Watch What Crappens - #3279 Southern Charm S11E17 Reunion 2 Part One: No Craig to Stand On

Episode Date: March 26, 2026

This is part 1 of a 2-part recapThe Southern Charm reunion wraps up this week. The cast tries to explain to Craig that he’s the problem, but he just keeps inserting his key phrase “but they just keep poking at me” and then says that his ChatGPTherapist never correlated his drinking to his rage issues. Hm. Might wanna get a human being to talk to. Or not, because it was a pretty funny episode. Salley stands up for herself against Austen’s slut shaming and becomes the Salley we all knew she could be. Just kidding! She tells him she wants him more than ever and he’ll be a great dad. I CAN’T. To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and get ad free listening,, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crapins. I'm Ronnie. That's Benoons. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Just getting my Mac movements ready for a Southern charm. Lost Southern Charm of the Season. Reunion Part 2. If you want this on video or you want bonus episodes, which I think next week we are going to do our first ever recap of a show we both love called Survivor. We're going to do last night's episode. It'll come out early next week. Just because we were talking about it so much before we started recording.

I was like, we should not be having conversations that aren't recorded. So please, let's just do a bonus. And so we're going to do a bonus. Let's do it, Ben. Yeah. We can do this, Ben. We're going to do a bonus episode of Survivor. And it's going to be a proper recap.

It's not going to be a chatty overview. Although, I'm not saying it won't be a. how do you overview in the future, but we're doing the proper recap of Survivor. Yeah, not a huge commitment. You know, just waiting in. But if you guys want that, that'll be a bonus. So videos, bonus episodes, add free listening. There's a free newsletter and Discord server, all that good stuff.

Go over to patreon.com slash watch what Cropones. And don't you love a short opening? I know I do. Today, it is Southern China. What you're trying to say? What are you trying to say? that we have less. That was not a personal thing.

That was a we have less to discuss today. We have less to plug today. It's amazing. It's not the tap on you, my little Ben. No, it's okay. I'm wordy anyway. It's fine. It's my life story.

My life story. I know I know it wasn't, but I'm just saying it's my life story. So I was making a joke about that because people make fun of me being long-winded. They do? Who said it? I'll tell them off in short form. I'm going to tell them off in abstract.

E. Cummings form. Today, Southern Charm, Reunion Part 2, which means the end of the season. Wow, what a banga. What a banga. I have to say, I don't want to start on a negative note, but of course I will. Like, I feel like this season of Southern Charm probably could have ended with the season finale. I found both of these reunion episodes to be really uninteresting. Was that just me?

I did not think I actually, and I'm not just being argumentative, I did find them fascinating because it's like a steady in human nature of these shows. I mean, really just watching Craig, what a fascinating lose. I mean, just everything

about it. He actually believes what's coming out of his mouth is crazy. Sally, I mean, you just had a man slut shaming you, saying the meanest things about you and completely disrespecting you on national television. And what's your response?

I want to marry him. I want to have his babies. He'd be a good daddy. What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you that desperate to be on television, Sally? Oh, my God. The way I was yelling at my TV. Austin, what a monster.

And gets away with it. Like, to me, it's fascinating just watching these animals. I look like that. Cat dad. Cat dad. I wore my cat dad's shirt today. Yeah, you are. Yeah.

Upside down the cat. terrified cats just what Austin's cats are probably like what the fuck where am i those my is my image is out of my shirt the cats are very confused I think for me it's just that there's some really good stuff on bravo right now and it feels like we I don't know like I just there's just other things that I'm like more excited to talk about and sort of to have to like pump the brakes and sit here and talk and listen to like these these people just like, I don't know, flesh it out or I don't know, hash it out.

I don't know. It's just it's not doing it for me. However, I am enthused that the Valley is coming back next week. And I feel like that's not being promoted at all. I'm not seeing any promotion for the fact that the Valley starts a week from last night. So I'm just excited for a new batch of straight people to come in and have their mess. New batch of messy straight people. I am enjoying the two, two shows right now.

now. We're seeing the lead characters kind of get called on their bullshit that we've seen for years. We've seen it for years with these people. Craig on this show, it's nice to watch him get his feet held to the fire and people not back down. And we're starting to see glimpses of it on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. So check that out. Kyle. People are starting to get sick of Kyle shit too. And they're seeing all of her games and I'm loving it. I just feel like it's festivist. I'm like, oh my God. It's like a holiday called I Told You So. And I just, it's the one I will celebrate the most. So, I mean, I don't know.

I'm enjoying it. As for the season, not the best season. But you know what? I'm just going to stay positive because it's a Thursday. And who doesn't love Thursdays? Whoa, when you're a cat dad. So let's get on with it. A season 11, episode 17, reunion part two.

Craig has just left the stage going, I hate this. I'm not doing this anymore. I don't even want to come. I'm back. And then the producers come in and he goes, um, you guys have villainized vulnerability, unfortunately. So I'm not going to be vulnerable with you guys anymore. Vulnerability is not a gift. And you villainized vulnerability. You have taken vulnerability by the hair and bashed it into a rock and tried to drag it into a cave. Vulnerability is not something that you could just abuse, you fucking faker.

