Watch What Crappens - #3173 Below Deck Med S10E17 Part One: Mob (Wife) Mentality

Episode Date: January 20, 2026

This is part one of a 2-part recapThe chicken nugget breakup intensifies on Below Deck Mediterranean as mob wives descend upon the boat and gross out pretty much everyone. Also, Joe and Kizzy are still monsters. To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and get ad free listening, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crapins. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben over there. Hi, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? Oh, good. Welcome to the show, everybody. February 27th is the Golden Crappies here in glamorous Hollywood, California. Hope you can make it. That's going to be so much fun. We're putting our guest list together right now. It's going to be epic. So join us for that. You can get tickets at watch what crappins.com. you want our bonus videos right now we are covering the traders you can get that on patreon that's also where you get bonus episodes which are those which i just mentioned i'm out of it and it's also where you get videos of all of our recaps and it's also where you get ad free listening so if you want that go over to patreon and thanks so much to everybody who joins us over there or over here wherever you're at we love you okay we love you trying to stop me that's it we do We do love.

We love a lot. We love hard. We love hard. We love hard. We love long. Unlike the people on this show, Below Deck. Here we are with Below Deck, the pen ultimate episode of the season, at least I think. Yes.

Yes. This is Below Deck Season 10, Below Deck Med, to be more specific, season 10, episode 17. A bubble trouble. Bubble trouble. Why is it called bubble trouble? Because that girl filled her bath water too much with bubbles and left Tanner all over it. That's a bad name. And they didn't want to call it Slob Wives, I'm assuming.

That's Slob Wives is better. Bubble trouble is bad. That was like one second of the entire show and they named the entire episode Bubble Trouble. I say, no, and if you're going to call it bubble trouble, I would say call it Bubble Bobble. For those of us who are of a certain age, who play that game a lot in the 80s. Yeah. Bubble, boil in trouble. What isn't that?

Or just like get Shakespeare in with it. Just call it Hamnet. Even though I just said it wrong. Call the episode Hamnet. What is Hamnet about? I haven't seen it, but it's basically Shakespeare. Shakespeare has a child. Shakespeare loses the child and then puts that energy into writing.

Oh, really? That's what it is? Why is it called Hamnet, though? What is it? Apparently, like the name Hamnet and Hamlet, were like interchangeable names. I think the child's name is Hamnet. I don't know.

This is just what I got from the trailer. But I know it's like a 10-Hanky special. And I'm probably going to watch it just so I can cry. It should have been about the thing that they wrap hams in, that you have to cut the net that they wrap hams in. Why isn't it about that? I agree. I'd pay to go see who invented that.

I agree. Maybe we should recap Hamnet. That would be actually very funny. He was like, And then Shakespeare thinks he's so great because he wrote a play. Oh, baby. We would probably be so obnoxious recapping that movie. But it's supposed to be great.

And I love Chloe Zhao, the director, mainly because I love Nomad Land. I didn't see Eternals, not planning to see it. I just want to see movies where she makes me cry. And I feel like Hamnet will do that for me. So I'm going to wait for a private moment and I will watch it alone. I will sob to a pillow. Masturbate. So, yeah.

Here we are. Bubble trouble. We start where we ended with drama over chicken nuggets. That's kind of saved the season for me. I'm not going to lie. This chicken nugget thing really saved it for me. Fiasco. Yeah.

Flying chicken nuggets, half eaten. Meant for a different purpose. Max was. Yeah. Using them to get in the way of a conversation. Max was just trying to give his love to Cassie. said Cassie, maybe it is all time to get married. And she got upset about chicken nuggets being thrown at her

and ran down to yell at the people who were throwing her chicken nuggets, as is her right. And then Max is now basically crying because she chose chicken nuggets over him. And let me just say, as a vegetarian, I would choose chicken nuggets over you. Yeah. Yeah, I would too. I would 100% do that.

But let's also not forget the other element of this, which is that they were her chicken nuggets that she was waiting for and she was starving. and they finally arrive and those two dipshits Nathan and Joe start throwing them at her. So of course she has she'd be livid.

I would be livid. Of course she's going to stop whatever conversation is just having and go down there and yell at the guys. I don't know why Max thinks it's such a privilege

to receive, you know, his invitation to be his boyfriend. Like we didn't see that was coming, you know. It's so, but here's the thing.

I left the recap last week and I thought about it deeply as I do below deck. You know, I thought about it, I worried about it, I wondered about it. That what are those guys doing right now? And one thing I thought is, you know, I really like Kathy. I've been stumping for Kathy this whole time. Love her.

Great, great choice. She's still a lover. I don't hate her now. I love her. But I will tell you, I did start to wane because Kathy was a really, really mean to something that I, to someone, I just, it upset me. And that, that person is Big Mac. Big Mac is a viable food source. Like, that's a good, that's a pretty solid.

choice to be left with. I know it's not what you ordered. I'm not saying like you shouldn't, you should be happy with somebody throwing chicken nuggets at you. But to diss a Big Mac like you're doing is unfucking acceptable. Check yourself. Love a Big Mac. You know, poor Mac the night sitting there on his moon. Well, he has the moon, but he's like on his piano. He's just trying to enjoy the evening. And she's basically spitting in that, that moon man's face. And it's just not right. She is. And it's not cool. So now she's going back to Max. Thank you for speaking truths of power right now, by the way.

That was really important. I'm like, oh, Big Max, gross. No, Big Macs are not gross. They're like the life wars of this country. Have some fucking respect woman. Have some fucking respect. Yeah. So Max is all upset and pouting because he's been dissed for chicken nuggets.

So Kathy finally kind of gets over and comes back to him and lightly kicks him on the butt. Like, okay, hi, I'm back. And she's like, don't be mad at me. He's like, I'm not talking to you because I talk to you. You speak to Nugget. So then I'm out of the conversation. Enjoy your conversation with chicken nugget. Sir, you petted a jellyfish and then touched your eye.

