Watch What Crappens - #3190 Vanderpump Rules S12E08: This Too Shall Paso Robles

Episode Date: January 29, 2026

With floral scent of incest in the air, The Vanderpump Rules cast trip trundles along in wine country. Audrey hears a convo she doesn’t like, Natalie sparks interest with Eyebrows, and Venus has a seated rivalry with one potential paramour. To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and get ad free listening,, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, hello and welcome to watch what crappins. I'm Ronnie. That is Benoony over there. Hello, Ben. What's you doing? Hi. How's it going? What's it on? Good. Good. Nothing. It is Vanderpump Rules Day. But before we get to that, we have the golden crappies coming up on February 27th in the glamorous Hollywood. So please come. It's going to be so much fun. Voting begins next week. We're getting the ballots together this weekend. you will see voting next week. Check our socials for that. You can also find it on watchup crappins.com or on Patreon, of course.

We have a new newsletter on Patreon that goes out every week. It's basically a blog of what happened during the week. So that's fun. Go check that out. That's also where you find ad-free listening bonus episodes on traders and all our Crappins on-demand videos, which we're recording right now, everybody. We also are going to have live streaming tickets for the crappies.

Those will be announced. I mean, they're being announced now, but the ticket links will be available when the voting starts next week. So Monday? It's not going to be on Monday, actually. It's the fourth. So next week, just check next week. Yeah, I think it's the fourth. So thanks everybody for all the support with that.

We are having so much fun. We're selling that theater. So get your tickets if you're going to come because it's going to be sold out. And today we are talking of Vanderpomperories, a season something episode something. I don't even have my notes open. That's where I'm at today. Like what? Well, while you get your notes ready,

I can say that Ronnie and I had a brush with greatness last night. Because we went out and had drinks with Dame Brian Moylan, a vulture, preeminent Bravo recapper of the internets. And we were in Rio, so we decided, hey, let's go over to Sir, see if any of the, any of the Vandah Pump Rules kids were there.

And lo and behold, everyone was there. We walk right in and who's standing, right there. Chris and Jason, the adorable only fans, eyebrow twins. And we saw Marcus. We saw Shane Davis.

Shane Davis, everybody. Yeah. Oh, you guys are so funny. Oh, my God. What handsome guys. Oh, my God. I mean, we see on the show that they're cute. But geez, in real life, I was like Sma, love. Those are some cute boys.

I know. And we did a group photo. And I don't know, like for some reason, Ronnie, like you just. For some reason, you wait for me to walk away and then you take a picture. That's what happens every time. There's so many pictures of just you and people without me there. It's not our fault. You have some weird thing, some weird radar where I literally said, guys, let's take a group photo. And we all start to get in a row. And then all of a sudden you just bolted across the restaurant. No, that's not what happened. A hundred percent of us. We were like, let's go. Are you guys ready? Because we did not go on purpose together.

I was parked in front of the restaurant. So we were like, oh, let's just stop in there and see what's going on before I get in my car. So we walked in and it was a viewing party. I guess they have viewing parties at the restaurant. We didn't know. And so there were all these people. So we knew people there, you know, because there's like, you know, Bravo commentators. And I saw Kate from Ritcho's Recaps, who's so cute and I like her stuff.

And I, of course, know who she is. So I wanted, and we talked a bit. So I want, we were leaving. So I was like, oh, I'm not going to leave without saying. by to that girl. It's like, so I'm going to go say by to Ritio Recaps. And you guys were like, okay. And then we go outside and you guys, oh, we took a picture and you weren't there. Oh, well, I'm sorry for having manners and saying goodbye to somebody. This is this is your this is your interpretation of how it went. But for those of us who were they are taking the picture,

we were all starting to get into that row and you went out and we were like, where's Ronnie go and we start going Ronnie Ronnie Ronnie and you just were like and literally to two seconds anyway. So if that was the case, you guys should have waited for me. And guess what? I don't even care because I'm not a picture of road. I'm not a row picture kind of taker. Okay. I'll get my own pictures. I know. I didn't like my angle. I have, I have to like work on my angles again. I've got to like reset. I was trying to do like a thing with my legs, but it just sort of strange. But the most important part is that Guillermo took the photo for us. So this was a very special photo because there was a there was a maestro of sorts behind the camera. Not the maestro.

but a maestro of sorts. So very special moment. But yeah, it was a super fun time and everyone was nice. And yeah, I love this show. Angelina wasn't there. I don't think Angelina was there because she was on watching last night.

Angelica? Yeah, Angelica. And Angelica was on watch or happens live. And someone asked a question to her and said, Audrey says the fame has gone to your head. Angelica goes, Hello, is fame in the room?

none of us are famous. No one here is famous. No, I'm still driving my Toyota. None of us have gained more than 10,000 followers. I was like, well, good for her. Good for her. That's funny. Yeah, so fun times.

Well, we open up this episode in Pazerobles. It's a wheel. We're going to Wee. the Women in Wine Conference, which is by conference, I mean the table of eight ladies frothing over Onlyfansmen. Yes, and honoring me as the we, women of the year. Wea-woa-we-wa-ya. Last week, I called it. We-wat-ya.

We-wat-ya. Women in wine, woman of the year. We-woo-w-w-a-ya. Wee wu-o-ti. We-O-T. I don't know. Last week, we kept on going, we-wa, but that's actually not the acronym at all.

We-W. It was women in wine, and then just an A, we added. I think I have a ghost in my house. It keeps knocking my phone off the desk. It's on the desk. Really? And then it keeps falling off the desk. Who?

Putting it on the desk. Do not fall off the desk. I'm watching you, I'm watching you ghost. Well, guess what? Next year we'll go up to Paso Robles to honor GEO! Ghosts in wine. So...

It doesn't sell as well, because you can't see them trying to get out like you can. The women. Woo! Why am I stuck in this wine? They gurgle. Oh, it's adorable. So much gurgling. So the guys are still playing cornhole and saying, like, you got it in the hole.

You got in the hole. while meanwhile, Demi and Kim and Angelica are in the bedroom talking about the incestuous only fans video that they just watched. Yeah. Demi, Demi's like, oh my God, I need to go to church. I only watch 45 seconds of it. Like, I can't even imagine all 13 minutes of it. I mean, I can imagine it. And you know why I have to imagine it?

Because I don't pay for the only fans, okay? I paid. I wanted to see. And I did pay for the first guy, as I told you, little eyebrows. And then I went to look at big eyebrows and his is free, but they're all just shirtless. And it's like, if you want to see more, you can become a super VIP, whatever. I was like, well, I'm not going to be a super VIP. And then I did click on one of the hidden videos and it was longer, but it was like, this is $57 or something.

I was like, girl, I'm not giving you $57. So you're nuts. Yeah. Well, they were fresh off of a shoot, pun intended last night when we saw them. They're like, yeah, man, we just did an only fan's thing and now we're right here. I know and I said so you basically rubbed one out live and then came to work and he's like I said that wasn't happening anyway

It just it just was on camera So We did the same thing you just got paid That's right That's right So we didn't rub one out Who says that Disgusting I'm turning into a disgusting person because of this show

Disgusting Disgusting oh my god this is too much I'm not gonna have dinner I mean how do I look at Chris. How do I look at either one of them? Get it in the hole, bro. Stick it in the hole. Yeah. Fuck. You got to aim and get your shit right in the whole. I want your saggy shit right in the whole, bro. Cut back.

Every time I look at Chris and Jason, I'm just going to think, ew. Like, they're literally related by blood. I mean, I do that anyway, but now I know that they're also like jerking off together. So it's like double ew. She's already at a base level, ew. But now I'm not like really ew. And Angelica says, I mean, that's what I do. So look at them. So then we go to the bedroom and Angelica's like, yeah, once you see, oh, yeah, we're still in the bedroom. And Angelica's like, yeah, once you see it, you can't unsee it.

