Watch What Crappens - #3199 Below Deck Down Under S04E01 Part 1: Joseph Smith Down Under

Episode Date: February 3, 2026

This is part one of a two-part recap!Below Deck Down Under returns with a new crew and a boat full of unhinged Housewives. The glasses are flying, the tears are flowing, and the screams are screaming. Hold on to your nipple covers, it’s going to be a season to remember. To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and get ad free listening, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, hello and welcome to the sultry sounds of Watchwood Crapins. I'm Ronnie and that's Ben over there. Hello, Ben. How are you doing? How are you doing? Welcome back to another season of Below Dick down under. Below Dirtry, which is not down under at all. But we're not going to change the title of the below dick.

Because why brand to build more when we can just trick a Mary? who don't know where anything is anyway. Listen, all that matters is that Canawan is below, is down under from America. So that's all that Bravo cares about. It's not up above. Cannawan? Cannawan? Cannawan?

Everybody, welcome to a new season of below deck down under. It's bigger. It's better. It's more arrogant than ever with the new editions and we're going to love it. We're all going to love it, damn it. The Golden Crappies is coming up February 27th here in the glamorous Los Angeles, California. We hope you can enjoy that with us live. Get your tickets at watch whatcrapins.com.

Streaming tickets become available tomorrow as well as voting for our first round. Okay. You're going to help us make this show happen. So round one voting and ticket links go live tomorrow. Check watchwockrappens.com or our Instagram or guess what? or Patreon. It's all there too. Patreon is where you get our free newsletter. And it's also where you get bonus episodes,

ad free listening, and videos that we do every day. We're also covering the traders right now over there weekly. So join us for that. May I make a personal show? I just posted a new NBD Fancy. So if anyone wants some cooking inspiration, you sure did. It's a good one.

My food stuff. Yeah, it this morning. Thanks, Ronnie. It's a great. NBD fancy. SubSack.com. And yeah, there's a pretty interesting

lasagna on there that honestly I've been thinking about for four days straight. I know. I've been thinking about it since I read that this morning. It looks.

I want to make it for you. I'm going to make it for you. I'm going to make it for you. Like that's like so much. I also want to say that so going back to the crappies that Ronnie and I like sat together and we made the categories

and we put all the things into the general voting. and I have to say it is so fucking funny. Like there are so many hilarious moments and so many crazy things that happened over the past year. Like I cannot wait for you guys to see this, this like big ballot. And then I'm also like really excited to see what makes it to the final ballot because it's so fun.

Like how lucky are we? How lucky are we that we get to see such funny things? Like don't you sometimes feel bad for people who don't watch Bravo that they just are, they have no access to this stuff. Like this is just, it's so. deeply entertaining. You know what I feel for people who don't watch Bravo, nothing. I give them no thought and no feeling they don't factor into my life at all.

I pretend they're not there. Is there a real outside of it? Nope. The fact that we're sitting there sitting talking about like, hmm, where should hood has pancakes go? I mean, like we're literally like there's a pancake that's going up against who knows what. But I love that these are the things. That's not even on Bravo.

So what do you think about that? But it was an influential pancake. Okay. Up for best show this year, Dateline. Okay. Join us for the Bravo Awards. We don't care. We're like murder, she wrote.

Angela Lansbury, Best Bravo Liberty of the year. Look, if we watched it, if we watched it and we talked about it on the show, it's going to be in the realm. Okay. So, gosh, we totally forgot to include things like,

I don't know, the Oscars. Just kidding. But anyway, it's going to be so fun. I'm excited. But also really fun. This episode of Below Deck Down Under, wow, what an exciting premiere. I didn't realize we'd be starting right away with that Real Housewives. I thought, oh my gosh, they're not giving us a break with those Real Housewives of Salt Lake City.

You know, after a Housewives, after every season, you know, by the end of these seasons, I'm like, okay, whoever you're frustrated with, well, whoever I'm frustrated. Let me just keep this about me. I hate when people say, you know, when I get to the end of the season, I'm usually so frustrated because it's the same five. It's the same, you know, it's like on below deck, it's a douchebag. It's like Joe, being a douchebag all season, he's just such a douchebag by the end, then I'm just ready to kill somebody, you know? And the housewives are the same. And so by the end of those seasons, I need a year.

I need a year to like relax, forgive everybody. Like I was involved in these fights personally. I need to just like get over it. I need to recover from the trauma, basically. And man, we didn't get any time. Last week was the season finale. And this week is they're back. Here they are.

They're back again. But listen, I'm never going to complain about a housewives of Salt Lake City. I mean, I love them. Yeah, I have to say that by the end of last week, you know, the stress of putting the crappies together, it adds so much work on, like, onto our plates, more than I think people actually really realize.

It's just so much. It's endless meetings, you know? And so there's that. And then the recording schedule right now is very rigorous because we have the traders on the schedule. We have, you know, some extra shows. And so it's just, it's a lot. And I had a moment next last week when as Below Deck met ended, the thought that is just like starting it right up all over again from scratch.

I was like, oh, we don't even get a break. We just go right into a brand new Below Deck where we just, we run it back again for the millionth time. I was like, I don't know if I can do this. I'm like, I think I may need to take a break from Below Deck for one seat. season before we launch into it. But of course, by the time last night it rolls around, I'm refreshed and I watch it. And I'm like, I love it. And I'm like so glad we're talking about it.

