Watch What Crappens - #330: Tuesday Every Day of the Week

Episode Date: September 22, 2016

Timestamps below! Real Housewives of Melbourne finishes up their Dubai trip but continues to gossip shame Lydia, and Below Deck pulls the boat over to let a freaking poodle poo. What a life. Enjoy! Find our bonus episodes and social media links at WatchWhatCrappens.com! Timestamps: 00 Opening and Crappens Mailbag: Real Housewives visit the set of 227 17:08 RHOMelbourne 1:09:37 Below Deck We have partnered with TuneIn to deliver more bonus content! Download the app! For our own premium feed, bonus episodes and extras, visit http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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It's a fruit. It's a fruit. It's a fruit. It's a I'm Ronnie Karam from Big Brother Smother Podcast and Rose Pricks, the new Finding Prince Charming Podcast. And I'm here with my gorgeous, talented, and most likely little sleepy-eyed Ben Mandelker of the B-Side Blog and the Banter Blender. Hello, my little Benjamin. Hello there. I am a little sleepy-eyed, but I'm feeling awake because we're doing this late at night. It's practically midnight.

It's a minute shy of midnight here. It is almost first. It's midnight. It's midnight! Ding-dong. I love cell phone towers that we both got midnight at exactly the same second. I know. We both turned into pumpkins at the exact same time. Probably mine came from the fact

that I had a big old burger tonight for lunch yeah my turning into a pumpkin has been a lifelong effort it did not just happen okay everybody welcome to the show it's a later night so we'll be loopy i don't know how that's different really from any other time we do it but there you go um everybody go to watch what crappens for the links all these links are there that i'm about to vomit all over you okay patreon.com slash watch what crappens that's our premium feed that's where you go get all our bonus episodes and they've been really good lately yeah we talk about any kind of random thing are you wondering about brangelina

or yeah you know things at walmart because that that was this week and did you see that a walmart was looted today i mean the news has been really in the real world yes and part of the news is that they looted a walmart and you know in these dark times i could not help but laugh because we were just talking about that so anyway that's patreon.com slash watch what crappens and thank you to everybody who supports us over there. Also, we're doing L.A. Podfest this weekend. So excited with Ms.

Moles, Molly McAleer. Yeah, so cool. She's going to be our guest. That's Sunday night. So if you don't have your tickets, get your damn tickets. They last for the whole weekend. And if you'd rather just watch it on the old Internet, just go to L.A. Podfest and use the code word crap ads and you will get a nice fat discount and see any show you want.

It's like a whole weekend pass. Yeah. Also, go to Facebook.com slash Watch What Crappens because that's where you talk to other listeners and comment on the live show threads, which are always a bundle of joy. There's usually around 100 comments and they're comedy gold. So go read those. So funny. And I think that's it, right, Bean? Well, I just want to do one thing of promotion, which is that I have a blog, bsideblog.com. And the reason why I'm mentioning this is because the last two weeks I have been posting photo caps of Finding Prince Charming.

And, you know, I'm thinking about maybe i was i was just just gonna be a one-off thing and then but i got such a really cool response from the first one and uh that i did a second one and maybe i'll do it all season so it'll be sort of funny that we're both doing um finding prince charming in different ways so go check that out too because otherwise otherwise i'm not gonna do it anymore that show is just beautiful i mean it's just a beautiful beautiful disaster you guys shakira beyonce thank you ronnie thank you for being vulnerable to me about that thank you then please put your walls down so that i can be vulnerable thank you i just ronnie what was your hashtag? It was hashtag chemistry, and I'm not sure if we have it.

My hashtag. Hashtag, I'm really, really good at reading. Their hashtags were so long. I was like, those will not fit on Twitter. Yeah. You know he's trying, you know Robert Sepulveda Jr. is threatening to sue people, the haters. Oh, darling. I mean, he doesn't have enough money to even stay in his damn apartment.

Who are you going to sue? How many people are going to take that pro bono? You're going to have a lot of people to sue, fool. Yeah, I mean, you know, the more people he sues, the less money he has for Botox. So, you know, he's got to choose wisely. That big old dick's only going to last you for so long, Mr. Sepulveda. Okay.

So, let's get on with the show today. We've got Real Housewives of Melbourne and Below Dick. But first, we've got a very, very special moment to get to you being. That's right, because we are going to open up. What the crap is that? It's my mailbag. you want to submit questions and comments the crappins mailbag all you have to do is go to patreon.com forward slash watch for crappins and if you donate at the uh at the mailbag level which is like five dollars uh you can submit and you also gain access to the ability to uh write in for the crap and super fight which is a new segment we debuted on the previous episode

we already have some hilarious things on patreon that people have written that it's very excited to read uh on our next episode so if you haven't done that go do that in the meantime we have our mailbag and uh we only have actually like about two questions left in the in the latest mailbag before we have to refill it up so let's get to one of our favorite doctors of all time betsy md who has md betsy md no relationship to Dr. Quinn. Or House. Or Quincy. I'm done. For the state of Maryland. I'm stupid to be a doctor, and I'm really too stupid to even remember doctors' names. And by the way, we have no evidence that she's not related to any of those people, so we retract it all.

we were we were we were tracked at all um betsy md says wonder how it would go if heather debro gave a tour of the wait a second i have to start this one over because i was not expecting the question to go in this direction i'll totally edit that out later don't worry no no it's fine it's fine oh well you know i won't there's like no preparation okay let me start this over because it caught me off guard wonder how it would go if heather debrow gave a tour to the 227 cast of her new mall house oh my god i was not expecting that okay she'd be like this is a 19 000 pizza oven jackay Pizza oven Jackay Heather I like that

Heather I love a pizza Lester Lester I'm just Thinking about how my Sandra Voice sounds like Sounds like Toya from Marriage and Medicine

Whose voice is that Ambulance Heather Sounds like Toya from Marriage and Medicine. It's like, whose voice is that? Ambulance. Ambulance. Call the ambulance. It's Toya playing Jackie. Meanwhile, Heather Dubrow could not be more thrilled.

I am so glad the cast of 227 is here because I have 227 rooms to fill. Those gigantic cabinets she put in her kitchen and spent like 80 million dollars for from Italy or whatever. One of them just keeps popping open and Pearl's head pops out.

See your home again there, Heather. We specially designed a pearl window for this house. It's a little window by the front that Pearl can stand at. Those kids acting crazy. I can't believe you let them kids walk around here like that. There has no place like home.

When you've spent $34 million just on counters alone. There has nothing you can say. Just room for a colette in no place like home oh my god it's a ladybug i knew someone who was an actor who was in that movie it's you jack hey hey hey jerry mcguire girl i thought you're supposed to be in a tenement jerry mcguire i don't know what that means. Mary's just looking all exhausted. I love that no matter what TV show she's on, she just looks over it. Yeah.

That's how she showed up. I learned in an acting class years and years ago when I thought that was still a thing that was going to be in my life. I learned that you should never really act. You should just show up and be who you are because if you ever get a TV show, don't want to have to put all that effort in a teacher really told us that and i always thought of mary just walking around looking like oh jesus just shaking her head like i i personally as much as i like the idea of of heather guiding the cast of 227 around her mall house i think it'd be much more entertaining if the cast of 2g7 gave heather a tour of their building okay all right all right so where is the guest tenement where is that there's like nothing but mary's apartment was there anything else even in there i think they

had like a little i don't know like coffee machine that they would put up against a bathroom wall whenever they showed Jack Hayes' apartment. I don't think we ever even saw that. Now, where is the hexagonal ice in this brownstone? Where is that? Is there in the solarium? Is there a solarium? Where's the foyer to this brownstone?

Lester, may I assume that you're the pizza maker? Who is that? Who's that going to be? Lester, may I assume that you're the pizza maker? Who is that? Who's that going to be? Lester. You're all sitting on the stoop. Are you here to paint the house? Are you here to paint the brownstone?

Who takes care of your children? Please tell me you don't do this alone. Who's this rose woman anyway? What else in that damn mailbag? lies of d look i'm i'm like mary now i'm like well if you thought if you thought you were going to get away from a theoretical heather dubrow situation you were sorely mistaken ronnie because eliza d says i can't with heather she needs to get kicked down a peg or two. Yeah, she needs to be sent to 227, which would be its own, by the way, its own sitcom. Rich lady from Orange County forced to move into Brownstone in Baltimore.

Anyway, so Deliza D. says, I would love to see her, Heather, in the mix of the Real Houses of New York cast. Could you please indulge a little fantasy Heather dressed down a la Bethany? So Heather gets dressed down by bethany or just heather well i guess i think that's probably what it would be right heather gets dressed down by bethany in 227 what are we always gonna sit on these steps like seriously what is this sesame street where's big bird like i've seen this up before it's ridiculous like like literally like there's a woman named pearl in the window like honestly like she doesn't look like she came from an oyster like i don't know why she called pearl i i don't get it like why is she in the window like why is she coming

out the stoop everyone's on the stoop but she has to go in the window like what like isn't she gonna get a cold she's gonna get sick she's old she needs to close the window all right like i really i can't like my walls up my windows down my walls off i can't that bitch is crazy literally like if this woman if this I can't I can't with I can't with Pearl like honestly like I can't she's just like all she does is like talk like it's like if I have to explain why I'm on the staircase like one more time honestly I'll just I'm just gonna throw myself down the staircase and just

break my neck like get me now get me now oh Jesus Christ hey how did you get out of my cabinet literally like your cabinet like you know what yeah everyone has cabinets like you think it's so special you got a cabinet like it's a great world we all have cabinets like it sounds like no big deal like honestly like your cabinets that's so great honestly it's a cheater brand you know honestly i did not expect to be as emotional when i saw your cabinets as i was like honestly

just it just came out of me i i don't i don't know it's like i just saw the cabinets i thought jason i thought like oh my god i don't have cabinets my own anymore i have no cabinets i've like just like shelves like i can't like how do you even know this is 227? Seriously? How do you even know the address? I don't even see the address anywhere. You need to get big numbers with the lights in them. Like bar. You need to get big letters with lights inside. Where the hell

am I? Literally, I don't even know where I am. What are these numbers? I don't get it. We're just saying 227. 2 plus 2 doesn't even equal 7. Honestly, is this new math now? Is this what we're doing? Do you understand that I do not want to be doing this? I do not want to be explaining to you what 227 means.

