Watch What Crappens - #3297 Ladies of London S4E06- My Feral Lady

Episode Date: April 3, 2026

Martha hosts a picnic on The Ladies of London, and it’s so feisty that even Kimi sheds a tear. We’ve never heard the term “psychotic cow” used so endearingly! To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and get ad free listening, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crapins, the podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we'd love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker, and joining me today is the glorious and glamorous Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? Hello, how are you? Are you excited to finish out our week with the best show on Bravo right now? Yes, lads of Luns. And you follow me, but you'll never be in me. You might be pretty, but this is my scene.

Is that the same song from the original? It is. Is that the same theme song? It is. It is, and it's such an odd theme song to keep. Yeah. They should have changed it up, I think. But I like him stuck in my head now.

You never be me here. Because this is my scene. Well, we have a fabulous episode to recap coming up. Before we do that, please join us. On Monday night for crappy hour, where we are going to be talking about West and Amanda, of course, it's the first crappy hour since it became scandal official. So that's going to be 530 on the Pacific, on the Pacific coast. It's going to be 8.30 on the East Coast.

And also we have Amazon live in the afternoon. That's at 1.30 West Coast time. And we'll, I'm sure, be talking about what we're enjoying purchasing lately, but also I'm sure there'll be some guys. if that sneaks in there. Also, join us on Patreon. Patreon.com slash watch watch Crapins for your weekly bonus episodes, your ad-free listening, your newsletter. There'll be another newsletter this weekend.

So make sure you get it. Crapets on demand, all that great stuff. So with that being said, let us dive into the glory and the beauty of Ladies of London, episode six, not so fair. Ladies, which begins in Micah's office for mini manners launch day. mini manners is Micah's puppet tree

puppet show where she's going to teach children manners on YouTube which is as we all know YouTube is the most polite place on earth yeah truly your kids could be watching manners or how to murder a puppy

kids never know what they're going to get on there once I'll tell you that so she goes into the office and I go oh my God Micah we have it we have it, it's on the internet are we going to watch it together? I'm like oh my God I can't wait to watch it. So they all gather around and they press play and

God bless it. Who's watching this shit? Who's watching this? I know. Like, wow, I wish I had manners. Water manners. And then it's my friends could use some of these lessons because none

of my friends have matters. Don't do, doon, do blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah. One week from now, and we see one week from now. And we see Mara, go, going, I don't like you sometimes. Well, I don't like you either.

You're like a bottle of Blonked Blanc that went bad. Disgusting. I'm looking up Mini Manors. I have to see what Mini Manors is. Let's see how it is. Okay, Instagram, Mini Manors. They have 5,000 followers. It was pretty good.

I don't see a lot of puppets. I just see this as her teaching thing. I know I want to see the show. Link Tree, Mini Manors. Take me to YouTube. I need to see the YouTube. Mini Banners on YouTube. Oh, here we go.

Here we go. mini-mannels. Many manners. Educational videos for kids. Yeah, they do pretty well. One of them has 207,000 views. Jeez. That's the dream.

Those are doing good. How do I teach my kid manners? Start here. Okay, it starts with a wooden spoon. When they misbehave, you whack them on their little butt with it. Okay. And if a wooden spoon seems too much like child abuse, you use a fly swatter. Okay.

If you want to see the opposite of the, many manners, which is oversized rudeness, come join our YouTube channel. Come subscribe because we're trying to build it out. Watch your crap is on YouTube, everyone. And we see clips of them fighting in a park, and of course it's in a park. So I was like, must be a Martha party, because growing up, when we didn't have a lot of money, our parties were in the park too. And I was like, why are we in the park?

It's hot. I hate being outside. Shut up. You're going to join us. Your birthday cake is peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. To be fair, she may be. trying to recruit a new pet or a new painter. Well, like I saw, there's a...

There's a lovely man sleeping on a bench over there who says he can fix door knobs, so I gave him all the keys to my house, and he said he needed my banking information, so I give him that account. What can I do? I'm sorry that man flashed his winky at you, but he does have my house keys, so he's totally trustworthy. I said, you're a psychotic cow. And then, of course, I gave him the keys to my house. And then the fighting ends with Kimmy being like,

No one day you live in L.A. because you're a fucking fake city just like you. L.A. is just a fake city. And then leaves. And then we see Mika, her eyes are bulging out of her head. And then it cuts to Kimmy, Martha, Mark fighting. And Kimmy's like, why are you always defending her? Why don't you fucking defend me for once? And she's like, oh, because you're a psychotic bitch.

I love that, like, part of Kimmy's personality we're discovering is her shitting on Los Angeles. This is now the second episode in row where she's like, I mean, I wonder why she lives in Los Angeles. That's where all the people there were, Lulu Lemon, and, you know, put their vaginas, only vans, you know, ridiculous. What a city full of fake deprave people. Am I right?

Like, normally I get offended. Like, hey, L.A. has a world city. It's a great city, and we're going through a recession right now, but we're a great city. But when she does it, I'm like, totally fair. Yeah. No, you know, L.A.'s one of those places that I think when you live in L.A., you're, it's not like living any other city.

Because anywhere else, like, even when we make comments about a city or something and we're like, oh, that city sucks. People are like, how dare you? My city is amazing. But, you know, we live in L.A. and when people say L.A. sucks. I mean, part of being an L.A. person is just being like, yeah, but there's good parts. You know, you're not wrong. But there are other parts, too. I don't mind when people punch down on L.A. if they're going to be funny about it and use it if they weaponize it properly. And I think Kimmy does a great job. weaponizing, you know, L.A. hatred. But if you're just doing it because you're just too lazy, you're like, oh, I sucks. Like if you're from New York, if you're from New York City and you're like, ugh, who wants to live in L.A.? I'm like, I don't want to hear it from anyone living from New York City. And I say this as a New Yorker. I don't want to hear from anyone who like, who has to like

be constantly stepping over rats and humanity. You know, like there's so many people all around. And it's like, like, don't come for our wide streets. You know, it's just sunnier. Yeah, don't come for our temperature, okay? But like, if it's Kimmy being like, well, I live in London, so I have a right to say it. I'm like, okay, yes, you do. You earned it. Rewind, rewind, rewind, rewind, rewind. Five days earlier, we start at Martha's house.

And we see Hekete and her dog Ernie. Is Ernie just the laziest dog in the world? How is Ernie not eaten Hekatee? How do you train a dog not to eat a bird? I know that you can train dogs to, like, be nice with cats and stuff. But I don't, I think only on the Dodo. website. Do I ever see like dogs and birds getting along? And I think those are AI. I still don't believe those. It's because Hecatee is probably pecked at Ernie so many times that that Ernie is like,

okay, I'm not fucking with this bird anymore. Okay. I almost lost my eyes. Someone sent me a TikTok video of a lady with a magpie as a pet and it was trying to poke out her eye. It was like came in. It was like, it was like, like, it was like, like, came in right for her eye and she happened to close her eye on time. It was like, oh, that's just my, that's just my bird. No, they really do try and Take your eyes out. What are we doing here? They do. Yeah, no, I read an article about mag pies because, you know,

magpies are like famously swooped down at like bicyclists in Australia during times of the year. I guess like mating times. It's like a real issue and like you have to be careful. And apparently they advise children to wear ice cream buckets on their head that have like crude drawings of faces. That way the birds attack the bucket and not their actual heads. And, you know, eye attacks are a thing that happened. And that's why I will never own a magpie as a pet. But you know what?

God bless Martha because she's decided to have this viciously dangerous bird. They do that to bicyclists in Australia because here in Austin, just big trucks swoop in and try and knock bicyclists off the road. So it's interesting. There they have magpies here. We have pickup trucks. Well, one will poke your eye out. Okay. It's a shame because bicyclists never do anything wrong on the road, apparently, according to them.