Because also, as much as the premiere is about the real housewives coming on board, which was very fun, for me, the real story and the thing that I'm going to be tracking for a little bit and the thing that is also stressing me out the most is the situation with Ben and Alicia down in the galley. That situation is so wild. normally when people come back they're usually like last season I didn't know what I was doing

but this time around I know what I'm in for I've trained I've worked I've worked on 45 different boats and now I'm ready to kick some ass I'm stronger but Alicia comes in like actually I went skiing and I don't know and she's actually somehow

like way worse than she was last year she's like totally inept and Ben is like losing his mind and I am like I was sitting there just like like laughing and stressed and covering my eyes every time they had a scene together. I love an unsupportive parent because, you know, so many times on this show, it's like, oh my God, my mom is my idol.

She's nothing but support me. I like when someone comes on and they're like, yeah, my mom told me, you're going to be a cook. I mean, come on, culinary school. Come on. Get off of it, Alicia. Go fuck someone on a ski slope. So I did. You know, my mom's really into me wasting my life.

I love that. Oh, my God. It was so amazing. And also the return of Ben, I can't believe how much I enjoyed that. I always thought Ben was like, it was good. You know, he's always been like one of the most famous people to come out of this series. But watching him on the show makes you realize that we've endured so many generic chefs over the years. Like the clown guy we just got through or, I don't know, like a million of them.

And so to have someone like Ben come in who really is like a, he is kind of a fiery personnel. and he's like a TV personality. You're like, oh, now I remember why this guy popped on our screens for all those years. Yeah, his arrogance is really crystallized, you know? Yeah.

I think sometimes you wonder, like, what happens to people? Like Kate left the show, and then you can see her on Instagram being happy with her little baby and just doing other TV shows and just doing so well. Or, you know, you see Hannah doing well,

happy with her family. And, you know, obviously, we still keep in touch with her. and she's so happy and great. And then you see Ben and he's like, well, my life still sucks. I've basically fucked up every opportunity that I've had. So I'm back. I'm back.

I've been sleeping on a couch for the past two months because I got dipped by the woman I was trying to trick her to bury me. And I'm back. Here I am, bitches. And I'm more hateful than ever. And I loved it. He's like, I've given me someone to abuse in the kitchen. I wish it wasn't Alicia because I like her. And she didn't do anything that bad, you know,

but she's working for Ben, who's so picky and arrogant, and he's so condescending and just downright rude to her, that it's like, oh, it's not even like, it's not even like you're seeing this, like, relationship decay. It's not like they started off friendly and then it, and then it, it starts off already with him just destroying her. And he destroys her in the way that I expect chef to destroy their sous chefs. You know, I owe, like, like he is someone.

who I could imagine being on top chef because he has that vibe of like, okay, you have jumped into the lion's den and like the battle starts now. I'm gonna start hazing you right now. But also like, I think he thought that she had some skills about her. And like the very first test is about like beans.

And he says, pull the black beans and she pulls red beans. And he's like, those are red beans, silly. Silly goose. Silly very stupid goose. Oh my God, I'm stuck with this girl. But by the end, he's like, honey, get the. sweetie. Come on, sweetie. Come on, sugar tits. You could do better than that. I was like, oh, no, this is going to be a long ride. I don't think she's going to make it. I think she's going to quit.

I actually do not think we're going to get too many episodes with her. But then we see the season, you know, trailer and Ben is just a monster. I mean, he's sleeping in the guest cabin every night. He's like bringing people back. I mean, it's not good. So can they fire him? Like, is he too famous to fire? Are they paying him too much to fire him midseason? Because is, wow. Yeah, I don't, I really don't know. I don't know what's going to happen. And I like that Captain Jason is more vacant than ever.

I mean, Captain Jason really does have a lost look in his eyes. In the first couple of seasons with Aisha, he didn't. But without Aisha, he looks lost and he looks not nice. I'm going to say that. He looks like he's not very nice, is what the impression I'm getting. And he just lost, I think. He looks a lot like maybe his eyes say coma. You know, like, if someone's in a coma and their eyes are just like staring off into space, that's what he looks like. Are you there? I want to flashlights.

Yeah. There's a vacancy. It's sort of reminiscent of those, it's like, it's like Rosie on the Jetsons except like sexy Captain Edition, right? He just sort of comes in, but the eyes are just sort of the unblinking eyes that just sort of stare or, you know, just coming through and then. You know when babies, have you ever met one of those? babies that just doesn't know how to look at anything yet. They're just like kind of dumb because they're little, you know, and they're just like, they just kind of like look off like that. And occasionally you'll get them, their mom's like, oh my God, he's smiling and the baby's thing. It's like like just a twitch.

Oh, I mean, oh, I call that Whitney Rose face. Well, yeah, kind of like that. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappence commercial. So, um, okay. So there's our preamble. So here we go. Oh, season four.

Season four, episode one, the Real Housewives of Down Under. Yarring runs on leadership, teamwork, and respect. And that starts at the top. And I can't have what happened last year with my heads of department in each other. There's no room for chaos. Everyone needs to know their role. I don't want any arrogance, which is why I got Ben and Joao. I know.

Wow. Three people who famously get along so well with other. people on a ship. Daisy Ben and Joal. What could go wrong? He's like Ben, I don't micromanage, but I do have hoist and it's. I don't expect just good. I want exceptional. Because by the way, Jason is like, it's nighttime and he's like walking through this path that looks like he just got eliminated on Survivor. And he sits down at this table and these three stars of the franchise are all there with him. And he's basically getting to be. giving them a talk to.

And the underlying thing is, listen, we brought the A team for this season. For some reason, we decided that Bravo wants to do a big push on down under. So let's do it. But don't fight. Let the little ones fought. Which, of course, is never going to work. No, it's never going to work. I like when he says he doesn't micromanage.

