Watch What Crappens - #322: Human Piñatas

Episode Date: August 25, 2016

Timestamps below! There were some pretty amazing fake sob wars on the season finale of Real Housewives of New York, and Giner lied hilariously on Real Housewives of Melbourne. Find our bonus episodes and social media links at WatchWhatCrappens.com! Timestamps: 00 Opening and Crappens Mailbag RHONY 21:35 RHOM 1:35:00 We have partnered with TuneIn to deliver more bonus content! Download the app! For our own premium feed, bonus episodes and extras, visit http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to the Watch What Crappens podcast, the podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on Yield Brovs. I'm Ronnie Karam from Big Brother Smother Podcast and Rose Pricks, a Bachelor Podcast. And I'm with my gorgeous, talented and chatty little co-host, Mr. Ben Mandelker of the B-Side Blog and the Banter Blender. Hello, Ben. Hi there.

We just did our Google Hangout, and it was so fun. Yeah, especially since we did it within minutes of Real Housewives of New York City season finale ending. And so we were just fresh full of chatter about that. Yes. So good. But don't worry. We didn't waste any. There's plenty for this show right now.

And it's a late night show, which means we'll be loopy as F. So you'll all survive it, okay? Yeah. If you want to be a part of those hangouts or want the ringtones, which go up today, or, you know, the bonus episodes, which

go up every week, go to patreon.com slash watch what crappens and become a premium member. Woo! And we'd also like to thank our super premium subscriber, Miss Madonna Hines, Madge with a J. Does it get any better than Madge with a J? I don't think so.

I don't. I love you, Madge. I love her more. I love her more. She's mine. Come on to our Facebook, which is facebook.com slash watchwhatcrappens, or just

go to watchwhatcrappens.com to find out where you can find all our links and all that good stuff. Also, we're doing the LA Podcast Festival, the Podfest. LA Podfest. Yeah, LA Podfest. It's September 25th here in LA at the Sophiefitel Hotel.

And we are going to be partying that weekend. So I hope you guys can join us. If you are out of town and can't come, you can buy passes to the online stream, which will be for the entire festival. So just go sign up at L.A. Podfest and use your keyword, Crappians, when you sign up. And you'll get a little discount. You'll be able to watch a whole show. There's a lot of humongoloid podcasters that are going to be there. So that should be some great times.

If you're a big podcast fan, then it's really great. Because you don't just get us. You get a whole bunch of everyone else. Yeah. It should be a big party weekend. Because it's going to be a bunch of shit talkers who are ready to party yes i cannot wait and you know it's a podcast festival so it's not like one of those events where i even have to think oh my god i have to lose weight you know because you know faces for the radio and all that so ben yeah what you want to do we've got a

long amazing night ahead because we've got Real Housewives of New York. Okay. And also Real Housewives of Melbourne. Okay. So let's get her done, Ben. Is there anything we need to do before we start? We need to go to the post office and see if we have any mail in the crappins mailbag yes we have things in the mailbag still we had a big big like amount of entries and we've been just slowly getting through them since the last time where Where we left off is with Henry Sabassi, who says,

I love the fact, quote unquote fact, that Dorinda looks similarly to a Bob's Burgers character. Credit to someone on the Facebook page who said that. That's what Henry Sabassi says. Which animated character most strongly resembles, physically or emotionally, Jules, Ramona, and bethany respectively um and she also says i miss heather mama's from bob's burgers well no just in general which cartoon characters do all these women remind you of like either physically or emotionally oh my goodness i feel like bethany for some reason reminds me of one of the spies in Spy vs. Spy.

I don't know. I think it's just that angle. That big, pointy face. Somehow captures the essence of Bethany. All angles. Yeah, she does have a pointy face that kind of comes at you. And she's also a spy because she came up with all that evidence today. Yeah.

She's a little Veronica too from Archie, right? Maybe. Is that just because she has dark hair? No. Veronica was the hot one, right? Wait. No. Veronica's a boring one

and Betty's a hot one, right? Veronica is like the one with black hair, I thought. Because one of them, they're like, that's a Veronica and that's a Betty. Like dudes used to say that back in the day. I remember my dad telling my uncle one day, whoa, that girl's a Veronica. But I couldn't remember if that was good or bad. Veronica is a little, her features are a little too soft. You know what Bethany is?

She's like the iron robot in Iron Robot. You know? That's what I think she is she's like the iron robot in iron robot you know that's what i think she is bethany okay i think dorinda is that lady if she has to be a cartoon character oh i'm so bad with remembering things that i don't have notes on but you know that cartoon movie where it was a superhero family yeah the incredibles yeah okay and you remember how they have like a costume designer she's like this yes that's a little one that looks like linda hunt oh oh okay yeah yeah i think dorinda and give her maybe like a good 10 or 15 years and she'll be that guy i mean that lady by the way ronnie i want to encourage you to do a google image search of

the iron giant and uh it's actually shocking the similarities with bethany without the hair of course because it's a robot um giant iron giant okay or dorinda could be on simpsons she's got those eyes bob's burgers i think they said that so like dorinda's already taken care of oh so we don't have oh have... Oh, my God, she is the Iron Giant. But before the chin shave or whatever. It's more angular. I think that Ramona... I mean, Ramona's already a... Let's face it.

She's already a cartoon character. But maybe she's someone from, like, a Disney movie. Like, a forgotten one from the 60s or 70s. Maybe she's from from like a disney movie like a forgotten one from the 60s or 70s maybe she's from oliver and company in the 80s all of her and company i don't remember that one what was that about it's about like a cat in new york oh lord why does every animal have to live in new york there's like a whole wide world oh Oh, I'm sorry. Why do I keep seeing Dorinda? I'm looking at cartoon characters right now in the image search. And now I see Tweety

Bird, and that's like Dorinda too. I think every cartoon character looks like damn Dorinda. Every single one of them kind of looks like her. I always feel like Dorinda, and I don't mean this, I'm not trying to be mean, but she always to me looks a little bit like a sock puppet. You know?

Yeah, and she actually does. If you look at to me, looks a little bit like a sock puppet, you know? Yeah, and she actually does. Think it. If you look at her, she just sort of looks like a sock puppet. And I'm not saying this because she's Hispanic, because that's racist, you guys. And I'm like, not, okay? I'm racially, like, have my racial glasses on. I don't even know what I'm trying to say. I'm loopy already.

And I'm not even drunk or stoned. But I think the chick Kelly from Orange County looks like Dora the Explorer. have my racial glasses on. I don't even know what I'm trying to say. I'm loopy already. And I'm not even drunk or stoned. But I think the chick Kelly from Orange County looks like Dora the Explorer. She's on here and it actually does look like her. If Dora the Explorer was just waving with her little backpack and saying the C word, she could be her.

She'll say the C word and then pause and wait for you to respond and start talking again. I still don't know who Jules is. I can't for the life of me figure out who the hell Ramona is. Maybe she's like a crazy dog from 101 Dalmatians. I don't know why I'm really on a Disney track right now. I can't place it.

I think Ramona is a minion. Okay? Because her eyes are always big like a puppy. Yes. Okay? You know, by the way, of course, Dorinda would be Rosie, the maid from the Jetsons. Oh, yeah, Dorinda. Mr. Jetsons. Oh yeah, Dorinda. Mr. Jetson.

Dorinda's gotten so drunk since that original impression started, it's kind of gone away. Because it used to be like that, Mr. Jetson. And now it's more like... Dorinda's talking all over her mouth. Rosie's had a little too much pneumonia.

All right. Kenneth Curtis says, My friend Maggie and I were recently discussing what if AOL Instant Messenger, hashtag TBT, were still around today? What would some of the Housewives screen games and recurring away messages

be? Definitely need to hear Ramona's, Shanahan's, Countess's, and Bethany's. Wow, that's a good one. Ramona's, Shannon's, Countess, and Bethany's. Wow, that's a good one. Ramona's, I think, would be, let's face it. Let's face it. 1956. Or if it was modern, it would be, let's FaceTime it.

Hi! And I think if you try to message Ramona and she's like, I'm sorry, I'm in. Okay. Hi. And I think if you try to message Ramona and she's like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm not here. Okay. I'm sorry. And that's day class A, honestly, for you to ask me.

Shannon's would be David. David. Is that her name? Her screen name? David. David. It'd be very confusing. You can reach me name? David David. It'd be very confusing. You can reach me at David David. I think Shannon would be

the original lady on the beach at AOL.com. Listen, we know that Shannon wouldn't even be on AOL. She'd be on ICQ and it'd be like A139654 TZWI. I don't know how to change the username do i know how to change it no no why are you always aiming at me david aim somewhere else

it's offensive i think her who's this man her way message would be who's this yeah i was just gonna say who I think her... Who's this man? Her away message would be, who's this? Yeah, I was just going to say, who? I start away messages. I start chats. And who else is Luann's? Yeah, yes. I think the countess would be... I can't believe we're getting married, 85.

Her away message would be, How do you write that? When she starts squealing. Or she would just have like a gif emoji of a ring that's moving. Because even when she's upset, she just puts her ring up in people's face and kind of shakes it. I just can't deal with this. Shaky ring, shaky ring. Thanks underscore Carol.

Thanks. Carol! It would be in all caps. And the away message would be, I'm sorry, I just have to go see Tommy Toon. Tommy Toon. You understand, don't you? Her ding. Instead of going ding, it'd be like tommy tune

tommy tune beth bethany's uh online name would be just what was going through her mind when she was first discovering aol she's like what is this we get to make a talk on the internet it's like not the phone like i really don't get it like what was this aol like what's it was why aol america online like what if we're not america like what we're different country like i don't get it like i don't get it like i, I don't get it. Like, I don't get this brand. 36. I think she'd be like, skinny girl. The end. That's Bethany in everything.

And her name would be in red. And her away message would be, new skinny girl. Skinny girl. And every message she's going to do will be, skinny girl. Skinny girl. Seriously, I can't take it. Skinny girl. Seriously.

Skinny girl. Her away message would be so long that it would actually take about seven minutes before someone realizes they're not actually in a conversation with her. Like, literally, this is crazy. Like, what is this? Like, I'm not here, but you're talking to me? Like, what's the point of that? Like, what sort of conversation is that? Like, I'm not here.

Like, get over it. Like, honestly, my wall is up. My AOL wall is up. My AOL is up. Like, literally, I can't. Like, honestly, like, if you make me, like, come back to my computer right now and talk to you, I'm going to be on the floor crying. Like, literally, kill me now. Like, honestly, unplug this thing and, like, tie me up with a cord and just kill me like come back to my computer right now and talk to you i'm gonna be on the floor crying like literally kill me now like honestly

unplug this thing and like tie me up with the cord and just kill me throw me in the river like what seriously i'm away like you know what i'd appreciate if you were away like get out of my apartment like how long have i divorced you like you've been out of here forever just go away just like what are you gonna take half my money like i'm not gonna go away like try and take half my empire like you didn't earn anything you bamboozledled me. I don't get it. Where's the messenger? I'm waiting by the door and no one's coming. I'm waiting. No one's ringing the door. What sort of messenger is this? Instant messenger?

So instant's not even there. I don't get it. What's happening? Just kill me. I can't. I can't do it anymore. Literally, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't want to do this. I don't want to respond to your thing right now and I hate that I have to be the one to respond right now. Do you understand? I don't want to do this. I don't want to respond to your thing right now. And I hate that I have to be the one to respond right now. Like, do you understand? I don't want to respond right now to AIM.

That's the next character that Bethany is going to pretend to have feelings for that's working for her. Like, instead of the driver from Driving Miss Daisy, next time it'll just be that little AOL messenger guy in the front seat. You're the only person I ever love. Like, truly? Like, seriously? Like, I don't have a dad. So, like, it's you. Okay?

Why are you always running? Like, everyone else runs away from me. You're always, like, running towards me. Like, seriously? Like, I don't have a dad. So, like, it's you, okay? Why are you always running? Like, everyone else runs away from me. You're always, like, running towards me. Like, seriously? Like, I love you. Like, what's the deal with that triangle? Like, why are you always holding it? Like, where are you taking it? Like, I don't get it. Like, what's the point of it? Is it, like, is that the internet? Like, I don't get it.

Kind of explains why he's always running away. Yeah. We got two more questions left. Why don't we answer just these two really quickly because that way we can refresh our mailbag. So Betsy MD says, My boos!

I was thinking of a where are they now request from you regarding past Bravo rejects. As in, what do you suppose Ashley from Princesses Long Island is up to?

Cindy Barshop? Creepy Chad? The Hipster Realtor for a million dollar listing in LA for a season? Fonny in the Euros? Martin Lawrence Ballard? Just all of them. What do you think they're up to? Okay Barshop, Creepy Chad, The Hipster Realtor for a Million Dollar Listing, LA First Season, Fonny and the Euros, Martin Lawrence Blarge, just all of them. What do you think they're up to? Okay, well that's a lot of

people, so I'll pick the chick from Princess is Ashley. Dad, help Dad. I think Ashley is still calling her dad in precarious situations that aren't precarious at all. She'll be like in a food court. She'll be like in a food court.

And you're like, Dad, there's an apostrophe in the name of a pizza place. Help me! It's like Sbarro. She's having a breakdown. Dad, they're playing dominoes at the pizza place and I don't know how to play it. Help me! In a Dillard's.

Do they have that there? It's a department store, like in a Marshall's. She'll be in there like, I'm in a neighborhood where there's these models that aren't moving, and they don't have any private parts. Help me! How those stupid mannequins never have

any nipples or anything. You have funny looking. I'm the hottest funny looking customer in here. That's what I gotta say. I'll be funny looking. I think Fonny from Euros of Hollywood is just somewhere going, Fonny!

