Watch What Crappens - #3256 Vanderpump Rules S12E14: Pain at the Pump

Episode Date: March 11, 2026

Vanderpump Rules finishes its maiden reboot season at the second reunion, where Shayne gets vlnrbool, Marcus defends wanting a baby despite having no means or capability, and the Eyebrow Twins stump for the importance of penis pumps. It’s actually heroic. To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and get ad free listening, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, hello and welcome to Watch What What the Carpins. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben. Hi, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Good. Because in just a couple days, Ben will be coming here to Austin, Texas, for South by Southwest, where we will be attending the I-Heart Podcast Awards. We're nominated for Best TV and Film Podcast. I'm so excited to go. Should I wear a kilt? Yes.

I think you should. I got a cool blue jacket that I'm going to wear. It's like a blue thing with swirls on it. Just to get a little spicy. So, you know, I, yeah, I, we'll be great if you are. We'll see. Well, maybe I'll wear a kilt because I got one. So I don't know.

I'm going to test it. I'm going to test it out. I'm so excited. I love that. Last time we went, I loved it. We did like a red carpet. it and we met various celebrities and that's really what I'm in it for. And also, we did win, which was great too.

I shouldn't overlook that part. That was a real thrill. But it just was cool to go to a fancy event. It's always exciting when we get to like emerge from our caves and, you know, dress up nicely. So watch out. Look out of the world. We're on our way.

One day while you're going to be here, it's going to be 90 degrees. But then the next day, it's going to be 50 degrees. But then the next day, it's going to be 50. 55 degrees. So that's what you're stepping into. So come prepared. Well, I'm already in New York. So I've got my 55 degree weather stuff, although it's warm here. But like, don't you worry, Ronnie. I am ready for the Texas weather and all the strangeness that that's going to be part of it. And yeah, yeah, it's going to be like really fun. And we're also something I'm really excited about that has nothing to do with crappins, but just something that I'm excited about in general is that we got invited to go to an intimate performance for Alainus Morissette. And I just cannot wait. I am so excited.

Intimate. It's very intimate. Well, like, it's probably like, just us, Alanis, you know. It will be. Just us and Alanis. We're podcasting with her. We'll be like, Alanis, will you come on to watch our crappins? And she'd be like, I want you to know that I don't watch Vanderpump.

And I think you should get away from me now. Well, another thing that's coming up I'm excited about is I will be hosting a cruise. Yeah. Hannah Ferrier and Sheena Shea Sill the tea. It's C. Also with Zach Wickham. So I'm hosting these weirdos. Over in San Diego, it's like a dinner cruise thing.

It's a three-hour dinner cruise thingy. It's going to be so much fun. So I hope you guys can come. It's going to be, where is it? I'm on the website right now. Let me just make sure. I'm not telling you the wrong thing. I believe it's April 19th.

It's through something called city experiences. So go to city experiences.com and look for city cruises live, Hannah and Friends with Sheena. That's great. Hannah and Friends with Sheena. So go check that out. That should be a really fun time. I'm excited to do it.

Also, if you want our videos or if you want our recaps on video, that's at watch what crap. I mean, it's at patreon.com as well as our free newsletter that goes out every week. That's basically just a funny recap of everything that happened on Bravo the previous week. And that's where you can get our Discord serve. It's where you get our bonus episodes. This week is a Top Chef cast breakdown of the new cast, where we discovered some crazy parallels in who's winning and who's losing already.

So go check that out. And today is the final episode of the maiden season of Vanderpump Rules second shift. Yeah. Yeah, the maiden season. Yeah, and this reunion cracked me up because it was like Lisa Vanderpump was essentially doing our impersonation of Lisa Vanderpump. She was on such broken bird lookout. I mean, it was like, she was, oh, poor lady.

All she wanted to do was make Shane weep. And he was like tearing up and choking up. But you know, she was like, I can do it. I can make him weep. Let's get him weep and sob on stage. Come on, Shane, what do I have to do? Do you have to stand in front of you? Don't to put my hands on your shoulders.

Do you have to say, I'm your mother now. You're my son. You're the new Max. And Max is the new. whoever he is now, but please put your head on my bosom and sob. Come to me, crying to my veins. Yeah, it was a very Lisa episode and also not understanding what anything is. They're like penis pump.

What is that? TikTok. What? Are we talking about Nanny Kay's old grandfather clock? TikTok. I have one question. What is a slap bracelet? What are these teenage ninja turtles and do they have an interest in being waiters?

What is it? She's confused about teenager things from the 90s. So here we go. Vanderpump Rules, season 12, episode 14, reunion part two tonight. It is the shocking finale of Vanderpombril. It's not shocking. Nothing shocking happens. Literally nothing shocking.

Not even remote. So we start with Audrey, who's very like, I'm Marilyn Monroe now, and I'm like super mad because it's my first reunion. I'm like being mad about everything. She's so mad. She's ridiculous. And Andy's like, can I ask you a question, Audrey? Why are you so mad today? What is it?

She's like, because after the past two episodes have come out, I've been brutalized on social media. I've gotten death threats. Oh, God. First of all, if you're threatening to kill some waitress because she was mean to it, just stop. I know. Watch the news. Okay. There's a lot going on right now in the world without you all threatening to kill waitresses. I know. I mean, you shouldn't be doing death threats to anyone, just ever. Like, if you're thinking about doing a death threat, like, honestly, like, just engage in some self-care. Please. Just focus your energies into something more productive or, like,

something to heal yourself. Because, like, death threats, that's just, first of all, it's just, ugh, also, so cliche. So boring of you, but also not right at all. But like you said, also like, you're going to do death threats, the Van der Prulm rules kids? Come on. So, but I like that. Audrey's like, yeah, I've been getting death threats ever since the past two episodes have come out. It's been brutal. And Angelica's like, you're not the only one. Like one-upping on death threats. People who are heading to kill me too. She's like, do not, shut the fuck up. I'm talking. She's like, do not talking to me like that. I can't be a because fuck you started it, you bitch. No, you started it by being an asshole on TV, which is why people are responding to you, you know, on the internet.

Okay? It's you cause. And in fact, you were an asshole, Audrey. Just say I was an asshole. I'm sorry. That's how you get people to be nicer to you. Yeah. Not by yelling at the person that you were mean to in the first place, you dumb, dumb.

So Andy's like, wait a minute. Who were the death threats from? Because, wow. Wow. I'm glad you know, felt like no one's watching this show. But people are watching this show enough to give you. death threats? Do you have any quotes? I want to take this to the office. It was Mary Faith. Marry Faith is like,

die, bitch. You left your comb in the bathtub. Die fucking bitch. So Andy's, uh, Audrey says the death threats are from people coming from her, okay? because she posted things first. And she's like, I never asked anybody to send you a death threat. She's, well, I never said you did. Okay. But you know what? I post a funny response from return, and I get people attacking me for it. And I think online bullying is actually, disgusting. You know, Audrey really does have a future as a stand-up because she's already sort of doing the, you can't joke about anything anymore kind of bit, which is like all comedians do these days. So Angelica's like, yeah, unlike bullying, is disgusting. And Audrey's like, yeah,

so then why do it? And she's like, I didn't do it. And she's like, okay, Angelica, at TomTom, you told Lisa all about your issues with Jason, including the fact that he had a penis pump. That's right. We're moving on from death threats to the penis bump. Were you trying to embarrassing in front of his boss. Andy's like online bullying, whatever. Okay, I'll show you some online bullying. Okay, fuck that. Penis pump.

Let's get to the penis pump. Can you show me how to use it? Anyone? Examples. Jason. Jason. So we have a little flashback to the penis pump stuff. And Angelica's like, no, that was not my intention at all to embarrass him.

When I talked to Lisa, I just wanted him to be like, I don't know, feel really bad that he had a penis bump. And then the boss should know. That's it. So he's like. What was the intention then? And Jason's like, yeah, to inform her on how to use a penis pump. Is that why you were telling Lisa? Like, yeah, whatever.

