Watch What Crappens - #333: Hair Model Today, Gone Tomorrow

Episode Date: September 30, 2016

We hit the high seas for this week's juicy episode of "Below Deck," which featured hair model cum drunkard Trevor reaching a new low, even for him. Let's just say it doesn't end well for him. We have all the details of this high stress ep, from Kate's pebble game to Sierra's juicing aspirations. It's all great fodder. Come listen! Plus, Crappens mailbag! 00:00:00 - Intro 00:10:03 - Crappens Mailbag 00:37:41 - Below Deck Subscribe at https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Support us at https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens Follow us at https://facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Visit us at https://watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap happens? What happens? What happens?

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Are you guys on hiatus? Hell no. No way. Big Brother is low rent enough without having a separate online edition. No. Yes. Yes.

So anyway, if you want to relive this past season of Big Brother, go to his podcast. That's Ronnie Karam. Hi, everyone. Welcome to the podcast. If you are new to the podcast, if you became a huge fan after hearing us at the LA Podfest, then go to watchforcrappins.com. You can find out how to reach us on Twitter, Facebook, all the social media. It's right there where you should follow us because your life will be that much better. Of course, facebook.com

forward slash watchforcrappins is where we have built a huge community closing in on 10,000 likes. I think we're like around 7600 or something like that, which is awesome. Everyone there is so funny. Everyone posts the funniest shit like we literally have some of the funniest fans on the internet. I sincerely believe that we post all sorts of junk on there and and so do our listeners. So go get involved. Extend the Crabman's experience there. And then we also have a, we do a show on TuneIn Premium. We do talk about Bravo Gossip, so go check that out.

And of course, if you go to patreon.com forward slash Watch What Crabbins, you can support the podcast. You will get things like a weekly bonus episode. This week we talked about the presidential debates and also Finding Prince Charming, a great duo there. We also do things like a monthly Google Hangout,

and ours is happening tonight. Hopefully you will hear this in time. We're having a Google Hangout tonight at 6 p.m. Pacific. If you subscribe at the Hangout level or above, you can hang out with us for like an hour. We'll talk shit and stuff. And of course, if you donate at the Mailbag level, you can submit to the Krappen's Mailbag,

which is coming up in just a few minutes, and you can also weigh in on the Krappen Superfight, which is our fun new segment where we pit two Bravo stars against each other using the game Super Fight and try to imagine who would win. And the current scenario is Lisa Rinna, the reigning champion,

imagining Lisa Rinna pregnant on a motorcycle sparring off against 50 Janets from Melbourne who have the ability to turn into any vehicle, which is pretty scary. Chicken! A chicken mobile! Chicken mobile is coming to get you, Rinna! I thought

about it because my first instinct was that Janet would obviously win because there are 50 of her. And she could probably just transform into the motorcycle that Rinna thinks she owns, but it's really janet all this time but then i was thinking about it that janet would be coming hard and then rena would just say own it baby enough that janet be like oh but i have btsd i can't own it because i'm coping and then she'd feel sad and invite rena over for dinner to the family dinner.

I don't know, because you've got Janet on, in my mind, like she can turn into an escalator or something. And also those two, those two are both, like they'll both fight with their natural abilities, which is like that weird fake positive attitude about everything, where they're like pretending that they're being really positive, but then they immediately throw you under the bus and you don't

even know what just happened. I'm tapping out. Oh, aren't you so excited about the baby coming? She rides on a motorcycle with a baby, though. That woman is on a motorcycle with a baby isn't that wonderful what a terrible

mother what a terrible terrible mother don't you agree other janet yes don't you agree other janet yes don't you agree other janet yes and then we'll get her tunic tunic dress caught in the escalator cracks and be killed. I'm strangling her with her own tunic. How marvelous. I feel like Janet would transform into an old-timey car. Like, isn't this lovely? You know, it's Studebaker. Ooga.

And they just all compliment each other. Ooga! Ooga! Ooga! They just all compliment each other. It's lovely. I think she would just distract herself with her other selves. All 50 of them would just start telling each other, just want to show each other something. Isn't this lovely, chicken? I love glitter dresses. What a beautiful woman. It's me. It's woman. It's me.

It's me. It's me. She'll just beat herself having a fucking heart attack. I just imagine it being like the worst ever version of Disney's cars. It's just like Mater comes up, drives up. He's like, oh, gosh, what are all these new cars? Oh, darling. Oh, gosh.

Because so far she's like an old-timey car and an escalator, which isn't even, I don't even know why I consider that a form of transportation. I do, okay. Well, one Janet could be an escalator. One could be an old-timey car. You know, we have 50 janets to turn into different vehicles oh that's true i think that one of the janets will turn herself into that self-driving tesla that's like crashing into shit on the autobahn everybody wants a driver where are we going i have no idea i'm not driving me no idea i'm not driving me but i like how in all the scenarios she has her she has very little interest in actually fighting rena which is why rena probably wins because the entire time rena

circling around tying her up in like like a net how did baby they don't even realize they're having like a cocktail party with each other they Yeah, they wouldn't even fight. They'd just be like, you look great, baby. Wonderful. Wonderful. They'd probably just be shot by other people. It's like the superhero movie ends. Some random car stops and shoots them both. And then all the Janets, because they're all clustered together in one big clump.

They all start doing the spinny thing. Everybody. And because it's 50 of them spinning their hands, they actually take off like a helicopter and fly away. I like thinking of Janet in like an automobile version of Orphan Black. It's like such a good thought. It's like, I have an Afro wig, darling. It's still me chicken i like to think of janet 50 janets infiltrating the transformer franchise

so while the transformers are destroying downtown la janet said darling darling it's so destructive you know whose fault this is it's lydia lydia Lydia. And all the Transformers are like, who is this one? Where did this one come from? We will never be friends with that Lydia Transformer again. Oh, I forgive you. Tapping in. Tapping in. Oh, Shia

LaBeouf, the problem is that you only talk about yourself. I'm tapping out of this friendship, Shia LaBeouf. Shia. out of this friendship, Shia LaBeouf. Shia. Don't be shy, Shia. All right. I'm tapping back in.

All I want is an apology, Shia. My Janet accent is, by the way, totally crazy today. You think you're going to get away with this one, Shia? You're delusional alright so if you want to weigh in on Janet every transformer I know I heard

that Bumblebee's having sex parties have you seen that bus taking on quite a load of blokes you know Have you seen that bus? It's taking on quite a load of blokes You know, Megatron, he wants me to come back to him But after he got a handjob from a Turkish massage worker I don't know if I can do it Brian's a real stick shift Our relationship was on

cruise control literally oh god what else are we doing you can tell we have a light Bravo day yeah when we talk we go on a big thing like okay so if you want to weigh in on who wins 50 transformer Janet's versus one pregnant Lisa

Rinna on a motorcycle, and I think most women would probably agree that when you are pregnant, you are capable of all sorts of crazy things, then go to Patreon and weigh in there, and we'll read the results on our next episode. And in the meantime, Rondal, why don't we open up the Crippins' mailbag? Rondall, why don't we open up the Krappen's mailbag? Look, here come 50 Janet mail trucks. It's your mail, chicken. Walking in really tight heels.

Really high. Chicken! Okay, so crabbins mailbag let's see betty brown betty brown asks do you ever argue also with the podcast growing so much what's your vision going forward with the show five days a week yes um that's really good i you know i really like it when we get questions that are actually About us I like being able to share our world Well go for it Don't let me stop ya We I mean we're like

Once the microphones are off It's just nothing but hostile stares No we actually do not We really don't argue Have we ever really had an argument I don't think we have. Not once. No.

Which is weird, right? Well, it'd be funny if you thought we did have an argument. I said we never did because that in and of itself would be an argument. You just forgot. No, I mean. I'm still hurt. I'm waiting for an apology. You forgot it ever happened.

