Watch What Crappens - #3302 Summer House S10E10 Part One: Teed Off

Episode Date: April 8, 2026

This is part 1 of 2Summer House goes golfing. Ben’s upset that Amanda made a scandalous comment to his totally new and not at all semi long term girlfriend and Carl is upset that Kyle didn’t call him about his brother’s death anniversary. So prepare yourself for some man feelings, cuz that’s what we got! To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and get ad free listening, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, hello, and welcome to What's What's What Kruppens. I'm Ronnie. That's Benuni over there. Hello, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How are you, everybody? Welcome to the show. Today is Summerhouse Day, season 10, episode 10, tea time. If you want this episode on video, please come to Patreon. That's where you get videos. Fresh, fresh off the presses, y'all. You get video there. You get ad-free listening there. You get boned. bonus episodes. We did a really fun episode this week of In the City. It's a preview of the new show in the city based on this one, or spun off of this one, Summerhouse. And that was a really fun one. We also did a free bonus for everybody to listen to. And that is with Daisy Keller and Mark McNamara of the Yacht Mess podcast. They were super fun to talk to. That was an hour interview or something. We just talked behind the scene stuff about below deck. So check that out. That comes out today. And there is a free blog that comes out every week. Went back to the blog and roots. I really love writing comedy blogs about TV. So we're doing it on the newsletter now. That's free every week.

So just go sign it for free on Patreon and you'll get that in your emails. Okay. And that's that. Do you have anything you want to announce before we get to it? I don't know. I don't know if there's much to announce. I went to Reza's book signing. What did you say?

Pregnancies, devastation. No pregnancies here. I went to Reza's book signing has a new book out called Memoirs of a Gay Shaw, which is a very funny pun for a book, I have to say. That was at the Grove. And so I went to that. And I just have to say, you know,

when Reza did his stand up on Shaza Sunset, it was famously so awful. And to this day, we are constantly, you know, citing it where he's like, bitches, like, when people are driving, bitches be like so slow. It was just like so cringy. But I have to say, I have to give props to Reza.

And I felt like compelled to do this because we've been shitting on his like standup for 10 years or so. And he was so funny at his book signing. He was so funny. I was like, oh, I can see why someone said you should do standup. And then I see why also you fell for the trap because, of course, Bravo was only going to show your worst parts. But he was really funny. So I don't know why I felt really compelled to. Was he doing stand up or was he reading from the book?

stories like so crystal was the moderator and crystal kung minkoff and she was the moderator and he was telling these stories from his time largely on chaza sunset and but like the stories the way he would tell them were so funny and he had like literally the whole room cracking up so it was i don't know i I felt like compelled to be like, you know, like, wow, Reza was funny, guys. Reza was funny. So there you go. Well, there you go. Memories of a gay shop.

Memory of a gay shop. Congratulations to Reza. Yes. Okay. Let's get to it. Summer House. Here we go. Season 10, episode 10.

It's called Tea Time. This is an episode about men. It's about men and how men feel things deeply. Yes. Very, very deeply, guys. So let's get ready for a men's feelings heavy episode of Summerhouse. It's about men and how they feel things. But it's also about one specific woman who's very excited to join the cast of Summerhouse.

And she can't contain herself. Good God, that Sabrina girl. Wow, she is ready to go. Sabrina is ready. She's ready to go. She's a lot. and she forgot her plot. I mean, we've been setting up this whole season that Ben has not been dating you.

He only dated you for a second. You fell in love too fast. Then he quote unquote broke up with you and came into the summer house totally single, has not been with you, just decided to get back with you this week. You can't come in here basically spilling the beans that you've been with him this whole time. And then he told me this and then he told me this. And then he told me that. You have been with this man the whole time.

You fucking liar. I love it. I love that she blew up Ben's spot immediately. Yeah, right away. But speaking of spots, we're at Lindsay's bot. We're still at her housewoming party. For some reason, it feels like we've been here for four weeks, but it's actually only the second episode would be.

