Watch What Crappens - #3246 Southern Charm S11E14: Blood, Sweat, and Heals

Episode Date: March 5, 2026

Ever wonder what would happen if you slow roasted the cast of Southern Charm? Now we know! Most of the gang submits to a sweat lodge in Mexico in the aims of healing, which probably will never happen, but it was fun to watch!  To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and get ad free listening,, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, hello and welcome to watch our crapins podcast about all that crap on Bravo. We just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker, and joining me today is the glorious, perhaps sweaty and healed Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Hi, what you doing? I am just sitting here podcasting with you and enjoying the fact that I did not have to endure a sweat lodge last night. Although we did watch it on Southern Charm. before we get into that,

we are still basking in the glory of the crappies. Ronnie just put out a tremendous bonus newsletter that I contributed to this week, where we talked, we both did. We both did. We both did it. Joint effort. But you actually press publish on the document.

So I'm going to give you all the credit where we talk about the road that leading up to and through the crappies and what we did. and Ronnie put in some really cool BTS stuff, some videos from rehearsal, some pictures, things like that. So if you want to see how the sausage is made and see how it all

came together, what our experience was with all that gloriousness, go check out our newsletter. That's over on Patreon, but it's free to everyone. You don't have to be a Patreon member. It just lives on Patreon. That's where it's home is. So go check it out there. Patreon.com slash watch what crapens. Thanks to everyone

who has been supporting on Patreon and also who's been getting our live feed. Just a reminder if you miss the show or you're starting to feel some FOMO, you can still actually watch it. Crappies.kiswit.com or just go our website, watchwarkwrappis.com. And you can watch the replay. That's going to be available through the end of next week. And then it's gone forever. So definitely take a look at that.

Thanks, by the way, on a personal note, thanks to everyone who joined me last night. I was cooking onions for 45, minutes. And I decided to flip on the live switch on our Instagram and I was up there and I was chatting. And then the Kempire joined. So thanks to everyone who joined for the Instagram live last night. That was fun. And then all the usual great stuff. We got bonus episodes. This week we were doing two bonus episodes. They're both free. The first one already went up. It was Rob Cessorino. Rob has a podcast and the traders. And we talked about the traders and Survivor. You should have already

seen that in your feed. But if you missed it, it's there. Rob is a joy. and he's a wonder. And then we have another interview that we're doing later today, but we're not going to say who it is in case it falls through. But needless to say, it is another member of the traders. And I think you guys are going to want to hear this one. So keep eyes and ears out for that. Video on Patreon, joy on Patreon, love on Patreon, patreon. Patreon.com slash watchwork crapans. And that is that, Ronnie. What do you say? Um, nothing. Well, the, the computer updated itself and now I can't, um, move. I can't drag things. Oh my God, I just figured it out. So during your, during your opening, I figured out how to turn on drag again with three fingers on my track pad. And now I'm okay. I was about to lose my shit. Yeah. But look, this is crap. We will never lose the ability to drag things. That's, I know. That's like my biggest, that's the only thing I have in life is dragging stuff. So don't take it away from.

me, please. No computer will deprive us of that. So Southern Charm, we are in Mexico still. And last time, as you may remember, Craig lost his shit in the van and screamed at Sally for really no good reason. I mean, she

basically was like, you got bang, your bangs are in your eyes. And he's like, shut the phone up. You're like the fucking worse. Everyone hates you, man. Right after yelling at Vanita. Yeah. So he was, he's having a great, uh, great track record there. I'm shocked at all the people standing up for Craig. Even after last, you know, then I thought, okay, well, maybe they'll be different if it's

Sally. Like maybe, you know, yeah, maybe they just don't like Vanita or something. But no, they're still like Craig's the main thing. Yeah, it's actually kind of shocking. So, um, and I just give to that, I just give Charlie slick. Oh. Still my favorite face. I know. It's not just that she's frowning,

is that she's also sort of like hunched over into her front. It's so amazing. It's like definitely like that that look needs to be up for a crappy next year if we remember. So Craig is like, oh, so now we're sad at how we get punched back. Oh. And Rodrigo's like,

stop the shit, dude, girlfriend. You guys can cry all you want. we already know the fucking issues. And I was like, Sally, he does not deserve your tears. Stop crying. Don't cry. Don't give him the tears.

Sally, it's the same. She's like, he's fucking crazy. We had chickens together. I'd still marry him. I'd still marry him. I forgive him. He's so thankful when he's mad. So now it's 1222.

By the way, Craig looks, I mean, Craig is the epitomey of Coke bloat right now. His face is bloated. It's red. He looks disgusting. And I think a lot of people, another comment I'm seeing a lot, it's like, poor Craig, you know, Paige really, you know, put him into a spiral and now he fell off the wagon. You guys, alcoholism. Alcohol does not make you a terrible person.

Okay? It like lightens up your filters a little bit, but or eases your filters or ever, but it doesn't just turn you into a terrible. Craig is a terrible person. The alcohol just like takes off the rose colored glasses for the rest of us. So stop with this. Stop blaming alcohol for everything. Justice for Tito's. Can we also, like, not blame Paige for Craig falling off the wagon.

He, like, voluntarily, like, took a step. He told the wagon to stop and took a few steps off of it. And also, why do you think Paige left? Okay. Do you, do you, what about this episode makes you think, like, that there was any good reason for Paige to stay? I mean, we all know that he treated her like this behind the scenes at some point. Like, she basically alluded to it.

And then it's like, oh, it's her fault that he's acting this way. She left because of this behavior. So they arrive at the hotel and Craig storms out. And he's like, get me out of this fucking shit. Wait, what's your problem? Oh, you're the one. Oh, it's hard for you being on this van. Oh, really?

Yeah, sorry. You're the one who's ruining this van. And so I was like, who's the most. You're the one who farted in the van, sir. You're the one who dealt it. and then you're complaining about being the one that smelled it. Yeah, you probably smell like dip too, let's be honest. So where's the hotel?

