Watch What Crappens - #3200 Below Deck Down Under S04E01 Part 2: Joseph Smith Down Under

Episode Date: February 3, 2026

This is part 2 of a two-part recap!Below Deck Down Under returns with a new crew and a boat full of unhinged Housewives. The glasses are flying, the tears are flowing, and the screams are screaming. Hold on to your nipple covers, it’s going to be a season to remember. To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and get ad free listening, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens.Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to watchwell crap and the podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. This is part two of the recap. If you miss part one, go check out your podcast feed. It's right there. And without further ado, let's get right back into the recap. So now Jason calls for the preference sheet meeting. Trotto won the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. And we hear the choir music.

And then it comes to everybody looking terrified. of the real housewives. Yeah. Jason's like, well, we've got Heather Gay and Whitney Rose and Meredith Marks and the whole cast. You know, I met Heather in Sydney once we shook hands and then she went and told everyone in the room that we just had sex. So I don't understand what that's all about, but just be prepared. She's doing that on this charter, actually. I met Heather in Sydney once. I had to meet me at an Outback Steakhouse.

I ended up leaving her there. So this is going to be awkward. You know, they're used to ultra quality, ultra-referrality. rich luxury high standard, just please put a stained mattress in Hether Gays bed. That's what she's requested. They've been on yachts before. They've traveled the world. Blah, blah, blah. They're going to come from a place. They want good service, et cetera. Get ready to make some sliders. I know. Since when did the real housewives of Salt Lake City equate to ultra rich luxury high standard? I mean, how the show takes place in a parking lot with dirty snow. There was a season

where they were walking down the street in front of like a marshals in the opening. I mean, everything takes place in like discount stores. Yeah, that's the lowest rent one. He's like, they've requested that we pull the boat over to a freeway shoulder so they can shoot a climactic scene. So they're all like, oh my God, housewives, this is going to suck. And this is like, the housewife's notorious for being over the top. They argue, they expect nice things. And she's like, somebody's going to storm off.

Somebody's going to cry. Somebody's going to throw a drink. And yeah, I mean, she's right. Yep. So now it's... What are you complaining about? It's called enjoyable television. Daisy.

Yeah. Okay. That's right, Daisy. So 23 hours until Charter and Ben and Alicia, sorry. Imagine Alexia is there. Oh, well, you know, narcissism, right? I came here onto this boat to talk about narcissism. Get out to my galley.

I heard that it's a housewives. I heard that it's a housewives one. So I'm going to be here. That's right. I'm here. Like Miami never gets, you know, like no respect. So Ben says, he's, he's talking to Alicia and he's like, the housewives are notoriously laborious.

And Lisa's like, but at least there's not too many of them. I'm like, it's literally like eight women coming on the boat, Alicia. So now Daisy's asking. Jenna how long she's been. She's been here two years on private boats. And Joe never has done a super yacht. So the work is cut out. The work is cut out for her. And Joe's, we don't really have to pay too much attention to her because she's like, I grew up in Canada. I was cool. She leaves in two seconds, right? Isn't she the one who leaves in like five minutes? This is the five seconds, a backstory we get from her, which is that she was from Canada and then

she ran away to the Bahamas and she got a fake ID once and she partied and that is the beginning and the end of Joe's entire arc. Well, she also sold fake IDs, which I actually respect because that's hard. That's an art form. Mm. Mm. Yeah. Making those things look real.

It's not easy. Yeah. Yeah. So a Daisy is like, Mike is pretty green as well. And Mike is like, before I got here, I was learning all gami swans like I was doing hospital corners. I was like, if you make the side of the bed look like a swan, I will oddly respect that.

I don't dig off into it. So she gives Jenna the second stew position because she's got more experience, but it's still not very much, and I'm worried for all of them. And Ben's like, do you think we should do crew dinner? I'll bust it out with you. So here we go.

The first test. Crew dinner. Yeah, and Daisy's like, does anyone know the real Housewives of Salt Lake City? Like, yes. It's our first charge of the season, and I think it's going to be fun. But hack, tack, and Mike is like, the Housewives of Salt Lake City. To be honest, I don't mind myself, a little cougar. I just had been a little bit of devilish having a flirt, being a little naughty and cheeky. I'm here to provide a service, and me giving them a good time is providing services.

He's like, all right. Well, basically, whatever the gist is, whatever they guess wants, the guest gets, okay? Get the guess what they want. so they're getting the boat ready. Mike's making small talk with Jenna as they make a bed. And they're talking about the housewives being crazy. And then Alicia is like, hey, did you,

you wanted the black beans, right? And he's like, yeah, I said we don't have any. She's like, all right, well, they're the same things. Can we use these black beans? And he's like, those are red beads. They literally say red. They're the color red. They're titled red.

You know that he doesn't like her. because if you liked her, he would have called her rabbit, but instead he called her goose. So good luck to you, Alicia. Wrong animal. And now Mike and Jenner's still talking, and Mike's already like, oh, so what's your type, huh? What type do you usually go for?

She's like, somebody older, not in yachting, never heard of hairspray. Back away. Back away. Someone who looks like they're walking on the ground, not falling to the ground. He's like, oh, that's me. out of the question. I feel like I should behave myself, to be honest. I can be a bit of a flirt.

