Watch What Crappens - #324: Bethenny Phones-A-Friend

Episode Date: September 1, 2016

The epic season 8 of "Real Housewives of New York" continues with Reunion Part 1. We cover it all and then take a look at last week's "Real Housewives of Melbourne." Come listen! 00:04:50 - Crappens Mailbag! 00:12:58 - RHONY Reunion Part 1 01:23:41 - Real Housewives of Melbourne Subscribe at https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Support us at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens Follow us at facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Visit us at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap happens? What happens? What happens?

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september seriously why do you gotta follow august stop following august august broke up I guess, like, that song See You in September is just like, see you now. Seriously? Seriously, September? Seriously? Why are you going to follow August? Stop following August! August broke up with you, September! Well, we are recording in the morning today, which means that we're going to be looping a different way. You know, anytime we don't record at our normal time, things go haywire. And what an episode to go haywire on, because today we'll be talking about The Real Housewives of New York City reunion part one, which was, I mean,

on another stratosphere. And then we'll talk about last week's Real Housewives of Melbourne. And then Bravo pulled a little quick one on us and put this week's last night instead of tomorrow. So our Melbourne recapping schedulepping schedules could be a little wonky but we'll talk about last night's next week and last week's today does that make sense everyone good so confused so confused and the way it was last night the one they aired was that the one where she got a painting of the dog that was last week oh for christ's sake there's another damn melbourne yeah it's tricking me it my favorite, but they're tricky. I don't like when they get tricky.

How do they get any viewers? Well, I think that's the point. They put it after New York City so that way it would get viewers. So it's ultimately a good thing. But in the meantime, if you have things you have to say about last night's Melbourne that really have to get off your chest, don't worry. Just go to our Facebook page, facebook.com forward slash watch where crap ends, and you can join in or even start a conversation there because we have like nearly 8,000 people on that page,

and they all are hilarious and contributing lots and lots of good stuff. Great way to expand the crap ends experience. You can, of course, support watch where crap ends as if we were public broadcasting, by going to patreon.com forward slash Watcher Crappens. You get access to things like a weekly bonus episode. This week, we sort of covered live Chris Brown's standoff with the police and talked about the McChicken fiasco. And we have a monthly hangout, ringers, things like that. Contribute to the mailbag. Of course, go to WatchYourCroppins.com to get access to all our social media like Instagram and Snapchat. I think that's it.

All right. I think we did it. Oh, wait. If you're new to this podcast or if you haven't been paying attention, we're going to be doing a live show in Los Angeles September 25th as part of the L.A. PodFest. Go to LAPodFest.com. Get your tickets there. And if you aren't going to be in town, you can sign up to the feed

and watch all the podcasts that are going to be there if you use the promo code CRAPPINS. You get some money off. You get a discount off that. And of course, check us out on our TuneIn Premium show too.

We have so much stuff. Thank you guys for listening. There's a lot at the opening smulla i could have gone out and smoked a cigarette during that part you could have but then you would have missed all sorts of fun things god like that's a disney sound yeah that's that's andy and ramona laughing at the reunion see if you went out and smoked you wouldn't have heard that laughter. Ramona is the happiest witch of all time.

She was loving it last night. She's like, I don't even have to do anything, okay? Like, I just sit here. I'm the nice one this time. She's a witch dolphin. I can't get my squeak. Witch dolphin, yeah. She really is.

So, shall we move on to the Krappen's mailbag? I would love that. A mailbag. Mailbags, mailbags, mailbags, mail, mail, mailbags. Of course, I'm not actually at our mailbag. Well, while I pull up the mailbag, now would be a great time to say thank you. Thank you. Thank you to our super duper premium sponsor subscriber madonna heins madonna madge sexy j we love her match with the sexy j yeah um okay so let's talk about the mailbag.

Why can't I find the mailbag? Okay, here we go. So BetsyMD, oh, BetsyMD, she's always got something up her sleeve. Hey, y'all. Last meal selections by Real Housewives of New York and OC Housewives of your choice as they head off to the chair. Yes, I went that dark. Lylas.

I don't know what Lylas means. So the last meals? Last meals, like if they dark. Lylas. I don't know what Lylas means. So the last meals? Last meals, like if they're about to be executed. Oh my god. Well, I think it's obvious. Jewels, wolves, like, here's what I want, okay? Get me a lot of carbs, ideally a calzone, and put as many pieces of flatware in there. I would love a fork taco.

Fork taco. I would like just a spoon of ice cream. Literally ice cream that's molded around a spoon. I would like some chicken, okay? Okay, I would like a lobster roll, but I don't want the roll, and I don't want the mayonnaise, and I don't want the lobster. Okay.

It's so difficult. You know, they're all terrible when they order. Also, they all order salmon salad wherever they go. Well, that would be. She already had that answer. Yeah, that would be Vicky. Vicky would just want like some unseasoned salmon with maybe some pepper and asparagus that's her last meal oh my goodness i think that um i don't want to get to heaven fat

i think well i don't want to show up at her well stat i think megan king edmunds would make rice in the microwave that's her last meal look i finally learned how to cook better late than never there's teriyaki in there watch out it's asian food bethany i think bethany wouldn't even get a last meal because she would get executed while she was still ordering it okay this is what i want like honestly like a last meal like do you want like the last thing i eat or like the final meal i'm gonna have like there's a difference between last and final like honestly like the fact that you can't even figure that out like makes me wonder why you're even at this brand summit in the first place like i don't see like what's up with this chair like honestly like the fact that you can't even figure that out like makes me wonder why you're even at this brand summit in the first place like i don't see like

what's up with this chair like literally like why is it electric like why would someone wants an electric chair like honestly like give me a plush chair like like take me take me someplace nice like this is bad this is like take me to room and board like i'll see like i can't like my wall is up like honestly my walls up i'd like to think if bethany were about to be executed john would bring her last meal and it would just be a skinny cow. And then someone else would bring skinny pop. I think the sad thing with Bethany is I think she was actually in the electric chair about five years ago, but they just can't kill her. So she just she just sort of sounds like she was very recently electrocuted.

Yeah, she's like that horror movie creature that never dies. There's like a million sequels. She's like, I'm leaving. That's it. I've had it. I'm leaving. Like, you ever see that movie Shocker? Like, honestly, I'm shocked.

Like, literally, I'm magnetic now. Like, honestly, things are sticking to me. Like, if another piece of metal attaches to my arm, like, I'll just, like, kill me now. I can't. What else is in there, Ben? Deliza D. says, if Lydia... What? what oh i thought you'd be like oh you've been deliza every time there's anything with liza in there you have to say um deliza d says if lydia were to try to develop her brand as we have seen with giner what products or services would be on brand?

Aside, of course, from her flirting blog. Here's a few to start. Personal driving lessons, broken friendship counselor, cleaning supplies. What do you think that Lydia is going to sell with her brand, the Lydia brand? Maid crates. Like maid crates. You know how when you're trying to train your dog and you have to buy a dog crate, she would sell maid crates. And they would just be slightly bigger than a dog crate.

And they would have maybe like a little oven in there in case Lydia wanted a snack at some point. She could still make her maid work. Yeah. I think she would. She could have. Oh, good. No. No, no.

You go. You go. Whenever there's a pause, I like okay keep talking um whenever she you know if she wanted to expand her line she could have cleaning things with really long handles so the make it still work like she could have a swiffer sweeper but with a super long handle that could get all the way to the end of the kitchen floor and stuff like that i think she would co-opt something that's somewhere between ancestry.com and 23andme which is the dna testing thing so that way uh it's like lydia's kit for discovering who's your daughter and you just go

around like oh that's my daughter hey that's my daughter also hey that car salesman he's my son they're all they're all my children originate you could find out the origins of your maid you could like put your maid's dna in there and then find out the first person that hired them slash to raise them she would have like a special service where you find out which stores are selling custom-made outfits just for you. So that way when you go to that store, you can be like, oh, look at Target. I wanted these shorts and they have these shorts here. They're selling them just for me.

They get them just for me. It would be every store she passed. Look there. There's the hardware store. Who doesn't need a hammer? Thanks for getting me a hammer hardware store. You basically enter in what you need. So enter in the field what you need.

Hammer? Here are all the stores that are selling hammers just for you. This store just got a hammer in just for you. I got a special email from my own app. It says the apples came in at Albertsons just for me. Oh, Lydia. The apples came in at Albertsons. I made a special request.

I went to Jackie and I said, can you tell the angels I would like some apples? And she said, all right, Jackie. All right. I mean, all right, Lydia. The apples in the supermarket just for you. And guess what? They were there just for me. Then she'd go into the grocery store and just start shit with everybody.

She'd be like, listen here, checker. I heard the bag boy call you the C word. How do you feel about that? Not that I want to start trouble, but there's trouble started by the bag boy. Don't shoot the messaging. All right? Now, listen here. I heard that Petty Fleur was calling you a black spider,

a black widow spider. Spider's like, I am a black widow. Well, there you go. There you go, black widow. Bye, sir. I can just imagine Lydia talking to a little spider with a top hat. It's Matt Woodfield's spider butler. I just want this black widow to stay still while I try and get a picture.

He's a naughty black widow. Very naughty. He keeps flirting with me, but I sort of like it. Oh, good. What else is in there, Ben? Let's save it for next week, the rest. Alright, why don't we do that? In the meantime, why don't we close up the mail

bag? Close that bag, Ben. Close that bag. Oh, Lord. Right. Well, I mean, are we ready to dive in? Because this is real.

This is what's about to happen. There's no turning back. Once we start the Real Housewives of New York City reunion, because it's intense. Yeah, there's a lot. You ready to do this? You ready? Yeah, let's do it. Let's get into New York City reunion.

You know, an amazing, amazing, amazing season. And reunion is just hilarious absolutely like every single second of it and i knew it was gonna be hilarious because i didn't get to watch it until just an hour before this podcast but last night i was getting texts from people and you know when you get texts from people saying are you watching it have you watched it you know it's you know you're you're in for a good time well such a ridiculous season even just going through the clips was hilarious because it seems like so long ago that some of this stuff happened yeah it was it was standing up for john at her stupid

bra party or whatever that all seems like so long ago but it wasn't it wasn't but it was it because it because i mean the berkshires was really like, that was a turning point in the season in terms of what the focus became. Before the Berkshires, it was all about Dorinda and John, right? And then afterwards, it just became the Luann situation. And so it's hard to remember BL before Lu, you know? And so when you look back, you like oh my god that happened oh my god that was so funny oh my god I missed that I knew it was going to be a wonderful reunion when

every time they showed coming up the reunion it was well you're a horrible person over and over okay it's about to be commercial break you're a horrible person new movie's coming out you're a horrible person over and over every comer it's like every commercial ended with that so good and it was worth it and we got it in the first hour it's still worth it yeah i mean and that's really all luanne had to say just anytime someone came you're a horrible person. Horrible person. Yeah, Luanne has that problem where she becomes unpopular because she's snotty. But then that brings her down to earth. So then she becomes super popular

because she's so down to earth. But then she gets such a big head because she's popular again that she gets snotty. It's just like she's too overconfident. She can't read a room. And Andy gave her the seat right next to him which is a huge deal it's usually you know i guess the people who were fighting which made sense but

luanne's been fired luanne's been turned into a part-time luanne's gone through so many phases on this show you would think she'd just learn at some point but no yeah but but you know what though she got the first seat next to and Andy Cohen, perhaps for the first time. I think normally that's reserved for Ramona and Bethany, right? Yes, but then she wastes it. It's like she's not wastes it, but she's got that seat, and then she starts acting like the host. I'm like, you're just going to piss Andy off. He'd be like, so what do you think about this?

She'd be like, well, here's what I think about it. What do you think about that, Bethany? You are not the co-host, okay? Well, to be fair, she does have some experience in Italy on that front. She's like, oh, this is... This is the biggest show in Italy. This is just like when I was on Spaghetti and Liguini. You know, the biggest morning show in Italy.

Andy, I know you've been dying to hear my line from the biggest show in Italy, so let me say it. Yes. It's like that's her line. Marinara. And here is Luana yes tetrazzini um so uh uh before we even dive into all the crazy luan stuff because lord knows there was so much people were already tweeting at us saying that they could not wait to hear what we had to say about Carol's dress. So we tweeted out on our Twitter, with our Twitter, at What Crappens, and we said, we asked the people, how would you describe Carol's dress?

