Watch What Crappens - #318: Bully Punch and Chicken Lunch

Episode Date: August 11, 2016

Reza whipped out the victim tears for the final Shahs of Sunset Reunion, but was foiled by Shervin’s GG coaching. Then it’s off to Melbourne to watch Pettifleur squirm and Lydia try to make sense. Timestamps: 0 Opening Chatter and Crappens Mailbag 17:00 Shahs Reunion Part 2 1:15:00 Real Housewives of Melbourne We have partnered with TuneIn to deliver more bonus content! Download the app! For our own premium feed, bonus episodes and extras, visit http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens For all our other links and extras, go to http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to the Watch What Crappens podcast, the podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on the old Bravo. I'm Ronnie Karam from the Rose Pricks Bachelor podcast and the Big Brother Smother podcast. And I'm here with the gorgeous and talented Ben Mandelgub, the B-side blog and the banter blender. Hello, Ben. Hello, hello.

How are you? Are you clapping yeah is that got one person applauding you've been that's all i need i just need one hearty applause it's only one yeah everybody i was gonna do one moment in time personally oh no don't start with that because i'll start crying that's a that's the song i always say that's the song that breaks me because anytime i try to sing it at a certain point when houston just sort of leaves the stratosphere you know she's just her voice is on a plane and it's going higher and higher or rocket ship perhaps to fit the metaphor and you can sing along to a certain point but at one point you just have to bow out and just say okay whitney you take it from here because i can't i can't get that high yeah any whitney houston song is like a half a karaoke performance before you just have to put the mic down and walk away yes yes i agree oh one moment Oh. One moment in time. In time. Can you change? One moment in...

Can you change? One... I'm like, damn, Whitwits. It's just so hard not to sing along with it because at that moment where, like, the horns sort of, like, dun-da-da-dun-da-dun, and then she's like, give me one.

And you're like, okay, I can sing along with this. And then all of a sudden, she's just going up into the sky. And you're like, wait, wait, what along with this. And then all of a sudden she's just going up into the sky. And you're like, wait, wait, what happened? Oh, Whitney. Bobby's fault. So everybody, thank you so much for listening to Watch What Crappens. And also welcome to all our new tune-in people. We're on tune-in radio now.

And we do an extra 20 minute to 30 minutes of content a week over there on their premium feed. So go check that out. We'd love you to Nian. Yes. And as usual, you can find all of our links over at watch what crap ends.com. Come to facebook.com slash watch what crap ends to talk to other listeners during the week in our live show threads.

And also go to patrion.com slash watch what crap ends. That's our regular premium feed where we do weekly bonus episodes. Man, this past week we just bitched like two old queens about everything we could think about. And it felt so good. I mean, I was still in a good mood yesterday from that. Oh, yeah. And what I was surprised at was how it seemed to have resonated with our audience because people have been leaving comments like, they're like, yes,

they loved it. So who knows? What other show can you listen to where people will complain about a crosswalk or people standing in the aisle at the grocery store is too long? Yeah. And I had an encounter with an older woman with a cart today and I thought about our bonus

episode and that's that's basically it's just old ladies with shopping carts you have to be careful i'm so gonna be one soon so be double careful um and i think that's all that we have to to say in the beginning i don't want to forget anything but you know we've got such a fun show today. Did you mention the L.A. Podfest? I did not. So we're going to do the L.A. Podfest September 25th. And there are tons of really great shows over there. And you can

buy a pass to watch all the shows streaming. There's going to be a live feed. So if you buy the pass, buy it through us because you get a discount. I think it's like 20 bucks or something for the entire three or four days. I mean, there's a ton of shows on there.

And then you'll be able to watch them after as well, kind of like an on-demand. So be sure when you sign up for the LA Podfest to use your code CRAPPENS. Yeah, otherwise you're going to pay full price. And who wants to do that? Yes, exactly. So that's it. I know we're loading a lot onto you guys these days. We're like, here's that premium feed, and here's this premium feed, and here's that. And the reason we're doing that is because you have given us enough wonderful hugs that we can do that now. And we actually get those offers. So thank you to everybody for supporting us and getting us to the point where we actually can do that stuff. Yeah, and we're cognizant of how much that we are saying this stuff, and we're hoping that the content that we are able to deliver in return

makes it worth it. And not only our content, but being able to be in a podfest or on TuneIn where you would be, when you subscribe or buy a pass, whatever, you're not just getting us, you're getting access to tons of other stuff too. So we're hoping we only bring this stuff to you guys because we are hoping that we are able to bring something worthwhile to you guys.

And if not, then you don't have to do it, okay? Okay. So speaking of bringing something worthwhile to people, let's get on with it, Ben. Oh yeah, should we open up the Krappen's mailbag? Please let's. I love some mailbag, y'all.

The first question, I am trying to remember if we've actually already asked this. Does this sound familiar? I feel like it does, but I can't tell. From Mary Ahungo. She says, hello, you wonderful men. If in fact Luanne and Tom do get married, can you imagine how she would ask some of her other New York ladies to be in her wedding? Yeah, we did that one.

We did do that one. Okay, that's what I thought. Okay, so let's go with BetsyMD. Her old BetsyMD. She said, Hi, mi amigos. Went on vacation recently, so took a hiatus from posting, but you guys were with me at the

beach on my sunset walks. Thanks for the fun. I am so disappointed in my escapism from everyday life provided by bravo lately bethany's fibroid bleeding jules's vulva hematoma megan's ivf quote-unquote journey big air quotes on that i'm so sick of their journeys that don't involve any personal growth these scenarios are all just an average clinic day for me ho hum anywho yes you Betsy. You shame them. Anywho, my mailbag question revolves around this topic. What if the Vanderpump crew grows up a bit?

As in, Sheena decides to populate Azusa and gets pregnant. Or all of a sudden, Tom and Ariana start talking about buying their first house. Or Jax, heaven forbid, proposes to Brittany. Can the show go on if they, if they try to act maturely, seriously? No, the show could not go on.

Yeah. The show couldn't go on. And fortunately these people are so broken that I don't think that they ever could act maturely. I mean, here in Los Angeles, there's lots of parents. There's not lots of good parents. Okay.

You see kids driving, driving around mercedes without licenses when they're like five years old running over homeless people like kicking old ladies in the street you don't have to be a good parent here and you don't have to grow up you just kind of you know drop your babies pay some you know pay somebody to take care of them and then shop the rest of the day and go do your meth at night i mean i'm sure they'll be fine the show will continue yeah uh i uh i think this last season we got a glimpse of what the show could turn into if these people start acting more maturely you know you saw tom and ariana with a generally stable relationship you saw kristen reigning in her craziness we saw jacks um more or less

not being a total bastard to britney i mean he was a bastard but not a total bastard god only only by vanderpump rule standards yeah exactly i'm not a total bastard you saw tom uh finally proposed to katie so in in their weird world this these were signs of maturity and as a result the show is definitely not as good this season as it has been in past seasons with the exception of lala you know being lala so i think if if god forbid sheena were to have a baby it it'd be it'd just be over i i loved the season i really love watching these people decline and um as an aging waiter i really love watching the misery of the aging waiters like yeah people looking around like this is it or um you know having fights about you never even went to an

audition how could you say that was your dream babe babe? Yeah. Those fights. I just, I find the misery just so comforting on the show. And I just hope that they stay because they shouldn't be still on there. It should be a whole new cast of younger waiters. Yeah. Because in the restaurants, they will keep restaffing with younger, hotter waiters. Okay. So why not on a TV show? I mean, what are we getting this backwards?

Well, I mean, I think Lala was going to be the future of the franchise. And that has some that's fallen apart because Lala is leaving the show. But I, I just, I just think this season is still it was still great. I mean, Vanderpump Rules is in its own league. But compared to other seasons, when there is just these crazy scandals that that sort of rippled throughout the season, all season long, and had all these crazy effects, this one didn't really have too much of a through line. It was just squabbling. Pride episode when James had had sex with that other hostess the night before and

then like he and that girl and Lala were all standing together and there was this huge thing that had happened and Lala didn't know and then when she finally did find out she found out because I think maybe because some issue with Jax and then she went and told that

guy Anthony and Anthony yelled at Lauren and then it became this and that and everyone was getting back and forth at each other that was amazing that was Vanderpump Rules at its heyday but uh man if if we have to see some like serious stuff and we were gonna see some boring ass shit of like the March to Katie's wedding then we do have some problems problems that sir yes I mean if's going to be raising a baby, I hope it's Kristen. Yeah. Bring a baby. Seriously? I can't sleep. Can't believe that baby told my secret.

She's actually just going to do like a remake of that movie from the 80s, Baby, with that like dinosaur. Seriously? I thought you were extinct. Seriously? What else is in there? Marg Knapp says, We have experienced most of life's events via one franchise or another, except a bris and a real housewife's death. Morbid and crass, I know, but would you act out the inner thoughts of fellow castmates upon learning about the death?

Okay. May I recommend the deceased be Kyle Richards or Ramona Singer? P.S. My kids call you those gay guys who make fun of mom's fighting ladies. What an honor. Okay. So who are we killing? Well, I feel like you can't kill ramona because she is immortal right and if anything i want to hear what ramona says about someone else dying i think like um

i don't know you you choose who's gonna be killed i'm like totally fine with killing ramona i mean just on the just on the show but okay well if it was between Ramona and Kyle and we're not killing Ramona, then Kyle's dead. Okay. Okay. So, we're going to act out the inner thoughts of castmates finding

out that Kyle Richards has died. It got real dark. It got real dark in the mailbag. Aisha's changing her purse. How i'm supposed to get that purse kyle always had gum and change where am i gonna get gum and change now kyle kyle come back kim's just running over freeways jumping over freeway pylons to get away from the pain listen baby here's the real problem that Kyle Richards had, okay? She never owned it when she was alive. I said, if you want to be alive, you got to own it.

But she didn't own it, so now she's dead, and she's got to own that too. Okay, baby, just own it. What, what, what, what? Darling, I'm sorry I manipulated you into snorting 14 Ambien when you couldn't get to sleep, sweetie. I love you, darling. I feel like the saddest person would be Eileen 2. Oh, Eileen 2, yeah.

Eileen with an A. A-L-E-N-E, yeah. No, she'd be happy. She's like, now I get to be Eileen 1. It would still just be called and Eileen 2, now I get to be Eileen 1. It would still just be called, and Eileen 2. Yeah, Eileen by Eileen 2. There would just be tape over Kyle, like costume tape. And then Eileen Eileen would just walk up to the casket and be like, you beast!

That's it. Beast! Erica Jane would like to do a video on the casket. I don't give a fuck. It's a funeral. I don't give a fuck. She'd be doing like a pat-the-puss with the casket. I don't give a fuck. How's my vagina feel?

You're a faggot. Hey, Erica, you know, your husband's old, too. If something bad could happen to him, that's rude. I don't give a fuck about Kyle, but that's rude. I was hoping the next funeral I would be coming to is Tom's. I don't give a fuck.

I don't give a fuck. I would like to think that Ramona would show up there anyway. I think I was about to say that Ramona walks in. Yeah. Look, sorry, okay, but let's face it, Kyle is dead, okay? Like, March March needs a new sister. Okay? I'm available.

I don't have a family. What do I care? I'll be the new Kyle. Okay? Let's face it, okay? Kyle is dead, and she should have seen it coming. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but she should have lived her life a little bit stronger, and then she wouldn't have died. Okay? That's just the way it goes. It's the circle

of life. It's not called the Lion King for no no reason it's called the lion king because the lions live the longest okay now her store is going to be called ramona with ramona too okay that's it we're going to sell aqua socks okay let's face it everybody needs socks that are apple socks hey whoa this is crazy i was just putting on my apple socks and i just got a notification that one year ago today kyle just was alive whoa that's crazy sorry i'm sorry but that's day class a apple socks i don't want kyle to die kyle glad you're still alive glad this was just a question kyle okay no yeah we want kyle alive for as long as possible um oh and by the way i'm glad you mentioned the apple apple socks because um we have so many tweets when we when we went on this

apple socks run last week about with ramona or maybe it was two weeks ago, apparently Jules was shopping for Aqua socks. And I heard it as Apple socks. And I made a typical Watcher Crappids comment like, Apple socks? And then we just ran with it. And we had a whole episode of a joke based off of something we misheard. You know what, though?