Craig's so drunk, he doesn't even realize where the hotel is, even though they stopped at the front of the hotel. At the hotel. So everyone comes out and Rodrigo is just like, oh my God, her fucking ride was insane. Yeah, Rodrigo,

way to do nothing as usual, okay, except gossip and start problems and fucking do nothing when it comes down to it. Nothing. Except go, whoa, move your eyes around like that. Come on, Rodrigo. Yeah, Wittener and Veneta are like, what happened?

And Sally's like, he went fucking nuts, which is funny because I want fucking nuts. Austin's nuts. You know, Charlie's like, yeah, I mean, for no fucking reason, too. I mean, it was like crazy. It was like, went crazy, guys. And Sally's like, I didn't even say a goddamn thing. And like, yeah, she didn't really even say anything this time. Whitney's like, what the fuck happened?

There were cameras there, right? Right. Well, you go, you're a fucking loser and I don't want to be friends with you. You're fucking full of shit. And I'm like, fuck you, fucking asshole. I'm killing popcorn after this. I'm killing popcorn. Popcorn's dead.

Mellon gets to stay in cantaloupe too, but popcorn you're gone. Popcorn never fit in anyway. Wendy is like, well, I'm sorry to hear that whole mother. It was awful. And I'm like, guess he's rotting him off me. Fuck you, Craig. Little fucking bass. And Rodrigo's like, oh my God, girl, girlfriend, snap.

So everyone goes to their rooms. Gay exclamation, gay exclamation. Salva garments. I'm sucks to have a friend yell you like that. Like, I generally am her. Like, wait, where's our key? I think I have our key. Where's our key? Charlie's like, oh my God, it should not be this hard.

Just, oh my God, just let me do it. Hold on, it'll open with my face. Dora's like She does Charlie does have like perfect like bottle opener face Like she could like you could turn her face Into a little bottle opener and snap the tops off of bottles

I mean I know you're making a joke But I live in Texas and people really do use their face to open bottle sometimes That's true She also makes like the perfect Charlie Brown crying face She does Because it's exactly peanuts You good? It's like that giant line of the

Snoopy, Winnie strangling Snoopy and Snoopy's like Yeah, she basically is a peanut's character. So I was like, guys, the smoke a drunk sick, please. And when he's like, oh, well, mercy, Boku,

what the fuck happened in the fucking ride by the wall? It's like, Craig's insane. It was just him going off. It was bad. It was bad, bro. Yeah, I don't, I don't know what the fuck is going on with Craig. He goes from,

Bruce Banner to the Incredible Hulk in a millisecond. I'm like, does Bruce Banner also do the same thing? Isn't that the nature of Bruce Banner? He goes from Bruce Banner to the Incredible Hulk in a millisecond. Yeah, I guess he's just saying he's the Incredible Hulk. Not like Bruce Banner takes his time. Not like Bruce Banner's like, you know what? I'm getting a little longer.

Oh, I'm certainly a little green guys. Just get about 10 minutes and I'm probably going to become a real menace to you all. So probably should start getting out of the way. Yeah, he's just spoiling. He's just spoiling the Hulk. For those of you haven't seen it. Thanks a lot, Whitney. So, Shep is with Molly, and he's like,

oh, if Charlie doesn't see the riding on the wall, I mean, that's on her. I mean, big time. It's like, yeah, literally. I mean, God, there's so many lessons I've learned that people were telling me about, you know, but I had to find out for myself. So did I?

Yeah. And, you know, is this going to stick for Charlie? I don't fucking know. She's probably too, ba. I know. Which she actually says today and I love. I know. During a spiritual ceremony.

Like, yes, that's exactly what this ceremony needs. A euphonium. So it's the next morning and Sally and everyone's passed out. Everyone's asleep. People are waking up, you know, the usual sort of footage of like, oh, my God, they had a hard night. And then Shep goes to, at 10 a.m., Shep goes to knock on Greg's door. He's like, knock, knock, knock, little boy knocking. Hey, Craig, it's Shep.

Just answer me real quick. Do you want to go fishing? with us. No answer. Craig, it's Shep. Blink twice if you hear me. Karsha, I can't see you blinking. Are you blinking? I think he's blinking. He's alive. Okay. I'll see you later. So then he goes over to Shep's room and, um, uh, no, Austin's room, sorry. He's like, oh, it's good to wake you up like this. I'm jumping on you. Oh, it's been so long since we've woken up in bed together. Oh gosh, Craig won't answer his door. He must hate himself right now. Austin's like, uh, does he though?

Probably, yeah. When have you ever seen Craig hate himself? He's never taken responsibility for anything. Yeah, I'm sorry. That requires some sort of self-awareness, and we're still waiting for that ship to arrive in the port. So, Shep is like, gosh, I know what he's going through. Boy, do I know what he's going through?

I just want to be kind of, Craig, because I've been there before. And you need more support than you ever know. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial. I always feel like after you berate a woman on a bus savagely, you need a lot of support because it takes a lot out of you. And cats, abusive assholes just need hugs. Really? Just need hugs.

Yeah, but I don't want him to feel like a pariah. I want him to be relaxed. Whoa. I think this chef is focusing on the wrong people to feel bad for. I mean, quite insane right now. You know, I feel bad for Sally. I mean, Craig does not have a conscience, so I just don't see Craig feeling bad. I have a hot take.

I think Craig should feel like a pariah. I think that's like literally what should happen. And I don't think he should relax. I think he should feel like an outcast as the consequence of his actions. And like, for real, like, if you do that to someone, you should feel like you've done something bad. You've broken a social pact with your group. and that there are like repercussions to it, not like, he probably feels so bad.

He just wants to be supported. Poor crang. Like, I understand it's like a little, it's a little nuanced because when it comes to substance abuse, you want to support people in getting the help that they need, yada, yada, yada. But I also think, but he's still a jackass.

You still get thrown in jail for a DUI. They don't hug you on the way out. You know what I mean? You're not like, oh, wait on. You have a substance abuse issues? give me a hug, it's okay, go. No, you get consequences for your fucking actions, fucking Craig.

Craig want that. You'll get the hug after you do your work first, which is apologizing and show some contrition for how you behaved. And then you'll get the support. But you don't get the support before the victim gets the support. Ma'am. Craig, ma'am.

