Watch What Crappens - #3259 RHOBH S15E13 Part One: Madame Butterfly AF

Episode Date: March 13, 2026

This is part one of a two-part recap!The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills are in Italy, and they’re still trying to make Amanda scream and yell about something. Anything! She won’t be manipulated, though, and stays placid. Even her cult story is boring the ladies. Don’t worry. A private opera will spice things up! Don’t tell Timothée Chalamet. To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and get ad free listening,, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, hello and welcome to watch what crapans. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben over there. Hello, Benoons. Hello, Ron Dussel. How are you? Are you ready to come to Texas? I'm so excited. I'm excited for the South by Southwest. We have so many fun things that we're already going to. It's going to be great. Are you excited to have me come to Texas? for three, four days in a row. So I'm feeling apprehensive, but excited. Wait, wait, why are you apprehensive of me saying at your house? No, no, me leaving four days in a row, leaving the house four days in a row. That's very unlike me. I know.

It's actually, it's going to be pretty intense because I'm taking a flight. I'm waking up at 4.30 in the morning. I'm taking a flight tomorrow morning to Texas because there's like no easy way to get to Texas. So I'm waking up at the butt crack. of dawn to go down to South by Southwest to reunite with you. And then we are going to be going to so many things over the next three days. And it's going to be, it is going to be chaotic from Newark. Should that? What you say? We should have talked about this. There's a nonstop from Newark. I think the timing didn't work out because I think it was like it would get me in late or I don't

know, whatever it was. For sure, this was not the, this was not the flight that I wanted, like the timing window that I wanted to take a 6 a.m. flight. But sometimes you just have to do what you have to do to get there in time. Yes. You guys got to do what you got to do. It's going to be a fun time. Okay. So we're excited. That's the I Heart Awards are on Monday. So we're so super excited. In the meantime, today we have Real Housewives of Bovili Hoos. If you want this on video, or you want bonus recaps, or you want ad-free listening or Discord server fun times. or the free newsletter, go sign up at patreon.com slash waltwell's croppins. But now, it's time for Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Season 15, Episode 13.

Read the Room. Mm, Kathy Hilton. Sometimes you need to learn to read a room. Aren't you the one who was in that homeless, not toothless thing, being like, so, tooth, tooth, and homes? Is that what this is? Catless, but Catless, but fruitless?

What is this? Kathy telling anyone to read a room. Well, we were giving people rooms to be read. That's all. Ah, Kathy. All right, so here we are. We're in Florence. It's very glamorous.

Yeah, it's gorgeous. Beautiful Florence. And for people watching at home, this is, this commences the first of 11 minutes of people milling about and arriving in the living room on this episode. I did time it. I did time that it was 11 minutes of people just slowly gathering downstairs.

Yes. Real housewives of saying hello in the foyer. It really, it's, you know, I enjoy this show because we always hop on the mics and we have so much fun making fun of it. Even on a slow episode, like it's actually, the slower the episode, the more fun we seem to have with it. But I have to acknowledge as a viewing experience, Beverly Hills is not in a great place despite some signs of life earlier. And, you know, airing the same night as Ladies of London, which is just kind of like crackling with amazing energy and wonderful comedy, it's, it's a bit hard. It's a bit hard to dive into these long, slow burns of people arriving. However, you know,

it's still very funny for us as podcasters because we get to sit here and make one of all these stupid little things that they do. But we start with Bose. She's in a robe and she wants to get a massage. I need a massage. Yes, a massage. First, I need to shower and then I'll have a massage because I've been traveling since yesterday. So that's the update on her logistics for the afternoon. And then we go to Sutton as she is a, she's rolling luggage into Kyle's room because I guess there was an issue and people didn't get their luggage in time and they are dealing with this, this crisis. Yeah. They're tracking my luggage, but they don't even know where it is.

I called for the luggage, and it said, you're a loser and a spinster. And I said, Mother, what are you? What are you doing answer in the phone for American Airlines? I dialed wrong. It was my bad. Because I was like, all my bags are here. It was my brown bag here. And my Louis Vuitton carry on, this bigger than everyone else is Louis Vuitton carry on.

And sentence. I don't know. What? I love to shop. Go on. I can shop anywhere. I was just shopping downstairs in the foyer. And shop anywhere.

Well, then a car comes, and it's Dorete, Rachel, and I'm on their way. And Doretti, gratsy, guise, to be able to stay in a villa in Florence. Mm. Delicioso. Delicious tortilla. tortilla Escobedo. I die for a villa. Like I've only ever stayed in hotels.

Like the other day I was telling Xander, I was like, Zan, do you ever stay in a hotel in Italy? And he's like, yeah. And I was like, me too. Like I die. I die for a European hotel. I was telling my son the other day, if you stayed in a villa, it would be amazing. But if you stayed in a villa with your dad, would you want to burn it down just to Tell me the truth.

If your dad takes you to a villa and she is there, you have every right to just run away from the villa and join a new Italian family. Give every right to do that. Cassius, Cassius, Cassius, callus, Caius. So, Derreet is speaking in Italian. And I wish I knew Italian just so I could know how bad she is at it, because I have a feeling it's not great. But she's like, yikokusa, Vourini, Bastellini, tomato, tomato.

Potato potato. Let's call the holohingo offer. This vacancy in Italian, vulgaria, mangane, del Cibo Italian, delgisios, oh. That means ah, in Italian. So the translation is, The things I want to do on this Italian holiday, dot, dot, dot, I want to eat delicious Italian food. I do want to do some shopping, and I really want to have fun. Do you understand me? Quillo!

