Watch What Crappens - #3250 Ladies of London S4E01: Madam About You

Episode Date: March 7, 2026

Ladies of London is back! The voices are smokier, the scandals juicier, and the pets stranger. Between the magpies and rhinos and madam rumors, there’s a lot to love here. To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and get ad free listening, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to Watch What Crapins, the podcast, about all that crap on Bravo. We love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker, and joining me today is the magpie loving, Ziggy, swallowing Ronnie Karam. How are you, Ronnie? Good. Hello.

Wow, a new season of Ladies of London. It's back, baby. We are so excited. We are covering today the first episode of the two-episode premiere, we will bring the second episode recap on Monday. But for right now, we got the first one. Ladies of London is back. We are thrilled.

We've always been fans of the original. You can actually go back into our archives if you want to hear some of those recaps. But before we dive into this tremendous reboot, let's just give a reminder that you only have one week left to watch the Crappies replay. That's at watchworkcrapins.com. If you want to check that out, after that, it's gone forever. So go check it out. It was an amazing, amazing, amazing time.

And thanks again to everyone who helped us on stage, backstage, everywhere, who helped us put on that show. I can't believe it's been a week already since we put it on. Also, we have a, if you want to read more about it, there's a new newsletter that we put out. That's free for everyone. You don't have to be a Patreon member. It just lives there. And where Ron and I both wrote about our experiences with the crappies, both leading up to it, putting it on. There's some photos, those videos, like behind the scenes stuff.

It's really cool. So check that out. Also, our bonus episode this week is a free bonus episode and it's a double bonus episode. We interviewed both Candice and Rob Cessonino. I should say Candace Dillard Bassett made it sound like they're married. Candice Dillard Bassett and Rob Cessonino both from the traders. And we talked to them both about the traders. And they are just great.

They are so fun and they were great interviews. So check that out on our bonus feeds. And then, you know, all the other usual fun stuff, video, you know, what else is there to say? Video. Patreon. Am I missing something right? Add free is on Patreon too. So patreon.com slash watchall crapins.

And with all that out of the way, let's talk about the London reboot, Ronnie, thoughts, impressions. Elads of London for one, the new rain. Loved it. I absolutely loved it. I was surprised that I liked it. I thought it was going to be stupid, honestly. And then with the Real Housewives of London going to another network and not being on this one, I was kind of annoyed because, you know, we only watched the first episode of that, but it was so good. And I was like, why didn't we get this? I want this. And so I just assumed that this would suck because it wasn't that. And it does not suck. I mean, they really went and got some of the looniest people. They're all, well, not all. But the ones that are supposed to be are legit rich and legit connected. They have a gay now from Maiden Chelsea, who I found very funny. He's such a snob. I thought he was funny.

I just loved it. I mean, I loved all the characters. Like, these are people you want on a Real Housewives type show, you know? Yeah. I did not realize that the gay, aka, what was his name, man, Andrew? Mark. Mark, Francis. Mark Francis.

I didn't realize that he was from Made in Chelsea. That's hilarious. Yeah, I thought it was great. I thought they got a wonderful cast. When the trailer came out, I remember enjoying the trailer, and I was shocked that people were like, this looks boring.

I was like, what? This already looks really good. And I think this premiere was great. I hope people watched it. I feel like it was actually people were not talking about it, leading up to it very much. But then today on social media, everyone's talking about it.

So I'm hoping that it gets traction because this is a great cast. And, you know, the show had like this 15-minute opening party, which was, I thought the opening party was fine. And I was like, oh, is this going to be good? And then once we sort of got past that establishing party where we met all the characters and got into their lives, I felt like the show kind of just exploded and just was so funny and perfect.

I was like, oh, my God, I love this show. I'm into it. So we start off with the tip. typical like London, London is the best, with different characters being like, London, it's the best cosmopolitan city in the world. London is like the capital of the world. Everybody's dressed so cool in London. London is so grand, it's so cool. There's nothing like London.

And then big pink letters say, Emma. Right, because of course there's someone named Emma on the show. Like, Emma. And then Emma is very elegant. And she's very aristocracy. And then Margo, she made one of the sexiest British films. I mean, this is basically the trailer, you know? So we're just seeing sort of like a sizzle real moment.

Like, there's this person. There's Lottie and Mark and Mesei and Mika. And we're just seeing all this stuff like left and right, left and right, left and right. So. And my, is an American coming in to teach etiquette. I was like, oh, good luck, sucker. Yeah. Can't imagine that Brits love that.

An American coming into teach etiquette. I'm like, are you allowed to do that? I feel like it's like in the British Constitution. Americans shall not come to this country until us have to be of. Walking, cringe American. Yikes. But seems so sweet as well. So we see London, you know, of course.

And then Mark is the first one to talk. Of course. It's a show about ladies. Give the guy the opening line. But he's like, well, there's a reason we call summer in London the season. Because it's when everything happens. It's when London is in full bloom. There quite simply isn't enough time, no matter how many champains are pulled.

There's just too much to do. On any given summer's day, you will find a marvelous garden party. So I was not as sold on Mark. I was so excited for there to be a British gay on the cast. People were actually upset about that. They're like, it's called Lades of London. Why is there a guy there?

I'm like, okay, relax everyone. And so I actually was like actually came into this show ready to like just have this man's back. Be like, he deserves a spot. I found him to be actually a little annoying. I felt like he was a bit like, it felt like I was watching a regional theater and there's a character for a British gay man. And he was on there. He was like, hello, Horan die, fabulous.

I mean, maybe that's just who he is. That's why I love him. I just felt like he was, he was like putting it on a bit. And I was like, okay, okay. I 100% love him. I find him to be completely dead inside, which I loved. And I don't think he's faking that. And he's just like a real phony, frilly gay.

You know, he's like one of the richest in the group. He's like socially connected to everybody. He's a total monster, but says everything in like a really dead pan. Dead pan. Yeah. I thought he was absolutely. He looks like a doll, like a weird doll. Mom.

Like his dye job, his face tuning, whatever he is doing is crazy. And I just loved it. I wasn't expecting to like him either. But I really, he was cracking me up. And then it helped that after. I saw clips of people posting of him and Maiden Chelsea. And I was like, yeah, he's really funny. Well, I haven't seen the second episode yet.

Well, this is a club that everyone's going to. And he's like, well, I'll never step a foot in there. Why not? Because everyone else is there. Ha, ha. Maybe I just need like a learning curve with him. I've only watched the first episode. I'm going to watch the second one this weekend.

And, you know, he definitely does seem like a phony. And I never want to get on his bad side. He is definitely one of those vicious gays, who will just destroy anyone he doesn't like. And so my days were probably in London at this point. I just have to wrap my head around it. Like I do like your perspective on it. Like he's just dead inside and fake.