I stand by it, though, because I still really enjoy the idea of Ramona wearing high socks from Apple. In my mind, Ramona will always be wearing Apple socks, okay? If you talk about it enough, it becomes real.

I think tickle my Apple socks, they're on vibrate. Shall we close up the mailbag, Bian? Let's close it. Bye, bag. Bye, bag. Bye. Bye, bag.

It's so hard for me to switch gears to Beverly Hills accents when we're in the thick of it with New York. It's like I have the hardest time. Whenever there's a mailbag question, I'm like, wait, who was on Beverly Hills again? What were our jokes with them? I know, Yolanda wasn't even at that funeral, which was terrible. I was trying to think,

what would Yolanda say? I was like, all I can do is New York right now. I would like to say I was good friend of Kyle, but I will not be friend of on Beverly Hills. I quit this funeral! Alright, so let's move on. You want to do some Shaws of Sunset, Bean?

Yeah, why not? Let's do her. So this is the second part of the Shaws of Sunset reunion. Yeah, for everyone who felt like we were not giving Shaz ample time on the podcast, don't you worry. This is our second episode in a row where we're going deep dive. Deep dive. So this is MJ yelling at Asa. So I guess we still have Tommy and Vida on at the beginning of this episode.

Asa has just accused MJ of of telling vita to suddenly be a monster about her own watch what happens and mj is just yelling belligerently and andy's telling her please stop yelling you're giving me a headache yeah pretty much pretty much so that's where we left off yeah so pretty much andy thanks vita and tommy for being there right and he like as soon as the show opens he's like excusing them and then everyone everyone breaks for lunch or something and mj is back in her trailer and mike comes in and and mj is again she's telling mike that she and asa are no longer friends like you're crazy you're a crazy woman this is what you're gonna really throw out a friendship over this nonsense ridiculous of your mom and mike telling her she's becoming her mother

was so good yeah and it's them to share of all the reality show rules this show really really shines because whenever somebody is a victimizer they will start sobbing whenever they get called out on shit. Which is happening currently with MJ sobbing. Like, Asa has ever done anything, okay? Asa has supported MJ, I mean, supported Reza, which is obviously doing something to her. Because Reza's tried to ruin her life. But if you're going to forgive Reza and then start fighting so you can be the better friend of Reza than anybody else, then you kind of lose ground, lady. Yeah, lots of ground. I do love Mike, or Tommy.

Listen, hon, you're the most beautiful creature on this planet. There's no reason for you to be so hostile to anyone, babe. Just keep shining like the supermodel, yeah! You gotta stop yelling at people, okay? You gotta stop doing that.

You're such a beautiful creature in the world. I don't know what's wrong with you right now. You just gotta just smile like Mr. Met, okay? You're like a Victoria's Secret catalog, except it's no secret. Because you keep yelling mean stuff. That's not Victoria's Secret. No one knew because she was whispering. Be like that, my beautiful little angel.

Have you ever seen, have you ever seen an ice cream that's been licked off of its cone and it's just on the cement, melting away into a pattern? That's what you are, a beautiful, creamy delight. And I hate to see you argue. You're like a snowflake, a beautiful, special snowflake that's fallen in some pee. It's getting a little wet, turns into a puddle, but then later it's an icicle that could possibly fall off and kill someone. What are you doing to yourself, my beautiful snowflake?

And why is it so wrong to pee in snow anyway? I think yellow and white looks lovely. It's like a big egg. How else is the snowman gonna know your name? You don't have ears? You're like, you're the most beautiful urine-infested snow I've ever seen, and I don't want ears you're like you're the most beautiful urine infested snow i've ever seen and i don't want to see you arguing anymore just gets worse yeah and worse uh but tommy is still

sticking in there uh so now we go to fan questions yay which are not fan questions and i love that these are just getting bitchier every season now. Andy has no problem being a total bitch now, which is making me enjoy Andy more. Yeah. I have to say. Yeah. So someone's like, Mike, you know, Priscilla and Patsahoochee wants to know. Mike, how come you can't keep a business going?

I mean, what the hell? Real estate to shoes? And then he's like, no, it's not shoe design, okay? It's manufacturing. It's different. One of the largest factories in Mexico, okay? Yeah. Yeah, well, they said selling shoes.

He's like, I'm not selling shoes. I'm manufacturing shoes. Shut up, Mike. So he said that he took the gig because his his friend was like here i have this i have this factory you want to sell some you want to manufacture some shoes you know just because you see a sale doesn't mean you have to buy something okay it's i mean like why if someone said to me hey so uh i've got this factory i know you've always wanted to make a make manufacture board games ben why don't you like why don't you make some board games and we'll manufacture them in the factory?

I'd be like, sure. No, I'm not going to. Because even if I have a board game I want to make, that's a whole amount of money and risk. And you have to think those things through just because someone has a warehouse or a factory, you know? Yeah. Mike's the kind of person to throw a party and then claim to be a caterer because he hired somebody to cater to the party. Like, you didn't do anything, okayer because he hired somebody to cater the party like you didn't do anything okay you just hired somebody to do it and why is taking credit

for manufacturing such a such a good thing they could be manufacturing those for anybody you're not helping yourself mike oh no not at all um but mike is so defensive and obviously the answer is uh not working she's not working we saw in saw in the shoe episode that the shoe seller lady is already out of that business. And they're like, well, we're going to try and find another patio for Mike to sell his shoes on. But until then, Mike is starting a moving company. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Someone posted that, that he's starting a moving company now.

Yeah, it's kind of sad. MJ posted his logo and was like, this i'm so proud of him yeah a moving company is kind of one of the lowest businesses you can start and the reason i say that is because here in los angeles the most desperate out of work actors that's what they do they're like i'm a mover and they make something on photoshop and then they just advertise on craigslist and you pay them 100 bucks and they come stand around your house really lazily because they're not really movers. Okay.

If you want a good mover, do what anybody in LA does go in front of the home Depot, fit as many people into your car as you can and take them home. So yeah. Although I actually recently used, uh, Excalibur movers and, they sent one of the movers,

this guy named Zach. He was like really hot i was like i've never had a hot mover before he was like muscular and like i was like this is this is a very la situation that there's actually a hot mover yes that is the situation so like there is there are benefits there are benefits to hiring hiring them with the actors that's true they are hot all your stuff will be broken and it'll take them 12 hours to do it but hey they're hot well you know uh they did a great job and you know what i liked zach kept calling me boss he was like hey boss i just need you to sign this hey boss okay if we do this hey boss i was like oh i'm the boss oh i would have

been so mad at him like you take that as a powerful thing i would think he's calling me boss hog i'd be like are you calling me Fat Hot Person? Get out! Drop the inflatable hot tub and get out. So Mike is a mess. And his shoes are available on Instagram. Okay, Andy on Mike's Instagram. Andy's like, so I've been looking at your Instagram, Mike, and what's up with all these positive memes?

And then he reads selfies with like stupid inspiration. He's using hashtag winning, which, you know, way to way to not fuel those meth rumors, dude. Yeah. And by the way, great work associating yourself with charlie sheen great work there that's exactly what i would want to be associated with if i'm down down and out yeah when i'm trying to be positive on instagram i totally need to be reminded of a meth addict with aids so i'd like to say i'd better to say Charlie Sheen is very positive. That's evil. You're the one who said AIDS.

But you made it into a clever word. It was a pun. Yeah, you made it into a clever pun. I'm sorry. That's way meaner. I know, it was mean. It came out really mean. I'm sorry. It just was a pun that was sitting there and i took it so i apologize i apologize for adding to the stigma i apologize everyone charlie sheen has jumped the shark with the stigma okay there's no more like there is no stigma anymore charlie sheen completely ruined it yeah um so i have the tiger

oh his insta memes are very funny he's like look i'm the i have the tiger okay babe because like how many times can you be the person you were yesterday instead of the person you were tomorrow okay hashtag wisdom yeah mike explains the reason why he does all this stuff he's like i have wisdom to share i'm like what wisdom do you what wisdom do you have you literally have zero wisdom you have ruined everything you've touched yes but not wise man of the bible

hey baby look uh I brought your baby some condoms like what the hell you're supposed to be a wise man I mean I've said it before I do think that Mike has insight in certain situations but the wisdom that he's sharing in Instagram the quote unquote wisdom that is not the insight I'm talking about. That's just bullshit. That's like, I want to put up a selfie, but I don't want people to accuse me of

being a narcissist. So I'm going to put some stupid phrase under it. So that way I become invincible to that criticism. Yeah, it doesn't work because the most positive people are the people that the rest of us want to bring down. I mean'm one of them so you're just going down the wrong road mike uh and i don't think he gets much reaction from those either because he does the typical bravo liberty thing when they're like yeah so how are those uh insta memes working out for you and his answer is well you know uh i get these uh private dms from people and uh you know in my people in the private section, and they all tell me it changes their life. So that's what I need. No, Mike.

No, no, no, no, no. And he talks about how he can stay positive, but if he gets one negative comment, it just upsets him and ruins his life. And he's like, that's the thing I focus on. All I can think about is that one person who's being mean to me. And he goes, that's kind of contrary to your mantras. Yeah, exactly. And then why are you also on this TV show?

Because this TV show is nothing but people being mean to you all season long. Yes. Even your best friends. They don't even leave it there. The one mean comment is Reza. He's a loser. Hashtag loser! That's what a real friend does.

He tells his loser friend that he's a loser. That's what we do. So Andy, who we've already seen being mean about Asa's business behind her back on Watch What Happens Live, enough about the caftans! Now brings up Asa's caftan business she's like well nordstrom called

so yeah babe this is happening with that yeah babe i was like hey babe can we be in your store and babe was like okay come to nordstrom's babe's drums actually it was the piano player guy from nordstrom's who called he's like god the air conditioning is broken in here can you please bring me one of those m. Roper caftans? Please. She's like, okay, I'll be right there, babe. Listen, Asa, just because you call Nordstrom's and they call you back doesn't mean that they're asking

to stalk your caftans. Man, we have your size pants. The special order of your size of ass pants. You can come pick them up now. Okay, babe, I'll be right there. Rastam's called! And her mom's like, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, my god babe they want to sell my caftans babe she's just leaving her iphone at department

stores so she can have them on the caller id oh awesome so then uh she's not she's really trying not to break so far really all she's done is called vita bitter old lady which you can't falter that much for but she's not breaking so then he moves away from caftans and he's like oh yeah so how about that diamond water huh and she's like oh actually we're doing great um we're serving the diamond water babe at dubai at john babe george babe she's in one restaurant in dubai i mean it's pretty cool but like still i mean that considering diamond water has been around for like four years now i think the brand should have been a little bit larger by now yeah well the the tops are cost too much to make apparently

the tops cost more than like a toy car to assemble so no one's no one's selling those uh reza let's move on to some reza this is good yeah reza he's he's still doing i'm still gonna do comedy and like i've got some really big news i'm basically going to be the persian media like i'm gonna be in a play and i'll be the persian media but the question is who's the persian producer producer? What's that guy's name? What's wrong with me? Tyler Perry. Yeah. Who's the Persian Tyler Perry?

Is it him? Maybe it's Alfa Scherf. Oh, Lord. All right, Reza. Here's what we're going to do. All right? You're just going to dress up in drag. It'll be great.

It'll be, we'll have like Reza goes to jail. Reza Christmas holiday. That'll just be hilarious. Everyone's going to love it. Like, yeah. That'll just be hilarious. Everyone's gonna love it. Like, yeah. I'll be like, motherfucker, this is so Persian, isn't it? It's so Persian, motherfucker. Hey, Humpty, motherfucker.