And then we are seeing all this beautiful villa as they arrive, and the men in seats greet Doread and Rachel and Erica, and they're like, welcome to Toscony, and they're like, so they enter, and Eric is like, I'm obsessed. I'm home. I'm home. Oh, my God, this is like movie shit. Like, shit you see in the movies.

Like, not real life, you know? And Eric, I mean, Doreet's just wandering around. I'm gonna like, oh, she'd do that thing where her soul is just like constantly escaping her body at all times. And then. Oh, so good to re-walking into this villa. It's like falling on the ground. It's like the grudge meets high fashion. It's like a Jurassic Park dinosaur getting stuck, like getting his foot stuck in an elevator or something.

I was just trying to get Jeff Goldblum. Okay, I have to tell you something. I don't know if you hear that, but of course, we start recording, and that's when people come to do the lawn or whatever. So I'm like, what is going on down there?

It's louder than usual. The guy, I guess somebody quit the staff of this lawnmower guy, and he has made his wife come, and she is not happy about it. She is down there trying to work a lawnmower, and she is pissed. And he's like,

this is how you do it. And she's like, trying to move it. And he's like, he's like slapping around the butt. She's like slapping behind her. That's the best marriage I've ever seen. If you do that for your husband, that is true love right there. So I take off my clothes and just stand at the window. Yes. So they, um, they're wandering around. Gosh, she hates us. I'm watching. I'm not going to look out there anymore. No, no. I'm watching you watch them in this joy. It's so funny. It's more entertaining the Beverly Hills. Um, so. So, yeah, they're walking around and Erica says something like, I want to move here.

And Rachel says for the first of like about 10 times this episode, we live here now. Like, we live here. We live here. We live here. We live here. I love here. I'm obsessed. We live here.

I feel like I've already been betrayed by the doorman. It's like crazy. It's insane. I'm going to teach this villa how to moisturize. We love here. This is the movie shit. like shit you see in the movie. Yeah, we know what movie.

We know what you mean, Erica. Eric is trying to explain. So, Stefano comes in, and he's showing Rachel, her master suite. And he's like, look, this master, the medici. It's like, ooh, stunning. Stunning. Stunning. Oh, the medici.

The fuck is that. The fuck is the medici. Medici, Medici. Medici. Medici. Medici. Medi. Just going to keep saying Medici.

Oh, my. That's Caius' cousin. Does this mean there's, like, a doctor in here? Because it says, Medi-Chi. Stefano's like, Medici. No, that's if, that's if Kai goes to law school, goes to, sorry, doctor's school. He's going to be a Medi-Kai.

So Rachel's like, no offense to Sutton. Like, no offense to Sedona. But Bose should be, like, nominated for president. Like, this is, like, out of a romance film. Like, Sophia Lorenz should be, like, in one of these rooms, like, wearing some beautiful, gown, like, seriously, like, I die. Like, it's bananas.

Like, I can't, I'm, well, I'm, I'm like, yeah, but are there kaleidoscopes? Because, sorry, Sedona's got to be there, Tuscany. Yeah. So, Doree goes in to see her room, and she's like, falling all over the ground and stuff.

I mean, this was the sound that we all heard. Your personal private sauna. Oh, my God. I just love how long it went. She's out of her. Because she collapses on the floor. And then you think it's over.

And then she's like, And then she starts speaking like a tongues, but like an Italian. And she's like, Oh, even that she like, la quitted, la zabia. And she la da. Oh. I've never seen anybody found on the floor.

many fond of the floor over inside of before, but okay. Erica's room is nice. This feels very special. And now we have our third car arriving, and it's Kathy and Jennifer, and Jennifer has an announcement. I just like to do thirst traps on all of my trips, so I plan on doing a thirst trap photo shoot in a pool. Like, take your clothes off?

Yes, naked. Totally naked. When I'm on vacation, I like to do thirst trap photos. My body has a lot of wibbly, wobbly parts. So I always try to be submerged in water. Water is very forgiving. Kathy's like, mm-hmm, okay. Oh, wow, look at these hedges, charming.

Jennifer's like, oh, look, it's like, down. town happy. So, yes, so Jennifer is planning to do her thirst traps, which I love. I love that she's going to do

a thirst trap, but it's like a very, very modest thirst trap of showing collarbone only. Yes, and everything else under the water. Yes. That's how I am, too.

When I go in pools, I won't get out because I feel like I'm being hidden. My friends are like, Ronnie, water is clear. We can see you. That's water slumming.

So, yeah, They all arrive, and they take, like, a glass elevator upstairs, and Jennifer's, like, very, very impressed by the whole ordeal. Yeah. So she sees the guys, the staff, and she's like, wow, maybe I could get one of these guys into my thirst trap photo. Oh, I have a boyfriend. I shouldn't say that. It's Chuckie. It's just a little chucky, making the suitcase all.

He's like, do you guys have a fan for me? He's like, I a fan. You know, I like the sound. He's like, oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. Of course, of course. You know, yes, absolutely. You know there was probably like 30 people who went running into the Tuscan countryside, knocking in every house to be like, You have a fan.

Do you have a fan? Which lady needs a fan, please? It's going to be 19-year-old in loincloths with, you know, feathers. The palm fronds or whatever the thing is. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappence commercial. Oh, so Jennifer has a small room, but it has a special feature. Are you ready for the surprise?

And he opens the door, and there's a balcony overlooking an indoor chapel. That was a surprise. I have to say, I was expecting something along the lines of another sauna, or maybe a really nice hot tub. I was not expecting a chapel, and let alone not only just a chapel, a chapel that you actually descend into. Like, you open the door and you're at the top of the chapel, looking down into it. That was a surprise. Yeah. I don't know that I want to sleep in a chapel.

