Watch What Crappens - #3298 RHOA S17E01: It’s Not Right But It’s O-K Michelle

Episode Date: April 6, 2026

The Real Housewives of Atlanta kicks off its 17th season by welcoming singer and reality tv vet K. Michelle into the fold (as well as Slutty Vegan impresario Pinky Cole). Meanwhile, Shamea and Porsha are still beefing, and Drew knows how to use Zoom. To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and get ad free listening,, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Happens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the wonderful and charming Ronnie Karam. Wow. Our Karen. How are you? Good. What's going on with you? Nothing much.

Just had a lovely weekend. Hope everyone had a great weekend. And if you were celebrating Easter, Passover or anything else, I'll be had a great time. Very exciting times around here. because it's a new season of Atlanta. So we're going to be diving into that recap shortly. But we get into that. Just the usual things to remind you of,

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Oh, of course, there's actually two big things to shout out, which is that we're doing Amazon Live this afternoon, which we always have a fun time with. And then tonight, hello, I can't, I should have led with this. I'm so silly. Crappy hour.

This is going to be a crappy hour, right? 5.30 p.m. West Coast time, 8.30 East Coast time. Because we are in the middle of a. Bravo scandal and we have not had a crappy hour since it broke. So we will be catching up on the latest you know, Weston Amanda headlines and whatever else is happening on Bravo because there's plenty more happening. But come join us and also don't forget, you do get to come out on the stage and chat with us at the end. So we want people to come and chat with us and love to hear your opinions

on this very pressing news cycle. So that is it. And Ronnie, what did you think about the Atlanta premiere. Loved it. I spent all morning listening to Kay Michelle. Oh, great. Because I didn't know a lot of her music. She's great. Oh, my gosh. So I saw Kay Michelle on Sherry Shepard. And she was with a couple of other ladies from the show. And she was really giving it to Drew. She's really being shady to Drew, Cedora. Because I guess Drew's trying to compete with her in her music career or whatever. That's crazy.

Just stop it, Drew. Just you are barking up the wrong tree, ma'am. This woman is amazing. I listened to like probably like three of her, well, you know, I put it on Apple music. So I just said, play K Michelle. And so I heard her new country music that's like, anybody want a broken heart or something like that? Hey, anybody need a broken heart? Something like that.

And it was really good. And then it just started playing through her albums. She's great. Drew, you just need to, sometimes you just need to have a, have a nice sit down and breathe deeply before you say anything because there's no competition here, ma'am. That's not really what Drew does. You know, I've heard of Camichelle for all these years.

But, you know, I am very much in kind of like got blinders on purely for Bravo. So I'm not like I've dabbled in other ecosystems, drag race. Like I barely even, I really haven't even touched 90 day fiancee bachelor. We have all these different categories. and the VH1 worlds of like love and hip hop, et cetera. She obviously has been a big personality in that. So I've always heard of her, but I haven't really experienced her. And so then after watching the show, when Drew was like,

Kay Michelle, she's a singer, I think, or used to be. And so I looked up the Wikipedia pages. Kay Michelle's Wikipedia page of her music is like extensive. It's like, here's the discography, single, single, single, whatever. This album debuted at number two on the Billboard Hot St. 200 like the overall charts. And this one also at number two. And then I went over to look at Drew's

Wikipedia page. And she has like a very robust TV and film critics thing. Film, not critics, you know, credits. But when you look at Drew's discography, it's not

even the discography. It's a paragraph. It's like a little paragraph that's like, Drew released a song three years ago. And also she released a song last year with Dennis. She's on some other like little things With tennis. Oh my God, yes. The fact that you are like, here is someone who is like famous enough that she is penetrating or the mindset of people who are not watching her shows necessarily or even listening to her music.

And she has all these credits. And Drew is just going to try to be like, I haven't even heard of her. Drew, come on. Yeah, she's like what? She used to be a singer, right? Oh, yeah, Drew. Like insinuating she's a husband. Girl, this lady.

has like 8 million followers on Instagram. Drew has almost 800,000, you know, which is still good. It's not even, the point isn't here to diss, Drew. Like, start your dream. That's great that you're doing your dream. It's not even that. It's just like, she's the one suggesting that someone else is

a has-be and, Babe. Drew, this lady was brought in to save your show. You're not brought in to save her show. She's brought in to help you out. Because your show has not found its footing yet, although I actually really enjoyed last season. But that being said, like,

Drew's an improvement for sure. It was, it was. But, like, it's just so funny that Drew's like, hmm, I'm not familiar. No idea.

Nope. Can we start wearing name tags around here? I love that Kay Michelle came in, already exhausted. I thought that was very funny, that she's like, oh my God, these bitches,

she's already like, these bitches are tiring. You know, last time I was around a group of women, which I'm assuming is one of the love in hip-hop. She's like, they tore me down and they dated my ex and they did all this stuff to me. And I'm like, wow, you're already prepared and you're already exhausted that you have to be back on one of these reality shows. She's like, oh, fuck this. The minute they start fighting, she's like,

I'm going to be hanging out with the men and I'm not coming in dress code, by the way, either to your party. Like, I'm already sick of you people. Yeah. And there was something about her. And like she sort of, I feel like I could see what she would look like when she's like 75 or 80 years old. There was something about her in a way that I really liked. I'm not saying that she looked old. She didn't look old at all. But like there was something about her mannerisms where I'm like, I could see her sort of like showing up in a kitchen and telling people how to like cook something. You know, like and I kind of really enjoyed that. Like I got like some Sophia Petrillo energy from her. I can't explain how I got that. It's like a weird way. I can't describe it. But I was like, I can sort of see her as a little old lady at one point. And I like that. That's sort of endearing nature. I'll tell you this, she'll never be little.

She'll be, she'll be like when she's older, her boobs will still be up to her chin. There will be. Those things will. Those boobs. The Atlanta boobs are something else. And also, the Rhode Island boobs are something else. Atlanta and Rhode Island boobs are completely in their own space. Like, what are they even doing over there?

And they're great, but they're like anime, anime style. They're just like, make them big and make them as crazy as possible. Like, okay. I know there's one person out there who's really excited about those boobs. And his last name rhymes with Galloam. But, like, for sure, like, those boobs are big. With the galome? Who is it?

He knows what he's the husband. You have to explain the joke. Oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah. You have to explain the joke. It's not like a joke in the first place. I just assumed you were going with Andy Cohen because it's going to be, tell me you about your boobs. Kimmy Joe, we were so happy to welcome your boobs onto this season.

Let's talk about them. Where'd you get them? How much were they? When are you getting new ones? I liked Kaye Michelle right away. I think she's going to have a good energy for this show. And, well, it's funny. They brought in Kay Michelle.

They also brought in Pinky, Pinky Cole. Is that her last name, Cole? Yes. They both are both, they're both two media trained personalities. They're like, we need, we want to get people in here who, like, know what they're doing in front of the cameras. So they came in, like, right away, they were very comfortable. on camera, which is good. My, you know, my concern that I have with this premiere is that some of the newbies from

last year were like, I don't know what was going on. I felt like they were working extra hard to be liked by America. I felt like Kelly and Shemia were, like, what was going on with them? What was this, you know, you often say the community theater, you know, vibe is happening on some of these shows. To me, they were doing big time community theater. They were being like freshmen in the ensemble. you know, of the high school musical, just trying to be, like, big and, like,

endear themselves to the director or maybe even to the seniors who have the leads or whatever. But, like, I was like, they were so over the top, especially Kelly. I thought Kelly was always like that. Oh, my God, Kelly is always so annoying. It's just always so like, oh, it was like, are you on a roller coaster? What is going on with you? It's like, wow. Like you're just saying hello.

It's like someone just walked in. She's like, Girl, oh, like calm yourself. It's not that exciting. It's like these theater kids. And like,

and Shemia, like I historically have always really enjoyed Shemia. And I even, I liked her last year. But wow, right off the, Shemia lost me halfway through last year. Shemia lost me halfway through last year.