You barely manage. What are you talking about? Captain Jason is like, Captain Jason, someone is being beaten with a baseball bat. He'll be like, learn to manage it. I'm here to tell you to learn to manage us yourself. Like, come on. So he's like, that's why I brought you all here together. Ben, I don't micromanage, but I do have high standards.

All right. I don't just expect good. I want good, but exceptional, but also from a voice of someone who's kind of like WC. Fields, but British. Can you give me that? Like, oh, I can. I've been cooking since I was four years old. And that's great.

So everyone who's looking for some Play-Doh for dinner, Ben's got you covered. And then Jason says, Joelle, you're kept in now. That's why I said everything Choo-Chi-Too style. Two-two. Meat-bowl coming in, meat-bowl coming in. Joel, you're a captain now. And you've been your stripes. And I want you to lead your team with structure and experience

and the discipline that's required on deck. And please refrain from having to mention Zimbabwe every two seconds. Well, back in Zim, I would always tell people, I'm here to make it easy for you as easy as possible. So easy. And I said, get over here, you cut finishes. I'm going to make it easy for you. So get ready.

That should definitely be a rule. Joao, I know you're a captain now. Let's please refrain from calling women the sea word. All right. Great. Good to have you back. So, Dweau is like, yeah, I'm here to make it easy for you as possible, chef. I mean, captain.

Well, Daisy, your chiefs do with us. You're the one to set the standard. I need attention to detail. I need professional luxury service. I need Asia's new haircut. Have you got that? Are you ready to come back with a Bob? I certainly do.

I have all that. And I'm going to get right to the bottom of it. So Jason's like, so you two haven't met yet, by the way? And he's like, no, I haven't met. Sorry, the pivot from all these accents all at once at one table is really messing me up. I think this is the part. I think this is the part where we just say, if you're here for realistic voices,

it's not going to happen. And we need at least six weeks before we know anybody's names or where they're even from. Until then, you're just going to get some crazy sounding shit. Yeah. So enjoy. So Daisy's never met Ben before,

but Ben has worked with Joua. And so, Jays, like, all right, well, you guys are the best of the best. That's what she said. She's worked with Ben.

Yeah, she looks at Ben and she's like, yeah, we've worked together before. And Ben's like, yeah, it was Captain Sadie a long time ago. I think that was, you know, it honestly doesn't matter. And so Jason was like, he was talking about, wow. Oh, okay, okay. I got confused because I was like, when did Daisy work with Captain Sandy? I know, that's the thing. It's like, oh, I never worked for Captain Sunday because I was on a sailboat.

That was trash in itself. So then Jason says, well, you guys are. the best of the best. That's why I brought you guys all here and there's no room for egos, even though you were specifically cast for your egos. Yeah, we got to blow this one out of the park. All right. What are you looking at? You? No, you're not. I'm right here. You're looking over there. It's like, uh, so now we see the gigantic yacht. And Jason, guys, Jason's thing is a disco hat crashing into docks and fish. He loves fish. He always has like, now that's his thing. He's always going to have some fish that he probably kills by the end or they're probably dead by

the end or he just throws over the edge because these are new fish they're not the same they've got a tank that's not covered in green algae which is a great improvement for now we'll see we'll check in on that tank over the course of the season of course this is blow deck down under home of magnificent fish be roll i personally for this premiere episode since it's such a big one we had the housewives I did not pause and do a fish report and, you know, note. I didn't, I was, I didn't do that necessarily, but I did observe some wonderful new additions to the fish report canon. Did you notice any that caught your eye, Ronnie? I just noticed that they were there and they have the best photography on the show.

The fish get the like the best glam. They have the best glam team. They really do. I mean, we saw, we saw classics like the clownfish who we hate totally overrated and winds up getting a lot of screen time. just because of finding Nemo, but we actually don't think the clownfish has inherently earned the right to be like the cutest fish on below deck. Although it is nice seeing this year that the clown fish has a guitar

and then like a little cartoon version of himself that criticizes him. And then other fish, like don't even see that fish as a sexual object. And then there was an octopus, which was great. But honestly, for me, the fish that I remember the most, there was actually a beautiful little sea turtle, just grazing. But for me, the one to look out for this season on Below Deck, who I think is going to be a real breakout star,

and I meet that quite literally to Starfish. There was a big old Starfish. In the middle of the episode, a Starfish was laying on its back, and it just laid there for about five seconds of screen time while stuff happened above it. It was like people were cleaning, and Daisy was looking for a towel,

and someone was wiping down a surface, and they just had that Starfish down below, just laying out there. I was like, I think this is going to be the year of that starfish. So keep an eye. So it was laying on its back. That's not like a starfish. It was just like it was a pervert.

No, no, I'm sorry. It was, I'm sorry. I should say it was it was laying appropriately. Oh, okay. Because of the angle of the camera, normally we see a starfish. They shoot it like direct on like, like, you have a direct shot of the starfish and you see it like in a full starfish mode. But this time they had the camera on the side. So it looked like the starfish was like sun tanning, even though the starfish was doing the normal starfish thing.

It wasn't flipped over anything. Oh, yeah. I thought it was like flipped over like cornhole and everybody. I was like, what a permanent. No, no. No, the starfish has decency. Yeah, okay. You know, I've always been jealous of starfish because they die and then they look exactly the same like 20 years later. Like they're still hot.

You don't even have to bury starfish. People literally collect dead starfish. Like, isn't this pretty? They put them in their homes. They are true artists. They're true artists. They're appreciated more when they're dead. to have the Botox ladies that the starfish have.

It's amazing. Whatever they're doing to themselves, they look great. So Captain Jason is talking to his goldfish, and he's like, all right, we're going to have to rename you guys this year. I see you, wow, sexually harassing somebody. That's good, all right. Daisy's just poking a head out at the moment, thinking about a bulb. We'll see what happens.

