Watch What Crappens - #335: Tanties

Episode Date: October 6, 2016

Timestamps below! Real Housewives of Melbourne ended their season with an amazing reunion full of tanties and curse words, and Below Deck kept sailing along despite the douchiest guests of the season! You can subscribe to our premium feed at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens! Timestamps: 00 Crappens Mailbag: Secrets and Wives, Finding Prince Charming 30:00 Real Housewives of Melbourne Reunion 1:17:50 Below Deck We have partnered with TuneIn to deliver more bonus content! Download the app! For our own premium feed, bonus episodes and extras, visit http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsor, the gorgeous Christy Doherty, and our super premium sugar mama sponsor, Miss Madonna Hines. Madge with a sexy J. We love you girls. Hello and welcome to the Watch What Crappens podcast, the podcast about all that crap we'd

love to talk about on Yale Bravs.ms i'm ronnie caron from trash talk tv and the rose pricks finding prince charming podcast and i'm with my gorgeous talented little temporary texan ben mandelker of the b-side blog and the banter blender hello ben hi ronnie how are you today good i miss you, darling. Oh, I've only been gone for 24 hours. For those of you who don't know, which is probably everyone, because I think that there are people in my own real life who don't know this, I am in Texas right now.

I have gone to Ronnie's home state to find all the dirt about him. Austin. They're like, well, Ronnie Karam sat around a lot and made shitty comments about people. Yes. I'm here in Austin, Texas, because my boyfriend's been down here for the past month choreographing something for the Zack Theater, Priscilla Queen of the Desert.

And tonight is opening night. So I am going to go watch those drag queens in action and enjoy myself. And I've already probably gained about 45 pounds. Last night, I went to Gordo's. Have you been to Gordo's? Yeah, of course. Oh, my goodness. I didn't know about this monstrosity of a restaurant. And I went and I was like, I'm just going to try to have something light. Meanwhile, it's like 1145 p.m. I don't know why I'm at this place if I'm trying to eat healthy, I had a slab of fried chicken served over mashed potatoes topped with cream corn all on a giant donut. Yep.

Texas. That's Texas. And it was delicious. You know how I was thinking the other day I was looking at lemons and I was like, those are cheap considering they're sprayed on everything we cook here in in old California that's um Texas's version of mayonnaise okay there's mayonnaise on everything it's the California lemon it's the the Texan fruit yeah and you know what uh this morning uh we went to get breakfast at snooze. Have you been to Snooze? No. So I was like, okay, you know what?

You know what? I'm sorry. I've got to eat healthy this morning because yesterday was just like a disaster. Gordo's was just the tip of it. And I went and I had an egg white frittata at this place called Snooze. It was so amazing. I feel like it was one of the best egg white frittatas I've ever had in my life. So it's been a culinary adventure here in Austin, as it should be.

You know, there are people in Austin right now listening to this just shaking their head that someone is giving Austin such high praise for a fucking egg white frittata. You know? That just goes against everything we're for. How dare you, sir? I agree. Everyone else at the restaurant was having, like, stacks of pancakes.

The pancake of the day was a pancake with caramel and chocolate sauce on top and cream cheese and walnuts stuffed inside it. And here I am getting egg white omelets. But I'm here to say, even the healthy option felt decadent and wonderful. So that's a good thing. Do they just call it the pussy dish? Yeah. I'll have one pussy, please. Or they just call it the pussy dish. Yeah. Like, I'll have one pussy, please. Yeah.

One big pussy. One big California pussy. Seated right by the cornhole. Yeah. That's not a place to go eat healthy. Although they do have a lot of healthy stuff now like that. And there's juiceries everywhere now. Yeah.