There'll just be a special guest every week for Reza to ruin the life of. Yeah. Yeah. Like, it's me, motherfuckers, you stupid motherfuckers. It's me in a dress. Chinks, am I right? Okay, so totally different show then. Yeah, totally different. Reza's saying how funny he thinks he is. He's like, listen, I'm funny as a motherfucker, Andy, okay?

I'm not hilarious. So Andy's like, well, people have thought you're funny on this show and stuff, but, you know, being funny in a situational sense sometimes doesn't translate into being funny in, you know, a joke sense. Yeah. Exactly. Like, you just got a compliment. Exactly. That's why I'm going to be Persian Medea, because it'll be inherently funny. It'll be a situation.

That's where I'm funniest. That's so Persian. Many dresses, am I right? Motherfuckers! Oh my god. This could wind up being one of the most ill-advised career turns that a Bravo star has ever

taken. Oh, I'm loving it. I love a crash and burn. Yeah. So next we move on to Asa's latest phony ass project, which is her picture project, which actually isn't phony because she got that shit blown up to, you know, print a canvas or whatever. Yeah, she got, you know, she, you know, she, she got her, her little Canon camera out and she took some really good little photos that, you know, those were worthy of like Facebook. And she fully got them blown up and made it into a gallery. So good for her. Well, this turns into a fight because, of course, MJ just wants to bring down Asa, but she doesn't really have anything.

So this becomes a fight about why she won't bring her boyfriend on camera. Andy's like, everybody else is willing to ruin their lives and their relationships on this show. Why not you? Yeah. And she's like, well, I would bring him on, babe, but he doesn't want to be on camera. So what can I do? I took a picture of him in my relationship show. And they show the picture and he's just facing the ocean.

It's the back of his head. Oh, God. it's the back of his head oh god so mj is talking about how that's so unfair and she's been so open and honest on the show and she can't believe it hurts to feel someone is so guarded about so many things that's an mj quote i don't even know what people are talking about at this point i know i mean asa is not being guarded it's just that her boyfriend doesn't want to be on the show and that's his right and she doesn't have to be on the show and that's his right. And she doesn't have to drag him on. And why should she?

It doesn't mean that she's guarded. If anything, she's smart. And Asa has – she's like, well, I mean MJ – I mean you barely even work in real estate. I mean you don't really work in real estate. I mean you're a realtor but you don't really work – and that sets MJ off. She's like – because MJ is talking about how true she is and how she lets it all out there but then asa basically calls her out for being like yeah but you kind of lie about what you do yeah and then she starts saying well a lot of people babe have things they don't want to babe talk about babe like what and so asa's like being mildly threatening

but i mean really nothing mj would do in her life would shock anybody i don't think so she really doesn't have anything and they're basically going after asa because she won't show any of her life which is kind of the reason that asa is annoying on the show but at the same time mj it just proves what an idiot mj is because asa is doing what every bravo star does with the brain you come up with some stupid product and you sell it to people who will buy anything just because they watch a TV show. And MJ's too stupid

to do that. She's like one of the only people who has never come out with a product on any reality show ever. Listen, you know, MJ, Asa could have really hit below the bell and been like, well, where's your dad? Because MJ's dad only showed up in one or two episodes and Jermaine only showed up in one episode ever so like you know asa could totally just pull that on mj but mj would just lose her shit then you well everybody

agrees and i agree with them that also will probably have the longest relationship because she's not bringing him on yeah asa's like i'm with a Jackson right now, so I'm not going to mess this up. Everyone just be quiet. So Gigi and Shervin, why don't you guys date? Oh, God. Guys. Well, this is hilarious. I mean, first of all, we spend about 50% of the time of the two hours of these reunions talking about what a mess gg is

and people like so shirvin why don't you ever want to date gg it's like have you seen the reunion she's a disaster not only that but he doesn't want to cut gg while he's shaving his beard yeah it could be dangerous yeah yeah um i mean i think that these people really believe that they're like hollywood royalty evidenced by mike saying things like well you know the world wants to know so uh no they don't no and no one here is rock hudson and shervin you're gay like please you're waking up with nema in the morning come on who's buying this really well um what i thought was funny was that andy asked a question uh to shirvin saying uh you know a lot of people accuse you shirvin of of enabling gg is that true and first of all i was like was that i don't think that was

like a major through line in the season that people thought that shirvin was an enabler but what was funny to me is that shirvin like, well, you know, like when people first started saying that, I was like, no, I'm definitely not. But then after a while, I thought, yeah, I probably was. I was like, whoa, whoa. Someone, a Shah is being accountable for their actions. This is very strange. Well, he said that at that dinner party. Remember when he got all wasted and got in Gigi's face?

Well, Nma brought it up yeah nema's like i would like to give a cheers to friends like cheers cheers oh you're gonna talk about 80s sitcoms okay like how about this i never got to see cheers okay i'm sorry so you're just gonna rub that in my face cheers thanks a lot yeah so it became a big fight about the servant enabling gg and then he did didn't he say at some point on that trip like yes i do enable gg or like my goal is to not enable gg anymore whatever i don't know who cares he talks like a politician no but he's like i i believe i believe servant actually does have a good heart, and I think that he's smart. And I think he was being honest.

Because I think most people in that situation would probably say what Shervin said. But since we're dealing with reality stars, it's strange. Because normally you expect people to always say, no, what I did was right, until they're really, really pushed. And then they finally amount admit some accountability but what was funny to me was that reza was like ready to take down shirvin and associate not i'm sorry not to take down shirvin but he was like okay well gg only has one ally and it's shirvin so let me just like tear them apart if i can so he pulls out some flash cards so he's already prepared some quotes that shirvin said and he starts he starts reciting them about like gg is a disaster she only cares about herself she wakes up at 1 p.m and plots all day long these are

shervin's words that's all i'm just saying it because i don't think shervin's gonna be able to say it himself you're such i mean like i mean the amount of like fuckitude that reza has yeah this guy's a piece of shit and to correct you yes he did come to rip down shervin he was trying his best to take shervin down well he was gonna do it because shervin's actually nice he's like yeah giving somebody alcohol when they're drunk and like that i guess is enabling it um and then reza reading all those cards trying to bring him down and shervin's just like okay well yeah yeah i did say those things i mean i'm glad you wrote them down that's nice like what do you want me to do reza was kind of i think issuing an

ultimatum he was saying either turn on gg now uh and gg she was saying he was saying gg turn on shervin's that way then they'd start to fight and then shervin would like abandon gg i think that's what he really wanted to do or he was saying all right sh, Shervin, if you don't join us, I'm gonna come for you. And Shervin was like, yeah, I know I said that, you know. And so Reza's like, um, um. But what's funny is that you know, Reza has, like what you said,

that was his response. So then, I'm sorry, Shervin says that. So then Reza goes, well, you know, Sherv wants to look squeaky clean, and it's a great thing. I'm like, I love the way he says it like an accusation and then makes it then tries to be like it's a compliment but he's really he's really just trying to take him down by saying that and by the way since when was it a bad thing to look squeaky clean like god forbid you go on tv and want to make yourself look like an asshole like i think it's okay it's okay for Sherv to want to act a little bit more polite on TV

when he knows his family and friends and other people, potential employers or business people might be watching. That's not a bad thing. He just wants to look squeaky clean, which, like, that's great. I mean, I would like to look squeaky clean, but that's not – Well, yeah, dude. That's why you're always trying to make everybody else look bad to deflect from you. That's why we didn't have to watch you in your stupid scenes with your passive ass bottom all year long.

Because you're just faking it and deflecting onto everybody else. Well, what's so interesting about the Shahs is that they're really so nasty to each other. Probably one of the nastiest cast that's on Bravo. And they always write it off. They somehow rationalize it with these lofty statements about being family and keeping it real. So when Sherman's always trying to be nice for TV, the implication is he's not being real.

He's not giving his true self and that's a problem you know and the truth is the the problem is you guys tearing each other down and then acting like it's okay because it's some like quote-unquote honesty that's really not productive honesty and it's not even really honesty it's just cattiness. And then we find out where this is all rooting from. And we knew as we watched. But it was nice to have confirmation. Because Reza basically goes after Shervin. And then it turns to another question.

He's like, oh, this fucking Maureen. What bullshit? Because he had pre-read the question. Maureen from Philadelphia. Yeah. He had pre-read the question. So he's already pissed. But then it came about uh

and also i mean no no he's just crazy like i mean i just go i can't i don't know whether to just love reza for being such a fucker or hate him for it but go on i hate him i mean i don't i just think he's been he's this episode below the belt to people who are supposed to be his best friend so many times I just really don't like that. Yeah, this episode I really hated him and we're going to get into it very shortly but he, so he's telling off Maureen and the question was, Reza you turn on someone

every season, which you know, this is a major theme of this show who's it going to take on next and Asa, you're the only one left. So are you nervous that Reza's coming for you? And she's like, no, there's still Shervin. This has just started.

I ain't scared, girl. I'm fine, babe. And then Shervin tries to stick up for Reza because he's so stupid. He's just trying to make everybody happy at all times. So he's like, I don't think that he takes turns with everybody. I mean, I think the beef he's had with people is legit beef. So like, and Gigi gets on him. And it's like, come on, you fake ass.

Like, you talk to me one way. And then you come here and you're nice to everybody else. So why don't you go ahead and just say the truth? So I don't have to say it for you. It's like, Gigi, there's only one person on your side today. Are you really going to fuck with that guy? Exactly. And we also learned around here that Asa and Reza

didn't want Shervin to go on the camping trip. And so they explained they didn't want because they thought that he was going to enable her or something like that. And and he's like, no, I mean, I get it. Like I was, you know, people told me that they're not nice to newcomers. Like and they're like, no, we're totally nice. Yeah.

So the the like behind the scenes part is Gigi's saying flat out. These guys were trying to keep him from shooting. They don't want to shoot with him. They were trying to keep him off the show, which is the only reason that he was hanging out with gg the whole time because she's the only one who would shoot with him so he was going out and being friends with gg which is why it was a big deal when he kind of turned on her on the trip and started going with the other people just because reza told him to you know this is all behind the scenes shit of them trying to take down every single new person that comes on the show and especially when it's like hot truly rich and more popular than all of them yeah already you know yeah i

mean i think everyone i think everyone loves sherv right like he's not like the most exciting reality star but he's just so nice and handsome that you just sort of like him he just seems like a nice guy yeah is that just me no well everybody likes everybody likes people until they start making the mistakes and serve is you know very political and he knows how to not make mistakes so yeah people like him and i'm sure compared i'm sure all the hate mail compared to reza is nothing you know yeah exactly must have just tons of hate mail because he seems like he's feeding off of that shit he's coming in ready to take down shervin of all people like good luck with that buddy it's like trying to take down awesome i mean those are two people who have really placed themselves

in a way i mean when yeah i was gonna say like when reza um i i forget where it was if it was last episode of this episode if we haven't touched on it yet but at one point reza was talking about being like like a symbol of like being the rare gay persian male like on tv and talking about like how someone left a note on his car saying i'm coming out because of you i'm like yeah but you're also the guy who called another gay guy a fag on on this show and you would not apologize for it for like four weeks so don't like you know don't yeah don't get too like whatever the rest of the metaphor is yeah you're all the guy who right when gay marriage is becoming legal and right when people are starting to get rights and all the eyes are on the gays you're also the one making out with strippers on a party bus and then lying to your boyfriend about your parties and then ditching him on your honeymoon and treating him like total shit.

So please don't talk about what you do for any kind of relationship rights, buddy. Yeah. Have a seat. So basically, who cares? So we move on to MJ and Mike. Why is MJ mad that Mike wouldn't tell her about breaking up with Jessica? And she's like, well, you know, I just like, I think it's really unfair when I put everything out there and then people don't put everything out there. And that's like not cool because I put everything out there.

