Watch What Crappens - #3265 Below Deck Down Under S04E07 Part One: Disco Helmet Desertion

Episode Date: March 17, 2026

This is part one of a two-part recapBelow Deck Down Under continues to up the pressure on Ellie and we’re all waiting for her to blow. In the meantime, Alesia gets even worse at her job and chooses sleep over work after having the deal with the stress of avoiding her boyfriend’s texts all day. If there’s a disco helmet of doom but no one there to wear it, does it even have power? To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and get ad free listening, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, hello and welcome to watch what we're happens. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben. Hello, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Good. Today we're in my house in Texas because we were at South by Southwest all weekend. What? party partied partied talking like day I woke up and I was like thank God I'm already talking like Daisy A voice already sounds like Daisy I'm St. Patrick's Day no less Happen St. Patrick's Day. I'll look at us both not wearing green on the podcast You're wearing pink, I'm wearing white

I'm tired. You know, I'm too tired for green today I'm in pink and blue. We're in two of the colors of the rainbow at which there is a pot of gold Yeah. Well, last night we won Best Film and TV Podcasts at the IHeart Awards. Thank you so much. I heart. So exciting. We'll talk about our whole weekend on the bonus episode this week on Patriand. That's also where you get videos like this one, the room right now and add free listening and Discord and just so much stuff on Patreon. Go over there. There's a newsletter blog thing that comes out every week about the week in Bravo. It's really fun. So go check that out.

And then today we're just doing some below deck. It's my last day with Ben here in my office. And then he's back to La La Land. I know. I fly out right after this. But also, thank you to everyone who has been leaving the kindest words on our social media and sending us nice little messages and emails about last night's win. We really appreciated it a lot. It was super, super, super cool.

We did not expect to win. And we were gobsmacked. We were shocked. We were just there along for the ride. So thanks to end. everyone who's been so nice. People who were there, people who were just, you know, just online. It's, we really, really appreciate it.

I'd like to personally thank Jenny Garth for presenting our award. She was so nice. I went up to wrap. What I loved was Jenny Garth was dressed like Rachel Zoe. And I thought, at first I thought it was Rachel Zoe. And then I was like, oh, it's just some random lady. And then someone was like, that's Jenny Garth. And then she actually presented the award for us.

And I was like, oh, my God, Jenny Garth. I was like, I 100% knew who you were when you walked in. Well, I just haven't seen her for a while. No, well, no, just because she was styled in a way I'm not used to. Like, I have an idea of how Jenny Garth looks in terms of her styling. I wasn't expected to have more of like a Rachel Zoe look. So it was like, and she was, when I tell you, this woman was so nice. I went up to her at the end of the show.

And I was like, thank you again. It's lovely to meet you. She's starting up a podcast. And I thought I took a picture with her, but I guess I didn't. So I mean, I made out with her. It was a great and all in all, great, great. It was a great time for Jenny Garth. Yeah, I'm meeting so many podcasters and stuff.

Yeah. We'll talk about that later. But for now, it's below deck down under season full, episode seven. For anyone who ever thought that the podcast would ever pause for one second to be hungover, absolutely not. No, well, just like the below deck crew, you get up and you do it anyway. Do you work? Unless you're Alicia and you just go to bed. Wait, can we talk about Alicia real quickly?

I think, like, it's time that we have to face some hard truths about her. I think she's like incredibly inept in so many different ways. Like she's a disaster. Like last season she got away with I think a very good edit. And this season she has been, I think, across the board kind of shitty, right? She seems like a nice girl, but she's totally disorganized in like her personal life, in her professional life with everything. And there was like a moment I thought, oh wow, she's like getting in the hang of it.

I was like, she's not. She's like failing on all categories. And I feel like we have to acknowledge it. I think she does okay when she's, you know, working. It's just, you know, going to bed early and stuff. Look, she couldn't do the kitchen stuff. She couldn't make the cheesecake. She didn't put the sugar in the cheesecake.

She couldn't do like the frittata. So she moves to the interior. Now she can't stay up late. She left the whole boat of mess. She left wax on the table. But she crying. She made up lies about her flirtation with the, to Eddie where she made it seem like Eddie was texting him, but no, you initiated.

Then you call your boyfriend and you're like sort of doing half truths again. She just is like incapable of, she seems so nice, but she's just totally incapable of like doing the things she has to do. Yeah. I still like her. I don't care. Okay. Great.

I don't, you know, it's like you just excuse anything when you like somebody. I don't care. She could run over a puppy and I'd be like, love her. Love her braids. I love her double braid. It's concentrated on the rock things. her pouty lip yeah i could never be a witness for murder because i'd be like well they did it but i really like their hair like they did such cute hair and i like her lipstick and i like that she has

like different scents that she puts on like she's like i'm i'm baby prostitute today because it's sugar and waffles or whatever her scent was and it was like oh oh it was marshmallow that's i think that was their turning point for me because there is a scent that there's certain girls wear this scent and that like it's plaguing me for years. I'm like, what is that awful smell? Like, when you're like, you know when you're like an elevator and like it's like that cheap perfume smell. But I was like I couldn't really even pinpoint what that scent was. And then my friend said, he's like it's marshmallow. I was like, it is marshmallow. All those like marshmallow scented fragrances that like like perfumes because it doesn't really smell like real marshmallow,

like real marshmallow smells delicious. But this is just like that perfume marshmallow. Yeah. That like, I guess like 16 year old girls wear. or like if they're unfortunate, they just go down a path in their life where they just keep on wearing it. That is like the most garbagey smell. And all those bottles of marshmallow perfume need to be dumped out into the sun. Make a rocket ship. SpaceX, this is where you could use your technology. Build a ship and send it directly into the sun with all the vials of marshmallow perfume.