And I don't know. I think the only newbie they should have kept was, Um, Angela, uh, Angela. I think that she should have brought on two nobs. Yeah. Well, I love her extra because it's just, it's funny to me. You know, her like, well, you know, I'm, you know, her PI thing and like looking in everybody's stuff and then her like jumping on housewife storylines like, you're a mob leader or, you know, now trying to convince us that she's so, her husband is so in love with her. I think that is the most, I think that's the funniest like running gag that she's trying to always convince us that Charles likes her. And so she's funny to me. And I believe that she's real. I believe that Shemia and Kelly are faking it. They're trying to fake something and they're trying to find some kind of character that's going to work.

And Shemia, you've been here a long time. I mean, last season was her first main season. But she's been here long enough that she's like had a try. She's had a good go of it. It doesn't work. And Kelly is just she hasn't relaxed like she hasn't relaxed into her role at all. So I say that we probably don't need those two. But I kind of feel the same way.

I think that like Angela's great. Like when I said that she's being extra, I don't mean that she's being annoying or anything. But I just noticed that like she had like slightly more energy than she normally does, which is because she normally has very low energy. And she's normally like, oh, man, Angela. And this time she was like, she like did some like little dance. She had like some moment where I was like, Angela doesn't normally do that.

She's being, she's showing more energy than normal. But I have no notes for Angela. That was just a mere observation. but I do think that was Shemia and Kelly, especially Shemia, I got the sense that she was paying attention to the feedback that she was getting from the audience, because I think the audience was largely aligned with you, Ronnie. And I think she's trying to be like funny and likable. And like she knows she's now in a feud with Portia.

So she's trying to be the one that the audience likes. And like when she did that extended bit where she was like, let me pantomime what the text message was. And I was like, oh, and it went on for so long. And I was like, let me pantomime me fast forwarding, except I'm not bansomiming. I'm actually doing it. It was too much.

Well, here's another thing they haven't fixed besides her and Kelly. They have not fixed the green screens. I mean, those are still crazy. Why does it look like Shamiya is in space? And then Drew does one where they sit her, yeah, they sit Drew in this weird angle to where her background is the closet door. It's like a pantry door. Why?

Why would you do that? There's a piano on the other side of her. Do the other side of her. I thought the same thing, especially with Shamia, because it looks so janky all of last season. I was like, you guys were using the same background. Like, the chair that Shamia is sitting in is not scaled proportionately to the furniture behind her on the green screen. And it's also at a different angle.

So, like, the sofa's going up, but the chair is going down. And you're like, like, it turns a perspective. And I'm like, well, she looks this. And it makes her look tiny as a result. Like, she's like little mini Shamia in her giant furniture amongst giant sofa. footes. I was like, guys, can you just go in there with your phone and just take a photo and use that? Because this is not working. And, and again, Drew, like, putting her chair right in the middle of her foyer where you see your dining room back there and her front door at the other corner.

Like, what is going on with this show? Why have they not made some quality of life improvements? Yeah, I don't know. But overall, a really fun episode. Porsche is coming back in with the standard, like, rent-a-boyfriend kind of a storyline, you know? I think later she comes out of. of the closet and we meet her girlfriend, right? Because that's the story. She's with a woman now. So I don't know if this was all fake. And she wasn't going to do that.

But this seems fake. Well, he's an actor. He's very, very fake. He's an actor. He has a whole series of credits. Like people on Twitter are saying he's an actor. And people are like, oh my God, Porsche, I hired a boyfriend. Now, it's also possible that she's just dating a guy who's an actor.

So it's hard to know. But the fact that he is an actor. is sort of curious. But we'll see. We'll see. I thought it was a fine premiere. I don't think it was anything amazing personally. But in fact, I thought actually at some points it was actually slow.

But I do think it's a good cast. And I think that it will, I think it was a good like, hey, you know, started the season. We're going to get it going. And I'm optimistic. Yeah. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial. So we start with someone sitting down in a chair.

in front of a green screen and turning on a TV. And so we see some, you know, we see some stuff coming up from the season. But guess what? It turns out to be Cynthia. And Cynthia turns around and she's like, I'm watching. What does she say? It's her line. Now, what else is going on?

Now, I thought this was cute. What do you mean her line? That's Cynthia's, that's like one of her famous lines is, no, what else is going on? Yeah. That's a Cynthia, like, famous meme? Yes. She, it was like, I forget what the full line was, but like the vibe of the original line was like, I don't want to talk about that. Now, what else is going on? It's kind of like she shuts something down. Okay, I have to look it up now because I'm totally, totally bastardizing Cynthia's famous line. Cynthia Bailey. Now, what else is going on? She had autocorrects. Oh, she goes, oh, her line is, I'm so stupid. Her line is, I'm Cynthia Bailey. Now, what else is going on?

I like that my version was. I don't want to talk about that. No, what else is going on? You know, I've seen every episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta, most of them multiple times, especially the earlier seasons. And I could not name a Cynthia meme even if you paid me, like a Cynthia line. That's sad. 50 synth. Not even 50 synth.

Well, but that's not a line. It's just. Well, I think this is her line. This is her line. I'm Cynthia Bailey. What else is going on? I think the vibe was kind of like, like, yeah, well, fuck, yeah. Of course I, like, killed that thing.

Of course, I was amazing in this. I'm Cynthia Bailey. Now, what else is going on? Like, so obvious that we don't have to talk about it anymore. No, I get it. I just don't. What else? Yeah, I just don't remember it.

What else? Here's my question. I'm Cynthia Bailey. What else was going on? Here's my question. Like, we love Cynthia. We also just did her show. With Crystal, check it out, humble brag.

She's great. Like, just the sweetest. But it's kind of funny that they had this moment where we see kind of like the half trailer. And then this anonymous lady who was watching her turns around. And it's Cynthia almost like plot twist. Cynthia's back. But it's like it wasn't a twist because we all knew. And she was back last season.

And also she's like in the trailer. She's already been here. So like why? It was like a cool moment, but I didn't get it. I didn't get the purpose of the cool moment. Maybe it's a new. producer. It's like, you guys, Cynthia's back.

Maybe she's encouraging us to watch a different channel. Okay, so this is what's happening on Bravo. What else is going on? Like, well, Discovery has something on about pawn chops. Something about love overboard. I don't know. Very long responses. Yeah.

So the count of Monte Cristo is a lovely PBS show. Sue AI is chatting in. Oh, well, what else is going on? Well, according to the listings, it looks. like we have a royal wedding happening on A&E. Sue, you're lying again. I did make that up. I got nervous.

Yeah, you're right. Yeah, I don't know. I don't really know. So, um, we see some scenes and then we flashed to the beginning of the season. And Fadra's at home asking Aiden, who is like, what is he running for Congress? Like, he's so old now. I know. Like running for Congress.

Like he's like, he's like a full lawyer now. And so they're chatting in the kitchen. And, um, they're talking. talking about his homecoming date. And he's like, I just want her to be really good looking. And Pager's like, not very good looking, but what if she's not smart? And he's like, well, we need you to get someone good too, Mom.

Like maybe Drake. She's like, Drake. Oh, God. Yeah, Jersey Drake. He's rich too. She goes, I'm rich. And now we see Kelly dropping her daughter Chloe off in college and they've got this whole dorm room that's set up. And now we ultimately land in Angela's house.

where she is trying, she's got her grill up to 5,000 degrees and smoke is coming off everywhere. And she's trying to like put some burgers on. And Charles is like, it's too hot. She's like, no,

Charles, it's great. So she's saying that, she declares that she's the best cook in the house, which she's purely telling us, we know, to make sure that Charles gets annoyed when he watches this episode. Like,

she was like, I, she recorded that probably in, what, like November, January, knowing she's like, I'm just going to wait. I'm going to wait the three or four months for Charles to watch this and get mad.

It's just a slow burn. She's like, I can wait. I was going to plant a bunch of shit he can get mad at later. I'll tell you this about Charles. I have never tasted his food. I know that he cooks a lot of it, as we saw last year, as he was cooking, you know, 90,000 pounds of food every episode. So I know he cooks a lot.

Also, I know that he does not clean that grill because, God damn, that thing was about to explode. There was so much smoke coming out of it. I think it's because it wasn't cleaned. You know why? Because I don't clean my grill either. And it almost explodes. Yep.

I believe in it. I, my grill, I try, I clean the grates, but the thing is the stuff that falls down below. It's dangerous. And, yeah, I've had definitely fire. Yeah, I've done fires emerge from below the grate, like fire. Yeah, me too. Everyone who doesn't clean their grill on the regular saw what was happening in this scene. And that thing was about to explode.

