - Olympics Opening Ceremony Subscribe at https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Support us at https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens Follow us at https://facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Visit us at https://watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Ben. And Ronnie. From Watch What Crap Is. Head over to TuneIn now and listen to exclusive content from the show.

On TuneIn, you'll hear bonus material not heard anywhere else, including... Exclusive hot takes on Bravo shows. The latest in reality show gossip. And impressions of reality show stars. Each week, we'll bring something new. With TuneIn Premium, not only will you get exclusive content from our show But you'll hear every NFL, MLB, and NBA game live Commercial free music from stations from all over the world

Plus there's thousands of other great podcasts Yeah, we're big enough to admit it And a huge selection of audiobooks too Download the app and subscribe to TuneIn Premium for just $9.99 a month today Watch what crap ends Watch what crap ends to tune in premium for just $9.99 a month today. Watch what happens, watch what happens Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens Watch what happens, watch what happens Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crappens

A podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch I'm Ben Mandelger from bsideblog.com and the Banter Blender podcast. And joining me, as always, is the wonderful, the hilarious, the tune-in-iest, Ronnie Karam from TrashTalkTV.com, the Rose Pricks podcast, and the Big Brother Smother podcast. Hey, Ronnie. I'm Ben. Hi.

Hi. How are you doing? I'm doing so good We just did our bonus episode And we basically bitched about Like old people things For an hour And I just, I feel free, I feel like I had therapy

I actually feel amazing now Before we started recording today I said to Ronnie, you know what, I'm in a mood today And I don't know why And now I feel like Everything has lifted off of my shoulders and I feel fantastic. Yeah, me too. We just bitched our way through that. Yeah, doing this really always makes me feel better, which is why I'm talking for 30 hours a week now.

are not sure what we're talking about, we do a bonus episode every single week that you can access if you support us on patreon.com forward slash watch for crap-ins. People who support the podcast there get access to the bonus episode, and at different tiers you get other cool stuff, like

you get access to a monthly hangout, Google Hangout, and you get access to things like the Crabbins Mailbag, where you can submit questions and have them read on the air. We'll be doing that in a little bit. And one of the tiers that we have is the premium sponsor tier, which is very, very luxe. And if you do that, you get a very special shout out on the show. You are basically the show sponsor and I'm really excited to announce that

we have more premium sponsors right now than we have ever had before. Joining Christy Dougherty and Nicole Chickering this week as two of our premium sponsors, we have Taryn Garcia,

Mia Hansen Aloha, and the Wine and Shout podcast. The Wine and Shout podcast has sponsored this episode of Watch What Happens for the whole month. There are new subscribers for the month.

So thank you, all of you guys, all five of you. It means so much that you guys want to be. I love Wine and Shout. That's like my childhood, the Wine and Shout podcast. How did I not think of that?

I feel like it's my adulthood. So, yeah. No, seriously, I mean, we thank everyone who supports us on Patreon, but it's so cool that we have five people who are supporting us at that high level. It's really awesome. Thank you, guys. Thank you so much. And, of course, everyone can come to our Facebook page, facebook.com forward slash watch where crap ends,

where you can just be part of the conversation, be part of the community, comment on our shit, become friends with everyone. It's so fun. And if you want to see what we're up to on social media in general, go to watch where crap ends.com to get all our links. And let's not

overlook this super cool thing. We already mentioned at the top of the show that we have been brought on by TuneIn to do some exclusive content for them on their premium feed, which is really awesome. But also, because you know we always got stuff to shill, we are part of the LA Podfest this

year, and that is a really cool honor to be part of that. And if you are unable to go, it's at the end of September. I, of course, don't have it up in front of me. I don't have the exact dates. What are the dates again, Ronnie? Do you remember? No, they're at the end of september i think it's september 25th yeah it's somewhere around there if you give me like one second i'll

tell you but the point is um that if you can't make it to los angeles for the pod fest at the end of september you can watch their feeds um and the you get access to like all the all the podcasts that are there like welcome to night Vale and all that shit, like really big podcasts. You can watch it the whole weekend. And if you use the promo code CRABBINS, you get a discount. That's all. Yeah. Do it.

I just want to tell you that. And if you're in the area, please come watch us because we're going to do a show, a live show from the Podfest. So excited to do that show. Yeah. Come fill the Podfest. So excited to do that show. Yeah. Come fill our seats. I'm leaving the house. Tell your parents. Tell your friends and your family. I think that's it.

I think I have shilled everything that needs to be shilled. Shilled it out, girl! Okay, so for our Twitter poll today during the show, I want to put something up about the Olympics. I was thinking which housewife, which real housewife would win the gold medal for mental gymnastics? And then do you think that's a good enough question?

I love it. Okay, so I put Lisa Rinna, Ramona Singer, Vicky Gumbelson, or who else should be there? You just picked someone. Mental gymnastics. Yeah, I'm trying to think of someone who talks a lot of poop. Yeah, let's say Teresa. Just because I feel like her mental process is often very confusing. It twirls and it spins and requires a lot of core work. Yes, as Teresa would say herself.

What? Huh? What? Wah? Wah? Blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink. By the way, you're right. The Podfest is on September 25th. The whole weekend is the 23rd to 25th, but our show will be on the 25th. Yes, so excited. Spirit-solid.

All right, let's do this. All right, so today we're going to talk about the Shah's reunion And we're also going to get into the Summer Olympics opening ceremonies But first, before we do anything else Why don't we just open up the Krappen's mailbag? Do it, Ben! the crappin's mailbag do it then okie dokie so let's see why don't we start with michael horn okay miguel miguel miguel horn um he says if you could have one bravo liberty the podcast, other than ones who have already been on, who would it be and why? What would you want to ask them or talk about?

Well, my answer will probably not come as a surprise to anybody. But I would like to have Lisa Vanderpump, darling. Because I think that there is more stuff that goes on with the Lisa Vanderpump storylines that we could get the truth out of her than I think other people have. Because they just don't ask the right questions. Like, I want to

go back all the way to remember when Maloof was accusing you of selling stories to the tabloids? Was that Chef Bernie or wasn't it? And when Brandy was friends with what's-his-button, Cedric the Leech, in season one when she tried coming to your party and you kicked them out, was that real or was that producer? Because we've heard now two different sides of that story, and I still don't believe the last one we heard which was that it wasn't planned at all blah blah i don't i don't get that so i think she has the most dirt and i think she would actually tell us if we maybe had a drink first yeah i i was gonna say the same thing i mean lisa vanderpump

is is for me the obvious choice i'm trying to think right now if there's maybe someone who is, like, a little less obvious, someone that's maybe forgotten about or perpetually overlooked, you know, like a Quinn from Orange County. But I don't think that she has too much interesting to offer, you know. Maybe an Alexis Bellino. I think she would give, like, a very entertaining interview. Maybe an Alexis Bellino. I think she would give a very entertaining interview. We could just blow her mind with all sorts of theoretical situations. Now imagine there are three kids.

They're on top of a mountain, and they're stranded there. Oh, God. But don't worry. They've just been saved. Oh, thank God. Just put her through the ringer the entire episode yeah Alexis would be a good one because I don't think that she would be able to remember her own lies so

we could like spin a web very very easily because this isn't like 2020 where we're trying to catch people in lies and stuff but I think that we could very easily with her be like now just repeat the first answer that you gave again and she wouldn't be able to it'd be different every time and then if we started kind of hinting that she was lying she would start

freaking out yeah um i would also i think i would actually uh enjoy having leanne locken on our show just to get her mad just and see what would happen yeah smack things get her worked up see if we can get her mad i'll bet we we can get her mad. I'll bet we could. Yeah, she just gets so angry. And then Scarlett Johansson would come out and be like, hey, big guy, calm down. Calm down for a second. And then they fall in love. And then Scarlett Johansson would feel bad that she couldn't have a baby. I would want to do that interview on a terrified trolley, though.

It's a dented trolley that's kind of shaking from fear the whole time we're on it. Yeah, you know, every time everyone mentions Dallas now, they're like, well, you know, that night in Dallas. I'm like, are they talking about the night that Leanne went crazy? Or, oh, it was probably the other time, too. But, like, they're pretty close now. Yeah. I wasn't trying to denigrate the awful thing that happened in Dallas. But sometimes I like to, it's more like I like to elevate Leanne's night up to the awful night in Dallas.

Oh, I actually just got what you were talking – I was actually thinking of the show. I'm like, what other night in Dallas was there? No, just because during the conventions, everyone kept mentioning Dallas, being like, what happened in Dallas? What happened in Dallas? The trolley. It's not that I don't want to like – I don't want to like reduce what happened in Dallas? What happened in Dallas? The trolley. Yeah. I don't want to, like, you know, reduce what happened in Dallas. But I like to imagine. Well, I mean, it is a way to get voters more involved.

I mean, if you just hashtag that R-H-O-D, I mean, more people would be at the polls. Do you agree or do you not agree with what happened in Dallas? People would be like, that poor fairy! Or that poor trolley, that fairy. She's beating up fairies now. Yeah, as we learned that one night in Dallas, we need to have stronger trolleys. Well, it's an easier world to live in

when you just switch every terrible thing in the world that happens to a real housewife. Well, yeah, if everything that all the politicians have been talking about was just a reference to Leanne, everything makes much more sense now. Yeah, for example, I saw that the Emmys are going to be on 9-11 and I thought, yeah,

that is a tragic day because the housewives weren't nominated for anything. It makes life easier to live if you can just make every tragedy about something on TV. You know, it like makes life easier to live if you can just make every tragedy about something on TV. You know, you're so right. You are so right. Those are my favorite words, man.

Thank you. Benjamin Cohen asks or says, I first need to bring up Captain Mark from Below Deck Med. What the fuck is up with that guy's eyebrows? How come no one is talking about his salt and pepper pluck job? Then he goes, here's my real question.

Which real house I've passed or present do you think is the most attractive to straight men? For me, it is Alexis Bellino as she is still queen of milfs. And then some other people, by the way. Yeah, Alexis Bellino's gorgeous. Yeah, that's definitely like straight guys. I feel like love Alexis Bellino. Other people, by the way, chimed in, um,

Henry Sabassi, who we used to call Henry Sabassi until she corrected us. Um, she also agrees with Alexis Bellino. Benjamin Cohen says, how does a pig like Tom land her? She could have ruled porn like Lisa and what a waste. Uh,

Catherine says, Katie from Potomac is a good option. And Sonia. God, now. She was fired. Did you know that? I believe it. Deliza D thinks Sonia would be a good option.

So who do you think is hot for straight guys? I think, I mean, the obvious choice is, like, the beauty pageant lady from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills who invented her own, Joyce, who invented her own beauty pageant, Miss America of the World of the Soil or whatever that's called. Brandy. Brandy. Brandy. Yeah, but I think Brandy's slightly terrifying as well just because she's because her face doesn't move and she squeals a lot. But I do, I don't know, I think she's bangable, right? Oh, I think actually, there's actually a very clear answer for me.