And like rather than me being like, he's so inauthentic, be like, wait, no, that's his brand. That's what makes him fun to watch. It's like, that's a good way. That's a good way in for me on his character. Well, I don't look at these and think like, oh my gosh, who do I like? I think who is funny and who's a good,

character and I think he's a good he's a very fun and plus we get to do this voice but I mean that's a little Martin Lawrence Ballard but he does have that like huh to his voice he just doesn't have as much like personality in it it's very like deadpan so I'll work on it but um we go to Kimmy which one's Kimmy I'm gonna be asking that a lot Kimmy Kimmy is okay I pulled up the cast because I'm still oh Kimmy's the T she's like his best friend right Kimmy is, oh yeah, Kimmy is the teeth. Kimmy's the American who has been in Britain long enough that she now has like a quasi-British accent. She's like the fabulous.

Why am I not drunk right now? She's always laughing at everything, Mark says. Okay, there are two characters in here, Kimmy and then the lady with Betty Davis from all about Eve hair. That's Martha. Martha, I know her name. So Kimmy and Martha are my favorite. They both have this super like, oh, we're so fun. Ha ha ha ha.

And they're laughing like maniacally. But then they're also really dark. They've got like this super dark undertone to them. And so I love both of them immediately. So Kimmy's like, oh, I first met Mark when he was 19. And I've got to say, if I wanted a sperm donor, I would have. He's so good looking. Yeah, because Mark, Mark tells us, I'm not a socialite.

I'm a social animal. I live for people. and I get all my energy from people. I bring lots of people together, and I just throw them all in one room and wait to see what happens. And Kimmy is one of those people who reminds you that life is so much more fun

when you just let go. Let an American in and just see what happens. Oh, my God, let me prove this. Is that a fan? Is that a fan? Oh, I love a fan. Who am I going to put it on my hoo-ha? So Kimmy shows up at this garden party at the Dartmouth House,

and she has this big floral headdress and she's like, I've been living in London now for 25 years and there's not as much judgment here as there is in America. If you have a glass and champagne at 11 o'clock in the morning in the States, people start telling you you're a problem drinker.

Two days earlier, she's telling a waiter, I need to drink every 15 minutes until I pass out and then I want one every six minutes. But in London, they put on a super, they put John like a superstar badge or something like that. If you drink like that, I mean, come on in. So next we get Miss Hey.

Missy. They pronounce it Missy, but she's got an accent over the E. Yeah. It's like, and on top of that, she's also Swedish. So like this faux French version of the word of the name Missy, it doesn't seem to make any sense. Well, let me tell you, Missy's. hot and she knows it. She's like, I like sexy looks.

I'm very comfortable in my own skin. Well, then why aren't you wearing it? Because that is not your own skin. I don't know whose it is, but you look crazy. Sometimes I look at Missy's outfits and I think, you're just waiting for a breeze, aren't you? Nip's lips her best friend.

Well, if I had a body like that, I'd be half naked too, am I right? So Missy comes and sits with them and Kimmy, he's like, well, you look particularly naked and hot. I grew up in Sweden, and I work as a model for most of my life. Tuck, tuck, tuck. I travel the world, but there's something about London that I always come back to, especially for my job, you know, with fashion, with modeling, people like know my name here, because I'm Missy, spelled Miss A, but Swedish. Mithy, were you in Ibitha? Were you in Ibiza? Oh, you must have been, because look at you.

You're so tired. turned so easily. I'm not tanned until September. So here comes Mika, the etiquette expert from America. Ooh, Mika's just so nice and it's not a facade. She's not trying to play you, but in London, it's not something we're very well accustomed to. You know, Americans. So Mika comes in and she gives Mark a little gift. And he's like, no, no, I mustn't. I mustn't. I promise my mother that I would never be seen in public receiving a gift from an American. Please, please send this away from me. Don't ruin me, Daughtneth House, please. So she comes in and she's wearing, she's the actor, right?

No, Mika is the etiquette expert. Oh, Micah, Micah. Oh, Micah, I'm sorry, Micah. So she comes in. She looks like Hannah Brown from The Bachelor or, who's like another squinty-eyed person? I don't know why she's sort of reminded. of Gloria Stefan in like 1991. I don't know why. It's probably not a proper comparison, but for some reason I just kept on thinking Gloria Stefan. Yeah, he's like, she's very friendly,

which is disgusting in this town. It's like, hi, everybody. Wow, there's nobody like Mark. Everybody knows Mark. You'll walk into a restaurant and you can't get to the table because he's stopping at every single table before your table to say hello. I was like, she's going to get eaten up. Oh, she's, they're going to eat this girl up. commercial it's time for a crap and's commercial next up is lottie um lottie is a graphic designer and she's married to this guy who's kind of he looks like i think he looks like a joker on a deck of cards yeah because they do uh they are they also like tailors or they are he's a tailor to the star he's a tailor to stars and they like work with celebrities to give a look so does she do the design for like the prints

and everything and then he tailors it is that what it is i think she said at first i thought she was like a fashion designer but then i read a bio and it said she's a graphic designer here she just says she's a designer and he's a tailor they both look like tim burton creatures and um so uh mica's like lottie and joshua are super cool kids they're trendsetters he and they know of everything they do what they want. They don't care what people think, which I love about them, except for the fact that I professionally am in the business of having people care what you do because that's etiquette. Anyway, and this guy is real weird looking on purpose. You know, he's like real pale and super skinny. He's got long, straightened hair, and he's like, mm, he's got like a little twisted

mustache. He's like, oh, hello, I'm an odd duck, everybody. And Kimmy's like, oh, look at you, Joshua. Your, your look matches what I like. Like, cool, taxidermy sort of thing. And they just stare at her. And so we see a split screen of her stuffed bird in her house and then Joshua next to each other. And she goes, oh, don't worry, I love everything that's dead looking. Gladie's like, I work with my husband, Joshua Kane, celebrity Taylor to the stars.

We both work in design. And we do a lot of red carpets. Tom Holland, Jason, Mammawa. We dress Sabrina Coppenter for the Brit Awards, you know, that kind of thing. And Kimmy is like, Mark and I, we were lovers in the 90s. Then we decided we could do better. Darling, I wasn't even born in the 90s, you fucking bitch. Contain yourself.

Is Emma coming? Emma's in Cannes. She's got work to do. And so we see Emma, and it says, this is Emma. And Emma is just in Cannes. And she's smiling. And we just come back. It's me.

I'm Emma, glamorously smiling. in Khan. Then we go back to Ladi and she's like, well, Micah, obviously we know you do like etiquette stuff, but like British etiquette or American etiquette, because like does American etiquette even exist? That's in British. I'm sorry, but I've heard something in America called the Cracker Barrel. Is this a true thing? I turned on the television and I saw something called a Kid Rock. and this is the land that apparently has some sort of etiquette.

Well, my company, Beaumont Etiquette, it's an etiquette consultancy where I teach people from all over the world. Etiquette. Okay, show my book. Business etiquette made easy, the essential guide to professional success. Yeah, people come to me from all over the world to give them confidence because they see me and they say, you know what? It could be worse. I could be American. And then they go back to wherever country they came from and just feel so much more empowered.

So we see a little clip of her teaching somebody. And she's like, no, the way that you approach an audience is you come out, you look everybody straight in the eye with your mouth a little open. Your eyes are open, your mouth is open. Okay. You go like this. And you say, hello! And you look everybody in the eye.

