Watch What Crappens - #332: Live from the 2016 LA Podcast Festival!

Episode Date: September 28, 2016

In case you couldn't make it to the 2016 LA Podcast Festival, don't worry: we are here to help. Here's the show we recorded at the podfest, and to mark the occasion, we had our old friend Molly McAleer join us up on stage. Listen as we talk Bravo, do a Superfight, and recap the season finale of Real Housewives of Melbourne Season 3!! 00:00:00 - Intro 00:10:00 - Crappens Superfight 00:21:46 - Bravo 101 00:43:05 - Real Housewives of Melbourne recap Subscribe at https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Support us at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens Follow us at facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Visit us at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. What happens when there's so much that happens? It's a pleasure to have you. It's a pleasure to have you. Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens?

Hello and welcome to the Watch Your Crappin's Podcast! We're at LA Power Fest! I can give up that manly voice right away. I'm Ronnie Karam from Trash Talk TV and some other podcasts. A Finding Prince charming podcast called Rose Pricks. Listen to it. And Big Brother Smother.

And I'm here with the gorgeous, talented, and I told you, always gorgeously coiffed. Look in real life. Ben Mandelker. Oh, thank you. Go on. Go on. B-side blog and the banter blender. Hello, Ben.

Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? I'm so good. I was trying to get something to get one of those little vents on my big bald head. I feel so weird with people being able to see me. Ronnie was doing some sort of low-level MacGyver shit, sticking a pen into a vent. Didn't work, though. Have you seen the new MacGyver show, sticking a pen into a vent. Didn't work, though. Have you seen

the new MacGyver? He would probably be just as useless. I'm not buying it, new MacGyver! I'm not buying it! New MacGyver is all, I'm hot and have

no facial hair. Fuck off! Everybody, you know, we've been doing this show, like, forever. Yeah. And we're lucky enough to have made some beautiful friends along the way.

Mm-hmm. And I think hands down now, our favorite is the gorgeous Miss Molls, Molly McAleer. Hello, Molly. Oh, I liked, I thought you were, oh, thank you. I thought you were going to say something about how like they were your friends. I didn't know you were talking about me. Thank you so much. They're the silent kind. Oh, my gosh you so much. They're the silent kind.

Oh my gosh, thank you. They're appreciated the most. I'm so honored to be here. I know it was between me and Stassi and you picked me. So thank you. Ben, I told Ben, I know someone who knows Brandy.

And he was like, no. I was like, this is going to be our debut at the LA Podfest. We've been waiting three years to get into this. We are not ruining it by having Brandy Glanville here. Because you know she'd make an awkward comment and then I would get awkward and then the whole thing would be strange and it would be strange for you guys

and the whole thing would be ruined. She would say something racist. And that too. That's definitely what would happen. Which is almost as bad as us. And then like everyone would have to negotiate that situation the whole time. i think when people come to our show they have an expectation of not seeing a literal vagina yeah that would just totally be blown with brandy yeah we'd get like a lawsuit from joanna carupa and we just don't need to be involved in that actually we really witnesses my dream would actually be to be involved in a Housewives lawsuit. So, you know,

that would actually be very special. No, they sue each other for a lot of money. That's true. That fishy vagina comment is going to cost Brandi Glanville more than she's made in like 10 years. It's going to cost her the pool she's trying to get in her rental.

I feel like you should go for Ben by Aileen too. Oh my God. That would be like really good. I would love to take on the Aileen empire. Did you try to by Aileen 2. Oh my god. That would be really good. I would love to take on the Aileen Empire. Did you try to get Aileen here tonight? Who is Aileen 2? She dates the most fascinating man in the world. She's just a big mystery.

Aileen 2 does? She's just a mystery. I'm just putting her up there on that level. I think if you're going to be a partner with a housewife, you can never speak ever. I think she's some lame, boring bitch who doesn't say anything. Best of batch, as the gays would say.

Anyway, we're just rambling as usual, but we only have 90 minutes instead of five hours like we normally have on our podcast. So we want to first of all thank everyone for coming here on a Sunday night here at the LA Podfest at the Sofitel Hotel

in Beverly Hills. We actually are all drinking rosé because, I mean, we're talking about Bravo. So let's, you know, let's be honest. You need to have some pink juice. Raise your glass.

Raise your glass, everyone. As they say in the house of Vanderpump. Raise your glass. Oh, how does that song go? Raise your glass tonight. These are the best days of our life. And then we're going to just like, then we're just going to throw

these drinks in slow motion at everyone. It's not on the air right now. I don't ever hear it. I forget about that until it comes back on the air. The Vanda pumps. I feel like it's going to be on soon. Does anyone know when it's coming on? No one knows. So, Miles, why don't you tell us a little bit about the

podcast that you're doing right now? Why don't you do some self-promotion? Okay, cool. So, I have three podcasts right now, and I think the one that you guys might like the most um actually outside of the other one you might like the most is well i have one called mother may i sleep with podcast that's all about lifetime original movies and we talk about them for like i mean look i can go in on crappins the same way that i hope people can go in on Mother May I Sleep With podcast. I can listen. I listen to another podcast that's just three hours of talking about one episode

of Pretty Little Liars. So I'm really good at getting into the details. I enjoy that. That's what we do on Mother May I Sleep With podcast. I also have emotionally broken psychos which partially came out of me talking to these two who I realized like, oh, I take this stuff way too seriously.

Like I'm really actually thinking about these people's like psychological breakdown. And Ronnie's just like, Jacqueline exploits her child's autism. And I'm like, oh my God, wait, that's like so raw. I mean, it's nicer in context. No, I mean, it's just, it really, I realized like, oh.

Get a plate with an iPad. Buy our popcorn. Really, guys? Oh, my God. Let the boy be. And I'm like just getting around to that. So that's Emotionally Broken Psychos. And then we have Please Advise, which I've had both of you guys on.

Yes, that was so fun. And it's an advice podcast where people come and ask advice. We did an LA Podfest thing. We're going to have to cut a question from that for the airing up and on ours so if you want to watch the video you have video access through pod fest you'll see the real story um but that's it those are my three podcasts that's it yeah we like to talk about the psychology with you because when we when we met i thought i want to be real friends with that girl but you don't know like maybe she thinks I'm like stupid or too sweaty or like whatever but I was like we're totally gonna

make it because she will stand by anybody like I feel like you could marry a prisoner you could be one of those ladies you're always writing a letter like you don't care like they'll find DNA you'll be like I know it was his sperm I still love him like he didn't mean it

when Ron came on my Lifetime podcast, I was literally arguing why Jodi Arias was less crazy than Travis Alexander. So this is very true about me. There's something wrong with me for sure. Definitely the Catherine from

Southern Charm was my first clue. I was like, man, you will stick with me. Because you'd be like, no, she's not. She's a young mother. By the way, I heard a terrible... She's a young mother. She's my hero. How dare you?

And I was like, she's totally exploiting that child. And you're like, no, she's not. And then she literally came out and she was like, well, you have to do what I say because I had the child's rights. And I was like, she literally just said it. And you're like, I don't care. You know, I actually just read a terrible article saying that Katherine Dennis is not involved

in the current season of Southern Charm that is being filmed. Big mistake. I mean, I don't know. It also came from Inquisitor.com, so, you know. No, it's probably true, though. That's devastating. I mean, she went to rehab for marijuana.

Is that what it was? I think it was actually cocaine. Okay, but, like, if she was doing cocaine, I feel like Thomas broke out the lines. Do you know what I'm saying? Oh, 100%. He was like, oh, let's do some coke, and then the next day was like, here's a drug test. Thomas has

completely set her up. Let's not act like his hands are clean. That was some coked out behavior at what we will call the glass menagerie dinner part two. Oh my god, yes. He was possessed. The article was saying that basically there were talks that broke down,

et cetera, et cetera. So who knows? I mean, she may still come on board. They're saying that they offered her a friend of position, but she's like, no. She wants all or nothing. I think she'll still come on board because, I mean, what else does she got to do? I mean, those Amazon Prime boxes don't come for free. Actually, they do. That mean, those Amazon Prime boxes don't come for free. Actually, they do.

That little, that plexiglass crib they got. Oh my God. Just like a crib that looks like a bank teller box where you put

the little thing in and it goes and it like takes it to the nanny or whatever. So the article also said that what's the name of Jennifer, Jennifer Snowden

is going to be like her replacement on it. But I don't think, I mean, I like Jennifer Snowden is going to be her replacement on it. But I don't think... I mean, I like Jennifer Snowden as this very dangerous presence. But I don't think she's full cast. A very dangerous presence. She's like, hi. Hi, Tommy.

Don't trust her. How can I help? I just feel very uncomfortable about the fact that Thomas was like, I respect that Jennifer's having her baby because I myself have a Down syndrome brother. And I was like, dude, that's a really dark way to phrase that. And then also, you have to continue to talk to her. And then also, it's like your baby's... I mean, and then her baby was born under unfortunate circumstances.

I mean, it just was a very... I don't know if that's a right place for Jennifer right now. I feel like she needs to get home with her baby. It's the perfect place, let's be honest. It's the perfect place. When do you get to use someone else's Down syndrome

in a fight? Like, I'm totally taking that. That's what happens in the childhood. I know someone with Down syndrome. I win. The end. You know, Bravo has no lows,

so there's no problem with that. Down syndrome will be the new Lyme disease. You can always go lower. Yeah. Ariel will be the new Lyme disease. You can always go lower. Yeah. Ariel will be the last housewife standing. They finally get to the bottom of the sea. So for today's episode,

so I don't know if anyone heard the latest episode or not, or I guess it was on Tuesday's episode, but we actually started a new little game on the podcast. Oh, scattered applause. It's a game. It's actually a real game. I'm going to pull it up from here. People in the audience can see. The benefits of coming to the podcast, you can actually see the box I'm holding up.

It's a real game called Super Fight. And it's basically a game where you pit two things against each other. So like Batman versus Superman. And then you pull out like a random card and the card will say something like narcoleptic. Like is a narcoleptic Batman gonna beat Superman so we started doing this with Bravo stars and so we thought we'd just do

like one right here and we just pull a random Bravo name out of a hat and then another one and then we'll debate who would win in an epic throwdown slash dinner party all right I'm down I mean mall Molls, why don't you pick a name out of our little quote-unquote hat? Okay. The first contender is... Kelly Dodd. Kelly Dodd from Real Housewives of Orange County.