I don't know what I'd do with it. Yeah. So she's like, well, I can feel that there are ghosts here. Thank God I brought ghost repellent, though. Kathy. Kathy will take it. Boo. Well, ghosts, you have to read the room and know your place,

which is the afterlife and not in this room. Okay. So now people are getting ready for the evening. And Erica's getting her glam and lies there. She's like, oh, my God, was Doreep busting out her Italian? She's like, oh, yeah, she made friends with her neighbors already. She's already accosted an older couple with her Italian. I'm sure she has.

Chaubella, however dare she. Surely you've heard of Buketa people. Oh, yes. Have you been to the Capri room in Bucca. Luca depepo and Sino Californiano. So Rachel calls Doreet, and then she calls Kai. Kai. And Kai is playing chess, and he and Skyler aren't interested in talking to Rachel.

He's like, I'm busy. She's like, do you want to talk to me? No? Okay, well, take the queen on your board and just tip it over because I'm dead. So Jennifer's room, she's getting her glam, and she's like, I want to look very Italian for our first night. I want to look like if an Italian were playing Clue and Mrs. Peacock was invited to a dinner

where she was about to be blackmailed. I want to be Mrs. Peacock if she actually hadn't a real peacock on her head. Yeah. So she has this enormous fluffy hat with feathers and all sorts of stuff. We just sort of see it on the sofa. And we can already imagine it's going to be,

Quite the look. And then this is some rich people. So this is shit only rich people get away with. See, you look crazy. It looks like literally crazy. And rich people are like, oh, my God. Amazing. You look like you're cleaning clowns like air ducts.

But also, like, you know it's rich people's shit because that hat probably requires its own bag. It's its own, like, piece of, you know, a weight luggage. Yeah. It's enormous and fluffy, and that's not something you're going to squish down, right? So then in the common area, Amanda and Natalie, God, guys, I've been waiting all episodes to hear what Natalie has to say. But Amanda and Natalie arrive and they make small talk about who knows what. Obviously, it was not very important. But it's just like, hi.

Well, Amanda, by the way, you know what I can't stand? I hate the way Amanda says hello. Have you heard the way she does her sing song, hello? She's, hi. It's like a slow-motion donkey. Hi. Hi. Trying to make it special every time you see her.

Like, hi. Hi. Hi. Her words are going down to slide or skiing down a slope. Hi. Yeah. Shut up. So, Bose and Sutton, have a seat.

and Sutton just has a blouse, you know, like a white buttoned-down shirt type thing and some diamonds. And everybody loves, this is the best outfit Sutton's ever worn. Everybody's like, oh, God, Sutton. Yeah, it looks great. Simple, you know. She's like, well, it was in my carry-on because my luggage is still in Germany. I guess they were trying to match it with Sutton Strack, but they didn't realize I'm Sutton Brown now. So they sent it to Germany and got very confused.

Turns out, Browns get a lot less respect than Strachs. So, Kyle's like, oh my God, you're like that already? Like, I need a steamer and some clue. Well, we're about to have cocktails and chill out. Oh, my God. Like, so, by the way, Bose, like, I'm sorry to Sutton. How's your roommate?

You want to talk shit about your roommate before I, like, pretend to be her ally? And Bo's like, oh, yeah, your roommate. What's all up with that? Yeah. I need to understand because, like, how you were in Sedona now, and you're like, I'm room with this Amanda, no problem. Like, what was that about? out. That's crazy. I love to shop.

Maybe Sutton is actually planning to take down Amanda in her sleep. So Kyle's like, I mean, Sutton is literally doing the most. I mean, she went on her way to be nice, out of her way to be nice, because things were uncomfortable. But, you know, do you have to go to this extreme Sutton as sleeping in twin beds with Amanda? Why does Kyle have an issue with it? Otherwise, it would have been you, Kyle, who had been stuck with Amanda, because you're the only one who likes her. No, I think it would be the two nobs. It would be the two nobs. would be Amanda and um...

Natalie? Yeah. Can't even remember her name, Natalie, yeah. I'm not sure Natalie even has a room. I think they just like, they just found a cot for her and put her in the kitchen. For Natalie. So Kyle's like,

oh, Amanda better not leave her drink unattended. You mean our oat milk. So now we go to the common area, and Natalie is like, wow, you know what? I'm new to the midriff game. You know what it's like having twins? your stomach is never quite the same. And Amanda's like,

this is my reintroduction to the midriff, right here. That's not a, what are you talking about? Is it either of them were wearing midrifts? I was so confused. Did the terminology change? Is midriff just mean, like, maybe like in fashion

when you say it, when they're talking about midriff, it doesn't mean expose midriff, it just means like a dress that hugs the midriff. Because I was like, I don't see any midrifts. Yeah, because Amanda Wood's wearing a midriff, but she had it all the way pulled up, which I guess that's a way. I mean, what do I know?

I don't know how you wear that shit. But I thought like you, I was like, is that a midriff? I know. I was like, what is happening here? I wore muffin top drifts where things just go. I like my pants to be below my muffin top and my shirt to begin above my muffin top. So Rachel has a living nightmare, which is that she arrives and realizes there's no one to talk to you except Amanda and Natalie. And even worse, she and Amanda are actually.

matching, which means that Rachel Zoe, Rachel Zoe and Amanda are fashionably aligned, and you know that that was a hard pill for Rachel to swallow. Yes. They're both in there like, what, D'Lte? Rachel's like, oh my God, we match in D'Lte. Oh, God. I love our colors together. We should take a photo of us. You know, Rachel's like, um, that's not my brand. I'm not going to take a photo with you, you know, Twini. You know me. I don't pack with a strategy. It's a like totally whatever happens happens. It's like Dolce fate. I leave my fate in Dolce's hands. So I like that this was Rachel's way of differentiating. She's like, yeah, you put a lot of time to look like this. And I just like threw this in here and hope for the best. So, yeah,

you're wearing Dolce. I'm wearing effortless Dolce. Similar, but not the same. I call this accidental fashion, which is like when you put something on because you're not like paying attention and then you realize, oops, I accidentally match with the worst person in the room. And Natalie's like, wow, you didn't fuck around with jewelry, did you? And she's showing her designer bracelets, Rachel. And she's like, oh, my God, these are Dior from literally like a lifetime ago. So many dead people since between these came out, like so many generations have passed. It's amazing.