Anytime we've had a disagreement over how we like what sort of future we want for the show or an idea we're able to pretty much talk it out rationally and like hear each other out and usually find either a compromise or like one of us is like okay like i'll go with that like it's been pretty pretty easy i think we're equally as traumatized by our past in some way i would never know what it is with you i mean everyone knows mine because i blab it all the time it's my excuse for everything like with you i would never know but there seems to be some way that i'm trying to think of how to say it like we both have a way of disconnecting from that that emotion that needs

that kind of drama like if we have any issue we just say it and then we just talk about it and then it ends really right yeah yeah well i think um what's great is that ronnie is totally you're totally flexible um you're down to try different things um and like you're a great collaborator in that way and you also come up with great ideas so i never really have an issue. You know, I've been down the path of working with friends before. And as I'm sure many of our listeners have, whether it's friends or spouses or something like that. And there are so many pitfalls.

And the first time I did it, I fell into those pitfalls many times. I mean, it's really tough. But I actually do feel like I learned a lot and I know what to look out for. And basically, long story short, the fact that we've been doing this for what, four and a half years? It would, like, I would never,

if you were a problem, I wouldn't put up with it, basically. a problem i wouldn't put up with it basically meaning that like i've been through this shit and it's just like it's a testament to how good you are you know because otherwise i would have been like yeah i would have i would have for sure yeah i know that about you and i like it it sounded like totally condescending and um you're welcome no no it's really not condescending like i know that about you and i'm the same way actually i mean i think you should only be doing stuff in life i know this sounds so spoiled but you should only be doing really what you enjoy even when even if it's waiting tables or whatever i enjoyed that you know if

you ain't gonna take that shit get the fuck out of it. If you're in a bad relationship, get out. Leave. Bye. Run. Of course, that's why I'm never in one. There you go. That's why I don't do a relationship advice show.

The thing is, I think what has been really helpful is that after my first entrepreneurial endeavor, has been really helpful is that after, after like my first entrepreneurial endeavor, you know, I learned the value of setting parameters and having like a really clear understanding of what a project is going to be about. Cause if you don't have that understanding, you don't want to be like a year in and be like, well, I was thinking it should go this way. You know that. And then the other person's like, well, I always thought it was like this. Like you have to know immediately like what like the expectations are. And so we've really been on the same wavelength. And it's, it's made this entire thing a breeze. I mean, this podcast has actually blown up more than I ever really thought it would, but always hoped it would. And there have been no

growing pains. It has been like, it's been a totally great scaling up. Um, you know, the fact that we are at a place where we're getting like 300,000 listeners per month is like beyond my wildest expectations. and, and the fact that to, to have someone like you,

Ronnie, who is like such a great collaborator makes this all so much easy and i think the only reason why we have those big numbers is because of someone like you and you're also really funny you're also super super funny i love you and whoever ends up marrying you is going to be the luckiest man in the world you know how to deal with crazy ladies that's for sure and then the vision like yes dear whenever i'm in trouble or being trouble you're just like okay right okay well you also put up with me because sometimes i can be in a bitchy mood for sure i love a bitchy mood i love all your sides

my little mooney oh um and then the vision for the show um i don't i don't know what our vision for the show is going forward In terms of five days a week, whatever We've had it on our Since for like a year and a half Our Patreon goal, which is that Once we get to a certain benchmark We'll go from two days a week to three days a week

So that's like our most immediate vision And anything bigger than that I don't know, probably just like world domination. I don't know. I think we just want to be bigger and more famous. Running the world. Running the world, darling. I'd like to get more press for our show.

I feel like we have done so much. We've been so grassroots. And I would love to take it to the next level by getting out there more. But that's not really a vision of the show. That's just more of a vision of our show. Yeah, we need to go from being like Bernernie's to hillary yes that's right um so michael horn asks um i don't know if you guys uh would have had to set this up beforehand or if you have already done this before

you get you get to my question please ignore but could y'all all watch the new Vanderpump Drools and Atlanta trailers together and react? We watched the Vanderpump Drools trailer on TuneIn, but we haven't watched the Atlanta trailer. Should we do that? Should we find out the Atlanta trailer? I'm down. Yeah, it's on our Facebook. Okay. Miss Cindy C on the CC post today over on Facebook.

Always on top of it. So let me scoot on over there. Watch what happens. As you can see, we read these questions on the fly. So we're like, just like. By the way, I'm seeing this on the Facebook. Because we post all our episode photos on the Facebook. My friend Zabeth came to the live show and she was making fun of me all night that i can't do an australian accent without making pirate face and i love i love that you got that

picture of me making pirate face while doing an australian that's like the only picture like that's there were like a bunch of pictures but that one that one was like the one that was most in focus it That was hilarious. And I love that Mr. Potato Head is sitting there, too. Yeah. For everyone who's wondering what the Mr. Potato Head references have been. Why can't I find this Atlanta trailer? There's Phaedra. Okay, that's a different one.

It's probably in the visitor posts. I'm so excited. Oh, no. This is on people.com, girl. Well, I posted it on our front page But I ain't going to people That'll shut both our computers down How about this?

Ads, ads, video ads How about we watch the Atlanta trailer On the next show? I brought it up Do you want me to send it to you? Yes, please Do you want me to text her to you? It doesn't look like there's a commercial.

Well, I have an ad blocker, so I never have a commercial. Won't you believe it? My ad's being blocked. How dare you block my ad? I'm getting married! What if Luann married the ad blocker magnate? Well, listen, Bethany, I know you have a wonderful brand, but I'm sorry.

We just have to block it. I mean, I don't get it. I have a brand to my mind. I want a brand to my mind. I put all this money into an ad, and you're not going to show it? What's the point of that? My walls are up. I'll say you put an ad blocker on my heart. I can't. It's too much. You know who needs a wall-up? Portia.

They need to put a wall around Portia. I hope if donald trump loses he still builds a wall around porsche girl the the cover shot on this uh teaser is terrifying it's porsche i think new boobs again yeah and a bathing suit with like a big fake michaels hobby lobby uh glitter flower belts no no no no so much no and a pashmina um i uh i'm not totally sure if is porsche a cast member this year or not like i can't tell because she's a porsche she's she's a porsche she's a porsche member she's a Porsche member. She's a Porsche member. She's a member until she beats somebody up again, and then I think she gets fired. I see. Spoiler alert.

It has finally loaded up. Okay, I'm going to press play right now. Okay, three, two, one. Three, two, one. It's going to give me a moment. Wait, stop yours because mine is so slow. Okay, it's still it's still like i got about a bar of bum bum bum it's because the bravo player is shitty too i'd like to add that the

bravo player this season on the real housewives of atlanta ready hit it child oh my god, see these boobs. I put it in there and then the laser comes out of this hole. The bitch is back. Sharae is back. And the Chateau is finally ready. Chateau Sharae is ready. Oh my god. My name is on my home.

Your mother's name is on Chateau Thelma. Big smile, let's sing. I love that the house rival is still happening. Riley's old enough to say that she wanna have a relationship with her dad. It is a mess, don't pay damn child support. To place someone in the highest office, we have to make sure that the house is safe. We have to make sure that the house is safe. We have to make sure that the house is safe.

We have to make sure that the house is safe. We have to make sure that the house is safe. We have to make sure that the house is safe. We have to make sure that the house is safe. We have to make sure that the house is safe. We have to make sure that the house is safe. We have to make sure that the house is safe. still happening. Riley's old enough to say whether she want to have a relationship with her dad. It is an ass don't pay damn child to post. To place someone in the highest office, we have to make the right decision. Would you marry Bob again? Cue the music. The usual combination of strange squeals.

So you think she's rather loving? Ooh. Hi. You said you not gonna chase me or Rob's mother. See? Tell me you ain't gonna chase my child. You should chase her. I love when Kenny gets mad. I love my wife. I was in it until we died.

Peter is standing by at the crepit. Why you running away with your unfinished ass house? This dude Faye used to represent came to her office with a grenade. He was looking for you and he was gonna aim you to f*** up. Two patients to represent came to her office with a grenade. He was looking for you and he was gonna aim you to up. What are you dancing for? Rise and grind. Regular sex does shit, girl.

