Watch What Crappens - #3268 Southern Charm S11E16 Reunion 1: The Empath of Least Resistance

Episode Date: March 19, 2026

The Southern Charm reunion kicked off with some greatest hits: slut shaming and narcissism. The good news is that Craig has a special spray for empaths that a Nashville magician concocted; so he’s living large. To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and get ad free listening,, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to Watch What Crapins, a podcast, and all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the one and only glorious Mr. Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? Hi. I miss you already. We had such a great weekend over South by Southwest.

Now I know it's Thursday, but I actually don't really know what day it is anymore. It's just all been a blur. But that was just the most amazing time. We're going to talk about it. We keep on saying we're going to record this South by Southwest episode on Patreon, but we're just still coming. We're catching up to speed. But our bonus episode of the week will be a whole, you know,

tales from Texas because it really was an extraordinary weekend. And we have been feeling all sorts of love all week long from everyone. So thank you to everyone who continues to send us some, like, nice messages and comments and notes, etc. We really, really do appreciate it. And thanks again to IHeart for giving us the award for best TV and film podcast of the year. And thanks to Jenny Garth. We love Jenny Garth. She was so nice and I'm still a star truck.

Most of all. Thanks to Jen Garth. Most of all. She actually has a podcast. She has a podcast called I Choose Me. So why don't you choose Jenny Garth and give her a listen? Anyway, our bonus episode will be on Patreon. Patreon.com slash watch what crapins. And you also get access. We have a free newsletter that's available to everyone there.

So check that out. And this coming weekend, we are going to be writing also about South by Southwest. We'll probably be going into even further detail than we do on a bonus episode. We have video. You can watch us, not just listen to us with the crap is on demand. Discord community. All the great things are over there. And maybe greatest of all for some people is an ad-free feed.

So you don't have to even listen to ads. So that's all at Patreon. Go check it out. Today, we are here with the Southern Charm reunion. And things that we learned are that Craig has so much empathy to give that he could never be a narcissist. He is just filled with so much empathy that he needs a special spray, a magician's spray, so that he doesn't absorb any negative energy that may fill the void of all the empathy he has to give out. And we also learned that Austin still can do the old-fashioned Austin things,

Despite having two strong years of being not the worst, he comes on this reunion and basically just slush him south. It's the worst. And we tell you every season, do not be fooled by these idiots because they are all douchebags and they take turns. This year was Craig's turn to get called out all year. But don't think that Austin's not a douchebag. And all of you who fell for his, oh, I have a long-distance girlfriend and I'm a cat dad.

Austin is still at the end of the day one of the biggest assholes on this show and don't you forget it because he won't let you he will not let you. His bad edit his bad edit is rising everyone right like is this with the horoscopes like the one thing descending one thing rising

he is a bad edit rising look forward to it next season Shep is the one who got out Scott Free because he just sat quiet the whole reunion and he was in the middle I think I don't think Shep has ever been that far down the sofa he just was in the middle beyond Sally

I mean, he was like, beyond Sally, it was like you just sort of see mists and like distant vistas and their chef out there. And he just was quiet and stayed out of the mess. He still looked fucked up from last night. You know, he got to New York and partied all night and he still just looks trashed and just stays out of it. And it's wise. It's a wise move. So here we go, arrivals to the reunion and also like, you got death taxes and the Southern Char reunion. Things you can count on.

Cat dad. Cat dad. Andy's like, here we go. They're all like walking at the building. We're getting a lot of footage of them entering, which means that they don't have

too much to talk about on their reunion because they have to pat it with all the people showing up and like, here's someone in an elevator. Ha, I just press up. So now we're in makeup. And Madison is like, I'm back to fight and wait.

Okay, I'm back, I'm back to fight. I'm like an outfit again. And then Austin is talking to Rod. And Austin has like a Starbucks coffee in his hand. He's like, I ordered Shep's ass. A flat white. I'm sure that's funny to everyone with a flat white ass.

Okay, without a flat white ass, but it's not great for the rest of us. Yeah, that's what... Now, anyone who orders that drink is just going to be thinking about Shep's ass, which we have seen on this show many times. Yeah. So Vanita's talking to a makeup person giving a full interview. She's like, I'm enraged with anger, but I'm looking for it to getting it all hashed out on the table. So the friendships I want, I can save them.

I'll save the friend. I want. Don't you worry. Don't you worry. It's me, Vanita. So then Witt is getting his makeup, Wittner. And he's like, yeah, you know, there are certain people in the group that need to be held accountable. But Wendner really doesn't do much on the show. So he's one of those people that just got here and is always spouting off about everything. It's like, you know, you don't really do anything yet, Sarah. Like you just got to the HOA. I don't want to hear it from you. By the way, I got asked to run for my HOA board. What do you think of that? I think you should.

I thought there's only two people in your HOA. You and your neighbor, right? No. Well, that's a separate. We have to have a separate one because we have condos built in a place that didn't have condos. And so one of the laws is that we have to have our own HOA, which is really weird. Technically, I'm the president of that one. I would love it.

I won. I won that vote. I think you should. Which is weird because there's two of them and one of me. So I still won the vote. what the husband's voted for me. No, I love the idea of you being the president of an HOA with three people

in the HOA. But, no, I think you should totally do it because I think you would be hilarious as the president. I don't know. You'd just be, I'm not funny. Funny things. You'd be like, I was born a night,

but not last night. But maybe he'd be dressed as Nancy, your alter ego. And you'd be like, hi y'all. Hey, everybody. It's the HOA. We're doing.

doing it. We all got our house painted and the accepted colors. Meredith, I saw a blue on your house. Don't think I'm not watching you. Okay, that looks good on you at church, but not on our street. Get it off of your house. I'm going to burn it down. Isn't there like a terrible car across the street from you that like is like

annoying everyone in the heard? He moved. Get out. Good for you. You see, it really does work when you visualize things and manifest things. I manifested his ass right out of here. But you know what? Then the whatever we're,

yeah, but when I live in L.A., I got this guy out, and then in L.A., guess who moved in? Lambo. Which shakes the walls. So it's fucked up.

Karma's fucked up. I can confirm that. I was at Ronnie's house, and that Lampo pulled up. It's basically just like frag, trying to like clear a threat. I'm like, oh, God, shut your face.

Y'all, it's like terrorism. You lop one head off, and there's another man car that pops up right, right where that head was. That's, that's exactly how I would say it. So, Wittner, yeah, it's like there's certain people that need to be held accountable, politely, of course, and only when called upon. Yeah, it's like, my mom's an anarchist. And one thing that we learned is that when there's justice that needs to be had,

you sit very quietly and patiently until Andy asks you a question. So we are going to call out the problematic people, but not too loudly, mama does not like fighting over dinner. Hey guys, I should have put thumbtacks in my shoes, in my toes. So that or like my shoes, like the toe part of my shoe. So if I get like nervous, I can like press down on them. And then like I'll stop shaking my foot. Right, guys?

God, I have so much empathy to the people that have to see me nervous. All right. Well, let's play some tense music. It's like, do do. Do do. But, yeah, yeah, yeah. So Andy likes Craig's suit. and it's time. Hey, welcome to the Southern Charm Season 11 reunion. I'm your host, Andy Cohen. Guess what? I'm a dad.

Ready to break down an explosive season that had a full-blow love triangle and a triangle of dysfunction between bros. And I probably shouldn't say that anymore. I'm a new Andy. Okay, Sally, how you doing? I'm good. You, Andy, I'm over here. I'm good. Say, all right, Madison, you look stunning as always, has life with a newborns. I'm obsessed. You want more? Yes. Anything you want on now today?

Do I look like I'm going to have another, Andy? Listen, I'm going to have to a hot girl summer because that's the cool thing I'm bravo. And maybe next year, we'll get it done. Sheppie, how's your new house dreaming you? It's good, Andy. It's about to go under the knife for renovation soon. And Andy's like, Andy's like, well, the house. looks huge and a chap

is your zipper and done? Because the girls are gesturing to him like Zipper, zip he's like Korsh! Also, Shapp! It's like, all right, well that was cool. I was trying to get a peek but too bad shouldn't have called it out. Hey, hi Vida, love your dress.