Because I actually couldn't even describe it. I was trying to think of something with Bloomer Girl meets Bordello or something like that, but I don't sometimes know my fashion terms. But I was like, you know what? Our listeners will. We have some great responses, and Ronnie, would you mind if i read some of them from our twitter feed because they are actually hilarious go for it okay trey bay says that carol's dress is little house on the prairie nightmares garrett mitchell says the maid of honor to the haunted mansions ghost bride

paper house who says prairie chic uh zero fucks says bethany's fibroid meets a mandolin slicer yikes phoebe says a saucy governess's dress if it were made out of bonito flakes uh to which megan and megan gannon sort of piles on that and just says, release her back into the sea. And then Hill says, Mrs. Havisham. That's great. I'm definitely into that one. Popcorn and vodka. I love this one.

Laura Ingalls Wilder doing rails while wearing gun sacks, or maybe gunny sacks. I don't know how to pronounce that. Then also says, Andy's finale dress at Scranton Fashion week and pretty in pink too fashion design institute dropout um uh liz massara says sister wives glam winter decay says corpse bridesmaid and i think that's it but you guys all oh there's sister. And then, you know what? Brenda C. just sums it up. It just says hideous. The worst. You guys really nailed it. I mean, there's nothing.

I think Laura Ingalls Wilder is a great place to take it. When I was a kid, I saw that movie Goonies. No, not Goonies. Gremlins. Well, I saw both, but Gremlins. And one of the parts is one ofies gremlins well i saw buzz but gremlins um and one of the parts thanks for other movies i've seen um and there is that quiet radswell what is it i said quiet radswell quiet girl sorry ronnie go on i'm drinking coffee they put one of the gremlins in the blender and so

i was obsessed so i kept putting random things in the blender i thought it was the most hilarious thing and my mom would get so pissed and i wouldn't stop and one time i put her pantyhose in there and that's what that dress looked like yeah i think it sort of looks like prairie quinceanera that's what i would say oh i like that one like a mummy prairie quinceanera like when the mummy has been dead for 15 years it's making a party it's mrs havisham pretending she's on the prairie but wanting to celebrate her quinceanera well i hope that you know who you're making fun of right now, Carol. That is Alexander. Was it Alexander McQueen?

I'm not. You know that chick from Ladies of London, Annabelle, was like, how dare she wear a dress from my best friend Alexander. I can't leave the house for another three weeks. I mean, you know, he killed himself, but now it's like they've killed him. It's like Carol's dress is killing him all over again. Alexander. Come back to me, Alexander.

So this opened in the new tradition, well, fairly new, of Andy going backstage. I love the backstage shenanigans. He's like, how do you feel pro show or pre-show? So he's back. That's what it seems like. It's like, all right, the other show's about to start. What are you going to say about the new bug? Monorail.

Monorail. Monorail. Monorail. You know, Simpsons. So he's asking Ramona. He's like, Ramona, any hesitation before today's big game? And she goes, well, I don't want to hurt the wing. She always has that right before she plans to just like destroy her listen let's face it luann's been through a lot she's finally found

love and i don't want to take that away from her or hurt her so let's not talk about the fact that her relationship's a sham and that she's empty on the inside, okay? Luann knows too, because Luann Andy's like, so, do you feel like you're going to get any touchdowns in the big game today? And Luann's like, well, I can tell you Ramona's going to turn on me because Ramona's

an asshole and that's what she does. She pretends to be her friend. You get to a reunion she takes out a bat and starts swinging at you and then we've got the bench sitter over there sonia it's like sonia have you been practicing your baskets like i'm totally out of sports i was just on a yacht with the niger basketball team. Of course. They taught me everything. Like, I know how to do a foul play. I know how to do a three-pointer. I know how to do a five-pointer. I don't know. I'm not fumbling the basketball anymore. My new favorite song is... You know, because I consider myself a Harlem Globetrotter.

I live near Harlem and I'm a Globetrotter. So, you know, what's wrong with that? I printed out my New Jersey design on computer number three. You just have to take off the little circles from the paper. Sobriety has numbed that part of Sonia's brain where she's, like, forgotten that she's such an asshole. has numbed that part of sonia's brain where she's like forgotten that she's such an asshole she's back to being oh when i was with the king of saudi arabia i'll tell you she starts going into all this she's like well after years all these years andy i'm starting to feel a little resentment and he's like uh oh god now like what did you just watch a marathon and not remember you were in the rest of this

now you're getting mad i know no one's done anything to you lately what the hell are you mad about mad everyone loves you now so and then they show you're a horrible person and he's like welcome exactly so then andy's greeting everyone and he's like luann he's like this might be your last reunion as a countess and i love how luann goes well you know one's a countess always a countess which carol goes i don't think that's true i'm like shut up shut up carol it was a joke carol this isn't your high segment mrs radsville quiet over there radsville andy hi hi hi hi hi how's your divorce how's your divorce how's your divorce how's your divorce oh how are your boobs yeah hey how what does avery think of your tatas only andy would be like what does your child think of your new boobs who asked that let's face it avery thinks that's day class say okay um what is the diamond horseshoe

is that a hotel i i guess it sounds like a casino or something i never heard yes horseshoe no well horseshoe bay is kind of classy but what's the horseshoe casino place in New York or Jersey or whatever in the tri-state area? I have no idea. Like the Aztec horseshoe, okay? Okay. It doesn't sound classy, and it looks like the set of the Will Rogers Follies. Listen, this is the space formerly known as AOA, okay? Okay, OA?

This is formerly the Olive Garden. Okay. The big Times Square Olive Garden. Oh, I love that place. I know. I went there once when I was 19. I remember saying one time when I was there, how can you be the flagship Olive Garden and have dry breadsticks? Oh, you guys.

I was really classy when I was like 20. We're in the flagship Olive Garden. Jules has so many options of things to put forks into, okay? Can she get a shrimp fork so it'll fit into this breadstick? I just want my friend to be comfortable. We need to get Jules three different sizes of starters. That way she has different things

to put different forks into, okay? I like that it's Ramona who is facilitating the situation. Hey, Jules, you justks into, okay? I like that it's Ramona who is facilitating the situation. Hey, Jules, you just sit there, okay? I know you don't want to say anything during a reunion, so I'll be the one to get you some dishes, okay? And you can have all the fun that you want. It's like a needle in a haystack,

except it's a fork in a spaghetti pile. A knife in a fork stack. So, um... By the way, I just want to say that when Andy is doing his customary, oh, sorry, you're getting divorced, are you getting divorced? And Jules is like, yeah, well, you know, I'm in good health and I'm doing okay. We then don't hear from her for the next 45 minutes. That's the last of Jules.

Poor Jules. And also, whenever they came back from commercial, they had her sat right where the TV 14 Jules. Poor Jules. And also, whenever they came back from commercial, they had her sat right where the TV-14 box is. So every damn time, it's like the poor woman doesn't get to talk at all. And then every time

they even try to show her face, it's just this black dress with the TV-14 box on it. You know, at that point, they probably just thought she was a PA. Hey, someone get the PA off the set. Get off the apple crate.

Oh, poor Jules. So Andy gets to Bethany, and he's like, oh, so we hear that you're engaged. Is she engaged, or she's dating somebody? She's dating someone. Well, is your divorce done? She's the co-host. This is when she starts this shit. She's like, so Bethany, is your divorce done like she's the co-host this is when she starts this shit she's like so bethany is your divorce done she goes almost it's almost done and uh brandy

goes uh all right brandy andy goes uh how long has this been going she's like four years but you know like we were married to and luanne keeps asking all the questions she's like how long was that going on? Mm-hmm. And how long were you actually married? Mm-hmm. Two years? Mm-hmm. Okay. Mm-hmm. Getting to the bottom of it.

Yeah. So there it is. She's not engaged. She just has a new boyfriend. Yeah, she just has a new boyfriend, but we will certainly get back to that. I'm not going public because that's what I did before. I was like, here's Jason. And then everyone was like, whoa, Jason.

And then we had all those spinoffs and stuff. I don't want this guy to have that pressure. The walls are up, but the walls are around him. So I'm outside the wall. He's in one wall. It's like Jericho. It's not like the CBS show. It's like the biblical Jericho.

Or like Long Island Jericho. Honestly, there's so many things going on. If you ask me where Jericho is, literally, I'm going to put my own wall up. It'll be like two Jerichos. She's like, this time, we're in Jericho. And I'm i'm just gonna wait and see what skeet over test say about it you know like if skeet over it approves then okay fine fine but otherwise you know like skeet or it's never approved of jason and you know now look at me literally like if you ask me about jericho one more time like literally i'm just gonna like honestly just like just lie in the middle of the town just wait for the wall to crumble down like honestly i can't like honestly

like like seriously like someone called kathy denn of the town just wait for the walls to crumble down like honestly like i can't like honestly like like seriously like someone call kathy dennis because there's too many walls okay like i can't literally i can't and then andy's like so darinda you're still with that fat slob john how's that going and by the way like this is just gets back to what you were saying like seeing these montages like we almost didn't even need to have a reunion just to see these montages, these packages of everything of Jon. A montage of Jon being a total

Jon over the season. Whenever you're a mess, I'm here to clean it up, huh? Hey, you got a spot on your shirt. Just kidding. Hey, look, you got another spot. Jon, would you stop doing that, Jon? Please stop it, Jon. please stop it john please stop it john and of course the best part of of the john montage is that we got to have another moment with ray yelling at me he's trash trash rude yeah the ray segment was hilarious.

That guy was looser than I remembered. But we got too low because we got the trash in the John segment. Then we had the Ray segment and he got his own segment. But here we just got like a taste of Ray. It was just like, trash. You're trash. Rude. Rude.

Rude. Trash. My personal favorite part of this was something that I missed, I think, the first time around, unless I just forgot that I didn't miss it. But Ramona's saying, I heard that John was taking Viagra. Like, she says it like it's a fine wine. Okay. I heard that John sent that mysterious Viagra.

He takes Viagra and then turns up the reggae music. And then Dorinda, Listen here, Bethany Frankel, you're not the word according to God, Bethany Frankel. I like that Dorinda wouldn't argue if it was someone from the Bible. She'd be like, okay, well, I'm the one of God.

I'll listen. All right, I'm a dumb bitch. I take it. I will break up with John. All right. You know, it's Ruth. It's Ruth. I'll listen to Ruth.

Hey, Ruth, you're about to turn into a salt and pepper shaker, but until then, I'll listen to you. Hey, Malthusula, you know what? You know what? We're from the same place. You're just very old. You're much older than me. But I listen to you. Oh, I'm so sorry.

I thought you were fine. No, I was done. I was done. I'm already on my Starbucks. Hey, Methuselah, my friend Carol Razzo will call. She wants to dress back. Hey, Solomon, listen. You can't split babies in half, okay you know what you're from the bible so

all right you can do it also another thing that I kind of missed during that was when in that bra party when Dorinda was wasted and yelling at everybody and then Bethany's fighting with John and she goes hey hey John huh what what you want to blow some lines right now? You want to blow some rails? And then Dorinda, I didn't know that Dorinda said, hey, you don't know about that. That was an interesting line that I hadn't heard before. Yeah, interesting line. Way of shacking. Yeah, interesting line. That was an interesting bump, wasn't it?

Bump in the road, wasn't it, Ben? So when we come out of the package, then Dorinda is like, I was so much. I really was paralytic. I'm moving back to the Berkshires. Paralyzed. Paralyzed. I'm paralyzed.

Andy, it seems like you ran from a few events. Oh, yeah. So that was the same segment, right? Yeah. So Dorinda, we saw you running out of events a lot this year. It's like, it's painful. And then Bethany, such a good friend. Bethany's over there.

She's like, yeah, you got to give Dorinda credit. Like, what a nightmare. You know? Like, we're all sitting there cringing watching this. But there you go. Look at you. You're smiling. Like, it's fine.

You don't even care. It's like you're dirty laundry. You don't even care. Disgusting. Good for you. And Dorinda explains the whole thing the whole you know with john etc with one of her classic dorinda's and she's like you know there's an old saying if you put a cop on somebody for 500 miles you'll eventually get a ticket is that an old saying or did you just get a ticket once after going on a road trip for 500 miles? Like, dry cleaner life's a matter, all right? Like, it may not be your dry cleaner.

It's my dry cleaner, okay? This is unfair. The unfairness of it. You know, you know, they don't... Never mind. Never mind. I'm not even going to try to do a dry cleaners Black Lives Matter joke. I'm like, you know what?

I'm about to tread into this. I'm just going to stop myself right now. You're like, I'll just let Ronnie drown on that one. Yeah, go. Look at you. Good for you. Drowning. Drowning over there.