And her special powers are that she has no legs. And she's riding a depressed centaur. Okay? Okay. And her... So a legless Kelly Dodd is on a depressed centaur. What the hell?

A centaur is like a man horse, right? Right, which is somehow thematically appropriate. Then you do have legs, which is just so she's normal. All right. It's like normal Kelly, but with way bigger poops right but she doesn't have total control

of the centaur okay so her her foe is oh I also yeah do what I say centaur you're ugly you're ugly centaur

Ramona thank god it's Ramona Ramona Singer it's Ramona someone I can really speak to and Ramona Singer's special power is

that she she has tiny T-Rex arms. And also, this is actually truly scary. She can stretch like rubber. She can stretch leg rubber? Like rubber. She's an elastic, stretching Ramona Singer with tiny arms. Stretching Ramona. So everything can stretchy Ramona singer with tiny arms.

So everything can stretch about her except her tiny arms. Versus Kelly Dodd, who's running around on a sad centaur. Who wins that fight? Oh my God. Well, when you first said the names, I thought Kelly's going to win because she has no sense

about her. She'll just call you ugly and be done with it, you know? Yeah. That person always always wins that's the person who's like i know someone with down syndrome like the end yeah fights over i won yeah but you know you can never discount ramona singer i mean she is the i mean it is actually appropriate that she is totally elastic like i can i can just imagine kelly charging at her on her centaur, just being, yelling things like, go fuck yourself Ramona Singer. And Ramona Singer is like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm elastic, okay? You're gonna

bounce right off me, okay? I'm sorry. I honestly, I've been saving, because I know a lot about depression. I've been saving Real Housewives of OC for my next bout of depression. I've never watched it because I feel like

I need to save one. You know what I mean? So that if I ever wind up in bed for three months, I have something to do because I've blown through all the other ones

so quickly. I watch intelligent shows like Breaking Bad or the really boring ones. I get sick. Exactly. Criminal Minds, I heard,

is a good one to watch during depression. People love Criminal Minds. But I feel like, so you add in the depressed centaur, plus I don't know this bitch. I think Ramona for sure. I mean, Ramona could win any fight against anyone. We were talking Ramona

versus Batman, Ramona would win. This is true. She would. She's just a force of nature at this point. She's unruly. She doesn't care. She cares about nothing. She'll be like, listen here, Batman. Hey. All I'm trying to say is no one can see you with your mask on.

No one even knows what you're thinking, Batman. You've got to take your mask off and no one's going to follow you. Whoa. You know what I'm saying? This is crazy. Whoa. This is reminding me of when I was a little girl. I once went out to a belfry, and there were bats

everywhere. And I said, whoa, so many bats. And then Geraldine Parsons Smith came up to me and said, get over it, little girl. And to this day, I can't go into belfry. I'm sorry, Batman. I'm sorry. I wish I could go to that fundraiser with you and wait for the Joker and try and fight with you. But when I was a little girl,

I was growing up, and my father got in a fight with this fat man, and he was next door, and he got so mad, he said, that fat man, that fat man, and then he threw spaghetti at my mother's face. You can never look at Batman

the same again. When I heard about Bruce Wayne's appearance, Bruce, I'm so sorry. But at least you didn't have to learn about Mario on page six. I'm sorry about your appearance, okay? I'm sorry.

It can always end with a page six. Can I just ask you, though, because I've never not laughed at it, but where did, because I must not have gone, but where did Geraldine Parson Smith come from? Who is she? Who is Geraldine? This is our most frequently asked question.

Of course it is, because you talk about her like she's Bible. Like you're like, oh. I didn't even know. Like I really didn't even know who it was for like two years, and Ben finally said why. No, we made a joke. Oh, I thought it was like an old black lady actress who won an Emmy. I didn't even know who it was for two years. And Ben finally said why. No, we made a joke. I thought it was an old black lady actress who won an Emmy.

I didn't know it was some made-up thing. Doesn't it sound like it? So here's the thing. When we do these shows, we go into a fugue state. And we don't remember what just... When the podcast is over, I have no idea what I've said. I don't know what Rania said. I don't know what Miles said.

I'm not going to remember any of this. So strange things happen. Strange things come out. We just did a whole thing on Batman for crying out loud. And during the episode of Real Housewives of New York City

when they went to Montana, does everyone remember when they went to Montana and Kristen wanted to go geocaching? Yes. One of the most intense moments in Housewives of New York City,

the geocaching episode. So we were doing a Ramona bit because we always do these Ramona bits. Who are you to throw water at me? Who are you to get me wet? So we were doing another thing because this was also,

I think, the same season where Ramona was in the woods and freaked out because it reminded her of her childhood. So we were going really strong with that joke.

She didn't want to go to the Berkshires. She wanted to go to the Hamptons and she was like, I can't go to the Berkshires. It reminds me of my father. Okay. And let's face it.

So we were just doing all these jokes that everything reminded her of her childhood. So then we had this joke where Kristen was doing something with GPS. And we're like, that reminds me of this woman, Geraldine Parsons Smith. And we just made it up on the spot. And then we stuck with it. Is that really what that's from? That's all it is. That's all it is.

And I thought it was a real person. That is the funniest thing, you guys. You are so funny. Someone actually tweeted at us that their fantasy football name is the Geraldine Parsons-Smith. And they're winning today, by the way. Someone wrote into my podcast saying, do you know how on Watch What Crappens they always

talk about Ramona's mom, Geraldine Parsons-Smith? And I was like, I'm pretty sure that's not her mom, but I also don't know who it is. Oh my god, it's GPS. We get private messages being like, I'm pretty sure that's not her mom, but I also don't know who it is. Oh, my God. It's GPS. We get private messages being like, your podcast is so good, but I have to know, who is Geraldine Parsons-Smith? I've looked everywhere on the internet for her, and I can't find her. She's like Kaiser Soze at this point.

Even hearing Ben's explanation again. I know I should believe it. It was true. It was recorded. I was there. But I know that there's going to be an in memoriam one day. I know it. And there's going to be like,

Geraldine Parsons. She's going to be like Pearl from Tutu Set. It's going to be like the lady who played Pearl or something. What if in Ramona's obituary, it's like survived by dear friend, Geraldine Parsons. It's going to be like the lady who played Pearl or something, you know? What if in Ramona's obituary it's like survived by dear friend Geraldine Carson Smith. She's real. She's been real all this time. And loving daughter Avery. Okay. Okay.

Will you just say sunshine for me? Oh, sure. You know, I love that Mr. Potato Head box. It reminds me of sunshine. Okay, Luann? Okay? Okay. Literally, we're sweating right now sunshine to myself all the time it's my favorite thing these plates remind me of sunshine we could we I mean we could just talk about Ramona for the rest of

the next hour like every single detail because she's she um I'm just imagining I'm glad these like bright lights are blowing on face I'm just imagining I'm glad these like bright lights are blaring in our face I'm just imagining the people just like walking out the door at this moment we don't know what this podcast is alright so who won yeah audience who do you think won

Ramona won Ramona or Kelly Dodd I think the horse will just fucking kill himself by the time Ramona's done she'll never shut up is Kelly like a

long time player on OC I don't know about her she's been there for like six weeks and pretty much hell has descended on OC? I don't know about her. She's been there for like six weeks and pretty much hell has descended on OC. Like they almost died in a dune buggy, which is already like very apocalyptic.

She dropped the C word several times. She's cursed out everyone. I kind of like her. Like she's an awful human being and like deserves whatever happens. Like if there's an earthquake and she falls into the ground, I think the news person will be like, I mean, it was Kelly.

Okay, next. She deserves it, but I still like her. There's actually a raging Twitter war happening as we speak about Kelly Dodd. And everyone's getting involved. Gretchen Rossi, Lizzie from season whatever. Oh my God, with the B the B teams Waiting in the hallway They're all fighting

A Sunday Yeah they're all Going after Shannon Or Kelly It's like amazing So I kind of love her For just bringing that up The chaos

I love chaos Yeah And of course By C word We mean cut fitness Yeah That's our That's our nice way

Of saying the C word We call it a cut fitness In honor of Tamara Judge I always want to say Tamara Barney I'm like that's not nice way of saying the C word. We call it a cut fitness. In honor of Tamara Judge. I always want to say Tamara Barney. I'm like, that's not nice because Simon was an asshole. That would be nice. I'll call her Tamara Judge.

Okay, so I'm looking at our timer thing because, you know, we won't take four hours and not even give a shit. We'll just get wasted up here. Are there waiters? No, you can have some of mine, though, if you want. Oh. Okay, sorry. No, I just didn't know if you were on your train.

I'll text. I'll text. Okay, sorry. Okay. Yeah, so we have... So basically, the deal is we're going to talk, and then a red light is going to come on, and then we have 10 minutes to wrap it up. Is that true? Yeah, it's like we're in a real conversation.

How dare you? How dare you, sir? So here's what's on... There's already a red light. Well, there's... I was just going to say, there's the light. We're out of here! It's the Sofitel general manager.

Get these guys out of here. So here is our plan for today. We are, in case there's

anyone in the audience who has wandered in from the rest of the podfest and they're not familiar with

Bravo. Welcome to homosexuality. Yeah. Yeah, this is the gay corner of the podcast. Girl, those other rooms smell like feet. There are so many hipsters in there. I swear to you, I've been going to the shows,

and I love me a hipster. I went through improv at like 19 schools. I love it. But can you imagine what the bedrooms of those feeted people smell like? That's the problem. You're lucky to be in the feet room. Have you noticed the bartenders hate everybody here? Well, if you go to the downstairs bar, they're like,

What? Would you like a Miller Lite? They're all mad. They're like, you want a PBR, sir? Like, they're pissed. And I don't blame them. It's like different kind of feet. It's like one room's like athlete's foot.

The other room's like swamp foot. I'm like, girl. So anyway, so we're going to do something called Bravo 101, where we're going to introduce people to what they should be doing. If you're new to Bravo and you don't watch Bravo, or if you know someone who's new to it, these are the things that they should watch out for and that they should know about Bravo. And then when we're done doing that, we're going to recap Real Housewives of Melbourne, which just had its season finale on Friday. Did anyone watch Real Housewives of Melbourne yet?