I think it's just smelling like food in general. Why do you want to smell like food? Because like first of all, if you're around a person who eats too much like me, I'm just going to want to eat you. And like, I don't want to fuck my food. You know what I mean? I don't want to fuck a marshmallow. Um, actually, if you're going to fuck any food, a marshmallow might be nice. No, it won't.

It won't. Look what they do to the bag. Like if you just leave a marshmallow in the bag too long, look what happens to them. They get all stuck together. And that wouldn't be good for your ween. Like, I don't want to fuck a marshmallow. So why, so, okay. So then I'll want to eat you.

Well, I don't want to eat a human either. And then when you're not. hungry you know you smell food and you kind of resent it like when you're in a mall and there's like a cinnabon or a cookie or mrs field cookie and you're not hungry and then you smell it and it's like gross i don't want that right now it's like when you see a weener it's like when you see a wiener but you're not really in the mood to have sex and it's like ew i've why don't want to see that you know but then when you do want to have sex it's like oh it's a weener right that's how food smells don't smell like food you're a person yeah like a per i'm a world

don't smell like a person either because people are generally i love to say we have terrible innate odors smell like new shoes why don't they have like new car smell for people yeah that's everybody loves that i'm a new model yeah then everybody will want to have sex i think if you have a new car it's like you want to have sex in the new car right what scent are you wearing oh it's troy 2026 edition it's preas it's the preas it cuts double the mileage and you barely hear it oh it's lexas december to remember sales events almost ran someone down on a crosswalk because they didn't even hear me. It's crazy.

It's my everyday sense. My pre ascent. All right. So with that being said, we are at a beach picnic. That's where we left off. And the joow and Mike and Jenna, they're heading back to the yacht. And Mike is like, see, you had a chance to talk to Eddie? Did you talk to Eddie at all?

And Jenna's like, I did have a shower. Here's a ride. I found some common ground, I guess. Because, you know, Jenna's just. just found out that Eddie was actually flirting pretty hardcore with Alicia, enough to the point that he said he would drop Jenna in a heartbeat just to be an alien with Alicia. Yeah. And she said, it's all right. Found so common ground, I guess.

And Jo was like, oh, so friends, oh, she's like, oh, best friends. That's what? We call that the friend Zim in Zim. And if anybody's like, oh, my God, but poor Eddie, he's so cute, he's so sweet. It just because Eddie farting. Yeah. Yeah, I love this show. They've got like a whole fart editor on this show.

Someone who's just like, it's your job. Just log whenever somebody farts or burps or like it's a boner. Find the fart. And a fart while they fart. Yeah, find the fart. It's like find the through line. Find the fart. Yeah.

So now Daisy and Mecca. Mecca kept threatening again this episode to be the worst charter guest and then was lovely. And that's my favorite. This is my favorite pick out with Mecca. Every time he's here, it's like, hi, is this really the best you can do? Good, because I love you, and it is your best. It was your best. We agree.

We really agree. Yeah. So they want dinner at 7.30. And Mecca's like, so do you still feel good about dinner being at this table? I mean, whatever you think aesthetically, but do you think this is the best table? She's like, oh, I don't know. I mean, is there a different table? Should we do it on the inside?

Should we do it on the inside table? I don't know. What do you think? it's the best. It's like, oh, well, inside, outside, we should do it on the water. So we do it, I'll put a boat on the water. I'll put a table on the water. Is that good? Is the water the best thing, really? Is it? And she's like, are you sure this is the best table? And he's like, oh, I'm really, on the pressure. She goes, well, you should. I'm just joking. Honestly, it's going to be great. It's wonderful table. It's great. But also, I think it's mecca's, I mean, it's cool that she's

demanding the best, but I love that. She's like, wants the best in every category. Is this the best chair? The best chair you can possibly get. Is this your best napkin? Have you ever gotten a better napkin? We want your best here. That was funny, though. Is this the best table? How are you going to decorate the table? Is it going to be your best table decoration of all time? Sandy's at home like, yes. She's like super fanning over Becca. He's like, oh, God, get her on the tables. Get her on the tables. Oh, wait until I tell Gigi Fernandez. Gigi Fernandez, like, Well, I'm the best tennis player, if that's a question. Gigi Fernandez wouldn't last two minutes with MECA.

Mecca would be like, oh, Gigi, are you really the best, though? Are you really the best? Well, I mean, I'm the best. I mean, technically, Martinez's stats are a little bit better than mine, but like, so Martinez the best? I mean, I wouldn't say that. I mean, someone's argued as Chris Everett. But I mean, I probably better than both of them.

I don't know. I've been through a lot of therapy. This is sort of taking me back to a dark place. Is your therapist the best? Is it the best therapy you could be good? Oh, my God, you're right. I am fucking crazy. Just in my mind.

G.G. Prananda just jumps off the boat. It's like, I'm playing basketball. I'm playing basketball. Mecca destroys her. Wait a second, but I realize I'm excellent at swimming. I'm the best at the swimming. The sharks are the best?

I'm the best at eating. Are you the best? All right, give me another tennis star. I'll lead another one. I'll practice still. I'm the best. Okay, so then we go to the galley and Ben's like, oh, the southern, what a nightmare.

I'm going to have to cook without another. Oh, go. Oh, get over here. Goopie hips. We got to get it together. So he's like, he's like, well, we're going to start off with caviar service and we're moving swiftly into dinner. And then we're going to a lobster spring roll and I'm going to try to fry them.