Yeah. That's a big thing. Wash your water burger down with some fresh carrot juice now. I mean the culinary options in the city are actually kind of bonkers. So bonkers that I just drove by a pizza place that had a sign up that was like, hey, on Friday nights this is a PokeStop. And I actually thought for a moment, is there a Poke pop-up inside a pizza place? I was like, that's so Austin. And then I remembered, oh yeah, Pokemon Go. But I actually was convinced for a moment

because it seemed conceivable in Austin that you could get Pokey at a pizza place. Actually, what else is conceivable is a place you actually go do the Pokey. I was like, oh. How nice. At the broken spoke. But we're not here to talk about Austin,

although I probably could talk about it for hours and hours We're here to talk about Bravo Yes, we sure are Yeah, so why don't you tell everyone about everything Oh yeah Hey guys, welcome to the opening Okay, so I'll make it quick For all of these links I'm about to tell you

You can just go to watchwhatcrappens.com They all there For our bonus episodes Which have been really fun lately, which is another 45 to an hour episode a week. So if you just can't get enough BS, go over there. This week, go over to patreon.com slash watchwhatcrappens. That's where our premium members are from.

And I'd like to thank our super premium sponsor, Madonna Hines. Yeah, she's the best. Yeah, so for all our bonuses and for our Google Hangouts and ringers and all that good stuff, just go over to patreon.com slash watch what crap ends. If you want to talk about the shows that we cover with other listeners who make really hilarious, snarky-ass comments, just go to facebook.com slash watch what crap ends. And, yeah, otherwise just find our links on watchwhatcrap facebook.com slash watch what crap ends and yeah otherwise just find our links on watch what crap ends.com uh thanks to everybody who's a premium subscriber a tune-in subscriber

um and i think that's it because now we don't have to talk about the pod fest because it's over it's over and i think there was some issue with the back episodes on TuneIn that our dear friend Noah reported to us about. Well, we've talked with TuneIn or our person at Sideshow has, and everything should be fixed. So if that was an issue for you, guess what? It should be fixed. Yes. Now they're all available. That was a bunch of bullshit.

So everybody don't think we're trying to rob you. They're all there. All 10 bonus episodes. Yeah. And we are trying to rob you, though, by the way. Just so you know. Yeah're trying to rob you. They're all there, all 10 bonus episodes. Yeah, and we are trying to rob you, though, by the way. Yeah, we will rob you, especially after we've watched Westworld. We are flesh bots that will rob you. Yes, we're robots.

We're free-balling robots ready to attack. All right, well, let's get into some mail, shall we, Ben? Oh, my God, that is a great idea. Let's open up our crappins mailbag and as usual if you want to submit to the mailbag that's a patreon feature so just go sign up at patreon.com slash watch what crappins okay ben yeah and and just a reminder reminder on the reminder if you uh are at the subscribing at the Krapens mailbag level, you can also weigh in on the Krapens Superfight, which this week is 50 Transformer Janets

versus a guacamole version of Ray from New York City with a sausage lasso. Naturally. Anyway. Okay, so let's go. Good old Ben Cohen. Ben Cohen. uh anyway um okay so uh let's let's go uh good old ben cohen ben karen one of our staunchest supporters uh he says bethany is selling zero fucks shirts as expected wow i'm surprised that erica jane is not uh mad about that i am sure a lot of women will wear that during the week with their get off my jock shirts yeah Yeah. Bethany's need to cash in got me thinking about the watcher crap and Patreon tiers and the rewards. I see that there isn't a

10, 15 or $25 tier. Have there been any ideas to expand the rewards? What's the craziest reward that was rejected? That's a, that's a good question. You know, for us, when we are coming up with these tiers to sort of get back to the robbery thing, we're not – the thing is we want to be able to provide a reward that is like worthwhile and also can scale if that makes sense. Like it's one thing if we're like, oh, let's like sew everyone a t-shirt, you know. But then if we have like, you know, 45 people who sign up, it's like, oh, we've got to sew a new t-shirt like 45 new t-shirts every week every month like you know so we've we haven't we haven't like come up with anything that we we've really liked i would say at those tiers because we want we it's really important for us that our listeners feel like it's a good value for them right we don't we actually we don't want people to feel ripped off like we're we're supporting this podcast and all we get back is a sticker or a pin you know

so we haven't we haven't really come up with it also we don't want to mail things like let's let's just face it that can just get ugly let's face it okay like the truth is the mail is so slow and then people will say i didn't get it and i And I'll be like, I don't think so. I won't even do eBay anymore because even that is too much for me. I don't like leaving the house. I don't like stamps. I don't understand the system. So everything electronic.

