Watch What Crappens - #3341 The Valley S3E05: Lonely Janet

Episode Date: April 30, 2026

Janet’s apology tour trundles on on The Valley, and it seems like she makes some headway with Zack. To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and get ad free listening, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What? Watch what happens when there's so much what crap is. Well, hello and welcome to watch what crapins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker, and joining me is the one and only Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? Good. What's going on, baby? Not much. Just, you know, getting through the week. we're already here at Thursday, which is, which is fabulous.

Did you guys hear? Cabaret is happening. A crappence cabaret. Forbidden Housewives. It's happening on June 3rd and June 5th. And most of the tickets are already gone. How about that? So be sure to get it.

It's happening in New York City at Green Room 42. The ticketing link is on our website. It's also on our social media. Come join us. We're going to have a lot of fun. Just singing and forgetting lyrics all night. We cannot wait. If ever you've wanted to see us,

wanted to see us do some face falling. This might be the time to do it. So come. Disaster possible. Very possible. But it'll be a fun disaster, even if it is a disaster. It's so fun. We've been working on it and cracking ourselves up.

So come let us crack you up as well, guys. This is the Valley Day. If you want this on Vigya, you can get that at patreon.com. It's also where you get ad-free listening, bonus episodes, and Discord server and our free blog every week. Just go sign up for that. It makes fun of all the Bravo stuff all over again for you. And today is the Valley, Season 3, Episode 5, Hive Mentality. Yeah, Hive Mentality.

You know, people have been pretty down on the Valley. They've been pretty down on it. Pretty, pretty down. And, you know, I watch. it and I'm like I don't think it's really that bad I think it's actually perfectly fine like is it doesn't have the same urgency as it did last year maybe not but I'm fully entertained all the way through so yeah I mean do I love that Schwartz and Lala are on it not really do I think they are improving it not really are they maybe bringing it down perhaps but I do think

that the show is by and large still entertaining I'm still on board I just want to point that out And now, especially since we, you know, next year, fingers crossed, Dr. Dre comes in as Michelle's boyfriend. Wow, Dr. Ray. Who saw that one coming? I know. That is the most hilarious. We needed that. We needed that because we need something light and frothy in the world of Bravo gossip, I think.

Things are getting dark out there. No kidding. You saw the thing about West's cousin who killed their grandmother. the day before the reunion. That's... I know. That news broke while we were sitting here, yapping away. Like, I mean, obviously, one thing has nothing to... Like, you know, it's a terrible tragedy, and my heart breaks for him and his family for that. So, like, that, I think everyone kind of agrees that regardless of what scandal, what stupid

scandal is happening in the world of Bravo, we all agree that that's a horrific thing that they had to endure. And it really did suck that he had to... that happened the night before the reunion and he you know there was no way for him that wasn't that's just a shitty shitty situation for him to be in um but yeah crazy crazy turn on that front truly my god yeah um okay so but dr dr dr dr dr jray and michelle michelle um sani you know that's that's the sunshine we need okay michelle it be you know in the uh in the uh in the uh in the uh recording booth, watch the Lala all of a sudden become real good friends with Michelle. Yeah, it's already pretty close with Michelle.

I think this has been going on for a while because they were showing a clip of Sheena in the after show or somewhere. I don't know. I don't know where clips of Sheena are, like where they're coming from, but they seem to still be out. You would never know that Sheena's not on TV because there are still clips of her all over the place saying stuff. I'm like, where'd this come from? Some after show of something. I don't know. Sheena's on every show now.

She'll be on the after show of Game of Thrones, you know, coming up, the dance or the dragon show or whatever. She'll be like, well, you know what? I really didn't approve of Renaira and the way that she handled that whole situation. Like, I totally would have done something different because I did it did the guy from Desperate Housewives. So, yeah. I was actually supposed to have a dragon and, like, I gave my dragon up because I'm like a people pleaser. But, like, honestly, like, I should be a dragon rider. I fucked a dragon.

Okay, there I said it. You heard it here first. Okay. But if you want to know which one, you're going to have to buy my best. So she was on some after show and she was saying her hall pass is Dr. Dre. And they were like, Dr. Dre. And she's like, yeah, that's my hall pass. And I already told Brock. And then it cuts to Brock. And he's like, yeah, it's a whole pass, Dr. Dre. So I think Dr. Dre has already been in this circle and she's already trying to fuck him.

She's already trying to take someone else's guy. Because that's a crazy coincidence, right? Yeah, that's. I mean, like, no disrespect to Dr. Dre. I mean, he's obviously a legend and genius, et cetera, et cetera. But, like, is he really a lot of people's hall passes? Like, that was surprising to me. I mean, I know he got buffed and everything.

He had that moment where he got buff. I just wouldn't think that he was, like, a hall pass. Like, I think, like, a hall pass is, like, what's his face who plays Superman or, like, Chris Hemsworth or something like that. Like, I just, I'm not thinking. like Dr. Dre. But, you know, Dr. Selba.

You know what I mean? Listen, like every building has a hall. Every building has a hall. I like that. Every pot's got a lid and every building's got a hall, honey. Which actually isn't even true. There are many buildings that have no halls.

But I like it. You're not really even considered a building without a hall. It got a hall. Hallless buildings. God, pathetic. It's like some bastardization of every pot. a lid right every building has a hall yeah also of that halls of halls of of justice yeah oh that's happening so yeah hopefully something will happen you know the

valley is not only i worry about too much i don't worry i don't stay it up night it's like this show sucks i mean i do think it's been depressing as fuck this season it's always had that air about it though the valley's just something i just enjoy it anyway i just like put it on and i don't worry about it i just sit here and let it let it wash over me and then wash it off when it when it's done Yeah. Yeah, I just always like to weigh in with unimportant opinions about unimportant. No, it's not important. I just can't compete with an important opinion today because I don't have one. My mind is still really just sort of stuck on Chena declaring that Dr. Dre as her hall pass because I'm like, wow, even with your hall pass, you're the you're the third wheel. True, bless her heart. All right. So here we go. Jesse is.

facetiming Lacey and he's wearing a wacky yellow feather hat and he's like is this my hat now are you going to pick it up and then we see a picture of her wearing this hat I'm guessing for some kind of like charity event where you have to wear costumes because she's an OC housewife right because why else would you have that and she's like are you trolling me I feel personally attacked um and then we speaking of which we go to Janet and jason's house and they're cooking dinner somehow avoid massive head injuries with their low hanging stovetop hood and jason is like oh so have you looked into any other schools in addition to the ones we've already looked at because i really don't think you need to private elementary school and she's like we've got to figure out if we're moving

they basically have to figure out what to do with the baby where to send the baby and then finally we land at gymnastics uh where nia and michel show up at like kitty gymnastics and michel starts doing these crazy cartwheels it's like what's going on with michel we didn't know she could express so much happiness through movement. And she tells us, Isabella just started gymnastics about three months ago. And it's always been my idea because I was a gymnast. Gymnastics, or as I like to say, it ain't nothing but a G thing.

I didn't have a life growing up. My life was gymnastics. So when people make fun of me not knowing things, it's because I only know gymnastics. McDonald's? I don't know what they. That is, Mary Lou Retton, Icon. Can I get a double Mary Lou Redden with a zide of Zimon Biles, please?

This is what I order when I go do McDonald's. I like that her, like, I grew up in gymnastics. That's why I don't know what fast food or pop culture is. Okay. I would like one big Kerry's drug, please. You never passed to McDonald's and said, hey, what's that? Like on your way to gymnastics? None of your,

none of your little friends had something from a happy meal that you were like, what was? I was, they put a bag over my head and took me from the house and do gymnastics. I did not see any of the world outside of gymnastics. Every time I saw the golden arches, I thought it was Bella Carolli's bee falling over. What does that still make me laugh so much?

People make fun of me for not knowing things. like Vazvoud and Bob Gouldzer. What the fuck? I was doing gymnastics in a bunker. In the woods. This is very housewives where a mother is like, okay, I was good at something once, you know, and now I'm just doing carpal all the time.

So I'm going to get these kids. Jill Sarah's skating. Yes, I'm going to get these kids into what I want to do, and then I'm going to go off on camera and show off. It's like when Stacy on Potomac took her kid to walking class for like modeling. It's like, I'll show you how to do it. And then she got up there and did it on camera. And that's what Michelle's doing. She's like, go off and dog to your Diger, that big mag over there. And I will show my moves. And so she's doing cartwheels and brownoffs and stuff. And then Nia is one of those cheerleaders who was like only in it for the like popularity and the free stickers. Because she didn't know how to do any of this shit. She's like, well, I wasn't. She's like, well, I wasn't. She's like, she's like, well, I wasn't. cheerleader and like I don't know really what to do. What was that that you just did?