And the lady's like, hello. Okay, a little more work. A little more. Open your mouth more. Okay. Okay. Stick your tongue out just a little bit. Okay.

Eyes open. Now look at me. Okay. You're doing great. You're doing good. You're doing good. Ha! I love that American etiquette includes how to walk on stage at your own talk show.

Well, part of American etiquette is fork on the left, knife on the right, and make sure your mouth is open a little bit when you start your talk show. We all have talk shows, right? Well, yeah, you know, the table setting's different, so I will tell you that. And Lottie's like, oh, stop the cutlery on the outside. Yeah, so nobody wants to sit next to me at the dinner table. Kimmy's like, I don't, I haven't even

gotten to cutlery yet. Well, there's this wonderful woman who I won't name, and every time her husband cheats on her, she was overjoyed, and Missy is like, no, what?

Yes, yes, because it meant she got a new Picasso. And so she ended up with one of the world's greatest collections of Picasso's. But of course, she had to pretend she was mortified

until the picture was up, and then she was there calling for more girls, more girls, get me those Picasso. She had an escort agency on speed dial. That's your friend. And they goes,

I'm going to say, it's like, Who are we talking about? Oh, apparently, Micah, your friend is a madam. Is that true? And she's like, wait, what? What friend? Dara, she's a madam. We all know about it.

And Micah's like, oh my God, not my friend, Dara. Flashback to two days earlier, Kimmy's at a restaurant with Mark and Martha, and we have Kimmy saying, this Darry girl, do you know her? And Martha's like, oh, I called someone else who knows her, and they told me she's a madam. Oh, nice. Well, that's what I heard. Mark's like, oh, well, she's not coming to this party. No madam's allowed it, a garden party at the Dartmouth.

Oh, wait, she's not coming? And Martha's like, well, I suppose you work 24-7 when you're madam. same chew. This Martha chick, I can't stress enough. So she looks 30 in a way. And she's got in certain lights. Like, she just, it's so crazy because she looks so different every time you look at her. And she's got this haircut.

Her hairstyle is just like Betty Davis from All About Eve. I mean, it's curled. Like she puts the curls in her hair, but only on the sides. She dresses like she's from the 50s. She's an absolute trip. And yeah, like this, but I immediately loved her. Cause I was like, is she from a different peer?

Like did they time machine her in here? And she wears the hair the same every time you see her. Yeah, it's amazing. It sort of reminds me of Madonna in her Avida era when she wanted to be taken seriously. And she was also sort of like wearing that kind of hairstyle around to all the award shows. And this lady, she is like already topped to your Bravo Liberty. I mean, I mean, this show in general, the Ladies of London franchise has a way of finding

some like best of the bests, you know, that Bravo has ever had to offer between Caroline Stanbury and Caroline Fleming, who I hope makes some sort of return. And now this lady, I mean, really, it's just so good. There's just such a pool of talent for Bravo Lebrities over there in London.

So we're back to present. And Kimmy is saying, is it true? Is she really a madam? Is Darrow really a madam? And Mika's like, what? No, she's like a Harvard architect. And she says like, no, this is, it's not nice. He's not nice to say this.

Like, yeah, she's highly intelligent. Why would you say that? And Kimmy's like, well, she could moonlight as something that makes more money than me an architect. Less of my check. London was built 500 years ago, right? Well, it's very untrue. And I've known her since college. And we've known each other for 40, I mean, for 24 years.

Sorry, that was dyslexia. We've known each other for 24 years. And Kimmy's like, but how do you know, though? I mean, you can know somebody and not know that they're madame. Right? And she's like, well, I work right above her in the same office. And so then we see Dara. And it says, this is Dara on the screen. This is three days earlier. So Mika comes down and she's like, I was 17 when I met Dara. Our friendship has always been pretty strong. Cut to Dara. She goes, yeah, we weren't really super close. Yeah. Well, we met at the University of Florida and Dara and I have called each other Bunny for over a decade. Oh my God. She calls me Bunny. She's such a loser. Dara is so unimpressed by Micah. So Micah enters the office and she's like, hey, she's like, hey, Bunny. Darra's like, yeah, can you just call me by my regular knee?

Thanks. Fast forward. We're both in London and we meet back up and we're still not that close. We always support each other through career, motherhood, friendship, bunny things. Michael looks up to me for business and I feel like she's so. really trying to find out what it is that will bring her success and she's not quite there yet. So Marca gives Dara a little box and Dara's like, um, what's this? It's a gift. It's a productivity tool for us. Oh. Okay. Let me know. Oh, wow, pink walkie talkies. Oh, wow. Do they have to be

pink though? Okay. I love this. Um, can someone put this in a drawer somewhere in another building, possibly. Could maybe someone write a memo to Dara that I'm a successful architect and we're not in high school anymore? Okay, just thank you. Thank you. Back to the garden party. This is poor etiquette to be starting rumors like that. I can tell you that much.

And this could not be further from the truth. And Lottie's like, no, of course it's not. She's a very professional woman. Well, they usually are, aren't they, darling? So now they're just like And Kimmy And she's like Well I heard from Martha

That your friend Daris She's a madam And Micah's like Oh God no What And Kimi's like Well I didn't say that That she's not nice

I just thought I brought I just thought I'd brought my CV with me Ho Ho! The word madam Isn't really something That you would throw around Especially at a garden party

Well I did go on a date that she set me up on. I mean, I'm a model. And then they all start cracking up. And Missy's like, yeah, well, I thought that she was going to be showing up for the day, too, but she never showed up. It was just me and some old man. That was, that was, she was hooking you up, I'm sure. She's like, well, she likes to connect people together. I don't know. Are you a madam for that or no? I didn't get paid. Kimmy's like, could you excuse me for one moment? I need to be fabulous in a different section of this boring party. So she walks away and Lottie,

Micah and Misset are together. And Lottie's like, well, that was wild. And Missa's like, yes, that's a really funny thing to say about the madam thing. Talk, talk. And Mika's like, Micah's like, well, in America, that would be like defamation of character what she just did. And Lottie's like, I love that the Americans go straight to the suing. Lottie is so snobby about Americans.

Like she has dissed them, Micah, like two or three times already. ready. Yeah, but seriously, yeah, but like, we'll sue you. She's like, make fun of us all we want. We'll still sue your asses. So then we go to Kimmy, and she's getting drinks off a tray and consolidating them into one glass. She's just like pouring one into another and taking the big glass. And then she's like, and now you can still sell that one. You can still serve that one. There's still enough in there that counts as a serve. So they're asking, where's Martha? Where's Martha? And now here come Martha and Marga. arriving. Wait, where are we

now? Were you at the same thing? No, same party. The party is like quite long. Everyone's arriving. So Martha and Margo arrived together. Martha is the one we love we were talking about. And Margo is an American who's also an actress. And she's wearing this really thin purple dress and her nips are out.