Yes. Everyone. I did because you guys told me to and it's my first time and I have a lot of questions. It's a great show. It's a great show. All right. So, let's start off with some Bravo 101. I just have some questions. I wrote them on note cards to make me, this way I feel like a game show host, which I like. So guys, what shows should newbies to Bravo start with? What do you think

are the essentials to start with? You go first. Oh, good. Fine, I'll go. So, Roni. Realize that's New York.

The all-time classic. Season eight is just like, by the time you, it's such a wild ride that by the time you go all the way to season 8 you go back and watch season 1

and you can't even believe that that was in this century it's wild it's like big tube TVs you might recognize me from a Bravo show

I was on really when I was Chantal on Gallery Girls Gallery Girls the one season show the greatest show of all time. Yes.

I'm a big fan of the shows that didn't make it. And I do suggest, look, I'm not ashamed to go throw down $13.99 on an SD version of a Bravo reality show that I know will just soothe me whenever I need it to. An SD. I do Princesses Long Island. Yes. Sometimes I need to feel better about myself. I love Opry Ski.

They brought a lot of real issues to the table on that show. They had to go up hills and ski. Rich people have a lot of crazy demands. And then there was Misadvised, which was really good

about the dysfunctional crazy... We have someone in the audience who's a big fan of it as well. And then there was, oh, Misadvised, which was really good. Oh, yeah. About the dysfunctional, crazy. Well, we have someone in the audience who's a big fan of it as well. Oh, okay. I was like, you were on it, hon? Okay, no. No, that's great. But other than that, man, dude, I don't, I mean.

What about your favorite show, Southern Charm? Oh, I mean, I thought everyone knew about that. I didn't know. Southern Charm is the best show of all time sorry yeah you know I know someone

who recently spoke to Andy Cohen and he said yes that's our 2020 yes brag no no

but the reason why that's important is because he told her that the number one question he gets is when is Gallery Girls coming back is that for real?

That is for real. Yeah. That's what he told her. Okay, but it makes me so sad because I like, just trust me. I still to this day get emails because I am Chantal. People are like,

did you know I just saw Chantal? And I was like, I know, that's me. But people still reach out to me to this day. They love the Gallery Girls. They are obsessed with it. I want to know where Angela is so bad. Actually, we found Angela. Okay. The photographer obsessed with it. I want to know where Angela is so bad. Actually, we found Angela. Is that the photographer lady? Yeah. We saw...

Oh gosh, where did I see her? I saw... Your girl was turning in pictures from her flip phone. She's like, I'm going to have an art show. Bitch, really? 16-year-old with flip phone pictures. And she did it. She's taking pictures still because this is very random. I was looking at Victor Cruz's Instagram.

That sounds like a hot name. He's a football player. And there was like a random video where someone was taking a picture of him. And it was Angela from Gallery Girls. I was like, what's Angela from Gallery Girls doing on a football player's Instagram? Killing it. Yeah, killing it. I was like, my worlds are convening right now. So that's the update on her. Like a 10- her picture of Cruz and then Carrie

who I also think was definitely like subsidizing her rent because you remember she was so proud to get out of Long Island to rent a city an apartment in the city

the one who was pretend she was like I'm really I'm really here for the right reasons like that's always the worst she was the worst one

and it's like also you're probably sleeping with older men for money like let's just put it out there Carrie like God bless I also, you're probably sleeping with older men for money. Like, let's just put it out there, Carrie. Like,

God bless. I know what you're doing. Like, you cannot afford that five bedroom apartment in Manhattan. That was adorable. Yes,

and they literally showed her scenes with her dad. And he's like, you need to be better. She's like, I know, Dad.

I know. And then she gets to her apartment and it's like a penthouse. Also, he's making a blowjob face. to be 20 again in New York. Yeah.

Allegedly, I know nothing about what, I just didn't want to protect myself for a moment. Allegedly, Carrie was whoring herself out. I have no idea. She seems great.

That's the girl Carrie with the daddy issues? Carrie? Yeah. Carrie to me is like the forgotten gallery girl. When I think of gallery girls, I think of Amy.

Amy! I think of Liz, who famously, Amy Amy I think of Liz who famously Sad Amy her name is Sad Amy Sad Amy yeah who was obsessed with that guy Eli

my grandma's house and we can't we also like never forget Liz who when she went she was at art class she literally said this on camera

she goes some Asian just stepped on my canvas that was amazing but Liz's dad's like a legit baller. Liz lived like nine lives. She was a serious drug addict, sober.

Her dad was a baller. She had all those daddy issues. She went into Eli Klein like not giving a fuck. Like Eli was like bowing down to her. And then there was poor Maggie that like, you know, gave him like a drunken blowjob and like fighting to keep her internship. That was a dark. But she had like a drunken blowjob and like was fighting to keep her internship. That was a dark. Wanky eyes. But she had like a hot,

like beefcake boyfriend. She was like really quiet. She's like, well, hello. It's the gallery. She was the one who was sent to Brooklyn

and was scared because it was broken glass on the sidewalk. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. That was a special moment. Isn't it weird?

Like I think of how we're like, that girl was probably getting her penthouse from hoeing out. I mean, we say like that girl's a hoe or that girl a special moment. Isn't it weird? Like, I think of how we're, like, that girl was probably getting her penthouse from hoeing out. I mean, we say, like, that girl's a hoe or that girl's a hoe. Like, we use that word so much. But if you're hot and you're 20 and you're not blowing somebody for your rent, you're a fucking moron. Right. Yeah, it's true.

It's really true. Don't waste it. Okay? Yeah. If you got it, suck somebody off and get your rent paid. What are you, dumb? It's true. I mean, again, Catherine Dennis, Amazon Prime Boxes.

There's a strong link. Strong link. Nouveau ho, Catherine Dennis. Yeah. Who are some of the Bravo stars that a Bravo newbie should know about? You didn't even get to answer that last question. Okay, you be the first one. Okay, let me ask it.

What is it? What Bravo stars who are newbies? Yeah, you know the question. Well, I personally think, well, we already talked a lot about Ramona Singer, so we don't have to talk about her anymore. I mean, we could always talk about her more. But I also think from the Roney cast,

because as Mal said, it is essential viewing. I think actually everyone should watch Real Housewives of New York. I think it's actually probably the best, probably I should watch Real Housewives of New York. I think it's actually probably the best. Probably I would say Real Housewives of New York is overall looking at the whole series is probably the best series they've ever done. It's heaven. It's heaven. I think in terms of one season

wonders, I would say Gallery Girls. I think also one can never overlook Vanderpump Rules, which is so special it gets write-ups in the New Yorker. It gets like intelligent write-ups. Okay, it's because it's that bad, right? That's when you jumped the shark, right? Wasn't it New York Times? It was the New Yorker magazine he wrote? I think that's when

you're done. And they're like, oh my god, isn't it funny? No. This isn't for you. For a moment, I thought you were actually saying that Jax had jumped on a shark and was trying to have sex with it. He probably would. I did not fuck that shark. For the third reunion. Okay, I did. I fucked a shark. was trying to have sex with it. He probably would. I did not fuck that shark. For the third reunion.

Okay, I did. I fucked a shark. I did. I did. Sorry. What can I say? I'm a guy. Are you trying to say I did cocaine with a shark? No. But I think in terms of essential stars of Bravo that you should know, I think almost everyone from New York, I think especially

Countess Luanne. I especially Countess Luanne. I think Countess Luanne is a very special woman to the Bravo story. I think the fact that she, I don't know, what am I even saying? The fact that she was like a countess and that she started off her arc in this imperial way, like the waspiest of wasps,

which was so great in its own way, and then that she descended into this crazy, slutty woman who had sex with Johnny Depp pirates is an amazing arc that's unparalleled in any fictional or non-fictional series in the history of television. I actually heard about Countess Luanne before I even knew what Bravo was.

I can't believe there was even that time in my life. Wow. Ronnie, don't say things like that. And my mom was going, I was in Texas, and my mom was going off about these stupid women on these stupid shows, these whores, like just losing it, you know, as she does. Yeah.

And she's like, this woman makes people call her a countess. This is America. She was so mad. And I never really understood what she was talking about until I found Bravo. So I always love her for that. Well, one thing about Luann is that

one would think that Bethany is the one to know, right? But Bravo low-key pointed out to everyone that they are secretly on Luann's side when they gave her that before they were housewives. That's what I've been saying. And took us through space and time.

They're like, yeah, Bethany, we'll give you the money because you got the mouth. But Luann is the queen. Don't forget it. She had crabs. Yeah. She literally had crabs in Italy.

Well, it was the thing that got on the plane. I mean, they just have them in Italy. That's how planes are. Even her crabs are fancy. No, it was the thing that got on the plane. I mean, they just have them in Italy. That's how planes are. Even her crabs are fancy. No, yeah, I totally agree. She is the only one, I think, the only person who's had their own

special about themselves. I mean, people have had spinoffs. And by the way, why is there a spinoff, like a wedding spinoff, from the guy from Million Dollar Listing

New York? I just saw that. You know, we're terrible. We have a Bravo podcast, and I was like, this is a thing? There's the guy from Million Dollar Listing, the most boring, I mean, the hottest one. I mean, I do him.

I think that Josh Altman is hot in a weird way. No, not in a weird way. Like, hot, hot. You think Ryan's like a classically hot? Like, if you lined up a lot of people and you said, who's hot? He would win. He's like, you know, average citizen kind of hot. I mean, he's citizen kind of hot I mean so hot I love him he's so cute and he's like a total douchebag and he found someone to marry but he has a spin-off show and they

they're not gonna give one to Luann like Luann's still trying to hold out she's like I don't know if I'm coming back her wedding is like the second week of shooting for the next it's like no like, no, no, no. They really hurt me. I'll have to see how I feel. Do you guys have intel on the Bethany potential Andy Cohen fight? We, okay. So for those of you guys that don't know,

there's talk that Bethany is really mad at Andy Cohen because he asked him tough questions. Why would you talk to me like that? Why would you do that to me? It's like a reunion. We're supposed to be reunited. We're supposed to be hugging. Why would you talk to me like that? Why would you do that to me? It's like a reunion. We're supposed to be reuniting. We're supposed to be hugging. Why would you talk to me like that, Andy?