And I believe that fire cleanses. If it were possible, I would take showers and fire because it's cleansing. Wow. A testimony for fire. Hi, I'm Ronald Fier. And I approve this fire. It's what sets us apart from the animals. Okay.

I've seen Jungle Book. I've seen Jungle Book. I set fire to the shower. So. I actually did just watch Jungle Book a couple months ago. the live action one. It is so good. Okay, carrying on. So Amari comes out and she's like, Mom, those burgers look like hockey pucks. And she's like, oh, God, Charles is the ultimate controller. Like, he's going to troll me. But, you know, Charles and I are stronger than ever. And we've been

making great strides in our marriage and we're still standing. And she serves him a hockey puck and you hear it's like, as he bites sound. He's like, oh, this is great. This is this is great. So they've had some therapy. And Angela's like, damn it, you are going to love me on camera and you are going to stand by me and support me,

damn it. And he's like, okay. And he's trying. But God damn, she's making it hard already. It's been five seconds. Yeah,

exactly. And, yeah, she was saying that, like, he's like the ultimate troller. But so then she also says, Charles decided to do a relationship podcast.

And they asked the question of, what made you get married? we see Charles in this podcast and he's like, I think somebody might have put something in my drink that night. So, romance is always ever present. I love grouchy ass Charles. And she's like, but you know, Charles is the one that actually plan to get married. And he's the money plan for us to go to Vegas. So for him to say that, I was just like, what?

Where's this coming from? And he's like, well, I didn't say that you drugged me, did I? She's like, well, who else would have drugged you? I mean, you're basically saying you didn't choose to marry me, Charles. And he's like, but I apologize. I told you about it. I just swallowed a doorstopper to make you happy. Okay.

She's like, well, I'm not going to shut down another rumor. And she basically is saying, you know, all the rumors from last year about Junebug, and that happened at the waffle party. When she said, during Toastgate, which I'm like, do we, are we calling it Toastgate? because then you see that guy who like was like toast to Charles and his whatever his mistress is she's like I don't care

I don't care you know what like whatever rumor you have about Charles I don't care like Angela this year doesn't care I heard he suits with a stocking cap in his hair I don't care I hear he rolls his hair up in pink rollers I don't care I hear he uses pantine

I don't care I'm like wow Angela you're really obsessed with these hair rumors for Charles huh So she's like, come on now, hug me. And he's like, you said you would. You said you wouldn't therapy. So he's like, oh, I'm going to hug you. She's like, you want to touch my booty now? He's like, okay, you're taking this little far.

Can you please just take the car keys you put in between hamburger buns out of my face and leave me alone? Take a nap. Yeah. Now we go over to Porsche. Porsche is at a photo shoot. So Derek Blanks is in the background. I feel like Derek Blanks does not get enough credit on Atlanta for being kind of like an ongoing recurring character because it's like they do like 10 photo shoots every season on the show and

they're all with Derek Blanks. So here we have our first one of the season. Because his last name is blank. Blank space, baby. Hi, my name is Ronnie nothing. Anybody want to hang out? Nope. Nobody. Nobody. Because what was the thing that I don't know. He just did some other photo shoot recently. Oh, it was for, uh, it was actually for Jackie on marriage to medicine this past. season where he was doing TikToks for Jackie for her scrubs. So Portia, K. Michelle enters and Portia saying, I've known Kay Michelle through the years. Our worlds have got him in peril. People always said that we look alike, but we've done a movie together. And of course, I enjoy her music career. And we see Kate Michelle performing on stage. And then Kaye Michelle introduces herself to us.

Yeah, she says, she's Kaye Michelle. She's known to her family and the country music world as Puddin. And she's even got a belt buckle that says Puddin. Okay. She's a mom, a singer, an actress, a songwriter. She's got four number one albums on Billboard, five gold records, two platinum records. God damn.

I was like, oh, my God, what are you doing here? Yeah, seriously. Did you miss your ride to somewhere else? I mean, what are you doing? She says, I've made a lot of songs that make people smile, laugh, cry, dance. I just, like, okay, that's great. She was, I'm a mood changer.

So, so Portia's like, I'm proud of you. She's like, thank you. So the new area that you're stepping into country music, you know what they think about people of our color, right? Because that is a fair observation. And Kay Michelle's just like, you know what? When I started my musical career, the record labels said it would be easier for me to do R&B

than it was to do country. and she's like every time she would do like an R&B album she's like can I do my country album now? Can I do it yet? And they'd be like, yeah, but this just doesn't sound black enough. And so finally she's like, you know what? I'm just putting out my country album. So she finally has done that.

I'm looking up her country album, but I don't think that's what I was listening to today. Because it's under the name Puddin as opposed to K. Michelle. Oh, yeah, no, I was listening to K. Michelle. What was it? Yeah. It sounded like country-ish. Hold on.

Let me, anybody want to buy a heart? That's what I was listening to. Oh my God, that's from 2014. Smella, the one I was listening to was from 2014. Anybody want to buy a heart? I just kept listening to songs on that one because I really like the title of the album. Okay, so now I need to look up Puddin. Puddin.

While you look that up, Kay Michelle also, you know, she says that, that Beyonce basically saw what the music she was doing and sent her a little something. And we see a flashback to Kay Michelle. receiving like a bouquet from Beyonce. It's funny because when K. Michelle said, you know, when Beyonce saw what I was doing, you know, it was so nice when Beyonce saw what I was doing and liked it. And I was like, okay, okay, Michelle, because I'm so used to Drew Sodorra saying things like that when she's like, LeBron James listens to my music when he warms up for basketball games, which is like maybe true, but you never know with Drew Sadorra, right?

Like Drew is always saying these half-trudes. So I'm automatically just predisposed to just not believing anyone on Real Housewives when they make a celebrity bragging moment like Lisa Barlow also. But in this case, we see a flashback that Beyonce really did send K. Michelle a whole bouquet. Well, you know, Beyonce is good at sending stuff. She sent me a cease and desist. So that was fun. She's like, please leave me alone.

Just like, please stop trying to follow me. So Kaye Michelle greets Portia and they're hugging and stuff. And Porsche was like, girl, I went through so much last year. I've just been taking care of me. Like, I don't know if you know, but my divorce is final. So they high five. And she's saying, you know, but there's stuff that's still lingering because they just want to keep going and going and going. I'm just so famous.

No, it's because you won't leave that house that you're in. She's like, I don't know why these headlines keep going because you won't leave. She's basically squatting in that house. So we see headlines, Portia Williams Mansion, hit with Lean, after Simon's divorce. debt. Portia Williams faces $205,000 lien on a $7 million mansion amid Simon's debt to divorce attorney. Yeah. And Portia is talking to us and she's like, like, do I first see myself staying in that house? Well, I mean, I'm paying the bills. So I would hope so. And so not only she's staying in the house, she's going to have a party. And it's going to be a couple's party. She could bring everyone together. It's going to be a date night. And everyone's going to bring their spouses or their

situationships, which means that clearly Porsche is going to soft launch something because why would you have like a, why would you have a significant other party and not have someone to present to everyone? So we're already getting ready for what I know. I thought this was going to be her coming out party. Like I'm going to have a couples thing. I'm going to introduce my girlfriend. Boom. It's going to be an amazing start to the season. But no, she's like, I'm going to have a couple's party to introduce my rent-to-date. Okay. So she's going to have this big party, and she's talking about how difficult her divorce was, because you know, it was public, guys.

It's a very public divorce to a man. She was married to for five minutes. It's been really hard. But Kay Michelle's like, okay, well, by the way, I'm married. She also has, like, a little voice where she's like, I'm married. And she goes, oh, my God, I knew it. She goes, yeah. I got married a couple weeks ago at the courthouse in Nashville, Tennessee.

his name is Kasten, and he's a dentist. So, ding. Pretty teeth. I think it's very smart to not date a famous person. I agree. I agree. If you can. My God.

I think it's like smart to not date a famous person and also make sure that that person has a medical degree of some kind because it's just really helpful. Like so much, so many free questions you can ask, you know. So, Michelle. And you get like so many like free little toothpastes. and stuff. And like every time you've gone through problems, they'll be like, do you want to go get an ice cream? You know, because that's what you do after the dentist.