And then we're going to do an octopus. We're actually going to literally do an octopus. We're going to fuck an octopus together. See what sort of inspiration that gives us. And then I'm going to break out this CV mission. He's going to suvied the octopus. What do you think about that? Now you know how I feel.

I am fine with that. Why? Suveting octopus? Octopus is already so like slimy. No, no, you have to do it. The reason why is because when you cooked octopus, you either, as you probably know, you either cook it like in.

Are you the best? Are you the best octopus cook? By the way, your octopus teacher is here your octopus teacher is here you um you either have to like cook it for like one minute or so like two minutes or you have to cook it for like 45 minutes because like the proteins and octopus just sort of like tighten up so like if you're going to cook it for more than just like a flash whatever then you kind of have to cook it long enough for the proteins to then like relax and I think that's the suede will help you get to that place of like um

sort of keeping the octopus tender and then you can finish it with like a grill. But there's something, well, okay. I sense your skepticism. Yeah, I feel it's already slimy and the textures are. I mean, I really like octopus. But, you know, it's best when there's like some kind of crunchy element to it. So the suvee just sounds like slime. But you would finish it on the grill or something like that, a grill top and give it with some char.

Well, controversial. We'll look it up. It's controversial. We'll look it up. And it is in this episode as well. Is it controversial? Dish. Is it the best?

Is it the best preparation? I'm not sure. Well, formal ditto, six courses of itless. Losing this oven is like losing my mother. Not that I've lost my mother, but imagine if I did lose my mother. That would suck. My mother, the oven. My mother's fan went out years ago.

It's just still tick. Yes. My mother tends to. overheat and she's very unreliable. Gotta cook on the fly tonight. I've got a suede. I've got to bring all my applications. Clearly there's lots of pressure on me and time is very, very valuable. Not that mother cares. She's burned me once. She'll burn me again. Alicia, Alicia, up to the main salon is Daisy.

She's like, hi. Meanwhile, Alicia is getting text from her boyfriend who bless his heart. I mean, we keep seeing pictures of this boyfriend and it's, it's not like your whole it out for like Brad Pitt. You know what I mean? It's kind of just a basic. He's kind of like a like a normal bodied Michelin man. Right. And just like a yeah, it's like a normal guy. Like maybe like a print model for like a barbecue restaurant. He's like he's like the he's like the napkin model. You know, they always have like a picture of someone on the napkin that's like, you know, Joey Portola's barbecue or something. Yeah. It's like him. It's like a picture Joey Portola, but like they're like, okay, get get the guy from Whistler. We want to do.

or draw joy portola or like print modeling for like fishing vests yeah or um like some sort of like like small pond watercraft like a type of rowboat or something like a motorized roboat and he's like on there yeah but i mean you know she's she's basically trying to talk herself into it i don't know why because she clearly is not really into this guy so he's texting he's like are you there are you there please you're so hot please please please texting me back I can't believe you've been texting me back for two months, but please, where are you? Where are you? Are you still alive?

I'm worrying about you. And she's like, oh, God. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial. And she says, I actually can't be fucking bothered today. You can't be bothered to write back to someone when you're the one who flirted with someone else a little bit too much. Like guilt. Yeah.

That's guilt. That's what I do with the IRS, but they always get you. They always get you. death and taxes. Daisy serves, I guess some coconut water. And the guest is like, you know,

I have, I've got the coconut water, but I didn't want ice in it because I think the ice kind of defeats the purpose of the coconut water, right? I was like,

no, that's, I don't think it does. I think ice mixing with regular water. It's like, was it hot coconut water that's going to melt the ice right away and then become part

of the coconut water? It's not in a coconut. You know what I mean? Okay. Like if you, open a coconut. If you're like, oh, God, I finally got a coconut off the tree and figured out how to bash it open. And then there was ice. I'd be like, why are you wasting room in this coconut with ice? But it's a glass. So I just, I'm assuming what she's meaning is that the ice

is going to dilute the coconut water it down. But I'm like, but like it won't. It's ice. I mean, like, ice melts, yes. But like. Because doesn't ice defeat the purpose of everything? Are you going to what's a diet Coke? Like it's diluting the Diet Coke. Are you going to revisit this drink in like six hours? Like you're drinking you're drinking right now like you'll be like they'll be like minimal impact on the On the funny that that stood out the engine yeah I did tune she said in a way that was like oh yeah kind of defeats the purpose like these fucking idiots but I don't know I don't know what I would do is someone who just gave me a glass of coconut milk with no ice coconut water I think you want the ice because you're in the Caribbean and it's hot out be like what are you lazy I would yeah I would be like where's the The point is we've put more thought into this job in five minutes and Alicia has in two years.

Alicia's still like trying to like wipe down like a pizza box somewhere. We'd be useless at this job too. We'd be like, wait, should we put ice in the coconut water? What do we do? I don't know. I stopped and figured out about the soup eating the octopus. What the fuck are we going to do? Nothing would ever get done.

We're having lots of existential crises over these food preparations. So now we're in the galley in Elisphiard. Now we're in the galley and Ellie and Mike are there. And the galley is a mess. And then he's like, Mike, clear out all this stuff from the interior because we have a lot going on. And then, you know, Mike's like, he's like all upset because he has to do work. It's the life of a, the life of a dextu. And as Mike gets more and more depressed throughout the episode, because this is definitely like a couple of weeks of let's break down Mike, who by the way, deserves it.