You know what? If anything, MJ, stop putting everything out there. Get a T-shirt. For Christ's sake, have you heard of a sock dress? Get it. Put less out there. Love America. Calf tans, darling. Calf tans.

Also, calf tans. They're on sale at Nordstrom's. Stop shoving things under your skin and cover yourself like the rest of us do. Elastic. Loose clothing. So, she stop shoving things under your skin and cover yourself like the rest of us do elastic loose clothing um so she i don't even understand this fight with mike she was being a bitch mike told her to shut up i don't get it so i mean yeah essentially mj was frustrated you know she she sort of wrote off how she was feeling but you know i was frustrated because i put everything out there and you were being cagey and I wanted you to share

and you weren't and Reza at this point I just wrote down this note I said talk about Mike and how Reza saw his honest heart I think Reza at some point was like I see Mike's honest heart and it's beautiful

no he does not have an honest heart he came back and grovel to you and did everything you asked the whole season and stuck up for you even when you were being a complete asshole and that's why you're gonna be nice to him now it's like he's the mob and that's his protection but what is he protecting you from himself it's not fair like you can't start a racket you can't start a crime syndicate in the neighborhood and then offer people protection to protect you from the damn crime syndicate. That's like the mob, you jerk. Yeah.

But then Mike is saying, you know, MJ, like, she just takes these things and, like, these situations and they're not her business. And Gigi made a good point here, which is rare, so we have to say it. But she brings up the point. She's like, why is it okay for reza to call your wife like it's not like mj called your wife or was doing this or that like what's the why is it okay for reza to do it but then mj is not even allowed to ask about it which i thought was a good point yeah exactly it was a great point and mike's like you know it's a man-to-man bond i'm like no that's not a man-to-man bond situation okay yeah that's a woman thing to

do to call the ex and be like can't we work it out like what's going on between you guys like did he cheat like what's the evidence like let's talk about it on national tv yeah man-to-man bond you just totally got bitched yeah exactly no i mean i think it's fair why he didn't speak to m to MJ about it because MJ was drunk and being obnoxious and he didn't want to talk about it. I think that's fair. But it can't be that like, oh, you felt like it's a man to man thing. I don't know. I just felt. I think what he meant was, you know, Reza is in a relationship where he's probably gotten caught giving blowjobs at the gym 30 times.

And he knows how to navigate the fake sorries. So it's different when he's doing it because he's asking my girlfriend to come back with me and put – or come back to me and put up with the same behavior and just get over it. Well, the difference is that he did get mad at Reza for calling Jessica but really not as mad as he got at MJ. But he got mad at Reza for calling Jessica, but really not as mad as he got at MJ. But he got mad at Reza. The difference is that Reza is much smarter about getting information that he needs out of people. He knows how to put on this hang dog face like, Mike, I'm just concerned for you. You're my bro. I just want to know that everything is okay. My concern is getting you two back together, which is bullshit because he's always hated Jessica. But he knows how to say that. And Mike is like, yeah, man, you're my bro like you're my friend like through thick and thin whereas mj

will be like mike what's going on like what's going on where's jessica where's jessica where's jessica so of course mike's not gonna respond to that but reza is is he is very shrewd he knows how to get information out of people and that's all that happened because then mike tried to explain it as saying i felt like he was going to give me subjective good insight I was like yeah right what from Reza he got your wife on the phone took her to dinner and made her talk about text

that basically implicated you and proved that you were a total liar and you've been fucking other people this whole time and you've seen this on the show and know that Reza did that and you're still sticking up for Reza like he did you a favor what is wrong with you and it was also lying about it and saying it was only one time before you were married when reza was the one who dug up the uh the uh the evidence to prove that you're lying even now and there were shades

of course of of sexism and all that, because the question was, why did you feel more comfortable talking to a man? And he says, because he wants to get some good insight. Like the implication there is really obnoxious. It is. But I mean, it's not I what he said was stupid. But I mean, come on. Like he's going to talk to MJ. No, MJ is going to go right to everybody else and tell them, you know. But of course, MJ is in the wrong. So what's she going to talk to mj no mj is going to go right to everybody else yeah and tell them you know

but of course mj is in the wrong so what's she going to do she's either going to cry or accuse somebody of something which she chose accuse you know accusing which was better and she's like that's sexist and yeah well big shocker mike is sexist yeah it's like no i love women i love women and and respect them i'm like no i actually i don't think you do at, it's like, no, I love women. I love women and respect them. I'm like, no, actually, I don't think you do at all. It's one thing to love women. It's another to respect them, and you're confusing the two. I love women. Yeah, sticking your dick in them is not respecting them.

Yeah, okay. I gave so many people HPV. It's like a gold medal, you know? Like, how else do you say, like, I love you, bro? Stupid mic. Stupid. So now it's,'s like time for the main event time for the ra talk um yes oh lord this ra talk i'm so mad about sexism because why are you gonna be able to yell at people about being sexist you've got like 90 pounds of fake tit to get a man like you're making yourself

a blow-up doll to get a man and now you're going to be talking shut up mj okay sorry so ra discussion reza she's getting infusions like what's she doing like she wouldn't need infusions of stuff if she just stopped drinking and smoking all the time yeah this this whole thing i mean i was actually i was really on gg's side through this whole thing. And that's tough. It's really tough to be on Gigi's side. But I was on it this entire time. And when they're going on and on about chemo.

And is this around the time when Shervin's like, I take chemo very seriously because I saw my uncle with her away, whatever. Yeah. They were going on and on about chemo, whatever. And at one point at one point gg just loses it and i really felt her when she said that she's like she's like put a fucking knife in my back i made a mistake is that not acceptable to these people i made a mistake she's basically like listen i'm not very bright okay i don't understand these things i hear chemo i hear the word chemo and i think i'm chemo, and now you're holding me to the cross for it.

Yeah, I really love that she's taking all of her personality flaws, and she's rolling them up into this lifetime victim taco, and I'm totally swallowing it. Yeah, it's a great taco. It's a great taco. I see what you're doing, And it actually makes me love you because she's like, yeah, you know, I drink too much. And, you know, I do this stuff and I party and like, I can't remember what chemo is because the disease is like, you don't know what it's like in my body. And so, like, I'm sorry that, like, you guys can't accept that, like, I'm dying in your face. that like you guys can't accept that like i'm dying in your face like she's this huge victim thing when she the only reason she's right in this example is because reza is just such an asshole such an asshole but she's still wrong and he was right that she was totally using it and

playing it up to get more attention and camera time and saying chemo a lot when it wasn't really what she was getting um but she just plays it off in a way that i find to be hilarious she absolutely does and reza again he's like going he's really going at her um and again he's trying to use shervin's words against her etc yeah and she finally admits she she admits that she lied about having this sex tape which which is what what was so annoying was that – I mean it was annoying that she lied about it in the first place at that gallery when she said that she had it 100% when she doesn't have it at all. So she finally admitted that she didn't have it, that she only heard about it, right? And Reza is still going going after her and and she gets this point where like he's still saying that she's lying about ra and and she makes again another really great great point she has this moment where she's like

i was like was i am i lying about ra was Was MJ like a pill popper? Was this happening with this? Was this happening? She basically lists all the things that Reza has like attacked everyone for. And Reza's only response to that was, then get off my show. Oh, God. Yeah, get off my show. Peace out. Get off my show, bitch.

Because I'm sorry. I messed that up it was actually the reason why she's mentioning that was like if i have ra or if mj is a pill popper or if mike's having issues with jessica it has nothing to do with reza and that's why he said didn't get off my show yeah so is it his show is he like an executive producer of the show or what they all act like it i mean he is definitely this show's bethany yeah better be nice to reza we're gonna get kicked off the show but it was pretty amazing that he like fully said get off my show and andy didn't even mind because he kept screaming it get off my show get off my show bitch get off my show peace out get off my show bitch get off my show bitch like he kept going and going and this is when reza's into a

corner because no one really expected gigi to even be able to speak. I mean, so far she's had, I think, five glasses of champagne. They were just expecting for her to be cuckoo as usual. But, and the reason I think that Reza is smart to be worried about Shervin, Shervin is trained Gigi. Like, he's got her. They talk about, because they mentioned earlier in the thing that they talk about all this stuff and how it's obvious that Asa and Reza are trying to keep him off the show and they've been trying to like plot about how to get around that and they've done a very good job doing it and now you can tell because she's saying things like Shervin would say like she's learned how to talk like a mayor

she's just basically regurgitating everything he's taught her to say and it's very good and once you realize that he's been training her and she's winning a fight with reza yeah he gets scared and reza does the same thing when he gets scared which is sob and start he's just said her own sister has nothing to do with her she does nothing she's a liar she's a there's a drug addict this and that but now he's gonna cry because he's the victim oh my oh my god so annoying and and i and what was also really annoying to me was the way that everyone really really came down on gg you know also was regarding the sex tape also was like babe to say something that extreme about a friend is a lot.

I'm like, you know, I mean, Rez is the one who accused MJ of being a pill popper, you know? That was on national TV. And this is, I mean, that's so damaging. You know, you want to talk about credibility. A sex tape is nothing. A pill popper, that's damaging, you know? You know what you did to my relationship i know before he even starts crying though someone asks a question and they're like gg did someone hurt you i mean you have all the symptoms of someone who really really hurt you and she's like

i don't want to talk about it and then like it's like it like goes to commercial and she's like i don't want to talk about it and then just move on i'm like really wait i thought we're about to get to some like deep truth like nini leaks level you know oh no she's saving that for next season yeah she took a big long swig of her champagne and she's like i'm not going to talk about my past because i don't remember if this is before or after mike said this but but she, oh, this was during this, this fight, this Reza fight, where she's like, okay, I lied about the video. I guess like, if I said that I had it, then I'm sorry I lied about it. But it's just what I heard like years ago from some guy at the gym. And then Mike said, you know, you're always attacking people with these sexual lies. That's what you do. You're using sexuality to attack people a lot lately, which is true.

But I thought it was very interesting that he said that. And then the next question was like, who hurt you? Show me on this peanut bread. Show me in this bowl of hummus where somebody hurt you and she thought about it and you could see her like she really took a drink and thought about it and then she's like yeah i'm not going to talk about that right now she's totally saving that for next season yeah she's like oh shit that's my next arc and totally right so next season who's she going to be accusing of molesting her? Whatever she's going to do. Oh, my God, Gigi.

But meanwhile, Reza is now – he has now switched fully into victim mode. He's talking about how Gigi chased after him. He was like just this innocent man who was chased after. Everyone just seems to forget what role Reza played in this. Like, wow, babe, Gigi, for you to say that about sex tape is mean. Well, he was going after her for no reason about the RA, you know? And then he did this whole thing with the flowers, which was so above and beyond obnoxious, even more obnoxious than the time he had that, like,

party invited everyone but MJ. This was so obnoxious. And then he wonders why she comes charging after him. And then, by the way, and he charged after her, too, by the way. Yeah, he had to be held back by security yeah so i'm going after a woman so you want to anybody else want to talk about sexism right now oh no okay because it's reza okay yeah and so then this is what i think you know i think someone asks i think andy asks uh gg if she regrets regrets lying about the tape she's like yeah 100 and that's when reza starts to be like, you have no idea. That's affecting my

credibility. My credibility is going to be gone. I'm like, shut up. Your credibility was gone a long time ago, sir. There are no credibility ratings about your penis on Zulia or Zillow or whatever. Trulia.

Whatever those real estate sites are no one cares do you know how many people don't want to sit on my bus bench because of you who wants to sit on a bus bench with somebody in a sex video on snapchat i have a tame gay husband at home and he's crying and he's wondering what happened and And I don't know. I can't tell him. He has to believe me. It's hard. I'm like, no, the sex tape didn't ruin your credibility.

