Watch What Crappens - #3253 Below Deck Down Under S04E06 Part One: Textual Desires

Episode Date: March 10, 2026

This is part 1 of a 2-part recap!Alesia and Eddy’s texts are all the talk on Below Deck Down Under as Mike spends his every waking minute gossiping about them to any person, fish, or rock that will listen. Plus, the new guests want lunch, which somehow seems to paralyze Ben. To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and get ad free listening, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to Watch What Crapins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker. Joining me today is the glorious, beautiful Ronnie Karam. Hello, Ronnie. How are you? Hello. Today, we are talking below deck down under. But before we get into that, time is running out to watch the crappies replay.

After Friday night, it is gone forever. So go check that out. Go to watchcrapins.com and the links are there to watch the replay on Kiswee. Also, join us on Patreon because we have all sorts of great stuff on there, including a weekly bonus episode. There are newsletter lives there, even if you're not even a Patreon subscriber. We also have Crappins on demand. We can watch us on video. Today, the treat on video is that I'm back in my childhood bedroom and the air conditioner still has its bonnet on because it's still a little cool in Katona, although it's warming up.

but yes, I'm here in Catona and you can see look, there's a picture over there and there's a ceiling. Also, we have ad free on Patreon and we also there's something else we have amazing on Patreon. Discard community. There's something else, but Patreon's great. Bonuses.

Bonuses, ad free, newsletter, other thing. Yeah. It's just a great place. There's actually a really nice community on Patreon. So just for that alone, come join it. So that's at patreon.com slash watch or crapans.

Thanks to everyone who joined us for Amazon live yesterday. Had a lot of fun time showing off some glassware. And Ronnie showed off some cool kitty pants. So that was all fun. That's all there is about that. But yes, I am here today. This is a unique recording situation. Not children's pants.

Hat. I was trying to be cute by saying kitty, but it sounded like kitty. Cat pants. It's in case you think I'm like, hey, here's a lot. some Japanese pants. Here's some kitty pants. Yeah, not that. But I took a red eye here to Cotona because today is my mom's birthday. Happy birthday to my mom. So it's her 50 years old. Can you believe it? Happy birthday, Carolyn. So I flew in for my mom's birthday. And so I took a red eye. And this is the first time I've ever recorded after a red eye. And I was really excited because I got a there was like no one on the plane. It was a fairly empty plane. And so I got upgraded all the way, all the way up to the tippy top to Delta 1. And I was like, yes.

And I was especially excited because I knew we were going to be recording today. I was like, yeah, that's basically your first. Yeah. Wow. So I was like, oh, good. That means I'll actually get to be able to sleep. I never sleep on red eyes. So, you know, there's like the seat goes flat and everything.

And I was so excited. First of all, also, a lady came on and she brought a giant, it's not even a bouquet. She had like 50 to 100 roses, like a giant, like it was like a tree trunk worth of roses. And she was like, can this go in the overhead? I was like, how did that even get past security? That's not carryout. It was bigger than a carry on. And she had all these roses.

It was crazy. But that's not this point of the story. The point of the story is I tucked myself in and I went to sleep. And I was sleeping so soundly. And then in the middle of night, I'm jolted awake because. because someone has fallen on top of me on the airplane. This girl, this girl was coming back from the bathroom and she fell on me.

And I was like, what? I was like, whoa. And then she got up and she fell back down on me. I was like, what are you doing? And I sort of like, try to sort of push her up. And she fell again on me. I was like, what is this drunk girl? She fell on me.

And so that third time, I literally, I was still lying down. I don't know how I did this. I grabbed her by the waist. And I threw her down the aisle. And I go, and I go, please. Because I've just, I had just woken up and there was like a drunk girl who was falling all over me. So she was drunk. I don't know, because then when I woke up in the, like, all I saw was like headphones and a nose.

And she was like, ooh. So in the morning, when the lights came on, I saw her, she was like a 21-year-old girl. She didn't show any evidence of being drunk. Maybe there was turbulence. Maybe she was disoriented, but she, like, follow me once. It's like, you know, follow me once. That's fine. It's not fine.

But it's like, fine. It's an accident. She didn't even say, like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. If she had given me, like, I am so sorry. I would be like, hey, it happens to all of us. But she, the entire time, she kept her eyes on the back of the plane. Like, she was like clearly trying to get to her seat, but she couldn't get there because she kept on falling on me. And I'm like, do, are you even aware that you've fallen on me?

Are you a robot? Why are you not acknowledging that you were just on top of me? Yeah. It was like, she was just going forward, but she was like, sideways on me. And like, I don't even know how I threw, like, I didn't like throw her, but it's sort of like, I sort of, I knew that I couldn't just keep on like tapping her to be like, get off me. I had to actually physically get her away from my seat. So if she's gonna fall down, she'll fall on someone else, because I was sick of being falling on.

And so I was just, I felt like I was violating her because I literally grabbed her and her, like, it was like, I felt her rib cage. I was like, but I literally just had to like take her. And I don't know how I did it from like a lying down position, but I just sort of like took her and I was like, ugh. But I don't know why the only thing I said during the entire thing was, please, please.

So nobody said anything like the, there was no flight attendants that said like, everyone was asleep. The flight attendants weren't there because they were on break. It was like, what is happening? And then of course, I couldn't fall asleep after that. So I got like two and a half, maybe three hours of sleep, but I was sleeping so soundly. And of course, the one time I finally sleep soundly of all the places and of all the empty seats, by the way, she fell on me.