And she's like, I'm the same. Just not with you. Again, the hair. Really distracting. Really distracting. He's like, yeah, having the opportunity to work on Ketina Zedekstu definitely feels more in tune with my outgoing personality. I'm an outgoing guy. So he talks about joining the British Royal Navy straight out of college. And he's an engineer. And he doesn't like working in an engine room because it's like a prison guys. And it can get quite lonely, boring. And the last place, he wants to be somewhere lonely and boring, when he can be on the top deck, entertaining the masses.

Yeah, he's just going to go and he wants to be up there. And he's like, I'm this little jack in the box. I'm a jack of the box. He's also not afraid to jack in the box. And I'm just trying to get out and get out and someone just let me, find me, discover me somewhere that's free. Let's not free willy, sir. I just looked at your Twitter.

Okay, keep your jack in the box. This is a professional environment. That's right. That's right. So Jenna's like, oh, 100% I've always been the flirt. Like on the night out, I'm always a flirt. He's like, oh, you're getting free in the drinks all night long? Huh?

So they laugh. And then down in the gallery, Ben is like, So I see us working a little bit more together than how you were with what's the face? And she's like, sorry, no. But what happens if I'm not good enough? Uncle Ben. He's like, oh, I'm not worried about it. It's not a question of if you're not good enough. You already are established as not good enough. I mean, red beans and black beans. So simple. So simple. I've had more sous chefs than I care to mention. A great sous chef can just handle the prep.

They know how to cook really well. They stay out of my way. They love what I call them honey. And if someone has standards, I actually quite like that. Because my priority is perfect food. So he's saying like, you know, I'll teach her, but, you know, she needs to be good. So then we go to Betul and Jenna and But she was like, so what's her name? Jenna and again, yours, but you. And she's like beetroot, like the fruit. And I love Batul goes, do you really think that, do you really think that my name is beetroot? It's like, well, sorry.

So what is your name? Virgin. But Beat root, that's so funny. Could you imagine? I literally think my name is Beatroot, you fucking get with. You idiot. You idiot. Beat root.

Oh my God. That cracked me up. I was like, I love this girl. She's already like out front as one of my favorites. So now it's time to get ready for bed at the end of day one. And Eddie and Mike are sharing a room. And Mike is still talking about girls. Mike's, is it creep vibes?

I don't, I think it's the hair. You know what? I need to just get over it because it's judging someone for something. It's like the hair bigotry and it's not fair. But right now I'm getting great. I think you're, of all the things we can make fun of is a bad haircut. Like that is the most intentional thing, right? And we've already seen he's adjusted it.

So that's all, he's already made it a little bit better. So I think go for it because the hair is just honestly too distracting. It's just, it's wild. It looks like a lotus flower, you know. And he's one of the Love Island types who comes on and is immediately like, all right, who are we hooking up with guys? Who are you going to get? Who am I going to get?

I'm with the girls. I'm working with the girls. I'm going to get one of the girls. So keep it in your pants, buddy. So he's asking Eddie, his type. And Eddie's like, well, it's tough because I've been single now for years, you know. And he's like, okay, but say, for example, we're on a night out. You've got a chance.

And he's like, with this lot? And he goes, yeah, with this, like, well, one of them called me beat root already. God, that girl's really obsessed. All right, what would you typically go for? Let's talk about our bonas. And he's like, well, I like Alicia. So Eddie does the math, or Mike does the math. And he's like, well, there's five girls and there's four guys.

So that means you're not getting laid. Not getting laid, Mike. Short guy always misses out. So Eddie tells us, growing up, I was really small. I was always the shortest at school. And for me, I was quite a late bloomer. So that just sucked.

Being at an all-boy school where everyone's just like talking about like looking at me. And I got, you know, I'm looking and I've got like the hair down. Everyone's got hair, but I'm like, I don't have hair yet. And I just struggle with body image a lot. Like I just, I just want to be a hairy tall person. But there was a moment that I was in rugby, rugby changing room. And I was just like, wow, look at all these guys. No one cares.

They all have different shapes and. sizes and hair and now we're all having sex. It's exciting and thrilling. I was really insecure until one of the rugby guys slapped me in the face with his dong and told me to get the fuck over it and then farted in my face. So, you know, I've gotten a lot more confident in myself and now I'm the first one who whips his towel off and gets in there like, woo you're naked now, yeah, rope me, yeah. I forget was Eddie, where was Eddie from? I don't remember if he was American or British or somewhere else. Somewhere else.

He's British. So Eddie's like, okay, so you're just going to screw the crew for the sake of a shag? Yeah, yeah. All the same. Come, God, just go to bed. You be alone. You fucking sex pest. Yeah, seriously.

So it's 8 a.m. 5 hours until the charter and everyone's getting ready and everything. And we're in the galley. And Ben is observing that Alicia is making a frittata, which, what could go wrong? I mean, frittatas are a little bit of a fraught. experience no matter what, even if you do know what you're doing. So Alicia going out, you're like, the fact that they're already highlighting this on the show, we already know something's going to go wrong, right?

And it's not just a frittata. It's a gigantic frittata, right? It's a crew mess feed frittata. It's too big. Everyone thinks eggs are easy when you're cooking one or two or maybe three, but a whole pan of frittata, no, it's hard. It's hard guys. Yeah, big frittata is big danger. It's time for a commercial.

It's time for a crappence commercial. Jason gets a voice text from Heather that's like, Hey Jason, this sisterhood is boarding a charter plane. Hope you're ready for us. And keep your room open for late and night for when we fuck around, as in just have a conversation. Keep your condoms ready. Heather Gay's on the way.