You understand that, right? What is this, like Common Core? Seriously? Hold on. I'm going to call my boyfriend's daughter and ask her about 227. Hey, hey. Do you agree that we've never talked about 227 before? Do you agree?

Is that true? When my father had a backache, you came through the back door and never had an affair, and no one in my family thinks you did, Mary. Pearl, the fake call from Bethany. The fake call from Bethany. I like that our Bethany yelling at Heather Dubrow just turned into her not understanding 227. We literally kept 227 on the air longer than it was on the air. Like, who's Jack A? Is it Jack A?

Is it Harry? Is it Jack A Harry? Is it named Harry? Harry Jack A? Jackie? Jackie Harry? Is it Jackie Jack A? Like, I don't say that.

Choose a name. Like, choose a brand. This is like what we learned in my brand summit. Like, you can't just change your name all the time, Jack A. Like, it's just like one or the other. Like, I mean't say that. Choose a name. Like, choose a brand. Like, this is like what we learned in my brand summit. Like, you can't just, like, change your name all the time, Jackie. Like, it's just, like, one or the other. Like, I mean,

it's like sister, sister. Like, there's one sister, two sisters. Like, honestly, like, too much. I love that after everything Bethany did this season, the only thing that still sticks in my head

and really bothers me to this day is the fact that she wrote Bart in big letters from Ross Rush for less. Like, I can't get over it. Everything else, I'm like, what, Bethany? What'd she do? When did we get it? Let's wrap. fact that she wrote bar in big letters from rostros for less like i can't get over it everything else i'm like what bethany what'd she do you got it i feel like my i feel like my bethany voice is very

strange tonight there's something about like it being after midnight my bethany voice is just in a strange place i'm like like seriously what boy you think i can't hear you like seriously i'm sitting right here the thing the trick with the Bethany voice, and I'm by no means an expert, but the key is that it has to live in the nose and sometimes make it live in the throat. It's got to be up here or something like that. I don't say I can't.

It's like so much. Yeah, when that show comes back next season, I'm going to really work on the part where she gets really mad and starts squealing. Yeah. Girl, I've been smoking this year. Yeah, I just can't get i just can't get up there this i did get some of ramona's but yeah that's like a super high squeal i need like a mid-range i need like a a baritone squeal she has that like that buzzsaw sound that sometimes it's hard to emulate yes

i didn't mean baritone i meant alto alto, like not soprano, but sorry. Sometimes I just try to, basically with the Bethany impersonation, I just try to talk as fast as possible. And it's like bringing the sound barrier because at a certain point, you're talking faster than your brain can compute. And then there's like a sonic boom inside your head.

And then you just are essentially dead for the next 10 minutes. I think that's like her too. I mean, your veins on your forehead or like on your temples can only get so big from botox i mean i think that that is making them big but i think she stresses herself out so much just trying to think of things to say that's why she makes such an ass out of herself and later she's like seriously i'm sorry like i was i was a monster like i didn't even know what i was saying right then like like i don't know it was like it was like something came over me. It was a craziness.

I don't know what's wrong with me. It's just like there's the new reality. There's the new normal. Where's the new leaks? I don't see it. Open your legs and marry a man. I don't see it. Fix your face. I'm a nanny. All of a sudden, I'm a nanny. What's going on? I look at the back of the milk carton and I wait to see my face there. It's missing. Bethany, who am I? Where am I?

Where am I right now? Literally, I don't even know. Literally, I can't. Alright, let's close up this now. Let's just... Thank you. We really did save the best for last there with those bonkers 2G7, Heather Dubrow, Bethany crossover.

That always brings me life. You know, what I just noticed? We've been doing this pod. This is episode 330. Okay, we've been doing this for like five years or something. Is that five years? I don't know. It's a lot of years. It's a lot of years for me. I can't. I can't.

I can't. But I just realized after hacking in everybody's ears with my damn smokers cough all these years i just noticed i have a mute button on skype i just yeah noticed it i have a mute button on my microphone but by the time i think to press it and it's like too late to cough is that i'm like rolling my office chair into the living room and coughing into the dog's stomach like dumbass there's a mute button okay speaking of things that won't be muted real housewives of melbourne shall we oh shall we shall we shall oh my god this season is almost over yeah god bless this season bless it this season you know, that show's become very popular over there.

And I think it may be gaining traction here. I, like, literally have no idea. I love that they will still use any old canned music that they can find. And this week, it was the Survivor music. It's like... But we're in for a treat yes sir we're still in dubai oh yeah dubai brings out the best in these ladies whether it's in whether they're from melbourne or from beverly hills dubai brings it all out this huge cast in dubai i mean look no matter how progressive you guys try and get over

there you still got to be reminded one one day why stoning women is sometimes a good idea i mean these women good lord yeah they can't have they ever gone to a restaurant where they aren't screaming and yelling at each other uh i don't i i don't think so i think they are pretty good about just letting it all lose letting it out when beverly hills went to dubai they went to all the same spots basically yeah so there's like some tour guide in dubai like the uh what do you call it like tourist affairs or whatever the chamber of dubai commerce or whatever where they give them a list of places they can go film and when beverly hills went they were like you guys we have to wear

scarves over our heads in certain places and we can't say the f word or we'll be murdered like we'll totally be killed you guys don't talk too loud only be womanly in certain places okay don't own it, baby. This cast never even asked that. They just showed up everywhere in miniskirts and spray tans. Gina's tits were out. So, like, she's like, oh, I said to that Arab, I said, don't you dare throw this. You put this stone right now.

Get this stone out of my body. And you know what? It did. You can stone a person, but you can't stone right now get that stone out of my body how dare you it did you can stone a person but you can't stone a brand the reason why i'm not afraid to hit my boobs out because you puppy though fearless like amoeba medicine so we open up lydia's just been screamed at at some dinner so it's the next day lydia's been up since five in the morning getting her damn face on i mean jesus she had so much makeup and she had this weird hair and i don't know she looks weird in the daylight without you know joanna her maid yeah fixing her up she's all wonky eyed she had to like skype the makeup she's like all right daughter daughter show me

wait no pretend that you're here now where would you put the makeup on me next daughter i teach her so much i teach her so much on skype uh so pedoflora who's usually the one that everybody's telling to stfu shows up to her room and she's like lydia was very very upset i just want to see if i can support her in any way yeah pedoflur is like reveling in the fact that someone got like thrashed by the group more than she did so normally she would be the one to feel upset that she couldn't be the ultimate victim but in this case i think she really enjoyed that lydia got torn down so she came in all smiles it's like oh you poor thing like you must you went through so much last night so down really really down yeah and lydia's like i was smashed they smashed

me last night lydia answered the door like hello good morning she's like oh you look terrible you look so not happy it's like i was smiling bitch yeah so yeah then it turns into this victim thing i think pedoflora is doing that thing that people do where they buy people presents that they barely know for their birthday or like they're overly nice to people because when it becomes yeah when it's their birthday they want people to know how to do it but nobody ever does and they're like nobody ever does anything for me that's so pedophore ulterior motives yes no such thing as altruism so yeah so the way to put it like you put it in two seconds i was like let me let me have a monologue right now well so then lydia's they're rehashing everything and l like, you know, I've never had a problem with Chica in all my life.

You know, the problem is, is Jackie. And then Pettiflor, of course, fans the flames of that. She's like, food, dinner table, Jackie, fight. That's her MO. Of course you get a dinner table and Jackie there. She has her elbows on the table. Oh, no. You know it's over.

Yes. Elbows on the table, but you know it's not on the table? My son's birth certificate, where is that? I don't know. Angels don't seem to know. So the angels won't tell me, that is for sure. Well, they're trying to figure out, because the big controversy, we don't

even know what it is. Lydia's been saying horrible things. It would ruin families. That's what people like Hadid, they say things that ruin families. She's what people like Hadeed, they say things that ruin families. She's literally ruining families, Jackie. But we never know what Lydia actually said about Chica. We're assuming that it was that her husband

was gay, but nobody's saying it. And Petty Fleur is trying to start this chicken game with Lydia, where she's like, well, you know what it was? You figured it out, no? She's like, no, I have no idea what they're even talking about. So everybody's trying to get the other person to out chica's husband basically on tv which is beautiful yeah and lydia is now getting worked up and she's like getting mad at jackie she's like you have no idea what you have done missy like oh lydia and then she's getting

mad and and pedofleur is trying to chime in and And then Lydia's like, no, Petiflur, am I not allowed to finish what I'm saying without you interrupting? And even Petiflur was like, oh, okay. Petiflur was like the queen of like, oh, you yelled at me. You yelled at me. And I'm here to support you. But instead she was just like, oh, Lydia. Oh, okay. Like, okay then. I love that these two just yell at whoa, Lydia, whoa, okay. Like, okay, then.

I love that these two just yell at each other and then hug. They're beginning to be a really hilarious friendship. Yeah. So anyway, the two of them, despite all these issues, their plan is to go up to the Bridge Suite, which is like the massive suite that's on top of this Atlantis monstrosity. And because Chica, he's rented it out. And the world's finest diamonds from the Levant Diamond Company

are going to be there for sale, for looking at. So they're all there. And that's when Gina has her boobs out. I mean, like, she is just taking on Isis. And she just kept grabbing them and kind of moving them around she's like all right lift a boob you're gonna be equal with the right boob you're gonna still try and be a little bit better yeah what do you think yeah and then um uh so chica's talking about lydia and you know she was like i just hit enough of it i couldn't believe it and i just love that i kept

on cutting to everyone with these like flabbergasted faces. Like Gamble and Gina and Janet. Like, oh, I can't believe she said that. I can't believe her sometimes. Oh, oh, Chica. Janet went from, isn't this wonderful? What? Look at the diamond.