So three times. Wow. So when you were leaving, did she say sorry? Like, did she pass by you and say like so much she even was aware? I don't think she was aware. I don't think she was embarrassed. And I felt bad too because she was young. And I was like, she was like a young ginger and I was like, oh, you know.

Doesn't she go through enough, Ben, without being thrown down a plain aisle by some man. Please. But don't fall on me. Even if there's, if there's, if you fall on someone because of turbulence, I think what you do is you go, oh my God, I'm so sorry. Right. Like that's the natural. If you fall on, if you fall on someone and you don't say anything, I'm just going to assume you're drunk. Oh, yeah.

And I think she was now, now that I said. Wow. But anyway, that was my adventure. Well, we are connected because I was also woken up in the middle of the night. Nobody fell on me, but mine was the fire alarm thing just started going, you know it does that. Oh. And then it goes like, there's like two minutes where nothing.

You wake up and it's like, what was that? Well, I was just dreaming maybe. Yep. And you start falling back asleep. And then it goes, yep. It's like, God damn it. And it's a really high ceiling. So I was like, oh, I'm just going to ignore it.

So then I start falling. No. Like, me. So got to pull out that ladder, waddle out there in my underwear, get the ladder, dragging into the thing, then dig through all the drawers to see where I had the D, not D battery. What do you call the little button batteries? So it's with the buttons, whatever they are, the button batteries. Had to dig for that, which I'm proud of myself for having because that's, that's some dad energy right there to just have a stack of those button batteries if you need them.

Oh, that's proud. I know. you know the first rule of smoke detectors is if the battery dies it's only going to tell you in the in the dead of night it's like well i don't want to interrupt him he seems like he's having a nice breakfast and i don't know like he's working i probably shouldn't interrupt you know we should do it let's do it at 2 a m yeah yeah and nothing's going always uh i literally just did that a month ago and you can't even just take out the battery because it still keeps beeping you have to like figure out how to unplug it from the little sock whatever and the one in here is still unplugged so I'm probably gonna die but whatever I same same thing happened to me I literally a month ago it was three in the morning and the next thing I know I'm like hauling a little step ladder upstairs to climb onto it I'm like bleary eyed I'm like the girl on the airplane I'm about to fall over or something and I'm like climbing up and I'm like you're trying to take it apart and still like even though you're at the

top of ladder it's still a little too high so you have like this weird thing with your arms you're pulling out it and doesn't come out and you're like a hundred to stop, even. Yeah. Well, the point is, below deck, am I right? So here we are with Below Deck down under Season 4 episode is six. Gossip Boy. This guy's such a creeper, this Mike.

We all knew he's a creeper. He grossed everybody out in the beginning. And, you know, my thought in the beginning was, okay, just because he has stupid hair and stupid eyebrows doesn't mean you should judge him. You know, don't judge a book by its cover. But then the other part of me is like, well, how else do you? you buy a book, you look at the cover. And if the cover is stupid, you don't buy it.

Of course you judge a book by its cover. You read the back cover. You look at the author picture on the, you judge the book by its cover. That's the point of a book cover. So yes, you should judge books by their cover. Yeah. If we don't judge books by their cover, why do they even have covers in the first place beyond protecting the interior pages?

Why is there an entire industry devoted to people in places being depicted? Why does Fabio have a career? if we're not judging by a cover. Exactly. So judge books by their cover. This guy was gross from the beginning. We all knew he was going to end up being a creeper. He's still,

you know, on the fairly innocent side of being a creeper with his whole Ellie thing, but his whole, like, last week trying to kiss Ellie and then her not kissing him, but then just like pecking him

because he was already like in her fucking face. And then just going, like, oh, you're only going to get a peck. And then his reaction is like, ooh, I got to pick from Ellie. I've got a

I've got a chance I'm like, you're so gross just stop, Mike. He's just annoying. I don't know. For me, I'm just, I'm less grossed out and more just like over it.

Like, he's just like someone who'd be so annoying to work with because he does just gossip all day, but like not in a fun, Kiki way, it's more like he just walks up. He's like, did you hear the thing about the soda machine? I'm like, I don't care. I'm trying to like do my forms right now, you know?

And he's also like a judgy gossip, which I'm a judgey gossip too. I mean, listen to this show. Like, we're gossips and I judge. But he's, I don't know. Yeah, he's not a fun gossip. It's not like, ooh, so-and-so is cheating on their boyfriend. It's like, they're cheating and they have a relationship and they should respect their. Shut up, town crier.

What are you so moral about? You're just jerking your dick on only fans and then coming to get on everybody else's morals about everything. Shut up. It's none of your business. He only got sanctimonious to justify the fact that he was gossiping because he got into trouble, you know? So, uh, things, everyone's waking up. It's six, I'm, most people would have thought it was maybe 7 a.m. Some would have even thought it was 655 a.m. But the reality was, it was 656 a.m. And everyone woke. Yeah, it was a minute

later, you know, a lot can happen in a minute. A girl could just fall down on you in that span of a minute and your entire record of your day has changed, you know? Your all life changes. It was your sliding doors moment. How different would your life be if that girl hadn't fallen on? I would have had probably another hour of sleep. I'll tell you what would happen in a minute. Meep. 6.50.m.

Jenna, Jenna is waking up and telling Alicia, Eddie tried to kiss me a thousand times last night. And she's like, did he? Oh, that's crazy. Then we go to Mike and Eddie and Eddie's showering, and they're talking. And Mike's like, I'm so proud of you, Eddie. I'm proud of you. I don't know.

