Watch What Crappens - #3251 Ladies of London S4E02: Truth or Dara

Episode Date: March 9, 2026

On Ladies of London, pink walkie talkies lead to a cast member’s departure, which may be a first for Bravo! To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and get ad free listening,, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to Watch What Crapins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the one the only. Is he a madam or is he not? Ronnie Karim, how are you? Oh my gosh. I wish I had the business acumen to be a madam. Yeah, it's hard. It's a lot of work.

It's a lot of effort. We are talking, Ladies of London, the second episode that premiered at the end of last week. before we dive into that, only a few days left to watch the replay of the crappies. Thanks to everyone who went and made little watch parties over the weekend. That was so cool. I saw some people gathered around. There were some videos of people,

some people got together on their sofas and watched together. And we are really flattered. And we really appreciate that you took the time to sit and gather and gather and watch the crappies. So if you want to check it out, if you haven't seen it yet, go to watchworkrapins.com. There's a link there and the replay is available through Friday, Friday, Friday. Also, patreon.com slash watchwork crapans. That's where you get our ad free feed. Brand new newsletter. Just hit the streets. It's, it's hit the streets. It's walking down the streets. It's poking in to Starbucks, getting a coffee and continuing down the street. It's having a great day.

So check out the newsletter. Also, our video is on Patreon. So all that great stuff is there. Come join us. Today we are doing Amazon live and that's going to be at 130 West Coast time. That's new time. 130. And that means of course 430 East Coast time. So that's all the exciting stuff. Unless I forgot anything. I don't think I did. And let's get on with it. Let's go to part two basically of the two-part premiere ladies of London. I have to say Ronnie. first episode, I was like, I'm not really feeling Mark Francis. I felt like he was so over the top. He felt like more affected.

But second episode, I was either the second episode or me having more time to get used to him. I totally was like, on board. I'm on board with Mark Francis. No notes on the show anymore. It's like, it's an amazing show. It's so good. It's a really good show. I hope it keeps up, you know?

I hope it doesn't like fall on its face in episode three. Because all week I've been like, ladies of London, ladies of London. I'm the town crier. you know, watch it, please. Well, it felt like a lot of people on the internet or all weekend long people were talking about it. Like, it seems to be it is the rage for the Bravo sphere. Everyone's talking about that in Southern Hospitality,

which really had two super strong premieres that last week. So I'm hoping the ratings actually match it or whatever metrics that Bravo's using these days to decide what shows are successful. Yeah, me too. Because that's good. So here we go. Ladies of London, season four, episode two,

I wish they wouldn't call it season four because it's really not the same thing. I get that they're rebooting it, but the first ladies of London wasn't that popular. And so it's like, why bring back a show that wasn't that pot?

Just either give it a name or just call it Ladies of London the New Rain and just have it be season one. Because I think it confuses people. If they see season four on Bravo, they're like, well, I can't watch that. I haven't watched the other three seasons.

And then they watch the other three seasons. They're like, shows its own thing. We loved. But the thing is also the first, we did. The first ladies of London was, I think, a little bit closer to a real housewives brand.

But this one definitely has a different feeling to it, right? It definitely feels like we're watching socialites going out and doing socialite things. It's not as family oriented. We've barely spent really any time with their families. And I think that's really good because you need to have some sort of separation between the brands, right? And so I think the show just has. so much attitude and I love it. You know, as the gays would say,

this show is cut fitnessy. It's really cut fitnessy. I think it's like actually the most cut fitnessy that any like Bravo show of all time like already. I'm like, I don't think there's ever been a bravo show that's been so cut fitnessy. Yeah. And I can see how that would turn into a bad thing if it's someone that we really liked

that they were going against. But in this case, it's someone that deserves, you know, seems to deserve it for. from everything that we're seeing. So it was super fun. And they also do it in such a fun way, you know? Yeah.

Like the whole, oh, you think she'll be offended that I called her a madam? I had no idea. Like, yes, that's a horrible. You cannot call somebody madame. I'm like, I just thought I was making them more interesting. Like they're shocked to anybody would be upset that they're telling the whole world that they're a madam. Yeah, an architect.

Like an established architect. I thought I was making a more interesting, darling. I know. The show is so cut in the sea. Maybe Gallery Girls is probably still the number one of all time. But this one, so far in four two episodes. I mean, just the opening line, it starts with Mark saying, people often ask, can you tell when someone's an American?

Well, yes, the moment they open their mouths. I was like right out the gates. Cut to Micah. She's like, hello, London calling. Kind of telephone. Or even before. So then Emma is, okay, we have to remind ourselves who all these people are. Which ones Emma?

Oh, Emma. Okay. Emma. Yeah. Emma's like the social life. Which one is Emma? Why can I bring in? Emma.

She's the one that lives in the castle that has been turned into a safari and has to bathe rhinos every day. But pretend, you know, like she's happy. So she's like, when you go to America, when you go to a shop, they're like, this is my name. This is what I do. we don't talk as much here. And then we cut to Margo and Margo's like, yeah, I'm an actor. I give a guy a handjob one time in a movie. Yeah, I mean, my hands were sticky, but it really got me some popularity.

I have kids now. You know, I love the smell of these candles. Do you like candles that smell? I love candles that smell. I'm giving this candle a hand shop. Olivier Award, am I right? We are so chatty. It's crazy.

We're out of control. Emma's like, and it's lovely. they're much friendlier than us, probably. I like when she says when it's, which is lovely, which is her way of saying, which is so unsophisticated and embarrassing for them. Lovely. Yes, bless her heart.

You know, it's like the southern, bless her heart. They're much friendlier than us, probably. And then we got a lot of, and she's like, well, I think my advice to any American trying to make it in the London scene would just be good luck. Maybe if you could find you. yourself a Johnny Depp in a skinny pant you'll get by, but until then, good luck.

So then Kimmy is having lunch with, and then the waiter comes up to her and is like, would you like another drink? She goes, well, I would have liked one 28 minutes ago. I think on the whole, we rather like Americans, I think. I mean, on the whole, She's like, well, I'm sure there's exceptions. And now that I think even harder about it, maybe not on the whole. Maybe on the half. On the half, we like them. On the quarter.

Maybe down to one-fifth. So now we go to Micah, who is the manners lady, the American, the American trying to teach British people manners, which is hilarious. So we go to a business meeting at her house with Ari, her head of marketing. And they're going over her schedule. and the producer's like, okay, well, tell me how you got into doing etiquette. She's like, so I was an American living in London, and I was at this amazing dinner, and everybody just knew their cutleries so beautifully, and they were holding their champagne flute, so effortlessly gliding around a dinner party, and I just felt so insecure.

And then Marco, my husband, I mean, he grew up in Switzerland, so, you know, this was second nature of him, but he wasn't going to tell me I was right or wrong because, you know, Switzerland. So, you know, he actually took the time and said, well, why don't you learn something, so why don't you take an etiquette class? And, you know, I know that's the last thing that the boy, you're dating, you want to say to you. Like, wow, you're a pig. Takes some etiquette class, but I did. And we got married.

It worked out for me. So then she's like, yeah, I actually trained underneath a former member of Queen of England's household staff. And she taught me Princess Diana. She taught Princess Diana's etiquette. Yeah, she did that. And my love of etiquette came from confidence I got through it. And I just wanted to give it to other people, which I think is such a beautiful thing. I would love it if like her etiquette teacher

It was just a full on kind artist Like yeah So yeah That's right, governor I taught Princess Diana's etiquette You know I can teach you to You want my resume I clean them

I clean the queen's asshole All right But I should have with manners Pay me a fishing chip today If you feed me a fishing chip today I'll pay you tomorrow So we see a video called Try This Trick to Eat Chips Quietly.

She goes, guys, chip noise is rude. So if you don't want to offend everybody around you eating a chip, put it in your mouth, and then put your lips around a chip. And it makes the noise soft. It dampens the noise to the chip. Oh my God, but now you have chip shit all over your lips. If you've ever wanted to see what it looks like to give a chip a blowjob, watch this video. She's like, really, she like literally blows the chip.