Am I gonna compare to Diane Ross again this season? I won't. But I was wondering how it's gonna be sitting down. And it's perfect. You never miss. It's like, wow, look at Austin. Austin's bow tie is not the bow tie Craig gave you. And he's like, I've worn that bow tie so many times, so many times.

Every time I wear it, I say, I hate the fucking guy who gave me this. I fucking hate him. Hey, Sally, you don't look like the type to hang out in a chicken cube. Ha, ha, ha. Do you miss chickens at all? I literally do not miss the chickens at all. But what I do miss is Austin's dick. You.

I'm waving to it right now. There it is. Craig, how are you feeling about tonight? He's like, I don't know. It's like a reunion day. Like, I know there will be conflict, but it doesn't seem malicious like other ears. Smile, wink.

I shine. Did you watch the season? I lived it. But by the way, just so you know, the other person who famously would not watch the season back was Jacks. So I'm not saying there's parallels.

but I'm actually explicitly saying that. The other person who constantly talked about addiction while doing nothing about it, so he could get sympathy from the audience, by the way. And denied accessitions of narcissism. So he gets, Austin. Hey, what do you think about Greg not watching the season? Well, I understand sometimes you watch it

and you see something that makes you reactive, but I think it's interesting how it gets spun into the reality that Craig remembers it, but it's like, wait, wait, like three of us were there, okay? right? Like, we all know, like three, well, actually it's five if you count the two cats. Cats at. I think Craig has a reality distortion. You call Austin victim mentality, but you exhibit a lot of that too.

You're like, you don't understand. It was taken out of context, but we see it. It's on television. And Charlie's just nodding. She's like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Yeah. I'm just trying to be decent on camera. Okay.

I do think in some certain situations that I've been part of, I do not. have the same explanation of it that Craig does. Like, well, I just call it as I see it. And especially this year, I was 100% myself. And that's all you can do is be vulnerable. Yes, Greg, when I look at you screaming at Sally in the van, I think, what a vulnerable guy. He just pulls out all of the, all of the keywords that he needs to. Well, Craig, do you have a golden knight regarding your friendship with Austin?

And he's like, well, I'm here to hear everyone out. Like, I'm in the space in my life where I look for peace now. And in an ideal scenario, we would get back to where we were, I guess. Have you noticed Craig is doing this, like, twitching thing when he talks slightly? He's like, yeah, like, I guess. Well, chat GPG gave him some pointers on body language. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappence commercial.

So, Wittener's like, do you have a different understanding of the word peace than some of us? Wittner, Wittner's here. Yelling at people is not very peaceful and everyone laughs. He's like, yeah, you got Wittenered. So Vinita's like, and the show has begun,

ladies, oh, the show has begun, ladies and gentlemen. So Andy's like, Austin, what's your goal for tonight? He's like, well, it's super disappointing to hear things that were said throughout the season and I cannot believe someone who claims to be a very good close friend of mine is saying such horrible things about me and my cats hashtag cat tag. So we have parted ways and that's what needs to happen.

But some shit does need to be flushed out. No doubt. I'm like, I'll tell you what needs to be flushed out is all the saliva that seems to gather in your mouth and spew on everyone. How about a suction straw like at the dentist? Yeah. All right. Well, let's see where the night takes as you guys are really blowing your load early. Okay.

We're attacking Craig. First thing. Let me get to a segment, okay? Holy molly, hey Molly, hey, last year you played a euphonium, and this year you sang beautifully, by the way. So I loved hearing you sing. Wow, what a voice. Well, can you believe that we are somehow still indie hellos?

Hey, Rodrigo! Because they won't even let him not, they won't even let him finish hello's, and they're like, fuck Craig, fuck Craig! Which is hilarious. They're all ready to go, ready to rip him apart. Hey, Rodrigo. Your engagement party was beautiful.

Interesting that the gay guy is going to be the first gentleman in the group to be to tie the knot. He's like, yeah, it's been 12 years, Andy. But that's just what it is. Girlfriend. All right. And hi, Charlie. Wow, still more people. And I hate that we're going out of order on the sofas.

Just can't keep track on the anything. Okay. It's Charlie's birthday. She turned 20. How's it feel to be the new girl on the block? It's like, it's intimidating for sure. Sally keeps staring at me and I'm just really scared. I just want to hop behind this pillow.

You got this. Wow. When, it's your first time? Who gave you your best advice? He's like, well, my mama. And after that, I would say, Shep and Austin, you know, speak when you have the opportunity. Don't wait.

And if you have to wait, say it then. Well, all right. I wasn't really listening. Thankfully, because that really didn't make any sense. So. Well, you know, my mama said, here's something I learned out of the anarchist playbook, which is, when you see injustice, you go to each and every one of your estates in Charleston and France, and you find a spoon and you bang on a pan and make sure the world hears you. This season, Charleston was hit with a quadruple dose of Bachelor Energy when Craig, Shep, Wittner, and eventually Austin were all single at the same time. Molly is it a net positive or negative

for the women of Charleston to have these three back on the single seat? By the way, I love how he immediately takes Wittner out of the equation. He's like, oh, so much bachelor injury. There were four guys who were single. Molly, what's it like when these three guys are single? Well, it was positive for me and ain't you.

Vinita's like, I'm going. I went to the deli it was I found him three bottles of you-hoo in the refrigerator. Vanita's like, yeah, I'll say negative. Well, you know, it's not back on the way it used to be, though. Because the three of us used to walk the town, like, we used to go down King Street, and we were just like terrorized people with, you know, our Tommy Bahamas shirts and our baseball caps,

or really long armpid hair. But it's not like that now, Andy. Isn't it funny how that's where we were like? And then later on I'm going to villainize Sally for doing the same thing. So then Andy's like, well, Rodriguez, you called Charleston Temptation Island. and then you said, come a girlfriend. You think any of these gentlemen are ready to resist the temptation, settle down? He's like, well, really looking at it.

By the way, Rodrigo, was he drunk? I felt like he was slurring the entire time. He was like, really looking at it. He sent on some podcasts, because I said that last, I said that in some episode. And people are like, you can't say that. He has a speech impediment. Well, first of all, who doesn't? I do.

I mean, I have one. But second, I think he's drunk. I'm sorry. I don't care. I don't care what anybody says. I still think he's drunk. If it's a speech impediment. well, I will hold space for it.

If it's not... You can have two things can be true, is what I'm saying. Well, that's fine. You know, if he sounds drunk because of his speech impediment, then that explains it. So he's like,

well, really looking at it, I think it would be Whitney and Craig. I think Austin is newly single. Shep is exploring. And Lord knows, that dick gets in trouble, left, right and sideways. Am I right?

And then Austin, he's like, that dick don't stop exploring. Ha! Austin keeps on trying out, like gay sass and it's so funny to me because you already did the flat white thing like I order's chep's ass flat white am I right girlfriend that was doing this that dick don't stop exploring ha get a little monkey to follow around my dick with a backpack on because it's dora the Dixplora am all right right right well ladies we got a lot of audience comments that were perplexed that none of you went for

Witt. Wow. Lucy from Keith said Wittner is the most eligible honest, most successful non-toxic guy on the show. Madison, what's your opinion? Well, as we all know, non-toxic is disgusting.

So I think that kind of explains that. Since you say that, he's pretty much just like a stone. Why would you even date him? I'm sorry. Did you mean to say beta? We're just not into that. I've known Wittner for a long time and I tell the girls especially Vanita, you should go after Wittner.

And then Vanita says, Andy's like, well, Witt, Vanita, you're maddie, what happened? So Vina's like, well, because when I tried to have Rodrigo as my backup, he was like, oh, Wittner, what about Charlie?

And I was like, oh, you're supposed to be team me, not team Charlie. What is this? Like the 1800s? People do pick their own partners now. Like, why did you not offer a dowry, like to wit?

Like, what's going on? Why did you not announce me at the ball? You announced the wrong lady coming down the staircase. Like, what? Vanita, that's a terrible excuse. And then we find out that Vanita is friends with Wittner's mom. I love Vinita just being friends with everybody's mom.