Your mom will take you to like get a little ice cream or something. That's good. They did a dentist. That'd be lovely. It'd be lovely. So anyway, so Kay Michelle's like, so are you going to bring Dennis? And she's like, oh, that's my family. No, well, no, like we don't want to know about the situation ship just yet.

I know, I do feel like I'm ready to start dating. I do feel like I deserve to be admired. and I deserve to be courted and I deserve to be treated special and I got a little friend and why should I sit in my house and be bored? Well, you know, you deserve to be courted.

You're taking to court a lot. Does that count? Is that romantic? So she's saying who's coming is going to be Angela, Fadra, Kelly. You know her, she owns Nana Chicken and Waffles and she's like, oh, I love food.

Love food. I feel like Kaye Michelle started that sentence thinking Nana's chicken Waffles was one restaurant and then realized halfway through that it wasn't. So she's like, oh, I love food.

She's like, I love Roscah food. I love food. I love international house of food. I went to Easter brunch yesterday with my parents

and I ate a waffle and it was fucking amazing. I haven't had a waffle until long. It was like filled, not filled, but they put a lot of vanilla in it. Wow. That's a secret right there.

Vanilla. I love a waffle. I've always used a little vanilla, but they put a lot of vanilla. God, it was delicious. So Nana's Chicken and Waffles, four stars. That's pretty good. The new one closed, though, I think. Yeah, I think so.

Atlanta is not having a good moment with their restaurants. At least a TV show is not. Candy's restaurant closed. Both of them closed. I think all of them closed. Yeah. And then Nana's Chicken and Waffles, that one of those closed. Pinky. Pinky's not doing good.

The slutty vegan. She's in a lot of trouble with that. Is she? I know she was, she had a spot out here on Melrose or she was doing a pop-up here on Melrose, but they had to shut that one down. But I don't know if that was like a nefarious shutting down or like just the natural tenure of the pop-up.

Yeah, uh, 2026, she filed bankruptcy. The entrepreneur behind the plant-based burger brand owes nearly 1.4 million in debt. Oh, that'll come out. trouble. Yeah, that sounds like that does not sound great. No, I'm saying on the show. It's her first episode. So she's like, I'm rich. I'm rich. Hello. I'm pinking. I'm rich as hell. It's like the week before it comes out. Everyone's like, she's broke. Hi. Hi, my name is Rodar online.

And I'm d'Orcia to tell you. She's broke. So then French vixen. Portia is, that Kay Michelle was like, oh, and you're, you know, Shemia, your best friend is going to be there. And Porsche goes, ex-best friend. And she says, Portia and her have a non-existent friendship. Which is quite natural for this situation. I like that she talks about it like a side effect

when you take a medication. That's typical, you know, sometimes may last for two to three weeks. Running heads, loose stools, you know how it goes. So, runny heads, did I say? Rennie knows of loose stools? So then she goes, and Drew Sador is going to be there.

You know her, right? And she's like, no. She goes, come on. It's your fellow singer. We're not going to argue with her, okay? And she already hates her. Okay, Michelle already hates her. And Portia's like, what singer are you not beefing with?

Okay. I mean, stop it. Everything you're doing is elevating. We're here to elevate, elevate, elevate. Well, she's going to need one because her husband lives in the basement. Her knees got to be tired. She's already inherently elevated over Ralph. So, okay, Michelle's like,

Well, I just feel like my reputation, everything in Atlanta has just been, I don't know, I feel like people judge me and I feel like I'm angry. Yeah, but Kay, let me taste it. Tell me, let me tell me, let me tell you this. If there was anybody who has ever felt misunderstood over these past couple years, you know what? Oh, okay. Oh, because Kay just starts to cry. I don't know why she's crying, but she just starts to cry. Because she's good and she knows that Portia is going to try to make this all about herself.

And so she's like, oh, no, you're not taking my pity story, ma'am. Okay, this is not about you being misunderstood. My backstory is that I made it through the VH1 machine and now I'm here at Bravo. So that's my story. Yeah, I win. Yeah. So she's like, uh-huh. And this is where she tells us, my time with women in Atlanta destroyed me from a bunch of women who dated my ex, who abused me.

Them trying to blackball me out of Atlanta. And Atlanta's been a mean girl city. And my whole career, the height of my career has been proven all their bitches wrong. So Portia's like, don't bring the old K here. Bring the new K. Bring pudding, okay? Because they're going to, we're just going to ignore everything from your past. Your life at Bravo starts today.

Commercials. Here comes one right now. So now we go to Sterling Hall, also known as Shamias McMansion. And Kelly arrives. She's like, hello. She has a very big hello for the daughter, which is nice. And then Shami is like, Kelly is the bee. capital F and capital F.

She's my best friend forever, and I will never let her go. She's been the biggest blessing in my life right now. I mean, from keeping each other's kids, taking trips. We're almost sister-wise, but Gerald's like, no, we're not doing that. And then Kelly comes in with her storyline. She's like, I'm a college mom now.

Who can you believe it? I just messers a much. Why are you guys performing like there's a thousand seat? You're not at the Red Rock. You're in a kitchen. You want to go have some champagne downstairs in the game room, Kelly. So they talk about college and then Shami's got a gift bag for her and it has some pregnancy test in there or something. And they pop some champagne and they talk about kids going to college.

etc. And then Kelly's like, speaking of responsibilities, how was your trip to Grenada? Because you have to go take care of some business, right? Grenada. Oh, God. Yes, that's right, because Kelly, I have a rum company now. Yes, Shemia pulling out the housewife new business every season, which I love. You know, that's not ramped. I think you're missing the really low-key response from Kelly, which was, rumma, rum, rum, rum, rum, rum, rum. Rum, rum, rum.

I'm like, you guys, Rum, brum, brum, brum, brum, brum. Come, they told me my rummer, rum. Rum, rum. These two. Doing the rum to rabbit. I'm doing the rum to rabbit. They call me the rum shaker.

Roam, brerum, rum. Brum brum. So she's like, oh my God, can we go to Grenada now every single year? And she goes, every year we have to because those are my people now. So she says she just went to Grenada for a good time. But she got even more than that, guys, because Gerald believes in her passion for music so much that he's invested over six figures.

And it's time for Kelly to give back by spending more of his money to buy a rum company. Somehow makes sense in her mind. I'm not really sure. She's like, I realize that my singing career is going nowhere. So I guess I should do something to contribute to this household or try to make that money back because I feel really guilty. Really guilty. So she's like, I don't know if I'm that busy, that business savvy. And she's like, oh, you are you stupid.

You're the business queen. You're a boss match. Shand Badle, I mean, I'm smart. As far as business. Oh no, what do I do? And so now they're talking about Porsche's event And Shemia's like, well, that'll be interesting. Like, I can't wait to see the ladies.

She goes, oh, it's going to be an interesting night. You know, I was happy to get the invitation. But, I mean, it was on a group text. Maybe she just forgot to take my name off of it. And Kelly's like, have you talked to her? She's like, I mean, there were some back and forth tax. You know, after we all met up at reunion. So she tells us that, you know, she's shamiya.

So she has a slow response time. She basically needs to have a scene happen, go read what people think about it online, and then respond. So she has a response, which is kind of what she says here. She's like, you know, I mean, there was stuff on the reunion that I didn't say because I didn't even hear what Porsche was saying. But then after I processed it and I watched a reunion, I said, oh, my God, she said that. So, yeah, I had some things to say to Portia in a text after the Reunion. Shamiya, you can't, that was, it's not like the reunion was 10 minutes and you just forgot some stuff.

That was like a full day of like 16 hours recorded. We sat through three episodes of that shit. You can't go through all of that and then expect us to still have to listen to this because now you've had time to process. Oh my God. Seriously. And this is where she does for a whole bit of like, so I sent Porsche a text and we had a text exchange and I'll just pan to mine, but it was what it was like. I was like, oh my God, please, please, please, please make this. Uda Hagen called and she says, please stop acting.

Too much, too much. It's, I can't. Yeah, so then she asks if Gerald is going to be coming and we see Shamiya showing Gerald the invite and a flashback. And she's like, do you want to go? And he's like, oh, oh, blah, blah, blah, blah. Bram, brum, ma'am, ma'am. So Kelly, now they're talking about like, well, why is Portia having a couple's date?