And this is Ben. Wow, look at Ben. Don't really know what to say to him. But not very creative with my names this year, but, uh, yeah, I am still awake and it's been more than five minutes on this show. So give me a little credit, will you? This season, we're in Canawan and I cannot be more excited. Or should I say I cannawan not be more excited. That was a pun. It's an exclusive location, so exclusive that, um, I never even heard of it before. To get here as a mission, you have to charter your own plane. And because

this is where the high-end people want to be. It's got the largest reef change in the chain in the Caribbean, and it's the perfect place for some snorkeling. There's a lot of sea life, and we're down under in the Caribbean, so, you know, it's sort of down-under-ish, you know. So I guess that works, and I'm Australian. So you'll see the branding still works if you think about it.

Listen, it just works. I'm Australian, down-under is wherever I am. That's so philosophical. It sounds like a beer commercial. Wherever you are, that's down under. Cason beer is wherever I am. Yeah. So Canawan, a very exclusive enclave,

all the high-end people are, which is why Whitney, a failed Alibaba repurposer, is going to be arriving very shortly. So, Daisy and Joelle, by the way, I'm not just in Canawan. I feel like, like, I'm taking... Yeah, you're really coming.

for Canawan. I really am. Like, why am I doing this? I have no issues with Canawan. It looks beautiful. Yeah, what Canawan do? I have issues with Jason pitching it as like at this high end place, which I'm sure it is, but like now it's been destroyed because it's not like city women are arriving in a moment.

Now we have a group entrance to the boat, which we don't get. I mean, maybe they're trying to do a, you know, kind of a thing like they did with Fraser's season this year where they're like, let's go to dinner first. Let's talk about everything. Let's hang out. And then let's, you know, have glamour arrivals. But we get, um, Joow, Ben and Daisy walking up to the boat and talking about how big and beautiful it is. And Joal's like, I love a boat with big girth. Hey. Ha ha. God. Here we go. Here's Joal version 5.0. That's right. Jerazza. And then Ben says, oh, it's been about six years since I've worked on a yacht. But you know what? The stars have aligned are my little darlings, and I am here and I am back, and I am really enjoying my freedom these days.

I have a successful catering company. Let me just lean back a little bit of my chair. However, my personal life has not been quite as successful, but about a week ago, I did bump into Captain Jason when I knocked at his door and said, please give me a job. I'm desperate. Things are going terribly for me. And he took him to lunch at the Outback State, perhaps, you know, because Australia. and now I got a job.

So here we go. Going backwards in my life. Would you trust a chef that took you to the Outback Steakhouse? I wouldn't. I wouldn't. I would not. Well, I think, like, I don't know if I would, but if I were Jason, I'm sure Jason's like, well, I'm Australian. I take me to an Australian restaurant.

You didn't have to bring me to an Australian restaurant, mate, because Australia is wherever I am. Well, he needed a chef. I needed to escape and I thought, why not? In essence, we saved each other. This could be the perfect little distraction, you know? Just a little goodness in my life. Oh, no. You're going to make this miserable for everybody.

I'm so glad they brought you back. You little, you know, it's going to be a little dark cloud of hell. I can't wait. It is appropriate that Ben's on the show because he does sort of look like that Moray eel that they showed a lot last season. If you really look at his face, he's got kind of like Moray eel qualities, you know? So now people come in, Chihuah gets his apparently gigantic nipple caught on the automatic door. And Daisy, they have like gift bags or something.

Right. Do you know in Zim they called a zippel, not a nipple. Nibbaw-Way. Nimbabwe. So they have like gift bags with uniforms from, liquid yachtware. Don't I have enough water? Why you got to name it liquid?

I'm surrounded by this shit. Name it towel. Name it like towel yacht wear. I feel like I want my yachtware to be called super dry yachtware. Because I feel like if I'm wearing clothing that's wet on a yacht, my boat's sinking, right? Well, I'm going to come up with a deodorant called drippy deodorant. Like who wants that? Nobody wants that.

You want to be kept dry. Okay. Yeah. Liquid diapers. Well, my last four seasons on Parcival had so many ups and downs. I'm really ready for a clean slate and a boat that's not on its side all the time. And we see flashbacks of Daisy's greatest hits. It's probably for all the people who've never watched below deck sailing,

which is too bad because that was a messy, crazy show. And Daisy says, I'm looking forward to a new phase of my life. I got new hair. I'm looking forward to a new crew. I'm looking forward to a boat that doesn't trash itself every time it hits the open water. And we see Parciful, everything falling up the shelves at all times on that. Yeah.

It's like, no, thank you. Yeah, I love this montage of Daisy just freaking out over the tiniest little things. She really is so like a basket case, you know? It's like, Daisy, hey, Daisy, I just wanted to ask you, maybe, you know, they wanted a little pasta this evening. She's like, pasta, pasta, pasta, that's all they ask for. Am I not doing enough on this boat? Nobody respects me. Now I gotta get pasta too.

Nobody respects the thing I'm doing. Honestly, I am so excited for a daisy season. I really need a daisy season because, you know, Asia is so nice. Like, we always, everyone loves Asia. We love Asia. But Asia is like, nice. And then Fraser is just kind of, like, generic. Almost like he doesn't really yell at people.