But if you guys have any ideas for stuff you'd want, just leave it in the mailbag. Just let us know because we're always looking for new ideas it is time to start changing it up for sure yeah i mean that's why we actually introduced the crap and super fight uh because we just wanted to mix things up but we didn't feel like the crap and super fight was worth paying like seven dollars a month or something like that because that'd be crazy but we felt like you know what at least for the people who are already subscribing at the five5 level, like at least this is something else that they can get out of that because we thought it would just be a fun thing and we're just sort of trying to get it off the ground. But we would love – I mean for us, we have to balance our desire to raise more money for the podcast with our hatred of actually doing things, which is our laziness. more money for the podcast with our hatred of actually doing things which is our laziness um so yeah if you guys if there are things that you want out of us things that like you feel like

you'd like you know that you'd say hey you know i'd be willing to pay you know like at the ten dollar level if you did this or that like let us know because you know we're open to ideas we don't even have any like he ben asked like what's the craziest reward that was rejected we don't have anything crazy do we have anything crazy i think we literally have nothing crazy nothing crazy yeah so we'll come up with something new i've got some good ideas we'll have that as our goal for next week to announce some new things so if you guys have ideas just leave them in the in the mail bag or on the facebook or wherever and we'll we'll come hunt them down yeah oh and um i'd like to spontaneously propose something right now right now live on the air for uh let's do it for our

our five dollar tier and above i have an extra copy of a board game called karuba how about we just do a giveaway like so like so like... A raffle? Yeah, like a raffle. Why don't we do that? So basically, how about you have until next Thursday, which is October 13th, and then anyone who's at the $5 tier or above will put your name in a hat and we'll draw a name

and you get a free board game. Okay, cool. Sounds good to me. Sounds good to you? Yeah. What else is in that bag, boy? Kate A. says, Hi, boys. Have you noticed how Megan is almost always holding some sort of open beverage

whenever she walks into a scene on Real Houses of Orange County, Fertility Clinic, Golf Course, Candlestore, wherever she is? She's randomly clutching a bottle or can of some sort. Has Lipton Iced Tea endorsed her baby journey or something? I doubt it. Because I've noticed that even iced tea commercials are trying to be super exciting, where they're like,

Oh, it's tea! It's like people skiing upside down or jumping through rings of fire. It's like, Jesus Christ, people, it's iced tea. So I don't think that there's any advertising meeting in the world where they're like, let's make this drink more exciting. How about that male talking girl who's possibly married to a gay guy? I love our listeners.

I love that we have someone writing in to us about the fact that Megan seems to be thirsty. I love this. is there something up with those open beverages she has all right we've gone to the bottom of it she's been taking ecstasy no need to be alarmed her version of ecstasy is being really sad and mopey all the time i think she's just a really poor actor because having done a lot of community theater in my day well line up for autographs guys don't just attack me all at once but i'm done a lot of community theater in my day well line up for autographs guys don't just attack me all at once but i'm doing a lot of community theater you know the

really shitty actors because i mean they could be playing the watermelon seller at the fair or whatever but their first question in blocking session is always what's my prop always terrible actors are obsessed with a prop they need to be holding something at all times yeah and i think that that's megan i think she probably puts a lot of feeling into it and it's like well today i'm gonna have like a snapple um like your dumb flavor just so everybody will know like all know that everybody dumb, but they won't know because it's just in my drink. It's really important for me to have some Snapple iced tea right now because I really like how they show the Boston Tea Party on the label. It really like expresses the revolution that I'm going through personally as well. There's a lot of people yelling at this lunch, which is why I'm carrying around a bottle of iodized water.