So everyone's like, oh my goodness. Nipples. Oh my goodness. Not in the Dartmouth. Kimmy's here. Kimmy's a good time. I've known her for nearly 20 years now. And I met Kimmy through one of our great British milliners Philip Tracy Me's Philip Tracy Yes look at him

And Kimmy is like Yeah one day he said to me Kimmy I want you to meet your blonde nemesis And I was when it was Martha Sitwell And I was like I'll tell you what sits well with me This bitch Ha ha

Hey took us both to Derby As his reservoir bitches Yeah Martha got in the car And she was like oh my god I need more cigarettes But I've run out of money I just fucking love her and I paid for a lot of cigarettes.

They're very expensive now. Yes, we just went and set the town on fire, quite literally. Have you ever thrown a match at a poor person's home? It's great fun. Well, I've known Martha, gosh, at least a decade. Oh, how did I meet Mark? Let me think. Oh, I've always found her intriguing, interesting, brilliant, unique, opaque.

I definitely met Mark at a party, but don't ask me more details than that, I was absolutely hammered. As I am right now, I'd like to add. Well, someone's got their nipples out today. She's like, yeah, I didn't realize how cold it was going to be, but they're hard. So then now they're drinking, and then Kimmy's like, let's get a shot of tequila, but Marthog's, no, no, no, she's sober, this one over here. American. And Margo's like, yes, can I have something mocktale?

They're like, ooh, gross, boring. Well, I'm from South Carolina. I got to London when I was 18. I stayed here until I was 30, and then I moved to L.A. And now I'm back in London this summer to work on a British TV show called The Trip. Oh, Margar and I met ever 20 years ago.

Yeah, she was dating this Persian prince, and her brother had a big crush on me, of course. I mean, his brother. And I was like, he was like, this girl's amazing. And she was so beautiful and so fun. And so she was so warm. And like, he loved me. Yeah, so now Lottie and Micey and Micah approached them.

And Kimmy's like, oh, these are the ones that told me the Dera story. Madam. Oh, well, I simply cannot keep a secret. I mean, Margot heard that Dera was a madam, so of course I spread the rumor. I mean, we heard a rumor. It may or may not be true, but what's a rumor if you're not going to spread in it? You have to remember that British madam is much higher than American aristocracy, so really it's a compliment to elevate her that high. Well, I've known Dara for 24 years.

We met as teenagers at the University of Florida, and she went to Harvard, and I went to New York. And Marco goes, University of Florida, Madam's side. Harvard, not Madam's side. They're fucking relentless and it's cracking me up. Like not one of them is like, that's terrible. We shouldn't say that. They're like, shut up.

She's a madam. University of Florida, keep adding to the evidence. Yeah, seriously. So Margo is like, I mean, this girl said to me,

oh, she's like really spicy and difficult. So now we have another flashback of Dara talking to Micah. And Dara's like, so I just went to, um, Corceville where we had a 33 grand bottle of wine, okay? And it's like, this is Dara again.

They keep doing that. They put in his big brush font up. Every time they call Dara an asshole, they go, this is Dara, being an asshole. So Margo says, yeah, and another woman was like, oh, I think she's a madam. Well, it could not be further from the truth.

Well, the thing about me not drinking is that I get like really bored and I need to like entertain myself somehow. So let's just keep talking about her being a madam. Oh, come up with new trouble. So Micah's like, Dara is not here to defend herself. And it's up to me to stick up to Dara because I would want her to do the same for me. That's what friendship is. And poor, poor Mika, she does have that kind of like earnest American quality while the rest are just like British and Sardonic.

Even like, even Margo who is American. And Margo and Kimmy are both American, but they have now adopted just being British and Sardonic. And they're like, oh, please. She's a madam, and she's, that makes her all the better for it. At least she's interesting, unlike you, etiquette person. So then we go to Micah. Is Dara? Yeah, she's really stupid, and I hope she dies.

Back to the party. Well, she spends every hour working. She's a good mom. She's a good friend. She's a real professional. She's a worker. She's an architect. She's an entrepreneur.

She knows how to open her eyes and her mouth when she's a good mom. She says hello. She's so smart. She could not be further from a matter. The time just clicks and everyone's getting really bored with her. It's like, and then, you know, she can roller skate, I think. I mean, it's on her special skills. I'm not sure if she really can. Don't, don't quote me on that, but I'm pretty sure she can. You're going to grow to love her. You're just going to love her, everybody. And they're like, we're bored of you. So Ladi and Missy are talking. And Missy's like, I just feel it a bit bad.

And she's like, why? Was that too much time talking to an American? Same for me. She's like, no, because Micah, she's so nice. And, you know, we were, you know where we left the lunch. And she was like, yeah, three days earlier. Lottie, Dara. This is Dara at lunch. This is a bitch at lunch.

Micah is my friend. Like, I've known her since college, but we're very different people. Oh, back to present, Lottie speaking. I remember that lunch. And then we left the lunch. and we were talking about our car, we were walking about to our cars, and Derriss said that she was like embarrassed of her. Like Derriss was saying she's so cringe,

and you know when you know someone from your past and you're embarrassed, they're going to embarrass you because you've built this whole new image? Well, yeah, that. Do you think I should tell her or not? Lati's like, well, if you want to get involved in other people's business, then you can. But if I were you, I wouldn't be doing that. I think it'd be more fun if we'd just laughed behind Micah's back,

don't you? British, don't forget. Yeah, so Lottie is also pregnant and nobody knows yet except Missy and Dara because she told them at that lunch. So she's like, oh my God, I need to,

Lottie's like, well, I wanted to get everyone together because I wanted to tell you I'm actually pregnant. By who? Not that stick figure with an evil villain wig. How does someone

created in stop animation get a human pregnant? By the way, this is so... Is it the cast? of nightmare before Christmas in your belly. By the way, this is the difference between British people and Americans, because if it were an American, it would be a whole party, and they would arrive in a carriage and then go up in a staircase and be like, everyone, I'm so glad that you're here because guess what?

And it'd be like, doves would come out and fireworks and be like, I'm pregnant. But here she's like, guys, gather around. Well, you're close enough. That one's not. I'm not even sure. Do you count as being in the circle right now? Are you in the group? I'm pregnant, guys.

Okay, carry on. They're like, oh, wow, someone's adding more to the London traffic. Thanks. Thanks for that. So Mark is like, bring her a glass of wine immediately. That was a joke. And Lott is like, no, no. Okay, you can't tell Mark, okay, I'm like this still.

Look, I've got a teeny tiny bump. Don't I look hideous. Well, I just thought you had IBS. Well, I'm pregnant, not fat. I mean, come on, I'm up the duff, babe, yeah. And we see on screen it says, Up the Duff is British slang for pregnant. And then the next screen says,

You dumb Americans. This is Dara. This is Dara. He looks like she's up the duff. God, I hate Micah. Back to present. So, Kimmy needs a strong drink now. And now we watch Micah walk down the street.

And she's like, okay, here's how it works. In the UK, there's Royals. and then there are aristocrats, and then there's just other members of London society. And they don't have this in America. So the Americans are like, whoa, but here you could be sitting at a pub next to a lady or next to a prince,

and it's actually very common. And it's like seeing Jessica Parker, in New York City. I mean, it just happens all the time. Lottie bumps in it and says, you know, while we're mentioning it, yes, they're royals and there's aristocrats and the members of London Society,

then you have basically people on the street, commoners, rats, general sewage, and then the Americans that come over to visit. Commercials. Here comes one right now. So now we go to Martha. So Martha scene. And she's like, my title is Martha. A Lady Stillwell. My lady title came from marrying a baronet, which is the lowest on the rung. Let's be honest. But it's not a hereditary title. Hard blink. Hard blink, hard blink. Yes, hereditary titles have been done away with now. So what great-granny fucked King Charles, whatever.