No, if they did, they wouldn't have cream of wheat sponsorships while they're just riding down the street to the 7-11 to get God knows. Who cares about top signs? Who cares about traffic lights? Let that bike or go. Hey, you know what? The speed limit here is 55, but you know what? By all means, please bike in the middle of that lane. We all don't mind going 20 miles per hour. Every lane is a bike lane. Those used to be billboards in L.A. Every line is a bike lane. And then the bikes were literally just in every lane. It's like, get the fuck. out of the road. I remember you don't want people complaining about LA, but they put up billboards like that, you know? I remember one time a girl wrote this like op-ed that was like, I am not going to wear my bike helmet because why should I have to be bullied into wearing a bike helmet when you could be driving better? And I'm like, that's fair. People should drive better. I mean, there's still humans that are on these bikes. You shouldn't crash into them. But also, bitch, wear a helmet, please. But you know what? In her defense, she had a really humorous obituary. So that made up for it. And her hair looked great. She's like not a dent in it.

So five days earlier, okay, yeah, Hecati is flying around, her Hecatee. And Martha has big glasses on and stuff. And she's like, darling, she wants to help me unpack boxes. Come on, help Mommy unpack boxes. There are only three more hats of these and she can't make anymore because she's dead. What was that lady's name who made all the hats and then died?

Patricia or something? It's like, well, I can't get any more paddy hats. Wait, what? Remember when she went to, like, her storage unit and she was getting out the hats. And Margo was like, whoa, I mean, you don't have to keep all the hats. And she's like, oh, there's not going to be any more hats. Very slowly, I'm managing to turn the grotage into a cottage, and there's a lot of stuff to weigh through still. But, you know, everyone who climbed my endeavor started with one step and then a lot of,

of them died along the way. I was going to say, didn't a lot of them have to eat each other because they were starving? Don't use Mount Everest? Well, the good news is that I'll just start cleaning out my living room, and at some point, hopefully I'll find it oxygen can, otherwise I'll perish here on the area rug. So she facetimes Lottie, and she's just, it's that, it's the invite people, so let's face time everybody. So she's like, darling, please come to my party. It's going to be in a park. Please bring something to eat. Because I basically, my bartender is a man with some sort of a bottle in a paper bag.

I'm just praying that whatever he brings is going to be delicious. He said he needed mixes and I said, well, I've got some mixes. He said, well, can I have access to them? So I give him the keys of my house and I don't know where he went. But I'm due fear that someday the middle of the night he'll walk in and grab my bloody merry mix. Anywho, please come. lot, he's like, oh, what kind of party is it? What are you thinking of doing?

Shall we make a little baby suit for someone? It's like, let's be my fair lady. It's like, oh, we love my fair lady. Because of Kimmy, be like, oh, fantastic, I love to come. I love a My Fair Lady. My Fair Blanc is more like it, right? Yes, maybe getting everyone to dress up and wear a hat will make them all behave a little more elegantly.

You are 50% of the problem here, Kimmy, with Margot. You'll be nice to her, won't you? She's like, I know, I know. I'm just a little annoyed with her. Well, she's annoyed with you too, so you can be annoyed with each other and still make up. Come on, Kimmy. Well, you know, I tell her to behave because, you know, I just like, you know, he'll take some chopsticks and then poke her eye out and watch out.

Well, I will also reiterate that she's got to behave, don't you worry? And if you poke her eye out, I won't speak to you for at least one month, you psychotic cow. Oh, well, tell her to wear goggles. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial. So now we go over to Margo, who's with her stepson's, and they're walking through a park. And she's like, guys, look at us in a park.

What a family. These are trees. Some of them are males, and some of them are females. Now, this tree was in a movie, and this tree jerked off over this tree's face. And the movie went to camp. It was a big tree movie. Are you getting what I'm saying here?

Yeah, she says this thing about, like, how there's only male trees in the parks. That way there won't be, like, too much fruit and seeds everywhere. And I meant to look that up because part of me felt like, is Marco just talking out of her ass right now? I mean, I know that there's male and female trees, but I was like, is she just saying shit right now? But then I'm like, I don't want to like, I don't want to look like an asshole. on this and be like totally wrong and she's right but like that's the thing with Margo I just feel like she sort of

sees a TikTok or sees some like random meme and then passes it off like facts well I can tell you this I googled are there only male trees in a public park in London because how else do Google it and it says no not all trees in London's

public parks are male while urban planners often select male clones of certain tree species to avoid messy fruit or seed litter sounds like what she was saying. And guess what this practice is known as? Botanical sexism. Yes, you guys.

I looked it up. Botanical sexism. Okay. Well, you know what? That's a point for Margo. She was reiterating a real thing. And it's also a point for a hilarious causes.

Botanical sexism. Trit two. Hashtag three two. So Margo's telling us all this. And she's like, I literally never been around kids. before I met Charlie and Jackson, and I met them when they were seven and nine.

And it was like a big learning curve, you know, because like, nobody knows how to be a teenager and nobody knows how to be a parent. And, you know, I'm just like, figure it all together. I don't know why I'm crying right now. And I feel like the kids probably hate her. So they make a little picnic and Missy comes over and she's wearing this top of her boobs. It's like clavicle and boobs. And it's just like big.

And Margo's step kids are like, oh my God. They just see boobs coming. And Margo's like, really? You and your boobs show up to meet my teen sons? Well, I mean, you're welcome, boys. So she's like, yeah, the kids, when I met the kids, I'd take them swimming and they would just stare at my boobs. And so I had to teach them, eyes up here. Okay, you have not bought a movie ticket.

Okay, eyes up here. So, yeah, they've learned. I've drilled them. And so the rest of the scene, Missy's like, Oh my God, hello children. They're like, hi, boobs. Hi. Hi.

Hi. This is why we need to have more female trees around. So that way they're used to it. Oh, my God. The boys are growing extra fruit around them. Look at that. It's crazy. I just watched a documentary called Inside the Man Trio sphere.

Really eye-opening. Inside the FICA sphere. It was really something things those trees do. So Margo's telling her that she's going to L.A. Because she has to go get her husband by the wrists and put him in handcuffs to get him to London. Because who else has to go pick up their husband? Like, who has to go on a flight to pick up the husband and bring it back? What is this fetch quest you're doing for your husband?

Like, give him the ticket and have them fly out to London. I'm telling you the car. If you get on the fucking plane or we are darned, there will be no more female trees. There will be no more female trees. female trees. Talk about a nightmare on Elm street. Blanc to Blanc. I feel like these people are spending $60,000 a month on their flat in London,

but they just have to still, like he can't fly out by himself to London. Something's going on here with this group, okay? Something's happening and the bottom's going to fall out soon. Yeah. And the bottom is Marco. So Margo's like, well, you know, the whole family's going to be together. I just can't wait to kidnap shock. Do you think that this bag that I put over his head when I have him tied up is going to blend in?

She's like, oh, but looks great. Oh, actually, I met with Kimmy yesterday. She's like, no way. Yeah, and I wanted to tell you, you know, we went to lunch. I didn't know what to think about it. But actually, you know, I love the bitch's purse. So we're friends again. And she said, oh, sorry.

And I said, you know what, it's okay. And then a man fell down. And she said, oh, my God, he deserved it. He was a drug addict. And I said, oh, you know, I kind of see her point. But so we're okay now But she still hates you though She says you're a stupid slut

Marker's like What the fuck She's like I mean I expect this from Kimmy But I absolutely did not expect this from Mark Because she's like Oh yeah Because the other thing is that Mark said

That like there was someone at a party Who said that like you are acting like a diva And you're an actress now You're very actressy So she's like Wow I mean I did not expect this from Mark

Have you met your castmate How could you not expect this from Mark? This is, oh my gosh. Of course he's going to say something like this. Of course. And it's like the most tepid tea as well, you know? It's like, oh, I've heard some tea. Would anybody like me to pour it?

All right, gather round. The actress is fake. Oh. Ooh. I know, seriously. Oh, just, well, I'll just watch out. So, Margo's like, well, I've heard things. I've heard that he's basically just a bag holder for Emma and is desperately clutching onto her for social relevance because his family disowned him.