Okay. When we're talking about judgment calls, you're failing on this category. I'm sorry. I will take Kathy talking to speaking to Nuggets first before you pet a jellyfish. Do the two things have anything to do with each other? No. But I just want to point out a massive flaw in your personality too and just say like, you're not perfect. You're actually, you're an idiot.

Actually, what I really want to do is point. point out that Kathy is so far above you. She has a whole comic strip written about her where all she does is ask for chocolate. And that's still more entertaining than anything you've done on this show. So just be happy that she gave you any of that time before she went off to her nuggets.

Exactly. And she's like, whatever. So he's like, oh, whatever. Boom, Appetit. Okay. So he's all upset. And he's like, oh, I thought we were so special. Meant to be. But I need stability with the people that come into my heart.

All this roller coaster of emotion changing. Oh, I'm feeling Biscasi and I. Sir, If you can't handle a chicken and nugget battle, then you, what kind of man are you going to be to marry or be with in a relationship? The second anything goes wrong, you're off there crying and making everything about you, you need to be standing up for the woman who just got robbed of chicken nuggets. That's exactly right. And let's also not forget that her stepfather died like three days prior. It feels like it was like two months ago.

But in real time, it was like three days ago. So like let her have her nuggets and don't shame her. for it. In fact, why don't you just give her, hold, hold some space for her anyway, you know, just shut up. And maybe don't try to have a relation, like come after somebody and nag them for a relationship. When they're telling you, they don't want a relation. She's told you a million times, don't rush this. I don't want this rushed. Stop making it more serious than it needs to be. So you're already failing on that end. And you're trying to force somebody into a commitment when they're relying on you right after a family death. Like, it's just, you're gross.

Okay? You're gross. Just stop it. To quote Taylor Dane, the great Taylor Dane, who looks not unlike some of the charter members this episode, don't rush me. I've made that mistake before. Yeah. Don't rush me. Don't. I don't know how to wait. Yeah.

Glel doesn't get enough credit for all the points that she had. She gets no credit whatsoever. Or as the great, you know, as the great black eyed peas once said, shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up. As, as the, as the great Kathy Tricoli once sang,

everything changes. Everything changes. As the great Jennifer Page once saying, it's just a little crush. Don't mean anything. That's, we don't need, the quote stands there for me. And that's something you should know, Max. It's just a little crush.

Yeah. So, Kathy goes back to her room, while he goes off to pat in his room. And V he's like, how was your chat? Yeah, like, how was it? She's like, oh, God, it was fine until Joe and Nathan

chucked chicken nuggets at me. After 30 minutes of Max talking, I got distracted, you know, but you can't be annoyed at me for such a little thing. I mean, God, I was talking, talking, talking. I just welcomed the chicken nuggets, honestly.

Actually, it saved me. Thank you, thank you, broken chicken nuggets in my face. God, that man won't shut up. Yeah, seriously. I would be so grateful for that. So now it's the morning. We do see a half-eaten chicken nugget floating in the dark Barcelona waters.

Some fish is going to have quite the treat, I would have to say. I have a mind to go get some chicken nuggets after this recap. I'm not, I'm whipping myself into a frenzy at the moment. I'm trying to eat healthy. And honestly, all I can think about is chicken nuggets at the moment. I just want to fish in Barcelona, you know? But that's why you're thinking about them because you're trying to eat healthy and that's what happens. You try and eat healthy and then Roy Crocker's in your head.

Like, come on down to McDonald's, making fresh chicken nuggets. Yeah, I'm not a chicken nuggets person. I'm a McDonald's person. Wasn't it Roy Crocker? Did I get the name wrong? I don't know who Roy Cracker is, but I trust you on this one. I think he invented McDonald's. Who invented?

It was Taylor Danes. Shut up. Just shut up, shut up. It was inspired by brothers Richard and Maurice McDonald. Okay. Oh, Roy Kroc was his name. Yeah. Businessman Roy Kroc, Ray Kroc took it from Richard and I guess bought it.

And then turned it into what we know today. Thank you, Roy Kroc. Kroc Donald's. Thank you, Kroc Donald's. And then from there he went and made shoes. And I'm like, wow, does this guy stop inventing things? Wow. He is just an influencer.

Made out of the same material, probably the chicken nuggets are made out of. I mean, look at that. He should be on Shark Tank. The Taylor Dane of inventors. So it was the morning, people waking up and Nathan texts Gale. And she's like, good morning. I know you're checking on me, but I'm still in Barcelona. I didn't make her on for it.

Which is great. Get on my ass stalker. Because he's still texting her every five minutes. Like, are you coming? Are you coming to my sister's wedding? It's a big deal to get that kind of an invite from me. Shut up. Like, leave me alone.

Hey, everyone wants to go to my sister's wedding. Because if it doesn't work out. I'll lose faith and relish her jobs and sabotage for the rest of my life. What if my sister quits her job? And then she's not friends in the office with the people that I've become friends in the office with. I won't believe in relationships anymore. My sister said that she tried to order to bake an egg bite on Starbucks happen or sold out. I've lost all faith in relationships now.

Do you remember when you ghosted me? Could you do it again? You're making me crazy. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crash. Happens commercial. So now we go outside and Joe sees V and he's like, oh, good morning. Good morning.

She's like, oh, and Sandy is looking at the TV listings. And she's like, oh, gosh, well, now that wind is over, I guess I'll have to watch the spin-off, got anything Taylor Sheridan does, really, the spin-off, storm, it's not really is good, but it's coming, it's coming, yeah, storm's coming in. I love that they found a good role for Bill Pullman here. I mean, you know, it's great. Taylor Sheridan, he finds him in a certain age and just puts them in a cowboy hat and let them go. So just seeing him weathering that storm.