I just, I don't know why it just feels like last night you were on fire. You're on fire last night. It's like, yeah, I had a really good time last night. And then Ben does this weird strut out of the guest room. He's like wearing all white. He looks like he just took some weird exercise class. And then Jenna. The man with wine belly.

He's like a skinny, he's like a skinny holder of like a wine sack. Yeah. It was strange. It was a strange look. And then Jenna and Betula and Alicia are getting ready. And Jenna's talking about how Eddie tried to kiss her last night and everything. And then he's, it's like the day after they're all catching up. And Eddie is now telling Mike, like, you know who did give me a funny eye though?

Alicia. Anytime I was there with them, you know, Jenna and Alicia, she kept up and being like, hmm, mm, mm. And Mike's like, yeah, we were sort of like cracking on with everyone else. Maybe that's attention thing. She needs it. She's feeling a little bit left behind. And he's basically saying, like, you know, Alicia's got a boyfriend. She's such a free spirit, fun girl.

I want to have fun her boyfriend is. I mean, her boyfriend's been her boyfriend for two months. So, yeah, we can all calm down over here. So then we go to Jenna and Alicia, and Jenna's like, yeah, it's a great guy. It's really cute and everything. Then Alicia says, yeah, I mean, he's going to go get himself a kiss no matter who it is. and Batul's like Alicia, be a good friend, please.

And she's like, it's just banter. It's just banter, Vatul. The text that he sent was just so ridiculous. I'm like, actually, you sent the first text, but that's okay. Actually, I'm like embarrassed. My boyfriend knows I'm a flirt, and he actually always enjoys that about me, and he can trust that I would never do anything wrong.

But he knows I'm, and he knows I'm going to be faithful, but last night, that took a step too far. I need to respect the fact that I'm in a relationship. I'm like, you literally just said on TV that you will go to another country to avoid breaking up with someone and then you went and flirted with someone else. So it's more than just the text or the issue here. Yeah, Lisa. I don't know. That poor boyfriend. And she's like on the hotness scale. She's like way hotter than the other boyfriend because they keep showing the pictures of the other boyfriend. And I'm like, yeah, this girl, he's a temp. He's definitely a temp. Yeah. He's sort of giving like Zolothball energy. And I'm like, I don't think this is going to work out. That's a good way to put it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So I feel like he has a really big truck and a really tiny weiner. Not that fun, is he? So then in the galley, Eddie is talking to Ben about last night and he's saying like, yeah, Jane and I were playing like, like, truth or dare. He's like, oh, did you kiss her? He's like, yeah. Did you kiss her on the sugar lumps? He's like, yes, I did. Ben's like, oh, I think young love on a boat is a healthy thing, and I'm happy for both Jenna and Eddie.

Did I sound sincere? Because I really am trying, because Jenna's pretty, but she's a very pretty girl, you know, but I'm not blind. You know, I didn't initiate anything, and I probably won't. I've just got over a pretty tough relationship. I don't know if you've heard, $50,000 for a wedding that didn't happen. No. I'm sensitive now. Yeah, Ben, I don't know how that relationship with Jen is going to work.

Anyway, I can't really imagine Jen in a relationship. I can't imagine Ben in a relationship with anybody, really, except like a box of... I just remember... I just don't see it working out. No, no. I just remember when we walked by him at BravoCon and he was on the slots and he was just there, just drunk alone just heading to the slots and, like, smoking a cigarette with a big smile on his face. And I was like, okay.

We said hi and he's like, oh! Okay, well, how fun? Good talk. Good talk. Good talk. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappence commercial. So now it's 27 hours until charter.

Actually, it's 26 hours and 47 minutes because it's 9.13 a.m. So they're cleaning the boat, and Alicia goes to her sanctuary, the laundry. And then Jennifer calls Alicia to the cabins and everyone's annoyed because they're hungover, you know. So clean, clean, clean. So now in the galley, Jason sees Ben and he's like, oh, Benny Boy, had you sleep there? He's like, I've got 10 hours. I actually feel a bit guilty. And then Alicia and Mike are cleaning cabins.

And Mike is like, he enjoys making beads. She's like, shut up. Do you enjoy making bees? She's like, I do you enjoy making bees? She's like, I do my joy doing my job properly. Come on. He's like, yeah, do you know if I, if I was your boyfriend at home, I'd be fuming? She's like, yeah, I know.

Because like, for me, I don't care. I'm single. But if you're me girlfriend or me wife, she's like, I don't want to hear it today. Let's make this bed, please. Yeah, who asked you? And you wouldn't know anyway because you're never going to get a girlfriend. Okay, you fucking creepo. That guy's just always in his, he's always in a bar, like, dancing by himself, all greasy,

hitting on people that don't want to be hit on and then not stopping like, oh, you don't fancy dance, do you? And then he'll, like, send you like a side of peanuts or something and then like, wink at you from the end of the bar. You're just a creep and just constantly asking to play Jimmy Buffett on the, you know, on the fucking. Spend more time, spend more time looking up a decent haircut and then less time focusing on other people's relationships.

Yeah, spend less time implanting ball hair onto your scalp. Okay. Spend less time forming your hair into the shape of the rubber things at the bottom of a crutch. Yeah, I spent less time trying to look like a dust bunny that I have to clean up after every time I pet my dog. Yeah. Yeah. And then we'll talk. And then so in the galley. So then we'll have a meeting, Mike, about my morals. That's exactly right. In the galley. Ellen are there.