Well, and it's also crazy that first of all, he has not been vulnerable at all this entire. season. I guess maybe he's alluding to the fact that he said he had some sort of substance or alcohol problem last season. Maybe that's what he's trying to say here. But like for him to say you villainize vulnerability while he's the one screaming at people while drunk on TV is pretty ludicrous. And if anything, the people who are being vulnerable are the people who are telling him, we are scared of you. And I'm scared to tell this to you because I'm inherently scared of you, but I have to tell you, if anything, that's a bit more vulnerable than you sitting there and being told that you're scary. So sorry, that doesn't work for me. Yeah. So then we go to Rod, Rigo, and

Sally in their dressing room, and they're talking about what kind of meat Sally's eating. It's fascinating. Is it gyro meat or is it steak? No one really knows. And Sally goes, okay, well, not an ideal not to eat my ass, Austin. Giro meat in the booty. And then Madison... It's Jiru. So... So, Madison...

The Greek face is Greek. You-hoo. It's not Jaro. It's hero. So, Madison facetimes her baby and Brett, which is as boring as it sounds. And then everyone goes back to the stage. And Craig's like, this sucks, God. Oh, hey, what's up, guys?

And then Andy's like, how are you doing? Craig? I just, I did so well. And then I just fucking exploded. I was like, Andy's like, well, it's like, not freaking out at Austin. I was doing so well. And this is how, I mean, Craig is basically telling on himself right now, because he says this a number of times over the course of this episode.

I was doing so well. And then I had one mess up. I was doing so well. To me, that reads as, I was doing so well as at present. presenting a version of myself for America. And you're basically admitting that you're a faker. Yeah, and I'd love that he keeps saying like, oh my God, I haven't had any kind of a fit in like two years.

And they just all laugh in his face. Even Andy's just like, seriously? Come on. I barely watch this show. I watch this show on three times speed while I'm doing laundry. Okay. And I know that you freaked out way more than that. So welcome back, okay?

Welcome back to Southern Charm, Season 11 Reunion. I'm your host, Andy Cohen. I have children. Okay, this season, Vanita found herself at war with Craig. It's a Vanita segment, everybody. Vanita, a lot to unpack. Okay. But I want to catch up with you personally.

So what about fucking Carl? Are you fucking Carl? You've talked about a romance with Carl. And she tries to pull what I think is a Sierra and says, well, I think Carl put a dead, She said, well, Carl put a dent in that when he did a people interview saying that this was an issue, that long distance was an issue. And he told them and not me. From what I've read, I mean, I think from what Carl said on a podcast, he went on one date with Vanita.

So I'm confused why everybody keeps asking them about this relationship if they went on one date. It's confusing. They ask them about it all the time. What's going on? Shockingly, this is not a relationship that I have monitored closely. but yeah you know the thing that kind of drives me nuts about vanita is that

when she answers things in a way often trying to be kind of coy or I think she's trying to be kind of like witty or I don't know clever but it's like just say it I just want her to say it so she can't even say

oh yeah I'm not seeing him I mean she says I mean she does say it here she says I think Carl put a deadhead in it because, you know, he's because when she says people, when he did a people interview saying that this was an issue and he told them and not me. And I was like, what do you mean this was an issue? What are you talking about? Is it that being on Southern Southern Charm and Summerhouse, I just wish she would just say sometimes she speaks so elliptically. And the irony is that I'm not even arranging my own words properly in describing it. But like, there are a lot of times. where like Andy will say

what's going on with you and Sally and she'll be like well I think Sally can answer that I think that da da da da da I think that I'm like just say just say she was a fucking bitch or Carl was a pussy or I liked Carl but then he spent more time talking to people magazine than me like just save that. Or I went on one date with

Carl and it was never that big of a deal. Yeah. I feel I feel like she falls in it and she did it with JT a lot where it was like she's insinuating that there's something more than there is and And so you leave that thinking, oh, they were dating. You leave this answer thinking Venita was dating Carl.

And then Carl basically ghosted her and told people a magazine without telling her. When he's saying they went on one date. So she's making it sound like we were dating. Her answer is kind of insinuating, we were dating, right? And she does that a lot. She does do that a lot. And I think Vanita gets a lot of hate from the audience. And probably a lot of it is really problematic and racist, frankly, because she,

She gets so much backlash from the audience that I really don't think she deserves. I mean, I didn't agree with a lot of her coming for Craig, like coming for Craig in an interview and then acting like she was surprised that Craig was mad. You know, there's things like that. But at the same time, the backlash from the audience is so disproportionate to anything that she's done that I hesitate to really even say anything because. Yeah. I like that.