A roundoff? Yeah, that's what I could do. That's what I, yeah, me too. That's what I did. No, Nia. Do one. Go ahead, do one. Do one right now, Nia.

You fucking liar. You fucking mid-tier pyramid lady. We know. And even pyramid. You were just there to step touch, step touch, do the little dances and date a quarterback. Okay. You couldn't even convince us that your arms were an alligator and that you were going to

eat us up. Burr, it's cold in here. There must be some, you've got the rest of the lines? Why am I not surprised? Why am I not surprised? She's like, guys, I turn the heating on. Like, no, we're supposed to keep it cold. But the atmosphere.

There must be some toros in the atmosphere. So, yeah, Michelle is a gymnast. Who knew? Who knew? she is she's bouncing all over the place she's smiling bigger than we've ever seen her like she's in her true happy place at long last and because it is michel we now get the sad story that goes with it and it's a real sad one which is that basically her parents took her to gymnastics and they're like do you like this and she was four and she's like i like it so she started doing it she did it from when she was

four to when she was 15 and she was on the olympic path it sounds like she basically's like i'm going to the Olympics, all she would think about were the Olympics. She sees McDonald's and sees it as like the Olympic podium. Like she doesn't even take in pop culture. She sees the golden girls and like those bitches are my competitors. Olympics. That's all she sees. And then at 15 though, her parents separate and she kind of like loses her will to keep going. And I think that's like, honestly, so sad. It's so sad to me. It's like, you like, because you can kind of see she lives with this regret of if I had only just stayed with it, I could have gone

to the Olympics, but because things got messy in my family, I didn't. And then on top of that, the way her family sort of fell apart was also really sad. Her dad had mental illness and he was never diagnosed, but it sounds like he may have,

I'm not even to say what sounds like he has, but he had mental illness. And so it's just like a really, really sad story. And I was like, I want to be like, it's never too late, Michelle. Yeah, he was hearing voices. And, yeah, and now next thing you know, she's stuck with Jesse Lally.

I mean, it's just tragic. It's really tragic. It is. She's got Dr. Dre out of it. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, it worked. She's like, I will show you out to round off. I got a little medal.

Drop a bead. So Michelle tells this story, and then she's like, you know, me and my dad stayed close, and especially after my mom died, you know, and blah, blah, blah. So then she's like, which leads me to believe we did all day go drib. Michelle, you really need work on your scene planning. I mean, geez, it's like happy, happy gymnastics, sad, sad story. Let's go on a trip. Girl, this is a lot for one scene. I just came to let our kids hang out while we drank some wine next door.

Oh, this is too much. So she's decided they're going to do a San Diego trip because I guess she knows someone with a house or something. And so she's invited everyone. La La, Brittany, Zag, the Ambergler, everybody, Grisden, Janet. And she saves Janet for last. And he is like, whoa, what are the sleeping arrangements at this place where everybody's invited? Obviously, I want Janet to be my roommate. That's why I'm asking, JK.

Yeah, I mean, when it comes to group dynamic, I feel like I'm good with just existing in the same space as Janet and Jason. I don't need to have a plan or strategy to avoid it. It just comes naturally to me. Well, that is good because you will be sharing a room with Snoop Dog. What? I mean, who knows what's going on in my personal life? it's time for a commercial

it's time for a crappence commercial so then we go to Kristen and Zach and Brittany and they're going to sugar and bronze don't say bronze drama drama course it rings

and this rain never rang to it's rain no more spright tan duck well thank God you're getting it done inside yeah seriously thank God things like umbrellas existed. So, I don't know, for real. Hope they have umbrellas. I forgot my umbrella.

Yeah, you know for the pool party, there's chance rain. I'm like, are you kidding me with her? Are you kidding me? So Brittany is going to have a pool party, guys. Yeah. I'm so excited about my pool party. But my last pool party was an absolute disaster. I like, I let Chris and know that Janet was going to be the pool party in, but as soon as Janet walked in, Chris is hard yelling like, she doesn't deserve a bite here. And I was like, but so, After like a two minutes, shit, I walked out and let us feel so bad. But like, so, fingers crossed, we don't have anything yelling at this time. No more yelling.

Oh, my gosh, this group really freaks me out a lot. As if Brittany's not sitting there orchestrating moments for everybody to yell at each other all the time. This is Brittany. This is Brittany at her best, I think. When Brittany is causing all of this shit and, like, getting people to talk about each other, look at her boyfriend. For people that are like, Britney doesn't do that, look at her boyfriend. It's the same tricks that she used to be.

up to with Jacks. She tells the guy what basically what the problem is and then sends the guy in and then the guy goes to smooth it over. This guy's got a lot of nerve. I don't even know your name, sir. What are you bossing people around for? I know, but we'll get to that. So the waxer's like, okay, Brittany, you are known for doing completely disgusting things on camera. Have you ever done a Brazilian on camera before? We are going to wax every nook and cranny of that. Oh my God, do I get I love those so much. No, you're not, no, this is a different type of resilient experience.

It's not a Brozy Biden. No, it is not. Well, I got it done before, but I was very pregnant. Whatever pregnant woman does, you know, what everyone does in there about eight months, they go for a Brazilian. Okay, so do you want, okay, so we're going to have like a landing ship. She's, take it all.

Okay, make me as bold as a biscuit. I don't think my buttholes area. I want to be a bold as I'm being scared. Then Zach is getting tanned. And she's like, you're going to love this. I love that. I love the building up from the tanning lady. You are going to love this.

It's going to be amazing. He's like, can you contour it to make me look like I have muscles? She's just like, yes, of course. I'll just make it extra orange over here. So then, so then Brittany. is now getting waxed and it is the sound design that they do is so crazy because i don't believe this is what we act what it actually sounds like but we don't see anything but they the sound kind of illustrates everything because it's like they don't even do like a swift like it's like a like it's like a few

terrors that we hear and you're like oh oh it's like stop it please it's like the rattle that they use you know whenever someone's being a snake and they're like someone did something bad and it it cuts to la la la's face and it's like that they do kind of show it i mean i'm surprised i just wouldn't be able to do that stuff i can barely do it when there's not a camera there but to just be like okay i'm going to be fully naked you know waist down for all of these camera people and the sugar lady or whatever the wax who's like all right let's do it and it's like your whole who How being stripped right there for TV. I'm like, where it's the shame?

Where is it? I know. And then Kristen gets up there. And what's crazy is that while Kristen's getting wax, Zach just walks and he's like, oh my, I was like, oh my God, no, why? I'm like, it was very funny, but also like, how do they have this door just wide open for someone to walk in and see someone's vagina hanging out? Like that's the first one you've ever seen Zach? And he's like, no, it's seen yours 10,000 times.

Come on. And Kristen's like, like. Yeah, he's seen both of ours just like, not at this angle. He's like, I think I just saw your uterus. Jesus Christ. I laugh so hard. But then I started to cry so hard because I started to cry so hard. I started thinking about a cry at P.

I mean, raining on my pool party. So Zach asks how date night was with Kristen and her loser. And he's like, yeah, from what he was telling me, it was like a good child. And you guys are like talking, you know, you guys are talking about stuff that's going on. She's like, well, we don't talk about things in front of Kaya because like even though like Kaya can't understand us, it's important not to fight in front of Kaya. Kristen, let me tell you something about yourself that you don't seem to understand. You will be yelling at your man in front of your baby.

You will be. You're Kristen. There is no way Kristen is going to go through life not yelling at that man in front of their child. She is going to. So just start now. Just get the baby used to it. So it's not traumatized. I'm very used to it.

My mom can still rip my dad a new one in the middle of a Costco. And I'm fine with it. You know why? Because I was born with it happening. It didn't just start happening late in life. Yeah. Yeah. Children will listen.

There's my gift. There's my gift to you. Gift. Yeah. Don't know. So Kristen's going on. I told Luke, I don't feel close to you.