Moral. Moral, the story. is shut up. So Ben is like, all right, honey nuggets. Let's clean this up. It's time to rock and roll, love. We're getting there. I'm starting from here, then I'm working my way around because that is a plan. I'm organizationally. Well, I'm one of those people that have to have a very clean, very zen environment. You know, that's what they always say about me, Ben, Zed, Zed bed. So I can attribute my topic delays a bit to the discombobulation of this bloody shambolic machine that I live in, and I'm gonna sort her out. I'm gonna sort her out. So Ben starts, he's cleaning this oven.

Ben is so excited to be like, I'm gonna be on top of things this chatta, so he's cleaning this oven. And basically the fan starts doing what your smoke detector does. It's like, it's getting like this weird, like sad little alarm. I'm sad, wee, we're, I'm sad, I'm a fan, and I'm I'm sad. Wee, wee, we. I'm just a sad fan. So he's like, God damn it, what's happening to this? I don't do this. Please don't do this. I don't need this today. So then we go to Jason's, the most likable thing about Jason. I don't hate Jason or anything. I just think he like avoids confrontation when that's kind of his job. But I do love this about him. He loves peanut M&Ms. The man is always eating a peanut M&M and M. So he's, He's chomping on his peanut M&Ms. He dropped some.

And then he picked it up and he ate it because that's what you do with peanut M&Ms. And that's why they were made so hard and smooth. Because even if you drop them, they don't collect dust or germs. Mead in your mouth, not in your boyfriend's hand. Why wouldn't you putting it in his hand? That Eminem was talking to you. Your boyfriend's not going to like that. Talking to you by green Eminem and M.

Boyfriend's going to be very, very upset. He's like if the other M was hanging out with an N, then you have an M and N. So then Jason is, Ben calls Jason. He's like, come to the galley, please, please, please do the opposite of my bride and come to me. And so, so Jason goes to the galley and he's like, there's a fan malfunction. And I can't do the tartar without this serving. It's fucking bullshit. So they call, you know, Boris, the engineer.

And he's like, well, you know, it's fun, fan broken. We order new fan, but you know, what can you do? You get a war-borsed. What, a fine, you need a new fan? Got a new fan. It doesn't work. What fuck? Oh, I thought they'll get new fan, you know, the fan come on that want.

Got the fine, man. And then we got Eddie and Jenna, and they're talking about their day. And Eddie's like, oh, today's pretty fun story for kissing you last night. And she's like, no, it's fine. You don't have to apologize for that at all. And he's like, well, I should have asked for her, shouldn't I? And she's like, well, I never expected to kiss Eddie, but it's like my first mustache, you know. And it's not really my type in general.

I don't think my future husband will be doing manual labor. It'll also be an older guy, of course, but he has a head screwed on properly. He's a hard worker. He's so kind, but it's kind of cute, but mullet, mustache. I can't do it. I can't do it. Poor women on this boat, they really don't have too many options. It's like Ben, who is like a melting candle of a human.

And then he got Eddie and he got Mike. And Joow. There's just really not a lot to offer. And Eddie, to me, Eddie seems really nice. But he also, his energy is kind of like, he's like the cool guy in the marching band fraternity. So it's like, okay, you're like, you are the cool guy in your social circle, but you're overall like in the weird fraternity that is like endlessly doing 80s music like dance parties. And I love an 80s dance party. Don't get me wrong.

But like we like, we know the vibe of this frat, don't we. And he's like, he's like the cool guy. They're all like, wow, there's Eddie. He's the cool guy. But like to the rest of the campus, everyone's like, okay. Yeah. He may be a cool guy there, but he still gets pushed into a locker, you know? So then Eddie and Joao are in the mess.

And Eddie is looking through his texts. And he's like, holy fuck. When did I send these? I don't even remember. Oh, God, below deck where nobody remembers anything the next day. It's a time-honored tradition where nobody remembers anything. Oh, please. You guys aren't all that blackout drunk. Cop to it. Okay. Grow, grow a pair. So, Dwight was like, what did you say in the text? He's like, well, Lisa texted me last night.

Oh, God, I don't remember. She said, I haven't a clue what's going on in my head, but you need to get out of it. Oh, wow. And believe me, when I say, I haven't been able to stop looking at you. And then she goes, call me crazy, but I'm not wrong. Same too. But you've been getting it on with Jenna. And I said, I would drop it in a second to be an alien. with you. Oh, dear. See how that goes down. Make a right, make a left, make a right, make a right, make a right. Then you're in a square, a square and a march, in a march, and a square. Blah, p, p, p, p, p, p, p. B. B, bhr... Like, Eddie, Eddie, there's no game happening right now. So he's like, oh, dear me. Drunk Eddie, sending out Hail Marys at 3 a.m. That's not great. I want to make more than a.

with Jenna, like getting more and, you know, I like getting to know her more and more. Oh, man, I'm in the shit. What am I to do? Like, that's classic Eddie over there. Classic Eddie. What a lady's man. It's going to be a fucking explosion, mate. Are you, are you marching to? I'm bad by Michael Jackson. Are people not going into formation? We're supposed to be making a goldfish on the field. There is no field. We're on a field. We're on a field. got sorry old habits die hard so they continue you know i have a friend who's a band uh marching band director she is like a choreographer a choreographer and director of marching bands that is some serious

shit she's been doing it for like 30 years it's crazy and they are intense people those marching band people they're no joke yeah she's like oh my god look at that formation like she'll watch it on tv like the competitions and stuff oh what a sloppy formation i'm like they are literally shaped in the form of a bird that's flying. This is amazing. It's like losers. We're like, lift your knees. Like, wow, it's really intense.