And I like root for her on the show. And I think it must be really hard for her to be the only black cast member. on a show in the South with these fucking people and they haven't made it easy but I think she also hasn't made it easy on herself sometimes and it's just answers like this and I'm like Vanita yeah exactly and so I totally agree I totally agree that the hate that she gets

is totally disproportionate compared to the things that Craig does for example but yeah there are times when I I watch her on the reunion and I'm like just answer the question I know you're trying to be cute right now or trying to be coy trying to maybe even have like a that sort of like lands is like light shade, but it's just like, just, you're making me have to read between the lines too much. I'm sick of reading between the lines. Give me all the lines. Give me all the texts, you know? So, uh, we don't want to read. It was real TV. Just,

just to say exactly what you mean, okay? We are Kyle Richards. We are not Sunstrak. We are not reading, okay? It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappence commercial. So he asked her mom. He's like, so it was great to see her mom on the show. How is she? And Sally's like, that's my girl? And she goes, well, yeah, well, she goes, wait, was that shade? Was that shade Vanita?

And she goes, well, I said, well, because you said, that's my girl. And I know why you said that. She goes, yeah, because she had my back. What, say it, man? This is a perfect example. And I know why you said that. It's like, can you just say it, Vanita? Because then Sally's like, yeah, because she had my back.

She was, well, she didn't know the full story. So, of course. And Sally goes, what's the full story then? She goes, anyway. I'm like, this is the exact sort of interaction that Vanita does that drives me nuts because I am largely on Vanita's side with almost all these issues. But I see her defending herself so poorly and explaining herself so poorly and just not stating the thing that's on her mind during these reunions year after year.

And I'm just sort of like annoyed with it. I guess I'm a real. I'm a real. I'm a real salty, salty podcaster today, aren't I? I didn't have coffee yet. Can you tell? Oh, really? That's not like you? What's happening? Well, I have my annual physical later today. And if I have the coffee, I feel like my blood pressure is going to read as higher than it should be. So I'm trying to be like, you know, I'm like, what's something that I could do to keep my blood pressure down today?

I know. I'll rant about Southern Charm and the way Vanita answers things. I'll yell at the people on Southern Charm. So yeah, she's being evasive kind of. She's like, well, I know you white said, but she had my back. Well, she didn't know the full story. Well, what is the full story? Anyway, well, but then why don't we get into it? She just won't answer.

So Madison goes, well, we're on our way to where? Where are we on our way to? And Andy's like, yeah, we'll get to that later. So Vanita, you were interviewed on several podcasts and asked about Craig's breakups. So we get to the Craig versus Vanita thing. We see a vial files clip, Vial files, however. And she's asked if she thinks Craig should clear up page cheating. And Vanita says, yeah, I think you should speak your truth and let it be known the same way you're speaking your truth about everything else.

And Andy's like, man, you must have realized that might upset him. And she's like, yeah, but why didn't he just say, I didn't like what you're doing when I heard his feelings, then letting me continue to go from podcast to podcast because I was like, you know, I'm speaking my truth. And if he corrected me and said, listen, I know you're doing this podcast, but I don't like what you're saying. Then we could have had a conversation, but that never happened. Okay. But Vanita, you're also the one who came on the beginning of the season and refused to speak to Craig and refused to be anywhere that Craig was. You know, so you weren't really doing that either when you had a problem. So I don't know.

I've always been a little bit on Vanita's side with this one because I do think that she is allowed to say like if the question, if the situation was, that there's rumors that Paige cheated on Craig and Paige didn't cheat on Craig and he could have gone out there and stopped those rumors and he didn't and she's saying and she basically is going on to the vile files and saying hey like I think that he should speak about that because it's like he's only to be about his truth but he's not speaking about all the truth of the situation I think he should do that first of all I don't think that's the biggest crime against humanity no and second of all her opinion if she's especially if you're on a podcast and they're asking for your opinion but it is kind of funny that she's like, well, I wouldn't have kept on saying, you know, saying this stuff if you just told me that you're upset by it, which is kind of funny because it's like, you knew he'd be upset by it, right? Like, that is sort of like a, there's a little bit of a bullshity response on her end, but I kind of was like laughing at it because that's the sort of thing that Craig would do to someone else. If you just don't get out, I don't know what it says. That's true.

So I'm like, as I turn about spare play, I'm okay with it. And I agree with you. Like, what she actually said wasn't that bad. The way they've been building it, building it up on the show, you would think that she was like, fuck Greg. He has a tiny dick. He's a fucking compulsive liar. But she didn't. I thought what she said was pretty fair. But I also think it's fair if you heard that and you're like, well, she's supposed to be on my cast and we're supposed to be friends. And she's basically not taking my side in this breakup. So fuck her. I would get that too. It's just all bad communication. Like he won't go to Vinita and say, hey, Vanita, you hurt me by saying this. But she won't go to him and say, well, you're hurt. to meet with this. And then it just becomes complete non-communication. And that's just not very fun on a reality show. At some point, you have to have it out. That's the whole point. You do. But the thing is this, and she says this in about five seconds. We've watched for several years how the cast really barely acknowledge as Vanita. She's there. She's friends with some of the girls.

But like, she's just, she's not in the mix, you know. We've always noticed this. We've always observed this and now all of a sudden Craig demands utter loyalty from her it just is like you you sort of it's not that like it's not that people ignore her it's never as blatant as ignoring her but you can just see the outreach that someone like Sally or even Molly receives from like a Craig or or a Shep or an Austin or actually I think Austin actually is is has a little more of relationship with Vanita but you see the outreach towards some of the other cast members and And then you see it versus Venita. And then they're like, oh, well, you have to, because you're on Southern Charm, you have to be part of this war against Summerhouse.