When I woke up with a baby at like four or five o'clock in the morning, the baby's crying and this and that. And the dog's like, whatever. And he's just kind of like, oh, do you want me to take her? Like what I told him was like, I don't know how to. be heard on those things they really bother me he's got to stop bringing up how much he fucking hates all the time like hearing about it too often it's like so frustrating like we get it you're van go you're from a different century but like come on just like try to enjoy LA and Kristen says that like

even before kaya was in the picture you know he was always like i want to move to someplace with like closer with family with more land somewhere that's green but for right now like this is where we live so to hear that it's almost like on a daily basis like how miserable he is and how much he hates it it's like frustrating and like i fully support her on this like he's been whining about this for so long it's like sir her career is bound to this city i don't know what he even does for a job for a job i don't know what he does for work i don't know what he does for his money but i'm getting this sense that he obviously like it's not geographically connected to a location but she cannot shoot her tv shows in the middle of colorado i'm sorry it's just not it's not an option for her so you either

get with it and you don't complain or you move to where you want to be and you don't make her miserable. So I looked it up. It says he is an outdoorsman and co-host of the balancing act with Kristen Dowdy. He lives in Colorado where he manages a 90-acre ranch and is involved in farming CBD per Reddit users. So I think he had, yes, I read he was a waiter at Bonefish, someone on Reddit said. Yeah, so he, I think he used to own some kind of a CBD thing and sold it. So he has like a little money. And then now he grows, he grows the CBD on his own thing.

I mean, listen, 90 acres. I get it, but don't have a baby with somebody in L.A. then. Yeah, exactly. And then try and like change their life. You were in L.A. You had a baby. And that's where the baby. I mean, once you leave, you're still going to have to fly back and forth to L.

Just get used to it. And you're on TV. And like, what are you telling her? She can't do TV. And don't be dating a TV person. Exactly. Exactly. Or, you know what?

Like when the show is done shooting, spend a month or two in Colorado. Like, figure it out. It's not that hard. I'm sorry. It's not that hard for them people with means and with privilege and they can do it. And I just, like, I can't stand that here she is, a new mother who is going through it and has already enough on her mind that he has, she has him, you know, whining on the side. about how he misses being near a trout or, you know, some beanstocks or something like that. Like enough.

So there's no, there are like no singing bass on anyone's living room walls here. I can't take it. So Brittany's like, you know, and it's not easy on relationships. I mean, whoever thinks having a baby is fixing things. What a bunch of suckers. Am I right? Flashback to Britney two years ago. Come on, Jackson, just one other baby.

Come on. You can do it. Date night, date night. and pregnant, mood, aren't it? But I do feel like there's some elements from past trauma that have such shitty, shitty exes. Like, that's sometimes, like, when you guys, like, get in a fight, like, you go for the jugular sometimes. And, like, he's, like, not used to that.

And I think that's, like, making it hard. That's the way I, like, couples counseling or something, so that way you guys can talk to professional. And I don't have to come here and watch your waxy vagina and listen to you complain. You guys have to. see a professional, I can give you the number of the person that I'm going to use after seeing your vaginas. Okay, except it was dark. And Kristen's like, my defense mechanism when it gets really bad is just leave then. Just leave. Hello, I just would like to interrupt the scene and offer up a therapist, Nadia

Glemanich. Sorry, I don't understand anything beyond gymnastics. It turns out. Apologies, I would go back to my cave. Well, after I had Cruz, I was all about Cruz 100%. And Jackson made me feel like I did not matter and after I had a baby with him. And I'm glad that Luke is trying, but also I want him to understand a little bit more about how she's feeling because what Kristen's going through is very important to get over for my pool party. Plays don't rain. Plays don't ride. So she talks about how postpartum is a real bitch and Luke needs to understand what she's going through. And I agree.

Luke is a child. I don't know why every man on this show has to be a fucking child, but they are. And I did notice in this episode that the only happy people on this show are the ones that are divorced. You've got Michelle, happy as a clam over there. You've got Brittany. She's happy. Guys, why don't we start looking around and figuring out who's happy and how they got there? It is leaving their children, men, their man children.

Yeah, that's right. Leave us. so now we go to la la right i am the same way and that is why i will i know but i know you know you know know i don't put people through it i am a man child and i'm like you know i'm just going to stay over here in my corner and not put anybody through my bullshit because i'm not a monster like you luke okay yeah so uh over in elsewhere in los angeles la la janet and michel are doing pilates at this week's buzzword drenched l-a they went to drenched in Atlanta. I don't even know it was a I don't know if they're related or it just happens to be

two different companies called drenched but I still believe drenched is going to be a word that we're not going to want to hear very soon. Um, the, it's the priv of the season. Drenched. Drenched. They're just so sneaky with their plugs. We see you drenched. Drenched is like, all right, guys, we're infiltrating bravo. How are we going to do it? So Lala's like, oh my God, I feel like I haven't seen you forever. Maybe I was too distracted looking at my old Instagram photos when he used to hang it with 50 cent. And Michelle's like, yeah. So that's really cool. Lala, the guy I've been dating. Oh, hey, Janet, what's going on? And Janet's like, oh yeah. I mean, it's only been like two or three days, but you guys had like such a busy week. Like, yeah, how do you feel? Like, how do you feel

seeing pictures of us all together? Does it make you want to cry? All of the friends are hanging out without you, Janet. How do you feel? about it, round up. Okay, okay. Well, for a second, like, I was a little bummed out, but I, you know, I wouldn't want to be invited because especially, like, for something like with Danny and me, I mean, it just doesn't feel like things are good there. So, so Santa Clarita. Also Santa Clarita. Yeah, saved on the gas. She really dodged a bullet. Gas ain't cheap right now. Okay. Janet, I have to say, Janet kind of won. She did not have to go to Santa Clarita. It's a long drive, very long drive. So Lala's like, yeah, well, I think you and Zach just need to go out and get drunks together. That's all you need. Do you guys look along again? And she's like, well, you know, Zach and I have been through some very dark and crazy stuff. And I've truly forgiven him for it.

This is a new Janet today, you guys are going to see. I'm trying it out. I really like Zach. You know, we got to a good place last summer. And as far as I know, the reason that he blocked me and did all that is because of Danny and Ea. And, you know, if there's something that I've said and done, I'm not. not above apologizing for it. And here's how I'll do it.

I'll go up to them and I'll say, hi, I'm going to therapy. Would you like to apologize? Yeah. I'm not above apologizing for it, unlike the way he never apologized for trying to murder me in Big Bear two years ago. Shell's like, well, I do agree that he would be the first step. And Janet's like, well, I'm going to do a game night. I feel like there's been a lot of heavy conversations, and I feel like this is just a way to lighten the mood and have fun.

So I invited Jasmine and Michelle, and I was also thinking, I'm sorry, Jasmine and Melissa, and I was also thinking about Zach and Benji. And obviously, you know, have not seen Danny O'Nea. So I feel like maybe that's not the time because it doesn't feel like things are good. I'm just going to keep on saying that. Things just aren't good. It doesn't feel like things are good. But I just want you to remember, I'm fun, Shannon, and I had my birthday party at Dave & Busters. Can we show clips of that?

Because that was really, I saved up a lot of tickets that day. Who wouldn't want to be my friend? Right? Dave and Buzz, roll it again. Roll it again. I don't think they saw the ski ball part. Show them the ski ball part. Is it bad if I say, why don't you just invite them knowing they're not going to come?

But at least you invited them. And la-la's like, yeah, all you're trying to do is like be cordial, you know? Janet's like, well, I think I should just like talk it over with Jason because like, maybe that is the right time to extend an Aldo branch. I just have to make sure Jason doesn't say the clown word. I just said it. Sorry. Sorry, guys. So now Jesse and Isabella

meet up, what's wrong with me? Jesse and Isabella meet up with Lacey at backyard bowls. Yes. Backyard bowls, huh? Backyard bowls. They were right next order a blue bottle. Why didn't they go in? Why didn't they go in? Such a better option.

So, um, it's right next. By the way, they were like a block away from the fabric store. Just want to say. Such a good fabric store. So they are in and basically Jesse's like, hey, Isabella, do the phonics dance.

Do the phonics dance for Lacey. Do the dance. And Lacey's like, I actually don't want you to force her to do anything for me because she's not a clown at the circus and she doesn't have to perform. Hey, did someone say clown?

That's just not right. That's not right. That is bigotry. And I will not stand for it. The producer is like, yeah, everyone says you're the beta in this relationship, Jesse. He's like, yeah, the beta. She's certainly an alpha. She hates my storytelling.

She's very to the point. Lacey's like, yeah, can I give you some unsolicited and failed parent criticism? Okay. She goes, oh, God, what? She should read rich dad, poor dad. What? You're not supposed to teach your kid's secrets? He's like, oh, okay.