Why are all these people so worried about only fans? I'm surprised to see young people this upset over only fans because aren't, I feel like so many people are on only fans now. I'm surprised that they're so puritanical about it. I think it's just the cousin of it all, the cousiny, like incesty thing. you know, I mean, I knew I'm Lebanese, you know, we have a lot of first cousins married in our family tree and that's just the way

it is because, you know, I come from a family of immigrants and that's how it happened. They just, one of our family reunions, the cousins actually made t-shirts that set incest fest because there are so many married first cousins. So, you know what? If you can marry your first cousin and have children

that go on to own real estate companies, then you can certainly make $57 a load on only. fans with your cousin. Why should it be any different for the straits and the gays? That's right. What's good for the, the goose is good for the gangder. Okay? You know, the incest thing

definitely weakens once you get into cousin territory, but it's still a little weird, but actually a little weird it's weird. It's fairly weird. It's fairly weird. I would say a very fairly weird thing. Maybe we've become like a little immune to it having watched so much Game of Thrones and

Game of Thrones spinoffs. But yeah, it's a little that's a little strange. Listen, I'm not telling everyone they should go fuck their sister. I think it's different, possibly too, when you're actually having babies. But if you're just dropping loads into each other for some only fans content, come on.

Waste not, want not. Stop judging. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial. So now they go in the kitchen to start making dinner and Demi is she's going to start making some mushrooms, which I really like this moment for her because she really, when she's making mushrooms, she does not want to be bothered.

And she's very upset when anyone comes by her. So she's going to start, she starts working on her. Well, mushrooms are, mushrooms take forever, which people don't realize. Mushrooms are more annoying to make them people realize. They take more work. Well, they also, they have such strange behaviors, right? And Demi even outlines it because at one point, she's like, well, they're going to release, they're going to release liquid.

And then that's when you season them, but you don't see them before. Because you don't want to season them early, right? You're supposed to season them after they release. juices, but you never know when they're going to release their juices and then they absorb the oil, but then they release the oil and you're like, can you just make up your mind? I just want to cook you, you know? Yeah, mushrooms are confusing, but this was funny because Chris comes up and he's one of the incest twins, so she's grossed out right when she sees him because she's just seen him, God knows what he was doing to his cousin in that shower. So he comes in and he's like, oh shit,

Jeff Demmy's in the building. And Angelica's like, um, are those mushrooms he brought from home to trying to ignore him, but he won't leave. He's just like staying by her and it's bothering her, making the mushrooms. And then Venus comes in in a pink robe with pool floaties within, like one's an eggplant floaty or whatever. And he's like,

I bought this for Chris and Jason because they're always talking about their dick. Little does he know. Little does he know. And then they take a picture and everything. And then Marcus is slurring his way through the kitchen. He's like, it's obvious. It's obvious.

Like, oh my God. And then Chris is, like, they're all sort of in the kitchen, like doing, doing a fun thing. And Jason's trying to be nice to Demi and being like, wow, look at you. You're cooking. That's so cool. She's like, get away from me. Please just leave me alone. He's like, but I'm just like, sorry.

I'm just trying to support the chef. She's like, no, get away because like you can't. Don't you need oil? She's no, because there's like liquid in the mushrooms. And then the mushrooms release the liquid. And then that's how much. Did you just fucking go away? God, sorry.

Sorry for trying to support. Now I'm mad. Now I'm mad. You're too close to the mushrooms. Okay, I can't go. Just go. I don't want to think about you in oil. Just don't even mention oil.

I was like, I mean, maybe should I jerk off in the mushrooms? No, I don't want to think about mushroom heads or oil or you. Get the hell out of here. I don't want to think about things releasing liquid while you and your cousin are in the room. Okay. Empty your ball somewhere else. He does, he has no idea because he just comes around like, oh, can I help with the mushrooms? And she's like, please get as far away from me.

I don't want you to get incest on these mushrooms. Yeah, exactly. So Marcus's shit face. He's like, hey, I like, oh, damn, he's lit. And he says, look, is it obvious all of a sudden? Is it obvious? Or is it obvious that I've got rabens?

Because I've got Raybans. I'm a DJ now. Rayban DJs. And Chris is, he's like looking at Demi's face because she's scowling because she's now mad about the whole mushroom situation. He's like, what's up with her face? She's always miserable. If Demi's here, who's scaring the crows away from our crops?

Jason just goes, enjoy your mushrooms. Fine. I was going to help with the mushrooms, but now I'm not going to anymore. So Shane walks in, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, there's some mushrooms in here. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I'm sorry, I'm lost in the notes. Okay, here there.

Enjoy your mushrooms. Okay, yeah. So he's like, you feel like, you're a little more like, delicate. It's like, yeah, I'm your good. Yeah, well, you're a little more like reserved than usual. So why you said reserves? She goes, um, I don't know. Like, I'll train. I'm out of my show.

Once I get out of my back brace. I know. We still have no answers on that. Okay. Ha, ha, ha. We got to hit the hot tub, bro. So they go out to the hot tub together. And, uh, meanwhile, Natalie's putting drink ingredients into the blender.

And, um, she's like, Guys, are we ready? Because, like, if this is broken, I really can't. Like, I cannot with the broken machine. This is better fucking work. I'm fucking, it works. It works. It works, everybody.

Calm down. Calm down, everybody. God. They are so chaotic in this kitchen. I mean, this really speaks to the fact that they all just have, like, bunts and burners that they're heating their, their macaroni on. Because they're like, oh, my God, it's a blender. What do we do? What do we do?

Oh, my God. You have a pan. You're cooking the mushrooms. Oh, my God. Everyone relax. They're like not used to a full kitchen. So the outside and the hot time. up and jell guys like, how are you?

He's like, ah, I'm good. Just coming out of mine, you know. I don't really know. Anyway, so I'm in my shell. My social batteries, ow. Like, I just got, like, pretty gross out around the cousins. And I, like, I haven't exactly warmed up to Andre. Completely yet.

So it's just, like, along for me right now. But I'm going to try. I'm going to, like, warm up to them. I just, like, can't hide in. Like, I'm physically, like, I'm all. Like, I'm all around them. And he's like, what's making you ill? Like, I don't get it.

Like, what's making you? so ill, man. Are you shot, man? Are you shot for a lot times, man? She's like, I saw some pretty alarming things on the internet. I like Jason and Chris, naked, oiling each other up, spreading their butts open.

Stop, there's no way. I'm not joking. He's like, that is not real. Come on. There's no way that that really happened. He's just not real. No, it is really. just like my back is broken up.

It's so real that someone named Israel literally showed it to us. Angelica is making it sound like these huge is just spitting on each other, like splitting each other open. I just don't believe that, bro. Like, but either way, once I found out how much money these guys were making,

I was like, ha ha, ha, you can do whatever the hell you want and just is best, bro. Ha ha, ha. Make your money. I'm going to tell you a story and it may make you disgusted with me. She's like, oh, God, why?

Are you stressed about it? Okay. So when I was in a teen, when I was a teenager, my cousin brought his girlfriend over. Your cousin? Yeah. And he brought his girlfriend into the room to teach me how to make women squeal. Yeah, Shane Davis. Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, w, w, w, b, b, b, b, b, b, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, w.

What? Oh my God. Did I really just dodge one incestuous man to lean into the arms of another? I mean, finally, I found someone over six feet, attractive, actual depth to him, and then it's going to tell me this. Remind me about the actual depth part again, Angelica. Can we circle back to that? That, that, the depth part. You just stop at six feet.

I got a washing machine in my, I got a washing machine in my house. I love doing laundry. Oh, my God. That's like number seven of my priorities. His washing machine is so deep. You could put an entire load in there. Is it front loading? High efficiency, baby.