He kicked in my hotel room. What did you do last night? Just mad and hitting the wall. He ain't gonna come with you, idiot. We don't knock, take my kids, get out of there Beat us out the windows in our garage She's unstable Do y'all now wanna just be already laundering by each other? I don't think it's a-fuel

Adriana said you stupid You got bricks for brains Baby, I loved you more than I loved my husband Candy Are you a lesbian? What? Oh my god! Candy lesbian twist is not what I saw coming.

You and your husband asked me and Shamia to come back to your house. Oh a damn lie! You don't have a sex dungeon? She told me that you're on medication. Don't start lying now. The way that Kenya brought it up and then you all piggybacked. Piggyback your ass up. You a fake bitch.

I think I'm done talking. I said calm Portia down. I'm done with everybody. Portia's freaking lot of squabbling. Well, certain things jumped out to me. Chateau Velma is my new. I think that's what she said. Chateau Velma. I thought she said Chateau Velma. Velma? Okay, Velma. I just like the name Velma is my new... I think that's what she said. Chateau Velma. Oh, I thought she said Chateau Thelma. Velma?

Okay, Velma. I just like the name Velma. Can we just pretend her mom's name is Velma? Yes. But Kenya's like, at least my name is on my house. Your mom's name is on Chateau Thelma. Please bring Sheree's mother on as like someone who's super controlling and trying to be the landlord now

because she gave Sharae a loan. Please. Please, please, please. We need another crazy mother to go up against Mama Joyce. Mama Joyce looks drunk and crazy in every clip they show her in this season. Yeah.

It's weird that there's this thing, is Candy a lesbian? That's like a very strange new rumor. By the way, we saw Shamia in the trailer. We saw Marlo. A lot of Sheree, which is good. No Nini. No Kim. But a little bit of Cynthia.

I mean, who's left in this cast then? We got Sheree. Sheree. Kenya. Candy.e. Kenya. Candy. Candy. Phaedra. Yeah, Phaedra.

Sword of Portia, maybe? Sword of Portia. I think Portia and there's one we're missing. There was no one. I said Phaedra. Oh, darn. They didn't say there was no new person this season they didn't say anyone who's new so i don't know i'm still a lot of a lot of questions i'm curious to see how

it's gonna what what's going on in the season well i really like that mama joy spent that season like going first everybody loved mama joyce because she was fairly quiet. Then she went crazy when she got digmatized by what was his name? Ridiculous. Oh yeah, Ridiculous. That ain't right. That is wrong, Candy. And then she went crazy on Todd. And then last season she was trying to pretend she was

really nice again, which was hilarious because her eyes were saying way different things. Like her mouth was saying, Todd, I want to be your family. Todd. But her eyes were saying way different things like her mouth was saying Todd I wanna be your family Todd but her eyes were like I feel like you just slapped me in the face with a dick Todd so

I'm excited to see where she goes I think Cynthia was in one scene and I'm glad we still get to see Peter you know pretending that he's a good person I don't know i don't know what happened i was in that for the long run i was in there for the whole life yeah i how about you uh go look at your instagram history and then you can find out what happened

and he's literally just like standing in front of some shitty brick wall that's like half crumbled i'm like is this gonna be like the new outpost of bar one i mean like it's almost like classier than the previous versions maybe he's getting his headshots taken that's so la whenever you're driving somewhere you see some idiot getting their headshots taken and they're like look i'm in front of a crumbling brick wall yeah artsy um yeah no he's a disaster i'm excited that they're both going to be off the show. And, I mean, Peter is really one of the worst husbands. I don't remember the last time we did a list of the worst Housewives husbands, but he is definitely towards the bottom of the barrel there.

They don't have a whole lot of luck with the men on this show, I have to say. Greg Leakes, we all need a Greg Leakes around the house. Abuse his ass, leave him in the basement until you need him. He'll carry your purse. Right. the men on this show i have to say greg leaks we all need a greg leaks around the house abuse his ass leave him in the basement till you need him he'll carry your purse right i love some greg but you know this whole drama with the um rent a man kenya's kenya's latest rent a rent a raid roid rage yeah um looks like it ends pretty much how we expected i mean she's not at the bottom of the lake right but that would have to be a heavy brick to keep her ass under she just flipped to the top

i think the best husbands that atlanta has seen uh i really like kim fields's husband um whatever his name was i liked him oh yes mom jean like mom doctors yeah uh and he'll like start bitch fighting with everyone to stand up for his, you know, his hag. Yeah, he was really good. And I think that Kroy, like, I don't even know why Kroy has enmeshed himself in this world. Kroy seems like such a stand up guy. And the fact that he is with Kim Zolciak and just like has this disastrous, you know, money leeching wife attached to him yeah is is like that shows so much patience well some people are just fixers you know yeah like a plumber is not

happy with the toilet that flushes properly every day you know he needs like a janky ass toilet that he's got to fix and you know stuff will get clogged up in there he's got to whip out the hose every once in a while people need Some people are just project kind of people. And I don't think we've really talked about Kim Zolciak lately, but her face is completely different. Maybe we have discussed this, but she's actually, I think, tried actively to look like her daughter. She now has Brielle's face. They're meeting in the middle. Yeah.

She now has Brielle's face. They're meeting in the middle. Yeah. They're meeting in the plastic middle because the daughter is getting a lot of surgery and looking like the mom. And the mom's coming back to look like the daughter. By the time they end, it's going to evolve all the way back to full circle. And it's just going to be some weird 20-year-old with a crazy face and wigs claiming to have like cancer and dating some old indian man who's buying her condos and meanwhile poor ariana she's just like the forgotten one you know there's like the little boys that have that like get all the attention the cameras there's brielle and then

ariana stuck in the middle she's the jan brady of the zolciak family yeah kim was saying something on instagram or somewhere i don't know where i see all this crap but she was saying something on Instagram or somewhere. I don't know where I see all this crap, but she was saying something like, oh, we don't see Ariel that much, but she really is still such a huge part of the family. I mean, what a babysitter. What a babysitter. Poor thing. Poor, poor sweetie.

Is her name, I don't remember her name. Is it Ariel? I feel like it's not Ariel because we would have Little Mermaid-ed that. Yeah, we would be a part of the Zolciak world. I have watched... Oh, God, don't even start. I won't, I won't, I won't.

You know we're never going to get out of that. I've watched a little bit of Don't Be Tardy. Oh, yeah? How is it this season? That show's fucking hilarious. It really is a funny show. We don't ever need to cover it on this show because what are you going to talk about? Oh, look, there's Kim being white trash again.

It's like, that's the entire recap. Thank you, bye. But it really is hilarious, I think. I haven't seen it this season, but I don't know. I was never a huge fan of it. It just feels like I don't care enough about what's going on in their life. Well,'t really either it's just that i've been watching

bravo live a lot because the shows that we cover are on the night before or whatever so i've been watching a lot of random things that i normally wouldn't watch also i think speaking of i think res's show starts soon i think it does too there have been like a million promos for it so all i know is i keep on like i'll be sitting there watching tv and i'll hear reza go the curb appeal of this house is on fleek and i'm like fast forward chevrons are stepping onto the curb okay sweetie by the way i just want i know you don't want to talk about little mermaid but i i do want to observe that ariel's observations about the human world are actually a little more astute than kim zelzy and her families like what's this thing

it's a fork oh she at least learned what a fork is the rest of them still eat with their damn hands you know they just like put their face in a macaroni from Costco or whatever and just start digging in like dogs. I feel like Kim was homeschooled by the seagull from that movie. Or the sea otter from Finding Nemo Part 2. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. too oh oh oh oh oh kim is just some creature from the sea that just just just washed up washed up in atlanta kim kim zolciak is margaret margaret sanger's nightmare it's like the like the lady who is so behind abortion for population control. I don't watch that show, but every time I turn it on, there's a new fucking baby.