And we're here. And Bailey, as Dara has just confronted Bailey about maybe stirring up some drama about her. And Dara is saying, you know, like it was really weird. I had just gone to the summer house. And the energy was just like, a little bit weird. Bailey was, I mean, KJ was hiding himself in the refrigerator. He was literally opening up the crisper and putting his foot inside, hoping he could shrink down in a moment and get right in there and hide behind a lettuce leaf. And I was like, what is going out

with you, KJ? It's just a little weird for me. And where does me and my lack of the ability to flirt come into this? And Dara was like, well, you'd mention it a Lindsay. Then when I was there that weekend, I was like alone in Ben's room for like an hour. She goes, well, were you not in Ben's room? She goes, well, I mean, like, I'd gone into his room because they put my suitcase in the room. So like, I basically changed out of my costume. And, you know, he did duck in at one point. So they changed this a little from last week because last week it ended with her saying, were you not in Ben's room? And she said, no, not at all. So I was like, well, she a liar or what? Because I wouldn't figure her for a liar. But then we come back this week and they, of course, change the editing. But she's still a damn liar. She's still lied. Right. So. And yes, I guess there is a liar. That's that is the answer. Yes. And so Bailey is like, oh, so the whole rhetoric, I like that she says. The whole rhetoric was that you guys did this.

The whole rhetoric that you started, like it was what you said, not the whole, it wasn't like this was happening in pop culture. The whole rhetoric was that you and Ben were flirting. And I didn't tell anybody you guys hooked up or anything because I don't know what happened in that room or didn't happen in that room. I just happened to advertise the fact that you went into a room for an hour and came out in a different outfit, possibly had sex. I didn't say the sex part, but possibly you didn't have sex.

Well, they show the scene of, they show a. flashback of the scene so that we know that Ben, that she's lying. And she's in the entryway and she has her suitcase. And Ben's like, well, what's going on? And she says, I'm going to change into my normal people clothes. You want to help me? And he's like, sure, where are you going? And she goes, I guess the bathroom. And he goes, there's a room down here. So she put her, she's the one who put her luggage in Ben's room. I don't know. This is all fascinating. Well, we're just going over, you know, tiny stuff that happens in every scene on Summer House now. Just need to add that. But, Yeah, Bailey's like, whatever.

I don't know what happened in there. And Derr says, well, you know, like in the moment, it's like, you know, KJ got his feelings hurt twofold because one, I got defensive because I was like, well, we didn't hook up. And I just, I was testing the waters. And she goes, well, you have every right to do that, you know. And she's like, I'm sorry. I would never try to hurt your new relationship with someone who's obsessed with the refrigerators, you know, sorry. Yeah, I would never try to sabotage your relationship. And she's like, and Bailey's like, you know, there just was like very clearly like a Ben and Darry moment happening.

And then all of a sudden you were dating KJ and I was like what's happening? Because we forget there have been, I feel like there have been so many episodes and so much offscreen drama that it's only been like one week since Dara came to the house and like met Ben. And so basically what Bailey is saying is like, yeah, one weekend, it seemed like you were flirting with Ben. And then I come back and all of a sudden you're dating KJ really intensely. So I was like, whoa, what's going on? She's like, I thought they were vibing. right and like you know and and I thought they were in love and like look she's like I'm maybe I may be dramatic but I'm not a liar I mean I might fluff it a little bit but I would never lie like but

fluffing is kind of lying but that's okay so darrah's like yeah I mean like I was I was having like a flirty day like that's all it was I was having a flirt day because I was testing the waters and she goes well I'm glad that you can admit that because ben said that you weren't flirting and he said you there was nothing and so now darry gets upset that Ben won't admit that they had chemistry. And I like that. So basically, the situation of Dara's whole concern is, I am so mad that my relationship with KJ is being undermined by the fact that Ben can't admit that we have chemistry. Yeah. One minute, she's like, how dare you say that I was in there, like, flirting with Ben? I wasn't. I was just changing clothes. What do you mean Ben says he's not

flirting with me? We have definite chemistry. She changed it really quick. She's like, well, don't insult me. I mean, that's insane. And she's, okay, well, thank you. So then we see the flashback to last weekend on the porch with Ben Bailey and Amanda West and Jesse. And Bailey's like, you know, I think Ben and Dara may have fallen in love. And Amanda's like, did you fall in love in there?

And he's like, no, we were just drinking and playing games. And that was it. So Dara's like, I just feel like that day was just like fun. And it's fun for a sturdy day. And so for Ben to say that we didn't have chemistry. is just so odd. I mean, what a strange thing to need to lie about. Oh, my goodness. I am so mad, and I can't believe that Ben denying our chemistry might undermine my new chemistry with KJ. So silly. They're just like, we're new. We need something to happen. Now let's make this happen.