He's not really nice. He's not really mean. he's just like British and withering. And that's fine, that's fine. But I feel like below deck is really at its best when you have a chief stew who does not take any BS. Although I actually don't believe Asia takes any BS, but she handles it in like a,

oh no, unfortunately I can't do that for you way. And like, I love the tradition of the Cates and the Hanna's and the daisies of like, why are you doing that? What do you think you're doing? Because the interior, don't mess with me. you know well she's not really like that with interior she's more like that i mean she's i guess she's a little more like that with the interior but she does take a lot of crap from the men all the boats or she at least falls in love with them which she will pick the worst man and fall

in love with that man and it's so disappointing to see her making out with joal later and like actually having a thing with i mean come on you know the yeah the the the the gary and jo wow track record is a real bad one. That's a real bad one. I mean, going from Gary and being like, and there are a lot of hints. Like, you know, I'm used to these douchebags on the boats. There's like kind of that attitude.

And then just, and I was behind you. I was like, good. Finally, we get a Daisy season without a douchebag dragging everything down. And they're like, no, you know what? Let's put Daisy with you out. It's like if a person plays a villain one time on TV, then they have to play a villain every single time. They're like, well, we know they know how to do it.

He played a terrorist last time. I'm just have him play a terrorist again, okay? We're in the pioneer days. I don't know. Call him something else, but make sure he's a terrorist in someone. And Daisy's kind of like that. They're like,

guys, we've got Daisy, let's give her a new chance and a new plot line. They're like, nah, give her Joow. It's Daisy.

People want to see Daisy go crazy with a douchebag. Just do it. Typecast. I'm a little worried that they're grooming Jewel to take over a new franchise of below deck because now he's a full-fledged captain. And they've mentioned it several times.

Like, he's a captain now. He's a captain, right? I mean, yeah, they're saying it a lot. That would be something fun for Bravo to do being, you know, like, here's Joao. He's a captain. I mean, you got Eddie, who I think is a captain, but like I'm a tugboat.

So like, whatever. But like, Joao, I think they're probably reading him. Wasn't Collie like a tugboat person? A tugboat captain or something? You're doing great, Collie. You're the captain of your mother's heart. I love you, Collie. Come to dinner.

Come to dinner. Commercial. Here comes one right. now. Um, so Jason is giving Jowl his team's info. He's like, here's your crew. Mark's a dick, Stu. It's up to you guys to manage him and your team and work together. Please do something about his hair. I'm requesting that right now. We see a picture of Mike and he has aquedetted that hair. I don't know what's happening. It's a comb over, a comb back. It's a, it's a candlehead. I don't know what's happening. I was trying to think, I was trying to think of what does his hair

look like? And like the best I could do is it looks like a, it looks like a, video projector. It looks like one of those things, you know, like you set it up and you can see something on your wall, but it's made up his hair, you know, it's like, I think it looks like the heat miser. The what? The heat miser. Oh, I'm Mr. Heat Miser. I'm Mr. Blop de da, doop de da, do you don't know who that is. It's from the Christmas movies. Here, like, I'll put a picture of him. I'll put him a picture. He's from those, he's from those Christmas movies. We saw those claimations. movies, you know? Hold on. Hold on I'll put it up on the screen so people can see it. It looks like, it looks like he's got one of those like newsboy caps, but it's made of his own hair. Like his hair is

his own. He's a heat miser. I feel like he's got a calzone on his head, but it's his own hair. No, Calzone is delicious and like it's a normal shape. His hair is, it's like an Olympic torch representation made from hair. It's like he's wearing a yurt, but the yurt is his own hair, and it's a small yurt that fits his head. Okay. Okay, I can see that.

A yurt. It's a little too round, though. It looks like... What is... I think it looks like comb over hair. You know how guys will do... If they're going balding in the front, they'll try and do like a big comb over.

to hide the bald spot, but his is like doing that from every angle of his head. So it's like coming, coming up, coming to the sides, coming from the front, but then somehow not really standing up in one uniform. It's disturbing. It's disturbing. And when we talked about it in our preview or in the Salt Lake City recaps when we first saw him, people were like, oh, no, that's where he's from. People, the guys there, like are really into hairspray and buffons, like, whatever,

whatever you call this hair. They're like, that's, like, you shouldn't even. make fun of that because that's like regional well i'm sorry but give give note to the re take note to the region stop this stop it it's it's like a wine glass filled with some red wine and then he made hair out of it but only the wine part and not the top part of the glass yeah okay it's like when when your little sister gets cotton candy and it's only hers but then you grab a big chunk of it and you're like trying to run away with it and you're running with this thing of broken it's like someone one took a big shoe and turned upside down and put it on his head. And he turned his hair into that.

It looks like when cats throw up. Have you seen like cats throw up a hairball? He's got to stop it. And also he's pairing that hair with the eyebrows, which he's done the 90s, Pamela Anderson, like tweez all the way into little tiny sticks. And then he colors them as well. It's just so much happening. And he talks the whole time like, I'm so ho. I'm so ho. I'm so sexy. Who are we going to hook up with eye? goos and it's like what no one is fucking you with those eyebrows yeah he's got the bet midler cheeks

you know that's sort of like that's like rise up into the eye area a little bit you know so he's got like this strange geometric hair with bet middler beth middler cheeks and then those eyebrows and it's just like a lot of visual things happening all at once you know it's a lot and you know

it's not nice to make fun of someone's visuals but like in this case it's you know it's making some it's making fun of someone's work you know what i mean and i think that that's fair because it's not like he was born bad you know he's like a cute guy or whatever he's just it's everything he's doing and i think i think that we're allowed to judge that yeah i mean there's there's no higher compliment than saying you have that middler upper cheeks but definitely the hair thing the hair thing is is definitely a choice like it's almost like he has he has hair that is supposed to be kind of like shoulder length, but he's like falling from a building.