It's just great TV. I don't know if I believe in weathering a storm with Judy Dench by his side, but you know what? I'll take it. I'll take it. It's great work right over there. So a storm is coming in. And I just like, for this final charter. And I always like to finish a season on a half.

and I want some sort of grand climax, and I don't want to fake it. Okay, maybe a little bit. She's really hamming it up this season, that isha. She's doing a little pointing at the camera, like, here comes a joke. I bet you're not ready for the punchline because it's about to arrive, and now it is here. So, Kathy is working in the little galley area, and Max just comes up pouting. And she's like, oh, God, can we just stop being grumpy? Hug me.

Hug me, I've got such healthy hair. And he's like, I'm not grumpy. I'm figuring out what is good for me. Okay. And Josh is listening to this in the kitchen like, oh, God. You'll choose this whiny, crying, dishrag of a human being. But I guess I'm just over here. Peniseless Josh.

Okay. Wow. These two people are worse than putting a piece of meat on a plate and putting another piece of meat on a separate plate. Oh, I hate them. So Max is like, really, on your fucking, it's your fuck, right to go take nuggets. And I just don't want to be emotionally like unstable. So yeah, maybe he's out too soon.

I don't know. She's like, I'm British and none of that worked on me. So then she says, I've thrown myself into this. And now you're finally going to walk away from everything that was because I got a little hangary. Well, guess what? Wait till you see me at 4.15. And the tray of finger sandwiches hasn't arrived at the table yet. Then you'll see the real Kathy Max.

I don't care. I'm not upset with you. You choose chicken nugget. Enjoy your chicken nugget marriage. Enjoy making baby with chicken nugget. All right, everyone. Get your iPads ready because it's time for a preference sheet meeting. Okay.

So, uh, Asia, why don't you start it off? Okay, Jennifer's from New Jersey and owns four meds spas. And there's a note here that Ben Mandelke recognizes her from something and wants to know, well, she had another blow deck at some point because he can't get rid of this nagging feeling. Half of this cast was like the top of the troll pen. You know, those little trolls. It's half of this cast.

This woman has injected four entire med spores into a face and we get to serve her. Yeah, Karen's a New York Times bestselling author. Author of what? I don't know. Books, presumably. Are they on Kindle? I don't know. I'm more of a listener myself.

But she's written about being a daughter of a mob boss. Has she written it with voice notes? I don't know. Does anyone write anymore? What's happened to the education system in this country? Is this season over yet? I feel like I've been here 19 years. Yeah, she's the daughter of Sammy the Bull Gravano.

So we better behave ourselves. Otherwise, she might write about us too. And then maybe send mafia after us. God, that's hilarious. Scary, too, really heightens the, heightens the stakes here, right, guys? Okay, fun times. So this is the Karen from mob wives, everybody. Brace yourselves.

Otherwise known as not the great people from mob wives. Like, where's Drita? Where's Sandra? Drita. What are we trying to say? Where's Erica? She's supposed to be by my side. I mean, I know Big Ang can be here.

RIP. Still miss you every day of my life. But what's the other one? The other main one. Hold on. I'm going to look up mob wife's casks. I'm embarrassing myself right now. While you look that up, I could swear that Jennifer was on another blow deck.

I could swear this is not the first time we've met her. And Drida, yeah, Drita and Renee. I mean, Drita and Renee are the-R-D-R-Dreta. Come on now. Big-Age, but-Begh. Rita and Renee. Yeah. Well, what I'd like to bet this girl, Jennifer, who eventually comes on is that she sounds exactly like one of Zachariot's impersonations.

You know Zachariot Porter? He does, he basically impersonates ladies of like Long Island on his Instagram. He puts on a wig and he's like, where's your rant? Where's your rant? And basically that's what she sounds like. That's what this lady sounds like is. Oh, yeah, yeah, I looked him up. Yeah, I know who he is.

He's funny. Super, super Staten Island, Long Island. Yeah. I know there are different places. I'm just saying that's sort of in that mix. Oh, they're different. Yeah, Staten Island is its own. I lived in Staten Island for one year when I was 18 years old because I moved to New York with no money

and that was the first place I could afford after being homeless. And the house had a column missing in the front. and so it was like falling down. And so we would sit in these chairs and they would roll all the way down the floor. I could have died in that house. But it was a fun place. And there's nobody like a Staten Island person. I'll tell you that.

And here they come. Here comes a whole fairy of them. Good luck. So night one, they want to have a pajama party. And because he's like, very mafia, which fair point. And then day two, they want to get off the boat and enjoy lunch on the beach. It is very mafia, though, because it's like pajamas celebrate sleeping and you're on a yacht with the fishes. With the fishes, kizzy.

Hey, Aisha, do you think you can ask the provisioners if we can get some severed horseheads that we can put in their beds? Just see if they can do it. Just try it. Just try. Hey, Aisha, could you make all of the rooms out to look like trunks so we could just kind of throw them in there at the end of the night? I think it'll be on theme. We're thinking we could set up a toll booth. outside of the boat. And then when they come,

we can, uh, we can shoot someone to death right before they go through the toll booth. What do you guys think? This is getting a little dog, Sandy. Okay, when they come on, someone press play on don't stop,

believe in, and then that'll be the end of our season. Just black out. Just cut the lights. Um, so now, um, Max is thinking of gassy.

And it's just playing like, while he sobs and like squeegees and thinks of Kathy like choosing chicken nuggets over him. So sad. So then he's talking to Joe. He's like, you know what type of thought I have now? I just want to have good friendship, you know?

It's less likely you have a problem, you know? Joe's not listening. He doesn't care. And then Vee is just, he's over and she's in some area. I'm like, oh, it's really windy right now. No, the season's over. Vee.

Season's over. Sorry. Listen, it's killing me that I can't do spoilers. You got to catch up, V.

It's really very difficult. So now Captain Sandy goes to Josh to check on him. He's like, oh, you know, I just want to make sure I stay ahead of things.