It was the fact that you made out with a whole bunch of strippers on your bachelor party and then walked – like left him there in the lurch. That's probably what ruined your credibility. So don't blame Gigi for that. Yeah, he's in that situation where he's fucked around. And so now every time he's nice to a waiter, Reza's going to – or every time Reza's nice to a waiter, his boyfriend's going to get all upset. Like, were you just looking at him? Like, how could you even look at that guy? I thought you'd changed.

Like, babe, you're all that's in my heart. This is all because of Gigi saying I was in a sex tape. I like when Andy said, who cares if he was in a sex tape? Like, is that a thing that people get mad about? Exactly. I mean, that's the thing. Reza should have just been like, oh, whatever. She's crazy, which is what MJ's initial response was.

But, like, and by the way. I wonder what Andy's life is like. Because whenever he has questions like that, they're so base. You know what I mean? They're, like, so bottom of the barrel. they're so base you know what i mean they're like so bottom of the barrel and he's like what what why is it wrong you know calling someone's old lady mother names like i don't even get why that would be wrong you do it right why is it wrong to have sex days i just love that andy's morals are not even pretending to exist exactly and you know when when gg first mentioned the sex tape thing

mj was like you know what it's not real she doesn't have it i know it's bullshit so whatever and yet she goes on and tells reza anyway you know it's like so i mean there's a there's a lot of like shifty business around this whole thing but the shiftiest is reza because now he's fully doing the what you always talk about the bully getting punched in the face and starts to cry and he is bawling and you're like i have to walk away because i'm crying i have to walk away i only sent those flowers and and those letters because i thought if gg heard it out loud she would have an epiphany and she would apologize oh okay so you were doing that to be nice i see yeah these tears were the only the only

the only person these tears were for were for adam you know it was really like he was he wanted to show adam that he's like a good husband etc but it was it was all such bullshit and mj seething at juji have a conscience well nothing at all went like he wanted this reunion he was gonna go for shervin nobody would join him he was gonna go and then shervin ended up winning that he was gonna go for gg and not only did he lose that but then she announced uh like some kind of child abuse storyline which means he's not going to be able to go after her next year i mean he lost on every front and then people started coming for asa and got also a little bit ruffled which is very very rare so like if we're keeping score not a good reunion for reza and he

totally showed it by having a fake breakdown and crying because that's what the man does when he has no argument left and i love when he came back from his he goes to the trailer to go cry and then uh gg's like can i have more drinks he says she's like can i have some more champagne please and they're like sure yeah let's get you wasted yeah wait and before you say what happens when reza comes back i just want to point out that asa tells gg babe babe you go low really fast i'm like yeah she well she does she definitely does but like don't let reza off the hook he's the one who goes lowest and what did she say to make him cry why was it her going low because of the sex tape because the sex tape because it's like because reza said that she's faking ra and

then and then so then her response is he has a sex tape it is she did go low but he went low he was unprovoked though that's the thing yeah she was defending herself because if you want to talk about going low fast asa was asking gg about like being in this photo and then reza took that to somehow make it about the ra i don't even remember the logic that he used how he how he got it there but he did and so he really was one who brought it low and then she she brought a lower for sure but it was retaliation she wasn't without wasn't just totally out of the blue yeah so andy he comes back and no still no one's buying it and gg's like

hey uh you might not want to leave with that champagne she's just getting obliterated at the point so andy goes and gets Reza out of the trailer and he's like, I think I have a way we can solve this guys. I think we can just solve it. I get it. I totally understand. You come back. I'll have Lisa Vanderpump come in and apologize for

manipulating all of this. Okay. Just come in. We'll blame Lisa. Okay. So MJ comes back in eating, which is hilarious to me for some reason. She's always shoving something in her face. All of them are on the show. That's when we found out that Andy does not like chickpeas.

Yes. Gross. And why would you tell people that? Andy doesn't know how to read a room. No. So Reza comes back drinking a Capri Sun. Again, why do I think that's funny? I don't know.

Because it was like a little boy. It was like... He's like sipping on his Capri sun and andy is like hey buddy you got your you got your little juice packet there you got your juice packet there you're feeling better yes yes it was like that there was a there was an snl skit like i don't know 10 or 15 years ago when will ferrell played an executive at like a meeting and he pitched something or whatever and no one liked it i'm like no i think we're not gonna go with it and he just started to cry like a kid he goes he just wails and they're like oh oh and they like give him like a juice box like here. And he starts sipping on the juice box. And he'd sip and sip.

And he'd be like, ah! Ah! Ah! It was so hilarious. It was just like a little kid. And that's exactly what Reza was doing. Yeah. And that was pretty much, he was not going to stop crying through the rest of this thing.

I think Andy was probably just like, all right. Well, Reza's going to just sob all day. Nobody needs to hear that. So, all right, thanks for coming to the Watch What Happens. Because Reza would just not stop his fake crying. And so Andy, it was so funny. So Andy made Gigi apologize. And, of course, Gigi's been coached.

So she's totally shirving out even drunk Gigi's like well I feel horrible and I love Reza no matter what happens you know we're like a family family brother family can I have another drink and she's

about to fall asleep so Andy tells Reza so she apologized. Now, can you apologize for the RA part, little guy? Come on, you can do it. And he's like, well, of course I'm sorry. Of course I am. What do you mean, of course you are?

Why would anybody assume that you are? And it wasn't even like a really full apology. It was just, I don't know. The whole thing was just, it was obnoxious. But MJ, but still, they did not fix the MJ-Asha situation. MJ declared that she's still going to not be friends with Asha, like whatever. Yeah, I think MJ realizes that if, especially from watching this episode, if Reza is not going to be able to bring down Sherv, which he's not,

because people will side with Shervin, because he's shown himself to be level-headed, etc. He's not going to be able to bring down Gigi, because Gigi just announced her next storyline, and no one's going to fuck with her now. And the only one that's left is her. So unless they bring somebody new on, she knows she's about to get fucked again. He can't go after Mike again, and he is not going to go after Asa either. So she's going to try and make the next season reza going against asa and it's so sad that they have to plan it that way yeah they are going to let reza stab over and over again throughout the

season but that's how this cast rolls i hope he goes after asa because you know what back in you know season one they all were going after asa one, Asa was the outcast and they hated her. Do you remember that? She was like the poor one, as she mentioned on the reunion. She was the poor one. She was the bohemian. She was the one who shopped at H&M. And she was the total outcast.

And it was like a hilarious dynamic to watch. So it's time for her to face the heat and see the awfulness of Reza once again. Well, this was the first time in Shaw's history that I can remember seeing Asa's face turn evil. She didn't turn evil with her words, but she was getting so pissed. And it's very difficult to ruffle her. And MJ did it. So I'm excited to see. I mean, that's kind of what makes me crazy about this show is that they're so mean.

But I dare them to go for Asa because she's not always my favorite because she doesn't share anything and i agree with him on all of that stuff but at the same time i'm gonna love watching these awful people try to bring her down because she's not as nice as she acts and yeah anybody who's that close with reza and helps him do so much of his dirty work cannot be a nice person down there. So I can't wait to see her get ruffled. I know. I like Asa. I do actually think she's nice. But, you know,

she thinks I think Reza... She stands up for Reza too much and she has to be reminded that Reza is evil, you know, and that she is complicit in it, whether she likes it or not. And so once the reunion was over over then they all go out back to their trailers and then Gigi pulls Reza over to the side he's like and she's like I just want you to know like I'm really sorry and I just

want to know if there's like I'm doing like a weird Gigi Reza voice. She's like, is there like a.05 chance that like we could be friends ever again? And she's like, I just want you to know I'm really growing right now. I really want you to see that I'm really growing. And Reza's answer is like, I just want to get through this day. And then, you know, try and get through the days that are coming up and then i'll see where we can stand okay i'm like oh yes this was so hard on you yeah nothing came out about you again another season where nothing and no one tarnished you in any way and you're the one crying after trying to ruin almost every person on this

show you fucking asshole and then gg knows so she's smart enough to get the hell out and also gg this is like the end of a chick flick movie because gg won basically and she knows it she's got reza crying on the edge threatening you know screaming that he's gonna fire her so she's still smiling got a nice buzz but she didn't stab anybody and to be fair she thinks she's at disneyland but continue on she walks away like she's probably walking home in a ball gown for all we know she's just like walking towards the gate in her ball gown just happy as can be because she fucking won shervin has done a really good job with her.

She leaves the bigger person and then she turns around and she's like, I can't wait until you guys see how much I'm changing. I really can't wait. Okay, bye. Changing. Bye. He's like, Oh,

what a beautiful ending to a reunion. Yeah, definitely fired up i have to say i was very fired up um res not not res's finest moment but by the way totally hilarious totally i feel like i feel like we haven't almost even expressed how funny it was we've been talking we've been sort of outraged and feeling this like reality show justice of he's the bully he's crying he's saying this he's saying this but we really have to emphasize how hilarious it was when reza was crying so good so so good and he did it at all the victim me like perfect times like trying to make mj's crying about her dad to him. Well, they were so good to me. I was like,

Hey, it's a baby. I'm like, whatever. So, so good. And it's also really fun because this show is kind of big brother in a way. I mean,

people don't get kicked off every year, but they do change alliances and try and ruin each other for sport. And so it really is fun to see because at this point he's fucked everybody and if he doesn't stand up for asa against mj and she feels like he's about to turn and if he does anything next year to turn which he will she's gonna immediately one either her mj is gonna be smart enough to say he's been fucking us the whole time if mj finally gets asa to open her mouth about all the shit res has talked he's toast because if you get those two against him shervin will jump right with him he doesn't like asa gg will jump in with them and mike will be easy to twist yeah so have fun

next season but i would say i would say it's not like big brother i actually think it's more like the hunger games mainly because they're always hungry academy is a new scripted podcast that follows ava richards played by hbo's industries my holla herald a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat or be eaten world ava's ambitions take hold and her small town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success.

If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less.

In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus

starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. But somehow you never want them to eat. Yeah. Like every time they go to the buffet, you hear a cannon in the sky. Oh no, another buffet has been killed. Cannon goes off.

Boom! It's like the Great American Buffet logo. MJ like walks in the buffet. MJ gets to the buffet. She hears the cannon go off. I just got here. They always finish the buffet before I can get in the killing. A hologram of Philip Seymour Hoffman appears.

Asking questions that don't make any sense because they were recorded before he died andy cohen is wearing a giant wig with like a white makeup and little pink dots on his lips welcome to the sixth annual shazza sunset hunger games oh god the never hungry games that this whole that this whole fight devolved from uh being mad that people didn't wait for mj at a buffet just kills me i mean this shows a classic all right well let's wrap shawls up shall we wrap it up bye shawls see you next time and now to episode 3-3 of Real Housewives of Melbourne! All righty. Episode 3. What a show.

So we open at Gamble's house, and Gamble is having dinner with her and her stepson, who's probably my Bravo gay right now. He's like my favorite Bravo gay. He's hilarious. And soups gay, which i love as well because normally those are the kind of gays that were like cringe but i'm loving cringing at him there's

something odd about him i feel like he might have some special talent like powder you know kind of awkwardly brilliant in some way definitely some telekinesis in there like i i sort of see him as like a male carry yes and he's getting worked up because gam you know he loves his gamble you know yes any boy that can play with his mom's wig tape who's not gonna love her i don't know what gamble's real hair is like but i have a feeling she's got a lot of real hair because her wig is insane. I mean, it looks like her head. Yeah. It looks like she's wearing something triangular under her head.

Like a Lego, like some big Lego or something under her head. So anyway, she is talking about, she's like, oh, Wolfie didn't even know we were getting married until he read about it on the Instagram. Oh. Wolfie doesn't know he's not part of the wedding process, and that's okay with me.

And everyone... I love that these two guys, like, they care. And everyone, I have budding kids, because she hates me a lot. And the son goes, why don't we put her in the freezer with Jenny? And sure enough,

Gamble has put a picture of Janet in the freezer. She tells us, she hasn't been doing anything wrong to me since she's been in the freezer. No bad press, no mean Instagrams. It worked. I don't know what to say.