You know, even a broken clock is right two times a day. And I always tell John, you got to fix your clocks. But you know what about John? He's timeless. That's why I always got to say, you're're timeless and so we're running late and we get a ticket because we're running late that's why that's what the saying is and luanne the host luanne's like well to be fair dorinda he was also selling himself it wasn't just dorinda it was him don't you think you're not the host i would imagine like an instant audience like clapping like dr. Phil

and when she asked did he see the show did John watch a show did he say oh my god I've just seen myself acting crazy did did John look at the show and say shut up Carol cuz I know I would have how Dorinda thinks of everything is so funny she's like well yeah why she terrified you know it's just so he's I know I would have. How Dorinda thinks of everything is so funny. She's like, well, yeah, he was terrified. You know, he's just always trying to quantify himself, you know. But I just thought it was perfect. Like, we had this crescendo up about John, then we had this crescendo down.

And the dry cleaning party was supposed to be such a nice ending. But, you know, you couldn't just let it end. She's giving herself art. She's like in her house with a big whiteboard and sticky notes you know the fbi office listen our relationship has just a lot of layers it's like a mother-daughter birthday cake situation okay we're just layer on top of layer we used to put John's layer on top too, but then we just wound up with like, you know, basically a pancake. John's layer would crush my daughter's layer. I was like, listen, you got to back it up, John.

Back it up, John's layer. Okay. Listen, listen, I did it nice, okay? If you want to get on top of a cake, you get an Entenmann's, okay? Because those are strong cakes. But Hannah's layer it nice, okay? If you want to get on top of a cake, you get an Entenmann's, okay? Because those are strong cakes. But Hannah's layer is delicate, okay? So you better back it up.

One time I met John Mayer and I got protected from my daughter's cake. I said, don't fall on my cake, John Mayer. I'm not John Slayer cake, okay? John Mayer, the artist. That's all right then. Hey, you think Katy Perry? She's a nice girl. She's. The artist. Oh, that's all right, then. Hey, that Katie Perry. She a nice girl. She a nice girl.

You have to make a layer of... You should do a cake with her. You should do a great cake. Do a great, great cake, okay? You better make a cake with her! Okay. I'm really like cake! So Dorinda... This Dorinda segment is just beautiful.

It never ends. Are you going to talk about the Carol thing? No. So Dorinda, this Dorinda segment is just beautiful. It never ends. Are you going to talk about the Carol thing? No. First up, Andy said something like, oh, no, it was Luanne. She's like, what's the difference between blah or whatever? Luanne was asking a host question. Dorinda goes, well, you know, my husband was different.

You know? And it was different visually. He was like a bunch of triangles, okay? And John's a circle. So people have trouble with that. It's like that old expression, if you put a circle in a triangle after 500 times, you can get a ticket from the police because it's illegal sometimes.

You know when you play the game Operation, there's an outline of a guy laying on a table. Then there's an inner outline. The old husband was the inner outline. John's the guy laying on a table. Then there's an inner outline. The old husband was the inner outline. John's the fat guy on the table. I'm just trying to rectify it. Listen, it's like that old expression. If you play Operation with a bunch of kitchen tongs,

you're going to get buzzed, okay? And someone's going to die because you can't get the appendix out in time, all right? That's the, you know. You force a fat guy to play Operation enough, eventually he's going to get electrocuted. You know what I mean? It's like that old expression. If you put a Cheerio in the Connect Four thing, it's just going to fall through. So good luck with that.

You know. And then Carol, I think Carol's trying to be nice. She's like, yeah, well, John can't help it. He's really fat and sweaty. I didn't love it.'s really fat and sweaty. I love your Carol impersonation so much. The way that you can have that creakily sound in your voice where it can be so high and so low all at once. I try. This is my Carol here.

But the fact that you can get those squeaky notes up there. Oh, my God. Every single time. Yours is more realistic. carol here but the fact that you can get those like squeaky notes up there oh my god every single yours is more realistic but then when i watch this show because carol doesn't talk that much but then when i watch it i'm like she really kind of does talk like that after a while but the way that you get that squeaky almost like vulnerability it's like i can't it has it has so many it's honestly like darinda's layer cake there are so many layers so It's honestly like Dorinda's layer cake. There are so many layers. So anyway. Carol, who even knows what she's saying?

She's like, well, here's what I think about John. And then Dorinda's like, yeah, well, look at Carol. Carol never said anything about John. Oh, yeah, well, except that he looks like fat and jelly. Oh, and then that time she put an apple in his mouth. She's like, I never said that. I said, give him an apple. She's like, no, you said give him an apple because he's a pig, right?

And pigs eat apples. You know, that's so, that's what he did. You give him an apple for like, like, like, no, that's, I was saying, give him an apple to be on the show. She's like, oh, this old time I thought you were calling him fat. I'm like, Freudian bit much? And you! And you! You said, hey, where's

John? Like, what do you mean? Like, what? You think he's at a buffet or something because he's a huge fat pig? Is that what you're saying? Where's John? No, we just wanted to know. No, I was just saying I want to take him to lunch. Oh. Oh, lunch? Because he's always eating lunch all the time? Because he eats five lunches?

Is that what you're saying? That's amazing. Never mind. Well, I love then that Sonya decides to chime in about John's character. Well, I know John through some very powerful people. I was talking to Barbara Bell Geddes the other day, and she said she knows John because she was talking to the Prince of Zimbabwe. And John cleaned his undershirt. Okay.

And this is what he had to say. He just can't fit in different circles, even though he looks like a circle. I did love when she said that. She's like, he can't swim in all circles, even though he looks like a circle. I did love when she said that. She's like, he can't swim in all circles. He really can't swim in general, okay? I like how Sonia thinks of the whole world as just little circles that people

go swimming in, like a bunch of different little hot tubs that are next to each other. She's like, can I come in that circle? Listen, he does great in an Olympic pool, okay? Or even one of those pools that's shaped like a lima bean, but don't put him in that circle? Listen, he does great in an Olympic pool, okay? Or even one of those pools that's shaped like a lima bean. But don't put him in a circle. Which is when she says, well, John, he comes to dinner and he says things like moist.

And then we got to see that again. And I was chuckling all over. It's just not acceptable in many circles sonia do you know how many times we've seen your vagina on this show i know are you kidding but she's right though i mean she's right that ultimately he is just he's like a boor you know he's you know i mean durinda likes to say you know he's like a bull in a china shop i'm like he's a bull with an erection making disgusting comments at all times in a china shop yeah i think he's like a bull in a china shop i'm like he's a bull with an erection making disgusting comments at all times in a china shop yeah i think he's just a nice big punching bag for dorinda because

that's the only thing that i could possibly see that she would like is that she can beat him at night and he'll forgive her the next day or he just has really good coke yeah or both and she gets free dry cleaning or both yeah um so then so then, I think, asks Ramona about the Viagra comment, like, should you have done it? She goes, you know what? Wrong time, wrong place, diarrhea of the mouth. God bless her if she wants to get banged all night. You know what I'm saying? Okay?

Like, if she wants to get banged with all this Viagra, then that's fine. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Because let's face it. It may have been the wrong time, wrong place, but Dorinda's always in the right place for getting banged all night long, okay? You know, Dorinda enough time to try and wade through the pounds and pounds of her mangina that she's gotta dig that thing out of

to sit on top of. And you know what I say? I love a game. So you go game player, okay? My very good girlfriend told me that John's penis actually looks like a jigsaw puzzle piece and not one of the corner ones. Okay? John's penis looks like one of those little lipsticks that come out of dogs and you never know when they're gonna come out and i just say

what are you gonna do cut off his penis just let it come out it's a dog park after all right we're talking about dorinda here it's like oh right that's how penises that look like little dogs lipsticks you know what i mean well you're not making it better ramona whoa this is crazy oh my god i remember it now it's all coming back i remember this one time okay i was in the berkshires walking around in the forest and i thought i saw some lipstick but it was a pine cone and i started putting on my lips and geraldine parsons smith came up to me and said, Get that off your lips, you little slag. And I said, What's a slag? And she said, You're a slag, you pinecone slut.

And to this day, I still can't go near pine trees, okay? Which is why it's totally fine that Dorinda wants to fuck a fat person. So, wrong time, wrong place. And Dorinda. Well, that was more the fact. That's so macho. wrong time wrong place and dorinda what's viagra okay because i've only heard of viagra i actually have a friend whose last name is viagra so every time you say that it's kind of funny but it's spelled like it's it's spanish like v-i-l-l-a anyway

so now like a really fun part happens when uh we start talking about this cocaine situation when how bethany was like you want to do some cocaine you know like what you want to do you want to do another rail like honestly like israel like honestly like are we in grand social station because i see a lot of rails around here honestly like, seriously, Choo Choo Train is going up your nose. Honestly, I can't. Literally too much. So they're talking about the, like, why did you mention that? I forget what Andy's question was, but basically it was saying, like, you know, Dorinda, like, the accusation about the cocaine.

And Dorinda's like, that's way off base. And he goes, it sounds like you were referring to coke yeah and then bethany gets this faux awkward look she's like i didn't want to talk about this thing i really don't want to do this i swear i don't want to do this to you she's like i am will you sign this waiver that you understand that I don't want to talk about this right now? Like, honestly, I don't want to do this. Like, I don't want to be the person to do this to you right now. Do you have a glass that I can hold to, like, shake in my hand right now?

Slowly. And Dorinda. Uh, Bethany Frankel. Hey, Bethany Frankel. You know we haven't ever gone out with Bethany Frankel ever. Maybe you heard it in your cool people house with your cool friends where they're doing cocaine. But we're not cool. I barely make it out of there alive half the time with Jane.

You think I'm doing cocaine? We don't even know what cocaine is. Is it like when you're at a two-walking cane? Like, honestly, I can't. Yeah, and he's like, so, you know, stop hinting around. Even though she said flat out a million times that Dorinda does coke. He's like, stop, you know, stop beating around the bush, Bethany. She's like, no, I don't want to.

Well, first she tells Dorinda, you want to do this? You want to do this or not? And Dorinda's like, yeah, fine, okay. And then she goes, no, no, I'm not here to ruin lives. Yeah. No, no, I'm not here to hurt somebody. No, that's not me. That's not Yeah. No, I'm not here to hurt somebody. No, that's not me. That's not me.

Dorinda's like, next question. And Luann's like, what do you mean you're not here to ruin lives? You're here to ruin everybody's lives. Remember that time you ruined her life? Look at Sonya. You tried to ruin her life. And then you tried to ruin Jules' life. And then, I mean, I would bring myself into it.

But, you know, I'm not thinking about myself. Totally selfless here. But what about me? What about what you did to me? And Sonya. And Sonya. Yeah, Luen was giving, like, anti-Tommy Toon face at this point. She was very upset.

So now Dorinda is, like, fully denying ever doing coke. And then Sonya's just sitting there shaking her head, which is hilarious. She's like, listen, i know i talk a lot of shit about nigerian basketball teams on yachts in greenland okay i get that but this is bigger bullshit she's like everyone knows you do drugs oh that was so she literally says everyone knows you do drugs as if like everyone knows you have the best layer cake in the berkshires how can i do drugs dorinda's such a bad druggy you know when people start lying about their addiction they come up with the dumbest lies she's like

how can i be on drugs i have a daughter she lives in my house like what am i gonna go home and be like hi i'm on drugs she was so caught because she was like really kind of actually soft-spoken. And like normally when Dorinda feels she's been wronged, I mean, watch out. You know, she does that thing. She spreads her legs and puts her elbow down on one. Like, hey! But this case, it was like, she's like, how could I do that? I got Hannah there, you know.

It was so weak. And I love that Luanne is just like, Dorinda, just drop it. We're trying to save you just stop mentioning it we're just just move let's just all move on let's spare the indignities yeah you lost this one honey just drop it one is like let me clarify okay we're not talking about who hurt luanne okay the discussion is who has and who hasn't done cocaine right now, okay? That's the discussion. She's like trying to make it clear over there. And the woman's like, just drop it.

Wrong time, wrong place to do a real Dorinda. And I like that Dorinda did. She was like, okay, I'll drop it. And then she just smiles like... Well, it was funny because it was almost like this tacit understanding that like

listen we're gonna go low on the show but we're we won't take you this low just drop it because we we don't want to drink we don't want to we don't want to have to do this to you right now okay no no they all just did that's what's hilarious well andy did it and bethany did it. And then she's like, whoops. Sorry. Yeah. It's just going to get worse from here on out. Okay. Just end it. I don't want Dorinda to start going off on how it's her right to do cocaine.

Who wants to buy chocolate martinis from a cocaine head? So then there was talk about this bra party situation. And, was embarrassed right and all that stuff and basically i look terrible too i like you know like honestly like i look so i look so bad like i like like why i shouldn't you know i should take in a bra and just like stuff it down my throat and just died right there like honestly like death by bra like i can't like literally i look terrible yeah like seriously i can't have my emotions you know i'm crazy i should have just said don't bring john because like i'm cold i'm cold as ice like i'm rude i'm a horrible person like i can't help my emotions. You know, I'm crazy. I should have just said, don't bring John. Because, like, I'm cold. I'm cold as ice. Like, I'm rude. I'm a horrible person.