I was like, well, but also, I was like, I'm going to try that because that was really cool. I know I love that again. Don't do it because the salt from those, I mean, your lips are going to disintegrate. Yeah. They're not going to have lips anymore. That stuff is not to be touched. It just was the funniest image. It was like fish lips coming up.

She's like, she can't take her 10 minutes, eat that chip. She's like, hmm? And she also didn't learn that from the queen's assistant. That's simple. She's just making shit up for content, you know? It's like, oh my God. Okay. What are we going to do today?

Guys. What's something that's rude? What is something that's rude that means to be addressed? Oh, God. Oh, God. Chip noise. It's chip noise. It's chip noise.

Ari, get it out of here. I'm writing a memo to the Frito Lake Corporation to reduce their chip noise. Yeah, I feel like no one in the palace, Buckingham Palace is eating chips anyway, although those types of chips. So now, yeah, so Micah's telling us, you know, I met my husband in New York City in 2008, and I, like, just fell madly in love. And then boom, Marco gets a call that he's being sent back to London. And then I went. He said, you weren't supposed to come with me. This was what we call a ghosting. And I said, no, I'm going to follow you. And he said, but I was sort of hoping you would just stay back in New York. I said, no, I'm here. And so he said, okay, well, I guess we'll see how this works out. So now he just flies away every week. And he's gone

every single week. And I never seen him. So we're really happy. I just write him letters saying, I figured out the chip noise pollution. Come back. Come back. He's trying to get away so badly. He's like, oh, sorry, got to move to Europe. I guess this is a deal breaker. So I guess our relationship is over.

Not necessarily. I'll come with you. I was like, yeah, he's never here. But he wants to be. So, you know, I'm raising the kids. He wants to raise the kids. So he just can't because, you know, private equity. It's very private.

I can't talk about it. So private. I don't even have his phone number, really. But I do write letters. I did try to tag him in the video about the chips, but he didn't give it a like yet, but I'm sure he'll see it soon. So the kids, Max and Valentina, are there.

And she's like, oh, yeah, I mean, there's definitely times when I'm burnt. You know, at the end of the week, you're burnt out. You know, and all you want to do is, like, melt to the ground. That would be so rude. Or just be a puddle of human on the ground. Don't do that. If you want to melt into the ground, don't do it.

Go into a walk-in. Get yourself together. Nobody needs a human puddle on the ground. It's rude. Don't embarrass America. Your husband will never call you. I love that her daughter's name is Valentina because it maintains the tradition of having a Valentina

on Ladies of London. You know, Valentina formerly was Caroline Stanbury's assistant. So the spirit lives on. It's like there must always be a Valentina. And I would love it at Valentina also talks about. Bad news, mom. Bad news, mom. We learned about shapes in school today.

Bad news. Bad news, Mum, got to be in my simple fractions quiz. Bad news, mum, we're not doing math anymore. Now we're doing Singapore math. What the fuck. Bad news, mum. Just learned about the history of this country. It's pretty dark, mum.

Oh, well, that's great. Long line of loud chip eaters. We've got here. Mom, can I? go to this toy store today. Sorry, I'm joking on my own saliva. I'm laughing so hard, I'm choking my own saliva. I can barely let out,

get out of Valentina person at. Oh, Valentina the assistant. I will never forget that voice. Oh, Mom. Like, whoa, Valentina. Here's a lozenge. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappence commercial. So,

she's really tired, you guys. And they're FaceTiming Marco. And Max is uninterested. because, you know, he's probably got abandonment issues or whatever. And Micah's like, well, I just, I rely on my friendships in London because, you know, I don't really have a husband here. You know, some people get to talk to their husband. I don't really. So, you know, I get to talk to my friends.

Without my friends, I've just got this sock that I put on my hand. Hi, Marco. I love you, honey. I wish I was with you. I wish you were with me too, Marco. My God, why is my handstone leaving? It's just my voice. It's still the sock talking, Marco, come home.

Hey, Sock, Marco, do you want to try eating a potato chip? Okay, look. Quiet. So, Micah, is like, yeah. So, you know, I don't have family physically with me in London. My friends are my family. My family, well, my family actually said, we're not here right now. Please leave a message on the machine, which is funny because answering machines haven't been a thing for like 25 years.

But that's what happens when I call. And I just have my friends. And it's really just Darren. If I don't have Darrow, then who do I have? Who am I? Who am I? Let's go to Darra. This is Darra. She's at a restaurant called Ivy Asia. And she's getting ready for a dinner party and putting out name cards and stuff.

And she's like, you know what? I think that we should put the name on both sides of the card. I love that. I love when there's a name on the front and there's a name on the back. That's how Derra does it. Architecture. My dinner party. is that I mean Asia?

Because I want to treat everybody to something special with the Chinese culture to show them a little bit of my culture. So I'm like, these ladies are going to be too drunk to get any sort of appropriate lessons from any culture right now.

So then Dara sees Ladi. She FaceTime's Lottie. And she's like, oh my God, you look beautiful. She's like, oh, thank you. It's my pregnancy boobs, plus just being naturally British.

I just have just a general beauty about me, don't tie. Stupid Americans. That was a diss on them a little bit. You want to take a dick at an American right now. All right, well, you've heard about Mark's garden party, haven't you? She's like, yeah, I mean, my colleague filled me in a little bit, but like it sounded like an interesting conversation.

And the producer asks her, so what about this rumor that you're a madam? I'm she like, oh, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ho, ho. Oh, oh. And then they just show her kind of staring off into the camera. That's my favorite thing they're doing with Dara. Like, everybody, even the people who are shooting her are like, this lady is so. touch gold. Don't even say anything. Just keep the camera on her. She never answers the question, by the way. And she just kind of like stares off into the distance. She just laughs and kind of

stares off into the distance. And what I'd love is that she obviously quits the show by the end of the episode. And they clearly don't have any interview footage of her. Like they don't have any pickups. They clearly just have like the weird low quality cell phone interview they did for the sizzle reel. So it's like this. low-quality interview in the middle of the show, just Dara. And she's like, I mean, like, is it a big deal? Like, no. I think that Micah's certainly more sensitive than I am.

I mean, the truth is, people will formulate more opinions about a public figure. And Micah doesn't have a public persona yet. So for her, it was probably a bigger deal than it was for me. I've been called much worse, is what I'm saying. She is more upset that Micah knew about it. First. She's like, well, it's just that Micah's not really famous enough to understand that people make stuff up about famous people. Poor Micah. Yeah, she's like, she's just so alarmed because she's just not famous enough to know what it's like to have, you know, crazy rumors made up about you. Well, it'll be cleared up on Thursday, I'm sure. It's going to be so fun. Now we go to the Mayfair District, and Emma's going to a tea house to meet Mark. And he sees her, and he's like,

Oh, good lord, it's you, woman. I've never seen a woman as wonderful as you. He basically gets up in the middle of the restaurant, goes running across the restaurant. And Emma's like, Mark Vandelli is incredible. He has been my friend for ages now. We met in Santhrop here 14 years ago,

and he's the funniest person in the world. Wait, do you want to see me laughing at his jokes? Here we go. Ha ha, ha. Anyway, so he's so kind. he's amazing with children. He's my youngest son's godfather. He's wonderful.

Emma and I are not friends. Emma is essentially my Siamese twin. Because whatever we are, wherever we are in the world, we're somehow always connected and we're always thinking the same thing. So they sit down and everything. And Mark's like, oh, look at us.

We're both so fat. She's like, I always say I'm Prosecco, and he's, champagne and that is basically what you need to know. Ah, ha. So then she orders tea and everything. She's, by the way, this woman is like very elegant and very beautiful.

And there's like a sadness behind her eyes. Like I kind of feel like she's like trapped in a life she doesn't want. But, yeah, she lives in a fucking zoo. A literal zoo. She's like, I thought I was getting a castle. And then they told me we had to start a zoo in the backyard to keep the fucking lights on. Now I have parties and everyone smells dung. Okay, this is my life.