And so the hair's all going up instead. He's falling from a building. That's a good way to put it. Yeah, he looks like he's falling. He's just dropping from a building. That's a good way to put it. Or standing over a really strong subway grate. This hair is doing Marilyn Monroe.

I'm trying to get my dress to do it, but my hair's doing it instead. So then, um, um, Daisy gets the stew resumes or the CVs, as they're called. And Jason's like, he is your girls. You've got Jenna and Joe, show them the ropes and show them the way. And please don't bother me. I'll be in my room. And Daisy's like, I know a deck stew always kind of falls onto some reason.

You know, are you going to be fully managing him or he's going to come more interior? Because Mike is going to do both. He's the deck stew. So he's going to be going to be going back and forth. So they're going to be confounded by his hair outside and inside. I feel like he'll catch things outside with his hair and he'll bring them inside for the interior to do you work with.

So Joao is like butterflies. Like butterflies will just get stuck in there. Wait, wait. You have a butterfly net. You have butterfly net hair. That's what it is. Joao is like, further from what I can see,

it'll be more interior. This interior is massive, almost as big as Zim. So what I'm thinking is that we could use him in the morning, give him some space in the afternoon to rest, and then you can use him in the evening. And by that, I mean, I'll use him all day,

long. Thank you very much. You'll mostly get him, except for the 18 hours that I need him. And so, we get Joao's story. He's like, I started in Zimbabwe yachting eight years ago, and I feel like I now have a great reputation. Where? With who? Zim. I mean, I've had to kind of make up from a bad reputation, but I've grown up now. I'm grown up and asked me if I'm going to take a take a position as an officer on any other boat? I wouldn't. I'm a captain. I've got a license. I'm a big boy now. I've got a license to drive any vessel under 3,000 gross ton, and I do. But Jason, he's like a big brother to me, and he's on television. And he's a mentor, and I trust him. And I believe I can learn more from him. Like, for instance, how to crash a boat into a dock.

Which I did learn when I found out he was having dinner at the Outback, and I went to meet them, but Jason crashed his boat into the Outback. steakhouse. This is still my favorite. It's my favorite captain intro when they're like, hey, I'm Captain Jason. Here's the restaurant I crashed into. He's like, yeah, that was a rough one. So, Daisy introduces herself to Mike. She's like, hello, I'm days. I say, what's your possession? He's like, well, I'm usually the top, but sometimes I'll do bottom. It's like, no, no, no. It's 2026. Do I have to choose? He's like, I'm a Dix, and she's like, oh, you're Dextu. I love it. I'm Daisy. I'm your chief stew.

and you're a new nightmare. Mike's like, oh, pleasure. I'll be reporting. Yeah, yeah. And you're going to be under my team. So you better watch out. So now we see Jenna and Joe. They arrive and they're like, oh, my God, Joe, Jenna, Jenna and Joe.

Oh, my God. Wow. You're stunning. You're stunning. No, you're stunning. No, you're stunning. Yeah, you're both stunning. They don't cast ugly people on this show unless you're a male.

No offense to any of the man. Yeah, but true. So then Mike and Ben and Daisy are in the galley. and Daisy introduces Mike to Ben and Mike, Mike's voice is, I don't know what part of England he's from, I don't know, is that like a scouse accent or whatever

but it's very, you know, it is hyper regional and we've heard it before and he's like, I can't even do it, but he's like, I'm a bit of a chatabox mate. I'm the big loud outgoing character and he, Daisy's like, well, we'll put you in front of the guests, we'll entertain them. They'll look at your hair and be on trans for hours. Or 100%, I'm an entertainer.

I worry about people who describe themselves that way. Let me describe you that way, you know? Don't describe yourself that way. So what do you like? Super entertaining. God, everybody loves me. I'm the life of the party. Hey, you want some smiles?

You better send me out there. That's what I do. I make them smile. I'm always entertaining. Shut up. This kid needs to just go to theater camp and a hair cup and a barbershop. So Jenna and Joe are talking about where they're from. Jenna's from South Africa.

Joe's from Montreal. Jenna's a stewardess. Joe's like, me too. They're like, oh, my God, you're stunning. No, you're stunning. No, you're stunning. So, Daisy is introducing everybody. And then we see another Eddie.

Wait, is this Eddie? What was the other guy's name? Mike. Uh-oh. Mike and an Eddie. Okay, so Eddie. Okay. New Eddie.

Oh, new Eddie. New Eddie. Okay, yeah, new Eddie with the body image of shoes. Yeah, so he comes around. So is he short? He looks tall. I think he looks tall. I think Eddie looks tall.

I think he looks tall. But he talks about how he's traumatized from being short. So I'm not sure. Oh. Yeah, he said he was little, right? Imagine it's like that he has like a very severe case of body dysmorphia that like can be easily disproven. Like the one case of body dysmorphia that can be disproven by actual measurements. And he's like, just so short.

What do you mean? I can't write this. roller coaster. They're like, but you can. No, I can't. It says you have to be above this line. You're literally above this line. No, I'm not. No, I'm not. Stop.

Are you trying to have me, are you trying to have me thrown from a roller coaster? Because I'm not even tall enough I could die if I wrote that thing. Sir, you're three times the height you need to be to ride this. I'm going to die before I ever see Space Mountain. By the way, I think we should mention that Mike with the hair has an only fans account,

or at least had one. When he showed up on Salt Lake City, several people messages to say, hey, Mike has an only fan's account. And so I went to go look him up. First of all, his hair on Twitter, his hair looks different and much better. He looks much better on Twitter than he does on the show. He's definitely had like an improvement. Are you looking at him right now?

