Watch What Crappens - #321: Lil' Vow Wow

Episode Date: August 23, 2016

Wedding vows and cabinets: that's what today's episode is all about. From Shannon and David to Gamble and Wolfie, we've got all the matrimonial bliss (and renewal) covered. And in the middle, we tackle Dolores's journey through a home renovation. Stay strong, D! 00:00:00 - Intro 00:04:33 - Crappens Mailbag 00:17:02 - Real Housewives of Orange County 01:02:52 - Real Housewives of New Jersey 01:39:56 - Real Housewives of Melbourne Subscribe at https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Support us at https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens Follow us at https://facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Visit us at https://watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap happens? What happens? What happens?

Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker from B-SideBlog.com and the banjo blender podcast joining me as always is the most guys and dollsy buddy i know because he's got a horse right here named paul revere it's ronnie carom from trash talk tv.com and the rose bricks podcast and also big brother smother hey ronnie hello give you a little bit of a musical intro there without actually singing anything a little something for you uh because we were singing it beforehand so so anyway before we get sued by some broadway person um welcome to the podcast everyone we

don't talk about broadway we talk about Bravo, which is close to the same thing. If you want to join us in the world of Bravo beyond this podcast, come to WatchWhatCrapInns.com and you can join in on the conversation and you can see, um, all sorts of fun things like gifts of gamble, dancing at her wedding and things like that. Um, and of course you can support us at patrion.com forward slash watch what crap ends. People who support us get access to a weekly bonus episode,

which we just recorded. We talked about a lot of things, the Olympics, Ryan Lochte, um, some various gossipy things. We talked about what it would be the olympics ryan lochte um some various gossipy things we talked about what it would be like if freddy krueger haunted the real housewives of new york city stuff like that and uh of course if you are a supporter on patreon you can also submit things to the crapman's mailbag which we'll get to in just a few moments so those are

the things that are important to know about. And of course, we have our show on TuneIn Premium. So check that out. And if you're going to be in the LA area on September 25th or that weekend, the LA PodFest will be going on. And everyone should come to that, especially because we will be doing a live show from the PodFest on September 25th at 7pm. All the information is at lapAPodFest.com If you can't make it, there is a feed that you can subscribe to and

if you use the promo code CRAPPINS you get a few dollars off of it. So it's a great way to check out not only our podcast but a whole bunch of other ones, much bigger ones that we are really kind of honored to be in the presence of. It's bonkers.

So check that out. It's a good value if you're a big podcast fan. That's it. Did I do a good job, Ronnie? Yeah, that was so good. And we'd like to thank our premium sponsors, the Wine and Shout Podcast. That's the Wine and Shout Podcast.

Mia Hansen, alohaha Christy Doherty and our super premium premium sugar mama Madonna Hines Madonna with a sexy J Madge with a sexy J we love you guys yes thank you guys for supporting us on that epic

premium tier that's like so cool. I never thought people would like us that much. Thank you so much for that. So what a fun day. We've got a lot going on here, Bean. Yeah, we have so much. I think we should just get right to the crappin's mail there.

What do you say? Do it. Oh, wait. Hold on a second. What happened? I got a warning from call recorder everyone just calm down call recorder may not record video properly if skype's main window is not in the active space well oh we would not we would not want that why is it recording video in the first place i didn't say i should record video yeah let's just open up let's just open up the mailbag and hope for the best okay yeah

yeah let's just hope my video is not in that mailbag no one needs to see what's happening if this is your first time listening to the podcast um welcome we are probably the most professional podcast you're going to hear. Because we don't really do post-production. If things like the call recorder warning comes up while we're doing this podcast, you're going to hear it. Transparency, baby. It'll be in there. Yes.

All the call recorder drama. You never know what's going to happen. It's not live, but it might as well be. Yes. Ronnie and I do this podcast over skype because we're too lazy to actually meet up even though we live a mile away from each other so that's what that's all about so um the mailbag still so much stuff in the mailbag you ready to to answer a question hell yeah man so michael horn says do you prefer when Housewife newbies are more like Jules, a.k.a. not getting so involved with the drama at first, or like Kelly starting drama right away?

Do you think either of them should get a second season from what we've seen so far? It's a great question. Do you want me to go first? Yeah, you go first. I generally enjoy a Jules type slow build because I like when they accidentally fall into the trap of becoming real on TV because they're also fake at first. And, you know, Jules included, probably Jules especially. And then shit hits the fan and then they become a bitch in year two. But Kelly is really playing a little bit too hard for my taste but i'm also really enjoying her because without her what would be happening this year

exactly nothing exactly i think it's weird i think kelly is more of an exception than the rule usually i hate it when they come on hard like Like the last season of New Jersey was an entire cast full of that. Like Amber, the twins, just a bunch of people saying, okay, here's my moment. I got to seize it. And when they come on too hard, it does not feel authentic.

It feels thirsty. And it's just, it's hard to embrace that. Excuse me. So in general, I do prefer a slow burn, you know, although Jules is a little too slow with her burn. I I mean she's had some moments but she really never came to life Kelly Ben Simone when she first joined the cast was a nothing for like half that season and then all of a sudden she had that fight with Bethany

and was like whoa and then there's no turning back you know that to me is perfect um Kelly I'm liking because I see I see that she you know you could look at it a couple of different ways. Maybe she's starting all these fights because she feels like she has to. But I don't think so. I think she's legit nuts. She's legit, like, yeah, legit nuts. Yeah, when she sits down to have the conversations and they're all calm and not when she's just yelling the C word out wasted. But, like, when they're calm and people are telling her off, she's either crying or she looks like she's about to legit cry and

these are not housewives cries like heather from last week these are real like gigantic tears that come out so i think that she actually does kind of feel like these people are just being mean to her and she's standing up for herself, even though it's crazy. Well, you know what? The reason why Kelly is working is because she's actually authentic to herself, which is what you're saying. She is like straight up Arizona trash, you know, and it's great and and it's working. And like you said, without her, we would be nowhere. And she is vulgar and gross and brash.

But then she can also be funny. And she can be relatable, actually, too. And that's why she works. It's the people who are just trying to put on a facade where it doesn't work. But the best ones are people like Shannon Medour or Dorinda who come on. They are just themselves. They're an open, what is it? Open book, open sore.

You know, they just are that. Open wound. But they come on, they're themselves, and they're also their own unique brand of, like, personality too. You know, they're not trying to be the fighter or not trying to be the they're just themselves and they are like a one of a kind right that's why we that's why we

loved Shannon and loved Dorinda right off the bat yeah I think that Kelly's trying to be like the party one who's just always gonna have fun but it went sour really really quickly I think when people try to fit in really hard it doesn't work. But you have to bring something, too.

You can't just hope that your personality will just shine. So you can't be like Lizzie from a few seasons ago. You can't be like Carlton Gebbia. You know, you just can't. You have to bring something. She was trying too hard. She actually was trying, I'm sorry. That's a bad example. And I actually like when,

I like someone who comes onto a show and they're like, I've watched this show, and I'm going to kick Kyle's ass. Like, to me, that makes total sense, but she just didn't do it very well. You're an anti-Semitic? Well, what about Cindy Berkshire? Kyle said that to her. She said

that she's, like, said that she's a religious bigot because she's against her witchy disease or whatever. Yeah, because Kyle thought there was a Jewish star on the back of her neck. And then Gebbia was like, I would never have something like that.

And Kyle's like, you're anti-Semitic. I don't know. I don't know some stupid controversy but um yeah i think there's a delicate balance i think the most important thing is that you have to be authentic to yourself you have to be willing to get yourself a little dirty but you can't be thirsty and then i think that's that's how you get into it yeah stay hydrated stay hydrated housewives and by the way i don't think that Jules was never – I don't think that she was not being herself. But I think that she just doesn't have a lot of personality.

Yeah. She's being herself. It's just boring and gross. I think she's gross. Like I don't like any – yeah. I don't need to go into a whole Jules thing because that finale is coming up soon. Yeah. Erika Jayne may be a little bit of an outlier, too, because she didn't really give anything of herself.

But people really love her, I think, because she's just irreverent and she's like, you know, you know, all in with the gays, which which I appreciate. But like the two of us have have maintained this line of that. We're a little lukewarm on her, though, right? Yeah, I'm not a fan. But I am excited to see her season two, because I know she's going to rip some bitches up. Now she's got that false sense of security, which you should. That's very dangerous for a real housewife. I think she's going to really bloom in season two, one way or the other.

It's going to be great. Yeah, for sure. Okay, so Amber. Okay. So Amber. Okay, Amber. I don't know how to say your last name. Lake. L-E-Y-K. Lake.

Leak. Amber says, could you guys please wish my BFF, Kathy, a very happy birthday? She turns the big 5-0 on the 24th, which is tomorrow. She actually introduced me to your podcast and it's been downhill ever since. Yes. Happy birthday, Kathy! We quote you guys all the time and generally speak complete nonsense. Thanks.

Love you guys. Thank you. Happy birthday, lady. 50. That's how old Ken's probably going to be next year on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Yeah. With their lying asses. Happy birthday, Kathy. Thanks for spreading our podcast to Amber and talking gobbledygook with each other. We appreciate that.

We love you guys. Yeah. Yeah, that's awesome. That's really cool. I love those things. We had that... I love every now and then we get a message. This is not what their message was ever.

But about how people... I was going through the worst year of my life and this podcast is like the only thing that like kept me going throughout the day it's like it's kind of amazing to me still that like we're just sitting here just being snarky and bitchy over skype and the fact that it like it that it really does affect people is like it's kind of like it's crazy to me it's crazy in a good way good it's good crazy it's like it's like you can't believe like the effect that you have on people whether it's like making two people like have you know inside jokes that they laugh about you know or whether it's like helping someone through a terrible divorce or an illness or whatever it's like it's like such a it's like a huge compliment or honor or whatever

i don't know i don't know how to say without sounding totally egotistical but it's like really really cool it's cool i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry it's cool i'm sorry okay let me just reflect for a moment okay yeah that's so nice is there anything else in there ben there's plenty there's plenty in there but you know we've got we've got two more questions but why don't we save the three more questions four more questions why don't we save them for our next show so delisa d md kenneth curtis and henry sabassi we will be getting to your questions next episode oh yes and don't forget that our Google Hangout is this coming Wednesday night. It's tomorrow.

So it's probably when most of you are listening to this today, Wednesday. Yeah. August 24th. Normally it's on a Thursday, but I requested that we do it on a Wednesday because my friend is moving out of town and we're going to have a full day of board gaming on Thursday. So thank you, everyone, for being accommodating to that. Okay. Halls. Hallsers.

All right. Close up that mailbag, man. What would you like to start with today? You know what? I'll let you choose. Well, I think we should start with the Real Housewives of Orange County. Of course. I know you thought I was going to say Melbourne because I was talking like that.

But you know what, Ben, I would like to start with even before we do that. Yes. I'd just like to say I'm a binge eater being uh i've got six boxes of cereal in my house right now that's my new binge hobby um so i'm used to binge eating and you know like with netflix i'm binge watching but now with texture you can stop binge reading is that a thing guys it's a thing right it's about to be it's a thing trust ron. Is that a thing, guys? It's a thing, right? It's about to be. It's a thing.

Trust Ronnie. It's a thing. Slowly becoming one, Pete. You know, the funny thing is I know that you're binge reading a lot, and it's so perfect that you say this because the Texture app lets you tap into the world's most popular magazines anytime, anywhere, using your smartphone or tablet. Yeah. magazines anytime anywhere using your smartphone or tablet yeah you can breeze through hundreds of your favorite magazines including back issues and pick the articles that interest you the most texture has made it easy to find articles you care about like about the celebrity apprentice

i don't just get to read time magazine or bon appetit or Chatelaine I can read all of that. The Texture editorial team recommends content for me every day plus I can dive deeper with personalised collections Just sign up for Texture right now and gain insider access to all the content from the world's best

publications. The best part? Texture is offering my listeners a free trial right now when you go to texture.com forward slash crappins. You'll gain immediate entry to all the top magazines, including back issues

and bonus video content. How wonderful is that, chicken? Chicken! Oh, Wolfie, start binge reading for free right now when you go to texture.com slash crappins. That's texture.com slash

crappins. That's texture.com slash crappins. Texture.com slash crappins. Texture.com slash crappins. Uh, Wolfie? Wolfie? Did you? Everybody in Melbourne is reading texture!