It's a lot more intense than I ever thought it would be. I have a vendetta against the marching band because in college, my dorm was relatively close to the football field. And on game days, the marching band, for whatever reason, would come running through our dorm and only our dorm at like nine in the morning to be like, come to the game and they'd like make all this noise and it wake me up every saturday and i was like go fuck yourselves i'm not going to go to the game out of protest because of you i hated the marching band because of that otherwise i mean they were fun

of the games but like don't come running through my dorm and pound on my door to get me to go the game that's not how it's going to work uh-uh hi um just please disregard that anybody who's been listening to us plug the crappies for the pat we do that to people's ears that's what we do We're like, but we don't like, get outside. Get outside. The golden crampers is right now. It was yesterday. It was yesterday.

You can still watch it. You can still watch it. It was yesterday. We're running through the hallways and making on doors. We're not waking people up. And that's, that's, that's been the ongoing theme of this episode is different ways that we've been woken up. And I would have to say, like possibly drunk girl falling on you three times in a row, that's

That's probably the worst. Yeah. Followed by annoying smoke detector. But I'm going to say marching bams storming through when you're like hung up where you got wasted the night before is that's a bad one as well. That's a bad one. We'll come up with others over the course of the episode, I'm sure. Yeah, that's a bad one. So they continue, clean, clean, clean.

So now, I was talking to Daisy and checking it with her because they made out last night, you guys. And he's like, it was a good night. You know, just for it a ropey this morning, but I'll power through. And she's like, there's a hookup with any one. He's like, well, no, no, well, I mean, I'm not just here for a hookup anymore, especially with the yachting because I'm a captain now. I'm a very, very different man, you stupid cut fitness. And she's like, fair, fair, that's fair.

It's like, I apologize for dropping you in the sand. We see they're very romantic thing. In Zim, that is the height of being a gentleman, actually. But I apologize nevertheless. I was a bit ropey. In Zim, normally we would wait for a wedding night. When everybody is gathered around us, we say, I do, and then I take the bride, I pick her up, and I throw her in the sand. But we're not married yet, and that was a step too far.

I'm sorry. They say it was derived from the Jewish tradition of stumping on some glass, so instead what we do is we throw the bride on the sand. That's okay, you nearly caught me, and then you dropped me. It's more than Gary ever dead. shoes, here comes one right now. So then we go to get Eddie and Mike cleaning the deck, and Mike's like, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, and he's like, oh, I don't remember, mate, but I was pissed last night, you know, just thinking Alicia, yeah, it's just all about her being like, I can't get you out of my head, and then I said,

same. He's like, what is this? The love boot. It's the love boot. Did you tell you about Lex Alessia, message you before bed? And he's like, yeah, of course I did because I've told literally every single person on this boat. And Mike is like, when you were getting off with Jenna, I think she just got jealous. Like Alicia has always said, I've had a bit of a flirt.

So Alicia walks out while they're talking about this. And so they're like, ooh, awkward. So then Mike is trying to make it unawkward by, he says this thing where he's like, oh, good. We need to work something out here. And I feel like you're part of this. And so then, and then Eddie pulls out a chair for her to sit in, which, by the way, this is actually so incredibly inappropriate. for a workplace, be like, we were hooked up last night, and now we're talking about it, and now you have to sit here and answer questions about it.

Like, this would actually be a massive HR violation in any other workplace already, and we haven't even gotten into it. There's no HR on below deck. This show would have been shut down years ago. HR is called like, Honey, Relax. It's the Honey Relax Department. What are you upset about? Honey Relax.

HR stands for, get over here, honey riblets. So Mike, so Mike is like, have a seat. Okay, we're just talking about how you were messaging Eddie, which is like so embarrassing for her. Well, I should say it doesn't, based on what she's saying, she's embarrassed. And Alicia's like, you know what, I told you to fuck off and just stop being a drunken idiot, basically. And Eddie's like, kind of. And she's like, I wish you paid more attention to the job that you're supposed to be doing than thinking about what other people are texting. Unless you have texts directly, it wasn't anything.

to do with you? He's like, no, but when someone comes to me and says that Alicia was messaging us last night, she's like, you said that, Eddie? He's like, well, I didn't say it in a bad way. I said it in a, wouldn't it be fun if we did a marching band formation of me and Alicia doing it? I didn't say it in a bad way. I was just trying to give him a bonus. Is that so wrong? And she's like, I just like to flirt to make myself feel better, all right? Because I'm flat out with work and there's so much to do, and you're busy up here fucking talking about who's floating with who? Well, I'm sorry, but I'm stressed. And when I'm stressed, I flirt with random people. Mike's like, uh, actually I'm hovering up here. So I'm cleaning. Oh, God, I'm bored of

this conversation. If I hear you gossiping instead of working one more fucking time, I'm going to shave the ball hair off of your head. All right. The bush is shaved the bald hair off. So Mike was like, he's like, no, oh, I did say bald hair. I was like, oh, that's, that was true. No, because I think he got the, like, he got the, he got the, he got the, he got the He got his ball hair taken and put on top of his head in turkey. That's why it's a pubic head. But you shouldn't be flirting and having a crack with anyone because you've got a boyfriend. And she's like, and you should be working right now.

It's like, but you've got a boyfriend. So I'm not allowed to talk while I'm working? And she's like, but you're not working. You're talking. Alicia, there's honestly no need to get wound up about it. It's like, yes, there's a hundred percent of a reason to get wound up about it because you're like, you are not working. and you're now suddenly like being super judgey about the text messages that she sent.