And we have to rally the troops and you have to have blind loyalty to our cast. And it's kind of like, does she really have to have blind loyalty to you, Craig? I don't think she really does. I mean, this is what you get. This is what you get. You don't have to have blind loyalty, but for a reality show, you have to have the communication about, you have to have the argument. No, yeah, I'm not saying for you. I'm just complaining to Craig.

and invisible Craig in my mind. No, but I think you're right. And I think some of the stuff is, some of the stuff with Vanita and the cast, really, if you're a woman and you're on this cast and they're not fucking you or they haven't fucked you in the past, why are you, they don't have any room for you.

That's the only reason the women are here, they're props. So you had Cameron back in the day, who was kind of the voice of reason and no one had had sex with her. And then they had, um, uh, what's her buns,

take that role. Um, uh, uh, Lava kind of take that role for a while. And then the only one I think ever that's had that role besides them, besides Patricia, of course, is Vanita. I think that's really the only one. And I think they're like, what used to we have here?

If we don't see you as a sexual object or like someone, you know, like that was an object of our ire, like Madison will always have a role because she can take on the kind of Cameron role. but she also has the resume of having been with all sex or whatever and it's gross to say but it's a gross show so yeah it's just a long way of saying that i think expectations put on benita that she has to blindly have craig's back are really not totally fair so no they're completely unfair and i wish she as a venita person like as a venita fan i wish she would have said i have the right to my opinion i thought you you acted like a fucking baby in that breakup. And then you tried to make this poor girl look terrible, you know, on your show when she was trying to save your feelings by not talking about the breakup and making you look like an absolute wuss. And the least you could have done was say that she wasn't cheating on you, Craig. That was bullshit what you did. But she doesn't. She's just like, well, I don't want to talk about it.

And I don't want to. And so like, it's like, I'm in your corner, but I need a better fighter. I need you to come home. You know, it's just three or four at this point. Come on. So Andy's like, did you think about reaching out to Page? Like, what about her?

I'm sorry. Did you think about, yeah, did you think about reading out to Paige? What about her comments annoyed you? Or I'm sorry, Craig. Did you think about reaching out to Vanita? I'm all turned around from this conversation.

So Craig is like, yeah, Vanita's just repeating what she read on Reddit. And Vinita's like, I don't read Reddit. And Craig's like, she didn't know page. She didn't have a relationship with her. Like Paige and I were inseparable and never spent,

a day really apart and so when she went on that podcast stop stop stop i'm sorry craig i'm sorry to interrupt your your fucking fountain of bullshit what do you mean you never spent a day apart you were a long-distance relationship you were always literally lived in different cities you literally spent your entire relationship apart okay continue crag continue you know the public was accusing me of dragging the breakup out which actually i was the only one not speaking about it. I'm like, there's a video of you, like, in your blue sweater sitting on a soup talking about it. And I still haven't talked about it. And I just thought it was like a little bandwagon, like getting caught up and like, let's capitalize on this. Like, you know, public breakup.

I'm like, Craig, you literally have spoken about it many times. What are you talking about? And yeah, it probably was a little bandwagoning. But she was on a podcast and they asked her about it. They asked her about her castmate and she answered, honestly. And I just think like, yeah, I understand. Honestly, I understand why Craig is annoyed. It's someone that he knows and he probably feels like should be loyal to him regardless. But also, like, this is too much. Like, he literally just, it's like, I'm not friends with her ever. He had a tantrum, too.

And it's, people have done far worse to him that he still remains friends with. And saying you capitalized off of it when she's just asked a question about the biggest thing to happen on the show that season. That's crazy. I mean, give me a break. So if you- had a lot of it was Craig. Yeah. And it was a vile file.

Like, do you make money for, but he's just, whatever, Craig. So he's like, well, I don't know why. She says, why do I need to capitalize off you? And he says, I don't know why you did it, Vanita, because you didn't know page and you got your information off Reddit. And she's like, well, I don't read Reddit. And you and I are on the same show. And he goes, oh, so you really thought. She goes, I don't go on social media when the show's airing.

I don't read comments. I don't read Reddit. So I don't do any of that. It's like, so you honestly believe that I was enjoying my breakup two months out of it? she goes well i think you were talking about it more than others okay so again i don't agree with the things that you said and i think that's fair to say all right madison was your point of view on this looks like you're trying to yell beta yes beta two beta's fine and i definitely don't think that Greg was enjoying it and i think that this whole life just kind of blew up right in front of him oh lord what was

the argument that he said that she said that Craig was enjoying it did she say that in that clip Maybe it was on that. I don't think so. I mean, the other thing is, I don't know what else was said on that interview. It could have been more than just a clip that they aired. So Andy's like, well, Vanita, we got a lot of pose from viewers wondering why you weren't more loyal on Craig's side of things. Cindy from Bar Shop said, didn't Craig jump in the pool last season to rescue her? Aren't you indebted for the rest of your life to Craig, who is the person who pulled you out of a small pool amongst 60 other people who were there?