I can do this. So now Ben walks in with this lady he's been dating. And Dara's like, oh, speak of the devil. There's Ben. And he's like, hello, everybody. This is my completely, just got back together with girlfriend, Sabrina. And Lindsay's like, Oh, hi. And she's like, oh my God, hi. I've heard the best things about you. Oh, my God.

These are for you, Lindsay. They're flowers. Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much for having me in your home. Is that a piano? Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dam, dam, dun, dam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. You know that that girl is the type of girl to go start banging on somebody's piano.

And that's, I'm playing chopsticks. Oh, a hundred. She's like, I love piano. Oh my God, Lindsay, I got you a sandwich. Here's a sandwich. I know you love sandwiches so much. I hope you enjoy it. Thank you so much for having me in your home.

You seem so wonderful. I love everything I hear about you. It's like, whoa, Sabrina. Shut down. Now we go back to Darren Bailey, and Bailey's like, well, I'm sure that he's going to say that he never said any of that. I'm being dramatic, but whatever. No, no, no, no. If he wants to rewrite history that he was never interested in me, then by all means he hasn't met

Boxing Terra. Well, he just downplayed it. And I was like, that's not what was happening. He was interested in you. They all were. Like, yeah. You know what?

They all get our feelings hurt when you get rejected. So then we go back to Sabrina. And she's like, now she's going up. She's talking to like Jesse and Kyle. She's like, oh my God. I've been dying to meet you. I heard you were just the coolest Jesse.

I hear you sing so good. Like, oh my God. Like, so great to meet you. Oh my God. And you, Kyle. Wow. And he's like, so, Justice is like, so when did you guys mean? She goes, we met in March.

Then's like, and then after that, reconnected. Right, right. And then here you are. Right. Because we march, but then many, many months passed. And then here you are again, right? She goes, yeah, here we are. Where else would we be, Ben? We're here. We're here looking at the Kyle Cook lover boy. You are so great. I love your commercials. I mean, I've never seen a commercial.

Well, every time you're on TV, it's a commercial, basically. you're so good. What happened to your mullet? I loved your mullet. I wish you had your mullet so I could like take a little clip of it put in my purse. Congrats on the JD. Love that mullet. Congrats on your JD Vance meme. That is so funny because you are like you're 43. You're older than the vice president, but you look so young. Oh my God. You're so famous. Oh, it's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappence commercial. So Ben is like when I reached out to Sabrina to let her know that I'm thinking of

her. She was very open because she was sitting right next to me in bed. We just woken up together. And so I said, yeah, I feel pretty special, you know, you know, that she was willing to give me another chance because basically I said, hey, I'm on summer house now. And then like, there was a dust cloud and she appeared, um, at my front door. So it was pretty amazing. And, but now I'm really nervous. Cause look at me. I'm, I'm nervous Ben. I'm shy. Ben. Remember this story line, guys. It's back. I'm shy. And I don't know what to say. And I don't know what to say in these situations. Yeah, Jesse's like, well, I mean,

she's pretty nice and I like her energy, but you know, just don't hung up on like how quickly they're jumping back. I mean, I thought they'd probably been hooking up this whole time and then Ben said he wasn't seeing anybody when he has a secret girlfriend. I mean, potentially,

I mean, that's a good theory. It's a good theory. Even Jesse is onto it. Although Jesse's not anyone who's allowed to talk about people moving too quickly into things. So Mia's boyfriend. Jesse and West, the two fakesest,

phoniest, like doing this for a storyline guys on this show. They can, you know, takes one and no one. Yeah. So Mia's boyfriend, Scott is there.

They all meet Scott. And Mia's happy because, you know, he's always traveling. And she's always, you know, everyone's always like, where's Scott,

where Scott? She's like, he's in L.A., he's in Miami, whatever. So it's like really exciting to have him there. And she's like, oh, my God,

I feel like a normal person. I feel like I'm in a normal person. I feel like I'm in a normal normal relationship. And then we see Lindsay and Dara and Levi and Bailey. Poor Levi. This is, I feel like, can be the last time we see her. Because normally when people don't show up to the summer house,

they at least get the perfunctory. Oh, she has a wedding. Oh, she has. No, this week when they go back to the house, they don't even explain where Levi is. Levi's just, she's just faded into our memories at this point. This is the end, guys. Oh, Levi.