Because wasn't she friends with JT's mom too or something? Yeah. Vinna is definitely that girl. She's definitely like friends with a mom sort of girl, which I think, I say that actually, that's a compliment. Like, I love that energy. She just is friends with everyone's moms. I mean, that's how I am too.

So Andy says, Wynn, did you know that Vanita felt that way? And he's like, no, God, I was completely unaware of this sentiment. And she's like, are you blushing? And he goes, yeah, a little. I mean, I just didn't know this was coming. Wow, we, Vanita and Widener, those. Vanita, stop trying to make me believe that you like Wittner.

You can't, Vanita tries it every season. Like, uh, JT. I like Carl. I like Carl. I like Carl. I like Carl. I like Carl. I like Carl. Like Carl.

Like Carl. come on. Come on. Carl. Yeah, Wittner is like, yeah, did not know.

Question, Wittner, do you like Brandzino and do you like eating it on a sofa? Because that will inform us on which

way this direction, this relationship is going. So Andy is like, Sally, and watch it happens live. You said you really don't know Wittner yet.

And you then said, who you, which you said is opposite of you. And I didn't really understand it, but no, I kind of do.

What do you think? She said, she gave a shady answer. Basically, they said, how come none of the girls are trying to hook up with Wittner? And Sally said, well, I don't think anybody really has gotten to know Wittner yet, insinuating that he's a real asshole and they just haven't shown it on the show yet, which left us believing that there was going to be some part of the show where he was going to become a monster,

like the rest of the guys, and it never came. So it was kind of like a false spoiler. And so he's calling it Sally out. Yeah, which is good because it actually, like, we literally spent the entire season. and saying things like, well, Wittner seems really nice, but we know the other shoes going to drop.

We know he's an asshole because Sally said something. So she's like, well, I didn't mean it like that. And he's like, well, it did come off poorly if I can offer my opinion. She's like, well,

I love my relationship with Wittner, but he talks a little bit too much about himself for me. I'm like, you're pining after Austin and this is your issue with Wittner? I don't understand that. Don't they all talk about themselves extensively?

And Wittner's like, yeah, I've never noticed. Yeah, but all the guys are sitting here talking about themselves all the time. That's all the guys on here do. No, you talk about them all the time. You're at least they talk about themselves. You literally talk about boys the entire time. You're like, I'm a robot person who, I'm a robot technician who has chickens, but I love boys.

It's like your whole personality. Sandy's like, well, I want to know what you ladies are looking for in a man. I mean, if none of you will go for washed up alcohol. at least 10 years your senior, what are you looking for? Sally takes her thumb. She goes, everything this guy has you. Pointing to Austin and they're like, wow. She's like, yeah, Austin, wow.

You know, I'm going to diners and they say, would you like something this morning? I say a grand slam with Austin. Moon over my hammy and make sure the hammy is Austin. The moon is me. I'm over him, yes. in the sexual way, of course. And so Craig is like, she's like, I just, my biggest thing is personality.

I was like, when you're pointing with your thumb, did you mean to point it at Austin in that moment? Was there someone else in the room that that thumb was intended for? Because you said personality, and I just, I'm not connecting the dots here. Well, she did say she wants Austin's personality in my body. And then somehow we were both offended. Which was Craig's way to be like, but he's ugly.

and so Sally's way to be like he's ugly Sally's like wow if I could just have Craig's looks and Austin's personality we'd have a Greg's a shitty person and Austin's a shitty looking person

so if we could just mix him which like yeah that would be nice but like Craig bringing that up in that moment was his way of kind of like pop in the bubble that because Austin you know Austin was feeling himself he was like doing a he was like pretending to smile and he put his like hands below his face

he's like ooh who me and he's like Charlie, you and Craig dated this season. What was he like as a suitor? She's like, oh, he was great. Love his suits. No, that's not what that means, but whatever. And Craig's like, and then this whole world got involved and it went away, which is also from the Jack's playbook.

Yes, everybody else did it. It wasn't you screaming at women, probably. Yeah. Being shit-based. It was them making you do it. So Sally's like, I hate that I'm blind for y'all not being together because that's bullshit. No, because the whole time you were like, Charlie's talking to other boys. Well, she was talking to other boys.

But she promised she wasn't talking to anyone else when we were together. And Charles was like, um, I did not. Like, there was a time when you were like, uh, you know, should I get back on Raya? And then I was like, yeah, I'm on Raya. Yeah, but that's like when we were talking during the season, I was led to believe that you. And she's like, I was not talking to like anyone else. Like during the time that I was talking to you at the oyster place, there wasn't anyone. else at the oyster place is what I was saying.

I can't throw my voice like a ventriloquist. So when I was talking to you, I was literally only talking to you. But the horrible things that Sally was saying, like, you were looking out for me, but I was believing the girl I was talking to. And like, we talked about that. Craig's basically saying, like, I didn't listen to you, Sally.

And I should have listened to you. Yeah. Now Craig is making it because Charlie dumped him. Now Craig's going to make it like, oh, Charlie was cheating on me the whole time. didn't even like me. She was always like fucking guys. He's such a fucking pig. Of course he's going to do that. And they didn't show in this, but in the preview

last week, they showed him saying something like this. Like, yeah, she was talking to other guys the whole time. And Charlie goes, we went on two dates. Craig. Yeah. And I wonder why they cut that. And there's probably like an element of this that's like

I was made to look like the bad guy because I rejected Sally and then I like threw her under the bus. But now this is his way of kind of saying like Charlie was the one who led me to do that. I kind of feel like that's an underlying current in this, right? Like, oh, I was listening to Charlie and I should listen to you, Sally.

And the only reason why I was mean to you, Sally, was because I listened to Charlie. That's kind of what he's saying here. So Andy's like, this season, Molly proved once again that her musical talents are limitless. So when Sally started flapping her lips about her nip-took, Molly told Sally to change her tune, But that doesn't stop the ladies' friendship from hitting new sour notes.

I was like, you're somehow weaving in, like, musical puns and, like, labia ponds. So funny. Just introduce the video. I like when the watch what happened, staff just is tired. And they're like, well, she was flapping her lips about tromboning a euphoning, when all of a sudden a chicken from licking came around the corner and trained its way all the way down the tracks of a bus stop. Like, what? You're all drunk over there? No doubt for a rest to take a beat

when things fell flat and Sally had some sharp things to say about Molly. Vigina. So I also liked when he goes, well, Molly proved that you know, when Sally started flapping her lips and then Molly goes, about my lips.

It's like, yeah, Sally, that's the point. Yeah, and Molly, that's like, that's the point. So the point is Molly has a new guy and sounds like a winner. He's 56. She's 38.

I was like, is it Whitney? Because they're like, he's a musician. He's a great guitarist. It's just Whitney. It's Whitney. Have you fully conquered your stage fright?

Asked no one in the audience? Molly's like, well, no, but it's gotten immensely better. And I actually asked Austin and Craig if they would book me a gig at, by the way, by the way. And now I do two days a month. Had a little bar.

And he's like, wow, Molly, things between you. You and Sally went south. Ha! South. Get it. Like my vagina. That was the point. It was a real low note.

What were you thinking when you heard that Sally was gossiping about your vagina? And of course, we all knew when this happened during the season, that this would be a priority talking point in the reunion in the first 15 minutes, of course. It's like, well, it was like literally the one thing that, like, I did that I didn't want to tell the world. So, like, I was pretty pissed about it. And I never told her about it. So I don't even know where she got it. Well, Vanita, viewers had a lot to say about you sharing Molly's surgery when you should have been keeping your lips shut. Like my vagina lips.

That was the point. Okay. One battle from after another said exposing someone who's supposed to be your friend in such an intimate way is disgusting. And it's like, yes, it was disgusting. When Molly approached me the first time, the first thing I did was apologize for it, and I told her that she had every right and still has every right to be mad at me for it. And I made sure to apologize again and again. I never should have done it. And Molly's like, yeah, she apologized a lot.

And I've gotten like a lot of flowers out of it. And what was great is that she would apologize and there wasn't a butt. After the apology, it's like cut to correct me like, huh? That's like an improper sentence. Sally, did you apologize? And so I was like, whoa, I mean, I apologize. for bringing it to the group, but I didn't really want the information about the vagina in the first place. So why would I apologize for that?