They're toxic you know the truth is i think actually the most realistic um explanation for her frequent bottle holding is that megan is a classic wealthy trophy wife who has nothing to do but to go online and read every single article about wellness right um that is definitely a subscriber to goop yeah exactly and she's probably read that you have to like drink a certain amount of water every day in order to have like a healthy skin and a healthy body and a healthy baby etc which is actually that's true. But like she probably reads everything about, you know, be sure to like wear Crocs for 15 minutes a day because it'll improve your posture, you know? And she's like, I read. Hey, Jimmy, I read about Crocs and I was thinking that we should have like a 15 minute like

Croc time together. Wouldn't that be nice? Yeah, whatever. Yeah. Fuck Crocs. Yeah. Fuck you too. I just wanted to say that there is

you know i don't say that many positive things so i just wanted to say something positive you know k a has submitted this question people walk through life thinking they don't matter and you you make a little statement here or there and like who's listening to you we're just all little specks of sand on the earth or whatever yeah but you know you really do change people's lives every day without really even knowing it for example i'm never gonna watch another scene of megan without thinking of what drink she's holding in her hand you see yeah you've put that in people's heads forever now so don't feel like you can't make a change people i wasn't i wasn't being sarcastic before i really do love our listeners because they pick up on

just like we do, they also pick up on random things and now it's like we're always going to notice Megan with a bottle of something in her hand and it'll be like annoying to us now and we're going to live in that annoyingness suddenly America is like when Megan comes on, people are like what? Megan's on!

suddenly people are going to be caring just to see the drink you know you changed a lot for megan she might get a pickup yeah this is sort of like her thing now like megan plastic bottle holder although they could also introduce a scandal like megan are you recycling your bottles are you like reusing you know reduce reuse recycle please bitch well i thought i was buying a six pack but it's only a five-pack. I'm really upset. I just don't want any seagulls to die, so I just have one bottle. I really care about seagulls. Although I did hear that seagulls can transfer airborne measles, so I kind of think that we should do something about that. They should call them seagulls. Okay, what else is in the bag?

All right, well, we actually, let's bag? Behan? All right. Well, we actually – let's see. We've got Lauren Green. She says, hello. Revisiting Secrets and Wives. God bless you, Lauren Green. Everyone should revisit Secrets and Wives. Paralyzed!

I'm paralyzed! I'm paralyzed! Lauren Green says, I was wondering since Bethany and Corey are friends based on her attending that terrible Hamptons party on Real Housewives of New York City this season, could you imagine Corey, quote unquote, lots of blowjobs, goldfarb, giving Bethany marriage advice for when she was still married to Jason? What would that have been like? What would Corey from Secrets of Wives have been like giving marriage advice to Bethany Frankel during the Jason Hoppe years. Well, look, he threw you a birthday party. Like there's no reason to be upset. I know you're crying,

but sometimes you just got to take your feelings and put them in a little drawer and pretend that nothing's happening around you. It's called a happy marriage, Bethany. You know what? Marriage sucks. That's what it is, Bethany. Marriage sucks.

What you got to do is you got to get Jason a toupee and then he'll be happy forever. traffic cones in just so people will trip their way into the parking lot of your service that's offering asshole cleansing steaming then you gotta let him do it will you get traffic tickets possibly will the city come down on you most likely will no one's asshole really get cleaned in the end yes but he'll be happy and that's all you need for a good marriage, Beth. You know what? I named my store Truth and Beauty after my beliefs of how a marriage should be, okay? It should be full of truth and beauty, which is why hairpieces are essential, okay? It sucks. I know. It sucks.

My spinoff store is called Equals Fake It Till You Make It, okay? Truth plus beauty equals fake it till you make it. I mean, what are you gonna do divorce him like better the schlub you know than the schlub you don't know i would actually love to be a fly well there's so many flies on the wall so maybe i need a better a better way to say it but i would love to be a a person who watched that friend circle in real life because bethany is in that friend circle in real life. They all went to high school together. And Bethany is fucking one of the friend circle's husbands.