So he's getting more and more depressed. And you can tell because his hair deflates and deflates and it just gets sadder and sad. the end he just looks like a cupa troupe out it's just a shell it's just a tortoise shell on top of his it looks like a bicycle hat his hair is sort of like deflating down into just like a nuzies cap yeah a bike helmet i guess not hat or a bike helmet around it's just like a no newsies cap is better because he has a little duck tail that's also like flat it's like a little tiny awning over the so um now elizia and daze you're discussing table decor and licia's like oh i'm not sure i'm very good at this is Jenna better at this i was like of course of course elizzi can't set the table she's

gonna pour the sugar from cheesecake onto the table and she's gonna take a fork from the table and put in the cheesecake you put shit on a table i don't understand when they make tables this big of especially when we see what it is they put some flowers on the table i'm telling you elisa can't do anything yeah so she's gonna swap with jena and she'll do the bathrooms instead which honestly i mean i'd rather put flowers on the table than clean your butt clean your bed. I agree. Skank off the toilet. Mike, Mike Daisy, the dishwasher has to be out of day.

And he's like, go be that. Fucking heel. So he's like all upset because he has to do all this work, which is also known as your job. Yeah, it's also known as, yeah, working. So Alicia and Jenner are in their cabin and she like, are you okay to set at the table? The father's elegant but sexy

full of flowers. You know, I have to go. I'm just really shit at it. I'd rather make cocktails till I'm black and blue. Ignore it. Signore, it's like, please, please call me. And then Jenna's like, I can't 100% trust Alicia. Because even though Alicia showed me at the text about flooding with daddy,

she had no, she had the text. So you don't trust a murderer after he told her committed a crime. Like, wow, that's taking it to a pretty intense place. But I mean, a fair point. Yeah, that's true. So Jenna prepares the table and Daisy's radioing for dinner to be ready, whatever. So now people are getting ready and on deck, Eddie is complaining about the mess on the deck.

And Daisy is like, are you okay, Eddie? He's like, no, there's still so much shit I'll have to do. He's like, do you want Mark to come and help you? And he's like, well, I think we need Marky a lot more today than we did actually. You know, because I've been out here, look at me. I'm undoing a pink string. It's very difficult. I know.

It's like working on some pink string thing. Like entangling a string. It's like, this ridiculous. We're doing it all along. Give us Mike. And she's like, okay. You need to call. You need to say it.

You need to call. Okay. And he was like, but if it comes out, it comes out and it goes back in. It's like, well, I'm going to send Mike to help you. So I just like, it ain't about Mike at the moment. The reality is I'm frustrated myself after talking with Jenna on the beach earlier. I'm really feeling the need to explain myself more and I need to apologize more. And because we're working right now, I just can't.

I was like, well, great. Well, then I'm, thank you for then bothering everyone, including Mike and Daisy with your stupidness. Yeah, you fuck that whole thing up. That's your fault. And this is what happens when like a mediocre guy gets any attention because this shows like being in prison. You're just going to fuck what's there. I mean, we're like, being at a buffet you're going to eat whatever it is yeah if you're really hungry and so this guy has

much more of a chance on this boat than normally and the poor guy he's just not used to having so many options you know it's like his first wedding buffet he's going to order the chicken and the salmon and see if he can get away with it and sometimes you just can't yeah and this also shows you how uh people how and why people in middle management are just so awful because it's like he's like he's like he got frustrated by something that happened his personal life and he took it out on whatever co-worker he could possibly. So he, like, appealed to someone higher than him to get someone lower than him into trouble to sort of, like, rein back his power. Yeah. So that's, I'm not afraid to look into things. I'm not afraid to take it to that face either. Jenna, you're not the

only one who can take things to an extreme, okay, to comparing at least he's into a murderer. So now back to Ben and Ellie. He's like, so we did just a quick cheeseboard. It's like, okay. But come on, honey, honey, honey, cheese cheeks. Please. Can we be? just do a come on ward come on feta freckles let's do a cheese come on blitz bags let's just just do a cheese bowl come on like okay but she's starting to move slowly i think she's like chopping banana pepper she's like okay cheese board cheese board he's like it's really difficult for me Boms are dropping on my head at eight years old. Oh, okay.

No, everything is fine. Everything is fine. So now Daisy goes up to Mike. And he's like, yeah. I love it, by the way, every time Daisy says Mike's name, it's always like she's trying to get his attention in the library. Because she's like yells, but it always sounds like she's like whisper yelling in a library. Mike.

Mike. Mike. You're going to go help the deck crew now. So I spoke to Eddie. And I think the problem is you're like doing the job. But then you're coming back in here. Mike. But I'm never sitting down doing nothing, am I.

I'm going in, I'm going out and that's what I'm doing. She's like, no, no, it's not what the issue is. It's not that you're not working. Just go and help. Just go. Go with your hair. You and your hair go. After that chat was Joao, Daisy, I'm literally saying yes, every single, oh, that's what

I imagine Mike's probably saying right now. Wouldn't you be saying that, Mike? That's exactly right. Thank you for helping me out of that chat with Joao and Daisy. I'm literally saying, yes, every single job you're giving us. But I don't know what else I can do. So he goes out to the day. and the rest of the crew are putting stuff away.

And Mike's like, I've been told that you need to handle something. And Jo, I was like, is Daisy needing you inside, though? He's like, no, Daisy just received it for you. Listen, if you're finished with us, can you tell us when you're finished? Because now I have to go on with Daisy. And if you're not finished. And he's like, but I've been trying that and you've been running away every single time. You've been running into the Zim zone.