Well, the exciting news is we only have a month or two left before. we're officially divorced. She goes, that's good. I'm already bored with what you're saying. I wish I had tricked him into wearing a hat again today. Does this feel any different once it's official? She's like, no, she's still going to hate you the same. It's like, oh, damn, okay.

Well, at least we can be normal about Isabella, you know. So, I don't know, they're talking about organizing toys and shit like that. And she's just basically writing his ass. She's like, you can't even throw stuff away. You're a hoarder, loser. A fucking loser holding on the kids' toys. Can anybody believe I'm dating this idiot? Hey, Jesse, just wanted to give you something.

It's like I'm psychics. I just wanted to give you. Yeah, it's an eviction notice. You're not going to live in my house. And she's like, you know what? I am not a hoarder. I just have a casual doomsday bunker. And she's like, and by the way, my doomsday bunker, that's a private topic.

okay, I don't want people to know where it is. So she said, yeah, because he outs her for having this doomsday bunker. And she's like, don't do that because when it's the end of the world, everybody's going to come to my house. And she's like, so listen, this doomsday bunker is not on my property. So don't come to my house. It's summer house. Yeah. She says that during COVID, her TikTok algorithm was all doomsday bunkery.

And so one day she went down the rabbit hole of doomsday things. And she's like, you know, acetabs and a dundabes. generator and all this stuff. And she was like, well, I mean, I was like, I just need to buy all this stuff because like, what if I've been giving it like so much thought? And then like, doomsday comes. And then I'm just like kicking myself that I didn't buy all the stuff.

So she has this shelter that's off the grid. And she's like, yeah. I mean, I don't think it's like nuke proof, but it's like doomsday light. So like zombie apocalypse proof. Which is funny because you know what? Last year someone told us, someone emailed us. They were like,

just so you know, I know this girl, and she's a flat earther. And then I think actually we said it on the podcast. And I think Lacey herself, I think emailed us. Lacey brought us. Yeah, was like, I'm not a flat earther. She was like, hey guys, love the podcast. I'm not a flat earther. I feel like. I forgot about that.

I feel like the person like conflated doomsday prepper with flat earther. And I think that's how it all. Well, I would like to remind you what was happening during the pandemic with all of these like housewives in the O-C types, who were sending each other stuff that was saying, like, Wayfair is trafficking children in furniture boxes. And if you order certain furniture boxes that it has children inside of them. And then they were doing, it was all that QAnon shit that was coming out into the mainstream, like housewives.

And not, I don't mean real housewives. I mean, like, regular housewives. You know what I mean? Lowercase, real, lowercase housewives. Yeah, actual housewives. with Vicki. Well, I'm sure it did melt over into, you know, real housewives. But yeah, actual housewives, like, oh, my God, Wayfair is, you know, taking her children or whatever.

And so a lot of this was happening during that Q and on time. So I don't know, you know, I would be surprised if some flat-earther, you know, some flat-earther light stuff got in there. Oh, I have a friend who moved to Orange County and became a literal flat-earther, and she posts about it on Facebook. There are a lot of that type in Orange County. I know that because I used to do catering. And whenever we would go to Orange County, it was always for a housewife's party, like an actual housewives party. And they were like they are on the show. They're really rich.

They would throw these huge theme parties spending all of this money. Everyone was perfect and had these big rubber faces. And the things that they would talk about, they were like pod people. I was like, how do you guys even believe this is crazy? This is crazy, and you're all in your 30s, and you look like you wouldn't be idiots, but damn. It's just crazy that the county that brought us Lynn Curtin would bring us so many people who would believe in things like flat, the earth being flat. We're like, you know what, I'm going back to the Columbus days. Who would have thought?

Yeah. So now we go over to Janet. And Janet, is it Chica's Tacos, which I wonder if that's from El Paso, because El Paso is a very famous place called Chico's Tacos. So I was a little surprised to see Chico's tacos. Okay? Are we copying? We spinning off? What are we doing here, guys?

Is El Paso getting its due? That's my question. So we go to Chica's Tacos and everybody's favorite gay, Jared, is helping her set up. Yeah. By the way, they're not even in the valley. Chica's Tacos. I just drove by Chicas Tacos. I didn't know it was called Chica's Tacos.

I drove by it twice this weekend. It was jam-packed. And I was like, what is that place? And now here it is on the Valley. So Jared is here. And he will be channeling Richard Dawson. Well, that was the original plan. And Janet's like, well, I'm so excited for this game night.

We decided we wanted to channel a Richard Dawson, 1970s family feud vibe for this. And originally we were talking about how Jared would kiss everyone on the lips like Richard Dawson used to do. But then we thought that might be inappropriate, especially given how I've called people out for stuff. So I guess we're just going to go with a Pat Sajak. That's me. Wacky Janet, making jokes. Do you guys like that? Making jokes about my dark past, okay?

Totally over it. So I invited Mia and Danny and Kristen and Luke. And I didn't really expect them to come because I said no. But Jasmine and Melissa said no. Yeah. And I was kind of surprised at that and bummed because they're like games. night people. So they would have had fun. I mean, it's games. It's Jared. Who doesn't love Jared? Everybody's favorite gay. Jared. Say something, Jared. Suck did it. So they're just going to have a fun night to

escape from everything. And so they start playing this. It's like not really family feud, but it's sort of family feud. It's just like questions. And Brittany's like, okay, you guys know all the questions? because I think Janet may know something the answer. It's not fair and trading. She's like, what, like, what would I do? Like, invite you here just to trample you? She's like, yes. She's like, I would do that.

Yeah, I would. I would. You know, you got to take a victory somewhere. Lala tells us, I'll be awful at all the subjects, especially the one that involved numbers. And they're like, okay, well, what subjects do you do well at? She's like, design your labels. Bravo shows.

If it's like Housewives, I can answer everything. Everything's. Yeah, she's very. probably studied the application many times. So Janet and Jason are first up and it's like, okay, these questions, I'm like, I'm actually embarrassed for these people because Jared's like, okay, guys, here's the question. This has nothing to do with family feud. It's just a random question.

Yellow and blue makes what color? What is this? What is this remedial jeopardy that they're doing? This is their yellow and blue makes what color? I would like to ring in the color is. Mary Lou Redden. Stop, you can't answer that for every question, Michelle. I don't know anything beyond gymnastics.

And specifically Mary Lou Redden, I just watched her video names over and over again. Never really watched a bunch of other gymnastics. It's just Mary Lou Redden. That's her only reference. That's her own thing. Just know. Now, I like that they're coming up with questions off of like Ziploc bag commercials, too. Because it's not even like a real.

knowledge question. It's just like these people have seen commercials, right? Yellow and blue makes. And Janet's like, green nailed it. I'm really good at this. I'm really smart. I just got that. Yeah. That's what I thought it was from. So Janet's like, oh, guys, sorry my team. She beat me to it. It's my wife. Don't let Jason sit on the buzzer fighting Janet. He's always going to let Janet win. Jason's the biggest was on the show. Have somebody else do it. And then we have Jared goes, okay, everyone, what piece of land is both a continent and a country? I like to ring in, please. The answer is Mexico, the continent of Mexico. They're like, no, that's incorrect. Oh, I'd like to ring in.

Is it Connecticut? Nope, not, that's not a continent nor a country. Okay, it's like the answers. Okay. I'm wet. That's just a statement. Not a country or a continent. Michelle, Mary Lou Redden.

No, Michelle. I would like to answer. I would like to answer. This is a very easy answer. Hi, I'm here. Because, obviously, we all know Brock and where he's from, the answer is Jesse McCaff. No, no. That's no. That's not the answer to continent and country.

But wasn't the question like what famous people have been inside me? No, that was not the question. All right, I'd like to know. Is someone from Australia or would like to answer Hawaii? No, no fucking frog. Guys, guys, guys, I didn't want to have to answer this because I'm the host of the event. I already got the blue and yellow question, right? The answer is sexual assault.

Oh, Janet. Janet, geez, Janet. Janet. So now there is a math equation thing that they have to do. Five plus five. What is it? Times two. Minus 12 divided by three.

So that is 20. 10, 20 minus four. Oh, you're right. Minus four. Yeah, 16. Yeah, I would have sucked at this too. So Brittany's like, I ain't even going to try that shit. Can't.