I see the screen flashing on your eyes. Send it to me. I'm going to let's. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you can see. You can see that how my face, like, there's like a bright light on my face. Okay, I'm going to send it to you. But there's, it looks like he's taken, he only has two posts on Twitter and it looks like he took everything down.

So this may include potentially sensitive content. Yes. I mean, how many times do I have to say yes to that? Yes, show me the porn. There needs to just be a button you press. It says, just show me the porn. Oh, yeah. So he's like shirtless and holding a folder in front of his weener.

I mean, yeah, he looks better. Now his hair is just like stupid teenager hair all pushed forward, you know, like broccoli hair. But that's better. It's definitely better. Okay, X.com, Mike Durant. Oh, yeah. Wait, it's age restricted. Okay, log in.

Oh, God, I have to log in. This is too much. Did you log in? You already logged in. On Twitter? No. No, he just said, I said, okay, and then it just took me on. So his only fans is called Mike Bears All.

So, oh, he says, I used to take my clothes off on national TV. And after popular demand, I've decided to show even more of myself on here. Oh, I wonder if he was on that nude show in England. You know, there's that show that show that would be on. Oh, yeah, he's on a show and he's nude. I see him right here is dingling and everything. Wow. You have to sign in.

Yeah, he's definitely, he's definitely cute or naked. Yeah, much better. Good for him. Good for him. Okay, well, there you go. I don't know, you know, about if he has an only fans, I can tell you one thing he for sure has confidence. Yeah.

And hair spray. He has only hair. Right now, I'm blow deck, only hair. Going only up. Everybody has an only fans now. We're really behind the times. I know. I think it's time.

I know. I think it's time to put these moves to work. Come on, babe. Yeah, I don't know if anyone needs to see my skinny fat body, to be honest. I don't think it's going to take all types. takes all times. So Ben is, Ben's telling you out a calm down mate

because he met the girls and they're cute, of course. And so Ben's like, oh, this might come as a shock to everyone, but I'm actually single. The fact that you were engaged comes as a shock. He says in our notes,

it says, fairly recently I broke up with my fiance, having spent $50,000. I thought he said $15,000 on a wedding. And I was like, that's why she left you. $15,000. Were you getting married? The in and out? Yeah, the outback. And he's like, I spent $50,000 on a wedding I didn't attend. It's odd when your future has been solidified for it all to vanish into thin air. Yachting has a very large part of my, was a very large part of my formative life. And it's actually nice to come back to it, to come crawling back to it, to know that you failed in all other arenas. And now you have to go take a lowly job that you thought you were long past.

but you're not because you're not good enough. And so while all your friends from boarding school, ah, boarding school drama, go on and do wonderful things with the aristocracy. I'm here in the galley cooking trumpets for stupid people and dealing with idiots all around me. So when it came to the option of Kate's couch or a boat, I chose the boat, you know, they say that to get over someone,

you have to get under someone else. So my new girl is Katina. I will be fucking the boat. boat, literally fucking the boat for the rest of the season. That's why I can get every nook, every cranny I can find. That's why I literally waited to go on to Blowdeck down under so that way I could get under someone. Yeah.

So Daisy and Jenna are in a cabin and making small talk. Where are you from? South Africa. I'm Cape Town. Well, you don't sound very South African. And she's like, well, I'm so happy. She makes a really thick accent. She's like, I'm so happy.

I don't sound South African. And she's like, what? So see? That's how I could sound. Ma'am! So Jenna is a haughty, and she's like, it's expensive to be Jenna. I mean, I work hard so I can provide for myself. I love a luxury lifestyle.

So she's one of these who's like, I do it for the Burkins. I clean toilet so I can look fancy on Saturday night, baby. I love this bucket of. of stews or yacht workers on below deck, the ones that are like, I love a luxury lifestyle. I got into yachting because you meet some of the top 1% and you surround yourself with the people you want to be who you're associated with. And that's who you're going to become, like, lady, you are cleaning up vomit from tech bros who don't give a shit about you right now. This is not the way to ascend into the higher ranks of society.

Well, you know, you got to meet them to beat them, I guess. So this is a way to go and beat them. I mean, that's the same reason I volunteered to sell 10-cent hot dogs at the Diablo's game one time. It's like, I'm going to meet those one-percenters. That's selling them 10-cent hot dogs. It didn't work. I was a waiter for the next 30 years. But anyway, so she's like, yeah, I do it all for the Birkins.

And Jenna and her talk about how long they've been doing this. Jenna asked Daisy how long she's been doing it. And she's like, I'm in my 13th year. And she's like, wow. And then she tells us, I'm not scrubbing toilets until I'm 30. What the fuck? That's terrible. So now we have Batul who walks on the boat.

I really like her. She's one of my favorite newbies. And she says, I'm Turkish. Batul means virgin. By the way, yeah, my parents, like they try to tell me something, you know. And every time they call me, it's like, hey, virgin. Hey, virgin. That's actually really funny.

And I, but by the way, just back to the other thing, Jenna is going to get her ass handed to her and she deserves it. How dare you shame somebody for actually having years and experience? How dare you? You get whatever you deserve. But between being called like, Hey Virgin is very funny. Talk about an experience. But I, yeah, Jenna's going to be in.

She's in for a rough awakening because she's rolling her eyes at Daisy having had a 13-year career, which, by the way, as careers go, that's not. that long. And she's like, oh my God, 13 years. And she's like hoping to basically be discovered by some guy on the yacht who will then whisk her off to Paris and she can live pretty much. Yeah. It's fabulous lifestyle. And it's just not going to happen. You're still the help. Okay. She's like this thing someone who's put 13 years of work in and is the star of a show for like the third season in a row. So I don't know. I'd watch you're throwing the darts at. Young. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Exactly. So Batul says,

as I used to be Muslim in a strict religious family. And in our culture, women are not seen or not heard. And it was pretty conservative. But I lost my virginity when I was 23. And in our religion, you must not do that. It is a really big sin. And I realized I deserve to live a normal life, which is why I'm now going to put myself into a bubble and sail around in the remote part of the Caribbean.