But she also does seem like she is someone who is in the aristocracy. I mean, she is. And like, you can tell the difference because she's just, she's just way more restrained. Whereas, like, oh, hello, darling. And she's like, oh, hello, hello. So I enjoy her sort of like her quiet restraint. I'm not going to say disdain because she does seem to really love Mark. But there's something about her that is like silently judgey, which is one of my favorite qualities.

Yeah, I think part of her is like, why am I here? You know? Yeah. So she's like, oh, she says, oh, so Kimmy comes in. And she's like, oh, hello, darling. Hi. I certainly hope you kill that animal that you're wearing yourself, Kimmy. Kimmy is an icon.

I first met Kimmy when I was like 17 through my husband, Kowli, Sulin. Sulin is what we've decided. That's how it's pronounced. Sue Lynn. And Kimi is like, oh, I love Sulin. I met Sulin a hundred years ago. Back in the decadent days when we were still allowed to go to the big country houses and break antiques.

You know that there's someone that was like, did they let that American back in who was breaking all the antiques? The first time I met her, she was like 17 and I went to her house so drunk that I collapsed on the floor. And her mother was like, are you all right? Do you think you could make it home? And I'm like, I don't know. So her mother handed me my car keys and off I drove. So where have you been? I see you were in Cann.

I love the pivot from like, I was so drunk, I fell on the floor and her mother yelled at me. So how was Cannes? Well, I wasn't Cannes for like the longest can of my life, doing simultaneous jobs overlapping. I got to be glamorous. Oh, fantastic. Oh, carefree. Were you carefree?

I was carefree. kind of well anyway i need to know what i missed oh god did somebody step and poop of some guy no it was me it was me you don't understand i was doing so much in can i had to take a picture on top of a staircase had to take a picture in the middle of a different staircase and to take a picture at the bottom of a different staircase so it was just a lot of staircases that i took photos at very tired can i ask you a question what happens if one needs a wheelchair in can't they didn't have a single the rhinoceros down there. So,

so Emma's like, tell me about this party that this garden party. And so Kimmy's like, well, the funniest part about the whole fucking party. So Martha Sidwell's fresh. She's fresh.

They're like, oh, darling, give me something. Don't choke. That's what happens when you eat. Don't eat. How many times do I have to tell these ladies? Eating causes choking.

This is one group I never want to choke amongst because none of them will give you hym like. They'll just sit and laugh in your face. Oh, look, she's dying. Isn't this positively hilarious? She's going to die. Well, enjoy your last few moments while you're six eight. We're going to have a martini in your honor.

Have a great life. Congratulations. RIP, fatty. That's what she got for eating, am I right? So Kimmy is like, Well, Margo came out and said the other day that this Darragal girl, Thank you to whoever did that. Is it madam?

Oh, we're spilling tea, are we? Oh, I just love it. A madam, I tell you. Well, I don't know about this. This doesn't sound good. Oh, shut up, Emma. It's funny. It's a madam.

Think about it. A madam. First of all, it's a French thing, which is hilarious on a show about British. But also, think about it. She knows prostitutes if you really, she's an architect. She probably built her own brothel. It is funny, probably less funny to a Marquisa, or whatever I am. And she's like, well, I'm not saying I don't gossip.

Of course, who doesn't love gossip and tea? You know, it's just funny, I suppose. I mean, Kimmy says it is. But the less I know about this, the better, frankly. Sue Lynn won't like it. So this Dara person, was she there? Oh, no, no. She told me she had her best friend's wedding.

And she said, oh, it's in Toscanine. And I said, oh, that's great. You know, I just bought a house in Tuscany. Where? And she goes, well, I don't know. My assistant book it. I said, oh, ho. Oh, so she's rich, rich.

Oh, who, who. Yes, well, anyway, she's invited us to dinner. A lady who went to Tuscany but doesn't know which part of Tuscany. I can't wait to see what she's going to serve for dinner. Wait a second, Mark Francis. So you bought a house? Where did you buy a house? Oh, yes.

It's in Florence. I bought this house because I thought, actually, it was a very good way to spend more time with my father. Unfortunately, he's slowly deteriorated. So, let's have a moment. I'll be serious for about 10 seconds. I'm so sorry. This is very this show where everybody, it's like they turn a switch and then everybody gets really dark. I mean, his whole face gets, he has kind of a dark face anyway.

And I mean emotionally, like his eyes get dark. You can see like a little dark cloud swirling in his eyes. He's like, yes, I bought this house because actually, it was a good way for me to be close to my father who's deteriorating rapidly Anyway anyway fabulous Tuscany wonderful We've just got off first all of God

Did I tell you So you're the only child Sad Oh ha ha ha ha ha he's like Yes I am the only child Can't you tell? Oh we're back Back to fun times

My relationship Dark moment Dark moment thank you My relationship with my father Growing up was very simple, really. I would fly to him, go to Italy every weekend, and then fly back on a Sunday night. It was just a constant series of goodbyes.

All right, lights back. Lights back up. We've got that one, right? Print. Print that one. Sir, it was also a constant series of hellos, okay? I'm like, put a smile on your face. Be American.

So, Kimmy is like, Well, if you need help with anything, Just ask Dara. She probably knows who to help. Should at least find someone for you to snog. My father, I'm still having a dark moment. My father and I haven't really spent very much time together in the past 30 years. Too much solitude, too much pain, too little understanding, too little connection. Really.

Am I doing lyrics that sound like they're from the 90s? Perhaps. But that's okay. I don't want to be too late. Doesn't it sounds like that Kathy Denner song. Too many walls. have come up between us. Oh, father.

Dark moment over. Oh, father. Here I am dancing on my own. So, Kimmy, it's like, well, if there's anything you need, if you need just a bowl of cockles, I can make that for you. It's my children's favorite. Well, I need so much.

Dark moment's over. Dark moment over. Well, she's already got in nurses, uniform in a cupboard. Oh, vintage, I'm sure. He's like, except it's latex. Oh. And then Kimmy takes a napkin, puts it in her hair. And she's like, look, it's like my leisure nurse's hat. And they're like, oh, could I come in? I'm sultry now. How can I refuse such a generous author? I couldn't. I couldn't. Dr. Darwa, the madam, who? She represents me. So now we go to a photo.

Just Kimmy's enjoyed it over this madam storyline is hilarious. So now we go to a photo shoot. And Lottie's doing her pregnancy photo shoot, but she doesn't look pregnant. So they're going to do it anyway. She's 17 weeks pregnant, and you can't even tell. But she's like, I'll just put my hand on my stomach. Does that work? And then her husband, who looks like a goth, Mr. Peanut, is there, of course.

She's like, you know, directing it. Joshua and I met at The Box, which is an infamous nightclub in Soho. And the man walked in with his fedora and his mustache. And behind them was a family of women with lots of lip liner. Lexi Wood and her mom and dad and her sister. Hi. And I thought, my God, is it Johnny Depp? Is it the year 2001 when Johnny Depp was someone that we lusted after?

Because it's dark in here, you know. and he does have that look, and I thought, wow, I'm about to be super famous with Johnny Depp. Turns out it wasn't Johnny Depp, just some sort of playmation stick figure person. And I thought, sure, why not? It wasn't Johnny Depp, but it was something more infamous, anemia. So we got married immediately. You know, as two hours later, someone found us snogging downstairs at The Box. By the way, I'm just going to keep saying The Box, because it's very popular on Bravo lately.

The Box, the Box, the Box, the Box, the Box. We were hearing a lot about the box. Is it a chain? Yes. I guess I wonder if it started in London and then went to New York. Probably did. Well, the rest is history. We got engaged after eight weeks of dating.

We were married within the year. And this year, we'll be three years married. And we've got a baby on the way. So we see, this is baby Kane up on the screen as she holds her stomach. And this guy really is like, I can't wait for this baby to come out so I can suck out its stem cells. He looks creepy, this guy. the first ever sonogram that has a handlebar mustache. So she says,

I think it's just the obvious thing for people to assume, oh, he's a man that works in fashion, so he's gay. Oh, he's a man who dresses well, so he's gay. Oh, he's a man who has sex with other men, so he's gay. But you know, honestly, I find his flamboyance really attractive.