What year did man land on the moon? And who answers? Lacey. Lacey were there. She'd be like, I mean, are you talking about when the movie was made? Because, like, I'm pretty sure that's as far as we got, guys. Yeah, she would have been like, never. It never happened.

That is one that, you know, that's one conspiracy that I'm like, Okay, maybe because there are weird things. Like, how come the flag was waving and not like just flying straight up in the air? You know, there's certain things. And I'm like, did we land on the moon? Did we? Did we? I don't have an answer for that.

I'm not a, but I believe that we landed on the moon. I'm going to say that we did. No. My money is on the moon. My money is on the, um, uh, the, uh, the astronauts. I think they did it. You believe in them. So Jason's team wins, actually. I said Jason shouldn't be by the buzzer, but he did win.

Because once we got past the Ziploc bag commercials, Janet really fell off. She was like, don't you have any more commercials based on Ziploc ads, Jared? Do you want to stay in my favorite gay? Yes or no? What was the finger that had a smiley face on it during the old Ziploc commercials? It was a thumb. It was a thumb. Okay. We're back. We're back, guys. You guys, thank you so much for coming. This was so much fun. Remember, I'm Game Night, Janet.

Okay? Don't forget, I'm Game Night, Jan. Let's show the clips of me at Dave Investors, because that was really fun. Janet. Well, you are coming to my pool party, right? Everybody's going to come. I invited everybody because we're going to San Diego,

so I feel like we should lose to be together like a little bit before, like practice. Let's bowl, because it's a ball party. Please, that rain. So Janet is like, well, I feel like there's like a lot. of people I've tried having conversations with and stuff. It just has not gone well. Well, I mean, like, what are you sensing?

Like, do you think, like, you could even go, like, further south? Things could go further south than they already have gone. I mean, no. I just, I hope not. Like, but also with certain people, it's just, it's like, if you can't tell me specifically what I've done wrong, like, how am I supposed to apologize? Janet. You don't know what you've done wrong.

Go see what they're saying on the internet. And then you will have a pretty good path for it. Yeah, I think they've told you. told you pretty specifically what you've done wrong, Janet. Okay. Janet's one of those that's like so hard to fight with because she's like, just tell me what's wrong. Okay. Well, you know, you accused me a murder.

But what's, but what's wrong? Okay. You started my car on fire. But I mean, but no, really, like what's wrong? Let's get to the room. But is that really the issue here? I don't know. I'm like very amused by Janet.

I'm sorry. I know that probably irritates people, but I'm very amused by her. She's like a funny villain to me. She always has been. Like, she cracks me up. Well, she definitely brings the show back to life. I'll give her that. Because this is one of the other episodes they've had. So if this is what it needs, fine.

So Lala's like, well, I texted Zach's yesterday just to see if he was coming tonight. But he called to me today. And he was, like, giving me a timeline since before the pandemic of, like, things that he feels like you've done. Like, Batman remembers. He, Pepperidge Farm remembers. And Janet's like, well, I'm not nervous to have a conversation with Zach. And I know Zach and I need to have a serious conversation. I just want peace.

You know, and I also know he's not going to drop any giant bombshells because I know it's going to be, you know, every little bullshit thing that he's just nitpicking at. And I'm just going to have to sit there and take it. Hmm. So Janet goes, I mean, can you like not move past the bullshit? Like, I just don't want it to be like, by the way, you guys, I just, I don't want to be like a high mind, you know? And he's, and she's like,

it's that it's like it's 10 against one and like you guys have to understand these people especially like Danny and Nia like have posted and like and like comments on some bullshit about jason and i and danie's saying that like jason likes to see me have sex with other men in front of them like why is that okay but i'm not allowed to talk about stuff that's actually been done and so brittney starts to cry she's like why why wait wait where are we going past that what what is she how could you just walk right What? So Danny and Nia have posted, liked, and commented on some bullshit. Like Danny saying, Danny likes something that said Jason likes to see me have sex with other men in front of them. What? And what is this? Because I don't believe Janet. I don't believe how Janet relayed stories.

So what was the thing that he liked? Did someone call? My guess is that someone called Jason a cuck or something. And Danny liked it. And she's like, how dare you? So you think that. he likes to see people have sex with me. That's what I'm guessing, because you just never know what it is with Janet. Well, at least no one called Jason a clown because that would really be crossed the line for Danny. So then Janet's like, I mean, I'm not mad at you guys. I'm just like, you know, I'm just like yelling about that.

Like I'm yelling about them, not at you. And Britney's like, well, it's just like, come on life. Like this person talks about her and like, I don't have to be the one that's like, well, we'll see. Let's see. And like, every single conversation I have like shouldn't be about. and Zach and Jack and I'm like, I shouldn't be about that. Like, let me like enjoy my fucking life.

Brittany, who always pits people against each other. And the goes, oops, whoops, didn't mean to tell you that thing. She always says like, this person is about you, this person, this value. And now she's like, I just like being in the middle. And like, it's just so horrible on me. These fights are literally all. I think if we listed them all out,

we could pin these all on Britney. Because Britney was the one who went and told Janet that Zach said, you know, he hopes her babe, she does miscarry or whatever. And she was the, I mean, she is the one who starts all of these fights. And then she's like, well, I'm in the middle of these fights. Why? Just leave me alone.

And it's also very reminiscent of Brittany always crying, like, how come every time I'm around, all you guys want to do is talk about jacks? Like, that's no fair to put me in the middle of it. We'll keep hanging out with fucking horrible people and encouraging those horrible people. And you're going to be brought into the fights, Brittany. choose better friends and lovers yeah and husbands so she's like jane sometimes when you have talk to them and then like you'll get up and like walk away you just need to sit down and like talk at my pool party okay and jan's like i'm sorry wait hold on does anyone have some water i can splash

in my eyeballs so i look like i'm crying i am sorry i just i don't want you guys in the middle of it anymore is it i just don't want it but it's a lot for me it's a lot and she's like see you Brittany really upset really puts things in perspective. Like, I do need to try and make an effort to make things more peaceful. I'm just so frustrated. And I don't want this. I want peace. I'm afraid. I'm afraid I'm going to lose you guys over this shit. What if I got friends who actually knew the answers to those questions? How embarrassing would that be, playing a game against them? I can't. I need to keep you. You're the dumbest people I know in Los Angeles, please. Here comes one right now.

Now it is time for Brittany's pool party and great news. No rain in sight. It's a sunny day. So, uh, Zach and Benji are over setting things up. And Brittany is ordering pizzas. And Zach, like, um, pizza, like half your party's on a JLP one. So yeah,

I think it's gonna be enough pizzas, babe. And then, uh, Luke and Kristen arrive with Kaya. This is a very classy party. It's dominoes. Diminos. I'm not above a dominoes. You know, dominoes got me to 400 pounds once upon a time.

I loved my dominoes. But if I'm having like a bunch of people over, I'm going to try and get a nicer pizza. What about you? I think so. I would go, yeah, unless it was given to them for free.

But, yeah, I'd go for something nicer. And there was something else that was happening at this pizza party that I was like, oh, I have to mention this on the podcast. And I forgot to write it down. And now I don't know what it is.

But just know that there was something. something else with this setup that I did not appreciate. Australia. Just know it was there. It was Australia. So Luke comes in and he is wearing knee high white socks with footflops. And Zach's like, oh my God, what is this? What are you doing?

Like, what do you want like a neat tan line? Is that what you're going for? Oh my God, these socks. Maybe that's the reason you're not getting laid. So they're all doing shots. everything and Lala shows up and then Jesse and then Lindsay who is Kristen's friend slash party planner and then everyone's having fun playing beer pong and now here come Michelle and Jasmine it's just like you know the usual parade so Zach is like um I was just gonna say I got some text messages this morning

and I want to make sure you're okay Luke he's like yeah I'm the same as I was then I'm very neutral and to her that means I'm miserable like no she thinks you're miserable because all you've been doing has been complaining and we've seen it on camera and don't act like all of a sudden you've been Mr. Neutral. You are walking around with knee socks and flip flops. What do you want people to think? Yeah. I mean, if that's not a fucking cry for help, I don't know what it is. You can't be walking around like that and then being shocked that everyone thinks you're miserable and you are miserable. And I hope Kristen leaves him and I hope she takes half of

everything he has even though they're not married just because he walks around in knee high white socks with flip-flops she deserves it. Mm-hmm. So, hey guys, Tom Schwartz is here. And so now they're talking about his date night at the Belmont. And he's like, oh, no, we don't have to talk about it. It's too much. I'm scared.