I think it would have to be Joanna Krupa. She's already like, you know, guys jizz over her all over the place. If they hold their nose, ooooh. It's indulging. I'll go with that. Unfortunately, just knowing as many straight guys as I know, they're as shallow as gay guys. I think it's a man thing.

They just have worse tits. Like the younger models, I would guess. Yeah, like Lisa Hochstein. They probably love Lisa Hochstein. Oh, yes. Oh, my God. She's a blow-up doll, you know? Yes, yes. That girl looks like one of those 3D porn simulations. Yeah.

They might like, what's her name? Like Ashley. Ashley from Potomac. Oh, yeah. Oh, and Portia. By the way, Portia Williams, who just recently passed out in a parking lot yesterday. She did? What was wrong with her? Lord knows, but she passed out.

It was the top most trending thing on my Facebook page, which is sad. Ken, you'll find some way to use that against her. But I'm sure Portia, I'm sure she's also very popular with the straight men. Oh, yeah. She's hot, too. Yeah, I would imagine that Kenya will use that next season. Something along the lines of, well, at least I'm not blocking cars from exiting a Ross. She'll be like, how dare you?

Oh, Atlanta. All right. What else is in that mailbergs? Oh, in the mailbergs. How about Deliza D? We just mentioned her seconds ago. Deliza! Deliza D! She says, have you guys seen Heather Dubrow singing the National Anthem?

I tried finding the clip online, but no luck. The review suggests she was amazing, but I'm a little skeptical. I know Ronnie has some musical theater history, but Ben, you sound like you might have some music in your background as well. Any music critique or other comments on Dubrow's Spangled Banner? When did Heather Dubrow sing the Star-Spangled Banner? What event was this at? Probably at the baseball game she held in her foyer, because it's that big.

They're like, well, you know, Terry and I decided to add a stadium onto our backyard. That's all. Crazy things we're trying. I have been building this stadium all by myself. I have not had Terry's help with these bases. And I told him, if you want to get to second base, you need to put second base down by the base.

Terry. Colette has been lost in the bleachers for five days, and Terry's not helping me find her at all. Oh, say, can you see by the dawn's early light i guess who i don't see at the dawn's early light terry because he's up before the dawn's early light to go to work i heard voices in the middle of the night that said if you build it they will come

well i've built it and no one's come. But I'll still sing the Star-Spangled Banner. Star-Spangled Banner? You don't need a banner, Terry. You don't need something that says, Welcome, congratulations, you made it home. You just need to come home and bring a Mother's Day gift a week later after your business trip. So, hurry, Terry. Now hurry up.

The Collettes are playing the Shampers. Oh, say can you see? Oh, God, I've got a leech seeping into my elbow. Terry, Terry. You know, I'm a joiner. You know, I'm a joiner. I'd love to just join the baseball team and play in my stadium at the Dubrow League. Because it's one, two, three strikes, you your route in the old bro household how does it end star spangled banner yeah wave how does the next part go

in the home of the brave yeah yeah and Yeah. In the land of the free. This land was not free. It was $19 million, and we're having a ribbon-cutting ceremony for it. It's going to come. Yeah. Oh, Heather, the only person who could make the entire Star Spangled Banner about herself. You want to talk about a Star Spangled Banner? Talk about the Christmas gift Reba sent me.

That ribbon was star-spangled. I gave her season tickets to left field for her team. Now where's the organ? Oh, Ben. Close up that bag. Let's close it up.

I'm just imagining Heather Dubrow ordering like 20,000 Terry Dubrow bobbleheads for bobblehead night. They're just clacking all night long, clacking. Someone just come here and take them. Take these to Colette's room in the cabinets I don't want to see them anymore Alrighty Well Should we get on with the Shah's reunion part one

Yes This isn't on video But I just have to tell everybody That for what I've been doing this all day We've been recording for like an hour and something And all day i keep picking up my pen and my notebook and doing this there's no notes in there i don't even know why i'm doing it i'm acting like i'm on the news in my own house yeah you're you're on the you're doing like the alexis belino news reporter thing every time every time we move to a new thing i'm'm like, okay. Time to look at a new blank page.

There's, like, drawings of penises on my paper. Nothing to turn to. All right. So let's talk about part one of the Shaw's Sunset Reunion. Do you have my penis written on your notes? Yes or no? Do you have my penis written on your notes? Yes or no?

So it begins with the usual, like, everyone's showing up. There's Shervin walking around shirtless for no reason. But why not? We're not going to fight it. We'll bring it on. We'll like it. People say he doesn't show enough personality. That is his personality.

I know. Let's do it off. I felt bad for Shervin because his pompadour was very flat. I was like, oh, Sherv. Alpha Sherv doesn't have volume in his hair today. Sherv is aging quickly and I don't mean that he looks bad. He doesn't look like an old man or something.

It's in the hairline or something. There's some weird shit going on with the men's aging on this show in particular. I don't know if it's the discount surgery or if people get help from their friends in apartments instead of going to actual doctors. They're like, it's my cousin, Picho, in his

apartment downtown that he's sharing with a lawyer. Well, Mike did his age no favor by adopting this super sculpted beard that looked like it was straight out of the Evil Henchmen playbook. It was just very severe and angled and

I reject it wholly. When they were showing clips of Mike, wow, I mean, he's really aged a lot. He looks like he's been the president because you know they say that the president always ages like 30 years in his eight years in office and Mike is kind of looking like that.

I'm not really sure what's going on. Drugs! But nothing good. Yeah, nothing good. You know, it's stressful owning a shoe empire that sells exclusively to nowhere. It's a factory, okay?

It's a factory. Let's get it straight. It's a factory business. Okay. Much better, Mike. So as usual, there was a huge spread of Persian food and they spent a good amount of time talking about it, which actually made me quite hungry, I have to admit. Yes, and of course, no one eaten the grapes. No one did.

Yeah, it's like, you need to bring some more cheesy bread on here. And Andy refused to touch anything that had chickpeas in it. I'm not a big fan of chickpeas. Fucking Andy. Yeah, I don't of chickpeas. Fucking Andy. I don't know why that made me so angry. I needed more evidence that I will never ever be friends with Andy. You're not going to have my hummus? Get the fuck out of here,

Andy. You've already pissed me enough. You've pissed me off enough over the years without now getting mad at chickpeas. Who said nothing to you? And let me tell you something. Ronnie took me to a delicious lunch place after we recorded it on Thursday. The pita that I had was so phenomenal.

And then, of course, there was hummus and stuff in there. I don't understand this Andy Cohen. There's a world of deliciousness. Now, I know I don't like berries, but the chickpea is... Come on, now. The chickpea. It's a chickpea. It's so mild. it's a foundation of

life you guys yeah you're missing out on peetas andy one one one macro note i had for this is there was so much emotional talk about mj and love and her mother and her issues and this and that and uh how much sex she has with tommy and i mean we'll get to all this throughout the recap but um one thing i was noticing is mj's use of implants or like how i use cigarettes you know i use cigarettes because i don't want people to get too close to me i need a wall up and i feel like she's doing that with her implants because it's just you can't even hug that girl down i mean you have to climb up on top of a chair to even get over those tits like girl so what are you doing to yourself well why are you putting that much of a roadblock on your face like how am i how does tommy even kiss you with those things

stop hating yourself i know i know it's like she has like a big old inner tube on you know it's like it's you can't really get to her there's like literal things around it yes they're like literal walls made of rubber on her face mj mj was in a state. I think MJ was eager to start shit and be crazy. And I think Reza, obviously Reza was too, because they're thinking about next season. My macro note is that MJ's issues, particularly with Asa, made little to no sense. I mean, as we'll get to it, she basically said we're no longer friends over like nothing. Like, I still don't even know what what prompted that. It was so stupid.

But yeah, there was a lot of random shit, especially in the second hour. I can't wait till we get to the second hour of the reunion, whether it's this episode or next episode, because Reza, I just I have thoughts on Reza. So anyway, so but we start with Shervin, you know, and I love Shervin because he's hot and nice. Even if he's doing it for camera, I don't care. Yeah, I don't care either. I just wrote, Andy starts this by reading Farsi just as awkwardly as he reads English. It's like, well, at least you're consistent. Watch what happens, June.

So Shervin grew up in Alabama. It's like, well, at least they're consistent. Watch what happens, June. So, Shervin grew up in Alabama, which is what we learned. And then, oh, so then, so Gigi is describing Shervin and she's saying how, you know, when it comes to Shervin, that loyalty

is everything. And then Reza immediately jumps in. He's hot shot. He's like, oh, reallyvin, that loyalty is everything. And then Reza immediately jumps in. He's hot shot. He's like, oh, really? Loyalty is everything? It's everything? I'm like, shut up, Reza. Just like... Loyalty is important?

That girl has three Ralphs cards. She can't even be loyal to one Ralphs. She'll stop anywhere. She's a terrible person. Ask her why she's never gotten a free flight it's because she can never be loyal to her loyalty mileage programs it's like delta one day jet blue another like bitch you're never gonna go anywhere for free i was like how many more loyalty cards can i go through i i'm sorry i would have done the loyalty

thing i don't know why I stopped it so soon. No, I'm not even giving you shit. I was literally thinking like, what else are you loyal to? I couldn't even think of anything. Which shows you how loyal I am. Yeah. Reza was going into this whole thing. You know, Reza is such

a case. First of all, we have to apologize. So let's start this on a positive note. By saying I'm sorry because Curtis Jensen, who is our visual fact checker, man, Curtis will catch us on any kind of shit. He does not mince words.

He doesn't. He's like, listen up, bitch! Take out the trash, okay? He scares me. He loves the time. I love it. But he lets us know. He scares me. I love it. I love it. But he lets us know when we get shit wrong a lot of times. And we sure did.

Because some blogger, Funky Davina, who is just completely hilarious. Have you ever seen a picture of Funky Davina? It's like a boy drag queen nini kind of thing. seen a picture of Funky Davina. It's like a boy drag queen Nini kind of thing. So he was the one who went off about seeing somebody in Orange County sent him an email

saying, I just saw Reza. They were trying to shield him, but he was filing for bankruptcy. And then Reza, I guess, was on Watch What Happens Live and was like, no, those are public records. So whatever, Funky Danunu's. Whatever, your name's stupid! Whatever, he got pissed.

And that is correct. And just so you guys know that I'm really serious about this podcast, I went on to the Pacer site, which is a government website, signed up for it, and put all of my information into it, and paid 10 cents a page

to search Reza, because I was like, what if I'm wrong again? And then, you know, I can't be this wrong this many times in a row. And nothing has ever been filed against Reza with that. So sorry about saying you were bankrupt, Reza. We only need it morally now. Yeah, exactly. Curtis was like, Reza's not filed for bankruptcy. It's public knowledge.