It doesn't really matter now. All right, hierarchy of English nobility. Let's go through. Duke, Marquess, Earl, Viscount, Baron, Baronet. You've got it. Has everyone got it? And then we... And now we have our first real moment with Emma.

So Emma's like, my title is Marchioness of Bath. My husband is the Marquess of Bath. Micah probably needs a bath. She's American. Just want to throw that in there. I'm catching up because I wasn't at the party. Emma's the embodiment of modern aristocrat. She's cool, she's trendy, but at the same time, she holds a great grace,

the weight of being one of Britain's most important aristocrats. She's also the first black woman to be married into an aristocracy family, and I think Megan Markle tries to claim that, but it was actually Emma. I'm like, well, of course this show's going to take some strays at Megan Mark. So now we see 160 kilometers west of London. And we're at Longleet, Emma's Wilshire Country Home. She's like, I'm of mixed heritage, half Nigerian, half English. The press commented heavily on the fact that I was going to become the first woman of color to hold this title.

Let's put up a headline. Racism viewed at Longleet, her claims his mother suggested his Nigerian wife would harm the bloodline. Thank you. And I acknowledge the fact that I'm the only one still. The only woman of color in this position is me still to this day. And now I would never say, Suckett, Megan Markle, but I will imply it. I did it first. What does it mean in 2025 to have a title?

Well, for me, it matters in the context of the estate and the house and the family. My husband, Keel-L-L-I-N-T-E-A-W-L-N, which I've been told is. a spelling that makes no sense to Americans. They don't know how to pronounce it. Zuhiakling. Is it a Kulin? Is it Kowlin? It's our little British inside joke. We come up with these names just to be further of them. You left us. It's probably Colin, don't you think? Colin? It's probably John. Yeah. spelled Kulen. Well, we run the Longlead House. So Longlead House is a stately home. It was built in the Elizabethan Times, 1518. bought for 54 euros, I think.

Oh, wow. And now it's like $205 million. It's the biggest house in the UK, by the way. That's right. It's a huge. It's a 10,000-acre estate with art and antiques and books. And somewhere on my Kindle, I haven't been able to find it. A very huge collection of beautiful things.

Longleet is our main home. But then the kids go to school in London now, so I'm half in London, half in Longleeton. No two days are the same. I'm dying inside. Well, we've seen this before now with the Earl of Sandwich and his wife, Julie, remember? Yeah. When they were like, oh my God, I'm actually a real lady. And we own this big house and it's like so crazy.

And then like her second season, she's like, oh my God, I can't afford this house. Oh God, we're going to go, bro. I'm going to roll dates into a ball and this will support the entire house. What if we serve sandwiches at the Earl of Sandwich Castle? Oh, my God, I'm going to do it. I'm going to do yoga videos. Maybe I can do yoga videos. Jub balls, Jop balls.

Julie makes balls. Julie makes balls. Oh, God, Julie. She did seem like so, like, ooh. She's the, she's married to the Earl of Bath. Wow. Like, look at her. She's so fancy on the side.

And she was a nutcase. So then Emma's met. We see Emma with her manager and then going over the schedule. And she's like, well, it's very important that you go to the, you have to be ready for the season, mum. Okay. London Royal Academy. You've got to go there, mum. And the serpentine summer party, mum, are you ready to get with that one, mum? And also you're going to Rome with Mathirassar.

There's lots of words that Ben Mandelka's not used to saying. Mitharasa! To run the estate costs a fortune. So my husband's grandfather had the foresight that there needed to be an income from somewhere. So we opened it to the public, which was incredibly controversial. The queen was very cross with him. RIP, bitch. Because imagine having people running through your house. But he was a pioneer, a pioneer, I tell you. He's turned it into a zoo.

He opened the first safari park in the world outside Africa, and now Longleet is one of the top 10% attractions in the world. It's incredibly public. I live in the biggest house in America that smells like zebra dung, thank you. No, they really love saying FU to the crown. First they open up one of these houses of the public and then they put in safari animals and then the craziest thing of all

someone who's not white gets married in but I just love the fact that I turn it into a safari that's crazy. Yes, that's right I have a safari that I have to pay attention to now. I'm so excited. I did not think that this would be my life at all in a million years. I was moving to Beverly Hills.

I was not planning to be in Wiltshire. I thought I was going to be living near Wilshire Boulevard. and yet somehow now I'm feeding giraffes. How did this happen? How is this part of the aristocracy? But, you know, you fall in love, you get engaged, and that's what you do. You follow the money. The money has left me to cleaning up rhino dung.

So here we are. Let's go bathe the rhinos, shall we? Well, I'm just about full from that scone, so I guess it's time to throw mud on the rhino. Ma'am, you've got the serpentine. You've got to get to roam with misotheria. Oh, don't forget to, we've got to mud bathe the rhinos first. She's like, oh, God. So we go and she gives a mud bath to a rhino.

And the rhino is so cute, like, lazy to. And she talks to it and it kind of talks back. She's like, too like, too like this. And it's like, oh, my God, it responded. Lady, pretend that you do this every day. Yeah, I know. But that rhino was adorable. So cute is coming over to get its mud and then rolling

over, you know, even though they could just probably set up a mud bath for the rhino in the pen. It's cute that they go and put it on him. Now, this is the classy way to have animals in your home. Now let's go to Martha, the tackiest, saddest way to have animals in your home. Martha, take it away. So, Martha, who's a lady and a model, she lives in this, like, cramped, cluttered, kind of, like, decrepit apartment, flat. but then you start to realize like, oh, actually I think this is her aesthetic. I think she actually wants to look kind of like frozen in time like an antique shop.

No. It's not that she's hoarse, that she just likes having knickknacks around and toy airplanes hanging on her wall, you know? No, no. Then we find out, no, no, she's poor. And she keeps getting kicked out from places. I mean, there's literally bird shit. She has a magpie as a pet is flying all over the place. And there's bird shit coming up and down her walls.

There's stains all over the carpet. there's paint peeling off the ceiling. I mean, it's sad. It's very gray gardens. And she is frozen in time, you know, with that hair and everything. And what I really like about her is, first of all, I love a hard blink because that's like, show something off. And she does this like wonderful, like fabulous.

Like, I'm always happy. And then she gets really dark and really depressed. And then hard blinks it away and she's happy again. It's the weirdest thing. And I'm obsessed with this lady. Yeah. She's like, babe, babe, babe, come down here. And she's like, I would say that I have a unique flat meat.

And it's a bird. She has a magpie as her pet. And its name is Hikati. Hakati. And magpies, like, I, my, I feel like what I know about magpies is that, like, for instance, they attack bikers in Australia, right? Like, they are known for attacking humans when they are, like, you know, in heat, when they're horny or when they're, or when they, or when they,

feel like a human's gotten too close to like their nest or the babies. They just like swoop down and they attack people all the time. And I'm like, wait, you got one as a pet? Yeah. Of course she does. And she's sitting there feeding him worms.