We do our nails together, like we do our makeup. It's so fun. And honestly, it's like a proper partnership. It's not just you're a boy, you're a girl. It's like, we are, I've married me, a very sickly me, but I'm all the same. So good for those crazy kids. Is this the new Alex and Simon?

Is this the second coming of them, this strange sort of codependent and wacky couple, but we sort of like them? I'm totally into them. I think that that's a good comparison, yeah. I really like this couple. And I like that they're so weird. And they're like, let's just do each other's makeup, who gives a fuck? I kind of love it too.

He's such an odd duck. I kind of would like to follow him and see what he's doing because she's, you know, she's not. So it's only episode two, but so far she's not that interesting, but he is. Follow him around. I mean, I will say he is a tailor to the stars and his suits are tailored within a millimeter of his body. Like they are, they fit him like a glove. I was like, this guy is talented. Yeah, I mean, I guess.

Yeah, he looks great. He does look like a Victorian cartoon, but he is talented. One thing has nothing to do with another. I mean, he looks like consumption, but yeah, he's very talented. So then we go to Martha's Grottage, the Gros Cottage. Oh, and she's inside talking about how she... Okay, so Martha, my favorite one, this little shack that she lives in, with all the paint falling off and all the stains and bird shit coming down the walls.

And she's like, oh, God, I wish I could run the Hoover, but it's just too late now, isn't it? and Hiccate is flying around. And Ernie, we find out that she's got other pets sleeping in his bed. And so she has this tin of biscuits cookies, you know, so she's opening the tin. And the producer's like, okay, talk to me about the British biscuit tin. What exactly is that? She's like, well, I live with rats. I've got to keep them out of the biscuits somehow.

And I'm, wow. So then her friend Mimi shows up. Mimi's like, oh. And Martha's like, so Mimi's an interior designer and a very good friend of mine. She comes to help me with the grottage. I am prone to painting everything pink and then covering it in cherubs and guild. I'm basically a gay Arab man trapped in a white straight woman's body. This is good to have Mimi keep me on the right side of kitsch.

I was like, first of all, I also did not expect her instinct to be like pink with cherubs. Like that's shocking to me. I thought she was going to say I like to paint it black or something. But she just wants to make this a garish rococo mess. And so they sit down and she's like, I love the grottage. I mean, what I don't love is the wallpaper peeling off and there are damp patches. The number of times she just says there's damp patches and you see like full on like mold and like the ceiling falling down.

It's just a damp patch. Don't worry. This apartment is basically like three week old cheese. I mean, it is just mold. It is disgusting looking. And she's like, oh, you know, there's a bit of wallpaper coming off. It's not the wallpaper. It's the wall.

The wall is coming off of the wall. She's like, everything's covered in magpie crap. I'm like, you could clean that, though, you know? Like, that's something you can do. Like, maybe you should do it. I mean, it's dripping down all the walls. And she's like, well, I did find a painter. I mean, he says, oh, I'm so looking forward to this renovation and rebirth.

You know, sometimes birth is best done through fire. Oh, darling, you're such an angel to help me because I'm just sort of, I feel a bit drowning at the moment, which I love that. I feel a bit drowning. Not that I don't feel, I don't feel like I'm drowning. I just feel drowning. I feel the sensation of drowning. I feel a bit drowning at the moment. It's been a bitter five years.

It's been a bit of five years. And she's doing the hard blink and smile. and her hair is perfectly curly, tightened. You know, those tight curls coming down. It's like, no matter what's going on, I will get my curls in. So she tells us her story. She's like, five years ago, I had a really tough breakup.

It was really a death of the ego. Get dark, get dark, get dark, dark. Dark moment, dark moment. And then I was just keeping my head above the waves with all the grief, you know. When a man outside my house started making strangling noises when I was walking my dogs at night. And I had to move.

I had to move for my mental safety. What? And you had a man making strangling noises at you at night as you went to your house. What the hell? Are you sure it wasn't just Mark? Like, darling. Were you?

You're poor now. Boer. I was like, are you sure you're just not living in Los Angeles? So she... This is crazy, though. I mean, all jokes aside. My God, a schizophrenic man who defense lawyer called a bit odd

is cleared of stalking a model and face of Royal Ascot Lady Martha Stittwell, sit well. So I'm not laughing, I'm not laughing at the situation. This is scary. Like,

whenever you hear stories about stalkers, it is really terrifying. I just am laughing at the fact that, like, it's, again, so British from our American perspective that the lawyer characterized the stalker as a bit odd.

A bit odd. There's someone who's a bit odd outside. I'm afraid we can have to make some sort of injunction. about the man who's just slightly odd. The stalker was a bit odd, but in his defense, he did eat his potato chips quietly. So there's a plus for him.

Turns out it was just Micah wearing a hat. Yeah. Choking on the chip that you were trying to be quietly. Like, oh, look, it's making, this person's making strangling faces. I must move. It's like, no, I just need some hemelike. Please, well, any of you British people do hymlic on me? No, unfortunately, we just laugh.

I'm sorry, I would, but I'm carb-free and you've got chips all over your lip. She can't do that. So they are looking at this apartment, and it is really run down. And Hakate is, she goes, oh, there's this like little net hanging above a door, like a flat basketball net. And she's like, what's that? Because did you add that in there? And she goes, no, no, no, that came with it. But, you know, oh, God, look at that.

Hacarte has stolen my measuring spoons. That's where those went. Well, I'll just leave those up there. I'll just leave those up there. At least I know where they are now. I love the bird took the measuring spoons and put it in its little net up above the door. So what kind of apartment comes with that net? I was like, who knows that was already here?

What? What do you mean that was already here? Where are you living? And by the way, it says in that headline that Lady Martha Sitwell was the, the face of the royal ascot, which is like, no, they're big, like one of their big races, I believe. It's just like crazy to think.

The face of this, like, esteemed event that happens in England is, like, living in this decrepit a cottage with, quote, unquote, damp spots and, like, a magpie that's stealing measuring spoons above the doorway. So Martha's like, my last real home before the grottage

was very beautiful, lovely airy, light flat in South Kensington, also covered with bird shit. You just could not even imagine. Oh, so beautiful. I miss it. Sad. This poor designer. This sad talk moment.

Over. Back to life. I'm happy now. I'm happy now. So she's got a lot of work cut out for her because she goes, well, we'll remove that net, right? I mean, we're not going to keep that. She's no, no, no, no, we should keep that. I love that.

What? What are you talking about? And I can't stop obsessing over the net. It looks like a basketball net, but like with no hole in it. It's like, do British people just love the pain? It's like, oh, Americans. Go ahead, try and throw a bowl in there. Boom, didn't get a basket.

Loser American. It looks like one of those nets they put out, like, under a Ferris wheel or like a roller coaster. That way when your shit falls out of your pockets, it just catches it. Yes. Or when someone's doing stunts off a high building and they have, like, a thing to catch you. Yeah. Or the nets they have to put at like a stadium. You know, they have to put the nets in front of the railings now.

because people will lean over to catch a baseball and they'll fall off. So they have to put a net there to catch the people. Yeah. So Martha says, well, budget-wise, at the moment, I can only afford to do the sitting room. I hope that's all right. And my budget, I mean, I've got a cracker. I've got it. Would you like a biscuit out of a tin?

That's my button. The rats haven't gotten it yet. And Mimi's like, okay, well, two and a half grand. Well, we can do that. But when I left my husband, I really wanted to behave honourably in our divorce, but it was difficult to get legal representation. And he had a big, he had big legal representation. So by the time we got to court, there was apparently no money to be found.

So what I got from divorce was my title and not a lot else. Dark moment. But I really want to build my life because at every turn, I've thrown away my life to go look after these rich men. And they're not looking after me. You know, old Martha would have just picked up, been picked up by another knight in shining armor, but New Martha doesn't want a knight in shining armor. I really want to do this for myself. And it's harder, but I'm working at it. I don't know what caused New Martha, but I'm, I am, I'm rooting for New Martha, but I'm also concerned for New Martha.