Stop saying it. I was like, sorry. Cowered under my bed. Thank you for keeping us honest, Curtis. And we do owe Reza an apology. So Reza is only morally bankrupt, as you mentioned, as evidenced by this moment that when Gigi's just trying to describe that she loves how Shervin is loyal, you know,

that loyalty is everything. And then Reza's like, oh, loyalty, loyalty, implying that, like, Gigi doesn't care about loyalty because she'll go after a friend i'm like no no reza you're the one who doesn't care about loyalty because as maureen from philadelphia mentioned you go after everyone every season you will betray someone for ratings and don't act like you like you won't and as you always say ronnie the moment the bully gets punched back in the face he starts to cry and that's exactly what happened this entire reunion spectacle and it was fabulous predictable he is so predictable he's done nothing but been a total dick this whole season throwing friends under the bus yet again and what does he do cries the whole time and it acts like a

fucking victim to every question i mean even at even at the beginning when Andy's like, we're at a mansion because we couldn't even get into a Chili's with this cat. Yeah, seriously. There's evil eyes all over the place, and they're explaining what the evil eye is, and Asa trying to make it positive. It's when you need protection, babe. So is there anyone you guys want protection from?

And Red's just like, hello? Maybe the one who jumped me! Hello! Really? Because you were the man going at her physically. Yeah. In that altercation. You had to be held back by... Yeah, that's right.

That's right. Ross dressed for less security guards. So shut up, Reza. He was a little too Kenya Moore-ish this season, I think with this whole thing, I think he, I, my theory on Reza is he, there were three quarters of the way through the season and he realized the storyline was all about Mike. It was about MJ getting to various fights.

It was about Gigi. And he was not central and he had his wedding thing, but he even realized he was not central to any conflict. So that's why he, he suddenly like rushed this ra storyline for the last like four episodes four or five episodes he saw it was happening on oc he saw what's happening on beverly hills he's like wait i'm gonna do this too but the difference is with those shows there was like a slow build of like peeling away the the information and then everyone

just gets like wrapped up and pulled into it and it's kind of like amazing but with this it was just like hey she's faking it and this is why let's just confront her about it like you rushed it and you just seemed thirsty as a reality star by doing that yeah and he totally got caught in a bad situation because another difference between the two is yolanda to me at least was obviously full of shit like from the very beginning to me full of shit no way to prove of course she picks 20,000 different illnesses that there's no test for there's no way to prove anything

he's so dumb because RA is an actual thing like she actually goes to doctors it's an actual thing dude like what are you going to do it's not going to be the same fight of you know oh look i have just proved it is proof of nothing you know well it's not the same she can literally come with

proof or you know well the issue with yolanda was that she was ill but that she was milking it for sympathy and that she was you know and that she had sort of poisoned her body with so many of these treatments that she was actually perpetuating her illness that she had sort of poisoned her body with so many of these treatments that she was actually perpetuating her illness. And the question is, is she just doing it for attention or whatever? And Reza was trying to make a similar thing, but his thing kept, his attack kept on changing. First it was, she doesn't have RA. Then it was, because then it was like, if she had RA, she wouldn't be acting like this.

And then she's, then it was, oh, she's saying, she's exaggerating for sympathy. And then it was like, she should be changing her lifestyle, but she's not. It was not consistent. And he had a point in there somewhere, which is true, because Gigi is a mess. And she probably should not have been drinking and smoking. And she was exaggerating her situation. But he elevated it too quickly. And he was taking her to task over her own stupidity you know because you just could not reiterate the facts properly and um it just blew up in his face

i think and somehow he's going to get away with it because everyone seems to be on his side still it's my show then get off my show ben get off my show shush shush it bothers me even when you say it so when um so the so so yeah so while they're talking about shirvin it suddenly becomes reza and gg and then he's like she literally has nothing going on in her life and she tries to come up with bullshit to hurt people and get drama i'm like are you just talking about yourself with like shibonics right now like what are you talking about Gigi or you? Shabonics. You ever heard that expression? No.

Is it shabonics, though? Like, shahs? No, I was saying shabonics. It's like when gay guys refer to he's as she's. Oh, no. I like that, though. I like shahsbonics. Babe.

Shahsbonics. Babe. That's shahsbonics. Although I feel like shibonics is... It feels wrong. It feels like a wrong expression to say. I feel like it's probably... I feel like maybe I was racist.

I'm going to revise it. I'm going to revise it. Apologize for racism. Okay. Well, instead, let's just have Shazbonics. Shazbonics. Because there's enough of that going around. No, I think it's the Bonics part that is the racist part you can't call it shazbonics the same problem why

ah never mind we will come up with a good cultural but but it's cultural not color like a bonics isn't a color thing it's a cultural thing then no but the whole thing but the whole thing was rooted in in a and i think in a racial thing, like in a, in like a bad, I'm not, you know what? We're not even gonna, we're not even gonna bother with it. Yeah,

let's not. There's like, lame bonics, lame bonics. The world would feel guilty about without taking this on. Okay. Yeah. We already,

we're already up to our eyeballs with stupidity with, with the Shahs. The last thing we need to do is debate the merits of the term shabonics. We'll just come up with a new one. There should be a more current term for when gay guys refer to he's as she's. I think that... And also, bonics comes from phonics, doesn't it?

So that's not racial. Yeah, but where's the eba come from? Shazbonics. No, never mind. Shazbonics. I don't know. I don't know. It feels... You know, it's like that thing on 30 Rock where Alec Baldwin says, like, well, she's Puerto Rican or whatever it was.

He goes, that feels wrong. Am I allowed to say Puerto Rican? That's what I'm going through. We've come to a place in this country where we don't even know if we're being racist. And I say that that's progress. I think it is progress. for being racist and I say that that's progress. I think it is progress and I feel like that

instinct to be like I think I may have offended people so I'm just going to apologize right now I think that's a good thing, right? I guess. Because you're taking account of someone else's feelings. Yes. It's being sensitive at the end of the day guys. We are so great and thoughtful. That's the point.

I think the best way to get off an awkward racial discussion is to just horrify people so let's do that let's talk about res's wedding so let's do that by talking about mj wanting a baby oh yes and how she plans on doing this yes please that's that's even more horrifying how could i think that res's wedding could be the most horrifying thing yeah well res's wedding was pretty horrifying when his answer to andy and he's like so your wedding blah blah blah and he's like yeah well after you made mistakes like i made like when i like literally left him at the altar like no you didn't you didn't get to the altar you just took your

honeymoon vacation with your friends instead of him and then made him cry for a year yeah but you know who's counting uh when he said that he's like i owed it to him you owed it to him to take him to palm springs where he can invite none of his friends or family and then buy him a ring off a dead person that's barely cold on the ground shame on you yes we're gonna go back to saying you're bankrupt soon yes exactly so mjb just like you okay So then it switches over. No, no. I'm sorry. I skipped ahead. So then it skips over to wanting a baby. So Reza and Adam are going to have a baby.

And Andy's like, well, you seem to, you know, Asa and MJ seem to always be fighting over you. Are you going to choose one of them to have your baby over the other? And he's like, Adam wants to get one egg and then put my sperm in it and then another egg and then put adam's sperm in it and then we'll just put it inside you know a rental oven and then we'll let it grow and see what comes out i do not want to see what comes out no that to me is like um i have like visions of newman like grabbing those test tubes and trying to smuggle them off of the island. And I'm rooting for the dinosaur to kill him and let it just get buried in the mud. Yeah, this is how super monsters are made.

Yeah. That's exactly right. It's like a passive-aggressive Hitler. Yeah. Nobody needs that. Separate the eggs. Jershaw's sick park. Yes. aggressive hitler yeah the eggs jerseys park yes but they didn't say whose eggs they were using or anything like that um so hopefully that won't be a story because i really don't need to see either one of those women that baby's gonna grow in their butt in plants yeah no i don't i don't need to see

that either yeah no one needs it so now we we move on to MJ's betrayal of Reza by telling everybody about the surprise wedding he was going to have. Yes. Now, Mike is a compulsive liar. All the stuff he's talking about with Jessica and all this, oh, it's so difficult to try so hard every day of my life. And she just can't see the person that I am today. She only sees the person that i am today she only

sees the person i was you know in the past like five minutes ago yeah uh so he's full of shit so please don't think i'm rolling back on that but mike does say a couple of things that are very spot on in this reunion like he seems to have the psychology of it down pretty well well he does he does i mean i feel like mike actually has a lot of insight. Once he can get past his stupid ego and his lying, he generally is able to see a situation for what it is, and he is capable of giving a lot of insight, but he has this whole other half of him that's so douchey and egotistical that's like, ugh, Mike.

Yeah, it's almost like you can see everybody else's problems but not your own kind of thing. But he announces that the only reason MJ did that was because she was jealous that Asa was going to officiate the wedding. And I think that that's so on point. Well, yes, of course, because that's how MJ operates, out of jealousy. But I also think, and we've said this before, that the whole secret wedding thing is such a... to me, it's like a real dick move.

For the reasons that you just enumerated, which is that, you know, it's not giving Adam any say in the situation. He doesn't get any family or friends there. It's totally hijacking it. This is a guy who doesn't feel like he has a voice. And I felt like MJ wasn't really sabotaging i felt like she was saying to adam like hey make sure you have a voice you need to have a voice in this marriage and don't you know res is a strong personality and then they latched on to it was like oh well mj is sabotaging the fucked up thing is that like i don't think she was sabotaging and yet it's

totally conceivable that she was you know it's hard to tell like i think that what she was saying was actually totally legit but like she wasn't sabotaging because she wasn't saying break up with him i think though that since everyone rallies around reza anything that's like negative said about reza is perceived as sabotage well yeah because he just yells sabotage a lot until everybody's on his side. Or he threatens to get them fired. Yeah, pretty much. It's hilarious seeing the other Bethany is some chubby guy.

Because she's got such an issue. She's got a brand called Skinny Girl. And it's like the other Bethany is Reza. LOL. I know. So, well, at this point, MJ and Asa start fighting. Because as soon as Mike says that MJ

was jealous of Asa, that's when things start... The shit hits the fan. Oh, yeah. Andy's saying, were you jealous of the Persian pop priestess? Or whatever. And then MJ's like, ha ha ha! Like, she starts laughing way too hard. Yeah. That Asa was called the Persian pop priestess.

Cause that was a storyline that was completely forgotten about. Yeah. And then also was like, why don't you laugh a little louder? And then she's like, ha ha ha. And as this show, as this show goes,

consistency is the key. This fight when Andy's like, so what is it with you two? Like you seem to be at each other's throats. What is it? And Andy's like, what is it with you two? Like, you seem to be at each other's throats. What is it? And MJ's like, this girl, like, has no, like, this girl, like,

she has no respect, okay? We were supposed to go to the buffet together. And we got in the car 10 minutes later, like, a little bit after them. And they couldn't even wait to go through the buffet line. But this all comes back to binge. It all comes back to a luby's binge the the like she has a direct quote is from mj you guys like to eat faster and go through the buffet line longer which is an example of how reza and asa

team up against her because because the thing was like because because andy was like one of them was like what was what's an example of Asa and Reza teaming up against you that does not pertain to the wedding? And she's like, well, at the buffet, they like to go faster, you know? And then Asa's response, well, MJ was mad that they told her

that she's a slow eater. So she got really offended that she's a slow eater. And then Asa's response to this accusation was like, how many times did we go for ice cream and you guys started to eat was like, how many times did we go for ice cream and you guys started to eat? Like, how many times? And I was like, this is like the realest argument I've ever seen on Bravo. I am like, I'm actually relating very, very heavily to this.