Just taking the eye out of your name. Now you're just leave. So Lindsay's like, every time I see the three of you talking, there's like hands flying. Like, what was the drama over there? And she's like, oh, we're just talking about boys. And, oh, by the way, everybody, I went to lunch with Carl, a totally believable storyline. Now, someone who's totally not doing something for a storyline, I went and had lunch voluntarily with Carl. Very exciting person.

And Lindsay's like, two thumbs down, two thumbs down, two thumbs down. Two thumbs down. And she's like, oh, that's so funny because that's what I told Carl on our date. Oh, well, not really a date. But I said, this is what you think of him. And I did the whole thing. It was hilarious. Yeah.

Okay, well, that's fine. Like, I'll be enjoying it. And basically, Lindsay was, we've seen the flashback that Lindsay told Bailey. Yeah, go on a deal with Carl. Like, you should. Like, he needs it. So she did. I love you.

I don't want to date your ex-fiancee. That's crazy. And she's like, I do not care. So now Lindsay's like, well, have you been out since then? And she goes, well, we've been texting, but no. And so they agree the ball's in his court. And Lindsay's like, you should send him a sexy nude photo. Lindsay.

Stripes. Yes, tan lines. All tan lines. Nothing but tan lines. So Bailey's like, wow, this is, that's crazy. So then Dara and KJ and Dara, Dara and KJ are enjoying a drink together, which is a fascinating scene. This is, I mean, the chemistry is just. crazy here. So she goes, hi, can I have a sip at the drink? And he's like, I haven't even

sipped it. You haven't? No, but go ahead. You can sip it. But do you want to? Ladies first. Oh my God. Just, they're going to write a movie about these two. I'm telling you right now. Wow. Ben's chemistry could never even compete. So Sierra's talking to Kyle and she's like, how are you doing? Your chest is out tonight? He's like, oh, I asked Amanda. I'm like, is it too much? She's like, no. She's like, well yeah we're in New York and speaking of Amanda now she's talking to me and Scott and Amanda's like oh my God Kyle we're all gonna go on a date

together me and Sierra me and Scott and then you can come he's like oh fifth wheel no no like he because he thinks that Sierra's the fifth wheel but the couples and she's like no you're the fifth wheel Kyle he's like ha that's funny that's real so uh Kyle's like yeah I'm in pretty high spears because Amanda and I agreed to go to couples therapy,

so things should work out. So we see a flashback to Kyle saying, how come we're not putting in the work? Would you go to couples therapy? Because you're gone six months in a row. She's like, yeah, oh, yeah, let's end Kyle. So Carl's like, yeah, something like had a literally break for us to agree

to go to couple's therapy. Like, I'll take the full responsibility to bring it. Like I said, fuck you. I feel horrible, but, but. It's always the Carl, but. The Kyle butt. I'm feeling hopeful. We're going to make the most of the weekend.

So then Carl is now with Bailey Ben and Sabrina chatting. And he's like, oh, hey, Bailey. Come I get a hug. Yeah. Ow, ow, ow, ow. Okay. Okay. Softer.

Please. It's a little softer. No, no, a little harder. I can't feel you now. Oh, God. Oh, God. My tongue's about to pop out of my mouth. A little softer.

A little softer. I can't even feel it. I can't feel it. A little harder now? Okay. Oh, God. A little bit harder now. A little bit softer now.

A little bit softer now. A little bit harder now. You make me, you make me want, what is that? You make me want a soft. Shout. Shout softly though. You know what I call talking? Soft talking.

Soft shutting. Oh. So Bailey, they're talking about, you know, drinks, whatever. And Carl's got like a virgin margarita, et cetera. And it's like, so, uh, Last weekend, I had my little scooter and I had my outfit on. It was not crazy. You should see this photo.

Here's a photo of me as an old man. She's like, oh my gosh. I stuffed my underwear with some functional mushrooms. So enjoy. Yeah, you know, Bailey's beautiful. And she's like very funny. And she's got a great personality, but like I'm still taking it slow. And the voice in the back of my head is like,

Oh, put you right on me. Be right on me. He wants to be careful. up in the house. So then we see a clips of Carl just, you know, over the years. Making out with the twin and then fighting with the twin, then a twin

throwing a watermelon at him. And then making out with Paige in a pantry, which I'm sure Paige loved. She's like, oh my God, please just leave me alone. Page, accusing him of only taking her out Friday through Sunday. Yeah.