And Missy's like, shot the fuck up. Just what I heard. Oh, Margo, I don't know that this is going to hit like you think because you know the story is going to be like, I've been disowned because I'm a homosexual. You know, she's going to look like a stupid bigot. Stupid Margo. Stop following. Stop falling into it. Although she is kind of returning tepid tea.

with tepid tea, isn't she? Yeah, it's another like, duh. I also feel like being disowned by your family in Britain just adds more, like, alert to you. It's like, I feel like half the stories are like, oh, this poor boy, he was disowned, his family felt like he couldn't come up in the proper stations. They left him at Paddington Station

and went on to their country home, and he had to make it as a shoe shine. I don't know, I just feel like it adds to as an American. It all happened when I was a five-year-old boy and used the salad. folk to eat my pasta. I'm like as an American, I'm like, wow, that just makes me even more British and fabulous.

He was disowned. Yeah. This is like, don't entertain it. Don't involve emotionally because that's where it's going to get ugly, you know? I'm just like, I'm just seeing him in a different light. That's all. I'm like, Margo, you're seeing him in the most obvious light of all,

which is that he is a gossipy queen. As you, like, what about him says he's not a Posopy Queen. He doesn't even want to wear jeans. And what are you going to get a cow? You're going to get mad at a cow for getting milked? It's what we do. Yeah. Exactly.

If we're wearing a little cravat, you better know that that tea is coming out frequently and very tepidly. Yeah. What are you going to get mad at a baby for blowing spit bubbles? It's what they do. They're babies. Okay? It's our nature. So we go over to Emma's house.

And Micah comes over. And Emma's packing because she's going to go. do her 10K trip. I'm running a 10K marathon. So, Micah comes, and she's that kind of girl who's just really insecure, so she's going to bring you a gift, but also another gift and also another gift. Yeah, I'm looking annoyed. I got you a gift. You're such a good friend of mine. I just wanted to give you a gift, you know, just something to let you know that I'm thinking about you. Look, it's a picture of me under a tree. It's a male tree I found out. Did you know that there's tree sexism? Yeah. And I'm basically thinking about you. I'm doing this. Sounds cute.

Yeah, I feel like Micah, she says, like proper etiquette is that you always bring a hostess gift. I get that. Like, she always brings a little gift. But I think I would get annoyed because first of all, it's something that you then have in your house that like at a certain point, like, what do I do with this? You know? Like maybe flowers are fine because you can have them and then they die and you can throw them out without any gills. But if it's like a chock-groom, whatever. You're the only person I've ever met that prefers flowers.

Everyone else is like, flowers die. Why would you want a flower? Like, give me flowers. I can throw them away. No, because I'm running I'm running up space. I've got like too many board games. I've got too many board games and too many cookbooks. So I'm like, I'm like, give me something that I can throw out without guilt.

Because it's like I've got I've got too much. You know, when people bring wine over and wine is great. But like you can only drink so much wine or this I can only drink so much wine. So I've got wine piling up. And like, I don't know. Like then you feel like, oh God, now I've got to bring something thoughtful every single time I go. And like sometimes I just want to go over. And I don't want to have to like make another stop and be like, got to get the flowers.

even though it's the nice thing to do, I feel like that pressure is like, it's just too much. I'm Paula Abdul. I am the gift. But yeah, you're right, because people bring you stuff

and then it's like shitty, but you have to keep it because people also are going to come into your house the next time and look around for it. You know, it's like, remember I gave you that spork, that very special spork?

Where's that? You're not going to use that to serve the cheese with? Where's that? It's a fucking spork. Okay, Micah. Fucking threw it away. What do you think I did with it?

But you have to, Like I have a little closet where I keep things that I have, and this is true, where I keep things when people are coming over it. Like my nieces keep, well, they don't listen to this, but they keep getting me candles. They went through this candle phase. I don't want a fucking candle, you know? So now I have all these candles. So I put them in a closet. And then somebody gave me like a big huge picture, which is nice, but it's like too, it doesn't go with my stuff.

I don't want to put it up. But I put it in a closet. I bring it out when they come over. I bring out the candles when the nieces come over. I have like a whole bunch of shit that I just bring out when people are there. there, you know? Yeah, that's smart. Is that sad?

No, it's not sad. I like it. It's almost like you're a community theater and it's like, oh, here is our, except for anything goes. I literally have a whole shelf of coffee cups because I have a cousin that I love that's like, I don't want to get you the typical thing. So I'm going to get you different kinds of coffee cups, which are so nice. But I have so many, I have like 30 coffee cups now.

So I have like a shelf that I keep them all. And when she comes over, I switch all the coffee cups. out to be the ones that she gave me. Yeah. That's sad. I get it. Like I have a hard time even just with the Christmas cards because I'm like, I'm like, oh, someone put their family on here.

I don't want to just throw it out. But I'm now sort of of the mindset of like, if there's nothing handwritten on the back, then I will look at it and then throw it out. But if there's something handwritten, then I usually like keep it. Some even make it to the fridge. And then ones that don't make it to the fridge, I just have like a little box for, but I'm like, I don't know what to do. I do throw away cards.

My mom always threw away cards. And so I just learned to do that and especially family cards. And one time I didn't do that was one of my sister because she always would send family cards every single year. Well, you know, 15, 16, 17 years later, I look like a serial killer. Like you come to my house in L.A. And I would just have like all these cards of children. And I look crazy, you know, and I would have somebody over and they're like, why do you have like a whole wall of children? I was like, okay, it's time to start throwing these away, you know, digitize them.

Yeah. I think it's stressful. You know, people put a lot of time and effort and money into making these cards that people receive and then just throw out right away. Yeah. We're a disease society. Anyway, Emma is talking to Micah because she's going to be doing this like 10K thing or whatever.

And she's nervous. And Micah's like, but you have every right to be nervous. Hi, I would be nervous. Here, I got you a gift for your nervousness. She goes, okay, well, I had a scan. and it's a cyst in my pituitary gland. They saw it jump in growth this year. My gosh, oh my God.

And if you have an MRI, it's a very difficult thing to read. So they read it and they measured it. I guess it was wrong. So it turns out that this thing that she was very concerned about, like an episode or two ago, was a false alarm, thank God. And she's, it's just scary. And the takeaway is that life is precious, which it is. And also don't trust doctors.

I mean, what the hell? Who does that? What kind of fucking doctor is? Oh, my God, you've got a huge picture. Never mind. Never mind. I'm sorry, I was having an off day. I wore the wrong glasses, so it looked a lot bigger than it was.

You're fine. Go home. To be fair, her doctor was the rhinoceros in like a doctor's coat. This is the last time I get an MRI on the grounds of this estate. It was an M. rhinoceros eye. I really thought that through. So, Mike, so thank God.

So she's, you know, she's going to be okay. But she's still, you know, fragile about it because it's traumatizing. I mean, my God. She's like, I gave away all of the monkeys and the muskrats, you know. Half the zoo. That's half the zoo. Micah's like, well, guess what? Because you're about to go run a 10K, I have a surprise for you, which I'm going to tell you right now,

all the British people and Kimmy on this cast. hated doing this, which is a little montage of like, good luck, Emma. Hope you have a fabulous run down in Kenya. And good luck and hope you don't die. And oh, well, have a great time. You're going to be absolutely wonderful. And I can't wait to see how it all turns out. You know, a woman, a woman who runs, a woman who runs fast.

So that'll be fun. Keep running. Keep running, running, woman. Am I done with this? I mean, I'm not getting paid for this. This is a cameo. As Winston Churchill once said, when you're going through hell, keep going, or I don't know, something like that. One small 10K for man, one giant huge race for magpies.

Good luck and Godspeed. So, yeah, I don't know how touching that is. You're right. I mean, it is nice, like friends sending a video, but they're all, like, reality stars, so they probably have cameos. And it's like getting someone a watch what Crapins t-shirt for Christmas. No, no, this is, which everyone should do, of course. But I mean, from us, you know what? Oh, yeah.