Wolfie! I said to the man at the magazine stand, get out of that magazine stand right this minute. Get onto texture. So, real housewives of Orange County.

You're lucky because I cannot waste five minutes talking about previously because I was streaming it and I was streaming it on Bravo because you can watch Bravo live or whatever. Yeah. It kept going back and it kept like skipping back five seconds. So if I repeat the same line a few times, there you go. It's because they kept skipping back. I just kept hearing Megan go, Four normal eggs. Four normal eggs.

Four normal eggs. It's the Megan remix by Baz Luhrmann. You know, Megan really just thinks she's having all these profound moments. She's like, I never thought that the moment I got pregnant, my husband wouldn't be in the room with me. I thought that the moment i got pregnant my husband wouldn't be in the room with me i never thought the moment i got pregnant my mom would be there like hashtag justice you know so i never thought i'd have four normal eggs like even a half dozen is six like i'd always thought that if i did this i would have at least six normal eggs it's so weird because i had eggs for breakfast and I thought this is a really normal breakfast.

I never thought I would be putting eggs into my stomach the day I was getting eggs put into my stomach. You know, I really think that Dionne Warwick song should be called I Never Thought I'd Find Eggs Like This Before. I never thought I'd find four

eggs. So Megan is in the hospital or the doctor's office with the doctor whose ex-husband's with crazy Nina. And by the way, bad sign for this episode, the first scene to be Megan getting IVF. I mean, it's just like every episode she just gets pricked with something. I'm just, I'm really

over it. Next week she's going to like walk into a cactus. I can be more or less excited to see Megan spread her legs in gym. no she calls they before she before they like you know put the put the the eggs in her the the doctor is like okay well we did all this and that and there's only four four normal eggs and there's this egg and this egg and this is a boy this is a girl there's a chance so she's like hold on let me call jimmy jimmy which which egg do you want me he's like i don't i don't know i don't care he's like guess

what guess what um is one of them silent i want the most silent one that won't know my cell phone number okay i'm trying to golf right now bitch i want one that matches the tuscan furniture yeah whatever you want babe like honestly like like just like yeah I don't give a crap he's got a marshmallow up there I don't care he's like honestly just like get fucked by a different guy I won't even say anything if the baby comes out black I honestly would be excited by that like seriously I really don't care

he really doesn't care his answer is uh well I guess we should talk about it she's like okay doctor Jimmy wants to talk to me mom Jimmy wants to talk to me. Mom, Jimmy wants to talk to me. I'm going to talk to Jimmy, you guys, okay? I'm going to talk to Jimmy.

Oh, Megan. Poor Megan. She was on Watch What Happens Live. And someone asked her. I didn't watch the whole thing, but someone posted a clip. Someone was like, Megan, is your husband nicer about the baby in real life? Because on the show, he's a real asshole. And she's like Jim you know

he acts like that but now that there's really a baby inside of me he's like whoa like what's the baby like can I touch the baby there's a baby in there wow like he's really into it now oh poor Megan

poor poor Megan poor poor Megan. Poor, poor Megan. Poor, poor Megan. What you gonna do? What you gonna do when he never comes for you? So then we go to Heather showing up at this story time place where you make your own books with your kids, which is cute. She shows up with her daughter, Katerina. And am I crazy? Has she never had a daughter named Katerina before?

Yeah, this is like something. She was like, where did Katarina... She's like, it's like math. You put in names and they give you children. For example, I said, Katarina. Now I have this new child. I was like, where did Katarina come from? I know she's got, like, Nikki and Max and Colette.

Has Katarina been there all this time? Katarina's like the nanny. She just forgot she doesn't even remember anymore she's just like whoever wants to go to the build-a-bear get in the car oh wait alfredo can you get the car alfredo parked the car out front so tamra while we talk my i love alfredo shirts getting printed it's a storybook for alfredo's that way he can learn english more it's not alfredo it's a story about when he came over here from mexico he's like i'm from salvador

poor alfredo was a busboy in one scene and now he's been in like every episode of this for people who don't know uh and this will be in the glossary, which I swear I should have worked on it yesterday. I had nothing to do yesterday. There was a scene where Heather was like loving this busboy. Like Alfredo. Oh, he loves us. We love Alfredo.

And our whole joke since then is that she just calls every Latino serviceman Alfredo. Oh, I love her. So Tamara's like, what's up, batch? And she says, but after that party i am exhausted and damaged i mean i just i thought that you know that girl that kelly girl like she was acting that way at the 70s party but then she starts dropping the c word out of nowhere i mean out of nowhere shannon i was like it actually wasn't really out of

nowhere but okay i'll roll with this as long as you're not pretending to cry right now meanwhile tamra was looking around i was like hey batch this is where i got my bible from that woman over there read it for me mad libs tamra would have a Mad Libs Bible. Mad Libs the store. And then on the seventh day, Batch! He created Batch Batch. My Bible has a picture of me on the cover. Bible me mine. You know what I always say in Tamara 1 verses 14.

Batch! The 11th commandment is, thou shalt find Mia. Batch. Batch not, lest you be batched, batch. They start talking, and Tamra's doing her full on. You know, she's really sticking to this whatever. I'm almost falling for it, Tam this whatever I'm almost falling for it Tamara I'm almost falling for it but she's sticking with him she's like

here's what I think about Kelly like you see someone who says boop and bloop bloop I see someone who's hurt she's hurt on the inside batch Heather's like uh like good for you for being a christian now is not the time okay like you can be a good samaritan on your own damn road okay don't be a good samaritan when

i'm in the passenger seat heather's like what is this concept of emotions on the inside i don't i don't get that um uh i liked how heather complimented tam Tamara for not losing her shit because they showed a clip a memory of how Kelly at one point was fighting with Tamara and was like

oh Tamara go fuck yourself and Tamara's like oh and Heather's like I want to congratulate you for not lunging at Kelly and you can see this look on Tamara's face like fuck

I should have lunged at Kelly she's like I hope I get another season yeah she's like I can't believe I missed that opportunity she's like seriously I would have crawled over the table and slit the bitch's throat but now I'm new Tamara

that was pretty funny Heather's like that's so nice that you're willing to forgive I love your new Christianity I'm Jewish so I don't have to forgive don't worry about i'm jewish it's okay it's okay it wasn't an isometric she's like we don't have that book so um so heather's like trying to do the same thing if this is how she goes about her relationships i don't see how i can ever be around her and look heather you don't get to just ice out everybody you don't want every season heather's been able to do it she

got that first cake bow girl yeah iced then the next year who didn't she well she tried with shannon that didn't work uh well she really hasn't been she's never really been able to ice out anyone the only only sarah the cake bow but that i think was mainly because it had you know like who who better to ice out than someone who can't handle icing i'm icing her out like literally icing like you mess with the fondant you're gonna get icing down yeah you're right it hasn't only worked except that was her only she tried last year she well that was the whole gang trying with vicky and then the year before she was trying to gaslight shannon which is they can't yeah they she can't ice anyone out because she's just too entertaining to watch

when she gets flummoxed have you noticed that every test or every diary room session she does like most of them are sitting back here they're like yeah bitch and then we went to a party heather is right here. Like right in the camera's face. Like her big gerbil eyes are like right in the camera. It's so weird. Back away. She's doing the ring. She's trying to crawl out of the TV.

She's like, look, I can haunt you too. She's like clawing at the glass. How's this work? Terry! Terry! Break the glass. I'm trying to come through to the TV. Coming through the living room. Terry! Hello?

Hello? Did you get my phone call seven days ago? Hello? I crawled out of the toilet, but Terry wasn't even here to see it. It's a reprioritize. When you see the cake, Beau, you have seven days until you die. Hello? Hello? Hey! You see the cake bow. You have seven days until you die. Hello.

Hey, do you have a little hammer so I can get out of this TV? All right. You know what? Okay. I'm going to quiet again. It's like the worst ring ever. Collect.

Do not lower that painting over the TV screen. Collect. Collect. It's like, Terry, collect on the well. Worst ring ever. Colette, do not lower that painting over the TV screen. Colette! Colette! It's like, Terry Colette found the well. It's funny because on the bonus episode, I was talking about how I hate watching scary movies, but one scary movie I did see is The Ring,

so I can make all the ring references I want. The Ring. I love that The Ring keeps coming back on the show. It's like 15 years later, and the ring references still work. Lately, it's Joseph in the amazing Technicolor dream coat and the ring. It's two sides of the same coat. Close every... Never mind.

I won't. We already did that. Literally, the bonus episode, we had a prolonged like 10 minute run with Joseph and Freddy Krueger at the same time don't talk about the ring I can't get pregnant okay so next up Kelly goes over to bring Megan a gift and the mom answers the door and Kelly's standing there

in like a boosty 8 she has her Gumby makeup on she does her makeup like she's Gumby she's like here let me put on like a big swath of pink lipstick so that way my lips look like a perfect circle maybe some yellow

she walks in she is basically a claymation that's what I've decided she's a claymation she just walks in she's like hey bunt I'm being good about not saying the c word anymore but cut fitness sometimes doesn't work right

hey cut fitness hey bunt so she goes up and her mom's like Megan guess who's here Jim Jim a girl in a bustier oh alright so she brings her a gift Jim? Jim? No. A girl in a bustier. Oh, all right.

So she brings her a gift. She's like, hey, I brought you a dozen eggs. She's like, damn it. Hey, I brought you some wine and sushi. Oh, you're pregnant? Sorry. I brought you some mercury salt. Pink Himalayan mercury salt

here's some raw goat cheese megan is uh megan's like thanks for the gift um to be honest like kelly seriously like to be honest right now i'm really on shannon's side because I'm embarrassed to be your friend so Kelly's like Megan was right stern well I mean you make it right no Megan what I said yeah I was turned with Kelly no Megan was absolutely right Megan was like you can't be mad that someone's calling you a prostitute and then you turn around and call someone the c-word like you just can't do that and I sort of if I'm gonna play devil's advocate I sort of understood what what what kelly was saying which is like you're actually saying that i slept my way into up and whatever versus me just curling out an insult but it still doesn't you can't you can't do that logic and megan was right everyone that you can't

do that i'm a mother i'm a mother because everyone there was a mother except for me yes and also megan's logic is pretty spot on. She may not be the most exciting cast member, but she's pretty good with this stuff. She's like, yeah, but the whole reason you had a problem with her calling you a prostitute is because you're a mother, because of how your child

would react to that, but how do you think your child's gonna react to you drunk calling people a C-word? And that was a good way to just lay it out for her and kelly tried the crying and megan was like yeah okay hayley uh no i don't care you still have your economics homework to do okay and so then kelly of course then went to the book of vicky and did that you know you will see one day when you have your own you'll see you'll get and megan's like i take offense to that because you don't know it's like that's like megan's least favorite

thing is when people shame her for not having a baby for your own kid but what did that what did it mean because megan said um yeah well you'll know when you have a kid just no that's not fair because you don't know either why does she keep saying because you don't know either she said three times i think she's saying you don't know that i know or something like that oh you don't know that i know that i don't know i don't know that i don't know at a certain point it's just two stupid people talking you know yes but then megan decided well everybody hates me so okay you're right thanks for being a good friend and megan's like okay just from now on like maybe you should just like i don't know try to think with your logic okay like maybe i don't know you know think before

you talk about stuff okay thanks for these plan b pills we'll see you later so now over at the badora state it's sh's birthday, and she gets a call from David, which gives us another opportunity for Shannon to prove how great their marriage is. David! What? Come on, David, let's have a birthday. David. David. What?

What? What? David. Birthday. What? What? 20 to 60 positive thoughts david i love that thing where shannon's trying so hard to look positive and she squeezes her eyes like oh david uh he's like well happy birthday dear it's still

your birthday so i wanted to say happy birthday to you happy birthday to you. Happy birthday. To you. Happy birthday. Oh, David. You're ridiculous. Thank God I'm already on a fainting couch, honey. Wow. I can't believe what you're doing. I'm so panicky. David.

David. David. I need my spanks. I need my nasal wash. Because David's like, alright dear, get packed Because we're going away for a weekend Get packed, dear She's like, oh, well, okay, I need my nasal wash

I need my water for the nasal wash I need the cup for the nasal wash I need my hormones, that's for sure I need some cups to do some DIY cupping And those anal gland things Okay, David, David Where's my rosemary? Salt, soap, pads, David, David, where's my rosemary? Salt, soap, pads, vitamins, hormones, nasal wash.