That's it. That's just all she's doing. And I think Martin Lawrence Ballard is exploring his first ever food for less. Look at the deals they have in here. Now that Fresh and Easy is closed, I can get discount meats all that I want here at Food for Less. It's like Inja.

I've never been to a grocery store, but there's someone putting my things in a bag. How fabulous. Because that story you always have to do your own bagging. Yeah, at Fresh and Easy. Yes, I will. I would love if you followed have to do your own bagging yeah fresh and easy yes I will I would love if you followed

me to my car could you please tell me where the Haagen Dazs is or in the pinch the briars so we said in India Haagen Dazs I've never seen so many frozen peas in my life

I love it. My next house is going to have a pea decor. Brian Lawrence Ballard used to always be at Fresh and Easy. We'd see him there. And it was always hilarious because for someone who was a million-dollar decorator, you wouldn't expect to see him at Fresh and Easy toting around his own cart, picking things out of bell peppers and plastic wrap. picking things out of peppers hot bell peppers and plastic wrap until you look around and realize oh yeah this is right below a 24 hour uh 24 hour fitness or whatever there's like hot young models

walking around oh yes i will take one you know he would go to see the cucumber section um you know and by the way r.i.p fresh and easy the best supermarket of all time that people are like oh it's like it feels cold in there well guess what everything was cheap everything was good and never a single line i go to sprouts i actually am loving sprouts but it takes me 10 minutes to get through those checkout lines lines and i'm not even joking sprouts line can suck a dick it doesn't matter what time of day it is there's never enough people working the red there's always like one person and then when it gets to be a line of 10 people then they'll be like oh can someone maybe come to the front because there's 10 people yeah and then one other person comes and they're all pissed off and they all have to be so slow it's like you know every supermarket had something like

trader joe's parking lots always suck sprouts their thing is they have super slow people at the register and and you just sit there like literally 10 to 15 minutes yeah sprout sucks with their checkout but i love that story i still go there but man and also their express lane thing it's not like a regular express sign that's always lane number one it's like a stand-up sign and it'll always be turned around and i've done it twice where i've walked into the express lane not realizing it and then they wait you know i'll do that 10 minute wait of 10 people and they go sir this is the express lane like you fuckers you saw that i have a whole cart full of shit how about you face the sign towards people i've got some sprouts anger okay i can't believe this isn't a bonus episode you guys are lucky because i would

go off for a damn hour about Sprouts lines. Next week we'll talk about Sprouts. Okay, one last question. DeLaza D, she says, Hey guys, Ben, I loved your idea about having different honks for dealing with situations while driving, and it got me thinking. What if you could select different housewives' sounds and sayings instead of a beep? Like, if someone was lingering at an intersection

you could play a ramona let's face it to get other drivers attention or if someone had left their signal on but was going straight perhaps lydia's lift lift lift would be appropriate which other new york or melbourne sayings or sounds would work well as a beep replacement while driving well mine would be definitely, hands down, probably the most obvious choice, which would be, I'm sorry, this isn't from your show choices, but ladies of London,

I would love a bullhorn on my car that when you're stuck and someone isn't moving close enough to the stoplight, it would just go forward, forward, forward. Clear the intersection. I can imagine. I mean, Ramona is like a woman of like a million honks, if you ask me. I can imagine cutting someone off in traffic.

I'm sorry, but you're just driving too slowly. I'm sorry. That's a big class set. You cut somebody off on traffic and then have something say behind them. At least she didn't get cut off on traffic in page six like I did. Okay. Okay, everyone. Okay. behind them at least she didn't get cut off on traffic in page six like i did okay at least you didn't have to learn about the new traffic rules on page six like i did whenever a picture whenever the red light camera goes off at luann she would just like flash her ring at it she'd be like most people say stop but i say go i trust that stoplight

would you believe it, camera? We're getting married. Bethany would be like, her honk would be like, come on, speed up. I mean, what is this? What is this line? Is this like Sprouts? It's taking forever to get through this intersection. I mean, it's so long.

Like, what, you can't pass someone? Like, I don't even want to drive anymore. Like, just get me an Uber. Like, don't even get me an Uber. Just like put me in a casket and roll me down the street. Like, honestly, I can't. I can't. Kill me now.

Sonia, the crosswalk. That light is flashing me., I don't see, I can't, I can't tell me now. Sonia, the crosswalk, that light is flashing me. They just don't want me. I've been lovers with this stoplight for 10 years. I just want everyone to know in the intersection. Everyone just want you all to know. Oh, love you mailbag.

Oh, mailbag. I wish I could have thought of a good Melbourne one, but I couldn't. Chicken! Chicken! Chicken! Oh, chicken. Oh, chicken. Isn't this

wonderful, chicken? That's the honk you use when you're in the drive-thru lane and someone's taking a long time to order. Chicken! Just get chicken! Isn't that wonderful, chicken? When you're in the drive-thru lane. And someone's taking a long time to order. Chicken. Just get chicken. Isn't that wonderful? Chicken. The Chick-fil-A.

It's to announce your presence at Chick-fil-A. Oh, chicken. Ma'am, what would you like? Chicken. Oh, chicken. Pick a number one. Number two. Chicken. It's wonderful, isn't it? Chicken. Chicken Number one Number two It's wonderful isn't it chicken

So chicken tell me about yourself What sort of hobbies Keep you busy chicken You'll have to tell me about Three times cause I can't cope anymore Chicken So We got A big chunky episode chicken chicken so we got a big

chunky episode to get to because Real Housewives of New York City just wrapped up for the season about two hours ago and we just have to bring it to you fresh off the presses and I have to say I mentioned this on our Google Hangout but I don't think any episode of

the Real Housewives has opened up more appropriately than this one where the very first line was luanne going i think i'm going to vomit i was like okay setting the tone and then dorinda everything's such a huge thing with dorinda even when she's sober which i like which probably i mean let's face it it's like let's face it it's one like, let's face it. It's one o'clock in the afternoon. You just made me spill my Starbucks. I was saying I had just put the straw in my mouth and the coffee was just coming up the straw and you said, let's face it, let's face it.

And I started laughing and now this coffee's all over. It'll stick in your head forever, these batches uh so dorinda comes over she's like what's happening what's happening she's freaking out like she just arrived in louisiana and people are floating hey luke here's a life preserve okay you'll be safe okay you'll be safe now you're safe out and people are floating. Hey, Lou. Here's a life preserve. Okay, you'll be safe. You'll be safe now. You're safe. Safe place here, Lou. Made the flood nice, Lou. I love how everybody...

I made the flood nice! I got rafts! You can talk about the hotel. You can talk about the elevators, but don't you dare talk about my mother's flood. Okay. Poor Louisiana. They didn't even name that damn flood.

I mean, Katrina is actually looking like a spoiled child in this relationship. Assholes. Floods don't get names. They're just. Oh, hurricane. Yeah, you're right. Well, that was just a general well that sucks they don't even get a name they're like hey were you around for the flood which one

you know the huge one well because floods are usually the products of the hurricanes so that they should really be like like katrina jr little katrina no that's um bet Bethany's kid. Bethany's kid. Katrina Jr. Like little tiny storm going through life. Baby storm. Like, what is this? Seriously? I'm supposed to put this on the end of my pencil?

Like, what is this? An eraser? Like, why did I erase it? Like, I drew it because I wanted to do it. Like, what the hell? What, am I supposed to erase something? What kind of teacher are you? Are you supposed to do something or erase something? Seriously?

Like, what's the deal? Nap time? I don't even know what nap time is. It's like either napping or you're awake. It's not like nap time. Why do I have to choose a time? Maybe I'll sleep a little bit. Maybe I'll wake up. I don't know. I don't get it. I gotta concentrate on the time when I'm trying to take a nap. It doesn't make any sense.

Like, I'm trying to take a nap. You're stressing me out with the time. It's trust. I don't get this alphabet song. Like, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, H, H, A, K, L, M, N, O, P, W, Q, R, X. What is that? Are those lyrics? Those are just letters. I literally don't get this alphabet song. Like, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, P, W, Q, R, X. I don't get it. Like, what is that? It's just like, are those lyrics? Those are just letters. Like, I literally don't get this song. Like, what is it?

Same song as Twinkle, Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star. Like, same melody. Like, where's the lawsuit? Like, I don't get it. They're like, here comes that little Hurricane Katrina Jr. again. It's like a nightmare. Okay, so speaking of things just going to shit. Dorinda, still screaming.

In this scene, Dorinda, still screaming. Dorinda. In this scene, Dorinda has taken 20 minutes in our version. She's like, what happened? Yeah, it was like one second on TV. I don't even. So Luan, this whole episode, by the way, is just one continuous scene of Luan freaking out to different people. It's like, now I'm in this room freaking out.

And now I'm in that room. Now I'm at a wet bar freaking out. Where's the sandbar? Where is it? Is there a there a table i don't care i'll freak out there did you hear about tom it was on a wednesday night to rinda bethany has pictures of tom on a wednesday night like the night was a huge deal for everybody wednesday yeah wednesday wednesday adams is that a reference to tom um so now Tom? So now Luanne goes back into the room with Bethany because now it's time for her to look at the picture. I feel like someone stabbed me in the chest. Alright, where's Bethany? I have to see the picture.

Alright girls, let's go get her. Come on. I want you guys there. It's like this adventure with Luanne to go see Bethany's picture. And so Bethany now has this new thing where she's like, now, do you know that I don't want to be doing this right now? Do you know that? I'm shaking to be doing this right now like do you know that like like honestly like i don't want to be like i'm like shaking it's like it's like too much for me like i i just honestly i just want to like be be still like

honestly i wish i were a vase like i can't like honestly like why don't you talk i don't want to do it i don't want to do it yes meanwhile bethany's gotten completely dressed and ironed her hair and put on new makeup and now she's in bed i don't want to do this i don't want to do this man but your periscope like wave to the viewers okay i'll i don't want to do this i don't want to do this man but here's periscope like wave to the viewers okay i'll i don't want to do it i love how bethany is trying to calm her but also say how much she hates her in this at the same time she's like wait no that i didn't want to do he's so fake i don't want to do all the things like like seriously all the things that we like i've said to you like you're a slut you're a whore like no one's gonna love you

you know etc etc like even with all of that like I still wouldn't want this I wouldn't wish this upon you okay like you know that right you know that right anyway here's a picture of your fiance kissing someone so we finally saw the picture and it's like

to me it's like not like it's I mean you can't even see his face just a bald head but i mean obviously it was him but the best part is so they zoom bravo um blurs out the woman he's kissing but they keep on zooming in so close on the photo of him kissing it's just like a bald head and a blur it just kind of looked at a certain point just look like an ass you know i was like what what is this maybe it's like a salmon filet. I can't tell. Tom's just got really terrible breath.

It's like this fog coming out of his mouth. And Luanne just goes, she just gets nauseous. She's like, I think I'm going to barf. Vicky Gunvalson was so jealous. She's like, oh yeah, well, she's stealing my thing now. What'd you do it? Have horseradish? Except it's real. Jules is like,

watch out, forks really hurt coming back up. Trust me, I know. Don't stab yourself backwards. I love that Luann's first reaction to seeing the picture is, oh, well, where are the other pictures? And how can he be at the regency doing this in front of other people and she goes yeah like he left with his check he

was very drunk she goes yeah well he must have been wasted when has already immediately come up with an excuse and like a total validation for tom she's like well you must have been wasted well what are you gonna do so she goes and she throws up and um and then lou comes back in and uh there's like like talk about like who sent the pictures etc and shockingly lou's like it doesn't even matter who sent her the pictures i was like wait this is bravo are you telling me that a female reality star on bravo is not getting mad at another female for like looking out for her because that's not how bravo rolls normally one woman's like hey heads up the guy's a dick and then the women turn on each other and fight i was like something something feels fishy here and it wasn't fishy at all because it was sausagey. I think the reason she didn't get mad because it was a queen. And we saw what happened last time.

You bitch! It was great. Rude! But I like, by the way, also that when Luanne comes back from throwing up, Bethany is now like wrapped up in a comforter because she's the one who's the biggest victim in all this. And all you can see is just like a sliver of her face in this comforter. It was like the Phantom of the Opera mask. It's like, oh, poor Bethany. Like the hardship that she's had to go through bringing this news to Luanne.

You know she was so happy. When she's really Carlotta. Is that the other person? Carlotta's the evil opera singer in Phantom of the Opera. Yeah. I mean, would you believe it? He dropped a chandelier on me. You're changing everything. Now Carlotta's He dropped a chandelier on me. You're changing everything.

Now Carlotta's trying to drop chandeliers on me? Maybe the chandelier fell down on Tuesday. I don't know. Skinny girl sings. So, Lou. Okay, so Lou's barfing. I wrote so many notes. I was transcribing this like it was the most important thing in the world.

So I'm trying to see. But Luanne is still going off on, He's at the Regency! How could he do that at the Regency? At the Regency! He was at the Regency. Well, I hope he got a mint on his pillow. She's all upset at the location and the day that it happened.

And Jules is just killing me. And Dorinda. Dorinda is the only, as much shit as she starts, and as crazy as she is, and as many clips as we can play of Dorinda making zero sense when she's drunk, especially during a toast, Dorinda has the most sense about her. She's like, but why was she so mad? Maybe it could have been done in a kind of a gentle kind of manner. And Luann's like well who cares who cares and

she's like uh right before we're getting to leave yeah like yeah that's you know but then again i think that's the right thing i well except she told everybody else first but yeah but like you know why ruin why ruin a weekend which is what she would have done yeah true i mean look if they were really friends with which they're not and bethany repeats over and over that they're not she's like i'm not even friends with this girl like like we're fine okay we're like we're best friends like we're not even best friends but like we're not like enemies but like we're in the middle like and it's fine like it's fine like just knowing you and like seeing you and being like you know whatever but like like she's so mean how she talks. So it's not like they're best friends.