So Austin is. I know. I hope he has to go to court and the jury is Sally and it me, though. Sally would be an annoying juror. Sally would just be waving at all the lawyers. Hey lawyer. Looks like you got an advanced degree.

I'm a doctor. She would be one of the, she basically would be like in the porno. It's like the juror. It's like, you who, I can't have but watching. You got a firm case. You. What kind of children would a lawyer

and a robot surgeon might? Thank you. The chef is like, gosh, I just want him to go fishing with me. Well, what did he say when you asked him? Well, I knocked and he didn't answer because that would be, you know, a nice little raspit from him just to, like, get away from this very stressful trip to beautiful Porto Vyarta, where the weather is beautiful and we're doing nothing but swimming and enjoying alcohol. He needs a break. It's just been so stressful for him With all the nothing he's had to do

You know, it's just me and Wittner at the moment You want to come with us, Austin? He's like, uh, shut up. As much as fishing sounds amazing, I'm gonna bass. I'm gonna bass. Garsh, all right, or is they say in Cuba, Alretio.

So then Sally is... As they say in Cuba, Gorsho. Wow. Garshacito. Don't you want to come on? on a boat and watch other people bait my fish for me and then cast a line for me and then just watch me take it out of the water to take a selfie on Instagram with it. Seriously.

I love that Austin called that so well the last time when Shep didn't know how to bait and he's or I guess Wittner, whoever it was was like, yeah. Yeah, I think Shep just goes on rich people trips where he doesn't actually do anything except stand there and take pictures with the fish because that's exactly what he does today. That's what he did. He was like running around like he was on a game show going to each rod and Big. Um, so Sally is talking to Madison. How's the baby?

Baby's good. Good. Oh, my good. Gosh, that baby's so cute. How's Hudson? Hey, Hudson's a little nervous. I'm already turning into a beta because he's like, she's just, you know, she's just so little and he's like, I'm scared. I'm like, how are you scared of the baby? God, damn it, you're supposed to be an alpha. Hudson. Why aren't you an alpha? God, and this is why you have to get another child because you need to see who's the

alpha and who's the beta. So we're learning things. You guys in Mexico? It's like, yeah, I miss you so much. You know, me so much has been going on. Well, I'll start with, I made out with Austin. She's like, oh, shut up, when? Well, like every night it's been here. Well, I knew that's what you wanted.

Yeah, it is. Well, it sounds like you're off to a great trip. Yeah, it's been really fun, but Craig was crazy last night. I don't know what sent him off, but he's aren't screaming at me. Like, what is wrong with him? Yeah, well, he's. He's just not born for corn. He's really good at making you believe that he's not that way.

And then split second, it can turn, which is why we always accept them back into the friend group. Yeah. And Sally's scared of Craig. She's like, no one holds him accountable because he's fucking scary. You know, heck and stock of like that? That boy's a mess. That's not good. And what are y'all doing today?

Y'all have plans? She's like, well, we're, you know, there's a retreat in the mountain. Something called the Swell Lodge. She's like, oh, Jesus. God, it's a good year to be pregnant. Fuck that. Let me know if Craig starts fuming at the mouth and his eyes are in red. She's like, okay.

I mean, before the sweat, lodge, that could happen. Okay. He already is foaming at the mouth. His eyes already are red. So Charlie comes outside and they talk and Sally asks if she's talked to Craig. And she's like, not at all because I don't want to deal with that. I mean, you know, it's crazy. I mean, if you could like apologize, I mean, that's what needs to happen.

And of course, Charlie's like, you know, I mean, I hope that Craig apologizes to like all of us in the band. I mean, you didn't have a problem with him yelling at Venita and you're not even going too hard for Sally. You're like, I deserve an apology. Yeah. I love that Charlie's like, you know who deserves an apology and all of this? Me. Well, I'll say to you, first they came for the Venita and I said nothing. And then they came for the Sally and I said nothing.

and then they came for me and I ate chips and guacamole still said nothing really. I don't know where they're saying it's supposed to go, but it's not really worth it. Then they came for the local artist in Charleston whose art hangs in his wall, on his wall.

And I said, thank you for buying that. So, Charlie's like, I can hang that for you. I'm really good with nails. Hi, so what are you doing? You want to come to yoga and say,

like, no, go find your inner peace. I'm going to go find. Oh, Tell the girls I say, hey. So then Molly, Vanita, and Charlie are going to yoga. But Charlie's late. She gets there for like the calm down part, which is the best part. Well, actually, it's the worst part because this lady does sit down calming where you have to sit really straight with your hands in prayer. I hate sitting.

Sitting down like that is literally the hardest thing. I can't do it. I agree. I agree. I need to lay down. I like the lay down. Where they're like, lay down. Just think about nothing.

That's, I love that part of yoga. That's the best. When it's killer and then you get to do the corpse pose. You know, because like, if you were like, I remember like as a kid, like when you go to sleep over and you like sleep on someone's floor because there's like, obviously not enough space for like on beds. And it's like, it hurts so much to sleep on the floor. But with yoga, by the time you get to the part where you're on corpse pose, it just feels so good. I'm like, I could sleep her for hours. I know that's, that would be if I wrote the commerce, if I wrote the.

comma, et cetera. If it was like comma setra by Ronnie, it would just be a hundred pages of the corpse pose. And weakers in different places, you know, like maybe like a weiner here, a weiner there, but it would just always be one figure in the corpse pose. It's the best. Yeah. Corpse pose is weeners. You know what I really like is that there's that one pose where if you take you take like the two blocks and you put like one block like tall behind your head and you put one block sort of like sort of second tier on like under your backs. You're sort of like you're hoisted up a little bit on the blocks. But if you put them in the right position,

it's so comfortable. Like that is a dream, that position. A real dream. Yeah. So think about that, everyone. By the way,

uh, to all those people. Just, just contemplate that. I was wondering where I was going. No, it's just gone to relaxation. I just wanted to reflect this episode about healing.