I can't wait for you to be inside me. with your wisdom. So now we cut back to Alicia making the frittata and she's like fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Oh my God. Mommy was right. And Ben comes in. He's like, oh my God. Is it burnt? What's happening in here? What happened? Did you burn it? And she goes, well, it was burning but also not

cooking through. So what does that mean? He's like, how the fuck did that happen? That's not exactly a great look at it. Is it, honey? Listen, babe. We can't use stainless steel pans. all right, honey bun. You need to use a non-stick, all right, sugar tits. All right, with eggs, all right. Just get it in the trash. Just start over again, sweet pee.

And for those wondering, Alicia, she flips the frittata out of the pan on a big platter. And, of course, like, wet egg goes everywhere because somehow it is fully wet on the top, but fully black on the bottom. I've never seen this. Like, I know frittatas are hard, but I've never seen this kind of an aptitude around one.

I think she was just putting all the mix in there and then just letting it sit there and thinking it would cook through when you've got to stir, stir, stir, right? Don't you have to? Yeah, I think, like, also the stove top for tata is a bit harder. Like, you have to cover it or, but, like, it should be an oven thing like, Ben did. But I don't know. Like, I think she had a high flame on or something or. I just felt bad because she was like, you know what I can do? Fretta's.

Let's do that. He's like, okay. If that's what you can do, do a frittata. She's like, here we go. Mon Master Frittata. And then it's like, shit. Should have listened to Mom Frittata. Just send that frittata down the ski slope.

This is what we do. Put that in the care package and send it to your mom for Mother's Day. Just say I should have listened, Mum. And then in the middle of this, Fratata chaos, at least he winds up burning her hand. She's like, oh, now I've just burned my hand. Oh, all the plates are focused. He's like, which ones?

These ones. He's like, why are they hot? He's like, they were underneath. They're literally boiling. So we touched this one. He's like, oh, all right. It's not that bad. Taking out of it to get better.

He's like, come on. We're doing this. She's like, I'm just going to use the toilet quickly. He's like, don't take too long, sweet, sweet face. Listen to here. Ass, ass, ass canckel. As canckel. Honey cancancers.

Get in here, honey cancancers. seriously though he really needs to lighten up with his like sexist you know small talk in the kitchen what the hell well what's weird is that he's like actually trying to be lighthearted because he's he's sort of smiling and he's not we because we know when ben gets angry he's like come on and he like throws a towel here he's sort of smiling and trying to be like in his mind he thinks he's actually being warm and paternal but it just is creepy and condescending yeah so now um Alicia is crying in her room while everybody else is eating the breakfast that she kind of made. And she's like, I'm just so embarrassed, you know, because I'm insecure.

And maybe I'm having an identity crisis because not going to culinary school was a huge mistake, you know. But mom persuaded me cooking wasn't for me. And I found myself in Whistler, Canada, doing ski season, falling in love. And I just forgot about cooking. I've lost all sense of self. I need a career. I need a skill set. What am I doing?

You know, you don't have to go to culinary school, but you could like cook. You could go skiing during the day and then at dinner time, you could cook something for yourself. Like there were ways to sort of keep your, you know, to feed your, literally feed your interest in this. But it sounds like she just started skiing and like did not even touch a kitchen for a year. So I think they really liked her for the show. And they were like, okay, well, we've got. got everybody we need, but we like her. Just put, let's have a sous chef.

But we never have a sous chef. Just she's, she's cute. It'll be fun. She's got a good personality. Just put her in there. Although she did replace that arrogant guy. So, but anyway, I think they were just like, we wanted her less. And she's like, well, I've cooked before.

I have a microwave. And they're like, great. And so, you know, now we're seeing, you know, because by the end of the season last year, Serena was getting a lot of hate because, you know, she went a little loony in the kitchen. And now we're going to see. the difference. Like, see what you had last year? You had nothing but pleasure last year compared to what you're about to get. Yeah, that's exactly right. So, Daisy and Joe's bunk, and there's a phone that's

ringing. It keeps on ringing and ringing and ringing and people are getting into their whites and everyone's getting ready and there's lots of chaos. And Eddie is talking to Mike and he's saying how he saw that Alicia was crying. And Mike's like, why though? Eddie Vizan. The only thing I heard is that she's banned hip home. And Eddie's like, but I wonder if Ben yelled at her. He seems like kind of the guy who might do that Zen one moment and then just like, I don't know, all chefs are just so scary. That's one of the benefits of being short is when they throw a pan at your head. It just goes right over it. So now it's 30 minutes till charter and the housewives are all getting in their van to go to the boat. And Joe's dad calls her and they speak in French and dun dun, dun, done, she crutches on the ground.

we found out. I don't know, man. It's dangerous. I worry if I was on a deck, a deck crew, I would be really worried about leaving my family because something every season happens to somebody's family member. It's like a weird lottery that happens on these boats. And it's like, oh, you're taking a job on a yacht. Good. Enjoy the tips. We're killing your family. We're killing them. There is a bit of a morbid streak. But yeah, her grandfather is basically in the hospital and he wasn't doing well as it was. And, yeah, things are bad. So she finds out she's crying.

And Daisy's like, are you okay, Joel? And Joe's like, I'm really sorry, but I need to go. What's happening? It's a family emergency. My grandfather's really sick. Daisy's like, do what you need to do to go home. That's okay. Because you know, Daisy's seen her CV and sees that her only experience is working

at a Hallmark store. She's like, catch her out of here. Go, be with your family. Yeah. And it just shows I could not be a manager. I just couldn't do it. I would be terrible. And I knew this working in restaurants.