Every single time, there's some new snot-nosed little baby. She's like, look, I got a two-year-old. He's driving a car around the neighborhood. What? What are you doing? This is why abortion was invented. Use the tools modernity gave you darling i'm just imagining her show being repackaged for china but under the name american horror story so many children and they would still have chas bono playing a neighbor

is chas bono on that show? Yes. I thought the internet was being such dicks. Because they were like, yeah, I really liked Chaz Bono as the creepy next door neighbor. And I was like, that is mean. That is really not cool. It's literally Chaz Bono as the crazy. That is horrifying. That is horrifying.

You got to love Ryan Murphy. Well, I think that's a good place to wrap up the mailbag for today. We'll be back next week with more of those questions. If we didn't answer your question, then don't worry. We will answer it next week. And also, if you have other questions, just add them right there on Patreon. Can I just say that people magazine is totally racist right next door to the real housewives of atlanta super tease the ad is best fried chicken in the u.s come on that's just tasteless that is tasteless and tasty at the same time i know it does look delicious there's like fried chicken

and a donut i mean it looks good i'm not going to click on it because i won't be able to concentrate yeah um well you know i know you must be quite hungry right now which is funny because um when it comes to food you know there's so many options and uh we have a brand new advertiser that i'm actually really excited to talk about uh their name is hello fresh and they are one of the fresh hi fresh so uh hello fresh is a meal kit delivery service that makes cooking fun easy and convenient um yes it sure does each week hello fresh creates new delicious recipes with step-by-step instructions designed to take around 30 minutes and they're for everybody from the novice to the seasoned home cooks short on time and we actually got these boxes this week these bitches ain't

lying oh no i mean i made that stuff in 30 minutes and it was so good. I even ate a pork chop. Yes. It has actually changed my view on pork chops because the pork chop was so good. I was like, holy crap. I never know. Like I have memories of pork chops being dry and not great. And so what I mean, I was like, okay, I'll make this. And it was delicious.

And in 30 minutes, I made the pork chops and mashed potatoes and an arugula salad. And I had like a full meal. And it was so good, so much so, that this week I bought some pork chops. And I did my own pork chop thing inspired by their pork chop recipe. And it was equally delicious. It changed my life. I've noticed that my building is all bungalows. Yeah, I've noticed that my building is all bungalows. And I've noticed that people who get these boxes are basically like millennial girls who want to cook but ain't got the time for it.

Like all these girls. And they've actually all learned how to cook now. It gives you the stuff you need. You don't have to go to the store. And it teaches you how to cook it. It does actually. Deliciously. And, you know, Rod and I actually, we cook a lot.

and it teaches you how to cook it. It does actually. Deliciously. And you know, Rod and I actually, we cook a lot. And, but you know,

the thing is, I, it's so funny because I spend so much time pouring over recipes and like, what do I want? And, and doing this HelloFresh thing,

I like just made my pork chop and like this super simple arugula salad. I was like, you know, I don't have to always be pouring over recipes. I can just do something really simple,

like tossing arugula with some like olive oil and lemon juice and like salt and pepper. you know i don't have to always be pouring over recipes i can just do something really simple like tossing arugula with some like olive oil and lemon juice and like salt and pepper and like just like a nice way to fill out a meal so easily i don't have to like make an elaborate side salad from the otolenghi cookbook you know yeah and the super elaborate things that really take these meals over the top like that particular dish was the um crust because they you put this kind of duca crusting on it and that's so many different spices and fresh herbs and that's the hardest part we didn't have to do that and so i made a variation this week where i um i chopped up like some um cilantro and then added like some salt and pepper some garlic olive oil and some cumin and some

za'atar and some and some chili powder and and lime juice and i made a paste and i followed like the same skeleton of that recipe and it was delicious delight by the way this is they're not even we sound like an infomercial right now this is like we have our talking points this is not the talking points. We're actually just like really excited about this HelloFresh shit. Yeah. It's actually something we really liked. I was wearing my boy brow while I was cooking.

Wait, did you? I also made their cheeseburger, and it was excellent. It was delicious. I made all of them. I ate all of them. I didn't get around to the chicken yet. I actually made that at like 3 in the morning in the dark because i that was when my electricity went out the night of our live show and all the electricity went out i was drunk and it was hot as hell and i

still was like i'm gonna cook so i put my iphone camera flash on or whatever the flashlight on the iphone and i made i made this shit in the dark okay and it was still delicious honey chicken honey soy glazed chicken wow so anyway hello fresh sources the freshest ingredients they're measured to the exact quantities you need and there is no food waste yeah employ a full-time registered diet they employ a full-time registered dietitian on staff who reviews each recipe to ensure it is nutritionally balanced. And it's all delivered to your doorstep in a special insulated box for free. So for $35 off your first week of deliveries, visit HelloFresh.com and enter CRAPINS when you subscribe.

That's right. and enter CRAPPINS when you subscribe. That's right. Just go over to HelloFresh.com and enter CRAPPINS when you subscribe for $35 off, y'all. Yeah, and as you can obviously tell, we are supes excited about this one. But anyway, we're also supes excited

to talk about some Below Deck. So let's talk about some Below Deck. This was quite the exciting episode, was it not? And it was also very food-centric, speaking of HelloFresh. Yes, it was a very good show to be doing a full episode with just below deck because below deck sometimes takes a while to get into the area where you can talk about it for that long you know it's like well some people cleaned and then you know they got you know ben peeled a pineapple well that was rough. And then someone got mad. So as they start going more and more stir crazy throughout the season,

it's when it gets really fun. And this week we got a peak. This was the exit of the booger eater. Yes. So we pick up this week where we left off last week, which was Trevor being drunk on like a little swing. You're shit-faced, man. You're shit-faced. And Trevor's like, Ben's a douchebag when he's drunk.

Like, no, that's so ridiculous. He's a douchebag all the time. How dare you? Trevor's like when Ben takes his beer and just throws it. He's like what why what what why would you why would you do that i'm a hair model it's like he just burned down his village and i love i didn't go eat my beer so and then um i love when ben i love when ben gets high and mighty he just goes trevor's this belligerent little redneck. It's just kind of annoying, little redneck. Didn't you go to boarding school?

Say it, model. Belligerent little redneck. I'm not into it, darling. Not darling. So they all, like, because Trevor's so drunk, they decide they're just going to go back to the boat. So they pile into this, like, looks like a giant rickshaw bus of some sort. And they're all, like, yeah. It's kind of like an old out-of-commission Disneyland trolley thing that takes you from land to land.

Yeah, it was so, it was like this open-air thing. Like, they had suddenly, like, gone to Vietnam. They were, like, in an elaborate tuk-tuk or something. Yes, it was like a golf cart bus thing. And I liked that Nico was trying to be the dad. He's like, we are leaving because of our reputations in the town. Okay, Nico. We must live up to the name Valor.

That shanty bar they were at. Hula skirts as the ceiling. And like a lady in a bikini holding a corona as the artwork. He's like, I'm worried about a reputation. We must be respected at Captain Tittyfart's bar. So they're all on the golf cart bus. The golf cart bus. I love how he spent so much time on this stupid bus.

It's Janet. Surprise, chickens. Why are you being a douchebag, Trevor? Would you like to meet Susie? She's single. So then they're like, yeah,ie? She's single. So then they're like, yeah, they're going after Trevor. They're getting annoyed at him. And then they're like making fun of him for being a hair model.

And then he's like, I am a fucking hair model. Ben and Kate were the ones doing that. They're such assholes and hilarious. Ben's like, he's a hair model. What do you want from him? Kate's like, ha ha, hair model. Kate is just storing everything in her personal filing system so that way she can tell it drolly to the captain the next morning.