How are you feeling, Chica? What? Look at the diamond. How are you feeling, Chica? She's always like this sweet, amazed lady. And then she's like, all right, tell us about how your life is being ruined, Chica. Oh, it must have hit so much all this time. I love Chica trying to get tough, too. She's like, now listen, I'll give a lot of leeway to a lot of people,

but you don't come after my family. That's like if you put your napkin back on the table without folding it first. You think somebody's going to come behind you, Chessie, and do that for you? Do you? Your father and I love you, Chessie. It's like she can't even. Did you learn a lesson, Chessie chissy good as long as you learned a lesson when you were ruining my family chissy so after they talk all this shit about lydia

of course lydia walks in and of course it's awkward and she lydia's like i almost felt like she didn't want me there i'm like oh, Lydia. You're a great detective. No one's reached out to me. Okay. Meanwhile, she showed up in the same dress that Chica's wearing after trying to steal this trip from Chica the whole time. She had to know. I mean, how did she not know? I know. The same exact dress.

And Chica has evil eyes now because she's wearing this beautiful blue dress. And it really brings out her piercing blue eyes. exact dress and chica has evil eyes now because she's wearing this beautiful blue dress and it really brings out her piercing blue eyes and those eyes you know it's always the nicest ones who will cut you yeah no chica has chica is like all right i've only got i've only got four more episodes on this show and then i'm done forever so i'm gonna take out lydia while i can but if anyone's gonna call brucey gates gonna be the bus boys and that's it That was my rule when I signed the contract So then Vanessa Bear Shows up to sell

Diamonds Is this that wonderful Look at the beautiful Jewel Where's chicken Do they have a diamond in the shape of chicken That I can give to chicken Do they have a diamond in the shape of chicken that I can give to chicken? Do you have a diamond that would text me for three years that I can ignore and apologize to over lunch?

Oh, it's so nice having all these diamonds here. It feels like the family's back together. This is what I miss. You know, when you get divorced, it's not just you who you get affecting. You're affecting all the diamonds. All the diamonds you could have had in your other home, but now you have a new apartment. Cracks me up. So these diamonds, okay, I get diamonds are expensive and stuff.

And like a lot of babies are murdered to make them or whatever. Leo DiCaprio taught me in that movie a long time ago, the reason that they're bad. But $1.3 million for some shitty little ring and another one that's $4 million? You people are fucking crazy. And the truth is, I mean, maybe this is just me as a guy

or someone who's not well-versed in this, but I don't really see that much of a difference between something that's like you know seven thousand dollars versus a million dollars you know i don't even see much of a difference between something that's like eight hundred dollars versus a million you know it's like okay i see a lot of sparkles but like but people like oh it looks so beautiful i'm like it looks fine i don't think it's like worth a million dollars i look at it's It's like, it's nice. It's just as nice as if you wore something from like the J. Crew collection.

I don't know. Yeah. Like you're paying $4 million to look like you're on a really low rent telenovela. Like it makes you look cheaper in a way, you know? Yeah. Of course, poor people have an issue with the diamonds. Okay.

Yeah. But one of them was literally Shannon's's dragon bracelet that david gave her when you know when he was trying to make up with her but you know that one wouldn't four million dollars i mean but also where are they wearing these diamonds to anyway they're not going to the oscars you know i mean like are they gonna the latest opening of west elm and east to rock i mean where where why do they need these diamonds like i gotta get it like what's what do you need diamonds for like what's, why don't you get quartz? I don't know.

I feel so bad for the people selling the diamonds to Real Housewives because those bitches ain't buying a diamond. Like, if we've learned anything from Real Housewives, most of them are actually poor. They're living on credit. But notice that Petaflur certainly wore those earrings as long as she could because they were on the whole rest of the scene. Yeah, she did.

You know she tried to walk out with that shit. Why are you being mean to me asking to take off my earrings? Who would do this to me? I work hard for these earrings that I have not bought. So now Lydia wants to have a conversation with Chica to clear the air.

And Chica's like, alright, I'm really rather upset with you and I'd rather not talk about it right now. I just want to have a fun night and let's not talk about it. And when we get home, we can talk about it then, but not tonight, okay? Lucy and I will always love you,

but you've stepped over the line. And once I calm down, we can have a nice rational discussion about it somewhere else that's not in Saudi Arabia. All right, missy? Or United Arabian, United States of American Arabian. It's as Lydia

would say, as you stupid motherfucker. Of course, I said the same thing. I was like, wow, the United Emirates. Stupid. The United Arabias or whatever. So Lydia's following her around. So Jackie is like, she doesn't want to talk about it. So she pulls

she's like, let's talk about it. She pulls her over to the couch. Yeah, she pulls her over to the couch. She is like, she doesn't want to talk about it. So she pulls, she's like, let's talk about it. So she pulls her over to the couch. Yeah, yeah, sorry. Yeah, she pulls her over to the couch. She's like, how do you feel about that awful woman coming up to you after she tried to ruin your family's life? How do you think about that? I heard the angels found a birth certificate,

but I'm not saying where. How about that? How about that? I told the dolphin downstairs, because the dolphin's now my new best friend. Hey, Chica, there's an angel behind you and it's crying because your family's life is about to be ruined. All right. What do you think about that?

I don't want to talk about it, young lady. So, Pedder Fleur comes over and sits down next to Jackie. And it was at this time, by the way, I realized that Petaflare was wearing almost the exact same white wispy top that Bette Midler wore in one of the early scenes of Big Business. How did I not see that? You know what I'm talking about, right? Like during the scene when she first arrives at the office with her big black hat and then she's walking around. Yes. You're always so wispy, wispy, wispy. Yeah.

And when she passes that lady in the office and she's like, is this what we wear to the office? You look like a blood clot. Yeah, and then she makes a sudden turn and her triangular white top swivels and flaps at someone. Oh my god, I can't believe I didn't notice and I'm so disappointed in myself. Well, Pediflur is sort of like Sadie... She wishes. Holloway or whatever. No, Sadie...

No, Holloway was the factory. Sadie and Rose Nylon? No, Rose Nylon's from Golden Girls. Rose Nylon, yeah, it's Golden Girls. Confabulating. I just like to hear you come up with names. The Ratliff is a Jupiter Hollow one. The Ratliff's like like sadie and rose rat left from jupiter hollow and sadie and rose

i forget what the new york city ones are yeah i forgot too i can't i can't believe i didn't recognize that shirt although i did think of that blood clot thing with something that um chica wears later it's like a lace like there's lace flowers but it's black but i thought of that blood clot thing i was like is this what we wear to the office because i still say lines uh from big business to myself oh all the time i i would love to see big business reenacted with petaflur as bet middler and lydia as lily tomlin oh my god i want to do a one person show I could totally imagine Lydia by the way

Showing up in an office With a dog on a leash And leaving the dog in the elevator The scarf leash goes up in the elevator Figure out Mr. Fig Is a frog's ass watertight? Okay so petty sits down uh on the couch with jackie trying to still stir some pot and she is just not having any of this stirring and so petty fleur comes over and she's like oh yes you don't feel good well how about you jackie how do

you feel about bringing it up and almost ruining Chica's family when you bring it up? Like, oh my god. So now Jackie's about to kill Petaflor, and Petaflor's about to kill everybody, and they ain't even involved in this. What the hell? Well, Jackie says that Petaflor and Lydia aren't even real friends. Jackie's not going off.

They're not even real friends, and they cut to Gamble, and she's so confused. She's like, Oh? Is there anybody going off, not even real friends, and they cut to Gamble, and she's so confused. She's like, Is anybody I can tell to get fucked? Is it Laura? Okay, I'll just be over here. She spends the entire time looking like a confused version of

Robin from the Muppets. You know, the little frog, not the big frog. She's just like, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, the big frog she's just like oh and she literally does that her mouth opens really wide and like her wig tape always in a different place you never know where her eyelids are gonna be it's funny because gamble was so feisty last season when she kept on fighting with janet but

this season she just she really is just like a puppet like she's like not like a people manipulator she actually looks like she is from the jim henson workshop and and she just is slowly like rotating the way puppets turn left and right slowly oh oh oh she mentioned last season that she's got a little bit of deafness right right which explains a lot because she just opens her mouth so wide and looks around like oh like it's always this huge news that's coming out of someone's mouth but it's literally nothing they'll be like i think she's the loo she's like oh i love i love how partial deafness affects different housewives like katherine on beverly, she just yells and is an asshole. And everyone hates her until she gets to hearing it.

And she's like, oh, now I can listen and be cool. But with Gamble, she's like, oh, I don't hear it. I don't hear any things. No. She hears one thing. And then when they tell her, like when they tell her, aren't you mad that Jean is treating you you like that she hasn't even looked at him the way that gene is speaking to you and she's like oh she's always shocked about the own like her own fights it's hilarious when do we see the menorahs and the torahs no we're looking at jewelry, not jewelry. Oh. Thank goodness, because I hear that can get awkward around here.

Well, Dubai is not where I expect to see a lot of jewelry. Could you imagine? I can't even imagine Gamble asking to see a Torah. Where's the Torah? I hear there's a lot of Yom Kippur coming up soon. My favorite holiday. I don't want anything to be uneven.

How do the Jews have so many more years? Are they in the time and the futures? Why are they 5,000 years when we're in 2000? I'm confused. She's just ruining every holiday. She's just lighting every candle. Shabbat Shalom. It's Wednesday.

Oh. Oh. Oh, God. So, Chica, now everybody's fighting, and Chica's not. She's like, what the hell? This is my fight, people. Like, I've never had a fight. You guys are all gonna to take my fight.