Well, the problem with Sally is like she's just so easy to talk to, you know? But then she tells everyone everything. And Molly's like, yeah, but that's something so wild. You should know not to repeat it. And by way, Sally's saying, I didn't want this information in the first place. So therefore I spread to other people who probably also didn't want it, but why not? Sally's like You know, there's a camera in my face

And Vanita's telling me about your vagina on camera's office It's not a secret It's so insane. Charlie, do you feel like you can dress Sally with your info And have you ever had anything done to your vagina You'd like to share? She's like, well, I do. And if I, you know, if I tell her,

Please do not share this. She will take it to the grave. If I forget to, she'll announce it From the top of Mount Everest. And I think that, I don't think that I should have to say that all the time, though, by the way. Well, Molly, it sounds like you and Vanita And Sally, you're all good now.

You trust them both with your vagina. Molly's like, well, I don't know if trust is 100% back, but like, we're a good place, you know. All right. You're done now, Molly, not talking to the rest of reunion. You can go home now. Bye. Yeah, you buy him. Okay.

You phony buy. Okay. So, Madison, let's talk about you. What's the difference about motherhood this time versus 13 years ago, just other than the fact that you've got a hot charisma-free man. God, I want that man. What a hot piece of ass that man is. What a butt. Okay.

Who am I talking to? Can we get Brett out here to sit on my lap? Great. Well, obviously, in the past 13 years, back then I was a single mother. And in 13 years, you know, there have been huge advances in corn production. So, you know, now my new baby, he's not, she's not only born for corn, but she's born for so many new interesting versions of corn. So it's a real honor. I'm living my best life.

So she talks about how the baby looks like her dad, which is really touching and that's sweet and I'm bored. So Andy is like, well, I saw on Instagram a post of Sally and Austin out with you and Brett the baby. What was it like to hang out with Teddy? Was the baby smarter than Austin and Sally put together already? All right. Tell us the truth. It was so much fun. And at first I thought that baby just wouldn't stop crime, but then I realized it was just alive that Austin had spat on its face by accident.

So it was a lovely evening for all of us. It was like the tale of two parents and two non-parents. We had a race with the baby to see who could have more bottles the quickest. So, you know, Andy's like, well, Austin, are you going to give Sally a baby? She's like, yeah, that would be real cute. I'm ready, Austin, let's go in the back right now. He's like, well, Sally and I have a wonderful relationship. We've hung out all sorts of times.

And yeah, there have been some drunken makeouts. And Rod's like, so no sleepover's girlfriend. No, well, we had a sleepover. Yeah, it was all very innocent and we were watching TV and we woke up in, I can't see what happens next. What did you watch on TV and how did crazy rotations end? That's a big one this year. It's like, we were watching heated rivalry.

And I was like, oh my God, that's right. We did. We did, Andy. We did. Andy's like, wait, wait. sorry I was sort of asleep this entire reunion I'm awake now

what's just like what what's that about Molly tells him it's a closeted gay hockey players show with lots of gay sex and Craig's like wait heathed rivalry is supposed to be me and Austin story

no Jack is at home like how dare you how dare you Craig so Wittener's like oh God we got What are we? What's going on over here? And Mass is like, you guys are dumb as fuck if you think you're just going to sit here and tell us that y'all haven't had sex. And I was like, no, we're not fucking.

We're watching heated rivalry. So sensational. When they got that smoothie, that purple, thin, half-filled smoothie. Wow. That was amazing. So, they're like, so are you guys fucking yes or no? And Wittner's like, yeah, did you go all the way? Like, what are we?

Why are we asking them like that? what are we in grade school? And Madison, like, you guys are dumb as fuck. If you think you're going to sit here and tell us, you've not fucked. He's like, we're not fucking. And he's like, Sally, have you, have you and have you and Austin been intimate? And Sally goes, well, Austin. He's like, Sally, help me out.

I mean, making out is intimate and I don't know you. All right, right. Molly goes, I think Sally would tell us if they had had sex and it just cuts to Sally going, um, me. Guys, guys, we're not doing this big thing in secret that you all think that we're doing, even though that is exactly what I said about Taylor a few seasons ago, but we're not. This time I'm not lying.

I'm not covering up something. Yeah, we've heard the sleepover with no sex before, sir, exactly. Well, I don't understand why you're being weird about it. You didn't cheat on Audrey. And he's like, because I set a clear boundary of, like, we're not going to do this because it felt disrespectful to Audrey. And I'm a good guy and I respect women. So I'm not going to brag about the woman I'm fucking fucking when Audrey could be watching

the show even though I'm fucking Sally. Do you understand? I'm a good guy. Andy, it's called a good edit. I'm working on it. Andy's like, yeah, but we're not eight months from Audrey. And there's nothing to be ashamed about. You're both single.

I know the reason to, I don't know the reason. reason not to say it so you want to say it. They're fucking. They're fucking. She went out and she caught herself a baby. She's fucking him. Sally's like, there's been more than kissing. I'll tell you that. Molly's like, stop lying. Well, I'm trying to be more of a lady, Damon.

And Craig's like, if you did sleep together, why would it be bad? Meanwhile, Craig will be the first one to be like, you guys were sleeping together. If you were like a real adult, you wouldn't be sleeping with Sally. She's chaos. I wouldn't see it as a big deal. Yeah, but I have thought of it as a big deal. So how about that? How about that then?

Well, I think Sally just said you guys had done more. Oh, so you're embarrassed? Is that what you're saying? You're embarrassed to Sally? I mean, I wouldn't blame me. You're embarrassed of her. Just say you're embarrassed. I'm not embarrassed.

Well, you're red as a beat. They're like, uh-oh. Honestly, fuck y'all. I'm a cat dad. How could you do this to me? Well, fuck y'all, because you're lying. It's like, okay, look, I'm not. Okay, we're not fucking, okay?

And he's like, well, but Saturday's giving me something totally different than what you're giving me with her eyes. And Vina's like, she's obsessed with Austin. We don't get it. But that's why she's just giving googly eyes. I'm not, I'm not obsessed with Austin. It's like your hand is literally on his dick right now. Oh, you. No, but in a cute way.

That's why I say googly eyes. Well, I've gone out with Austin. I've seen y'all talk. I've seen Austin talk to other girls and leave with other girls. and have I've just totally been fine with it. Molly's like, well, you do get upset about it. She says, well, no, I mean, I don't love it, but I'm not like banging

on his door like, why are you with another bitch? You know, I just call all my girlfriends, and I say, why is it with another bitch? It's different. It's different. I don't have a restraining order this time. Yeah, I don't bang on his door and say, why are you with another bitch? I use the doorbell like a gentle lady. Commercials, here comes one right now.

So, Roderigo's like. Like Madison, why are they lying? She said, I don't know. So Austin goes, look, I do my thing. Sally does her thing. And that's the way we like it. Yeah, but Sally, it was very sweet seeing you with your niece.

Seems like all this guy, you're thinking about starting your own family with Austin. That's like just when Sally thought it was going to be a different sort of like a different line of questioning. It's like, you want to start a family with Austin. So she's like, well, it's just about finding the right guy. And obviously, I have problems doing that. Well, and your therapist said, if you want to be a wife, act like a wife. Your response was, why would I act like a wife? If I'm not a wife, Madison does Sally need to act like a wife to become a wife?

Let's see what Madison will predictably say. Yes. Well, to her credit, she said she was an awesome fiancé. She goes, I would act like a wife if I was in a relationship. I'm a very good girlfriend. Look, I'm just basing this off of conversations that Austin and I've had. and he even said that you were like a little more tame down and didn't, if you were just a little bit more tame down and didn't run the streets,

weren't just a slutty mongrel out in the streets of Charleston, that he would look at you in a different light than just like a hookup. You know, I was talking to Austin, and he literally told me, hey, Madison, why am I going to buy a cow if I get free milk? Why? Why would I do that? You know? And I don't even drink milk anymore. I like oat milk in my cereal.