She's just like, okay, keep talking, keep talking. Yes. I'll be holding on to this moment. Yes, thank you. She's like putting each information into like a little clump of weave. Kate,

you know, we love you. You know, we're like real life friends now, but girl, you sleeping on that weave and then just getting up and you're going to have dreadlocks by the time this charter is done. Well, when in the caribbean i'll just store that right above my part

so so now so now nico's getting mad because like trevor said just enough things and nico's getting mad he's like shut the fuck up shut the fuck up i'll end you bro and he's like lick my nuts classified yeah so then but then trevor really he he he does something that no one should do which is make fun of a very hot man to his face and he tells uh kelly he goes uh or he doesn't even tell kelly just he just mumbles like all insolently i got a ptsd fucking marine as my fucking bosun. Oh. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee.

What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others.

Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of.

But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy

early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Oh, ain't you lick my nuts? No, you lick my nuts! Burp! Burp! It's like this frat fight. So they decide Trevor's like, I'm gonna kick your ass. So they stop. You know, poor Trevor is cross-eyed when he's sober. Lord knows

what he's like drunk. He's like, stop the golf cart bus train! And he gets off and he's like, get out of like stop the golf cart bus train and he gets off and he's like get out of the car get out of the car poor thing probably thinks it's really a car telling no darling it's janet and then that then trevor i mean trevor's being so obnoxious he's talking about kelly says his buddies died in the fucking military who gives a fuck he literally says this this is the guy who bragged about the fact that his friend died surfing okay but no but now is oh but kelly's friends who died in the military first those are the real heroes

keep it strange am i right maybe if those terrorists would catch some waves the word be over am i right and he's like who cares if his friends died? He signed up for it, okay? And he tells Kelly, go back to the war, okay? I know more about being a bosun than you. I know more about yachting than you. I know more about being in the military than you, okay? I worked for Paul Mitchell, okay? That was like war.

That was like going to war in hair. Do you think it's easy for me, like, opening a Paul Mitchell catalog and seeing my long, gorgeous hair down to my muffin top? Well, you're right. It is easy because I'm a pro warrior in the Paul Mitchell hair catalog world, man. Hey, bro, why do you think that musical hair has been such an international hit for 40 years? It's because people understand it. They get hair, and it it's about war so hair is better than war okay so i get war i understand it bro he reminds me of like a cabbage patch doll you know how they're all their

eyes are close like too close to each other and they're all kind of cross-eyed but they just come with different hair he's like that it's like a paul mitchell cabbage patch hair model yeah tour yes so now kelly is like so they basically were like okay Paul Mitchell cabbage patch hair model. Yeah. Tour. Yes. So now Kelly was like, so they basically were like, okay, you have to stay on the island. You're not, excuse me, you're not even allowed on the boat. Kelly was like sad. You know what? Poor Kelly. When he gets sad, you just want to, you just want to hug the big handsome guy.

They climb onto the boat. Is that like new, new slang for like hair job? Yes. You want to hug him around the penis with your hand um we love you kelly kelly listens um so take some more nude shots the other day we talked about your dick pic for like a good 10 minutes and i found out it was old. It's still my wallpaper. I'm sure that makes him really happy. It's like the most awkward wallpaper ever. He used to listen.

Now it's the next morning and for some reason I was like really I was really entertained by Captain Lee not being able to find his radio. Have you seen my radio? You seen my radio? Where's my radio? Anybody seen not being able to find his radio. Have you seen my radio? Have you seen my radio? Huh? Where's my radio? Anybody seen it?

Can't find my radio. Kate's like, well, you can use Trevor's radio because he's not on the boat. Let me grab you some cereal and then we can chat. I was like, oh, she was waiting 12 hours to say that. She was like, when am I going to find my moment? I can't wait to say something like this. Look, I can see the entire morning. Me with clumps of hair. The captain with some off-brand Cheerios with Cap'n Crunch berries inside of them.

It's going to be the most confusing scene anybody's ever seen this season. And his response. Nice jammies, Kate. I love your hat. That's myies, Kate. Love your hat. That's my hair, actually. Love that Rasta hat you got going on there. Did you find that at one of those tourist shops? She's like, well, Trevor's not on the boat.

And he goes, so where'd you release him? Like he's some stray dog that you gave a bath to and just let out your car in the parking lot of some Kmart in the valley. ASPCPMM, American Society of Prevention of Cruelty to Appalachian Models. That's where they was released to. How did you do that so fast? I don't even know. That is so smart. so fast i don't even know that well because i knew smart i knew i all i had to do was swap out the a at the end for pmm paul mitchell models so i was like but i still was like as i was saying

it i was like is this gonna work out is this gonna work out that explanation was like the entire film a beautiful mind where you can see you can see how he's working all those math problems out in his head like with ballet music behind him you know i've said this many times including during our last episode our live episode how i really go into a fugue state when we record and i don't remember the shit that i say someone tweeted at me and was like a quote that said like number one thumb model in all of myanmar like i guess was something i said and i have no idea when why or about whom i said that oh and it's probably best it is probably probably for the best so lauren is cleaning something outside as they are want to do on this show. And she's... She just can't help herself.

She's telling someone, I have an alcoholic in my family, and they just keep doing the same thing over. You just say, you know, they're here, they're better, they say, I'm sorry, and then they do the same thing over and over. If I had to count on one hand all of the people we've had to kick out of a bus golf cart i wouldn't be able to do it tell you that i'm like get back to cleaning you got time to leave

you got time to clean lady so while she is talking someone's ear off uh captain lee and kelly are talking about the trevor situation and captain lee i mean he obviously is going to fire trevor but he's like oh you know I want to talk to everyone. So it's like this montage of everyone coming in and being like, yeah, he's terrible. He insulted the military. He has terrible hair, despite being a Paul Mitchell model. Yada, yada, yada. It was like the Law and Order interviews.

Everybody had to go in there. I was like, where's Keira Sedgwick? Yes, he was totally doing it with that bedside manner he's like all right well i hope someone can uh have a lovely day while they clean the blood off the walls those cura central lines don't really work with the captain there because she's like hi everybody okay we've got a serial murder please get that blood off the walls thank you my dad will be so excited that we are referencing the closer on this podcast like finally an episode i can understand that was one of my favorite shows it was like the resurgence because i hadn't seen it since monica from friends it was the resurgence of the thin woman character who has an like eating

disorder where she eats too much and she's supposed to be fat but she's really the skinny woman i loved it just for that she's like i'm so fat i'm eating a cupcake that cereal killer i'll tell you it's sure good into your skin thank goodness for chocolate house you can see your elbow bones through your your fucking suit jacket kira so um anyway so yeah everyone's talking about how trevor is terrible of course ben is the one who's like well i i think we should give him one more shot you know i'm like why you always he always is so empathetic to these assholes and yet he's so like so mean to the people who are actually good at their jobs who deign to help them out in the kitchen although i don't know if he likes it. Because he feels like he is the asshole,

so he's nice to the other assholes, you know? It's like me. I like terrible, terrible people. Not you, darling. So then Trevor finally comes in, and he gives his account of how the night happened. I mean, this is like the best episode of Serial ever. And he's like,

yeah, you know, like, everything was, like, fine all night, but then when we got on the bus, they figured out I out i was a hair model and you know just went downhill from there i'm like oh i totally misconstrued the situation i thought the issue was that you're making fun of kelly and saying that he was a ptsd asshole whose friends had died in the military because they're worthless i didn't realize it's about the hair model never mind oh i like when he's like the whole thing you know then finding out was about the hair model. Never mind. I like when he's like, the whole thing, you know, them finding out I'm a hair model, and then they just show the captain.

It's like this long pause. I wrote triple ellipses. And he goes, huh? How about you be a find my radio model? Hey, is my radio in your hair? Could you look at it, model? Still haven't been able to find it. The captain is listening to him.

And you can tell that the captain for once was totally perplexed because he starts doing that nervous thing where he starts biting his radio. He's marking his territory. It's his new radio. He's just confused i think i know how to handle this uh call kelly kelly i wanted you to hear what i gotta say here all right one time is an accident two times is a tragedy three times three times as a turkey in bowling all right the fourth time just get to it already you're fired um i also like time is when goldilocks finally got a damn bowl of porridge

it worked out for the sixth time oh, yeah, he finally fires Trevor. And Trevor tried to pull the Danny from Below Deck Med move, which is like, I just want some guidance, man. You know, like, I sometimes I'm like really rash. I just need some guidance from someone like you. But Captain Lee, unlike that captain, this captain was like, I'm not buying it. You're fired. Here's some guidance. Next time you have a booger buffet, use some salt.