There's so many chessies here. So she's like, all right, ladies, I'd like to make a speech. Thank you so much for coming on my trip into the Diamond Center, which is full of beauty that you can't see because all you can do is fight like terrible, spoiled young ladies. Now, I would spank you, but i'll do it with a lovely view of the sunset on the most beautiful building in the world how does that sound girls everything's so positive mom yeah she's like i mean it we're gonna have a good time and then like the they go out to the

balcony and the cameras zoom out all dramatically as if like this was like die hard or something like that and they did the movie climbing up thing they move back further and further well so then when we come back from commercial they've actually returned from Dubai, and Janet is, Oh, I'm so happy to be home. And look, I get to meet up with Father of Chicken. Brian, I only used to drink Chardonnay when I was married to you. I think we'd order me a Chardonnay, Brian.

How wonderful. there, Brian. How wonderful. Oh, Brian. Well, we learned that they actually aren't even divorced, by the way. I thought all this time they were divorced, they're actually, they've been married all this time. Because he's like, why don't you come home? Actually, I'd like to come home. Invite me home. And then we can go get handjobs

together from Turkish late wrestlers. All the things I think of that we've done together over our time together. The dinners we've had. The breakfasts we've had. The lunches we've had. The appetizers. It's like, Jesus Christ. Because all you people do is eat.

I know. But then it got sort of sad because Janet was like, You know, I just am afraid everything's going to fall apart again. And I don't want to decimate everyone. Definitely not chicken. I've already had to avoid chicken for four years and apologize over a lunch that I had to pay for, Brian. I don't want to get back together with you

and then have to do it all over again. And he's like, you're right. Isn't it crazy that I've paid for so many happy endings in my life and it ends like this? And it's like the saddest ending. He just kind of stands there waiting for her to turn around and she's like, I'm clunking very confidently up the street how wonderful it's the australian version of that woody allen movie chicken hole

academy is a new scripted podcast that follows ava richards played by hbo's industries my holla harold a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top ten, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own,

she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus.

From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February.

And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Chicken, oh, I never understood your glasses, but I understood you, chicken. I never understood your glasses, but I understood you, chicken. Oh, I'm moving to Los Angeles. I remember all the chickens we made out in Long Island. They tried to get out of the pot and they ran across the floor.

Chicken. Oh, my God. This was so weird. They're like, okay, it's the end of the season. We don't have to talk again until next year. Bye, old people. weird they're like okay it's the end of the season we don't have to talk again till next year people so then we saw jackie walking along with a mustachioed lesbian who turned out to be your husband ben he's like a lesbian with a gift certificate to like a place that puts oil in your hair you know like when people get a blowout and like really pretty oils in their hair yeah i

mean like between his like black blazer with like the sleeves rolled up and like his blown out hair and you know the only thing that's keeping him from looking like a true lesbian is the mustache and beard he i mean it's perfect he does he kind of looks like he's been relegated to the sidebar at the magic castle you know yeah one of those guys that you're like oh poor thing he achieved his dream at the magic castle in the main showroom and now he's asking if you want olives in your martini while he like turns over cards you know i feel like he has a side gig editing corporate videos for like ibm for in for their their internal presentations. Where they only have mirrors in the bathroom that go up

to your chest or like chest and above. So all you really see is your hair and you're like, well, that looks good. Alright, back to the Photoshop. So they're going to the fertility specialist because they have to see the stupid story about them having babies.

So they're going there and Jackie is like, well, I spoke to the angels, and they say I'll be fine. So that's good. I'll be fine. Oh, and also, still no word on that birth certificate. So we'll get back on that. But the dolphin's happy. Good news about the dolphin.

His dolphin friends are good. I like that she kind of slithers out of that one, too. Well, I talked to the angels, but it's different because it's me and I'm not reading someone else. So I'm not as confident, you know, like if I'm going to tell someone else, you're barren. Like, how does it affect me? I can still go home and have a cheese. It's with Ben. But, you know, I can't just be so confident with my own self.

It's like you don't even understand how stupid you sound about your own business, lady. It's like, you don't even understand how stupid you sound about your own business, lady. So then they go to meet with the doctor to find out if she's still got some eggs in the oven. And to see if he's got some swimmers, some Phelpses. I want some Phelpses. And then there's this really awkward moment where the doctor was like, so, do you use any sort of contraception? And Ben was like, well, we have an interesting form of contraception. And then he looks at Jackie and she looks mortified.

And then she looks at the doctor and she's like, well, it's embarrassing. It was embarrassing. And honestly, I would not have thought anything of it. I would have thought that it was just like the pullout method. But then I just had to assume that they do it anally, right? Is that me? Am I crazy? We're both purrs because I was just about to say,

Bean, why don't he check in the ovaries and the throat? Right? Either way, it was not a vagina that he's taking his. I just assumed it was anal. I mean, I'll be like, why would just blowjobs be embarrassing? That would not be interesting either. I think it was either that they do pull-out method or they do anal. I can't.

I originally just thought pull-out method, but then the way you said it, I was like, oh my god, she swallows. But then now you're saying anal, I'm like, oh my god, I hope it's not both. Better ask the angels. When you finally hear the angels, they're just going,

ew, ew, oh god please no she's violated our trusts get some damn condoms you weirdos maybe he does something really weird like he just like comes into her armpit or something it's why i only grow hair in one pit it's why my art that's why only one of my eyes closes she does have that where one of her eyes closes separately from the other like a lot of dreads one of them is swimming shut it's a little sticky my legs a little sticky still stings a little bit you guys this is

disgusting but is it more disgusting than when he has to go to the room to give his sample? He's like, can I have my lady give me a hand? I'm like, oh, geez. Enough about your sperm. And he's like, pun intended. The doctor's like, yeah, I've heard that one before. Because she's going to give me a hand job, right? I was like, yes, yes.

She's basically going to take her hand and put it on my penis. And it's going to feel like I'm in her butt, but it's her hand. She'll be rolling her eyes, and one of them will be closing themselves, but, you know, I'll just be thinking about something fun. Like going to Drespan. Oh, God. I love all his dick jokes on The Doctor. It's like, yeah, please get out of my office.

Thanks. So what's next here? Lydia goes to meet Janet and Gina for lunch. Janet really did say she did really do her thing. She's like, oh, look at you, Lydia. You look wonderful. Let's start cracking. Oh. Lydia, you look wonderful. I started cracking up. Oh.

I haven't seen you since Dubai, which on our TV was like five minutes ago. I know. Oh, we're still in Dubai, are we? Are we? No. I like that Lydia was saying, oh, oh yeah that was rough the way that everybody what was your highlight it breaks in it's like could you have a highlight you spent too much time with petaflip i don't know if there is such a highlight with it tipping out

tipping up tipping back in i'm back in, I was kidding I said I was tapping up, but I'm here Tapping into some chicken Oh my god Okay, so she's trying to keep it positive And Lydia just wants to bitch So Lydia switches back to positive Just to get Janet on her level

So she can start bitching She's like, having everyone there was gorgeous. And how is Chica? I still don't know what I've done or said to poor Chica. And Janet's like, nice try. The fact of the matter, the die has been cast, Lydia. I like that she's always in some Lord of the Rings. One does not simply enter chica territory, Lydia.

And she was waving her butter knife at her when she talked. She's like, if you think of denying, it's not going to cut it, Lydia. Own it or you'll be in a world of pain, Lydia. It won't be wonderful. Gina's like, hello, my boobs are here. Table for three. Does this smell like cardboard in here? This most fragrance.

Reminds me of my childhood. So the best part is that Ginaina and and janet are just like lydia like we all know what you've said and lydia keeps me like i don't know tell me i don't know and like come on lydia we know i don't know and she's like you told me you told me you told me you told me they're just like what no i didn't no i didn't i didn't say anything and gina who's had it out with janet multiple times just looks at janet like can you believe this bitch she goes lydia cut the bullshit i love her so then lydia just leaves yeah she's like i'm gonna go now she just gets up and walks very very slowly down the stairs yeah jen is like there she goes

running running away she stormed out and she's like step step like you know jenny's well you know calm as a bitch l. She knows where you live. She also said the classic Housewives line, well, you know, Jenny, sometimes people put walls up and then you can't get in there. You understand? Yes, I've seen that show, darling. We're on it. There you go.

Alright, I'm done. It's a brand. They're like, thank you for coming. She's like, oh, you're welcome So then it's back to the fertility clinic And Jackie's nervous Because she wants to know what the results are I'm like, why did you stop?

This is where you stopped asking the angels? Why are you so nervous? Didn't they tell you everything's fine? And sure enough, everything's fine Yeah, she's's like it's easy for it's easy for you being all you have to do is wank in a cup that was cute so i guess they can have a baby do you think she's already pregnant and look i am not calling her fat okay but she does seem like sick sometimes and her hair looks kind of weird and she does look like bigger in

some scenes and not in others so is she pregnant have you looked on the internet i have no idea you know it's just one of those things that i don't care about i don't care about pregnancy rumors ever like ever so especially when the real housewives trot out the old tired like let's go to the fertility doctor to see if we can have babies i'm like well why don't you try to have a baby first and's go to the fertility doctor to see if we can have babies i'm like well why don't you try to have a baby first and then go to the doctor and then it's like oh here i'm surprised you didn't get like that the little baby doll thing where they have to like take care of it for 24 hours to see the camera wasn't that funny how much that real baby looked like tamra that

was nuts that little wrinkly hamster face. Yeah, all of it. So that was hilarious when Tamara was like thinking about having a baby at age like 67. I just hope it's not too late, batch. Yeah, this one in particular. It's like, why don't you stop catching sperm in your pit and just see if you get pregnant, you weirdo. So speaking of weirdo lydia and figaro this is when lydia's at her best because figaro is a hilarious dog and when she torments figaro by basically humiliating

him around the house and he goes running away trying just just just to get some peace it is the funniest thing ever i like when she comes out with her terrible italian accent because she's part italian but it's so bad she's like hello what you know i was just sitting here with yeah come on are you a ron sanchez with this i think figaro is the first animal excluding all the actual housewives the first animal on and on bravo who seems to be aware of cameras and knows what they do. He just looks – he does like – he basically is like John Krasinski in The Office. Like anytime Lydia does something crazy, he just looks into the camera and just gives that look,

that John Krasinski look like, oh, God. He does have that look, like mixed with terrified, you know, like just pure fear. Lydia's going to pull out – like she she's gonna be trying to find her bracelet and it's in a green jello mold lydia's life she's like oh figaro i cannot even worry about this stuff with chica even though i have no idea what anyone's talking about because i have so much stuff going on in my life for example i have to spend time with figaro figaro's like cowering in a corner like please please please get me out of here so then um lydia's mother lena shows up and almost immediately lena starts putting her new daughter to work also joanna yeah her grandchild

her grandchild slash daughter grandchild slash daughter. She's my daughter. She's my sister. She's my daughter. She's like, oh, hello, Lydia. It's so good to see you. Okay, Joanna, here's what you do with this. You put it in a bowl.