And I said, what are you a fucking pussy? God, it was a good conversation. And then I said, why would you get milk from such a slutty cow in the first place? And he said, I don't know. Do you know how many people have had that cows, had their head cow's odors? And he said, I know. I want my own cow. I said, it doesn't matter that your glass has been passed around this far more than anything else.

If that cows been passed around, that's the real problem. Yeah, so gross. And Sally's like, well, it's not that I'm out there hooking up with people. I'm just having a good time. He goes, well, I didn't mean running the streets like that. I just meant like, you're a bar rat and a slut. By the way, this is all so fucked up. This is so funny.

This is beyond fucked up because he is the biggest whore in town. And he's like, well, if she wants me to like her and be her girlfriend, then she needs to stop being so slutty. Like, why would I want to date the town bicycle is what he's saying? And, you know, that's what your mom tells you in the South growing up, you know? And it's just so gross that we're in 2026 and people are still talking like this. when like literally Austin is the same way. Like, why are the guys allowed to do it,

but the women do it? And it's like, uh, you're never, you know, no one will ever watch you. Sally, you're used to. She literally just said, I sit there and watch Austin take all these girls home. And I don't have a problem with it, implying he's taking home a bunch of girls.

And the fact that they're like, yeah, well, you know, she's just up and down these streets. You know, she's just a bar rat. She's just getting drunk and throwing herself at men. Like, you know, and that therapist advice said, Like if you want to be, if you want to be a wife, act like a wife. It just is so retrograde. I understand the idea of like, if you want to get into a serious relationship,

you have to start looking for different things. And you do have to sort of, you know, not conduct yourself or hold yourself differently, but you have to sort of go into dating with a little bit more intentionality than you would if you're just like partying and having fun. But the way they're talking is kind of like, hey, she's just like a slutty disaster. But don't worry. Once she gets into a relationship, she will take care of all her. man's needs at all times because that is the role that she she needs to ascend to.

I'm just like, this just feels all just so, so Southern charm. It's just so wrong. It's just like, you know. Patriarchy. Like, enjoy the patriarchy tonight at nine. You know, it's always so bad. And just the fact that they're ragging on Sally so hard while claiming they're not. And Sally's just sitting there like, what?

What? And still like begging for Austin by the end. of this is like, oh, God, get some self-respect. Austin thinks he's softening the blow by saying, I didn't mean you're running the streets. I just said that you're a bar rat. It's like, oh, oh, well, now that you put it that way, that I'm a bar rat, I guess it's okay.

I understand that. The man who literally just opened a bar to fuck more 20-year-olds. I mean, seriously. So Madison's like, well, okay, wait a minute. Did you not have this conversation with me about Sally? Because Sally and I also had a conversation where she was like, I don't understand Austin. Why didn't he liking me?

He's like, but it's like the accumulation of like, I don't know, like dicks. Like they just pile up outside her door. It's like, it's snowing dicks. Like shovel the dicks off your walk. I can't even get to my car. You know what I'm saying? Oh, Austin, just say it. Just speak it.

Stop stammering so much. And Sally's like, I don't go out when I'm in a relationship. I'm single. When I'm a relationship, I swear I'm a good girl. I'll make your food. I'll make your bed. I'll do your laundry. I'll do whatever you need me to do.

Don't you worry. I can act like that. When she was saying that, I was like, no. She's like, I'll do your laundry. I'll cook for you. It's like, oh, my God. Stop it. Just stop it.

You're making me crazy. It's so gross. So Madison's like, but, you know, he's saying seven days a week, that's just not appealing to him. She goes, well, you don't even see me from Monday to Friday because I'm cooking dinners in my house. And he's like, that is not happening. Come on. So, Andy. And he's like, are you still working?

And when we see photos of her, like working at her, like, very impressive job, you know, it's like, oh, yeah, remember, she is a three-dimensional person. And then like, wow, she works. Wow, she's a professional. Yeah, but she still goes out. And Austin really does himself no favors by saying, yeah, you go out, you have your fun, you sleep with whoever. I don't care. But there is a body count of a lot of people that I know. So it's a body count.

So then Andy finally comes to the defense. When he said that there's a body count, what the fuck? Hawk, you're Austin. You are so disgusting. You are syphilis. What are you talking about? It was so shitty. And Andy is like,

excuse me, but I can start on the body count with you. He's like, no, yeah, yeah, sure, sure, sure, sure. And by the way, the Bravo body count is not small. It's like, no, no, and I'm not going to be bullied

into wanting to date Sally. Well, that's fine. You can say, just because you guys want me to be with Sally, I don't have to be with Sally. But of course, everyone believes that you are with Sally, and that's the issue here.

But the thing is, you're fucking Sally still and then you're calling her a slut at the same time. It's fucking disgusting behavior. And it's like you won't be bullied into wanting to date Sally, but you're going to bully Sally for dating you. You know, it's just gross. And then he's like, but I'm not bullying you. I'm just saying Sally's allowed to do what Sally wants to do. And he goes, yeah, and she calls me and tells me. So go on girl. I'm good, girlfriend. Roald's like, yeah. And Rod just goes, you guys should just like stay fuck buddies because like that dick don't stop. Am I right, girlfriend?

That dick, don't stop. Ha, sashay you stay. So then Craig is like, to complete the question, the girl you are looking for, if it's a girl who's living a very single life, which we're all saying is fine, or are you going to try to find someone who's like staying in or whatever? He's not looking for anybody, you stupid face. And Andy's like, well, she has a great job. She's the catch of a lifetime.

And Austin's like, yeah, once again, here it is. Everyone's saying Austin Date Sally. So now Austin's the victim of pure pressure, right? Like, oh, poor Austin. Yeah. So it's like, no one's asking you to date me, okay? But if you did, you'd be fed. Your clothes would be ironed.

Madison, Madison says, words out of my mouth. I told Austin, if he made Sally his girlfriend, she'd be the most loyal girlfriend. Yeah, I'll do your laundry. I'll cook your food. I'll wait by the door for you to come home. Oh, God. Maybe I just do too much for my man. Andy's like, do you like dating older gay guys?

No, I don't. Can we get a break? I got to pee. This is ridiculous. Geez, we're talking about losers for two hours. I got to pee just to have something aggressive on this stage. So they go to break. When they come back, before they come back, Andy is looking at Craig's bracelet.

He's like, let's your bracelet. He's like, this is the Greek evil eye that was supposed to prevent evil energy from coming my way. and then I wore an empath spray that a magician made at Applebee's. He came from table to table and he like made my straw disappear. And then he gave me a little spray and said, this is empath spray. It was in Nashville because I give so much of my energy out that he was worried I would absorb negative energy. God.

You should spray that in your mouth because that's crazy. What a loser. Yeah, I got empath spray. I'm protecting myself with a Greek, evil eye, and empaths spray from a magician. My God. Now I can protect evil feelings from coming over and taking over my body. And on top of that, your card is the three of diamonds. Craig, stop doing the magician's stuff.

You didn't learn anything for that damn spray. Welcome back. The thing that shocked Austin more than his slow-motion breakup with Audrey might have been his decision to become a devoted, Cat dad. Oh, yeah. Cat dad. Cat dad. Absolutely perfect creatures. He says that, but I don't know. I'm just like laughing at you saying it because it's such an awesome thing to say. Oh, perfect creatures. And he's like, well, you say you struggle with women sometimes. That's raising you cats helped you. And witness like, oh, you mean the most uncommitted animal you could have in a house.

Hashtag an anarchist son. And Austin's like, that's facts. Because I got cats because I can leave town. got two and that was a good advice from you Craig. Yeah, I have a lot of cat wisdom to purvey Evil eye protecting me. One time I got a cat spray and I've known everything about cats ever since then. Was it from

a magician? It was from a cat. It smelled. Are you sure? Are you sure a cat didn't just pee on you? No, I'm pretty sure it was a cat magician. You know what card I had. All right, well, we've talked about Audrey, so let's get in there

a little bit more, okay? You were questioning your relationship all season. Duce from Bagface said, did you notice that when Austin was talking about the relationship, he only referenced himself? Well, the one in the relationship, God. And him

from Nat said Austin's making her drive to him. Nope, nope, and nope. Well, first off, we did go back and forth. As in, I drove down my driveway and she drove from Charlotte to hear. And that was like meeting halfway.