Um, Just for everyone doing the corpse pose right now wondering, God, I hope Ronnie's Dragon Drop is working. It's not still. Apple take care of this. I'm serious. Wait, why is your Dragon Drop not working?

I'm sorry. Because the computer automatically updated itself and that feature stopped working. And then I went into the settings where it told me from the Google A to go on there. And it still is not working. I have never. Wait, why would they disable Dragon Drop? I don't think they disabled it. I think it just doesn't.

It's not working. right. It's enabled in my settings. I saw it. I reenabled. It was disabled and I reenabled it. And it's still not doing it. Should we stop this podcast and I'll restart my computer? Sounds like you're dragging and you're about to drop Apple. It's important. You guys. Do you know how many times I drag and drop my window between while we're recapping? That's what I do. That's like my nervous energy. I just drag a window to the right. Then I drag it back to the left. Then I drag it back to the right. Then I make it bigger. Then I make it smaller. Come on. on, man. You are talking like a Bravo star in the sense of like when a Bravo star like gets

upset about something they make they're like they announce that that thing is their thing. Like dragging and dropping like that's like my thing. Everyone knows. I love to drag and drop on my computer. Like that's like my signature thing. And like they're taking that away from me. Yeah. They're ruining my fucking line. I'm dragging and dropping right now because you made me realize that this experience is fleeting and could be taken away from me at any moment. So I'm doing some unnecessary dragging and dropping of my window at the moment. Wait, but are you three fingers? doing it on your track pad. Oh, I'm using a proper mouse.

No, it's a easier situation. You have to have the track pad thingy, the external track pad, and then you can use it like a track pad and you drag it drop with the three fingers. That makes a hugely more sense. I was like, what are you talking about? You can't drag and drop when it's with gestures in your fingertips. Three finger drag and drop. I need to do it.

Three finger drag and drop. Do you have two in? the track pad and one in the stink. That's how you guys use your three fingers. Can I complain about something else? Because this episode really has nothing going on. I ordered a couple of shirts from T-moon. One was supposed to be a Chateau-Marmont t-shirt, which was really cute.

And the other was supposed to say salty. Be like salt, you know, the salt thing. I like that meme. So I got those. There were like $3 or whatever because it's T-Moon. One says, I drink Bush and I, wait, it says something. like I drink Bush all day and all night I

bang well it would be Bush right I bang butts or something I'm like what what is this shirt wait it's not even close that's not there's like nothing in your order that has anything to do with bush

or banging that's wild where did that even come from that's wild that's a hilarious that's a hilarious a drink bush and a bang butts it's like what the fuck is this shirt

that's a park right from Chateau Marmont whatever yeah why were you getting a Chateau Marmont shirt just look cool it was in my suggested things and it was $3 and I was like that's cute okay so yeah because it was the logo from I don't know whatever okay so they're doing yoga so she shows up

to the end of yoga and Sally's like Sally leaves okay so now they're talking so Molly's like, yeah, after last night's festivities, like, I needed yoga. I mean, this is fuckery. And Charlie's like, yeah, this was nice. This was great. You know, that last post that I was here for, that was really fun. And Vinita's like, yeah, it was nice. I mean, Craig should have been at this yoga, right? I mean, not with us, but by himself, maybe. Molly's like, yeah, no, I don't need my vibe fucked. So thanks. I mean, it does suck, though, because I feel like in the past, whenever I have seen him like, overreact or, you know, when him and Austin got into it, different things.

things like that and such and whatnot and who not. It just, it's been about something. But seriously, last night, it was about nothing. And it was like, I am not interested in this. So Molly's like, um, so is this the straw that broke the camel's back? And, you know, Charlie was like, the camel's broken. No. Doing her frown face.

No, the camel, not the camel. I like Charlie okay overall. I do like her. I take issue with this, what she just said. You know, whenever, whenever, because she's talking to Vanita, and she's like, well, you know, whenever I've seen Craig going off in the past, at least he's had a reason, that's not cool because you're talking to the other woman that he just screamed at. And yes, Vanita was like kind of poking at him through Austin, but nobody deserves that shit.

And I don't like that. And also, if you want to get to it there, you, Sally was kind of poking at him through you, because you were going to Craig being like, oh, Craig. You know, Sally, I just have to be careful around Sally because you get so upset, which was pissing Craig off. So if we're going to excuse everything Craig does because he's being, you know, given reason to, then you gave him reason to too. I mean, if you want to look at it that way, which is a terrible way to look at it. No one gave anybody reason to act like that. Craig is just an asshole. So stop excusing it until it happens to you, Charles.

Charlie, you've been dragged and dropped. I did that with three fingers. Take my advice out. Like, you listen to here, Charlie. I've had it. You need to get a stinger for that. I need to find the stinger as soon as possible for the next time I say drag and drop. The only stinger I have loaded up is this one from Heather Dubrow.

It just doesn't work the same. No. So then we go over to Austin and Sally. there at the swim bar. Where else will they be? Am I right? And they're talking about Madison. And he's like, well, I mean, I only knew that you talked to her because she texted me and called me a little slut.

So, it's pretty funny. Yeah, this is super funny. So Sally is like, you are a little slut. I'm not a little slut. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Aren't I who? But no, she's doing really well.

She wanted to know everything. I was like, Madison, we needed you here, except for right here between my vagina and your penis. Oh, Austin. So then Rodrigo joins. And he's like, guys, hey, girlfriends, fill me in on the tea. I slept until noon. And so I was like, Rodrigo, we're on a date. Get yourself lost.

This is a date girlfriend. She's, I'm kidding. And then a visual that I'm surprised we haven't had on this show already. But in some ways we really have an iguana just goes swimming right through the pool. How few was that? That was so funny. It was like I'm just taking my morning. Like it knew how to get out and everything.

It jumped into the deep end. Just took like his little head was above the water. He was like, it was doing the breaststroke. It was a lovely day. You know when you go to the pool and there's always like a lady doing the breaststroke in there sort of like at her head's above the water. She doesn't want to get her hair. It's like, you know, that's what the iguana reminded me of like, excuse me, I'm just doing my breaststroke.