Yeah. Tets D.R's vintage D.R. So Jennifer comes out with her giant hat. How, everyone is all touching about it out. and Rachel's like, Jennifer Tilly is my hero. Like, she lives here now. We live here together. Like, we're living together here now.

She is an art form. When she commits, she is committed in the chicest, chicest non- Amanda way. So everyone does a fashion show for each other. Shows off their great outfits to eat dinner at home. And Eric is like, well, I'm so impressed with all of us. All of us.

Personally, I didn't have anything to wear, so I just skinned Lyra. She actually fits kind of well. It's just like a liar head dangling on behind her. I'm curious to know what Rachel thinks about twinning with Amanda in his dulcie print dress. She probably burned it. So guess what? Derrida's missing because Derreet's ass is always late. So Erica goes to find her.

And Derreed's like, I'm almost ready. Excuse me. I have an old couple up here. I'm trying to explain lemon chicken pesta. Hold on one second. I need to say something to them. Lemoncello. Lemoncello.

Dan meet the Vitu. Dammit V2. Short the man from Life is a beautiful, Roberto Boninia. So, Kyle. The thing is that Bose has a surprise lined up, and they're all ready for it, but Doreet is not there. That's why Erica goes up to find her. And Kyle, of course, sees this as prime example of Doreet going cuckoo for Cocoa Puff. She's like, um, Doreet seems to be increasingly late to everything wherever we go.

Like, she's in her own time zone. I'm like, it's been five minutes. This has not been 90 minutes of you guys waiting for her to come downstairs. No, Doreet's the worst. She is late, but I'm saying, Kyle's making it sound like she is more late than usual. And she's like, well, you know, this, you know, I know. we got rid of lobotomies for women in the 60s, but might want to rethink it. Doreet's late again.

So we go to Doreet's room and Erica comes up and says, hey, both has a surprise. Everyone's waiting for you. Come on. She said, come on me, we. It's Italian. So Jennifer asks Amanda if she's talked to Doreet since the Hamptons. She's like, I have not. You know, talking to Doreet to Doreet feels like torture.

But in my experience, because I have an informed opinion on this, when you get to the heart of a person, you can hear each other. So I'm going to try one more time to clear this fucking up. Erica, I'm literally getting my luggage. It was in Kitty's rooms. Like, oh, well, who cares? You know, we need to go have a good time with the people, Doreen. Jesus Christ, it's not about you in your fucking dress. But I do have to bring a bag.

Did you take my rings? She's like, absolutely not. What are you, a bird victim or an orphan? And well, I meant take them for me. I didn't accuse you of stealing them. Jeez, you ago. Doreet also has, like, did you notice this? Her lip, like, the color that her team put on her lip

sort of made it look like she'd just been guzzling red wine. It was like, I think they were trying to go for, like, a dark tone or whatever. But it just looked like she'd stuck her face into a goblet. And I was like, this does not look right. It had this sort of, like, purply smudgy look to it. I could not stop looking at it the entire episode, or at least this scene, I should Maybe that'll come in fashion like that, this one little thin line of red you get when you're drinking wine. You know, that crusty red.

Yeah, it was just like she had that look. You know, when people drink red wine, it also makes their teeth look like their spaced apart a little bit. It's like the red wine like shades the insides of the teeth. Yes, like that lady on ladies of London, Kimmy. Yeah. So she just sort of looked a little bit like a wino in that moment. And I was like, I don't think this is what she was going for, but I'm going to support it. Well, are we ready for the grand surprise?

And the grand surprise is the theater. Everybody, there's a built-in theater there, but it doesn't have a TV. As Erica says, oh, my God, to me, this is the ultimate thing to have in the villa, a theater. And not like a little little pussy theater. It's got much movie, my little pussy theater. No, bitch. We're going to put on shows in the theater. We're going to have opera singers in the theater.

I can't wait to heck of these motherfuckles. This is what does Erica care about having, you know, live classical theater in her? house. She is an artist, Ben. She was on Broadway. She is not waltzing around trying to sing Gilbert and Sullivan, you know. So then we hear this history of the theater that goes back to the 1700s and the lights go out and then a pianist is up there and an opera singer comes out. He starts to sing. And he, like, one thing he does is he like mimes taking a swing from a swig from a bottle and I'm like, quiet down front row. It's Eric. Erica, Erica will never shut up if someone actually talented a singing.

Remember? She did it with Diana's husband, too, when he was up there singing. Oh, holy night. You know, fucking Erica. I'm glad she didn't at least sing the opera with this guy, because I thought she was going to. And this guy's like the carrot top of opera singers. He's actually got a prop bottle to swig, which I loved. He's like, I will actually carry a bottle.

Yeah, sing it, mother's text. accept it off. And more and more people kept on popping out from backstage. I was surprised. I thought I was just going to be this one guy. But then slowly but surely, like, there's a lady and then there's another guy. And so they're all watching. And Bose tells us, I love opera.