David, could you get my distilled water for the nasal wash, David? The nasal wash, David. Do we have the nasal wash? David, I need the robot enema. David? David. What about that Robbie? Robbie from the Nintendo.

We need him too. Where's that little anal Roomba thing, David? David? And she's like, overnight, 20 minutes. that robbie robbie from the nintendo we need him too just that little anal roomba thing david david and she's like overnight 20 minutes oh that jewelry store called and said your engagement ring is in i thought oh my god that was not meant to be answered by you it's probably for somebody else it's like we've got to be out in 20 minutes dear that's when they're coming to change the locks We've got to be out in 20 minutes, dear. That's when they're coming to change the locks.

Oh! David! David's so spontaneous. I mean, so... I just can't believe it. What a happy marriage that we have, David. David? David's so happy. David hasn't been this spontaneous since he had sex with a woman on that beach.

Here lies Shannon Bedora, killed by her husband's spontaneity. Killed by happiness. it was a happy death it was the happiest death you could imagine it's really so happy the only stone in the cemetery that's smiling david david i rented us a boat and some lovely cement shoes for you. It's like the creepiest anniversary trip ever. So then everyone except for Vicky and Kelly are piling into a party bus because they're all going to go to this surprise. And the women are all, you know, they've been on

reality TV long enough. They're like, well, I guess it's probably going to be a vow renewal. I mean, what else could this be, right? What do people who are bound to get divorced any day do uh vow renewal it's housewife show and of course all of this we hear david planning all this stuff like he even sang happy birthday for christ's sake you know he's never done that he didn't even know the tune he was so nervous who gets all the credit for this of course heather she's like a few weeks ago, David Bedore called me.

And then it cuts. This is the weirdest thing. I don't know why this made me laugh so hard, but then it cuts to David and he's like, hello, Heather, this is David Bedore calling. I got your number from Shannon's phone. I'm not allowed to use Gmail,

so I had to call you. I don't know if you got the snail mail I sent, but I haven't heard anything, so. Oh, the post office in our house isn't open yet. Like, we get it. David called you. They don't have to prove it with a five-minute scene of David staring at his computer going, Can we, by the way, can we talk about Megan's

kilt blazer? It was so hideous. It was like someone gutted a bagpipe and turned it into a blazer. I know I just called it a kilt blazer, but it's really a bagpipe blazer. It's like a bagpipe grandmother at the bagpipe graduation ceremony.

It was a reason basically was a testament to the fact that Scotland does not have an international fashion scene. It was just this red plaid angular disaster. I hated it.

It was so hideous. What is wrong with Megan this season? It's like when Stassi decided to look old. Now Megan's doing it too. I hate when bitches don't stay in their lane. Yeah, and Megan's even doing the reading glasses thing. Yeah, and I don't mean bitches as women in general. I mean when there's a bitch on a show, stay in the bitch lane.

Don't try to be elegant. Yeah, call somebody out. You can't suddenly be like a bagpipe funeral although it does kind of explain a lot it does explain a lot i mean and and they're sitting there talking about like oh what's it what's the party gonna be i want i can't i wonder what's gonna be and then megan's like so i want to tell you guys about the transfer it's like the car just immediately drives off a cliff because everyone fell asleep in it, including the driver. She's like, look, I've got a video. And Tamra goes, I've got a badge.

Hey, Batch, I'm going to throw wine on your face. Wait, what'd you say? Hey, Batch, what? Stupid. I said I'm going to throw wine on your face, Batch. Hey, Batch! Batch. Your mom took a video of your badge. Tamra's Christianity

is the most fun Christianity I've ever seen, by the way. It's very selective, which is what I enjoy about it. I do too. Which is not unlike most religions, but still. Or the followers of most religions. Tamra's just embodying it currently. So Vicky and Kelly are at the Fig and the Olive. What is it? A Fig and

an Olive? Do those even go together? This place is crazy. Well, she's Mexican. I love... First of all, Vicky, you know, for live do those even go together this place is crazy well she's mexican i love i love first of all vicky you know for for a couple of queens who talk about people's terrible plastic surgery and stuff all the time wait we skipped a whole bunch a whole big part oh i did i have tamra and vag to vicky with kelly oh oh is this them in the car on the way? So now David and Shannon are driving along. And now Shannon's trying to figure out where they're going. And she's just listing off different places.

Different places. She's like, are we going to Laguna? Are we going to La Jolla? The Ritz? Rancho Cucamonga? A pub? A bar and a pub? Will they be serving hamburgers?

Or steak? Or steak and hamburgers? How much sugar am I supposed to expect this year? Because I told myself that this year I won't freak out about the sugar as much, so I'm preparing myself for it. So just tell me, because I really don't want to freak out, David. David? David!

Nasal wash? Yes, we got your nasal wash here. Ah, good. Distilled water? Yes, David. Are we going to San Juan Capistrano, David? David? San Clemente?

To Mexico? Indian Casino? Regular Casino? Capistrano? Casino? Is it a casino? David? Bingo? David?

David, tell me. David used to always tell me these things. So she's freaking out. And then she mentions that Vicky had called her to invite... Vicky called to say happy birthday. But Vicky's version of saying happy birthday is like, oh, well, you know, happy birthday. It's funny because my birthday is coming up this weekend too. So it's going to be my birthday.

And I want you to come to the Dunes because we're going to go to the Dunes for my birthday. I know there's been a lot of hurt and anger. But on your birthday, I want to say give me me the gift of enjoying my birthday without hurting anger. Okay? Let's just whoop it up. Let's whoop it up. You like to whoop? Whoop. Whoop. I love when Vicky plans a white trash activity.

She does it a lot. Like, oh, let's go to Lake Havasu. Let's go on a boat on Lake Havasu. Let's go to the dunes. Let's ride some buggies in a dune. We're gonna go air rifle some cans off some racks. So I ride some buggies in a dune. We're going to go air rifle some cams off some rocks. So I just wanted you to know that you're invited. Yeah, we're going to go to Sturgis to the motorcycle rally. Hey, so we were thinking about going to the Insane Clown Posse gathering of the Juggalos for my birthday.

So you want to do that? You know, you win at a lot of things, but I bet you're not going to win a hot dog eating contest. And you can prove that at the Orange County Fair this weekend.

Okay. Happy birthday to me. Call me. So I was thinking for my birthday, we'd just go to the Monster Truck Rally. There's supposed to be

a dinosaur in the shape of a car that eats cars and has fire coming out of it. So I thought, you know, as long as Tamara's going to be there's supposed to be a dinosaur in the shape of a car that eats cars and has fire coming out of it so I thought you know as long as Tamara's gonna be there why don't we all go I started monster trucks Vicky I start monster trucks I start rallies do I want to go to monster truck rally?

no so then what does that cut back to? oh it cuts back to the car with david and shannon and uh shannon's like well yeah here's the thing david i don't have anger i don't have anger i just don't want to be her friend and then she tells us some people might think i'm a bitch nope i just don't want to be her friend And Kelly, what's her last name? Nope Nope

Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope

Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope

Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope

Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope

Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope

Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope

Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope

Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope

Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope And they will be staying at the Honeysuckle Suite, which for some reason made me laugh. It sort of seemed like an appropriate name for their marriage, Honeysuckle. Who is this honey? Who is this girl named Honey, David? David? David, who's Honeysuckle? David? Why have you reserved a girl named Honey to suckle your roast, David?

Dear, don't worry. Is there a steak here, David? Nasal wash? Where do I go with my nasal wash? Can someone unpack my nasal wash? I was searching around on hotbot.com and discovered that honeysuckle is the name of your favorite stripper, David. David? We got married here in the year 2000. Before 9-11.

It's like Before and after So then of course the best part is that As Shannon's overwhelmed With the love and joy She and David have this awkward Awful awful kiss It's like we love each other so much Let's have a kiss let's press our lips together

In testimony of how much we love each other David Thank you thank you Thank you thank you David you thank you thank you david thank you david thank you david thank you david geez ladies the man ever done anything for you in your entire life and then then they go into the next room and pretend to have sex it was like we could just stay in here knock it out real quick of course we all know that he's talking about pulling out the enema from her ass. He's like, I know you got something stuck up in there.

Let's just do it. Oh, that's so romantic. David, David. I don't even have to ask him to remove the plastic from my ass anymore. He just knows to do it. Well, I may not have gotten my makeup done, but at least I got a bikini wax. David. I've gotten my makeup done, but at least I got a bikini wax. What? David? It's like knocking out her teeth in there. Okay, so now we're

at the olive. We made it. And what's her pod? That crazy, what a nutcase. That Kelly, what's her last name? Oh, dear. She's drinking a martini. And right when she tells vicky vicky so this is what i was going to say before for a couple queens who are always racking on people's

looks vicky looks really good i mean she looks great she looks great her body looks so good i was so jealous no one can work an old lady cut out dress like vicky it's like she loves a cutout yeah loves loves loves a cutout so the minute i loves, loves a cutout. So the minute I saw that Kelly was drinking that martini, I knew that she was going to give it to Vicky in case, and Vicky was going to go... I knew that too. I was watching with Michelle. I was like, you know what?

Vicky's going to do the... She didn't do the... To Vicky's credit, she did not do the fake vomit thing, but she did do the... And then she drank three glasses of water. I'm like, listen, you're at Fig and Olive. You're not at Andalus. I doubt that the spicy martini or margarita or whatever it was is spicy at Fig and Olive. She goes, I want one of those things that she's got.

You know, those spicy things. But not, you know. You know. She goes, spicy? Yeah, not spicy. So you don't want a spicy mar, but not, you know, you know. She goes spicy? Yeah, not spicy. So you don't want a spicy margarita? No, no, I do. It's just not spicy.

I don't want it to be like this. Not like that. Just is like, okay, that lady is threatening to eat me out. Anybody else want to take this table? Yeah. Oh, you know what? I am remembering now that she drank all that water not because the spicy um margarita but because they got shrimp cocktail and they got horseradish with it and she had like some horseradish it was like the first time she's

ever had horseradish in her 53 years and then she's like that's when she started drinking all the water she's gotta drink the water i'm like that's not how horseradish works it's not like chili oil horseradish is like there and then it chili oil. Horseradish is like there, and then it's gone. This is what annoys me. People are like, Vicky, she lied about the cancer. I'm like, no, she lied about the horseradish. That's the problem. It wasn't spicy anymore.

She was being dramatic. Fire her. So Kelly says, I text the camera and they're at Shannon's party I guess we're the odd man out do you not remember calling her a stupid c-word last time you saw her what kind of friendships

does this woman have that she's like can you believe we weren't invited and can you believe we weren't invited to a party an engagement or a vow renewal party where I yelled at the woman, no wonder your husband cheated on you? Can't believe you weren't invited to that. And Vicky. So then she's like, yeah, I just don't understand this.

I mean, I don't understand what happened last year. We were best friends. And now, there's no one to appreciate my napkin-fold shoulder pads. Like, where has she gone? She hasn't even seen my new kitchen yet. There's no more even Caliente signs. She hasn't even seen it yet. No one's enjoying my new white metal rooster in my kitchen.

Like, it's so sad. I miss you. I just miss my friend. You know when Vicky does that voice, she gets high-pitched and fragile. I just miss my friend, that's all. Yeah, I like that year that she was all depressed and everything was like that. She stopped really quiet.

Yeah, and then we went to the party with Tabra and she was mean to me again. Wyatt. Yeah, and then we went to the party with Tabra, and she was beat to be again. So, Vicky is trying to explain to Kelly that she can't fly off the handle, that she can't scream at everyone, because Vicky's

been there, she knows it, and she's... So, Vicky says she's going to be a mentor to Kelly, which is really a disaster. Like, those words do not mix well. Vicky and mentor. Here's what you need to do. You need to leave the room, and you need to leave knowing that you have social grace. Because social grace is important.

It's important! I just want you to have social graces is what Vicky says. There's no such thing. No such thing in Orange County. Right after she's like... No. Right after she was like, no, the horseradish. That's big.

And all of Kelly goes, yeah, I like this. You telling me how to be a better person. Becky's like the Buddha of Orange County. Oh girl. I want you to tell me how to be a better person. Yeah. Kelly,

you're barking up the wrong tree. You're definitely... It's not happening here. There's no one on this OC cast that can help you. You're actually the moral compass of the show, and you don't even realize it. It's that bad. Yeah.