And like, that's just none of your business. It's none of your business. And you're saying don't get wound up about it, but you're the one wound up running around telling everybody and freaking out about it, you weirdo. So she's like, well, I'm pissed because every time I see you, you're just gossiping. And he's like, well, it's disrespectful to your boyfriend.

Oh, shut up. Just shut up. So he's like, well, maybe you care about your boyfriend because you're in a relationship. Yeah, and you aren't, and you never will be, you little chicken nugget. And I don't mean that in like the nice way.

Jerk. So she's like, I'm at work. Just fucking pick up a Hoover. So Mike is like, I mean, we're having Elizabeth a gossip, but she's trying to pin the point

as if, like, I'm not doing my work and trying to deflect that she's in the wrong. When she's not deflecting, she's, it just has nothing to do with you.

And, like, she's clearly embarrassed and you're sitting here gossiping. and you're trying to put her on the spot to answer for things that you don't have a right to ask in the first place. And she doesn't want to do it. And you're also not working. And like, there's all, basically you're wrong in every single different category.

I wish I could have started landing on my, my little speech there. And I couldn't do it. But the point is you're wrong. She's deflecting that she's in the wrong. And you're deflecting because you have no stories to tell about yourself getting any because you'd can't and you never well. So you stay in your corner, Gallum. So Daisy comes up. up the stairs because Alicia is now yelling at him.

And she's like, what's going on? We don't like yelling on this part. And Alicia is like, it's my fucking face saying you've got a boyfriend stop flirting. When I was like, I'm here to work, mate. You know, we're here to work. Why don't you work? I need to flirt to keep concentrated. And so now we go to Joow and it's all awkward with the guys.

And Joao's like, wow, that blew up. Next time, throw her on the sand. It'll be romantic. It's a gesture of peace. but also Joelle you could have said something you were right there the entire time and it could be like Mike get back to work because he is on the deck right now and you just I don't like Jois was being a way too passive during this as someone who's a supervisor so now Alicia is just like really upset and he's like okay okay go take her coffee go take a coffee wait a second have Ben make you the coffee because I don't trust you to make your own coffee she's like it's like you're a super process you just put paint thinner on top of a napkin and then you put it in your mouth no no no No, no. See, this is why you can't work in the kitchen anymore. All right, how bad to make your coffee then?

But tell him not to do it slowly. So then, um, then Mike is vacuuming. He's like, if you need to relax, it's not that deep. So Daisy walks in and says, Mike, what the fuck happened? He's like, nothing happened. Oh, what did you do to Alicia? It's like, well, I was literally outside and she obviously stood behind us. Oh, you're gossiping, Mike.

No? Yeah, you were gossiping. I know you were gossiping. because when you gossip, your hair looks even more like a tulip. I love that she just calls him out. She's like, you were gossip and don't lie to me. He's like, okay, well, I was just having a laugh with the boys. Yeah, but she's not finding it funny then.

But she's got a boyfriend. That's none of your business, Mike. All right, if she wants to flirt with them, that's between them. Stay out of it. I just love her yelling at these incompetent fucks. So Mike is like, he's like, well, what do you want us to do? vacuum, you fucking idiot. You have a vacuum in your hand.

Press the power button and move it forward and backwards, please. So then we go to Daisy and Jason, and he's like, has mama bear going? It's like, oh, fucking fucking working overtime over here, a bunch of decks. Well, I'll leave that to you. I don't want to know anything going on in this boat, all right? Nothing ever, right? Unless it's a little tiny Eminem talking to me, I don't want to hear it. Like, well, Mark is wrong for gossiping, and Alicia's words should 100% stand up for herself.

But she doesn't need to do it at test the bill of 100 like, what the fuck? I mean, Captain heard you. Alicia, be smarter as well. The two of your fucking dumbasses. So Alicia, Daisy checked in on Alicia, and Lisa is like, I know I shouldn't have reacted like that, but he just winds me up. I know, I get it. So then we go to Mike and Jenna by the bar.

And Mike's like, ooh, Jenna, I've got something to tell you. This fucking guy. This fucking guy. This fucking guy. I should stop gossiping, so guess what? I've got them gossip for you. This fucking guy. So now we go back to Daisy and Alicia, and she's like,

you can't react like that because it's not going to solve anything. And I don't want you. I tell you, you know, Jason or the other croosie and stuff like that. Well, you know how Eddie kissed Jenny yesterday? Like, then Eddie's telling all the boys. And I don't like that either. Hmm. So Mike, me, Marzley.

Eddie came up to us and I said, already, Eddie, what's happening? He says Alicia was messing. him, messaging him last night saying, I can't get you out of me heed? And Jenna's like, no, wait, no, hang on. No, you got to Tisi, he's what I was a gossip. He's the gossip. Yeah, so meanwhile, Lisi is like, he doesn't have any integrity.

I'm just like, no, he's not gossip. Come on. And then back to Mike. Jenna's like, and he came up here and said, let's him last night. That would happen? Well, where did this editing come from? He's like, well, I didn't think it was a thing. But me neither.

I just feel so used, because. If Eddie likes Alicia, and I'm the pawn between them to make someone jealous, and they're both poor. Everybody's poor. I'm actually kind of put off. I mean, why lay it on so thick? I mean, do the whole drama just for a kiss and then to chat with Alicia? I feel so used. Anyway, let me go find some sort of rich man to take it to remove my life to help.