Lisa, have you ever heard of a penis pump before? It's like, no, not really. Even though Tom Tom is an old dildo shop, which we all saw me shopping in, and I saw plenty of penis pumps. It's like Lisa acting like she's never been exposed to anything. When Tom Tom Tom is the old Chi-Chi-LaRue sex store. Yeah. And it's like there are ghosts of penis pumps and Tom Tom,

just floating around, you know? You go in there and you just hear, so she's, yeah, she's never heard of it before. The only penis pumps I've heard of over the old waiters at pump, because there were men with penises at pump. Get it! Well, what did you think it was? And Jason's like, come on, you've never heard of penis pump before.

And then we see unseen footage of Lisa going, Penis pump. Why would you need a penis pump? It's for aesthetics. Oh, so you need it for aesthetics. But you still haven't explained to me what the flesh light is. What is that? It looks like a torch. A torch.

Why would you want to torch your penis? Now, I can understand why you'd want to torch Ken's penis. Once a year, every year on his birthday, that thing flares up. Torch it. Kill it with fire, I say. Why would you stick your winky in a taut? So Lisa's like, I still don't quite understand. Do they use it for the photographs? Or do they, is it when they're about to turn on the vitrola,

they need to get the penis pump going? How does it even work? We don't use it to get it up. It's just like when we're taking pictures, you know, like using our underwear and stuff like that. Now I was like, oh my God, this is crazy. Like they're like explaining to Lisa Vanderpump how to use a penis pump. Yeah, because like it just like gives you a little bigger for longer periods.

take better pictures. Yeah, it just like gets a little extra blood in there. That's what I'm saying. But when you're taking pictures, or you're taking penis pump brakes as well, are you using the penis pump while you're on shift? And Jason's like, what? Sorry? It's like, oh my God, I'm like so glad I don't have a dick. I'm glad the only thing that's attached to me is my new single passengers. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappence commercial. listen to me so you ask him okay she wants to know if you take breaks to pump your dick and he's like no i just do it right before so you do it once well in the shower for like five minutes and then i'm good all day yeah because when you're a male stripper and you're going out and dancing on people

you're not going to go out with a complete shrimp dick you know what i mean what what is a shrimp dick do shrimps have dicks too hmm i've heard of shrimp cocktails but not shrimp cocks Ooh. Isn't that what a cock ring is for? Well, yeah, you can use that too. Audrey's like, yeah, there's like different things. I know now. Yeah, well, if you want to go, you know, O.D., then you pump, and then you cock ring.

That's how you do it. Of course, this is like the thing that Andy dwells on for the entire reunion. This is like, you can always guarantee. Like, there could be any storyline happening, any amount of controversy. Like, you know, there was actually a fight on top of a hotel. hell early in the season. We don't even touch it in this episode, but of course we spend 10 minutes while Andy can be like, well, let's talk more

about the penis bump, okay. So, what I understand this better if you were sitting on my face while you were explaining it? Has Seris's son ever used a penis pump? Would you like to show him how? Do you need me to observe just to make sure you do it right? Angelica, you've

actually done commercials for erectile dysfunction medication. She's like, yeah, I support a erectile dysfunction. You do? What an odd thing to support. Thank you for taking that stance. You guys stop bullying erectile dysfunction.

Okay? I stand for erectile dysfunction. Sometimes the penis is just exhausted. Give it a break. In 2026, we can't be silent about the important issues. I support erectile dysfunction. So Chris is like, well, then why are you talking shit then? She's like, because it was a funny thing to say.

And Andy's like, well, Why are you so judgy about a penis pump? She's like, I wasn't judgy about a penis pump. It's like, you were not judgy. She's like, yes, you were. And Audrey, like, you were judgy. You were really judgy, which Audrey, it's so hilarious that Audrey, the stand-up comedian, who later on refuses to acknowledge that she was shitty and

hit below the belt is suddenly like super serious about the penis pump. How could you be judgy about the penis pump? That's one line we don't cross the stand-up comedy. Jason's like, you were very hypocritical about the penis pump. Yeah, you got. Ingrid, Angelica, for telling people about the penis pump, but you were the one who told her about it in the first place. Oh, no, that's Andy said that. That sort of sounded the same as him.

He, like, yeah. I was like, correct. Correct. I did tell her in the first place, because you know what? I told her in private. I told her girl to girl, or rather, stand-up comedian to girl. Kim's like, but you know what? You told her on a reality show with cameras in your face and on a microphone.

Hi, I'm Kim. I'm on this reunion, too, if anyone wants to ask me a question. And Audrey. And Natalie says, yeah, but like, in the context of a photo, everyone's a penis pump. And Audrey's like, yeah, you can't say in the context of that because she didn't take that photo. So it's like totally different. And Kim's like, yeah, but I'm not saying that. I'm saying you can't be mad that she said it.

Oh, my God, this penis pump fight. I can't. It's like too much. It's too long. Fast forward. And Jason was like, I was never offended by Audrey saying it. And Audrey's like, can I explain something? saying, okay, Audrey explained this, please.

America needs to hear this right now. Okay, I came to her, and actually that day at TomTom, I sat her down and respectfully and maturely said, hey, I really did not appreciate that. And we see unseen footage of Audrey being like, hey, it was like a funny girl talk thing that I told you in private. I don't care. Like, I really don't care. Jesus is the last of my concerns right now. Yeah.

Then why are you talking about his penis pump in front of everyone if he's the last of your concerns? Yeah. I was like, cause it's funny. Like, I need a distraction because I'm fucking stressed. That was my favorite. But I needed it. I was triggered. I'm so stressed.

I needed to distract myself by talking shit about a penis pump. Oh, she was like, well, you should apologize to both of them, honestly. Honestly, Chris call me a bit so he can fuck off. Back to present. I'm like, oh, wow. Wow. You know what, Ronnie, I take it back. This is a shocking reunion.

It's shocking. It is shocking. What's shocking to me is that Audrey is so, like, pissed off and standing up for the guys over their stupid penis pump, but was fine with the guy, like, flinging her down and hurting her back and the other guy calling her a bitch and all that stuff in public. Like, she keeps calling, she keeps saying that Angelica is so male-centered and needs male validation, but Audrey, your track record is looking a little wonky with that.

It's weird, because Audrey started the season, I thought she was like the chill girl, the fun girl, the cool girl, like, she was, like, down for things, whatever. And she has sort of over the course of the season and on this reunion, that's sort of become more combative and, like, not chill whatsoever. So then Chris is like, you know, at first, I really didn't care because I was like, okay. But then I was like, damn, she really said that to Lisa. Wow, it's kind of weird.

Like, whatever. And then you were saying it over and over and over again and screaming it. Like, the bartender's looking over like, what? And then just, like, random people that we don't know. Like, everyone was looking. Like, Mayor Karen Bass, like. showed up and was like, did someone say something about a penis pump? I was mortified. Okay, and for that, I want to say, like, I'm sorry. Like, I really am sorry. Dot, dot, dot,

that you need a penis pump. And he's like, well, it's the first time I've heard that, to be honest. Okay, well, I'm sorry to embarrass you. Because when I watched it back, okay, like, I, okay. Well, I wasn't embarrassed for me. I was embarrassed for you. Ooh, I brought burn. I brought burn. I brought burn. Okay. Well, I'm sorry. Well, I'm sorry. for embarrassing the situation. He's like, yeah, I'm just being very real. You were very childish. Yeah, well, I think watching it all back,

I'm like in a different place now, and I saw that that was inappropriate. She's in a good place. So do you feel... She has big boobs, and now she can understand perspective. Do you understand why you feel... Do you feel like maybe you owe Audrey an apology now? She goes, um, okay, well, absolutely.

There's so many things I need to say. I'm sorry to Audrey for. And this is one of them. So I threw our friendship under the bus, and I feel like I could have been better in that situation. She's like, thank you. I appreciate that. That's like all I wanted in that moment. That's like all I wanted.

And it would have been done. That's like all I wanted. So thank you. You must feel relieved. Yeah, relieved because I feel like, you know, she does have a heart. All right. Shane Davis, a model slash actor and recovering addict, was everyone's favorite wildcard this season. And by the way, I love that model slash actor and recovering addict, putting recovering addict in there as if that's also his occupation.