Yeah. And Mimi's like, oh, well, only good will come from here. Trust that. But the look in her face is like, you poor thing. And Martha's like, well, I live with the magpie. I deal with enough shit. Don't show her your eyes. Don't show her your eyes. Commercials. Here comes one right now.

So, Missy goes to a new house and she is meeting up with her therapist and he's like, how are you doing? I've got a man bun. She's like, I'm okay. I am such an anxious. person. You know that. Like I've done three meditations last night and then I was still feeling like anxious. He's like, oh

yes, you've got some real stressful stuff being absolutely beautiful. Yes, thank you. I started therapy because I was living in survival mode. My relationship was failing. I have two kids with two different men and I needed to understand why I was always in this black hole. You know, I was always kind of labeled, oh, she's hot, oh, she's a wag, oh, she's a hot wag, oh

she's a wag that's hot. You know, labels like that. But deep down, I was super insecure because I always had to be like high maintenance image of like, oh, I've got my shit together because I'm a hot wag, you know? So it's very difficult. My first relationship was making me happy, gave me everything, the house, the dream life. But that was bored. And then I met a fun guy and he was the most toxic person I ever met in my life. God, he was hot. He would belittle me. He would say, why'd you want to do that? What are a wag? Why, why are you doing that? You stupid wag? Oh, I made me. Wag seemed like a bad name.

He said, why are you going to that event? Wag! He started draining my soul. And then we see a headline that says, Missy Bikeri secretly splits from fiancé J.Kall after five years following explosive rouse and her brother's murder. But exes are trying to make things normal for her daughter.

Wait, so I guess her brother was murdered. I'm sure we'll get into that later this season. So she's like, three years ago, I would never think out. would get here. It is someone you loved, but he did put me in a lot of stress because he'd be like, see, it's because the way you dressed.

You're making men look at you because of the way you dress. And I was drained by him, like my whole soul was sucked out of me. And when you go through toxic relationship, you fall into victim mode. And it's horrible because you don't want it. You're like, I'm hot. I'm a wag. And you normalize it. And you're like, now, how have I put myself this

low? But you can't see a way out. But it affected my current ex, because my dad was a little bit like that, and it was almost like I was accepting it, because I thought maybe this is how it should be. My God, everything's so dark. I mean, this shows like so fun, but then all their backstories are like, oh, geez. And her therapist, whose name is Rue, was like, um, so what is it and where is it that you actually want to take things? Let's talk about that. She's like, I want to be proud. I want to be authentic. You know, I've always suppressed that. And, you know, it made me insecure, but I'm doing work on myself, and now I want to be more secure. He's like confidence

comes in layers, and the more you upset people, because she's saying, you know, I want to have a voice and feel like people aren't going to judge me. So I'm going to tell everybody about gossip that I heard it at dinner. Do you think that that's something I should do? He's like, well, that people get mad, then people get mad, because you're just being authentic. Yeah. Fun fact, Missy was on Real Housewives of Cheshire, starting season three, by the way. So she has some real housewives pedigree. Oh, wow.

Okay, so, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's very exciting. So now we go to Holland Park, no relationship to Holland Taylor. And Margo is there with her daughter, Adela, and their nanny Janira. And Margo's like, you know, it's like I'm a completely different person coming back to London this time. I don't drink anymore. And she basically is like, I got sober because Martha said Will broke me. And Martha's like, we cut to Martha going, oh, it's not funny, but why am I laughing? So Margo tells us that she was living in L.A.

And she, Martha was like, why don't you come to a visa for a week? So she went there to a visa for a week with Martha and her boyfriend. And then they went to go grouse shooting in Scotland. And she's like, I was so full of alcohol. I was crying straight vodka. And I was on the flight home. And I just thought, I can't do this anymore. She literally broke me.

I mean, she took me grouse shooting. What the fuck is grouse shooting anyway? So Martha comes to the park, and she has little gifts for the kid. She's like, oh, this is a little doggy shaped out of bird poo-poo. Very, very fun. A little toy. It's a little net in case you want to put it in your out. Oh, there's a measuring spoon.

Here's a measuring spoon for you. She's like, ugh. It's so bizarre to see Margo's a mother. You know, Margot was literally the live. Zool of London for a long time. And then like me, you know, she had some, some peaks and some troughs. Dark Martha. Uh-uh. Hard blink. We're happy again. We're in the park. I'm just so happy to see her coming back in her peak. So proud of her. Oh, little Della, isn't it so fun to be here in the park? You know, it's the first time I've seen your mother

when she wasn't absolutely shit-faced, aiming a gun at our guide instead of a grouse. Those were Eddie days, weren't they, Margot? So how's the house gunting going, Mago? She's like, well, the house that I really want, it was an architectural digest. Can you imagine? It's really like a vibe, like an architectural vibe at Digest kind of vibe. Like, it's totally not in our budget, of course, but we'll make it work, right? I'm 50,000 a month.

I mean, that's what I actually have. It's above that. How's it for you? She's like, oh, well, I've had the palest shoe sauce box that I'm living in, Covenant Birdshin, about to be painted. So that's good. You know, I met a sweet guy in the park who said he's a painter and a decorator, so he's come painted for me. Of course, I had to give him 300 quid in cash yesterday, which felt a bit strange.

He was also not really clothed. And he kept on talking to a tree and saying, it is my honor, mum. So I don't really know what that was about. He also kept making strangling noises as we talked about paint color. Margo's like, well, that's normal. You know, they have to buy your paint, so you need money. Oh, no, no, it wasn't for paint. It was for other stuff.

Mark was like, okay, well, that feels a little bit crazy for me. She was just, oh dear. Margaret's like, why is she wiring money to someone before they work? She has serious life experience that told her you cannot trust strangers. Well, I'm just terribly gullible. I just believe everything everyone tells me all the time. For instance, magpies make a great pet. That was a good one that I've held for.

So now it's the day of Dera's. party and everyone's getting ready and Emma FaceTime's mark. And he's like, oh, look at you. I love your Croydon facelift. And that means a tightly pulled ponytail hairstyle often associated with lower social classes. We needed a... Martha and Missy are in a car and she's like, how are you feeling about tonight? Have you ever advanced a painter $300 in the park?

Just taking a quick survey. And he's like, well, I have to say something, you know. I, you know, I called my therapist, to be honest, on the way. And he said, oh, really, what did they say? He was like, breathe in, breathe out. You've got this. Like, did you just, did you call your therapist? Or did you just go to the hallmark store and read a card?

Yeah, exactly. He said, hang in there. It was a cat. It was a cat hanging off a rope. So we go to Ivy Asia. And Dera arrives and she gets the slow motion music. And everyone comes in. and says hi and stuff, and Missy's like, I feel a bit unsettled.

You know, I need to say something. I just hope Dera apologizes and, you know, moves on. Because for those of you who don't remember, I was talking to Dara on the phone and she dissed her friend, Micah. And my therapist told me now is the time to be authentic. So I'm going to let it out at this lunch and prove I'm a healed woman after being a scorned wag. Yeah, because I'm sure it will come up again in the recap, But a key thing is that Micah brought Dara pink walkie-talkies as like a cute friendship thing.

And then Dara later told Mike Missy that she thought it was cringe and she doesn't like walkie-talkies. So, you know, which I love that this is like the crux of a big fight. That's going to cause someone to quit the show. It's like he said she was cringe. Yeah, she was also just shit talking her and saying like, oh, she's so awkward and she's so gross and she's so embarrassing and stuff like that. So Micah is there, Micah the etiquette lady, and she's like, oh my God, I'm so nervous for Dara, because she's seeing all these people that were spreading rumors about her and that they're at her dinner party. Oh, God.