You'll be a happier person at the end of the day. You're welcome. But then, but, you know, Captain Lee is like, well, you know, I'm going to give you this opportunity to leave on good terms. You can go and apologize to people if you want. You don't have to, but that's fine. And I love that Trevor's like, where's the crew that wants

to apologize to me? I'm like, oh my God. I feel like ever since I let that girl cut my hair it's like i lost all my power fucking delilahs um this guy is ridiculous and i was wondering if they had their budget cut because the captain was like man i'm not gonna fire you i'll let you resign like you're gonna go spend time with your family like a politician who just got caught giving a blowjob under a bathroom stall i was like are you just trying to save the plane ticket does this mean he has to fly himself home because i did not see a plane ticket there was no no one-way plane ticket i

quit well we saved that one and then trevor's like i don't know who can replace me it's gonna be tough i think there's like a mollusk somewhere in the bay that could be a good replacement they literally found a monkey to replace him i mean the guy who comes in next week is like and sierra oddly enough sierra's you know she gives him a big hug and she's like you know trevor never did anything to me he was always friendly i'm like except for all those rapey comments he made about your boobs there was just that but i guess that's okay well you know gotta keep those sex juices flowing because she's also introduced her new thing which is she's really here just to save up money to be a professional juicer she has her own this is like one of the most amazing character arcs of all time. She's like, I was really into juicing and I had my own company.

But then unfortunately, like, I just didn't have the money. It costs money. So it's like, I'm going to be a maid on a boat and save up enough to own an empire. Kate's like, that's awesome. Kate's quietly just like formulating an insult for two weeks from now for once you really need it okay okay she's like gonna go into her private time and start googling beats there's got to be a way to take this girl down human there's got to be something in human i i just i like the idea i like the idea you know most people you know they have these like these noble causes like well this is my passion but i

stepped away from it to earn money so i could bring my family over from like vietnam or something you know or like or i was i'm raising money so i can buy a house of my own or i can buy that but seer's just like no i just want to raise enough money enough money so I can go back to juicing, making juices. But do you ever think that maybe your juices weren't good in the first place, which is why they didn't sell well? Did that ever happen? I don't know, but we got a little taste of that when Ben had a little taste of that. Absolutely. Hey, Ben, this is my lemonade.

And he's like,'s like it's awful darling he's now a shade away from Janet I just want to mention darling he's like I don't like how you did that baby I don't like how you did that

darling what the hell dude what is this public I don't like, hey, did that darling scurvy buddy buddy da buddy da toot toot? What the hell, dude? What is this public school sort of lemonade? You're bringing Gamble to bed. I know, I was about to say, I'm turning him to Gamble, you're turning him to Janet.

It's too close on the heels of Melbourne. Yeah, Melbourne isn't done yet. So we've got one more Melbourne, we've got one reunion, and then we've got one more Melbourne We've got one reunion And then we've got probably six to eight weeks Before it'll kind of leave our brains Never So also we learned

So now that Trevor's gone We can focus on Nico more And it turns out that Nico has a thing for Emily Which is funny because Kelly has a thing for Emily And then But Lauren has a thing for Nico And isn't there someone else who likes Emily? Oh, Ben likes Emily, too.

So it's like a full-on love rhombus at this point. Rhombus. It's basically like prison, okay? It's like a bunch of dudes stuck together, and they eventually just start making one wear Sharpie lipstick while they, you know, group rape him in the back. I just think it's one of those things where anything becomes hot after a while.

No offense to any of yous out there. Any of yous. So then we move on to our next charter guest. We have the meeting, we learn about them. Basically, it's like some entrepreneurs who are friends and they're ladies and daughters, etc. And we learned that one of the guests does not eat anything she's gluten-free dairy-free and water has to be a ph above 7.5

and also they want a 12 course meal on the first night and also they want all the water toys which we know the dicants hate oh this was just nuts meat okay this is what she won't eat. Meat, chicken, pork, no seafood, unless it's fish, which makes no sense. Gluten-free, dairy-free, and then what did you say about the water? It has to be pH balanced? It has to be above pH 7.5. Oh, for fuck's sake. Yeah, seriously, for fuck's sake. Seriously, seriously, for fuck's sake.

This is one of those people who does nothing in her life to actually be important. So to feel important, she just makes everybody do this kind of shit for her. Yeah. Because she ate conch and she was just fine. Stupid. Yeah, stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

So now Ben's already getting stressed out. But Sierra's like, you know, I love eating gluten-free. That's the way I love to eat. So I can help out which we know is like no no we did you not learn any of any of the lessons of rocky did you not learn you stay away this was so beautiful because you see that kate can kind of see it coming but she's enjoying it now because when she was describing how trevor left she was like you can tell he's an idiot he wears sunglasses on the back of his head like she's

totally loving it and then when it comes to this they get the venue and she's like oh is that vegan hippie craps and Sierra's like oh that's how I eat and then she tells her about her juicing business and how she wants to return to the industry of juice

and so she's like I'll help Ben because I'm healthy and like, I really believe in like helping people through juicing. How about a beet and goat cheese salad? I'm like, that's dairy. Like, this is going to be a disaster. I know. And the funny thing is

that then Ciara, well, because Kate's like, oh, you should make juice for us sometime. You know, because Kate's clearly just setting her up for failure. So Ciara's like, great. And she goes to the juicer juice and she's like it's not working and i i wrote down before anything happened i was like please tell me it's not plugged please tell me it's plugged or whatever i was like it's gonna be unplugged and sure enough kelly comes over he's like oh well it's not plugged in she's like oh he's like she's cute but she's dumb as a box of rocks by the way and speaking of boxes of rocks have you noticed that i think i feel like kate's very favorite thing and we can confirm this with

her but i feel like her very favorite thing to do is to bring out her little box of pebbles and scatter them across the table it's like they always cut to her doing that every now and then we'll just put them out there i think it's like her favorite table setting well there's nowhere to shop so i just went on the beach the beach is your michaels it's just this like you know i like it because it's like here i'll give you some decor but it's not overly emotional decor it's like here you get rocks some stones some are rough some are smooth it's what the ocean does to us right people and ben was talking about the stupid lady who won't eat anything and he goes that stupid woman and sierra are match made in heaven which to everyone else is hell

oh lordy sierra's path i like the fact that that Sierra is basically on her own version of the Odyssey. You know, like she left home. She left a troubled juicing home, went off onto the high seas to find something, and is planning her triumphant return to the juicing industry as bigger, better, stronger, and to take over the world. It's like in Ruthless People when Bette Midler was being kept hostage in the basement. And she was working out with like anything she could find that's what this woman was doing sierra she was like lifting tomato cam she's like yeah yes the moment that helen slater shows up on this yacht they will know that sierra is gonna have a future and danny devito refuses to pay for her to come back home.

Sierra breaks out of the servants' quarters with a hand mixer and charges at Kate. So next up, we have Ruthless People jokes. You thought our Bette Midler canon was only big business. No, we have Ruthless People jokes. You thought our Bette Midler canon was only big business.

No, we have Ruthless People. I have them both on DVD, okay? We're waiting for a very special episode to whip out our beaches. Or Outrageous Fortune. Oh, man. I need to watch that again. I don't have any jokes from that. I only watched that, I think, three times when it came out. I've only seen it, I think, twice.

Oh, God. What a film. Shelley Long, one of the most unread... think, twice. Oh, God, what a film. Shelley Long, one of the most unrated. One of the. Oh, Jesus, Ronnie. Shelley Long is one of the most underrated Longs of all time. I agree. And I will never forget her triumphant leap at the end of that movie.