Oh, my God. Okay, what I'm saying is, this wasn't incest. There was nothing incess to us between me and my cousin. We just did the Eiffel Tower together. That's it. Oh, my God, I love that you're international. Like, you weren't roving him.

up and spreading his ass. I mean, that's like really, like, fucked up. Come on, there's no way they did that. I got to, I'm going to love my boys no matter what. Like, look, they go down each other, they Houdini, whatever it is. I don't care. Dirty Sanchez. I love my boys. Do what you got to do. Am I right? Just don't tell anybody about this. She's saying, um, I'm totally going to. I'm Angelica. It's like literally what she does. And he's like, yeah, I don't think she understands consequences of spreading rumors. And, you know, it's going to, like, backfire on her because they're all pretty cool with everybody.

It's like, you're just going to make enemies, you know? Like, you can't go against people spreading their butt cheeks against each other when everybody loves those butt cheeks. You what I'm saying? It's like what one of my mentors once said to me, spread butt cheeks, don't spread rumors. Well, as long as you know why I feel uncomfortable, I mean, we can just move past it. I'm here for you. And if you need anything, I'm right here. Okay.

Right here. I know you're right about the incest on Onlyfans, but if there's anything you need, I'm right here for you. I can come for you during this incest. What a great guy. Thanks. Thanks for me looking me. That incest really scared me. You're going to need therapy just getting to know me, baby.

And she's like, but I don't even have a health insurance. Like, this is horrible. How do you still not have health insurance? insurance. First of all, it's so expensive not to have it. They charge you so much money. I know it's really expensive, but like, girl, you just broke your back. Yeah. The ironies. Oh, so deep. She's so deep. I love her so much. So then inside, Mark is like, yeah, we love each other, remember? And that was like, I love all of you.

Like, whether you love me back or not, like whatever, I love all of you guys back. I love you guys so much. Yeah, we love you, Natalie. And, okay, that's how we do it. So they're wondering where Shane is and they're in the hot tub. But Angelica is getting out to go change. So they're like, let's go hang out with him. So they go get in the hot, Chris and Jason get in the hot tub with Shane. And he's just heard this rumor about them.

And Jason's like, this is simmering my nuts. This hot tub. Well, yeah, I feel the jet right up against my hole. Oh, bro, get it. Get it. Get it. You have your phone? Get it right now. Spread those cheeks, bro. Spread it. Spread it, bro. Spread it. Ha, ha.

I'm going to put this so far up. My ass. Water's going to come out my ears. Get it on tape. Get it on top. Hey, guys. Hey, guys. I'm getting in the hot tub also. It's so hot in here. But it feels really good. Are you guys doing incest? Can I be part of that? This is so fun. And Chris is like, yeah, the view's amazing, right, guys? And Jason goes, yeah, it looks like Italy. Tuscanee.

Anytime you see a hill. It's Italy. It's basically Italy. So Shane is like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I was worried it was going to turn it to like fucking World War III in here, bro.

We've already had World War III, man. Come on. Yeah, well, I was going to say, like Natalie, uh, this Chris talking, I feel like with you in the whole situation with the girls, I feel like it's not like that hard to smooth it out, right?

She goes, no, but they like don't want to you guys. They don't even want to smith that with me. So I'm supposed to submit to that if they don't want to. I can submit that all I want to, but if they don't want to, it's going to be wrinkled. It's a wrinkled relationship.

Yeah, but like you guys are civil, though, right? Like, it's a civil war, not a world war. So then inside Demi is like, um, Demi, who is fully scowling and still standing over her mushrooms, looks at the rest of the kitchen, goes, I'm having a really good time. Like, I'm having a really good time. So in the hot tub, Natalie's like, yeah,

I mean, they're the ones that said they don't want to move on. So what I'm supposed to do that? But honestly, like, can I say something I got to? Like, I'm just being like empathetic. That's like when you feel something like you feel somebody else's emotions, right? Is that empathetic? Okay. Is that like when someone's, is that like when someone's emotions like open up your butt cheeks and do stuff in there?

Because that's what I'm feeling right now. I think that's the jet stream. Oh, yeah. Well, from how upset you were now? I feel like you're focusing on yourself brought like a better energy to you. I can read energy. So you're doing good job, Natalie. So then Mark is.

You assholes God and the goddamn is up without me. Hey, you're naked shoes. These are pink shorts. So they look like I'm naked. Hey. But you guys understand like I'm putting on a brave face. Like, look at my face. It's brave.

And I really didn't do anything to betray them. Like, they both screamed at me, you guys. Like, their excuses that I screamed at them. Like, what kind of excuse is that? Marcus, not me. I just remember you. She's like, Marcus, we're not even allowed to speak. Like, you haven't screamed at me, but like you and I are not allowed to talk.

Don't talk to me. I know I have a brave face, and it's very brave, and you want to talk to someone who's brave, and I accept your salute. But don't talk to me. They're just screaming at me, Marcus. I just want to get past those dumb bullshit. It's so much bullshit about it. And to me, it's like, um, somebody's screaming outside.

Guess who else is screaming? These fucking mushrooms. Do you hear it? It's like glorious. It's like, they're all dying on the battlefield together. Listen to it. We're finally getting a good sizzle. Guys, that's another thing with mushrooms.

They do kind of scream. You hear them. They're like, just shut up. You're a mushroom. I guess that's why Toad sounds like that. So Natalie's like, guys, why aren't you telling the people that don't want to be friends with me

that I'm like, I'm a very brave face. I'm like a soldier. Tell people that Mark is like, you want me? You have my head taken off, girl? I'm not going to have my head taken off. You're getting your head taking off.

I'm not going to. I'm gonna take it off. But like that's on you, buddy. Like, that's why I don't care anymore. Like, I care so little that I came to this hot tub just to tell everyone about how those bitches are to me. And, like, I don't care. Guys, why are we yelling in a hot tub of all places?

And me, you got Jason here with one jet going up his asshole and the other one going down his throat. He's basically being spit-roasted. Can we just enjoy the free lives? Guys, free shit. Come on, enjoy this. People pay good money for this. That's real, bro.

I honestly think, Natalie and so good at actually moving forward. Yeah, you're doing great now. You're doing brain things. That's a brain thing. Yeah, listen, you know, like we can talk about you guys.

Why don't we talk about me and Venus though, guys? Like, me and Venus could sit here for an hour and play with each other. Like, but that was my best friend. And that's what hurts me. Like, this motherfucker. I just wish Venus were alive to see my heart. remorse. Venus is just like sitting there in the hot tub watching this saying nothing like

this guy. He's like I just put my hair up. He's like I put my hair up and that's my power. So he knows he's getting me when my power isn't a bun. No. So then Jason puts his arm around Marcus. He's like dude. I know he's your boy. Have you thought about spreading his cheeks? It's pretty cool when it happens. It's fucked up dude. Dude. He actually does care about you. Look. He's there in the corner of the hot tub. looking at you, staring at you, wondering if you'll crimp his hair. I love that Venus didn't fall for this and immediately get up and go hug him. And he just watches him with his lips.

He's like, my lips are watching too. And he's like, when I'm not on good terms with Marcus, it's like it eats him alive. And like, I do love this man. And like, I do care about this man. But I'm playing it safe. And I'm observing his actions to rebuild our friendship. And if there's any hope for us moving forward, I'm just going to need him to see how he, I've got to see how he behaves on this trip.

And that's it. So then, and that is like, guys, why are we all upset with each other? Because we're all hurt by each other. So, like, why can't we just,

like, drop it and start fresh? Like, why can't we do that? I'm not. I want to start roses. Me too. But they're not,

the mushroom bitches inside or not, they're ruining everything. It reminds me that that when I went to dinner with Venus and we shared my. So they go inside up dinner and Demi's like, guys, there's garlic bread, I guess. And that's Big Ziti, I guess. I love that she's a waiter.