Oh, Lydia, you're so beautiful. Joanna, no, not like that. Not like that. And Lydia's like, okay, Joanna, here's what you do. You take the paper off the cold cuts that way, and then you put it on the plate like that. Not like that. And Lydia's like, okay, Joanna, here's what you do. You take the paper off the cold cuts that way, and then you put it on the plate like that. And that is what prompts Lydia to be like, you know, Joanna learned so much from me.

I teach her so many things. You know, how to take wax paper off some salami. That's invaluable advice. I mean, when Joanna says goodbye after an eight-hour day, I look at her and I think, where are you going? Stay a little longer. Become more enlightened. Why would you want to leave me? It's like leaving uni early, like someone's lazy daughter who's never going to make

anything of herself. But I won't say who, because I don't want Chica to get mad at me again. So then Lydia's brother comes over, and Lydia has this really descriptive comment to make. My relationship with my brother John, it's really real. He's my brother, really. And it's very real, the way we relate.

We talk. It's real. Our relationship, I would just best describe it as like a brother-sister relationship. The way we were. Do you remember when we were younger? And we were younger? Lydia's stories. Great story, Lydia.

And Joanna, you know, bless her heart. She seems so nice, but she is kind of dumb. She is. She actually is. Lydia says, oh, well, that's a golden child. And the mom says, you are both golden. And Joanna goes, no, she is platinum because she is older. Look, how dare you?

No, she is not older. She looks so confused. Lydia is going to teach her a lesson about how to get into a cage next. Now, here's how you take a stick up against your butt being slapped really hard it's called a switch so now one of my favorite parts of the entire episode is that uh we go we cut to gina and she's getting um she's meeting with her holistic life coach tamara who is a holistic life coach of celebrities to the celebrities to the stars various stars but perhaps the only one she cares about is Lionel Richie because she's obsessed like oh my god

the hit of weight with the Hilton's Lionel Richie Michael Jackson Lionel Richie one of the twins from that full house show and the Hiltons and Lionel Richie. The way she kept on just referring to him as Lionel just reminded me of those old toy trains. Lionel trains. It's like Lionel told me, you just keep chugging along. Lionel sounds like such an asshole too, huh? First of all, you're a psychic. Why are you telling somebody stories about Lionel? She's like, it's like Lionel says.

The plumber could step in shit at the end of the street and no one cares. But if Lionel does it, everyone's talking about it in every newspaper from here back to here around the globe. Let me tell you something. We wouldn't be having all these issues

around the world if Lionel weren't in charge. That's what I gotta say. Brexit? More like Lionel exits. That's what around the world if Lionel were in charge. That's what I've got to say. Brexit? More like Lionel exits. That's what would have happened if Lionel were in charge, and he would have left the country, and Britain would be in great shape. Lionel, that's what he's doing. Does anybody remember a story with Lionel Richie? Like, ever?

Has Lionel Richie ever done anything that people have been like, Oh my God, it's the cover of People. Lionel Richie betrayed somebody. No cover of people lionel richie betrayed somebody no one cares lionel richie well as lionel once said hello is it me you're looking for your holistic life coach because i'm here lionel i'm here i said i can't give you an answer till i look at your astrology and then i do psychology because that's how i do it lionel lionel is a very special man you know he can make a blind person see it's amazing he once had a student and she made a perfect clay bust of his face it was amazing

you know no one can dance on the ceiling but lion Lionel, he can. Oh, my God. Poor Lionel Richie. And Gina really takes it. She's like, she's an astrologer to the celebrities, which makes sense because I'm on these TV shows. I'm considered a celebrity. If you look on my social media, I've got about 120-something followers. And when Celebrity Apprentice, after I left the show, they lost about 120,000 viewers.

I love that Gina was sitting there doing the math with her Twitter and the ratings the week after she left Celebrity Apprentice. Adam, did she even get a reading from Tamar? I don't think Tamar even did anything for her. No, she was just like,

I'll tell you this much. Lionel Richie is stuck on you. That's all I can say. All right, Junior. Say you, say me. Say it together. That's how we'll be. Gina says, I don't know if I'm on the same level as Lionel Richie

And she goes But you are you will be I mean you're Gina People say Gina Gina Gina I mean three times a lady Gina Lionel said it You know Gina One of your best attributes

Is that you're just easy like Sunday morning Oh Gina Feel free to call me whenever you'd like I'll be up all night long Gina of your best attributes is they're just easy like Sunday morning. Oh, Gina, feel free to call me whenever you'd like. I'll be up all night long, Gina. All night long. Oh, Gina. Oh, Gina. Oh, what a feeling.

You know, Gina, you run with so many crowds. You run with celebrities you run with regular people you know you're like running with the night that's what you're doing you're running with the night oh bless that lady i hope she's back in every episode from now on yeah she was cracking up and i love gina's obsession with her own celebrity it It cracks me up. I know. Just subtract $120,000 from Celebrity Apprentice. Hope it goes well. Good luck.

So, next up, Nico and Hot Girl. Oh, wait. I'm on the wrong show. I'm in Below Deck. I'm like, wait a minute. Who's Sierra Dunes? Is Lyle Richie on a yacht? So, now it's time for the opening of Chica's new venue. Why is Lyle Richie following the rules? Hey, it's time for the opening of Chica's new venue.

Because they're always opening new venues. Why are you following the rules? Hey, you're not following the rules, Lionel Richie. I got a plane ticket in my pocket. Don't want to use it. I'm sorry. So I don't know how many venues Chica and Brucie have opened up,

but they're opening one every episode. So it's time to do the new one, which is called Glass House, which is like LOL, because if anyone should not be in a glass house throwing stones it should be these women yes but they they all show up for this opening and i love you know pedoflo wears some crazy yellow banana peel thing and they just are all are making fun of her gina's like pedoflo looks like she's jumped right out of her feet though she looks kind of like tweety bird grew up to be a whore but then rose through the ranks and like owns dynasty it was like tweety bird went on a sydney sheldon arc it was like some distorted daffodil from 1987 it was kind of like a Lionel Richie video.

Those huge shoulder pads. I like the theme, guys. Keep it going. Yeah. And Gamble's been so nice. Oh, no, go ahead. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cut you, baby. I was just going to say she looked like a giant wedge of cheese. Like processed yellow cheese.

Processed, yeah. Gamble was being so nice. She's wearing black and she's like, Oh, look at you, pretty little yellow. We can be like a bee, black and yellow and sting together. Why would you say I'm a bee and not an A? I don't get it. At least I'm not a C, but I don't even want to know what that feels like

i'm sure someone will do it you know i don't know why people say i'm a real see you next tuesday what i i'm not good enough to be seen on monday like why you wait so long why why no one want to see me on the weekend no one want to make weekend plans with me they wait till tuesday what real friends see each other more than once a week? So, um... Janice's like, don't move my shoulder too much, you can see my implants. As they're walking in. So, this is one of those typical parties where they get to go to some place fancy, but even when one of them owns the place, kind of, Chica's like,

alright, you can all shoot your scenes over here in this corner all right enjoy yourselves they like it to walk in and stand in some corner they have to do their whole first thing there and it's so awkward all these people are milling around they're like all right who's gonna stop the fight i like this one they just show up ready to go at each other. They're just like, all right, point me towards somebody and tell me what to do. Yeah. So this fight, this stupid fight, it begins with Lydia saying that she and Chica have been texting and have agreed not to discuss their whole issue tonight. They're just going to have a good time. They've been texting about it. But Jackie's like, no, I know for a fact that shaker has not been texting with lydia i mean i know it for

a fact she told me this morning and hello i'm psychic like oh so you're so your angels are working again okay yeah they're back it's not about ovaries all right they did not text about ovaries i'll tell you that much. Right now. Can someone get me a napkin for my armpit? Feels awful. It's awful hot in here. Hey, Jackie, did you put a cinnamon bun under your armpit? No.

It's something else down there. Don't worry about that. I'll just wipe it off. For some reason, my armpit is going blind. It's crazy, right, ladies? So the thing is this. One thing we didn't quite mention at the top of the show is that Petaflur made a big to-do to Lydia saying like, You know what? I will have your back.

I will have your back. And that is it. I'll be your friend. I'll have your back. Because this is how you do it. I will go to battle. Oh, shut up. So in this case, when the women are like,

I don't think that you've been texting with, I don't think you've been texting with Jekyll. I don't think at all. So then Petifleur starts defending Lydia and starts blaming Jackie, saying like, you're the only, you know, you get involved and you cause the problems here. You're the problem here.

You're the problem. And then Susie's like, you know, Petifleur's really annoying me right now she's so aggressive she's really ruining me shut up suzy you don't even know what she did and you just follow blindly i don't understand it i was like go away yeah go go make a meringue okay yeah and then pedifloor is just going off for no reason she's like leave britney alone and then you've got jackie like why are you lying about texting and then you've got lydia who actually is lying about texting which

is so bizarre why would she even say well actually what was interesting was that when jackie asked chica and set it was like okay right now just so you know lydia's been saying that she's been texting with you and you don't want to have a conversation but so i just need to know from you have you talked with lydia and then and and um chica was like i have not said anything to her face no i'm like no she chose that very carefully she was she's very deliberate she said i haven't physically spoken to her yet yes so she kind of was like no i'm gonna let i'm gonna let them grill uh lydia even though i've i've texted her i'm gonna let them go after her yeah and i'll just go make sure that that table cloth is straight bye girls she just walks away yeah thank you so much for coming girls all right lydia's an awful woman okay i'll see you in five so then the women start they're going after

pedophleur now because she's making such a to-do and like why are you speaking so much you banana peel why are you talking and gina goes what are you a wharfie yeah i didn't even know that was i thought that was very funny so then pedofleur this is what's amazing about Petaflur. Her ability to slide into victim mode when she is being the defender. Suddenly she's like, you know, here I am going out and defending you. And Lydia, you're being so quiet. And I'm the one getting smashed. I don't know.