I don't understand. Honestly, my walls are up. Andy, if you ask me these questions, my walls are going to be up. I'm going to be on the floor. I'm going to be crying. Honestly, I can't with these questions. Why don't you ask Luann?

Why don't you ask Luann? You got a problem asking Luann that? Literally, I can't. I got a sharp throat. Literally, I can't. It's like a one-sided fight. Every time he's like, well, I don't know what you're going to-sided fight. Every time he's like, well,

I don't know what you're trying to say. He'll be like, walls up. Can't hear you. Voicemail. Voicemail. Walls up. Walls are up.

Like, I don't say I can't. Like, build that wall around me, please, Mr. Trump. She's totally a Trump fan. Walls up. That's what I've been saying. I was going to press.

I was going to press. I listened to her Radio Andy show and I think she low-key is an actual kind of Trump supporter. She did go to some Hillary fundraiser, but I think that's because she has liberal Hollywood friends. She has never said anything bad about Donald Trump. I know.

Very interesting. That's the first person. Oh, gross. I hope that wasn't in your wine, because that was total spit. But you know that Donald Trump was the first person that Bethany ever heard tell Martha Stewart to go fuck herself.

Oh, that's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I'll fuck you, Martha! She's like, I love you. I love you. What are you going to do? Run for president? I'm there.

Literally brand summit. Brand summit. You want to run ice cream forever? Okay, got my vote. I don't even care what it is. You want to be God? Okay. Heaven?

Run heaven? Literally, I can't. Honestly, it's too much. It's too much. Running for president? Who needs to be president? Honestly, just go to the store. Go to Whole Foods. Sell some pret Run heaven? Literally, I can't. Honestly, it's too much. It's too much. Running for president? Who needs to be president? Honestly, just go to the store. Go to Whole Foods.

Sell some pretzels. Literally, I can't. Sell some pretzels. By the way, my favorite thing ever is if I'm starting to go on some tangent, and then in the corner of my eye, I start to see Miles put her hand in front of her face. Why? That makes me feel good. Oh, good.

Okay, okay. I like it. I'm like a geisha. I laugh like a good okay okay I like it no so I'm like a geisha I laugh like a geisha I like it little honey I like making Miles laugh

no so so the fight is that Andy like came down hard on her on the reunion and so now she's like mad at him

because like they're supposed to be friends and he asked he like went there he went there and so now there's all these rumors they're having a big fight but we think it's like a def supposed to be friends. And he asked, he like went there. He went there. And so now there's all these rumors they're having a big fight.

But we think it's like a deflection to make, to deflect off the other rumor that the producers sent her the picture of Tom cheating. Yes. And this is to make it look like they're not in good hands. Bravo would that be news.

The producers got a picture of someone kissing your fiance and sent it to Bethany they're acting like it's some shock come on people we've all got televisions I mean is she

definitely coming back for season 9 as a producer because that's like the thing that's going to solve this case that's a smoking gun

yeah well now if she is they can't credit her because it's like too much smoking gun too much does Hillary have

pneumonia did producers send the craziest it's like too much. It's a smoking gun. Too much. Does Hillary have pneumonia? Did producers send the craziest news? It's like real shit is going on in the world. So much has happened in September. That's all I care about. I'll be very clear. Yeah, no, true.

Me too. I don't care if she got polio. So if you're new to Bravo, what are the Bravo archetypes that you should know about? What sort of characters do we see time and time again on these shows? Well, look,

one of them is the Vicky. Because Vicky is a very, from Real Housewives of Orange County, she's the OG of the OG. I'm the OG. Like Vicky, okay, we get it. She's the first.

But she's also that person who everything she does is wrong. Every decision she makes is wrong. She's disgusting. She's everything she does is wrong. Every decision she makes is wrong. She's disgusting. She's abusive. She cheats. She lies. But she's so fucking funny, you don't even care.

You're like, yes! You do it! It's like, I don't know. Maybe Don's abusing me. Maybe he is. Would you call that? It's like, you disgusting. Yes.

Okay, Don's abusive. Get him out. Yeah. I'm like with her on everything. Yeah. And then Kelly Dodd, who we were talking about before, she definitely falls into that. Just so trashy. Like really, we always call her like a tire fire of a human being.

And yet so entertaining. Yeah. Like Vicky's really mad. She is the one, for those of you who don't watch, who had the fake cancer thing with her boyfriend, Brooks. She's like, oh, he has cancer. Because no one really liked Brooks. So she's like, oh, no, he's got cancer.

And now I'm selling cancer drugs. Yeah. Disgusting. Disgusting. But still, I was like, yeah. Like, people are dying. They're taking her pills and being like, oh, cancer took my brain. They're, like, falling over dead.

And I'm like, listen to Vicky. yeah get bravo girl yeah but you know the thing is if you're gonna be horrible like that you have to really lean into it and vicky's really good about that like someone like yolanda she just sort of is like has this weird quasi illness that she sort of is like simpering about like oh i'm sick like trying to always gather sympathy and it's like that's like not fun if you gotta be like Vicky and just be unapologetic and just yell at people when they don't trust you

you know that's good you gotta go the full Taylor Armstrong like your husband has to kill himself and you have to lose your damn life

like that's basically the bottom line sorry is that hard Vicky's school of disaster yeah like you have to wind up in a suitcase yes

crying in Colorado yes she never said Vicky's school of disaster. She's cut from that cloth. Yeah. Like you have to wind up in a suitcase. Yes. Crying in Colorado. She never said he abused her. Notice. She never did it in all of that time. She cried in a suitcase. She cried in a hot tub.

Yeah. She was trying to make everybody else do it. Taylor. She drove a man to suicide basically. I can't believe she's off. Well apparently she tried to come back basically. I can't believe she's off the show.

Well, apparently she tried to come back on. And she would cry. The biggest mouth in America. I have to say my personal favorite is the person that doesn't understand they're on a reality show. And for me, that's definitely Kristen from Vanderpump Rules Brandy Glanville has that quality to her there's a few good ones throughout the franchise oh Kelly Ben Simone

where it's like you just like you're girl like you're you don't get it like this is not real and you're taking it way too seriously and you're ruining your life over it well like Ramona's just over there like having a pinot and Bethany's starting a fucking empire and you're ruining your life over it while Ramona's just over there having a pinot and Bethany's starting a fucking empire and you're there

spiraling. Everyone else on Vanderpump Rules is living their goddamn life and Kristen, my friend Daniel said it best, architect of her own misery. She has created this scenario for herself and I'm like, babe, I don't think you know that we're not laughing at you to be mean. We're laughing at you

because that's the job you're getting paid to do. Yeah. I can't even laugh at her because I have so much of her furniture and it's all from Craigslist. It's like from those guys. Yes. We have the same bed frame.

You know that faux leather square bed? I'm so embarrassed. Oh, I thought you bought her. I thought you bought it from Kristen. I thought you owned it. No, no. I got really scared for a moment. I don't mean like Craigslist.

She's in your house. What was the transaction? I know. Not like Craigslist. Seriously? Seriously? You want $20 after you made me wait for you all day? You could have told me that on the phone.

Seriously? Kristen remains the only person on Bravo, or perhaps all of television, who got into a fight over improv. Killed at the game last night. I like killed the game last night. I'm 5'9 and fucking gorgeous. That's my favorite.

I wish I had the self-esteem to think I could say that on TV. I'm a catch. That's my favorite Kristen line ever. And she said it like 30 times last season. I'm a catch. I'm a catch. her t-shirt line too is like hang on by a moment by a thread by by an hour by a fucking whatever like she's so sad i do have one of them i do have like all the way down to your knees girl you need a maxi dress to fit it all. Kristen's a sad tumbler. Yeah, she's very

the saddest. She's like a GeoCities. Yeah, exactly. I can't follow any sad tumblers. I found porn on Tumblr. You cannot mix insta memes with masturbation. It's like weird. It's like jerking off guy, jerking off guy. It's like, hang in there, cat.

That's kind of like a peek inside kristin's brain too by the way pretty much and that wraps up kristin yeah i i enjoy i think you know we have our like super bitches on bravo etc but i also enjoy like the greek chorus person and and they're those like the hardest ones to come by because everyone wants to be the greek chorus they want to be the funny one that everyone relates to. But very few can actually do it. And if they do do it, usually they only get one good season out of it

and then they go off. As Ronnie always likes to say, their bitch flower blooms and they're lost. Season one, it's planted. Season two, it's like, oh, look at that nice little person. And they're like... They become awful.

Yeah. They bloom in horrible, horrible candy. Bethany was a great example of a Greek chorus for years. It seemed like her bitch flower would never truly bloom. She's like a corpse flower. Finally, after 100 years, she bloomed that smelled awful. Why does it smell like butt in here?

Carol Radziwill also was a good... Oh, fucking worst person who ever lived she was a good she was a good Greek chorus and then she also turned she also turned she took like three seasons though to turn

and I think that she turned because she was near Bethany's corpse bitch flower which like stunk up the whole city of New York Cameron from Southern Charm

oh yeah she's pretty good I mean she's still pretty good her bitch flower's hard to bloom but it's sort of like, I don't know, I was on the side of it.

Oh, no, I think she was a cruel, cruel person last season of Southern Charm. Cameron is in a very high and mighty place to be making fun of a young, pregnant 21-year-old. You got, like, basically,

I mean, let's face it. Thomas is a, I mean, borderline pedophile. Like, I mean, let's just face it. Like, if she had, I mean, she was two years outside of him being a total pedophile. So there's that. Anyway, I side with Catherine.

Fuck Cameron. Sorry. And Cameron was also on The Real World. Yeah, she was fucking raw-dogging Brad in a hot tub. Ew, what does raw-dogging mean? What does that mean? You know what it means. Shoot, listen.

You know what a raw dog is. It's like eating a hot dog before you put it in the microwave. Yes, exactly. That's exactly what it's like. Yeah. Gross. The truth is, once you've been on the Real World Road Rules Challenge, you lose all right to pass judgment on people, I think.

I hate Cameron because she eats fried food and she's like this fucking bitch. She's like, look. And she's not doing that pretend eating that most people do where they're like. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries, Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student

who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat or be eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation

to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app

or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that.

Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more She is a heroine to some, as a fighter for black rights She is a villain to others Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app Or wherever you get your podcasts Listen everywhere on February 5th

Or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts Black is beautiful Starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. She's like. She goes in. She'll shove a fried potato down her face. Fuck her. I still like her though.

I still like her. But yeah, she definitely is a bitch. And a happy marriage. Oh, why don't you marry her, Ben? With her possibly abusive husband. Maybe I will marry her. Maybe I will. Maybe I will. Okay, well we need to get on with the Melbourne.

All right, so that was a little taste of Bravo 101. If you are new to Bravo or if you're straight, basically, basically it's like the producer's

in the back of the room. That's what Bravo's all about. So that is Bravo 101. We can always revisit that in the future, but for now, let's talk about the season finale

of Real Housewives of Melbourne. Okay. We chose to do this at this podcast because we figured no one watches it. It'll be like one of those equally unwatched things that we can talk about with you. Yeah. And also, it's just really

fun to speak with Australian accents. Or butcher the Australian accents. What did those people do to us? We don't know. Nothing. Possibly nothing. We don't care. Yeah, we don't care.

We're just going to butcher the accent. And I will be representing you in this conversation, you, the audience, and that I will not be speaking in an Australian accent because I'm shy in nature, but also because this is my first time today watching an episode. So what was your general? What was your general? Okay, so this is my first thing. I actually

did some light Googles and I'm like, obviously this is not... Well, light Google. It wasn't a unique thought. But they all they're drag queens. They all look like drag queens. They do, yeah. There's specific ones. There's a Joan Crawford one. I think that's

Gina. Yes. And then there's the Celine Dion there's like a Joan Crawford one I think that's Gina yes and then there's the Celine Dion one who I think is a psychic oh that's Jackie yeah and then there's the kind of like the Cecily Strong

drag queen which I was like this is very you know exactly what I'm talking about Lydia and then there's a girl

named Petifleur Petifleur Petiflor. Which is like an incredible name and she looks like that Snapchat filter with the purple lips except without the tattoos. Like she only wears like a blue based purple lipstick or a blue lipstick.

In the finale she was wearing like not even Kylie went there and I bought both of those Kylie lip kits that were blue just to see how they'd look on my skin tone it was not good um did you put a vacuum cleaner up your lips like all those poor children who almost lost their faces because of kylie made me so sad because i have irish skin one so like all of that that i would have girl i would have fucking my if i would have definitely wound up with one of those facial like face wide scars and then two um as an irish girl i felt kind of like i don't know like kylie lip kids are racist against me like none of

them have really looked good on my skin like maybe two of them and i bought all of them i actually hired someone to buy them for me so um i feel like that's a sensitive subject anyway um a pedophilar is really good lipstick um and their makeup is out of control. I had no idea that they were as boisterous in a sense that there is no American franchise it compares to. It really is a different world. It's not even like Ladies of London,

which is like a version of A Housewives on Crack. It's out of, Melbourne is its own world. There's a reason why Priscilla, Queen of the desert was filmed in australia yeah it's because that's what everyone looks like i think based on this show based on this show i noticed in this one gina has her um perfume launch yes and i decided to call it gina because i'm a brain okay she So she walks into like the mall or whatever. We'll get to it. But she walks in.

She walks in with her two gays. And I was like, man, the fillers are even different in Australia. They have like different target zones. Like the guys, look, we're still getting used to guys with the fillers and the Botox because, I mean, we just still look crazy. Like you're used to seeing a woman look crazy. But it's newer for men. But Australia is totally different.

They don't get it like, oh, look, here's my cheekbone. They get it like up here. It's like a sun visor of flesh. What the fuck are you going for? It's like those Foster's commercials. You know, it's like Australian for beer. It's like Australian for Botox. It's like a giant thing going into your forehead.

They're just kind of like the I am chubby joke, but like hard. What the fuck are you doing? My TV is currently on the fritz, and so for some reason, no matter what I do, the contrast is set at the highest. And so basically it accentuates all their non-fillered

areas with these strange lines, and then you can see their wig lines. If you ever want to get nightmares, watch Melbourne with high contrast. It's very disturbing. They're all wearing wigs. Well, at least according to my high contrast TV. No, I mean, they probably are. I just don't know. I think Gina is.

I think Gina probably is. Sometimes I think Lydia is. They're all partials, I think. They may not be full wigs, but they're still. Man, any woman over 40 should be wearing a wig. The first time I saw all of my mothers, I almost started crying. I didn't know she was wearing any. And I went into the bathroom, like, drunk,

and there were all these wigs, like, different styles. What is that? But they're different pieces, you know, different moods, different... You know, you don't have to comb your goddamn hair every day. It's like a forgotten scene from Paris Hilton's House of Wax movie. The house of, you know what you need.

That's the kind of thing you have to go through to be as funny as Ronnie. Like, you have to walk into a bathroom drunk and find all of your mother's wigs. Yes, I second that. Like, that is some fucked up shit. And Ben still denies it. That's the best part. I wear a wig. It's like practicing combing your hair in the bathroom, weirdo.

Okay, so this is a season finale of Melbourne, and it has just been gold all season. These women are all cuckoo, if you can tell. Yeah. So we open with Betty Fleur, who, you know, she possibly has the craziest accent because she's not only Australian, but it hurts me to say that you think that I'm not Australian. Like, she's always hurt. Yeah.

She's like an Indian-Australian. She's Sri Lankan and Australian, which is, like, such a challenge for her already limited accent abilities. And she has a victory confidence. Sad Charo. She always feels like she's not being, that's my template. Slow down the charro. That's my, that's my pediflora template. By the way, pediflora has the distinction of getting into a verbal spat with Susan Sarandon,

which did you know about that? What was it? No. Susan Sarandon was at some event in Australia and she spoke out against the Real Housewives as being terrible for women and Petaflur was in the audience and they started to fight. I respect her

because I feel like in any other city in America that the Real Housewives would know her place and be like, oh yeah, no I can't. No, she's right, I'm a joke. Susan Sarandon wouldn't support me.

What about Petaflora? So she and Gina Davis go driving off without me? What about me? I had to drive over the cliff by myself. Also, she is the only one who would not know history enough to know that every housewife should respect Susan Sarandon because she is the original fucker of young ping pong champions.

Ping pong ball. What is it? I don't know. I never saw some of the movies. No, not the movie. Susan Sarandon literally did. She left her husband and then she was fucking a ping pong champion in New York. Like, here I am in a ping pong club. Hey, paparazzi.

Yeah. What are you doing? Who does that? You're right. She does have a ping pong club. She does. She wanted to open it

in LA. I think she was going to open it She was like, fucking the manager. It's true. Carol Radziwill totally stole that

from Susan Sarandon. Of course, Betty Fleur's like, who? She was the original MJ's mom. Susan Abandon? Okay, it makes sense. I want to see V mom. Susan Abandon? Okay, makes sense.

I want to see Vida and Susan Sarandon square off in ping pong. That's what I want to see. The mom from Shots of Sunset. Oh, can you play the ping pong? So the episode opens with Petty Fleur. So her sister hates her. Her sister is like, I have kids, I have a normal life, and you're deranged and you're awful.

All you want to talk about are your fancy bags, and she's like... I actually understood this, because it's like, I run around with my head up my ass a lot, and when her friend was like, all you want to do is talk about your bags, and she's like, actually, I just only have men in my house,

and so when my girlfriend comes over, I finally have a person to say, like, look at my bags, too. My bag is worth more than your children, bitch finally have a person to say, like, look at my bags too. My bag is worth more than your children, bitch. I mean, it's just like, you want to have someone you can talk to. So then I, and then I was like, oh, I have, I should probably figure out

how to talk to my friend. This is why I learned so much about myself during these shows. I'm like, oh, I'm like her. Probably not even thinking about my friend's stupid life. And I'm just like, look at my bag. Like, you know, yeah. Like, I I'm just like, look at my bag! I get that. If you have something that you've been waiting to talk to someone about forever and you've got

no one to talk to, of course you come blurting out. But the problem is with Petit Fleur, she doesn't know anything and doesn't care about her sister. She's like, so how's your husband Rolando? And he's like, that's not even his name. She's like, that's a place in Florida. Yeah. Why? And then Petit Fleur is doing this thing where she's pretending that she's learning

something because you know it's like the end of the housewives and there's always an arc just kidding but it's ending

so she's like look I feel things now look I need to wake up I need a wake up call no seriously call me at 7.30 in the morning bitch she ain't learning nothing

she's like literally asking for a wake up call from her sister yeah she literally says you know maybe I need to understand how I come across to people you know maybe

you have to understand and then cut to like 45 minutes later she's like no one was supporting me no one was supporting me great arc pedoflora you really leaned into that

I need to look at myself oh my god I'm beautiful anybody else? anybody else? so then we go to Lydia's house. Lydia is throwing a 69th birthday for her mom, Lina. For Cecily! Her mom's like, will it be like Cecily?

She's like, yes, mother. We're going to have some lemons. I love that. By the way, I love that Lydia misspelled a pedofleur's name in the play setting. That was great. You know that pedofleur's name in the play setting that was great you know that pedofleur was like

no one supports the proper spelling of my name poor Lydia is so phonics she's like P-I-T-E-F-L-O-R-R line over the O

stupid Lydia's really Lydia's one of the dumbest housewives they've ever had they literally open the table that she was struggling to make look like Sicily.

It was like an orange and a lemon and an orange and a lemon. And her mom goes, I love the Sicilian orange and the Sicilian lemon and the Sicilian orange. Come on now. It's like from Ralph's. So one of the best parts. Australian Ralph's. Real. Real. They sell didgeridoos

So the thing that That I really On clearance Didgeridoos and roo meat I don't know So So the thing is What's funny about this show

Is that they have like Knockdown and drag out fights Where they're literally Telling other, oh, get fucked. You big idiot who sleeps with cows. Get fucked, you stupid fucker bitch. Get fucked, Debbie Fleur. And then the next scene, they're all showing up at like a lovely tea party. They're like, oh, well, I thought I'd come by, support her.

They literally make Bethany look so stable. Like, it's wild. Like, the language that came out of their mouth. I'm a big fan of Summer Heights High. Jemay King is my queen. I had no idea that they go that hard on the day-to-day. It's always heightened with reality TV.