Like, I don't want to get complacent. And she's like, oh, really? You know what I'm going to need you to do? I need you to get complacent,

okay? Don't see the plates right there. Yeah, to get completeant. Okay. just think outside the box, okay? Because if you put everything in the box, that's basically family style. So think of lots of little boxes that you can put things in and serve that like that.

Okay, do that. Okay, you could do it, kiddo. You're going to be great. You're a pro. You know, it's a lot of pressure because we're not going to be on anchor. Think outside the box. Think out to your food, but on a plate. Do your food, but on a plate.

You know, these last few charters have been a bit funky in my head. the things that I fuck up on, they stick hard more than the positives. It's like a pause and that gets chucked into your brain. And then it just sort of seeps through you and stops you from believing in yourself. And next thing you know, you're just a little cartoon version of yourself who's somehow getting more pussy than you actually are. And you're the actual one who's really intangible. And that's just a drawing, but somehow it's doing better than I am. I love that they make Dominic, the little cartoon character, meaner, with every episode.

She's like, you suck, you suck, mate. Clown suck. Nobody likes clowns. You know where everyone wants to see? Dead clowns. Could you be a dead clown? Loser. Can't even clown right. If you're a good clown, you wouldn't be here sucking it up on this shit, would you? Stupid clown, terrible clown. Hey, you want to play two chords on the guitar?

Why don't you go ahead, mate? It's all you now. Moron. Josh, it's like, it just means a lot to me to make sure that I can do the best that I can, but I know how much work that requires. I'm just kind of like, shit, have I got enough time? It's like, yeah, well, you know, You set the bar and you set it really high. So you do have enough time. It's called Just Put the Food on Different Plates.

That's it. It takes about 30 extra seconds. You can do it. Okay. I'm going to go look at pictures of Little Bear upstairs. Okay, bye. Can't sing, can't cook, can't do. Can't sing, can't cook, cat clown.

Can't sing, can't cook, cat clown. Good, David, Dominic. So now we go to the cabins where Kathy and Kizzy are talking. And Kathy's like, I'm fucking raging. I'm in a Spanish bull ring. I don't even want to see him right now. I don't even want to see him. What kind of man doesn't stand up for a woman who's missing nuggets?

Because he's like, just talk to him about it. Or if you want, I can make out with him. Would that make it better? She's like, well, I tried. I tried this morning. And I just want him to be the bigger person now. Okay, I'm the one who doesn't have chicken nuggets and lost someone in my family. And yet I have to console him.

Absolutely not. Because he's like, and he's also older than you, you know. So don't feel that. You can't date a toddler and then want them to be a bigger person. I mean, you're going to be changing. this man's diapers for the rest of his life. Run. Run. So then Captain Sandy comes on the radio. They're coming. They're coming. Mob wives. They're coming in 30 minutes. Okay, everybody. You're about to be horrified by some facial injections. Everybody get into your whites. Do it.

I am going to make you an offer you can't refuse, which is everyone should get into their whites. And then you'll get a tip afterwards. Okay, get ready, everyone. So Kizzy runs through the galley and slams into a trash can, which, God bless it. I mean, figuratively, she did that weeks ago. So it was nice to see physical reality catch up with her. A bam. Trash can. You know what?

It's like, it's like seeing one trash can roll into a dumpster. That's what it is. That's the true metaphor right there. And, you know, it's like that, it's that thing I always say. Like, I do not like, like, just because I don't like somebody doesn't mean that I want to see them in physical pain. And then I realize as I say that, that I, that's not something that I say, because it's not true. So I don't, I actually, I don't want, I don't want to see people get maimed or killed. But I don't mind if someone has a minor ache in pain. I don't mind if you

might be eligible for a new print commercial because right, you've gone through. So this is perfect. I don't want you to get like gun down, but I do want a trash can to take my frustration out on your toe. Yes, I do want to see you scampering through a galley and stubbing your toe on a trash can so badly that you have to go to the hospital because that's just perfect. Yeah. So she's like,

I think I broke my toe. Oh. And we hear the guests before we see them. We just hear like, oh, we got a lot of potacious tattas here. My nipples are patrolling out my dress. What am I going to do here? Hey. I don't

have any nipple covers, but maybe they got some truffles to put on my tattas. You know what I want on my tata? I need a king crab lebe over these nips. All right. So, you know, the underwiring of my bra is king crab. Like, I don't know if you know that. But they arrive and everyone's scrambling to get there.

And Kathy is like, oh, my God, listen to their accents. That's, it's not just that they're Americans, that they're trashy Americans. It just gets funnier the closer they get. But yeah, they're all All the people from Europe are just loving the Jersey accents. And I guess they're from Jersey, not from Staten Island or Long Island. Well, whatever it is. I think Karen is from Staten Island, isn't she?

I see, I thought there was an island in there somewhere. I thought someone was. But now all of our European cast members are going to try to do a New York accent. So Asia's like, today, do you want to give me some pizza? So I'm solving over here. And Joe's like, New York. Give me some coffee. How you like that?

And then Max, Max is just, he's just so, he's like, get me some be jerky, my man. You're living your life. Okay, guys, welcome. By way, you know, Ronnie, this is what we sound like to Europe when we do our pod. When we do this show specifically, this is what we sound like to everyone. I know, I'm fine.

I'm okay. I accepted it a long time ago. Commercials. Here comes one right now. So Captain Sandy's like, hey guys, welcome. I'm Captain Beebe. You might have heard of me. I'm loved. So I wanted to welcome you loud mouths onto this boat. Okay. Just look around the sea. Look at all those creatures out there. Each one of them hates the sound of your voice. How does that feel? Okay, welcome. Don't forget storm starts tonight. Oh, by the way, we're not leaving the dock. Okay. You know why? because Dame Judy Dentch signed a contract. We're all going to gather around

and we're going to watch Storm together. Okay, whether you like it or not. Pain is more fun together, guys. So it should take some on a tour and everything. And they're like, oh, my God, look, there's a bidet. I love that. Oh, my God, I can wash my asses with that. That's very nice.