I love opera as much as Keeley loves being in San Diego and maybe quitting his job. So much so that I'm on the LA Opera brand board. Okay? So if these women have any culture, they're going to appreciate it. And if they don't appreciate it, they ain't got no culture. And then we cut to Amanda just like, just on her phone texting. Amanda looks so bored. It's so funny.

She's, like, texting going through her TikTok. She's like, her eyes are half closed. She's like, oh, I am I in this. Why are they singing all their words? Is this English? I do think this was probably a challenging thing because, you know, I actually really enjoy opera. And I think it's like going to the opera is like a very special thing. However, if I've just gotten off of like a crazy like 12 hour flight and I'm jet lagged and tired and you put you lower the lights and start playing opera, I'm going to fall asleep.

And like I would have been like, oh my God, oh my God, I'm on camera and they're going to get me falling asleep because I would have been out like a light. And it has nothing to do with the performers or even that it's opera. It's just like if you're playing classical music and the lights are low, I'm in a comfy chair after a long flight, like I'm done for. Yeah, and I was wondering who Kyle is going to send that video to because Kyle's, you know, they're also tacky. This whole cast, I mean, like 90% of this cast is just tacky as fuck. You've got Amanda texting. You've got Erica heckling. You've got Kyle whipping out her phone being, uh-huh, mm-hmm, it's opera.

Why are you recording this? So weird. You're not at like a Taylor Swift concert. It's just like, I don't know. It's just so Kyle. They're so embarrassing. I'm getting it all. I'm getting it all. Well, first of all, I also hate that in general when you go to, like, a concert of some sort and someone is, like, recording an entire song.

How many times do you go back and watch that video of the entire song? It never sounds good. It never looks good. The lighting is blown out. And then you post it on social media and we're all supposed to be, like, in awe of it. Like, no, thank you. And now Kyle's doing it for the stupid opera performance. That's not a stupid opera performance, but it's a stupid video she took of the opera performance.

And it's just, like, just sit there and watch it and enjoy it, Kyle. Yeah. She can't get away with anything on this show without us complaining. Seriously. It's your fucking phone away. This isn't the Bellagio Fountains. Yes. Exactly.

And so Sutton's like, let me let you in on a little secret. Ah, fall asleep in opera. Tell no one. Stutton just can't catch a break because she's already so boring this year. And then this week, this Timothy Salomey stuff came out. And now opera's out, uh, Sutton's out there dissing the opera. I was like, girl, you just can't win. I mean, what are the odds that that would be the same week, you know?

I hope she gets Doja Cat sending her nasty texts. Just in general. Has nothing to do the opera. As we love Doja Cat went off on Timothy Shalameh about saying that opera and ballet is a dying art form. She's like, I'm Doja Cat. Here's what I think about. Timothy. It's like, wow, everybody really has something to say, right?

I did not see that Doja Cat had a response to that because I was not really – I mean, I saw that he said that and it was stupid. And like, literally, who is Timothy Shalame in this world? As what's her face, Yolanda would say. But I did not realize that Doja Cat had something to say about it, which is hilarious. Yeah, Doja Cat went off on him. And then the next day admitted it was just for clicks. And people are like, oh, God, I really believed in Doja Cat. I really thought she was on our side.

She's like, guys, I know how to do some engagement bait. It's so funny, all these people pretending they're so cultured right now. They're like, how dare you talk about opera and ballet? And it's like, have you ever been, have any of you ever been to the opera or a ballet? Just stop now. Like, how dare you? Although Timothy Shalamii, what a dumbass. What a dumbass, honestly.

What are you bullying opera and ballet for? Don't bully Amanda like the rest of us. Bullying Kyle. Take a stance on something that actually matters in the world. like not like like don't come for opera and ballet like come for something more interesting like um edible arrangements like that's something that could be taken down yeah exactly commercials here comes one right now so uh the opera finishes uh the guy dies everybody spoiler alert for those of you haven't seen it everybody um applauds and then they go back to another

room to wait for dinner and Amanda's like hi Doream can we speak she's like sure I just need to use the restroom can we talk after that I need to tinkle winkle in my tinkle that's Italian for tinkle so Kyle then is like Doreka goes off to obviously she does not want to have this conversation so Kyle's like Amanda did she say hi to you she's like yeah I just want to say what's on my mind and just get to a better place with her. Yeah, and you haven't seen her since that birthday dinner, right? I mean, that feels like forever ago, right? Right? She's like, yeah, it was. And that's why I'm hoping enough time has passed that we can collect our thoughts. So then Doreet comes back and it's like, Bose, is there enough time before dinner for Amanda and I to talk? Because she has to have a

conversation, but I don't want to hold anyone up since everyone's always waiting for me. So in this case, I just want to make a public statement that I am actually not delaying dinner. It's Amanda right now. Doreet, who just made everyone wait for an hour again. It's like, I would hate to leave everyone waiting for me. You're not holding anyone up. We'll just deep without you. No, I'd rather have dinner. Amanda, we can chat after dinner.

And you know why Doreet wants this, right? Because she wants to yell at Amanda at the whole table. She doesn't want that to. Yeah. Right. And she also just doesn't like Amanda. She doesn't care about Amanda. And she's like, I would rather go to the group dinner and have fun than miss it to have some

stupid conversation with Amanda. And there's more fun when Bo's is there to, like, rip you down classily. And that, too. So Amanda's like, okay, so right after dinner? Yes. So Sutton's, like, Derreet has zero respect for Amanda. So Amanda just has to show that, like, one, that she cares about her relationship with and, two, that she wants to fix it.