That's the big scandal. That's the big scandal I found out when I was doing my private eye investigation when she says she's known this man forever. investigation when she says she's known this man forever she has because the girl who was married to him is a decorator in montauk and uh she uh is friend circle like if you look at the insta if you look at cory's instagram which apparently i do or at least i have now uh she's tagged in all the pictures so she's part of that friend circle so bethany basically ripped off a husband from her own friend circle shame on you shame we're gonna have we're gonna have to toss so many chandeliers onto the driveway now um i i firmly believe that bravo should resurrect secrets and wives but in uh queer eye for the straight guy form wherein the cast of secrets and wives goes around trying to help other women.

So you have, like, Corey just going around giving blowjob advice and just saying that everything sucks. And then you have Liza just going, I'm paralyzed. I can't believe what you're doing in your life. I'm paralyzed. And then you have Susan be like, you got to get a job. Jonathan's got a job. He's a professional thumb up an ass. That's what he does.

And then you got, of course, what was her name? So he's been to prison. an ass that's what he does and then he got of course uh what was her name prison what are you gonna do look he's been to prison at least he's not sticking his thumb up people's asses anymore okay what was the name of the one who went max hurricane author max oh audrey from little shop of forest what was name? I'm with the dentist. We can put this on Insta. I'm here with... Put this on Insta. Arthur. Arthur, we're going to put me ex on Insta.

He got me a used VW bug. If that doesn't say love, I don't know what does, doctor. And what was the name of the girl? Was her name also Corey? I feel like her name was also Corey, who would sleep in the same bed as bed as lizer and it was on like her fifth marriage and she'd walk around so bad for that girl because nobody knows who she is i even saw her on the the instagram post she was tagged in them too and i was like what's your name like i even read her at you know how it's like the lady who's friends with cory or. And I still don't know her name.

I would also, of course, we must never overlook Gail, the passive-aggressive plastic surgeon's wife who is controlling the hot receptionist by putting blazers on them. It's so amazing. What a great show. Control through polyester. Hey, Bravo, here's what I have to say to you. Shame on you for canceling Secrets and Wives. Shame. You gotta let these shows breathe, Bravo, okay?

Like, give them a few seasons. Let them develop, okay? Secrets and Wives, I'm telling you, Secrets and Wives, Princesses of Long Island, Gallery Girls, need I say more? Great shows. Yeah, how does, like, million-dollar listing get a million spinoffs,

but you won't give Secrets and Wives another chance? Shame. You know what? It's like there must be some self-loathing because, you know, Bravo is such a New York network. They're based in New York. They're there. Everything about it just reads New York. And yet anytime they do a show that's not a Real Housewives about a bunch of women in New York.

No, that's not. Also, New York is full of the biggest-ass complainers. Remember, because Secrets and Wives, they were trying to get them banned from filming everywhere. They're like, what a trashy show. And then when Princesses Long Island came out, they're like, how dare you say this about the Jews? Because they were called Prince.

I mean, come on, people. Lighten up a little bit. I know. And by the way, speaking of Princesses Long Island and women of a certain age, I think it's like important for us also to remember Babs, mother of the girl,

whatever, I forgot her name. I've been on the gravel. No one told me to come out of the car. No, no, no. That's Lyser's mom. That's Lyser's mom

with the spiders coming out of her vagina. Yeah. Babs was the one who had the wishbone dressing and her daughter was, remember she has a boutique in great night called warehouse are you gonna marry my daughter are you gonna marry my daughter what do i know i'm just making a wishbone get it you need some more salad yeah take a drink hanky you're gonna need it because your cup is gonna get warm

who doesn't want to marry into a family where the mom's in a crop top holding a bottle of half full wishbone ranch dressing and the best part about babs was that her advice was like spot on she was like she was right about everything she said but man she was hilarious so he looks a little like Kramer from Seinfeld. The guy had a very good job. Whatever you do, just make sure you don't go gallivanting around the 9-11 statue, okay? Just promise me that. Shut up, Mom. We only have one other question left in the mailbag.

So rather than make BetsyMD wait a full other week, we'll just ask it, okay? Okay. Actually, technically there are two. Kathy did a response to the crap in the super fight in here. So we just have to remember, Kathy, if we forget to read your response on Tuesday, apologies. Flawless. But BetsyMD, our favorite doctor, says, late to the game mailbag, my friends. Ben hinted that he dated one of the Finding Prince Charming contestants.