This is how I stay young. I made it all the way to the end and just like gracefully walked up the steps. I was like, oh, all right, have a good day. Everybody. The tourists are about to arrive. That iguana was the sally of iguanas. It was like, you, ooh. Look at me.

You're bathing diva. So, Sally asks if anyone's talked to Craig. He's like, no, I don't think anywhere else. He was in his room and he locked the door. Well, you didn't like peek in and make sure he was good. Oh, he locked the door. Okay, I guess you can't do. And you didn't go around to the window?

You know what I do sometimes. So people lock their door. I'll go through the air conditioner ducts. All you have to do is two little screws. Just crawl right in there, go right. Sally, sound like a stalker. Hmm. When that side of Craig comes out, I don't want to be anywhere near.

I mean, that was the most insane thing I've ever seen. Thank God, popcorn wasn't here. I honestly don't even think I don't want to put words in Charlie's mouth, but she was disgusted. She was disgusting. I don't want to put words in Charlie's mouth, but it does open quite a bit. It's very easy to put things in there I have found. But I'm going to refrain. I'll refrain.

She's caught already every bug in Mexico in that mouth, poor things. You don't have room for more words. Well, you say something to him and he refuses to hear it. Well, maybe he'll be open to hearing after the healing retreat. Sure. Yep. Sure. That's Craig's known for that.

Is it a lobotomy? Like, what is this? I love that everyone acts like they're going to meditate for one day and everything's going to be fine. It's going to take more than that. So now Wittner is on the fishing boat with Shep and they're talking about Craig. And Wittner's like, yeah, I mean, I tried to talk to him because Sally left the other van like Shell Shocked. and Charlie had never seen anything like that. So I was like, man, are you okay?

And he was like, oh, he couldn't even walk. He couldn't even walk. He was like, Shep at BravoCon. Wait, that's me. He was like an iguana taking a swim. Couldn't even walk. So when there's like, yeah, I mean, just like a storm pending, like in his eye, you know, and I know that look because my mom is an anarchist.

So Shep is like, gosh, well, I think he's. He just got a head of steam yesterday. A big head of steam. I'm like, he had a head of alcohol and who knows what else. It wasn't just steam. I'll tell you that much. I just don't think it's time to pile on. Look, when I got kicked out of boarding school,

my mom came up and packed up my shit in the middle of senior year. And she was like, I'm not even going to say anything because I know how bad you feel. No one's as hard as you are on yourself. Or at least that's how it should be. And look how you turned out, chef. I know, yeah, your mom, I don't know that anyone would credit your parents with doing a great job, honestly. Yeah. I don't know that anybody's sending your mom cards like, wow, you know what?

You've done a great job with chef. He is just thriving out there. Also, I'm sure his mom was in the car. Look, anyone putting themselves in the mom's shoes knows how that mom was thinking. She was like, oh, my God, I totally understand how the boarding school feels because I'm the one who sent him there in the first place to get out of my house. Now where are we going to send this fucker? Yeah. Also, the whole, like, when I got kicked out of boarding school, it's such a funny way to start it.

Like, gosh, you know, we all make mistakes. You know, when you yell at a girl or you get kicked out of your boarding school. Kicked out of your boarding school is not nothing, I'd like to add. You just sort of, oh, it's just that thing. You know, you feel bad. I'm not going to say anything because I know you feel bad. I don't think he feels bad that he got kicked out of boarding school. He's going to say that right now.

And of course, he's a man on Bravo. So guess what his remedy for everything is? More drugs. You know, if someone has a drug and alcohol problem, what would really help them is going on a drug retreat. So let's try some ayahuasca. It's like, yeah, ayahuasca really helped me a lot. I've seen no pre-in-that.

Yeah, I got. What? Can you believe I was kicked out at boarding school just for trying to lead an an ayahuasca retreat in the middle of history class? So then Craig meets up with Whitney and Whitney's like, well, thanks for making me shoot a scene. I'm really not supposed to have to do that. I'm here in a black jean jacket for a summer lunch. Okay.

What happened last night? And he's like, oh, I'm okay. Did you that? Are we going to have some nice lunch? I got your favorite. Coke. Where is it? That's a diet Coke.

God damn it. Craig's trying to snort the soda. Are you trying to drown me? Do we have a server? Can I yell at her? He's like, y'all, I mean, I ordered you a bunch of little stanky poos. How did you sleep? He's like, fine.

I slept. I mean, yesterday it was a long one. Yeah, um, was that maybe one of the underlying reasons why you got a bit, agitated last night? I'm crazy. I mean, I'm perfectly imperfect. I was like, shut up. What?

What hogwash is that? Who told you that? perfectly imperfect. Was your chat GPT therapist giving you some advice again? Please can you not lead with like a coy expression from a coffee mug at Marshalls? Come on. At the end of the day, you get Cokeheads for Coke beans. And, um, you know, after like drinking for 12 hours, you know, probably maybe I shouldn't do that anymore. Like, I don't like freaking out and getting agitated like I did last night. Like, I hate that about me. And, you know, it's a good reminder that there's always, you know, it's a good reminder that there's always things to improve on.

Yeah. I mean, of course, you have to actually improve to improve. But it's a good reminder that there's a potential for improvement, even though you will not be taking any steps in that direction. But thanks for the reminder. Yeah, he's like, maybe I didn't have to react like that. But like, I mean, I fucked up once in two years. Craig, that's like your third or that's like your fourth or fifth time this season,

now that I can't through my head. It's your second time on this trip. What are you talking about? Fully unrepentant. So, uh, Whitney's like, you do, look,

we all do stupid shirt. Oh, okay. Look at my mustache. So maybe we, you should apologize. He's like, to who?

Um, I hate this guy. Maybe there's Sally. She's like, seems like no matter what happens. You can always count on Sally to be like, right there. I'm like,

oh, so this was Sally's fault, everyone. He still believes it. No matter. what happens when you're yelling at people at Sally's fault. Okay.