Like, I can't believe you would do this to me. I'm like, I went to bat for you and you didn't even throw a ball. I'm standing there with a bat saying, why am I alone? Well, some people like to play t-ball. And Lydia is just putting on gloss like, oh, Jesus, what is this bitch screaming about now? I know. So then pedophiles like, if you don't want me to talk about the situation, at least support me when I'm in hot water. Why are you not supporting me when I'm supporting you against them not supporting you?

It was amazing. She literally wants Lydia to have her back while she's having Lydia's back when no one's having her back. So ridiculous. It doesn't work that way at a floor. When you decide to go go when you decide to get someone's back the whole point is that you're getting their back they don't have to do something that bitch is like legit crazy and it's hilarious to watch her because they really do steal fights on this show it's like here's a fight between these two and then someone else starts yelling

at someone else about nothing and then it all the whole season will go about that until someone else switches it and i think it's so funny watching them all do that and petty's just trying to scream and everyone's just laughing her at this point laughing at her and then they eventually all sit down for dinner and at this point i'm pretty convinced that junior was drunk off her ass because she's next to gamble and she's just like gushing and be like you know you know wolfie gamble's the sweetest most loving person i've ever met in my life she's just a bundle of energy i love her she's so sweet so lovely i was like okay she's wasted jenna does not give up well thank you he's all confused yeah yes i could tell all those times she cried on my man boobs at night i feel like my fuzz up with Geno's back

on track and I retract my bumblebee pod and attach my black to Geno now and now we're some other creatures. I was stuck with my bumblebee stinger and now it's gone in the bumblebee and now I'm a gorgeous unicorn

with another unicorn going through a field with Gina. She's, like, so cute. I love that she's a sweet, innocent preteen girl, but she's, like, 70. Yeah. She still has no idea what's going on. She's so cute. And Gina just needs a drink in her. Yeah.

Gina's whole explanation for her whole season, she's like, well, i was feeling a bit exhausted there for a bit but i'm in a better place now so i'll be friends with her again yeah okay awesome at the 11th episode you're like yeah i was just tired it's over now i'm drunk give me another beer and i'll be singing waltz and matilda waltz sing matilda you wrap one more thing in philo dale i'm gonna throw you a party i'll tell you that right now guess what busting up my lasagna just for you gamble just for you i've never seen them do with thing such things with mushrooms what a party glass house it's a brand so then meanwhile while they're having the greatest time of their lives, on the other side of the table, Pettiflur and Lydia are still fighting.

Pettiflur's like, I had no support. No support. I put my soul out for you. I put my soul. And then Lydia is... I put my soul. My soul. And then Lydia is...

She's just so fed up. She's like, shut up, squirrel. Then eventually just says, oh, shut up, you idiot. I'm not going to fight like a dirty girl in a dirty tub with dirty things like dirty girls do. All right, you little squirrel. Now, shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Get fucked.

Just get fucked. Get fucked. And then Jackie, meanwhile, meanwhile is like i can't believe lydia and pediflo in a kerfuffle and then jackie's making those looks like she's so embarrassed when she started all of this in the first place yeah and pediflo is like some people have real friendships and you know where they are at all times i I do not know. But I can tell you this. I am not deaf and I am not blind and I am not dumb. So why hasn't Lydia bought me a piano yet?

I'm not dumb, but I do own a piano that has not been played and has been gathering dust since it has been sitting alone in my house while my son is off with a possible meth head who I don't approve of. Oh, pediflore. I would feel bad for you, but can't. Yeah. And then Janet. Everyone hates pediflore, but then even Janet is on pediflore's side now just because they hate Lydia right now. She's like, Lydia smashes everyone.

She's not a good friend. You guys are such assholes. And I love you. I know. Very funny. Is next week the season finale or do we still have like two more episodes? Next week is the season finale and then there's only one reunion for the show. Wow.

It's almost done. Wow. Wow. Just White got a full hour today. We love you, Melbourne. We love you, Melbourne. And now it's time to move over to Below Dick. Mm-hmm.

I had the wrong episode on for what I have streaming from my computer, and I was like, why is it is it gonna start like this every week because it was captain lee we're back and i'm stoked i thought this show should always start like that with him just being stoked it took me a minute i was like we already know who ben is they started reintroducing everybody. Wrong episode. Yeah, wrong episode. So it actually began with Nico Skyping with his friend, quote unquote, friend from home. It's a girl that he's known for a few years. He's reconnected with.

So they're alluding to the fact that he has a potential relationship there. But he also is getting along so well with the Australian girl. I'm sure they're setting up a little love triangle um and while he's doing that we get to see kelly doing push-ups and being hot oh my god and then i start to feel shitty about myself because today i i did not have time to go to the gym well i mean i would have had time if i backed out of game night but i'm like no i'm doing game night so um i didn't make it to the gym. And then there I am watching Kelly literally living in a sardine can, finding ways to work out and be healthy.

And I was like, oh, yeah, the fact that he can do it in that tiny space. Pushups back. You know, what do you call those? I don't even know what you call them. Like tricep push-ups on the bed. Dips. Dips. Yes.

Rawr. Oh, my God. He stays so big. Is that how people in jail do it? Or do they get like a big gym? I always picture it like they have a gym to go to. Like a, I don't know, like a 24-hour fitness or something. Well, the truth is that anyone can work out anywhere.

And the people who are in great shape know that and they have the drive and the discipline to be like oh i can make it to the gym that's okay i'll do like 300 push-ups here whereas me i'm like i didn't make it to the gym oh well i guess i'm gonna have a snickers bar late at night this pork is heavy oh chicken so um so i like it says that it's like the day after that big like messiness the night before where nico and trevor gone to a fight and i love that when kate is like telling it to emily the british girl kate's like yeah trevor got a little bit wordy i just i just love the way she just can totally understate a situation um em, I had to make an extra bed today.

Do you have any idea what happened in this bed? He's probably embarrassed. And Emily just sticking to types. It's like, he's a bit like a cat on a hot tin roof. Oh, good. This is not the kind of show you need to be bringing tennessee williams in on okay i know unless there is some secret gay love affair happening um uh so then uh we also get to see sierra's arc for the episode which is that she burnt a sheet and and this becomes an ongoing issue uh sierra is one of the most pleasantly dumb people they've

ever had on the show she's just like she's like oh whoops i left 10 butcher's knives in the bed oh was i not supposed to do that okay with that smile always going yeah she's just like very pretty and sweet so she somehow gets a pass even from kate kate's like well you know if it happens 35 more times then it's a problem but you know you're only on 33 so you're not gonna yell at her yet we are just going to give her very cold looks and make her work out what she's done but not really understand who's mad at her why everybody understand like yes coach i would be passive-aggressive to her, but I'm afraid she does not have advanced brain function to understand it,

so it's not worth the energy. Kate is smart enough to know to not ever trust somebody who smiles that much. They will hurt you. But there was someone intelligent coming on board that would be Scupper, a poodle, that the latest guests are bringing a poodle on board named Scupper, a poodle. The latest guests are bringing a poodle on board named Scupper. Oh, God. And I'm already like...

You know, I have to say, poodle lovers of the world, you're not going to like what I have to say. I hate poodles. I really, really hate poodles. I think I wrote ten times in this episode, Ben is hating this right now. It's not... Because, you – because I'm okay with dogs.

But the thing is, specifically poodles, I really dislike poodles. And every time I say that, people are like, but they're so intelligent. They're like the most intelligent dogs. I'm like, that's great. But I can't stand them. I find poodles to be really hyperactive. And people are like, they're so sweet. I'm like, every poodle I haveodles to be really hyperactive and people are like, they're so sweet I'm like, every poodle I have encountered

has been so hyperactive and all over I can't, literally I can't I'll say my poodle walls up, I can't I'm not even going to wear my poodle skirt, I can't Also, when you have a dog that you have to do their hair you have to style their hair most dogs go to the groomer, I guess in some way, shape, or form

but they're like, you must style scupper's hair properly and at one point one of them even said did you know in the 17th century they trained poodles to dive for lobsters it's like god even their taste is snotty like even the things that they hunt is like some snotty ass thing yeah Like the most expensive thing on the menu they're hunting for. I know. I just could not with Scupper. I also, I know I'm being really very anti. I just could not with Scupper.

I know I'm being very anti-poodle right now. And I know that there's got to be some people in our audience that have poodles and are like just furious with me. And I apologize. But this is a space where we can express our opinions. And if you want to tell me off, you can go to our Facebook page. But the truth is I also find that most poodles are ugly. Like I don't find them to be cute dogs. Like there are certain dogs that I think are really super cute, you know.

But I don't think that poodles are cute. I'm sorry. Well, I don't think that people will get offended. It's like when you talk about how much kids suck. Like even when you have a kid, you think they suck half the time too you know it's not like it's any news and poodles are a pain in the ass like they're that kind of dog who make you go they make you go through all of this crap and all of this emotional crap but at the end of the day they're cuddling with you and you feel like you did something positive for something yeah i don't

know i just you know the thing is what's also also so funny is there's such a double standard about dogs in terms of like if you say, God forbid, I think a poodle – this poodle is ugly. I think these types of dogs are ugly. It's like how could you? You're like not American. And yet every person, every dog lover is like, oh, I hate cats. They're so cold. They're so obnoxious. They're such fucking terrible animals.