But Amanda being such a waning, she's like, bleh. Like, she doesn't show that. Like, come on, girl. I love that Amanda is getting, like, network notes from Sutton in the middle of like the show. Hey, hey, hey,

stop being so lame on camera, okay? This is a big episode for that. Yeah, but this is a big episode for that

because later Sett and Kyle go to her and try to give her a producer talk. They don't even hide what they really do. This is what they're really like. And this is what you have to do

if you're going to do this on camera. Yeah. But first, the common area, Amanda is like, but we need to have a conversation And Deweet's like,

Oh, I just, you know, I do want to enjoy myself with everyone, and we can speak privately. Mm-hmm. Can we, though? So now Doreet is really annoyed. Dorete goes from passive-aggressive to pretty much aggressive, but not quite there yet. She's like, Amanda, whatever you want, but I do want to enjoy myself. So let's enjoy dinner and then say what you've got to say. It was so condescending.

It's so nice. Okay. Okay. Cool. Cool cake. So now outside, they're heading to dinner and they're having trouble getting down the stairs because they're all wearing heels. Cobblestones, what the fuck? Why is this all the way does this road look like Tom's bald skin?

So sudden's like, wow, that was a bad idea. I've got tiny, tiny ankles. Bird ankles. So now we watch for 20 minutes as they are served wine. And Amanda's like, just a tiny bit of wine piece. That's just a taste. That's enough. Thank you. And everyone gets their wine. And everybody's like, wait, guys.

Guys, I have to take a picture of this food. Because look, they serve like preshute with melon. Like, Sky would eat presute melon? Like, literally every day of you good. He loves pejute melon. Oh, my God. It's like between the moisturizing and the pejute melon, he's, like, learned so well. Who cares?

Cheese! Jennifer speaking for the rest of us. I know. honestly, I feel so much happier when I'm in Europe. I live here now. I feel like it's like where I'm supposed to be. Like, I have a retirement plan to live in a chateau in the south of France, overlooking the sea, with unlimited prosciut melon and to like live in caftans and jewelry and just like sit on the beach, making jewelry and trying different ways to never match Amanda again just for fun. I'm like 10. I'll always be 10. And like Xander's there and like pursuit melon and moisturizer and caius and sky. It's like amazing. thing. I love Europe. They don't have e-bikes. I'm moving here. So we go back to the table, another steak. And they keep, I felt bad for the waiter because they're bringing over steak, and he's like trying to jab it with a fork and then put it on the plate. But he keeps kind of missing it or he keeps falling off the fork and it's like, boll, and like jibbles back down.

And I was like, why do we have to keep focusing on this man not able to get the steak on his fork? Could you just leave the man alone? Why are we bullying him now? We're bowling opera. We're bowling ballet, and now we're bowling waiters. I know. He is tongue-deprived. So Kyle's like, um, Doreet, can I ask you a question? I don't know if anyone else saw, but, um, you had dinner with P.K. Could you, um, elaborate on that, please?

So then on screen, page six, Derita and P.K. Kemsley reunite for post-split dinner date after she hinted at possible reconciliation. Where'd they go for privacy, Craigs? Yeah, probably. These two. Let's go to dinner bay, but let's make sure it's on page six. It really matters.

Where else are we going to have serious conversations that matter about the children? The children. Craig's catch. Ponticana, that's where you go. Erica's like, Pumpacart. Erica's like, Girl, we flew all the way over here and you didn't tell me that shit.

What the fuck is going on with you? Camsley, ah, glitch. She goes, well, I'm starting to pull away because, gee, I really just Pick and choose who I talk about my situation. So she's like, okay, okay. And send mouths to her, not you, Erica. Not you. Why is De Reeb being such a weirdo?

She's like, well, it's my life. And, you know, to have people in this group, gumient, and to have opinions on what I should and shouldn't feel and say and so forth them. It feels like there are certain people I feel more comfortable sheeming with, like page six. And Erica's like, well, you should have. told me you went to dinner with him. Oh, honey, you know he speaks you freely.

I was assaulted. I was insulted. Well, how do you think I felt when I saw you holding hands with a guy? A guy who's apparently named Shrek. I'm the only one who's supposed to have a Shrek in my life. And Erica's like, well, no one knew. I told no one. Why would I ever tell anyone anything personal about my life?

Is that like I'm on some reality show? So then Kyle's like, mm-hmm. Because she knew. She's like, yeah, I know. I totally know. Sorry, guys. Um, Sirk was like,

yeah, no one's even supposed to see that. It was only a second date in the middle of the afternoon walking across the public street with holding hands. No, was supposed to see that.

The man was in Crocs in a Strangle Things shirt. Wait, we're not Strangle Things. What was it? It was supposed to be Stranger Things, but it was like Slaughter Things.

Yeah, the slaughter things. It was only our second date the man was in a slot of things T-shirt and Crocs. Come on. Oh, you're good. No, back to you. Back to you.

I'll be disappointed, Laiba. Yeah, yeah, let's go back to Doreet, because, like, the point is to, like, expose Doreet's hypocrisy and show that she is actually, I'm losing her mind just to be committed somewhere. It's a good sign, right? You and P.K. getting together, huh? Well, it's not like we're getting back to go there at all. It's about the kids. We're implementing a consistent schedule. The kids. It's all for the kids. I do everything for the children. Very pleasant.

I had fried calamari for Jackie. Are you happy with where things are? Oh, relieved, probably. That's what I'm going to so. When Eric is... Eric gets drunk and just doesn't give a fuck. Really? Or is they saying in my native tongue,

Relieverdemoso. Richard. That's a stat. It's a small stat, but it's a stat. If it's a step in Europe, it's like measured differently than it is in America. I love how Europe measures things. I belong here. One small step for Dorit, one giant leap forward for pursuit melon.