And Vicky's being left out of every party because she was so awful, and she's like, well, I'll tell you how to make these girls like you. What? No one is talking to you Vicky yeah just say you have cancer you know just be sure this time that you get records that don't have a photoshop free

free version watermark on there you know oh my god they hate us because they can't be us oh stupid yeah so birthday party yes so Megan is there is there. Jenny

is there. Jeff Lewis. Is this the party that Jeff was talking about? Yes. And I cannot believe the editors didn't go back and show us why Jeff Lewis hates Heather. Yeah, they should have. For those of you that missed it, Heather, someone

asked Jeff who his least his best, his favorite and his least favorite housewives were. And his least favorite was Heather. And he said, I was at Shanna's birthday party and Heather was really condescending to the staff. And I used to be a waiter and I don't like when people act like assholes to the staff. And Heather went off. She was like, asshole, like multiple tweets. She's like, I would never. How dare you?

I have never been mean to a waiter in my life. Derry! And then went on her podcast and had a big fit. It was like that Russian lady who stole all her money last year. She wouldn't shut up for, you know, she's putting wanted signs all over town. That was a major fail because nothing actually really happened on this episode. They probably could have cut down on one of Shannon's are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?

To show at least one quip of Heather being demanding to a waiter. Because you can see that Heather is kind of doing it. Like she was telling somebody I don't know when this part comes. I guess I should just wait for it. But at one point she goes, she's telling somebody

I am so glad that I could do this for Shannon. Like she planned this whole thing herself. She's such an asshole. Heather is lucky she's not the villain this season. Because if she were the villain this season, they for sure would have included that stuff. But it just was not consistent with what her character is probably supposed to be. However, I still think they could have put it in there because it would have been amazing. But anyway, so David's leading Shannon to the dining room where the surprise is.

And it's so obvious that there's a surprise party because he's like, just this way, dear, just this way. And she's like, what? Are we having dinner or no? Are we having dinner? Surely there's no surprise. I mean, surely it's just the two of us, right, David? David? I'm just waiting for a text, dear.

Oh, David. David. David. Why would for a text, dear. Oh, David. David. David. Why would you do this to me? Okay, got the text. We can go. Saying you're waiting for a text in front of Shannon who caught you because she found a text is probably not the wisest way to lead her into this. Yeah.

But Heather tells everybody in the party, okay, I just got the text from David. And he wants us all to go right over into that corner and then just stand facing away from the door so they all do it and then orange county's version of blair witch we're all guilty am i right so they're all doing it and then megan they show this is so awkward they show everybody doing it and megan just looks at jim like isn't this romantic and jim's just looking away from her like this is his favorite part of the night when he got to when he was actually ordered to look away from his wife and at a at a wall finally someone who gets me he wasn't even looking at the wall just away from megan and then everybody turned around and he didn't.

He just turned his head around. His body was still facing the other way. That guy's such an ass. I love him. Yeah. So then Shannon's like, oh, my. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?

Are you out of your mind? Are you kidding me? David. David. Happy. Happy? Are you kidding me? David. David. Happy. I'm happy right now. Are you kidding me? Oh, that's when Heather said that.

She said it to Shannon. She's like, I'm so excited that I was able to do this for you. Oh, that wasn't David. David. David. David. David. Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me, David? David? I can't believe how stable our marriage is for everyone to see. David? I can't. God. So funny. So we go back to Vicky and Kelly.

Kelly's like, God, I just hate being when I'm like this. And she's like rubbing her finger into the table. And Vicky goes, oh, so your husband's not controlling? Well, that's good. And she goes, yes, he is. That's why I left him. Like, I can't stand being under his thumb, okay? Like, she goes, well, don't you enjoy being with them?

Like Vicky not hearing this at all. She's like, I hate my husband. Of course, do you like your husband? Oh, that's great. Yeah, that's pretty much what was going on. Kelly was basically like, yeah, no, that's why we're so rocky. That's why we have a terrible marriage. Ever since we separated. Ever since we separated. And Vicky goes,

here's my advice, okay? Dong, dong, ding, dong, Buddha, Buddha, Buddha. Also, stay married to him, okay? Because being single sucks. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks.

Yeah. Yeah. It sucks. It sucks. I was like, that's great. Great message there, Vicky. I don't know what's worse, being single or this horseradish. I mean, this was

when Brooks didn't have cancer. It sucks. It sucks. So dinner. Did I skip something? No, no, no. You were right. Right on par. Oh, sorry. You know never to pause around me.

Keep talking. I was stumbling out like something about Shannon. But you go go so they're back at back at the party david well dear there's another surprise it's in the room and then tamra goes yeah you need a cricket jeff is like and shannon was like, Ow! Ow! Ow! Okay, David, do you understand that people,

those people are, that guy is, no, this husband is, no, they're being horrible to me. It's so funny. I love Jeff Lewis, by the way. Yeah. Oh, and someone asked us why we don't cover

Flipping out on this show because it's just already too funny like yeah it's just entertaining there's no one side to pick like he's always right like who what are you gonna talk about i'm like i love the maid the end uh so i love him so dave is like okay dear one more surprise i was like is it a new foam tombstone that's what i was thinking it's gonna be but he's like so he's like okay this is what tonight is all about and then i thought okay he's gonna give her divorce papers that's what it is but no nasal cleaning oh thank god we remembered my nasal what is that nasal wash we've only said 100 times today david 40 to 50 negative thoughts are not going through my head right now.

So I don't know what he did with her in the room, but she's probably like, David, what are we doing here? We were already here, David. It still smells like our fresh lovemaking. David never takes me to a room after dinner. David. David, where's the sugar?

Where's the sugary meat? I know you want to eat it. I've got your sugar right here, dear. David! We're so happy. So, so happy. And moved on. Aren't we so happy?

Yes. It's like the past is past. David! So, it turns out they were just moving them into the backyard of this hotel for the wedding. Yeah. And when she comes down, she goes, David, are you kidding me right now? I could have at least changed my dress. Why didn't you tell me?

I wouldn't have worn this dress to get married, David. I wish right to a wedding. David. What's going on, David? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding? They're the kids. I wasn't expecting this at all.

I didn't tell you to do this at all, David. David. David. Here's another surprise, dear. This time there's a pre-match. Oh. Ha. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Harold,

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Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for Black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th

or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. David! So the preacher, uh, the preacher's like, dearly beloved. Well, he was like, there were a lot of people who said this would never happen. So many people.

When people think of David and Shannon, they think, holy guacamole, those two don't belong together. They think, whoa, is that a tire fire? They say, whoa, this is like oil and water. This will never, ever, ever work out. One question people ask when they see you two, who threw a match in the dumpster? Am I right? But here we are. Warming our hands.

Literally, you've beat all the odds, okay? Like, if this was a game in Vegas, nobody would have voted for you two to stay together. Nobody would have bet on that. But here we are. Well, he's so lovely, this pastor. He's the guy I called the day I found out David was having an affair. So, you know, he's kind of something borrowed and blue all at the same time. And I guess I'm just the one that's old and new.

I don't know. I'm assuming David has a mistress around here somewhere. David? David? That preacher was so awkward. He's like, David, how your Botox veins look amazing. You know, David, you've gotten Shannon the investigator

here. I mean, this woman can find out anything, and she didn't find out this secret. Someone's getting better at secrets, am I right? Oh my god. Well, Shannon, I've written my own vows. Shannon, I love you.

You're a rock. Now, please stop dinging the last iPhone every time I leave the house, okay? I vow to turn off Find My Phone every time I'm looking for you. Every time he leaves the house, it's like, Boing! Boing! Boing! So then after this ceremony,

everyone goes inside to have dinner, and there's a lady with chimes. She's like, dinner is now served. And Heather walks in. Of course, Heather's an asshole. She's like like are there place cards are there place cards shut up heather just take a seat there are i'm so glad i could do

these place cards for you shannon shannon it gives me a great honor to take your seat from you on this night well it's my seat technically fine if you want it back you can have it back I'm so glad we reached this place in our friendship the seat stealing never forget Jeff was joking he's like wow so Vicky should be here any minute

Jeff you're hilarious what a great night this is. What a really great night. So David asks about babies. Oh, David's, whatever, small talk at dinner. And David's like, hey, so I hear you guys are having some babies, Jim and Megan. And Megan's like, yeah! And then Jim gives, did you jim giving the shoot himself in the

head simple no but i can imagine it megan's like here's my powerpoint all of a sudden the screen comes down over the table here i am at the doctor's table here's the needle going into me here's my journey jim's like excuse me while i throw myself into the ocean. Is there an Apple TV in here? They're like, no one wants to see this, Megan. So the next surprise for Shannon, David. Tomorrow, we're getting on a plane, dear, to go to Cabo for four days. Who? You. Who?

You. Who? You, dear. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? David. dear. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Damn it. Damn it. Tamara, guess what?

I'm going to Cabo for four days. Tamara's like lifting up her shirt, showing off her boobs. Yes, bitch! Andalese! Get all the beads, bitch! No, that's New Orleans. Oh, I don't know geography. Because you know Tamara and Vicky love some Cabo. Oh, the Beards Batch. No, that's New Orleans. Oh, I don't know geography. Because you know Tamara and Vicky love some Cabo.

Oh, yeah. Good Lord. They've had every busboy in Cabo inside of them at some point. Puerto Vallarta even more, but still. It just seems like the same kind of destination, doesn't it? Cabo. Because that's where people at UT go to spring break. Oh, I know.

Vicky and Tamara. I was on spring break with the UT kids this year. Oh, yeah, that's right. We got to talk about that. Yeah, I went to that. What was it? What was that stupid like four story club where everyone was like 18 years old and a freshman at UT. And then I was there.

And then one of them asked me, he's like, hey, man, do you go to college? And I was like, no, I graduated. And he's like, oh, wow. do you go to college? And I was like, no, I graduated. And he's like, oh, wow. I'm like, what year are you? He's like, I'm a freshman. He's like, here, I'm going to buy you a drink. I was like, I can't believe the 18-year-old is buying me a drink. It must have been the white pants.

They were all like two or three years old when Nelly's Hot In Here came out. I just want to just put it. Because that song came on in the club. It's like, it's getting hot in here. And everyone's dancing. I was like, you guys were all two. You were two years old. They're like, hey, bro, I love oldies.

Yeah. Squid Row. That was the name of that place. Squid Row, which is also a great nickname for pretty much all these women on OC. Yeah, so that pretty much ends it. It just ends with a very sweet speech from David, where he's

like, hello dears, I know it's a huge ordeal to come to Rancho Santa Fe, but it doesn't compare to... Can't possibly compare to the huge ordeal that this marriage has been so cheers they're like cheers bitch there's like i'm so glad i could do this for you he's like well dears mj kind of stole my idea of staging a funeral for everyone here so

we're just gonna do a vow renewal instead because that's more deadly anyway everyone here, so we're just going to do a vow renewal instead. Because that's more deadly anyway. Oh, that would have been so good. Vito walking in. I no like this David man for you. So let's move on. Do we want to go to

Jersey next? Sure, let's do some Jersey. Across the country. So, um, this week's episode started you're already laughing what happened i just bueller jumped up here and jerked out the uh headphones so oh your voice in my kitchen like lala okay i'm concentrating whoa so lala um it's okay because you probably can zone out for the next 30 seconds because i think i'm about to launch into a Dolores impersonation.

If there's anything that we do when Dolores speaks, it's zone out. So, it's snowy in Jersey. And Dolores, the show opens with Dolores freaking out because, you know, I just went out to the store. I just went out to the store. I have to make sure I don't do Bethany. She's like, so I went out to the store and all of a sudden I come back and they I have to make sure I don't do Bethany she's like so I went out to the store and all of a sudden

I come back and they said they were just going to do the countertops now they're doing the whole house it was like a whole house thing it's like wow they're changing the whole house

which is crazy because you know I had this house when I had my first husband and now I've got my second husband well I didn't really have a second husband I had a fiance

I thought it was going to be my husband but now I don't have my first husband but Frank did this and I'm like I need to know about it I wanted new cabinets I didn't want these old cabinets. But now he's redoing all these cabinets.

They're just standing in the cabinets now. Like, I don't want redone cabinets. But now that's what he wants. It's like, you see a problem in your marriage, I leave you for another person. Then you're married to somebody else down the street. Now you're just slapping a coat of paint on it. That's not what I wanted.

I mean, it's like, it's the new cabinets. And I didn't ask for new cabinets. And, you know, I'm trying to stay here on my own two feet. I got a gym going on here. My dog's dying. I love my dog. My dog was there for me all this time. I mean, my dog, 12 years.