It goes on his IMDB. He's a model actor and recovering addict. He's everyone's favorite wildcard this season. And while he doesn't technically work at Sir, he might spend more time there than the people who actually are at Lisa's Paywall. Marcus, you've known Jane for a decade now. How did you two meet? Did it involve mutual blow jobs? He's like, well, Andy, we were initially signed to the same modeling agency and we share a mutual.

best friend and yeah, and we lived together during the pandemic. And he was the best. Like, honestly, I was a bad influence on shame. I'm not going to lie. Wow. The mutual blow jobs, though. I was sort of joking, but did that ever happen? Could you elaborate?

Could you explain if it didn't happen how it would have gone? Pandemic, otherwise known as pandemic. Did you give each other hand jobs at the very least? Tell me the truth. We were stuck in the house for a lot of years. So he says that he loves the story that Shane told about the time. No, that Marcus almost left L.A. for good, and Shane talked him into staying. And Marcus is like, yeah, I can remember that night perfectly, Andy.

Being on Sunset Boulevard, actually after karaoke. And I was like, you know, I'm tired of this shit. If I hear one more person try to sing... Holy Shikis. Don't go chasing waterfalls. I'm out of here. Like, what happened at karaoke? Like he's like, yeah, I took a big swing. I thought I'd sing the, one of the songs from Aladdin, thought it'd be a good throwback.

No one liked it. And I was like, fuck it at a door to the city. No one appreciates a friend like me. Is it Los Angeles or was it that Stevie Nix cover? Am I right, Andy? And it was just really rough. And, you know, I wasn't booking jobs or I would book them and I'd still be poor. And I was like, okay, well, I'm going to go to law school.

And, you know, I mean, my sister's a doctor. I'm smarter than her. So if she could be a doctor, I could be a lawyer. Because that's how it works. Yes. Cut to 40 years from now. Marcus, so-and-so, how did you get into law? Really bad night at karaoke.

Like, just the worst. Or a lot of karaoke. Really trying to sing Dream Lover by Mara Carey. No one was buying it. And I thought, I'm out. I'm done. Going into law. Do you know how fast the lyrics are for if you liked it,

then you should have put a ring on it? I mean, rough. So, so, well, now, guess what? You now have a billboard together, which is really because of me. If you think about it. And so there's like a picture of them with their billboard. So it all came together.

Just like in the pandemic. So then Marcus is like, yeah, it's crazy how that worked. I mean, you would have to think Venus manifested for us or something like that. So I don't know. It's just, I'm just going to start. crying again and blinking really fast. I appreciate it, brother. My appreciative brother.

Okay, Shane, before your short film premiere, do you talk briefly about your upbringing and your struggles with addiction? Shane, known for microdramas, B films, and the AA across the street from Sir. What a resume. Let's talk about it.

So we see a much. Bottom lip, pokes out immediately. I'm like, what? I haven't watched this season. I'm sorry, but Shane, addiction issues, parental issues, whoa. Broken bird a net.

It's last for like little radar. It pops out when there's a sense of that there's a broken bird somewhere. She just starts flucking out her feathers and like putting stuff together. What are you doing, Lisa? I'm making a nest at the emergency nest. Emergency nest. Someone get that straw out of that pump tina and put it in the nest right away. So how did you find the strain to get sober?

So Shane tells a story about, you know, he says, like, it was either that or die, and he just only had those two options. And, you know, you want to go down this road. He's like, I can either be like my dad or I can be in and out of jail or like other family members who just didn't make it. But, you know, this is the road I was on. I was young and I was already out of school. By the time I was 15, I just sold dope with my mom. And I was smoking crack and breaking into houses and hooking up with chicks. And I lost, you know, he says he lost his virginity when he was 12.

And he just was living fast with a bunch of broken people who were growing up, you know, in homes like him. And he just learned to just look out for himself. And he's doing this whole thing. I'm not taking away from the monologue, but I'm sure it's like, it's something he's probably had to say a lot. Right. And like, and so he's explaining his story. And he's like pretty chill as he's saying it. But then Lisa's like, ooh.

But how did you end up being you? You shall cry, Shane Davis. I command it. How did you end up being you? I don't understand that because all roads don't need to this. Yet somebody must have had a positive influence in your life. Who is that person? Do you want to cry about them? Saub, Shane, sob. Do you want to tell us about that positive influence in your life that rhymes with Mander Slump?

Hmm? He's like, yeah, well, I always wanted to be loved and cared about. Were you loved by your parents? Who didn't you feel secure? Well, they love me the way they could, but it's just like, you know, it's really hard to be there for people when you're battling an addiction yourself. And she's like, oh, my God, same, Davis. But you're so good looking. How did that happen?

Did you start your workout regimen before or after heroin? Why are you so emotional right now? Would you like to lean into it? Please explain, open your heart, show me your wounds. He's like, well, I, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I don't know. And she's like, oh, are you, are you okay? Is that a liquid diamond I'm seeing falling from your eyes?

Oh, oh, Lou. Lisa gets up out of her chair and goes over to Shane and puts her hands on him. She's like, oh, oh, are you okay? Mommy is here to save you. British Mommy will save you, Shane. Listen, I just want you to know. You're more than enough. Now tilt your head down into this plastic bag.

Whatever you've been through, you came out the other. the side. Squeeze until tears come out. If you are my son, I'd be very proud of you. Squeeze. Okay, we've got enough tears. Just have these injected straight into my veins, darling. Give me the IV. I'm euthening. I'm euthony. Hello. It's me, Lisa Vanderpump. 20 years old. Thanks for the tears. Oh, Pandy. Someone asked, someone get me a walkie-talkie for Pandy. She's in the control room. Pandy. Is he sobbing yet? No? Okay.

Shane, I said that since I first saw you, and I don't know that you realize this, that how special you are, sob, sob, sob, I say. He's like, thank you, thank you. I appreciate that he's not sobbing yet. Nothing's working. What's happening here? I try to remind him of how special he is,

but it's not enough. You came out the other side. If you are my son, I'd be very proud of you. And guess what? Today, Shane, I have printed out this special, certificate on print shop that says Shane Davis, you have been formally adopted by the Vanderbump

Tods of Beverly Hills. Congratulations. He has a bowtine and little hat and a small tiny bed in our mansion. Just for you, my little son. Get in there. I'm sorry, I have to take this. I have to take this walkie-talkie from Pandy. Pandy, what is it? What do you mean, Max?

What do you mean your brother is not crying outside because we've kicked him out of the family home? All right, no, don't bother getting his tears. He's too old. Cut him loose. Cut him loose. You've been replaced. Pandy. Ask Max well if he cared about my tears when he made me walk through Hollywood to see that awful musician's school that he never finished. Thank you. Congratulations. Now I'm going to give you one of your ceremonial Max's Pajinas. He won't need it anymore. Who's Max?

Wrap this around your shoulder, Shane, the way Pandy does, and you'll always feel my embrace. And if you count and tread very carefully, you might even taste the flavor of a poached salmon on your tongue. So Andy asked him what response he's gotten from the viewers. And he's like, well, first people are like, oh, God, this guy's just a typical whatever fuck boy. But then I fucked him. And they've liked me a lot more after that. And then, you know, there's been people hitting me up like, hey, I got this amount, you know, I got this amount of time. And it makes me feel like, well, at least I'm useful to somebody.

She's like, oh, you're useful to me. You're useful to me. I've never had such bone density as I've got after drinking your tears. Oh, yes. He's like, well, thank you for sharing. If you would like a blowjob, we can talk afterwards. I'm going to offer this time, because you've been through a lot, okay? He's like, thank you.

And Audrey's like, thank you, Shane, thank you. And they'll love you, brother. Yeah. So they break for lunch And Demi's like I've never seen Shane cry Gross It was disgusted by the scene

I'm like that It's disgusting So Lisa comes up to Shane For a follow-up She's like Oh we still rolling All right Are you okay

He's like yeah I'm good You're just a lot of You know Talking about stuff And I got pulled it holes Just a minute Take a minute Before we come back

Go go have some lunch Pull yourself together You're good You're good You're my son now One more thing, Shane. I got you something special. It's a lullie.

Enjoy. She pulls a lot. Lollipop out. Now listen, I'm here for you as long as you're on my television show. Now, run along. Run along now. Do you mind if I just start calling you Newmax? Thank you, Shane.