I think that's pretty reasonable. But like she wanted to come to me because I have a house. She has a roommate. And Shep's like, gosh, you did like her apartment. You hate,

I mean, you didn't like her apartment. It was awful. The roommate was terrible. You hated every single second of it. It's like, yeah, hit her house. Okay.

And Craig said you were stuck unhappy. That's wrong. I was not unhappy. I just didn't know where he got that from. And you and I don't have, don't have those conversations that you maybe think we do,

but you literally thought her name was Aubrey. So you can't even weigh in on this. Well, I only met her four times. That's not enough time to learn someone's name. I didn't have empaths spray back then. Well, for you to say, I was telling everyone I was unhappy, Audrey and I both were like, what the fuck? Yeah, but it came from my analysis of the situation.

I've been sprayed by cats, empaths, and analysis people. And when he said he wasn't going to drive to Charlotte anymore, I feel like he was stuck in this relationship. And maybe the delivery was terrible. but my analysis, I stand by. Analysis spray. From magician in Nashville. Madison. Sorry, Andy, you have something to say.

Thank you. Madison, we go to a lot of response about your conversation with Audrey on the beach. And Franken from Stein says, at least she's keep me at 100 with Audrey. And Madison's like, yeah, I always keep at 100, okay? And I felt like she was so kind

and she needed to know. She needed to know that Austin was a beta and that another beta was after her beta and she needed it as an alpha to go back to her own city. And I was like, hey, take a look around. Be aware because she may take your man because that's what women do, especially when there's sluts in the streets. I told her, Sally might take your man and here we are. Which, it's not a terrible point. And Austin's like, well, it was shitty. And Audrey was like, what the fuck.

Yeah, so now you're fucking Sally. can we just can we just give madison the credit that she is due thank you rod do you think sally put a wedge between austin and audrey and he's like um yeah i mean listen you know i love you but um like clearly i was like girlfriend tone it down step off the curb you know because like you want to suck his dick we get it but like i felt so bad for her because she was like clearly hurt and like looking at the season where we end up like she's gonna even be more hurt even more hurt with those eyes. Andy is like,

what is he looking for? He's always doing that. He is always looking like constantly looking below his glasses. Like I can see it if I just look far enough below my glasses. It's like he just bought a $20 bill down on the ground and hopes no one sees it first. Yes.

He's like, I'm going to get that when no one's looking. Andy's like, did Audrey ever want to confront Sally? Yes. And when winners are like, oh, give us those tickets. I might run everyone. five. And Austin's like, well, guess what? I stopped it because Sally would have been open,

but Sally would apparently have been open to it. And Madison's like, well, I'm shocked. She didn't do that and out of that bar because I want to know what that conversation was like. And Austin says, well, I don't really remember, but it was for sure, hasn't been something about Sally. Oh, you don't remember, really? Getting told off at that bar when you were begging her not to do it on camera. You don't remember?

So Audrey had a lot to say about this and she submitted a video, which we're going to play right now. And he looks and they're like, Are you for real? And he's like, just joking. Audrey wasn't even charismatic enough to make it to a clip on the reunion. She did send this email, which said, Thanks for inviting me to make a video. But unfortunately, my bitch roommate didn't pay for our internet.

So I can't email it to you. So are you in touch with her? And he's like, well, we've spoken a couple of times. And she's not pleased about the things she's seen. You know, because she's been sent things. And I met up with them when the trailer was released. So we hung out as Shapp was with us. And it was nice.

You know, it was happy. She was being so cool. But then, you know, now she's not pleased because she saw the show. And she was like, I've been made to look like a fool. Well, we could have told you that would have happened even without the show. You could have watched the other 10 seasons of this show or nine seasons or whatever and kind of seen who you were dating. I mean, do your research? Yeah.

So Craig's like, do you think she was trying to win you back? And Rod, Rod's like, she looks better than it. And Andy's like, wow, are you and Audrey's still in touch? And Rodrigo's like, well, I mean, after a couple of weeks ago, after she reamed Tyler and I for being complicit in this in his bullshit, no offense, babe. Both Tyler and I tried to let her know. And we were like, we can just call you when we can, and then we can have this conversation, but she blew us off. And we never heard back. And she's her, whatever, biotch, girlfriend.

Well, at the end of the day, you get betas for betas. And Audrey's not going to be the girl. You know, Audrey's going to be that girl. She's going to be the one that got away for Austin. No, she's not. Austin can give the fuck about that girl. You are the one that got away for Austin. You.

Stop trying to put it on Audrey. Stop projecting your terrible relationship. Oh, Ronnie, you're misreading this. She's not going for accuracy. She's just going to stab Austin. That's all because he's like, that's not true. Yeah. And he'll feel that way.

for the rest of his life. No, it's not. No, I won't. Every time it looks at the mirror, he'll be thinking, gosh, Audrey could have been standing next to me, and I messed it up, because I'm a fool.

I'm an idiot, and I order too much ice cream when I go to an ice cream place. No, I literally never think that. Yes, you do. You mess up. Biggest bonehead decision of your entire life,

and now you can just sit and think about that. And later that's not when you're sleeping and you'll put your head on your pillow and you're alone. You're just going to see her face, and then remember that her face isn't actually there with you because you ruin that.

And you can think about that Every time you go to sleep for the rest of your life. Isn't that right, Austin? You broke me. One day you're going to be 60 years old. You're going to look in the mirror and you're going to say, what does my shirt say, be E? Be what?

And then you're going to turn around. It's going to say, T, on the back. It's going to be there with my literate children laughing at you. Welcome back. Well, Sally and Austin might be the newest item on Southern Charmed, but I always said, Greg and Austin are the greatest love story on Bravo. But this season, an off-hand comment at Wittener's literary party had Craig and Austin on different pages. Oh, gosh.

So we get the clip of Craig just losing his mind because Austin makes a comment, like, Yeah, maybe Sally doesn't like shots because they're always in your hot tub, Craig. And Craig's like, ah! I'm like, loses his mind while dressed like a lost boy. Well, Craig accused you of having FOMO and you were jealous of him being single. do you have fomo? And Austin's like, no, no fomo. Okay, no fomo to homo. Well, sometimes homo. When I'm with Rottom, Homo. Yes, girlfriend. That did loves the homo. So, Sally's like, well, I don't know how anyone could say that because Austin could have come to the hot tub anytime he

wanted. That's why I was always like, you are getting a hot tub, Austin. But he didn't come to the hot tub because he had a girlfriend. That was the point. Yeah, but she wouldn't have cared. Like, it wasn't like we were having an orgy or something. Then why didn't you come to the hot tub? Because I was having an orgy, Craig. Are you not listening? Oh, sorry. I'm trying to be respectful of Audrey right now.

Trying to be respectful. Craig is just desperate for people to come over and use his facilities. He like gets stuff, but then no one wants to go over and like play with his toys. And so he lashes out. He's like, don't you want to see my bees? Don't you want to see my underperforming Pinocalada machine? Don't you want to see my hot tub? And everyone's like, no, we're like, this isn't like as cool for us as it is for you.

Yeah. But why? Look at everything. My dad got me. You know, it's like that kind of vibes when you're a kid. And then when he fights with anybody, you can be like, you came to my hot tub. Yeah. I let you in, bro.

That's another reason why they don't go in the first place. Like, we, because in the moment that there's an issue, it's like, but you used my suntan shelf in the pool. I didn't have FOMO, Craig. Okay. I don't give a shit about your hot tub. Why wasn't it like an orgy though, by the way? Can we go back to that? Why wasn't Shep in the hot top either?

And Shep was like, I was there. I'm just no longer sexually, you know, sexually viable in this group. But I was there. They just don't mention me. Craig's like, he was always there. This might shock people, but Sally and I have never been in the hot tub by ourselves, ever. And I think people think that we were in the hot tub alone. I'm like, I guarantee people literally don't care enough to know who was in the hot tub when.