You're like a woman in Zim. Every time I come into town, you start running away. Run away. So then Mike is like, really, I'm happy to stay out here all day, but I'd rather be in the sun. Sorry. I'm just like, the extreme degree of weird accents coming out of her mouth, a given moment. They're all bad, too. I'm happy to stay here all day.

I'd rather be in the sun rather than making beds. So now, um, the guests are getting ready for, they're going to the table, getting ready for the best. You know a little time. And there was actually a new cookbook out called. best of the best and this girl who she just like 35 different cookie recipes and she'll say this is the best i'm like maca i would love that book so it's your best every recipe she'll be like is this your best guess we're gonna see um so jason's coming to dinner so the guests pretend to be excited i i jason seems like a nice person okay i know i'm oh what's wrong no i'm just you're setting up

this you're about to go that was a uh-oh somebody died on the internet no no one died says uh-oh he's like oh my god guess who died and he gets a message on it i can i can check to see no i do don't please someone's someone probably died okay jason seems very nice and stuff but he's i think if there was if we were ranking chefs on how good they are at like guest dinner experiences he would be last like at least everybody else tries to do something you know captain sandy's like oh one time i was on a boat in iraq and we were chasing down saddam man uh there a big land whale came up you know she has stories or or captain carey will tell a joke like well you know what they called octopos in australia oh what a wallabee a rat rot rot rot right a lady would take vaginas

who else is there captain leo be like yeah i'll tell you one thing she tripped over words one more time i sent her home on a goddamn plane ticket number one has the story captain glens would be like, you know, back in the 70s, I used to live in a cave. And then the next cave over, a bunch of nurses. We had a great time back then. And now I just sailboats. That was the best one. Yeah, I used to live in a cave.

Yeah, we've met some nurses. And then they kept showing him that season every five minutes. They would cut to him with a huge Afro. The 70s. But Jason just shows up and blinks blankly. He's just like, he has no stories to tell. Oh, like this fish. You knew he has nothing.

He doesn't want to listen to them. He doesn't laugh with them. And it's always so low energy and boring. Every time they cut to the dinner, they're like, hmm, do you like the fish? I like it. Do you? I like the fish.

I like the fish. He just needs to work on his like quiver of, of tails. You know, he just doesn't have any tails of the high seas. Even if he just makes one, go on to AI, go on to chat chippy T and be like, what sort of story could you fetch for me as a handsome captain who wants to crash a boat into a yacht? Tell us about your kimono journey. Tell us about why you want to. and everybody just felt smell like sandalwood.

Tell us about the chilies you crashed into on the dock that time. Tell us everything. Tell us more. We want to know everything. So now there's the meat and cheese and all that and caviar it's coming. So Alicia goes to the galley to grab some food. And Ben's like, watch your levels, darling. Watch your levels.

He had to tell Alicia that because there was a good chance. Alicia will just take the plates and just like hold them by the sides like this and all the food will fall down. So then everyone's eating some, like, pancakes with caviar, and Daisy goes checking on the galley, and she's like, do you want me to seat them? And he's like, well, they're ready to be seated. And she's like, well, I think we could get them to the table. So I don't know. In my opinion, cocktail hour is not finished.

So they probably don't want to be seated right now. She's like, then cut to the gas me like, is it time for us to sit at the table? Is this the best time to be sad? So Mecca's like, so, Elysia, we're ready to sit for dinner. She's like, oh, should I top off the Prosecco? And then in the gallery, it depends. Like, 20 minutes, that's the minimum you can spend all cocktail hour, all right? Who's calling the fucking shots around here, all right?

Starbucks esophagus? I can't take it like this. She's like, but I'm communicating with you. You're the boss, babe. You're the boss of them. But I'm here to put the pressure on. Well, that's my job. Stop doing that.

Stop it. But that's my job. Every time, every time when she comes into the galley, she just plants a little bomb. It's just incredible. It's incredible what syrup news can do. I hate being an ag, but when things don't go right? Who gets blamed?

Not you? It's me. It's me who gets blamed every time, Gary? Good shot. Like, literally, who does that? You're just trying to piss the guy off? Or you just have such an emotional disconnect that you're practically a fucking Martian.

I'm going to start calling you Martian. Elbethers. That's not a good one. Martian, is there a body part that starts with an Mawrishan mounds? Motherfucker. So everyone sits for dinner and Daisy's like, all right, they're seated now. They seats at themselves. He goes, oh, did they now?

That was rather presumptuous, wasn't that? Can't even control when they're sitting down? What kind of chiefs do, Ben? Do your fucking food, okay? To quote Captain Sandy for the second time in this episode, do your food. Just get it out there. Daisy's like, Ben's chef persona, I think it's just, you know, it's smoke and mirrors, because I know he's insecure and not to pick my battles. Fucking put the food out and just don't be a prick.

He was like, well, I gave a meat and cheese. You gave them a meat and cheese plate. Why are you acting like you were cooking something crazy? Yeah. So, um, Mecca's like, Captain, we travel a lot. We love to take the best and we enjoy and get the best service. We want to see money dripping from things. And you guys have been really, really good. But have you been your best? Have you been your best? Well, we definitely have some strong heads of department. Chihuah, Daisy, and Ben.

We're a team. It's going well. They're like, okay, well, is there any stories about, like, a rich person that came on board or... The housewives. The ladies, how they're cleaning those toilets. Okay. Is this customer service dinner theater? So now they get some...