Thank you for filling the void. So people are eating lunch. And, you know, Angelica sees Audrey. She walks past her and she's like, oh, my God, you're like so stunning, by the way. And she goes, Yoto, I think that we're on the right track. She says, okay, we'll talk more later. So they go, they go walk in. I heard somebody go fake bitch or two-faced bitch.

I feel like, Ronnie, you just, was that you just saying it to the TV? No, no. I rewounded it. And I was like, she said that. I heard somebody said like two-faced or something like that. Fake bitch. So Chris is like, I guess we've only got seven more else. So they're checking in on Shane.

He's like, oh, my God, I'm fine, you know. And now they're making fun of Lisa's purse because it's a big feathered purse. It's a nest, darling. And Venus goes, it looks like my pubes. Oh, my God, that's like so funny. That's like the funniest thing you've ever saw Venus. Are your pubs half pink? Because I want to dye my pubs half pink.

I'm going to manifest that. Yeah, let's do that. That's cry. Okay, everyone, quiet. Four, three, two, one. Fake bitch. Okay, we're off. Okay, we are back with LVP and her new son.

Congratulations. Love that you were able to take him out to Sears to take a family photo real quick. Okay. So, Demi, we found out right before you went to Pasoobles for Lisa's Women and Wine event. Reu. Please, Andy, say it correctly. That Kim and Marcus had broken up again. I think you spoke for the entire audience when you questioned what Kim could have

possibly done during a special hug to upset Marcus. I love that this is a question for Kim, but we're still not going to ask it to her. We're going to ask it to Demi instead. So what was the special hug? And Demi, Demi's like, well, it was a hug, but like it was both arms. So it was special. Well, yeah, but I don't even think it was both arms. You know, to keep it real, it wasn't both arms.

Like, it wasn't a normal, it wasn't a normal hug. It was like a classic hug. Classic. Just your standard classic hug. Oh, like the ones that Shane never got growing up. He has mummy here now to argue them all day long. Well, if it was the normal hug, then why did you get jealous? He's like, because the inner jealousy bitchasses came out of me in that moment, brother.

That's why. That's why, Andy. Well, Angelica, you got jealous at the Madonna Inn when you found out that Shane and Audrey kissed during a music video shoot that nobody ever saw. So knowing that Audrey was in a relationship at that time, didn't ease your mind? She's like, um, I mean, Audrey and I weren't in the best place at that time. And like, that was my authentic feelings, Andy. You know, like, I would have appreciated heads up from a girl about it.

And Audrey's like, oh, Chris was there, and we didn't even know we had to kiss. And so that's why you didn't get a heads up because I didn't even know. You know, Kim was like, so we're not talking about that hug situation. I'm not going to ask me how I felt. Kim didn't even get one line in that whole thing. They just skipped over Kim. You're just not going to. I feel like generally so bad for Kim now.

I just, I don't know, like, I felt like she was such a drip all season, but now I just, I just feel like they just ignore her. It's just not right. So, Audrey is like, yeah, that music video that I did, that you got jealous about, like, Chris was there. And that was like, I went to Shane and I kissed him. And I was like, I said that at the table. Like, I didn't know we were kissing until we got to the beach. So, like, how could I even give you a heads up? And he's like, yeah, well, speaking of kissing, I felt like I was having a fever dream when you guys all started making it.

and each other in San Luis Obispo. And of course, we stopped to harp on this moment, which literally no one cared about watching this show, but we're like, okay, you guys all kiss. Venus, you said Natalie was the worst kisser because she put her little strawberry tongue in your mouth. Should we talk about the kissing? Who is the best kisser? Who is the worst kisser?

Who is the worst kisser? He wants a kiss again now. Did he want to use the penis bump? Jason was the best kisser. Wow, everybody. Okay. Could you explain to me your theory on her pheromones versus antipsy Angelica's pheromones.

And Jason's like, well, like, pheromones, like, that comes from a place of, like, energy. And Natalie's personality was just vibrant. And I'd like who she was. And I guess that enhanced her pheromone smell or something. And they're like, wow. Okay. He liked her natural woman scent, Chris, for the elaboration. Then Andy asked about the possible three-way they were all going to have between Jason, Natalie, and the other girl she started making out with.

and it didn't happen, guys. Wow. So, okay, let's see here. I'm skipping that. I'm assuming that most of this room have had a threesome, right? And everyone says no, except for, of course, Chris. And Andy's like, okay, but was it a threesome for real or paid for a threesome? I mean, it does matter. Was it work?

Was it work? All right. Kim has not had a threesome. So, Kim, I have a question for anyone else. but Kim about threesome. Okay. Venus, tell me about your threesome.

And Venus, like, yeah, I let two guys go down on me at the same time. It was wild. It was crazy. And Shane's like, yeah, wow, that's crazy. How does that, uh, how does that work? Like Shane. There's,

there's plenty of space. Did you get two penises? Where'd you get another one? Some guys get all the extra helpings. Am I right? Oh, I'll tell you where I'm going to go down to the toy store for a present for my new son, Shane. Yeah, so Shane's like, Andy says, Shane Davis.

I mean, come on, you've had threesomes. I mean, please, like, listen to your stories. There's at least a threesome in there. And he's like, well, but it wasn't with two chicks, though. Okay. Please tell us more. And then all of a sudden, Andy just moves forward. I was like, wait, excuse me.

Yeah, finally you get to a question. We want the answer to rewind. Rewind. He's like, well, talk to me about ethical non-monogamy, Shane. And he's like, yeah, ha, ha. just think that, you know, I cut past all that confusion, you know. Yeah, it's called a cop out. And she says, like, yeah, I just let you know up front.

That way, you have a choice as a woman. Do you want to entertain this? Like, I'm not going to be monogamous to you whatsoever. Okay. So what form would that take if someone said, yes, that. Would you tell the woman, oh, I was with someone? You know what? It just depends on the boundaries that she has in place.

But I think, you know, it's kind of crazy because I've only been with like six women. this year. I mean, last year, last year. I was only with six women last year. So it's kind of slow for me. Well, how many in this group? And he's like, oh, in this particular group? And Audrey guesses too. And he's like, yeah, I don't want to throw that like that. You know, I slept with two women in the group. I don't want to say that. And Demi's like, too. And Jason answers Angelica and Natalie. And Demi's like, oh, I didn't even know he slept with Angelica. Wow. Wow. I'm actually so happy for her right now because she wants that so badly. Look out, look how happy I am.

Here comes one right now. Shane says they hooked up right after Pride because, of course, the new boobs, right? And he says, yeah, but then I didn't hit her up for like a week showing I kind of knew, you know, when I reached back out, I'd be off the hook because I knew she'd have a boyfriend by then. Off the hook. That's what they say when they really love. Like something, right? No, it's the traditional way of saying off the hook. Oh, when your coat falls to the ground?

No, Lisa. I just don't understand the lingo. Is this the same as doing the do? Uh, so Shane is like, Ha, ha, ha, yeah. And he says, all right, Angelica, tell me about the LAX guy. He's like, well, I mean, obviously coming into this group, you know, when using guys as distraction, I probably should have taken a bit more time to myself.

But in the moment, he was like meeting a breath. He was like, meaning a breath of fresh air for the first time. Okay. Well, does LAX guy know you slept with Shane while you were talking? She's like, yeah, I mean, he was seeing other people too. Yeah. And Natalie's like, um, yeah, can I say something? Like being single is like so fun.

Yeah, that's gonna be the name of my new song. Being single so fun. So Andy's like, what about you, Natalie? And she's like, what about it? It's like, well, your situation ship with Shane. She's like, oh, my God, like, Shane and I are, like, so close. Like, he's to this day, one of my best friends. But, like, I don't really know what's going on right now.

He's, like, stairs. I'm like, what are they? God, I hate going into a new part of the house and just, like, falling down the staircase. They're so difficult. It's like, all right? So you don't know what's going on with the two of you, right? And he's like, yeah. Shane, what ain't going on with the two of you?