Can you please, please, please elaborate more? Who was it? Danique the Freak, Dylan. Would either of you go drop your walls, be vulnerable, and go on a dating show like that? If so, please don't puck a kiss like this dude does. Swack. I did not date any of the Prince Charming guys. I think with Dylan,

I think that we spoke on Grindr like a long time ago, but there was nothing. I never even hooked up with any of them. I'm sorry to say. He's like, let me tell you, the other people on Grindr think about you. He's like the big tattletale of the show for those that don't watch to be to be gay in la means you've pretty much talked to everyone on grinder at some point so

it's like not that big of a shock i forget what i originally had to use unless you're like me i'm like what happened to finding men in the snail mail yeah no i never um no uh danique i've never even i think danique lives in Flagstaff. So no, nothing with Danique. Excuse you. That was such disdain. Well, meaning that like I would not – like how would I have dated him? But Brandon is a friend of mine, not a very close friend. He's just someone that I know.

And he is a really lovely gent. So I hope he does well on the show. I mean he's doing well so far. It was dessert last week, if I remember correctly. Oh, Lord. That's the guy who gave his alcoholic synonymous necklace to the guy. So he could, oh, Lord. My head is shaking.

My head. I can't stop my head from shaking. But that said, what a cutie pie he's very super cute honestly i mean i have not hung out with him in probably like three four years but um he actually has like a really nice personality like he's he's a really good guy so um i'm not i'm not anti-dating sober guys you've always got someone to drive you home sober, guys. You've always got someone to drive you home. It's like saving me an Uber bill. Let's get married. So good for you,

Brandon. Good for you for being sober and for catching the eye of Mr. Robert Sepulveda Jr. Did I say that? Robert Sepulveda Jr. Yeah, he's a junior. He only talks like that in my mind. In real life, he just talks like this. But in my mind, he's a junior. He only talks like that in my mind. In real life, he just talks like this.

But in my mind, he's like, hello, today we have dates that are appetizer, entree, and dessert, junior. I just love how he's, like, striving to find connection with the most basic things. He's like, wow, Robbie has glasses. I wear glasses, too. That's just another thing that we have in common. Love! Congratulations, Robert. That's just another thing that we have in common. Love! Congratulations, Robert. You found love. And as I mentioned, the bonus episode was the last week.

I was really excited because I saw Robert Sepulveda Jr. at the hot deli bar of the local Ralph's grocery store. Well, I was a crazy week last week. He was just all over. You saw him at the hot bar. My neighbor Brian saw him at the pool of his building over on Fuller, and Matt Whitfield got his hair cut by the guy Eric from that show, which has

nothing to do with Robert, but he said that he thinks Eric wins because they're in the same neighborhood. I'm like, you live in Hollywood. They're probably all there. But it's a big finding for this Charming Week. It's funny because the Ralphs I went to was on Fuller. So Mr. Sepulveda Jr. must be definitely in the neighborhood.

Which I wonder, where does Eric cut hair? Is it at like... Shorty's. I was about to say, was it Shorty's? I used to get my hair cut there. But now I've moved to Trendsetters. I used to go to Fantastic Sam's. What did you say? I'm a Fantastic Sam's person myself until God said, no more hair for you.

Probably because I didn't respect it enough and only went to Fantastic Sam's. Well, I patronize Birdo at Trendsetters, and I've been very happy with the service so far. I think that's it for the Krappens Mailbag. Thank you, everyone, for contributing. It's always so fun to do that sheep noise. My little Benjamin, what would you like to discuss first today? We've got both the Real Housewives

of... What are we doing? Oh, Melbourne Reunion and Bolo Dick. Let's do Melbourne first. I know I said it was going to be your choice, but can we do Melbourne first? That's fine, because I was going to defer to you anyway. Oh, I love it. I love a pre-deferment takeover.