Please hold. It's like, please. If you'd log this message in English, please hold one please press one you do do do do are you doing Hulk music? I am

that was creepy music it's like your call will be answered in the order in which it was received oh oh I'll never tell I

at least give me honest hold music. I hate when you're holding for like Verizon. And they're like, hold on, please. Where you hard rock? Your Verizon, you're screwing me on my Apple Watch plan. Can we just get to that? I like that one hold music that went viral. It's got that cool vibe.

It's just call up some company. And you'll hear it. It's great. It's great. No, it's great. There's this one whole music. It's so good. And there came like a moment on the internet where people were like someone that was like,

does anyone know this whole music because it's so good? And I was like, oh my God, I love that whole music because we've all heard it. And it has this like cool beats and then it's like, do do do do do do. I'll look it up. I'll look it up. Then's just going to start calling international companies right now to see what we can get. I'm going to look up. Awesome.

hold music and what comes up it's well Google celebrating St. Patrick's Day that's for sure I'll tell you that it's green got some leaves on there yeah done done done done wow there's a lot of stuff that music I've ever heard okay one hour of best music on hold I don't think it's there's an hour of best old music God people say viral I didn't know that that was like a niche that people are like You know what? Hey guys, tonight at dinner, we're listening to my Holden music mix. Dun, dun, don't, don't, dun, dun, dun. I think this is it.

This is the viral thing. It says, when you're in Holden, they drop this banger. Hold on. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's so good. And it goes, da-da-da-da-da. It goes, this part.

Yes. Sort of sounds like the Rain Man soundtrack. Or Phil Collins, something Phil Collins. Yeah, right? So good. Yeah, I have heard that. It's so good. That is good.

I've never really thought about that as an art form, but whoever did that killed it. Ben and Ronnie, get back to work. Commercials. Here comes one right now. Well, we definitely have great heads of department, et cetera, et cetera. Okay, so now the octopus is going to come up. And Mecca's like, yuck. she didn't like it

or somebody there didn't like it Mecca says she wasn't a fan but I think that she was saying I think she said just kidding afterwards and they edited it out because down in the gallery Ben's like did they like the octopus

honey toes and he's like wow some of them didn't eat it and some of them did it it's like oh really did Jason like it I think so so he's like now all and he's like oh well he's starting

get upset And then Mike and Jenna are talking and Mike's like, so have you tried a little child with Eddie yet? She's like, oh, not why? Do you think that you could give me second chance? Like, oh no, because you think you're completely done? Yeah, it's 100% he's a gentleman but I should say you may talk and not service service letter or so that's why I kind of felt out of that lap, but not anymore. Yeah, I just liked him because he talked and they pretended he liked when I talked.

But no more. Well, that's a pretty solid reason. It's like, wow, a guy who liked to talk and liked for me to talk to. But that's over now. And Mike, by the way, go to work, Mike. He's just like, he's just following her around me like, what are you think? What's your relationship about that? What's that lot?

You're quite, you're quite, you're quite, like, not sweet on him. Yeah. It's like an old 50s thing. Yeah. But I feel like on Love Island, UK, they talk, like, they're in the 50s sometimes. Yeah, yeah. Oh, what a honey. I reckon, you reckon he like him.

What a honey. You keen on him. What a humdinga. Yeah. Um, yeah, so Daisy, okay, yeah, so lobster spring roll. Okay, so he's gossiping. And she's like, I've got nothing else to say, right? Because he's just following her around asking her questions.

And he goes, yeah, but Eddie does think very highly have you? He does. Mike and nanny, it's about you're not going to get laid this way, okay? I don't know if that's what he's trying to do, but I feel like he's just walking around trying to get leftovers. Yeah. Go away, Mike. Go away. He's a net.

So more food comes up. There's a, there's a sorbet palette cleanser. and then like a mushroom and hollandaise sauce thing. And then ultimately the meal ends with an apple pie calzone and vanilla custard. And, you know, last week, Ben was like, well, I think I'm going to slow because an apple pie. And they're like, is that the best you can do in apple pie? I think so. And then we're like, Ben, why are you serving an apple pie?

He should have told us it was an apple calzone. I think maybe we would have been a little bit more friendly. That's worse. An apple calzone, that doesn't sound classy. He doesn't add as much. add calzone to something to make it sound classier it should be like a like a hand pie or something like that um but he doesn't have his mother aka hit the oven so he can't he has to like do some sort of like fried or thing for dessert yeah um but it looks very nice actually when it arrives and uh so i mean it looks

like a breakfast McDonald's apple it does like a very fancy version of that right yeah and they're all complain they're like apple pie why are we eating apple pie who asked for apple pie why would he service apple pie. And then someone's like, this is good. And someone else is like, ugh. So then they're like, and she goes, I mean, we're not here to minimize our plate. No, she goes, we're not here to minimize our palettes, are we? Perhaps you are because you're on a reality TV cruise, not a real one. So then Ben comes upstairs and Maca's like, oh, Ben and Joy goes, we had a whole conversation earlier. What happened? He's like, what? Yeah, what happened, Ben? About what? our dinner was it the best

was that the best you could do we just wanted your best I like that they both said it at the same time mecca and joy both were like you thought this was your best dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun da the machinca resort theme song nope you're still on hold dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun Yeah, it was my best.

And they're like, ha ha, we're just kidding. It was great. We loved it. You're so creative and so amazing. This wasn't fact your best. And Jason's like, that was God, I haven't been listening to any of this. But everyone else is laughing, so we'll laugh as well. It's like, you are so creative.