But any friend in real life would have texted that to her and said, I just saw this. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings. But he did this in public. And people are going to talk about this on the show. I hope you're prepared. You know? And I think that's what Dorinda's saying.

Of course you can't do that because it's TV. Absolutely. You're right. But if they had to. Oh, just one extra point because i'm still i've got like 10 paragraphs of dorinda slurring but also if bethany had done that at the beginning of the weekend then dorinda would have been like soon my santa bar trip who would do that to someone else you couldn't wait till after the santa bar i mean yeah she would have you're right bethany i think

in dorinda's eyes bethany was definitely damned if she did, damned if she didn't. She definitely would have. There definitely would have been some Sandbar grievances. That's for sure. You're damned if you do. You're damned. You're just damned. You made a lie.

Who makes a good damn? But not Bethany. That's what I say. Luanne goes, why does everyone keep asking when it was? What does it matter when it was? And Duran's just like, you've been with him for like five minutes. I mean, maybe it was seven minutes ago. You don't know when this

picture was taken. Yeah, Lu's like, oh yeah, I guess that's a good point. So meanwhile, in the other room where Bethany's doing her Phantom of the Opera impersonation, Ramona and Sonia are in there and now ramona ramona starts to cry because she can't let someone else have all the tears and this is when ramona starts doing this amazing thing in many different iterations but but you

know because bethany is feel bethany is feeling bad so bethany's crying so ramona's like no no okay it's better she hears from you than page six because that's what happened to me i learned on page six i didn't learn from friends when mario decided to leave me okay so i fit the most here it's ramona yelling she's like what if it was me people saw me on page six and no one told me okay you know what that was like for me to see that okay and she's like half standing on the bed and bethany many animals many animals the animals me it's like you two are. This did not happen to you.

It was truly, truly hysterical madness. I think that's what it's called, right? When people just start going hysterical. You know when you hear those stories every now and then of eight girls in high school who just start screaming and crying because of this weird, contagious, psychological thing that happens? Yes. That is what's happening to it.

It's like how riots happen. Yeah, Ramonaona's like bethany you did the right thing you know it's already all over page six okay okay do you think i want to see on page six that my husband is screwing another bitch no no okay but i did see that i did see another bitch I did see Mario, okay? Let's face it, whoa, whoa, this is crazy You know what this whole situation reminds me of? When I was a little girl, two years ago I was totally in a situation where Mario cheated on me And I said to myself, I'm never gonna let

A man cheat on me again Like the way Mario did on page six And here we are today, so I'm sorry I'm sorry, but that's the day Class A to learn about a fear On page six, I'm sorry don't blame yourself okay at least she didn't have to read about it the traitor chose fearless flare like i did okay and then bethany is like crying harder now and she's like i couldn't even go on the boat i couldn't even go on the boat how can i go on the boat how can i go on the boat i got a headache go on the boat? How can I go on the boat?

I got a headache. I got a headache. I got to stop drinking alcohol. Give me one of those bottles. It's her own, of course. It's like total perfect product placement from Bethany. Well, Bethany, at least you didn't learn about the boat from page six. Even though there was a boat you could go on until I read it in the newspaper.

How do you think that made me feel? Okay. How do you think that made me feel okay how do you think it made me feel i was on a dinner cruise on a boat around new york city and i saw a new york post there and that's what page six is it okay how do you think that made me feel what what what am i supposed to go on about you two are both fucking crazy and carol's just sitting there like carol's just eating popcorn and enjoying the show at this point. Everyone is bawling. I was like, oh my God, this is crazy. Reminds me of one time I was in New York City

and I was looking out of the bay and I saw a circle line boat go around and no one ever told me that circles and lines could go together until I saw the boat. And I was like, whoa, that's crazy. Why did I have to learn about it this way? Huh? Why? To this day, I still can never draw circles and lines on the same page, okay?

One time, when I was a little girl in the Berkshires, my dad was yelling at my mom, and so I got at a crossword puzzle, and I was I didn't know any words, so I was just writing a lot of letters into the boxes, and I got to page sex, and my dad slapped me in the face with a crossword puzzle and said, you're a cheetah. How do you think that makes me feel?

Whoa, that's crazy. I remember one time, once when I was a little girl, I was running around in the forest, okay? And I was like, look at me. I'm the fastest thing ever. And Geraldine Parsons Smith said, no. Cheaters are the fastest things ever. And to this day, I still can't hear about cheaters or cheaters, okay?

So anyway, so Bethany, as you mentioned, Bethany is like losing her mind. She needs to get booze. And she is now like fully doing a watch her crap in impersonation of Bethany, okay? Because she's literally like, I couldn't tell her on Friday because she didn't trust me like that. We're not friends like that, and I had to

wait all weekend. That's why I couldn't tell her I was going on the boat. Seriously, kill me now. What's the matter? I can't stand the sandbar. I don't want to go to the sandbar. I need alcohol. Kill me now. The walls are up. The sandbar's up in my head. I'm on the sandbar. Kill me now. Put me in the water. Then in the other room, Luanne is back. Luanne just keeps flying back from room to room.

Like, I'm gonna starve. So she's in the other room now with Jorinda and Jules. Luanne is like in her own one-woman farce, going in and out of doors. It's like a rejected script from Frasier. It's like that Carol Burnett play

where she, Moon Over Buffalo. It's like, noise is off. Yeah, yeah. It's like that uh that carol brunette play where she uh moon over buffalo it's like noise is off yeah yeah it's like backstage the hands off uh so where she's the only one going from room to room and everyone knows exactly where she is at any given time and no one's confused except for her but the timing's always off because the doors can't slam properly because every time she gets to a door she's like can, can someone get me my key, please? Let me into my room. Yeah, because it's still like the fifth episode in this hotel, and no one's fixed the keys yet.

What's the manicure still doing here? I told you so! Like the manicurist is under the bed. So the best, now Luanne, now she's collapsed onto the floor. She's like, oh! Having her moment.

She's having the vapors. And Dorinda, Dorinda's like, hey, what I would say. I send him the pictures. I say, explanation, please. She's like, what kind of thing? Why would I do that? She goes, I'm just saying, get all the facts, okay? I'm trying to be positive here, you know? Like, he

was dating Sonya in November, you know? You could have been positive. You're very lucky that I'm the one being positive right now. God knows what's swimming around inside of you right now. Richard, what do you think? No, that's just my change from last night. Oh, sorry.

At one point. Well, I'm not even sure what happened here, luanne goes this was last week and it's like blink blink like did she just ask siri she's like siri well siri listen up when did or if tom cheated on me yeah well luanne was in such a fever state that she couldn't even do her own texting. She had to do voice to text, which, by the way, is really a bad way to confront someone about cheating because you don't know what sort of words are coming out. She goes – the best part is Bravo was so hilarious. She goes – she does her – she gets Siri up and she goes, how could you do this to me? And then she goes, question mark. And Bravo goes, how could you do this to me? And then she goes, question mark.

And Bravo goes, how could you do this to me? And when she goes, question mark, they added a question mark onto the caption. Did you see that? No, but that's it. It was such a stupid, funny thing to do. Because the whole thing. How could you do this to me? Question mark. That was the same voice she used for carol

well then at this point this was also the part where she shook her finger she's like how could you do this to me question mark and then she just puts up her ring finger and it's like shakes it she's like yeah this is also when she starts to slide into denial. She's like, wait a second. No, I was with Tom. I mean, I was with Tom. This couldn't have happened. No, no. Oh, yeah.

This is where she immediately came up with an excuse. And she's like, all right, I'm going back to Bethany's room. She's like, knock, knock. It's Lou. Who is it? Who is it? Who do you think it is, Bethany? Who else is running from door to door? Everyone's Who is it? Who do you think it is, Bethany? Who else is running from door

to door? Everyone's in one place. Who do you think it is? Can someone let me into Bethany's room, please? Is it the artist I went out with last night? No, it's me. So then Bethany's like, I don't want to gossip. I can't gossip. Like, I can't. I don't want to be gossipy. You girls get out.

Yeah, I don't want this to be a group thing, okay? Everybody out. And then Luanne comes in. She's like, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Luann. I'm so sorry. Really? I'm sorry. So, so, so sorry. So Luann is fully into her line now. She's like,

this is just crazy. Listen, I just remembered. I was with Tom Wednesday at the Regency. It was in the photo. I just remembered when I put on that wig. It all makes sense now. What a simple misunderstanding, Bethany.

And Bethany's totally ready. She goes, Well, then you must have left because I talked to the manager and the busboys and the waiters. I talked to the social media girl. I talked to the guy outside who gets the cars, the valet guy. I literally talked to the manager and the bus boys and the waiters. I talked to the social media girl. I talked to the guy outside who gets the cars, the valet guy. I literally talked to everybody in there. It was him. I called the janitor.

She actually said that. She's like, I called the janitor. She goes, what? She goes, well, I wanted to do a CSI. You go in there and it's like, I got fluids and stuff. Tom's seriously gross. she basically called because she saw in the back of the picture she saw the bartenders in the back which did you see that

in the picture because I didn't I wasn't I wasn't looking at that I was I was just looking at the blurry situation and trying to find any like identifying crazy she's like well I look in the back and I saw the bartenders and like one had facial hair so i called them and i was like hey like god can i talk to the facial hair that's ridiculous no no the bartender tom's not a bartender well this just goes to show you what did he shoot jfk to the regents i mean well i mean he graduated high school in New York years ago. He's not taking the Regents exam. Why would he be at a hotel? He has an apartment. Oh, I knew this was wrong. I asked a busboy.

Oh, Tom takes his glasses back to the kitchen on his own. He doesn't need a busboy. I knew this was just a lie. That's one of where we always sit uh you've got it all mixed up bethany anyway sandbar awaits bethany is legit crazy though she called the place and asked to speak with a person she saw in the background on a wednesday night and she's like all right i was there it was me i was there do you remember seeing me i was wasted like i was there and i was like making out with this bald guy. And he goes, oh, yeah, right in the front of the bar. It's like, yeah, yeah, that was me. See, so there.

Why would you have told me it was me if it wasn't me? Like what's he trying to make me crazy? Even though I'm not me. I was like the girl he was making out with. But you know what I'm saying? Jesus Christ, lady. It was actually a little above and beyond. I actually understand why she was doing it.

She wanted to not get into a whole conversation of like, is it or not? Like she didn't want – she had a sense that Lou would go into denial and she wanted to just have everything there. But if she truly just did not want to get in the middle, she would have said, my friend sent me this picture. It looks really bad. You should talk to him and figure it out. You know what I'm saying? Like she – I understand why her curiosity was like I curiosity was like, I want to know all this stuff, but she's been going for

Luanne and this whole relationship the whole time. But she's not necessarily wrong. I mean, it is totally shady of Luanne. And she did manage to totally humiliate Luanne when she was like, okay, so I told Ramona and Carol, and then Ramona told Sonia, and we all knew about it. We were just quiet all weekend long

while you were making an ass of yourself. That's all. And I was like, great. And meanwhile, in the other room, Ramona and Dorinda are now talking about Luanne and how she collapsed, how she collapsed on the floor, and then this is when Ramona's like, well, how do you think I felt? I mean, I had to

learn about Mario on page six. It's like, Ramona, stop it. Ramona. And then sonia this is what i felt like like this was crazy oh and we forgot to say back in the other room bethany and lee were still talking and bethany's like okay here's what you need to do you need to call him and you say at the very least yell me honestly okay do not marry him and le liran's like well i certainly can't put up with this in public at a hotel on a wednesday doesn't he know that taco tuesday is a more appropriate time

how could he on hump day and then she tells us uh my life just exploded. This is my life. This man is my life. He's my future. I'm not embarrassed. I'm traumatized. I'm devastated. A hotel? On the machine, Rose. On the machine. So she tells Bethany, I know

in my deepest heart of hearts that this man loves me, and he must have already been drunk. And Bethany's like uh seriously he went back to his wife in pittsburgh in pittsburgh oh i was laughing so hard bethany just stopped crying like she stopped her fake crying and just was like blink blink seriously i mean now i now i will say this you know when when luan was like i mean in public i mean could you be more like could you be any dumber i'm gonna play devil's advocate and say because because bethany brings up later maybe i should talk about it later but about like how curious it is that luan seems really

concerned about that he did this in public. I think Luann was more like, what did you think you could get away with it? You're making out with someone in public and you think you can just get away with it. That was how I read it. Not as like, how could you reveal our open relationship in public? I mean, it could have been both.

Well, I don't even think it was a revealing. I doubt they already have an open relationship. I i don't even think it was a revealing i doubt they already have an open relationship i mean i think that it's assumed that they will at some point because like they're both hoes but i i mean my opinion was similar to bethany because that's all they get on luanna about it's like just to be honest you know her original stuff about being all countessy and then cheating on her husbands and going out and getting wasted in the off time and then she did start to party and people really started to love her and she became like

eggs a la franca you know fucking the pirate and doing all of that crazy and don't be all uncool she became that one and so she was more herself and everybody liked her but she still only cares about what people think you know which is true but i think that like

i honestly i'm not sure i would hold too many of these things against her in this moment because she just like learned this bombshell she's humiliated on tv like everything's happening all at once who'd like the first thoughts that come to your brain you know it's just like you're in a state of shock like i don't know if you can judge an entire relationship based on the crap that comes babbling out. I mean she threw up for crying out loud. Well, I mean who doesn't? It's a housewife. Also, I think because I'm unapologetically team Luann at all times, I give her the benefit of the doubt.

Oh, I'm on her team too. Yeah, I love her. But I give her a little bit of the benefit of the doubt that it more of a like like because there was Bethany was saying menace. She's like menace are stupid. They're so stupid. They're so fucking stupid. I think it was just like a reaction of like, yeah, like, what did he think? He thought he could just like come to the corner of the bar where we always sit, which is LOL, and then make out with someone and no one's going to see it.