So Kyle's like... I'm sorry. I hate when I laugh at my own stupid jokes. It's so funny. Her thing with Pritch, everything is like such a big deal to her. She's like, oh, my God. Kai Kai loves Pursuit Melon. He's going to die with pursuit.

He's like, Mom, can you make a will for me? Because I'm too young to make it. Just say, If I die, bury me in prosciut melon. It's like all I want. It's not so much that I'm laughing at my own joke. I'm laughing that we are sitting here saying this like nonsense. The show's so stupid.

It really is. I'm sitting here at my childhood desk. This is like the desk I sat at writing college essays where like, ooh, the future. What is the future have in store for me? Fast forward 30 years. Me sitting at the same desk saying one small step for treats, one giant. and step for pursuit melon. Like, this is my future, actually.

Well, it's all about the kids. So Kyle's like, well, I'm hoping this helps out, men their relationship, wherever that may lead, because that will benefit Dorit mentally where she needs it. Mentally, she's crazy. She's crazy. Kyle, if you want to do this storyline with Dorit, you're gonna need to bring in a pro,

and I highly recommend you, call up Heather Debrough because she's the only one who's really good at doing the mental health gas level. Oh, she really is. That's Heather Debrose's bread and butter right there. There's been a lot of, you know, a question that has popped up a lot is like, should Heather Dubrow join Beverly Hills? And I was like, nah, I don't know if it's really a, I don't know if it like will work. But if I had known that this season, Kyle was going to be trying to soft launch a Doreet is crazy storyline. I've been like, oh, 100 percent get Heather in there because this is her bread and butter. Because Heather would have sat down to read, like, Dorete is.

I don't know what's going on with you, but it is not healthy. And if you need me to call a mental health counselor, I will do that for you. So Erica's like, well, I'm surprised to see you two women together. I did say very smooth than a manned's place. And then we see a flashback of that where a sudden's like, oh, talk about another person's marriage. That's not nothing. You can't be such a wimp. Oh, you were doing it too.

Oh, first of all, and Amanda going, Please don't call me a wimp in my own home. I'm not sure this is a good choice for Sutton. She's trying to repair her relationship with Derreet, so what's going on? Are you trying to stir up trouble? Something, Brown? Well, if she is trying to stir up trouble, that's about 10 times more than you're doing on this show these days, Erica. Yeah.

So Sutton says, well, I've just wanted Amanda to know that it's okay to have an opinion, but you shouldn't you should have told that opinion to derate you guys stop with this i mean i don't even like amanda but they're being ridiculous they're like so amanda what do you think of do they're basically what do you think about dureate's shit talking to her husband publicly while they're going through a divorce who's going to say great idea fuck that guy everybody would say it's probably not a good idea if you're going through a public divorce like what the hell and then they take that and they're like oh my god she was talking about you to read i know Amanda happens to be i think totally in the right on this one. I'm sorry. She was totally allowed to have an opinion on it,

and she was by and large just agreeing with Kyle. Kyle was one driving the conversation. Yes, she had thoughts, but it was largely Kyle, and it doesn't even matter whether Kyle was there or not. She is allowed to weigh in on things because they all are weighing in. Just look at Kyle, spending the entire season, weighing in on Dorets mental health. So Amanda's like, well, I fully believe that if I explained what happened and why it happened and how it happened, And what I meant in its full context, it would have been clear that no one was really talking bad about you to read. She's like, well, you don't know me well. You don't know my situation.

And if it was coming from a good place, I would have expected you to have set me down and had a one-on-one conversation. And then if I invited your opinion or your advice, I'm like, no, to read. That's ridiculous. And you can't complain about that when she literally just tried to pull you to the side to have a conversation. Yeah, exactly. And you won't have it. And Amanda goes, sure. However, when I asked if you see it, it seemed like there was a lot of placements on coil.

And Rachel's like, okay, Amanda, I have a question. Pursuit, Mellon, or both. A, B, or C, tell me. We actually don't believe in pursuit melon in my household. You're dead to me. You're dead to me. Not in the fun way. Not in the fun way.

Okay. Do you feel like Doreet openly talking about P.K. in her situation is not a good thing. And remember that I'm a woman going through this right now. So, like, what is your actual opinion? Let's clear it up now. Is Roger a monster? Yes or no?

It was like, well, I feel like I've said it multiple times now, which is that I think it could make her life hard. And what about the fact that everyone, I mean, most people here share that same opinion, but you're the most offended that I have that opinion. And she's like, so you heard Kyle's opinion and you adopted as your own. Fine. I'm like, well, then why are you mad that she push it onto Kyle? You know, like, now you're accusing her of just glomming onto Kyle's opinion.

Well, that's what Amanda basically said. She's like, well, I basically just agree with what Casa. How could you just make it all about Kyle now? This is about you. Okay, well, this is what I said. Well, you're just taking what Kyle said, and didn't you? But I didn't adopt it. I agreed with it because it means.

sense with me. Oh, right. That's the same thing. Six of one, half a dozen of the other. Hmm? I don't follow. Can you do that math again? How do you have six and one if you got half a dozen at the same time? I don't understand. If there's 12 bookers and six peppers, there's still six bookered papers left over. Do you understand? Oh my God. She's losing her mind. Look at the math she's doing. It doesn't even make sense. All right. Not knowing of A well. Does it bother you to read that she would speak to you one way to your face and speak about you another way, Kathy's. All right, can I just put this into sentences that people understand?

Because this fight is incredibly stupid at this point. Is this episode 13 people? God damn. I'm going to weigh in so that way I present as one of Amanda's allies, even though I was talking shit about her behind her back just before. I mean, that could also be considered supporting you by expressing that this is not a good idea, because we're just trying to look out for you to read, or are you too crazy to understand what we're saying?