I had to kind of do it. Like I did head waiter stuff. Or like have to train the waiters and stuff. And I would just be like, oh my God. Because anything, I was like, that's just an excuse. You know, but I broke my leg. I'm like, then get a roller skate. You know, and I used to be that guy who was like, I came in here after getting LASIC.

I literally could not see, which I couldn't. And I was literally dropping plates onto people's heads. It was not pretty. But I went to work anyway. And I'm like, you should go to work anyway. And it's like your grandpa's. And then she says like, My grandpa was sick.

He had cancer. He's ever, you know, he's had cancer for a while. I'm like, then why did you come to work? And the first, why did you take this job? I'm just not sensitive enough to do it. Yeah. I would fire myself as a manager because I have no sensitivity. Be like your grandpa.

It's not like it's your dad. Get back to work. You say that you're actually so sensitive. And that's what's so funny is that you're like, I would be like, whatever. You were like the kind of the most sensitive person. Like, hey. Oh, you're so nice. Well, but when it comes to work.

stuff. Not with you. You're literally always like, babe, it's okay. So, but you know how people are different at work. I mean, we work together, but we're,

you know, we're friends. It's different. But I'm, yeah, I'm one of those people who's a little different when I'm wedding tables.

So Daisy says, I don't like seeing people upset. I don't like seeing people upset. I mean, look at me, Daisy, people please her. And I don't like seeing people struggle dealing with family stuff

unless they're just totally, inept and there's no business being on the yacht in the first place, in which case, have a good flight home, because that would crush me. But at the same time, we have a huge charter coming up with the housewives coming. We're fucked. So you are, but on the bright side, housewives don't eat a lot. And all they do is talk and throw things at each other. So as long as you have fresh glasses of water, you're fine. And the thing is that like the housewives don't have to do the annoying flexes that the normies have to do on the show. So like when you have a normie coming on to the show, this is their moment to make a splash on America. So they'll be like, um, could you

make my bed? Okay. Um, wait, can you know, okay, sorry, it's been two hours. Can you take the sheets off? Can you make it again? You know what I would really need? I need some gold leaf for my steak. Oh, you know what else? Could I get some clams casino? Could I get some crab legs? Can I get some truffles? Could they need to like, they're like, oh my God, I need to like have this moment. But the houseups are busy. They have to, they have to do their show. So they're busy with their own request. They may request something to be ironed, but they're

not going to be like fussy the way someone with a teeny tiny window of fame is going to be. I mean, they kind of are though, because they asked them to unpack them. Heather asked them to unpack them, right? I think it's Heather. Yes, and like Lisa makes some requests,

but I'm saying that like there's some people who make the absolute craziest request because it's like they're, it's the first time that they've ever stepped into luxury. Yeah. And they're acting. These ladies spend the whole year trying to impress us with their money. So it's just like a run of them.

They're more focused on each other, right? They're more focused on like one-uping each other than making a splash on blow deck. Yeah. So Daisy tells the captain that that girl's leaving and they're just going to have to deal with it. So he announces to the crew that this is going to happen and they have to help each other and stuff like that. And now the housewives are here.

And Andrew's like, oh my God. It is so beautiful. We are in Greece. I am Greek. This is not Greek. It's not Greece. Look at this beautiful boat. I can't wait to puke on every inch of it.

Yeah. So now they meet up with the ladies. Ladies, we're going to get you nice and well acquainted to the boat with Daisy. And we're going to cruise around for about an hour. And hopefully you get wet. I mean, we're going to get you in the water. Why did I say it like that?

And Heather's like, Ooh, Captain Jason. Did you notice that Heather yelled out every single line. She yells it. And she's like hoarse. Because she's yelling so much. She's totally hoarse. Yeah.

I noticed that. Her voice is like crackly. And because she's doing too much. She's doing too much. So now people are getting drinks and Lisa is like, oh my God. I love a good greeting with a cocktail. I love this. Is this Vita tequila?

Just kind of want out of Vita tequila. Oh my God. We're international now. Wow. I only drink my own. So now they're getting drinks and they're getting margarita shots and Brittany's like, oh my God, your name is Mike. I love your accent.

I love it. Were you named after the phone, the microphone? No, it's, oh, your name's just Mike. Wow. So Jason, you just sing into your head. It does look like it's something. You know what? His hair sort of looks like.

Like a fuzzy mic. Those fuzzy ones, you know, they're using the field. Or like a makeup brush, right? Yeah. Yeah. Really, there's so many, it can go and so much of the brush. She's pumpkin. It's like a hair pumpkin.

Okay. So Jason, he checks in on Joe. He's like, you're doing the wrong thing. You've got to remember that. And if you have any, if you're, if you're feeling alone, just think to yourself, out back steakhouse. That's amazing. If ever you miss it.

Just listen to that lady screaming. Heather's like, Oh, did you guys hear Captain Jason? Just said he was going to get me wet again. All right, ladies, I'm going to give you a tour. You're ready? And there's only six of you. Wait, there's still one more coming.