Like, you're crazy. You're stupid. You're right. Men are stupid. It's just humiliating you know at the end of the day and luann does not like that and then how luann acted the rest of this show like the actions she took are just so wrong like she's just so wrong she's really like but so i also i have to say also i was amused by how sonia kept on like attaching herself to this

to make herself also a victim and she's's like, well, you know, this is what happens when you get engaged to someone you barely know who was just dating Ramona and then me for 10 years beforehand. Oh, that was so good. Sonia puts it into perspective every time. She goes, the night they met, he was with another guy and another girl

and then with me and then with me again. I don't know why everyone's so surprised. And then she goes, they go, well, why everyone's so surprised. And then she goes, they go, well, what's she gonna do? And she goes, she'll probably move back in with me. Yeah. She's totally fine with it. So anyway, there's a lot of conversation

about the time stamp. When did it happen? What's the time? What's the matter? What's the time stamp? So time stamp finally comes in. It's official. It's Wednesday night between 10.45pm and 12.39am. So Dorinda's positive thinking

did not work out. And that's when again. That's when just like loses. At the Regency in front of everybody. It was 11.31, Tom. And Bethany's like, no, no it was it was uh 10 45

to uh 11 59 like that whole time they saw him like the entire time like he was like seriously he was out there like the entire time and she's great she makes the way and i'll do this in the bathroom so bethany could scream at her through the door and and uh tom she gets on the phone with tom and she's like, Tom, how could you? How could you? What do you mean you don't remember? Okay, well, here's a little remembering for you. It was 1130 to 1239.

No, no, it wasn't. It wasn't. Literally, it was like 1045. 1045. Like, I can't. Like, honestly, like, this time frame is like too much for me. Like, my hands are shaking right now. Like, I can't. Like, honestly, this time frame is too much for me. My hands are shaking right now. My hands are shaking.

So, meanwhile, you have the room. Bethany, she was shaking her leg like she had a flea. She's like, I can't take it. Like, her leg. And she's still crying. She is so ridiculous. Bethany was, like, so above and beyond. Like, I was actually, I believed all of Bethany's emotions, to be honest, when I was watching it.

But then when she went for the glass of vodka at one point and her hand was shaking, she picked it up and at first it was normal. And then she's like, I'm on camera. Shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake. I mean, it was so above and beyond. I mean, even people with Parkinson's are like, okay, relax. It was so above and beyond. I mean, even people with Parkinson's are like, okay, relax. You know? It was so over the top. Oh, she's such a faker.

But they just showed Luann going off on the phone. What? You did this to me in public? Oh, it was 45 minutes. Okay. Okay, Bethany, I hear you. Okay, an hour and 37 minutes, Tom. Oh, you don't remember?

You don't remember two minutes of... Okay, an hour and 37 minutes, Tom. Oh, you don't remember? You don't remember two minutes of... Okay, an hour and 57 minutes. I get it, Bethany. I'm surprised Luann didn't come and be like, Bethany, we just figured something out. It was daylight savings time, so we actually leave forward. So it really never happened. We lost that hour.

Problem solved. I've been creatively visualizing that it didn't happen, so it didn't. The end. Meanwhile, in the other room, Jules is weighing in and being like, you know, I've been with Michael for years and years. For ten years, it hasn't been easy, but that's what marriage is. I'm like, I don't think you're in any place weighing in on this situation, Jules. I know. That was really so sad because we all know what's going to happen.

And she even went as far as to say, oh, doesn't work all the time but he's my little marshmallow and i'm like oh god you don't even eat marshmallow like we all know you can't stomach a marshmallow it's like the next chapter of said and then at one point who yelled it was it bethany or was it who goes where the fuck is my bloody Mary? I think it was Luann. I need some celery. Stat. And now we're back in Lu's room and she's like, ladies, can I take care of this alone? Tom is just

devastated because he loves me so much. And Sonia goes, yeah, that's what I said. He was wasted. I knew it. Like he was wasted. And Ramona goes goes it's your decision okay it's better that you heard it from us than page six like i did okay and luanne's like tell me a joke just tell me something funny just tell me a joke it's like page six is that funny enough for you no god, God, Ramona. Knock, knock. Okay. Whoa, whoa.

This is crazy. I just remembered a great joke. Okay? Okay, listen. Knock, knock. Who's there? Page. Page two.

Page six with everything in my life. Okay? I'm sorry. I'm closing the door on this as best as I can, but I've learned too much. Great. Six and stones may break my bones, but page six, I'll never get over, okay? Why the chicken crossed the road? Why?

To get to the magazine stand on the other side and read in page six everything about Mario, okay? At least the chicken got to learn something ahead of time from page six. For me, I was just blindsided. Oh, God. So, Lorinda. Lorinda. Luann tells my typing. Luann tells. My joke made no sense.

Why does the chicken learn something from page six ahead of time? Ramona's jokes. Ramona's chicken jokes never make sense. Ramona's jealous that the chicken read page six before she did. That's the joke. By the time we get to Ramona making why did the chicken cross the road jokes, I don't think one has ever made sense. And I think we've done probably 60 of them on this show. Let's face it.

It's not fair that the chicken gets to read about Mario before I do. I don't want to learn about it from the chicken that read page six, okay? By the time we get to a Ramona chicken joke, and it's in the middle of the road on Watch What Crappens, the chicken just wants to die because it just read page six. Hey!

Oh, chicken! What's your name in the gossip rags, chicken? I still, like, I never even know how news stories end because I won't go past page five anymore. Let's face it. I tried to read a chicken newspaper, but everything was like, bop, bop, bop,

and I couldn't deal. Okay? What is this? I can't even understand the Ziggy cartoon. It's all written in chicken. Okay, so where am I? So Luanne and Dorinda. She's like, he loves me, Dorinda.

I just don't want to talk about it anymore, Dorinda. And Dorinda's like, I want to be supported. Like, here's what I'm saying. Dorinda's eating all the nuts in Luann's room. I know. She has found the hotel's stash of, like, chocolate mincemeat. Yes, Dorinda is going to have, like, $50,000 worth of nuts charged to Luann's bill. So she's just trying to stay there.

They're like, you know, they're saying to me, like, he's a player, she's a player. And she's like, you're the one who introduced me, Dorinda. And she's like, well, you know, I just figured two players and a player. I mean, look at John. John was a player. Yeah. John. Yeah, and then meanwhile, this is when Bethany pours Lou Anne a gigantic glass of vodka.

She's like, I don't know where the mixer is yet, but you can just drink all this vodka. Just drink it. Just drink it. I'll be fine. It's like a pint. It's like a skinny girl. Like, okay, it's not any of the watermelon flavors that I know you don't like, okay? It's just straight vodka.

But it's a skinny girl vodka. Also, Dorinda, the only reason I brought that up, and I forgot when I actually did it, but Dorinda's John is obviously cheating on her too. Like, did Dorinda forget that we all saw John at, what is it? Boutique? Boutique. With Russian whores? She's like, yeah, John was playing all the time. Where's Dorinda?

Where's Dorinda? What are you doing here without Dorinda? So yeah, so then we skip back. I mean, this episode is hilarious, but it's really the same thing over and over again now carol and luann she's like well the worst the worst part is that he did it in front of everyone i know yeah it's about they all have crazy voices on this show she goes yeah it's the worst part that he did it in front of everyone luann's like, I mean, the Regency, the Marriott, the Four Seasons, the Plaza, the Waldorf, the Waldorf.

She just starts naming hotel names for some reason. I mean, that's my favorite salad. How could he do that to me? I mean, J.W. Marriott. J.W. is one of my good friends. I mean, not from J.W. The best Western. I'll never watch a Gunsmoke again.

Days in. I mean, now-from JW. The best Western. I'll never watch a gun smoke again. Days in. I mean, now every day is ruined. Actually, days out. Okay? Let's face it. Let's face it. This holiday has been ruined by the travesty that happened at the Holiday Inn. Okay?

Guess what? His holiday is out. Okay? Everyone knows. And Bethany's like, yeah, this guy said that he was doing it, like, right in the front of the bar, and, like, a hundred people walked in, and it's the first thing he saw.

It's, like, him making out with this girl. Bethany just, Bethany, who is so traumatized, is just rubbing it in every damn time. And then Luanne goes, wait, is that why you ask me if I'm monogamous? What a weird question to ask somebody. Yeah, I was just saying. Yeah, you know.

I'm sweet. I'm lovable. So this is a theory of, now, I think it's just with you because you're a rich lady on the free side. I mean, that's what they do. They target old ladies. It's you. You're like one of those old ladies. You're just being targeted

by some handsome guy. You know. Well, Tom has money. You have more money. But this is where we learn that Tom is not of D'Agostino's. He's just a D'Agostino. And therefore he is not from the supermarket fortune. He's just a guyustino and therefore he is not from the supermarket unfortunately he's just a guy who has

the same last name as the supermarket it's like meeting someone named like paul amp you know tom was outed in so many ways this episode because not only was he caught cheating he was caught not being a real dagustino that like really is a screech on the pussy train. Like so much pussy just stop screeching in front of the Regency. Stop and don't shop. That's what I say. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey.

And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that.

Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less, and a little bit more. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's industry's Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat or beaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break

in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top ten, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or

wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Shop wrong. Shop wrong. I'm out of pigs. Piggly wigglies? No, Luan. He doesn't own anything, alright? Alright, well if you meet a man named Piggly, let me know.

I could be on the supermarket. Someone made a store that's known anything, alright? Alright, well, if you meet a man named Piggly, let me know. I could be on the supermarket. Someone made a store just for me. Food Emporium. Food Emporium. Oh, Lord. She's just reciting slogans now. That guy

is just too uber uber, okay? Chew? Chew. Chew. Oh, my God. That is just too uber uber, okay? Too? Too. Too. Too. Oh, my God. So, let's see. Now, three hours later, three hours later, both in the podcast and in their real life,

Luanne has returned to New York City, and she checks into a hotel because just too much. Just too much. I hope you have availability. She doesn't. They're like, yes, we have a room. You're checking into the Regency, right? No! Driver, can you please take me to a hotel that's not the Baccarat, the Regency, the Four Seasons, the Marriott Downtown, the Marriott Midtown, or the Crown Royal, or the Waldorf. Or the Crown Royal. Or the Waldorf. The Wyatt.

Or the Standard. Basically, it raised. Like a Motel 6? No. Oh. So she is in a hotel. But Luanne is so full of shit, okay? Because she never tells the truth.

Well, that does mean full of shit. But she just never tells the truth. She's like, I just can't be around Tom right now. I can't go back to his apartment. I just can't be around him. I need to make a decision about Tom. And then she's telling Jules on the phone, well, Tom's traveling right now. He's not home. What are you talking about?

Do you not have keys? I mean, what is really going on here? I'm always trying to read between the lines with her. And we can't ever figure out where Tom is at any given moment so i was like well tom had to leave the party early because he has to be in texas in five and five minutes you know it's like what i mean it is wednesday that's his texas day he's his mother in calabasas now what you just saw him behind the bar oh i mean i don't know anyway why is there a backgammon set in this hotel? Too insensitive.

I know how to play. I can teach you. I learned from Tom when I won him on our third or fourth date. I can't remember, okay? I just want you to be happy. I also want you to know that I learned backgammon from Tom in his house. We'll never forget Ramona being like, should know that learned backgammon from tom in his house we'll never forget ramona being like one night i was with tom and he was gonna teach me how to play in his apartment like tom probably was like what the fuck is this i thought we were gonna bone she's like no i'm gonna learn how to

play backgammon hey so then it's uh she basically calls jules and jules is so boring like the best thing to happen in this scene is that we get to see Luann's whale tail out of her jeans while she's bent over. And of course she calls and doesn't even say anything like, hey, Jules, how are you? She's like, hello, Jules, I'm not great. Would you believe I'm potentially getting married? But then again, he's devastated as i am who doesn't make mistakes jules well it's a hurdle for sure but you know hurdles are meant to climb over jules who knows what jules are happening this year who knows what jules says because they just edit out everything because like you don't even know if jules was really on the phone like poor boring jules click yeah she just she's just emptying her entire silverware drawer into a

thing of dough so now three days later yeah dorinda has caught a bug or a tequila worm she looks like she has skinned kermit the frog and turned him into a jumpsuit why are there so many songs about me that I don't like? I don't like! So basically it's now like the post-game report. So Ramona goes and

visits Dorinda. You're sick. I brought you some soup. And then while that's happening, Bethany and Carol Hey, are you sick? I brought you some soup. Ramona's whisper when everything you sick i brought you some soup ramona's whisper when everything's serious all of a sudden are you okay i'm just in the next room and read a book okay so um uh so that's doing the same yeah welcome to my house like seriously i'm a bitch today i woke up at six and i cannot go back to sleep.

Like, seriously? Like, what's happening? I can't even sleep. Like, you hear it in my house? Like, all I want to do is be a bitch. Like, sorry if I'm a bitch, but I'm totally a bitch right now. You want to eat sushi? I don't get it.

Like, raw fish? Like, why do you want to have a raw fish? Like, you wouldn't have raw meat? Like, I don't get it. Like, I don't get this whole thing. I don't get Japanese things. Like, honestly, like, stay on your own island. Like,'re on manhattan island you stay in japan island like honestly i can't like i can't right now bethany's saying that she's reached out to luann three times and

luann hasn't gotten back to her and she's like so what now the devil like yeah that's what happens so you know it's like the girl who says something like tries to have girl code or whatever and then that's the one who's the bitch now so that's what's happening you know that sucks because at first like i was going through phases like about this thing when i heard from luann i was like well she's a whore who cares but then i was like you know she's a whore but like you know like i care about her she's like a whore i care about she's like julia roberts you know she's like a pretty woman but like not that pretty you know what i'm saying so like i'm just thinking to myself like you know like why does she want to text me back like because doesn't you know doesn't she want me to yell at her like i don't get that. Yeah, and then this is where she says the whole thing.