It's like, Merry Christmas, Mom. Here's a watch what Crapins wensie. To me, this is like one. This is just, I don't know. I'm honestly, I'm starting to see a little bit more of Darrow's side here. Because, like, you know that like Micah texted everyone and said, guys, since Emma's doing a 10K, I thought it'd be like really sweet and, lovely if we all made her a video encouraging her. That way she could like cross that line.

And you know, everyone's like, she's an adult. She can, like, she's choosing to do this. She'll be fine. She's not going to run the whole thing anyway. She's, this is just something for PR because she's on this organization. Like, we don't have to do this. And you know, Kimmy was like, well, now I got a sit and stop. I got to put makeup up on my face full makeups on. I got to stop cooking the clams on my stove top just to make a stupid video to say, good luck for a 10k. She probably doesn't even care about in the first laws. And then you have to keep reading the notifications that she sends like two days. Guys, just a reminder, it's two days before these are due.

Don't want to bother you. Yeah. You know, okay, guys, 13 hours, 13 hours until I hope these videos are coming, guys. And you're like, I don't, I think this is stupid, but if I don't do it, I'm going to seem like a dick. But this is so stupid and I don't want to do this. It's like, you know, because with this, we've all been roped into these things before. I think it'd be like really special if we did like a montage because um janet is going to have her first of flat white latte and I just really want to support you like I don't want to make a

video for janet and yes they am talking about Janet from the valley my uncle just had his 70th birthday and his daughter my cousin Jenna who I love did this for him she got everybody to make videos and I couldn't go to the party because I was in L.A., but my dad went and I said how did the video the thing go, had mine, was my good? You know, of course, I just wanted now. I'm like, did I kill? Did my video kill? He's like, yeah, they were fun.

But then your aunt sent one in, and it went for like 16 minutes. Yeah, that's the other thing. There's always one person who does one really long. It's like the party goes. You're like, oh, this is so cute. Like, is this over? What are we watching the Super Bowl for fuck's sake? That's the other thing with these video montages.

I mean, I think it's okay to do it for birthdays, because you're actually, there's something to celebrate. It's just for something like a 10K. I'm like, uh-uh. But yeah, that's the other thing. When people do these for like weddings or bar mitzvahs or retirements or whatever, the montage, there is always someone who doesn't realize how long two minutes is in a montage. Okay.

You got to keep it to like a quick 15 seconds, 30 seconds max. And people don't even realize. I realize I'm sitting here talking now for 45 seconds straight. I was going to say, let's let's talk about this for another three. On watch what crap. We make five, we make five, five episode recaps of one episode. I'm just saying in a montage in the middle of a wedding, when you just have that one person's like, the first time I met George, I knew he was the one for you.

It was just like so special. And like, oh, gosh. Yeah. You need to have like Simon Cowell sitting in the front row. Like, you're done. Wrap it up. Yeah. You know.

So, yeah, Micah is that person. You have no. talent. Mike is, Mike is that person. And she's just like, I think, a little, she is so sweet, though, you know, that she does. She's lovely. She's very thoughtful, but it's almost thoughtful to, I don't know, I feel like she's listing this stuff in her head.

I don't know. It's too needy. You can't be this needy as a friend. It's like needy of validation, you know. It's like when someone who's always trying to sing or someone who's always, someone who's always trying to force their thing on you. It's just too much. It's like, okay, I get it. You have very good manners. Very good manners. Okay. Can we just have a fucking glass of wide now?

She's like the girl in the sorority who's like, today, guys, it's Friday. It's pink Friday. It's everyone has to wear a pink shirt. You're like, oh, God. And like, I enjoy it. I think like it's fun to do things every now and then like that. But like, you know, it's like constantly with this girl. And I can see why she was cast in this show too, 100% because you've got to balance out all of the horrible crazy people in this show. They're like, okay, we've got a psycho, another psycho, a gay psycho. Who else can we get? Get the nicest person in the world and then let's just break her slowly.

Okay, okay, got her. Is there someone who just lives for making video montages set to Michael Boubley? Put her in the show. You know, that's like her most used sound on TikTok. It is. shows. Here comes one right now. Okay, so now we're at Martha's house and Ernie and Hekatee are sleeping still, and Margo shows up. And she's like, she's like, where does Hecatee sleep?

Oh, you know, on the airplane, on the steps, because there's that airplane that hangs in the stairwell. I love. So. It's where Patty crashed. It's the remnants of the plane. The Hickati sleeps in. There would be no more hot. So he gets her up at 5 a.m. every day.

And we cut to Hekati with a green pill in her mouth. And now it's a pet psychic scene, guys. Another pet psychic. Will this pet psychic redeem pet psychics for this show? Because pet psychic suck. Let's be honest. Why would you? And this lady looks crazy.

I was like, was this the person that you hired to paint your house and stole your keys? Because I would believe it. She's like, hey, you want pet psychic? yeah, all right, your bird. Here's what your bird is saying to you right now, don't know, right? I need to take a shit, and I'm going to do it wherever the fuck I want to.

All right. Hello, mom. Your bird's saying, give us a kiss. So, um, this is actually a bird psychic, an animal psychic I was excited for because, like, do I have to actually kiss you to communicate the kiss?

I'm afraid you do, mom. So, I'm excited to hear what this magpie is thinking, this crazy bird. Yeah, of course. So Margo's like, Martha, so Margo, Martha, before I left L.A., we had to leave Elroy, my standard poodle behind, and I'm really devastated. So I hired a pet psychic to talk to Elroy and let him know that I will be back and we will be reunited.

And his response apparently was, I just need to pee. So anyway, I thought maybe we could see if Hekatee needs to be as well. Yeah. He actually told the psychic, this is why I don't trust people without curly hair. And it was pretty devastating, but we've gotten past it. So, uh, all right. So should we do that then?

We'll talk to Taicati. All right. Or Hecatee. Why can I not pronounce this fucking name? Because you're from Texas and you're a border state. So you're used to adding like a Spanish flair to things. You're like, Hecate. And also there's a beer called Takate.

But it's Hecate. I want to drink. Hekate. think of it as like you know how like northern californians are like that's hella cool or that's hell think of it like that's like a lot of tea like that's hella t except you're being g but you're being g rated so it's that's hecka t y'all well i don't think i could do mini nomatics pneumonics that's a heck a tea that's a heck of tea um so margot is telling us i don't believe that haucati has good intentions with martha like that's

I still can't learn it, but you know what? Hecatee. Hecatee. Hecatee. I don't think that Hecatee has good intentions with Martha because Hecatee is running Martha's life. Okay? When I ask her to do stuff, she's like, oh, I'm going to Hecatee. I'm like, what the fuck is this bird?

I mean, this is what I say about children. But here's the thing. I want Margo to have like a come-to-jesus moment with Martha about the bird, like that she did before about the hath. She was like, Martha. I cannot be friends with you anymore as long as this bird comes because, I don't want out to come to your apartment one day and all both of your eyeballs have been picked out. Get your shit together, Martha. Oh, no.

So Jackie, the lady, the pet psychic is there. She says, right now, what we do is we tune into their mind. And because it's vibration, we get, like, pictures that come into their mind. Okay, let me see something. I'm seeing an eyeball. and now I'm not seeing an eyeball. I'm seeing another eyeball. And now there's no more eyeball, just blood.

Wow, this is a pretty great brain. A school wearing a green feathered cap with a bird eating out the inside remnants of the flesh there. Okay, well, anyway, sometimes it's a picture, sometimes it's a video. This one is saying something like, Why in the world would you be running a marathon? You dumb, stupid bitch, sit on the fucking cat.

I'm sorry, that's a bird named. Kimi. I'm sorry. Let me get that out of my mind. Sorry, I crossed my lines and I got onto Kimmy's brain instead. So Martha's like, Hekatee, do you want to come down here and listen or do you, have you gone shy? Have you gone shy? Hecatee's like, bitch, I've never been shy. I just fucking hate your ass. Yeah, Hekatee is just kind of watching them and then walks over to the snack bowl and takes a little snack and eats a little snack and then gets itself like a little Cheeto or something and then goes and flies on Margo's shoulder. She's like, oh my God.