Who's she bringing? And she's like, it's Simon's house. And Kelly's like, it's Simon's house. And she's bringing somebody to Simon's house. Kelly, stop. You're being so hilarious. America's going to love you too much. Stop it.

She's like, what if you want to get some cutty at the end of the night in Simon's? That man is gone. he has been deported and he's gone she earned that house she had to pretend to like Simon for over a year she's earned it

she has then Kelly does this whole thing where she's like oh my god Porsche every time that man has her over a counter and she like leans over the counter she's like

she's just doing it's just it's so over the top I'm like you were not enduring yourself to us right now Kelly like stop please please yeah so now

we go to Portia's Mystic Island dinner. Not to be confused with a Mystic River dinner, which would have a totally different vibe. That would be so depressing. Like, where is she? Where's the goal? With the goal? It'll just be Marshie Gaye Harden

and running through the dinner party. Be like, has anyone seen Robbie? Where's Robbie? Where's Robbie? What have you done? Laura Linney will just be standing by the doorway, watching the dinner, being like, do what you have. have to do.

So Portia's like, well, the theme of this dinner is majestic. Wait, what is it? What kind of island is it? I forgot. Line. And they're like, Mystic Island. She goes, majestic island. And so they show us an invitation that says Mystic Island. And she's like, it's very intriguing. It's very titillating conversation. Tittulating. By the way, there's nothing about this party that suggests it's a mystic island. It's just white curtains draped in the room.

There's like, there's no palm fronds, at least none that I remember. We don't see tropical drinks. It's just like a room with drapes. So it's, when she, when Portia says it's going to be an intriguing dinner with very titillating conversation. I was like, oh my God, not table games. The plague that has got a single-handly tick down, Bravo. Yeah, two in the night. God, because we get them on Rhode Island, too.

It's like, geez. But yeah, and she does the titillating. She's like, it's a titulite her. She does a nini impersonation with that. I wonder if Nini's, like, sitting at home writing out bills or writing out, like, I owe used to Porsche because she's still, she's starting to steal a bit. So then Angela and Charles come. People start arriving. And Angela's like, I don't think I would have a couple's event at my ex-husband's home as quickly as she did.

What if he jumps out of the closet? I don't know why everyone is so confused. they're really trying to build a comedy bit out of this like oh my god the ghost of simon um this is real housewives we're used to seeing people have parties and homes they got from the guys that they left i don't see what the big deal is i'd be upset if it weren't in the home of an ex you know so uh cynthia is face-timing uh le prince which is her man and uh because basically people are arriving And so Cynthia's like, well, I don't have my man with me, but here he is on FaceTime. And then Drew arrives and she has her own virtual date.

This is the famous Black who is referenced at the reunion. So Black is there on FaceTime. He's just sitting there. But the difference between Cynthia and Drew is that Cynthia's like, hey, everyone, this is La Prince. He says hi. Okay. And then she hangs up her phone. And Drew keeps Black on the phone on FaceTime the entire dinner.

And he's just sitting there like smiling, just so happy that he's. virtually part of a real house. So weird. It's so weird. At least like put them in a phone case around your neck so we can see what's going on. Just I know. The whole thing's super weird. It's so weird. It's, it's truly bizarre. So Drew says, I didn't ever imagine it would be two years and I still have, you know, a man underneath the stairs. But, uh, and then the producer says while you're dating. Oh my God. I knew you were going to ask me that. Um, I've been on dates. Okay. And I have a, friend. Yeah. And Angela's like, Drew, just tell us the truth. We know what, we know what the truth is.

Like, who are you, who do you think you're lying to here? So then Drew sees Portia, you know, hugs her. And Portia's like, wow, so another date on the phone. Okay, maybe I should have just made this an Uber date. Okay. Rent a date. I'm doing it. Why is that, why is nobody else able to rent a human to bring to this party? The escorting industry, is there for your service. Okay. So then they're like, oh my God, who's coming?

Like, oh, wow, like black. Okay, you guys are more than just friends for sure. And Drew says, he goes everywhere with me. It's like my little best friend in my phone. And the producer goes, but what about after dark? She goes, hmm, we do a lot of things on the phone. I was like, okay, I'm bored. So, uh, I'm like, so,

so Pader comes and she's like, well, I think I'm in a good place with the group besides Angela, because she was all gung-ho that I had something to do with George Jefferson, whose friends with Junebug, who I gave all the money to, and the godfather of Atlanta and spare-headed Toesgate. I mean, I just, she's like, yeah, I mean, everyone knows I've got several jobs, but running around meeting people at the Lennox Mall is definitely not one of them. So, okay, Michelle shows up, and she's brought. cast in with her and she says that she's known castan since the ninth grade and they dated on and off again and she says when i went on to queen's court we were on a breakup and that was me telling him that

there are other men that are interested in me which i felt like when k michel said that i was like i don't know this situation but that feels like a retroactive adjustment to the narrative i feel like she went on queen's court and people were like she's secretly dating castan and now she's saying no no no i wasn't dating him we were on a break and i was just giving him a message like i I'm just like reading the lines because how many times do we see people go on dating shows? It turns out they were, they had a girlfriend all along or a boyfriend all along. Yeah, they're just like putting it on hold to do the date. We just saw it on Love Hotel here on Bravo with Ashley, pretending she broke up with her boyfriend.

We're singing right now on Summer House where Ben's pretending that he didn't have a girlfriend so we could come on the show. He's like, well, we broke up, but maybe now we're going to get back together. We would have seen her on The Bachelorette, I think, because it sounds like, um, Taylor Frankie Paul, formerly of the Mormon church as of today. It looks like she got back with Dakota anyway. So like this is the standard thing. So I kind of got the feeling like she was patching up a narrative inconsistency with her other reality show in that moment. Yeah.

So Kay Michelle's laughing that the house is echoey. She's like, this is like a dressed up city hall because it's very echoey. Dressed up city hall. Huge house. So Porsche is so. nervous to introduce everybody. Oh my God, guys. But here he comes. Mike. He's a big, handsome man. And so, Kay, Michelle's like, where did you meet Porsche? And he's like, oh, we met through God. Slash central casting. Because God created that too. He creates everything on this earth. And Andrew goes,

did you just say God? Meanwhile, over at Shamiya's house, Pinky arrives. And by way, and Shami also has a mullet, which is, you know, just pointing that out. So Shmia's like, I love Pinky. I interviewed Pinky a few times during morning radio and I've always admired her grind,

her hustle, and just though business woman that she is. And by the way, Ronnie, do we think Pinky's tagline will have, we'll say something like I'm not,

my name's Pinky and I do have a brain. Or, oh God. I hope not. I may be Pinky, but I'm also the brain. It's not either. Brain. Pinky in the brain.

She just says pink in the brain. Pinky in the brain. Pinky on the brain. Pinky Cole. At times 100, 4,000, 1,000 twice, Black Enterprise cover, Entrepreneur Magazine, cover, Inc magazine, cover, Essence Magazine, cover. I just became that girl in Atlanta. I started slutty vegan. I built a hundred million dollar brand, and Atlanta made me a legacy.

and my fortune, and then I met my baby daddy in Atlanta, and I'm a mother, a wife, a lover, and not a fighter. I can go on and on. Do you need me too? Pinky is that girl. So, I was like, okay. So then Samia brings out. I just, I wish I could learn to have the confidence of a real house life, because mine, whenever they're like, Ronnie, we need a bio. I'm like, Ronnie used to smoke, but he quit. Now he's, super embarrassed about it. He didn't improv once. I was in a commercial as a kid. Does that count? Are we about to count that?

My name's Ben Mandelker. I have bad posture. I'm concerned about a freckle on my knee. And I'm afraid I've had too much coffee today. I'm that guy. I mean, it was a local commercial. It was a local commercial. It was an international.

Put that in. Okay, strike that. Strike that. Just keep going. Yeah. Okay, so Shimea brings out a shot of clock poster. Oh, she runs a company now, guys. a rum company. I don't know if you've heard. It's going to be huge. Shot a clock. You know what?

Put her in their running for Bravo Liberty of the year because shot a clock, that is just hilarious. Oh, I'm sorry. Pinky, uh, Pinky, would you mind moving off of that Times 100 list? Because we've got a new entry. Okay. Thanks. Sean a clock. Shot a clock. She made a clock off of a poster off of a tagline that she really liked that she gave herself. So that also existed in pop culture before Shemia. But that's fine. That's fine. That's fine.