All right, well, here we go. That's a room, that's a ceiling, that's a floor. Congratulations, you're on a boat. Who wants a pita? And they're doing the fighting over rooms. Oh, my God, he's just going to. get this room. He's going to get that room. She's like, they're all the same. The fucking idiots. Who cares? He's like, because Daisy is like not used to the housewide tradition of running around

a vacation space looking for a room. So she's like, what are they doing? Like they're just taking rooms. Daisy, you are the boss. You've got to control these animals looking for rooms. She's like, all right, well, that's the sundack there. And they're talking. about the view. Daisy, this is fabulous. Oh, my God. Okay, wait, where's the active volcano?

I heard there's a volcano. Does the volcano have Vita tequila? Is it a Vita Cano? Oh, my God. That power classic flow is just tequila coming out of a mountain. I love that. I love it here. And then Brittany finds out she's got the last room,

which seems great because everyone else has to share. But Bronwyn is missing, which means Brittany is going to have to share with Bronwyn. Don, don, don, don. So now, Daisy tells Jason that Bronwyn's coming late. And then it's time to leave the dock. And Heather's like, throw those lines, boys, the way Captain Jason throws me around a bedroom. We're going to get ready to set sail like the way that Captain Jason did set his penis on my lady sales yeah sent sail like jason sat on my face

lift that anchor the way he lifted my butt cheeks up to get inside you got freaky boys down in the galley all right now we're going to do guest lunch now we're going to do sliders i I think we should do really nice lobster salad. She's like, okay. So she's chopping a cucumber, and he's like, what is that? It's a cucumber? For what? The salad?

Did you cut it with a hammer? Are you Gallagher? She's like, no. A chainsaw? No. Hecksaw? I could go all day. There's a lot of instruments.

Did you chew this up and spit it out onto the plate? What did you do here, honey? Did you throw it at a wall fan? No. No, well, maybe yes. Ben's like, that's all right, babe. Okay, it's just, I don't know if we can use that. It's too rough.

It looks like kibble now. When we do guest food, just kind of run it past me a little bit. Because, you know, we might put ourselves in a position where you do something I don't like. And then you kind of maybe waste time. Yes. The red beans over there. If you could cut the way, you finish my sentences in a terrible accent, then you'd be golden honey.

hips. Alright, now listen, get out of the way of the cucumber. So now, Joow is telling everybody to set up, you know, everybody's getting ready, hors d'oeuv, champagne, everything. And Brittany is talking about Jared, her loser boyfriend, for those of you who don't know, but everybody needs to respect him because he is cousins with Donnie and Marie. It's a big deal. It's a big deal. He's an Osmond. So she's like, well, guys, I mean, I could flirt with guys, but I'm not going to be into somebody that's not into me. You know what I mean? And they're like, Andrew goes, but Jared's not into you

though, and you're still into him. You know, she should understand where her daughter's coming from now. I'm not going to be with someone who's not into me, right? Yeah, exactly. So then Jason's sending a text to his Norma, whose name is Shelley, asking

for a new stew. And then down in the galley, Daisy's like, so what am I bringing up? Well, some smoked salmon, buttered christini, super simple, green of tapinard and ask them if they want some misshaping cucumber bits that sugar shoulders cut up the other day. Inform them of the bad news that a cucumber has been murdered, slaughtered, killed, crushed, destroyed, disseminated.

Just tell them, decimated, I meant, not disseminated. We won't disseminate that because it's terrible. It's awful goddamn work. All right, share. Out of the way, Maple Croch, we got this food to go upstairs. Jenna, we're training her like a cat. You know how you trade a cat with spray bottles? We're training Brittany by throwing food at her.

I mean, by throwing water on her because they've just told Britney, Britney, if you talk about Jared one more time or say his name, we're going to throw water on you. I forgot about this. Yeah, so she says, like, well, you know, guys, Jared doesn't love me. And they're like, aha, we're throwing water on you. So they're all kind of throwing water on her, at least Whitney. And like three or four of them.

Yeah, three or four of them threw water on her. They pour a whole picture on Brittany. I totally forgot about this. Did we see those? Yeah, Meredith gets the whole picture. Oh, yeah, you forgot about that. Yeah, I just forgot about it because there was, well, because what took up my brain space was the other water flowing that we saw later, which is the famous thing where

Brittany throws the water at Meredith and puts her hand out, like the matrix and like somehow blocks all the water from hitting her. So that was the preeminent water memory that I have. And I'll just say water five more times for people who like hearing my New York accent. So Bronwyn. I'm supposed back in the fun days when Meredith was still being kind of nice to Brittany. Like she was pouring the water like in kind of a good natured way and she's like, wasn't that fun.

Look at us just being gross. Commercials. Here comes one right now. Bronwyn arrives at the island and she's in her silly kind of like yellow outfit with the inner tube stitched into it. She looks insane and it's so funny seeing her out of context because on the show we're used to it, you know, but I wonder what we would feel if we were watching this first time. I think my instincts have always been right. I'm just like, no. I don't trust that person.

I don't trust anybody who comes like on their own dress in a pool floaty and then is all serious. Oh, you guys, I'm just having a really rough time. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That's why I'm like. She arrives looking like Benny the cab. You know, doing swim lessons. And she's very serious about it.

But you're right. Out of context, it's so funny. And in the context of Below Deck, it just really looks so goofy. When you watch Salt Lake City, it's just like what she's wearing, what they all wear. But in the context of Below Deck, you realize how the real housewives do just kind of dress up in this crazy way. We've seen all these guests that always come on the boat and they always were sort of the same kind of flowy outfits or certain kind of looks.