And she's like, well, that's nice and dandy, but I texted Craig multiple times after that. And I thanked him for weeks on end, but I'm not going to sit here and allow you to act like you want to be my friend when we're sitting in this group because you don't reach out to me. And please let me talk, Craig, because he starts interrupting. It's like, because you do this to everyone. And you speak and you speak and you speak and you speak well past the time anyone else is given. He's like, you burnt the bridge. And then you asked why I don't visit. Well, I can't get over there because there's no bridge.

who's going to save me if I drown and fall off a cliff with no bridge. Damn it. Where's the bridge? Where's the bridge? She's like, I burnt the bridge last year. But where were the years prior to that? You weren't my friend prior to that either. And he's like, we don't know each other, Vanita. We don't have a relationship and we never had. And I didn't think that what you did to me was nice. And I've always been nice to you. And I'll continue to be nice to you. So then why, if you don't have a relationship, then why are you so upset? about what she said on the podcast, right?

And why are you expecting some sort of loyalty? So Vinita's like, oh, so you're being nice right now? Exactly. Thank you. And how are you being nice by refusing to speak somebody or acknowledge them? How is that being nice? Exactly. So Vinita is like, you're being nice right now? Yes, I'm just telling you how I feel.

It's nothing against you. Vinita's like, you're over talking and you're interrupting and I can't get my words out. And it's never, oh, I didn't realize or, oh, I could see your side. It's just like, I did nothing wrong every time. you speak. Vanita, the things that you say about me, they're actually like, they're like really nasty. That's like, now, delicate Craig, delicate Craig, who just screamed at Sally on a bus and screams at people all the time. He is the one who cannot be on the receiving end of quote unquote nastiness that Vanita said on Nick's podcast. So she's like, okay, well, I'm sorry for saying

nasty things about you. I'm sorry. Okay, I'll say it again. I'm sorry. And he's like, well, Thank you. And she goes, because I can apologize for that. And there's no but after. Do you see that? And, well, Vanita, you seemed really hurt by Sally kind of choosing Craig over your friendship. And Sally's like, that never happened though. I never chose Craig over her friendship.

I chose a penis. He was a penis. The penis was on Craig, Sally. How am I supposed to know that? Why did it become an either or for you, though? No, no. I don't think it ever became an either. or I just think my emotions were so heightened because I understand now watching it back how aggressive it came across.

And for that, I'm going to apologize to you, Sally, for coming across so aggressive. I think it was more so Sally and I are best friends. And I know that Sally just wants, you know, in what she wants. And in my head, I was just like, okay, let me just make sure I'm steering her in the right direction and helping her as her friend. And Craig is not her end game. Like just say, Craig is not good for Sally. he was going to take advantage of her and manipulate her and I was trying to warn her

and she just didn't care what I had to say. Well, even more than that, I think if she was really being honest, she'd say, I was pissed because this man is being a shithead to me and he's refusing to speak to me and I feel like he's icing me out of the group and you don't even care as long as you can date him.

Because that's what it was. She wasn't like Craig's a bad person because blah, blah, blah. She didn't like Craig because of how Craig was reacting to her. So, and I would be hurt too. You know, it's like, why, you're going to go date my friend. But she doesn't say it, you know, again. And so, you know, and the perfect chance to say, and I told you. So honestly, I think she should have said, I told you so.

She should have said, and you know what I'm feeling because the same thing happened to you with Charlie. And you tried to warn Charlie. And you saw how you felt hurt when Charlie went. And now you know how I felt. Like, that's all she had to say it would have been so vindicating. Yeah, and I just want to acknowledge that, you know, when I'm sitting here saying, well, you should have said this and you should have done that. I do understand that it's also different being the only black person on a show and that if you do say something and you do argue that they can, you know, use that against you and say, well, you're being aggressive or you're being this or, you know, whatever.

So I get that it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a argument to walk. You know what I mean. I get that that that would be rough. That said, I still think like, it's like you have, I think she does a very good job of standing up for herself, like how she just stood up to Craig. I thought that was pretty good. It's just she has, it's more of a problem of like getting her actual feelings across. It's like she's trying to say things to just make it better. It's just standing by this is how I felt. You hurt my feelings because that, you know, that guy doesn't like me.

And you know, I'm really uncomfortable. And then you're coming around me talking about how much you love the. guy. Like, how am I supposed to fucking feel about it? Yeah. Yeah. I think it's that it's not that we need her to be argumentative. We just wanted to say the thing that is really the thing here, which is that, which is that like this guy, I was beefing with this guy and he was mean to me and like, you're still deciding that you would rather go after him and knowing how

much he hurt me. Commercials. Here comes one right now. So, um, uh, Vanita. is saying that she made Sally cry. And Sally's like, well, it made me feel like shit because if you have a very real friendship, and I feel like things have shifted, and you haven't really wanted to be in pictures with me,

and you don't want me to post with you, and I feel like you're honestly sometimes ashamed to call me a friend, and it makes me sad. Almost as sad as it would make me if I didn't get to see Austin's dick tonight, you. And I was like, damn. So Sally goes, yeah, you know, luck when fans are out and they're like, hey, can we take a picture together?