Like, I can't help it. And she does her whole. Yeah, she's talking about her birthday party now. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, did I skip ahead? It's all part of the same. It's all part of the same moment.

Yeah. And then Ramona is sticking up for Bethany everything she says. She goes, but you weren't ready. I mean, you said it yourself. Like, it was too soon for John. You know, like, his fat face at your house i mean i know it's a halloween party but seriously luann sums it all up she goes well it was a terrible party well let's face it it was a terrible party i mean you tried your best but it was terrible. I mean, I've been to some bad Tommy Toon parties, but this one, wow. Could you believe I'm getting married?

So then we get back into Ray. Because why not? Who told you about Ibiza? By the way, my Luan and my Ray are pretty much merging at this point. Who told you about Ibiza, bitch? Who? Who? Who? Who, bitch? Friend who?

Friend who? I'm trembling in my socks, bitch. I was laughing so hard when he, just the way he talks, I forgot how hilarious that guy was. He's like, I'm the who? I'm the who? I'm the who? And then I love when they come back.

Sonia says, in Ray's defense, I just saw him and he was with a beautiful woman. Oh, no, Sonia. I just saw him at a black tie with a beautiful woman. And he had full decorum. Everything Sonia says is something about how she's classy and rich it's hilarious sonia you may have been drunk the past few seasons we haven't been you know just because he was there was black ties right is anyone wearing pants that's the question um but the thing that i love is that it's like the defense the fact that he had full decorum

or that he was with a beautiful woman. Or that Sonya was at a black tie. Yeah. So then Luanne clarifies her experience with Ray, and she's like, no, I went on dates with Ray. We dated, look. I went on dates with him in the Hamptons, once in Europe, and we got back to New York.

So I'm like, so basically you were one date away from getting engaged, right? That's what you're saying. One more date, I mean, we'd be getting married to Ray. I mean, that's the way fate works right sliding doors oh you're right it's like that was nothing meanwhile she was being married to him in a month if he had money um she i love that i love the way that luanne count us count she's like well okay i dated right we dated a couple of times in the hamptons and then we saw each other in Europe, of course. Oh, the United Emirates. Let's see, Germany. Oh, we met Andrea Merkel together.

Then we went through Buffalo. Then we went to Four Seasons for a little I think we went on three dates. What the hell kind of counting is that? It's countess counting. You can't spell countess without the count. Yeah.

This is crazy. So then after the spa in Norway, we decided that's it. No 12th date. But then, of course, Malaysia happened. And Bethany's like, can we send him a fruit basket? I mean, wow. Like, literally, wow. Like, literally, wow. Like, skinny girl fruit.

Like, that's what he needs. Like, a skinny girl detox. Then we talk about Dorinda and John. I just wrote, you bitch, a lot. Yeah, then we talk about Dorinda and John's relationship. Like, are they going to get married? You know, she said she couldn't see herself with him or whatever. She's like, no, I just can't see myself getting married. You know, we said she's, she couldn't see herself like get with him, whatever. She's like, no,

I just can't see myself getting married. You know, we have a great arrangement. We see each other. We don't see each other. We could talk or not talk for hours

and still find things to not talk about, you know? Sometimes, you know, I open the fridge and I'm like, who is the chicken?

Was it John? Was it me? I don't know. I could yell at John right now. I could yell at myself. I don't know. What's happening right now? John and I have a really hot relationship. It's like that movie, Nine and a Half Weeks, you know,

where we eat things and then we don't see each other for nine and a half weeks. It's like a TV show. You never know what we're going to talk about. Remember that TV show, Whose Line Is It Anyway? I like to think of our relationship like double dare. There's a lot of physical challenges. You get messy and in the end you might get some money. It's like stop talking about lines. Just drop it. It's over.

Stop bringing it back up. Stop talking about that time you reached into someone's nose and pulled out a red flag. Stop talking about that time you were double dared to do a line on somebody's butt please listen dorinda you can't do that on tv so then we get are you scared of ramona single and ready to mingle and then they actually showed her when she said i'm single i'm ready to mingle okay and then it just shows ramona

dancing crazy everywhere she goes dancing dancing all herky and jerky everywhere she goes oh yeah i wish the little box weren't on the screen of people's reactions because then i would have made a boomerang of that but um yeah ramona's she was dating tom from connecticut okay wow i really like tom from connecticut i'm like, well, it's better than Tom of Finland. That would have been a real disaster. Tom of Finland, okay. I've been dating Tom of Toothpaste. I mean, let's face it.

I have to break up with him because that toothpaste is very expensive. It doesn't even work. Okay, am I right? I've been dating Tom of Thomas God, okay? He knows how to get everywhere all at once. I can't even get himself. I can't even get him to look at himself. He's such a man. Like, you are a Thomas Guide.

You won't even pull over to the side of the road to ask yourself for directions? Come on. Previously, I was dating Tom of English Muffins. And guess what? He did not have a muffin top. Okay? I was previously I was dating Tom of English muffins. And guess what? He did not have a muffin top. Okay. After I broke up with Thomas of Thomas guys, I went out with Tom of Tom Tom.

He has a blog. He wouldn't stop talking to me during a term. Ramona actually says You know me and Mario It's different now We share a dog and a kid We see each other but it's like sliding doors Okay That's why I have sliding doors in my head

Listen He was a lot of work I was the caregiver And I took a lot of care of him and no one took care of me so all of a sudden i have to take care of myself to take care of okay there's a lot to take care of okay when i was divorcing mario i would ask myself what would life be like if gwyneth paltrow just got off the subway one stop early okay that's a lot of sliding doors stupid ramona whenever i see sliding doors i always imagine what would happen if i got out of the one stop early. Okay. It's like the plot of Sliding Doors, stupid Ramona. Whenever I see Sliding Doors,

I always imagine, what would happen if I got out of the subway early too? And then I think, what would happen if I ever went on the subway in the first place? Because I never have been. Okay? It was like Sliding Doors

because I was so worried about Mario that I put a motion detector. And so every time he came back home, it would go, dong, dong. Dong, dong. The first time I saw the movie sliding doors i thought it's a whole movie about walking into a grocery store so i'm so excited because i want to date with tom dagostino but then i found out he wasn't even a dagostino and the movie wasn't even about grocery stores okay ramona dated to tom of D'Agostino I dated a Tom of Connecticut It's much bigger

Let's face it My Tom has more land than your Tom Okay We had the thing where Ramona can't pronounce things Oh no this wasn't Ramona can't pronounce things It was Luann can't pronounce things Well because it was Regé And then there comes the Razzavilles

I don't remember where Regé was But this is the radsaville's part yeah yes so luan is saying well you know carol radsaville and he's like why do you say it radsaville and she goes well because i know their family and that's how we say it i mean she may not have to say it that way she literally goes she literally goes they used to live across the street from me. I speak three languages, okay? I knew the Razorvilles before Carol did. That's why. I remember them when they were just a V, not two Vs making a W, okay? Sorry.

Carol seems like she's coming to her defense. She's saying, well, Europeans do use Vs instead of Zs. She goes, thank you, Carol. But not here in America. Well Europeans do use B's instead of Z's And she goes Thank you Carol But not here in America And then Bethany is like Shecky the clown over there in the corner Is like hey you know like Maybe since Luanne's from Berlin, Connecticut

She thinks she's from Germany And Luanne's like Ha ha ha And by the way speed pronunciations Is pronounced Berlin not Berlin Rads of hell Thanks Bethany Ha. And by the way, speed pronunciations, it's pronounced Berlin, not Berlin. Radsville. Thanks, Bethany.

I'll see you at the Catskills, where I would never live, because I lived in Italy. I'll see you at the Catskills, where a Radsville wouldn't be caught dead. The cat spills, as i like to call it so who said oh the questions keep coming back to dorinda which cracks me up yes they're like kathy from kathami consaconco says dorinda ramona was Neighborhood in the Catskills. Conscoco Catskills. Conscoco. Ramona was awful about your boyfriend, but you were never mean to anybody about anything. So could you say one horrible thing about somebody that Ramona dated? During the thing.

I don't do that. I wouldn't do that. I'm not that kind of person. Like, you know, people can tell you whoever they want. What am I going to say? You know what I say? Congratulations. You know what I say? I say we're all what I say? Congratulations. You know what I say? I say we're all layers in the same cake.

That's what I say. If you want, put your layer here. I put my layer here. We're all a cake. And then the cops come and give you a ticket. That's what I say. But fair warning to all cakes. Don't let John's layer be above yours.

Hey, you want to make a cake sandwich? Make a cake sandwich. Write the recipe with the chaos crayon. That's what I say. What was Sonia trying to say over her? Okay, this is what happened. So Dorinda said that Ramona has idiot boyfriends or whatever. And so Ramona starts getting annoyed.

Like, I'm not an idiot. I'm from Connecticut. It's not an idiot, okay? And so then Sonia is basically telling Dorinda, like, listen, just say that they're not – just tell Ramona they're not idiot boyfriends. And then that's when Dorinda goes, hey, you don't tell me what to say. You don't tell me what to say. I'm like, you realize you spent the entire season telling Sonia what to say to get back with Bethany. You realize that, right?

You speak funny, Sonia Morgan. Now, around now is when Ramona gave us some really great life advice about women and men. And she goes, right now, I just want to be with great boyfriends that aren't gay. Because in the past year, I thought I'll hang out with a lot of gays and gays make you feel good. But now I have to learn to be with heterosexual men. You know, I'm sorry. Okay. Good. But now I have to learn to be with heterosexual men. You know? I'm sorry. Okay? Dandy's

just nodding with a sad smile. Oh, Ramona. She's actually right. You guys do make you feel good. Unless they body shame you. That's why we have an audience. That's why we have an audience. We make you feel good. Maybe I'll start dating again. Like,'t know september october okay ramona's totally planning on when she'll she'll stop

hanging out with gay guys meanwhile enrollment on ok cupid went down 50 today on september 1st oh ramona's she's on the prowl today. It's official. It's hunting season. Hell no, Cupid. Breaks the stock market. Becomes the biggest app on the market. The first. There was news today that it's like the beginning of tarantula mating season. So I think there's a reason why Ramona

is back on the market. Ramona's fake eyelashes are making out in the market ramona's fake eyelashes are making out in the makeup box so stupid okay so the next thing is the whole bethany being an awful human being uh in the berkshires though this time because it was about luann now they showed this fight at the table where bethany goes oh yeah oh, yeah, congratulations to me. I'm my brand skinny girl. And they're like, yes, congratulations to you. And she goes, you helped me invent.

And Luann goes, yeah, that I helped you invent. They go, oh, yeah, you're still saying you helped me invent that thing? And by the way, I have to say I realize something. The genius of this season is that actually everything is connected. Because we, I mean, just like half an hour ago, I was like, yeah, you know, there's, you know, it was about Dorinda and John in the beginning. And then it became about this and that in the end. But actually, and this is the best seasons is when it starts off with something small and just becomes something huge. It was, you know, it was all about pushing out sonia

and being concerned about sonia and that was what caused this fight in the berkshires which caused everything to come out which then caused this entire second half of the season i'm like oh my god this season was genius so funny so you can start getting into this whole fight again and bethany's like i'm no stranger to people trying to claim what's mine okay uh and then it got into the hair luann tried it luann with her great comebacks well what's up with you having my hair what's up with that brother whatever but then luann does have the great facial comeback when she just smiles and points at her face. Like,

don't mess with this, big jaw. Dorinda. That was a rough weekend. I saved the house with cocaine. Bleed it right out. Dorinda literally has Santa Claus is made out of hardened cocaine, like in that movie Traffic. Yeah, that's why she's the crazy Santa lady.

Don't break one of santa's hands yeah so when they come out of the come out of like the the package then andy immediately goes into hair gate which i was really happy that was the first thing that was tackled and i like that luann's like well you know you know what when bet in, I thought, whoa, that looks like my hair. And then Bethany's like, okay, anyone who thinks it looks like it's my hair, everyone raise your hand. Or maybe it was Andy who said that, and no one raised their hands. And then I was like, well, they will not raise their hands because they're afraid their hands are going to be cut off or bitten off by Bethany. By a crazy clip art skinny girl nutcase. Bethany Franklin. With my hair.