Her literal triumphant leap. Remember that? Yes, I do. She's a dancer, and she was able to call upon her ballet i don't want to spoil it for anyone 30 years later but it was a moment that is forged in my brain i just remember thinking i hope it was worth it shelly because she'd quit cheers to be a movie star and i was like ha i hope it was worth it i still haven't seen true bever Beverly Hills, I have to say. But I did see Hello Again. I'm going to piss off a lot of people right now and say, doesn't hold up Troop Beverly

Hills. Didn't enjoy it. I did a Troop Beverly Hills live tweet last year with some friends. Oddly enough. I was like, not working for me. Okay, back on below deck, we've got some wind drama. Oh yeah.

Guess what? Time to get the fenders. The yacht's underpowered. The wind's blowing at it. Will we get out of port? Will we get out of port? The wind blows from one direction. That's an accident. It blows from another direction. That's a tragedy. It's blowing from three directions.

Now that's completely unstoppable. But we did it! The arrival of the guests was hilarious. It's a motley crew. It's a motley crew they've all met through their internet businesses. So weird. I'm thinking

dark web selling babies or something. They're all weirdos. And Kate goes, these guests are giving me a strange vibe. Ciao. There's ciao. Then there's the strange fat Russian man. Then there's the other nameless fat dude

who can kill you with his eyes. She calls them D-list Quentin Tarantino characters. And then meanwhile, no one's paying attention to the jacuzzi and it's filling up and getting higher and higher and higher. It's like that scene in the Facts of Life. Remember that one episode of Facts of Life where Judy, I think, was like house sitting and there was a hot tub on the second floor. And she like they left. They left the house to go out because they were in L.A. and the hot tub overflowed and then the ceiling caved in.

Yes, I do. I also remember when I was 12 years old and I was sewing something in my bed because my mom had taught me how to sew and I had a water bed and I fell asleep and it popped and I woke up wet and then the room caved in the next morning and almost killed Romana, the cleaning lady. There you go. True story! The stories that come out, I mean...

I'm sorry, I mean... I mean, you just one-upped Edward Scissorhands. Thank God they didn't have those lawyer things on the back of buses. Girl. Romana could have accident as my ass romana you never told me also that there was a romana in your house yes romana let's face it romana was my second mother ramona is my meemaw so there you go a lot

of crazy numerology happening in the carom home meanwhile, back on the yacht, it's time for lunch. Kate's putting tables out on the table, her favorite thing to do. And there's like this creepy Russian dude who tells Emily that she's adorable and that like if his wife had died or maybe there was like a creepy Russian guy and the guy was bald. If something happens to my wife. You be my new wife. And then Kate, she tells Kate. She's like, he said that he would steal me if his wife died. And Kate goes, well, she'll probably commit suicide.

Here, take some pebbles. And so I left weapons on the table. Throw the pebbles. Use your pebbles, Emily. Use your pebbles. The. Use your pebbles. The pebbles will keep you calm. It's like Kate's version of self-defense against douchebags. It's like stress balls.

But of course, the only way that Kate can de-stress herself is with something that's hard as rock. So then, yeah. And then these people are just so obnoxious around the table. Like the wife of the charter guy, I think. Or some lady. She just goes, oh, yeah. It's the teacher. Oh, was it her?

She's like, three grand is like sewer money. Oh, gross. Yeah, they're all talking about how rich they are and how they're making more money just standing there than most people make in a year. Yeah. I was like, and you bought that homely woman with all of those terrible allergies like come on if you were really that rich you could have bought a better wife yeah if you're really that rich you wouldn't be on vacation with a shrek so then um finally after like a million cutaways are making me more and more stressed uh nico suddenly discovers that the hot tub Has completely overflowed

And he goes It really was like some Sorcerer's apprentice shit You know he was like trying to get a stop And he had to radio to Kelly And I love like Kelly comes up And like hey it's okay bro I'll get a chamois I'll help you out

It's okay happens to everyone I'm like Kelly you're so hot and so reasonable. Please say that with your penis. I like when they were cutting back and forth. They're like, Ooh, hot tub drama. It's like slowly watching something overfill the,

the camera. People got like 30 different angles of it. There's such dicks. Like they don't point it out to anybody. They can sink by the way. And then, um, they keep cutting down to Kellylly it's like dun dun dun he's like hmm radicchio

wow that celery was filling and then in the end it's like not a big deal like oh it overflowed okay so they have lunch and they serve the awful wife conch. And she's like, what is conch? Okay, fish. I love it. And she ate it. That's a shellfish, you fucking moron. I hope you die right now.

I hope you eat a pebble. And then it's like, time for the pool toys. Release the critter free pool. You better bring every toy we've got. If it floats, I want it behind that boat. We're gonna need a bigger inflatable boat. So then they all

pull out the pool, which is hard because they're a man down. And that Russian guy, he is just like hairy and fat and a hunchback and like... Like everything that could go wrong went wrong with this poor guy. Yeah. And I had to see him in high contrast with my TV. It was not easy.

And the captain, who for whatever reason this season loves a horse joke. It's been like every episode he's talked about horses. He's like, I've seen horses with shorter manes on them. It's a dog and pony show. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink it. A horse is a horse, of course, of course. Which is now our second Mr. Ed joke in two episodes. It's his fault though okay so ben has decided they have to make a 12 course meal so ben has decided that he's gonna let sierra be in

charge of the asshole woman who won't eat anything and she's like awesome this is totally what i visualized yeah and kate's like you know and by the way while this is happening all the guests are like tumbling into the pool like a plinko game they're just like falling in falling all over themselves splashing around like the most uncoordinated people i've ever seen so while that's happening downstairs so yeah so there sierra is getting ready to go into the lion's den and kate's like it's like sending a sweet bunny into a rapid lion's den but i think it'll work out because the bunny wants to help the lion. I'm like, no, the lion will kill the bunny. And you are more excited than you've ever been.

Let's face it. Another thing that happens in lion's dens, sheets get burned. So. Well, maybe next time if you iron the sheets better, you wouldn't have to be in the kitchen with Ben. That's all. You're not in trouble. The rest of your trip is just going to be hell. Okay?

So, Sierra is writing in a notebook, and I just put, yikes. Lord knows what comes out of those hands. Like, what comes out of her mouth is terrifying enough. What would come out of her fingers? It's just like... I feel like it's, like like doodles that resemble care bears yeah lots of flowers and like carrots and i don't know i drew a juice this is an apple juice this is an orange juice well they look the same that's because i don't

have colored pencils looks like a scribble that's spelt june all right get the happy hair looks like your name that. That's spelt juice. All right, get the happy hair. Looks like your name. That's my name written in juice. So they start cooking, and this is when Ben goes into total. All right, nope, not that way, darling. Nope, not that way, baby. Hey, I need all the shot glasses to match. Sweetie pie, sugar honey punch. Not like that, though.

Yeah, I was actually incredibly stressed. Because, you know, he was right. A 12-course meal is a big endeavor. And he is in a tiny kitchen. And he's got fussy guests. And he really has no help. So I was, like, sitting there stressed out. Like a classic Top Chef episode.

And these assholes, of course, the whole time are like, ugh, it's taking so long. It's the longest meal ever. I'm gonna go to bed. And Carolina, the evil wife, is like, oh, I'm not happy. I don't like caviar. Yeah, she is, like, truly, truly terrible.

I understand if you don't like certain foods. I mean, I have a thing. I hate berries. I hate peaches. But, like, there's, I don't know, there's just's just a way to like not be such a baby about it all um and also and by the way that russian dude he was sitting there eating the foie gras like the penguin like he was literally danny devito and batman returns he's like like just stuffing it into his mouth i was like uh and then he goes and he goes then he starts talking talking i don't know

what he's even saying. Maybe he's drunk. Maybe he's not. He's like, maybe we're going to have 50 people and 50 girls, 100 girls just taking care of everybody and every, I don't know why I'm giving him an Indian accent. Basically, I want to see pussies on faces in this new restaurant concept I have. I want to see vaginas crawling around men's faces. And Kate's like, um, Becker's daughter, Mr. Chow's daughter is on the boat.