I mean, Calzone with apples? Oh my God, you're so amazing. Did someone say something about the Friend Zone? Oh, Calzone, never mind. Mexico, are you sure you want a friend zone? Apple pie? What did the apple pie do to you? All right, well, why don't have fun of my expense, right? It's not like I've had any fun this weekend. It's just an immense relief in the complaining, complimenting the food, darlings. Cheers to your gratitude.

Ha! So, Macca's like, Captain, we have a saying, so you got to say it. It's to being pretty, powerful, and provocative. He's like, got it to being pretty powerful and crashing into dogs. Oh, sorry. I'll sometimes miss that part of. Pretty provocative and sandalwood kimonos. But just go. Just go, Captain Jason. So Ben is very pleased with himself.

Now we have a problem here because Ben has been manipulating his way into a guestroom every week with some kind of trauma or tears. Now he doesn't have any. He just got a huge compliment. So what's he going to do? What's he going to do? Well, he's without his mother. So that will probably be the thing. He's like, I just had to do a whole charter without my mother.

Please let me say me in the guest, China. So the guests go to the hot tub, and they want like a little caviar pizza. So someone goes, Ben, you look like a good time outside of work from your hair cut. I could tell you're a good time. I'm like, from his haircut, you would think he's sticking his fingers and outlets. What are you talking about? He's a good time. Mike, are they talking to Mike?

Oh, maybe they are. They must be. No, he said, Ben. Outside of work, from your haircut, I can tell you. tell you're a good time. Yeah, I don't know. But both of them. That would really work for both of them. Yeah. So Jason tells, you know, he says bye. And by the way, didn't you just eat six courses? Hi. That's us on. That's us on a boat. I was like, that would be me. I'd be like, can I have a coffee? Can we keep eating? Hi, we're going to be in the hot tub. Could you make us

just because you have to? I know. Like, you're like, you're like, they just had six courses. I'm like, have you seen us this weekend? We just ate a plate of French toast piled to our heads. Yes. By way, Ronnie made a delicious. just French toast for breakfast. It was so good. French toes. Such a good house. Don't call me. Single nationality. That's, I was just about to. So then, um,

Iheart's like, we're taking back that award now. In the galley, Ben Ellie and Jason. I don't even think they're going to send it. They're like, they're like, psych. I, yeah. So they didn't give us a form or anything, right?

did they form to send the award last time we had to give like where addresses they email you that's what meant um it's shiny this year by the way it's very nice it's a nice one it's a nice one it's rose gold it is rose gold and it was heavy as hell yeah and you get fingerprints all over it they were handing them out with like those you know the screen cleaner cloths i thought that was funny okay yeah it's like someone else touched us can i get a clean award that would be great do you want to hear some inside skis the bad award chips. They have a microfiber available.

You guys. I got muffies, pop prints all over my award. Okay, so Jason. They're on the hot tub, yeah. So we go to the galley,

and Ben is there with Ellie and Jason, and Jason's complimenting them, and Ben asked his favorite, and Jason's like, The Octopus, that was great, and the palate cleanser was nice, too. I knew you didn't just compliment the sorbet sorbet after you just had six courses

of things, Jason. Hey, if it's a good, if it's a good sorbay. By the way, how good was the octopus? Yeah, but if you cooked all day and it's almost like, what's your favorite thing? And they're like, the ice cream from the grocery store. That was the best thing. Good job.

He made the sorbet, though. Oh, what counts? Yeah. No, it counts. No, because on top chef, I feel like you have to dis things if they're cold. Unless you do it really well, because then Tom will be like, you know, uh, you know, everyone just needs to add it. But this soup is just like simple.

It's clean. And, uh, I really like it a lot. And Kristen's like, there was a ring mold in my soup. Yeah. Yeah, you never know what Tom's going to do on that show. I would have liked the soup as well, except that there was a ring mold in it. He's like, it's rustic. Yeah, it's rustic.

It's just how they didn't. Caveman did it. You know, we missed Kristen Kish this weekend. Did we? What was she doing? Well, she just at a restaurant for South by Southwest. We could have gotten into it. You just heard she was at a restaurant?

Well, no, no, she has a restaurant here, so she was around. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, we should have totally, we should have gone. Let's go today. Let's go right now. I'm like, sorry. I'm purging my restaurant of ring molds. Okay, so, Ben's like, oh, she was amazing, Ellie.

She did great, little lumpy dumpy. She was so great. Swizzle stick. Swizzle stick. Why can't I think of body parts? I've run out of body parts. Well, it's not just body parts. It just has to sound like a body part.

Like you little swizzles. stump. So, so anyway, we're in the galley, as you mentioned, and Ellie is giving Joao some apple pie, and he's like, oh, no. He goes, oh, oh, shizzle. You might think I'm referencing

Snoop Dog by saying, oh, shizzle, but I'm actually referencing how we say shit in Zimbabwe. Shizzle. Shizim is normally what we say. Zimzel. Oh, Zimzel. Holy Zim.

We just say Zim. Instead of cursing, we just say Zim. Zim's Christ. Okay, Mother Zimmer. So he's trying to apple pie, but he burns himself. And she's like, oh, that was karma that burn. He's like, karma? Karma for what?

Oh, let's think we're this together, shall we? Okay, step one, you invite me for wine. Great, great, it's going great. We're going to have a chat. Great, wonderful. Oh, chat was wonderful. And this is amazing. And then this motherfucker walks up again.

with another girl. Is that still a date? Questionable. So, Joao is like, oh, is that how you think it was? Oh, no, I'm sorry. She says, well, I'm sitting there like an idiot like this. You know, it feels good to finally get these all off of my chest. I love Ellie.