Don't worry, girls. I won't bite off your hands, even though you might think I will, because Bethany has my haircut. I understand how you could be confused. Listen. They think they're mad at me, but they're really mad at Bethany because she has my hair. Yeah. Dorinda. There's just a few things, because we already went

into her big kitchen breakdown. But I like that there's a hashtag on Twitter for Dorinda breakdowns called Dornadoes. Yeah, that was great. Which is very close to Doritos. I know. She's like, Lots of flavor. Listen, sometimes I'm a cool ranch, but sometimes I'm hot and zesty.

What can I say? You know, I go from cool ranch to zesty in a second. But the good news is I always come back to cool ranch, okay? And I make a big Frito pie. One thing I try not to get is flaming hot. That's Cheetos. Yeah, well, good. You know, check.

Flamin' hot. That's Cheetos. Yeah, well, good. You know, check. You know, the thing that I hate the most is when people tear me up and pour chili in me and bake me. I hate that. And that's a Frito pie. Well, it's the same thing.

I'm even a shell of Taco Bell. Right? Come a long way, baby. Listen, sometimes I like to put, like, a little bit of me in a plate, a little bit of Hannah, and then some guacamole, and some beans. It's just like so many layers. No, that's a seven-layer dip. Alright. Cool.

Guacamole. So, Q. Oh, and then there was the whole Jules. Jules's dad died. How could you only think about yourself luann and then they show the clip of luann like jules my dad's dying like he could be dead he's in the hospital right now while i'm out here partying well how do you think i feel bethany stole my hair i mean i missed to tommy tunes for this really i actually thought luann's response to that was made total sense.

She basically was like, yeah, no, I'm really sorry. I just was so rattled. I literally couldn't even hear her. Like I was just so, I thought that was fine. I thought that I was, I was team Luanne on that one.

It's like, well, I drove in the car on the way up there with her. So I'd already heard her talking about her dad for 20 minutes. How much do I have to listen to it? At some point we have to address the fact that Bethany has has my hair i don't care if your father's alive or dead did your father steal my hair no why are we talking about him bethany did listen we really shouldn't be talking about jewels if she's not here to defend herself oh no she's there at the end of the couch really she's been here all this time oh hi jewels oh god can't watch her TV14 what disgusting programming Her head is just so

boxy TV14-y Also Luanne doesn't know how to spell Bethany's name That was pretty good Yeah she's like how do you spell it Do you know how long ago I put that on my phone I mean why would you remember her name

You know it was just that girl from the show I mean listen who spells their name that way anyway just some runner-up on celebrity apprentice am i right the old or the uh ripoff version the bad one the one that no one watched bethany so andy's like so um rachel from Ratchatatcha Hills wants to know, remember when you called Luann a bitch and a slut, Bethany? And also, and she goes, no, just us two. It was just bitch and slut. Luann goes, how dare you? That is not all you said.

You also called me a woman who slept with a married man. That's not a name, Luann, okay? I just said that you slept with a married man. She's like, that's not her name, Luanne, okay? I just said she... I just said that you slept with a married man. Like, who cares? And she goes, when did I ever admit that I slept with a married man? They cut to Turks and Caicos. She's like, yep, slept with a married man.

And then Luanne's like, well, he cried on my shoulder all night long and told me that he was separating from his wife. So shame on you. You know, my read on that situation always has been that Luanne slept with him, had no idea that he was married. And when they called her, she's like, well, all right.

Well, I guess that's just the way it happened. Like, which I think is totally fine. And I always said it's like a fling. And who cares? It's like the pool boy or whatever, you know? Yeah. Yeah, I don't care. I think she was still drunk that morning, which is why she was so hilarious and why everybody else is so annoyed that she became so popular after saying that.

Because she was just drunk. She's like, what? Guilty. Yeah, she's like, what can I say to that? You know, like, what can you say to that? You know, she's just like, all right. What can I say to that? What can you say to that?

She's just like, all right. But the fact that actually – so here I think I'm going to teeter ultimately to Team Luann in this situation because they really are – Bethany is really slut-shaming her, really, really a lot and i think that i think bethany's only point that resonates with me which i think is a good point is like here's a woman who wrote a book about etiquette and then is going around acting like a whore so i get that i think that's that is a hypocritical thing however the etiquette book was literally seven years ago you know and luanne has like changed and she has come to embrace like the the the happy slut that she is that we all love her for and we think is like actually very empowering so the fact that bethany keeps on harping on that is like very tough where luan lost a lot of credibility is this whole adam situation right that was bad but it seems like she got over that a little bit so well she had to i mean carol was not gonna take her back in any way

shape or form unless she just dropped it she had to and you mean, Carol was not going to take her back in any way, shape, or form unless she just dropped it. She had to. And ultimately she did. And you know what she did? And it's like, what else do you want from her? So I think the fact that Bethany keeps going on this slut-shaming thing is pretty bad. It is. Bethany's been saving up this fight for years.

And she finally came out with all this stuff this year. But it's way too late. I mean, and I understand her. I'm sorry to cut you off, but I understand Bethany's frustration because, you know, Luann was probably a slut all along. And she's finally like, well, now I can say that Luann is a slut because I have the evidence. But it's almost like her moment to bust her on this. I feel like that ship sailed several years ago, you know? Yeah, but she keeps ramming it into the dock

all season long. She won't let it go. And you know what? We did a Twitter poll on our Twitter, and last time I checked, I said, who are you going into tonight? Who are you, Team Luann or Team Bethany? And it was around 60% were Team Bethany

of about 250 or 300 votes. So a lot of people are more on Bethany's side on this, but I'm actually on Luann's side a little bit more. And I thought it was great that Luann finally realized how to handle the situation, which is to say, just to turn it around and be like, you know what, you're the one who sleeps with married men. And gosh, did that get Bethany. Because she came in with this all saved up that's why you can't

ever be on luan's side because she does that you know she takes all the goodwill and she squanders it every single time and she totally did it in this uh reunion which p.s i love she still got all my goodwill yeah but she just wastes it every time like you're on the higher ground and by the end of the first reunion she's just totally squandered it it's like you're the one sleeping with a married man everybody knows it i mean he's separated but he was going out with him still when he lived at home with his wife yeah yeah i mean i think actually luann has never done well at arena she's actually i think she famously just bombs every single reunion. She just, I mean, going back to like season two or three, I mean, I love Luann, but she's just

terrible at a reunion. And Bethany is very good at reunions. But, but before, I started to jump ahead. I apologize because before, before Luann turned it all around, that's when Bethany was, again, she's like, Luann, not a man in manhattan you haven't slept with it's not a man in manhattan i'm like gosh you are so i mean she's saying such nasty things about luann i mean and then luann's like all right well fine tell me the name of the married man i slept with then carol goes you don't even know the name of the guys you sleep with how are we supposed to know yeah funny but then why should luan know the name of the guy like what does that mean like you know why i don't remember half the names of half the guys i've

hooked up with in the past um yeah i don't know it's like some weird yeah it's just some weird slut sword that they all beat each other with when they're all doing it i know and that's when i think it was around then that's when um bethany was like you know what i i should come up with like a slutty girl instead of skinny girl slutty girl and that's when and then sonya's like i trademarked that and that's and that's when we had our laughter moment and he literally points at sonya and does that laugh and then that laugh i can't one more okay i'll stop

damn it i will get that tone i will you know you got it because i was like why is the laugh still going get that tone i will get it no you got it because i was like why is the laugh still going oh ramona so then it becomes this big is bethany fucking a married man and he's like did he leave his wife for you and she's like no like he just left the he just left the you know he just left in general only man goes well there's the pot calling the kettle black luanne came up with all these lines before the show but she's just dropping them at the wrong times yeah it didn't even make any sense and then jules goes actually i remember we were at that party and then Bethany said that she's going to call the wife to make sure it's OK. Remember, it was the caviar. Was it the caviar party? I put a time stamp on it. I put a time stamp on it. I'm like, what does that even mean, Bethany?

Yeah, that's someone who totally isn't cheating at all. She's like, I want to put a time stamp on when I call the wife. OK, everyone, the cameras get that. I'm getting a time stamp, getting a time stamp i called the wife okay everyone the cameras get that i'm getting a timestamp getting a timestamp calling the wife so i think is this when bethany starts to try to explain her side but then the way on the other couch just talking totally over like i mean come on she's like a huge slut herself i mean she's daddy mary mad it's crazy is that am i right i mean tommy teen's playing next door should we just go over there girls i mean i don't know he's gonna be on piano yeah bethany's talking and she's just uhanne's just whispering to Who's next to her? Sonia? No, Dorinda

She's like, Dorinda So Bethany is trying to explain herself And then Bethany starts getting Overly defensive because she starts Saying things that don't make sense Not a sand trip, what is that? She's like, you're in quicksand, honey Because nothing's sticking defensive because she starts saying things that don't make sense. Not a sand trip, what is that? You're in quicksand, honey, because nothing's sticking.

Sweetie pie. You know that that literally sticks to you and pulls you down to the depths of the earth. I know that quicksand is not famous for being sticky or not sticky. It's really just two separate concepts you've introduced. You're in quicksand. You're in quicksand. You better notsand you better not start backing me the floor like what that was honestly like a quad for marriage to medicine reference

honey you're on quicksand because the sky is turning green right now what oh i love when people do that there's a new there's a new uh gay bachelor show coming out and there's a contestant who's like that. I think we should cover that on our bonus episode, by the way. Unless you're covering it on Rose Pricks. I'm not sure. We are, because there's not going to be a bachelor, so we're going to be covering the gay bachelor instead. I know one of the bachelors.

I'm very excited. Which one? Brandon. The main one? No, he's not the main one, but he's one of the guys. I know him, and I'm interested to see what he's going to be like. And I think I hooked up with one of the other ones once. Oh, Lord.

I just remember looking at the cast and being like, ooh, I remember hooking up with him like four years ago or whatever. Every one of them in their cast bio, you know how they write their own cast bio they're like well i'm on plenty of apps but i'm ready for a real guy like every single guy is like i'm on apps i love those apps oh geez you guys well the the funny thing is i think every like everyone knows people on that show because the gay community is only so big so like everyone's on facebook like one of my friends was like, I know five people on this show. Everyone sort of is connected to that show in some way. And no offense to your friends, but they did cast that show out of the backstage.

That was the show. It's like a first season reality show on Logo. Nobody cute doing that show. I mean, there's some cute guys. Don't get me wrong. There are some busted guys on that show. The main guy... Okay, I won't start talking about that. We'll talk about that another day, but it's going to be so good

I can't wait. I know. I'm really excited. Okay, so we're back with Bethany tonight. She fucked a married guy. And so Luann just won't let her talk, which is how Bethany fights. So at least Luann's learning something. You know? She's like, Bethany, married man, married man, married man.

So they start getting in this, right, you're a quicksand, honey. And Andy gets into the slut-shaming article, blah, blah, blah, hypocrite, blah, blah, blah. And then Carol's like, well, I don't think they'd do that thing. And Luann goes, hey, we don't need you to pipe up over there, Razaville. Yeah. Don't chime in, Razaville, over there, Radsville! Don't chime in, Radsville, over there. Please. And then Luanne's way to get a man

or man's philosophy on men. She's like, you don't steal a man. They willingly come to you. I'm 50. I can do whatever I want. And then she does a kick, strut, and a kick. Kick, strut, kick. I'm 50.

Am I right? 50 years old. Could you believe I'm getting married? I mean, we're in love. Anyway, what were we talking about? Me? Yes, great. Talk to me soon, please.

And then the question, Phyllis from Philanthropy Long Island wants to know, Bethany, how come you're so vulgar and mean to everybody and then think it's okay with your contrite after? And everybody just looks at him like, what's contrite? And he's like, no, no, no, I'm sorry. That means you just say you're sorry after. How is that okay? And the wife's just nodding. She's like, yes, it's true.

Finally, someone gets me. Like Tom. Finally, Phyllis wrote in. Thanks, Phyllis. That was a happy thanks, not a thanks, Carol. It was a thanks, Phyllis. Thanks, Phyllis. Thanks, Carol.

I like also when... I don't know why Carol That makes me laugh every time Thanks Carol Well and she was doing it like crazy Because at one point They're talking about the new Oh because I think Andy was like

You know Bethany it seemed like you Liked the new Luann last year You really seemed to appreciate it And then Carol just goes The new Luann is a hypocr You really seem to appreciate it. And then Carol just goes, the new Luann is a hypocrite. Which is, oh, quiet, Radzowell. Excuse me, Countess. Bitch.

It was just so good. Carol always just wants, like, it always gets Carol, too. Like, Carol never has a response to, oh, thanks, Carol. She just goes, she says something simpering off to the side every time. Jesus, I'm a bitch.