Yeah. So then we go back to the dinner party and everyone's sitting down at the table and Porsche's welcoming everybody. And guys, today we're going to play a game. Game, games that are adult and fun. And Kelly comes in and Shamiya hasn't shown up yet, but Kelly's brought her friend Trey and Kay Michelle sees this guy and she says, oh God, not him. And she's sitting by Charles and Charles is like, not him.

Who is that? She goes, oh, that man goes through everybody. He's through every. Trey isn't everybody man. Like, Trey is like Steve Urkel. Go home, Trey. Go home. I like this sort of slutty Steve Urkel.

I was like, when I think of Steve Urkel, I don't think of someone who's gone through everyone. Maybe Steve Rakel has Stephen Rakel. Stefan Rakel. But not Steve Rekle. I think they just would tell Steve Rekl go home. Yeah, but I'm assuming that this guy is just like a dweeb is what she's saying. So, meanwhile, Portia is,

Porsche's like, Oh my God, Shameda's a singer too, everyone. And Charles is like, because Charles keeps on saying, oh, we got SWV over here because there's three,

three women, sisters with voices, et cetera. And Camichelle's like, that's not happening. Stop, stop this damn SWV when I've got to make a living off this shit.

Okay, you keep talking about SWV. That's like me putting you on a damn team with the motherfuckers that never dribbled. He's like, oh, just making them better, though. I don't care.

I'll play with Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder. She goes, well, I ain't got no money for them making them dribble. She tells us, look, Charles is an asshole. I don't know nothing about Charles, but I relate to assholes. They have already out of the gate, like the best. Like, there are three seconds of them sitting together and like giving each other shit was so much more compelling than all of the hard work than Kelly and Shemia tried to do during a whole ass big scene.

Yeah. I'm just over here shocked that you don't remember. home, Steve. Oh, is that what they would say at the... With the Urkel. He was always, they were always like, go home, Steve. The dad was like, go home, Steve. I actually honestly forget that part of the Steve Urkel lore.

That's so crazy because, like, I watched that show. Yeah, I mean, I watched that show religiously, but for some reason... Family matters, doesn't it though? And as you get older, you realize the double meaning of that. Family both in fact matter. So Drew calls Porsche down to the table, and she's like, so where's Shemia? Where's Shia? She's like, I don't know, but, you know, it's raining and there's traffic.

So she goes, it's not raining anymore. Maybe it's raining on that side of town, though. That's right. I'm now real estate shaming. I'm Drew Sadorah. Thank you. Drew, the sun always shines on Drew Sadoora and where she lives in the town. So now Shamiya, by way, Shamiya is still at her house.

and she's calling Gerard, Gerald, to see if he's on his way. And basically, he got rerouted to Charlotte, aka he's hiding in the garage. So, he will not get in and out. He's like, yeah, not going to do that.

And so she's like, oh, God, I can't be mad at that? Can I guess I'm going to have to go to the party? So now, back at Porsche's Angela's like, so, is this a serious relationship brewing in front of our eyes, Portia, with you and Ted.

Mike. Mike. Well, you want to tell him where we are? Mike. And he's like, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, guys, guys. It's a little soon. I haven't even been paid for tonight yet. She's like, okay, well, we can start with where we met.

So it was after the PANDD. Express, the Bidemic. We had PAN, expressed during the pandemic, and we met there. There, yes, that's where we met. That is 100% where they're like doing, they're like improvving their way through the scene. And when the first time I saw you, you said, Hello.

How are you? My pineapple lady. And seen. So she says they met after the pandemic, but didn't she just tell us they went to junior high school together or something? No, no, that was Kate Michelle and Kasten. Oh, oh, oh, oh, that was a dentist. Okay. So, yeah,

so she's, they talked in the pandemic, but they just kept it cool. They didn't do anything. And Kelly's like, um, you're a bold bitch. I mean, didn't you meet Simon during COVID? Okay, well, technically she met Simon prior to COVID, but that's a whole whole other conversation. So I'm Kelly.

The math is not mathing. I don't know if she may have forgotten, but she She was in a relationship with somebody at the time. Portia. This is so Porsche, though, too. Yeah. And she's like, okay, guys, well, I'm not going to lie. Yeah, that means you're going to lie.

But you're already lying, Portia. Just keep it up. Well, I threw out a thirst trap, and I knew it was going to catch. I knew it was, and it did. So now Shamiya, Pinky and Derek arrive. Don, don't, don't. Pinky immediately spills her drink on the floor. She, like, grabs it off the waiters, like, a tray, and just, like, sloshes it

around like Lucille Bluth. I'm a little nervous about pulling up. I mean, what the hell am I going to what the hell am I going to do this lady's house for the next after the last text? I mean, this is crazy. I mean, thank God it's shot a clock. So they come in and Charles was like, you're eight hours late.

Charles. And he just laughs for him and Kate Michelle just start laughing. So, poor, Portia goes to greet her and Shimee, they hug. And Shemian's like, well, I was kind of like, do I keep my hands in for the hug? Because what does she try something? And I can get out of here quick. I mean, that was a really slow hug.

Let me reenact it for you. I'm doing great with the Panama's tonight. America, you got to admit, how funny was that hug? This will probably be a meme, right? Like, that hug was pretty iconic. I'm like, Shemia, no one cares about how you hugged Porsche. No one was paying attention in the room on TV or in the audience. Please, I beg you.

And Porsche is playing this really smart, maybe different terms. I mean, we're talking about Porsche, but she's playing this pretty well because she's being very nice about Shamiya. She's just like, every time they ask her about Shemia, she's like, you know, we made up. We had a really positive conversation. Now we're coming back to the conversation. They asked Shemia, and she's like, oh, really? We had a text full of fuck you and, you know, this and that. And then Portia hugs her and they ask Shania how they're doing.

And she's like, oh, Porsche, oh, really? What if she tries something on me? and I can't even get to it and I have to get out of here. Well, Portia, what did you think? I'm so glad she's here. Yeah, Portia's smart. I mean, she sort of did this last season, too, because I do believe that Portia is probably a hard person to be friends with

because she's so famous and I feel like she probably brings everything to herself. That was the whole issue last year, was that Shamiya felt like Portia sort of took and took and took, and Shamiya felt like she couldn't have, like, her moment. And I could definitely see that happening with someone like Porsche. She's such a big personality. But Portia is very, she is very savvy. and she is just going to,

she's going to at least pretend or present like she's taking the high road. And that's kind of all that matters because I kind of feel like, like I was, I kind of, I felt for Shamiya last season, but this season I feel like I'm done with it. And I was like, well, Porsche can play nice.

Why can't you, Shemia, you know, which may not have any logic to it because it's like, you know, just because it's a new season doesn't mean that we hit reset on how we feel about everything. But I kind of feel like I do do that. Like it's a new season. I'm going to create new opinions on everyone based off this new season. So that's my long way of saying.

I agree with you, Ronnie. Well, yeah, this was always kind of Shimea coming for Portia for not being, you know, enough or being there enough for her. And not, no, no, no, no. And Portia was like, what? I'm sorry, what? Why are you mad? So it looks like it's going to be that again. So she's got a new body.

I guess she got herself like a body makeover or something. And so Fadra sees her and she's like, well, Shamiya definitely got herself done up. I mean, it's giving 360. I mean, listen, if you can afford it, buy it, and if you can't, I guess inject it. Yeah. And so everyone's saying, Pinky's going around saying hi to everyone. And when she sees Kelly, she's like, oh, hi, Kelly. Oh, you left me on red on Instagram, but that's okay.

Okay. Hi, everyone. Hi. I was like, oh, wow. So Kelly, she's like, you know what? Pinky is not a girl's girl. We've spoken on some panels together. And I've reached out to Pinky a few times.

And she left me on Red. She showed up, you know, with that little netted thing on. I don't know if Pinky thought we were burying Simon or coming to protest for Simon. Like, where are you going? Like, poor Kelly. You left me on red. Oh, God, that's so embarrassing. They're both accusing each other of that.