So it's like, oh, I see. You can come after cats. But I say one thing about poodles and the theoretical person I'm arguing with is mad at me. That's not fair. Well, dogs give you love. Cats eat your face off when you die. My cat growing up was so exceptionally sweet. She was the sweetest cat, and she would follow me down to the bus stop.

And then whenever I would go into the tv room she would run in so she could get onto my lap probably just waiting to see if you would die so she could eat your face off anyway i digress i've now alienated like half the audience of patreon subscribers have gone down three hundred dollars i think all the things we say on this show you'll survive it's'll survive poodle gate it's 1.24 in the morning and shit's getting real I'm not only taking

on Scupper I'm taking on Scupper's kind oh good poor Scupper these guys the people who came on the boat the guests are very sweet like I thought I was going to hate their guts because they just seem unbearable These guys, okay, the people who came on the boat, the guests, are very sweet. Like, I thought I was going to hate their guts. Yeah.

Because they just seem unbearable. But they were so, so nice. But God, these people. Scupper, what do you think of that? Those kind of people who are like, wow, what a beautiful ocean. Scupper, what do you think? Yeah. Honestly, when I think of Scupper, all I think about is Scupper puking up some vile yellow substance that looked like pedofleur's dress it was so brightly yellow

i mean it was it was like was was there curry powder did scupper eat curry powder well they said scupper can't hold her liquor or whatever so i guess somebody gave it a martini or something or like a little margarita or something well either way i mean uh so scupper so so the scupper is going to be chartering this yacht along with some humans and uh that we also learned that there's going to be some critter free pool which is essentially like a little pool that's going to be behind the yacht with some nettings that way jellyfish can't get in and captain lee i was just like laughing because captain lee hates it he was like it's gonna be a dog and pony show hey like scupper scupper has a pony to play with yeah there were a lot of land animal references there was scupper who was there

and then he said that's a dog and pony show and then someone else said oh kate's so good it's not her first time at the road oh no they were talking about when they were parking the boat or whatever that drama is where they're like gotta the boat, but the wind's blowing. What are we going to do? It's like parking the boat. Oh, geez. We did it. Someone get Barry and Larry.

So then we have a return to the ironing, and it's like, okay, it's like's like sierra okay so you burned a sheet because you left the iron on i love sierra's like why did this happen was it hot did it burn did it burn the sheet is the sheet ruined what happens to the sheet now where do we go now are we on a yacht is this a moving house why is the land moving so many questions for sierra the sheet it looks so nice because it's got like a dark spot like which looks really nice on the sheet. It looks so nice because it's got like a dark spot, like which looks really nice on the sheet. Congratulations, sheet. You're a new sheet now. Oh, I wish I could hug that sheet. I'm going to hug it. It's burnt. It's burnt. Go away.

Oh, the sheet. So also when these guests came on, they were saying, well, we're yacht owners. So I was like, oh, God, I'm going to hate them. Like yachties coming on the boat. The captain's like, watch out, everybody. Today's guests on the yacht are yachties. I was like, oh, no. But they were very funny because when they were doing the boat parking thing,

the guys were standing, holding their, like looking with scupper in their arms they're like yeah well well i hope they get it in oh he did it he did it scupper says be careful we should mention are you nervous right now how do you feel we should mention just to paint the full picture that scupper is the is the beautiful poodle daughter of two older gay men so it's like it's just it was just like a perfect a perfect trio that's such a gay thing i mean my dog is like that with me i'm like are you okay like i'll talk to him and rub his butt like they have emotions and stuff you know and these guys are so funny they do the same thing i like at one point one of the guy goes okay scupper we're gonna go to the beach and

i would appreciate it if you didn't get sand in your nose okay scupper he's like he's like please stop feeding me poison well you know ronnie poodles are the most intelligent of dogs says who scupper could hear scupper understood every single thing scupper knows let's see i want to see that dog do some common core speaking of our education system then you tell me who's the smartest dog okay we have no way to judge yeah so um a lot of the drama this episode came actually indirectly from captain lee because these guests wanted to have a clam bake at some point and so captain lee's like wow you better do it early because there'll be

so many mosquitoes. I mean, yeah, I don't want that. So I recommend having dinner at 4.30 p.m. Which is so Florida of him. Well, what else would you have a clam bake? 4.30. That's when. I'm like, do they not have citronella on Tinder?

So this makes everything crazy because now Ben's like, wow, this ruins. Now I'm doing my gamble voice. Oh, Clambeck. He's like, well, now dinner at Clambeck at 4.30 means that ruins my entire day. I don't know how I'm going to rebound. First I have to cook for a poodle. and now I have to make a clambake, and then later I'm supposed to make a full dinner, my darling.

How about you just tell those people that clambake is dinner? Kate's like, well, how about I just say, it's a clambake. No, tell them it's dinner clambake. You need to say welcome to dinner yeah yeah and he's they get this whole

thing and what's funny is when you're watching you're like okay they're having this little stupid tip like this is gonna spiral out of control I don't know how but this feels like it's gonna turn into Leon's cardboard box dilemma all over again because they both get so ridiculously furious yes and kate's really trying to fly above it but god she just can't and how can you like a chef screaming at you i've had it done to me for years okay ever since my childhood and it sucks they're so moody but

she's so funny she's like well i can handle this and he's just like that sometime oh ben he's so wacky sometimes he just gets it to be wacky ben and by the end she's like i'll fucking kill you well you know there was also some drama outside because uh because uh kelly pulled trevor brah Trevor to the side and demoted him from senior deckhand because of the way he was acting the night before. But I love Trevor's insolent response.

He was like, you're not going to deplete my knowledge. You can try and demote me, but you're not going to deplete my knowledge. What's his accent? It's making me crazy. It's Californian. It's like Orange County accent. It's like me crazy california it's like orange county

accent it's like huntington beach brah it's obnoxious yeah deplete my knowledge deplete my knowledge well that's great but no one knows no one's asking you to deplete your knowledge which is not even which is very questionable to begin with and no one's asking you to deplete your boogers either so please stop eating them on camera that would be great so then yeah so then everyone's on board uh and this this poodle is like puking everywhere and not only is he puking but then after he pukes his owner's like kissing him on the lips i'm like like you have like yeah like yellow mustard on your face now poodle mustard i like at one point they're getting out of the water and they're just like cradling the dog yeah scupper and also they had to keep pulling the boat over to let the dog

go out i mean jesus christ to get a boat to send scupper to the beach the way you can shit my dog goes out like six times a day yeah do you even get to see the ocean they brought scupper to the beach the way he can shit my dog goes out like six times a day yeah do you even get to see the ocean they brought scupper a freaking tuxedo why can't they bring him a diaper oh gross it'll stick in his hairy butt i really deserves it he'll have like a little plate of poop well then maybe scupper will learn oh scupperupper. He's going to learn not to poop? He's a very intelligent dog. You know, Poogles. He's like, how can you expect me to go dive for lobsters and then not poop?

Yeah. Poor Scupper. Thank God dogs can't type. There's no, like, evil Yelp review. Well, it took forever to pull the boat over, so I can poop. Someone should tell Scupper there's a lobster beneath the boat just bye scupper so so then scupper was actually you know what though the funny thing is scupper was actually very funny and uh when scupper like scupper actually did have a lot of person as much as i've been talking

about scupper they had all these little you know how blow deck they have all these cutaways like whenever they have a transition they show like six things happening at once and they always one of those pains one of those 24 pains was scupper either like watching something or passed out or like i don't know scupper was actually cracking me up i'm sorry to be such a pervert but they also gave us one of those shots of trevor getting off the top bunk and gave us a package shot which was really awkward because decent package and i was like why do i have to think about this while i'm looking at trevor on below deck stop yeah stop editors not nice so at the clam bake there are flies everywhere which is like oh no flies but then one of the one of the this woman jody goes up to ben's like yeah i we're going to do dinner at 9 o'clock.

So, oh, gosh. She said the D word. She's like, okay, that's great. I'll tell Ben. Well, no. Yeah. And so then Ben is now furious. He's like, you know, if you had called at an early dinner, they wouldn't be asking for dinner later.

If you had called at an early dinner, they wouldn't be asking for dinner later. Yeah, like they're going to just naturally be tricked into not eating when it gets dark. Yeah. That's not how it works. People are going to want to eat at night. Okay. 4.30 is early, buddy. Get to cooking.

Listen, Ben, you're a very accomplished chef. Everyone loves your food. It's supposed to be great, etc. You just did a clam boil, clam bake, whatever. Honestly, as cooking goes, that's a pretty basic thing. Like all you did is you threw everything to a pot and brought it to a boil until it was cooked. Like it's okay. You can make a meal later on.

But there are flies. Where do these flies come from? I don't like when the guy goes, whoa, it's like these flies have never seen lobster at a clam bake before. By the way, these guests were exactly how I think we would be, or at least I would be, on a yacht. Because they spent half the time being like, whoa, what are they fighting about? Is it because of what we said? They're having some drama. Let's listen in. Kate, are you doing okay?

You can sure deal with him. in kate are you doing okay you can sure deal with him kate got some good ones in there too because ben totally fucked her because he got mad and so he's like well fine then i'll be the one to talk to the guests if you don't know how to do it then i'll talk to them so he comes out of the kitchen all sweaty and they're all sitting down they're all sitting down. He's like, well, hello. I was thinking for dinner, since you've already had a clam break, that maybe we could do something fun, like snacks or something. And they're like, okay.

And Kate's just standing there like, you motherfucker. So later, when they're getting the dinner, and also the lady, he goes, what's your favorite food in the world? And she's like turkey taken weirdos so when they're finally eating later they're like thanks kate i know that wasn't easy dealing with him but it sure worked out great what a delicious dinner and she's like

well you know you're only here for two days on this luxury yacht so i wanted you to have a nice dinner time i know you could sit down sneaky that's all i care about is that you make that you get your dinner that's all i care about i'm here to stand between the evil people and the hungry people yeah you're hungry so yeah the guests the guests were eating it. And also eating things up was Scupper, who got his special ground beef. Well, it was like lamb. Lamb chops. Lamb chops with supplements. And it was brown rice.