I love it. It's very good. Good what you could do. Clean your ass. Clean your ass with the bidet. And then come upstairs. We'll have a cocktail. Okay, I will do that.

Yeah, class. It's just, it's a, Just a group of class. Okay. So then some of them are sitting upstairs after the tour. And the one who wrote the book, Karen, who is Sammy the Bull Gravano's daughter, Kathy, she sounds a little different. And Kathy's like, excuse me, I just had to ask a question. So you're both trash Americans, but your accent's different.

You're super trashy, but you're fake not trashy. So what's the story with that? Yeah, yeah. Well, my family sent me to prep school. So I was like the mafia kid. They sent away to school. So I came back sound as smarter like. And Connie's like, you don't really sound like New York.

I don't even know what you're supposed to sound like, but it's not New York. But you know what? If you piss me off, I'm like, who the fuck do you think you are? Oh, sorry. That was me, Karen, doing my pretending to be Connie. Sorry about that. So Kanye's like, yeah, we don't want it, but we want to hear it. We don't want you to get pissed off, but we want to hear your new accent, your New York accent come out.

Okay. So now they just sit down. They're like, feed us. And so Kizzy is ironing down the crew mess and Max is there. And he's like, what is happening? Do you need cattle and massage? Maybe jock and massage. You do.

I love romance. And she's like, my toe hurts. And Joe's like, I can't even massage her. The world will end. Everyone will freak out. Me, poor Joe, not allowed to do anything because of unreasonable people like V. he is pulling this card so hard this episode he is acting like he is poor Romeo can't even touch kissy it's because your own stupidity okay because you just can't control yourself that's why you're in

this situation and he's acting like he's been kept from the love of his life that he's been pining for all season long this is a new development like just shut up already you've got two days and then you can make out with her yeah and he's like oh i promised victoria that i wouldn't flirt with Kesey, but there's just a little tension. Oh, I want to kiss this girl. I feel I can do it. I feel like I can do it. I feel like I'm in prison and I'm getting closer and closer just to stick my lips through the bars.

Oh, just fuck us. Do it. Do it. Do it. I'm waiting here. I'm waiting here with the mousetrap. Do it. Yeah. He's a regular Jane Austen heroin just pining after Willoughby. I mean, come on now. This is, it just actually was, it's not so much that Victoria asked you not to flirt. It's that Nathan asked you not to flirt.

alert because it's creating such a distraction as creating drama on the deck crew and it's making it hard to do the job so it's it's not about her it's about just making sure that the yacht does not sink because of your stupid face and also victoria didn't ask you you literally said i won't i won't hook up with her just to respect you you were the one who did yeah so um now we go back to the guests at the table and they're talking to asia and they're like how do you say your name What is it, Aisha? What is it, Aisha? Is it how you say?

She's like, oh, okay, sure. Okay, well, you know what? It's not raining no more. Ayesha. Can we go out now? And she's like, no, because it's not the rain. It's the wind. That doesn't matter.

I want to go out. But the captain said, I don't care what the captain said. Bring the captain up here. Bring the captain up here. If she can't handle winds, what is she captain for? Huh? What is she even captain for? Oh, my God.

These people are disgusting. And the worst, the worst are these two young ones. And I don't even know if they are young ones. because honestly, they are wearing life vests on their face. I don't know what anyone is even trying to do anymore. You guys are really overdoing it. Like, are you 70? Are you 20? These two are not spending a dime.

You can tell it's always the people who never spend any money and make all the demands. And this girl, Annalise, is just the most obnoxious. She's like, you know, like being like, I want to go out there. I want to go out there. I want to go out. Okay, because I'm going to make a demand. Okay, here's an offer.

The offer is that we either go out and that's it. There's no other options. I'm like, you know, it's settled down. Chris Christie. There's a storm out there. All right. That was crazy. When she was like, hey, hey, captain, we got an offer for you.

You take us out on the fucking water. There's your offer. Sandy's like, use you? Yeah, that's not going to happen. That's not going to happen. But look how beautiful it is. You're not talking about your face, right? No, but the weather out there.

She's like, okay, you know what? It's not about that. It's about the seas. Okay. Just think about your report card. It's all about the seas, right? Just not safe. But I got a weather app here.

Look, I opened on my phone. I said, weather and look at sunny out there. Why can't we go out there? But the weather app says it's okay. She's like, no, no, no, that's not the same thing. You know? You're on the, okay, so you're on, okay, I'm trying to look up your app. Oh, I see.

Because I'm on weather.com. And it looks like you're on wetter, W-E-D-D-E-R. That's not a weather app. That's just about helping you get married. but it says weather it says weather it's supposed to wetters it says it's a great time for weta it's a wrong gap here's the here's the deal do you think i would stay at the dock if it was nice out the guy this one and by the way the men are just like mortified he's like no absolutely not you are well i wouldn't think that in the world and she's like yeah do you think that do you guys

really think that do you dumb dums really think that they're like no no no it's like it's just going to get rougher and rougher and more dangerous. Okay, so we're not leaving the DAC today. Now, listen, do I look like the kind of captain who doesn't want to go out on the water? The kind of captain who wants to sit here and have a viewing party of a storm where we get clear internet. Do I seem like that kind of a person? Do I? Okay, well, I've stayed here, probably nine times out of 10 this season. It is my hobby to stay on the dock. You got me. I don't care. We're still staying on the dock. Bye, stupid. So Annalise is like, so we're just stuck? Um, yeah, maturity wise.

Yes, it does appear that you are. So that's unfortunate for you. But there's some good therapists we could probably find in the mainland and bring them on the boat for you. It's like, oh, yeah? Well, I don't feel like we got much to do on this boat, guys, and not for nothing. I thought this boat was going to be twice the size. I'm not that happy. And don't tell me this 20 ahead of person, because I would never, I would never 20 ahead.