She's like, that's a Big Ziti, I guess. And Venus goes, okay, I want some. And Jason goes, why is it called Big Ziti? Jason. You're Italian, Jason. Why are we have to explain these things? Jason, get out of my dreams and into my heart. car okay no venus goes um because she baked it and it's a ziti noodle so it's called baked ziti

still not sure if i follow it's like what um jason i just want to thank you for what weapon he's just getting more philosophicalism but what is a zd like okay what is zi anyway i'm gonna fuck this ziti i'm gonna fuck it jason i just want to thank you for standing up for me and he's like you're welcome just yeah because it's a big deal for me i'll never for forget that. You guys, he stood up for me. Big Zidi. He stood up for me. Guys, I just realized, Zidi, it's just the fleshlight of the pasta world. Aside from Venus, I'm like everyone's personal punching bag and like that gets really lonely and really depressing. So thank God for Jason. Like, he finally sees me and he understands me and he

validates me. Like, it couldn't be better. Oh, love is, love is in the air again, or at least in the Zidi. By the way, every time I say Zidi, my phone lights up because it thinks that I'm talking to When I said that Zidi was the fleshlight of the Potsa world, my phone goes, I didn't get that. Like, are you saying you didn't understand the request or you just didn't get my joke? Please don't shame my joke. If you have to explain your joke, it's a bad joke. Thanks for shaming me, phone.

So Demi is like, you got, Marcus, you're not drinking. Oh, 930, are you guys ready? Why are you cutting me off at 9.30? It's like, okay, can we stop now? And Kim's like, yeah, babe, save it for mimosas before the the event tomorrow. Bad girl Kim is here. We are not drinking before the event tomorrow.

It's work, okay? And Andrew's like, yeah, we have the We Will Conference tomorrow and like a lot of different winery owners are going to be there and they're like all going to have lunch. It's like incredible. We cannot be on mimosa. Yeah, we're going to pour the wine

and we're going to set up the food and guess what? We're going to serve the food. Hot girl summer. So Venus is like, yeah, Lisa. wants us on time and not fucking off. So we're gonna bring it for a wheel. So,

Marcus Marcus is like, okay, I was here a Sama Yee impression. Okay. And Jason goes, Marcus go. So Marcus is like, oh, you got, I'm in point. You're ages 1995. So.

Ha, ha, ha, ha. Not the silence. not the silence Ha ha ha ha ha Spin your glass And he starts like beating the Beating the wine in the glass You know really hard

Um Small dog He's small dog He's in the party Party zone over there Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Sorry I choked at my laugh Alright guys let's go skinny dipping

So it's like a skinny dipping time And Shane's like guys You can't even see my winner It's not big right now dog like I got a helicopter to shit or something. Anybody bring the pump? Where's the pump, dog? I've been shot.

My nipples are extremely hard. And they do like backflips. They're all jumping in the pool. They're having fun time. It's just great moment. But guess what? It's now time for we. It's 8.28 in the morning.

And everyone has to wake up because it's time to serve Lisa Vanderpump. So now they're making some eggs and toast and stuff. and breakfast times around and Jason's like hell yeah pasta was fire last night but the only thing is I'm bloated

because I didn't realize Zidi is actually pasta did you know that so confused with the whole process yeah I barely ate the pasta but I did eat a little salad who made the salad it was fucking sick

I made the salad I made it oh my god I did do so bad best thing is lettuce fucking love lettuce it feels so good to be appreciative for taking that letter out of the bag.

Like finally, someone appreciates me around here. By the way, you smell banging. What is that? Thank you. What's that pink? It's ice cream.

Was that perfume? Yeah, it's just iceberg. It's iceberg. It's like a great lettuce scent. So God. You know, like,

like I smell stuff because like I tend to pick up on vibes. And you know, it's like chemistry because like guys smell stuff and it smells you. Like when I kiss a girl, I know right away if sex is going to be good

because it's like the fucking smell, bro. Wow. Yeah. Well, guess what? Iceberg tread ahead. It's on my neck. Love it. Love that. You can pick up on these details. You're so great. So, Marcus comes in and Shane's like, whoa, your hair's looking good, Marcus. He's even got a little Superman curl right now, dude. Hey, hey, hey. You're not up for that Superman role, are you? Because then we're not going to be able to be bros anymore. I'm going to get it, bro. I'm going to get that role, bro. Commercials, here comes one right now. So outside on some chairs, Angelica and Audrey are talking, having the talk. And Angelica was like, I didn't feel like I get to talk too much yesterday. And she's like, yeah, because like last time we spoke, I feel like we were like on very separate pages. Because like you were offensive to me because like I was more upset that you took information and used it. Because I was saying it was like I was saying it to my girl.

And then like that's why for me like kind of broke my trust. She's like, um, I would never share your secret, but it's like a guy's secret, so it's different. Yeah, I'm like, when I do like Jason and Chris under the bus, I didn't realize you were like so attached to it. So if you also received a broken back from the bus, I'm so sorry from one broken back person to another. So Angelica's like, okay, it's just time to move on, you know? And she's like, you know, when it comes to Chris and Jason, Audrey's like protective about them. So I feel like now may not be in the right time to bring up the whole cousins touching each other's situation. So she's going to hold on this information, but we need this information out.

They're going to tease it. Chease it out. So I just, so Angelica's like, sorry for hurting you. She's like, I appreciate that. And I think like we are both like a little still confused about the situation, even though it's like pretty clear you were a bitch and I wasn't, but that's fine. Yeah, I think it's like not worth holding on too, right? And I was like, not worth holding on to. Yeah, right.

So inside, they're talking about work. And Shane doesn't get to go because he doesn't work there. So he's like, well, day, I'm going to do my shit. You know, I got to go for a run. I'm going to hit up a 12-step meeting. Yeah, I can't wait to meet some Pats of Robles A-A bitches, baby. And then I'm going to do a little, I had a little nightmare last night. I took alcohol from Marcus.

I said, you've had enough. And then I hit the corner and started fucking chugging it. What I'm trying to say is I'm kind of spiraling over here. So then Audrey is like, by the way, oh, sorry, Audrey is like, hey, so how was your date with Shane, Angelica? Oh my God, the day was like really nice. He's like so honest. Like he has like a washing machine. Like that's like so raw of him to say that.

Like I really feel like we connected. Audrey's like, yeah, he's really real. Real people have washing machines in their own homes. So in Shane's room, Chris is like, hey, so how are you in your little situation? Did she sleep in the bed last night? He's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, bro. Like, she may let me go that route, but like I kind of feel like she kind of needs a little bit more security. And I just kind of like told her, I'm like, not really boyfriend, mature you.

You get it, bro. Are you sure about that, bro? He's like, oh, yeah, straight up about it. But I do want to do that, you know, finger with the. the whole thing with it's like tremendous bro but like I badly want to do it but this is where the ethics become difficult

because I know she wants somebody to rely on emotionally and I know that I don't have those tools but I want to sleep with her still so it's just like there's two worlds at war vaginas emotions I love how he uses therapy talk to like justify being a fuck boy

like yeah I just you know I can't be monogamished with her because I just don't have the tools to do it. So I'm just going to be up front with her and just like want to make her feel safe and secure and bang her and move on. You know what I'm saying? Ha ha ha ha ha ha. So Chris is like, you know, it doesn't even seem like you guys,

even in the jacuzzi last night, you guys look like you're having a deep conversation about something. You guys look like really two very deep people. Wow, I'm so impressed. Yeah, but you know, like things are mellowing at. I've noticed her and Audrey are cool. They seem to be getting along.