You know, I related too. And I could also see just knowing these fuckers for this many years, even though it's only on TV. I could see how that's a very real fight. I can see MJ taking too long to get to the Great American Buffet, okay? And MJ, or Austin... And they have a favorite buffet, by the way. They mention that they have a buffet

they like so much they drive through traffic to get to it. Oh, yeah. It's got to be in Burbank. Maybe it's the Vegas Seafood Buffet in Glendale. I don't even think Hollywood allows buffets in. The only one we have is that the Vegas Seafood Buffet in Glendale. I don't even think Hollywood allows buffets in. The only one we have is that Las Vegas Seafood Buffet. It's still there. It is? That's terrifying.

And by the way, the times I've seen Shazza Sunset being filmed has been right there above the Vegas Seafood Buffet. So, you know, maybe there is a correlation. Well, the fight seemed very realistic to me because i can imagine asa and reza getting to the great american hometown buffet or whatever and reza being like i'm just taking forever whatever i'm not waiting for that bitch

and also be like yeah me too babe like that's ridiculous like she's on mj time like that's so that's so silly like you know you know what like Like, I'm sorry that you're, like, so full of yourself. But, you know, that's her issue. And that's with her spirit. So my spirit is hungry. So they go through the line. And then they eat really fast because they're them. And then by the time MJ gets there and gets their food, they're finishing.

And you know that they just look at her and they're like, you still eating, babe? Like, still? Like, you're still? God, but you're still eating. She's like, I just got my fucking food and i can just imagine that they do team up on her and then they make her feel all fat because she's like she's eating more and i'm actually in this fight like i'm i'm like really in this fight like because i get i actually get both sides because there is something really frustrating when you're

in a situation like that. And like, it's like, I've had this happen before where we've all been at the buffet and we've all been there at the same time. And I go and it's like, for whatever reason, the shit that I get takes longer. And then by the time I get back,

like people are already like finishing up and then like, I'm like the shitty one. Cause I'm like not done yet, you know? And then you feel like shit, you know, but at the same time it's like, why should have to wait it's a buffet yeah i see it from both sides and also mj is always always late like you know that she's always an hour late we got in the car

a little bit after you did yeah right she's probably trying on different spandex outfits like should i keep this one or should i purge it? That's like her new hobby. So then this fight turns into Andy or someone saying, no, MJ brought it up. She's like, no, this is because Vida went on Watch What Happens Live and

Andy played a game with my mother about giving advice to the other people and she said that Asa needs to stop using the show for her personal benefit. Yeah, because Asa said something sort of like a veiled reference to it. She said like, MJ, I support you and then you don't support my work.

And that's when MJ was like, oh, this is because my mom said, stop using the show to promote yourself. Yes. So that's where it started. And Andy said, no, no, we have to wait till later because we're still marinating Vida in the back. So we've got to wait for her to unfreeze

or whatever and we'll bring her out here. Oh, that's why it smelled like pickle tearing back there. Yeah, but MJ still won't let it go and she's like, they showed the clip of Vida saying, oh, this Asa, if she want to make money she should get job and stop using show to sell kaftan or whatever she said.

And then MJ, Asa's like like i'm i know it's your mom but like that's like fucked up you know like that someone would be like that and mj goes yeah you were all offended but my mom was just being nice okay she was talking about your business it's on national tv and any other entrepreneur would know that like they would be thanking god for that mention on national tv but not you yeah it was the the logic i mean you want to talk about mental gymnastics maybe that should maybe mj should be on there she goes my mom insulted you and i'm sorry that you didn't take that as a compliment that was a quote i'm sorry that you did not understand. A verbal lashing from Vida is the highest compliment you could receive. Oh, so good.

Yeah, she's messed up. So then out of all this, so now MJ is mad at Asa. And then she says that she doesn't want to ever be friends with Asa ever again. I'm like, over this? This is it? And I'm sorry, MJ. It's hard to parse out this whole argument. But I would say if I had to, I would actually say that MJ is a little bit on the losing side of this one.

If only because she's defending what her mom said. Even though Vida was sort of right. The point is that, like, Vida did come for Asa on Watch What Happens Live. And Asa's like, that's not cool. And I support you with your dumb shit. Like, when you froze a dog and put it in your freezer, okay? Like, why can't you support my caftans? Yeah, well, I'm liking that this next tiny little moment brought a couple of things out. First of all, she's saying Asa's very good at covering herself and being political and just looking nice on camera.

Like, they go after Shervin later for this, but Asa's the queen of this. She's best friends with Reza. She does whatever he says. She goes after whoever he wants, granted, in a much nicer way. But she's standing next to the most evil person. So she's just as evil as far as I'm concerned. But you never really get to see under that. And this one, they're going at her enough that she starts cracking a little bit. Like, in this

one, Andy's like, Reza, what are you thinking? He's like, well, I feel for both of them, but... And Asa says, whatever. Vita's just a bitter old lady. I don't care. Which, that's a crack, because Asa's never like that. She's never said that. You just called someone's mom a bitter

old lady. Good for you. And then MJ says, don't talk about my mom. And then this is showing basically Andy's mental state. Andy's like, why not? You would say it. Yeah. Andy. Andy.

Really? Come on. Of course she would. You're allowed to talk about your own mom. Like, you really don't see any problem with somebody saying something nasty about an older lady come on exactly i mean well he's got a smile ear to ear as these two these two women like their friendship falls apart in front of his eyes like yeah he's loving it he's he's so happy i mean and i and i also love just to jump forward a little bit like when when they well no i'll wait for the moment in the in the reunion but and, as always, the total Svengali.

Yeah, he is. So the Gigi Venton segment is next. Yes. They're talking about her bad driving, Reza's liquid shorts. I loved when Gigi was talking about, like, her drinking. And she's like, I was drinking like a mad fish, yo. So a beta? Were you a beta? everybody basically these people took gg out and to do it on camera to give

her this intervention and make her look like an ass i mean that's what they were doing so let's not even pretend it was anything else and mike's like do you know what this was like like we did this for you okay like i don't even like to Like, we did this for you, okay? Like, I don't even like to camp. And I did this for you. Oh, thanks, Mike. Thanks. And he tells Gigi, wow, Gigi, so you were kind of trashed on that camping trip.

How was it to watch yourself back on tape like that? I was like, what are you talking about? How is it for you to watch any episode of Watch What Happens Live? You are a drunk drunk embarrassment i can't even believe you have a damn job fool yeah well and also i mean she's been also very drunk outside of the camping trip like the camping trip was not unique she's she's been wasted for five years on this show yeah why is it more awkward now she's had five glasses of champagne and we're like 10 minutes into this

reunion yeah and i love how ten minutes into this reunion. Yeah, and I love how, like, through all this, MJ wants a thank you. Like, you never thanked me. You never thanked me. It's like, I don't think it's about, like, about that. At least not this stage. I think, if anything, she should apologize to you. But she doesn't have to thank you just yet. She hasn't sobered up yet.

So, you know, let her get to stage, like to step one first, and then we'll focus on the thanks and the sorries. Yeah, thanks for dragging me out to the middle of nowhere making sure I was drunk, and then making me look like a complete loser on national television. Thanks, MJ. Just, you know, I'm actually

happy for it, because I was afraid that people might misconstrue this for a moment of altruism, and obviously was not they won't be so then reza goes back on his oh gg she's a terrible human being and i'm really worried for her i'm really worried for your health you're terrible you you you should die she's terrible what if she dies yeah shut up so concerned you should be so lucky that someone would film themselves getting a blowjob by you so mike and jessica i can't i can't even with these i wrote mike looks not well he looks like he's a snapchat filter well this is where andy was like had a full-on erection, because he got to show a montage of Mike and Jessica falling in love for five years, followed by a montage of them falling apart.

And basically trying to make Mike cry. And Andy's got a smile on his face, like, so? So? What do you think? And then Mike, Reza goes, can we get off, Mike? As if he hasn't completely ruined this relationship for his own personal joy over the years. He's like, can we get off Mike? Because they're not talking about him and Gigi again.

He can't stand it. And then Mike goes, no, bro. Look, the world wants to know. Yeah, Mike. Everyone stopped the Olympic Games. Mike has an announcement. Handicap rails up. Barbara Walters is dragging her ass back into work just so she can figure out what's going on inside your head, Mike.

Oh, my God. So then I love how Andy's asking about, like, you know, Mike is doing – has all his lines. He's saying, like, I love her. Like, you know, I messed up. I love her. I love her so much. And then Andy's like, why didn't you tell your friends? It's like, do you see the people sitting on these couches?

If there's one thing I agree with Mike about, it's that he chose to keep his friends out of this as long as possible. Yes. Oh, and then Mike, when he was saying, well, you know, just for the record, it was just one time, like before we were even engaged. No, it wasn't. She was going through your text and showing people your text sex text with this chick that was not before your engagement you are such a compulsive liar you can't even keep it straight for one damn episode mike i know um he he pretty much had like his talking points and he was just making like woe is mike poor mike he just loves

loves jessica so much and he fucked up he couldn't even do that right poor mike yeah he's just basically there to get pussy i still believe he's just acting like he really cared and he really loved because he's gonna go out and get some pussy because they even give him shit about how he's still going out every night and like getting all these boobs and he's like so uh you're so in love with jessica but aren't you going out every night and getting all these boobs. And he's like, so, you're still in love with Jessica, but aren't you going out every night? And he's like, well, you know, that's what I need to do because it's stressful. And he's like, yeah,

I go out, but once I start to feel like this could be a commitment, I'm like, whoa, it's too much. It's too soon. I'm like, no, no, you were actually always like that. Don't blame that. Don't act like this is coming out of you still being in love with Jessica. You always had a commitment. And then you found Jessica.

Yeah, pretty much. So they get into the tweets because MJ and Reza were going after Jessica on Twitter pretty hard. Which, what else is new? This is every between season since Jessica's been around. There have been these huge fights on Twitter with Jessica. And, man, Jessica really is fucking funny on Twitter. She's really good with these guys. Well, Reza was

too. I have to give him credit. When he says, I love when an irrelevant gold digger from the Inland Empire thinks hashtag Shaz is her show, it's not called hashtag gold digging hoes. Yeah, except that it's basically about Asa living off of Jackson, MJ trying to find someone to take care of her so she doesn't have to work, and same for Gigi.

That's true. I just like that he bashed Jessica for being from the Inland Empire. Yeah. I think he just won me over with that. Yeah, although they live in East Hollywood, which is probably comparable. Let's just call it a draw. Yeah, okay. Comparable.

probably comparable. Let's just call it a draw. Yeah, okay. Comparable. But MJ tweeting about Jessica, and she said something like, oh, look at Jessica leaving a man for someone with a Range Rover, like gold digger. And then Jessica tweeted back, bitch, please, you jump from dick to

dick for no car. I may be a gold digger, but you're the dumb gold digger or whatever. And then Mike is laughing out loud at all of that and then Jessica and Reza going at it and then Reza's like well she was dating

someone else but I don't want to say anything negative about her new boyfriend because I don't want to end up dead okay because he's apparently some gangster but then Reza goes but look at Jessica. How could she go away from this perfect, gorgeous, wonderful, beautiful man like Mike?