Come on. Really, 20 ahead for this for sitting on the dock with a pussy captain, huh? And I don't mean, I don't mean she got one. I mean, she is one. She's a walking vagina. All right? Like, what is this? Well, I'm sorry that it's not as beautiful as the Atlantic City ballrooms you're used to, but it is what you have, so enjoy it.

I'm sorry it's not as glamorous as the Doritos you get on the Staten Island Ferry. You'll fucking loser. Go sit back on your bench. I know it's not as thrilling as riding that two-bit roller coaster on the Jersey Shore, but, you know, just give it a chance. Maybe you'll enjoy it. Yeah, you're a silly beast. Okay, well, you know what? They're still talking down there. I can hear their lips flapping, literally.

God, I looked at that woman's face and I said, God, I love that banana. And then realized it was a face. The banana was talking back to me. So you know what? It gave me an idea. You guys want to feel the swells? Then go in the water then, you dummies.

Anyone who wants to go out and dare the swells, we're going to send you with our dumbest, our dumbest person on the tender. Go do it. Moncare, take them. So now, yeah, so, I actually like this. I like this is,

you know what, this is the Captain Sandy's equivalent of the property brothers showing someone, a house that is everything that they want, but way outside their budget. Like, okay,

well, you want to have five bedrooms and you want to have two, two islands in your kitchen, and you want to have three living rooms and a yard and be close to town. Well, guess what?

Here it is. Oh, no, that's $5 million more than your budget. I guess we'll have to rethink it for house number two, you fucking idiot. kids.

That's basically what she's doing. We couldn't give you your dream. So here's Joe. Okay. Joe. That's basically what she's doing. She's like, okay,

so you want to go out to the sea? Okay, you're going to do that and you'll come back with some barf bags. Okay, enjoy your stupid face. Yeah. And I mean that literally. Yeah.

Face is stupid. So, um, we're in the mess. Joe's in his cabin and V and Kizzy are talking. And Kizzy's like, oh my God. I have to leave like the ironing board out because like,

I'm going to use it when I get back. I got to go. And Kizzy's like, whatever. I mean, I understand why she's still upset with me. I mean, I really genuinely, really do. But, like, I feel like I've explained myself as much as I can. You know, she has feelings and I don't care about them. And I literally broke up with my boyfriend to experience my season to the fullest.

And I've tried to fuck five guys on this and not one has panned out. So with Joe, I just have to really know if there's something there. Just because you explained yourself does not mean that you automatically are forgiven. it just means that you've explained yourself. And now she has greater context as to why she should be mad. That's it. That's it. So now people are making orders and Annalise like, could I have a leachy martini, please?

Oh, God. Why is it every tacky person we've seen this week orders a leachy martini? That's just like that. Now, if you order a leachy martini, your tacky as fuck, as witnessed by this show. And what was it, the Valley Persian style? Or she's like, giving him a leachy martini, that great. gross guy. So please just stop drinking those. Do yourself a favor because it's like wearing a hello. My name is douche tag. It's over. Leachie Martini. It's over. I don't get leachies, to be honest. And that goes for Aaron. Whoa. Ho! Ho! Stray is shot at Roni. So Kathy. This poor Aaron's never going to get away from it, man. I know. So Kathy, she just comes down the steps to start talking to Nathan. Um,

And his back has turned, so he doesn't see her. And Max is like, bro, I feel weird. And Nathan's like, oh, what's why? What do you feel a little sick? He's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Just Katie, she's in my head. I have to do a meditation. So Kathy, of course, hears this because she came down the stairs.

She's like, weird, oh. And Nathan's like, um, okay. And then Max just goes and does a meditation. We'd like to point out that Max is nonstop talking. talking about this Kathy situation to anyone on this boat. And it's so tiresome. Like, no one cares if you did not get to have a conversation with Kathy. Like, literally, no one cares.

Just shut up. I know. He's just a drama queen. And he wants his moment because everybody else has had their moments. He's like, what about me? What about my alter boy? Nobody cares. I'm on your mom's side.

So, Nathan's like, no, where is my man? Why, Jesus Christ, why am I stuck in the middle of this shit? I'm the most mature one on the boat. just like to remind everybody for the 19th week in a row that he totally would have bained Kizzy had he been allowed to that night two days before he was begging Aisha or what's her buns back into his life. And his life would not be so easy if Kizzy was as dramatic as say V was being, even though I'm not saying V is out of control. Like I think V has a more sturdy case here. But if you almost took up with somebody and then completely dropped them the next day and said, oh yeah, I just like to fuck around. with you when I'm drunk.

That's the girl I really like. She could be making a lot more trouble for you than you're getting. So you're pretty lucky to be getting away with this edit is what I'm saying. Acting like, oh, I'm the only mature one. No, you're not. You just happen to hook up with Kizzy, who doesn't really care. That's correct. So Kathy, you know, she's like, Nathan's like, you look rad.

She's like, yeah, that's because he's a motherfucker. And I'm sitting right here. So then we go back to Nathan and Kathy. and Kathy's like, he basically just said, yeah, let's cool off. Like, let's just distance ourselves kind of thing. And I think he just gets so in his head and he doesn't know how to express himself. Also, he's very, very stupid. And that's something I'm sorry to realize.

A dumb, dumb man. But a good lay, and I deserve that. But very stupid. Very, very stupid. It just keeps cutting to Max meditating. He's like, oh, bobbing, butter, butter on bread. Oh, croissant. That sounds delicious too.

But it's my meditation. That's my... So V is avoiding Joe. She goes out on the deck and Joe's there. So she's like, she turns around and goes the other direction. And then Kizzy is tending to her toe, which is getting worse and worse. And she's like, face-timing someone like, look at my toe. What's wrong with my toe?