He's just eating. He's like, hey God, he's such a diva. It's like living with Mariah Carey. If Maria Carey could fly. I mean, she's fabulous. She's feral. The, that magpie only like.

to be shot from its left side. So Margo's like, oh, look, look, we have a dog. Okay. And here comes Margo. Hello, Margo. How are you? Good to see you again. And Margo comes in and she's like, oh, my God.

Oh, my God, Martha, what's happening to you? I'm an actress. I fucking hate this bird. And so the bird is like flying around. And Margo was like, this feels unsanitary. I don't think I should even be here. She's like, okay. All right, I'm going to give you some goggles.

You're going to need some goggles. What happens is if he's on your shoulder and your iris moves, if she sees something and just a small move, her natural reflexes, it's a stick a beak in it. So she might just peck out your eyeball. And we wouldn't want that to do it. All she sees is a hole and she wants to peck it. She's like, oh my God, Margo, Martha, please, no.

And she tells us, Martha is too pretty and young to be in her bird era. Oh, my God. My eyes are really valuable to me. She says, I know, I know they're so pretty. Just don't look directly to Katte. She doesn't like to be stared at. She's very demanding. Be careful.

You know, she demands three hot paths a day and a gin martini at six o'clock, and we see that she literally gives this bird a gin martini. Yeah, the bird's sitting there sipping on a martini. But bird air is for when you're like really old and you have a bird sitting down your back and sitting on your shoulder. I mean, come on, you can't be on your 40s and have a bird, Martha. So now Margo was... Would you like a worm?

Mark? Sorry, Hecate got very upset. Margo. No, I don't want a worm? Margot's literally sitting there with goggles on, and the bird is like on her shoulder. She's like, sorry. I unfortunately can't put her away. I met...

So Margo says that she met Margot, Martha 20 years ago. And she's like, so even when Martha was everywhere in London, getting photographed by everyone at every party, there was just like no door shut to Martha. ever and Martha's like oh so you know by the way you know I have no facial recognition so wandering around Mick Jagger's Christmas party I'm not going to I'm not even going to apologize for saying that so I'm wandering around sticking my hand out and saying hi I'm Martha I'm Arthur and this lovely old chap who you know with this mullet on says hello I'm Paul and I said oh how do you know Mick are you in music yes I am in music so I'm trying to keep the conversation going because

this guy's boring as hell and I said so are you in production or you're a performer? And he says, I was in a band. And I say, well, cool, which one? He goes, he said, the Beatles. And I said, that's exactly what Hacate loves to eat. How unfortunate. Like, oh my God, Martha?

Well, it's apprised that I'm an enormous Beatles fan. And I then sing, imagine at him. Oh, you mean like, imagine you had electricity in this apartment? Yes, exactly. But then someone pointed out to me afterwards, there's not even a Beatles song that's a John Legend song. Yeah, that's after the Beatles broke up, Martha. Well, there's probably loads of people I haven't recognized that were famous.

I once did recognize my own, didn't recognize my own sister for about 10 minutes. She had cut her hair. It was different. She looked different. I didn't recognize her. What do you want for me? I did a lot of hard drugs. What do you want?

So Margo's like, well, how are you feeling? She's like, well, I'm so happy here. My landlord's an actual angel. It's a dead person. squatting in a dead post-itzil department. Well, I mean, it's a really nice area. The area is nice. You're right by the park, so, you know, you won't have to move far.

Next time you're kicked out of your house, you can just go right to that bench. It's right there. I mean, it's a little rundown, you know. I mean, you know, there's damp patches on the ceiling, as you can see. And it needs some love, but I'm going to give it a look of paint and a little bit of love. And I'll just make it, you know, a little cozier. I am the eternal riches to rags and rags to rich a rich of the story. I grew up in enormous privilege.

But then I was homeless. We see a picture of her. She was like bleached blonde with a mohawk and she was like, and she goes, well, but then I was discovered as a model by Vivian Westwood. And I think I was really lucky that Vivian Westwood saw me because she's like an iconic British designer. I mean, I didn't know who the hell she was. I was like, who are you again?

She goes, I'm Vivian Westwood. Really? She goes, yes. Remember we've met last week and I said come into my office for a modeling gig and I said I'm not I'm not aware. I don't really recognize you. You're a total stranger to me. Anyway, she gave me a job and you know, without Vivian there's no punk. There's no sex pistols.

There's nothing. I got head-empted. I got head-ended to model. You know, it sort of brought me back into society. I'd grown up and then I'm going to get rich again. You watch. Someday. Me and Hakati.

Taking Britain by storm. She's barely holding on this one. So Margo's like, well, do you think you'll be happy here for a little while? I mean, that's good. Well, I hope I'm going to be here for a little while. I got married, you know, it didn't transpire to be a very happy marriage, and eventually I left with nothing. And then fucked up again.

I went off and did the same thing with a different man, and I'm determined not to do that again. And also, like one has to imagine there's some sort of severed tie their family because if she grew up an immense privilege, but they're not giving her any money, then there's definitely going to be a backstory we're going to find out about. She's like, well, I just tried to burn down the country. That's it.

So Martha's saying, Haccati, can you go, go see Margo? Go, go fly over to you. Go, go. Sit on her shoulder. Go, go, go. So this is where the bird is on Margot's shoulder. And she is so incredibly uncomfortable and unhappy.

And she's like, oh, let me go. I want to leave. So funny. So then we go to Margo, again, but now she's shopping for houses and we go into this crazy house that's $6,000 a night. Okay, that's crazy. And she meets this gay who hates her. And we kind of find out why everybody thinks she's the worst as we go on.

So she's like, yeah, luxury in the city, it's out of control. I'm an actress. My entire career, I've worked in London, like never in America. Gross. America, right? American actress. And when I tried to work in L. late. No one knew me. People were like, oh, you're just starting your career at 40. Oh, good for you. I'm like, hello.

Pretty big. I'm pretty big. Yeah. So she gets turned around this, this house where you walk in and there's like a bridge and over like the rest of the house, which is down below is wild. And Margo's like, yeah, it all started with this. It's called nine songs. It was like a tiny independent film. And then it went to Cannes. And then like nine songs was billed as the most sexually explicit mainstream film in all of British history. Yeah, they show. to collarbone and the Brits just lost their mind. Actually, we see a headline. We see a headline that says actress who made co-star ejaculate on camera and real sex scene proud of controversial film. Yeah. I feel like I never heard of this movie, but like obviously it was a big deal.

Because any time one of these movies comes along because it happens once in a while, it's like, that was real sex. Everyone gets into a tizzy. So she's like, people were like, you're a whore. You're a porn star. And I was like, oh, what? I'm an actress. So, Kimmy's like, well, if you're an actress, you act.