Oh, I'm just a little boy. I don't know how to date. There was a girl there. A girl with boobies. What was I supposed to say to her? Come on, guys. Oh, I panicked. I kind of like dig,

somebody and when I dig somebody, everyone else just like kind of disappears. So it's like, oh, I don't know. It's like it doesn't matter how beautiful there. She was gorgeous. It's just like a lot. Oh my God. Yeah. So he's saying that he likes this other person like this other TikTok or whatever that he's dating.

And that's why he wasn't the girl, even though she's cute. And then we see a clip of her and say, you want to have a cigarette outside. And Lala is talking about how cute she was. And Michelle's like, yes, they could be like nerds together. No, they don't get to take the nerd title. I hate when like Bimbo's in Hollywood try to take that. Like, I'm really a nerd. Like, I'm really going to like makeup.

Yeah, you're not. And Tom Schwartz is not a nerd. He has glasses. He is not a nerd. Okay. I'll show you nerddom. Okay, I'll turn this camera around and show you all my board games. Yeah, I don't like when non-nerds try to take that over to sound smart.

It's like it's cute. It's cute. You're not a nerd. So then Jesse's like, oh, so no Schwartz and Michelle dating. She's like, shut up. Don't, don't. I am dating a doctor now. You'll meet him someday.

It's like, wow. So aren't you planning a trip? Like he said you guys are planning a trip to San Diego. She's like, no, we are not dating. It's like, but you went to a salt scrub together. That's pretty much like you're married. It's like, no, we are not. Please stop saying this.

You're going to ruin things with the doctor. Please. Looks like a love match to me, show. She's like, you are zo zoolie. So they have like a good energy now, which is cute, I guess. So Brittany finishes getting ready and comes down. It's like, oh, party. And they're going to put Adelaide and she's like, this baby can't stare and stop staring at me. None of us can stop staring at you. You've seen yourself crazy. You always, you constantly look crazy. Whoever your stylist is is really doing you a favor because you are one of the most entertaining things to watch. You know, I don't even need to have the sound on. Just have Brittany walk in and out of rooms in different outfits. I know, seriously. Although, by the way, I meant to say, I thought her hair looked quite good when they went to the game night.

So Jesse then is like, by the way, Danny, Danny, I have a serious question to ask you. First of all, earth, round or flat. Second of all, do you have undies on today? He's like, ha, I don't. Don't, got to make sure the balls are living free in their last few moments before the schnip, snap. So then I guess Jesse was about to pants him. Yeah, we see the clip of him getting pantsed in the first episode ever of the Valley. Wasn't it great? Yeah. And now Brittany is like, hi, y'all. Here's some Buffalo tick and dip.

And Nia says, oh, that's her thing. Oh, go ahead, Ben. Do you have some Buffalo debt commentary? Go ahead, please. I remembered. I remembered. I was not going to complain about the party. I was going to say, for everything that we ever say about Britney, for all the things how she gets in the middle how she stirs the pot how for all her sweetness and cheer she can be a malevolent force man doesn't look like she knows how to make a good buffalo chicken tip i trust this woman a hundred percent when it comes to dips when she put that thing out there i was like yes i will come to your house for a party just for the dips because you know she can throw down with a dip yeah she's a southern girl a southern girl who was raised the hooters. I mean, that girl knows.

She knows. When that giant glass pyrex of orange, it was just sort of like, shapeless orange goo, went down on the counter. I was like, yes, I am standing there for the rest of the party.

Nia is talking about this trip to San Diego and she's like, guys, we wanted to do something really fun, so we're going to have the boys dress up like girls. Isn't that hilarious? And after we're If you have enough time, we're going to go to Tradwifeland. It's a new amusement park that I already got a season pass for.

Basically, you don't have to worry about none of the rides are scary because we have to stay in the car. Full-length gowns for everyone. Bonnets. I heard that, Anne, what's her funds? What's her buns? Ann Hathaway is coming out in a movie. And get us. Tadwife.

She's like, this baby's a Tadwaffe. It's a celery who does housework. And Hathaway is doing a movie about a Tad Wife who gets stuck back in like the 1800s and has to learn what a Tad Wife really is. Oh, I love, I will 100% go see that. That is actually a great, great idea for a comedy. That is so-

Who needs rights? Am I right? God! Women's rights. Oh, how uncomfortable. Jeez. That is amazing. Oh my God, I want to see that.

I just got so gay talking about it's amazing. Oh my God, I cannot wait to see the Trad Wife movie. Trab Life back in time. Yes, fine. So anyway, Michelle is like, yes, I think it would be really funny if the men wear heels. I thought it's funny because when Nia pitched this idea,

she said, we're going to do something funny and have a pageant and we'll dress the guys up. I thought like, oh, good, you'll make them look nice. And then it was like, oh, we're just going to put them in drag. I was like, oh. Yeah. It's like, it's not that I'm not offended.

I'm just like it's not interesting. You know? I mean, no reason to be offended, but. Well, some people would be like, oh, my God, like, you know, drag is not. It's not a, it's not something for straight people to do. Like, there's no comedy in that, right? Like, it's, they're, there.

And I'm just saying, it's just not interesting. Both of them buddies would like to have a word. And so would Mrs. Missus, Mrs. Doutfire. Okay. No one owns dressing up like a woman. I think if anyone owns dressing up like a woman, it's women. So I think if women are okay with it, we should, we should be okay with that. That said, I don't, I don't really get me to get into a big drag thing.

I just don't need to see you dress the men of this show up like women. dress them up like men first. Could you just make them look like decent men? And then we can work on the women part after. Yeah, that's all I want. Like, just like, let's just, we can work on Luke first. Let's just do some makeovers. Seriously.

I'm down for that. We don't have to put them in drag. It just feels lazy. So Lala's like, yeah, I'm going to do Jesse because I'm like, I told him that he dresses douchey and he's like really holding on to it. And Brittany's like, oh, you should definitely do Jesse. And like, we already know what Tom looks like. Oh my God.

Tom is so good looking, but he was the ugliest woman I've ever seen in my life. And, of course, then we get flashbacks to Better times. Better times. Better times. Innocent times. So Kristen is talking to her little friend, Lindsay. And they're like, oh, my God, is Janet coming?

What is Janet coming? Oh, my God. What's Janet going to say? What's Janet going to do? And she's like, yeah, well, she said she wouldn't be here. And that's why she left last time. And Lindsay says, yeah, but why didn't she just own her space? I love being friends with people in L.A.

I know, seriously. Just own your space. Then Brandon is like, hey, be nice, Kristen. Be your sweet, lovable self for your love for Brittany because it stresses her out. It really does. Brandon, who the fuck are you? Get out of here. You're so fresh.

I didn't even remember who you were at the moment I said, Brandon. I was like, Brandon, who was this? I'm just going to keep talking until I remember who it is. Brandon, shut up. And I like that Kristen goes, Brandon has a very tiny lane in Brittany's life and he needs to stay in it. Like mind your business, bro. Yeah, like, sir, you don't get to comment on it.

You literally just got out here. You just have to be nice to people. You cannot be weighing in on what people should be saying to whoever. He's trying to jacks it up. And Kristen tells us, yeah, in that moment, had Janet walked to the back and gotten in the pool with her son or done her thing? I would have just stayed away from her ignored her. Okay, well, you know.

No. You need to let those rules be known, Kristen. Like, okay, here's how to deal with me at a party. Walk past me and go to the pool or I'm going to tell you off. Then I would have held her head underwater until she died. So everybody's like, oh my God, is Jasmine? Is Janet coming? Is Janet coming?

Everybody, is Janet coming? And so Lala's asking Jasmine. And Jasmine's like, I don't know. I haven't talked to her since your party. And Michelle's like, should I dexter, okay? And Jasmine says, yeah, how was game night? I didn't even go. because I just felt like for me,

like I didn't feel comfortable going to her event after like the last things we talked about. Okay, but can I ask you a question? Because what I'm gathering is that we have a group of people who are all making the same decisions. And there seems to be, as Brittany called it, a hive mentality.

So it does stop with the hive mentality. They're not all copying each other. They don't like Janet for specific reasons. They've all got specific reasons not to like Janet. To be like its hive mentality is ridiculous. You guys are the hive mentality trying to get us all over onto this other side and make us believe something that's not true. Hype mentality. So Jasmine's like, Lala, you've knopping around.