He has character. Gold heart. Golden duel. Jesus. Can we insert the clips of Reza talking about what a horrible human being, liar, lazy, good-for-nothing Mike is. Seriously. Exactly. Meanwhile, Mike's talking about how he was depressed for months and listening to the

Justin Bieber album and crying. I was like, wow, you really are shallow. If Justin Bieber's emotions can make you cry, then wow. And then Shervin tries to say something and his mic isn't even on. Poor Shervin. Poor guy. MJ engaged with Eggs in the Freezer And then Shervin tries to say something and his mic isn't even on. Poor Shervin. I know.

Poor Shervin. Poor guy. So MJ engaged with eggs in the freezer and her triangle implants are sideways. I know that that's really rude to say, but look, this isn't just commenting on a body. This is commenting on implants. Straighten out your implants. Don't be coming on TV with your implants pointing out. Like, are those things stapled down?

How does that work? Yeah. It's like a board game where you're waiting to spin the implant to see who goes next. with your implants pointing out like are those things stapled down how does that work yeah it's like a a board game where you're waiting to spin the implant to see who goes next move those things over mj's a motherfucker she needs gritty motherfucker from queens blah blah blah what is this oh because tommy yeah because tommy well they're talking about tommy and how he had a boner on the first date and oh god her her romanticer on their first date. Oh, God. Her romantic story of their first date. And he's like, so he had an erection when you first saw him. She's like, yeah, well, here's how it happened.

I was getting out of my Uber at his apartment building. So classy already. First date, come to his apartment in an Uber. Okay. So she gets out and she's like, and you know, I could see his erection. I said, is that an erection? He said, yeah. So then we went inside and she's like, okay.

So you took an Uber to this stranger's house to fuck him. She's like, no, we watched some Friends first. Yeah. Now they're engaged. Trashy ass people on this show. So then Vida and Tommy come out now. And Vida still hates Tommy. Now they're engaged. Trashy ass people on this show. My God.

So then Vida and Tommy come out now. And Vida still hates Tommy. Yeah, she still hates him. And Tommy hates her too. And I love that Tommy has no problem with saying everything. He's like, hey, Andy. It's so great being here in the same company as the most Gorgeous woman in the world MJ what a princess What a work of art

He's like shut up Tommy Quiet this Tommy Who is this this Tommy I love your daughter she's the most beautiful person In the world I can't help it that I'm loud That's just the way I talk I've always been this way.

I'm eight years old. They can hear me in the womb. Andy says, so, Vida, are you excited to welcome Tommy to the family? And she goes, no. Yeah. The more I see about this Tommy, the more sure I am right about the Tommy. And question, what has Tommy done to get approval? Now, I didn't

think this, but I was talking to one of my besties the other day about this show, and she pointed out something good. She's like, you can really tell that Asa is a bitch. She's an evil bitch, and she has it out for MJ, no matter what MJ does. Because she comes to her, and she's like, babe, I'm taking these pictures for

this project, and it's like, babe, I'm taking these pictures for this project. And it's people who are in love, you know. They walked in with the camera while they're fucking. Then they drag them out to the pool. And Asa posts the worst pictures of MJ. She looked like a dog in from the rain. And then she posted a picture of Tommy about to eat out her ass. I mean, a nice person wouldn't do that.

And I said said that's actually a very good point i didn't think of it like that she's like yeah she's embarrassing her on purpose she's like putting the worst pictures of her out there possible yeah that's why vita was like you call it the art that's not art asser that's not art if you like this art then you use picture of your own big a honking ass so she told her she's like you know what art, then you use picture of your own big honking ass. That's what she told her. She's like, you know what art is? Art is painting of whales.

That is art. And she says, Andy says, well, will you accept Tommy before the wedding? She goes, what wedding is this? There is no wedding date for this wedding. And MJ is like, how dare you? Our wedding date is in June 2017. Yeah. Kevin's like, yeah, yeah.

June 2017. Yeah, that was the plan all along. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Harold, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of

becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost?

Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now

by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February,

Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less.

In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for Black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful.

Are you excited to be Grandma Vida? No. Who would take care of this baby? Andy says won't you babysit and tommy's like no she ain't gonna take care of my baby you think i'm gonna have someone this negative and awful around the most gorgeous beautiful princess of all the time jeez tommy talk about beer goggles dude seriously um well i think i actually think mj is like really cute i mean she's i mean her body her body type is not one that i would gravitate towards necessarily but you know i think she's got like a really pretty face and she's got like she's curvy like if you

were into like a curvy woman i mean she's curvy you know yeah i think she's pretty too she's just a little bouncy housing her face too much for my taste. So then MJ starts crying over wanting to have a baby because she loves her dad. Her dad is wonderful and she wants to continue the bloodline and everything. MJ is so mean. She's like, and he says, are you just projecting your own issues onto your kids so you can, like, fix the relationship with you and your mother or whatever? And she goes, no, well, I just would, like like love to have a baby because my dad is so cool and like my childhood my dad would be there to pick me up from school and like no offense mom but you were at work and so like my dad would pick me up and so like i want to keep that going no offense mom but like i would really love to keep

like my dad's bloodline going no No offense, Mom. Sorry, Mom. He was being such an asshole. And then Reza decides she needs to make it about himself. He's like, I just want to say that, like, when I was younger and I was, like, coming out of the closet, like, Vida and, like, Vida knew before my own parents knew. And she was so compassionate. And, like, that was, like like really hard for me it was a hard time for me they're like that's so person to be there for someone like reza this is not about

you coming out and stop crying okay this is just stop it no one is feeling compassion towards you right now yep and that's all he can do every single thing that comes up is either what gigi's done to him. Yes. Or, yeah, this. Please be quiet. Please just stop. So then now we finally get the big montage of Vida telling everyone off on Watch What Happens Live. And they show, again, what Vida says about Asa.

But they keep in this one part where andy goes yes asa enough with the caftans he has a big smile on his face and then it like comes back as if he's like this neutral moderator i'm like i don't know there's something so shady and backhanded about andy cohen sometimes i don't know whether to love him for it or hate him for it that wasn't even a backhand that was straight to the face he totally set her up to get in trouble and then questions her about it like he's suddenly you know the questioning war crimes at the watch what happens life it's just funny that i mean it's later on in part two but it's funny he's like so how are the caftans going as if he really cares when he they just showed him being like enough with the caftans oh when when last thing about

that just because i got two in my notes. Andy saying, you know, MJ, I find it odd that Reza is sitting here crying about how much love and acceptance he got from your mom, but that's really all you've ever wanted from your mom. And Vita's just smiling like that is true. So,

anything else? Vita doesn't even argue with it. She's like, yeah, well, he's better than MJ. What can I say? I would be proud if he was my son. Maybe if MJ had mustache, you know? That's all I want from her. She always shave.

That's not what beautiful girls do. Reza has good man. Reza got the proper man, so. Andy, okay, so if you don't watch what happens, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I just wrote shady Andy yeah advice Reza stop use oh so is this one she showed

all of so this is where they showed all of the advice that she was giving I loved her advice advice to Gigi stopping victim advice to Mike you are confused advice to Asa we already

went over. And then advice to Reza, stop using these beach. These beach, you say, these beach. And then, Shervin is okay. Yeah, Shervin got the seal of approval. Shervin's like, yes! I don't think any of that was that bad. It wasn't, it was,

I actually agree, it wasn't that bad. And honestly, even saying to Mike, he's a confused dreamer, it's really that bad and it's true he is confused and he is a dreamer yeah it's actually decent advice for him focus yeah um so what else happened here mike were you upset i posted on instagram what you underestimate you're young oh so she's trying to kind of roll it back because Mike is getting Mike is going off he's like your perception of people like you don't even know people like your perception is way off which

actually it's pretty on the money and she's like no Mike what I say is you underestimate yourself you're young good looking more than Jess more than Jess and he's like I will not stand for shit talking of my wife. Where is Jessica?

Where is Jessica, Mike? Mike, where's Jessica? She should have just gone back to that. Where's your wife, Mike? Mike, where's your wife, Mike? Mike? And then Asa, I don't even know what it means, babe, to use this show for my personal benefit.

What does that even mean? It means the only reason you're here is to sell terrible products to people, Asa. I don't even know what it means, babe, to use this show for my personal benefit. What does that even mean? It means the only reason you're here is to sell terrible products to people, Asa. Every single year. Yeah. She's lame. So their big fight, Asa and MJ, is that Asa is saying that MJ told Vita to say all of this. Well, anybody who's

known Vita for five minutes knows that she does not need it. She'll say whatever the fuck she wants. Absolutely. And that pretty much brings us to the end of episode one. So that was it for part one of the Shaws reunion.

The Shaws... The Nass of Sunset. So, do you want to do a little Olympics? Olympics! Olympics! Olympics! Dun dun dun dun dun dun So now, to do a little olympics olympics olympics olympics so now since uh bravo is basically on hiatus this week we will continue with shazza sunset part two on thursday and uh get right we decide we'll get in the olympic spirit ourselves and uh give our take on the opening ceremonies which was like five hours of nothing oh my god i don't i still have a lot of notes for whatever reason

but yeah it was wow i mean i didn't know what to expect because the news coming up to the olympics was not good people were like brazil is like get get out. The toilets are leaking. There's exposed wiring. There's brain-eating bacteria and shit in the river or whatever. There were people getting robbed and mugged. And a Russian diplomat killed a mugger. It was all sorts of banana stuff. The first line when I pressed play, which I just started cracking up. Because it's the commentators.

Yes. You know what I mean? Meredith and Matt. Yes. And by the way, I have no accent that is even going to do these guys justice. So sorry. It's another terrible accent for me. But the first line when I pressed play was, it's been rough.