That's pretty cool, you know. And so we cut to Angelica. And she's like, yeah, I'm like, also, like, in a way, but it's like, this all brought us like closer together, right? And Audrey's like, me and you? She's, yeah. Audrey's like, I like still hate you. Literally drove us apart. She's like, listen, I don't trust the girl, but I don't want to be a dick about it anymore.

Like, white flag, it's almost like, it's a truce. She's, I love you. Yeah, I love you too. So I love with this conversation, bitch. And I mean, bitch in the worst way. Sometimes it's just better to get your sickness out. You know, nobody wants to be a dick. Yeah, so now everybody is getting ready.

And of course, Venus, we get a shot of Venus. He's like, I only use Gucci bronzer. We know that's a Garucci bronze or not Gucci bronzer. And yes, it's probably like some chemical they use to set up the fireworks. Some Gucci Bronzer. Get out of here. So now Chris gets a phone call and Venus is like, oh my God, I need another spray town and I need more Botox. And like, I think my mission right now is like finding a man.

Yeah, I'd rather. find it here than in garbage options I got in West Hollywood. I don't get hit on by man. In West Hollywood, there's only one standard of gay. It's big and muscular. And if you're not that, then you're just on the low end of the dating pool. And in Texas, everyone's looking for love. In West Hollywood, you greet someone by eating their ass. Sorry. So then, um, can I just say we were in West Hollywood last night? And this is not, that's not true. I mean, I know that that's a stereotype of West Hollywood. We didn't see one of those last night. Maybe you just have to go out on the weekdays because I think the weekdays is when the rest of us go out.

West Hollywood was looking a lot like Lisa described it at the beginning of the season with like Timbleweeds. Like no one was out there. It was like the three of us. Yeah, but I mean it was a Tuesday fairly early. But still like that's when to go if you want to meet guys that aren't like musk- there. There were like normal guys out there, I would say. Like normal gays. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they were normal, normal size and shaped gaze. There was a lot of poochie bronzer. Yeah. So Venus is saying, yeah, I've never right across a man that I felt deserve my time and energy or my body. There are horrors out here in West Hollywood.

Horrors. So then drama. You mentioned earlier that Chris received a phone call, but little did we realize, and yes, it is true. But little did we realize that that phone call was about to set off a series of unfortunate events for Christopher. Ooh, lemony Snicket get to work. Nicolini Snicket.

So Chris is telling Marcus. He's like, yeah, so Jason's brother calls me. and I have him on speaker and we're talking about going to Bali and he's like, yeah, we're going to fuck some mad bitches. And then Audrey's like right there. Oh my God. Now she's mad. Cause like we're going to fuck mad bitches.

Like what am I supposed to fuck? Happy bitches only? Mark is like, oh, so she's a little pissed and a little bit. I mean, she definitely heard it. So I don't know. I kind of just like laughed it off and I was like, fuck. She definitely heard that. And Audrey's like, oh, it's making me question everything.

Like, how does he feel? about me. Does he think about me romantically? Is he just trying to get in my pants? Maybe Chris just act the way he like that. He would do that to be in a relationship with you. But is he like really a fuckboy. I'm like, well, let's see. He's a muscle clad bartender in West Hollywood. I think all signs point to fuck boy. Yes. That is the correct answer. Done reality dating shows before has a rubber ass and a dick pump in the shower. And yeah, so just joined this show, just joined the show to be on TV. So to no. work. Yes. I'm going to say, and he's an actor.

So we're going to say the correct answer is fuck boy. The important thing to know is when you meet a fuck boy, just know they're a fuck boy and fuck them and just, you know, call a day. It's like don't be mad at the Snickers for being a Snickers, eat the Snickers. Snickers satisfies you. What I would do for Snickers right now, I've got to say. I want a Snickers. I also want to KitKat because you mentioned Kit Kat a few times during a Salt Lake City Recap and don't think it wasn't. I'm sorry, Lisa Barlow mentioned Kit Katz. not me.

There were like a million Kit Kat commercials on during football on Sunday. So I'm just, yeah, because I'm a bro guys. Many fans.

Yeah, Ben, watch us football, you guys. Another fuck boy, Ben. Football Ben. Yeah. And they had

Kikak commercials on like every single commercial break. Anyway, they have time to leave. Time to go to we. Um, so they're all getting

into different cars. And, uh, Jason's driving. Wee. And they pack up the women. And the,

Mark is like, Like, all right, guys, let's go fuck up some women and wines. And Chris is observing the landscape. He's like, the hills do actually make it look pretty cool out here. So you're here first. The hills and Paso-Roblays, A-plus. And Venus goes, yeah, the grapes, like, they're actually going to, like, taste different up as you go. Like, I learned that.

I've learned that all in my Somelier class. Chris goes, did you say Somalians? Would you say? He's like, I said a Somalier. And Audrey's like, it's Somalier. Smallier class. You never went to Somalia class? I love that he went to Somalia class, but they never said Somalié the whole time.

Did you go to a small class? That's a class that was smaller than other ones, a smaller class. Yeah, no, no, a smallier class. Smallier. So now they got to work. And we meet Lauren, founder of Rava wines. She's like, we're serving all roads. roses, so we'll have the Vanderpom wines and our wines.

And first we have to pull out some linens and we need to go get the winons chilled out with a nice bucket. Also, we need someone to tell Pandora it's okay to come out from the house. She's inside cowering in her Pashmina. Can someone bring her out? And Venus goes, whoa, this is some fancy shit I've never experienced before. So he's like, yeah, obviously I love working for Lisa Vanderpom because she's like the queen, the icon, absolute national icon of the United States of America. And I want to prove to her that I can move up it, sir.

And I'm that bitch. But like at the end of the day, you get nothing for nothing. And that's all you can say for the crimp of the crimp. And if somebody who owns this estate wants to come swoop me off my feet and make me never have to work another day in my life, then I would be totally fine with that. You want to meet me? Eat my ass.

That's what we say in West Hollywood. Hi, sorry to interrupt your internal monologue. This is Lauren, founder of Rafa Wineskin. We really do need you to move that ice chest. So could you... Shut up, bitch. I'm doing a monologue. Do your own fucking ice chest.

Well, I'm sorry that my husband is a muscle clad, perhaps gay guy, but whatever. He's still sleeping with me. Get to it, bitch. How's everything going, Lauren? She's like, everything's going great. The staff has been hard at work. One of them's over there picking mud off the bottom of his shoes. And the other one is crimping his hair with drinking little stir straws talking about

eating ass and possibly getting a job from someone here. I think he just tried to text my husband. I did it to myself, though. I did it to myself. I volunteered to be a beard. I thought it'd be fun. It's a very lonely position to be in these. Oh, stop talking to me non-famous person. Now let's get to work. So now they're all setting things up and Marcus is saying like, I have a hangover today. And the last thing I want to do right now is serve all these housewives rosé i mean i'd much rather be drinking the rosé by myself okay i want to watch mori oh wow that showed my age a little bit also showed that you don't seem to realize there's so much more to watch in the afternoons yeah really i love that you're i love that you're leading yourself into something you know like that's what you chose yeah there's so much there's so much so

So Lisa's like, well, when we say everybody's tasting the wine, that is everybody, but you staff, wacky children. But you? Lauren, don't try to hop onto my joke. You're just a bit player. This is called Women in Wine, not Lauren in Wine. Now the women in wine event. Oh, go ahead, darling. No, I was just going to say, Lauren may be a beer.

Doesn't mean you have to actually have a beer. Here, Lauren Gator raises us. Someone. Please, someone grabs Santa Claus and tell her it's not her season, eh? Now, the women in wine, Wii U event is an honor to be a part of. It's great for business, as anyone who's been to Sir in the past year would know. Really working. Now, these women are here today, are the cream de la quim, that's French, of the wine world.