But the real housewives have definitely an aesthetic, which by the way is a good segue to mention. We forgot to mention and to give a shout out. We were on the back row podcast, which came out this week with Amy O'Dell, who's a fashion writer. She's super insightful about fashion. She also wrote the book, the Gweth, Haltrow biopic, and I think she did one about Anna Wintour.

But we went on there and we talked about Housewives fashion and how Housewives have impacted fashion over the years. And it was really cool. So check out the back row podcasts because it's really all about this shit that we're talking about right now. Yeah. But Bromwood's not a typical housewife. I mean, she dresses super crazy.

She dresses like hot dogs and stuff, you know? Yeah. So she comes on. She's looking crazy, but I just love how serious she is. She's like, it was rough. I've had a rough one. I just took a 14-hour flight, dressed like an inner tube. So that was interesting.

And I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. So now, Joao is showing Eddie how to drop the anchor. And he's like, when you're captain, you know, you're looking for a solid right-hand man. And you can't have ice everywhere. And Joao knows how to run a ship. He knows how to run a charter.

And he knows how to call himself, Joao. Joao. Joao knows Joao. Joao has met Joao. Joao loves Joao. Joao has masturbated to the image of Chihu in the mirror. in Zim. So Jason and Daisy, he asks her

how the second she was going, and she's saying it's going well, and Bronwyn is now on the boat. And Angie's like, by the way, I am Greek, but also getting seasick. Could someone get me some medication? Thank you very much. We have 30 seconds before I spew chunks all over this deck.

Thank you. So, Bramwin, she just sort of arrives. She's talking to people and Daisy tells us, if Katina crashes, we can climb onto Bronwyn, I swear to God, there's enough space on our hat for all of us. Oh, hearty, har, heart. And now it's lunchtime. So Ben is staring down at the bowl of chopped lettuce.

Well, she's making, she's pulling big romaine leaves off and then lining a bowl with them to look pretty, basically. And he's like, uh, what are you doing? She's like, does it need to be bigger? And he's like, what? No, I mean, it's too big. Or are they supposed to eat gigantic leaves of lettuce? I did not think this was her worst infraction because you could definitely have a salad where it's like whole leaves and then you actually cut the leaves, you know?

So this was not the worst, but she sort of arranged them in kind of a like an amateurish way. You know, she like was making a sun out of the lettuce leaves instead of being sort of like like hips, like that hipster like stack of leaves that's just like, oh, I just do this together because I'm I'm a hipster. you know. I thought she was making like a bowl of lettuce that you serve the salad on top of. But I mean, I don't know. We never really got to it. He's like, well, take some of those leaves and chop up so they could be, you know, salad. And then we'll put them on top.

And then he's like, so dressing. She's like, I am dressed for the salad. Going to put dressing on the salad. Dressing. Come on honey knees, we can do this. All right. Dress it. dress it with dressing.

She's like, oh, yeah, okay. So she starts to, like, pour some onion stuff on the salad. He's like, no, no, no, no, no, leave that. That's rendered bacon fat. Okay, thank you very much. So Bronwyn is getting settled into her room. And Brittany shows her the famous unicorn that's like, oh, you are loved.

You are loved. Good night, baby. And Bronwyn goes, I'm going to throw that shit overboard, which was full shadowing. Yeah. And then Angie's still getting sick. And Heather is asking Jenna to help her find her nipple cover. She's lost it.

Isn't that wacky? If anybody comes across a nipple cover, it's mine. Oh, my God. This is not community theater. I hear you. You have a microphone on. Well, there's a good chance it may have gotten stuck in the door. That's what snagged my nipple.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. And Lisa's like, I have a bag. It's a St. Lori, I'm back. Could you have that product? That would be great. And could you unpack us, please? And find my nipple cover. It's just a boulder a plane. They're like, oh, my God, these women are making us crazy. By the way, unless it's still still to come next week, how much did you love that they didn't even bother with the stupid cucumber situation? Right. They did. I think that we, they showed that this week. I missed. Yeah, they show, they show one of the, one of the late, I guess Jenna unpacking the luggage and, finding the cucumber and going, what the hell is this? Oh, I blocked it out. I obviously blocked it out.

And by the way, it's so obvious now that Heather just like packed that in there to have that hilarious moment. Because like, who's bringing a cucumber, right? Like if you're going to bring a sex, if you're going to bring something to help you masturbate, you're going to bring just like a proper sex tool, you're not going to bring a cucumber. That's going to get like, like that runs the risk of getting mushy in the in the bag. I don't know.

It was like so obviously like a Heather. This will be a hilarious moment and shows that I'm sexual and horny, horny for Captain Jason, my former lover. So Daisy's going crazy already. She's like, these women are unhinged, all these demands. We've got nipple covers where God, I forgot. Hold the drink request. Joe's gone.

Mike's on deck. There's two of us, eight of them. I cannot keep up. Like, what the actual fuck? And I remember when we were covering this episode, I was like, wow, Daisy is like the most stressed, uh, chief we've ever, we've seen, you know, because Daisy is always like, whenever you see her in this episode, she's walking around, or on the Housewives version, she's always walking around stressed out like, all right, radio, radio, radio, lunch, lunch, lunch coming up,

lunch coming up. Oh my God, lunch is coming up. She looks like her head's about to pop off and now we see why. Yes. Makes sense. Um, Lisa's like, hi, by the way, could I get like some conditioner? We need some conditioner for help Britney's hair. It looks so bad. Yeah.