They're both accusing each other of leaving each other on red. So this is so. Oh, I thought it was just Kelly who said that you left me on red. I didn't even see that. I think Pinky said it to Kelly too. I think they're both accusing each other. So it just goes to show that we not only have singer on singer. or acrimony on this season.

We also have eatery on eatery acrimony happening between the vegan restaurant and the waffle restaurant. So, and it's like the more famous restaurateur versus the not famous restaurant tour. Dun, dun, done. You know, that's where Gerald is. He's hiding away from this cast. He's like, where can I go where no one will ever see me? Oh, he's restaurant.

Mammas. So Pinky, uh, Pinky says hi to Michelle. And she loves, they love each other. And Pinky says, I love some Kay. You know, one of my investors is her line sister. So we connected and we became fast friends. And that's my girl. She's my spirit sister and my sorority sister.

So, you know, yeah, we're together, guys. Delta, the Delta. So Pinky tells, that's a relationship that by the end of the season will be torn us under, clearly. You can always see it. Whenever they're like, that's my sister. Nothing will ever break us apart. got to the reunion. I wrote for you.

Another gay comes in. She's like, we'll see about that. So, Fadra's also saying that she's known Pinky for well over a decade, and she's done lots of deals, and she's a smart cookie, et cetera.

And Drew was like, guys, guys, guys, who wants to meet black? Everyone hears black. She's like holding up the phone again. And Shamias's like, oh, I thought you were on a Zoom call for work. I didn't realize that was her date.

In case, like, I don't understand why this true lady has this man on his face time. Like, the man on FaceTime got a ringlight. Like, what's going on? And then Shania comes in with a Mohawk, a Mohawk and a new body. And then I see a lady with a white wig and a violin standing behind Porsche. We cut to it. And there is, in fact, a lady in a white wig with a violin behind Porsche. She's like, I'm allergic to violins.

This is some Tyler Perry shit. Yeah. And by the way, it still is not really. The violinist is to me does not say, Oh, we're on a Mystic Island right now. Mystic Islands. Random ladies with violins in front of white curtains. So Portia has cards in her hand

because she's going to play a game called, Who did that? So, and the violinist is like right behind him. I'm like, So Porsche goes, Okay, to the lovely Oakley's. Who made the first move in the bedroom? And Angel's like, girl,

he was ready the first night. And everyone laughs. And Charles was like, well, if you stay ready, you don't have to get ready. But you know what I, what I didn't ask for is, I didn't ask for it the first night, though, anyway. So get a little credit for that. And she's like, uh-huh, Charles,

you did want me to come upstairs after we left that restaurant that night. And he's like, no, I didn't. Because you got in somebody else's car and I got in my car, okay? Oh, my God. She can't win, Angela. Oh, my gosh. She really can't. I think he's like, whoa, this is like an episode of Mori Povich.

So then Porsche was like, okay, okay, who is more likely to start an argument just to have me? up sex. She goes, me? She's like, I did it earlier today or something like that. So Pinky, have you had any public moments? And Derek says, yeah, they were about to buy a property in Birmingham. So they were on the second floor and the realtor was on the first floor and they did it. Yeah. So now Pinky's like, yeah, you know, I vowed not to date anybody to ate meat because I'm a vegan, but I'm on the board of PETA. And here we are five years later. and the only meat I eat is his.

So Portia says, okay. Shamir, this one's for you. Name one physical thing that you would take from your last partner to upgrade your new partner. She's like, well, I've got nothing to upgrade on Gerald. Wongie, Mwangi, there is nothing. Woo, shot a clock. So Portia's like, oh, so nothing is answer, babe. Okay, great.

So then they're like, Drew goes, wait a minute. where is he? Why is he not here? Same reason why your guy's on the phone. She was like, oh, was he traveling? He says, he is actually. Oh, okay, good guess. Oh, I don't know. I just asked the question. Well, yeah, you guessed great.

And that was a great guess, Drew. So that's your answer? Okay. He's traveling, everybody. He's traveling. Drew then turns to me and goes, are you okay? Well, you asked, and I answered, are you okay?

She's, well, just, it was added with some extra energy. She goes, just focus on your Zoom call. Yeah, Shemia gets really shady with Drew. Drew's like, geez, I was just asking the shady way, but still, God. So she goes, yeah, he is actually traveling back to Atlanta. And Drew's like, well, my date's here, so you should worry about your husband. She goes, girl, your husband's not here. Your man's in your basement.

Okay? Your man is in your home. Cynthia's like, I don't know. my Drew is on Shemia's ass about Gerald not being here. And Gerald usually is not here, so I didn't really expect him to be here. So clearly Shamiya didn't expect her man to be here. So I don't know why Drew did. Like Cynthia does her little giggle afterwards.

Yeah. So now we're ordering some shots because it's a clock guys. So they're still going. Drew's like, do you want to get on the Zoom too? She goes, I can call him. Okay, well then do it. But I'm here. But you seem a little bothered.

I'm just making sure you're okay. Okay, geez. So Mike speaks up to get control back, and Portia's like dinging her glass. So Fadra says, well, the most entertaining guest has to be black sitting on his facetime call for over three hours with this big bright smile. And they cut to him. And he's like, still here. Still here. Still here. Still on the phone.

I'm not sure if he doesn't use the bathroom if he has a colossomy bag. I don't know what's going on. It might be a bomb for all I know. So Portia's like, okay, okay. Answer this one. Who have you had a sex dream about at this table? And Cynthia's like, girl, the question maybe who's had a sex dream about me at the table, maybe? And everyone's like, yeah, Cynthia.

What else is going on? Click. Like, why does she have a remote control? Pinky asks Portia when the last time she was intimate with her guy. And they stare at each other. And Portia's like, oh, I'm nine months. And they're like, nine months. And goes, yeah, because, you know, since we've been.

back. We haven't really done anything. And he says, yeah, she nailed and bailed. She's like, what? That wasn't part of the imprint. That was not a good yes and. No. She's like, well, I'm not mad if we figure something else out. And so Lauren's like, but you know what? There's an altar right behind you. That's so convenient for this hilarious scene. So she's like, oh my God, let's see how we look in a totally unplanned moment. So they get up. And they, like, stand as if they're, like, going to get married and everything. And everyone's like, oh, my God, this is hilarious. And by the proportion, Portia's sideboob is, like, the side boob, we're basically looking at sideboob, getting married right now.

And they're standing. And then Mike pretends like he's going to drop down on the knee to propose. And everyone's, like, laughing. Like, hilarious. So then there's some kind of projection behind them, right? That was so weird. The light, well, they make it, they show a projection. like post-production does.

They, they, I think the lights flicker or something like that. And everyone's like, oh my God, the Spirit of Simon. It's here. It's here. It's here. Mike run. I'm so dumb. I was like, what was that? Why aren't they projecting stuff? I'm so dumb. So, they're like, oh, my God, run, Mike.

Run. He's here to kill you. And Fager's like, Porsche, please write a book. Tell us the ways of your vagina because it's strong and it's a trapper. So now everybody cheers is and then Kay Michelle's like Porsche, new love, safe sex and paychecks. And they cheers. And so the guys go to the cigar lounge. It's like, okay, guys, time. The ladies are going to be messy. So the ladies all go sit on these couches in a square just to get some mess in with each other. Like, okay,

let's all go fight. It's fighting time. Yeah, time to fight. So they asked her me how she's doing it. And she said she's in a good place. And Joe's like, well, I'm happy to see you here. And Portia, I'm sure is happy to see you. She's like, yes, I am very happy. And I know you guys haven't spoken recently. And Kelly goes, can I tell you? I love that for you all. Is this a new leaf for you guys? For you ladies, do you think? Oh my God, I'm Kelly. And Portia says she doesn't know if it's a new leaf because she got closure last time they spoke and she felt like it was good and it was healthy, which I don't know if that's the text that Shamea is referring to, but it's funny how Portia puts it and how Shemia puts it. Shemia's like, yeah, that last text was flipping each other off.

And so Shamiya goes, it was, it was cleansing. And Portia says, and I don't have any ill will towards Shemia. And she goes, and I appreciate that. And, you know, thank you for saying that. And I was met with good energy. So I want to reciprocate that. And that's right, you know, that's that. That's that.