Ellie, who's known for just always having to bite her tongue and keep things on the inside. Yeah. I am these second still, you do not disobey me. Yeah. And he's like, oh, maybe. May day, May day Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Woman angry

Well I still like him I'm forgiving him I'm moving on And I'm waiting to merge genetics She's like species Cannot wait for sweaty little baby No Ellie is beautiful She is and I feel like she's not looking at anyone else but myself

This is a situation I have almost never been in Ha ha ha modest joao this season It's nice to be wanted even though I am so ugly. Oh, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. So, Daisy sends Alicia to bed, and she's like, oh, no, she says she's going to bed. And Daisy's like, well, I'm going to bed. All right, so let's go through your last. I want everything clean, make sure the pantry and the sundex are clean.

Crew mess, everything away, including wiping out the table. And if I see wax on the table, that's going to be a bitch to clean. But stay up as long as you need to, because I don't need you in the morning. And I think they ask for caviar for pizza, which he's got. All right, I'll see in the morning, okay? And she's like, oh, my God, there were three things on that list. So then the guests are up at the hot tub, and one of them wants coconut water, I guess, without the ice. And Alicia's checking in on when the pizza is going to be ready.

It's going to be ready in a few minutes. And then she gets it, and she serves it in the hot tub. And Mecca's like, thank you so much. Are we, is this, all we get is just pizza? Is this the best late-night snack you can do? And Lisa's like, oh, well, what else would you like? Oh, no, no, no, I was just asking. Actually, I was just seeing just, I'm perfectly happy.

Just, you know, but by the way, my sheets feel a little cold. Can you put them in the dryer and warm them up before I go to bed? I'm joking. I'm joking. Is that the best joke I could do? I have to ask myself. But I absolutely can do that though. Well, it doesn't matter they're gonna cool down in two seconds.

No, you can't do that stuff. That's not a thing. I actually bought, I bought a towel warmer. It's like, it looks like a big barrel. and you put your towels and then you plug it in and it like warms up your towels and put your towel on it's like nice but the thing is that like it seems so nice and then in practicality it is the stupidest thing in the entire world because you want the warm shower after you get out of the warm towel after you get out of the shower but that means you have to have this big electronic device plugged in right next to your shower and in my bathroom i don't have outlets next to my shower so you'd have to actually go like across the towel To come back to the shower. Like, then you get water across your floor. By the time you walk.

It, like, it makes no sense. Yeah, I think you have to just have it wired that way. You have to be rich enough that you're like, I need electric things right next to my shower. Yeah. You need like that one that are like, yeah, wired into your rack or like you or you get the, you get the towel warmer if you like have a staff and you're sitting somewhere. You're like, oh, could someone bring me a warm towel? You know? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, that's one of those things that sometimes we're just not meant for things. Normal people aren't meant for stuff like that. Yeah. That's just for rich people. It seemed like such a fun thing to get, and it was just so stupid. So they do the hot tub stuff. Alicia is still kissing butt and stuff, and she sees her to-do list from Daisy.

And Alicia's like, oh, my God, it's like a whole day's list of work. You're choking. But it's really just cleaning. Yeah. But she does the opposite because then she breaks a glass, which means she's making things messier. So she's just started. She immediately drops the glass and then she just covers her face and starts walking in a circle like she's going to have a nervous break tap. Maybe steps.

Just one thing at a time. It's going to be okay. And I don't want to listen to anybody complain after seeing what Ellie has to do. Because meanwhile, Ben's like, babe, could you just clean everything? And then we see the kitchen and it is a disaster. It's like stacked up. Yeah. dishes and trays and glasses and everything is just a war zone.

And he's like, you do it. All right, babe, I need a break. Yeah, exactly. So, Alisa is doing her cleaning, and then her boyfriend's texting. Like, are you okay? Are you okay? And she's like, I'm trying to function, but I'm like malfunctioning, which is what my mom always tells me. And you can't be back of the house, front of the house, everything house.

It needs to be understood that there's things that can't be done in a day by one person. Yeah, not every. Sure, you can't do the whole boat, but you can do some things at least. What is she doing? What is she doing anymore? Yeah, she's like, my dad, it's been so hectic physically, mentally, and of course my boyfriend's doing nothing but texting me this old charter. When we see his text, he's like, is his charter over now? You okay?

Get back to me when you can't. Okay, listen, homely man, you were too needy. You need to stop this. Yeah. You're dating someone three times out of your league and you need to calm down. She's on a boat. And even if she wasn't, even if you were not a print model for duck vests. Yeah.

She is busy. Stop bugging me while I'm work. That's the most annoying thing is having someone like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm going to do. So busy? Where are you calling me? Where are you calling me? Because I'm cleaning fucking poop specs off of a toilet bowl. That's why. It's not that I'm off in Brazil, you know, banging hot people. I'm cleaning shit. Literally. Leave me alone, person who's still probably on a Hill and Whistler. Yeah. So it's the next morning, uh, last day of charter and Jason wakes up and he sees all

the melted wax still on the table. It's like if you're going to, if you're going to pick and choose your battles the night before, at least clean the table, have the table ready, you know? Like, but like all the wax. It was so bad. You do the obvious stuff at least. Like everything, you have all the counters clean, the table clean. And just like if somebody's coming over it and at the last minute you shove everything in a closet or under a bed. Right.

Do that. Right. The most public facing things that think they're actually going to be using and interacting with. Clean that first, you know. Hey, everyone. This is the end of part one of this recap for part two. Keep an eye on your podcast feed. It is coming up.

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