If she doesn't even care, she just cares that it was public. What does it matter if it was a regency? Who cares? It could have been a Guam, Madagascar. What does she care? That's all she cares about. But I think one of the reasons she is offended. I was just going to say quickly that Luann does not have a good track record of texting back anyway.

Like, they all had to find out about her engagement on page six, okay? Okay. Yeah, I mean, I think Bethany is good because that's exactly what Luann did. She went and talked to Tom, and then now it's suddenly, which Tom is kind of right if he did say all this stuff. But it is kind of Bethany trying to stir shit. Like, she was talking about it the whole weekend on camera. She brought pictures on camera. No one knows where she even got these pictures. She hasn't said.

So it is all kind of shady. And he is trying to make her look bad. Or she is trying to make him look bad to make her look bad. But at the same time, he did it. You know? It's like, you were still making out with a chick. On Wednesday! Yeah. In a hotel. But at the same time, he did it. You know? It's like, you were still making out with the chick on Wednesday. Yeah.

In a hotel. I'm actually, like, I don't understand how the season could be ending. Because there were just so many bombshells happening this episode. So many bombshells. Let's face it. It's like World War I. So many bombshells. But, like, over at Dorinda's apartment, Dorinda's like, I got a call from Lou from the Regency.

What are you doing at the Regency? Now it's like the Regency is like the hotel from The Shining. Like, what are you doing there? So it's this crazy story that I could barely follow where Dorinda's on the phone with Lou. And Lou puts Dorinda on the top. And she puts Tom on. And he says, Dorinda, listen. Here's how it's going to go down.

I'm going to bring two waiters over. And they're going to explain it to you. And then I'm supposed to take the waiters and take the rest of the girls and make it right. Dorinda talks about everything like it's a mob deal. Yeah. We're not supposed to make it right. And I said, listen here, Tom, I'm not going to do that.

I don't even care if you're like Ronald McDonald or like the mayor of New York City. I don't care if you're Obama. Well, actually, I like Obama. That's a good guy. I voted for that guy. I'm so proud of Obama. How about you?

It's like, focus, Dorinda. Focus, okay? And he told me, well, if you don't do that, then you're not going to come to the wedding, and you're not going to be our friends. What is this wedding that they think everybody has to be at? You are not the Rothschilds, okay? Yeah, well, I love that when Dorinda says this thing

about how Tom basically made an ultimatum, Ramona goes, that's an asshole. And then she takes a page out of Lisa Rinna's book and goes, what kind of man does that? Own it. Own it. Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. Own it, baby.

He better hustle that cheating picture. And Dorinda goes, this is smoking gang time. The pictures. She puts her hand up like she's showing a picture. Oh, Dorinda. But I mean, Dorinda's right. I mean, what was Tom trying to do? The picture's out there.

There's like nothing. You can't. There's no story or angle to be had. You're caught. You're caught. He's done. Done. He is done.

And I'm sure what Tom was doing was calling and saying, hey, listen, I'm being honest. I didn't even do it. This is all misconstrued. Look, you want me to bring the waiters to your house do you want me to bring them and you can just tell her like come on what do i need to fucking do and during this time and let me put a horse head in my bed you know listen unless you want to turn out to be glue she is the queen of misconstruing everything he probably probably was. Yeah, you're right. He probably was like, listen, I'll explain. Like, I really was drunk. The waiter can vouch.

I messed up. But it wasn't really anything more than that. But Bethany was right, though, because Bethany is like, well, you know, Luann never missed an opportunity to do the wrong thing. And she's like, well, that's true, too. Luann is the queen of stumbling about a season terribly. Like, we love her. But she always messes it up. One thing you can always count on in this show

is that they're always right about each other being wrong. Yeah. Yes, yes. That's a great observation. It's like a weird conundrum. That can go in the crappin's quote for today. But it's true. And this show, they say the meanest things to each other,

and then they're fine, like, two seconds later. Yeah. And this show, they say the meanest things to each other, and then they're fine like two seconds later. Yeah. And we'll get to that. So I was going to say, the thing that would crack me up with this scene was that while they're talking about how shitty the guy Tom is and how he's just a cheater and men are bad and the screen, like the Jason Bourne one for this new NBC show. And it just goes, this is real. This is love. This is us. I was like, this is really perfect timing.

That's what this is. You're talking about a guy who's cheating and a relationship that is pretty much just for TV. Under a woman whose husband just cheated on her with uh talking to a girl whose boyfriend is blatantly cheating with russian whores at a bar yeah this is real this is love this is us i was like that's great counter-programming bethany's and then bethany the queen of also taking everything uh what'd you say i'm like losing my english right now but bethany bethany's still talking to carol and then there's john like john no and then there's tom like tom's

calling dorinda bullying her to take a bullet carol goes what's that and i'm just trying to do carol with the full mouth because she's eating sushi she's like wasn't that even bad no don't do that that's carol in the horror movie don't ever do that again carol eats with her mouth open okay you lose one sense you come up with another sense Don't make me. So now, this has been three days later, Luanne, now everything's fine with Luanne, and Luanne is doing the thing that we were surprised she wasn't doing before, which is vilifying

the other woman, because now she's saying, well, you know, what happened was that the night that Tom was making out with the other woman, we'd had a fight and he left and he got drunk and his ex was there. And of course, he fell into her clutches. And, you know, how could you know, she was just ready to pounce. I'm like, no, no, no. Don't put this on this other woman who's this predatory other woman.

I mean, sure. She, you know, sure. She maybe had feelings from whatever. But this was Tom. Tom's decision. It's not because this woman cast a spell on him. Don't do that.

If there was any clutch here getting pushed, it was his. So Luann calls Jules. You know Luann is guilty when she's calling the one that nobody talks to. It's so Vicky from Orange County. She's like, oh, Kelly, you want to go out and hang out?

You want to hang out? Like, we'll be friends. Like, woo-hoo, woo-hoo, Kelly. Because no one else will talk to her. So she's at the bottom of the barrel. Sorry, Jules. Please don't listen to this. So she calls Jules, and she's like, oh, Jules.

That means, Jules, that you're the most sane person on the show. That's what that means. And also the one that nobody else will speak to. And so you can be trusted. Because you literally say nothing. But the man's like, oh, Jules, I love talking to you. Because you giggle and you're always so happy. And I know that anything you say will be edited out.

So I'll never get caught. Anyway, why don't you tell me about math or the Torah? I don't know. Your pick. So then, but by the way, this is also when Lou's new, like, catchphrase, not catchphrase, but her new message starts to rear its head, which is, I'm not going to let a silly kiss ruin the rest of my life. Who doesn't make mistakes? This is her new angle on it. Just a simple it's

just people who cheat on you all the time when they say well i'm sorry i'm not perfect i hate that well who's perfect i mean tom certainly not i don't need to fall in love with someone perfect because i'm not perfect and who is right now silly kid just a kiss just a kiss in a hotel if he was trying to get away with something would he do it in a public space where one of bethany's little spies was taking pictures no he'd be hiding he was in public he did it because he loves me let's face it we could have a fight and bring ourselves closer to each other. That's what happened. He was doing it for us.

I need to clear the air with Bethany. I'm not mad at her. I just don't know why she has so many details. To me, it was like detective work. I said, really, to you? Because she literally said, I'm like CSI right now. Like, I wanted to be like CSI. Which is a detective show. I just didn't understand why she kept putting on sunglasses. I mean, I know we're in Miami

and everything, but that's taking a bit too far. Miss Caruso. So then... Miss Caruso. Miss Helgenberger. You certainly know Mark Helgenberger. That's what I have to say, Bethany.

I know Mark Helgenberger. Mark Helgenberger's a friend of mine. Now that's a skinny girl. I know Mark Helgenberger mark helgenberger is a friend of mine now that's a skinny girl i know mark helgenberger she's coming to my wedding by the way could you believe it mark helgenberger is coming to my wedding which we're having could you believe it i'm not gonna let one stupid mark helgenberger get in the way of my life so then bethany is at the party with her driving this guy oh wait wait and i have to say with the regarding the five words guy my favorite part about this moment is that he parks he drops her off at the front of this party the the chauffeur dude and bethany gets out of the car and she's like all right handsome

you're gonna go get get rid of the car and come and join me in the party okay she says this asking if he's gonna come to the party by the time she gets the word join get the phrase join me in the party she's already walked away 10 feet she does not even there for him to answer it it doesn't she doesn't even care about his answer that's why she's so close with him i mean it's easy to be close with somebody who never talks back or who only says things like you're right you're right you're right yes ma. You're right. It was just one of those amazingly dismissive moments where she thinks she's being wonderful to this guy. Like, yeah, you're up for the night. What are you trying to upstage me? Like, you look great.

You're going to be great in the body. What's the matter? What's the matter? What's the matter? What's the matter? I would ask you what that's from because I know it's this show, but I forgot what we were saying. What's the matter? It's because she always says it.

Or if she doesn't say it, that's like her vibe. When she walks into her office, she doesn't be like, oh, hi, everyone. She's like, what's the matter? What's going on? What's the matter? I just remember we did that for like 10 minutes one day. I'm like, wait a second. What part was that? What's the matter?

We inevitably do it for 10 minutes. She and i'm like wait a second what part was that what's the matter we can probably do for 10 minutes because she was nominating her uh she was naming people that remember like her interns and stuff what's the matter what's the matter oh yeah it was a laurel hardy moment like what's the matter and uh what's happened what's what's going on what's the matter what's going on what's the matter what's going on what's the matter what's going on it's my entrance what's the matter what's going on it's my entrance what's the matter what's going on so stupid so uh she goes into the party and of course it's it's this big party that she was gonna have in mexico for her new tequila but now it's about a watermelon martini but it's still a mexican party with shirtless bartenders what the fuck is is this party? I'm really into details. Seriously, I'm totally

into details. It's a watermelon martini party instead of a tequila party with a piñata. I'm like, where's the dancing cactus? I'm surprised Sonya did not come in dressed like a cactus. I thought it was a costume party.

Well, she kind of did. A red cactus. She came in in that weird saloon dress glitter saloon dress and then that big wrap what do you call that material it's like tool or something like this big huge wrap and this old ass 90 year old rocco who is still in love with her giant napkins or whatever and she's like i don't like to get dressed up for these downtown parties it's like you're wearing a ball gown sonia meanwhile do you really did you see where they were actually filming this party it was at serafina for the third time this this season the third event at serafina and in fact when luanne and jules and michael walked in jules

was like remember when this used to be Serafina? I'm like, wow, they have been filming at this place so many times that it's actually gone out of business now. They can't even do real business anymore because it's just like... They have the Shaw's Curse. Yeah. It closed it down. So they're in there

and Adam has short hair. Who cares? That's good. Yeah, he's good. And Carol's like, I'm glad I could lighten the mood with Adam's short hair. Who cares? That's good. And Carol's like, I'm glad I could lighten the mood with Adam's short hair. Well done. Well done, Carol. And within five seconds, there were ping pong balls everywhere. Oh, it's so sad.

It's so sad. Can I ride on your handlebars? So Bethany is telling someone as she watches Adam and Carol kiss, she's like... Yeah, I knew they'd be the relationship Adam and Carol kiss, she's like... Yeah, I knew they'd be the relationship that works. Like, she's with the child. I mean, look at that.

Like, they're in love. Like, me and the bamboozler. Ramona and the wax-chested cheetah. Jules and Danny DeVito. Like, everything else is breaking up, but of course the child wins. Like, who knew? That's rude. I was like, well, that was really nice of you to insult everyone's relationship, by the way.

Yeah, she went down the entire list of people. She went down the entire list of people. I know she included herself in it, and she's not wrong. But it was also, like, it was nasty. It was, like, if I heard that, I'd be like, fuck you. Well, she didn't say anything bad about herself. She just said that she was with somebody who bamboozled her. Like, he was just there to steal her money, which she didn't have when they got together. Stupid Bethany.

So Luanne arrives, and it's awkward. And then Bethany, who's, of course, acting all nice, tells us, Well, you know, Luann, I'm not surprised she's back with Tom. She doesn't have any self-respect. Yeah. You know, she doesn't like herself, so if she doesn't like herself, she's not going to have a standard to live up to, you know like yeah what can you say you should never accept less than you deserve okay never accept less than you deserve and i thought wow seems like jason took that advice

because he literally wouldn't settle until he got what he deserved betch good for you jason you know jason was at home like that's right bitch smoking a thousand dollar cigar so already we have a lot of questions which is where is ray it's the end of the season party and ray is nowhere to be found that was a major oversight second of all second of all was there anything funnier this season than the women talking about a pinata with jewelry in it and luan marching up and going listen if you don't stop talking about me i'm with jewelry in it and Luan marching up and going, listen, if you don't stop talking about me, I'm leaving. Oh my god. And nobody was.

That was so awkward. Listen, we're talking about something that you go and you bash and bash and bash until its insides come out and you just go grab at it and try to take the most advantage of it as much as possible. Like I said, stop talking about me. In a hotel um and they all they all called me a pinata

can you believe it they all compared themselves to pinatas that was my favorite i love when they all do that but don't realize it jules is like i felt like a human pinata the way bethany talked to me and the man's like well i'm a pinata jordan is like wow it's like, well, I'm a piñata. And the German's like, wow, it's like human piñatas in here. Well, what I liked is that then when Ramona tries to clarify, she's like, we were talking about the jewelry. The jewelry, okay, the jewelry. And then she was, like, so emphatic, she knocked over a drink. And Luke just goes, Ramona. As if Ramona was the one being out of line.