Also, Janet's face has never looked better. So if this is some voodoo shit that you're doing, do it for me, girls. You froze her face in time. Yeah, I think that's the dream of all housewives, to be frozen. Facially, at least. Facially, yeah. And then they get even cuter because

Wolfie's like, oh, you're planning the wedding, dear. That's wonderful. Whatever you plan will be wonderful for me, darling. And they want the son to bring a date to the wedding, which is cute. Because who would that be? It'll probably be one of their husbands.

Yeah. Yeah. It probably would be. I don't know. It'd probably be just some twink from the deeper recesses of Turok. You think he'd be a twink? A twink dater? I feel like he would have like a big daddy bear

yeah i think so maybe be like brucey yeah it would be brucey with just friends she goes like i love that brucey can do outreach like that to the other children the neighborhood the important thing is that you learned a lesson i still love you listen here little gay son of Gamble. Did you not take a car out? All we need is the truth right now. He'd be like, fuck you. You're not me mom.

So Gamble is really debating whether or not she wants to invite Petaflur to the wedding. Because on the one hand, she's like, well, if I don't invite her, then it becomes a conversation. Then she's not invited. But then if I do, then someone's always saying this dress doesn't look good on you and you look stupid. And so I think that when I go shopping, I hear her voice and I thought about Wolfie. And he's like, well, honey, I think you should just invite her because obviously she feels this way Because you've been like that to her So if you invite her, that's quite the olive branch And the gay son's like Burn her at the stake, the fat cow

He's like What do those dresses say When you ask them what Petty Floor would say If they called you shit I'll burn her at the stake It's like grind that cow in her at the stake! It's like, grind that cow in a meat grinder! And Campbell's like, I love having

a son because he's so lovely and sticks up for me. And he's right, she's a massive dairy cow. This is like the cutest family ever. The straight dad is like oh you're having threesome son that's my boy and the son being like rip the bitch to shreds mom this is this is the kind of family i can get behind it is pretty amazing um then we have gina who is going

to meet with fragrance people about her new fragrance. So she goes and she's at this big conference room and they're like, all right, Gina, what sort of fragrance did you grow up with? And she's like, garlic. Like, okay, I guess we could sort of make that work. It sort of ties into your Italian heritage. She's like, no, I'm not going to have a fragrance that smells like garlic. Are you crazy? It's just what it reminds me of.

You asked me what my childhood makes me think of raw ketchup uh boiled potatoes and uh broken down cars like yeah well we don't know if that's gonna work really for a fragrance well my butt crack will get really sweaty if i walked around the block there's that i don't know if that's going to be a good fragrance, Gina. She's like, well, so I looked at that garlic and I said, get out of my fragrance right this second. And that's what it did. The garlic got right out of that fragrance.

Well, who's the Gina woman? What kind of woman would see herself smelling like Gina? She's like, well, drag queens mostly. I wouldn't mind if it was unisex. I mean, I'm just trying to think of what male is going to be like, oh, so what are you wearing? Oh, it's Gina Liano. You mean the drag queen from Real Housewives of Melbourne? Yeah, super mask. And what drag queen wants to smell unisex?

Yeah. They're wearing like the Chanel No. 5, like the Ross version of Chanel No. 5. They're trying to smell like no man. So they're trying to name this fragrance, and the issue is that there's already a fragrance called Fearless. So they're trying to

think of it, and this timid, lost personal assistant is like what about if it's in different language and they're like oh well impavito impavito is is fearless in italian like that's it be fearless impavito impavito so i looked up impavito the very first thing that comes up on google is this definition impovito is an anti-parasitic drug used to treat lathe maniasis a disease caused by an infection with parasites that enter the body through the bite of an infected sandfly that's exactly the idea i want infected sandfly that's it this guy may not seem like he's got much going on upstairs, but the lights are on and the perfumes are baking.

I said to that parasite, get out of my body right now. I'm giving you some Improvito. You tell your infected sandfly friend, don't come around here no more. You'll smell sort of like a man and you'll be losing weight for no reason. I mean, that's just what I've wanted to take to your frivolity.

I want my people to smell like romance and leishmaniasis. I love the assistant who's Gina, basically Gina's little adopted gay. It's like her own new little family. Yes. And she's

trying to get him to talk more because he just looks like, doink, whenever he's in a meeting. He's petrified. His face turning red every two seconds. He's like a little chameleon. Yeah. So here I am. I've brought Josh with me because Josh needs to learn.

It's the Gina Leano business. I think that, you know, he's just a scared kid. He's going to learn the Gina Leano way. So she's trying to. She's like, don't mind Josh. he's just a scared kid he's gonna learn the gina liano way so she's saying she said don't mind josh he's just a little cunt when someone says what are your top three fragrances josh she's like uh josh you're gonna talk then josh you're gonna answer then all right then why don't you write that down and he just looks at her like, duh. All right, then. You know, write it down. Take a note. He's like,

duh. Josh, what's your favorite fragrance? And he's like, well, I quite like Chanel Bleu in Acqua di Giù. That's quite lovely, Josh. The woman at the fragrance company starts speaking to him like she's a school teacher.

All right, Josh. Now, would you like to draw a diagram about what you like about them so much? How does it make you feel, Josh? What's about it? He did not know how to answer any of these. It was the funniest thing I've ever heard. He's like, uh, well, what do you like about Aquaviva? Or whatever. And he's like, well,

the fragrance lasts all day. You can come home and you still smell like it. And they're like, well, how about this, Josh? When you smell the smells, where do they take you? What do you mean? Well, where

do you go? Does it take take you somewhere and he just looks around blankly and no one will give him the answer and so he goes it reminds me of summer and then gets this huge smile on his face and they're like yes summer good job josh you did it you answered a question that was the most adorable fucking thing. I don't know who this lost little orphan is, but. I know. That shit was good.

It's like they finally got the puppy potty trained. He says, summer. And he acts like he just won something. So cute. So, pediflora. Oh, gosh. This scene. So, her sister has come to visit.

And I was sort of hoping that her sister's name would be called grand fleur but her name is jillian uh she looks pretty much like the indian version of ryan starr from american idols season one um and these two wow i mean this was one of the coldest scenes we've ever seen on Bravo. It was so cold. She looks like someone who would definitely be buying some Gina perfume, for sure. She's definitely in that crowd. This was very ab-fab, because there was an episode of that where Patsy, the older lady, someone's like, your sister's coming to town.

And Bubbles, the dumb one dumb one goes you have a sister a sister a sister because it's the only character who ever comes on the show that's more awful than patsy you know and so when i when i thought of that of course the scene totally worked out that way too it's like oh man this woman's even worse than pedoflur oh i did i well i mean yeah but i didn't think well she was she's definitely one of the coldest people but it was kind of she was so cold it was amazing like i actually kind of loved her um let's do let's do let's do an impersonation of the two sisters for the first chunk of their first part of the conversation who do you want to be um i'll Um, I'll be the sister. Okay. Hello. Well, hello.

How are you? Oh, well, hello there. Hello. Yes, I'm, I'm good. I'm fine. Yes. How are you? Good.

Do you look good? Oh, yes. Thank you. Uh, you, you've lost weight. So have you. Oh, yes. Well, you've lost more because you had more to lose so

congratulations I am so happy to see you yes thank you and are you happy right now well yes because you are not so

fat that you are going to die in front of me so this is good so thank you yes wonderful good and that was basically the scene if that felt awkward for everyone listening that's what it was like it was so awkward

like long pauses and like talking about nothing it was like and hateful hateful nods from the sister jillian was seething and so mj i'm not mj of course this makes me think of mj um uh pedoflur she starts saying how um you know she's she's saying how sometimes i figure what she starts to say she says sometimes it's hard hard to talk to her or whatever. And this – Jillian is just seething because she knows what Pettiflur is up to, that she's going to try to call her out on TV.

And she's just not going to have it. She will take her down. I mean this woman is frightening. I was scared of her. She's terrifying. She's scared. I mean she – I don't know what's in The Art of War, but I think she's read it and I think she got it figured out she's rewriting it right now

she knew, she's like, I'm just going to be quiet I'm just going to stare and I'll make it uncomfortable and Petty Floor is just going to talk until she falls into a ditch and Petty Floor starts to talk and at one point, Jillian even says you know, I'm happy just to sit and listen you talk, I'll just listen

I'm happy to listen I'm happy to listen. I'm fine to listen to you talk. Because apparently this, the subtext that I was reading was that she only did this because she thinks Petaflor is going to apologize. Yeah. And Petaflor is thinking now that she's broken up with her child and her husband, God knows where this man is. She's basically alone. Nobody likes her. And even the people on this show,

like as we get to later, just can't even stand the woman enough to be like friendly and go to lunch, you know? So she's completely alone. And so instead of thinking, what could I have done that everybody hates me? She's like, well, I was very close with my sister. So now we're not close and i don't like this she

just doesn't talk to me now so i would ask her why well because you're an asshole that's why and they probably got in some fight and pedoflora is pretending that it never happened to look good on tv so she's actually bringing this woman on to have somebody to shoot with because no one will shoot with her and this woman hates her so much and all she's waiting for is an apology yeah not only does she not get it but pedoflora is like oh so are you going to explain why did this happen you just you talk to me and now you don't talk to me what is this yeah and and this woman jillian she basically is like so i don't have any problems with anyone in the family or any friends or anyone in my life only you so it's probably your fault don't you think and then uh and you know petty feels like no no and so then jillian says you just need to be normal and natural and petty goes i'm very normal and natural i'm

like okay you're not natural because we can see what you've done to your face and if being normal is singing a love song to your son on a giant moon then then i'm just confused yeah not normal not natural and then her sister who's just trying her best to stay calm and keep that dirty squinty look on she's like well petty floor let's put it this way you're up yourself you're up yourself she's like i'm. She's like, I'm up myself? Well, why wouldn't I be? I'm so natural and normal. What can I do? Of course I'm up myself.

Meanwhile, by the way, Petaflora is sitting at this strange Mariah Carey angle so that only one side of her face is showing the cameras. She's like, I'm only showing my good side. What if my son were to see my bad side? He'd never come home. I cannot take more heartbreak today. So,

Peniflora actually says to us, she goes, I can understand new people thinking this of me because maybe I do come off like too amazing for words, for them to come up with words, but my own sister,

how could this have happened? And her sister's like, well, you know, I had a dream and you were dead and I've never woken up so happy. Basically, well, you know, I had a dream and you were dead and I've never woken up so happy. Basically,

basically, Jillian's like, you know, when we talk, like, you know, I have a life, I have kids, I'm just an everyday person and you care about handbags and Chanel and so these things are important to me. Why can I not share that

with my sister? And she's like, you can share it, but you have to ask about what goes on in my life too. But if I was like, so, these things are important to me. Why can I not share that with my sister? And she's like, you can share it. But you have to ask about what goes on in my life, too. But if I was like, I do ask. She's like, you didn't even know where I worked. She's like, well, you know. She's like, you know, I had to say that. She's like, I was working there for eight years. And she goes, I can't remember everything.

And that's what she tried amazing it was so good and then petty floor of course is trying to victim role when you know that she's the aggressor here she tries to victim role with her sister who's not going to take it she's like well it is just that i feel like i'm the black sheep of the family and she goes well if you feel like that maybe you need to make the efforts you know like no one else is going to take the sheep sheep of the family. And she goes, well, if you feel like that, maybe you need to make the efforts, you know? Like, no one else is going to take the sheep in for a dye job. Like, if you want to be the same color as the other sheep, you know, do your hair.