Thanks, Carol. What's that you gotta say over there, Carol? Why don't you speak up? I don't have nothing to say. So this is when Bethany's like, oh yeah, let's do it. I got evidence. I'm gonna call my boyfriend's daughter. This is awful. And she's like, oh god. Here we go. Whipping out a

phone. Great. I don't want to hear from this daughter. Everyone knows Bethany's a slut, Dorinda. Everybody knows in the whole entire... I'm dialing. I'm dialing. It's like, hello, I'm not going to say your name because I know we're not ready at that point yet because I don't know if I can trust your father yet. Literally, there's a wall around your name.

Literally, there's a wall around your name. Okay, because I don't want to do that to your name. Okay? All right? It's like, does anyone in your family think that I slept with your father when he was with your mother? And she's like, no, I do not think that. As a matter of fact.

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Sorry, I wasn't supposed to read that part out loud. Can't. I'm sorry. I meant continued. And then there was some weird shit in that like she said it was obviously one of the back door yeah why would she come to the back door if she's not cheating i don't know but you know here's the thing though first of all i thought that was like a weird gross moment but also like bethany you just said that Luann slept with everyone in Manhattan. And, you know, that's like an exaggeration. I know.

We're not dumb. We weren't being literalists. But you said something. You make an accusation. And it's a literalist. So Luann comes back, hits you back. And then you're like, wait, I'm going to call the girl. I just felt like, you know, when you say those things,hany you have to know that you know maybe

someone's gonna come back at you now as it happens also if you're gonna be on the moral high ground about everything like luann can't sleep with married people but you can i mean yes the guy was leaving his wife or whatever and separated but yeah you are still technically married and there's nothing wrong i don't have a problem with no. No, there's nothing wrong with Bethany's relationship. But the point is, she's not really affording Luann the same benefit of the doubt. Because it all comes back to the fact that she, it's not even about the sluttiness. She is just, you can see she's enraged because she feels that Luann is a hypocrite. And unfortunately, Luann does do hypocritical things. But Bethany just has to get over that.

Because that's kind of the charm of Luann is a hypocrite. And unfortunately, Luann does do hypocritical things. But Bethany just has to get over that. Because that's kind of the charm of Luann. Maybe, I guess, it's easier for us to say that as viewers, as opposed to people who have to interact with her. But Bethany has to get over it. Because Luann is an adult. She's allowed to make these decisions. She's gone from one place to another. And Bethany's to get to a place where she can laugh it off the same way that ramona laughs it off but i think where luann has problems is that sometimes she does prepare things a little bit too much for how she's going to come off on tv and that's where she gets that's that's the sort of thing that i think really gets into bethany's craw okay yeah well a lot of those men that Luanne could have slept with who are all these married men or whatever,

maybe they were separated or maybe they were in a loveless relationship with their wife. It's like that excuse doesn't only work for you because you feel like you're on a higher moral ground. And that's the point that Luanne was trying to make. Luanne was saying, see, like you were married, you were going with a married man.

But the way she was saying it sounded accusatory instead of like instead of like look there's a hole in your logic because of course luanna always does terribly at reunions and you can tell that beth she's really getting to bethany because bethany's like i don't regret slut shaming her okay i don't even regret it you're a liar you're a liar and you're born a liar and you'll die a liar. Well, you're a horrible person. I love that. She's like, this is just going to be my stance. You're a horrible person. That's that. Horrible person with a wonderful haircut.

And then Bethany keeps up with her crazy sand, her crazy analogies that don't make sense. She's like, oh yeah? You don't like it? Well, it's getting hot in the kitchen, Leanne. No, it's getting hot. the kitchen, Leanne. No, it's getting hot. I'm so sorry. By the way, that's so bad. She's saying, it's getting hot, so stay in the kitchen, Leanne.

Well, you have a horrible kitchen yourself. I would stay out of the kitchen, but my chef Adam's supposed to be in there. Oh wait, he's not. He's with Radziville over there. Be quiet, Radziville. Pick up your ping pong balls. You know, let me find out how Adam's doing and call my son, who's a friend of his,

because they're the same age. Shut up. Luan. Oh, be quiet over there. And Luan. Well, of course the daughter's going to say that. that she's gonna stick up for her father and then bethany's saying what brother sticks up for the father every daughter sticks up for the mother i'm like uh we'll see let's face it avery will always stand up for me

okay let's face it i'm sorry it's like totally staying at her dad's like bye crazy bitch yeah that was such a fun reunion yeah cannot wait how many are there are there three uh i i would imagine there'll be three i mean how could there not be there's just so much but they also covered they did actually cover a lot of ground this episode so who knows ground cover all right well that reunion was a doozy. So why don't we move on to our lovely ladies from down under so we can start doing Australian accents again from Melbourne. Oh, so excited. Let's do it. Boom.

All right. Well, the last week's episode of Real Housewives of Melbourne opens up with Lydia calling for her daughter, Joanna. Joanna. Joanna. Joanna, Joanna. Joanna. Joanna. Joanna. Joanna. Joanna.

Joanna. Joanna. Joanna. Joanna. We have to get our accents in there now. Joanna. Joanna. Joanna.

Joanna. Joanna. Joanna. Come, come. Come, come. So the big thing is that Figaro Is going to get a painting made of him It's going to be a portrait

Painted by Leanne, the one who painted Johnny Depp's dog It's going to be a gorgeous portrait Of Figaro It'll be a masterpiece Because you know he's the subject The only thing that Figaro likes More than being painted Is taking a shower with me

Because he gets to get robbed. He gets his back scratched. Who wouldn't? Like, are you really doing your flirty thing right now where you're talking about being in the shower with your dog, Lydia? So, Lydia has hired this painter, Leanne, to paint a portrait of Figaro. And this seems actually really hilarious because, you know, Figaro is like the most hilarious dog on Bravo. He is scared of everything. And they're trying to get him to sit still.

And he's like sitting on that chair, getting up and getting down and then running away. That's it. That's exactly it, Figaro. That's exactly it. That's how he looks with me. He always turns his butt to me to show me how much he wants to be with me it's like he's running away i know uh i like how she describes the artist because leanne is an international artist she's painted johnny depp

stog that's when that's when you know you've made it i'm like hey look i'm look, I'm sure that Johnny Depp has eaten at Johnny Rockets. It doesn't make Johnny Rockets a four-star restaurant. Yeah. Nutcase. Exactly. Anyone can hire somebody who's been hired by somebody else. She's like, you know who else has used TaskRabbit? Johnny Depp.

It's a gold service. Johnny Depp made TaskRabbit just for me. So, thankfully, this woman, Leanne, who looks a lot like Janet, she was, like, normal. This is, like, the first time we've seen a painter on Bravo that was not a totally crazy person. She's like, all right, I'm cutting here to get my money, and I'll get on out of here. No kidding. I like that it kind of ended up looking like a photo, because who't screaming at their tv take a fucking picture like who cares take a picture of him sitting there and then paint it why does he actually need to sit there that poor dog

yeah it's not 1765 so providence let's go over to providence byling to providence byling to a in her steps on Luke, or shopping. And I like this because Gamble, it was like, it was a lesson in puberty by Gamble Wolf. Oh, you know,

puberty boys get estrogen, and they get the testosterone, so they become, you know, boys, but they're pudgy and they're ugly from the estrogens, or the estrogens makes them men, so, you know, changes in the body. Because they're doing school shopping forions or the stuff that makes a man so, you know? Changes in the body.

Because they're doing school shopping for Luke and he's like, I bumped into kids from school the other day and they're different. Yes, because yesterday's body is different. Like you, you're handsome now, Luke, but when you were younger

you were ugly. You were chubby. You were not an oil painting, Luke. You're like one of those bad mushroom goombas in Super Mario Bros. Walking side by side with the scowls on your face. I was, you know, living nicely to me at my wedding because she watched me steal the princess. And it's my wedding. You only get married once. At which point Luke says, Well, you know, all your girlfriends are just a violent pack of bitches. Which is true.

By the way, now would be a good time to mention that last week we talked. What the fuck? The helicopter's out there. Is he like right outside your window? MJ's emergency stash of sliders is coming in. What is Chris Brown doing today? So, you know, we posted like a boomerang thing of Gamble dancing last week. And I put it on my Instagram.

And I'm happy to announce that Gamble herself commented on it. She said something like, oh, no. Oh, my. Oh, my. Embarrassed emoji. Too much estrogen in that dance. So it was a very happy moment. Yeah, that was a good one, Ben. It was a good one.

It was a great boomerang, Ben. It was. Almost as great as Gina going in to meet with the fragrance people. Oh, God. The music is like. It's like, oh, I'm Gina. I'm here for a fragrance meeting. What do you think about that?

I'm a brand. I'm ready to sniff something. And they're like, well, we thought that this fragrance would smell of your fans. Like, I don't like calling them fans. They're my mates. We're all in this together, mates. I do get fan mail. I received a beautiful portrait of me made out of Swarovski crystals.

And someone made this by hand. It's a little Gina Barbie. You pull the string and it says, how about you all go fuck yourselves, you nasty. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. The best part about this, the best part about this doll

is when you pull the string It says Let me Listen here string Get out of my body Right this instant And then the string falls out And never talks again

And then I say Alright string Get back in my body Right this And then it comes right back In my body It's my doll I love the lady

Who's in charge of the fragrance She's like, Gina was so excited to be working on your fragrance. All your fans are so excited to smell like Gina. Who wouldn't want to be as glamorous and noteworthy as Gina? People wake up in the morning and your fans say, I want to be like Gina. What can we do to make them smell like Gina?

And then she's like, and Gina's like, smells like cardboard and paper. That's it, Gina. That's it. Ah, cardboard and paper. Like the finest boxes from Bloomingdale's. It's like your fresh Warden Taylor.

She goes, do you smell that? Drina, that's cacao. She goes, caca. No, cacao. Caca. Cacao. Caca. I don't want to smell like caca.

Why are you putting caca on this cardboard? In Italian, it's feces. Hey, is that trademarked you know it was they say they're gonna test out the fragrance which is really good you know I believe I believe in focus groups you know I used to participate in them and I remember back in the time back in the day I I came up with mobile phones I invented them you know they said I said just keep just give people the mobile phone and put them on a plan. They'll use it. And voila.

That's actually a direct quote. That was so good. I said, put them on a plan. And voila. I said, you know what would be great? Would be to have a phone carrier that reminded you about the futures on the horizon, but also reminds you that the horizon can be vertical like the band.

Voila. Verizon. There used to be this man who would walk around from door to door and just leaving packages and letters. And I said, how about you put it in a box? And when you've got stuff in there, you posted the letter. There you go. We've got post boxes.

Voila. I said i one time i remember going up to at&t and i said you know what's great about telephones is that it's almost like you could reach through them and i think you should really just say reach out and touch someone you know voila voila slogan of a decade so they're still talking about what they're gonna call it and they bring up this poster for impavido or impavado what do you how do you say impavido they're like you know impavado impavado isn't really resonating you know i think it's because it's named after a drug that fights brain amoebas well who doesn't want to fight a brain amoeba that's what i always say amoeba get out of my brain right this instant can we call. Amoeba, get out of my brain right this instant.

Can we call it that? Amoeba, get out of my brain right this instant. It's too long for a poster, Gina. That's what they said about mobile plans. We did a focus group, and we've decided it should just be called Gina because you're a star like Kylie or Madonna. People know you say Gina and people know who she is.

Somewhere Gina Davis is furious. She's like, thank God my name isn't Gina. That would have been a waste. She has a perfume bottle that's in the shape of a bow and arrow The lady's like Gina Your name is your best sex saint No it's your best quality

She's like I thought my best quality was my boobs How about we call it my boobs Those smell like codwood also They were in the boobs. Those smell like cod wood also. They were giving them different little things to smell. Sample one, sample two, sample three. And Josh is like, I quite like number two, but good

because it's going to be called feces. Oh, Lord. So Susie. So Susie announcesces she's gonna have a dinner party because she says i'm president of cwi to rock branch so i'm like what is this i don't know what cwa even is i thought what do we think cwa is what's what do you think ronWA stands for? Well, with attitude. I was thinking of cut fitnesses with Asperger's. I like that better. Cut fitnesses with Asperger's. But what's the W?