I will not let you defer to me. Thank you. That was about to be so kind of you. Wait, can I just complain about something very briefly? I would love it. That has nothing to do with Bravo, but I'm just looking at it right now on the floor. I have

this beautiful hanger. Over the summer, as some of you may remember, I bought a new suit from Banana Republic and I came with a big chunky hanger and I brought it here to Austin and the metal hanger part of it broke off from the rest of the hanger. And I'm looking at like a decapitated hanger and I am so angry about it. So it's one of those plastic hangers with the metal head or whatever? Yeah. And the metal head is like now fully separated and the metal head is now fully separated.

And I actually feel, this may sound paranoid, I feel like, because I checked the bag, that someone at LAX went through and was hostile with my hanger, and now it's broken, and I'm really upset about it. Yeah, they'll get nasty in the go-throughs at the airport. Yeah, that's it.

Guys, 9-11. Do you remember pre-9-11, where you could fly from place to place without worrying about your damn hangers? I miss those days. It's like the terrorists have won, okay? Congratulations, terrorists! That's all. I just needed to vent really quickly.

It just bubbled up in me very quickly, and now it's out, so we can go on to Melbourne. And now it's out so we can go on to Melbourne. I feel like whoever is running for president should just hold up an intact hanger and be like, if you want a perfect world, you'll vote for me. The end. Say what you will about wire hangers. They don't get decapitated. Jesus Christ.

That wire, that hanger, that wire stays intact, okay? The hell are we doing today? I don don't know i've been drinking a lot of coffee for three hours from wondery this is black history for real i'm francesca ramsey and i'm consciously what do most people think about when they hear the words Black History. Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that.

Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere

on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's industry's Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student

to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts

an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost?

Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining wandery plus oh did you hear that cough no i was sleeping in my coffee the mute button works thank god okay let's get on to the real housewives of melbourne reunion god damn it i love this show

this when they're when they have training for new housewives they should sit them down in front of real housewives and show them how a reunion is done okay i beg your pardon you are a piece of filth you are skim you are You are. So the big reunion started with the new convention, which is like the pre-show of everyone arriving, showing up. Chica, of course, is like, I think I'm ready to say some things, get some things off my chest. And then we go have some tea with Chessie. Chessie and Brucie. That's all.

I'll tell you what. Some people think Chica never gets upset. But Chica is upset and i might just say something or i might just say how has your week been lovely i'm not sure yet um so uh gina gina shows up looking like she is ready to compete in the next winter olympics figure skating event okay and at first that was my first note i was like okay gina looks like she's christy yamaguchi right now but then the crazy thing was she wasn't the only one all of them look like they're ready to go figure skating well i think it's so funny that gina shows up in full hair and makeup and then gets another layer of full hair and makeup on top of that hair and makeup

yeah yeah it's like this is my base it's like when you make a table you know so it's like she's been sanded down and now she just needs to be sealed up i think the cutest without her makeup was gamble she just looks like like if you could if you could make that sound into a look that's basically what she looked like she's like an adorable cuttlefish. That's what I think. You know, just a little deranged. I think she's like a little cute kind of claymation little boy from one of those Christmas movies. She is actually becoming more and more like Senior Wences' hand puppet.

Like just the way she rotates her head, the way she's always surprised, surprised by her mouth is sort of a gape she's just an adorable puppet she looks extremely confused she's that child when you go to adopt a child that you're like oh that one's confused and facing the corner why is that and then you take them home and put on huge wigs and wig tape you know the way that like grover and elmo like laugh and walk you know when they walk their whole like head bobs forward up and down i feel like that's how gamble walks like a and i feel like if she were ever like put her hands up you would see their little poles underneath them and of course they're at they're trying to get them all fighting before the thing so they're asking her you, you know, what are you going to do today?

Who are you going against? And just as her cute, confused little claymation boy, she's like, I'm scared of Zeebo, but he's been a batch. I'm like, oh, I can't wait. I know. I know. I'm going to do extensions. And then Lydia comes in and she's wearing, like, basically the sluttiest wedding dress you can imagine.