And then you're like, we can't be seen together. I mean, that just hurts my feelings, which, what the hell? Oh, my God, Benita does that. I cracked up. Yeah. And then Vinna's like, yeah, because on the back end of that, I'm getting called stupid for having your back and like going and standing up for you. And then you then turn around and play me like a fool and a friendship game. And so I was like, but when did I play you?

I only played with Austin's penis. And Vina is like, well, watching it back should explain it enough. See, that's, I hate that response. I hate that. Watching it back should explain it enough. That's not enough, Vanita. We're at a reunion. Say explicitly what it is.

And she's like, well, Vanita, you're trashing me the entire fucking show. I mean, I've said one thing in my green screen calling you immature. Well, what specifically from the show, Vanita, are you seeing? And she goes, well, I wouldn't say show really. I would say screenshots I get from people and comments and DMs. Okay, you just said you don't read. it or pay attention to any of this stuff. And I know this is technically, but it's the same thing. And she's like, saying this type of friendship you have, this is the type of person you want to be

with. And she's like, but who are these people? They're not your friends if they're doing that. So Vanita is basically saying it's not publicly, like, I'll be your friend, but like the public doesn't like that I'm your friend, so I'm not going to take pictures with you. I mean, that's not great either. That's not good at all. I was like, oh, this is a losing argument. argument and like all of vina's strong points before this are going to get thrown out the window because everyone's just going to focus on this you know like that that she's essentially cowtowing to the public which also then gives greater credence to Craig and his issues of vanita on the podcast so yeah so she's like well I'm sorry and I'm so is a cow towing I thought it was cowtowing probably is cowtowing and when I said it I was like that didn't sound right well I'm curious because you're like you would know more than me. It's spelled cow towing, but I think it's cowtowing. I actually do think it's...

Well, I need to know now. How do you pronounce cowtowing? Okay. It says cowtow... Rhymes with cowtowing. Yeah, tow. Okay, cowtowing. Thank you for correcting me because as soon as I said it, I was like, this doesn't seem right.

Well, I wanted to correct myself if it was wrong, because I say that all the time. I love that saying. I'm not going to cat you. I'm not going to cowtow. How to you? But then when you said cow tow, I was like, oh, I like towing a cow. I'm not going to tow your cow. I started wondering where did that come from.

Yeah. Well, what's it going to take to cow tow YouTube back, okay? Because it's actually, it seems to me that you really miss each other. And I base that off of pretty much nothing. I just want to put a little ribbon on this segment so we can talk to Craig again. So it doesn't seem too deep what you guys are going through. so I don't know, like, can you guys, like, I don't know, like, maybe you shouldn't, Vinia, you shouldn't be caring about what the viewers are saying?

It seems like you're too smart for that, right? Come on, let's fix this. She's like, well, you know, look, I mean, we all fall in that trap sometimes. And, I mean, am I going to cry? Am I going to cry right now? It's like, I have a green act. Well, my makeup is too good for this. And Madison's like, yeah, you are hot.

She's like, yeah, I'm hot. You know, the thing that got to me the most, like, no offense to anybody on this couch, but I did not open myself up in any way to anyone else the way I did to Sally. Oh, God, I'm crying. I'm crying now. He's like, oh, that's not okay, because you love her. You love her. It's okay.

Cry. Go ahead and cry. Go ahead and cry. Have I told you? I have children. It's like, I'll miss you. I miss Andy's children a lot too. So, yep, that hurt my feelings.

And, you know, it's just, I, I can't even talk right now. And he's like, okay, you're good. You're good. It's not that deep. Okay. Well, it is that deep. you're crying. Madison's like, because it's a genuine friendship.

Yeah, I just, I miss that. Like, I hate that we have all the stupid squabble over nothing. Well, I will say, this is the first time in Southern Charm history that every single one of us are genuine friends. We all hang out outside of film and stuff. Yeah, I get that vibe. I get it.

The way that you're all screaming, fuck you. Craig. I totally get that vibe. Madison's like, well, we were like, you know, I miss you. I haven't seen you in five days in a row. You know, everyone's emotions are involved in this, Andy. Okay, everyone's. Even Brett's. Let's get Brett on the phone. See his, hey, Brett, you feel any emotions? He's like, Yeah. Okay, thank you. It was good. Look at him cry. I was so sad. He's like a regular Mariah Carey over there with his emotions. So Vinita's like, there was a moment where I literally

thought I was dying and I called Sally and Sally was at my house in six minutes. And mind you, she lives 15 minutes away from me. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Sally's like, I literally the first person I see when I wake up from my operation is Vanita smiling in my face. All right. Well, Austin and Craig, take some fucking nuts because that's how you need to mend a friendship, you stupid fucking betas. That was a therapy session. No, it wasn't.

It's not a therapy session unless you ask Alexa something. Anyway, we'll talk to them in six more years of doing this and see how they handle it. Okay? And then maybe we'll take lessons because we do need lessons. And, you know, he's like smiley, charming Craig. He's like, remember me? Yeah. Okay.