So. If I tried to warn her, I was like, okay, 10-4, 10-4, over and out for Dara. They're spreading rumors about you. Get ready. They're spreading rumors. But she wouldn't answer. It was really unfortunate. Martha is asking Dara's other friends how they know her.

and one of the girls was like, how do I know her? Well, I'm a fan. I'm a fan because she has an Instagram and I have an Instagram. And so she reached out, was like, oh, I like your Instagram. And then we became friends.

And the other lady's like, yeah, we know her from Instagram. And so Martha just looked, and one of the other friends goes, oh, yeah, one of the reasons I just love Dara, she just pulls people together, you know, and then she puts people together, you know, especially the ladies. She loves beautiful, intelligent, you know, smart ladies, and then she puts people to have business together. And Martha's like, um, yeah, I'm still not convinced that she's not a matter.

I mean, one of these friends are saying she's a connector, the other one she found online. I mean, there's some energy there. Just admit it, you know, listen, I can use some money. So Daris is just talking with Margo She's like So you live in L.A. right? She's like, yeah, I have a place in Malibu And then I'm working here

She's like, oh, amazing Yeah, I lived here for 20 years All my old friends are here All my contacts are here Yeah, we both know Nicholas Oh, no way! Yeah, he told me about you, no way! Yeah, I swear, because I introduced him to the Milken Institute, oh my God!

And I got him to speak in L.A. And I'm like always helping you to connect. I just love connecting. connecting people. So this is like, it's just basically a cocktail party pattern, but then Margo's like, this girl has doctor, doctorate in diplomacy. She has blown me away with kindness. Immediately with the people that we share in common. I mean, you would have to have those skills to be a madam. It's like a record. This is like literally just like, hey, we have a mutual friend. Oh my God, that's so funny. Yeah. Isn't he great? Wow, listen to that madam go, spinning her web.

That's true. This one was a stretch, but the first one with the friends was crazy. I was like, wow, could you hire people to make this sound any more suspect? Yeah, you know,

she just likes collecting beautiful women and then setting them up with business ventures. Like, what the fuck is that? You know what? I recently got a really good deal on a KitchenAid

and if you guys want, you can check it out. It's on Amazon. It's like $200 off. Wow. Only a madam knows about KitchenA deals. Hmm.

Everything's like a smoking gun to them. And Kimmy and Mark come in next and you can tell because you just hear, Oh, and Martha has on cigarette heel shoes, which are really funny. And Kimmy's like, oh my God, I'm desperate for a glass of champagne. Hello. Oh, you must be Dara. Oh, God, I'm so disappointed in this girl.

Oh, God. Get Heidi Fleiss in here, am I right? Where's a real madam? Does this one. What a terrible man. Okay, here's the new gossip. We know a madam, and she's tacky and terrible. Come in me a classy madam any day.

I mean, this is a madam. More like Madam President, as in Taya Leone on a CBS procedural. Boring! Okay. So then, actually, sorry everyone, that's called Madam Secretary. I totally got my CBS shows wrong. And I apologize to the listeners. So Dara's like...

Did you mean the Gina? Gina Davis show. Is she a president? I don't know, but she was a president. She was a president. I remember that. Yeah. That was probably called like,

lady president. Yeah, she's like, guys, I'm Gina Davis. And let me tell you what I stand against terrorism. They're like, oh my God. She's the best president we've ever had. Yeah. Honestly, I would fully vote for Gina Davis to be president.

At this point. At this point. Oh, my God. Yeah. Like, you dealt with Luke Besant. I'll trust you. Yeah, I'm down. I'm down with that.

I don't remember the name of her show. But I do remember that it was, it was her being a president somewhere. But anyway, so they're all, like, chatting around and everything. And they're settling in. And Dara's like, you're sitting here. You're sitting there, whatever. And Missy gets to sit right next to Dara.

So Missy's like, oh, great. She's, like, really upset about it. So Dara's like, okay, everyone. I just want to say thank you all for coming. I wanted to bring us together because, you know what they say? Time is money. Time is money, right? You, if you're out there, you know, when you're out there in these streets, you know,

you're earning your money. Am I right, everyone? Yeah. Well, anyway. I just wanted to say thank you for coming. Yeah, we're all entrepreneurs and we've all made something from nothing. You know, we've all come from the bottom and then turned ourselves into something that deserves dinner tonight.

I just want you all to remember that. And Mark and Margo are just laughing and giving each other looks. And Marco goes, who is she talking to? I mean, has she looked around the table? These are not self-made people. And then it cuts to Mark and it says at the bottom, Mother, Russian princess, father, Italian businessman. Lottie, daughter of a tech investor.

Kimmy, father was a shipping entrepreneur. Martha, father was a famous entrepreneur. And then it cuts back to Dara and she's like, yeah, we all have something that we can share with each other to help each other because we're all self-made, you know, we're all here to help each other. And Kimmy and Mark are just cracking up. And Mark's shaking his head, no. And he goes, oh, well, congratulations to me for being a self-made woman. My gosh, isn't that formidable? I never knew. Kimmy's like, I don't really know what Dara is talking about. She says everyone has an entrepreneurial spirit. My entrepreneur. nor is zero. And this is where we have a huge departure from the Real Housewives and American cast because on the Real Housewives, you have all these people

who have like, you know, men's privilege and they're like, I'm self-made. I did this all myself. Like, I'm basically, it's like, Bethany when she was like, I'm homeless, I'm homeless right now. I'm living on the streets. You know?

And these people are like, oh, no, we don't work. We never have worked. We don't want to do that. No, disgusting. Self-made. Only trash makes itself. We're privileged and we have no idea what the real world is like. And we love it that way.

And the waitress comes and Mark is like, oh, thank God, a self-made woman. So Margo's asking where Emma was. She's like, oh, I was in Kensington Palace. And she's like, oh, that's nice. What were you doing there? She's like, fragrance launch. She's like, oh, your fragrance? No, we're not, we're not entrepreneurs like that.

It was someone else's. Some poor person's fragrance they were trying to. As a guest, darling, I wasn't making a fragrance, although I did buy about 19 gallons of it because I do live in a literal zoo. Who was some captain on some boat with some sort of sandalwood fragrance? I don't know. The poet laureate was there. It's a whole thing. But I made excuses to come here, everyone. That's right. I left an event with a poet laureate so we could come here and accuse someone of being a madam. When did we start that, by the way? So Dara doesn't have a drink, and so Kimmy grabs her glass and dump some of her drink into it.

She's like, you have to have a drink, so you can toast. You can't toast without a drink. I mean, what kind of alcoholic are you? That's Kimmy's favorite move. It's just a pour wine from one glass to another. So, Missy tells us, the old Missy would have definitely just kept her mouth shut, but I've closed a chapter.

Because you guess what I did? I breathed in, I breathed out, just like therapy told me. And now I breathed out old Missy, breathe in new Missy, because that chapter was full of lies, of cheat, to move forward. I don't want to do that.

I, like, don't stand there and celebrate women, Dara, and then totally trash women behind closed doors. That is not cool. Here comes new Missy. Baboom. So, we've just had this, like, welcome, everybody. Glad we can all be lady friends lifting each other up speech.

The Missy comes in after, like, a moment of quiet. And she goes, hmm, well, I'm so grateful to be here. Thank you for inviting me. I do feel that you put me in a really shitty position, though, because, like, when we were talking about your friend, Micah, and you said, oh, she's a bit cringe. You remember that? Yeah. She said she's embarrassing. She's kind of low-class. She's tacky, and she's faking her lifestyle.

And everybody just looks super uncomfortable. And Micah's like, oh, God, simulating a chip, simulating a chip. Yes, well, you said she's showing up with walkie-talkies. Well, I wouldn't want my friend talking about me like that. And Dara just like takes a moment. And then she's sort of I was like, Micah's my sister. I absolutely loved the walkie-talkies. The sound they made as I threw them in the trash was so beautiful. There's no way I wouldn't have a walkie-talkie with my best friend. I think it's great.

And I don't think this conversation's necessary. And, Michael, I love you. You know I do. I mean, I'm... What established, famed architect who's a professional working woman wouldn't love some pink walkie-talkies to chat with her bestie about in the middle of the workday when she has meetings and obligations. I love it. And Mark is rolling his eyes openly. And they're all staring at Micah because this is the first fight of the show.