Oh my God. Am I going to lose a night? Oh my God. Do I have to blow this bird? And then Hecatee just leaves a little like piece of like Bombay mix or whatever like on her shoulder. And it is actually the cutest thing that has ever happened on Bravo. There is. Leaving leaving a little a noodle.

A noodle on Margo's shoulder. I was like, oh. It is so cute. I thought it was cute too because I don't know. I didn't know that birds are like that, you know, but they say bird brains. I don't know birds. I mean, I know that there are birds that recognize people and attack people, you know, like a grackle, you know. But I didn't know that there were like cute ones that are like, oh, hi, right.

You cheetah. Well, the pet communicator is like, well, I've communicated with the Hekatee and she says that she owns you. And Martha's like, oh, well, you know, I do think that she's my mother reincarnated. Hickety and my mother are both massive drama queens. They both love the company of gentlemen. They both drink quite a lot. And my mother was known for poking out a few eyeballs in her day, so it does make sense. Hang on a second.

Hang on a second there. Okay, I just sent her, I said to her, on behalf of all mig pies, what would you like to say? And she said, we are either hungry or will. playful. What do you think of that? What do you think? I'm going to need more from you, Jackie, okay? I know. Hold on. I love to fly. That's what your bird said. I love, I have wings. Yeah, Jackie. Hold on. This, a new transmission just came in from Hacchity after I asked, on behalf of all magpies, what would you like to say? And Hickety said, Magpies are not monolith. Okay, well, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, consider me educated. Wait, wait, wait, wait,

I'm getting something from magpie. Magpie is saying, I'm not, I'm your mommy, darling. I'm so sorry. It's Brenta Blethyn. That was Brenda Blethen. I'm so sorry. Sorry. Wise Christ.

Oh, terribly sorry, Jackie. I think you got the wrong Macbigh. I don't know anything about this, Martha person. But you're living in her house. Oh, bless her. So they get rid of Jackie. Thank God. And I don't see them pay her.

I hope they didn't because what a rip off. And Martha's like, I'm so happy that Hickety and you finally warmed up. And this is gorgeous. What a gorgeous day, darling. Yes, it's wonderful. Yes. She goes, well, it's just such a crazy time.

I'm going to fly tomorrow to L.A. And then I'm going to come back with Jacques. Isn't that exciting, right? Yes, you've mentioned this many, many times. But I'm going to have a picnic in the park, what I call it, an employment fair. Will you come? Of course I'll come.

Is there a theme? I mean, I'm going to be coming from a kidnapping, so it would be helpful if there was like some sort of like Balaclava theme, something like that. Oh, it's Edwardian, come, my fair lady. He's like, oh, God, I'm not doing that. Jesus, I'll see. Do I have to put scissors on my hands? No, that's not what Edwardian means, you dumb that shit, American.

Oh, I love you. I said that with affection. She goes, well, who's coming? Well, that's Missy and Mark and Micah and Emma. Well, actually not Emma. She's running her race. You may remember because we had to do that dreadful bomb time. from my god please don't remind me wow i love an american who has standards anyway so are you going to be

there kimmy will be there she's like well look i'm your best friend and kimmy's one of your best friends and how are you going to deal with us being together amongst all those male trees in the park right now kimmy's being really aggressive to me and i feel like she's gang up with me and mark right now oh i'm just so in the middle of this you know and i love you and i i do love kimmy and i do love mark as well And, you know, listen, Kimmy's a cut fitness. And I'm just going to have to learn to draw a hard line. And so maybe this will be, ha, ha, good for me, you know, to draw hard lines. This is a really C word night on Bravo, huh?

Everyone said the C word. Yeah. Never said cut fitness so many times. Yeah, seriously. It's not like when they, when everybody's like, oh my God, you can say the C word again, but now it's like empowerment. You just say people are that, you say people are cut fitnessy. and it means like they're like serving cut fitness. It's like empowerment.

No. Cut fitness is not empowerment. We don't get to seal that back. It's a slur. We need to keep it a slur. Keep slurs slurs. I wonder how confused people are who are new to Bravo. Keep hearing us say cut fitness.

I have no idea. It's origins with Tamara and her fitness studio. Like, why do they just keep saying cut fitness? That makes no sense. Well, then one day, every Bravo fan has that Saturday where they're just cleaning the house and have nothing to watch. And Orange County is on repeat all day. And then they suddenly get it. And they're like, oh, my God.

It took me 10 years, but I finally got it. Cut Fitness. So we go over to a pregnancy clinic where Lottie and Joshua show up. Normally, I'm not a huge fan of these. Like, oh, it's an ultrasound scene. Because to me, I don't get anything out of it as a. a viewer. Someone lies down. They get the ultrasound. They see this sort of blob that sort of looks like a face. They get excited. It's always the same thing. But in this case, I enjoyed it because Lottie and

Joshua show up like they're going to the Met Gala. He is, of course, in another sort of tailored within a millimeter of his body suit that's like shiny and kind of Paisley-esque. And she's wearing this like blazer-esque thing and everything. They're just like stressed so fancily to go get an ultrasound. And these two just like crack me up. I want an ultrasound. I want to see what's going on in there. I, like,

in my vision, it's just like Java the hut, like trying to eat Princess Leia inside there all the time. I want to see what's really happening. You did? I had it once. Yeah.

My kidneys, my liver, everything. But what's, it's weird because they have to put that, like, jelly on. And then they rub it around

on the jelly. And the jelly is just, it's so squishy and cold. It's just a weird feeling. Hmm. It turns out it was not pregnant. Well, that's good.

That's lucky, too. you can really take a load. Sorry. So, um, they're looking at the baby and, um, she's like,

so it's, you know that it's a boy already. And he's like, oh, yes, look at that little bits and bobs. Loading around in there. Bits and bobs.

But I like how they had to translate that for us, Americans. Bits and bobs means penis, really, winky, peepee, et cetera, get our point.

I'm like, yes, we know what bits and bobs are. So then they see the face. and she's like, oh look, there's like a little bit of a nose there. Do you see the nose? He's like, afraid not. Could I feel a little bit closer?

I don't, I don't really see it. It's like, no. Can you see it now? It's like, no. Once I see a mustache, I really don't know what I'm looking at. I'm really looking for Susie Sue with a winky. So can you just call me back when you can get that up on the email go? So they're excited.

And then afterwards, Lottie is saying, so you've got to shoot off back to work. Now, don't you? He's like I do. We've got a production coming through and all new samples. We're doing something new. We're making suits for the suits. Have you ever tried to do a suit fitting where your client is an actual suit?

Very difficult. Suits on suits. It's going to be fabulous. It's 3D. What kind of clothes do normally design? Who designs 2D clothes? Heart clothes by their nature of 3D. Otherwise, how would they fit?

Well, when the show's coming up, that's all Joshua thinks about. It's really all-encompassing, and I wish Joshua just could be around more, because I am alone a lot during this pregnancy, and sometimes my mom will clip off a little bit of a bang and send it to me, so I just feel like she's there. But I'm a little worried that it may continue when the baby is here, so they do say that you marry your father's, which I never wanted to do. And obviously, my dad doesn't have a mustache. I make that distinction, at least, really working hard to break the pattern here, really hard. Relying on that mustache. That mustache is doing a lot of heavy lifting from me. Well, I'm just going to be working every single hour and up all night, so barely I'm going to be at home. It'll be like ships passing in the night. I think I might just have to let you do the baby room, darling.

She's like, oh, oh, what if Joshua is married to his business? He is. And anyway, you don't want him there all the time. I think he would be way too anal to be doing all this stuff at home. Like, a guy that that's, that's that anal, you don't want him to do. in the baby room i'm being no darling no darling you're so close we're going to re have to do all the hand-painted paisley in here painted white painted white redoing it i'm surprised that josh will be helping out more considering that he's a closet traditionalist um so now it's time for the me i live in a world where men are men all right can someone please pin the chiff on to my shoulder and get that sewn up as soon as possible thank you

Now it's time for a My Fair Lady picnic. It's also a night for My Fair Lady because earlier in the evening on the premiere of Real Housewives of Rhode Island, Liz was like, she referenced, she did a quote from My Fair Lady. Yes, it is. Look at that. Wow. Look at that, everyone. God, cyclical. Seclical, am I right?