And to be successful in business can be challenging, especially, A male dominated business like wine. Are they serving creamy wine? No, crem d'le-a-crem of wine is a... No, just get back to work, you sweet, handsome little eyebrow. Okay, let's get this wee-you-going. So, uh, Avaz falls off, bar breaks. I didn't know it.

Like, why is everyone yelling at me? Like, everyone's literally yelling at me. Like, Lauren's yelling at me. Like, shut up, whisk your face. I don't need it. So Lisa's like, now listen, I know how hard this business is ladies. And let's raise our glasses to see successful female entrepreneurs, even the bearded lady over there. Something after my own heart.

So I'd like to thank you for all coming to the wheel. Chris is like, hello, ladies. So we're going to start off with our Vanderpump, Brut-Rose. It's a quam-on-law. Chris, I'm in the middle of a speech to the week. you. Right, honey. Well, you all look wonderful, by the way. Enjoy, enjoy ladies. And don't forget

to look around and enjoy those hills. Real, real A-plus hills around here. I'm trying to make a speech. But now at this point, ladies are like, oh, hi, Chris. Oh, my God. Are you guys even 21? Oh, my God. Women and wine, we want to be women and Chris, right? Oh, my God, your name is Jason. They're twins.

Look at these two. Aren't you too cute? Lady, would you like me to open this bottle of wine or my zipper. Oh my God, they are so ridiculous, so so over here. You guys look like the Franco brothers. This is verging on the edge of inappropriateness. But then again, we are naughty, sexy, young, young brand. And I've got my very handsome group of men. Ooh, it's also nice for the ladies. I mean, to a certain extent, isn't it? Unfortunately, for them, those men are about to

disappear smoke bomb they're gone and turned into doves are they serving themselves up all the wine so natalie is like audrey is something wrong why you're yelling at me she says i'll tell you later is it between our van or is it the other van it's chris oh my gosh i'm shocked i'm like literally shock i can't believe that there'd be an issue with chris like what this is crazy stop yelling at me everyone's yelling at me. Yeah, it's dead with Chris. Like, I was trying not to bring it up before work because, like, I didn't want to make it weird at the wheel. But, you know, it's really hard to keep it in.

She's like, oh, my God, do you need to, like, sleep in my bed tonight? Because we can go to bunk beds. Like, there's one more bunk bed. You'll be my friend, right? And Jason overhears this. He's like, wow, this is a lot to take in on the heels of learning about Big Zidi. So Natalie's like, I'm surprised that Chris and Audrey are having issues right now at all. I mean, because they've actually seemed like so adorable this whole trip.

They're cuddling in the car. They're sharing the primary. I can't believe that their five-day-old relationship is already showing crooks. It's crazy. So now the food is being served and the guys are talking. And Jason's like, hey, bro, is your, like, girl mad at you or something? He's like, I don't know. Yeah, because she said she might sleep in the bunk bed.

I heard it. I heard it. Yeah, because I was like, maybe she didn't want to sleep next to you. And, like, I swear, dude, I heard. Like, I was like, Chris is on the shit list. It's like, I feel like there's like a pun here to be made. Like I heard it through the something, through the something, but the wood post. I heard it through the wood post.

I heard it through the wood post. Um, so Jason's like, I swear Chris is on the shit list. Like yeah, it's because your, your fucking brother just called and said some crazy shit. I had him on speaker talking about our trip to Bali and he's just like out of nowhere. Dude, yeah, we'll probably fuck some mad bitches. And it's like, yeah, of course we will, but you don't have to say that out loud. Like, what's wrong with that? What are we supposed to only fuck like happy bitches?

That's what I said. Bitches be here and things. Okay, Marcus is drunk again. Okay. I mean, he's single. It's a horny guy right now. That's just my brother. He's allowed to be.

Yeah, I know. But that's what I'm saying. But like, she doesn't know that. Like, she doesn't know. Makes me look bad, bro. Yeah. And Jason's like, whoa, what did you say to that? What was your response?

Do you say, fuck you out or something? He's like, no. I said, shut the fuck up. Yeah, like, Audrey's being cold with me. Like, you know, put some perspective, like, how much I do care about this woman. Like, I really, really care. This woman sees your penis pump. Hard to ever go back.

So he's like, yeah, she's definitely upset. So Demi's like, can we finish clearing that table? And then there's nothing else to do. Okay? So just like finish up, you guys. I'm seriously, we're done here. I'm not even serving mushrooms at this stupid event. Like, where are we even here?

So Chris is like Chris is still worrying about all the stuff And he's like You know, we're gonna have hiccups But like, why is she not talking to me about this? What's wrong? So this is becoming a big crisis for their relationship. Venus says Shane's probably like bored out of his fucking mind

And so we cut to Shane and Shane's like Well yeah, I needed a moment to myself I'm so grateful I got some time to kick it solo Dolo Yeah, get some sunlight I got to do my breath Work. Yeah, I got to do some whim home. Yeah. Yeah, I have to protect my peace, especially with this kind of drama that's going on in Miami and then I realized. We see him taking out trash just looking around. He's like, yeah, I got kind of bored. I got bored. I missed my fringe.

So Venus is, he's like, I'm just going to watch this out like, look, she's so fucking iconic over there. Quinn, Quinn, Whew, Quinn, who stop that. Oh, goodness, that my young, saucy brand of waiters, they sometimes act up. You must forgive them, fellow whews. All right, now listen, I'm leaving for Wadieu, that women and dogs in wine conference. We've figured out a way to trap tiny dogs and wine bottles. It's going to be a huge event. Only female dogs, which is why it's women. dogs in wine.

Anyway, I've got to go. Unfortunately, I now must attend my next charity function, which is Weeweewee, we, we, ween, pew, which of course stands for women in not near poor women. So I will be going back down to Beverly Hills and enjoy yourself. I'm sorry, I've got to go to my next event, the Woo, Woo, Woo, Woo, Woo. Which is the Why Were Women in Wine Conference, where we gather around as winemakers and try to save the women who were trapped in wine bottles. I'm going to speak and testify against China for putting women in wine bottles. It has to stop.

So she leaves to go to another. Women are making sandwiches out of China. Someone needs to do something. I'll be back. So she leaves for World Dog Day. and it's also the sound that my car makes when I leave now turn on that car Pandy Pard Pandy Pard Pandy

So now we go back to the ranch And everybody's making burgers And Natalie wants hot sausage So Venus goes to the pool I don't know they're just all relaxing Yeah they're hacking around Yeah they're having good times And Chris sees Audrey and he's like

Like, so how you doing? She's like, uh, okay. He's like, uh, good. You were a little shy today. What happened? She's like, uh, yeah, I was off. He goes, were you upset that you heard my cousin say we were going to fuck mad bitches in Bali? You can go ahead and talk to me, baby.

Talk to me. Yeah, I just kind of like threw me off a little bit. Like I just like, because I just told you my biggest fear in this world is that someone I would fall for would then go to Bali and encounter some women who were like really upset and then have sex with them. Like literally my biggest and most specific fear in the world. And it just like sort of came true in that. moment. It's like right, right, right. And like in that moment, my brain was like, okay, well,

I know what I'm feeling is real and I'm letting my walls down and like trying. And it just definitely made me like take a little step back and kind of like evaluate it if you were like in the same headspace. And now I think like my question is like, how do you feel towards me? Like I already introduced you to Mary Faith on our horse. Like that's a big deal. And I'm just going to like throw it out the window. Obviously I've fucking like you. I mean, I don't just break anybody's bed for free. So like other than that, like has there ever been a moment where you thought like I wasn't into you like other than that. She's like, no, no. I mean, I don't have only fans. So like I was just confused because like that was the first thing where I was

like, wait, this is going to, is this going to be great? Like, oh my God, what's happening? So she tells us that she self-sabotages. But, you know, it's also kind of paying attention to what's going on around you is not really self-sabotage. Those are warning bells. I think self-sabotages when you ignore the warning bells. That's how people, you know, that's when they're house is burned down. They don't hear the beeps. That's right. Well, it also cracks me up. Like, hey, other than you hearing my cousin, um, confirming our previous plan to go to Bali and fuck bitches, have I give you any indication that I'm not into you? Like, just take that out of the equation. I think everything sounds great, right? It's like, uh, I like what people do that.