It was ridiculous. And the dad was like, well, Scupper's never had brown rice before. But I'm sure he'll like it. Like, every time I thought they were going to be bitches they turned around and were nice again they were they were beyond nice um but uh in terms of other power struggles there was also an issue when the the deck crew was packing up the clam bake and uh trevor radioed to kelly to ask for some garbage bags but didn't say please. And Kelly's like, say please.

Yeah, we say please. That's what we do. And normally I would be like, oh, shut up, Kelly. But I really enjoy any time Trevor gets scolded, even for stupid shit. And he started throwing a fit. It was so funny. It's like throwing things around. He's like, some PTSD marine guy.

Like, fuck that, knowledge depleter. Not going to work. I'm Trevor. And then the power struggle continued later in the evening when the deck crew was taking something off the boat and they're trying to figure out what to do. And the Asshuian was like, all right, why don't we unload it here and take it down the dock?

And Trevor goes, yeah, all right, actually, we should unload it here and take it down the dock. And Kelly's like, that's just what she said I love it I love also Nico's fight through this whole thing he woke up so furious about Trevor saying his shading of his tattoo was shit I mean that was the funniest thing he went to every single person in the cast and was like well i'd be better if trevor wasn't making fun of my shading like who does that i mean i would totally be like like he went up to every single person on the boat to complain about that i would do that too that's the exact way i operate fucking funny and when amy and we got to hear from amy she called kelly she's like hi starfish

hey starfish i'm dating a captain starfish yeah score amy score amy yeah it's good for her no lonely staring at tequila bottles she's polishing on this season she's like i'm out of here i'm getting some dick bye again my uh my dear sweet sierra the education of sierra continues she is like she finally went she's talking to one of the gay guys and he's like she's like would you like a cocktail before dinner he's like oh i would love a gin and tonic she's like great she's oh he's like you look beautiful she's like thanks oh and did you want any alcohol in that he goes that would be the gym part it was literally like a line out of the golden girls she's like oh

i thought it was a soda named after the guy from lost okay i'll be right back with that would you like a side of hugs now uh just let me know if anything starts to burn down here i loved about five iron runs oh god she's like oh my god those clams are baked someone left an iron on like that's the pot dear oh did you just turn him into david bedore yes dear sierra no i can't email you anymore because gmail is strictly prohibited yes i would like alcohol dear yes dear um so then so kate is like serving this tapas which is like not like tapas at all it's like family style and oh i love when kate is passive-aggressive because she comes back and if she serves the first thing and ben's like are they liking and she goes i don't know she goes i don't hover over while they take their

first bite but i'll keep you posted he goes well they could be throwing it overboard right now. She goes, well, let's hope they're not. Oh, it's so good. Well, they could be for all I know, but here I am, just standing here. You know, I mean, I really enjoyed Hannah from Below Deck Med, but she would just get angry and surly. Kate just... I mean, she just

really can cut that out. She can beat him. She's like the only person who can beat Ben he even says it he admits it well my option is to go to war with Kate but she's better at it so what can I do so then and again the guests are just like

how about we ask for breakfast at 6am and ask for Benedict and Kate's like I think that's a great idea. I also like when they decided to make up. They're just being total assholes to each other. He's like, well, I guess I'll make up with Kate. He's like, I'll add a dollar. She's like, okay, term has passed.

And he said something like, you can be a see you next Tuesday. And she's like, yes, I'm tuesday every day of the week just like that store tuesday morning or it's tuesday afternoons whatever it's called tuesday morning lauren used to be on the ad she'd be like come to tuesday morning who doesn't love a rug on a tuesday. So then next morning, it's breakfast time. Eggs Florentine with turkey bacon. Trevor's feeling alienated and he's blaming it on Kelly. Skepper has to go take a shit on the beach.

So then, you know what I love on the show when they have to do some really annoying task that the guests totally don't appreciate so a few seasons ago the big thing was making a inflatable slide that they hated making and then the guests would use it for like five seconds and then they have to put it away and this time it was putting out the critter free

pool and they spent like an hour and a half inflating it and adjusting it whatever and then everyone got in swam for five seconds we're like okay well time to take scupper to the beach again that was so funny because these people are so rich they own their own yachts and they're rich enough to be like we'll pay you so that we don't actually have to worry that much about like they're taking a yacht vacation on another yacht they're so rich but still their enjoyment is being in a poor person pool like that's a blow-up pool that we would have in our backyard when i was growing up you know

i would love to go into a critter free pool that's like my dream who wants critters who wants jellyfish because they say critter free but the captain was like yeah so the jellyfish don't bite you it's a rich people thing like who what poor person wants to be bit by a jelly or stung by a jellyfish don't bite you it's a rich people thing like who what poor person wants to be bit by a jelly or stung by a jellyfish so then um and then it's at night time again and the guests have now climbed into a hot tub and trevor he he doesn't even it's not even a situation like danny from blow deck med where they're like hey danny take a shot with us they they the guest asked like order shots and she was like yo i'll do a shot with you guys oh classy

yeah class so he does a shot and then emily it's like i'm not one to tattletale but i don't think he should have done that that wasn't proper yeah uh he's like we'll come back later for sure exactly because he's like i mean what's one shot of liquor going to do to a guy like me who can drink a whole fucking bottle i'm like you're three feet tall you can't drink a whole bottle and bragging about drinking a whole bottle is not something to brag about you've drunk so many bottles your eyes are like literally crossed right now who are you fooling yeah exactly yeah yeah yeah so they these guests actually left pretty early right they're like okay now the dog will poop on land again thank you for everything everybody but before they left, I do want to mention that Sierra burned herself on an iron.

She did? Yes. It was quick. It was like in Night Vision. She was ironing. She goes, ow! Oh! I'm like, this is a really great arc.

She just cannot figure out this iron. You know what? Now I understand that sheet better. So it all led to a positive place yeah and it was sad we did learn that her dad died and then she's sort of tore apart her family i don't think her dad died her dad looks exactly like tommy lee jones i think he escaped those fucking crazies and became a movie star and the mom was just like your dad's dead she just is such a hippie she's never gone to a movie that is tommy lee jones okay but he always

said he'd come back as long as leave an iron on he was always yelling always leave an iron on it's like you know it was so sad i've always been looking for something ever since he left and maybe burning sheets is my thing we'll see so yeah so so the guests leave they leave a tip um nico and the australian girl who is the what's the australian girl's name i don't even know it i kept saying the rando girl but uh i wrote rando and then i kept writing lauren because i think the editors are doing the same thing there's always one or two people on below deck that you're like what who put them on they must actually clean or something yeah at least though the australians better than janice i remember janice it took me a minute i was like yeah that's that that would be in her yearbook it's like a picture of her and the quote under

it is it took me a minute i'm from a border town so i was like my niece what oh jenny's um but you know i like i like negro and the australian and i hope they do hook up i like them together uh friend zone friend zone he's so friend zoning her yeah that's true and she's so nice and she's really pretty too like she's not doing anything that makes me hate her i just think like god she must be really good with the swiffer because she ain't gonna cut anybody yeah well you know we're gonna have to see what happens because trevor's clearly gonna get fired soon at which point the love fest just can't continue on on the deck it's something's gonna happen there's gonna be some drama there fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me fool me three is a crowd fool me four times are we done do i have to come up with another one get out of here here's your plane

ticket kid fool me five times you're demoted okay so then they all go out and uh trevor i think he did he like chug sierra's martini or manhattan he drank chugged's martini Or Manhattan He chugged it And just got shit faced again And then started telling everybody Oh he started telling Kate He's like oh yeah I could help you with your hair I'm a hair model Yeah he's like

Your hair always looks good But if you let me style it It would be fucking phenomenal And she's like oh oh okay well that's that's a terrible idea because you know all those hair models are known for their hairstyling like you idiots like model like all those models are known for their stitching job he just wanted he just wanted to brag that he modeled for paul mitchell for two years i'm on for two paul mitch for two years almost yeah embarrassing though when you say i'm a hair model it's like when we were watching

luann special and she's like yeah i was a model and the biggest places in the world and her brother's like yeah she was a good hand model yeah in slovakia not parking a lot of big lots. Myanmar's most demanded thumb model. So when Kate was like, I will not have you touching my hair, but thanks. And he says, are you being a bitch right now? I mean, who raised this monster? Yeah, I mean, awful, awful guy. And then at one point, Kelly and Emily were playing playing on a swing set i think i think it was then um and then i think trevor said he was like wasted he was

talking about emily he goes i think he said i'm gonna shred her pussy on the fucking rocks oh my god you listen to this show so much better than i do well i mean half it was bleeped out so i mean i think she... He said, I'm going to shred her. And I was like, beep. It seemed like there was a puh sound. Oh, my God. And then the rest was like slurred.

I don't know what it was, but it was like aggro and rapey and gross. And they're all like, ugh. And then Kate and Ben are like hanging out on like a swing. They're like, okay, we're the elders here. Not like in terms of like that they're old. It's more like we've been on the show for several seasons and we're the veterans we're the stars so we're gonna have our star time and then trevor's sitting on a swing next to them so they're already like please step out of our swing space and he's like falling off his swing and he can't get on and then he's calling Kate a bitch.

And Kate, of course, is like, I'm actually a dick. Choose your words. Be creative. And then Trevor being the typical drunk. He said the classic drunk thing. He turns to Ben and he's like, you're crazy. I fucking love you though.

And Ben was like, don't call her a bitch, mate. And he's like, chill, mate. Stop annoying me. And and he goes you mean nothing to me okay i love you you mean nothing i love you so that was pretty much it ben's had it um and next week homely hairy people who just eat a lot it's like like a 12-horse meal last week. They're going to be terrible, like those people who were on for like five episodes in a row on Blowdeck Med who would never leave, and Hannah was going to lose her mind. Overall, pretty fun show. Very fun.

Always fun. I sure love you. Love you, too. It's 2 in the morning. The bar is closing. Last call. Get your ass out. Everybody, for our links, go to watchwhatcrappens.com.

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