That's a seclical. So, My Fair Lady Picnic, everything's set up in the park. You know, there's a guy, you know, peeing on it. cucumber sandwich. I mean, it just looks great. So Martha's like, most, my fair ladies, the most beautiful film with Audrey Hepburn and, oh God, she's the most beautiful. And Rex Harrison, he wears a sweater. And it's all about taking a flower girl from the streets and, you know, like these punks over there and making them into ladies. And when she says, like these punks over there, we should cut to Margo and Kimmy yelling at each other in the middle of the painting activity.

Like, now, you be quiet, Margo. Kimmy, Kimmy Murdoch, I have never. Well, of course you've never, because yours is lot. Your goddamn bunch is what you are. Well, the British goes, well, who's Eliza Doolittle in your friend group? She goes, well, I don't know. I don't know if there is one. Maybe me.

I mean, I was homeless. Mike is like, my fair lady, it's a vibe. It's a culture. I mean, when someone says, my fair lady is a dress code, you bring it. I mean, talk about learning. manner. It's my manifesto. It's my manner, but for children. Then the producer asked Missy, what's my fair lady? And she's like, uh, my fair lady, I think it's elegant, like an elegant fairy, like it's a fairy, it's a fairy who works at the fair and dresses like a lady,

right? It's a movie. Oh, I didn't know that. I didn't know. You could have Googled it, Missy G's. So Martha's got the biggest my, she is my fair lady. You know, she's got that whole thing going. She's got this huge hat on. And she has a hat from Mago. Yeah. Martha is wearing a hat that looks like a ferris wheel fell over on her head.

And it's full of feathers. It's enormous and amazing. I know. I wonder how Huckety feels about that hat because it looks like a graveyard. Looks like a bird graveyard. Beckettie's like, I'll tell you how I feel about it. Proud. I made that damn.

thing. Those are my feathers. The pet psychic's like, well, Hickety's just told me something. He is trying to poke your eyes out because you keep killing his kin. Perhaps. So people start showing up, and Martha goes over to Missy, and she's like, oh, is everyone well? And Missy's like, what? Um, yes, I'm well.

Oh, because you and Kimia have made up. It's like, yes, and I really appreciated that. Oh, good. I'm so pleased. But she's not happy with Margo. Oh, I mean, it's a nightmare because they're two of my best friends. And I was hoping to get them K.Y wrestling in a Paddington pool, you know, or a paddling pool. And you know them, Missy was like, I don't know what K.Y wrestling means. I don't know.

And by the way, I don't know what KY wrestling means either. It sounds very sexual to me. KY wrestling? In a paddling pool, no less. Is that like when you fill a pool full of, is that? like jelly wrestling? I don't know, but I would think Jesse would know what that is. She's in the Epstein

files. I get not understanding my fair lady, but KY wrestling sounds like it would be right up a rally. I'm assuming it's Jello wrestling. KY wrestling. What is that? Kentucky wrestling news. No, that's not what I was like. Okay.

All right, everything's Kentucky. Thank you. Thank you, algorithm. Some of us are trying to be international right now. Good luck with your, your, uh, pictures that are going to start coming up on your Instagram, buddy. I know. I've now fully destroyed my, my logarithm is terrible. It's only ads for Buffalo Wild Wings or whatever.

So now Joshua comes in with matching suits with Lottie. And Margo comes in a big black and white feathered, crazy jacket. And Micah's like, oh, my God, she's like, my fair lady, Malibu. She's like, oh, my God, I'm so weird. Like, I don't even know where I am right now because I just got off an airplane. I haven't, you know, rested. And I'm cuckoo for cocoa puffs, you know, but I am happy because my husband is finally in London. He does have some rope burn on his wrists, but he's here.

So. I feel like Margo is, it's funny because I feel like if you're a wealthy person, you would never admit that you are deranged from a flight from L.A. because that implies that you did not have first class where you could sleep in your seat, right? I feel like she kind of like showed herself in that moment. But actually she was probably just trying to brag about the fact that she just got off a plane. But I'm kind of, I kind of feel like,

I was surprised that they did not take a swipe. What did you say? I'm sure she had first class, though. I know, but I'm surprised at like, that they weren't like, oh, well, if you're not sleeping on an airplane, why even take the journey in the first place? you know.

So Margo's trying on the hat that Missy brought her, and Lottie's like, I love the hat, but it's giving like more Coachella than my fair lady. It is. Just like a fedora, basically. So Kimmy shows up, and Martha is like saying, like, oh, I'm going to get married in this outfit, and I'm going to get buried in it. It's the same thing. And then Kimmy basically goes around saying hi to everybody.

She's like, oh, hello, Darla. Darling, darling, it's me, it's you, and it's me, and we're in a park. What the fuck are we doing in a park? And she's coming up to where Margo is with Martha, but then Margo just walks away. She's like, I'm not saying hi to her. Yeah, and Kimmy's like, what a bitch. Like, as a friend, if you show up to someone's party, you're polite, and you say hello to everyone. Out of respect for the hostess or the host, whew!

And Margo's like, well, I want Kimmy to be able to say hi to Martha without making about me and Kimmy. I'm going to make a big display of walking away so that way it becomes specifically about me and Kimmy. Martha, why is she wearing cowboy boots? I thought it was a my fair lady party. Oh, shut up, Kimmy. So then Joshua, you know, Joshua and Lottie are just talking about their baby scan and, like, saying how the baby has been, like, upside down and, like, legs, like, legs out.

And that's he's upside down with his legs spread wide open. I mean, I looked at that. It looked like an old college picture back when I was in fashion school. And again, here's the difference between British people and Americans, because if they were Americans, be like, I just hate it. Like, the baby's upside down and the legs are out. And I'm just so concerned. And it's just, I just get worried at such a scary time. And the British are like, well, it's called ridiculous pose, the babies.

And I can't even post on Instagram without setting off some sort of triggers and ripples. Well, it's official. Our first child has already humiliated us. Does anybody have the address of the Paddington? We've decided we're going to disown our child in an effort to raise its profile later in life. So now Mark comes in, and Mark is like, hello, he's all smirking, and he's wearing what they later call a curious George jacket, which is what is he wearing? He's wearing some bright yellow

safari jacket. Yes. And he's going for a look. And Margo's like, he does look like he has a curious monkey, you know? I said it. You can't unsee it now, right? And Margo's like, Mark is so annoying. He's like, ooh, I'm a clown.

Look at me. And he does, like, stank in the grass stuff. Because she's obviously mad because she's still really bothered by this comment he made about a guest who said that she was a diva. Well, she's a liar, like a faker or something, right? Like now she's rich, she's like a big finky or whatever. So he's agreed, he's like, hello, darling. You know, it's like when all of them are together, Mark Kimmy and Martha, it just turns like 10 times louder.

And she's like, hello, darling. Oh, hello there. What are you, my fair lady? What is this your even where? I mean, there's nothing fair about this lady. Am I right? I was asking Martha why Margo was wearing cowboy boots. Oh, I haven't had the opportunity to observe the others yet.

Well, I would love for you to observe. It's like, oh, in due course, my dear. Oh, can't you just be nice? Like, oh, don't be so common, Martha. Well, it's my party. I can be common if I want to. That's what I'm holding it here in the commons. Like, oh, okay, well, let me walk away from her at once, common.

And I loved Margo in the scene, just sitting in the back. She's just sitting there watching them like, oh, ho, ho, ho, ho. Clowns, a bunch of fucking clowns. It's cracking up. I think she's also perfect casting for this show, this Margo, that they got, they got Micah, who's terrified of everything, and too sweet. And then they've got Margo who's just like,

I'm not going to be afraid of one of these motherfuckers if they even try it with me. So, meanwhile, they're like, like, oh, Micah says, by the way, guys, I did hear from Emma today. She's so happy. And I just wanted to surprise, Martha, we did make a montage to congratulate you on your, on your garden party here, your park party. So, okay, here we go, everyone. Has everyone got 20 minutes?