Blink twice if you can hear me. DeRite. But it's different for you have an opinion, Kyle, because you and Doreet have history. Well, if a fiend is coming from a good place and they say it to you once, and then they turn around in three circles, bend over, touch their toes, take off one earring, throw it behind their head, lick their finger and taste salt on it, then it's okay. But if people you don't know say it behind your back, then it starts to feel like they're no longer looking out for you.

Do you understand the rules? You know what it is, everyone. I think when somebody doesn't know someone, you've just got to learn to read the room and know your place, which was this like, it was like a hilarious thing that Kathy just like comes in. It's basically like, yeah, everyone just shut up, especially you, Amanda. But I do have to say, like, yeah, Kathy's actually right. You do have to read the room and know your place. But also, I just don't think what Amanda said was abhorrent. She's said so many worse things and so many more obnoxious things all season long.

And I think honestly, that's what they're coming for her for. I think she's just annoying to them and they just need to have something that they can come hard at her for because they don't want to be shallow enough to be like, you're just super annoying. Because she just was having a conversation with Kyle and she was like, yeah, it's probably not a good idea to say those things about your ex. I think you're allowed to say that. It's not the biggest crime in the world. Doreep probably doesn't want to hear it. But it's honestly probably true, too. Well, it's not that she said it.

I think it's just how she's dealing with the aftermath of it. that's just so stupid because all she really had to say was that like listen I didn't you know I don't know you I was asked my opinion I gave it but best to you I meant you no offense I'm sorry that's it but her being like but it wasn't even me but like why are you yelling at me but it was Kyle who did it and why can everyone else say it but I have experience because one time I knew somebody like who had a con and the kid talking about it's like she's doing this like childish Like, she's just annoying, you know, and she will, she argues for no reason and she thinks she's better than everybody and she talks down to everybody. And they're like, you're talking down to me, Timu. You're talking down to me, lady. And this is why Sutton is telling her to sort of stand in her truth. Because when Amanda says, well, it was Kyle who said it or I have an informed, but it comes from an informed opinion or even honestly, the big thing where this really started was like, like, oh, my. God, like, it's the anniversary of, like, my, the passing of my child. You can't talk to me

this way. Like, not you can't talk to me, but, like, you know, like, she made it about herself in that moment. And so the pattern overall is, like, she is not really backing up her own opinion, and she's being kind of slippery about it. And the slipperiness feels like duplicity. And I think Doreet is feeling like you're, like, that's why this feels so negative to Derey. because it feels like you're having an opinion and you're being sneaky about it and they're not being upfront about it. And when I try to ask you about it, you always have something to say about it. And like, that feels like untrustworthy and unsafe to Doreen. I think that's what she's responding to. But in reality, what Amanda said was, again, it's like, yeah, she said it, you know? It's like not a big deal.

Yeah. So, Erica's cracking up. And she's like, if Kathy Hill, who's a beautifully put together woman, who calls someone the F word in a bar, according to me, a couple of years ago and had a fit was racist. It's telling you to read the room and know your price, babe, you fuck. Yeah, so everyone's just there quietly and just like looking around,

like, hmm, awkward. Awkward. So, Jennifer then pipes up. Yeah, she's like, Kathy's the peacemaker, but it shut everybody up. She must, if she must have really got under her skin, speaking of skin, I can't wait to get

my boobies on the table and take a thirst trap of the chicken. Guys, but what about the fact that this is an informed opinion? Like, I've worked closely with, like, a lot of children of divorced parents as a therapist. Oh, okay. Rolls her eyes. And I did see parents talking bad about each other, which made things harder on the family. But she's not talking about PK to our kids. She's talking about them to us.

So that's different. Natalie's like, yeah, and you're not her therapist. You're her friend at a dinner table, so maybe you could put it in a friendship box and not in a therapeutic box. And I want someone to put something in my box. I'm Natalie, and sexually liberated. Speaking of boxes, that therapist really did a number on mine. Massage therapist, I mean. Okay, Natalie, okay.

So, um, to read, what do you need from Amanda right now? She's like, I don't need anything, Coyle. You're not the therapist, okay? I don't need anything. Shut up, Coyle. I was like, um, but do you want? for anything, like maybe an apology. I don't need anything. Okay, well, let me ask you this. When you brought up the cold the other night at dinner,

was it your intention by going back 357 blog posts to a post I wrote 14 years ago? Like, Kathy goes, well, if I was annoyed with someone, I'd do a deep dive, yeah, for sure. Rich is like, definitely wasn't 357 blog posts back. Like, I died. at that exaggeration. I looked at the site. It was like on page four. Yeah. Like, I was so bored.

I was like, thank God they showed up quickly. It's like, it's called Google or as they call it here, Google Leone. So Amanda's like, if you search Amanda Francis, cult. Cult. Amanda Francis, cult. It doesn't come up. I checked, which is- Girl, it sure does.

It sure does. Amanda's not aware of like algorithms apparently. I remember one time when in the blogging days, I searched for something and like my blog came up first. And I was like, oh my God, I've gone viral because like, I'm the first search result. It's like I was the first search result because the algorithm was tailored towards me. So of course it's going to show me things.

So like Amanda being like thinking that her search results are like the norm for everyone else is hilarious to me. That's like when Jacks from the Valley posted like, my god i'm like i'm trending on google and they're like jacks that's your personal it's your personal date Amanda probably hit hide enough times on the cult news that like or whatever she did that it went down but for everyone else it's like right up there congratulations you've reached the end of part one of a two part recap for part two go look for the recap that says part two see over there suckers watch what crap is

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