The economy tanked here in Brazil. And then it's just like a list of shit that's going wrong in brazil yeah well the economy sucks the people are pissed the ocean's filled with poop like that's opening welcome to the olympics i know and then like what does i did somebody say party there was we open with a bird's eye view of people doing home sports or like climbing up a hill or what part did oh oh so you didn't watch the oh did you not see the first half an hour then um mine started with i wrote down uh bird's eye view of home sports people swimming into shit oh yeah oh yeah so there was a well in the telecast on the nbc telecast there

was like it was like 30 minutes of fluff before that even happened it was it was so silly that's when hoda said to somebody say party it was like it was hoda meredith and matt like just yammering about and then bob costas and uh my favorite part i guess this was sort of like the pre-show but it was attached to the telecast uh-huh and so it starts off with so meredith is talking about the upcoming festivities she goes they've kept it simple it's not gonna be about props and technology so i'm like okay so you're basically telling us it's gonna suck i get it i get it meredith that well that, they all got the notification. Like, just say it's simple, because one of the announcers was like,

Oh, Brazil, doing things with no money. How creative you can be with no money. It's like, they have tinfoil on their heads. Like, they're standing there shaking tinfoil around. What the hell? How is that being creative? They're like, okay, hold a square of tinfoil. Now the hell how is that being creative they're like okay hold a square of tinfoil now move back and forth yeah okay yeah it was pretty yeah and and the way they were trying to hype it up in that first half an hour i mean they were like who's gonna light the cauldron

that's what everyone wants to know i'm like well it's either gonna be giselle or pele it's so or maybe like hazus lose but i think i think that's it didn't somebody get the didn't somebody get it stolen from them like wasn't that one of the news stories someone was running with it and then someone either put it out or stole it or something like someone jumped with the with the stupid well that was yeah that was the story at the end like yeah they like his whole, like, his whole thing, he was a marathoner, and he got jumped, and he went from first to third place. But now, like, to, like, that happened in a previous Olympics, but now the great honor is he may not have won a gold, but he gets to light the Olympic cauldron. That was later.

That was at the end. Well, this is basically design on a dime. Yeah. They really did a metallic paper dance, and they basically folded tinfoil with each other, and it reminded me of working in restaurants, like the really nice way to wrap up a chicken. Yeah. It was Jiffy Pop.

Jiffy Pop interpretive dance. Yes. Wait, hold on. Let me just, hold on. I'm just moving forward here through my notes a little bit. Okay. You know what? That's fine.

You don't need to know about the ridiculous segment with President Obama. And I want to know now, what was it? It was just 30 minutes. It was just an example of more fluff where we were sitting here watching it. And it was like they went to commercial every two minutes. And they had this guy on, this David Faraday or Faraday or something like that, who has a show on the golf network and he's dressed like an extra from les mis and they're talking about how he has

an interview with obama so then he sits down with obama and obama's like well the thing that's great about the olympic games is it brings everyone together and they're like great and they come back i'm like what that was it and then they to commercial again, and it was just like back and forth, but whatever. So anyway, yes, the silver square shit was going on. And then I put kids dancing with flags as costume, old man sings really bored bass player in back. Yeah, there was a very folksy – well, what was strange to me, first of all – so here's – actually, here's what's important to know about this pre-show what you didn't since you started watching at the beginning i'm at the

beginning of the ceremonies and didn't get the pre-show is that by the time this silver square shit was going on it had been like 45 minutes and was the first interesting thing to happen okay because we had sat we had sat through like fluff bob costas this david ferrity this thing where like all the like american athletes were in the background, like trying to like get into frame. And there's like the Today Show window. It's like we're sitting through all this fluff. Finally, you have the Jiffy Pop moment. And we're like, oh, God, finally something interesting is happening.

And boom, it goes to commercial. I was like. And you know what? I think because you watch yours on torrent right yes where did you see i don't think you you probably did not get the full degree of frustration with how many commercials there were in this thing they were coming every six minutes i timed them every six minutes was another commercial i actually started watching online coverage because you could watch on NBC.com or whatever.

So I went on there to watch, and it was so many. And I'm not going to sit here all damn day. You can't fast forward through that stuff. Yeah, that's even worse. And I don't have it on my – I don't have a DVR, so I didn't have it there. And so, yeah, I just stole it. I was like, forget this. I ain't paying to watch the stupid Brazil games or the Rio games, whatever.

But I really love their national anthem. When they sing their national anthem at the beginning, that country, you know, we can be as mean as we want about how shitty and low rent it is and all this stuff, but they know how to party in that country. Their national anthem is like,

dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. No, wait, wait, no. It was like an old guy on a guitar. It was like this very folksy, low-key thing. I thought it was so entertaining for a national anthem. It was cute. It was cute, but I was also like... What was surprising to me about doing that sort of rendition of a national anthem was that this could be a good thing or a bad thing. I was expecting a little more pomp and circumstance, like Brazil, you know, like here's our national anthem.

It was like a charming, like old, famous Brazilian entertainer just on like a little guitar, like strumming away. It was like very oddly falsy. That was kind of the whole show. They're like, and here's another old guy sitting on a stool with a guitar or whatever. This, what was I going to say about that stupid thing?

We go into the big show, which is the history of Brazil. Before the European settlers. What I was going to say was, didn't NBC the history of Brazil before the European settlers and it was being oh what I was going to say was didn't NBC have a line to the soundboard

it was weird that everything sounded like it was being recorded over here you couldn't really hear it it was just one big echo from the stage okay no it sounded it sounded fine it sounded fine on my TV although there were some times when Matt Lauer sounded distant but but either way yeah this in this It sounded fine on my TV, although there were some times when Matt Lauer sounded distant.

But either way, yeah, in this sequence, they had people carrying these bugs out, which was really cool. They had this sort of puppetry, like caterpillars and bugs. But the light was – there was no light on them, and there was all these patterns on the floor. So the bugs were – they put attention to making these puppets, and yet there wasn't good lighting on them and there was all these patterns on the floor so the bugs were they they put attention into making these puppets and yet there wasn't good lighting on them and it kind of felt like felt like a shame it's like might as well like get some lighting on these little on these insects big insects well they were smart about the low budget thing because most of it was just projections on the floor you know it's like one long movie on the floor. And this part was, the beginning of Brazil starts with a microorganism. And then the microbes grow.

And I just wrote, okay. But then they start turning green. And it really does look like a Dustbuster commercial. Like all the stuff you're sucking up. Are these people just taking shit from commercials now and blowing it up really big? Put a Photoshop filter on the Dustbuster commercial. Then forward millions of years to the

birth of the forest. And then it turns into an athlete's foot ad. Everything on that floor was disturbing. It's like the Big Bang was one long commercial for Pfizer. Well, then these ropes emerged from the floor. And they had this... And of course

in the middle of this, the ropes are emerging. And they're like, we're going to go to commercials. What? The ropes? But the ropes are up. So then we come back. And everyone is grabbing onto the ropes. And it's sort of like this. Sort of like a Maypulse interpretive dance situation, which was pretty cool.

And one thing that was interesting, I guess this is where you could really see the budget cuts, was this was like the only moment in the opening ceremonies where there was any sort of like height to what was going on I mean they did have this big sort of boxy thing on one side of the stadium that was like the favelas but everything else that was on the main floor was just people like there was no, you know in other Olympics they have like

they'll sort of build something in the floorlympics they have like they'll they'll sort of build something in the floor they'll or they'll have like a human pyramid or whatever they'll have some sort of hype but generally this is the only moment where there was some sort of verticality to the presentation yeah and then it was just strings moving back and forth i kept waiting for them i thought maybe they were going to have the first friendship bracelet like you make in eighth grade you know i was like come on brazil do something they're like so far germs have spread and string has grown in a forest yeah and then they projected on the string um i mean they did some cool stuff they sort of went around they would come back

around then come back and the string sort of like went back down again and then and then we had like uh the slavery interpretive dance, which is always fun. And the commentators that I was watching were so bitchy. It was cracking me up. They're like, the Euros arrive. And there's the tree that's used to make red dye. I was like, wow. What a thing, Brazil.

Okay, you fucked up the friendship bracelet. Now you're coming out with red dye, which would kill my niece. know she's like i can't have a red eminem uncle it has red dye like this does brazil do anything worth noting anything and then they're like here's the slaves like oh no well the funny thing is even before the slaves came out they had this thing which is sort of cool they met they had these, the white colonists were coming in on boats. You're like, uh-oh, here come the white colonists. You know the slave part has got to be next. Whenever you see the white colonists, it always leads to bad news.

And then they show Jesus with a really weird stick hat talking to some, like, indigenous? What am I trying to say? Like one of the forest people. It's like, I don't know what's happening here. Thank God for the announcers, because they were kind of bitchy the whole time, but they were explaining what's going on. They're like, oh, look, the microbes. They're funny. I don't know on the one that you saw, but on the one that I saw, they would cut to some of the artistic creators of it.

And they're like, well, you know, we didn't have a very big budget. It's like, no kidding. They're like, here's 8 million PES dispenses all lip syncing to the same song at the same time. Well done, Brazil. This is my favorite part of this whole thing. I really felt the shout out when they were like, and then the Lebanese come.

And the Lebanese, girl, they were in orange then the lebanese come and the lebanese girl they were in orange they had gold eye masks on i was like of course we made this place fabulous you're welcome brazil you're welcome so so then it all then this like favela situation happens which was pretty cool you had people doing this like there was like this parkour thing where the floor turned into cities and they're doing this like fake parkour of the projection that leads ultimately to this like favela set and they're up there they're doing a dance it was sort of like brazil's take on the cell block tango from chicago and then and then all of a sudden they are all like throwing these like sugar cubes down and there's like this like lampshades they made an airplane out of lampshades these people need to be on HGTV. Well, so they build this wall, and then they destroy the wall,

and then a plane emerges, and the best part is the commentators, they go, well, who do you think was the first to create flight? If you said the Wright brothers, well, in Brazil, they think it's so-and-so. They think that they created flight. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. It was so condescending. And then they go, and then they're like, I wonder how they're going to feel about this in the States. And Meredith goes, quite frankly, it's Brazil's turn.

It was so condescending. It was hilarious. Just let them, let those adorable Brazilians believe what they believe about flight it's so adorable how they think the wrong things the wright brothers did a lot but did they really properly shade their lamps let's give brazil their moment uh let's give those idiots their moment shall we speaking of idiots having their moment, Giselle. They're like the most famous thing from Brazil besides gigantic, unexplainable penises.

Giselle Bunchkin and the girl from Ipanema. Here they are playing the girl of Ipanema. He's like, oh yes, here it is, the girl from Ipanema and this Giselle walking. Here she comes. Look at Giselle. There she is walking. There she is walking towards fat Quentin Tarantino on the piano.

Here she comes. Well, yeah. I mean, she, of course, of course is Giselle. So she looked absolutely stunning. And she's just like walking along. She's doing her stride. I mean, it's kind of like it was actually an amazing moment. It was like, yes, let's just take in Giselle.

But it did go on a very long time. I don't know what I was expecting Giselle to do. Was she going to walk and read a book at the same time? I don't know what would have impressed me. But I was like, is this bitch really going to walk from one end to the other? That's exactly what she did. I'm surprised they weren't like, Brazilians actually think they invented supermodels. She did. surprised i learned like brazilians actually think they invented supermodels she did she stomped down there but then i realized it was a continuation of how brazil evolved because you know brazil we saw brazil being taken over and then made fabulous by the lebanese and then

fat quentin tarantino playing the piano and then this supermodel is walking towards you and it's like well what's the evolution of giselle and then the projections on the floor turn into these spermatozoa that were like flying at giselle yeah which actually made a lot of sense so like we kind of got her entire career story yeah along with the evolution of brazil so you know what thanks guys good job at the end of the day and to be fair the organizers probably could have just had giselle walk back and forth across the stadium floor for about six hours and everyone would have been fine like oh yeah no that was excellent that was an excellent show i just walked that muscular yeah that was incredible it was magical it was exciting i didn't know when she was gonna stop

it was captivating really like yeah i mean sure like the beijing olympics were pretty cool but i don't know it wasn't Giselle walking back and forth. The way she collected that sperm like a pro as her purse got bigger and bigger. Wow. What a move, Giselle. I don't remember the sperm. I thought it was just like black. I thought it was just like a spotlight on her.