You know, so they're like, uh-oh. Micah's, the nicest one is the one forced into it. How is she going to deal with it? And Martha's like, oh, my God, I felt like my ass cracker started sweating. I'm just so uncomfortable. Okay, well, let's just have some really nice food. Oh, let's move on. I mean, I guess.

What can I do if she's not going to admit it? Yeah, we're going to have some nice food. So Missy and Lottie go to the bathroom together, and Lottie's like, well, that was stressful. I know that was crazy. No, just being around all those Americans. Oh, what were you going to say was stressful? Well, like, what the fuck are she doing? Why is she saying that?

She's set like on it, like that she's making me look crazy now. She's like, oh, babe, I know, I know. So I wasn't really listening, to be honest. I was just making sure that my outfit looked good. But say whatever you were going to say. They lost me at self-made. Well, Dera's making me look like I'm trying to ruin a friendship and I'm lying. Oh, she's crazy.

She's a crazy woman. Well, does Micah know about this? Well, she's looking at me like she senses something. Like she's anxious. Oh, she's been controlled by her. She's been controlled. Surely, surely she's been controlled. So back at the table, Margo's like,

Are you okay, Micah, darling? She's like, um, well, I, oh, and we just still hear Missy, and she's like, how can you be so scared it's not to have a voice? Micah tells us, I've never been more embarrassed in my life. I'm like, you just made a video about blowing a potato chip, but that's fine. I was going to say you used to eat potato chips without your lips around it. You used to make, yeah. It's pretty embarrassing. You used to just eat those Doritos and let the crunches peel through the audience.

So she goes, I'm not sure, I'm not sure if I need to cry or just go into a fetal position. I'm like, you can do both, by the way. I just want to let you know. She goes, I do believe, Missy. And the word cringe is one that Dara uses regularly. And it's an American word. And I'm just, I just don't understand. I love that.

She was like, yeah, Dara says cringe so much. Like, she says cringe all the time. Like, she says things like, you are so cringe. Or can you please not give me those walkie-talkies in public? It's so cringe. Or, wow. This is my cringe friend, Micah. So I'm pretty sure that those words did come out of her mouth.

Yeah. So she gets up and excuses herself from the table. And now Emma jumps in. She's like, what is going on? Can somebody please explain? I just got in here. I just met the poet laureate. So can we just explain it?

Kimmy's like, well, Emma walks into the... I heard you're a cop fitness. What a way to walk in. Am I right, guys? I just came here to watch. So Micah goes up to Dara and she's like, hey, when you're done with this course, can we step out? I love that her etiquette extends to even when she's trying to have a confrontation. Like, I want to have a confrontation with you, but I want you to be able to finish your.

Yeah, may I have a confrontation? No, babe. No. I love you. And we need to talk. Just not right now. She goes, just not now? No.

Okay. Yeah. I loved it. It was like, no, no. Just like, no, we're not going to talk. Which, by the way, I actually, I was going to say, I feel like in terms of etiquette, that was actually very polite of her to be like, we can have a talk, but just not right now. Now is not the time replaced, which feels like that's, that's etiquette right there. But Mike is not.

Mike is like, I'm in absolute disbelief. I mean, we've known each other for 24 years and I protected her and this is what I get. I mean, I don't even recognize my pest. tread. So Dara goes into the kitchen. She's like, I need to check on the food. And now everybody's asking if Missy's okay, which is hilarious. And

they're like, oh, come sit in the naughty corner with us, Missy. You just got a better seat of this table. You just earned your spot of the Bad Girls Club. Congratulations. So she goes over there. And meanwhile, in the kitchen, I want to get to the kitchen

so bad, but it's not yet. So Lottie is talking to Micah. And Lottie's like, in the kitchen. She goes, Derek didn't want to talk to you? I mean, she's not going to. I'm really disappointed for Micah that her so-called best friend of 20 years doesn't give her that time.

Just kidding, I don't really care. Two Americans having a fight. Like, who cares? So then Missy's like, I just feel like I got really brave. And like, that was my moment. I'm like, okay, Missy, you need to relax now. It's like nice. You had it, but she's like going on and on and on about this.

And she's like, ah, that was my moment. I was so brave in that moment. Wasn't I so brave? Oh, yes. I think we should focus on what matters. Looks. Not that we're ever superficial. He literally says that. He's literally like, I don't want to talk about your journey.

Let's just talk about how hot you are. But I came with a confidence to have a scene on TV and they stole it from me. He's like, oh, please. You're a model. Let's just discuss looking good, all right? Not that we're superficial. No, no, not at all. Oh, you do look amazing though, darling.

And that is half the battle, am I right? sensational. I knew something was going to come up because there's no way that everybody I've spoken to think she's an awful person and she's just this nice. So then we see where Darrow really went. So she's in the hallway confronting production. And she's like, um, yeah, I don't think I'm made for this meme. Like, I'm not made for it. This is just not me.

Like, I love my God, but she just doesn't like have my experience of being thrown under a bus. I mean, I did say those things because I just filmed, and she's just, like, too stupid to get it because she's not famous. Yeah, she's like... This was hilarious, so she said that. I like how she's simultaneously. He says, I'm just not cut out for this, because, you know, Micah just doesn't have the experience of being thrown under the bus.

I'm like, you're the one who got thrown under the bus and are quitting. And you're saying, poor Micah, she just doesn't know how to handle these things. You're the one quitting. Why did you quit, Tara? I needed you to stay on the show. And you were the one who threw her under the bus. She's so funny. She's like, oh my God, she's just upset because she's not famous enough to get it.

And I just, I'm sorry, but I can't shoot with people like that. And I did say those things, but only because I just filmed. So then Marcus, like, all I can sit back at the table, all I can say is, you never disse someone who has walkie-talkies because it means their boat is big. I mean, right, that means that their home is huge. It's decidedly sizable. Ask Emma. Everyone in the house has walkie-talkies.

Even the rhinoceros is like, put me, put mud on me now. Am I right? So Missy's like, what color are your walkie-talkies? And she was black. And Mark goes, bitch.

And Kimmy's like, well, just your basic, basic bitch black walkie-talkie? I wish they were pink. He's like, how big is your walkie-talkie? So now Moira, Dara's friend, is like, hey, guys, I'm sorry to interrupt. Yes.

By the way, another person who's St. M. I mean, for us as recapers, like, Margo, Missy, Moira, Mora, M'am, Mama, I don't know, there was like another M word in there, but like, it's like, my mind is like exploding with all the M words. So she's like, guys, I'm sorry to interrupt. Maybe, shall we call for Dara to get back to the room to tell the story?

And Missy's like, but I told it. I just told it. Oh, no, well, I don't know the background story. Well, maybe you should listen then, because I just had the courage to tell it, and I'm a whack. I'm brave. of wag. So Moira's like, the only people who are not here right now is Dara, which apparently the conversation is about her. See, now Dara's here. She came back in the room and now you can continue. That's all I'm asking you. And so Missy is like, but who are you to tell me what I can?

I cannot do. I'm like, wait. I actually think that I think Moira as a friend of Dara, I think it was within her right to be like, can you not talk shit about our host while she's out of the room? And Missy's like, who are you to tell me what not to do? So Moira's like, because I'm, but they weren't really. They were just talking about walkie-talkies. Yeah, but they were like... They weren't dissing Dara. They didn't even say anything about Dara. They were just like, Missy, are you okay?

And then they started talking about Waki-Tockies. And she's like, how dare you talk about Wokie-Tockies? My friend isn't here to stand up for herself. It was a strange moment for Moira to pipe in, but I do think she was ultimately being... Like, she could sense. It was ultimately, the Wokie-Tockey, was still sort of in service of kind of ridiculing Dara. And so now Moira was like, I'm her friend. friend. I'm her friend who just met her because I follow her on Instagram. She's like, yeah.