No, you're the one who just marched in with your Herman Munster shoes and made everyone stop talking about the pinata. Would you believe it? Pinata. This is not the Plaza Hotel. This is Serafina. And Carol, of course. Time should have been the pinata. And Bethany's like, okay, you want to bet $1,000 that we weren't talking about you?

Okay, it's a bet. And stupid stupid luann shakes and she will never pay and you know they'll bring that up at the reunion too and she's like okay well now you can't play the pinata game because you just lost ten thousand dollars and i was like ten thousand dollars of jewelry in that pinata can you believe it like it's crazy um and then ramona goes look the wing i just wanted to say like i understand because it's like what I went through and the man goes I don't want to talk about what you went through area Ramona goes okay okay he went out a week Ramona I met Mario she goes oh I'm so sorry I was different Mario. Mario went out with Tom? Well, that explains it.

It was Mario that Tom was making out with. That's totally different. 10.39. Well, I mean, it was hilarious that, again, Ramona was bringing that up. But I have to say, I sort of empathize with Luanne during this because she knew walking to this party was going to be a giant setup. She knew that Bethany was going to come at her. Everyone's going to come at her. And she was so on edge about it and paranoid that everything she thought was them going to attack her, which is why she barged in on the pinata conversation, why she jumped down Ramona's throat about that thing.

It was hilarious. They're all gathered around the camera that they must be talking about her yeah i kind of actually felt bad for her i mean she's like she she is just like bare wire at this point you know she's and no one did come at her and then she could she didn't even know what to deal so she didn't know how to deal with it so she just keeps spouting out her craziness she's like well you know ram, I mean, the truth is that it's been really rough on me this week. It's been a hard, hard week. No, Ramona. It's been a rough week.

Tommy June isn't even performing tonight. We're on page seven. We're on page seven now. We're past page six, Ramona. Hey, seriously. I didn't even know there was a page seven. This is like when Jodie Foster went to another universe in Contact. I can't believe it.

It's a new world. And Luanne says, well, it's been a rough week, so Tom and I have been in therapy. Oh, you've been in therapy? Well, yeah, together. We've been in therapy, you know, talking. And Ron is like, was your therapist vodka? Like, was your therapist a great goose like seriously let's face it okay vodka is not a therapist let's face it vodka's not dr phil even if you try to

draw a mustache on it believe me i've tried okay just because dorinda pisses on its leg and says it's raining doesn't mean it's Dr. Phil. Or Dr. Judy. Wait, is it Dr. Judy or Judge Judy? I can't tell. I'm so bad with words. Let's face it. Let's face it. I'm glad that Ramona forgot that that was supposed to be her

character trait this year because the first three episodes of the season, she's like, what is that a chica oh a speaker oh i'm so bad with words and she forgot that she was doing that thank god well ramona of course finds a sly way to once again you know under undermine luann's relationship by or not undermine but like take away importance. I can't think of the words. Speaking of Ramona.

But she's like, listen, I just want you and Tom to be happy. Even though you don't know each other very well. It's like, stop. I know him very well. Okay. I want to be married to Tom. Well, it's important that you know what you want. To be married to Tom.

Okay, then. Even though you don't know each other. His name is Tom and I'm marrying him. That's it. That's all I you know what you want. To be married to Tom. Okay, then, even though you don't know each other. His name is Tom and I'm marrying him. That's it. That's all I need to know. Okay. All I'm saying, okay. I'll be in the other room so you don't feel alone, okay?

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the party, Jules is like, listen, we can find other things to make awkward moments for. So why don't I remind Michael that our anniversary is coming up? It's our eight-year anniversary, and the number eight is very important in Asian. So the Juw Asians love the number eight. It's a huge thing in the Juw Asian culture. No, it's not. He's like, huh? Wait, our anniversary is coming up?

Are you sure about that? Michael! She's like, I'm hoping this day, your anniversary, will give us some good luck. Oh. So, by the way, I don't know who that midget is fucking, but his skin is flawless. That's all I

could think about. I was like, that is not fish oil pills. That man is getting laid right. Yeah. Maybe he's been drinking a lot of Jules' cleanse. Then we have, like, because we can't end the season without Bethany doing something totally heinous, she just starts barking at one of these waiters who's carrying around

some vegetarian ceviche. She's like, who eats vegetarian ceviche? Like, literally, I can't. Like, honestly, I don't get it. It's supposed to be fish. Like, I'm not like a pumpkin. Like, what is this? Like, a carrot? A carrot that's, like, treated in ceviche? Like, a cooked carrot that's like an acid like i can't like honestly like don't ever strip that again like nobody wants to eat vegetarian ceviche like literally i don't even want to see it like goodbye yeah take it back no one wants that like

vegan that's the dumbest thing i've ever seen and then they cut to adam and carol laughing at themselves like uh he's like i rate this ceviche one radish out of ten they're totally stealing that for their recipe book and bethany's like ah vegan shit it's disgusting girl's like wait a second uh so i think the only other really big thing that happened was bethany walked right up to jules because they were like well you can't just pretend jules isn't alive at some point you have someone has to talk to jules because they were like, well, you can't just pretend Jules isn't alive. At some point, someone has to talk to Jules this season. So she's like, alright, alright, fine. So she goes up to

Jules and she's like, hey, Jules. She's like, hey, Jules, remember that time you came at me? I was like, what the hell? I don't even know. I didn't even say any of that stuff. What the hell, Jules? And Jules is like, um, well, I mean, Dorinda got me pumped up like she got me mad so i was mad

she's like oh really dorinda just like well i don't even know what i said like what are you saying oh what you don't even remember you better remember right now missy but during at this point is basically like the jacket and jacket box once it's popped out and just like this head on a slinky just sort of rotating around yes and and she's still correct and stupid bethany is still full of shit and i love when bethany gets caught and she just starts lying because she goes well what did you say what did you say right now and dorinda says i was all i said was you were the one you said that she's like your mother and so you couldn't even be in the same womb with her.

Which Bethany did say to everybody. And I think she even said it in front of Jules. And then Bethany's like, I didn't say that. What, I'm not supposed to feel things? Like what, I'm not supposed to feel things? Like you can't even make up something true? She starts babbling where she is totally lying

but also saying that she was telling the truth and it should be fine. Yes. Like, oh, Lord, these people. I know. It was like and then they sort of like Jules and Bethany sort of made up and Jules like, well, OK, well, you know, like everything's fine. Well, you know, it's like, well, not fine, but like, you know, that is what it is. We'll see what goes.

I'm like, that's way to patch that up, Bethany. Like, you just always have to leave something on a really sour, unpleasant note. And Jules is like, well, it's like typical Bethany doesn't apologize because she's a huge bitch. What can you do? So then you see Jules chugging her drink right after. They show her in the back chugging it.

And I was like, oh no, that girl hadn't eaten. And so sure enough, she's wasted in like two seconds. And by the time they get to the end, she's pulling up her dress and doing the Kyle hair swish thing around there. She was doing a dance with Michael pretending to be a bull and he's pretending to be a bullfighter. And it was appropriate because if anyone's marriage is bull, it's them. Exactly. So then there's like a group photo.

Actually, even before the group photo. Yeah, there is a group photo. And everything sort of seems like happy and good. I was like, OK. They're like, well, you know, we're all girlfriends, but we all stand together. Yeah, there was a group photo. And everything sort of seems like happy and good. And I was like, okay. They're like, well, you know, we're all girlfriends, but we all stand together. We go through a thick and thin. It feels like we're getting to a good place. But then the show keeps going.

They're like, we still have 15 more minutes. So then Sonia's arc ends with her trying to eat a tamale with the husk still on. Oh, I thought this was the tamale. There's a leaf. It's a leaf. Who would have thought? It's the tamale there's a leaf it's a leaf who would have thought it's a leaf it's a leaf what did sonia say when she left that christmas party and she was in the stairwell when bethany was avoiding her do you remember she's like what does that make me do you remember what she said there oh no i forgot i just remember her walking down the street oh uh because they were saying uh we don't want it to be... What does that make me?

A soft touch or something like that? A boil. A soft boil. Soft boil. What am I, soft boiled? I don't know. That has nothing to do with the tamale. It has nothing to do with the tamale.

I just was wondering what it was. It's just crazy shit Sonia says during the season. So now Luann and Bethany finally have their little climactic thing where Luann has already yelled at everybody for no reason and now she's just exhausted. She's like tap danced all over even though nobody's asked her to and she's just so distraught

and Bethany's like, alright, look, Mark, all I want to say is seriously, have a great life being used and abused the rest of your life. Okay, great. And Luann's like, listen, Bethany, I don't know why you had so many details about my life but it's just like uh because i got a picture from like 10 39 to 12 a picture says a thousand words although i can say 10 000 words so i don't know yeah and she says uh she goes well i should have known you were gonna do that because you're

that kind of woman to turn it on the man and and luann said, well, oh, Bethany said, I'm worried about you. And she said, why are you worried about me? She said, because I think it's all bullshit, Luann. It's all bullshit. That's why. And she said, look, I don't even care. Why would you think it's bullshit? She said, you should judge a man by his actions.

And she goes, yeah, well, I can tell by his actions that weakened your engagement that he's full of shit okay luann goes just don't talk about us anymore bethany it's my choice i'm an adult and bethany says all right if i see him fucking someone in the street i won't even tell you and she goes please don't oh poor luann and so ultimately luann's like like stay out of my business and she's like Tom and I are gonna make it all the way well you'll make it like a few days I guess um Bethany ultimately was like you know what then I feel sorry for you I feel sorry for you um and uh uh well I'm just like doing the notes here as a best because Luann goes well I'm leaving I'm just gonna be with Tom in my bubble.

I was like, well, at least you know what's going on. And so they're all watching her leave. And Bethany goes, actually, like, literally, like, I'm sad she left because, you know, like, we're not best friends. Like, I don't even like her. Like, if she died, I wouldn't even care. Like, I would be like funeral. But still, like, there's like jewelry. And Dorinda goes, well, one pipe is down.

There's more jewelry for us. And Dorinda goes, well, one piper down. That's more jewelry for us. And I like how also Luanne ultimately leaves being mad that Bethany is not saying, oh, good for Lu. She found love again. That's the thing. No one's happy for Luanne finding love again. Luanne, you have to get over yourself.

We love you. You have to get over yourself. So then the entire episode, the entire season ends with this pinata situation and by the way this is not how pinatas are done pinatas are that you take someone blindfold them spin them around they're dizzy and disoriented and they have to take a few swings at this thing instead all the women got blindfolded they all had poles and they just tore apart this pinata it was really savage and hilarious. But my favorite part about it is that this pinata, as we mentioned, had like jewelry in it. And I love that the only people who were allowed to play with the pinata and scramble for the jewelry were these women who were already, you know, sensibly very wealthy. And meanwhile, you have these interns on the side who just have to stare and watch and clean up after all these rich ladies fight for more jewelry i'm like let the let the 22 year old get into action it was so obnoxious

like it like it was one of those things that seemed like oh funny and cute but it was actually it was so rude but that's so bad to me she's like come over to my party where i'll totally make you all feel like you're not part of the crew. Thank you. So Ramona Ramona gets a cup. Ramona gets a lot of shit. And then she's sitting down with all these boxes and she's missing a shoe and she's wasted. And she's looking over the joint. She goes,

well, I'll give that one away. Yeah. Okay. Get that away. I dare her to re-gift that to Bethany and pull a Luann. Oh my God. So then, so then there were like So then there were the ending things,

like so-and-so's doing this, so-and-so's doing that. None of them were really that interesting or new. But I did love that Bethany ended the episode by saying, I hope that there'll be a softer side of me in the future. Like, good luck with that. It'll never happen. And I would never have it any other way god bless you real housewives of new york unfortunately we've even though this is a season finale i'm so sad to say we only have a

month left of this show i know typical housewives ending but you know at the at the end of these these uh seasons i usually feel so drained and exhausted i don't want to talk about them anymore i'm just fucking done you know and this one i don't feel like that at all i'm just i feel like the season was just starting oh so good this was one of their best ever yeah no this is uh amazing and one of our listeners michael horn who was on our Google Hangout earlier, said the ratings for New York City are out of control. And they're at the best level since like 2011 or 2012. So I'm very happy about that. Yeah.

We love you, New York. Put that one to bed until the first reunion. And now for the Real Housewives of Melbourne. Oh, woofy wedding party episode. Oh, Melbourne. So many damn Housewives on at the same time. That New York was longer than the actual episode, I think. I believe it.

And you know what? The sad thing is we were editing ourselves as we were speaking. I guarantee it. Because we could have gone on for another hour. Yeah. That whole last half hour of the show, we were like, okay, it's done. It's over. Yeah.

And then this happened. The end. Yeah. So now we switch gears. You know, it's sort of similarly thematic, talking about weddings and nuptials. Except this is the Gamble and Wolfie marriage. Seems like it's on stronger footing than poor luann and tom and uh where we left off uh on the previous episodes they got married

and now it's time for the reception and so um you know that gamble is happy because this is the first time that gamble's eye tape has ever been straight her eyes were straight i've never seen that usually one eye is like one eyelid is like all wonky up to the left and she totally got her tape straight she's so happy i'm not sure i feel like her eyes are about as straight as alan is so well they went wonky again about 10 minutes into it but the first shot of her i wrote in all caps i taped straight well um we got to see gamble's sister tempest she made her her actually her second cameo she was seen very briefly in the previous episode but this is the first time she talked she did not get into a fight with anyone she merely introduced the couple

by introducing mr and mrs wolf. She looks like maybe she got too addicted to the facial surgery because her face doesn't even move still. It's like, it's my pleasure to introduce Mr. and Mrs. Wolf. Wolfie. So then Gamble

and Wolfie walk in and it's all like wedding party, like chatter chatter, cocktail hour, stuff like that. Cheeker starts talking to Susie about Marcello. Are you going to have a good time with Marcello soon? Are you still texting with Marcello?