Like, it's so crazy. Like, whenever I'm screaming at someone, there's Sally. And there's you, screaming. That's the problem, you dips shit. So Whitney's like, what do you mean, Craig? And he's like, I genuinely believe

that if she wasn't involved at me and Charlie would probably be further along. No, I think you'd be, first of all, there's no set timeline. any of it. And second of all, you would be further along

if you didn't yell at Sally in front of the girl you were trying to woo. Yeah, exactly. So Whitney's like, oh, got it. You know, I would give you advice, but being a good person would make you terrible on this show, so I'm just going to sit here and enable you for a little while. Just say, I shot a scene with him.

Just shout everybody up. Okay. And Craig's like, I don't know what, what then? No, I was just going to say, mother, oh, keep going running. Yeah, I don't know what the answer is. Whitney's like, well, as I say, Pride goes before the fall.

So, well, yeah, because Pride's in, like, summer and then fall is in, like, the fall. Duh. Duh. Like, what are you trying to tell me, like, okay? I like that he says he gives this quote to Craig, and then Craig does not get it at all. He's like, yeah. Anyway, Shep told me. He doesn't know what that means.

no idea. No idea. It's like Brad goes before the fall. Sure. Commercials. Here comes one right now. So then Craig returns to the other bros and the guys. They're done from their fishing.

We did see a little bit of their fishing, as you mentioned, which was, as you also mentioned, that the fish would, they were just on a boat. The fish would get on the lines. And then Shep would run over to the line. They'd pull up. And these little shiny fish. we're like what is

happening who is this boozy smelling man holding me I can't breathe and there's this person who has strange teeth and looks way too old

for who he for what his age is and he's holding me what is my life I know that I might be eaten today but do I have to be eaten by someone that's going to eat me with their mouth open

I mean come on give me some respect this is also the only show ever on Bravo where they are not humane to the fish because normally when they go fishing on Bravo, they're like, okay, well, since we're on TV, we'll throw the fish back, but Shep just throws it in the cooler. It's like, oh, nope, that fish is going to be eaten. That fish is not going to live. Yeah,

didn't even bang him on the head first. He was just like suffocate. Bye. Um, he was like, you will be eaten. Nope. Well, they did do it last time they showed Shep fishing. They took it off the hook, but they're like jerking the hook out of the mouth. I'm like, how many busted ass fish have gone back into the water after Shep was been there. It's like the reverse Bravo. You know, they come back with busted lips instead of bigger lips. It's like, what happened to you? You got bravoed. Your face is

fucked. Such a shiny fish. And then later, I think really right now, Craig's like howl is fishing and Ships like, gosh, we caught three fish. It's called a Skipjack. They were tiny. Skipjack, isn't that when you decide not to masturbate for the

day? Yeah. And so the winner's like, he's like, what have you've been up to today. And he's like, I just went to lunch with Whitney. Oh, really? What did Whitney have to say? Well, let's just put it this way. We're not doing a skipjack.

Oh, damn it. Whitney got you too, huh? Yeah, got to keep my job. Well, we talked about all the healing we're going to do today. Wittner's like, uh, huh? Well, that's not how you approach healing, okay? Gotta be more serious about it. It's healing.

So now the girls are getting, ready for their healing. It's kind of funny because they're making themselves look all nice, knowing that they're about to sweat their faces off. And the girls got together. And then Vinita, like, Craig is like, hey, Charlie, are you excited? She's like, totally. But then she gets into a different van because she's unhappy with Craig. So it's like, I'm not going in his van. I'm going to PTSD's. That's the only kind of D I don't like. So Austin's like, hey, you sure you don't want to go with that one. I'm trying to say, no, no, God, please.

So now they go into the vans and head towards the healing session. And Whitney is like, oh, I went to this weird, like super progressive private school, Washington, D.C., kindergarten through K. I mean, yeah, K through 12, sorry. And I was taught by hippies, so I fucking hate the Grateful Dead. Fucking hippies. So I turned to punk rock instead. Stupid hippies, fucking progressive bullshit school. nothing says punk rock like an angry private schooler

so i found punk when i got mad at the people at private school k-12 i found punk rock when i wasn't invited to the ambassador's son's birthday party rah so we get a spiritual leader named vagueria Ruben is their mescal guide. Okay. A mescal guide?

What kind of healing is this? It's delicious. My family running this healing. I love this. It's like, all right, everybody, we're going to heal. This is the hottie who's going to be leading your healing. Let's get shit-faced. Okay.

So, Shep tells us, they start doing this thing where you stand there and you hold your arms out and they take like incense or something and sort of like guide it all around your armpits and stuff. And Shep was like, before I did I. They did two days of the stuff. Just all I get you in the mood. I'm like, I feel like normally it's like a 10 minute process. But with Shep, they're like, we're going to really need to spend some time with this one. There's a lot of toxins we got to clear out. They were saging you, Shep.

They wouldn't let you into the retreat until they'd sage two years of shit out of you. So Victoria is, this isn't the thing with the bowls, right? That's later. That's later. This is just the initial. Oh, because I love that lady. Because that lady talks like this. She's like, welcome everybody.

Welcome to our spirit with the bull. Yeah, I loved her. Like every final word, every last word in the sentence, she's like, and now breathe deep. She definitely kind of had camp counselor vibes meet spiritualism. But this was her too. It was the same person. She was leading things.

So she led like this part and then she led the massages. Then she came back for the sound bath. Oh, okay. So it is, sir. So, okay, today we're going to have a beautiful day for manifesting what we want in our life, mainly opening the heart. She's so sexy about it. She was like, oh, Victoria.

Hello, everyone. So then Victoria is like, well, I think we're all cleansed and blessed, and we have hypiscus tea here in a little hot. And also, if you want to grab some water, please do. Because whenever you're done, we can take a seat. We'll start the beautiful sweat. large ceremony, which is called a Tamazcal.