And so we just basically get like all of Carl's greatest hits. Just in case anyone forgot that Carl does have a strong background in being a fuck boy and like, let's not get. People do forget. Like, let's not, let's not forget. People have totally forgotten. Oh my God. Carl, why isn't Carl on in the city? Because Carl doesn't have anything going on. Okay. That is why Carl is not on in the city. But don't worry. He's going to try and, he's going to try and make it happen today. So God bless him. So now, Sabrina, she hits the mother load.

she gets to finally meet Sierra and she's as chill as you can imagine. Oh my God. Oh my God. I've been dying to meet you. Oh my God. Oh, my God. You're just stunning. You're so beautiful.

Oh my God. You're so good. Oh my God. He told me all about you and I was just like, she is my person. But like no, seriously, you obviously are like so aesthetically beautiful. But like internally you're like a star and like I'm very sensitive to energy and you are so good on the traders. I just wanted you to win. Why did they do that to you?

Okay. I'm so sorry about those graveyard things. That was like so unfair. Like what did they just assume that like what if you guys was a traitor? It wasn't, it didn't have to be that way. Like, so when I meet someone, I'm obsessed with it. Like, it doesn't happen often. I'm just like, you're a star.

You're a star. Oh, my God. Are we already best friends? This is working out so perfectly. You're so amazing, like internally, too. Like, I'm so into your larynx. It's like, oh my God. I just did an emotional colonoscopy on you.

And it's beautiful in there. Your digestive track is sparkling. Sparkling. She's like, okay. Okay, can I cut off a piece of your hair? No, you cannot. Please back away from me. So Lindsay's like, um, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, everybody.

Hi, it's me, Lindsay. I have a piano now. Thank you. Thank you. Okay, everybody, you can sit down. Okay. Um, I really hate giving speeches. The editors are like, yeah, right.

So they put in clips of Lindsay giving speeches. Quink, clink, wink, clink, clink. So now we get clips of Lindsay giving speeches over the years. So everybody basically braces for, the next 20 minutes of their lives. Um, I'm just like excited to start the next chapter of my life with Gemma girl in this big, beautiful palace that I have for like my little princess. We're going to shoot a lot of great scenes for the spinoff and maybe some of you will be

lucky to be in it. Yvonne, I'm looking at you girl. Can't wait to fight with you. Anyway, um, just a new energy for everyone. And, um, you know, for everyone who's been in my last apartment, which I once shared with my ex-fiancee. It's like, cut to Carl. I'll be like, oh, okay.

Thanks. Yeah. Now I'm in a apartment. Wait, who's the ex- Scott goes, who's the ex-fiance? He's like standing my ex-Carl. I was like, who's that? He's, oh, shit.

Sorry. It's Carl. Yeah, but I do have a lot of old friends here and have a lot of new friends here and one extremely old ex-fiance. He's over there. That's Carl, he looks old. That's Carl, by the way.

Everybody, right there. Hi. Yeah, it's me. Oh, put you in on me. Carl, I'm so glad you got up the stairs, because you couldn't get it up for the last two years I was with you. So that's Carl, everybody. That's Carl.

All right. Well, I guess we'll disregard the fact that I got your daughter a book about New York City because you were born in New York City. Yes. I'm fine. Yeah. But anyway, thank you for being here, everybody. And that's it. They're like, what?

That's a Lindsay speech. Is she feeling okay? My God. So Carl leaves. He's like, oh, I gotta go. Oh, I gotta go. Pretend I didn't hear that I couldn't get it up for two years. Okay.

See you later, maybe. It's a long day. It's off tomorrow. Long day soft. So she's like, oh my God, I touched him. I touched Carl. Physical contact, engaged. Levi's like, that was good.

You know, that was really good flirting Bailey. That was, Bailey, that was Bailey. I mean, I'm Levi. I'm so confused. I'm drunk. And Bailey's like, I just want to eat shrimp and die alone. This is too much for me. I can't handle it.