Are you going to have text over... Are you going to have sex over the text message with Marcello? Or is this part of a relationship where you get to text. I would say, OMG, hi. You should ask Marcello if he has a plan B.

That's what we always hear, a plan B. And then ask him if he learned a lesson. You should ask Marcello what he thinks about uni sexy. Who doesn't find uni sexy? And Susie's like, oh, well, I don't know. We were texting too late at night, so I don't know.

She's like, Susie's like a little annoying with her faux coy response to all of this. It's like, you know what? You're not 14. Be a grown woman and just be like, yeah, we were texting. It seems like it's all good. But I'm like, oh, I don't know. We were texting it's crazy i think i think he likes me what can i say that he likes me i'm gonna make him a pavlova it's just like i was 16 it's like it's like the time before lydia ruined my life hmm so then the girls all start uh grilling brian who is um father of chicken and jack's like are you two getting back

together getting back together anytime soon the angels want you to get back together he goes do you know what i need and lydia goes viagra lydia just kept saying all this sexual stuff to brian it was so funny she's like you're horny all the time jen it tells us you need it every five minutes why do you need so many viagra pills i mean he's 70 he's 75 good girl and do you know what i need viagra i need a happy ending is what i need they're like jackie goes now tell me about that and he goes now the she goes did you cheat and said, the only time I cheated was when we were in Asia and I got a happy ending. And Jackie goes, no, that's cheating right there. Even to angels, that's cheating.

And they're constantly blowing on things. They don't approve. Yeah. You know, and by the way, he is, I mean, he's ridiculous. He's like, no, you know, you know, just it was I was standing erect after the massage and I couldn't help it. And she said, you want me to finish that for you? I said, sure. And then we find out that Janet was like one table over.

I'm like, what is this? Yeah. And it's Lydia. Lydia says Janet was on the other side of the curtain and she heard that. They're so hilarious on this show. And then Lydia goes into how gross he is. She's like, he's so disgusting. He's so old.

I mean, he's very sexual. But in an old man way, like she was doing the housewives barf. Have you seen your husband? You are married to someone 50 years. You're a senior. Yes. Middle-aged lady. Yes.

Relax now. So speaking of Lydia, Lydia and Gina have a conversation as they're walking around because Gina Gate is starting to become a thing. starting to become a thing because if you remember the controversy the controversy is that gina left the party the night before a little early uh for dubious reasons she had earlier the day before had said that she was going to have a little screening of the celebrity apprentice premiere on which she is she is a contestant but then she told gamble that she wanted to spend time with her son because she doesn't get to spend time with the son so she is like talking with lydia and and lydia's like you know the story that you should just stick with is that you had a cake organized just stick with that story so it was like dun dun dun now of course gina always finds herself in the middle of like

the stupidest controversies every single year. It's always stupid like this. But to be fair, Lydia could have just been like, listen, stop saying this and that. Just stick with the fact you had a cake made and it was your son's birthday. Just stick with that. No, Gina is the worst liar ever. She's already admitted what she was doing. She told the other ladies, and they're the biggest shitsters ever. She's already admitted it.

Because they shouldn't even care. And she's kind of starting it. Like, people hadn't really started it yet. And then she's going, she goes, who started the rumor? Oh, it is a rumor that I went and had a cake. Who started that rumor? Well, and so, of course, because these women have nothing to do with their free time it starts to just start to spiral at this cocktail reception maybe because they're drunk too so oh god these blank-eyed gays first they pull aside bode okay

well bode is one of our listeners yeah hi bode we like jameson good old bode yeah good old bode they pull him aside and they're chica's like man what were you doing last night he's like i was at a wedding like i was watching celebrity apprentice oh yeah he did say that huh he's like i was watching celebrity apprentice chica goes who was there he's like uh the boys in gina but his eyes are like big and blinky he's obviously lying no i know he was telling the truth because he i mean he has no motive to he has no motive to lie he's just like yeah i was watching celebrity apprentice yeah but he said he said it was just the boys in gina which wasn't true i mean it was technically true if you're just listening to just the boys and gina which wasn't true i mean it was technically true if you're just listening

to just the boys 20 of them every gig you saw here one minute and it wasn't here during the the end of the party they were in the room but it was all boys so then elsewhere in the party jackie confronts alan who at this point has now melted melted down an Oscar and turned it into a blazer. And she's like, Alright, angels have a question for you. What? Were you watching Celebrity Prentice? I'm like, oh my god. There was a movie from

the 70s called The North Avenue Irregulars about church ladies that try to solve crimes. That's what this was like. Alan looked terrified. He's like, uh, no. He was like, no looked terrified he's like uh no he was like no i was in my room and then someone said do i want to go to a son to gina's son's birthday party and i said no he's just like shifty i'd like uh uh well i was watching with my friends yeah he asked everything like a question like he's about

to get hit he's like who would i rather get beaten up by jackie or gina or the angels or the angels yes did the angels tell you what did the angels say did they tell you about my girlfriend i hope they did because i definitely had one at one point and gina who's i, Janet, who's been acting like a little, you know, sweet, innocent little angel all season. It's like, Gina's a liar. Why would she say that? She's lying because she's a liar. That's what Gina is. But by the way, nothing was actually conflicting.

I just want to point that out. The story, I mean, the only one who conflicted was Gina. And even things that she said did not conflict. Because she said she wanted to watch Celebrity Apprent celebrity apprentice she said she wanted to spend time with her with her son actually her stuff sort of didn't match up but she was like she spent time with her son they had dinner there and then bodhi was like yeah i was watching celebrity apprentice with gina and her sons which makes sense because they were watching celebrity apprentice while they're having dinner up in the hotel room and then alan is like yeah i was like doing something else and gina said gina was in her

room watching celebrity apprentice with her sons like not everything actually kind of seemed to mesh up pretty well the only point where it got really messed up was when gina tried to explain anything so she goes tells gamble i heard you heard i had a party you started that rumor did you hear i had a party no we just we just had a cake you know because you know we just so important to have a cake so we had a cake and that's all that's that's all it was but meanwhile janet is just like she's going up to the kidder like did you hear that there was a catering there was a did you hear that there was a celebrity apprentice party last night. I got to call Chicken. Better know.

Chicken, did you get invited to celebrity apprentice party last night up in Byron Bay? Chicken? She's asking a literal Chicken. Gina's like, yes, we did order Chicken in the hotel room. I knew it. Even Chicken was there. Chicken, look at you. Chicken.

But then the whole investigation gets put on pause because there's thunder there's i'm surprised lydia isn't like it's thunder but there was thunder so then they had to move inside and there's a situation with a cake and they had to move the cake and the cake was wobbling and i was like somebody got heather debro this is we need a professional right now but instead of course you've got chica chica and brucey she's like i understand because we're caterers and something could go wrong with the cake and sure enough that cake was tilting over so i told brucey look look at the cake brucey and we thought what do we do and so we tried to hold the table with the cake what a crazy night now we're not mad at you cake we just want to know if you learned a lesson about being too tall in the rain all right let's have some tea cake now listen here cake i've never i personally have never had a cake, so I'm not going to judge how you should be standing right now, but I'm thinking you should be straighter up, cake.

And I'd be proud of you as someone who sees you right now who might possibly eat you later if you stood up straight. Now, cake, one of my favorite expressions of all time is that you can have everything you want in life. You just can't have it right now. So I know you want to be outside in the life, you just can't have it right now. So I know you want to be outside in the rain, but you can't be there right now. It's almost like this other expression. You can have your cake, but you can't eat it too. So don't eat yourself, okay?

Because that'd be terrible. All Brucey and I want is for the cake not to eat itself. The cake has some real self-esteem problems. It wants to eat itself. That cake thinks that just because Brucey and I have eaten a cake before and we're still fine,

that it can just eat the cake, but it can't because it's the cake. Oh, cake, I have a question for you. Was your cake friend up at the Celebrity Apprentice Party? Because we heard that Gina wanted a cake too. Cake! Cake! Cake! Oh, chicken cake.

Oh, chicken cake. I just can't cope in this rain. You know what they say, cake? If it looks like a duck, clucks like a duck, it's a chicken cake! Oh, chicken. It's a cake made of chicken.

Have you met Sazey? So it's dinner. There are some really lovely toasts. But I love Gina pointing out the obvious. They're all sitting around at dinner talking about each other. And Brian and Janet are flirting. And everyone's like, oh, Brian and Janet, Brian and Janet. And Gina tells us, she goes, Brian and Janet seem to be getting close.

I think it's a bit of their choice whether they act on it or not. Thanks, Gina. She does kind of do that a lot. Like we talked about on the last episode when she narrated something that just happened. She was like, I said ew. Yes, we saw you say ew. I've put on a dress.

Okay. The speeches were so good. It's no secret. I tried to run gamble over the first time I met her. Then I tried to poison her. Then I tried to start her on fire. But she's always got vodka in the house. And so I figured that's worth more than my inheritance as long as she puts me on her wheel.

Because then she'll die. So in a way, I'll get double the inheritance. You know what I'm saying? And they're like, oh, that's beautiful. Gina's like, why the hell is my assistant giving a toast? They are very similar, huh? I'm not sure that they are different people yeah they really are different i said assistant i mean the same get out of this wedding right this instant i said josh do you know what hot pink looks like and

they're both like no she's like damn it i knew it i'm not paying you twice lookalikes so guess what the celebrity the celebrity sleuthing celebrity apprentice sleuthing returns and so now janet asks gina about the apprentice i think this is the moment right when janet and gina approach i'm sorry janet and chica and chica so so that's like say we heard you had a little celebrity apprentice party didn't you and Gina's doing this whole thing she's now she's Lydia gave her this idea like just stick with the cake stick with the cake and that's what

she's now she's like not only double down she has triple quadruple down she's like I've never not had a cake for my children ever ever you can take away my dignity but you can't take away my cake for my children. Oh, so I suppose these ladies want me not to celebrate my sins?

Oh, that's fine if you want to be the kind of mother to not give your child a cake, but I'm not that kind of... What? I didn't say anything. The C word, how dare you? I said cake. You called me a... No, I didn't. No, I didn't do it. Called called me a spoof. No, I didn't. No, I didn't.

I didn't do it. Called you a cake. Called you a cake hater. That's what I call you. And then Gina goes. I call you a big fat cake. Gina goes, what's the biggie? If those girls were on telly, let me tell you, they'd have been running to see it.

As a matter of fact, this is on telly let me tell you they'd have been running to see it as a matter of fact this is on telly right now they're probably at someone's wedding running up to watch themselves confront someone else about eating a cake for their son's birthday on a telly but and gina's right they of course would watch themselves on tv i would so then but the funny thing is that like these janet thinks she's so clever and she's trying to get the timeline right. And Gina, of course, as a lawyer, is not doing a good job. She's like, well, we watched Celebrity Princess

then we went downstairs to get the restaurant open so we decided to have dinner. And they're like, so you had dinner afterwards? No, we had dinner during. And then we went down afterwards and had cake down there. So you didn't have cake during Celebrity Princess? No, we had cake during Celebrity Princess and then we went down and had dinner.

Which one was it? Yeah. She's like, well, after I called Dan for uh she's like after i called dan to reception and i said is the party still going on and they said no so we had a dinner and a cake she's like wait a second before after well i don't know we watched it five times it's like what kind of lie are you trying to tell i don't she couldn with it. Why didn't you have cake while you were watching Gina? Why? I'm like, is this really an issue for you right now?

If you could have, if you could do the cake at 11, then why couldn't you cake after dinner? She's like, shove the cake up their ass. Hey, baby. And like all good arguments in melbourne eventually it just like bubbles up into gina saying how about you all go fuck yourselves gina always when gina's caught at some point she goes well even if they're right who cares i'm allowed to watch a telly i'm allowed to have cake Go fuck yourself And Janet goes Oh Oh

Really And she goes Yeah I'm not doing this shit Get fucked Get fucked Which is actually how every argument now ends Get fucked I'm surprised the episode didn't end

Because actually every episode has ended with someone going Oh get fucked And they usually say pedoflora afterwards Even if she's not there Oh get fucked pedoflora She's not even here And then Janet just looks at us And they usually say pediflora afterwards. Even if she's not there, oh, get fuck pediflora. She's not even here. And then Janet just looks at us and kind of twinkles her eyes and nods.

You know how she nods really big? And she goes, I'm sure now we can be sure what the truth is. Good one, Miss Marple. So now it's like the wedding's over and we're back into Melbourne. And Jack and Janet are meeting. Jackie and Janet. And Jackie is nauseous. So there, of course, Janet's like, This is that marvelous.

You're nauseous. I think you're pregnant. She's like, I'm not pregnant. All right, she's taking a piss. I hope she's taking a piss. She's taking a piss. I'm not pregnant. What are the signs?

Throwing up, getting fat, I don't know, having a baby inside of you. What do you think? Angel will stop talking to you, you know. And then I love how also one of them was like, the waiter comes by and is like, what's this chicken burger like? Chicken! Someone took chicken and made her a burger. Does that mean she has royalty now?

She's a burger? Do I still have to text her back? Chicken! I can't cope with her being a burger now. The waiter's like some 20-year-old guy, and Jackie's like, look at that. What a handsome waiter you are. Are you on the menu?

I might have a lady I might try and order you from or for. Do you like an older lady? What do you think of that? And he's like, a new waiter will be taking over your table. And Janet's like, oh, how lovely. What a lovely option for a young man to date. Oh, Brian, I might possibly be dating a new man.