Ha, ha, ha. Well, ha. And then everyone was like, yeah, you guys look really good. You guys are so good. But I don't. You guys are so good together. Yeah. She was like, no, I realized, like, after a couple of times, I was like, hey, let's put

that boundary up with no hooking up because, like, you mean a lot to me. And if we do this, how am I freak out and split and run off? You know what I'm saying? Ha, ha. It's like, yeah, he gets close and then he runs. But, like, we still talk for hours and sleep in the same bed. And, like, we're all over each other. So, who knows?

Do you have feelings for him? I mean, if you're good friends, couldn't that be the big? of something more. And so a very long answer from her is basically like, you know, I've had friends and I miss that and a boyfriend because I think boys and girls should be friends if they're together.

And that would be nice, but vulnerable. But, you know, it just seems like it's all there, Andy, but he just can't commit. But they talk multiple times a day. And they're dear friends. And Shane's like, yeah, one of my best friends. But are you attracted to her? And he's like,

They just can't do it, guys. He can't commit. Oh, God, poor Shane. Can't commit. It's tricky for me. You got to do it. Ooh, is this more trauma? Can't commit?

Because you never had a mother who said, I love you. And Natalie's like, yeah, it's funny because we'll all sleep in the same bed. And the next day, he'll be like, that was the best night's sleep I've had in a very long time. And I'm like, yeah, it's because we love each other, right? And Shane's like, yeah. That's true. I do sleep there. Yeah. I'm like, I'm not trying to throw him under the bus, but like, if we're going to be honest,

explain what it really is, because like when we're together, he'll be like, scratch my back. And we'll be like, we'll be like, I love for each other. And it just like feels right because I'll, like, scratch his back. And I'm like, that felt good. And I'm like, it felt good for me too. And I'm like, I'm glad I didn't cut my nails. He's like, yeah, I'm glad didn't cut your nails too. It's kind of like we're in love, you know? Listen, Shane is so let down.

He can't risk his sobriety by getting involved with somebody. He's got to fuck multiple people a week. Because otherwise he could let someone down in the future, and then he would be even more vulnerable. Who needs him more vulnerable? Not me. Surely, get over here. I'm going to open my eyes.

Pretend your ears are teardrops. Pretend your tears are eyedrops and put them in your dry eye. Oh, oh, oh, I feel so much better. Shane, did my psychological analysis move you to tears? Did it make you want to sob because you realized dating Natalie? could risk the thing you've worked so hard for your sobriety sob into my bosom shame. And Natalie's like, well, how do you think you would let people down? I mean, I don't get it. And he's like, well, you know, like you got expectations that I don't want to lose her emotionally.

So what are you guys not understanding? I hate when someone is so fucking honest and people are like, what? But wait, I think it's just an insecurity that you would let me down. But like, it's just because you're like so vulnerable and you had a rough childhood. But maybe, like, it's just you haven't found me. No, he's telling you who's not going to stop fucking other people. He's going to let you down by making you think there is something and then fucking other people. What do you guys not understand? Stop trying to talk him out of it for Christ's sake.

I mean, I'm sure there is probably a fear that he has. I don't know if this is something that, like, you know, people in recovery deal with. But I have to imagine there's probably some concern like, what if I fall off the wagon? And I disappoint this person. I don't want to hurt them. I'm sure there is that. But he's also like a hot young model who just wants to fuck people. So like he just wants to just play around.

He's just newly famous. He just wants to stick his dick in anything that moves right now. So. And yeah, there are so many reasons that people are, you know, fucked up. There are so many reasons. But just don't go trying to solve the fuck boy. Like this is not a riddle. It's not a New York Times puzzle.

And you're only going to get screwed in the end. So just don't just not. Don't do that. Okay. Go back to wordle. Not anyone on this cast, but just in general. hilarious to think that these people would be doing word games. No, I'd take it back immediately.

It's like, okay, we'll have you guys do a single word. You guys can type in. It's one of five vowels today. It's like they play vowel. That's like, well, they gave me five chances, but I somehow didn't get it right. I want to buy a vowel, a T. Has to be a vowel. Okay.

R. T. Because there's two E's at the end of T. So, anyway, we have a, uh, and he's like, Welcome back to the Vanderbubb rules reunion.

Shane, on the last night of the trip to pass a Robles, you broke things up with Angelica, and you even went so far as to lock your door. Oh, but did he lock his heart? Because mummy is here to save him. Okay, Lisa,

I'm going to need you to settle down over there. So we see the flashback to that trip. Why did that feel? Why did locking a door? and putting a security camera on Angelica. Feel like the right decision in that moment, Shane. Well, I was scared that Angelica may be coming into my room and then us having sex.

I appreciate that. Angelica's such a weirdo. And he's like... Yeah, and I was like, you know, she's a few drinks deep. And I was like, that's just not going to be good for me. Also, you thought she was crazy and you had just told her that you wanted nothing to do with her in this way. and she was still trying to sneak into your room.

So he's too much of a gentleman to say that. But like, let's face it. That's what he was saying. So Angelica was next to you, an LAX guy, literally don't care. She's still dating this guy. And she's like, but, you know, you've got some serious struggles with this guy. I mean, you've reached that to me when you guys broke up. She goes, well, yeah, but like as a friend, because you give me good pep talks, you know.

And Audrey goes, because you needed to feel validated. And she goes, yeah, of course. I don't care. You cannot get rid of Angelica. That shit's funny. She's like, of course. What are men for? I need constant validation.

I'm like a car that keeps on driving into parking garages. And Audrey just shrugs her shoulders. Like, she thought she got a point there. But she's like, no. That is exactly why I called him. So Andy is like, so that many times you guys broken up? They've broken up a bunch of times. Which, by the way, this show can't handle two toxic couples.

We already have Marcus and Kim. We cannot have another one. Of course we can. It's Vanderpump rules. Tom and Katie, Jackson, Stasi, Kristen and Crows. Okay. That's a fair point. So Andy is like, okay, is he, bro, but you're somehow thinking about getting engaged.

Yeah, I mean, we both come from toxic paths and like, we've been like in therapy for the last four months. So everything's solved. He's like, oh, together. Yeah, together. And how did you guys meet? She's like, oh, God. And Demi just jumps and goes, I don't like him. Which is like, wow, what a surprise.

Demi doesn't like someone. So nobody likes him, really. And Demi is like, yeah, I met him a couple weeks ago. And I was super excited to meet him. I was like, this was my face when I met him. And like, I mean, I don't know what happened, but she was crying and she was upset and they were fighting. Yeah, but what happened is they showed the video of Shane and I kissing. That's what happened.

So did this guy come to like one of their live viewing party things or whatever? And then a scene of them kissing came and he like threw a foot at the restaurant. Oh, what a loser. I know, seriously. And so Angelica was like, yeah, the first time he'd seen it. And so we got to be like a really big fight. And Jimmy's like, I don't care. I don't like him.

I took the friends on family discount off his bill because I was like, he's not friend or family. Look at me laughing at my good work. Mark's like, um, can I come to LAX guy's defense from my? one toxic boyfriend to another. Okay. You know, when you get into a new relationship and you're dating this girl and she's not even complimenting, complimenting you on your like great karaoke performance, you know, and you need that because otherwise you just may quit the entire city, you know, and like this girl, she's like sought after by girls, guys like Shane Davis and Jason, these like are stuzz. It's just like not the easiest thing for a guy to, you know,

to be ultra-secure in that moment. I was like, oh, boo-hoo. Boo-hoo for this guy. Come on, Mark, it's not, this is not the one to be. Everyone's like, this guy is like emotionally abusive. And Marcus is like, oh, wait a minute, brother. I got to stand up for this guy. I've just got to stand. No, Marcus. No. It's hard for him.

It's hard to be a guy who has to see his hot girlfriend making out with other guys instead before you came into the picture. Like, that's really difficult. Yeah. So then Kim's like, well, listen, like, I'm in a toxic relationship. And like, in my way, it's like fun because it's like, well, he doesn't like me. But he does every time he comes back, I know that he truly does me. But like, your guys is.

relationship, like he makes you feel smaller. And he doesn't allow her to shine, Andy. He wants control. And Lisa's like, oh, God, really? Another one. Oh, geez. All right, get him into casting immediately. He sounds like a great waiter. Oh, I'm so sorry that he's toxic, but it's so hard to find a good waiter these days. So Angelica's like, well, I mean, I see similarities in like the relationship, like you guys have Kim, you know? but I'm still rooting for you guys. And Kim's like, well, I'm rooting for you guys too. You know, I just want you to be happy.