No, it was streams of white, like flowy things being projected on the floor as she walked. flowy things being projected on the floor as she walked. And then after that, there's this old lady singing in a wheelchair of some sort. And they're like, this is the Tina Turner of Brazil. I was like, okay.

But they didn't put any light on her. So you're telling me that she's one of the most amazing, epic women that Brazil has ever produced. and you're not gonna put a damn light on this on this lady's face well i'm i think they didn't because they knew she wasn't gonna bother learning the words because they she had like and for the brazilian and vogue dancing around her and she was not saying the words right she was she was singing i don't know go uh mary had a Little Lamb or something while they were singing something else.

So I think they were just like, keep her in the talk! So at this point, there's a lot of dancing on these cubes and singing. And the thing is, it felt kind of like a very long Grammy Awards performance, right? It wasn't feeling epic. Like Kids' Choice. It was kind of all over. They were like, look, it's a Q-Bert set, and now there's kids breakdancing. But it's not breakdancing.

It's Brazilians version, which is a mixture of breakdancing, twerking, and the mashed potato. I've never seen so many feet slides. Well, then they had this guy, this capoeira guy. He was in the middle of the floor. And then they had a projection of all these capoeira guys. And I was like, okay. So they're like, well, so we had some budget cuts. So we're just going to give you one capoeira dancer.

Instead of like five or 10 or 20. We'll just give you one. I know it's a huge stadium. I know it's a gigantic, iconic stadium. But I think one capoeira dancer in the middle will probably be enough, right? That'll fill up the space. Then they did this awesome fireworks thing off the roof,

which is, I guess, kind of their theme. It's like tons of fireworks coming off that roof, and those were really cool. And then it was like a rave suddenly, right? Then it became hundreds of people attacked the stage, dressed like pom-poms, dancing and kind of fighting In clown wigs What the hell

It was like watching Telemundo Sunday TV And Hoda goes Why am I up here and not down there I'm like just imagining her rolling on Molly Just trying to get down to the dancing And the best part about that by the way Was that they kept cutting back to giselle in the sands to sing there was some song and she was having the time of her life and she was like

bouncing up and down and singing like this was giselle's finest moment i think in her career she was so happy and and she never looked more beautiful because she was surrounded by very average normal looking people which really elevated how gorgeous she is. Yeah, they're like, she's retiring! Put her in the group of thuggos! Yeah, I mean, seriously, they were all in t-shirts,

and she's in this silver, sparkling thing with her hair blown out. It was an amazing study in contrast. Because this was her final walk. That's what my people were saying. They're like, it's her final walk. There she goes. Look at her. Final time walking.

Final time. I just like to picture Giselle being taken around on one of those scooters. It's a rascal life from here on out. She's like, I'm retired now. Models say that shit all the time. You're retired. Do your knees hurt? Well, I mean, it's one thing to retire from modeling, but my last walk.

He'll walk again. You'll go on the catwalk again. Unless there's a huge pizza oven at the end for you to crawl into and disappear forever, I'm not going to shed a tear. Okay, Giselle. Either way, Giselle, you looked beautiful. So next up is a little kid with a backpack walking around a cemetery of some kind, and then the global warming crap. Yeah. walking around a cemetery of some kind and then the global warming crap yeah now look i'm no global warming denier but i don't need to be i'm trying to enjoy this break but this break dancing mashed

potato mashup how are you gonna make me feel guilty about you're on freaking rio are you telling me that rather than fund five more capoeira dancers you decided to put that money towards a global warming display what was that co2 emissions i it was like warming it was all of a sudden like all sorts of charts and graphs like all that was missing was al gore and i am actually i'm like you i'm not a denier i am pro like stopping global warming but i was very much like i don't this is it's too many too many line graphs and i at that point i think i went into the kitchen to eat some food yeah it was just too much like by the time you see the water covering the entire earth you'll like drown us like this is how we spend entertainment like guilting each other over

shit we can't do anything about right now get out out of here. And then the kid, a little tree comes up. And a little tree comes up from the ground in the cemetery or whatever. And then the announcer's like, and there, a little tree comes from the ground. It's like, thank God you guys have a script. I don't even know what the hell's going on here. I think we were watching two different telecasts because we had no accents with our – were you watching Hoda, like the NBC one? No no i wish i knew that hoda was even doing it i would have gotten that one on purpose i love a wasted hoda hoda meredith and matt they didn't know what to say half the

time so just like wow that is a tree is it not wow i would love to plant a tree they're like i guess they'll know how they'll know how because the next section was an entire segment on people gardening so what the hell is this it's like little flowers coming up from the ground they're like look people in cambodia gardening okay now look a lady in england's gardening hey guys someone in puerto rico's gardening too okay great guys yeah uh i don't seem to remember that but again that could have been while I was eating my Thai food. Well, thankfully, it's time to go to the car wash in Rio. Because they put 500 people out there in those sandwich boards, basically.

Yes. With those fluorescent arrows all over them. They're like, okay, old people, dance. over them. They're like, okay, old people, dance. That was... I hope they got swapped out because they were there to... They were sort of like decorations slash directing the Parade of Nations. And that Parade

of Nations went on for two hours. And those people were sitting there doing a little bopping dance for two hours. I hope they got swapped out because a lot of them looked like they were over 50. And that's a lot of stamina. Brazil. They're resilient. Brazil was so fun. They're Brazilian. This was so funny because Brazil puts them for each country.

There's some weirdo on a big bicycle with these big, huge, crazy foam wigs that are shaped like, I guess, waves, like water waves. They look crazy. Yes. And every time a new one came out, the commentators were like, oh, look at that. It's like something a cat in the hat would wear to work if he had a job. I was like, well, you're dissing both Brazil and the cat in the hat. You're calling the cat in the hat lazy right now. Who are you people?

And can I watch everything that you commentate on? Yeah. Well, the bad part about the Parade of nations is that it just goes on and on and on but the good part is it's really a great time to sit and talk about who's hot and who's not and who's wearing good outfits because that's all that that's the only reason to watch that part is to just be catty and talk about the people all right let's do it i'm damn yeah uh i didn't i didn't take notes about every country, obviously. But the ones that I thought were notable, I made some comments.

So I wrote down that the German outfits were rough. They were wearing burgundy but with silver raincoats. I did not appreciate that look. I think the Germans struck out with their Olympic look. Well, Germany's going through a rough time right now. I'm like, you know what, Germany? God bless you guys. You've got a lot rough time right now. I'm just, you know, I'm like, you know, Germany, God bless you guys. You've got a lot going on right now.

You've got a lot of identity crises going on. I get it. You know, enjoy it. Cuddle up in that raincoat. Cuddle up, Germany. My first one was Estonia's flag waver is a bit much. I don't remember who Estonia's flag waver is. I just like that.

Just like, you're a bit much. Yeah, the Estonia guy. And then I rewound, because I was fast forwarding. I was like, I'm not watching people walk and take pictures of me with their cell phones for three more hours or whatever. So I started fast forwarding. I watch every single country. I started fast forwarding and would stop and just be like, what is he doing? And I actually had to rewind it.

Because what if we ever talked about Estonia, like ever in our lives? And so I was like, is everybody doing it that way? So I rewound and no, people are just waving their big ass flag. But when he does it, he's like sword fighting a giant. I don't know what he's doing, but he's just like sword fighting with his sword. And I was like another hot guy trying way too hard.

Must be hard to be hot when you're around all those other hot people because being hot isn't good enough. There were a lot of hot people uh i thought um team algeria had tons of hot people and algeria was really killing it with the hotness um yes uh and i thought uh i'm trying to think oh canadians wow the canadians were gorgeous oh my god the canadians looked adorable they looked like they were in private school and they were all dressed by Banana Republic. I mean, they all looked so cute.

Yeah. Also, the Hungarians were surprisingly very hot. And there was also a guy on the Indian team who I thought was rather stunning. I was like, whoa, wow, sir. Hello there. But you know who I what i thought was the hottest team and this will be a huge surprise um i thought overall the hottest team was the iraqi team team the iraqi olympic team was hot yeah they were pretty hot there were there were

hot people you know who else was really hot and look guys i know how racist this all sounds but i was shocked at how hot they were too libya like there were some people in libya that i was like holy mother how would anybody bomb anywhere around you with faces like that i know i mean my god if you can't if those faces can't stop from bombing, nothing will. Yeah. And Burundi was just like a whole bunch of female supermodels walking down. It was just like gorgeous supermodels from Burundi. Burundi was like, here, we'll just – we hear that Giselle is doing her last walk, so we'll just send some of our models too.

I did like that you could read the personalities of the countries. Like Poland had the most dudes filming us with their cell phones. Yeah. Like they had the most people who were sticking their iPhones in your face. Like, wow, look, we are looking back at you. Yes, Poland, we get it. Okay. You're not that neat. But the commentator when Poland came out, they go, well, the Poles are definitely the best at throwing heavy things.

Well, they were. Bitchy. Because they were talking about the goals they've won being for shot put or whatever. Oh, yeah. Oh, wow, the Poles are definitely the best. Throwing heavy things. I really wonder what country you saw the commentary from. Because over, so on the NBC commentary, which was hilarious, they were talking about the Sultan of Brunei. They're like, like wow we hear he has 5 000 cars i'm like yeah he also hates the gays so but the cars that's cool too and then

we'd like to congratulate the sultan for not running over the gays of the olympics on this stage well done sir yeah now there was also i think as it was a Belgian athlete where they mentioned one of the athletes, his brother was one of the suicide bombers in Brussels. And there was a lot of talk about how this athlete should change his name because of the shame or whatever. And he was like, well, he's still my brother. It's my family name and yada yada. It was like a whole interesting story. It was like a whole interesting story. And then like about 20 minutes later, there was another story about like a sister and a sister and whatever. And someone goes, you know,

the Olympics are full of all sorts of great family stories. I'm like, yeah, like the guy whose brother was a suicide bomber. Oh, man. If we ever talk about this stuff again, I've got to watch the American coverage. Yeah. No. Then Argentina, by the way, Argentina looked like just a bunch of Wall Street brokers just walking down the road. They were just in a full on, if I remember correctly, they're just in a full on black suit.

Just going to work. The Puerto Ricans are crazy asses i love that puerto rico comes out and they're like like all the all the girls are like running up to the cameras and screaming right in the cameras they were pretty cute and also puerto rico waited for poland to get off the stage like they wouldn't come in the regular parade right behind them. They waited until they cleared the stage so they could just come on by themselves. Shady Puerto Rico. I think it was the flag bearer. There's an Armenian swimmer who

was 19 and looked like he was about 45. I was like, I felt bad. It's your shoes, man. You're not wearing good enough shoes, man. It's your shoes, man. You're not wearing good enough shoes, man. It's like, you know the expression black don't crack? I think Armenian must crack a lot.