Levy's like. Yeah. So Scott leaves too. And then Bailey invites Sabrina to come join them. And Bailey goes, Hey, do you want to come join the girls? She goes, yes, yes. Some people I know. Oh my God. I'm such a big fan of yours. You really are an it girl. Oh my God. Does that mean I'm an it girl too? Are we they girls? Like, what is this? Oh, my God. Hi, I'm Dara, by the way. I bully men for fun. So we're just lamenting about being cry babies. But do you think about that. She's like, oh my God. It's so good to. cry. I fucking love crying. You know, last time I cried season finale last year, wasn't that so sad? I was like, are they coming back? Oh, God.

I hope these friendships can repair each other. So Amanda's like, oh, no, I, you know, I wake up and every morning I tell Kyle how I'm feeling and I'm sure you do. Yeah. Kyle, I hate you. Get out of bed.

And, uh, yeah, I mean, I'm gonna be like really forward. I honestly, I'm dying to know what's happening relation wise. Cause Ben, he just like told me bits and pieces, but like you deserve true love. And if that is like, that's a great like, but if not, like you need to fucking find it. You know, like you deserve someone who appreciates you for you, man. I'm like what? This is such an overstep. I'm sorry.

Like, you don't even know this person. Like obviously this, obviously Sabrina's watched her on TV. but like, why are you saying this to her right now? You just met her. She's a weirdo. And Amanda's like, I mean, has Ben been like journaling about us the whole summer and filling this girl in that we didn't even know?

Like, why does she know so much? It's weird. So she's like, oh my God, I just want you to be happy and that's it. Just be happy, Amanda.

Okay, you deserve this. You deserve this. It's been 10 years. Oh, my God. I remember you in that hot tub. I was so sad for you. I think Amanda would be happier if you got out of her face right now, Sabrina.

Commercials. Here comes one right now. So now the party is over and we go to North Carolina because we're going to go visit the house that Sierra just bought from her grandparents. And we see it. She's talking about how the house has been in her family forever. And it was the only house she knew and growing up that they moved around a whole bunch. but this was the house that was always permanent and that they would always come to.

So she's in there, this architect and interior designer come in and they are going to come and like scan the house and come up with ideas. Yeah, it looks cool. I hope we get to see the whole thing being remodeled. It's got good bones. Good bones. It's really cool actually because it is mid-century.

I mean, every single, nothing in there has been touched like all the original cabinetry and stuff. So I wonder what she's going to do to it. I hope she keeps the wood paneling. I feel like that would be like a lovely nod to the home's origins. I know that's like very dated looking, but I kind of, I do enjoy that wood. I enjoy wood paddling. It's not nostalgic for me.

I am like a house hunter's cliche. It's like, well, I grew up in a house like this. Actually, I didn't even grow up in a house with wood paneling. I just went to houses that had wood paneling. I always liked it. It's always cozy, you know, like a TV room with like wood paneling and a carpet, you know, and a nice sofa. Like, that's a dream, I think.

Yeah. Yeah, I have a house like that. I just put wood walls up over it, like instead of like an ode to it, you know. But there's so much cool stuff she can do. I want to see. So then we are in New York and it's Tuesday and we see Bailey on the phone with her dad. And he's like, wow, how's the coolest girl in New York doing, honey? She's like, great.

Well, I watched It Girl, the Scarlet Johansson one. Wow, that was super cool. Both of your, both of your skin looked really good. he's what a good dad I know she's like thanks I'm just gonna pause right now dads that way the producers can show a clip of me interviewing Scarlet Johansson

and raise my profile a little bit on the show and hold on there just about to roll it one second dad mean Scarjo okay Scarjo married to NBCU's very own Colin Joe so this should be no problem okay dad one second this will just make me look a little bit cooler because I'm sort of on the low end

of the totem pole on this cast so I just want to have some you know celebrity association dads they're going to show know that clip right now, right? Okay, they're not showing it. I think she should change her branding because It Girl is too, it's too much of a cliche.

Saying already. Yeah, it's like a cliche and everyone says it and no one's ever going to find you just Googling It Girl because I just Googled It Girl, Scarlett Johansson. And it's like Scarlett Johansson is the quintessential it girl. And then all the articles are Scarlet Johansson, Scarlet Johansson, Scarlet Johansson. It Girl, Scarlet Johansson. But none of them are the interview, you know. Scarlett Johansson's like I thought I was going to be interviewed about fixing your computer's motherboard.