And then Jennifer is talking to Sandy and being like, Okay, Sandy, by the way, you're so beautiful. You're so beautiful. I love the hair. It's wonderful. It's very, it's very, um, medieval. I love the middle ages. It's great.

It's wonderful. By the way, can I drive the boat now that I've butted you up, Brett and buttered you up, if you will, can I? You mean this boat? You have this bow? What do you think I mean? She's like, um, well, you could do it on autopilot. It's like, oh, that's a good one.

That's a good one. She's got it. She's got it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You know what? Her hair ain't the only one that's got jokes. She's funny.

She's fun. This one's for fucking real. She's very funny. Very funny. So then Karen's like, you know what? These things are hard to drive. Okay, one time I did my, my, this guy owed my father some money or whatever. So he wound up acquiring a big boat and everyone laughs because they know what that means.

And he goes, no, she's like, true story, true story. So we acquired a big yacht and then he's driving and we came to Park in the pier and like boom, he just started smashing into all the little all these big boats. And next day he's like, I don't want this thing. I'm done. I love that the next day was not like, oh my God, I owed all these people so much money for the repairs. It was like, eh, never mind. he didn't pay that money for those repairs it's a mob guy it's like yeah you want to fucking complain about it complain to this you want to do it come on talk talk to the talk to the barrel yeah sorry about you

sorry about your boat uh was captain glens fault so then you probably went up and beat all the all the other boat owners up for having their boats in his way it would be such a mob boss thing to do it'd be like oh hey i just got a new boat let me be the one to drive it around even though i'm not equipped whatsoever to drive a yacht. Yeah. Come on, kids. Daddy just got this thing from a friend.

Yeah. So Karen, yeah, so Karen tells the story. And then people like, Aisha and Kathy are starting to run plates and everything. And Kathy's like,

oh, look, it's a family-style lunch. And so they're like, oh, no, family-style. Although I feel like lunch you're allowed to be family-style, especially because you know that this group is probably like,

hey, we're family. Okay, family eats together. okay you know what you know what i'm not gonna do is i'm not gonna go on that tender without my family okay i've had enough i want to eat at family style because that's what family's do yeah if there's ever a group of people that does not deserve plates it's these ones i'm surprised they even use forks surprised they don't just eat straight out of the pots it's a gross group of people so she's like well you know i'm not really sure right josh is still doing family style we're a super yacht we're a super yacht sandy and that's a standard in the med you know you're

plate. People in the med. They like things on plates. What can I tell you? God, you know what I love? I love learning about the earth's crust. Because it's made of plates. Even the earth does it family style. Okay. So Captain Sandy is like, Josh, Josh, why family style again? What's going on here, Josh? And he's like, always at lunches. She goes, no, no, hold on, one more. No. No, no. Always be. Plates. A, B, P, okay? Okay, once in a while you can do family style, but not as often as you're doing it, okay? Just takes it down a notch every time.

So when you serve that seizure salad, I want one leaf on that plate, one leaf on that plate, and a crouton on that plate, okay? That's called fancy. Yeah, he's like, but I always do it this way on boats. She goes, no, you never do it this way on boats, okay? That's our new mantra. Never do it this way. Okay, I could use some work on that one. It's not very catchy.

But, like, well, I'm doing a plate that menu tonight. for a full-course dinner. She's just, oh, wow, well, congratulations on half-hace and it may be in the future. Unfortunately, all the plates are welded together, and they sort of form one big plate that one would perhaps call a platter. See, Josh, you can't do that. That doesn't count. Separate plates, not welded, okay? Josh, I want the food on the plates or I want you on the ice.

You got it? Oh, gosh, these guests are really wearing off on me. I'm going to go calm down. I'm going to go calm down. You were my brother. Sorry, I, it's like, Captain Sandy, why did you just kiss me like that? Sorry, I just got caught up in all the mob stuff. Okay, all right.

So he sings, so he pulls out his guitar and he's in his clown outfit dancing next to him. They're just putting every gross thing about Josh in one shot. I know. He's like, one more person mentions plated meals. I think. Where's Dominion? Dominic, where are you? I can't have Josh with that, Dominic, there telling him how much he sucks.

Please. I know. Seriously. So, Josh is like, he's like, I'm just so confused, Asia. He's like, oh, really? You're confused? It's like, I'm in plated lunch. No one does that.

Okay, don't get too in your head about it, but everyone does do a plated lunch. People use plates. It's a stack of them there. They've got dust on them. So please, plates. But you've done a good job. for someone who's doing a bad job. But you're doing a good job.

Don't stress out. But I would be stressed if I were you. Don't get in your head. You are at the top of what you do, which is mediocrity. So congratulations. Just keep up with that. You want to use paper plates? Would that make it easier?

So then Captain Sandy is watching this tender going around and everything. And she's just like, heck yeah. stuff that boat, right? Actually, I'm sorry. She's telling Nathan to go out on the boat. She's just stuff that boat into a wave. Just get in there. Pretend it's manicotti and you're the cheese.

Get it in there. Stuff it in. Yeah. I like this even though it's, she shouldn't be doing this because, you know, you're not supposed to be putting the guests in danger, but I still liked it. She's like, okay, they want it.

Make them suffer. Drag them. Hold their heads underwater until they stop complaining. Okay, I don't want people back here until they, until they say that they're going to be true and honest to the one and only Dame Judy Dent. I watched the first episode. I misjudged it.

She's amazing. Okay. She dessert the nighthood or whatever the fuck they gave her. God, that woman's amazing. Okay. She's great. Yeah. So now Josh is in the gallery with Kizzy.

And Josh's like, I mean, this whole thing is fucking spinning me out. She's the plated thing. Yeah. I mean, plates. How are you supposed to even put things on plates? You can't even do it. She's like, well, you just put the thing. on the plate. But I mean, you even hear that.