All she has is Janet in her ear. So of course she's going to think that we're taking a stance and we're all going to come together. She's like, no, baby, I beat to my own drum. So anyway, she, Jasmine says that she texted. Janet about the game night and was like, we're gonna set this one out. See you, Brits. And Lala's like, at this point,

I feel like I'm one of the only people who like doesn't have a beef with Janet. And if I did, I certainly wouldn't be passive aggressive. I'd just be aggressive, like, overe up and say, what the fuck you want to say and have a productive conversation. So Lala's track record of taking a stand for the outcasts.

Tom's hand of all, Janet, remains unblemished. Yeah, she loves a villain bigger than her, for sure. So they're still talking about texting Janet, whatever. And Jasmine is saying Lala was at, Jasmine goes up to Kristen and Zach. She's like, you guys, Lala was asking me about me and Janet. Because she, from her perspective, she felt like you guys and Kristen goes,

well, we were conspiring, we were conspiring. She goes, no, not conspiring. She doesn't say conspiring. Yeah, but that's what hive mind insinuates I mean, do you make decisions for yourself? Do you make decisions for yourself? Hey, you, hey, there's a gardener next door. Hey, leaf blower, do you make decisions for yourself?

Whatever you want me to say. Exactly. So then, guess what? Janet and Jason have now arrived. And Kristen's like, I'm so fucking tired talking about Janet. She's not even here. Why are we even talking about this? Janet, Janet, Janet.

Oh, damn it. Oh, damn it. I said her name three times. Ah, now she's here. Damn it. So, here comes. Janet. Janet's walking in. Everyone get ready.

It's Janet. It's Janet. Everyone be calm. Everyone be calm. Okay, we're gonna keep everybody chill. There's buffalo dip in Domino's pizza. No reason to be angry. The sun is out.

Who can be mad? Who can be mad with two for five hot and readies? So Danny is talking to Kristen and he's like, so by the way, went to the doctor? way went to the doctor they asked uh they asked what my dietary restrictions are and i said it's a really toxic thing for me to have a caparna around me and i just saw two caparina's walking in hey smell this flower oops you just got you just got got some water in your face you got squirt at it's like you really are a cloud hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey let's not say things we can't

take back so tom is talking about diet stuff with danny he's like well i just just needed like I don't know getting workouts in because you know if I could cut beer out of my diet maybe I'd look good he's like I know but you know what I had to do instead of beer I'll have a white claw what that's what health is brother that's what health is oh that's my least favorite thing in the world they hurt my stomach oh I'm gentle yeah they used to hurt my stomach too for some reason but you evolved I did evolve I am an evolved man thank you so much for finally acknowledging that I evolved to be able to drink Wack Claw regularly.

Yes. So Zach is really keeping it going today, this show. It's just like this. He's just going from person to person like, we need to have a talk because this is a television show, and I seem to be the only person here. Did you see that she ordered Little Caesar? She ordered Domino's.

Who does that? Okay. Luke, I wanted to talk to you about your relationship because it's something about you being able to go fishing or something, and then you said it was like too far once you could go fishing. And he's like, no. That was none of the conversation. Like, Kristen doesn't even listen to me.

She doesn't even fight about what's really being fought about. I know. That's why I said you need a third party there. But I offered fish. Fish don't talk. I don't like, if you can actually get near them, which we're not. I don't like that Luke is acting like Kristen's crazy. Like he never brought up fishing.

You literally brought up fishing last week. You brought it up. to us, you brought it up to her. You're like, I haven't gone fishing. And when I did go fishing, I felt bad the entire time because I felt guilty. And now you're acting like, no, what, fishing? That's not even an issue. It was like, it was an issue for you. We had to sit and listen to you complain about not having enough trout. Well, because Kristen's side is that he's complaining about fishing, but she's like, why are you complaining about fishing? Go fishing. And then you're like, no, I can't go fishing because now it's too far to go fishing. Spike. This is the problem.

with marrying someone like Luke or being with someone, having a baby with someone like Luke. Uninteresting people lead to uninteresting fights. I mean, you're with this guy and now you're fighting about fishing and how far fishing is. I don't know. I seem to remember the show sorority life on MTV, which was like, hey, let's look at a sorority of deeply uninteresting women. And somehow that season ended and I was more riveted than I'd ever been in my entire life. So sometimes it works the other way around. Okay. Okay. Corrected. Maybe uninteresting women can lead to interesting fights, but uninteresting men will never become interesting. It is, I'll tell you what's interesting right now.

It is storming out there. Look at it. Oh, how I'm in the dark? Yeah, I know. It is dark over where you are. It's like nighttime over here, and it is pounding down that rain, pounding. God is angry. I hope you don't get a tornado.

So they're talking about the stupid relationship, and Zach's like, um, yeah, you need a third party. Like, I think if Kristen heard from a trained medical professional, like even if it's what we said a thousand times, like, it'll land better coming from someone you're paying. Well, Kristen would say she shouldn't need counseling. Like, we shouldn't need a therapist. We should be able to talk to each other. But I mean, from my perspective, it turns. No, she's probably saying like, yeah, I'll go to therapy, but it sucks because we shouldn't even need to be. Like, if you just talk to me, we probably could have like cut this off at the pass. But now he's kind of like blaming her for the reason why they're not in therapy. And I just feel.

like it's not coming from her. I feel like Kristen is someone who'd be very much into therapy, or at least like sitting under a dream catcher and talking about things. Well, that's different than therapy. But yeah, maybe. I mean, look, here's the thing. I think Luke is a total slub, but I've also been watching Kristen for over a decade. So I'm not going to sit here and be like, yeah, Kristen's easy to deal with because, yikes. I mean, Kristen is having a very calm year this year because of her baby. But let's not forget Kristen is Kristen. So I imagine it is difficult to deal with Kristen, but she can't be with a baby. Like she needs to be with someone who really is not a child. I don't know. What do you want me to say?

Because now she's having, she can't even be fun of me and Kristen. She has to be like, oh, and like, take care of you. I need Kristen to be crazy. And whatever has happened to Kristen since she met you, I'm not getting crazy Kristen. I want crazy Kristen back. So whatever you're doing, stop doing it so I can get the crazy one back. I don't know if she needs to dump him and just go be crazy Kristen again. I don't know, but I need it back. Yeah. So anyway, Zach is basically still saying like, yeah, you guys are great and everything,

but get therapy. And Luke tells us, look, I've never had a kid before. Oh, God. Here we go. You don't say. They don't have a handbook. Babies don't come with a handbook, okay? He's like, I've never been with a woman.

through her pregnancy, birth and postpartum. I mean, this is all new to me. And I know that this version of Kristen, this is version of Christian that hopefully won't last. Like it doesn't make me easier on me, but overall, I'm not a quitter. I don't like this like, oh, well, hopefully this version of Kristen doesn't last. Like, this is still Kristen and you should be, don't be like, oh,

like, ugh, I can't wait for the old Kristen to come back. Like, how much pressure does that put on her, I feel like? I feel like just to say, I've, sure, say I haven't been through this before, but I'm trying my best. I just want to support her, not like, ugh. I can't wait for her to stop being so annoying because of her body and, like, her hormones. She just come back to being like the normal person I knew. It's like, I just think that's so condescending and patronizing and just does nothing,

but to make her feel more isolated when she hears things like that. Like, yes, she may be feeling more emotional, but this is still who she is. And like, you can't, like, I don't like, there was just something that rubbed me so wrong about the way he kind of acted like, she was like this disgusting monster. I mean, Kristen's a monster, but like you said before, Kristen's like a lovable, funny, crazy monster, and don't make her feel bad for it.

You married it, or you got engaged to it, you went in fully well. You had as much point of reference as we all have had, and now you can't be shocked by anything with Kristen. And also, I hate this, but overall, like, I'm not a quitter. Oh, don't do me any favors. Just go. you know yeah don't do like i don't want to be the thing that you're like oh i'm not gonna quit that

i really want to but i'm no quitter i'm no quitter i'm not a jog you know what i mean yeah like i'm not gonna quit this i'm gonna keep going no just don't jog get the fuck out of here yeah not a quitter fuck off so now uh they go back to join everybody else and uh people are playing beer pong and nia says i'm a great ping ponger i know how to do a round house Oh, that's gymnastics, honey. Damn, so many sports in one week. God. So then Brandon goes to Kristen.