Yeah, so while brown, brown cracks. Australia, they look like a bunch of flight attendants. And Benin, their outfit made them look like corn. They just look like a whole bunch of people dressed in corn costumes this is what it's about it's about being catty about people's outfits I'm sorry that's what the Olympics is about I'm loving it

Cayman Islands just looked like tourists and there was like a wasted blonde girl amongst them I wrote down I wrote down Nary Brains from Costa Rica Wowie. I've got to look up who this person is, because I don't even remember who it is.

I'm looking... Oh, no, that's 2014. I'm looking up Olympic fashion to see if I can get a bunch of pictures. There were a lot of... Oh, yeah, Nary Brains. He is a track and field athlete very handsome i really encourage everyone to look him up too what's his name now nary brain is brain brent any or what don't yeah okay don't look him up but obviously the thing the real thing i mean we could

go on about who is hot and not in all these costumes whatever but the thing that everyone was talking about was the flag bearer from Tonga. No, what'd he do? I missed it. Was it a he? What? I missed it, I guess. He is the one that broke the internet. He was the one who came out oiled up. I'm sure you saw pictures. He was oiled up and

shirtless and waving a flag. No, I'm writing Tonga into my Google right now. How in the world? This was the moment of the entire opening ceremony. This was like the internet moment. This guy comes out, oiled up, gorgeous, waving a flag. I'll tell you, Hoda and Meredith, they were like, we'll just stay on him a little bit longer.

Oh, I'm looking at him now. Tongan flag bearer wins hearts and minds um just because he's shirtless or because he's oiled i don't get it oh yes shirtless shirtless oiled up and gorgeous well i'm glad they've got teeth bleach in tonga my goodness he's gonna blind the world okay look at now see this is how to do it he don't even wave that, he's going to blind the world. Okay, look at... Now, see, this is how to do it. He don't even wave that flag. He's just walking out there like, yeah, I'm holding a flag. I'm hot. What do you want from me?

And, like, not just oiled up. I mean, he is shellacked. I mean, he is just, like, so much oil on him. He is, but he's also got his skirt pulled up to cover his budding muffin top, which makes me want him even more. I can't believe your body's shaming the Tongan flag bearer. Yes, and is he wearing human teeth around his neck? Oh my god, this guy's so hot.

Oh, yeah. So then, after all the nations come in, and by the way, in the NBC telecast, they kept cutting to the American athletes. And so it's like every two minutes, you'd see the same 10 people being like, USA, USA, USA. They're building little tiny walls around their section. Yeah. their section yeah um the i just wrote uh anybody like italian food because rio will grate some cheese right at your table side the last number is a cheese grater number there's like these big tall cheese graters from the dollar store out in the middle of the stage and then people dressed i think in silver or something those were those were the things

that people were planting seeds. Because, you know, they said, like, every Olympian is going to plant a tree. And so what they would do is they would plant their seeds. And, like, they were holding the seeds. Oh. Yeah. They looked like little cheese graters. And then people would come on and grab it.

And then they just started turning them back and forth for a really long time yeah what it was like a crazy magic show they were like all right we put her in here who's gonna pop out and then palm trees blow up out of them and leaves flow everywhere and they made their olymp Olympic circles out of the trees. Aww. It was pretty. And then the flame lighting. These were my

commentators. They're like, well, the flame, normally we'd see a cauldron that's much bigger but this, being in the times that we're in, we're saving some gas here using a smaller cauldron so we'd like to thank rio for showing the world that you can do this with a much smaller cauldron this time yeah the american version was like well using a smaller cauldron than usual

you know they just sort of left it at that like sort of implied like look at these pussies um uh yeah and that was when the guy the guy who lit it was someone who had been attacked by a spectator during a race and so as a result he got to he got to light and i did feel bad except as that as the cauldron was going it was was raising, I thought it was going to raise up to light like a larger cauldron. And then when it didn't, I was like, oh, okay. Yeah. They made a sculpture light that looks like it's from Spencer Gifts where it's like battery operated and just kind of goes in a circle around it. And they're like, look, doesn't it look exactly like the sun? Yeah.

No, it looks like some shitty lighting fixture in the abbey it's like supposed to make disco lights on the floor it was definitely a mesmerizing um thing but what was funny was that um when i was watching the olympics last night the they they stopped they stopped they stopped the thing like it basically now it's just like the little ball of fire which is probably in real life still huge, but just not as huge as other ones, definitely not as big as the Russian one. But the thing undulating behind it,

they're like, we're just going to turn it off. We're just going to let it hang there. Because global warming, it has nothing to do with the fact that we haven't paid our electricity bill. Like this year in Rio, we're so proud of Rio for having a lava lamp. Rise up and stay on for two weeks straight.

There also was notably a speech from the head of the IOC that went on forever and ever and ever. And I didn't bother listening to it, especially because the IOC is banning GIFs. So they're cracking down on any organization that usesoc is banning gifs so um they're cracking down on any organization that uses a gif which is so stupid you know their the viewership is like down 30 and i think it would be up at least another five percent if they allowed gifs now mbc this is actually a big thing that's going on because mbc is being so stingy about everything they're only allowing the news stations to use two minutes of footage. And there's a guy going off on a

Chicago news station. He's like, they will only let us use two minutes and we're supposed to talk about this for four hours? Okay, fine. Are they only allowing their affiliates to show two minutes? Yeah, this guy's going off on the news. It's one of the articles I have up. And they're

slapping everybody with copyright infringement for using any kind of pictures from it, any kind of video from it. And this is NBCUniversal, which also owns Bravo. It's not coming from IOC? It's not an IOC restriction? No. Well, this guy was saying NBC. He was going after NBC. The article's title is Tarnished Olympics, NBC Blasted for Blenders as Ratings Tumble. And they're talking about how everybody's getting slapped with all these fines for using footage or using pictures and stuff or little videos and stuff on the internet, which no one is going to watch it if you do that, you fucking idiots. And this is what they do with their shows too like this uh nbc universal is the only people who've ever come after me for copyright infringement

on those real housewife videos i used to make and they would take them down every time even if you they have such a strict filter that even if you would like chain you know put them through a filter and change the dimensions of people's faces, they still have people going through there and trolling through to slap you with all these infringements. It's stupid. Well, I'm sure with the Olympic stuff, they're probably a little bit in a bind because I'm sure the IOC is charging an arm and a leg for the licensing.

And so they kind of are like, we need to get as many eyeballs on the Olympics as possible. I don't know. Well, if someone sees a funny video or a funny picture or something talking about the Olympics, that's advertising to watch the Olympics, you dodos. Yeah, I definitely think. Well, the gift thing is coming directly from the IOC. It's not coming from NBC.

And the IOC is dumb. Because the IOC famously restricts, and the NFL does the same thing, really restricts access to their content. And the fact that they don't want GIFs is so, so stupid. Although I have to say, I'm really glad there's not a GIF going around of that. Maybe there is, of that French gymnast who broke his leg in two places.

Did you hear about that? The French guy who snapped his leg? Yikes. you hear about that the french guy who snapped his leg i didn't watch it because it's disgusting but so my friend posted an article on facebook about it and she's like it's it's i'm posting it it's really graphic but i'm posting it because it's a celebration of the human spirit to endure pain i'm like oh so the the picture preview of it shows this guy sitting there with his leg in like bent in ways that don't make sense and there's like a blur there's like a little bit of a blur over it but you can still see where the foot is and you can see like the blur is in the shape of i'm like this is not helping me i'm seeing

a leg bent in ways that's not right why Why? We don't need to see this. Oh, poor guy. I'm skimming through this article. It says that people are calling NBC nothing but commercials because there's so many commercials. There were a lot during the telecast. They're making a mess. I mean, these guys are way behind in every other channel in how to use the internet. Well.

Not doing a good job, guys. and how to use the internet. Well... Not doing a good job, guys. Well, actually, their streaming has gotten a lot of... I was just reading an article yesterday that the streaming that they're doing with the Olympics this year is actually really advanced, and it's better than it ever has been.

So it's weird because they seem to be doing... Technologically, they seem to be really on top of it. But maybe, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. They seem to be pissing everybody off. Like, you can't put five commercial breaks in the first 30 minutes

and then expect people to keep tuning in, you know? That's why people turn to illegal internet downloads and stuff, you dopes. Yep. And then I guess that would wrap us up for this i'm looking through my other olympics uh headlines but man well i have olympic fever um everyone let us know what you thought about the olympic opening ceremonies let us know who you thought were like the hot hot teams and athletes etc um you know i only i only wrote

down you know after the after like 45 minutes, I was like, okay, I'm not going to write down every single person I think is hot because I'll just be listing that person was hot and that person was hot and I didn't like their outfits. But let us know what you think and feel free to post photos to support it. But don't post photos of that leg. Oh, my friend

Becky sent me a link called wait, where is it? It's from BuzzFeed, and it says, Accidental censorship of Olympic divers makes them all look like porn stars. Yes, I just looked at that. Have you seen that? Yeah, that's hilarious. It's just swimmers out of the water stretching or whatever,

and it'll put their scores below them, but it's covering all their crotches, so it looks like they're naked. Hot. Yeah, well, those divers, I mean, I was watching the synchronized diving last night. And my word. My word. That was, I mean, that was intense. It was an intense experience.

I was talking to him while I was smoking. He was walking Bueller. And I was like, I'm watching this opening ceremony. I had no idea it was four hours. And he said, what are you doing? Turn it off right now and turn on the live feed. These guys, you should see these synchronized divers. I've had a boner for hours.

Turn it on. Yeah. Yeah. It was a serious situation. And everyone should watch that. Everyone should go back and find footage of that because it was really intense. Now we're helping the streaming on NBC. Yeah.

Yeah. See, that's where you need to give. That's where you need to give. All right, man. Let's wrap her up, shall we? All right. Well, everyone, thank you for listening. Again, be sure to check out our TuneIn show

that's on TuneIn Premium. And, of course, we're going to be at the L.A. PodFest. So get your tickets now at lapodfest.com and if you aren't able to go be sure to sign up to watch the streams and watch all the shows that are happening there all weekend long and if you decide to do that use promo code CRAPPINS

get some money off and then thank you again to our premium sponsors thank you for supporting us on Patreon thank you Brazil for hosting the games. I don't know. I'm just going to thank everyone. But thanks, everyone, for listening.

Facebook.com forward slash Watch for Crappins. And we'll just talk to you on the next episode. Bye, everyone. Bye. Can't get enough Watch for Crappins? Head over to TuneIn now and check out exclusive content from our podcast. Each week, we'll provide bonus material,

including exclusive hot takes on Bravo shows, to tune in now and check out exclusive content from our podcast. Each week we'll provide bonus material including exclusive hot takes on Bravo shows, the latest in reality show gossip, and impressions of Bravo reality stars. Check out Watch What Crappens on TuneIn Premium. Download the app and subscribe to TuneIn Premium for just $9.99 a

month today. Woo! Woohoo! Holl Woo-hoo! Holler baller! Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.