Back to the normal life. Yeah. And she's deck. And she talks about leaving her house. And she left everything. And she's free. She is free. She's a strong independent woman.

So get me a shammy and a rope. I'm out. So then Eddie is asking how long she's been yachting. And she's got a few years. And he just started in May last year. So he's not been long. And he's very insecure, which we find out later. So I expect some tears from Eddie.

Yeah. He's like, yeah, I haven't been, I haven't been yachting for a very long time. And I'm sorry. Do you mind if I just get a stool? It's just so awkward just looking at you from down below. But you're taller than me. No, stop saying that. You just stop.

Stop. I literally can see the buggers in your nose. Like I'm that much shorter than you. It's like, what are you talking about? I'm basically a penguin. So then this is my favorite part because Bitu is named Bitu. And she meets Jouao. And he's like, Jouao.

She's like, Jano? And he's like, no, joo. She's like, oh, Chu, Chu? I was like, wow. I love Betu making. fun of Joel. So funny. Betia and

Chowal. Bet you? Jewel. Joual. So I was like, oh, Bet you, that stands for a virgin,

right? Well, for such a virgin, I never thought you'd be such a slut. Sorry, just, old Jewel just came out

out of nowhere. Sorry about that. Anyway, I've grown. I've grown. I've grown. I've grown. I'm a different man now.

I hope you don't mind that we call you Thunder Virgin. Thunder cherry. Cherry? Cherry pop? No, I'll keep working on that.

I'll workshop that. So here comes Alicia and she comes on board and she says hi to Captain Jason. She comes onto the boat through his office and he's like, well, you couldn't come in the conventional way? She's like, Beanie reporting for duty. He's like, I don't get what Beanie means, but welcome back. Thanks for having Beanie is just the, it's the inside joke that I developed for us when I was skiing. I guess I forgot to tell you about it. But anyway, Beanie.

I started calling myself Beanie when I was falling in love skiing and forgot all about. what beans were what? And then someone said I was wearing a beanie that day and I thought, oh my goodness, I don't remember putting a bean on my head, but apparently that's a hat to use. There's so much to learn out there. Now, you're going to meet the chef. Let me tell you this.

He paid for an awesome blossom. And that's my kind of guy. So respect him, please, because he knows what he's doing. He's English. He's got good banter. And in that galley, I can see you're going to have a great vibe. You know why? Banta.

And that's what's really important from chefs is banter. So go down there right now and check out the banter. Let me tell you what's waiting for you. A blanket full of banter. Cuddle up with it. Banter a bit. Say banter again. So, Lisa's like, this season, being back in the galley, it just gives me a lot of anxiety, to be honest.

Because at the end of last season, I had all the ambition to go to culinary school. But instead, I did the Clair Dains and Homeland procedure where they zapped my brain. And now I actually don't even know how to cook an egg. I've actually gotten worse. and I was keen as mustard because you know mustard is so keen, isn't it? And when I finished last season and then my mom was like,

why are you going to culinary school? Come off it, Alicia. You're never going to be a chef. Let's just do something that you're good at. So she pushed me down a hill and instead of tumbling like I normally do, my feet landed on skis and off I went. I really want to prove to my mom that I can do this.

I'm starting with the frittata. So she introduces herself to Ben and he's like, oh, oh, just getting grips to this place. Getting to grips to this place. How are you, honey? She's like, well, I'm not trained, but I am passionate. And he's like, well, we'll brighten your horizons a bit I reckon. So she was honest. And later he calls her out for this and says like she manipulated him somehow. But I think she was really honest.

That's Ben's ball for not understanding Gen Z language. Like, that's Gen Z code for I watched a YouTube video about this. And I think this is going to be my life. And you have to respect my boundaries on this. So, yeah, he's the one who mess that up. However, that being said, she did do a whole season as a sous chef last year. And she seemed to be all right enough. I mean, her whole thing last season was that she was a space cadet, but she wasn't inapt.

Totally. She just was sort of like a basic cook, you know. But Serena was a different, totally different chef. I mean, Ben's very much like, I've been cooking since I was full. Everything is perfect. You know, he's very, you know, your cuts have to be perfect, you know. And Serino is like rustic. So I just make it good, you know.

And she was good. She's a good chef. But her style is just a lot more hippie style than his. Ben needs that douchebag sous chef that started last season who would put on his shirts in that weird way, you know. That was crazy, right? Is that that guy would have worked perfectly with Ben. Ben would have fucking loved that guy. And that guy would have respected.

been, not only because he's a man, but because he's got that like arrogance and also because he has the penis, which is no, you know, small thing. That guy, well, a hundred percent. That guy would, that guy responds to male arrogance very well. Like, that would get him in line in a way that he would not, he would not respect female arrogance, which is his own, you know, docherie there. But they would have actually been quite good together in terms of. Yeah.

And it was funny because that year started with a female chef being disrespected by the male chef and kind of being treated condescendingly and sexistly and then it's reversed this year yeah oh interesting interesting move interesting hello there this is a two-part recap okay this the end of part one so thank you so much for listening to this uh just come back a little later for part two watch what crappins would like to thank its premium sponsors ain't no thing like alison king it's always a party on alison block our way is the amber way it's the foster End the Furious, it's Amanda Foster. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto.

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