I mean, my whole life is my dog. I mean, my dog was there when the cabinets were first coming in. Now I got new cabinets. Now the new cabinets are coming in. And it's funny because I need to stand on my own two feet because I got the dog, and the dog's dying, and the dog's going, and the cabinets are running. It's like you're talking in circles. You're literally in a loop. Yeah, basically.

Basically, yeah. She's just blabbing on because her husband is not going to give her five trillion dollars to redo her house she's like i wanted a kitchen so just make it happen so he's like okay he gets a whole construction in there or a construction crew in there and they're redoing all the cabinets she's like what are you doing like this is your plan you have no plan your plan was just to tell your husband your ex-husband you wanted it and he was supposed to hire everybody for you what the hell and yet i really enjoy dolores literally nothing is going on in her life nothing nothing even remotely interesting she's getting cabinets done that's her arc and she says the same thing every episode and in fact i think she is still

sitting in the interview chair still talking and i think that bravo every now and then just cuts to her and a live feed and then goes back to the show and i'm still like entertained and it's even better when siggy shows up she walks in the room and she goes what's going on here what's going on siggy even getting out of the car is hilarious she gets out and she falls in the snow she's like whoa whoa whoa snow and then dolores is like it was a total bamboozle siggy dolores is the hustler and the survivor dolores will survive this oh god hey i want that stairway i want that rail stay dark. And the guy goes, you gotta ask Frank. She's like, yeah, Frank. Yeah, he's the boss, huh?

Frank, okay. Okay. I just want everyone to know that I'm organizing a candlelight vigil tonight to make sure that Dolores survives this cabinet situation. Because I know she's a survivor, but this one's tough. So we're going meet 8pm tonight in every public town square. And we're gonna pray for Dolores that she gets through the

renovation. Blessed, I hope she gets some new cabinets. So they go over to Jacqueline's house and Jacqueline's standing out there like an Eskimo with a full face mask and everything. Ziggy's like, who is that? Who are you?

Hey, honey. Who's shoveling? Who are you? Who's that shoveling, Jacqueline? I don't remember the last time I shoveled. Look, she's got candles. She's got candles inside. Basically, Siggy just describes everything she sees at any given moment.

Look, there's a tree. There's another tree. Hey, there's another tree. So many trees. Oh, my God. Look at that. Who's that? That's Jacqueline.

Oh, my God. Now we're inside. Look, she's got candles. Oh, my God. It's a kitchen. Look at another tree. Hey, there's another tree. So many trees. Oh, my God. Look at that. Who's that? That's Jacqueline. Oh, my God. Now we're inside. Look, she's got candles. Oh, my God. It's a kitchen. Look at these cabinets. They're done. Oh, my God.

Hey, Jacqueline. Did you see Jacqueline shuffling the wok? It was crazy. Hey, Jacqueline, look. There's wax. She's like, oh, okay. Thanks for coming over. I'm doing great.

Teresa's a bitch. So Jacqueline is pissed off, which I guess equals cleaning things because her house is all clean yeah and uh she goes into how theresa they're both so crazy jacqueline and theresa but jacqueline is so mad still she tried to compare her criminal situation with the corporate bankruptcy totally different, totally different. Well, I don't know if you heard about Dolores, but she's getting new cabinets, and we really have to pray for her.

You know, she's a survivor and everything, but, you know, so many people die on HGTV every year. I just don't know. Here's what's happening. Teresa's hitting all your trigger points, and then you're hitting Teresa's trigger points. It's like fencing.

Or a massage. It's like fencing. Or a massage. It's like you guys are putting on two different cabinets on each other. Okay? Here's what's happening. You want new cabinets. Teresa wants to sand the old cabinets. Okay? That's what's happening.

Here's what we need to do. We need to call Frank because that's the boss. Okay? Hey, put your cell phone away they go into the brother blah blah her brother so then they switch over to the gorgas and uh melissa goes joe shouldn't have picked up the phone i mean that was just that was the worst thing i mean look what could have happened to me you know because joe one thing happens with joe and then it trickles down to me and the family it's like trickle down

trinomics i don't need that melissa i want to just nip this in the butt joe he's like okay when can we have sex yeah he's that he's staring off stupidly while massaging his own leg with a stick yeah and then theresa's doing yoga complaining about jacqueline it's like we're Yeah, he's staring off stupidly while massaging his own leg with a stick. The hell with this show. And then Teresa's doing yoga, complaining about Jacqueline. It's like we're seeing all angles of a stupid argument. And the big news is that Tree finally gets to take her bracelet off. Her ankle bracelet off, I should say. So they go into the bathroom.

They act like she's getting an IUD put in. She goes in the bathroom. They cut it off and everything. The kids are watching like hey get out of here kids get out of here and now you can drink and then she's doing like a bed and split and he's like oh yeah yeah so well who cares let me split your ass huh how about that huh huh huh so then the kids are playing around in the bedroom and um adriana's on the ground and and joe's sort of like kicking her not like kicking her like abusively he's just sort of like shoving around on the floor with his foot and she's like hey joe jag you're too rough joe you're too drunk he's

like hey what you can do well forget about it and then melania comes in and jumps around like a banshee cuts joe's lip open and he's like hey hey! Hey! I'm like, you created this monster. Do you not see the correlation between you roughhousing with your daughters and them being banshees? Well, Melissa agrees with you. I mean, not Melissa. Teresa agrees with you because she's like, Yo, we need to work on our issues,

Joe. And so we're going to have a family meeting. We're going to have a family meeting because we need to work on some issues because you just go with the camps. Oh, jeez. The meeting? Why are you worried about the meeting? What movie is that?

Big Business. Oh, my God. It took me a minute. Sorry. It's all these accents. I can't make sense. It's when Country Lily Tomlin has breakfast with City Bette Midler. And Country Lily Tomlin said, all right, well, get ready.

Let's get changed before the meeting. And Bette Midler goes, the meeting? Why are you worried about the meeting? It makes sense when you see the movie. Except in this one, they're all backwards. Yeah. It's all Cooper Hollow. So they, next up is Melissa and Jacqueline

having lunch. I love that every Italian restaurant here is like in some strip mall with those square ceiling tile things. Exactly. From an office. And they shuttered the windows so no one could see what was going on inside.

It was a dark restaurant probably at 11am.m and um hi oh hello oh hi it's like it's in a strip mall italian place why are you being reverent exactly so melissa i actually think melissa had i think if anyone she had a pretty good i forget like to stand on where she said, you know, she basically was like annoyed that Jacqueline called Joe in the middle of it was like, don't do that. Like, you know, and then Jacqueline starts going nuts. Like, well, what did Joe say? You know what? Joe said this about me and then not to trust me. I was like, you're just so stupid, Jacqueline.

You're just really above and beyond. It's too much. And Jacqueline is just too angry for this lunch. Melissa's like, I know we're friends. I just wanted to say. She's like, well, that's not fair because he has sisters. He has brothers, which we said. So that's not fair because what am I supposed to go to her, to him, and then go to you,

and then go to all this three-way thing? Like, I'm not into this three-way thing. I'm a cool mom. I'm a cool mom. So Jacqueline. Oh, andacqueline started this whole and after i was so good to your family all i did for you and your family i was so good to you and your family like she's ready to just lose it and melissa's like okay her fingers in my face and something's weird with jacqueline so i just going to drop this. She's like, okay, well, next time, maybe just talk to me first, crazy.

Just because you sent us a case of Blackwater does not mean you did anything for our family. Yeah. So then we then go to Siggy's house where her dad, Mordechai, and her mom, Rachel, it's very biblical, they show up and they're really adorable.

And it's kind of- I never had a bat mitzvah look at this I'm looking at a bat mitzvah where was my bat mitzvah like I didn't even have one look maybe my kids should have a bat mitzvah that would be crazy that would be wonderful wouldn't it ah different generation what can you have phones at a bat mitzvah

I like how the dad goes even in Cherry Hill we didn't have iPhones I'm like that's because iPhones have only been around for 10 years when you were a little kid you weren't allowed to have an iPhone Even in Cherry Hill, we didn't have iPhones. I'm like, that's because iPhones have only been around for 10 years. When you were a little kid, you weren't allowed to have an iPhone. To be fair, you would have had iPhone, but we didn't have reception in the basement. It's crazy kids growing up these days. I know, I want to get a Shabbat dinner.

Let's have kiddish again. Here's some important things. Well, don't you agree, Dad? You know, they say, well, yeah, I agree too, Dad. Hey, look, look, there's a cabinet. We should be thanking our lucky selves we got new cabinets. Am I right, Ma? Am I right, Dad? Look, you're my Ma.

You're my Dad. Look at you guys standing here. What should I do about my family? This is nuts. And the mom goes, every night you eat together. This is what to do. Every night you eat together. You know, I have no problems with relationships,

but the only relationships I really care about are with my children. That's what I care about the most, okay? That long pause was so cute. The only relationship I'm interested in is my kids. My kids. You know what? my parents didn't raise us to be super jews we just had to we just have to appreciate their traditions and that's what i

want my children to appreciate that's what i want sophie and the other one to appreciate the traditions that's what i want that's what i want that's what i want for all my children the dogs curled up on the stairs and she's's like, Look at that! Charlie! Charlie's sleeping on the stairs! Charlie! You don't even need your mama! Charlie! Is this the little dog I adopted? Is this the little

dog I played fetch with? How do I teach my kids about tradition? Take them to Fiddler on the Roof tradition tradition no no take them there you don't have to sing it tradition oh my god tradition

so Jacqueline and Ashley I'm having a very emotional moment right now that's all kiddish okay sorry Jacqueline and Jacqueline's house so basically ashley and her stupid people glasses okay yeah ashley's every bimbo gets glasses from the cvs to pretend they're smart nobody is buying it ashley okay you're gonna make yourself nearsighted just from wearing those glasses that you don't need so yeah this was the this was

honestly the crowning achievement in jac Jacqueline's life when she could finally declare herself a cool mom, which is what she did. She literally goes, so I'm like a cool mom, right? She's like, finally. She just won the Oscar in the Jacqueline Awards,

if that makes sense. I don't know if that did. And the Jacqueline for coolest mom goes to Jacqueline. Oh, God. This was the most awkward dinner of all time. Well, even before the dinner, I have to say, I love when Ashley goes, fun fact, six years ago, we met. I'm like, that's really not a fun fact for anyone.

Not even for me. That's when I met Pete for the first time. It wasn't even a fun fact for you because you didn't even start dating him then. You just started dating him like last year. It's like, fun fact, eight years ago today, I thought about getting Lysol. Well, she did work at BuzzFeed when she lived in LA. So she's like, guys, top ten list of fun facts. One, six years ago I met Pete.

Two, I'm out of i'm out of list that's why you're back in jersey well at least you have a bank account now cool mom isn't it funny to think that ashley lived next door to matt whitfield and hilarious i liked it you matt whitfield mj and ashley all live right on the same street little block yeah but she was the next building directly over so he and ashley all live right on the same little block yeah but she was the next building directly over so he had ashy i have mj he also is next to sugar from survivor and evil dick so he's had he has a few more yeah no one wins basically this is a game that no one's gonna win that street of a thousand stars um so pete comes over now we've talked about pete a little just because we've seen ashley's insta etc where they show pictures of pete i know you're going with this i know and i don't even want to be

too mean about it but man ashley is good with a filter great with a filter i agree we had some opinions about pete a few weeks ago and we saw him on her Instagram and we're like wow well Ashley it turns out is a great photographer and we'll just leave it at that because I thought the same thing and his personality wow he must really know how to smize

Tyra Banks should bring him on to her Stanford MBA course that she's teaching. He's either rich as hell or he's got a dick down to his ankle. Or maybe he just knows how to make mozzarella in a sink really well because that's a big draw for

these Jersey girls. Fun fact, 19 years ago, Pete learned how to bake mozzarella. Fun fact, we're going gonna recreate Ghost using mozzarella in the kitchen sink. Just like Lorne and Vito did. Like, stop turning the mozzarella around

in circles, babe. I'm trying to make it stick. Isn't that the movie where Demi Moore made out with Whoopi Goldberg? Why is that a romantic standard in the movie lexicon? Okay, so Pete, he's really bored. So he goes to the kitchen with Jackie. And Jacqueline's like, whoa, this will be so fun to not eat the hamburger buns once you guys have babies.

Whoops, sorry for saying that. You know me, just being so crazy with words. He's like, actually, I want to marry your daughter. I think I'm ready. You want to pick up rings. He's like, actually, I want to marry your daughter. I think I'm ready. You want to pick up rings? I'm like, oh, la, la, la. Thank you. I think I'm a cool mom, too.