Like, aside from this like thing, this giant red flag that you just saw, everything else is fine, right? Yeah. And so Chris says to us, he's like, Justin was saying on the phone that like when we go to Bali, we're going to be fucking mad bitches. Like I will not be doing that. I mean, I'm going to be talking to bitches. But like I'm not going to be fucking them. I'm not all of them. I mean, come on. That's not the point of the trip. The point of the trip is that stimulating conversation with mad bitches. That's it. Like, that's why you go to Bali is just to have very good conversation with Australian bitches. But just that he worded it like, I will not be fucking all of them. Okay. Well, that's a promise. That sounds like a promise. So we go back to the pool and Venus wants to play a game. Housewives fan alert. But this one is called squirt. And you get a squirt gun and he asks a question. And if you pull the card, whoever answers, whoever the answer is, we all have to squirt them. Ha, ha, ha, funny story. My cousin brought over a girl when I was 17 to teach me how to play this game. Squirt. Stop it. Oh my God. Gene. So, um, there we go. Marcus is like, why did you just squirt on my face, bro?

The game hasn't even started. He's like, did you get it? Did anybody record that? Okay, everyone, first question. Okay, the first one says, okay, squirt the bitch. You can't handle their alcohol. So then they all can squirts Marcus. And it's like, Kimberly, it's not your choice.

The person who's reading the card. But then they all shoot him because he's drunk and has been drunk. this entire time. Okay, squirt, who you think has the most secrets. And who gets it? Marcus shoots Demi. And I want to know her secrets. What are they?

Reddy Demi's secrets. I want to know. I hate mushrooms. There, I said it. That's why I cook them. I like to hear them screaming. I'm the only one that has, she's like, I'm the one that has the most secrets.

Chris and Jason are sitting on the mother of all secrets, the cousin of all secrets. Oh my God, squirt who you think is the funniest and the hottest in the group. Guys, don't squirt me. It's too soon. So she shoots Shane. And so Angelica's like, yeah, I'm willing Shane and I are actually growing something, like more than just flirtation. Like, I feel it in my ovaries.

Beep, beep. They're like monogamy, kids. Yay. Oh, my God. Is no one paying attention to these men? He literally spelled it out for you. He literally said, I don't do monogamy. He's an actor, actor model in Hollywood.

Nothing about those words ever equates to monogamy and kids. Yeah. Kids that are taking care of. I was going to say, kids, sure. Child support. Okay. Yeah. So everyone goes inside to get ready for the night and they're going to all relive their

glory college, their college glory day. So they want to go out and get shit-faced it. Shit-faced it? What's wrong with me? They're going into hop in San Luis Obispo downtown. Yeah. Here this farmer's market. And Marcus explains his emotional journey with this plan.

He's like, I mean, Thursday night, they've got a farmer's market. And when all the girls were like getting super excited to go, I was like, I don't want to look at fruits and vegetables. I had no idea. It was a street party. Oh, great insight into the, into, into, What a surprise he must have felt when he showed up and it was more than fruits and vegetables. Like, wow, man, this worked out. So we go to the festival and everybody couples off and we find out that the couple is back together.

Marcus and what's your buns? Kim, back together. And everyone's like, shocker. Wow, the world's shortest breakup has come to an end, I guess. Yeah. And Shane and Angelica are, they're standing in line to get some food and they're flirting and everything. And she's like, ha, ha, it feels really good. to play house with Angelica. It just feels like I've got a mini girlfriend

for vacation, you know? And like, even though I told her I don't want to do something serious, it's really hard to say, say, hey, pump the brakes, because we haven't had sex yet. So once we do that, then I can pump the brakes

and be like, you're crazy. Ha, ha, ha, ha. I had to pump the brakes when the stick hasn't even been shifted yet, right? Ha, ha. So now, um, he's wanting some pulled pork. and that's exciting.

So then he's offering some to Angelica and she doesn't want me. But she goes over to me and she's like, I'm trying to get close to Shane, but he's like sharing a sandwich with Natalie. And I'm like, why is he sharing a sandwich with Natalie? Why are people watching this show? This is so stupid.

It's like literally so stupid. We are dumber for having watched his show, but God damn it, I love every episode. of it. I know. I mean, it's just so refreshing when you come off of like Salt Lake City and it's like, our marriage is falling apart and we're fighting for it. I don't know if I can last.

I don't know. We're feeling all these things. And it's like, he literally offered his pulled pork sandwich to Natalie and like not to me. I'm just like, like where do I stand with him? I mean, Shank and Cher is pulled pork sandwich with whoever he wants to. But I'm like, why does that have to be the one girl that like he took on my dad?

Demmy's like, so he offered his sandwich to everybody. She's like, I don't offer my sandwich, everybody. If I buy a pulled pork sandwich, I only share it with the person that I love who I'm going to have children with. Okay, but he's offering it to everyone. So, like, don't, it's like, don't worry about it. Oh. I think it is also a good metaphor because he is going to share his sandwich with everybody forever.

That's until he turns like ugly and or older. He's just going to be sharing that sandwich. Listen, the man is pulled pork. He's going to be spreading it around. Let's be honest. The sandwich has probably already been shared by everyone. Yes. God, I don't want a sandwich.

So we flashed back to yesterday and we see Jason saying like, so, how was it? We'd see when she got jealous, basically, that he did a video shoot and kissed Audrey in the video shoot. And now she's getting jealous again. And Jeremy's like, yeah, I think she's a little obsessive there. Jason may have been on to something. So Audrey is licking Chris's ear. And he's like, you can't do that, babe. What if the mad bitches find out?

And then, um, Shane and Angelica are holding hands, playing house. And Venus, like, um, I didn't realize I was being invited to a couple's retreat. I guess the only person I've left is Demi. Demi's like, it could be a couple. Sorry, HR. She's like, yeah, at least Demi has a fat ass. Sort of iconic for the gaze, you know. Um, so basically Demi and Venus are stuck amongst all these couples who are being super, super annoying.

And then Demi's like, um, are you and Jason? like a thing Natalie and she's like no like what like we're not a couple but if we were we'd be so cute like so but it's like so friends right Jason like so such friends to me it's like I do not want to be around for that like give me a warning because like I cannot take it and Jason's like yeah Natalie's a fucking badass like she wears a leather jacket and she has like cool long ass hair so like she just throws it back like she doesn't do her hair sometimes Like the girl doesn't give a fuck. Yeah.

And Natalie, you're like so cool. Like you have like dark energy, but you're also like a fairy. And I'm definitely like bonding with you. Like you're cool as shit. And I'm thinking, damn,

that was real shit that you said. Like that me said that. Like that's for real. Like that's like some dark energy fairy shit. Like I love that for us. You're like a dark fucking energy fairy and you've got a leather jacket. Do you want to get married?

Are you saying fairy or fairy? Because I really don't want to be a boat. Fairy, man. Okay, cool. Yeah, like, I feel like if we were out and just like somebody was like talking shit, she would just beat them up for me or something. And I'd be like, you're cool. That's a badass.