Isn't this the IT girl podcast? I really came in here prepared to teach people about HTML. Oh, so you don't have issues with the firewall? So you don't have a spinning beach ball? Why am I here? I really wanted to show America this other side of me. But that's fine. I'll just go back to preparing Collins old.

IBM from 1987. Do you have any makeup tips? Do not auto update. Girl, let me tell you this. This is how to get ahead in the industry. Do not update to Apple Glass. It is the worst thing in the world. Okay, good luck.

That was my IT tip. It is the worst, by the way. I just want to say I hate with a passion the current iOS and OS systems on Macs. I think they're terrible. And I need to use this platform for good. So consider that word being put out there. The OS. It's not the iOS.

No, it's both. Oh, you know them both? I'm saying, I am, that was intentional. It's the iOS and the OS. So how come? What do you hate about them? I think they move things into counterintuitive places. Like if you want to share,

it used to be that if you wanted to, if you're on your phone and you wanted to share a web page with someone, you would just press on the bottom screen, the send button and then like it would say like right away be like copy but now you've got to hit one button and then from there you got to go another button and then from there another button and that's just to copy a link and then if you want to like go to a different tab you have to hit one button then you got go bookmarks and go to do this and this it's like I feel like that's with everything with it now I feel like everything is so many more clicks in pursuit of them creating this visual that's like oh it's glass I'm like I don't care I don't need it to look like glass.

Like, give me fewer clicks. Function. Please, function. I want it to look like wood paneling, and I want to be able to share this shit easily. Okay. So now, something I think that really needs to be gotten rid of, along with that design, is Jesse singing career.

Here we go. Jesse is in an actual recording studio, which I was surprised at. I thought he was probably, you know, but, you know, home producing or whatever. But no, he's in a producing studio with a producer, We listened to a little bit of his latest song on Crappy Hour this week. And he's like, I just love me and me.

I think I'll just be me. Like, oh gosh. Oh, gosh. It's like, it's like worse than you can imagine. Are you Barney? You know, and we've given credit. Like there have been bravo liberties that we haven't loved, but they come out with a good song. We always give credit to a good song.

We always do. We always do. This one is just so bad. And he's in there singing in the booth. And the producer's acting like it's freaking Eminem and 8 Mile. And the guy's like, yeah. Oh, man. This is hot.

Oh, fire. And he's like, I think I'll choose. Be me. I'm like, oh, God. Well, we didn't even see. I mean, what we basically saw was him lifting his phone and just going into a mic and being like, hey, hey. And they were like, great. Oh, my God.

That was fucking amazing. Okay. See you. Ah. So now we go to Paris Cafe where Lindsay and Amanda arrive. And Amanda's like, How are we ladies on this fine day?

It's getting chilly out. I'm like, it's August. It's mid-August, Amanda. Don't gaslight. Please stop trying to segue me into in the city. Okay, I am still in my summer vibes. Oh my God, waiter. What's your name?

Paolo from Colombia. I know Apollo from Colombia. It was a really nice night. And he's like, I hope it was good. She's like, it was good. Yeah. So Amanda's like, get you a fucking salad. God.

It was Kyle's birthday and Monday. And like, oh, sorry. So Amanda, do you remember that it was Kyle's birthday and Monday? Um, yeah, it was Kyle's birthday on Monday. And honestly, I kind of forgot it was his birthday. And I was like so tired. And that's such a bad headache. So I asked if you could just like walk the dogs and I probably should have woke it up and said,

Happy birthday. Can you walk the dogs? But instead it was like, my head hurts. Can you please walk the dogs? So I'm assuming that Kyle had a bad reaction to that, which is funny because he is going to get dinged for forgetting a significant thing in Carl's life later in the episode. But I also think that like, like Amanda's telling the story like, whoops, I forgot. I'm like, well, you forgot your husband's birthday.

like, I mean, I don't know if you're under an obligation to say happy birthday as soon as someone wakes up, but she's acting like, wow, what a baby. Like, I forgot. Like, what a big deal. I'm like, I think you should remember the birthday of the person that you are married to or in a relationship with. Well, she also just threw him a huge party. So, like the day before. So, yeah, I mean, there is that too.