We got past the rough Craig time, right, guys? Okay. I'm just a sweet guy. By the way, Craig's lapels were driving me nuts. Did they drive you nuts? The lapels on his jacket were had this like pointy tips, these pointy tips in the corner. And the thing is that the way,

when he'd sit in a certain way, they would like rise above his shoulders. So he had these like little points that were coming up out from out of his blazer. And I was going nuts with them. Pointy tips. I didn't notice his, It drove me nuts.

I wanted to acknowledge that for anyone else you saw it and was going crazy. Damn stupid. Point of tips. Yeah. So now it's Craig's hot tub. Okay. It's Sally in love with Craig. She wanted to be his number one chick, but that relationship ultimately never hatched.

When Sally realized she wasn't first in the packing order, she wasn't even a side of honey mustard for chicken nuggets. So we see the chickens. And Andy's like, Sally, what was it about? Craig? And she's like, oh, strictly his looks. And Madison's like, yeah, you're just a hot piece of assing. And Shep's like, oh, gosh, he's a show pony. A piece of meat.

He's a piece of meat, Abby. Like the meat, I serve my cats because my cat's a goddamn. It's a goddamn piece of meat. All right, Craig, was there ever any serious interest and Sally. I mean, honestly, it was just like, as like so, like, it's weird to say it, but like, I just

saw you as a sister. Um, and then go back on. Yeah. You know, that's okay in certain states. All right. Well, let's talk about the text. Sally sent after the first hot tub party.

Sally wrote, that was fun. You responded. Yeah, it was. Sally wrote, I should have stayed. You responded. You could have if you wanted. I got a boner. Sorry, that was my text. Eggplant, eggplant, eggplant. God, that was hot. So scandalous. Now, I would kind of interpret that text as like I could have slept with Craig Conover last night. You said that you were just being nice, but what did you mean by that? Well, I was just being like, well, she's gone and she was like, I should have stayed. And I was like,

yeah, you could always stay. Like, and we could have sex if you want. And I guess it's, shouldn't have sent it because like maybe my judgment was like not right or whatever yeah it kind of has a double meaning it means two things when you say we come over and let's fuck you know it's sort of more like a single meaning actually yeah i i would i just meant like let's hang out when i say like we should like have sex it's just like let's like you know sit and watch like the sandlot together you know yeah i mean if i were you i would have thought damn i should have stayed Well, Craig, you also said that during the hot tub get-together, there's no one even kissed. Well, so there was like a night that Sally and Corey had gone off somewhere, and like Charlie and I showed my, I showed my show, so, I showed my sewing room to Charlie.

Do you remember Charlie? She goes, yeah. And she's like, you're sewing dungeon. Gosh. And I basically was like, I like, I went to kiss her. And Charlie goes, yeah, you said, you can kiss me right now if you want. And I said, I don't want to. Greg said that to Charlie

You can kiss me if you want He's such a prize Yeah he's such a prize He's like I don't remember And she goes yeah you said You can kiss me if you want And I was like I'm okay

Well wouldn't the right thing to be Wouldn't the right thing to say Can I kiss you? Craig goes Yeah who knows My moves aren't great Wittener's like you have permission You have my permission

You have my permission to kiss me. Thank you very much. By the way, I was really upset that there was not really a line of questioning about those damn chickens. Like, why didn't Andy ask Sally? What was, why did she get chickens for a man? Like, that still is crazy to me. Sally is so beyond help at this point. I mean, she doesn't even care.

So I think they're just, you know, what are you going to do? You know? So he asks about, he says, you know, he says, you know, know, over the years, as we've talked about, you've dating girls as we talk about in relationship to Austin or Shep's game, you know, you do seem like the three of them to be the most kind of chased out of everybody. And he goes, yeah, well, I wouldn't just hook up with someone unless I like them. Like, I'd rather just go home by myself and do myself. Do yourself. Shake hands with Ben Franklin by herself.

I can't take up for a masturbator, okay? And Sally's like, well, he just stands in front of the mirror looks at himself, I would too. Wouldn't you? He is hot. Woo-hoo. Wait, is that a train coming down the track? Because here's what I hear. Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo. Sally, you talked about wanting babies, but you ended up with chickens. The viewers had a lot to say about the chickens. Bravo lover on Twitter said, Sally buying chickens to impress Craig. Oh, man, show of hands. Who thought buying chickens was to attract Craig? So Austin raises raises his hand. Sally's like, what the fuck?

I mean, we talked about it, you know? Yeah, but I watched you. I mean, I watched it. I watched it. I watched it, too. You got it for crack. And Madison goes, I just thought it was stupid. Stupid thing to do. Yeah, well, you know, it looked like we're raising chickens together.

That's what it looks like you were thinking. She's like, well, okay, but no one saw the conversation about the chickens. They cut that. That would have made me look innocent. Y'all cut it. well instead of asking a follow-up question about this i'm going to ask you this you know you kind of went after both krag and austin this season and i wonder if you learned anything more about what you're looking for in a man as a result sorry just laughing at the concept of you learning a lesson well actually uh no i wouldn't say that

i mean me and austin have a really good foundation like friendship you know i'm not saying anything's ever going to happen there. Okay. But genuinely, I think the Austin's just such a good guy. He's going to make a great husband, a great dad. I can't wait to get pregnant with his babies. Woo-hoo.