Okay, here's a montage. So Emma has made a video, or no, Emma is telling us. She's like, oh, tomorrow's the run and I'm very nervous. But I'm so excited. I'm so passionate about charity. And so Mark's like, I think we should disturb Emma. I'm going to FaceTime Emma right now on my telephone. Hi Ma, it's your best friend, Mark, calling.

Emma, please answer, please, please answer. Why didn't you take me to Kenya with you? Please, Emma, answer, phone, Emma, please. And so she answered, and he's like, She's answered. Oh, Emma, look, Ella, darling. And Mark is just rolling her eyes. She's like, oh, look at me, I'm on the fan with my best friend.

Notice that she only answers the phone for me, Mark Francis, Emma. And Emma's like, by the way, are you on safari, Mark? He's like, I am. As you can see, I'm wearing a canary-currant safari jacket because I'm with a bunch of animals here in the park. And Kimmy's like, oh, that's the bitliest thing I've ever heard you say. I'm a-oh-rah-rah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. So what are you doing? Why are you so fancy?

Well, no, we want to know not about you, but not us. We want to know about you. We're just standing in some ghastly park. It doesn't matter what we're doing. Let's hear about your marathon. Just coached Martha looking all offended. Like, well, I'm trying to throw a party. Well, it gets cold at night here.

And there you go. I'll take some clothes off. Look at that. I've taken off a sweater. And he's like, oh, finally. That's what we FaceTime to you for, darling. otherwise we'd have written a letter. So Margo was still on the side, being like,

and Lottie's like, well, you're not really Mark's biggest fan of the minute, are you? She's like, no, I'm not bit Mark's biggest fan. Mark has come in a safari outfit to make sure we all know that he's friends with Emma. Although I'm not with Emma, I'm there in spirit, sartorially, at least. Martha goes up to Margo and she's like, look, I've read the riot act to them, and I'm going to read the riot act to you too. Well, you're the one who told me that he was saying mean things. Yes, but he's always mean. What's, I don't see what's such a big deal. He's always an awful cut fitness. What are you going to get angry at the clock for telling you the time, darling?

So then two randos, or at least randos to us, Mimi and Noah show up and they're Martha's friends. And she's like, oh, God, thank God, you're here. Everyone is being so mean to. me. Oh, God, it's shaping up to me the day. I was afraid it was going to be. You know, I'm just trying to referee and I hate sport. So Lott, he's like, are you not going to say anything to Mark? You're just going to leave it. He's like, well, I mean, is Mark not going to come over and say hello to me? I don't want to get up, but I do want water. So now Martha just starts serving people and stuff. And she's like, well, things, it was a lot better when I used to have a butler, but now I don't have help anymore.

Yeah, so Mark does greet Margo, and he's like, oh, wow, the bird has landed. How are you, Angel? I know who's not doing well. Every bird that died for that jacket. This jacket is absolutely amazing. Well, thank you. I wanted to wear something that you won't make fun of behind my back. It's like, oh, darling, fucking sensational.

I don't know which of us got the dress. code wrong. I feel like it may have been me. He's giving her this look like, don't fuck with me, bitch. I'm going to keep on talking like this, but don't you dare fuck with me because I will make your life hell. I am a gossipy queen. Yeah, you really want to come for an old queen? Come on. And he's like, I don't know why Margot thinks I care so much. Whenever I see someone, I say, my God, you look better than ever. That's just manners. I'm not lying. I'm not lying. That's what we do. So, yeah, don't fight with an aging twink.

That's like a cornered animal. So Margo is like, she's like, well, they've been telling me. Say who, darling? Well, that you've been quite mean behind my back. Who, darling? Martha and Missy. Oh, dear. What have they told you?

Well, Martha told me, she's like, oh, I feel upset because I had to defend you. dinner with Kimmy. Oh, she was very defensive of you, very defensive of you. Yeah, and she said that they were like making fun of your hair and your clothes. Your hair? Well, there was momentary talk of a crushed velvet drum suit. Well, then Missy said someone at your party said something nasty about me. Oh, no. No. Well, I didn't repeat, listen, I did repeat something that somebody had told me. That's true, but I thought actually it was quite complimentary. Who are you? Don't come over and give me a compliment when I know you're not complimenting me behind my back. British society isn't really where people go to be held accountable.

So this is probably surprising for him. I was cracking up at Mark. Such an asshole. What? Ooh. Oh, just this passing comment, but it's quite complimentary. Oh my God. So she's like, well, go ahead and talk.

tell me what they said. Well, that you're embracing a moment of, how can I say it? Hmm. Be an actress. What? You're saying I'm fake? Are you saying I'm fake? No. And now Kimmy smells blood in the water, so she comes right over. And she's, Margo's like, um, that I was acting like a fake person. No, no, that wasn't the word fake. We, we try not to use too many single syllabic words in this circle. It was definitely more cutting than that. Yes, of course she did say fake. I was there. Oh, fuck, fake, fake, fake, fake, fake, fake.

He said, I don't want to use anything monoslavic unless I have to say the word fake about Margo. No, I said actress. And Margo's like, what, am I acting? I mean, everyone who looks in my IDB knows that I really don't act that much, okay? And I don't know why Mark isn't owning his words. Why is he so brave when I'm not around? Well, I'm right here, so tell it to my face. British is the posh put down.

You know exactly where you stand. What Mark is doing is just two-faced, and Kimmy's like, don't pick on Mark. Oh, darling, anyone can pick on me. No, I won't allow it. After all, being natural is the hardest part to play, isn't it? It is. You can't fake being authentic. You can't pretend to be real, because that's very transparent.

I'm afraid. But don't blame Mark. He didn't do anything. Well, he's spreading it as well. he's spreading the gossip. Oh, so what? You spread things all day long. I've heard gossip that you were spreading about him.

But that was, that was, that was, that was, horrendous gossip. A horrendous mark. Randolph. And, uh, flashback to when Margo was like, he's just a bag holder. That's what I heard. Bagholder. Margo's like, well, I've got more tea than the Boston Harbor.

And I just, while, I just don't walk around, spelling it. And yes, I did learn that from one of those sassy e-cards that people sends to each other. Well, I hate tea. And Maxine, fuck that stupid old woman on those cards. Always offensive. Never any manners. So now Martha goes over to Joshua and Lottie, and Lottie's like, oh, Martha, you didn't want to get involved. I fucking hate a conflict. Well, you wouldn't be wearing this coat if you didn't have a touch of venom in you. Now would you? Cruella Deville. Cruella's out in full force.

Oh, but she's always been my favorite. At least these birds didn't die in vain, darling. And he's just like smiling at her. And you're like, is he complimenting me? Is he has, does he have no respect for me whatsoever? Like, well, clearly, Margot dresses this way in order to, in order to be noticed. You call it attention seeking. It's a shame, really.

I feel like this kind of behavior just demonstrates a terrible. lack of self-esteem. Now excuse me while I take my yellow safari jacket back to my apartment. That is all Rococo Gildia features. God, those people doing things for attention. Well, Mark's full-time job is mining attention. I show up in the room and I get the attention. The stars are born. They're not made. So, Mark, I think the entirety of this entire conversation is totally unnecessary. Are you being nice? No, she's horrible. Don't be nice to her, Mark.

She's not horrible. She's my good friend. Okay, Kimmy and quite frankly, you could be an absolute cow. Well, I know I can. But at least Kimmy does it with a little bit of Pinoche. Thank you, thank you. And a good dose of humor. Humor, you see, is what makes a difference. I like Kimmy saying thank you for calling me a cow with Pinnash. I know, I know. It cracks me up. Every time they try and put her dad. She's like, well, Thank you. Well, all I'm seeing are clowns, no humor, and I find it quite sad. Well, then you're at the wrong party.