The language was crazy. That makes total sense to me now why Brandi Glanville has embraced Australia as her second home. Those are her people. Those are her people. Yeah, those are. Those are her people. Yeah.

Gina, the one who just talks like this, she's kind of the drag. I'm a brand. She's a brand. She's on Celebrity Apprentice and Neighbors. Gina, I'm on Celebrity Apprentice. If you saw yourself on CA, you'd be in your hotel room too. But she was asking the mom, like, are you having fun at your party? And her mom goes, oh, it's just

like Italy, except for the donkeys. What? And then Lydia's like, my mother really loves donkeys. They're like, oh, okay. Here's Gamble. Come on, Gamble. But then actually

donkeys came in. They actually brought in donkeys. Two donkeys that had like they were more dressed up than like all the pets that Ken has gotten

Lisa or Lisa's gotten Ken. They had like like sashes on and boas and they were like wrapped in like red. I mean it was just

like they were very luxurious donkeys. I don't know how else to describe it. They did look Italian. They're going to be on the next season of Vanderpump Rules, though. Don't you worry. The donkeys came in, which was weird.

I actually was nervous. I shared Gamble's sentiments, which was that they were sitting there petting these donkeys in the living room. Donkeys are in the living room. The entire time, I'm thinking, when is this donkey going to shit everywhere? Get that outside.

Donkeys' boobs are going to be a disaster. You're not even going to need to call the major. You're going to need to call the SWAT team. Oh, well, it's a donkey in a living room. Whenever we talk about Gamble, I do this. You can see it

all the way. She has wig tape under her face. But every time it's like at a different place. So sometimes her eyes. She's, she's like an act three of noises off for the rest of her life. Like everything has gone wrong. I'm so glad to be able to show you in real life.

It's just me at my house. I'm like, yeah, you see her wig tape was over here. It's like, I don't know what you're talking about. Donkeys and boas.

So then they're basically just having this dinner and like the buzzword for this episode is, oh, troublemaker. Lydia's a troublemaker. Look at Lydia

over there, a troublemaker with the donkeys with a bit of boas. Lydia's Cecily Strong. Oh, okay. Yeah,

she is a troublemaker. Well, but the funny thing is they go from like the most, they go from like the worst language to the most like lighthearted language.

Oh, such a troublemaker. You're such a troublemaker. Get fucked. This is the best. The mom says, she just got me donkeys. And you say

she's a troublemaker. She just got me donkeys and you call her a troublemaker? That is the definition of a troublemaker is someone who brings two donkeys into your home. Are you actually kidding me? It's fine if you visit the donkey because you're going into its environment. You don't bring donkeys into your environment. That's the actual probably dictionary definition

of a troublemaker. Troublemaker! Yeah. So, so Gina teaches us, are you, are you still in the party? Where are you at?

Where are you? Yeah, well, I'm still, where are you? Where, where Lydia's trying to defend herself

about being a troublemaker. Where she's, Lydia's basically saying how like, yeah, I've gossiped about everyone, but I I I didn't do it maliciously and then and I love how Gina's defense of her is like listen she's not malicious she's just a huge idiot I have to write this down because Gina is like giving us her lesson okay and you always want to think like she's the smartest one because I

think she's everybody's favorite. She's hilarious. Yeah, she's great. Then she goes, a malicious person starts the drama. A daft one spreads the drama. I think Liddy is in the daft category. Someone can start a rumor, but it only

becomes a problem if it's spread. What the fuck? that made no sense but yet it totally made everything yeah I was like the key to the Bravo universe like she's got it you're different personalities checked in yeah so then we go to we go to Suzy who goes to visit Jackie Jack for those of you who don't know, Jackie is the psychic. And so Susie, because Susie does nothing this entire show.

Susie, this is Susie. Oh, hey, huh? Lighten up, Susie. Come on,

girl. Light a fire on there. Her character arc is that she made a pavlova one episode. So Lydia, I'm sorry, Susie goes to visit Jackie

for reading and she's like all nervous for it. And I, I just, I'm sorry, Susie goes to visit Jackie for a reading And she's like all nervous for it And I just, I love a scene when Jackie gives a reading And we really haven't seen enough of them this season So I love, Jackie sits down, Susie And she's like, I just knew that I knew the angels wanted to speak to you

I knew they wanted you So when I speak, you write And when I speak, I speak very quickly So you have to write quickly You've got to write quickly. You've got to write real fast. When the angels stop talking, you've got to write. And I'm going to be over here, and I'm going to be writing, and the angels are going to be telling you things,

girl. They're going to be telling you things. Look at that angel. It's a gold face. You don't want to look like that. Look at the angel. It's like this. No, not like that. Write fast, girl. She is cray-cray. And she has this whole thing. She's like, when I give a reading, it's to make people feel No, not like that. Fosco. Jeez, cray cray. And she has this whole thing. She's like, you know, when I give a reading, it's to make people feel good.

I don't care about what your birth certificate is because the whole thing is that Petty Fleur was mad because she wanted Jackie to ask the angels where her son's birth certificate was because she misplaced it. So Jackie was like. Oh, if you are psychic, can you find my son's birth certificate? No? Oh, okay. So Jackie took umbrage. She's like, I don't do that.

The angels don't do that. And then the reading was like, your grandma says your necklace is in the drawer, by the way. Oh, by the way, she likes your shoes. Hey, have you checked in on the spoon drawer? You should rearrange that. Like everything was in the drawer. Grandma Rosie says your AAA card is in your junk drawer in the kitchen.

She said. Frank's here. Who's Frank? Who's Frank? He's here. He says, get your gas checked. Hey, Frank says you can smoke in heaven. Not kidding. Hey, you're going to find a man. That's a good thing to know. That's great. That's what I would

want to know. Yeah, you can smoke in heaven. She goes, you're going to find a Jewish man in America, and that's going to be your new husband. And she goes, oh, no wonder I've been making lockers. That's what Susie had to offer the scene. Get the fuck out of here, Susie. Yeah. My grandma, I hate when psychics bring in grandmas,

because my grandma would be the worst. Like, she's so sweet. She would just be like, hi. You look so good, honey. Like, the end. Like look so good, honey. Like the end. Like this was $200. I always feel like my grandmother would berate me through the psychic for going to see a psychic.

She'd be like, You were raised Catholic. You don't believe in this. I'm just coming through to tell you I'm disappointed in you. But this isn't even real. Go to church. Well, my Meemaw's still alive, but when she dies,

yeah, she'll come through. She'll never die. Sinner. Hey, did you masturbate today? Yes, you did and it was disgusting and I watch you and you're gonna burn in hell.

I put that hanging cat there on the tumbler. Idiot. So then we go to Gina's fragrance launch because, as we mentioned, Gina has her arc this season that she's launching a fragrance originally called Impavito,

but then they realized that's the name of a drug that treats a brain amoeba. That's not even a lie. I'm so nervous for tonight. We're going to be celebrating my brain. This is the first Australian fragrance that's made for an Australian. Celebrity.

She literally said that. Like it was a benchmark in fragrance history. They finally did it. What does that mean? It's very Bethany. Like, you know, no one's ever done what I've done before except for P. Diddy. Like, it's like, what are you talking about?

Like, what does that mean? So someone's already done what you've done. It was P. Diddy. Okay, yeah, got it. That logo is literally clip art from the Mac. I mean, we've talked about that. It's like from the 80s Mac or whenever that shit came out.

Yes, the wing ding. So Gina, she's getting ready for her big launch and Gina has this real idiot of an assistant and she gives him a dress to go and take it. Josh,

she's like, here, go into the other room and steam it. He's like, all right, I'll do that. And he takes the dress

and he walks out and he comes back in like 10 seconds later. She's like, hey, you did it already? He's like, no. Why'd you come back in like 10 seconds later. She's like, hey, you did it already? He's like, no.

Why'd you come back in here? Oh, I don't remember. It was gorgeous. It was like, thank God this isn't just an American problem. Like,

he was like, so fucking incompetent. Like, it was just like, I felt so relieved. Like, it just is like, it was gorgeous.

If you guys, if you can watch one thing this week, I recommend just this scene only. It's so soothing because you're like, you can watch one thing this week, I recommend just this scene only. It's so soothing because you're like, oh, it's not just our problem. It was wild how incompetent he was.

He didn't even know. I mean, when she said, oh, it's in the second bedroom, I was like, oh, then there must only be like two or three bedrooms. Why would your steamer be in the second one, right? That would sound like an important bedroom. So I felt like it was a small house. He couldn't even help himself in the small house.

The dress that he was holding, every time he was holding it, it was more and more crumpled up into a little ball. I was like, what are you doing? It was amazing. He's like, I steamed it, and then I crunched it up so that way you could put it in your purse.

He literally just walked back in the room. She goes, why'd you come back in here? And he goes, I don't know. It was like Monty Python or something. Did you have a little mini vacation there in the hallway? And he's like, she goes, all right then, go on. And he just walks out and she's like, I couldn't live with that, Josh.

But what's great about Gina, Gina is like, she is so tough and she just destroys everyone, but she actually has this very sweet, nurturing side with Josh. Like, she just enjoys how stupid he is, and she just has endless patience for him, which makes her all the better. Like, he's her pickles.

Yes. Yeah. Yes. That's a Sonia Morgan reference, everyone. Oh, they know. For some reason, I have this, like, weird feeling like there's, like, straight people back there. Pickles is, like, very famous.

That's, like, Jennifer Aniston to me. Jennifer Aniston laughing her ass off because the day that Brad and Angelina announced her divorce. Oh my God, Jennifer Aniston. Yes, applause for Jennifer Aniston. The New York Times cover is just her going. I think we invited her to come on the podcast, but we haven't heard back yet. Soon. Soon.

Time difference. Open invitation to J... I almost said J-Hud. J-Hud can come on too. J-Law. She's a Bravo fan. Imagine if Jennifer Hudson came on the podcast.

And I'm telling you. It'd be very awkward. Remember, we met Jennifer Holliday once. We have a picture of Jennifer Holliday speaking of that song. Yeah, we have J-Hall. Don't get them confused. Your boyfriend almost kicked my ass.

I was like, Jennifer Holliday was so good. And he was like... I mean, Jennifer Hudson. You just did it to yourself in your joke. Oh, damn it! Damn it! Okay, so now... I'm telling you.