It's not something we could be pondered all day, every day. And Andy says, yeah, I think you made that clear, though. And he goes, yeah, but then why are people so confused that we didn't hook up? Just because we were in hot tubel four in the morning, Craig. It's like, yeah, but people were confused that no one was hooking up. So Craig is still misunderstanding this whole thing. People aren't mad at you because you led Sally on. I don't think anybody in the audience is like, wow, Craig really led Sally on.

and then dumped her. The reason people were against you was because Sally said she liked you. And instead of just being like, oh, I'm sorry, this isn't going to work out. And just like being sensitive, you were like, no, this isn't going to work out. And then went to the group of the entire cast of men in the show and were like, oh, my God, you guys. Sally's fucking insane. She's like a tornado. She's not to be trusted and acted like she did something wrong to you.

That was the problem. It's not that everyone thought you fucked and ditched her. Like, he just never gets it, you know? Yeah. So Andy's like, show of hands. Who thinks Austin has FOMO? And Craig's the only one who raises his hand. And there's like, crickets.

Crickets. So Andy's like last season, Austin, you felt like Craig wanted to stay home and hide out. But here he was ready to go out. So you had to feel kind of good about that, right? Like now he wants to go out. It's what you were asking about. So why are you so upset? It's like, well, because it turns out as quick.

Craig's like, but you were like the fact that you were hanging out with girls in your hot tub is bullshit. He's like, no, I thought it was, look, I thought I was doing gentle ribbing. It was gentle, gentle ribbing. And it was a poke. That's all. It was just a poke. Yeah, but poking someone until they break down is called manipulation.

I was like, oh, okay. Like Craig is clearly asked, what do you call poking people until they break down to chat GPT? And they're like, well, that's a great question. Some might say that's called pestering. Would you call it manipulation? Hmm, I could see it being called manipulation. Great. Thank you so much. That's all I need. Defense rests.

Yeah. So it's like the point I was trying to get across was, you know, we're trying to talk about a bunch of stuff. And then he brings up the alcoholism thing. And he's like, but I was being vulnerable. Yeah. And I was freaking out because it's being thrown on my face. So this whole Craig thing, you were using that. You were using that to manipulate.

So stop it. Were you pretending you weren't? You never stopped drinking. You were even drunk when you said it. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So that's poking and poking and poking the manipulate. By way, Craig is the biggest manipulator.

And it's a manipulation that he accuses someone else of being a manipulator. It's like a manipulation. Yes. You know. So let's see. Austin basically says, yeah, Austin's saying like,

I never know which version of Craig is in shop. Is it going to be like the fun Craig? Is it going to be like fun, smiling Craigie? Or is it going to be the Craig? that we saw that night, you know? And then Andy's like, well, Austin, you had a bigger issue with Craig, and that's been on, that's been on your mind. So it's about the whole addiction thing that surfaced at the end of last season.

And Andy says, you accused him of manipulating that conversation. What did you mean by that? So Austin's like, he basically says, look, when we sat down on the beach, you know, there's a lot of stuff that I was trying to get across about how I was feeling. We're going to, like, clear the air. And Craig essentially was, it's a lot of. like, well, look, I have an addiction. I have a drinking issue. And I'm just trying to focus on that.

So Awesome tabled everything because this was such a big admission for Craig. And it was a vulnerable admission. And it was really very, like it was important that I kind of made everything seem small. I think is essentially what Awesome was saying. And I was just so happy that Craig was opening up to me that like I felt like that's what we should just like focus on. So essentially what he's saying is I had all these issues. And Craig basically put the kibosh on them. by dropping this thing that felt like a very vulnerable

and bonding thing at that moment, but then come to find out, you know, actually, like, he's still drinking and, like, just now in retrospect, it feels like a manipulation. Well, not only that. It's like it's this whole thing on camera, and Craig dropping that on camera knows it's a stopper. Because if Austin starts arguing with him

while he just said, I'm an addict, then Austin would be completely ripped apart for that. And it was Craig manipulating this situation. And his proof, he's like, And what, yes, and as proof, what you guys didn't see was right after that, he was walking up to the crew being like, oh, my God, did you guys cry? Like, wasn't that good? Were you guys, like, crying at that moment? Greg? Like, he just shot a movie scene. He's like, whoa, nailed it. Did you guys cry? Like, how many tears were there? Raise your hands. Thanks, you guys. Thanks, thanks. I like to think craft services, my agent. Jack. Thank you, Jack.

I only said that because I was so vulnerable and freaking out about and how embarrassing it was that it would be like, I was worried it would be thrown in my face. I love, by the way, this is like the new thing on Bravo is to take a victory lap because you were vulnerable. I think it's great when people are vulnerable.

But like you don't win an award for it. I'm sorry. But it's on these shows you do. They always congratulate themselves. Like, oh my God, I was so vulnerable. How could you do this to me? Wasn't I so vulnerable? It's awesome.

It's like, well, we moved on from that. And the drinking was still taking place. And I'm not the, look, I'm not the drinking police. I don't care of Craig drinks. I promise you. But I was like, how are you going to say this to me? And like now here we are. Right.

And so it's basically like you played the card, but then you act like you never played the card. Yeah, you played the card to get out of something in the moment, but you were never intending to actually do anything about being an addict. And I don't even think you believe you're an addict. you fucking weirdo. And Craig's like, but it was a year later.

Yeah, but Craig, when you say you're an addict and you're worried about your drinking, that means you're an addict and you have a drinking problem. Like, you don't get to just pretend

it never happened because it's a year later. It's more like he's allowed to, he's allowed to not take care of it. Like, that's his right. He's going to decide what path is best for himself.

But when he uses that car to basically shut down conversation to be like, hey, give me a break because I'm working on this thing. And then he goes back to like, oh, you weren't really,

like the sincerity. of it is in question. Were you really working on it or were you just saying that to shut up Austin from lodging serious, you know, issues he has with you. Yeah. And Rod's like, well, girlfriend, you did call me right after dinner to let me know that Austin was really out of line. And he's like, sorry, I can't, I can't see the next line because I'm rolling my eyes. But stuff's like, well, he was wrongheaded because he was being completely naked and vulnerable. And I see where Austin's saying, but, you know, there were other arguments. Austin could have employed. On reality TV, you're not supposed to interrupt vulnerable people. I'm Shep. I've learned things. Garsh. Well, I was surprised by the level of acrimony.

You said you hate Craig. Gosh, my jaw was on the damn table. And that was just while I was chewing. Sorry, Ben. As they say in Cuba, my jawo was on the table sito. So Andy is like... Hispaniol. Do you hate Craig?

And I honestly thought awesome would be like, no, I was just mad. He goes, yeah, sometimes I do hate Greg. And it felt really good just to say it. And I wanted to see if you would hit it, if it would hit you or affect you or if you just want to change in any sort of way. He's actually kind of like talking. It's like very melodramatic to think about it. I mean, how many of these shows have we seen with the lady is like, I just want to get a reaction out of you and he didn't even respond to me. I'm living you, Sal.

But it's Austin instead saying it. Well, it had the opposite effect because I said clearly this isn't a friendship anymore. So to me, if you say, hey, that's the end. Yeah, but saying I hate you is not the same, you know, it's not saying the shit. You said to me, Craig, which is unforgivable shit. If you ask me, I mean, wow, you haven't built anything. Your life isn't the same as it was five years ago. You haven't done shit.

You're a loser. I was like, yeah, but that's, it is mean. It's true. But it's also true. Like what you're saying about Craig is true, but what Craig is saying about you is also true. Like you're both kind of losers. And stuff's like, yeah, that wasn't a friend. Go ahead, Ben.

I'm sorry. Karsh, thank you. I just was going to advocate on behalf of, on behalf of Austin here a little bit, which is that Craig may have been right, but it was a dick thing that he was throwing in Austin's face because I'm sure Austin's probably pretty aware of his own static position in life. So yeah, of course,

Austin was going to get mad after that. Garsh, thank you. Hi, Garsh, Gray. Well, you don't give a fuck about me, Craig. You just want to say nasty things. And you know there's, skating and you know I've got a boiling point and I cannot do this. It's a circle of bullshit.