So Angela's like, okay, well, you're boring. So speaking of not so great energy, where are you and Drew at? And Drew's like, I have no issue. No problem. I'm here. Shami is there. It's fine. And Barsh goes, well, don't forget, she did apologize online on her YouTube.

which Porsche is bringing up acting like that was a good apology, but she knows it was a shitty apology and she knows everyone's going to pounce on Shemia for it. But Porsche just sort of enters it into evidence with a smile on her face. And we see this on YouTube. Shamia tells everyone very dramatically to all the ladies

of sweet 16 cast. If I ever offended you, if I insulted you, hurt you in any way, I'm sorry for whatever it is that you were so sensitive about. I apologize. Yeah. So, and it's so ridiculous. That whole thing was ridiculous. I watched that until I just got tired. I was like, this is still going. Why is this still going? So Drew does a great impersonation of the video. She's like, I just want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry to everyone who may have been offended because I'm from Decatur bitch and I'm here to say I'm sorry. And I don't know why I'm sorry, but I'm going to say I'm sorry. Like what? What are we even doing? That was weird. It was weird.

man. So then Drew's like, yeah, she also said in the same breath that you went light on me. And she goes, oh, I didn't see that one. And now we see a flashback to a video. And Shamiya's like, well, she asked me how she was a liar and where are my receipts? And like, how am I a liar at the reunion? I could have went a lot heavier. And if she kept on doing what she was doing, I'm going to have to go heavier. But I don't want to. So Cynthia's like, Shimia, would you like to take Drew aside and give her an apology? And she was like, no, I would not lie to, Cynthia. Okay, well, you would not. Then we're done. Then we're done here. She goes, but she got it on the YouTube. So she means like, okay, well, what I think is fake is how, you know, she puts off that kind of stuff out there. But then she has this conversation with you, Fadra, about how she doesn't even believe her friend Angela. And Angela's like, I'm sorry.

And she goes, yeah, well, and Fadra says, long story short, she called me. And I said, the last time me and you talked was at the reunion. And Drew's like, yeah, well, the receipts weren't receding, which is, I told my first. friend that as well. I told Angela that. And Porsche goes, well, receipts weren't receding means that you're questioning the receipt that your friend brought. And Fadre says that after the reunion, Drew came to her dressing room and said, hey, I want to get to know you. And I said, well, I don't really want to get to know people who've tried to frame me, you know, for the Junebug thing and stuff like that. And that's

when she said she didn't really agree with all the evidence. Basically, Fadra saying that Drew came up to her after the reunion and tried to separate herself from Angela and be like, oh, I wasn't really part of that. I didn't really want to be part of the whole Junebug thing. So, but Patriot was like, but why did you go along with it then if you didn't want to be part of it? Yeah, she says, the girls do strange things for the change, honey. So Shamea's like, so you don't think it's strange that your best friend thinks that your receipts aren't receding, Angela. And Angela's, Charles is just watching this from the kitchen, like, oh, geez. And Angela goes, I don't care. What I'm talking about is my husband. And Angela knows who, Drew's like,

Angela knows who I am. Everything that's being said, I've already said to Angela, so there's no secrets here. So Portia's dinging. She said, okay, you guys are going to respect this thing like you do fire alarms, okay? And Angel's like, but that shit lined up. It didn't make sense to me that your person came to me at the Hawks game, whether they told you what they did or not. So there was this, for those who don't remember, there was the story at the reunion where Angela says that this girl who was associated with Fadra came up and was like, I'm the one with the hands. Like, watch out.

Like someone threatened her. And Pager's like, I had those tapes, ran, and that person did not come near you, and I'm willing to show you the tapes. Fadra's so full of shit. And Kelly's like, wait, so she pulled a security tape, and she can do that and hear what the person says? Oh, wow, she is a bad Mamma-jamma, baby. And Angela's like, well, I want to see the tapes then. So could you get those tapes? So the producer asked Fadra, do you have the tapes of the Hocs game?

And she's like, well, I didn't look at the tape, but I asked. for the tapes to be reviewed. So, yes, okay. You just said you could show her the tapes, Fadra. Fadra's going to Fadra. Yes. So they're talking over each other, and K. Michelle's like, I'm not doing this. She's having VH1 flashbacks, I suppose.

And she was like, this is too much for me. And everyone's like, I want to see the tapes. I want to see the tapes. And Kay Michelle's like, okay, I don't want to be here. So she basically is like, when I got invited to this party, I thought I was going to be here for, you know, for a boozy American and African house. I thought the ladies would have, you know, I thought the ladies would have all the gowns on and real diamonds.

They would be drinking champagne and like trying, you know, some other shit, you know. Like, but like, whatever. I'm going to go to the men. I don't even smoke cigars. But at this point, with all the caddiness, I just would rather choke on a cigar. So she goes out to the men and the women are still going in there. And Kelly's like, can I just say one thing? And Portia goes, no.

They're like, oh, geez. So Kelly gets all offended. And Portia goes, I just don't know if I like your questions, Kelly. And she's like, don't do that. Don't do that. Don't. So, Angle gets up and she goes to the guys now. And Kay Michelle goes over to the guys.

She's like, yeah, they're all fancy as fuck. They're over there mad about every goddamn thing. So Angel's like, come on, Kay, we need you back inside. And she's like, no, I want peace. I just want to be loved. I'm going to be here with the men. So Kelly's like, Portia, what happened with you and Shamia on this text message? And she's like, whatever.

Me and Shamina will talk about will be. between me and Shemia, it's not between you, and that's it. Yeah, and she's like, stop antagonizing me. And she's like, but I'm not, Portia. Listen, I promise I'm not antagonizing you. And she goes, yeah, you're being a little extra here. So Portia's like, listen, what happens between me and Shemia is nobody else's business. Okay?

That's it. So I'm speaking you. So now I'll speak about you and me. And what you said in the press about me, like, I don't think I should address that now after my drink. And I don't want to sweep other stuff under the rug, but I can let it for tonight. So she says that because it's her party, she's going to not yell at Drew

or not yell at Kelly today. So she's mad at her later. Yes. This is the new thing. And Pinky's like, whoa, you guys are crazy. So then Drew goes outside. People just slowly start trickling outside to where the guys are one by one, which is funny.

Because it is kind of like, okay, everybody, welcome back to the first day at work. Let's all fight. We're going to fight now. And it's just like, uh, no one really wants to. So then Mike, he like, well, once everyone's out there, Mike's like, guys, guys, I want to, I want to raise a toast. Okay, guys, it's, uh, as the man of the house, uh, I just wanted to say, thank you all for coming to my new home with my wife, who you saw we just got married. Thank you for coming. It's a pleasure and an honor to be an actor here for all of you

you guys. Thank you. And Porsche was like, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. I want to hear my man. This man speak. Now go on, boo. Give your speech. And he's like, thank you for inviting us. your beautiful home, Portia. And through all the love and the imperfections tonight, black is beautiful. Oh, my God, he said thank you. He said thank you. Can you hear him? Can you hear him?

Does anybody have on any AirPods? And everyone's like, who is this guy who's acting like, this is this house? Like, this is kind of a weird moment that he's doing. And they're like, we don't really understand this. And then they have like this funny thing where they like show like, oh my God. Where's Simon? Simon. Where's flip the lights? Scare him away. Simon goes to Simon. Watch out. Flip the lights up here here. And so Portia's like, wow, I had a very successful first couples party with my fake boyfriend in my ex-husband's unpaid for house. Thank you. And everyone's like, kiss, kiss, portion my kiss. Because you guys are a very real couple kiss. And they're like, ugh. Like he's ready to kiss. And she's like, ah.

She, like, is not wanting to do this part of the show right here. So they do a little kiss. And it's like, yay, Porsche and Mike forever. And that's it. That's the end of our first episode. So we'll see. A lot of fakery going on. Just a lot of fakery going on.

You got Portia's fake boyfriend. You got Drew's possibly fake boyfriend. You've got the lady pretending she's doing really great when her restaurants are struggling. And her house, they tried to take her house recently. recently. You've got Angela pretending everything's still okay with Charles when Charles seems like he wants to cut and run. I mean, there's a lot of balls to juggle. That's for sure. Yep. It's pretty standard Atlanta fair. So thanks everyone for being here, a great time. And we'll catch you on our next episode and join us for Crappy Hour tonight. See you there. Bye. Bye.

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