I love just like the hit on your chest. I'm not going. Okay, sit down. Have a cookie. It's all going to be okay. Can someone bring her some water? Jennifer. Just bring this girl, Jennifer.

Jay. So speaking of Jays, Janet and Jackie go to lunch to talk about babies. Well, at first they're just talking about babies, you know, because Jackie's like, How were your eggs, darling? Janet's the older one, and she pretends that she's like really nice at all times. She can walk in anywhere and she'll be like,

Oh, isn't it wonderful? And then she'll just start slamming everybody right down. Oh, she was like a young Joan Rivers drag queen. That's her drag queen. Yes, she was the Joan Rivers drag queen. But Joan Rivers never even pretended to be nice. Janet's just like, Oh, little baby, aren't you wonderful?

She always starts off very sweetly and then insults you to your face. She's like, Oh, you're going to have a baby, aren't you? That's so wonderful. So what's going on with Lydia? She's almost at the C word, everyone. I'm sorry.

Cut fitness. Cut fitness. She's a real cut fitness. My eggs. My eggs are those of a 22-year-old. Okay. She's like, how exciting. When do you want to have your baby?

You need to make sure it's the right sign. You want to have a baby you're compatible with? Do you want a Libra? A Scorpio? What's the Chinese New Year? Jesus Christ. Back off, old lady. Yeah, even Jackie was getting scared.

She's blinking extra fast. I don't like it. I don't like all these questions. I don't like it at all. This one's asking me questions. This one's talking about Figaro. I don't like it. Janet says, yeah, she immediately turns to what a bitch Lydia is

because this finale all revolves around stupid Lydia. She said things behind people's backs. So that's the whole finale. They're all going to get mad at Lydia. We didn't see Lydia do this. We don't know what the hell Lydia even said. But that's this whole finale. So they go to lunch and they all start ganging up.

Let's get Lydia. Oh, skin. Yeah, but right now, Janet, she loves people when an episode hits them another, but right now she's hating Lydia. And, you know, I love when Janet gets shitty. She's like, if you tell me one more time that Figrio got a jumper, I'm going to hang myself. I was like, yes, Janet. You can't say that on Bravo.

I know, you can't. No, no. Too soon. Too soon. Always too soon. Someone actually did it, you cannot ever joke about it ever again. And I'm laughing.

So now we actually go to the launch at the mall, right? For Gina's fragrance. They're like, Sbarro's, Claire's, hot dog on a stick. Gina by Gina Liano. Yes. It's like a Cinnabon. Yeah.

And Gina. But wait, is she really famous? Because she said she was on a show called Neighbors that I know was, I've heard of Neighbors. Right. And then she, I mean, she implied at the dinner that she's on TV. Is she like really a one name star there of any kind? Well, she was on Celebrity Apprentice. Oh, right. But you have from the show?

Well, she's famous from this. Is that? Okay, so she got on Celebrity Apprentice posting. Oh, you're getting too deep now. Oh, sorry. Because then we have to start talking about like

what is his name? No, that's not. Oh my God, no. That's not what I'm saying at all. Like is Kristen famous? I'm just saying, you know, get on Celebrity Apprentice if you're, I think, okay,

so was she on Celebrity Apprentice from being on Neighbors is what I'm saying? No, no, she wasity Apprentice from being on Neighbors, is what I'm saying? No, no. She was on Neighbors from being on Real Housewives. Oh! Okay, then. Yeah, this is the origin of her fame, is this show.

I'm right here. Yeah, this is the origin story. They're with you. She's not... Let's do a Cinnabon. Yeah. She's not like an Eileen Davidson of Australia. Okay, she's okay.

She did not have a pre-existing fame of some sort. Sorry. That's like the perfect example, actually. Chains of our lives to Real. Sorry. That's like the perfect example actually. Gants of our lives to real housewives. That's right. So basically Gamble and Pettiflor

and Susie arrive at the launch and then Gamble and Pettiflor are now all of a sudden are friends. I mean the alliances shift on this show

so fast. You really can't keep control of it because they were feuding all season long and now all of a sudden they're like oh I love you.

Yes I love fighting with you. I'm like you don't love fighting with her at all and pedoflora has shown up with blue lips yes like and teeth blue teeth too right was that the reflection of the lips on the teeth my tv is in high contrast it was like cerulean or no the blue itself definitely changes the color of your teeth but like so it was like kind of between I was trying to nail it myself

it wasn't a cobalt it was like almost maybe a pastel cobalt if that is a possible thing it was like this or just it was like a La Croix can

I mean yeah yeah actually you know what it was a darker wave on the La Croix yes it's this darker wave you're exactly right yep that's the one

she's like a dark La Croix wave. It was wild. She's like very hipster. Wild choice. And how dare you not understand what color I was from the beginning. How dare you not support my lip color. So they all show up. They all hate each other.

But on the show, they all show up to the mall to support Zayner. Yeah. And they all start immediately being nasty to each other. Yeah. They're like, what does it smell like? It smells like Jaina. What does that even smell like? And who says this?

Gamble says, why does she smell like? Oh, yeah. Gamble says, well, you want your smell to smell like. And Lydia says, love. And she goes, love. And she goes, cum? Oh my god. I missed that. Who says that?

Only on this show. Totally seriously. She's like, ah, ah, ah. They're all laughing about her cum smell. So then they're like talking shit about Lydia as usual. They're talking shit. Then Lydia shows up. They're like, oh, hi, Lydia.

And of course, Lydia shows up. Her hair is just up and pedofloor's hair is up and pedofloor's like oh I see you stole my look it was the most basic hair cut bitch stole my look

she said bitch stole my look it was great very Luann and Bethany so then so then Lydia and Susie go to the bar which is funny because Susie hates Lydia

all season long like the moment she showed up on the show literally she was talking shit about Susie and then they're there walking to the bar, which is funny because Susie hates Lydia. All season long, like the moment she showed up on the show, literally she was talking shit about Susie. And then they're there walking to the bar together, all chummy. And Susie's like, oh, so Petty Fleur was talking shit about you, just so you know. And Lydia's like, really? I'm like, since when did these two all of a sudden have an alliance against Petty Fleur? Where did this come from?

Lydia has the best comebacks of all time. She goes, really, Petty Fleur? Stop wanking over yourself. And another is, Petty Fleur needs some vitamins. She did say that. That is actually a direct quote. She should stay home and knit.

I'm like, you go. It's like we just got back from cum. You're going to have to bring a little bit more, okay? She learned that one in the United States of American Arab Emirates. That's what she called UAE. So then, so Gina shows up. With the two weird fillered models.

Yeah, she has these like. Filler sun visors. Yeah, she has these like gays. They bring her to a podium. It looks like she's at the UN, but she's delivering a speech like she's at the Oscars. And she just starts thanking everyone for this fragrance. She's like, I'd like to thank Raoul for being so good to guide me through this fragrance journey.

I'd like to thank Petit Fleur and Gamble. Rolando, who's Petit Fleur's husband-in-law. I'd like to thank the janitor over there. I almost stepped in a puddle. The janitor mopped it up. She's like, all right, I've written all the people I need to thank down on this piece of paper so I don't forget. It's like this big. She's like, I'd like to thank.

There's nobody on that paper. She's like, I'd like to thank Harvey Weinstein. She's just looking around. She's like, I'd like to thank the person who turned on the fluorescents. That was kind of you. I think something's been mopped over there, so thank you for that, whoever did that.

There's a tray sticking out of the trash can lid. Oh, she's getting it. I think she's mouthing Rosie. Thank you for that. You didn't prepare nothing, Gina. But the one person you didn't thank was dumb Josh, but luckily he's too dumb to probably even notice.

Oh, he was like... Oh, no, his face. Like, he had been waiting for that his whole... He couldn't... There was no chill behind that face.

He was dying. He was so sad. That was Chad. Remember, Chad, when she didn't think... When Hillary Swank was like, I'd like to thank

Tom Cruise. I would like to thank the wallpaper people. Chad was like, I'd like to thank Tom Cruise. I would like to thank the wallpaper people. Chad was like. This is everything about Chad and nothing about Hillary. You know what I mean? Yep. Anyway.

Totally. Just kidding. I know. Poor Josh. Chad is to Hillary what Josh is to Gina. Hillary would be like, Hillary's my brand. I've got man face and I can box. Make it work, Chad.

I don't even know what I'm doing here. Well, what I love is that once Juno got down from her 45 minute acceptance speech, she then goes over to Petaflur, who had the blue lipstick on. She's like, oh, looks like you blew a smith. How could you not support me against Gargamel?

I'm trying to gather the Smurf paddies. How could you? And Lydia with her good one, she's like, Paddy Fleur, do you mind if I ask, did you have some kind of an ice cream pop? Where's the golden ticket for me? Why only Baruka salt? What about me?

I don't get to see Mr. Wonka's factory? But she came in with, like she was saying, like my husband and I, or me and someone were asking ourselves, did you have an ice pop? Did you blow a smurf? And I'm like,

so you're coming in telling her already that you were shit talking and you're just trying to do diligence and say it to her face now because you guys seem to have a good laugh. They all hate Petaflora. You can do something to Petaflora, she'll cry. You cannot do something to Petaflora, she'll cry. She'll be like,

Cinnabon? Oh, I would appreciate a Petabon, but no one would do this. Where's my fragrance? Where's my obsession for eternity? Huh, Mr. Klein? My name is just too long for a bottle? Okay.

Okay. So then... Then they start talking about... There's going to be this big final dinner It's going to cap off the episode We're just going to skip the big fake dicks part Skip it

The fake dicks part Yeah they're like Hey Susie You seem like you could use a fire under your ass You got a toolbox Oh yeah What do you mean? I have a drill

Just like man Do you have something to stick up yourself And all the ladies are like, I love tools! They start talking about all their big fake dicks. I tend to fall asleep when Susie comes on. So before this big dinner, there are all these scenes leading up to it.

It sort of goes back and forth. Getting ready. Yeah, the getting ready stuff. So of course, Chica's the nice one. So she's, you know, her scene's always nice. She's with Chess. She's like, I think I'm going to have a little chit tonight. That's it. Just a little chit. I'm like, okay, Chica's the nice one. So she's, you know, her scene's always nice. She's with Chess. She's like, I think I'm going to have a little chit tonight. That's it, just a little chit. I'm like, okay, Chica, come on, move over.