And Andy's like, oh, sounds a little volatile. She goes, yeah, it is volatile. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Angelica is so clueless. I love it. She's like, yeah, it's like totally romantic. And does Kim say he erupts a version of Angelica that I don't believe she needs to be?

I think she maybe evokes. But she goes, yeah, he, like, you want her to have the best. most respectful guy. And Lisa's like, oh, whoever you are sitting on that stool, it's difficult for me, bless you, to take your advice on a relationship. I'm sorry, Kim. The broken bird line ends here. You have to be out in the cold. I mean, seriously, bless you, though, Jocelyn, but please. Whatever you are, unfortunately, we've tried to have repair your wings and just not for us. You'll have to go to a different establishment.

So Andy says, so you're with L.A. guy. And she's like, yeah. And Andy says, okay, but you have a baby packed with Shane? And Kim's like, wait a minute. So Angelica's like, well, when Shane and I slept together, it was like, if we ended up single, like, would you ever want children? And like, I was like, I got into a relationship, so I guess the pack's broken. Well, the pact was that you two would have kids together if you didn't have kids by a certain age. Oh, come on. Is this like what everybody does? with their gay best friend. And by the way, I have reneged on every one of those packs. There's one of those where you just make with your best girlfriend when you're like, oh my God, if we're 40 and we haven't had a baby, we are totally getting married and having a baby. And then I hit 40 and I was like, hell no, I'm not marrying any of you crazies. My friend tried to do that with me.

And I was like, no, because you're going to then make me try to, like, and then I'll have to like raise the child. And I'm like, no, I don't want to do it. So then Shane, I was like, I'm like, I'm like pre-dead beating. I'm basically like Shane Davis. Yeah. I'm like, yeah. It's called Ethical Deadbeat.

I'm not doing that. And my friends didn't want to marry me either in their defense. Like I'm saying they're crazy. They were probably like, I'm not marrying you, you loser. You'd still have the same sheets as when we made that pack 20 years ago. Shane's basically like, yeah, I made a baby pack because I'm very genetically fortunate and she would have my jeans. They're like, what?

I want details about genetically whatever. And Angelica's like, well, like, I'm. hypothetical. Like if you're ever single when you're 40, you know, we don't have children. And I was like, yeah, you know, normal pillow talk conversation. So wait, no, go back to genetically fortunate because you're good looking. Yes, Andy. What do you think he means? Yes, they're hot. Two hot people having a baby. What's so hard to get? I think it probably has something to do with the federal grants he got for all the research he's doing on various topics. Yeah. Yeah, because he's hot. Andy, did you seek out some fugo to have big?

babies with. Get out of here. That's right. Church for a hot person. So, and he's like, okay, Audrey, you roasted all of your friends, but it's clear that you kind of sharpened your axe for Angelica. So, uh, tell us more about that. And I was like, yeah, like, it was stuff that was like already out there that we'd already been talking about for a week.

So like, don't get mad at her. It comes like, yeah, but it was weaponized. Guys, guys, guys, listen, all of us felt bad for Angelica in that moment. Audrey's like, oh, please, you came to me every single day. day, Marcus, for weeks saying you're so fucking fun. You're the funniest girl in West Hollywood. He's like, yeah, I'm toxic. Don't you remember that part? But I was building you up. Yeah, brother, but I was building you up because you were funny. Like, my bad, you were funny. No, sorry. But in the moment, like, look around the room.

Like, look around the room of people cheering. Audrey, Audrey, Audrey, Audrey. And she's like, you're full of shit for that. Audrey, you were an asshole. Just everybody is to, even Marcus is saying you're an asshole. Well, okay, Marcus, I don't know. But everyone agrees. So, sensitive to this stuff because obviously there was some terrible thing that happened at karaoke and he's just like, has his heart goes out to people who

get publicly humiliated in small bars apparently. Yeah. And he's like, you know, you did a good job. It was your first stand-up, but that was still mean. And he's like, but at the end of the day, we can't brother for brother. And we can't sit here and pretend that all of us were like, God damn, she's cooking her ass. And Natalie goes,

well, honestly, I didn't feel bad. Like, I thought it was funny. And Venus is like, yeah, a roast is like a comedy special. I've seen them on TV. I was getting a blow job for like five people. Last time I saw a roast, nobody said nothing to me about it. Yeah, I was watching Nanette when those guys were going down on me. And so Kim is like, yeah, but you don't talk about your relationship and then go after her looks.

That was like a low blow. She could have stopped it. And I was like, yeah, well, she didn't go after her looks at all. She's being funny. Marker's like, yeah, but you said FaceTune. Roger was like, okay, I didn't say you needed it. I said you used it. And that's a fact. Yeah, but also, like, Angelica is the kind of girl who always wants to, like, throw jabs at people, like Jason and Audrey.

And Angelica's like, okay, yeah, I will. Can you let me finish? Can you let me finish? Okay, Venus of the hair flick. I know. Trying to make something happen. Because I will embarrass a man that wants to act trifling with me, but that's just who I am. But I will not go after a girl. And Jason's like, hey, I never act trifling with you, Angela.

And Venus, like, yeah, I'm not saying you're a jabber, because you're, because you're, because you're jabber. But like, she made some jabs at you on the stage. And it's just kind of karma because you constantly give out jabs, jabber. No, because she didn't jab at Audrey. So that's not karma. And Jason's saying, I never act trifling with you, Angelica. What are you talking about? You threw her on the ground in a class and threw out her back and then acted like an asshole after that.

And then admitted, like, oh, by the way, remember how you asked me if I was seeing someone? I am seeing someone. Yeah, exactly. So what are you talking about? So Andy's like, well, you said you don't come after women's looks, but you called her ugly, Angelica. And you said she looked like Sid the Sloth. Okay, so we got that wrong the first time. When we recapped it the first time, we said Mr. Titzelot or so we said something like that.

I didn't know it was Sid the Sloth. So now I'm going to look up, Sid the Sloth. I think is that from Zutopia? Oh. Or like, I don't know. So rude. Let me like, I'm looking up to you. Sid the Sloth.

Oh, no, Citha Sloth is from Ice Age. Oh, that's even worse. I don't think she looks like that, but that is so fucking rude and also hilarious. Ray Ramano Sloth. Eush. So Angelica's like, well, I was hurt, though. And I shouldn't have said that. And I'm not wrong.

And I'm sorry, because you're not ugly, Audrey. And she's like, thank you. I know that. That's why I didn't react to it. Yeah, but the person I saw was an ugly person. And I was waiting for an apology because I came to her. And I was like, congratulations on IceE. age.

And by the way, said the sloth is John Likwazamo, not Reramano for anyone who is about to send me. I was going to say, he looked very energetic. He looks like a very energetic to be, the character to be played by Rer Romano. Ray Rerbano is more like, and the picture is like,

happy. Sid the sloth. Okay, so where were we here in this fight again? Well, we're still talking about who apologize, who didn't apologize? And Jalika's like, no, she did not apologize. So Andy's like, okay, Audrey,

is there anything you want to apologize for the roast? And when I tell you, you can hear the buzz of the lights, as Audrey just looks around like, Mm-hmm. Yeah. Very serious stand-up comedian. She goes, let me say one thing.

Okay. The Instagram was below the belt. And I thought the relationship wasn't that crazy in my head, but I apologize that it affected you the way that it did. She goes, and it like, I said, Thank you. It was very fresh, and I just had moved out

It was like a lot. And I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for that. I also want to say it was a 15-minute set, and there was 10 minutes where I was, like, I didn't just, like, roast them all one time. And I just, like, did three on her. Okay, I did a few on chain.

I did a bunch of everybody. Okay, I even, I even roasted Lisa Vanderpump. Ooh, what do you mean roast? Is that slang for said something very affectionate about your boss? No, no, no, no. I just, I said a lot of different things, okay? It just felt like the door was open

because our conversation we had. And Demi is like, I'm not really sorry, though, because, like, when you say how, it's like, I'm not a sorry when you say, I'm sorry, and then however, you know, oh, look, there's Bueller. What's Bueller doing back there? He's just scratching around getting more comfortable. He heard Sid the Sloth, and he was like, where? And she's like, okay, I apologize then.