What do you want me to tell you? And then Patty immediately turns it around, and she goes, oh, well, you can be difficult. And her sister's like, okay, we're going to wrap this conversation up now. She literally goes, I think we should wrap this conversation up for today. And then they have this hug,

which was the equivalent of Petaflora hugging a giant icicle. Yes. Oh my God, this woman, Julian, see ya, bitch. The coldest, coldest bitch on Bravo, and I love her for it. Yes, if Irina has any brains,

they will pull a jersey and sign her ass immediately. Yeah. She, woman of few words and like massive emotional power. Yeah. And a truly scary face, which is perfect for Real Housewives. Yeah. It was terrifying. So next up is Jackie. Oh no, Jackieie i was going into janet janet i might have some issues in this because i kept writing down i mean god forbid two people have j names in this show so watch out yeah well basically all that happened was that jackie went to visit chica who of course is wearing a lovely little ensemble with the sort of like a berry a berry necklace and she puts out a lovely little ensemble with a berry necklace, and she puts out a lovely cheese

spread, and Jackie comes in and she's scared of babies. Maybe it's just a fear she has. Maybe I'm just afraid of having a baby. I don't know. My mum says that life's only worth living if you have a baby. You know what? I know Jackie's afraid, but you know what she

really needs? She needs some Improvato by Gina Liano. I'm afraid my baby's going to come out and let you smell of Gina. I don't want my baby to have any fear, so I'm going to give it Improvato. I'm just afraid that I might make a mistake. And Chica's like, well, you can't make a mistake. And she's like, I know. Chica's like, well,

you can't make a mistake because we all make mistakes. And that's just how it is. One day that little girl's going to grow up and steal your car and then deny it. And what are you going to do? Nothing. Because that's what a good mother does. Do you understand, darling?

Have you had some cheese? Sometimes the best mistakes are the ones you love the most. I mean, even though our daughter scratched up our car, that scratch is always a reminder of our little daughter and what a fuck-up she is. We love her. Bumper calls. Take bumper calls, for example.

You look at them at the fun parks and they're just bumping into each other and acting like a bunch of fools. But everybody wants to ride them. That's what I'm saying. Do you understand, darling? No. Chica.

And then I almost said Janet again. Jackie's like, I'm afraid I'm going to get fat. What if I get fat? And she goes, who cares? Look, at the end of the day, the biggest lesson you're going to learn here is that cake is delicious. Thanks for the advice. Like, nobody feels better. Yeah. It's always a bad sign when you're a psychic is asking for advice the angel stopped talking to me i don't know why maybe they got too drunk

i was trying to ask the angel for advice none of my earrings fell off what am i supposed to do with that they all stay totally attached. They're hearing everything. So next up is Lydia. Yeah, with her daughter Joanna. The classic scenes of this season are just Lydia with her maid. Yeah. So good. She's like, Joanna, did you get my tea?

Put it down to the left. Put it over there. Put it the other way. On the corner of the table. The corner. My left. My left. Put it over there. Put it the other way on the corner of the table. The corner. My left. My left. Other corner. She loves me so much.

Joanna loves me. If I ever need anything, she's always there. She always goes, if someone needs something, she gets it. I'm like, you're acting as if it's born out of her character. No, that's her job. And she knows if she doesn't do it, she's going gonna get fired and sent back to wherever she came from the street and then lydia goes she would do anything for me i'm like yeah you're her boss she doesn't love you you're her boss and i mean anything like wanking at the camera like what are you even talking about

lydia i know and then lydia's like you know it'd be really fun joanna why don't we like you know rearrange the refrigerator and take everything out and clean it up and put it back in i mean you could do that i'll just sit here that'd be really cool right she's just flipping through a magazine i'm thinking it's something to do with the house how about you clean out the pantry and all the shells jesus lady and joanna's like okay you know i may i can do this later and she goes joanna do you read and joanna's like um no you accept me you take all of my energy no read here yeah joanna you know sometimes i think just if Joanna could read, do you know what I mean?

No, what are you even talking about? Like, are you read shaming her right now? Joanna, let's make a list about the pantry and the fridge and we can follow it through. All right, put this down on the table. Not there. Not there. The other way. Spin it.

Spin it. Oh, she loves me. She certainly knew Not there. Not there. The other way. Spin it. Spin it. She loves me. She certainly knew what Caroline's doing. That's for sure. She's not. Because Caroline's just mean. This one does it with love, which makes it very uncomfortable. Faux love.

Well, she thinks that Joanna loves her just because Joanna's following orders. At least Caroline has the good sense to bark at her servants. Yes. You know Lydia goes to Starbucks every day just so someone will be like you know giving her attention making her feel loved that barista loved me they even remembered my name they write my they write my name on the cup that handsome man behind the coffee bar wrote me a love letter on a cup it's it says dear lydia heart wasn't that our joke from season one? That she would say that all the time about everything?

Lydia? Yeah, that's right. Because they said, oh yeah, they got these dresses just for me at the store. It's funny that the joke actually came back in its own way. Because she's so self-involved. Especially because she'd be in a Chico's or something. You ordered these for me, did you? because she'd be in a chico's or something yeah you ordered these for me did you so ding dong the guy who she's basically been flirting with on camera and making sex jokes with

is there with flowers and a porsche and she goes how did you do that yeah well because no he opens the trunk oh yeah he opened the trunk with a beeper and she's how did you do that it's called modern technology lydia and when he gives herer and she goes, how did you do that? It's called modern technology, Lydia. And when he gives her the flowers, she goes, I'm going to cry. But it's a swing. She's missed driveway 2016. Yeah, so as I would imagine happens with a lot of men, this guy totally thinks that he wants to bang her. Like right now on camera in the front seat of the car.

And she goes, what a sexy car. And he goes, well, sexy car for a sexy lady. She's like, he's in awe of me. No, I just took it too far by accident. He was trying to show how to work the GPS things. And she goes, so you just put in the address. And he goes, yes, I'll put in my address is home number two oh so awkward because this guy's getting nowhere she's like uh yeah used you up and got the porsche please leave yeah exactly and then didn't she say something

racist at this point like she said something about the they so racist they actually bleeped it out i think she's doing a Chinese voice or an Asian voice. She's saying, Figaro. That's what she says, because Joanna's, of course, out there. And she goes, Figaro, we're going to miss the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang car.

Joanna's, which is like a brand new car. She's such an asshole. I know. And then she goes, now, Joanna, I know you're going to have to learn this car to drive this car too. We've contributed to Joanna's savings because we've allowed her to work for us. So one day maybe she can buy a car like this too. And Joanna's like, oh, no, maybe in a billion year.

And she's like, Joanna doesn't like driving. You know, I say ching ching and she says ching ching, you know. And then chong chong chongalonga ding dong, whatever. And she goes, what is that, Chinese? And she goes, they said it sounds like Chinese. Well, it all sounds the same to me. God. Yeah.

Jeez, lady. No self-awareness none whatsoever i mean i thought it was funny my favorite this year she is killing me the lyddiot yeah i mean it doesn't mean that they bleeped it out too because she was saying something like ching chong ching chong whatever oh they didn't believe well i have the australian one oh on bravo they they bleeped it out so you heard her go so that's why i was like i think that she's probably saying something totally insulting well one of them was chong chong and one of them was ching ching yeah and bravo's like we're just gonna bleep this out this is too ignorant even for us just so she has no idea. And then we're allowing Joanna to work for us.

I know. We're contributing to her financial well-being. What an ass. Good hard work. Yeah. Such assholes. It's called trickle-down economics, except once it starts trickling, I have Joanna clean it up because I don't like a spill. You're welcome, Joanna.

It's called trickle-down, wipe it it up and give it back up to where it started economics so janet she's gonna sell her passport back to her so now over at janet's house janet's at a restaurant janet's at a restaurant yeah meeting with her her ex-stepdaughter who Hello, chicken. How are you? Hello, chicken. Hello, chicken. How are you? I don't know what I'm doing. I love the names in Australia, too. Because she's like, chicken, tell me about everyone.

How's the family? And she's like, well, you know, Zane or whatever his name. He's the same as usual. But Trolley's amazing. Lollipop is up to great things. I'll tell you what. Fudgesickle's getting great grades on school. That's for sure.

Beluga's dating a new girl. I love that Trolley is a legit character name on Bravo now. Ever since Dallas. Thank you, Dallas. You paved the road. I have to add that to the glossary. Trolley. So Janet's saying, what age group have you chosen today, chicken?

Chicken. Hi, chicken. Chicken. So chicken starts crying yeah 20 26 to 40 and then uh yeah she starts to cry because she's like the thing that bothered me the most was that i texted you and i said you've been in my life longer than my mom and then you never texted back, which is actually pretty devastating. That is really cool, Janet. My God. And Janet's answer is, Oh, darling, I feel so awful, chicken. I was grief-stricken, chicken, and it rhymes, doesn't it?

Look, there's a little poem for my chicken. Oh, chicken, I feel like chicken tonight. That means I feel like you. I'm sad. I couldn't text you back until I wanted to stop eating you, chicken. The only reason why I didn't text you back is because I thought you'd want me to get back together with your dad. Well, I do.

That's exactly what I want to hear. See, right there. Goodbye, chicken. Yeah what I want to happen. See, right there. Goodbye, chicken. Yeah, I love this girl. She was really funny. She's like, you bet you bought him chicken. I'll say that, and I'm saying it now. You and Paul love each other.

You're perfect for each other. You're all he thinks about. Chickens have a feather flocked together. She goes, you're two peas in a pod you and dad and jenna goes we're not two peas in a pod we're three four five or six peas in a pod there's too many peas in my

pod i don't want to share my pod with so many peas i was like very territorial in a pea pod when there's five peas given the main pee. The pee pod never stops shaking. How do you think I feel about being in a pee orgy?

I still can't even watch Porgy and Bess because it reminds me too much of it. Janet cracks me up. Does my face look different, chicken? It feels cold all the time. Food chicken. So Gamble is having drinks at her house. Everybody, what an invitation to my wedding.

Everybody's got to get an invitation. Jingle. Everybody's gotta get an invitation. So Brian is now driving Janet, which is fishy because she's like, I needed a ride in general. Brian was kind enough to offer chicken. Chicken, I don't want to get you too excited, but your father's driving me to patty floor's house how's that make you feel chicken bloody wonderful but yes it makes me feel great oh i love when she said that

oh chicken mind your beak so she's telling she's kind of updating brian on all the goss of what's going on she's like gamblers with this guy wolfie and he's a surgeon and they met online he's like oh one of those online dating sites i've heard about those and in times that i've been accused, maybe I should join one of theirs. I hope that Brian wasn't on the same dating site as Gamble. What if they know each other? So, and, and in another car,

it's like Petty Fleur and the new girl, I forgot her name. And Susie, Susie. And I think Jackie. and they're talking about how gamble gamble said the dress code was hamptons which is hilarious because no one looks like they're dressed for the hamptons and particularly not pediflur who looks like she just stepped out of spies like us she has a full-on like white russian cap that's a chanel cap it's kind of

like a leftover from her from her outfit from the first episode of the season but i don't know what the hamptons is like these days but it's whatever was going on in that car is not what it was no and i like that she was doing that right after her sister called her shallow and obsessed with material things and she's like i would prove her wrong by filming my next scene in a fur Chanel hat with two gold C's. Seriously. So they all get there and then not long after Lydia shows up

and Lydia hasn't spoken to or seen Petit Fleur since the baking party, the first episode of the season. And she sees Petit Fleur and she taps Petit Fleur on the head with her furry cap. And Petit Fleur's like, I did not like being tapped on the head. Like, well, furry cap and pedophiles like i did not like being tapped on the head like well you were honestly like the most tappable thing like you can't wear something big

and fuzzy and be short and not expect a tall person to not want to pet it especially around the lover of small dogs yeah it's just like it's just natural it's her natural response she's like oh hello there pet pet um also lydia showed up wearing a silk bathrobe, which was really weird. The outfits in this scene were bizarre. Gamble was in an ice skating thing where half of it was transparent again. Lydia's in a bathrobe. And she's in black. And, of course, Petaflor is in white.