Is that what you're saying? I wasn't listening. No, I'm saying I'm ready to get fat. I'm ready to just let myself go. My muffin top is about to burst out of this medium. I'm ready to get fat. He's like, you're going to marry my daughter. So she's going to go get a ring with him.

And she's crying. Of course she's crying. She's like, you know, sometimes it's really hard for me to put detergent in the dishwasher because... Okay, here we go again. Here we go. Because it's just a really hard process. When you think about your daughter, the daughter, that little girl, and it's like, cut to,

fuck you, mom! Yeah, screw you, you little bitch! A ring! Sometimes I think about Dolores and all that she goes through with her cabinets, and I just... She's a survivor, you know? Dolores comes in real... Well, you know, like, putting out, you know, you're loading up a dishwasher with this boy, and, you know, it's hard. You know, dishwashers well you know like putting out you know you're loading up a dishwasher with this boy

and you know it's it's hard you know dishwashers you know we didn't have a dishwasher in our first house but that that was like 20 years ago when i was married to frank and frank was a police officer i was a detective and you know i did a lot of detective working i'd be like these dishes they got these dishwashers safe and i'd be like let's not just let's just not get a dishwasher in the first place oh my god but now like boo you know he's sick he's sick like why are you here why are you loris go back to your head all right oh god so now melissa and joe go over to tree and jess melissa the gorgas go over to the two dices and they're chatting and tree is talking about you know healthy living and she's like you know what i want to do i want to get an edamame is that what's called edamame yeah where they clean your butthole out yeah you're like put up a hose up your butthole

and then it cleanses everything out like the edamames like edamame like no i don't want to be enemies with people anymore i'm over that i just got home i just got here like i just got home i don't want to be an animal with someone. Like, I just got here. I think, you know what I like about Eastern medicine is that, like, you go to, like, a sushi restaurant, and they offer you a cleanse. Like, a bowl of cleanse. I think that's great.

So she starts telling Melissa her version of this Jackie thing, and she's like, my head was spinning with that girl. She's evil. It's like, you know that spinning heads are the evil person. Like, everything she said in this was so stupid. And then she goes, you know what she said to me?

She said to me, I didn't file the fraudulent papers. I don't even know. And Melissa's explanation of it all is, they're both Tauruses, and if they don't start getting along, I'm the Ram. I'm like, you realize you're just talking about cars at this point. She's like, Teresa, my advice is not to dodge it. I mean, Jesus Chrysler. Save me, Jesus Chrysler. Save me, Jesus Chrysler.

Honda, Mary, and Joseph. You know what? Teresa's on her own accord, okay? And I'm just trying to be civic-minded about it. Teresa, wouldn't you just rather have a fiesta? Forget about it. I just want Teresa to focus. Just focus.

Anyway, I'm going to go listen to Adam Carolla's podcast. I've run out of cars. Don't you want to turn over a new leaf, Teresa? Hey, let's go somewhere in a caravan. Let's just go in caravans. Drive in a caravan. Hey, Teresa, I'd love to continue this conversation but i gotta go give joe a homo we're real explorers when it comes to sexual things we're going on an expedition do you win

every fucking game of balderdash that you play i actually do very well with balderdash i can't imagine you ever losing it my heart is like racing i'm like gotta find another car name gotta find another car name i'm like what i can hear you typing you're like googling car names car name wikis uh what can i say i'm very continental my next my next joke is that siggy my next joke my next thing that i wrote down is siggy doesn't know who andrew jackson is good fucking lord that's all i wrote she like she barges into her son's room that has no door anymore just like just like the opening scenes of freaky friday and remember when Jamie Lee Curtis takes off

late in the show? She's like, Mom! Very well. So Siggy walks in. She's like, what are you working on? He's like, I'm working on my Andrew Jackson history essay. Andrew Jackson?

Who's that? He's the 20th president. Is he on any money? He's on the $20 bill. Oh, good for him. Good for him. I'm like, I don't think he campaigned for that. But OK.

So we're going to have some kiddish, okay? What's wrong with having kiddish? That's the name of my new musical, What's Wrong With Kiddish? What's the matter with kiddish today? Kiddish. What's the matter with kiddish today? Don't just you wait and see. Kiddish. Ma'am, I'm not even smoking that much. What's the matter with kiddish today? Don't just you wait and see kiddish.

Ma'am, I'm not even smoking that much. I'm coughing today because we've been laughing so fucking much. I've been laughing since like 10 in the morning. Why can't they see what we were kiddish in every way? What's the matter with kiddish today? It's because we don't eat it together every night as family. You know what? You know what? You know what?

We're going to change that. We're going to spread the religion. Because you know what? The only kiddish I care about is the kiddish with my children. Whatever their names are. Sophie and the other one. Ah! Ah!

Children! So we go over to Dolores and Frank, is still they're on the same they're exactly yeah Dolores's hot son is making sandwiches for some reason he's making like 500 sandwiches yeah mom go do it for charity events so he's making like sandwich I don't understand

it but Dolores has got an unexplained open wound on his head I wish somebody would have explained that I thought it was I thought it was Nutella at first or jelly from the sandwiches, but then I realized it was a wound. I wish a hot, worked out six-pack with Nutella on his forehead.

I'm in! He's 18 now, we can say that. Yeah, exactly. I'm not a pervert. So now Dolores, in her attempt to have some independence, like, okay, Frank, you know what? I want to knock down this wall. I don't want this wall anymore, okay? He's like, you need to have some independence, like, okay, Frank, you know what? You know what? I want to knock down this wall. I don't want this wall anymore, okay? He's like, uh, you need to have the wall.

No. Okay, you know what? I'll compromise. You never compromise. No, I don't compromise. We're going to take down the wall. Because you know what? You know, I don't need walls anymore.

You know, it's been like 20 years. I've had so many walls in my life. I don't need walls everywhere I go. You know, it's like, booze sick. You know, we've got cabinets. It's been 20 years. You know, my second, my fiancé, he always loved, you know, I love walls.

You know, Kathy Dennis has this song about walls. I never got it, but now I get it. I don't want it anymore. I don't want the wall. He's like, okay, you can take down the wall. I don't care anymore. Okay, here's what I want, Frank. I want to have a refrigerator there, no walls here, and golden toilets.

He's like, what are you fucking crazy? Okay, no golden toilets. The rest though, right? Okay, could you just give me the money? Could you maybe PayPal this into my account, right? Look, what am I, dumb? right okay could you just give me the money could you maybe pay pal that's in the mic out right look at what am i dumb i'm not gonna give you no money huh i look like an idiot frank frank we gotta do something about the wood over here it's too it's too low you need to make the okay the wood's gotta be dark if you can make the wood dark i'm not gonna complain about anything else okay the wood's too it's too light okay i need

to be dark i need to i need to feel like it's like a floor of boo. God. Classy. And his real wife is sitting at home like, where the fuck is all this money going? Yeah. How was there another $13,000 taken out of the account this morning? Yeah. So next up is Tree's family meeting, which is hysterical. Which is intercut, by the way.

It's like family. It's like Bravo's coming to her in family it's the like it's we have the shabbat kiddish dinner intercut with the the the tree family tree meeting mom what do you want the cathedral fish okay we're gonna have a family meet yeah uh so she's in there with all the kids and she gives them all little sticky note papers and she's like okay it's right now what you want to improve with the family and Melania goes

she's like okay I write down that I don't want no sisters and then Gia goes you're not a therapist mom I'm a therapist in this family alright okay we're a family we gotta stick together yeah Gia is such a stereotypical Mom! I'm a therapist in this family, all right?

Okay. We're a family. We've got to stick together. Yeah, Gia is such a stereotypical teenager. Ugh, Mom. Mom! Ugh! So then Melania's like, Gia, stop saying mean words to me. In parentheses, fat.

Dad, stop saying mean words to me. In parentheses, stop saying mean words to me in parentheses fat and joe's like i never see you fat you do and you're so fat dad it was melania's greatest moment you look pregnant and then she says and mom understand me because mom doesn't understand me he's like what what do you mean what do you mean i understand me, because mom doesn't understand me. He's like, what? What do you mean? What do you mean I don't understand you? I don't understand that. She's like, ma, you don't listen to me.

You're just on your phone. Like, it's not even a joke right now, okay? Like, you're just on your phone. She's like, yeah, it's a lose-lose, because I have a book coming out. So, like, I'm not shooting the breeze, okay? Like, mom's working. Like, Teresa, this is such a typical Teresa scene, because she's like hey everybody let's communicate and then they do and she's like what you're crazy what i do and they don't even say anything about the fact that they're giving poor melania these

body issues like she's like please stop calling me fat like i'm a little girl don't fat shame me and they don't even like even address it they're like haha anyway what about you silent one g and g is like just like mom you need to relax just like i'm so mellow but the funny thing is that she is just that theresa squeal thing But she is also so moody and teenager-y that when she's like, okay, next thing, mom, see? You're so excited. Jeez, mellow. Oh. I love Gia.

She's like, okay, mom, you have a bad temper. You can't face reality. And you possibly have an eating disorder. Dad, you're a cheater, a liar. And you defrauded people out of their money. Okay, I'm done. Going upstairs. She sees everything, like, completely clearly.

And Joe's just like, fuck you, kid. Hey, what you gonna do? What you gonna do? What you mean? What you mean? It's like, that's what I'm talking about mom so then over at Shabbat

I'm so sorry but Teresa actually says you mean when you get me upset it's everyone else's fault at all times so then at Shabbat now everyone's having dinner and Sophie's still complaining because you can't be on the phone, and yet the brother... What's the brother's name? I can't remember his name. Josh!

Josh! He's on the phone. Okay, Josh, give me your phone. And then the rest of everyone else is like, let him be on the phone. So wrong, he's on his phone. Let him be. He's a different man. He's a grown man.

Okay, let him be on the phone. Then Siggy's like, you know what? You know what all I need from you? I just want to hug and I love you. That's all. That's all I need from you? I just want to hug and I love you. That's all. That's all I need from you, Joshua. All the family turned against Siggy on that one. It was weird because the daughter has her phone taken and she's like, literally, I have no social life without my phone.

She's like, oh, yeah, whatever. Who do you need to talk to on your phone? Josh is on his phone. Take his. And then her sister, I think it's Siggy's sister Siggy here's the deal Like you can't expect Josh to be the man In the family cause he's just a boy

And he's not the man of your family And you need to stop trying to make him into something he's not And the dad's like yes he's just normal Child trying to enjoy life On his phone And Siggy's like Y'all turned on Siggy on that, I know, and she's like, I'm sorry, you guys have all been talking for about a minute

and 45 seconds, and I just can't do it anymore. I'm exploding on the inside. I can't. Yeah, she really couldn't take it. She's like, really? All I want is a hug. Uh, okay. Joshua, all I want is a hug, and I love you, and a little bit of a lesson about Andrew Jackson.

He's not gonna bow down to you, Siggy. He's not that kind of man. Can you give me a hug and I love you and a little bit of a lesson about Andrew Jackson. He's not going to bow down to you, Ziggy. He's not that kind of man. Can you give me a hug, though? All I want is a hug sometimes. That's all I want. That's all I want is a hug. He's like, well, all I want is Pornhub Premium, but we can't always get our wishes, okay? Mom!

I don't know what Pornhub Premium is. What is that? Sophie, what's Pornhub Premium? Can someone tell me what that is? I'm putting a hole in your jaw, Josh! So, three in her family, Gabriella's like, uh, I don't feel things. Uh, pass. And Teresa goes, Tomorrow's Melania's birthday. We'll do something real fun.

Ah, it's gonna be so fun! She's like, that's what I mean, fake mom. So then the next day they get this big stretch limo and it was actually really cute seeing melania coming off of this like the school bus with a backpack and they pile in the limo it was just them as a family which i thought was actually really nice it was cute especially since they just got out of jail for defrauding all these people out of their money and just paid restitution and no one even still understands how they have their

house. And then my dream came true which is that I finally got to see what it would look like to see Tree in a wind tunnel because they went into her skydiving and Tree like was trying to fly and she's like do a job and then Jacqueline goes ring shopping. Boring! Pete makes jacklyn cry of course of course

because he says things like um a ring she's like oh okay i should be crying because i'm a cool mom but i can't help it i'm back at sky day skydiving uh milania's like that was so fun for my 11th birthday i want to go real skydiving but dad'll be at camp hey dad how long you gonna be at camp and he's like hey kid not sure so i get the fuck there right hey you ever heard about camp did dads get to have sexy camp what do you hear blowjobs what do you hear poor poor melania this is i felt like this was actually the first time that melania got a sympathetic at it she's just always like hell on wheels and this is the first time i actually felt felt some warmth for her like not like not warm not warm but like i felt like um i forgot what the right word is not warmth but because i always feel warmth empathy or

i don't know someone else can chime in without the right word is. Not warmth, but because I always feel warmth. Empathy or I don't know. Someone else can chime in without the right thing is. But there was. You know who needs empathy? Bueller. Bueller, stop kicking me. I know you're there. It's like I'm kicking you because you don't even remember and I'm on your lap.