Also, she's totally just using Eddie to make Ben. notice her, you know. So I like that it was like a mutual use gone wrong. Dun, don't, dawn, down. It's like cruel intentions. Mm-hmm. A very bad version of cruel intentions. So Jenna's like,

I'm so confused. She's tracking off all the course. So then Daisy is still talking to Alicia. She's like, no screaming and shouting around the boat. Yeah, copy that. I said no screaming. Repeat after me. No screaming.

No screaming. No screaming. Said louder. I can't hear you. No screaming. Louder. No screaming. No screaming.

Goddammit, Alicia! You're screaming! So then we go to Ben talking to the engineer Flerg, and he's like, speaking of not getting laid ever, Fleur, what's going on with the fan? And he's like, oh, just waiting for motor spare part, then we can install at some point. Has this ever happened before with the fan? Yes, it happens. Oh, really? So this has happened with the fan and nobody's done shit to the fan before?

If it's fine, you know. Fans sometimes work sometimes says no. But you know what we can use instead of fan? Potato. What are you talking about? I don't know. I thought you're the chef. Put a potato in there and see what happens.

So Daisy sees Mike and she's like, Are you working hard? And he's like, yes, geez. So they're all watching him and he's like taking forever to clean the table. Like he's the worst. So now it's head of department meeting. as a preference sheet time. All right, Charter, three, here we go.

Mecca is a New York City founder of a lifestyle magazine. Pink, spelled P-Y-N-K. All right. It's not the singer. All right, this is a magazine online. It celebrates black women and curates elevated experiences for them. Let's go see Mecca at work, shall we? It's the new below deck.

Cut to Daisy taking down all her ringing. God damn it. I thought I was the singer. All the ropes. She's pulling down all the bungee cords. So, Mecca, Mecca's in Brooklyn. Mecca's the primary. And she has a co-primary named Joy.

And Mecca's like, oh, if something is not up to my standards, you're definitely going to know. But funny enough, I am, and as sassy as I can be, I feel like I'm the softer one. I'm from the rest of my charter guests. So then she has visited over 40. What was you? We see her. They show a scene. her like decorating a party or something.

And they're hanging fringe, like fringe tassel things in arches. And she's like, hmm, so this is going to be fringe tassels and then we're going to have plants growing out of these. And they're like, no, it's just a fringe. Okay, well, so the fringe is going to be hanging down in people's faces. They're like, yeah, I think that that's what they want. She's like, oh, well, it's not what I want. And I'm Mecca.

Move the fringe back up. That's why I make the big bucks. I'm like, what are these scenes? Standards. What are these scenes? I flirt on vacations regularly. We did Egypt together. We closed down the entire St. Regis and New Cairo.

So it was just for us. Everything, luxury, over the top, Burke and wearing Bentley driving, all the good food, all the drinks. I like to see the money, you know. When you're spending six figures on a vacation, you want to see six figures on your vacation. Or, in the case of this, when you spend $10,000 on a heavily discounted yacht ride, I want to see that $10,000. I'm a millionaire, a millionaire from fringe parties or whatever. So back to the president, Jason's like, she's excited. She's coming aboard with Karen, Michelle, Tamika, and Erica.

Mecca is looking forward to five-star service with meals every two minutes. And table scapes. Don't forget the table scapes with fringe. So Mecca says, nobody should ever be intimidated by my standards. I think if they are, they should raise their own. So Mecca's like, I did not just be real housewife. Yeah, I was going to say, everything she says sounds like a housewife tagline. If something's not up to my standards, you're definitely going to know.

Mecca! In this town, you'll be making a pilgrimage to me, Mecca. If you're intimidated by my standards, you should raise your own Mecca. It's funny because like Mecca was like, I have high standards. Watch out. Blah, blah, blah. And they try to make her seem like she'd be like, no nonsense and like so mean. I actually thought she was really nice, oddly enough. She was like, you know, she was sort of direct, but I was like, Maca seems nice.

Was I crazy? I liked her. Yeah, I mean, she was fine for below deck guests. You know what I mean? Yeah. I think Mecca's going to come in there and I'm going to rip everyone a new asshole. And then she's like, this was lovely. Thank you.

I think that like just after the trauma of the like the painted ballroom dancer lady that like who nearly died of heat stroke, I'm like everyone's like, oh, they're just an angel. It just seems great. Yeah, that's true. And also the real housewives were before them. So it's like, you know, she seems like an angel comparatively. I just always laugh at the below deck people, especially now that we're getting their backstories like this because they're all like. Well, I'm rich. And you know what I like? Burkins. I like Burkins hanging from the ceilings. I like diamonds coming out of the water faucets. And that's why I'm going on a discounted cruise. Like the coupon cruise. You're getting half off the cruise. And they're like, I'm the richest person in the world. And here's my coupon. Do not forget to take 50% off. Thank you. Mecca. Seriously. I expect high.

quality food, Michelin level food, which is why I'm basically going on a yacht for three days to get just, no, food like it was on chopped. Getting checks, makes, and grocery store bought muffins every morning. Seriously. So Alicia texts her boyfriend because he's like, hey, how is your day? And she's like, busy, busy, busy. Oh, by the way, we forgot to mention that Mecca wants to end with an opulent six-course black tie dinner, so that's something to keep an eye out for.

So everyone's done for the day. Mike walks by Ellie, they have some small talk, and he's like, a person that I got a little peck off of Ellie, it's enough to know that she's into me as well. I'm like, no, it's just that you put, force your lips onto her lips. There was literally no hint that Ellie liked you. None. She recoiled. She literally recoiled from you, sir.