He's like, how you doing Kristen with like, you know, kind of letting go a little bit? Because I know that that's kind of your issue right now. You want to talk about that with me, Kristen? Maybe let go. Maybe leave your house a little bit, Kristen. Well, the nanny's upstairs with Kaya. Oh, yeah? Because when Brittany told me about her, I was like,

well, I feel like Kristen's going to have the hardest time just letting go. Your name's Kristen, right? Sorry. She's like, yeah, I cry all the time. I mean, when I'm gone, when I know I have things to work, like, I have to do things, like work things. I'm like, thank God we have someone. But then I literally asked Luke, what did I ask you? What did I say? I said, do you think Kyia? Do you think she's with a launcher all the time? I said, do you think she remembers me? And Zach goes, yeah, she doesn't. She forgot you. And Chris is like, fuck you. Like, Zach, don't say that. Don't say that to Kristen. I mean, Luke can't even have cute couple repertoire. She's like, hey, Luke, what was that thing I was saying? He's like, what? Remember that thing?

No. About Alana? Nope. Alondra? Nope. That doesn't ring of bell either. You know the thing. I was like, oh, do you think she remembers me?

I mean, yeah, you did say that. Was that like a story I should remember? Stupid story. Stupid. So now basically, by the way, at some point they did shots. I don't know if it was here or earlier or later, but they did shots and Kristen did the most Kristen thing ever.

When she did her shot, she took her shot. And she put it down. She goes, whew. And I was just so happy that she did our impersonation of her. So now Zach is like, oh, I feel like this is one of those moments where I'm just going to like, I'm just going to do it. I'm just going to like go up to Janet. I'll be like, fine, let's do it.

John. Do you want to talk? Let's go over to that so far over there on talks. Like, oh my God, yeah, okay. And that's the funniest thing about Janet, because everybody's like, oh my God, is Janet coming? I hope Janet doesn't come.

Janet's coming, oh my God, Janice coming through the door right now. Janet's coming through the door. It's been like half an hour. We've not heard of peep out of Janet. She's done nothing but like sit there and make small talk with somebody on the window.

Terrifying. It's so terrifying. So yeah, he pulls her for a scene and she's having a really good conversation that he interrupts. She's like, so Brittany, Why do you have mosquitoes and I don't have mosquitoes? I don't know because I was praying.

I don't know, but I'm hoping that the rain doesn't come and wash them away because they're my friends now. So they go Zach and Janico to talk. And he's like, well, I feel like you're very glowing and I don't know. That's really all I can say. He's like, thank you. Thank you so much. I'm pretty happy. I got the answer correct.

The answer is green, blue and yellow together. And I feel like, you know, every year's. a lesson and my lesson I feel like from last year was like shut the fuck up and listen a little bit more and this is the thing I'm like working on my own like separately from whatever issues it creates I'm just like working on my own self so I'm like new and better now. Okay well this is a hard conversation for me to even start because like I don't even want to do this again. She's like well but maybe there's a thing where we can like coexist in a way, you know, like I would like to have fun whatever that feels like for you.

For me, it's saying, Brittany, you've got mosquitoes and I don't. Mosquito loser. What do mosquitoes only choose your house? Lousy, losing, mosquito juzy. You really suck at this, mosquito lover. See, with that fun, mosquito shaming. You should try it. And he's like, um, okay.

Okay, well, if you have anything specific that I can apologize for, I would love if you got specific. And he goes, okay, well, let me just start with this thing about pool day, because you were like, oh no. and then Kristen kicked me out of the house and then you made it seem like it was a huge thing and then the language you use and like what you say to other people Janet I was like whoa whoa whoa Zach Zach Zach you're a little you're a little agro here janet's literally like maybe give me something specific he's like you need to fuck the fuck off is what needs to happen to you

bitch whoa whoa right we're not yelling yet Zach calm it down buddy I should be more careful and I should only use specific facts of exactly what happened and never paraphrase how I feel in that situation. Okay, but you know what? Like, sorry, we're going to other people, okay? How do you feel about me and Danny right now? She's like, well, I... No, no, we are going to other people.

We are. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. I'm not going to talk to about... I don't talk about sexual assaulters. I mean, I'm sorry.

I mean, I don't talk about clowns. I mean, I'm sorry. I'm just, I'm not going to do that with you right now. Oh, well, yes, you are. Yes, you are, Missy. You get right back in this car. We're turning around. Lala's like, well, he's...

He's like very detail oriented. Like I couldn't even keep up. Look at that. Like, Zach's receipts on Janet are longer than the ones you get at fucking CVS. They're longer than their seat here. And she has like a prop receipt that she's printed out. Wow. A prop.

We've resorted to CVS receipt prop comedy. It's like, we got to. I know that joke has been used for 10 years way too many times. But it will help if we actually get one from the store. Yeah. Yeah, seriously. So they're making fun of them Because Zach is like really going off

And it's like, yeah, because when you take things To a certain level, you want destruction, Janet And you want to destroy the other person And then you'll accept them back You know what? You're so right And you're so on a pedestal You're so on a pedestal, Janet I don't want to be on a pedestal

I mean, yes, did I get the trivia correct? Do I know that blue and yellow big green? Yes, I do. So like I could be on a pedestal for that, you know? But do I love Dave and Busters? I do. I could be on a pestle for that. But like, no, I don't want to be on a pestle. I mean, here I am showing through my actions that I'm moving differently. I'm speaking differently. Isn't that what they're asking of me? I'm ready to apologize as long as we can end this conversation.

And I just wish, I wish I had never used the words that I had used. I actually wish that because you are friends with Danny, Nia and Jasmine and Melissa. The way you handled everything last year, I actually admire that. You acknowledge what happened without involving yourself while being supportive of both friends. And that is something I did not do right. And now Janet's smart because she has learned the way forward is just to flatter someone. You handled it so well, Zach. I wish I had handled it. Can you teach me the ways you are so smart?

You are so emotionally sensitive. I should just learn from you. And I was like, oh, yeah. Oh, I like this new, Jana. Yeah, great, great work. It works like a charm. And it's like the oldest manipulation tactic in the book. And it just works like a charm.

He immediately calms down. And he's like, okay, but Janet, you know what? Like, you know, this is like the gem that I love. Like, this is the Janet that I wanted back. Like, welcome home. Oh, my God. Like, you were finally brought back. She's back, everybody.

The Janet we all love. Game night, Janet. She's back. Yeah. Like, that's all I wanted to hear from you. So Jesse, of course, comes over to ruin it. He's like, um, you guys have been talking like for 45 minutes. Let's go in the fucking pool.

And then he like, dives in the pool and Zach is like, I hate straight people so much. She was like, I know. Chana goes, I know. So then Lala is talking to Michelle. She's like, do you get embarrassed easily about sexual

as dove, but otherwise, no. Like if you quiffed or something, you'd get embarrassed. She's like, no. Oh, my God. System error. I don't understand that. And Tom's like, am I allowed to laugh?

I am leaving. See you on the next episode. So then Brandon and Brittany joined Jesse in the pool. And Janet's like, do one of you guys have like a weed pen? So she winds up like smoking some weed with Kristen. And Kristen's like, oh, Janet wanted to smoke. And I was like, that's a really great fucking idea right now.

This is not an olive branch. This is not a piece pipe. It's literally just, it's a pipe. It's an I'm still angry at you pipe. Yeah. So they're cracking up. and enjoying each other, which is crazy. So Janice, like, I'm back in, baby.

And then Luke says, I want to go pee in the pool, and I'm ready to go. Which I don't know is a joke. So now it's time to go home. And Jasmine's like, okay, who's going to kiss? Melissa, who's going to kiss? And they're like, Schwartz and Michelle should kiss. And they're like, Jason says, well, Jesse said you could do it. She goes, as if I need his permission, come on.

So she says, you guys kiss Lala, so Lala and Tom give each other a pack. And Lala tells us this party was a total success. But with this group, every time we have a splendid day, it's always the calm before the storms. And we see them on a roller coaster where somebody is verbally assaulting somebody from a car. I don't know, is it Danny, like saying shit talking to Jason or something in the... They were all really like I would have cheated on my wife too or whatever whatever it looks like it's going to get ugly it's gonna be a roller coaster of emotions but i'd like to congratulate janet on this massive comeback i mean it was pretty good she's friends with zach again she's friends with christian again she's back in guys

she did it she did it see how long it last but she did it yeah so that was a tough road to ho Tough, yeah. Everyone, thank you so much for being here. We really appreciate you. And stick around because up next we will have Southern Hospitality. And go get your tickets to our caperet. Let's sell these shows out. Talk to you all next time.

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