Well, it's how appropriate because then we go to Dolores. Hi, Boo. Hi, Boo. Hi, Boo. And then Boo is dying. It's just sad. So Boo has kidney failure. So is Dolores. They say, so Boo has kidney

failure. I've had him for 12 years. The cabinets are new and Boo is old. I don't know. The new chapter can't start until Boo dies and I get the new cabinets on. So I don't know what's going to happen. I'm like, oh my god. I know. Put me down. Jesus Christ. I can't with this. Siggy comes in. siggy and dolores and

jackie are all there and uh she's like okay they're knocking down the wall hold on i gotta answer this phone she's like hello maz and maz her business oh yeah it's dolores where the fuck are you you dumb bitch she's like oh i'm sorry i didn't come into work again today it's just that you know i was married but then that guy like it I didn't come into work again today. It's just that, you know, I was married. But then that guy, like, it totally didn't work out. And then I was engaged. And then, you know, I wanted a new kitchen. He's like, hey, how about I don't give a fuck?

How about that, huh? This is a million-dollar business. You think I give a fuck about your kitchen, you dumb bitch? He's like telling her off. She's like, oh, yeah, sorry, Maz. She's like, you know what? You're absolutely right. You're absolutely right.

And you know what? I need to stand on my own two feet now, Maz. And you, Maz. She's like, you know what? You're absolutely right. You're absolutely right. And you know what? I need to stand on my own two feet now, Maz. And you're making me realize that. Because you know what? It's been 20 years of me staying in the shadow of Frank. And then my fiance and that fiance, oh my god, he made Frank look like an angel. Let me tell you something. And then I got Boo.

And Boo was great. And he's been here for 12 years. But you know what? It's time for something new. And Boo is on his way out. And we're starting a new chapter now. So I was like, I don't give a fuck. Get here to the gym.

It's like, get here or I'll punch you in the pussy, Click. She's i'll punch you in the pussy click ah that's mass what a what a good guy what a that's a nice guy like what the hell with guys in in uh jersey yeah but i can understand i can understand his frustration when this woman's supposed to be like in there helping out and instead she's like well i got my kitchen i gotta take care of my kitchen it's like that's not a good response and then meanwhile we have like you know an umpteenth version of the demo like a kitchen demo like didn't we see just see this on orange county like three weeks ago yeah but this one's funnier because she doesn't even know what's happening like this woman has no control or say in her own life at all even her own business that is supposed to be her business is just something her husband bought her and she's getting killed at by some guy. What does she do with that job?

She's never worked. What the hell is she doing in there? She's like, you like the gym? Oh, I love the gym. You know what this treadmill feels like? My first marriage. But now it's my third. Like, here I am still walking.

I'm like, where am I? Nowhere. Still the same place. Cabinets. Oh, geez. geez you know every time i do a squat it reminds me it reminds me of like my whole life you know it's i'm always i'm always being pushed down you know but i have to get i have to stand up i have to stand on my own two feet that's what this is that's what the lessons is that's what half the gym is learning about life and that learning about standing on your own two feet you know i got the cabinets coming in i got new cabinets i got a new chapter i got a new fiance it's got a new fiance. It's like, you know, this is what I got to do. It's like, okay, you can go back home.

Jackie's like, you need to go to your job. Ziggy's like, okay, here's what friends do. They're honest. And here's what I'm going to tell you. You need to be honest in your heart and you need to sell some memberships. Okay, honey? Okay. Thanks, Ziggy.

Thanks for the advice. Dolores, here's what I want from you. I want you to go to work and I want you to come home and call me up and say, I love you. here's what I want from you. I want you to go to work, and I want you to come home and call me up and say, I love you. That's what I want from you. So the last part of the – I just want a hug. So the last part is – That's what I need from you, okay?

That's what I need. We're on your phone. So Tree and Mel have a conversation, and Melissa wants Teresa to go out out of town and they're going to have this girl trip. And so the other girls are trying to talk Jacqueline into doing it. And it was cracking me up because Jacqueline's like, is there wine? OK, I'll come. And then Teresa's like, what? Are you seriously telling me you want my like my first time out of prison, my first weekend to be with Jacqueline Lareda?

Yes, you're on a TV show of prison, my first weekend, to be with Jacqueline Lareda? Yes, you're on a TV show. Okay, you still owe that stretched bright pink Hummer Company rental fees. Get your ass to the weekend trip. Go to the weekend trip. It's going to be much better than anything you do at home. And so that's pretty much it,

right? That was it. That was it. Except for Teresa reading her reading her own but like how many how many times do we have to watch her read the dedication of her book I dedicate this book to Joe and Gia and Gabriella and Melania and I'm gonna cry I remember I remember writing that. And I was like, whoa. That's actually written in the dedication. It literally says, I'm going to cry.

Oh, my God. I'm going to cry. Oh, my God. That makes me sad. And he's like, hey, how many times you got the New York Times bestsellers? Three times, Joe. Well, it's about to be another time. She's like, well, we never submitted for bestsellers. We don't have a seller. I mean, we want to have a wine seller someday. But we don't really have one. No, no, Joe. Well, it's about to be another time. She's like, well, we never submitted for bestsellers. We don't have a seller.

I mean, we want to have a wine seller someday, but we don't really have one. No, no, no. The booksellers. Oh. Oh, Lord. Sweet Jesus, Teresa. Bravo. Here they go. Coming up on Real Housewives of New Jersey. Oh, I got my book!

And then it goes back from commercial and goes, oh, I got my book! It's like goes back from commercial and goes, I got my book! I was like, oh my god, please stop. Which I know I just did six times in your face. So that's what you get, Bravo people. I'm amazed you can hit those notes. I don't think I could do it like, I can't.

That sounds, I got my book! Yeah, I'm not going to try. I can't get high enough. I can only do like, Hi, Register Jacqueline. I can't get high enough I can only do like high register Jacqueline I can't do squeaky Teresa Well thank god You don't have to anymore

Because it's done It's done done done Well now that we've talked about OC And now that we've talked about New Jersey You know what we've got to do now Well I hope it's talking about the real housewives of melbourne you can suck a dick and get fucked get fucked yes we gotta talk about melbourne because bravo aired two episodes last week so we are playing catch up so we're going

to talk about the episode that aired on wednesday which was part one of the Gamble wedding bonanza. Bargay. So does this start, okay. It starts in Byron Bay. And Gamble's like, I love Byron Bay. I have so many happy memories here. You know, all the sex parties and such. So, um. So we'll see the Gamble Day party.

Is this, okay, does this start Gina and Josh planning to pack? It starts with like, yeah, I mean, it starts with like Wolfie and Gamble talking about prenups. They're like, I don't really like them, not very romantic, you know, whatever. They're like kissing by a lighthouse. It's like, darling, I don't know

whether we should talk about prenups. I love talking about prenups, Wolfie. I love it. It's so romantic to know where the money's gonna go when we're done. My favorite are the planters prenups because those are delicious.

Especially the honey roasted ones. No, prenups, not peanuts. So now Gina needs 12 outfits. So she has her like idiot cyborg Josh not really a cyborg more like a robot just walking through the closet looking terrified

he can't find a hot pink bag and my favorite part about all this is that Gina's talking about how she's going to be officiating this wedding with Gamble and she says she's talking about how she hopes to someday officiate a gay marriage she's like about how she hopes to someday officiate

a gay marriage she's like maybe i'll marry you someday and he's like you don't hit the parts he's like not marry you he's like what i don't get it he's still walking around trying to figure out what pink is i mean this guy is hilarious because is there a cause for that? For what? For being a preacher. She's like, oh, I just wrote down some notes. Oh. Poor Josh. So the Byron, Byron. Yes.

I like that. He's like, I'm coming to this wedding because Gamble wants me to come. She never wrote down the reasons, but I know that she really wants me there. I hope she doesn't throw me in the pool. Oh! Like, that could literally happen. Yeah. It really could.

Let's just start listening to pool float anyway. They get to the rehearsal at this place. It's this hotel. They walk out on the beach, and Campbell goes, Is it a dog beach? Because it's this hotel and they walk out on the beach campbell goes it's in a dog beach because it's a dog beach well she's like i mean actually she would like that i mean we haven't seen much for dogs remember last season she was trying to make them show dogs but yeah but i liked she's like walking down these sandy steps like spraining her ankle every two feet. She's like,

Oh, oh, oh, oh. She's not the most nimble lady as we saw when she tried to drunk it on the hoverboard. Oh, Sandra's funny. Sandra's so romantic. Sandra's holding me up. Oh, Phil.

So then Gina starts asking this idiot wedding planner. Ellen. She's like wedding planner. Ellen. Ellen. Ellen. She's like, so, Ellen, this is the beach thing. So how are people going to walk here? Without issues.

Oh, all right. Well, I don't think people want to come to a wedding without shoes. Or how are they going to hear me? Is there going to be a microphone? And he's like, no, no, no microphone. Oh, dear. She's like, no, listen here. I'm the project manager of this task, all right?

I've been on Celebrity Apprentice. Now I'm on Wedding Apprentice. We need to get a microphone. I've got Nancy Kerrigan flying from the United States to donate $30 to this task. So I need to make sure there's a microphone. I'm not going to look like an idiot. Alright. We don't want any hiccups, alien. Alright.

No, no, no. There's no hiccups, no. She says, well, what if the weather isn't good? What's a plane be? And the sun, the gay sun's like, it's a thunderstorm! Thunderstorms are coming! You see there? And Gamble's like,

thunderstorm! Thunderstorms, thunderstorms are coming You see there And Gamble's like Thunderstorm And then Ellen goes And they said there's no thunderstorms So everyone's terrified Because this guy doesn't seem to know what he's doing So dinner I've watched this So long ago that my notes.

I can tell you. I just watched it yesterday. So now they all go for drinks. And they're talking about the storms. And Gina is basically telling all the women what an idiot Alan is. And she's like, didn't Alan say there's no. She's like, I'm sorry. Gina says that Alan says that there's no plan B

and the plan is just to be positive. And Pettifogus just goes, oh, gosh, no. And then Chica, typical Chica, she's like, I know one thing in life, and it's that you need a plan B. Sorry, Gimble. Need a plan B. If I have a dream beach wedding I'll be heartbroken It's on my visualization board

So then they're like Oh now she believes in the angels The angels She didn't believe the angels I was going to say Lydia asked Jackie Hey Jackie can you do a reading can you get a sense of whether This wedding will be okay and of course Jackie can't

Because she didn't Think about it ahead of time so she's like No and by the way it's my day off Get fucked She goes here's a vibe You need to be prepared in your wedding Because if you don't have a plan B And plan A doesn't work

The angels will cry because your wedding because if you don't have a plan b and plan a doesn't work the angels will cry because your wedding will end and campbell goes a percentage of her vibes are just pointing out the obvious but the angels say be more organized angels like organization okay well i like lydia's explanation she's about why jackie did not do a reading she's like it's like a butcher you can't be forever giving out meat wherever you go. Oh, that's exactly what it was. You know those butchers walking down the street just handing out cuts of

sirloin? And she actually says, it's like me giving out decoration advice. People pay me for that. No, they don't. Who pays you to give them decoration advice? You live in a big, gigantic box of paintings of girls fingering themselves. Like, no one is buying that.

Shane Warne. And then Pettafleur. I love how Pettafleur is, of course, making it better. She's like, nobody told me that it was a beach wedding. They should have told me. There's no indication anywhere. No indication anywhere on the invitation that there'll be a beach wedding. I can't believe this.