Oh, God, you too. I have a question. Do you serve cake and do you deliver it up to Byron Bay? It's a woman. How long has Gina ever tried to order a cake from you? I knew it, chicken.

Chicken. All it, chicken. Chicken. All right. Question. If Gina orders a kippy slice of cake from you at 11 a.m., do you think you could get it up to her by 8.30 p.m.? All right. So when we talk too much about these shows and we start getting a little worn down towards the end

something miraculously always happens like suzy scenes fast forward she's like i'm going to be teaching my son how to drive i'm like ff yeah i know well actually to be fair pretty much the episode was like just really like lame you know slice of life scenes suzy's big thing was like well you know my son seems to be a good driver but he doesn't seem to know how to pose at roundabouts fast forward how embarrassing for the neighborhood to see me chances are i know people in to work i just can't believe my son would do something like that he didn't pose i'm like uh you're lame okay so then g then Gina. Well, this is a nice scene, actually. This was funny to me because it was so sweet. But Gina, no matter what the fuck this woman is doing,

I mean, she could be giving open heart surgery, and she would be in a really tight dress with gold jewelry dangling all around, and her hair sprayed up 10 feet, you know? Yeah. She meets up with her dad, who had had a stroke and now has dementia. Really sweet scene. But I still was chuckling because she just comes on so strong. She's like, someone rang me and said, you fell over.

He's like, did I? She's like, well, dad doesn't remember things. Hey, dad, I want to show you this book. Now look, that's me. He's like, is it? Hey, did you see the celebrity's like, is it? Yeah. Hey, did you see the celebrity apprentice? I'm on the TV. He's like, are you?

It's a poor thing. Now if anyone asks you about cake, say it arrived at 11pm. Okay? Remember that father. If you can't remember it, just say 8.30. And if they question you on it, just say get fucked. No matter what anyone says, as soon as you on it, just say, get fucked. No matter

what anyone says, as soon as someone says, okay, just say, get fucked. Get fucked with icing. That was a really cute scene. At one point, she goes, well, I'd like to see you more, but my life doesn't accommodate the

frequency. I was like, oh, girl, I'm with you. And then she says oh well he promises he'll never forget me oh i was so sad i almost cried but then i remembered that my soul is dead so i stopped yeah that was uh i actually thought that was like really sad it started making me think about like our parents and everything i was like um so then i smoked enough pot that i'll forget them long before they forget me yes and luckily my my heart hardened over again because we had a scene with chica in brucey talking to chessie because chessie wants to drop out of uni oh my god just a little brat yeah little brat stealing cars and trying to drop out of uni no you stay in there chessie

let me tell you what i'll be a moment date uni is bullshit so where, Chessie. Let me tell you what I feel, Mom and Dad. Uni is bullshit! She's like, well, now, Chessie, I didn't get to go to uni, and I'm not going to tell you what to do with your life, but I would love for you to go to uni. She's like, uni's crap! It's a bunch of crap, Mom! She's like, now, Chessie, why do you think uni's crap? Because it's stupid! Now, Brucie, what do you think?

Well, we don't appreciate you leaving uni. That's just what I was Now, Brucie, what do you think? Well, we don't appreciate you leaving uni. That's just what I was thinking, Brucie. And that's teamwork there. You know where you find teams? At uni. Ah, fuck uni, mum. Now, listen here, Chessie. We were just talking to a cake up in Byron Bay.

And that cake was also concerned about uni. And we said, listen, cake. You can have everything you want in life, just not at the same time. And that goes for you too, Chessie. Can I have the cake? Chessie, stop eating yourself, Chessie. Chessie, you're getting wobbly. Come in from the rain.

You know, Brucie and I, we saw that cake tipping over, and we thought of Chessie, we'll try and hold this table, but the second rain gets on my pants i'm going inside i don't know why chica didn't just tell because chica was saying almost a perfect thing she's like now this is jesse's life and if she doesn't want to go to uni i can't possibly make her but it needed to end with but i won't support her i give her money and if she wants to get a job she can have fun doing that yeah like what are you gonna just keep buying her cars and madonna hats kick the bitch out of the house so then um we go to a double date it's janet oh my god date with janet's man chris who is the guy

who looks like joyce's husband from beverly hills season four and this guy Marcello who I never thought we'd see again after the previous episode but he's back he's flown down so in the beginning I was like you know I'm not you know Marcello is a good looking guy I'm not sure I would want my first date with Marcello to have this creepy guy

Chris there you know like that's kind of like it kind of kills the vibe and you can see so creepy they're like so much hello what do you do he's like uh what what what yeah what do you do you know for work he's like old people he's so creepy the guy's an animal and the food comes and he's like you could see he was not into it at all and i'm not saying that he was like like he was a he was a creep but you could see also he's like what the fuck like i'm on a double date and i'm on a double date with this random other couple here like what is going on so he's just already shut down but he's

also happens to be a total dick and chris does not make things better he's like i like to make baby formula you know it's not mother's milk but it comes real close would you like to taste it yeah and he goes among other things i do a lot of things but one of the things i do is i make mother's milk they're like what because he because you need to put vitamins in it because their special vitamins come from lactating when you squeeze a breast the proper way and you really enjoy the squeeze coming out of the breast the breast milk goes into the baby and they're like what the fuck dude this is like i thought he was a farmer and then at one point didn't know well marcello because janet acts like she's everybody's sweet auntie.

You know, the way she talks to everybody is like they're five. She's like, so Marcello, did you enjoy eating that entire bread in one bite? Okay, now tell us what do you look for in a woman, Marcello? He's like, well, you know, there are some women you just want to fuck. Yeah. He's like, you know, some, there are some women you just want to fuck. Yeah. He's like, you know, some are like really hot,

you just want to fuck and then there's some that aren't that hot but you want to have a relationship with. And at this point, Susie's already pissed off by the way

because Marcello asked Susie if she's been married and she's just like, that's wrong. Yes, I have been married like I already told you. I don't know why I'm telling you again

but I guess I'm telling you again. Because twice. Twice now. But okay. Mind putting a little bit of butter on your bread? How about that? told you i don't know why i'm telling you again but i guess twice now but okay how about that how about you stop putting the butter in pretty much cheese at this point i mean i might as well be a homemaking patlova jesus that was so fuck you i mean this really was funny it was so long but it was so funny i know started saying well yeah some girls who want to fuck and he's like and then there's

really ugly girls but you know you really like hanging out with them so those are the ones you want to be in a relationship with so offensive and he's just like staring at suzy's breasts and that's that's when jess like Marcello! Marcello! I saw you staring at Susie's breasts. And he's like, yes. Yeah. Marcello. Oh, you really have to tell me.

Were you named after the month of March or cellos? I don't know. And then Susie's like just lost her mind and Marcello so Susie and Janet go off talking and Susie's like I gotta get out of here this is terrible and she basically comes up with a terrible excuse she's like oh my children just texted because they're having a

you know so bye oh god and then those two guys were stuck there together oh that was so good and Marcello's like this button what's it called Oh, God. And then those two guys were stuck there together. Oh, that was so good. And Marcello's like, this button, what's it called? It's a cufflink. That's right. He didn't know what a cufflink was.

That guy was like straight off some farm. He's never seen other people in his entire life. And it was Susie he picked. God bless her heart. So then we go to Gina's house where there's yet another birthday celebration for her son oh god gina's dressed to the nines like she's entering a beauty contest and making lasagna with her gigantic nails and her jewelry jingling all over the place she made like she's like i made four lasagnas four lambs four salads four, four turkey brisks, four cakes, four more cakes, four more lasagnas, a cake made out of lasagna. Meatballs, four meatballs, four spaghetti strands. I'm going through this.

Oh, her mom comes. Okay. Now, who was her mom? Did you recognize her? I didn't. I mean, I didn't recognize her. She was the mom from... Yes, she was the same mom.

Totally. She was exactly the same mom from Secrets and Vibes. I've been on the gravel for an hour. Was anyone going to come get me off the driveway? She looked exactly like her. She looked like she was only one year older than giner um and uh i loved how she had like a wacky hairstyle from all those like mid-90s australian movies like she was right out of girl's wedding and then charles that old queen who's married to somebody comes in he's

like oh hello who is this your sister oh goodness y'all classy old queen so lydia and pediflora come over and it's so awkward because it's just all of gina's other friends and they're all kind of standing around it's just a really odd group so pediflora comes dressed like i don't know she's about to be sold at auction i mean she looks beautiful she does she actually does look beautiful and i was a little surprised that she didn't wear her big like either her furry hat or i swear to you i wrote that down i was like wow no fur hat it's weird saying it so they're like gina's like well welcome to my home would you like some champagne or something and lydia goes i'd love whatever that is she goes well it's just water oh i'd love some

water then so they just drink water and look at each other all awkwardly for a minute and then petty goes oh wasn't this a lovely wedding huh so they immediately start gossip gossip gossiping and they just handle you know they're really not cool with gina what they're doing because they're ever it seems like everybody's just trying to break her and gabble up, they're really not cool with Gina, what they're doing. Because it seems like everybody's just trying to break her and Gamble up. And they're so cute. I want them to stay together. And they're really getting Gina pissed off about all of this stuff. They won't be breaking up.

Because Gina knows that she controls Gamble. And Gamble will be like, well, it was just mad. It was because they made me say things. And you know that Gina will be like, now listen right here. I said I was watching Apprentice and I was eating cake and that's that. And I still like you as a friend. If you think of anything else, then go fuck yourself. Get fucked.

Yeah, if she's questioning our friendship, then there isn't one. But first, but first, they all go to have this dinner. And Gina goes, everyone's sitting at this big long table. And Gina goes, Josh, darling, no one has napkins. You're supposed to do that. And he just he's like, he looks around totally confused, like he's going to be on the floor. And she goes, could you do that now? And he's like, oh, all right.

So he starts passing out paper napkins, which I don't know why I thought that was funny. I think it's I think this is also a good time to mention that that lasagna looked so good that I've actually been craving lasagna ever since that episode actively craving it let's face it when she burned her lasagna that made me crave it even more

because you know it's probably extra chewy on top yeah that's the way it's really good when there's that real thick chewy candy-ish part listen she's Italian. I believe that she made that lasagna, and I believe she makes a damn good lasagna, too. Yeah, it probably kind of has a whiff of the perfume or moisturizer that was on her hands, or like a little nail polish that hasn't dried yet. But still, good.

Gina's speech was my favorite. Gina's hilarious. She goes, hello, everyone. I'd just like to say I'm proud of my son. He says for his birthday, I invite all my friends. So, yeah. All right. Let's see.

That's exactly what it was. Truth is, he doesn't have any friends except for Chicken and Jessie. That was so funny. I love how Gina's just like like what am i even doing here like she probably is just like that everywhere she goes like look at those look at that stairway it's moving right now people are getting up on it well i'll try it look at that it's taking me up to a different level all right then did you just put gina on an escalator? Yeah. Imagine Gina doing the most normal things like, well, look at that.

Yep, going up. What an invention that was. Wow. All right, let's eat. So the kitchen, they go to the kitchen after and are talking about the wedding and petty's like oh the weddings isn't it amazing how there is always a stress behind the scenes am i right and uh lydia just you know petty's uh stupid hints aren't working so lydia just goes everyone said that you went upstairs for a party for the premiere she goes oh okay and pediflora i think is right she should

have just been open and honest and been like look i'm on a tv show i'm gonna go watch it for an hour and a half and i'll be back absolutely because absolutely gamble does not like to feel left out or whatever yeah no pediflora is absolutely right but at the same time it's still nothing worth creating a like a big ruckus over. And the fact that these women are going around and stirring shit up like this is deplorable and hilarious. It is. And also, I think that Gina was probably being nice because she didn't want to tell Gamble, like, it's your wedding, but I'm going to go watch myself on TV, BRB. She was probably just trying to not make it a big deal, you know, so Gamble wouldn't worry about it.

But anyway, we know all that. And Gina is just getting so pissed. And she goes, well, why are you saying that? Was she talking behind my back? Because if she thinks it's unreasonable to be with my sons on his birthday, then maybe she's not my friend. And Lydia points out that, well, Gina went on this whole cake thing and said that she had to have a cake for his birthday. But here we are having a cake for his birthday all these days later. Yeah. Which is kind of hilarious.

But I don't know. I just hope that they don't break them up. Because I love Gina and Gamble. Yeah. I like them, too. And I don't think they're going to break up. I think they'll just have a bump in the road. Yeah.

She'll probably get. I think you're right have a bump in the road. Yeah, she'll probably get... I think you're right. She'll get told off and then be like... She'll be like, she's a bit of a fiend. Next time, I just want to have some cake too. Next time. Next time. Looks hilarious because we get to hear Jackie say,

Boy Felicia! I didn't see the previews for next time, but that's amazing. She's like, oh, right, man. Boy, Felicia. Good boy, Felicia. Boy, Felicia. The angels say good boy.

Boy. Boy, Felicia. Angels say good boy. And then Petty Fleur tells her, oh, the shine, shine, shine, you say to everybody, shine, shine, you no shine, you are

no shine like oh this show love your show yeah love it love it love it love it so that is actually on friday so we'll be talking about that next week and we'll also have the reunion some more orange county lots of fun shots happening this coming week so come back you guys can find us at watch what crappens.com. Go there for all of our links, our facebook.com slash watchwhatcrappens and all that good stuff. Thank you to everyone who supports us on Patreon.

We love you. That's patreon.com slash watchwhatcrappens. And of course, go sign up for LA PodFest and use the code word CRAPPENS for a live stream of that entire PodFest weekend. We love you guys. You give us so much in the world. And we just want to say thank you.

Thank you. We love you guys. Thank you. Bye, everyone. Have a great weekend. Happy weekend. Hey, Prime members. You can listen to Watcher Crappens ad-free on Amazon Music.

Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com.