Let's get to, like, the obnoxious people. So then we have Petaflur, who is with her incestuous son, who literally, she says, my relationship with Nathan is awesome. And then we cut to him going, Mom, stop bending over. It's disgusting. Yeah, but then later he's like, Am I giving you a show?

It was like, no. Her reaction to it was like, yeah, actually, this is like a boundary issue. You're kind of molesting him in a way. To this day, this is an ongoing issue. He's like, Mom, have you been sitting on an ice cream pot? Sexual assault. How dare you go to lunch with your girlfriend

and don't call your mother? He's like, gross. But then later, he's standing like, I don't want to be too molesting, but he's like, Mom, I hope that you have the nerve to be a strong woman. Like, get your hand off her tit, dude. Jeez, you're not helping.

You're not helping. It was creepy, right? No, I loved it. It felt warm, actually. It felt warm. I feel like you're a Reiki healer. You're like, oh, my boob is better. Yeah, I feel healed.

My boob feels better. So before the dinner starts, Lydia and Chica decide to have a talk because they're in a feud right now, and they need to just put it to rest. So they go. They meet up with each other. Chica is basically like, you know, you've been going around. You've been saying things. Don't appreciate it.

Don't appreciate saying things. And Lydia's response, she's like, well, people come up to me all the time and they say, Lydia, here's Chica. What am I supposed to say? That's her reason for shit-talking everybody. And Chica's so nice, she doesn't even get mad. The producers are playing, by the way, stupid percussion music. You can always tell when the producers are not on your side, because when Lydia's

trying to explain herself, the music's like, dun-ka-dun-ka-dun-ka-dun-ka-dun-ka-dun-ka-dun. There was literally a triangle that was playing. And Chica she's just like alright then let's just meet

Felwithin I'm like you call yourself a reality star miss so then we get to the final dinner and basically this is where

Jackie is like alright well Chica didn't bring it so I'm going to oh my god Jack hold on I'm getting there

I'm skipping a lot of lines we got the light we got the 10 minute light Jackie okay so they're all waiting at dinner and they all start like they love each other of course I'm getting there I'm skipping a lot Skipping the lines We got the 10 minute Jackie Okay So they're all Waiting at dinner

And they all start Like they love each other Of course Because this show Is hilarious They all walk in And they're like What a beautiful restaurant

I would love to get married here What a gorgeous time To spend with you My best friends They sit down So the other two come in And Jackie The psychic

Is like So Was anything said about me What'd you say? The angel said something about me? I had a psychic feeling you were talking about me. I'm like, really? I don't think you have to be psychic to know that everyone was talking about you

because you all talk about each other all the time. If you're not in the room, they're talking about you. And she started everything in the season, too. She's like the center. And last week, someone was like, when Jackie gets her elbows on the table and she has a drink, watch out. And And last week, someone was like, when Jackie gets her elbows on the table and she has a drink, watch out. And so this one, she was like,

he's talking about me. Her eyes just go wonky like, oh shit. And true to form, they start accusing each other of being troublemakers. You're a troublemaker. You're a troublemaker. And then I loved someone says that Jackie's a liar. She gets really mad because she's not a liar. She never loved, someone says that Jackie's a liar and she gets really mad

because she's not a liar. She never lies. You want to call me a liar? You'll be the last person to call me a liar. I'm the most spiritual woman. I'm like, you're threatening to murder someone

and saying you're the most spiritualist. No, she doesn't. This is the quote, the direct quote. She goes, I've been brought up with the most strongest morals known to man.

I like when lydia because she's saying like now let me tell you the truth i'll kill you and lydia goes when a car salesman tells you let me tell you the truth you know he's lying she's like that car salesman i had sex with that car salesman um and then so then jackie does this thing she literally did this season by the way so what was funny was that a few a few episodes ago gina was making fun of jackie i think it was gina she's making fun of jackie because when jackie gets riled up she starts saying this one this one and sure enough jackie starts pointing at everyone. She's like, this one's partner's weird. This one's a sex addict. This one's family's A, B, C, D, and E. And this one, you tried to crack my husband.

You tried to crack my husband. Wait, what did she say? He tried to crack. I couldn't tell what she was saying. I wrote Jackie. I rewound it three times. I put on a closed captioning. And if I can add, this one's trying to peg my husband.

That's what I heard. And I learned what pegging was on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. And Lisa Rinna said that she did it to Harry What's-His-Face. Hamlin all the time. I put on the DirecTV captioning, the closed captioning, and it literally said, Jackie, it said, I, this one over here is, and then in brackets, indistinct. I cannot see poor little midget Ben.

I'll never not see him getting pegged by, I don't know, Jackie or somebody. I don't want to see it. I don't want to know. Well, then Jackie is- You guys are like, what's pegged? I think she was saying cracked. What's more bravo? I think she was saying cracked because she says,

she was, Jackie had this line, this reasoning being like, you know, you're a gold digger and you like going after young men, so why are you taking a crack at their husbands

because they're old and that's not your style? Why are you going after the old guys? And that's when Gamble comes like awake and she's like, hey, my wolf pup isn't an old man. I only must use food because I love him.

And then Jackie goes, yes, he is. He's old. He's old, the angel told me, and I could look at him. So then now they're just all fighting. Literally, you guys, look at all this we skipped. You are so welcome. You are so welcome. This could have been 10 hours. Look at all this we've skipped. You are so welcome. You are so welcome. This could have been 10 hours.

Look at all this shit. I mean, I ain't even kidding. This is long. I mean, it isn't like 46 points. Well, but then they all start attacking Jackie because she's the one who called all their husbands old. So then Gamble's like, Jackie, I think the only man who wants to fuck your husband is you.

And then Jackie's like, Oh no, you all want to fuck my husband, I know. Yeah, Jackie goes, I wouldn't be so sure about that. What is the fight? It's like an improv where they're like, What's the game? Do you guys even know what you're talking about at this point? Yeah.

And it's just like bedlam. Everybody's just yelling at everybody and calling each other a whore. Get fucked! You get fucked! And then Jackie's like, well, Susie, Susie's been saying this about you. And then Lydia's like, Susie, why are you saying all these things? And then Susie's like,

I've been saying this for years. You've been acting like this. And Lydia, she starts going off like, why are you always saying this? I don't even know who your first husband is. And Susie goes, you were at the wedding! She's like, I don't even know who your first husband is. And Susie goes, you were at the wedding. She's like, I don't remember. She's like, maybe I have pre-dementia. They're like, oh, that's a terrible thing

to say, Lydia. Lydia's actually trying to get pity from everybody. She's like, maybe I have pre-dementia. Yeah. She literally said it like that. And their friend was like well if you did I would take you to an MRI

and then I would get that side of your brain checked like it was like cause I have the strongest morals in the entire planet so then Jackie's like Jackie's like you know what

I'm gonna try to obliterate her now she's like let's talk about the fears that you're having now so then it was like dun dun dun and Gamble was like oh

it was like a puppet like it was like, dun, dun, dun. And Gamble was like, oh. It was like a puppet. It was like this. Like the hand puppet movies. Her wig caped and dressed. She's like, oh. And so then, now Jackie is fully talking to Precious. She goes, I left you at the Breezer Redo.

We're having a crack at the Greed of Luz. And then you walked out of out the room and I was like where's the Sheila? That's all it was. That was the end of my note by the way. Sorry. But now they're turning

against Jackie. This gets so fucking crazy. I just have this Jackie says what about that time we were the Logies. What is that? Again, I looked at the captions.

His interactivity was indistinct. What is the Logies? She's like, remember when we went to... What is that? Is there an Australian here? Chissy? Chissy, is that you? It's past your bedtime.

It's the angels picking something up from the darkness. Alright, so what are the Logies awarding things for? Australian television and starting to have memory work. Oh my god.

So the Australian in the audience said it's for Australian television and it's so shithouse no one watches it. Not even the angels. Remember it? Well that makes

so much sense. So she was hanging out like an Emmys party. The Golden's part well no like a cable like I'm Oh People's Choice Award they went together second remember when I left you at the People's Choice and she's like well where were you like oh well they both fucking Nickelodeon but then everyone starts turning on Jackie because they're like Jackie's just doing what she's saying Lydia's doing. So then Jackie's like, all right, well, I know how many gets in support.

Well, you know, Petit Fleur, Lydia just dropped you like a sack of shit and Petit Fleur's like, yes, about that. I supported you blindly. Like, Petit Fleur just responds like, I should be out of age. No one loved me enough.

At which point Lydia goes, can I spark? Can I spark? I spark I mean that wasn't me saying I mean I don't know can you spark Gina like does not

give a shit yeah and then Lydia's over there going what a pig what a pig what a pig and Petaflora goes

you know what Lydia you suck as a friend and Lydia goes oh go suck on your own fucking head, you idiot. And then it just sort of ends. Now, this is the best part. You know how the Real Housewives,

every season ends with a, it'll snap on their face and it'll be like, Lisa Vanderpump's face is still right now, but her body is still working her 30 businesses. Yeah, it's always some optimistic talk

about what they're up to. It's like, well, she never got back in touch with that guy, but she's riding high that wave, whatever. Yeah, this one is, why don't you go suck

on your own head, pedifluor? And then it shows pedifluor like, angry about to fight back. And it's like, pedifluor has started watching her back. Yeah.

But prefers her own reflection. She likes what she sees. Yeah. All the captions were like making fun of the women. I've been such a good friend to you. And then it's Chica going. With her mom face, she's like, didn't do your chores. I liked with Susie. It goes, Susie it goes

Susie's still looking for love But she's not gonna be Inviting Lydia to the wedding Not that she would Remember it anyway I was like ooh Like which gay Is working there

Okay we have to wrap it up We're ending But my favorite part Is that the entire Season of Real Housewives of Melbourne Ended with Gina going Everyone go fuck yourselves And Gamble goes like this and then it

just cuts to black and that was Melbourne thank you so much for being here Molly thank you for coming

thank you guys thank all of you for coming thank you LA Podfest for having us thank you Sophie tells

sorry called your stinky feet but make a change love you guys. Bye, everyone. Bye.