You sound, yeah, ridiculous you sound. I mean, one doesn't just put things on the plate. It's just ridiculous. You can't even do this. How can it be a chef? With this sort of demands. Uh-oh. Guys, something important's happening. Captain Sandy's getting a text. Baby, I miss you, baby. Why don't they come to Barcelona?

Bebeleona, as I call it. And we can spend some BB time together before we go back, BB. And then we just see Captain Sandy reading it. And then she just looks up at the camera and goes, Wow See that? That was a good one That's a good one right there Even that one

Yes please Yes that's going in the BB Hall of Fame Are you gonna bring little bear Just tell the people on the airplane Is not an actual bear He's a dog Okay great So then Max is like

Oh no Joe I'm totally fucked When she when Katty's in the room I'm like oh like I feel bad You know like I don't know why I said this bro It's like oh shit I mean, you should have thrown the fucking nuggets earlier, bro. I don't want to make her like a pain.

Like, she's wonderful busy. I want to I do, Joe. This is very minor, you know. Talk to Kathy. I'm not the best given advice because, like, I thought I wanted something with Victoria. And the more I got to know Victoria, the less I actually wanted Victoria.

Did you know that? She had a dead boyfriend on her birthday. Nobody told me. I wouldn't have gotten involved with that. Somebody told you. Well, never mind. I still didn't want her. and attractive. And that's what Dayton's about. It's finding out whether you're right for each other,

whether or not somebody's dated somebody that's died before. You know, back in real estate, when I was a big shot real estate person, you had to disclose that information before you dated a house. You know, Max, you have to just lean into the dating process, as we all know. You meet someone, you fall in love with someone. They're hot, their beautiful, good personality, and then you cheat on them. And then you change the narrative and say you never liked them in the first place. And they actually You made your life hell. That's what eating's all about, Max. So thankfully, I've learned that V wasn't for me when I was making out with other people

while she was mourning her dead boyfriend on her birthday, which I forgot both things. But, you know, thank God, Kizzy, the angel's here for me. And Max is like, wow, let us fist bump. You just did me too like Kizzi. Oh, God. Joe, changing this narrative like, oh, the more it gots no more, the more. I was like, ugh, whatever. I'm like, then why were you crying?

because you've made out with Kizzy. You were crying, well, you were crying because you knew you messed up. You couldn't keep the one simple promise, but you made that promise because you liked her so much. You were trying to hold herself to a higher standard. And then when she didn't lift you, let you know, let you off the hook, you decided that that was the thing you didn't like about her. You didn't like the fact that she wasn't chill with the fact that you kissed another girl while on a very emotional day for her. So like, it's just extraordinary the way he is able to do mental gymnastics to somehow make himself the victim in the the situation.

Yeah. So now we go to the Tinder and Frank's like, oh yeah, welcome the fucking Barcelona the motherfuckers. Yeah, that's all that's assholes right on the fucking bow. You got a problem. People said we're going on a fucking bow. Here we on a fuck.

I don't feel good. I don't feel it. I don't feel good. They're all getting tossed around. They're getting bounced around. Oh my God. This is like so much right now. And they're screaming. and Sandy's watching and she's like, yeah, I hope they all come back with wet hair.

Ha, they'll have to do their hair again. And Annalise is like, this is a nightmare. I guess Sandy does know best. And then we just cut to Sandy going, hey, told him, mailed it. So now, let's see, V is getting instructions on driving the tender back. And she's like, yeah, like every once in a while. I remember being a green stew. And like I was a third stew.

But like I'm like grateful for Nathan because he showed me. He showed me. He pushes like the whole, you know, Joe sucks. But Nathan's still cool. And that's something. That's something to me. Hey, just want to interrupt your internal monologue to say you dock the tender like a pro.

Good job. And the way he just sort of crashed into the ball and made Annalise fly into the dock. Oh, great touch. Wasn't expecting that. Beautiful. She bounced right off. That's crazy. Gotta love the banana. Congratulations, you've reached the end of part one, of a two-part recap. For part two, go look for the recap that says part two. See you over there, suckers. Watch what crappins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. It's always a party on Allison Block.

Our way is the Amber Way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clap. Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. She's not just a Sheila. She's a Daniela. Itchels. We never miss her call. It's Diane Call. Sunday in the park with Dylan Clark.

Big Yay, it's Emily Gautier. Aaron McNicholas. She don't miss no trickulous. Hava Nigelah Weber. You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, you go, we all go for Hugo. Jamie, she has no less namey. Zip some scotch with Jessica Trotch. She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock.

Kristen the Piston Anderson. Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacey B. K. Surrah, Sarah, whatever will be will Lauren Sillsby. She gets a name from us. It's Lindsay D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McKinery. Aren't you glad it's Mary Ann Arns? Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg.

This is Living with Michelle Vivian. Lovea ya Olivia Williamson. She sure is swell. It's Raquel. Yes, we can, uh, it's Sedana. Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge. Darn Skippy, it's Tippy. And our super premium sponsors.

Make way for AJ Lopez. Happy are we is Allison with an eye. She's VVIP. It's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin. Somebody get us 10 Cs of Betsy MD. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silver. Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neill. Put us on a stretcher. It's Charlotte Fletcher.

Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily sides. Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland. Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. We got our wish. It's Jen Plish. My favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo. She's a total knockout. It's Katie Mannock.

Let's get Savage with Laura Wildman. In the study with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron. She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthie. Always killing it, it's Low Alcalani. The Incredible Edible Matthews Sisters. She eases our woes, it's Melissa St. Rose. There's a chance of meatballs.

It's Rebecca Cloud. Maximum love for Sandy Maximuska. She's the Queen Bee. It's Sarah Lemke. We cannot tell a lie. It's Sarah Tell of Sun. Shannon, out of a canon, Anthony. Please don't stop.

that Solian Pop. Let's take off with Tamla Plain. You'll always get the full story with Tori, Parsons. She ain't no shrinking Violet Coutar. We love you guys.