I mean, and a dinner or whatever. Like, there was. So, yeah. I mean, I don't know. So this whole episode I'm going to be saying that. So Amanda's like, oh my God, things will get better because we even agreed to go to therapy. And like, if I can't pay you to fix it, then like, what am I even doing? Yeah, that's not how that works.

So they get drinks and they cheers. And Amanda is asking about Scott. And she's like, did you ever go through with that contract thing? And Lindsay's like, what contract? And Mia two weeks ago was saying she has a contract. where he can only be gone 10 days at a time. Yeah. And then we see like a flashback to other contracts who've seen on this show.

And Amanda's like, this is why me and I are so close. So Lindsay's like, so you run a contract for someone? And you can just sort of see Lindsay doing like a beautiful mind math in her eyes. Like I could have been writing contracts for all these men, all these years, even for every one. What? She's like, how did I never think of this? I'm so busy demanding PowerPoints and doing timelines that I never thought I could just contractually obligate someone to love me. Yeah. And Amanda's like, well, you know, like that was, it looked rough when you said it, Lindsay. Because Lindsay's like, I follow questions. Have you talked about a timeline? Like, do you like timelines? I love timelines.

And then we see a flashback to five summers ago where Lindsay had that insane timeline. Yeah. And she's asking if they've talked about marriage and kids. And Mia says, yeah, because both of her parents passed away. And they're like, oh, my God, I'm sorry. She goes, no, no, it's okay. Because she's talked about it a lot, I'm sure. And she's saying that it's different because she doesn't have like a village to help her raise her kids.

And so him being gone so long at a time is even more triggering for her. This is not going to work. I am a little concerned. Yeah. I'm a little concerned. But they've been together for many years. So I think that is a good sign. But I am a little concerned because she seems like she really does want that person.

And yeah, the flags, I would say there's like a yellow flag for me. Because like the fact that they've gone through years and have made it work this far is good. But we've also seen that long distance relationships on Summerhouse have a 100% failure rate. Whether it's like Paige and Craig, whether it's Danielle and the chef, whether it's a, Amanda and Kyle doing long distance emotionally. Zing! But I think, yeah, I think that's a tough one. And I like that Lindsay was like listening.

And when Lindsay listens, she like squins her eyes and like puts her head forward. And Mia's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what's wrong? And she's like, no, no, that's just how she listens. She has an aggressive listening face. Don't you worry. She really does. She's like, I'm listening. Tell me everything.

It's like, oh my God, your eyes are boring into my head. so Mia talks about how she has very strange cards dealt to her in life. She lost her dad when she was 22 and then her mom died a year and a half ago and that was her best friend. And so she's saying, you know, like I have to work twice as hard now at work and then so does he and we're going to have to pay because we have to pay for a village, you know, because we don't have anyone there like to help us. Yeah, I just, I think if you want someone there,

It can't be someone who's like a chef who's never going to be there because it's always going to be another restaurant, you know? That's the thing. The restaurant people, that's rough. There's also like a 100% failure rate with restaurant people on Bravo and Normies. Again, Danielle and her guy, she really covers all the basis with like types of failures in a relationship. But like, look at all the Vanderpump rules. In every career, too, which is weird. There's a 100% failure rate of relationships that involve Danielle.

I mean, example one, Danielle and her relationships. Speaking of 100% failure rates, Danielle. So, me, it's like, oh, my God, you know, I'm just like, I'm scared I'm going to be over 45 without kids and like just have an amazing career. And I mean, that would be fine if I didn't want kids, but I do want kids. And she's talking to Amanda who's just like got this like glazed stare in her eyes. She's like, yeah, because, you know, Amanda's gone through this too. And so she's like, I feel like a baby would heal me. Oh, that's not how babies work.

Babies don't heal scabs. They open them and then they dig into them and then they widen them until you're bleeding all over the floor. I say watch the valley and then see how much healing you've seen on that show. And then you can come back and give us a revised opinion. Thanks. Yeah. The valley should be birth control for any. buddy who's watching that show.

I wonder if they could do like a sample size audience poll and just see how much the birth rate has gone down amongst people who've watched the Valley. I think 160%. That's what I hope.

I hope the success of babies healing people is actually lower than people dating Danielle at this point. Congratulations. You've reached the end of Part one of a two-part recap. For part two, go look for the recap that says part two.

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