And if you're in a film when you're virtually having sex, you're a porn star. That's just how it works. Emma's like, it was quite controversial, I've heard. Scandalous. I might watch it. So Margo goes on and says, like, you know, one fear I have about being back here is that I just have to relearn this city without like late night parties, right? Because I used to love to party in London. And I got a lot of jobs from that.

and I made a lot of friends from that. But like, now I'm married with a daughter, who's a toddler. And then I've got two steps sons. And she's basically like, I'm a mom now. And I have to do the mom thing. I'm like, excuse me, go to real housewives of London. Clearly, lazy London is for like the women who are just like, fuck it, party time in London. Yeah.

And she's like, I mean, London's really changed. And now I'm different. So I really need this to work. I need my career back. I need more. It's like, oh, I love that this show's starting out with such darkness, you know. and she's talking to the realtor and he's like, oh, you know,

this is a good neighborhood, you know? Like, there's still sort of a single vibe here. She goes, oh, you mean like an open marriage type thing? And he just like turns red and looks down. Like, no, I meant those pubs. So now we go to Kimmy's house. She's like cooking a whole bunch of clams in a pot. So I was like, I love this woman.

I love that she's just casually cooking a bunch of clams. And her kids come home, with, because she, her husband or her ex brings the kids back and she has two twins. Amadeus and Mimi, hilarious. And her husband is Stuart. And she's like, well, you know, Stuart is the father of my twins. And I was married to him for 23 years. And I've got a little girl named Mimi and I have a son called Amadeus.

They're amazing. And they're nine now. And Amadeus is incredibly gregarious. I think he might be straight. And I'm really disappointed. I'm like, no. But anyway, he turns 10 next year, which means he's going to have his first martini. I went to dinner the other night and I looked at the check and I said, your name is Roo?

Because as a kid, my name was Roo. Like my nickname was Ruley. And he said, yeah, my name is Kangaroo Amadeus. My parents were. Kangaroo. Like Amadeus. Okay. I kind of get that.

His legal name is kangaroo Amadeus. And I forgot his last last. It's like Levinworth or something. I forgot his last. My God. How cute of that. That's so Austin. That is amazing.

Kangaroo Amadeus, maybe is his last name Deerhart? Yes. Because I just, well, because I just searched in kangaroo Amadeus. Oh my God. I was like, you've heard of him? Yes. Kangaroo Amadeus, Deerhart. What does he do?

I didn't look him up. He was very nice. I don't know what he does. He just has a bunch of nice photos up on Instagram. He, yeah, wow. I just thought that was the most. That is a name. Austin name I've ever heard.

Oh, yeah, he's so cute. You look at him. His name is, yeah, I guess we shouldn't be shouting out his whole name on the internet. But anyway, sorry. Sorry, Rue. Go follow him. Yeah, I just thought it was so cute. And I was, we were cracking up that that was his name because it's so Austin.

And then I turn on the TV and she's like, my son, Amadeus. I was like, oh, really? Well, I know a kangaroo Amadeus. So are you so boring, regular Amadeus? So anyway, we see Kimmy with her kids, um, her daughter is on the spectrum and her husband and son and her, I mean, it's just a family of laughter, pretty much. But Kimmy's demeanor does change a lot with her family, you know, she does have to put on kind of the mom act, I guess. And then there is a darkness here with her and her husband, too.

She's like, well, you know, I don't know. I was married to Stewart and it was fine, but then we just realized, oh, God, I mean, we just knew each other for three weeks, really, and then we were married and I don't know we had a huge wedding at high clear castle and that was fabulous but oh god then i don't know we were estranged and we wanted to have a child and we figured might as well do it anywhere with each other so he did that and i don't know i just got so much sadder when she's on her own she's like let's have a child but then two came out by accident and then they were separated and then then she's like had them for four years like you know so but but by the way these kids are so cute. Obviously they just came from school.

So they're in their school uniforms, but they're like, Amadeus is in like a little blazer, you know, and then a little bit later on, and he's like pouring wine. He's just so adorable. And so, um, they're all sitting there and they're like, they're having like a happy family scene because she and Stewart are like very friendly and he's very jokey, you know. Um, but you can tell that there's definitely like,

because she keeps on mentioning that there was like tension between them, but they all, they appear on camera like everything's great. there's definitely more to the story than this. And we see, Kimi's like, well, I taught these children really well when I was alone with him

during lockdown. How to pour wine. It's a skill. We see Amadeus pours the wine for his parents and he like does the twists that way like nothing drips. And Stewart's like, oh,

I even trust the bottle. That's amazing. Yeah, it is a vital skill, darling. She's like, that's what I'm saying. I mean, this is lockdown.

That's when I taught them this. Oh, yeah. You know, the pandemic did, bring good things, service and children. So that's good. And he puts the cork for the little cork back. So then we go to Dara's house.

Oh my, this is Dara. Dund, dun, dun, dun, done, done. So we go over to her and she's like, Oh my guy, I need like decking for this property and this just isn't good enough. Back to the drawing board. This is Dara. I'm an architect.

I started a company when I was around 29. University of Florida, Madam's side. Stop it. Harvard. Harvard. Anyway, I have a team that's global. I work with collaborators and developers and funds. And I just need everything to be a little bit more serious because I work in a man's world.

And we see like, she's like, get my nail salon appointment rescheduled. Mansworld. I basically never turn off. I find it hard to holiday because I'm thinking about like work pretty much all the time. Oh my God. I miss my son. His name is Wolfie. at Camp now in the south of France.

And he has a little lovely stepmother now. And her name is Beatrice York. And then we see this lady and says, Her Royal Highness, Princess Beatrice. And you always hear those horror stories about how your ex's new partners not getting along. But, you know, she's so kind.

They put up a headline that says, Eduardo Mapelli Motsi's ex-wife reveals what it's like co-parenting with Princess Beatrice. And basically, Dara has said to the press, why would they want to break up this family? Father of a fiancé,

ditched by Princess Beatrice's new lover, claims a royal may have been instrumental in their split. Basically, she's like, oh my God, I love Princess Beatrice. But like all the press is like, she fucking ruined our family. And I'm so lucky to have that sort of support

and kindness from a princess. Princess Beatrice hates this bitch This is Dara So now Micah comes over And they're like Oh my God We're like wearing the same slut Like we're wearing black pants

And a white no white pants and a black top Like we're the same I mean except that your pants are really as nice as mine Okay hi Micah Well bestie or should I say Bunny Remember Bunny Hey by the way I've been trying to

Radio you with the The walkie-talkies, I am not getting anything back. Don't worry about, don't worry about, don't worry about it. Anyway, so I'm really excited about your dinner. We have a flashback. This is Dara, planning a dinner. And Dara is Face-Toming with Mark, and she's going to, she's saying how she has to go to Tuscany.

But she's also going to host a dinner for everyone. He goes, oh, Tuscany. Where in Tuscany? She's like, I don't really know, because my assistant's doing it all. So I'm like, I don't know. And he's like, You don't know which part of duskony you're venturing into.

Oh, my God. What a faux pa. So we cut back to present, and Mike is like, what's the dress code for your dinner? I need to know. Like, what kind of matters are we going with that night? Is it cocktail-ish? Because, yeah, I like just dress fancy.