You guys have some Dr. Pepper, the Dr. Pepper that I requested. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Dr. Pepper. Do you guys have some extra marasino cherries? Yeah, Todd keeps on eating all of them. Did you guys, that's on my preference sheet.

Yeah, thank you. Mm-hmm. Can I have a seasick bracelet for me and for Anjay? Because she's getting sick. And the nipple cover has been found, everybody. Okay. And Heather's like, oh, yeah, put it on me then. And she whips out her boob.

And the girl's like, okay. Slaps it on her boob. Daisy, Radio. for Mark to come help her in the gallery. He's like, I see this coming right up? So they, the salad, the aforementioned salad is ready to go. And he's like, is that the salad? It looks like a strange sunshine made out of lettuce

leaves. Like, yeah, well, you know what? If they don't like it, Elysia made that. And oh, yeah, by the way, here's some chicken tenders. Five stars with this high-end food. Chicken tenders. Go get it. He says looking at their preference sheet, all they really want is bar food. So there, there we go. Some sliders. So then they're being served, Angie's getting sicker and sicker. And Ben's like, so I need something to put all those chicken tettas, sweetie pie, please. Please, corn crotch.

Do it for me? And she's like, do you want it in or on the tenders? And he's like, what? She goes, in or on the tenders. He's like, babe, stop it. Come on. God. Jeez.

He's like, he's like, use a bowl, whatever the fuck. Come on. On, in. You know what I mean. Stop there, stop there, stop messing with me. Come on, curry thighs, get with it. So Alicia's like, I have no idea what's going on in Ben's brain. It's like a squirrel that's on a red bull that's trying to organize one of those pantomime things.

You know what they call those dusts. She means Marionette. He can't even say Marionette, your goddamn cake crack. Oh, I knew I should have gone to Marionette School as a backup to culinary school. Mom told me I'd never be a good marionette person. I don't, she's like, I can't read your membrane. He's like, I don't expect you to, but if I say, put the food on something, you should understand that whether it's on or in,

it just means a serving plate, darlings, just do it. Okay, chop up a lemon, please. Actually, you know what? Maybe I'll do that because he's like medallions. And she's like, but what's a medallion? I'll do that. He has her cut a lemon into medallions and she cuts him into triangles. He's like, no, a medallion.

I don't know what a medallion is. While you're juggling the lemons. I don't know. Yeah, some of this I can kind of get. I can get where he's coming from. It's just the honey and the babes. I'm like, come on now. So the chicken tenders are served, and they love them.

No one blinks an eye. They're like, wow, great. Chicken tenders, perfect. Five-star service. Yes. So Heather asked Bronwyn, Why did you come late, Bronwyn? I'm right in front of you, and I can hear you.

And a lot of stuff happened last week, as you might have heard, and that really upset Todd. And people keep trying to dig into my past, and there's some nasty things that I've come out in the press. And after I've hung out with this group, and I think that both of us are concerned that someone in this group is doing it. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Nobody would do that here. Nobody. No one at all.

Whatever. Oh, and then here's Jenna finding the cucumber. And then Bronwyn and Lisa start arguing over, you know, they start having their big fight. Like, what, what, what, what, what, what, what? Lisa's so defensive. Like, what do you mean somebody's doing it? You're saying it's me. I wouldn't do that.

I never did that. What are you talking about? Why is everybody coming for me all the time? I didn't do anything. Like, I didn't do anything. I don't know. I don't know what. You look pretty guilty.

Like, I would convict you of murder at this point. Because you're acting pretty guilty. I was expecting the housewives to be very classy and modest. Like, you're all, can you take this for me, please, dear? But they just came on like Papa Not Jobs. Like, yes, my welcome to Bravo. So Lisa's like, what? Who fed it?

Who fed my stuff? Who leaked it? Okay. Who was going to blogs and they saw like, like Tribune. They sound like a group from my local pub. I cracked up at that. They sound like a group with my local pub. It's fair.

It's a fair assessment. So now they have their big fight and they're like, okay, that was fun. Let's go swimming now, everybody. They just get everything so quickly. And now. Now, Ben wants to make a cheesecake. And Alicia's like, oh, I can make a cheesecake.

No problem. He goes, you can. And she's like, yep. And he goes, okay, all right, we'll be there together. She goes, okay, see you in five. Dun, dun, done, done. Ben, why are you letting Alicia make a cheesecake? She couldn't even get the salad right.

She couldn't get the lemon, right? She messed at the frittata. Why are you letting her do the cheesecake? Yeah. You just know it's going to be a disaster. Speaking of disasters, Heather is writing on Jason's back on one of those ski-do things. And I'm writing him like a fucking Bronco. So then Ben and Alicia are setting up the cheesecake. He's like, all right, this is a traditional

Tuscan cheesecake. That's 500 grams of Philadelphia, 500 grams of moscoponi, 200 grams of sugar, three eggs plus one yolk, zest of two oranges, and I'm right here for your darling. And she's like, got it. All right. Three broccoli heads, two eggs, one potato and a piece of cardboard. Be right there. That's wrong amount of eggs. Oh, you said an iron, an iron. All right. Why did you put an iron in there?

God damn it. So now Angie is barfing because she has finally gotten sick. So she's barfing all over the place. At least it's on the water. And Eddie's like, wow, I'm all for Angie having a throw up. I mean, get it out of you, woman. Get it out and carry it on. That's what short people are for dealing with your barf.