Isn't there a W in there? With. Wait. Oh, with. Sorry. I was being dyslexic. I'm like, doesn't that have to end with the W word? Let's call it My boobs Collies

Without Illments I don't know They're healthy collies Collies without ailments I've always been at the head of Collies without ailments So I'm having the girls over to learn

We're here to support healthy Collies alright If your collie has an ailment we're not going to take them in Collies with Asses What is with Susie Doing the most boring party ever When she's already the most boring house

I know Who let her do this it's worth it though because she brought in joan martin who's an etiquette coach who's already shaming suzy about her on on iron napkins oh my god i can't believe she didn't hit somebody that was like a nun in the all-girls school back when i went to the all-boys school those bitches are scary they'll rip you up it gave me honestly like serious flashbacks to my favorite MTV show of all time, The Girls of Hedster Hall, which I mention it once a year, which was when they took all these trashy girls from New Jersey and Florida

or whatever who were juvenile delinquents and then sent them to a boarding school in England, like a fake boarding school, and had these two school moms berate them the entire time. It was the best show. I don't know why it was on MTV. They aired it at noon on Saturdays because MTV had no faith in it, which is a shame because it was such a brilliant show.

But we will never see it again because it was produced by Donald Trump, of all people. Oh, Donald Trump. You see, Donald Trump has done positive things for the country being. Yeah, he did. That was honestly his most positive thing, was giving us Girls of Hedster Hall. I deplore MTV. Please bring it back. Please, please, please.

Oh. Well, and please don't have Susie running it. She's like the most, she would like kill the show in two seconds. She goes, I'm all about traditional values. Young people don't have manners. It's like, oh, thanks, Susie.

Are you trying to find a date like this? His head up, older neck in it. Right, kids? You realize you're on The Real Housewives also, by the way. Were you expecting to find etiquette with this bunch of violent bitches, as Luke called them? Or whatever they were. Pack of... What did he say?

Like, pack of violent bitches or something um so i love that so so basically chica chica and chessie and and jackie show up and when chica finds out that it's an etiquette she's like unreal this is unreal i love it though i love it chessie needs some manners she needs to know that when she scratches up a car she always has to say thank you and please. I always say, you can have all the manners in the world, just not at one time. Right, Chessie? And Chessie's like, fuck this. That lady's a fucking C-word.

And then Jackie, why did you invite me to get lessons on napkin fault? Do I look like I don't know how to fold it? Do I look like I don't have any manners? I'm like, you're picking your nose right now while you're doing that and the women are just like you know like talking about me and i just like joanne just like don't interrupt all the time please they're like oh god i can't believe that shit she doesn't want us to interrupt angel said i could interrupt so i don't know what your problem is by the way i would love to take an edica class i would love to learn all the ins and outs of everything i'm doing wrong been there done that failed it i'm not doing it again

of course i took it at the el paso country club okay so maybe they were just a little strict well i love how jackie is so mad about this etiquette situation she hates joan and she makes this really bizarre nonsensical comment. She's like, I can't do anything right by Joan. Joan of Arc sitting over there on her chariot. What is that? Is Joan of Arc known for her great etiquette?

You can't just pull any famous Joan and put her on a chariot. It makes no sense. Look at it there over there. Joan of Arc over there. Look at her trying to save people, possibly crucifying herself in the end. Am I right? No.

Listen to Joan Cusack over there. I think she knows everything. Well, I'm a working girl too. Listen here, Joan Rivers. It's not all a joke in life. Hey, Joan Collins. How about you slap some sense into yourself, okay? I'm not listening to your etiquette.

I love Jackie because Jackie is like a teenager who can't get over it. And she's not a teenager, but sense into yourself okay i'm not listening to your etiquette i love jackie because jackie is like a teenager who can't get over it and she's not a teenager but in her mind she's so much younger than all the other women that she she thinks she's really young she's like we're gonna make fun of we're gonna make fun of june june over there jenna bar we're not gonna take it from june here jane thinks she's can't win with her hey Hey, Joan, how about you step out of the past and into the future, okay, Joan Jetson? You know what I'm saying? So they all put marbles in their mouth, which is, you know, very My Fair Lady. And Susie even says, I saw My Fair Lady.

I've been wanting someone to throw slippers at my face ever since. That's like the least romantic movie of all time it's like some guy just bossing some bitch around make her get slippers i love that when suzy tells this thing that she literally just comes on screen it's like well you know i want to put marbles in everyone's mouth because i want to solve my fair lady i was like great story suzy you know she leaves him in the end right it's like a relationship that doesn't work out while you're dating wrong movie wrong movie and you know what's funny is i heard that the rain in spain falls mainly in the plane so you know i brought little toy planes for everyone

jackie it's like oh great lyrics jon of Arc Great lyrics Joan Boys Hey Joanie Mitchell Calls she wants etiquette back and get back her Parking lot too while you're at it So they're doing this And then Jackie of course is doing everything She can to make Joan mad and she's like

I've had bigger balls in my mouth I'll bet so Is Joan huh Cracking up and cheek chissy she's like i've had bigger balls in my mouth i'll bet so is joan huh they're like cracking up and cheek uh chissy he's like chessie's like stupid uni anyway so then chessie at one point they're talking about like do we have to put a book on on our heads and they're like no you do that in departments you do that's deportment and then jackie starts talking about like yeah that's what i learned in department school and then jones starts cracking up and then they all are cracking up like she said department school like i don't get it did you look it up i didn't look up department school i'm gonna look it up now department school i'm guessing it's some

kind of manners school let's see i just finishing school it's finishing school it's a manners school so everybody was cracking because she's like i can't believe we don't have to put books on my head that's what we had to do in department school when i went there i did it i had a book on my head i held it there and they're like like she's ever been to department school Because that's so out of a movie Did I say department school? I meant I went to a department store I meant I stayed in a store one time in America Too much and they tried to deport me

I still got schooled And then the angels taught me some manners So then We have a really beautiful romantic scene next because petaflora took her son on a date this was so sad it was this is like the saddest scene of all time i actually think the petaflora son scenes they're interesting because she's like lets down her guard and she gets i think she's like much more real in those scenes and very sad yeah because she basically she's like well i'm going to get my son a piano so

that way he will come back to me because he'll remember all the sweet music we make together yeah pretty much because she really is she really does seem we joke about it but she really does love her son she's so in love with him and she has pushed him to the point where he's broken up with her basically like everyone else just always runs her own family hates her guts and she's like are you sure you don't want to meet me 135 000 piano and he's like great i know three chords mom i'll show up so he comes and she's like i will write a check for this and all i ask is that you play me beautiful music maybe this will keep him coming home, this big piano. And he's like, okay, mom, I'm going to play a song for you. Blink, blink. Oh, I messed it up.

Hold on. Blink, blink. Oh, messed it up again. Blink, blink, blink, blink, blink. Oh, this is beautiful. Basically, it's the plot of my best friend's wedding. Okay. She's Julia Roberts. He's Dermot Mulroney. basically it's the plot of my best friend's wedding okay she's julia roberts he's dermot

mulrooney and the piano is um what's that dumb girl's name that blonde girl yeah the piano is cameron diaz well so so after the piano playing then petty trying to contain her jealous rage So how are things with you and Emily going? That bitch, Emily, bitch going? And he's like, oh, yeah, they're really wonderful. She's like, oh, I am so, so happy. How about we all go to karaoke? And she sings a song because she loves to sing, I'm sure. Right? Let's do that.

No one who names themselves Emily can sing. This was really so gross of her and this is why her son is never coming around because she goes oh how's this emily oh let me say i'm so worried that you came into your life too early it has only been three years like uh that's like marriage time okay does emily have a moon too does she have a what does emily have a moon too a moon have you helped emily onto a moon in these three years it is too soon so then and then she says she actually tells him i worry that i worry that later in life you're gonna feel like you didn't give yourself enough time what he's been with her three years and he goes mother i am not the man i am today without her i was like who are you what

do you even do for a living you can't even play three damn chords on the piano but petty fleur was having that ralphie moment from the from the simpsons where his heart where his heart gets broken in the valent Valentine's episode that famous one from like 94 where like they pause like here you can see the scene right where Ralphie's heart gets broken right here it's pedophilic and then break break break and then of course the best part of all is that Emily walks into the piano store and it's, he didn't tell me Emily was coming. They can't do anything together. So, it was nice, though. You are so mad and jealous, Petaflur.

So mad. She is. And he is also so rude. He's like, my jealous mother who's in love with me is spending $135,000 on a piano store. So, hey, why don't you stop by and say hi before we go to lunch without her yeah they're like such an asshole i know that was such a dick movies like yeah we're going to lunch now and she's like oh so can i come along no he's like no she's like oh okay i was like you god i'm like that is spoiled that is i mean i mean it really is if my mom bought

me a can opener i'd be like yeah come along i mean i would i would come on yet i mean that's so rude anyway to not invite your mother yes at least pretend you have something to do and go meet emily somewhere else you asshole and then petty floor is like well he may be in her vagina but he will never come out of it. And then poor Petty is left there in the store. Let's just pretend she really said that. Petty is alone in the store. And he leaves her.

And she's all alone about to cry. And she signs a check for $135,000. I know. Cue Brenda Russell piano in the dark. I mean, seriously. Oh, my God. I don't want to feel like the third wheel anyway. I could have bought a whole new car with four wheels.

It would have taken us there. But it's okay. You know, Emily. It's okay for Emily. It is okay for me. This piano has three legs. And I'm leg number three. So then we go to Jackie's house.

And someone rings on the door. And the best part is that she opens the door and there's like two children. And she just gives the most evil look like, who the fuck put their children on a doorstep? Who the fuck? It turns out it's her nephew and her goddaughter. Oh, Jackie. So this was basically Jackie and Ben running around. How are we going to be parents?

But when they look in your eyes, it's so wonderful. How lovely. Oh, that feeling is so great. You know, typical kid stuff. But the best is when they put the kids to sleep, the little boy,

the really cute little boy, he starts to cry and Jack is just like, lights out. If you have any issues, tell the angels. Don't tell me. Goodbye.

That's how you have to be with children. They cry and you just have to put a line in the sand. It's have any issues, tell the angels. Don't tell me. Goodbye. That's how you have to be with children. They cry and you just have to put a line in the sand. It's like, no, you're going to bed. Okay. Literally, you know that expression, sleep with the angels? Literally, you're sleeping with the angels right now, so talk to them. Don't talk to me. It's better than

sleeping with the fishes, Joan Baez. That's what I always say. Hey, Joan. fishes, Joan Baez. That's what I always say. Hey, Joan. Hey, Joan. Jet, how about your Joan boat and go fish some fishes? Fish, Jet, Joan. I love rock and roll,

but I don't love children. Got it, Joan Jet. I learned that in department school. So next up is Brian and Janice. Oh, chicken's father. Big mister. He's developed

a new property and he's showing her the place. He goes, how about I show you the bedroom? She's like, hey, Brian. The pizza is there. It's amazing and no matter like, oh, Brian! The pizza is there! It's amazing how no matter where we are, Brian

knows where the bedroom is. Especially when he developed the house. Yeah. Oh, chicken! Where's the bedroom? Chicken never knows where the bedroom is because I can't tell her because I can't cope. But Brian, he knows.

Chicken. Where's chicken? Is chicken in the bedroom, Brian? No, it's just you and me. I want you to take me back. But the PTSD, Brian. I love how she started talking about her PTSD. How come you didn't?

It's been so long, Brian. How did I not know you still had these feelings and brian goes well i called you and then i texted you and you never texted me back and she goes i must have been the ptsd i like how she talks about it like it was a bad connection oh that's right i had to get a new phone because the p was down. She's like, I'm so glad that PTSD is over. Okay. Anyway, I just went to McDonald's. I ordered a Big Mac, some fries, some PTSD, and some soda.

Isn't that wonderful? Chicken. They're selling chicken at mcdonald's now it's like why is my spit that tall at mcdonald's uh so chica yeah is it luminaire she has a big surprise for everyone it's quite lovely can't wait now listen here's what i always say put a flower on a table all right do it then chop chop, chop. That's wonderful. I'll love a meat when it's cooked. So this is hilarious to me because Jackie walks in and there's like some blue couches. And she's like, I had a vision of blue couches. Can you believe it?

The angel said there'll be blue couches. And look right there. Blue couches. Oh, my God. The angels know everything. The angels love interior design. But you know what they hate but they hate looking for things, but they love interior design. Oh, yeah. The girls are like, hi, how are you?

Blue couches. Wow, what a pretty place, Chica. And then Petty Fleur walks in. She's like, hello. And they're like, oh, hello, Petty Fleur. And she's like, I walked into the room, and they just continued the conversation and ignored me. It was amazing. Because the thing was, they were having this, you know,

Chica and Jackie were having this moment. Like, Chica was like, I told you I was making a restaurant. Jackie said, I see blue catches. And the blue catch, they're all like excited. And Petaflor walks in like, Petaflor, this is what just happened. I was just telling you about how I had this vision. And Petaflor's like, I can't believe they didn't ask me everything that's going on with me and my pianos. They totally ignored me.