Okay, maybe we just need to quit now. We just need to quit it now. Greg, just want you to know I have such a bono with you guys fighting like this. Do you stand by Austin that Austin has nothing to show for the last five years? And Craig's like, no, it was retaliatory, which I'm allowed to do, but Austin's not allowed to. We were just arguing at the table. Do you want to apologize? Yeah, okay.

I'm sorry for that. but I was mad that he kept attacking me and had a problem with everything I did. Chef's like, gosh, Craig, it's so hard for you to say I'm sorry. Trying to get an apology out of you. It's like trying to talk to a brick wall, which I actually do try to do every now and then because I really hit on everything in Austin, so now I'm just at walls. Just making it out with walls. Well, I disagree, and you can't knock me down because mortar is holding me together.

Well, what does Charlie think about this? well after Whits party I was proud of Craig for how we apologize what what apology I apologize right after they just didn't air it I sat you down and apologize which by the way is funny because when we see the clip there's no sitting down it's all standing yeah but Craig doesn't watch it so he's like they must have cut the clip you know because I was like well how do you know if you don't watch it but I guess he's thinking that they they must have cut it and Whitney Whitner goes wild claim wild and so we see you the unseen footage of Craig saying at the end of the day, oh, so I guess it was unseen. I feel like I did see this, but whatever. He's like, at the end of the day, poor people are poor and that's why they're poor. And I shouldn't have said the stuff. And I'm sorry, but like, you just traired me. Not a good apology. Yeah. I don't know what Charlie's even talking about. I feel like she didn't even see this. I think that probably Craig reported back a conversation. Yeah. So she's saying, I'm proud. Yeah, I'm proud of Craig for apologizing because he said he did, but he didn't really.

But like this is not like it like Craig went off on Austin. Austin was to be fair, Austin was making little digs all night. And he's like, oh, just ribbing. There were digs. There were passive aggressive digs. There's underlying tension between these two guys.

Fine. Craig, but Craig was really mean when he popped off. And Craig thinks it's okay because he said this half ass. That's not even half ass. That's a quarter ass. I'm gonna say it's a fifth ass apology where he's like, well,

I shouldn't have said it, but you triggered me. So presently, Shep is like, course, you always say that. But you did trigger me, but you did trigger me. And when the witness is like, anything before doesn't count once you say but.

And so then Craig's like, how many more times are you going to attack me when we're filming? I'm like, oh gosh. You were the attacker. And also is like, well, I would never say that kind of shit when my back is against the wall. I mean, everyone here has a traumatizing story with Craig. There, every single person. Not outside of filming. I mean, put me in a pressure cooker long enough and something's going to happen.

What are you talking about, Craig? You yelled at Sally outside of filming. She cried. By the way, I like Craig's justification. Like, you may be traumatized by me, but it happened during filming, so it's okay. Yeah. I never traumatized you outside of filming, only on camera, which is better. Yeah.

I didn't yell at Sally. Well, according to Sally and Charlie, you screamed at her. Yeah, you yelled at me off camera in front of my mother. Okay, guys, that's enough. Like, yeah, everyone is like, yeah, yeah. I didn't yell at her. You made her cry. Craig is like, listen, that's different than yelling.

I think we can all agree. Making a girl cry is totally acceptable if you don't yell at her in the process. So he's not winning. Everybody's like, no, Craig. You literally yelled at her and made her cry in front of her mother, period. And he's like, okay, so then you want to know how many bad moments everyone here has? Oh, okay. Now it's everyone, but everybody does it.

I'm loving this. The cast is like holding Craig's feet to the fire. Because he cannot get himself out of one of these. Yeah, and, you know, in the past seasons, and I think particularly was it last year, like, this has happened before where there's like, hey, but Craig, you got really scary. But it usually seems to be contained to Shep and Austin. And here really is the whole cast is like, you are scary and you are mean to us. And Andy's like, well, you're saying you never yell at them except if they're on camera.

And they're all saying that that's not a representation. And Craig's like, like, so now he's like sad and looking down. So Andy is just like, Reminders from of him say When Whitney said Austin As a victim complex and Craig is a narcissist I'm sorry when Wittner said this And that Austin has an act

Austin has a victim complex And Craig is a narcissist It was like, wow, you just summarize their entire friendship in one sentence. Okay, Wittner, how are you able to wrap your head around that relationship so quickly? I have eyes and ears. Okay, Craig, did Wits sum it up?

He's like, no, because narcissists are people who don't have empathy. My therapist told me when I said, am I a narcissist? And she said, don't. No, narcissists do not have empathy. And literally, as an empath, it would be impossible for me to be a narcissist. I do a lot of things wrong, but I'm far from being a narcissist. You are a narcissist. If you're asking chat GPT, if you're a narcissist, you're a narcissist.

Non-narcissists don't have to ask, Craig. I feel like the most narcissistic thing you can do is declare yourself an empath. Totally. For other people to say that you're an empath, right? Yes. So many narcissists on Bravo claim to be empaths. And Whit's like, well, I'm only going off what I see. You scream at people in the bar.

And he's like, well, it's your first season. Wait, you don't know anything about this world. I thought that you guys were friends like long before this. Liars. You bunch of liars. And also like, again, what a condescending and arrogant thing to say.

I mean, this guy, Wittner is, I get the sense that he's a bit more accomplished and successful than Craig is. And I'm actually a little upset that Wittner did not sort of snap back or defend himself and explain. Like, just as Craig has given himself the right

to hear Austin's story about Audrey and driving up and back and forth from Charlotte and then therefore analyze the situation with analysis of spray and to be able to determine that Austin is not whatever, whatever Austin you felt about Austin and Audrey, Wittner is equally entitled to look at you and how you behave and the things you say and do and make other people cry and make a declaration of the fact that you are, in fact, a narcissist. Yeah, it's literally your job to comment on everybody's stuff on these shows. They ask you. They ask, he was literally asked by Andy right now. And also, you don't have to know about

being on reality TV, you're screaming at women in their faces, period. Like, it doesn't matter if you're on a reality show, you loser. So Andy asks Austin if Craig is a narcissist. And they're like, yeah, duh, this is crazy. What's some, that's what a textbook narcissist would say. That's the most insulting thing. You don't think I'm empathetic. Shut up, Wittner, you just got here.

So like I was saying, I'm not empathetic. And the boss is like, nope. It's like, it's really mean to say that about someone. Calling someone a narcissist means they're incapable of showing empathy. And everything they do is for show. And if that's how you believe about me, then you shouldn't be friends with me. He's not friends with you. He said multiple times today that he's not friends with you.

And they have repeatedly said everything you do is for show. That was like the whole thing this season is that, or the last season was that Craig is trying to be Martha Stewart and that he bailed on plans with his best friend. to go golfing so that way he could stay home and shoot videos of him gardening because it would be good for the brand you're literally doing stuff to be presentational yeah he's like oh there we go again quag like oh you're like you shouldn't be friends with me you're a fucking dickhead well seems like there's a lot more discussed we're going to leave it there for right now does anyone else want to call sally a dumb slut before we go okay anybody i do i do i do dumslut dumb slut run of these streets

Watch out for the city. We're going to have a Sally Friday night and have a quick five. Okay. All right, everybody. So Craig and Craig leaves and he's like, this sucks. This is so unfair. And then he stalks off through the hallways, bitching to everybody who will listen.

He's like, it's so clear. It's just pile on Craig. And I'm just supposed to eat shit. I hate being here. I don't even know if I'm coming back anymore. And he's talking to his producer. He's like waving the cameras out of the room. Like, no, we're dealing with baby Craig now.

Go away. Craig, who has just spent the past 20 minutes of the reunions and he doesn't yell at anyone, doesn't have tantrums, and he's an empath. And like he's being accused of being this terror has now gone off backstage and ranted and raved to all the producers. So who knows how he's going to take his stories and go home. What a lose. So funny. Well, it was very funny. Yeah.

It was very satisfying, watching them just handed to Craig and not fall for his bullshit again. It was so. Fucking nice to watch Craig just go back and throw a Vicky Gunvelson. Loved it. It's the best. Well, we loved it and we loved you. Thank you everyone for being here, and we will catch you on the next episode. Bye, everyone.

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