Can't wait to raise him. Yeah. Sally's also going to make a great mom despite the fact that she has a very, very high body count. Huge body count. She is going to make an amazing, loose mom. Those baby bees will literally pop right out of her. Gross.

Valley. God is, I think Sally, you know, she doesn't seem like she has a bad bone in her body, but God, what a ding-dong. My God. So Andy's like, well, he's going to make a great father of your children. And Craig's like, yeah, we're going to make fun dads. I'll tell you that. Well, you're about

to age the fuck out of it. You better get on it. Shut up. Now, everyone's getting their hair, Don. And Andy's like, Welcome back. This season, we were joined by an Arkansas named Charlie and Wittner, a well-read attorney, or what Craig would call a lawyer and a story reader.

Ha, get it. So, Wittner, here's your one question you'll be asked. What surprised you most about your first season? The DMs were probably, that's great. Okay, now let's move right on to Charlie. I actually love this because he's like, it's nothing to do with the show. It's all the chances he gets to get laid in the DMs. That's why the man on this show suck because I have every chance in the world.

And that's why you will probably suck next year, Wittner. Yeah. Your second year, nobody gets out unscathed. So he says he got an unsolicited DM from someone sending him most, like all these sexual offers. And then after sending an explicit offer, sent three voice memos lecturing him about not becoming a fuckboy. And he's like, uh, mixed messaging. Okay. Well, your mom got a lot of love this season.

Well, you know, thank you. She is an anarchist, and she is currently penning her manifesto for the rebellion in one of our states in France. So keep an eye up for that. She's now an anarchist with about 37 dicks in her DMs, Andy. Those DMs are crazy. All right, well, we got a lot of comments about your literary theme birthday party. Chef, fans want to know why didn't you tell Craig that Rufio is not in the book, Peter Pan? He's only in the movie and Shep is like,

gosh, well, I wasn't really that into Peter Pan and, you know, if this were a different season, I would say, because it's so fun to watch Craig Phil. Gosh. Shep only had ice for me because I was stressed like Shep. So that's why. And Craig's like, yeah, it was a compliment. I haven't practiced my long-winded speech.

It was good. Putting some wooden teeth called it a day. Well, Charlie, you came in as the new girl and everyone had eyes on you. Was that overwhelming? She's like, uh, you know, I just, she's shaking. It's like,

well, you know, I think this group in general is just like overwhelming. And like I love you all, but like everything you do, like being under a microscope, it just, I just, I feel like I knew that coming into it. But God. Sally, you're the one who brought Charlie into the group. Did you ever suspect the two of you would be kind of circling the same guy? Not really, but what? But, you know, did you pick up in any vibes between them and your group hot tubs?

No. Oh, no. Did you think she was downplaying her interests? 1,000 percent. And I definitely like, all of us would be going to dinner all the time and, like, we go to dinners, we go out. And then y'all started texting outside of the cult, which I didn't know happened. Y'all are in a cult. Jeez.

Yeah, you guys are a cult. Yeah. It was secretive. Cult of the hot tub. Yeah, it was secretive. I'm not knowing, you know, I'm in the dark on all of this, and I have no idea that they're texting. I got no idea that they're FaceTime and all the time, and that's where my frustration lies. It's like, I don't think you were truthful from the gatego of your interest in Craig.

She's like, well, because everyone wanted me to be like, yes, I like Craig. And I'm like, I don't know him yet. Like, can I just get to know him? Like, how do I even know if I like him if I don't secretly get to know him? Charlie, did you think Sally was trying to ruin your relationship with Craig? Because we all agree the answer is yes. And she's like, well, at times it did feel like that. And I knew like subconsciously you had something to say about it all the time. Sort of like how I'd come home and there'd just be all these bottles of yoo-hoo all over my apartment. Where'd those come from? Yeah, but you also didn't want to talk about it because you wanted it to be a secret.

Well, it's not that I wanted it to be a secret. It's just like I wanted to form my own opinion about it. You know, and I couldn't really do that with you in a hot tub naming imaginary chickens that you were going to raise together one day. Like it was hard. It was hard for me. Sally, at what point are you just going to accept the fact that you were fucking annoying about Craig? And she was interested and she just didn't want to bring up Craig around you. And because every time she brought up Craig, you were like a negative Nancy about it.

And she just wanted to have a little fuck buddy for the summer. You put down flags in everybody's yard and then, you know, claim that everybody's walking on your yard when they're just trying to exercise at night. You don't own the whole neighborhood. Yes. I was just trying to do my nightly yard exercises. That's my yard. Not fair. I saw that yard first.

I put my flag there. It's 9 p.m. Why are you exercising on my yard? Yeah, but like we don't do friendship that way, you know? Like, it's like there's not a knot where we would go out. And if she's got a guy's number, she'd call me and she'd tell me about that number. And then I'd try to guess the numbers and she wouldn't really tell me. So I'd wait for her to go to bed and I'd use facial recognition on her phone.

I'd get the number and I'd text the guy. So fun. God, I love our friendship. Congratulations. You've reached the end of part one. of a two-part recap. For part two, go look for the recap that says, part two.

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