And I'm who I am. I have my voice. I am brave. My therapy said, hang in there. So I am hanging in there right now. You cannot chop off this branch. Strangers are just people you haven't met yet. And, um... I looked out on the center. There's only one set of footprints. Well, I just met you. Well, you know what? If someone is lying in my face, well, if you're speaking about the person that's not in the room behind their back, oh, you know what, tell the truth, then tell the truth. Missy is ready to just fight, and she's going to have it with this friend.

She doesn't even care. So Dara comes back, and she sits down. She's still got this big smile on her face. So Missy's like, what's it or was it not said? Let her be in the room. Just let her be in the room without asking her. Was it said or not said? Um, everyone, I did not say those things.

And it goes, this is Dara five seconds ago. Um, I did say those things. It's a direct contradiction. So, Missy is like, is this what you're saying? I'm lying? I'm a liar. And Darrah's like, I'm seeing that. I'm not calling anyone a liar. I'm not saying anyone's a liar. And Missy's like, well, it's black or white. He's not great.

She's just, um, I just want to have, I just, okay, I just want to have a really good thing. We should do the lie detector test. Lie detector test. So Kimmy's like, what? Dara's a two-faced Biot. I mean, she seems like she's one of these social climbing women that are stepped on anyone to be something that she's not. I love her. Well, I think it would be very flattering to call Dara a social climber

because it suggests that she would have something, some climbing ability, which I don't believe that she has. Well, obviously, there's something's been said or she wouldn't be so adamant on it, am I right? But I didn't see those things. Do you know? Listen, I think of friendship. In a friendship, it's normal to have differences. So I think celebrating

differences probably what tonight should be about. Thank you. Here's a difference. You're American and stupid, and I'm British and fabulous. There. Case close. I know neighborhoods in Tuscany. You don't. And that's fine. I like that. And other people, well, we should be honest. No, well, it's a speech about honesty. Indeed, precisely. But she called me. me a liar. Well, that's exactly what I'm getting at. I think. I forgot. I had one good speech in me, ladies. Okay, I interrupt.

Should we be honest? Here we go. I heard a rumor, Dara, that you are a madam. And I thought it was an awesome rumor. It's like, Martha, what? Mark just starts laughing into his drink. Dara goes,

Tara's like, I'm an architect. But I'm sorry. and I'm sorry, but you have to admit it's a great rumor. I heard it, and I spread it. What a wonderful rumor am I right, but I am sorry for that. Kimmy's like, I love Martha. I mean, the thing about Martha, she's just always too nice, always too nice.

She just spread a rumor about someone being a madam. Mark's like, well, also, I think that having a sense of humor is absolutely fundamental to one's existence. Well, as I told you, I'm an architect. I run two businesses. Let's just have an amazing dinner and just move on, please. And Missy's like, she's not honest. She's not honest. But the truth is obvious.

You can't do that shit. By the way, this is where you actually can tell that Missy was a real housewife in a previous life. Because everyone else is just like cackling and having a great time and just getting drunk. And she's like, but I'm brave. I had a brave moment. This is my moment. You cannot do that. He's like, oh, it doesn't matter because it's obvious everyone.

And Missy's like, really? Okay. She just feels like I'm being made to look crazy. I mean, I don't care about it, but like I just, you know, it's like I'm just being authentic. I'm a brave person. It's okay. It's okay. This is London.

You're not supposed to be authentic anyway. And Marco's like, I want to be privy to what Micah thinks and feels. What does Micah think? Absolutely. I must, I mean, the only person who hasn't spoken yet is poor, literally, dear, Micah, which I think is absolutely unfair. Micah, take the floor. And she's like, well, I'm not usually so quiet, but, you know, I'm hurt and I'm stunned.

And it's my best friend. And then to hear that, I'm just, I'm a loyal friend. And it's hard for me. 10-4, good buddy. 10-4. See, no answer. So I think that Dara and I need to talk on the side. And I always believe in very clear communication, battery operations, battery operations.

though it may be. And I'm very upfront. And my whole thing is if you can't say it to that person, you shouldn't say it about them. Please don't use your salad fork for dessert. That was a beautiful speech. It was so lovely that I got you this complimentary cowboy hat so you could be a little bit more American. Well, I feel like she's really upset. Well, of course she's upset. You guys. Okay, you know what? Cut. Cut. Territory. Oh, God. cut, cut, that's a wrap on day one. They look around like, we're not being filmed. What are you talking about?

What does that mean? Cut, cut, cut, cut. Yeah, I think that, like, I need to probably step out of this. I think being on this TV show, I'm really starting to disappoint everybody, but I just don't think this is for me, you know? What TV show? There's no TV show. What kind of a crazy world is this woman living in?

Emma's like, you can't just live when you're not getting you in way. that's like what children do on a bad day. Just leave. Just leave. There's no need to cut anything. You've already been cut. Well, this isn't for me, guys. Well, she may as well be gone.

Well, I'm kind of done with dinner, so I think I'm just going to leave now. I didn't really feel like there's anything more to discuss. Bye. And it says, Dera decided to leave the friend group. I love that they still caught the friend group. She quit the show. Look how brave I was while she quit. the show. So Micah is like, I have cried more times about Dara than I've ever cried about

anything in my life. Have you ever found yourself crying into a CB radio? It's a very lonely feeling. I feel like I lost a family member. I lost a friend. I lost trust. My friendship with Dara is never going to be what it was. John Joy. Funny show. You know, there's a lot of conversation on if it's problematic that they were calling her a madam because of her Asian heritage and stuff. I don't, is that a stereotype? I think that that, that, that, I have to say it pinged on my radar. Um, when, when it happened, I was like, oh, feels weird, like the only, um, like Asian American lady on the cast that they're going to go there for. But I wasn't, I'm not, I'm not as up on, I wasn't sure if it was a microaggression or not.

And, but it definitely pinged me a little bit. And I wasn't sure if it was a thing. But yeah, I definitely have to look into that and read more about that for sure. Yeah, I mean, certainly not great. But I have to say, I really liked Dara. I thought she was perfect for this show. I mean, her whole, like the way that she would just smile through the whole thing. She was giving me a little bit Stacy from Potomac, just how she didn't even care.

She would just smile. You know, it's like they criticize her. And she's like, oh, yeah. Well, late Sam and Madam, they're not famous enough to understand. gossip, so I get it. And just her whole vibe of like talking shit behind somebody's back and then being called out on it and being like, mm-mm, didn't say it. Yeah.

So I think she was so funny and I wish she hadn't quit because I think she took that attitude and just said like, listen, you guys, this is, I'm a businesswoman and I have a family and you coming at me, calling me a madam is really low. Like that's disgusting, you know, or whatever, whatever she needed to say. But, yeah, I think. that this shows, you know, less, you know, it's missing something without having her. And it's only been on two episodes. Yeah, I actually really liked her. And I just thought that she was a badass that she was an architect. I thought that was super cool. Like, she's this accomplished

architect in this group. And I would have liked her to have pushed back and been like, you know what? Like, I'm not a madam. And this, I've actually worked really hard to become an architect and this is a really big deal. And, you know, you're diminishing me. And, you know, like, there is like sort of, it does feel a bit like a microaggression. Although I don't know if, I don't know if this circle cares about microaggressions. They'd be like, oh, darling, whatever, thick a skin. But, um, I don't know, I thought it's a microaggression. You can't see it without a microscope and we don't have those. So. Yeah, I feel like, I feel like being like, guys, this is a microaggression would just literally just fall on deaf ears with them or drunk ears with them. But yeah, I have to

agree. I actually liked Dara. And if she was going to become a villain on the show, then great. But you know what? The show has so many characters. I'm sure we will be fine moving forward without her, but it is a little sad. Maybe she'll come back for another season if this, uh, if this goes well. Yeah. If you quit in the middle production, I don't think Bravo likes that. Yeah, well, great show. Love it. All right, everybody. Thanks. This show is on Thursday nights after Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. So watch it. We will be covering it. Um, and we'll talk to you next time. Bye, everyone. Bye. Watch what crapans would like to thank its premium sponsors.

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