Shut up, Petaflur. I'm like a car with three wheels dragging down the street. Flames are coming up on the street from where the car is dragging. How do you think that makes me feel? So she goes over to Jackie and she's like jackie a jackie she's like oh blue couches angels couches department i've lost my son's birth certificate and i do not want to go get another one so i would like it if you would tell the angel to tell me where it is she doesn't even make a formal request she just they're talking about these couches and pedofleur just

is so desperate to make it about her because of the fact that no one dropped everything and decided to ask her everything. So she goes, Huh, well, maybe the angels can tell me where my son's birth certificate is. And they're like, Couches, couches, blue couches, couches.

Because it was such an awkward thing to say. Like, no one understood the context of it. No one understood why she was talking about it. They're like, okay, all right. So at this moment of the show, we just think it was Petaflur being super awkward. So we're like, okay, fine, whatever. And then Gamble walks in, and no one's seen Gamble since her wedding. And everyone's like, Gamble, Gamble, Gamble.

And then Petaflur's like, oh, well, they care about Gamble, but they don't care about me. I'm like, listen, Petaflur, she just got out of a wedding. It's like a totally different context. I love that Petaflur is just a vile person and she can't help it. Like, you see that she wants to not be vile, but she doesn't know how. And I love that. You know, it's like the evil witch from Once Upon a Time, which I i know you don't watch but they keep doing these storylines where she's nice but then of course she reverts because you're evil it's at the core darling yeah so then um chicken tries to stir the pot

so janet of course immediately starts shit she's like oh gamble was it wonderful have you seen gina yet is she coming tonight well that would be wonderful you haven't even talked to gina oh gina hasn't even called you oh would you like to order chicken instead she's a great friend yes um. So then Gina walks in looking like she just stepped off the set of Game of Thrones. She had like fur wrapped around her. Game of Thrones had an Emmy night. Game of Thrones cocktail party. She's like, hi there. Guess what?

My name is the same as the name of the hugest brand in Australia, Gina. Oh, good for you, Gina. Wow, Gina. My idea is that it goes global. You're wearing Gina. They're going to see all that staples because it smells like stationery. What are you wearing gina number two

so then they're asked some something i think lydia maybe is asking gina about celebrity apprentice she's like oh it's awful it's so disrespectful i mean donald trump is actually really respectful i was like awkward if i knew he's gonna be that rude i probably wouldn't have done it But there I was Looking at the numbers right now The stats Which meant that Junior probably got fired second Yeah

And then Petit Fleur goes Well you could have been rude back to him And she goes I'm not going to be rude With a He's a regular CWI if you know what I mean um

so then uh Janet of course again starting to pop what is going on with Gina not even talking to Petaflur how could you do that

and didn't even ask any questions hmm she's not Gamble's just come back from a honeymoon and Gina isn't even interested Isn't that not wonderful

It's more like turkey Not chicken So Chica's like I have got a surprise For you ladies It's a wonderful surprise I've been working on. A Moroccan tent to eat in. And everyone's like, oh!

Chicken tagine! And she goes, the table setting has to do with another surprise. And Gina goes, oh, no, she hands them all envelopes. And Gina's feeling it. And she goes feels like a bookmark for the book club if this is a bookmark get out of this envelope right this instant i don't know why gina makes me laugh i know with every little thing she says but every little thing she says she's like

well and then we went in there and it was a tin. I start laughing. Well, because also Gina narrates the most obvious things. We went in. There was a table that we all sat around. Yes, we can see you sitting at the table. I'm surprised Pettiflur didn't storm out because she didn't get an envelope first. How rude of her.

You know, Gamble gets an envelope first. What about me? Am I just not worthy of an envelope? I would like you to think about this surprise and if you would really like to surprise me or not before you surprise me. I actually made that exact joke in my notes. Before I accept this ticket to Dubai, really consider,

do you want me to go to Dubai or do hello? Okay? Before they even knew what it was, Chica's trying to give him hands and she's like it's like maybe a wedding for a royal family in another country in and gina's like well with the gold and the cookery i think something exotic You think? Good guess. Dubai! And then Lydia's like, well, you know, Dubai is in the United States of Arab Emirates. And clown music is playing.

And she's like, Emirates? Arab? Arabian? You know what? I don't care. It's fucking amazing. So then they try to, again, they're trying to stir shit between Gamble and Gina because Gamble is like standing up doing, it's like,

la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la believe that gina's not paying attention to gamble stupid dance she's doing her own makeup she's so she's so vain so now things get really funny because remember we talked before about uh the birth certificate which we thought was just some offhand awkward joke that pediflur was doing to try to make it better no pediflur has a real axe to grind now so So she goes to Jackie and she's like, I want to know why you didn't tap into the angels to ask about the birth certificate. I really need to know. I asked you very calmly and very kindly about my son. And Jackie goes, listen, pitifully, I'm not going to give you a reading. That's the end of the story. Right? That's it. All right. I just took an etiquette class a reading and that's the end of the story. Right?

That's that. All right. I just took an etiquette class and I know that you violated it. Joan. Joan. Ellen. Why don't you go back to face off and get your face off out of here. She's like, look, I used to respect you, Joan Ellen, but your face doesn't even move anymore.

And I don't know whether you're crying or laughing. Okay. That's the end of the story. I love Jackie's angry talking. I can't remember any other Joans. This is hard. Yeah, I'm out of Joans. I'll get one. We did Jetson.

We did Joan Allen, Joan Jetson, Joan, Joni Mitchell, Joan Baez, Joan Jett, Joan Collins, Joan Rivers, Joan of Arc. Meanwhile, Petty Fleur is like, oh, this Jackie. Does this Jackie feel like I'm too much of a strength to penetrate? What is she talking about? And she's like, listen, Petty Fleur, I haven't spoken to you in three weeks, and I'm not going to give you a psychic reading, and you should remember where you put it when you got drunk. All right? That's the answer.

And she goes, she's a punisher. That girl, I can't talk with pediflu, because she's a head punish. That's what she is. She's a head punish. You know what? Pediflu's a head punish you know what pitiful as a punish she's a head punish you know get out of here joan didion with your punishing letters words oh my god so lydia basically runs

away to another part of the table yeah and she's like what the hell she's like not what the hell? She's like, not me. She's just following me right now. Because Metaflora just follows right behind her. And she's like, she's running from me like screaming baby. Like screaming baby. Are screaming babies not running? What is it?

No, no, no. Crashing babies. Crying like a little crying Joanie baby. Like a regular Joan London getting fired from ABC oh everybody wants to blame the Brian Gumbel oh isn't that convenient huh that's Jane Pauly you idiot

so hilarious Lydia just keep I mean not Lydia uh petty just chases her across she's just chasing her away and jackie just keeps running and then yelling at her and then going away again yeah and that's when lydia that's when lydia chimes and she's like you know you know this is like now i understand why jackie calls that that nickname what's that nickname she calls for her felicia felicia go away felicia what's that again she calls for her? Felicia, Felicia, go away, Felicia. What's that again? She was sticking up for Petiflor. Oh, she was?

Petiflor, why is she acting like that with you? The way she's just running away. And Metaphor goes, yes, that was full on. It was so cold. I felt like I was walking into a lion's den. What are you talking? You're running into the lion's den. The lion you talking? You're running into the lion's den. The lion's den is running away from you, Dodo bird.

She goes, what is this? And then that's when Lydia's like, what is this nickname that Jackie's always calling it? It's so rude. Felicia, Felicia, Felicia. Who says that to somebody? Felicia. Go away, Felicia. Why?

Why can't Felicia stay? Why not? Why not? And then that's when Jackie goes, bye, Felicia. Bye, Joan. See you later, Felicia. What is Felicia?

You always Felicia this, Felicia that. You are very rude. You are very aggro with me. Okay? I don't like it. Jackie's like, I don't like it. You always yap like a little chihuahua. All right?

You know one thing I don't want? A chihuahua. All right, Felicia? I don't want a chihuahua. What is this, Felicia? What if a chihuahua was one of us? Like Joan Osborne. Joan.

Lydia. Jackie pretends that she's the mother nature with all these blessings. But the next thing you know, she's F this and Felicia that. Am I right? Lydia. So they go back to this stupid non-fight that Lydia and – I mean, not Lydia. Jackie. When Jackie was basically trying to get Pedaflora the hell away from her.

The last time they were all in a group setting. And it's all Petaflora being a victim. Which, I mean, come on. Hilarious every time. That's what she does. And then Petaflora just gets so mad. And she tells her, you are all fart and no shit, Jackie. Oh, my God.

You're all fart and no shit And Jackie's like Goodbye Felicia Goodbye with the dirty mouth Felicia You talk about shining up and shining out Shining up and out everywhere Shining around Shining backwards

Where is your shine now huh Where is your shine Where is your shine You're dull You're duller than Emily Bitch Bitch Where does your shine? You're dull. You're duller than Emily. Bitch. Bitch.

You know what you're duller than? You're duller than Joan of Arc's career. That's what you are. Good. Joan of Arc. You're about as dull as the lights in Joan of Arc's house because she can't afford new bulbs. Right. She got fired.

Right. Dull bitch. jonah valk's has because she can't afford doodle bulbs right she got fired all right so the unveiling of figaro oh i love this so yeah so i have to say my favorite thing here was that we're getting to finally see the painting and lydia's like i'm so excited to see the painting because it's one of the cutest things i've ever done i'm like you didn't paint it she co-ops everything even the painting even I've ever done. I'm like, you didn't paint it. She co-ops everything, even the painting. Even standing next to the artist. She's like, I did a wonderful job, didn't I? And then Figaro gets a diary room, and he's just like...

That was the funniest thing they've ever done. They're like, Figaro, weren't you excited for the painting? Or whatever it was. Or maybe it was his reaction to it. And they just cut to Figaro in the dining room being like, Then Betty comes over and she's like, a painting of the dog?

And she tells us, who does that? Okay. Let me tell, she tells Lydia, I can tell you have way too much disposable income, girl. The dog looks petrified, like it's been beaten every day of its life. Now let me show you all the portrait of me.

That's over my fireplace. My son liked it. He told me. Oh, poor pedophile. That painting was actually a very good painting, but it was intense. It was an extreme close-up. I was like, whoa, Leanne. Whoa, poor Petiflor. That painting, it was actually a very good painting, but it was intense. It was an extreme close-up. I was like, whoa, Leanne. Whoa, Leanne, whoa.

Whoa, Leanne, whoa. And she really did get the petrified look in the dog's face. I mean, it looks, the poor dog is just like, and it looks like that in the picture. Like, why are you looking at me? It was poor Figaro. Figaro is so adorable. So the last, is this the so adorable. So the last...

Is this the last scene? So the last scene is basically... Lydia and Gamble? No, it's Lydia and Petaflor talking about Jackie. And Petaflor's like, I don't understand why she just wouldn't

give me a reading about where the passport was or where the birth certificate. I just don't understand how she could be so cruel. How she could hold back the angels from me. Lydia goes,

well, correct me if I'm right. well, correct me if I'm right. No, correct me if I'm wrong. Oh, whatever. I just don't understand why she wouldn't help you. Correct me if I'm in the middle. Patty's like, I don't like this, you know. You can tell that she was not born into this lifestyle. She married into it.

What did you do? This girl thinks that she is like a white bread. She thinks she best invention since a wheel made of white bread. That's sliced. A sliced wheel. Best thing since sliced wheels. And then they basically gang up on her. So they're going to try and go for Jackie.

Good luck. Because Jackie can beat both of your asses, you know, before you can even get out of your chair. Yeah, Lydia's doing this whole thing of like, I brought her into my life. She was, you know, she's my daughter. And then she ran away from me. That's what she did.

But the best part actually was that they picked up on a running gag with Jackie that we hadn't noticed, which is that Jackie was like, this one's always saying this this one's not unhappy this one's drunk over here this one wants to have more etiquette this and also lydia totally just stole susie's storyline to give it less power she's like i've been friends with this girl for so long i've known her for three years i opened up my home to her for three years. I opened up my home to her, my heart to her. I opened up my family to her.

And now if I text her, she doesn't even text me back for days. Apparently, I'm the flip-flop. Petaflow's like, well, you know, you don't really look like a flip-flop. I mean, you look more like a regular shoe. I see what you did there. This show is too fucking much petrified figaro i'm gonna get that picture blown up from my wall and i'll do it oh it's great we love figaro so yeah if you've come to our facebook page and wonder why there's a dog at the top it's because that's figaro from melbourne having his first confessional a scared little figure. All right.

Well, let's end this, bitch. What do you say, Bean? I think that sounds like a great idea. So, everyone, thanks for listening. Come to facebook.com forward slash watch what happens to, you know, join in the conversation. Support us at patreon.com forward slash watch what happens to get access to bonus episodes and hangouts

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