You know that like, they probably just all heard Takate and they're like, yes, sweet beer. So then this guy, Rubin, comes out, he's got long, flowy hair and he's like very hippy and he talks about like, it's going to clean the body and the mind

and their spirit. I'm like, just start with the guys and give them all a bath. This is some of charm. These guys need a bath. Everybody would feel better with the shower. You know, commercials where they show how Don gets rid of oil on birds' feathers from oil spills. Like, we need just to do that with these men

spiritually and also physically. Let's do some oil spill treatment on them. And so the sweat lodge is going to be an hour in 15 minutes, which is cray, cray. When she said that, I was like, oh, I'm not doing it. I also had flashbacks to Gina Christian Heiter going into a sweat lodge in Orange County a few years ago. And like, I'm going to die.

Yeah, she got all traumatized. Yeah, she was like sobbing. and dying. Oh, that's great. I can't even make it 10 minutes in a sauna. So I don't know how these people are doing it. Yeah, I was impressed. I felt like it must have actually felt amazing when you come out of it.

You probably felt like so light and after you take your shower. Probably was wonderful. But good God, an hour and 15 minutes. And also there's stories of people who die in these things. I would be one of those. I would die. I have high blood pressure. I can't go in there.

No. Yeah, like I feel like there was a story back a few years ago. Oh, I guess it's 2009 when there was a deadly sweat lodge ceremony in Sedona, Arizona, led by a self-help author. And like several people died. Oh, because they did an hours long sweat lodge. Well, that's stupid. Hours long? That's crazy.

How many hours? Well, this one's an hour in 15 minutes. I mean, what are you going to call him stupid when they all die in here? Let's see. Let's test it. I don't know how long it was. I'm going to look, but that's scary. That's too scary for me.

Yeah. So Craig, they go in there. And Craig's like, I can already feel the heat. And Ruben's like, this is a place where we bond is a family. Okay, bro. You don't have to talk like that too. Okay, it's only sexy with Victoria, does it? He's like, well, it's good that we're bonding because we all hate each other in here.

Oh, wow. So guys. To the sacred space and when we're going in the Temascar, we're going in the Mother of Earth womb. Wow. I always wanted a baby. Now I get to be the baby. I'm not paying you to crawl into a womb. I don't care whose it is.

Yeah. I think wombs have a one way path. Okay. So. Mother Earth's like get out of my womb. I've already birthed you. Exit. Oh,

Exit only. Mother Earth is like, this is not my womb. This is my armpit. You guys are crawling into my armpit right now. So they go into this. They go in and they start, they have like a GoPro in there. It's actually like a pretty, it's crazy. I think they did the exact same setup with Orange County.

They've sort of stuck a GoPro in the wall. They're like, we're not going to make our cameraman go to the sweat lodge. So you just sort of see them sitting there in the dark and they're all just, they're just going through it. It's going and it's going and going. And finally, after like about 30 minutes, Craig's like, that's enough for me. That's good enough for me. I'm going to go now.

I like how, what do you recommend I do now? And then Ruben, the guy's like, well, you know, at this point, this is a place where we face our own fears. And many moments of our life, there are moments where you can't get out. So really, you're battling with yourself right now. Craig's like, yeah, I'm going to go. I'm going to succumb to the battle. It's like, no thank you. I get claustrophobic.

I'm not great in sodas. So, bye. And Rubin's like, try to chat with me, everybody else. And so I was like, oh, where's my throat? I need this. So then Vanita. You, who, you who, you who. I thought we were chanting.

I thought it was funny how they all come out when they come out. They're all just quiet because, I mean, it was a lot, you know, and they're all quiet. And then they start talking and they're like, oh, my God, that was the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced. Oh my God. That like changed my life. It was like so, oh my God,

my spirit has never felt so good. And Sally's like, my throat burns. The whole thing goes over to Sally's head. I know. She's just like her. She's basically like, wow,

I had a sweaty moment with Austin. I think we're really getting close. No. So now they shower. The other people are getting massages. We didn't talk about that, but they all get massages. And we get a nice peek at,

Whitney is very, very pale body. And then he really does not go into the sun. It's true. So they take the sham of a pale body. Oh my gosh. I'm not shaming. I'm just saying I'm remarking. I'm remarking.

You know what I'm doing? I'm dragging and I'm dropping. I'm dragging and dropping on that on that pale body. Unfortunately, it's not working. Do I need a fourth finger? Drag and drop. So, yeah, I got rid of that. Fuck of hippies.

Punk rock. That's some middle school punk rock. So now it's afterwards. They take their shower and Sally's asking if Charlie's okay. And Charlie's like, yeah, I just, I don't, I don't give a fuck about anything at all. And Tyler's like, I do too. I feel like I'm just cleansed of everything. Like, my brain is empty.

And Charles, like, empty. Yeah, empty. I'm like, listen, I hate to break it to you guys. You probably didn't need a sweat lodge for any of us to tell you that. I know. When she said, my brain is empty. I just said, we know, Sally, we know. Also, I'm thinking about Austin in the shower.

You-hoo. Reverse you-hoo. Ooh-hoo. Quick try about you-hoo. So she runs to Austin. He's in the shower. And he's like, oh, I'm sneaking out of all the things. And meanwhile, Craig, by the way, is sneaking around so he can listen.

He's acting like he's drinking water, but he's like sneaking all over to see he's talking about him. He's all paranoid. And Austin's like, I was thinking about a lot of things. My attention was not like to second guess my decision making. That's where I learned because my decision making has been really, really good. I'm cat dad. I'm cat dad. Wittener's like, desassiveness.

You know what's funny about having to talk to Craig about y'all? That's what he wants for you. And I was like, really? Well, I want him to go to anger management, but we don't know his get what we want. And you see Greg hear him, and he just kind of walks away, like, I'm going to get Austin back. So now it's the next part of the ceremony, and now the thunderstorm is brewing. And Victoria's like, remember, be mindful that once we enter, we're entering into a sacred circle, right? So she gives a speech, and like everybody gets comfortable, let's sit in a circle.

We're going to create a safe spy some guy. It was actually like a wonderfully shot scene. Like the colors were beautiful. You could feel the warmth and the humidity in the air. It felt very like. It felt it would feel the warmth. You could feel the humidity. It was very woo-woo.