Oh, those total people, they get to be so much higher away from all that puke, but I will carry on with the burden that I have in life. So Ben Ben is tasting a cheesecake while shit is boiling over on the stove top, like bubbling over, spilling onto the floor. And Ben goes, honey, did you put any sugar in there? And she's like, in what? In the cheesecake? She's like, no, I thought I just added the eggs and the yolk. That's it. It's like, yeah, but okay, it's dessert, Han, or is it, they generally have sugar in them.

Okay, so moving forward, we'll give you the recipe. Now, he did not mention sugar, did he? I'm going to go back to see what he listed. I mean, you shouldn't have to. That should be a question like, hey, he does, 200 grams of sugar. 200 grams of sugar. You're right, there it is. Oh, Alicia.

I'm trying to stick up for you, Alicia, but it's difficult. So then, Daisy Radio's the crew that dinners at. 7.30. And Jason has to go to Angie's room because she's sick. So he brings her some ice and like kind of vacantly looks around like, all right. Well, you're sick. Okay. Can I go back to my room now? These people never stop requesting things. And then the now they're cheering outside the ladies. And Heather's like, wow, this is the good times girl victory tour. And then the galley, Ben has moved on with the actual. proper food. So he sends up a barata salad and marinera. And then we cut back to Ben and

Alicia. Well, Daisy brings the food up and he tells her to let, he's like, I'm just going to do the next thing. Like, I don't want any fuckups because he has done his whole monologue about like, what I've learned is that when someone says they have a passion for food, they don't actually mean that they actually know how to make food and you have to be very careful because they can trick you. They tricked me. I'm like, that's on you, honestly. If someone says that they, that they're untrained, but they have a passion. To me, that means you don't know what you're doing at all. Yeah. And I can see how that would be frustrating for him because he's not necessarily there to teach somebody every step of the way. But it's not abnormal for a chef to be like, this is how I want my

cuts on a cucumber. You know, this is like how I want my vegetables done. Do you know how to chiffon? Like, you know, like kind of checking what they're doing. So it kind of goes on him. Right. But I think he's also, he's like realizing, oh, producers have set me up here. They put someone who has no skill whatsoever to get a rise out of me in the kitchen. And I'm just going to push it to the side at this point. Yeah. So, um, Heather is upstairs. Heather's like, we miss Angie and Mary's commentary because they're having dinner in their bed. Yeah, this is them, this is them having dinner. Oh, that's, that is upstairs. I'm sorry, you said upstairs. And I, for some reason, I thought like, they're in their bedroom. Well, higher upstairs.

The bedroom is upstairs. And then we're going even a high. We're going all the way. I don't even know why interjected. So she's like, yeah, we miss Mary's commentary. And Brittany's like, I don't miss Mary's commentary. She's like, Brittany, we have a rule when you shit talk. They have to be right in front of you. Well, there's other people at this table that you're mad at that you're not saying something about.

Because there's people who do some shit talk behind the backs. Lisa, she says that you big sister her and she doesn't want your advice. And it's bullshit. Okay. And Mertith, she says that you pretend to have something. seizures and go to a level 100 and it's bullshit. She doesn't believe anything that comes out of your other. There we go.

Drop the bomb. I have never had a seizure in my life. First of all, now second of all, I know people who have had seizures, including my son. And now you're attacking my son's seizure disability and coming for my son. Way to abuse a child, Britney. Way to abuse a child. I find that to be despicable. So then Alicia's like, interior, interior,

gallery needs to know whether or not we should take place. No, they're fighting about seizures. Everything's up in the air. I don't have an answer for you right now. So the women are starting to fight. They're starting to have their first major fight of their experience that we all know. I love this part because as well,

Meredith is like, my child had seizures. And Brittany goes, well, my child, and she says, I don't care. I like that Brittany is going to try and like one up the seizure story with her own child. And Ben is like very upset because he's trying to get the food out because the timing it matters. And Britney's like, but this is the seizure that I'm talking about. See, you're saying you're doing the seizure.

Stop saying seizure, Brittany. Stop saying it. Seizure, seizure. You know what? I'm had enough. I'm throwing water on you. All right, I'm going to throw water back at you. Halt.

I halted the water back on you. I'm Robert your glue. Did she actually throw the glass? Because it happens so quickly, but we see a broken glass on the table. So is that from this? Oh, I think that's, maybe, maybe, maybe Britney's, I don't know. You know what, I don't know. So obviously one of those glasses broke.

They're stressing out in the kitchen. They're fighting up here. You know, they're having to vacuum around these housewives fighting. And there was one point where they were throwing water at each other. And Jenna just comes fine and goes, it's okay. We'll get you some more water. Not even like. I won't get you a towel or anything like that.

Right. We'll get you some more water. While they're fighting about seizures, everything's up in the air. Everyone, come on. I don't know when they're going to stop eating. Fucking insane. Absolutely insane. First meal the torture.

And they guys are already killing each other. These bitches are next level. DeLulu. I am over this. Yeah. Pretty fun. Yeah. These housewives are real torturers, man.

Geez. Yeah. I can only imagine what it must be like to actually work on the crew of some of these shows. for us. Fun for us. All right, thanks for being with us, everybody. This was a long one, eh? Jeez. Thanks for being here. And we'll talk to you next time. Get your tickets for the Golden Crappies February 27th over at watchwackrappins.com and join us for live voting beginning tomorrow, Wednesday. We'll talk to you next time. Bye guys. Bye. Watch What Crapins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King.

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