So now we see Martha going to a restaurant. She's meeting Missy, and who else does she meet? I guess the guy. Lottie comes. A lobby comes? Okay. So they sit at a bar and Martha's like, oh my darling house, settling into London. No, you're right. It's just the two of them. I'm sorry. Because I think we have multiple scenes that wind up going back and forth in this area because it's a gossip scene. So Missy's like, she's like, yeah, it's good. I'm so happy to be back. I love my new house. I love my area.

My daughter's school is very near. They're so upset when I have nip slip at drop off. Everything feels easy. My relationship was so up and down, up and down, up and down. And honestly, I just like an overcomplicated life. And like, the more I'm like making things easy, I feel like it's really working for me. It makes me a happier person. And Martha's like, oh, yeah, good for being happy. High Fies. I'm happy as well.

I am. I'm happy. So we find out a bit, Missy. She says that her life is in episodes. She's gone from this glamorous supermodel in Milan, signing for Victoria's Secret, deciding to keep her baby with a football player boyfriend. But then she married. But then who she left?

And then we see a headline that says, this footballer Anders Lindengarde, Mary's model Missy, um, in a beach wedding. And then another headline that says, Missy, Berkery speaks out about marriage split from ex-Manchester, United Golly, Anders Lindegard. And then, oh, sorry, then she met the fun guy and had all the red flags. I totally ignored, you know.

Toey's Jake Hall steps out in style with stunning girlfriend, Missy. who I then decided to have a child with within eight months I've lived like eight I've lived like five lives Barth is like darling I'm so bored I'm gonna have to start drinking my mag pies martini soon she's like okay well okay Mark's lunch that was fun wasn't that fun it was a really good time but what about the rumor oh that's Daris and madam yeah I don't even understand that at first

and now we see unseen footage from the party which is funny because they could have just shown it to us was the same episode and Missy is like I thought a madam is like someone high maintenance, like being a diva. And Lanti's like, well, you could say that. But it's like the head of a brothel, or as they called in America, everywhere. Well, then we go back to Martha, and Martha's like, no, Martha's like, well, that's my fault. I mean, it was me that spread it.

Whoops! Oh, you spread the rumor? Well, I spread, I heard the rumor. And then I spread the rumor further. But it's not a great rumor, though. It's like, it's not a great rumor. No, being a madam, that's like soul destroying. I thought it made her so much more interesting.

I thought I was doing her a favor. Oh, no. I haven't defended anybody. She's like, she's going to be upset by that. Shit. So now we go back to Micah and Dara. And Mica's like, of course you miss Mark's parties. And I really missed you because you're my partner.

Okay, you're my partner in crime. And Dara's like, I mean, everyone was so wonderful. That's nice. Like such fun vibes. Okay, but then I have to talk to you about a part in person. Okay, so we're in the space, Martha, and she brings this friend Margo, and then Margo starts telling the party that she hears that you're a madam. And she's like, okay.

Well, what else? Well, that's ridiculous and absurd, right? She goes, you know what? Like, that bothers. You know how much that bothers me? Like none. Like none. She's like, um, did she just hear what I said about her?

I just told her people saying that she's a madam and she's like, not even reacting. And she's like, because it's like not even true. Like, am I really supposed to be bothered by a rumor that someone who buys grape scissors for other people brings to me? I don't know. But I wouldn't have like full protective mode. You know, of course I did. You know, like I felt like it was happening to me because we're like basically the same person. Whatever.

This is like so beneath me. Like, I do not even care. You know what, though? I have like real gossip for you. What? When I was at the wedding, one of our best friends was hurt that you're friends with her ex's new wife. Can you believe it? And you were talking about how great she was in a close friend group.

And I think that like hurt her feelings. Yeah, such good gossip. People are mad at you. Okay, well, I'm telling her something negative about her that I hurt. And then I'm gaslit into thinking now there's something wrong with me. and I'm like, what is going on? I love this girl, Dara. She's so perfect.

She's so perfect for these shows. Oh my God. And she's like, oh, really? You heard that about me? I heard that everybody hates you, so. Well, you asked me for real gossip, so like, this was real. She goes, no, I didn't ask you for real gossip. You told me you had real gossip.

And we see one minute earlier. This is Dara. I am because I'm real gossip for you. for you. That was Dara. So, Micah's like, okay, amazing.

Well, I think I'm gonna head out. Dar's like, yeah, it's like nothing. It's fine. Okay. This is my Harvard side speaking.

So now we go back to... Don't worry about it. I'm sure it's nothing. I mean, it just happened in Tuscany. So now back to Martha and Missy at the bar. And Missy's like,

what, Dara, she's like so nice. Like, I like her. Okay, but you acknowledge that she's boring and she needed a rumor like this is spice her. right? She's like, but there's like another side to her that's not honest. She's shady about Micah.

Oh, oh, oh. How do you mean shady? Tell me everything. Well, it's like we went to lunch with Lottie. So me, Lottie, Dara. And then when we left, she was like, oh my God, I met her the other day. And she was like so tacky, bringing these pink walkie-talkies to my house. And Dara said, oh, she's embarrassing, so low-class, tacky. She's faking her lifestyle, her whole career. Like the etiquette was just like a myth, you know. Like she just came up with that. Like, that's how she feels. But she said it after Lottie left just to me.

It was like a different tone, you know. Oh, yes. Like a whole different personality face, right? Is that what you're trying to say? A whole different personality face, totally different. You know, it's negative stuff. So that's her friend of 20 years. And then at the party, Mike, I was totally having her back.

Oh, also, I love the sound of a pink walkie-talkie, by the way. That sounds like for a walkie-talkie super cool. Oh, do you think a magpie would know how to use a walkie-talkie? That could make life so much easier around him. No, it's the tacky mess. But I like tacky. It's cool. Martha's completely not moved by this.

Like, her takeaway is like, oh my God, they make walkie-talkies and think. I want walkie-talkies. She just wants walkie-talkie. Who's Martha going to talk to on a walkie-talkie? She can have one down by the bartender. I'm coming down. So just get my martini ready for me. Thank you very much.

This is the bird pecking the walkie-talkie with his. nose, it's beak. So she's like, well, I'm nervous about this dinner. Me too. So I spoke to Mark and I spoke to Lottie and both of them said, do not get involved, like stay out of it. But I don't know if I can do this. Well, I'd listen to them over me, darling. I mean, my life's a mess, isn't it? I wouldn't take life advice from me. 52 hours later, this is Dara in 52 hours. And we see this dinner that's going to happen, I guess. In the second episode, I'm so excited Missy is saying like, you put me in a really shitty position. You know we were talking about your friend and she was like, oh, she's a bit cringe.

And Darry's like, I don't think that's conversation necessary and I love you. You know I do. And Mark's like, oh. Yeah, dun, done, done. The drama coming off in episode two, which we will cover on Monday. Oh, fabulous. What, God, I love this show already. These women are fantastic.

So thanks everyone for being here. And, yeah, that's it for our crazy week. Watch your stream, the replay on Kiswee over at our website. And have a wonderful weekend. Hope you have a great time, everyone. And I hope Ronnie, you have a wonderful time. I'll talk to you all later. We will talk to all later.

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