But in a way that I was like, I kind of want to do it. Like, I'm not going to lie. It looked sort of like a fun thing. And I was surprised that they all had buy-in because this crew here, I mean, you never know with the Southern Charmed people. So she has this whole speech. What did you say? What is buy-in?

They all have buy-in. Meaning that they all bought into this idea. Like, no one was like, this is stupid. This is silly. Why are we doing this? Sitting around in a circle. Like, there was no jacks there. Like, they all were like, okay, we're going to do this.

We're going to, like, have a sound bath and feel something. I thought that was kind of cool. I'm not even a woo-woo person like that, but I just thought it was cool that they were into it. So they all sit around in a big circle and there's a storm. I'm like, broughamma, there's like thunder clapping. And I was like, we have offended the odds. The thunder's like, close your mouth when you eat. So, it was funny.

Plac mats are not napkins. It was funny because the lightning starts to happen. And in my mind, I'm like, um, should we move this inside? Because, you know, you know, rain is one thing. But lightning, that could be, that could be dangerous guys. but they don't. And I was like, why aren't you guys moving in? And then fine, they moved it in.

And I just love the musician. Because the musician, there's a guy on the side and he's got like a little microphone and everything. And you can tell he's like, I've got electronics. We have to go inside. It just like runs inside. I don't know. Yeah, the guitar guy was like, I'm fucking out of here.

See you. The spiritual DJ was like, oh, no. Getting this pioneer. The computer scientist was like, I'm packing up my three computers and rolling them inside. Sandra Bullock's like, how am I supposed to type so quick? if my computer's covered in water. I'm out of here. Doc from back to the future is like just trying to connect two wires. Like, damn it.

So they go inside and Victoria is like, okay, welcome to your new circle, guys. Like Victoria, how am I supposed to trust you if you just left me out in a thunderstorm? You didn't take me in until it had already been raining. It was warning you, Victoria. We call this circle. the circle of bad indoor lighting harsh lighting everyone white white bulbs yeah please close your eyes only so that way you don't have to see all the terrible shadows cast on our skin and guys now i'm gonna share cacao with you molly's like oh my god i should have brought my tuba oh um cacao i didn't know cacao was so spiritual i looked it up sure enough it is maybe i should switch switch over to cacao instead of cocoa Oh. What do you think?

What if I come on here, I'm a spiritual. Will you still like me? If you come back as a cacao man instead of a cocoa man. Yeah. What if I came on here? I'm like, guys, this shouldn't make fun of people. We're all one, really at the end of the day. Like, I'm basically Craig.

Like, we're one person. I really understand him. Yeah, cacao is powerful. So they are, they start doing an exercise. We have to close their eyes and, like, walk around. the room without like they're just supposed to walk around and like feel people's

energies and then ultimately find someone and hold hands and wouldn't you know it? Vanita and Craig wind up holding hands and Vanita's like um this is weird and I think the gods are trying to tell me either fix it or get out and I want to get out I was proud of her I was proud of her for not saying I really should fix

things because we did like each other one way she's like no I don't want to fuck with this guy ever again and he doesn't either he's just like squinting and he just like smiles he's like hmm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm so they just break apart and then

I don't know I'm I know this whole thing is always harping on Craig but Jesus Christ would it be so hard to be like Hey Vanita sorry I'll let you you know no things aren't easy but like maybe I don't just something like

he's just such an ass So now they have to walk around with their eyes close and find another partner, which of course leads to Craig and Austin holding hands through this whole speech. And it's a long one. This one's a long one. It's like, our ancestors used to drink cocoa, and they were miserable people. And then someone found cacao and grandma learned how to feel things through her toes up until mother's womb. It's like, okay, Jesus Christ, wrap it up, Victoria, wrap it up. But they open their eyes and Craig and Austin are staring at each other. Yeah, it was as vanilla as you can imagine. It's just staring like, it's insane.

It needs more cacao, am I right? Yeah. This ceremony is very moving. Touching hands with Austin. Is this like fun call back to the memories that kept us friends for so long? Yeah, all those fun memories of when you guys stood and held hands and stared into each other's eyes. Yeah. So they decide to heal.

And then they have to hug each other. And Shep hugs Craig. He's like, I think Craig needed a hug. Who's the most sincere and powerful hug? I've ever given anybody. And then they show him hugging. And he's like, look at me. So sincere.

Sincere face. Why did Craig need a really big hug again? What was that for? Craig is hurting guys. Hurt people, hurt people. So then, okay, I want all of you guys to close into a circle. We're in a circle and now we'll close

your eyes, feel gratitude, deep breath, feel gratitude. And Charlie's like, there's definitely a hope that we can all move forward from and, you know, everything that's happened in the past couple of days. But I think that Craig owes all of us an apology for his behavior and I just don't want to have to tell him that. I want him to kind of come to

that conclusion on his own. I'm like, well, you can either wait for that or you can wait for Haley's comment to come back. I don't know which one will happen first. but enjoy the weights. And Molly's like, do I think this Wu's spiritual journey is going to fix stuff? No, it's going to take more than this.

I did the tube by myself. Yeah. And Wittner's like, it's going to take a lot more than a sweat lodge and some drum circles to exercise these demons. Wittner. What will happen with this fractured grief? Well, next week is the season finale where they will get into formal wear

and have another little masquerade ball in downtown Charleston and yell at each other and fun times will be had by all. But that's great because it also means that as Southern Charm sunsets, the sun rises on Southern Hospitality, which we are recapping next. And good God, if you are not watching this show,

wow. Southern hospitality is, It's so good. And also, just because some of you, I know, don't watch all the shows on Bravo, but this Ladies of Linden reboot is also excellent. I watched both episodes last night. Excellente. We will be covering that. So check out all the new stuff Bravo's got coming down the pike because it's pretty good.

Yeah. But if you're not, if you watch Southern Charm, but not Southern hospitality, might we recommend you stay in Charleston and watch Southern Hospitality? because it is firing so hard that I don't even know what to do with myself. But you know what? I do know what I'm going to do with myself. I'm going to end this and we're going to pick this conversation back up again on that recap. Thanks everyone for being here. We'll catch you the next one.

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