You're right. You're right. Well, are you still pursuing stand-of comedy? And she's like, yes, I am. And they're like, she's so good. She goes, yeah, I'm like, I think I'm funny as fuck. Okay. How many gigs have you done since then?

Where's your set? I do not believe you. I just want that. I just want Sarah Kalana back to just look at her like, please kill me. I know. I do not associate with this person. Oh, what did you say about me in your quote, unquote, Rehouse?

And so we see unseen footage of Audrey being like, okay, guys, for those of you who don't know who Lisa Vanter Pump is, she's basically if Rosei turned into a person. A booged-dinka-dink-d-dun. Yeah. Yikes. Boo. Boo. Boo.

So, um, and Lisa, pride is one of the biggest celebrations for straight people in your version of West Hollywood. So, uh, why choose Venus to throw your party? He's gay. Why would you, after 12 seasons of the show, finally allow a gay person to do something gay on pride? What changed? Well, you know, Venus has been a huge presence here, and there is no split. Split end pride. So we decided to let him do gay pride. I thought bye is as close to split end as we could get.

Wow, I was really moved by your coming out story about how your dad watched all of Vanderpump rules as a way to connect with you. I mean, wow, that is gay. Your dad watched the straightest show on Bravo. Yeah, you know, it was really nice. And even I haven't watched all the seasons, okay, because, like, I think there were, like, three that were made before I was even born.

I don't know. It was like, old people drama, right? I was like, whoa, I hadn't really talked to my dad in 10 years, just a little bit here and there. Oh, oh, 10 years, you must feel so alone, so left out. Would you say that you don't have a father one second? Pondy, get your father on the phone. Tell him we've got another new son coming in. Getting ready.

Get him, go. Tell Daddy to get a baseball minute out, okay? Never mind. He's gay. Never mind. Stay back there, darling. Cancel. Ix may on the it may.

Cancel the, cancel Project Paschmina. Cancel it. Get the telephone booth in Paris ready. Tell Cedric, he can't stay there anymore. We've got a new day coming in. So Andy's like, Audrey, you talked about your queer dating history in your stand-up show. What's that about?

And she says she was 14 and never had a relationship, but she was a freshman. And she fell in love with a girl in acting studio. And they dated four years. But then she transitioned into a man. And so she was able to watch that happen. And she's like, it took so much courage. And I was like, you need to do that on your own. That's great.

Okay. Marcus and Kim. Andy is like, yeah, I don't know what to say about that. So Andy goes, Marcus and Jim, I was a bride when you were talking about, stopping, taking birth control. Have you had any pregnancy scares? Please, please don't reproduce. Kim's like, no, pregnancy wishes every time I'm a day late. And Marcus is like, well, babe, and I think, honestly, not for nothing, Marcus would be a great father. And they go, that's terrifying. No one's like, no one certain to Marcus would be a dad. So they talk about this. She's like,

but he's always wanted it. So, you know, let's do it. And he's like, well, there are different levels. to being ready. Stable relationships are a good place to start. Listen, I've always wanted to be an Olympian. It does not mean that I just get to be an Olympian. Okay, like wanting it is different than being ready for it. Okay, I will be the one tripping on any sport that I apply for. So, you know, I don't know.

I do eventually leave my house and go into public and any old idiot can have a baby. I can tell you that. You're plenty of them out there. I say just drop them if you want them. Just do it. Everybody else is. It's true. Really.

And he's like, Well, are you financially ready? Is your relationship in a place where it's ready? You know, they're like, well, maybe if you gave us a raise, we could pay for a I know. Like, maybe if you paid us more than $10 an episode, that would help. So they're talking about it. Nobody's really feeling for it.

And they're like, well, why don't you use protection? And Marcus goes, come on, brother. I haven't pulled out since college. Oh, you're talking about classes or vaginas. So Kim's like, oh, my God. my mother's watching guys. Are you pulling out, Andy? He's like, I don't really have to worry about that.

He's a, I'm talking about vehicles. So Andy's like, welcome back to the Vanderpump Rules reunion, which feels like it should be wrapping up, but we're still going to keep on going. Good God. When it comes to social media, right? Wrap it up, people. Jesus. So now we're talking about only goings. Yeah, it just was, it's.

It didn't need two parts, for sure. So now they're talking about the only fans' drama, and Angelica never watched it. She only read the caption, and the caption was disgusting. All three of our favorite boys are back together. All three of our throbbing cocks and spread open holes, rubbing each other down all over, oiled up, saggy balls, and stroking. So she's like, okay, you know, you read that, and what do you think the video is?

And she's like, yeah, I put two and two together. So I just read the cap. and other people who agreed, who watched the video, agreed at the time. Well, Demi, you watched 45 seconds, and she goes, it was awful, Andy. I came everywhere. It was worse than Hamnet. I thought people liked Hamnet. Have you seen it?

Is it good? Hamnet. It's supposed to be great. I want to see it. I hear it's just like you just cry. And I kind of feel like just like, I think when I'm here in New York, I'm like, one Once my parents go to bed, I'm just going to put it on my laptop and sit here and just cry in my childhood bed while I watch Hamnet. I was going to watch it the other day, and I saw just the main picture of it.

It was like, Hamnet. And it was just a lady cried with tears and her eyes crying and staring into the sun. I was like, I'm going to watch the UK Raiders, girl. I'm watching this. So Demme is like, ugh, it was awful. And it was like, well, and confirmed that it was incest. what in 45 seconds made you think it was incest? Well, all I saw were just these two, and, like, there was, like, some other guy or something

like that, and Jason goes, yeah, there was an older man. He was probably, I don't know, like, 28, just a real old guy. And Demi's like, yeah, and you're, like, fully naked, and you guys are massaging each other in the shower, and I just was, like, not ready for any of it. Gross. Yeah, I'm like, are they blood-related? Are they related by marriage? And Chris was like, listen, everyone has their own opinion.

That's the thing about art. You know, I create it. And you guys, you know, you're allowed to have your opinion, you know? Does Picasso listen to naysayers? Who is Picasso? I don't know. I mean, seriously, guys, art. That means like, but are they like first cousins or are their second cousins?

Like, that really affects the incest of it all. And it's fine. And Jason's like, I wasn't like even massaging him, you know? She's like, I saw your penis. She goes, yeah, I know in the beginning I was naked. I'm just like, but I had on a thong to massage him. So it was totally different. Audrey goes,

Shane told Angelica that his cousin told him to finger someone and she still went after him. Like, N'uh. And that like, he said it was squirting. She goes, okay,

while squirting, whatever. So then we see the clip of Shane saying, when I was a teenager, my cousin brought his girlfriend into the other room to teach me how to make women squirt. Whoa,

whoa, whoa, wow, wow, wow. It's the same fucking thing, Audra, Angelica. And he's like, okay. Marcus said that it seemed like you were really trying to embarrass Jason about the video.

Were you? Because you were mad at him. Can someone show me this video, by the way? And Chuck was like, No, I think that you just wanted to get my point across. I just want to get my point across. And, like, watching myself back at that incest part, like, really makes me uncomfortable.

So she's like, okay, you're right. I didn't see it, but I read the caption. Like, what do you want from me? And Jason's like, well, but like, what if you weren't pissed off at me? Would you still have acted like that? And she's like, I support only fans. I have friends on only. And I mean, it's like, yeah, I support only fans too.

It's just like, the cousin part was weird. She's like, well, I have no problem. Okay. I think the cousin aspect of it was where I was like, whoa. Now, it's like, yeah, but they weren't even touching each other's dick. It was just like two cousins being naked together, you know, oiling each other up. Like, what's so wrong with that? And you're like, well, I didn't know that.

I didn't watch it. Jesus goes, it's a great video, guys. Honestly, it's some of our best work. Yeah, they get some good advertise. I thought it was actually really good advertising. the way that Demi and Angelica were talking about it, it just crashed the minute that Natalie was like, they're not even touching each other's dicks.