So that sets the stage for this episode. Yes. And let's see. Kisses, kisses. And immediately Gamble's like, Oh, hello, lady. Would you like to go downstairs with me? And so they go downstairs away from everybody.

And Susie. Fuck. Yeah, and Susie, who's just here to start shit for no reason with anybody she can. It's like, I would never in my life leave the party to talk about someone who's at the party in my home yeah well i would never invite people over to make me cookies but here we go yeah she's like unless they're going downstairs to make a pavlova i find it totally rude unless there's some sort of egg white meringue happening down there i find this quite rude Unless there's some sort of quick bread down there that they're making.

I don't... Never mind. I can only hope they're tending to their sourdough. You know what? There's a sourdough getting started and I'm not going to be the starter. Doesn't even make sense. Well, they're not going to get a rise out of me.

I'm the tortilla in this situation i feel like i'm in a swiss roll of drama and my swirls aren't shaped right i like that she her thing is like she's the baker and you know her book will be coming out any second now because she's a smart and i'm yeah she's like i will become a pick on that because we need a business at least she's not selling extensions or something see that to me that makes sense you know she came on as a baker she likes to bake so she comes out with a cookbook for that that makes sense if it's like two seasons in and then all of a sudden she decides that she's into toasters no yes and doesn't know what common is. Like if she's one of those.

Yeah. Even though cookbooks, by the way, do very well. Which ones? Teresa's her cookbooks do well. They sell. Oh yeah.

I'm sure. Well, you boil pasta and pour some pasta sauce on it. Mad coming. Other ingredients. But I like that. She walks up to all the food, wherever they are.

And she's like, I can name that food. Like, congratulations. You're are, and she's like, I can name that food. Like, congratulations, you're a pro. She's like, I'll tell you what that is. That's a deconstructed meringue. Yeah. All you make is meringue, okay, Susie? Yeah, that is all she can do.

She has, like, a Costco-sized cream of tartar. Yes. so anyway uh so so lydia and and gamble are downstairs talking about like i don't even i honestly don't remember what they were talking about such a bitch she's like i'm so excited for your wedding would you like a makeover that's what we should do think i need a makeover and she goes yes i think so i think i see you is going all blonde like basically saying do your roots bitch yeah yeah she's such an asshole so gamble decides she's gonna not take that personally and then they do a weird russian dance i don't know why well because she's because um because pedofleur looks like she's gonna not take that personally and then they do a weird russian dance i don't know why well because she's because because um because pedofleur looks like she's like a russian spy so so then upstairs they're getting all worked up that they're talking they're talking about it

behind my back whatever and pedofleur is mad at lydia and talk about how mad mad she is and she's gonna say something yada yada yada and i like how jackie was just, you know, pedophilia, you're the queen of switch the bitch. So why don't you just switch the bitch and just make up with her? Yeah, what I think you should do is take your own advice and switch the bitch on her. And just suss it. Don't suss it out. Don't suss it out, pedophilia. Because pedophilia is such an idiot.

She's like, I only came here as a courtesy to her invitation. So now I would suss it out to see how much she means for me to be here they're like you're an idiot yeah no one cares if you're here lady okay she's making an effort to be nice because no one else cares if you're ever shooting at any time ever okay consider this somebody giving you a job yeah seriously so then downstairs lydia so lydia was not at the little event last week where they went um horseback riding but she's been riding there for years and years and years so she has friends the friends told her that yeah everyone was talking shit about you and uh even even chica doesn't like you that's what she that's what she heard and you know gamble can't believe

no one can really believe this. And Lydia is so shady. She's like, well, you know, maybe Chica's just faking a friendship. But then again, maybe she fakes everything she does. Wink, wink. I was like, ooh, you are real shady, Lydia. Yeah, she gave a literal wink. Yeah, she does. And Susie, these people are hilarious on this show.

Janet's like, my heart broke. Yeah. She told Lydia her darkest, deepest secrets. What are you guys talking about? You are ridiculous. She cracked a stupid joke about, you know,

saying that gamble was a black widow and it was not a deep, dark secret, but it was a little joke. And then Lydia went and told it to Gamble, which was not going to help mend their friendship. She just wants to gossip. And Lydia is a fucker. And also, Gamble's

so dumb, and lovably dumb, but in the first season, I mean, the first scene when she was talking to Wolfie in the sun, she goes, Wolfie's like, I don't have a problem with Petty Fleur, darling. You have a problem with Petty Fleur. darling. You have a problem with Petty Fleur. And she goes, well, it's not nice when someone accuses you of being a murderer. Black Widow.

She wasn't saying you murdered anyone, you idiot. Just because I put Jonathan's freezes and I mean I've killed her, she'll be alive once I thaw. That's so good. And Susie, about Lydia, lydia she goes well that's what she's gonna keep doing because that's how lydia is she's shameless ruthless and just less okay so pet and floor is getting oh say it again i was gonna say g up finally. Thank God. I was like, where is Gina during this scene? We need more Gina on the show in general this season. Yeah. They're like, why do you smell like garlic, darling?

In Pavito. Do I smell like a Drake queen? Well done, Josh. Do I smell like I'm getting rid of parasites in my body? That's my perfume. Fearless. Fearless. Fearless is taken.

So, yeah, she gets there. And Gina is just doing really well this year about plugging her own shit and just staying out of it. She's like, you want to, you want to, anybody who wants to have lunch, you give me some kind of food or drink, I'll be there. Otherwise, I've got no interest. Yeah. kind of food or drink, I'll be there. Otherwise I've got no interest. So Lydia and Gamble emerge from the depths

of the house, which means it's now time for Petaflur and Lydia to have a word. So they go into another room and Lydia's like, first of all, I just want to apologize for gossiping. You know, I didn't call you or text you because I don't do that. I actually

don't know how to do that. I have my daughter do that for me and she's been in a car wreck so I didn't call you or text you because I don't do that. I actually don't know how to do that. I have my daughter do that for me, and she's been in a car wreck. So I haven't been able to reach out to you. She doesn't know numbers yet. She doesn't know numbers. She just goes by the turns and has been on mute. So I just want you to know that this is how I deal with friendships. When I see there's a problem, what I do is I tell each girl what the other one says about each other until they both hate each other and that's how i

deal with it until you're friends again it's how i help your friendships that's what i do i'm just here to help your friendships petaflor has is looking at me like what the fuck are you talking about but petty uh petty petaflor is so easy to be she's like a gamble but at least gambles so fun about it whenever you manipulate her you know but pediflora is not even fun about it she's just an idiot and they keep doing this thing that's the thing of the season where they're they do everything in separate rooms now like yeah we would have got a separate room to fight i'm like okay attempted maturity and then so everybody just kind of stands outside the room having cocktails it sounds like an audition in there like they're all waiting

outside the audition room or whatever so they're screaming and yelling and so then she's like oh fine then i will ask jackie because she's gonna ask jackie because lydia says that she's the one who's had pedoflores back when everyone else was talking behind her back everyone was talking behind pedoflores back and lydia was the only one who was saint Petit Fleur's back when everyone else was talking behind her back. Everyone was talking behind Petit Fleur's back, and Lydia was the only one who was saintly enough to go and sit and have a drink with her when they went to the Philippines. Yeah, she's like, everyone hates you.

You think that I'm the one here betraying you, but they're the ones who won't hang out with you. I was there the whole year. They hate your guts. I was like, God, really nice, Lydia. So then Petit Fleur calls jackie to and she's basically like jackie what have people been saying about me behind my back and uh jackie's like the only thing i've said behind your back and i've said it to your face is that you're annoying and you're

full of shit that's it and i've got no problem saying it to your face so there i've said it to your face you're annoying and you're full of shit anything else and she's like i don't know why you would do this behind my back but if laura's like see no one talks about it she says to my face and she's like wait a second that's really offensive why do you say that she goes when was i obnoxious i'm like oh god we don't have the whole season to redo this. And even Lydia, for a moment there, I was with Lydia, because when Jack said, all I said was that you're annoying

and you're full of shit. And Lydia's like, what? How is this acceptable? Yeah, she's like, well, if you say that behind your back or you say it to her face, it still means you don't like her. Like, what is the fight here? She's like, I don't understand why we're is the fight here she's like i don't understand why we're fighting which nobody does and i get so lost in this fight lydia actually says

she is right pediflora can be obnoxious and i understand that she can be like this i think that she's just got such insecurity and i really want to dig down deep to find out why. And then right after that, she's like, everyone hates your pediflora. Meanwhile, now Jackie is mad at Lydia. Jackie leaves that room and she's mad. I think she's mad because, oh, because she found out that Lydia said that they were all talking shit about pediflora.

And Jackie's like, after that, I'm never going to be friends with her anymore. She's just making up too many things. The angels know the truth. And everyone's like, she said that we're all talking about pedophilia behind her back we've never done such a thing i'm like please you've all talked about all each of you guys yes and then chica is even trying to well i've never said anything i would never do that no i guess you did chica and then they so everybody's yelling at everybody now and lydia

how does this even end? They're just all screaming at each other. Jackie and Lydia are now fighting. And I think Jackie says, where have you been a friend to me? Where have you been a friend for me? And Lydia's like, well, you come from Newcastle. Oh, yes. And she goes, what does that have to do with anything?

She goes, well, your mum. She's like, what does that have to do with anything? My mum. What is that? what are you saying and then lydia could have just been like i just i didn't even mean it that way or what she she could have said like you were new in town no one really knew you we didn't mean to be mean it's because you were new but then she doubles down and in her interview she's like well she's from a new castle and she has no class and you can read it all over her because she's got nothing damn girl i'm from old castle so um i am like so not following this fight and thank god gamble's like all right well this is not the bash lydia party so let's go outside and

do something else everyone's like oh okay sure that sounds like a lovely thing to do all of a sudden everyone's fine and they go outside and petaflour i'm sorry uh gamble is now giving out invitations he's like this is for you chica it's for you gina oh and here's one for brucey and here's here's another one for gina and there's one for lydia and there's here's here's another one here's one for figure out uh here's another one for gina just for the fun of it and here's just a commemorative one for Figaro. Here's another one for Gina, just for the fun of it. And here's just a commemorative one for myself. And here's one for Chico again, in case her daughter wants to come or if she wants to invite a friend. And finally, she's like, oh, and Padafleur, here's one for you and your husband. Padafleur.

She waited until the last for me, and this speaks of volume. Yeah. until they last for me, and this speaks of volume. Yeah, and so then she's like, Peripheral's like, you know, I do not want to be offensive, but before you give this to me, I really want you to have a good think about it. Really, really think about it before you give it to me. So I'm going to give this back,

and you think about it. Yeah, you think about why you would want me there. Yeah, which is so insulting. This implies that Gam gamble did not think about and when she has actually been really obviously you know that's been something that's been weighing on her so gamble just goes uh okay i thought about it get fucked toss the invite into the bushes it's amazing yeah pedoflora god bless her heart you can see that she's trying this year but she just can't she can't get out she can't get out of her own way yeah and by the way i love these episodes

that end with uh with campbell just saying go fuck yourself this is the second time it's happened because the first episode she goes go fuck yourself and then there was that pregnant pause but then lydia goes i did not expect that now get fucked and get forces it into the beach yeah oh melbourne love this show you have to get the australian ones because they're longer than the um bravo ones and they still have all the cursing and they curse all the time on this show lindy is like oh fuck them all you know it's just funny listening to them the bravo ones are long they're an hour and 15 oh okay so yeah they just they just believe them out but i the first one i had off of the feed and yeah it is so great to hear them cursing i don't know why that cracks me up but it is every time it's so good so everybody

thank you so much for listening to watch what crapp ends we will talk to you next time and in the meantime go to watch what crap ends for all our links get yourself signed up for the pod fest using the keyword crap ends check us out on tune in and come to patreon.com slash watch what crap ends for all of our bonuses we love ya we will see you next week when we will be back on our regular bravo sk Yay. Bye everyone. Hey Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.