She was just standing above him, staring at him, ready to throw her pebble box at him. Just going to have the entire thing right at his face. And Carolina, don't they have popcorn? They don't even have a popcorn here? I'm like, oh, really? After all this, you't they have popcorn? They don't even have a popcorn here. I'm like, oh, really? After all this, you'll eat fucking popcorn? God damn you, Carolina.

To be fair, they had gone through like two courses, and Sierra was taking so long with the salad. She made this enormous salad that looked like she just came from Sioux Plantation. It was like big and chunky and did not look very artful at all compared to the rest of the dishes. And so she brings out this huge salad and Sierra like takes it out and everyone's like, whoa,

big salad and Sierra's and then Carolina is like, she's like, oh, so like I'm supposed to just eat this whole thing and that's it. Like I'm giving everyone an Indian accent today. I don't get to enjoy the courses. I'm not i'm not happy yeah i mean it was stupid because sierra should just made a small little salad like using half the vegetables for one salad and then made another little salad as the next course and then she's like so i just skip all the courses and then sierra's like yeah

i'm like you're such an idiot doesn't that sound fun she's like no yeah. I'm like, you're such an idiot, Sierra. Why would you say that? Doesn't that sound fun? She's like, no, I'm not happy. So they have to start bringing stuff up. This was my favorite part of the episode. I don't know why, but I like when Kate delivered the tuna and she goes, okay, it's a blockade of tuna with someone. It's like a blockade of tuna. I know. I was wondering what a blockade. I with someone says like a blockade of tuna I know I was like wondering blockade

I thought I wonder maybe she meant a blockade maybe she said blockade and I heard it wrong but I thought I was like blockade of tuna it's a quarantine of arugula there's too many potholes and we officially can't drive on this road anymore so we've put a blockade of tuna up we are sick of

hearing what you have to say so we create a blockade of tuna up. We are sick of hearing what you have to say. So we create a blockade of tuna around your face. And then downstairs, Sierra drops a plate and spills something, which is no big deal. It's only, you know, another thing to add to this already 19 hour course. Yes. That he's doing. But I have to say, the primary at one point was like, at this pace with 12 courses, we'll be here until midnight. I'm like, yeah, you dumb fuck. Because you ask for a 12-course meal and those things don't happen in an hour.

Those take like three hours. And you arrived like four hours ago and you're going to eat it. You said you wanted to eat at 8.30 or whatever. That's the way it goes. Yeah, fuck you. Fuck you. And then the Barney Rubble Russian who wants the pussy restaurant on faces takes a nap with his Samsung. I was like, I hope that thing explodes in your face. And did you notice at one point, by the way, they had a cutaway of Sierra wiping all the leftover Carolina salad into the trash.

So Carolina only ate like a part of it anyway. She probably was like, this lettuce was not washed with high alkaline water and there was a cream dressing on that by the way i love that ben's like fuck you i don't know if it was a cream dressing it looked like it was just an emulsion oh it looked like a cream to me being well because you know when you do like a balsamic if you shake it up a lot it looks creamy but it's really not yes but it was yellow and creamy i guess he could have done that with an egg or something but i will say it did look like a it looked very much like a non-fancy salad it looked like french dressing slathered onto like stuff from a salad bar yeah

i think the cherries the cherry tomatoes didn't help and the giant chunks of beet yeah it was very sizzler all you can eat yeah um no offense sierra no seem like a very lovely crazy person so and then um and it just kept and the meal i mean they i mean he churned out a lot of food i mean you have to give ben credit and i like that um that then he had everything he served carolina had an issue with she's like no i can't get a money stick no i can't she goes but i'm not picky i'm like fuck you yeah she's an awful human being uh hope you drown bitch okay so next up kelly and nico are after the same girl i'm telling you it's prison this poor emily girl has probably never had attention like this in her whole life she's

basically like a female harry potter oh you say nicole from big brother british nicole i like that one and i like that one as well i like them a lot but i really like Cooley the most What I'm just saying I don't know him Oh Nicole Emily's much better than Nicole She's like I quite enjoy male attention But these two are just ridiculous at this point

And Kelly Immediately whips off his shirt He's like ah just getting Just getting ready to go to bed Gonna check my dick pic on the Insta. Want me to help you fold some napkins? You know, I've done the work of a stew before. Let me do some shirtless napkin folding.

Yeah. I'm fanning myself off in my living room. She was like a teenage boy trying not to look at someone's boobs. She made sure she didn't look at him at all, and then one time she laughed, and she looked him straight in the eye. It's like she was going down from napkins. She was like, eh, floating on napkins.

Straighten your eye. Straighten your eye. Do not look at his breasts. So then once Kelly walks away, Nico then tries to pull some moves. I forget what he said, but I just wrote down that he has no game. It was was something awkward he does that thing where he's just leaning back look you should not do that he's like leaning on the cat like lay leaning you know like all lazy

and you shouldn't do that to a waiter who really is working hard okay like to a maid who works really hard they do not like seeing people lean. I wish people listened to this show. Oh, God. You got time to lean? You got time for the roof to cave in on you? Because my son left a pen in the bed. That's like such

a legendary story. I don't know how it took four and a half years for that story to come out. Because A, it's saying I was raised by a cleaning lady which is you know both snotty and embarrassing it's embarrassing on many different levels but it's also like i mean was it just like a regular pin was it like a it was like a knitting needle or something i was i was sewing a pillowcase because me and mom was teaching me to sew and i was like okay well i'll practice so i was practicing on a pillowcase and, of course, fell asleep.

And then rolled over onto the needle or something. Must have been. Well, yeah, a waterbed. I mean, every time you move, it's like, big sir. That's where I got it from. Big sir waterbed. Well, speaking of watery things, we then have Sierra, who's like, now that dinner service is over, she just starts to cry. Because she's like, I have a thick skin, but this is a is a lot i'm like you do not have a thick skin ma'am

you do not you were intimidated out of the juice industry okay i like when she says i have thick skin it's just not around negativity it's like that's not thick skin you idiot you're like i can stay dry in the rain when it's not raining yeah i think the thing that really did it for her was at one point like she had to take remove parsnips from a dish from the tuna dish and she put them in a bowl and he's like ben was like those have baba ganoush on them and then that was just like she's like can i not win at anything and then she's just like crying and now she's thinking about leaving entirely like she never stopped

crying she cried down there for an hour and Ben was like well it's alright dearie darling sweetie face there's no need to cry it was a stressful moment and he tells us old school chef breathing up your plate thrown at your head and not yet it's not knives

i yell at someone it's like oh no yeah and then she basically is she's a mess and then she's like this negative energy is not for me who would have thought that the yachting industry would be so much more intense than juicing at home this is even harder than getting bits of carrot out of the strainer you know what i mean yes sierra yes sarah sierra if you cannot take this just go into a basement somewhere and dwell there it's what i do it's the best advice i can give you don't leave your house the world is full of negativity and horrible things okay now go back to bed go back to bed um everyone that's it that's it sorry i just i just like okay i'm gonna end it now um that was literally it like like on the boat when everybody applauds ben i'm like that like oh thank you for

dinner ben okay now i'm just being carolina not not applauding and just giving you a hateful look. So anyway, guys, thanks for listening. Thanks for all the support and love that we got this week with the LA Podcast, etc. We'll be seeing a bunch of you guys later on tonight at the Hangout. Go drop us a question for the Kraven's Mailbag. Weigh in on the Super Fight. Subscribe on iTunes. And everyone, give a big amount of love and hugs to our super premium sponsor madonna hines i'm mentioning her now because uh in post i'm supposed

to put it in the front of the episode but i have a feeling i'm gonna forget so i'm saying your name now you may hear it twice but at least you'll hear it once thanks madonna everyone thank you so much we'll talk to you all next week. Bye. Love you more, Snickers, y'all.