It's like, okay, and sales just plummeted. I know. Well, we had asked, you know, in the excitement of the crappies, when we basically had all, in case you didn't hear, like, pretty much the whole cast showed up. And so we had them all up on stage. And prior to that, we were going to have, we were going to have, like, more of a moment with Chris and Jason.

and I was going to ask, we were talking to them backstage and Chris was saying that they got like a whole, they've been getting so many signouts for their only fans. So I was going to ask him about that on stage and I felt really bad that I forgot about it. But yeah, he apparently said, and I was hoping for him to elaborate more on it, but apparently this has just been great advertising for them. They're like raking in the money from it. Yeah, that's why you do it. And I say that's why you do Vantra Pump rules because you're going to make a lot more money on. only fans than you are on Vanterpump rules, if you do well. So, um, Lisa's like, can I ask something? I haven't seen it. I'm not going to see it unless it will make Shane cry. Will it make Shane cry?

That's my question. No? Okay. I don't care. But listen, there needs to be clarity because I'm not understanding. Okay. If these two are in the shower and giving each other a massage to earn money from only fans, or is it a completely sexual thing? What is it? Well, I don't know. Why don't you give me five minutes to go wash it in my trailer and I'll be right back. Oh, I apparently can't do that. Well, okay, on a scale of nothing to white lotus, what was it? And Chris is like, you know, we're not hooking up with each other. I'm just massaging Jason's freaking shoulders while the masseuse is just massaging me and, you know, getting some boners and like rubbing each other's boners and I don't know, like coming on each other's chest. But I don't know. It's like pretty simple stuff.

Jason's like, there was a professional masseuse there to watch us swallow. So it was like totally fine. He was older. He was older. It was our other cousin. Chris is like, yeah, he's massaging our lower back, not really even getting into your ass, you know? And just like, yeah, our other roommate was the one who was like a little bit more nude than us. He was the ones. And he's like, wait, there's more dudes. He was more nude.

Did he take off his penis? How was he more nude? And so Chris is like, yeah, there are four guys myself, my roommate at the time, the old guy, the masseuse, and the guy who does clown parties. Wait, that's more than four. Yeah, and we got one of the baristas from Phil's coffee. Wait a second. This is like a gym locker room now. Jason's like, what?

What do you mean a gym locker room? Like how guys are naked in a gym locker room? Oh, yeah, yeah. I love that Jason got a hook up at that point. He's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. He's like, oh, wait, what locker room is that happening? People are doing this for free. And Lisa's like, wait, so you're saying it's not a sexual act is what you're saying.

And he's like, no, it's not like I was fucking Jason in the ass. Like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. We don't talk like this in 1873. Can we just get a clear, just a final number count of how many guys were in this video? I just want to know. Oh, my gosh, you just go on and on about this. So then they start out to the sign.

He's like, okay, Chris, do you film with other women? And he's like, well, there was one woman I did film a scene with, but she was a professional porn star at the time. And Jason goes, very famous, huge. But that was a big, he's like, yeah, we were hooking up. and she liked me more than I liked her, you know, and I told her I wasn't comfortable dating her because she was a porn star. And listen, I know that might sound fucked up

because I do OnlyFans, but listen, you know, it's not right to toy with someone's feelings unless they're your cousin. And Jason's like, that's right, bro. I'm here for you. Is this like delineation between porn star and Onlyfans? I'm not acting like it's not there, but is this like the delineation of like in the 90s

between like softcore and hardcore now? It's like, yeah, I'm an only fan, I'm not hardcore porn. I guess, but he said he did fuck her on camera. So he is a porn star. I mean, it's like, the only difference is like you don't have a contract with any kind of company. I guess. Like, what would it be?

Like, are you independent if you're on only fans? Are you like an indie movie? And you're like, I'm not dating a nap, you know, I'm not dating like Sandra Bullock. I'm indie. Yeah. It's hard to believe he didn't get cast in that new tangled reboot, you know. So close. So close.

So, um, Chris is. He got beat by a Mannheim. Yeah. Cameron, Mannheim's son. Wow. Who would have thought? Who would have?

So Jason's like, the weirdest thing is that I've ever gotten is that, by the way, with only fans, the weird things happen. You'll make weird requests. The weirdest thing is that someone wanted me to use the bathroom and go and record that.

And I was like, hell no. And so like, that's crazy. Yeah. And they were like, just talking about these weird requests. And then Jason goes,

yeah, I had this guy with a fetish. He literally wants, me to pretend that I was a peanut and I was being swallowed. And I did that for my $1,500. Like, pretend you're a peanut and being swallowed. So I was like, greatly on the couch and putting it being swallowed. I'm like, ow, ow.

Who? Who did that? Who trolled poor Jason? Because you know that was not a real request. Ken's at home with a monocle wearing a monocle doing a helicopter on his weiner. I'm going to knock this peanut spark out. Goodbye. Who is looking for peanut being swallowed porn?

Come on. We're all watching too much porn. Just stop. Stop watching porn. So, Audrey's like, I got a peanut stuck in my trache. Stuck born. No, Austin would be like, okay, pretend you're a peanut. You're about to get swallowed, but then you get chewed up and spit all over people's faces.

Yeah. And the crumbs are stuck in the washing machine. Yeah. So then Audrey's like, come on, guys. I mean, they started doing this so they could stop eating cat food. darling, I mean, there are other ways. And Jason goes, yeah, I mean, look at Kim Kardashian. Yeah, I ate tuna and Chris would always joke that the tuna smelled like cat food.

And Andy was like, okay, we're going to leave it at that when we come back. I will give a full report on that video and tell you what I found about peanut finishes. Okay. By the way, wouldn't it be so funny if someone wrote in like a penis? It was like, hey, pretend like your penis being swallowed if you know what I mean, but they had a typon rodent peanut. because they were narrating through Siri. Show me your peanut. They still had to pay.

It was delivered. I'm like, damn it. I just think the idea of Jason, like, on a bed, like, balled up. Like a peanut is so funny. Like, ooh, yeah. And just doing it so seriously and being like, well, look at Kim Kardashian. You know, that's what you got to do. To really get your place in calabasas.

Was he a naked peanut? Yeah. So that's the final things. What do we all learn? is so glad he can have friendships with guys now. And Angelica, you know, now she has like a female, she wants a female-centric group that's not afraid to embarrass some of these guys because men can be trifling to women, Andy, and we need to come together, okay?

Yeah. And basically, Audrey is like, and if the social media can stop from here and out, we can start with that as a good loyalty test. I think we can go from there. All right. And Jason, hopefully by this point, You finally learned the menu. Tell me something else.

From the goat cheese balls. And he's like, uh, yeah, something else on the menu. Uh, shit. He goes, uh, shit. Exactly. You finally read the menu. Yeah, precisely. So then, Andy's like, sorry, someone tried to call me on my laptop just like went into like a tizzy.

You know, because like now they like the phone, like they automatically send it to the laptop. People would do not disturb. And I'm like, who is calling me during like? I was more like I was like, I hope I did not accidentally answer this phone call that I can't hear while they're hearing me talking about peanut fetish born. Peanut swelling. Hi, this is your bank calling. Do you ever watch peanut fetish born? So now they're talking, you know, Marcus secretly ships Shane and Natalie.

And then Natalie says maybe, but you know, if he wants it, then he can be vulnerable. And then Lisa gives a monologue. She's like, well, I would hope to see growth, I think being on a reality show is like looking in a very large mirror. And I have to say, God damn it, I'm gorgeous. Oh! Well, everyone, we're going to make one final toast. Here's a non-alcoholic mojito for Shane. And look, let's toast.

And then it ends with that guy who, like, basically photo-bombed. them at the Belmont. They have him lurking in the back of the set. And everyone was like, oh my God, that's like hilarious. Do you know you look just like the guy from that from when you like from the Belmont? That's like crazy. Jason's like, that's the old guy. That's the old guy.

Tell them about your thong, bro. And that brings an end to the Vanderpump Rules reboot. I thought they did a swell job with it. It was very fun. Yeah. Good casting. Good vibes. and I hope people who were maybe resistant,

give it a shot. Thanks everybody so much for being with us this season. Great times. I think they're getting another season. I don't think it's official yet, but I think they are. So we'll see you next year, kids, you crazy kids. Okay, everybody else will talk to you next time. Bye.

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