Well, excuse me, I'm going to go grab some water. Oh, you should. You should grab some water. That's not, I love that Kimmy says that. Like, it's really, it's like as far as like retorts and comebacks and put down scum, it's like one of the worst things. Like, I'm going to grab water. Oh, well, maybe you should. I took a disher. saying, like, well, maybe you should, a thirsty LA person. But I don't know. I think she was just like doing a U.R. But what I love is that Kimmy is just so convicted in it that you're like, yeah,

Jimmy just got you. Kimmy, stop it. Well, she's being so rude. I mean, she's such a cow. No, not Martha. So now, you know, Margo is like all, like, annoyed. And so a lot of Missy go up to her. And Missy's like, it looked like you guys were laughing a lot.

I don't get that. She goes like, no, they're laughing because they're clowns. They're clowns. That's why they're laughing. I love that Missy thought that they were having a good time in this conversation. So now, Missy, Margo walks off because Mark and Kimmy are coming up for some champagne. So Missy's like, everything is fine, we're fine. Do we look fine? Well, it seems like you guys are laughing and stuff, but like Margo doesn't seem fine.

Oh, poor thing. She's probably at the wrong party then. But did you guys fix it? Oh, well, we're not fixing anything. Don't, she's being rude. I mean, do you even bother fixing Blanc to Blanc the most perfect white wine that you could ever have? I don't think so. Well, she's being rude because she said you're being rude. And Mark, you're being rude.

You're both being rude. He goes, oh, I'm so thricely rude. So now Marker goes, goes, approaches Kimmy and's like, can we like go somewhere to talk? Can we go? She's like, oh, okay, fine, fine, okay. Look, I'm actually just going to be civil to you because your mouth was friends. She's like, well, that would be a great start for you, civility and honesty. Well, thank you. Thank you very much. Okay, so we're done here.

You've always presented yourself as someone who will say anything to anyone's face, Kimmy, and it literally never occurred to me that you wouldn't have said those things to her face. To whose face? To Missy's face. You know what? You are? You're a troublemaker, and I actually feel bad for Martha, because when she finds out what a shitty fucking friend, you are, like you're a total con. And no one. you live in L.A. because it's a fucking fake city just like you, you fake city. Hey, how's that accent going for you? Where are you from again? Just like, oh, okay. Well, oh, yeah, how's yours going for you, Miss fucking tallboy, bitch? She's like, are you from New York?

And he's like, whatever. So Margo is like, I'm what is with Kimmy's accent? I don't know why she talks like the guy from the Monopoly board. So Missy, meanwhile, is across the party. She's like, oh my god my boobs have been out all day. Whoops. Whoops. But I love my breasts. And one comes out. Mark's like,

just the one deal, which is an ad fab quote. So I gotta love it. Of course. Of course the gay's got the ad fab quotes. Love that. So then Kimmy and Mark are now back reunited. And Martha's like,

are you being nice? She's like, well, why are you blaming us? Okay. What did she say? That was so bitchy. It's like,

well, it's her demeanor, darling. She's horrific. But what's the problem? Why are you always defunding her? Why don't you ever fucking a profound me for once? Because you're a psychotic bitch. All right, Kimmy. I mean, I love you for it, but you are. Well, she's not. She's not. No, not the same way as you are. Oh, really, Martha. Really? Have you listened to her? Your behavior in that car was not acceptable. It was not acceptable. I can say whatever I want, Martha. Whatever I want. So Margo's watching from afar, she's like, wow, I've literally never seen Martha talk like this before.

I am quite proud. So Kimmy's like, well, I question all friendship because I'm not your fucking true friend. I always defend you. I always defend you. And I've defended you right fucking now. Oh, so you're blinded by your guilt, shitty L.A. fucking fake lights. You know what, I'm out of here. I'm out of you.

I'm taking my tiny head and I'm getting out of here. I love she just keeps bringing Los Angeles to do it. So it's like an unnecessary like stray. Like she's just like that this is the sums up everything. She lives in Los Angeles. So. Margo is so L.A. I'm sorry. I mean, Kimmy is right on the nose here.

Margo is very L.A. She is probably doing Pilates going down Marchmont Boulevard doing stupid things. I'm like she's basically living by a dream life. Yeah. So Mark's like, well, I'm quite mortified that this is descended into what is essentially a bro. Like, girl, you have to come watch some more American TV shows. This is nothing.

It's like, look at this. It was heinous behavior. So, Mimi, Mimi goes up to Martha and she's like, have you been having a lovely day? She's like, yeah, no, I fucking hate my friends. They're all shit. And Kimmy goes up to Lottie, and she's like, oh, there she is. Miss Chaos. Are you okay?

And Missy's like, yeah, why are you continuing? She's like, well, I can't stop backstoppers, especially if they're from Los Angeles. And Martha's like, so, okay, Margo, she's saying that I don't stand up for her. Margo's like, what? Now she's starting a fight with you? She's like, no, she's starting a fight with me. She's like, oh, well, that's what she's like. That's what she does.

She starts fights with people. And Kimmy is saying to Missy, she's like, well, what she did to, like, jump in there? Like, I actually think she was meaner to you because I wasn't even trying to be mean. I'm not even trying to. I mean, I would never do that. It's cold. And Mark goes, it's cold attention seeking. So Martha approaches them now sitting on like their bench or whatever.

And Martha's like, okay, Kimmy, can you just stop attacking everyone? And Missy's like, she's not attacking everyone. Missy of all people supporting, uh, supporting the situation, uh, Kimmy. And Larry Darling, she's like, I'm not. I'm not attacking anyone. I'm speaking to her. That's a difference. And the only reason I'm here is because of you.

Because I never would have even come because I adore you and you, you. You know what you, nothing to me. Don't you dare. Don't you dare cry. You're in London now. No crying. No crying. No crying in London baseball. No, don't you. Don't cry.

I love you. I love you. I always fucking have. I love you Kimi Mova. I've never ever said one bad word about you and you've got $5 to your name and a bird that pucks people's eyes out. I mean, even the worst situation happened. And you said, Kimmy, we're going to bury a dead body. I would take the dead body.

I would mock the dead body. I would kick it in the head. I would call it fat in L.A. I would do that for you. You would be the first person I would call it in case you, in case I murdered someone as well. In fact, you were, remember? Remember Patty?

So Kimmy is like, Kimmy's like, oh, you fucking backstabbed me and that kills me. She's like, I have not backstabbed you, Kimmy. So that's how I feel. Honey, you're talking me all day long. I'm not. I'm not, I'm not. Well, I'm just saying.

I'm just saying you're showing feelings. And they're like, oh my God, she's crying. And Missy goes, oh my God, you're showing feelings. There are tears. Cammy is having tears, everybody. It took it took four weeks, but we finally got to trouble bond with her. Kimmy's like, oh, fuck off, Missy. She gave them exactly what they wanted.

She's finally crying. Oh my gosh. It's like, oh, you are real person, can me cry? Can we celebrate moment? Can we celebrate moment? Give me cry. I've never seen Kimmy cry. I didn't even know that she could.

Micah's like hosting 101, it is not good manners to make your guests cry. Well, it's certainly the first time I've ever seen Kimmy cry. And this woman, Margot, has really got to her. Ugh, disgusting. Well, I think everyone's had too much to drink. And Micah's like, oh my God, Missy's boobs is... and Missy's boob out and he's like, oh god, not again. Oh, you've ruined my stoic bitch face.

And shame on you. I didn't even have a sister. So I've always felt like you were my sister, mother. My sad, sad, poor sister. Oh, Kimmy, Kimmy. I love you. I love you. You're the blunt to my blank.

I love you. I love you, but you are a psychotic bitch. Well, I know I am, but that doesn't make me a bad person. Awesome. No, of course not. It's a wonderful person. So now they're like rubbing each other's faces and crying and Margo's just like, oh my God, looking on it disgust.

This show is something else. So funny. What a magnificent, perfect show. Thank you all for being here. Have a great weekend. We love you all. And we'll catch you on Monday with more episodes. with more episodes of Watch War Crappins.

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