I can't believe it at all. So Jackie, Chica, and Gina. anywhere on the invitation that there'd be a beach wedding i can't believe this i can't believe it at all oh so jackie chica and gina um they're hanging out lydia's got a bad vibe so she's got a bad vibe but more importantly gina says does anyone want to watch celebrity apprentice tomorrow i'm gonna have a little screening and i wrote down as a note i was like drama on the horizon i didn't know what it was gonna be i just know drama's on the horizon like oh you're gonna go up to your hotel room and have a party and watch a celebrity apprentice gina's like yeah i'm gonna have a party in my hotel room and watch a celebrity apprentice okay which by the way sounds great i would go just to make it as clear as possible like does Gina forget that she says these things on camera that

clearly so then Pettyfloor and Susie I have an issue oh yes I'm sorry you just said that sorry Pettyfloor is like there is no indication to me on my invitation that this would be in the sand but then again my invitation was chucked over the balcony

so put it this way. I came blindly. So now it's the next morning. It's breakfast. And we get to meet Gamble's mother, who's adorable, as most mothers are on these shows. And Gamble's mom loves Wolfie. Because who doesn't love Wolfie? Wolfie.

They're like the same age. You know, it's like when people the same age see each other at a younger person's wedding, we're all like, hi. So then the women start talking about babies and all like these, oh, isn't it adorable? Don't you love it when they throw up in your mouth? Isn't that just the most fun thing ever when they pee all over you? And Jack's like, the angels never told me about this.

It's awful. Angels, no, no. Lydia's like the angels never told me about this it's awful angels no no lydia's like one time i had my baby there on the table and a stream of poop like you remember when your baby crawls out of bed and shoves his fist in your throat and tries to choke you to death the most horrifying stories and jackie's, it's the last thing I want to hear when I'm about to drink some champagne. I don't want to hear that. Why are you talking about that?

Son, son, son, son, son, son, son, son. Gamble, Wolfie, and the Celebrant are now talking about how the- Slave the Celebrant. Slave the Celebrant. And Gamble's like, oh, it's going to be a great ceremony with the guitarist gonna play some wicked game you know

like how it goes Chris Isaac somewhere is like what is happening to my song and the celebrant says, Sinead, do you have any vows? And she goes, Oh, it's a vows too. I thought people wrote them for you.

Yeah, I do and such. Dearly beloved or whatever. So, The Awful Storm. I just wrote Gamble being a weatherman. It's raining lightning. The trees are flying. They're bending over the trees. It's like thunder and lightning.

So very frightening, Wolfie. Lydia. Lydia. Lydia's sweetest ever. She's like, what if it rains? Can you imagine Gimble with wet hair? She'll look like a wet rat. I liked when there was a big flash of lightning and then thunder. And Lydia goes, that's thunder.

Great detective work there, Lydia. I thought it was just a cart being rolled in. So Janet comes and everyone's asking her if Brian's coming. She's like, I don't know. Wouldn't that be fabulous? It depends if there's a Turkish wrestler here to give a handjob. Well, he loves weddings. He loves happy endings.

Don't those wonderful? Oh, God. So somewhere in this mix, Lydia pulls Petaflur aside. She's clearly drunk at this point, and she's apologizing to Petaflur. From the bottom of my heart, you know, I'm sorry i do not give you free interior design advice you know you're like my daughter i mean you are my daughter when someone's like my daughter they become my daughter that's just the way it works but um she apologizes and then lydia starts talking about randomly which was pretty scary she talks about how when she and and Andrew were on holiday and a mosquito bit him and he got an infection and it affected his heart.

He had to get a valve replaced. I was like, what? How is this only coming up now? It's probably syphilis from Sean Warren. Oh, yeah, it could be that too. He's like, I don't understand what's happening to me. She's like, I'm not telling him. So in classic Melbourne style, Jackie comes over and Lydia's like i'm not telling him so in classic melbourne style uh jackie comes over and lydia's

like i miss my friendship with you jackie i really do and jackie's like all right well i'll i'll talk about this with you but i want to do it one-on-one i don't want to do it in front of peter fleur and then that's when peter was like oh no you don't want to talk about it in front of me what's wrong with talking about it in front of me you know what i call that bad manners bad manners okay don't start a fight with me then don't just ask oh god pedophiles not about you lydia's like well this is between us and she's like if you are going to interject in this conversation this is being very rude because i was talking to lydia lydia was apologizing to me and now here you are sitting in the middle of us interjecting,

which is, guess what they say? Rude. This is rude of you. Okay? So I'm letting you talk. Okay, talk then. Do you want me to... I am switching the bitch. I'm switching the bitch on your talking. Bad manners. Bad. Fine.

You don't want me to sit here and listen to you talk? I will leave. I will leave you. Like, that's what they were telling you to do the whole time. Like, totally my idea. I am leaving now. Where is my sexy son? So, I'm Snapchatting this to my son and hoping for a dick pic in return.

Do not interject. So, in a boring corner of the party suzy's sitting around and this guy marcello comes by and he's like i'd like to buy you a drink you're very attractive and she's like hey it's a boy um but we'll get more into marcello next episode yes so that was just our first sight of marcello so then it's a full-on cyclone going on outside. The doors are blowing open. Janet's nearly getting flung against the screens. Oh, isn't this wonderful?

Every fleck of rain is going horizontal. Oh, no. So Gina tells Gamble she's going to go watch the apprentice but she tells gamble it's like well they gotta spend time with the boys you know uh she gets so little time to see the boys it's their birthday so i'm just gonna go see the boys so goodbye i may spend some time with them on birthday get a cake for the boys. More room. Gamble's like, oh, I love you, Gino. Gina and, I mean,

Gamble and Janet need to be in completely different scenes, very far away from each other every time they do something. I just, this is my Gamble voice. My Jam voice is not good, but it sounds more like this. Janet.

Yeah, that's how she talks, for sure. So Gina goes off to watch Apprentice, basically. But the full controversy still has not hit. In fact, it doesn't totally hit this episode. It's more like the next episode. But they're just sowing the seeds. And Gamble's sad because it's 8. 30 p.m and gina's already leaving and you know i can i can i mean kind of but she's not really even that sad until everybody else is like oh wait gina girl

what isn't gina gonna be here where did gina go on your important night before the wedding night And then Chica, And Jackie, They're all such shitsters. Yeah, they got right into her head and then they finally got her pissed and she's like oh and now i'm pissed off which they're gonna use against her of course ever of course so then it's the wedding day gamble hates the tables that are set up and uh there's like this assistant manager for the hotel and he's fighting with alan they're're having a little gay party planner fight.

And the best part is that Gamble goes, Well, you know, Alan just broke up with his girlfriend. I was like, wait, wait, what? Stop that. Twist of the episode. Oh, you know, his girlfriend, who definitely has a vagina, not a penis, they broke up, so... Whatever old woman he was trying

to get to sign over her fortune in the old folks' home to, just, like, flatlined or some shit. You may have a little street, Alan. Yeah. So now Jackie and Janet are having some champagne for breakfast.

It's what the angels like to have for breakfast. Oh, liquid lunch, liquid breakfast. Isn't that fabulous? And Janet is basically, she just wants to throw the pot. I mean, she's like, oh, I saw Gina hanging out with wedding guests. And they watched Slept with Prentice. She didn't even invite the bride. And Jackie goes, we don't need that even invite the bride. And Jackie goes,

we don't need that for a faked. And Jenny goes, she was tweeting. She was tweeting it from her phone. Gina doesn't think about Campbell. She doesn't care about Campbell. She only cares about The Apprentice. I'm like, yeah, she's on a TV show.

Of course she's going to watch it. Relax. Don't tell Campbell that. It'll break break a hat the angel will be crying yeah so they're all so jealous whenever somebody goes on celebrity apprentice on the housewives all the other housewives get so gel it's actually kind of amazing how much the apprentice seems to truly affect Melbourne. Last year it was Omarosa indirectly affecting Pedophore. Oh, that's true, yeah. And now we have this. And by the way, I posted,

on my Instagram, I posted a boomerang, a boomerang video of Gamble dancing at her wedding, and none other than Omarosa herself liked it. So there we go. More crossover. Do the wealthy, me. Do the wealthy. Do the wealthy. Blang, blang, blang, blang. Do the wealthy. Do the wealthy. Do the wealthy.

Blang, blang, blang, blang. Do the wealthy. So, um, have the rights.

So Gina's social. Oh, Gina's. Oh, so Gina's being pretty insensitive. So they're sitting there talking to the celebrant and all this stuff. And Gina's supposed to be paying attention. She's like,

uh, Campbell's like, oh, well, why are you? And Gina's supposed to be paying attention. She's like, Campbell's like, Oh, well, why are you? And Gina says, Well, I thought she understood I was with the boys. Which I would, I'm always on Gina's side, even when she's like blatantly lying and wrong. Yeah. But I'm usually on her side. But then she's like sitting there

while the celebrant's talking and she's just swiping through all of her tweets. I'm sorry. Campbell's like, what are you doing? She's like, I'm checking my ratings because the celebrity apprentice was on last night. Oh, the rates. How are the rates? She goes,

it's a thing. It rates your social media and the social media's good. She's like, swipe, swipe. The celebrant's like, so would you like to have an ID? Like, how are you going to do this? She's like, swipe, celebrant's like so would you like to have uh an idea like how are you gonna do this she's like swipe so i don't care i i actually thought i mean i was amused but i actually felt like they edited the scene to make it look like it was like this really obnoxious thing i i must be editing it felt like they were interjecting different parts that whole

conversation together to make it look like gina Gina was being totally self-absorbed. So I'm still on Gina's side. I don't think she's being inappropriate. I think they just made her look that way. Well, I'm on her side too, but yeah, I mean, I'm on her side. Like she says in the next episode, she's like, even if it was true, who gives a fuck? Yeah, exactly. I'm the one who watches TV.

So that's kind of where I am. And also Gamble doesn't care. She doesn't care. She's like, whatever. Yeah, they made it seem like it was the biggest crime against humanity. I'm at. And also, Gamble doesn't care. She doesn't care. She's like, whatever. They got it to her head. Yeah, they made it seem like it was the biggest crime against humanity. I'm like, listen, Gina flew up to Byron Bay, okay? She took this week into office. It's her son's birthday.

She's on Celebrity Apprentice. Let her have an hour and a half to do this thing. It's not a big deal. She was at all the other events. She's officiating. Come on. Everyone relax. Yeah, pretty much.

So they all show up to do this wedding.'s like falling around in the right in the sand gina refuses to take off her stilettos yeah gam and gamble by the way she saw she saw her dress for the first time the day of the wedding which is crazy that's crazy crazy crazy but she's just like sinking into the stand or into the sand because it's all made out of glass beads. Like my gamble. Yeah. There was a really nice scene with Wolfie and Baby Wolfie. Wolfie's like, I love you, son.

Baby Wolfie's like, I love you, dude. I was like, aw. Yeah, he's like, I love you, father, even though I have to split mine in half. It's all right. And then the best is, as everyone, as the guests are coming in um wolfie junior goes to help pediflur in the sand and she's like oh you're so kind oh what a handsome man you're such a kind strapping man like oh i think that pediflur found a new boyfriend you're so big and strong who was helping her the The son? Yeah. Wolfie Jr. He's like, do you need a new mummy?

I have an opening. Yeah, exactly. And Gina's like, I'd like to thank you all for coming to celebrate this wonderful moment. At Gina Liano, what a star on the Celebrity Apprentice. At Gina Liano, you won that task, hands down. It's like the heavens parted on the beach. For me, Gino Liano, star of the Celebrity Apprentice, weathermaker. Hashtag Celebrity Apprentice.

Hashtag amaze rates. I like that Gamble was given away by Australia's answer to Elton John. I appreciated that. And then Juno was leading the ceremony. And what I loved is at one point, you know, got emotional and she's, she's doing the ceremony and she goes,

and then it cuts to her in the interview going, there was one point where I actually went, I'm like, yes, we actually, we saw, you don't have to, we saw,

we saw that. And that brings have to you saw we saw that and that brings us to the end of the episode that was in the episode and on our next episode we will talk about the aftermath or the reception and the aftermath of gamba's wedding and of course speaking of weddings we will also be discussing Real Housewives of New York City Season finale And in the meantime we have a hangout For our Patreon supporters Go to patreon.com

Watch for crappins And check out the different levels The support levels and you'll see how you can become Part of the hangout It's going to be Wednesday at What time did we say? 7? Yeah, 7 p.m. Eastern.

Pacific. I mean, 7 p.m. Pacific. Pacific. Pacific. So we'll see you there, you guys. Yeah, we'll see you there. And everyone, thanks for listening. Super fun episode.

Have a great, great day. Bye.