Leather jacket. He really likes a dominant lady. Remember he was upset that Angelica didn't like fight off another girl for him? Yeah. He wanted to start a fight in the Barney's Beanery and she didn't fall for it. No, no, I know. Okay, so they arrive at a place called the OB. that's how you know that there will be children on the way

because they're going to a place called the OB. And they sit down to get drinks and everything. They're going to have some mezcal drinks. And Jason's going to get Natalie like a mezcal margarine. He's like, I think he might like it. It's smoky. And this really hot guy who's attracted to the camera, I mean, Venus comes over.

And he's like, so how are the drinks here? Wow. Is that a smoking, honey? Oh, God. Yeah. Can I taste yours before I order it? Oh God damn it, where are you from? He feels up his like arm and everything.

I mean, it's like, hi. I'm yeah, I'm like, oh, I'm like, he's like not talking. And the guy's like, I'm Kevin. And I was like, Kevin, I'm Audrey. Nice to meet you. This is Venus. Venus. And Venus is like, hey, um, I would say I'm a pillow princess in the flirting game.

He's like my type, but like, I'm intimidated by man like him. And like, what if he isn't gay? I'm like he's, he's grabbing your arm right now and he's flirting with you. So he's either gay. or he's gay for TV and either way take it. Go for it. Either way you can fuck him, you know. So Venus is like, I have like the worst

gaydar. Like I didn't even know I was gay and I was in the ninth grade. It took me forever to come out of the closet. Like ninth grade. Jesus Christ. It's like a lifetime. When I quit the soccer team because they wouldn't allow me to bring my crumper on the bus, I started to think

maybe I'm gay. The team got so upset because like we could didn't win because the ball was crimped. Like, sorry. Physics. I thought it looked pretty good. So they're like, oh my God, what is wrong with you?

Like, you like him. Go get him. I'm going to go get him for you. I mean, you got to make a move. I mean, come on. It's your time. Audrey's really talking about him trying to get him to go bone that guy. And so now all the whole, the whole gang is like, we're going to get him laid.

So Marcus goes in and finds him. And he's like, yeah, he's with a girl. I was like, well, you guys aren't on a day. are you? And the girl's like, no. So got him, got him for you. Go get him. You know, me and Venus had a following out, mainly because I sent him a really nasty text,

and he responded, and then I aired out all the shit in front of the restaurant. But at the end of the day, you got nothing for crimping, but he didn't screw me over in a major way. That's just totally unforgiving. I'm also drunk. And anyway, Venus, he seemed a little nervous. I told him, told him to join us.

We'll see what happens. Yeah, so Audrey slaps Venus And she's like, get out of it And he's like slap me harder bitch She goes yeah, get over it You go get that guy So now they go to a different bar

And they're sitting out in the back Having drinks and stuff And talking about how He needs to get laid And Jimmy's like Guys, let's be classy today We're representing a sexy unique restaurant So before we get our drink

Let's all breathalize I was like what? And she pulls up this little key chain breathalyzer and they all breathe they breathe into it or as i like to say share all their germs with each other and yeah they isn't it like the pandemic never happened sometimes it's like whenever people come out and like blow candles out on a birthday cake like what what did we just all go through like why are we pretending like that never happened right like it's just okay now let's just all over each other and suck on each other's

suck on each other's breathizers and shit. What are we doing? Yeah. I mean, like I understand if people like share drinks or whatever, like taste this, taste this. Oh my God, this tastes so good. But there's some like weird sense that like you're putting your lips on different parts

of the cup or like the alcohols and kill the germs. But everyone's just like literally blowing onto the same nozzle. It just feels like here, let me leave this here for you. And now you can have it in your mouth. Yeah. Let me deposit this bacteria on this and now let it hop on board. It's the bacteria has gotten a transfer from one subway car to another. Yeah, I guess we're just so resilient.

I feel like I'm the only person still traumatized, but whatever. So everybody goes, they're all taking the breathalyzer. And so we see their scores. And the winner, the one who's had the most is Demi. Yes. She's almost to the breaking point of the breathalizer. They're all drunk and having fun. And Jason asks Venus.

So when was the last time you kiss somebody, bro? He's like, when I was 20, they're like, oh, man. And Chris is like, well, Rome wasn't built in seven years. We're going to get a fucking laid. So now they're going to do some role play. By the way, I actually thought this was so sweet. I mean, look how far we've come. In many ways, we haven't come far at all.

But I think the fact that you have this entire, like, all these guys who are like, we're going to get our gay friend laid. I think that's actually like really, really lovely. So Chris is like, okay, we're going to role play. Hey, yo. What's going on? Yeah, I guess let's roll play. Let's pretend I'm the guy.

Okay, you cannot do that to a gay. I'm sorry. But like, I'm in love. I was just watching this. I was like, okay, I love you. I will marry you. I know. It is hard for us when you guys do that kind of thing.

Oh, my God. And Chris is like, I mean, he's a good looking dude. He's like tall, his amazing jawline. I mean, that fucking mane. I mean, it looks like fucking spirit the horse. Yeah. He's hot. So Chris, he puts a chair in his mouth.

And Jason goes, I'm hard. Let's get out of here and shoot some content. So they're all laughing. And Angelica's like, oh, my God, he's eating the cherry. And Chris asks if he's a top or a bottom. And Venus is like, well, lately I've been more into thinking about being fucked than actually doing the fucking. And like, oh, yeah, Venus. Yeah.

I just feel so sexy deprived that I could rip a kitchen counter off the wall. So Jason goes, kiss, kiss, kiss. Venus's like, oh my God, no, I mean me. Come on, bro, get over here. Chris is like, I love Venus. I'll give him a hug. And so the Mark's like, oh, I'll kiss him. So he goes over and kisses Venus.

And I was like, she's like, why am I roused? Why am I roused right now? So then everybody starts making out. Venus kisses Audrey and then Venus kisses. Natalie and um Shane's like oh my god like he's made out with more people in the last five minutes and I haven't like a week. Yeah bro. So then, uh,

Chris is like, oh, if this was all, was all some only fans kind of. We'd be fucking rich right now, man. Oh my God. What if like you,

what if you throw dummy dotting kiss her Jason kiss dummy right now? He's like, I want to kiss you. I know. Uh, you know. And, um, Yeah, and Natalie's like, oh my God, I wish the Swiss here to see us all actually getting along.

Like, maybe not the making up part, but like, still. And to me, it's like, yeah, I want more nights like this because we've like had a great night. Like, I'm so happy. Look at me. Guys, I'm actually having an incredible time. Just look, look, see the way that my lips almost touched my lower jaw from, that's how I smile. I'm having the best time. So now they go dancing and they're getting all sexy with each other.

And of course, the boys are like giving lap, the only fans boys are like shirtless and lap dancing people and stuff. And Chris and Audrey are making out and Venus like, oh my God, there's going to be like an orgy. Like everybody's like so fucking horny. And yeah, that's it. Pretty much, right? Oh, oh, no. So then we see 17 hours later. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun.

And Audrey's going, what the fuck was in the video? What was it? I saw ass. I saw dicks. It was incest to it. That comment is like character assassinating. Dun, don't, don, don't. To be continued.

So now the big fight happens next episode. I love it. That's character assassinating. I mean, they're fucking what it's called. Well, we need a new word for it. You're on Banderpump Rules. Just being on this show is character assassinating. Yeah.

You're doing it to yourselves by being here. But fun show. Thanks so much for being here, everybody. Go grab tickets for the Golden Crown. Crappies on February 27th over at watch what crappins.com and join us next week for voting beginning of February 4th. That's also when you will grab your tickets for live streaming. Go grab Taters. Taters. Oh, God, I wish we were recapping Taters.

That would be fun. This potato I ate today, man. What a bitch. Traders Recaps, ad free listening, videos, all that stuff over at Patreon. And thanks so much for being here. We'll talk to you guys next time. Bye Watch what crapins would like to thank its premium sponsors

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