And she says, I don't really intend to, like, go there with, uh, what's his name? Yeah, not him. Well, I feel like me in L.A. could probably get down and dirty. Ooh. She's like, yes, I've got my eyes on the prize. And my price is jo wow. Oh, welding genetics. Yes, meld.

When she said that last week, that's haunted me. I have a primal urge my genetics with joow. Wow. I was like, are you from outer space? So, Daisy pokes her head out of her cabin. I'm just like, wow, get over here. He's, she's like, okay, I'm going to be there in one Zim second. No, get here right now in an Irish second.

It's not gossip. It's Mike. He's causing serious drama. And I'm going to sit down and have a proper talk with him and tell him it's like actually pretty serious. He's like, I'll back you up, of course, with Mike. And if you need me to drop you in the sand, I will do that again. Hello Zim tradition. Shut up about the sand.

We got discipline, Mike. So now they go find Mike, and they sit him down. And Mike is like, oh, they've got a crush on me. I feel it's coming. They want to bang me. Here it comes. And so Daisy says, this is scary for your Mike? And he's like, no, not really.

Joelle's like, ha, that might be the problem, mate. Now listen, here's the thing. We enjoy your banter. We love it. You know that, you know it. You know, and there's no doubt about it. But the main reason we're here is to work. Yes.

I'm like, well, I'm not very good at the work. I'm afraid. I'm like, don't say that to your bosses. And she's like, you're not being fast enough. You're not being very efficient. And the girls, they're getting frustrated because they're having to micromanage. And then the gossip. Yes, it's all fun in games until it's not anymore.

It's all fun in games until next thing you know, I'm lying there naked with my dickrest into the Sunday bed. Not fun anymore. So you've got to understand, you know, you could at any stage, if anyone's not happy with you, in particular, you will be fired. Well, I really don't want to lose this job. I've tried a variety of jobs in the past, from military to bartending. I tried a dating show. I tried only fans.

I tried running events between Mallorca and a bitter with some friends, and none of them stock. I know I do have a big personality, but I really do want to make this yachting career work. Have it? Okay. Let's... Maybe like for you throwing the towel on like working, let's look at your CV again. Your CV is like doing parties in Mayorka and Abiza, only fans bartending, a dating show. And then there was the military.

So like maybe you don't do the party jobs. Like maybe work at Starbucks or drive Uber or something. Like a class. He's like, I can't get a job to sneak. And like, that's because you're doing jobs where you're probably out there getting wasted every single day. And they're temporary, too, like a dating show. Yeah. I tried a dating show.

What did you think was going to come from that exactly? I know. So now we go to Mike taking a nap, which is what you want to see right after you lecture somebody on working harder. And then, Jowow, Daisy, and Ellie are in the crew mess. And they decide to go have a glass of wine. So Joua, Ellie's like, oh, you want to have some wine? And Jowahaw, I'm like, oh, sure. I'm going to meet you down there.

She's like, okay, get her genetics ready. So he goes out, and he walks by Alicia, and she's sleeping on the couch. And he's like, oh, you're just sleeping on the couch. Would you like to come ruin Ellie's dreams right now of growing my children inside of her? She's like, sure, that sounds fun. So now it's the three of them on a bench, and Ellie is pissed. She's like, oh, she is not happy at all. And she's like, I'm going to go back inside genetics unpause.

So she goes inside and is like, no, no, Ellie, don't leave. I'm all good, I will go inside now, hot woman going inside. So Alicia's like, oh, I guess I crashed your date. He's like, there was no date here, just a sweet guy from Zim enjoying wine with two other girls. Zim with Zinn, if you will. So Ellie is walking right when Alicia goes, well, she's quite sweet, isn't she? Ellie just walks back in and goes, I'm not down for three ways. God damn it.

So, Joie was like, are you feeling okay? And she's like, I'm a bit emotionally trained, you know, good sleep, it's all of everything. And she puts her head on his shoulder. And meanwhile, Ellie and Jenna are in the crew mess, and they can see all of this on the video screen. Oh, so he's like, oh, let's have a glass of wine outside on the beach. And then he walks up with wine and another girl. I was like, what the fuck? I got out of there.

Oh. And he says a little lucy gosy for someone as a boyfriend, don't you think? She's so funny, Jenna. I'm sorry. I thought you were thinking. What were you saying then? No, it's okay.

I only interrupt you about 45 times per second. Sorry, I keep doing it. Okay. Jenna, just how she said it was so funny. She's like, that girl's a little lucy goosey for a girl with a boyfriend. Don't to thunk. Yeah. Because we see Jenna already.

was giving stink eye to Ellie. So for sure she's going to be giving it to Alicia. So Jenna's like, If a man asks me something, and then another bitch comes, just like, fuck, no, I agree. And he's like, Thank you, Jenna, for validating my feelings.

So then on the bench, Alicia's doing the whole, I can't win. And she snuggles up on joie. So Ellie sees this, and she's like, seething. She's like, hold on, hold on, hold on.

This is escalating. My genetics are in harm's way. There's an intruder of her genetic merging. Get out of the way. They're going to get soon. B B B Bhm Incorrect Genetics incoming

Coming soon to FX Ellie Earth Like a spaceship A crash to new Uh huh I'm a space ship just crashed into New Bangkok And there's a whole bunch of little

Ellie's on there Trying to merge genetics with hot men They're kissing, they're not kissing. You're still in the game there. Don't worry there, darling. All right, listen here, licorice lips. It's all going to be okay.

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