Just some big white thing with mesh patches and a train and. Yeah, it's like a mummy whore finally found a rich old man to marry. She's like, congratulations, mummy whore. Or somebody or like a house that got toilet papered with really like fancy satin yes but then there was jackie's outfit which was this crazy like again a giant mesh see-through portion over her chest and her boobs were covered up with little roses and there were these black there was like a black fabric underneath it was some weird like i don't know if it's like bordello or um flamenco not flamenco whatever it was tango it just was very strange yes and i feel like jackie jackie was

wearing um an outfit to come to moonlight bowling at skylines in el paso and my meemaw would walk up to her and say the lights aren't off yet you might want to put on a jacket dear to me it looked like she had basically taken some upholstery and made a dress out of it and fishnets yeah like a fishnet see it was creepy i didn't like it yeah um i did like that she was saying i'm gonna own it but pedifluid i'll tell you what she's gonna do she's gonna try and get attention it's like have you seen what you're wearing yeah i mean for christ's sake nothing try and get attention. It's like, have you seen what you're wearing? Yeah. I mean, for Christ's sake, nothing begs for attention like fishnet upholstery.

Please change. And then we have Alex Perry himself, the host of this disaster, who is doing his thing where he wears his sunglasses on his head. It's kind of his thing. It's his accessory. But he was wearing this. Who does that for their thing? Like, what a personality. Who does that? Like, I wear sunglasses on my head it's kind of his thing it's his accessory but he was wearing this lab for their thing like i had a personality who does that like i wear sunglasses on my head day it's like i don't like the worst trademark look like it's bad and he's gonna get sunspots on his head because it

probably works like a magnifying glass with the sun, you know, just magnifies that part of his head. He's going to have like little twin sun cancers on his head. When he has to wear sunglasses, does he actually have two pairs of sunglasses on, one for the head and one for the eyes? Or does he just bring them down? Probably. He's probably got one on the back of his neck, too, like a pair of his boobs. The truth is, I don't think there's been any celebrity who has accessorized with unorthodox sunglass placement that has been well received by America. You know, whether it's Guy Fieri or this guy, it's just not going to work. Oh, I wrote down my note on Jackie's outfit is she looks like a screen door on a whorehouse.

um so uh i also alex perry he had this like crazy white tie with this giant knot that was pushed so far up it was like bulging almost out of his collar like up to his chin it was just so everything was just so bizarre there's bizarre styling happening on his face is bizarre because again he's one of these men that we're used to crazy faces on women. Okay? We've all been socialized. You know what I mean. We've all been normalized by the Real Housewives. We know what crazy plastic surgery looks like. Like, even Adrienne Maloof, I saw her in real life. Even she looked normal.

Like, it's just become normal in my brain. Still not the same for men. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to be sexist. But I can't. You look crazy. Well, his looks like his swelling never went down that's the problem it's like something melted along the way and it's left

him with this look yes he got some groupon surgery you know it's like he didn't wait for them to perfect it you know he got the australian version of groupon surgery and it just i don't know it's like cock so he is saying hi to everyone and he i love it he says hi to lydia he's like lydia you've called a bit of a beating on social media and they cut to jackie and she's just sneering she's like jackie's face throughout this whole thing was just amazing every time they cut to jackie she'd be like like a different face like that. She was basically saying, I beg your pardon, before she was saying it.

As they began this reunion, it was horror music. It was like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Somebody gonna die. And then Alex's face. And Lydia, of course. Oh, sorry, go ahead.

I was just going to say that there is a thing going on in America right now. Clown scares. Yes, what is that? It started in South Carolina. I just read about it last night. It started in South Carolina with a hoax that clowns, people dressed as clowns, were coming out of the woods and trying to lure children into the woods.

And now it's like the new thing, these hoaxes that, oh, no like there are clowns coming around they're going to like set up terrorist things whatever and now it's gotten to the point where like at uconn and at penn state like hundreds of students going around trying to find clowns and beat them up and like they're all these clown hoaxes and people getting arrested in schools are being like classes are being shut down because of clown things and uh i think seeing this reunion we we see where it originated. It all started here. The terror began in Melbourne. Okay, nine clowns got together in a room and started yelling at each other. Everyone, shut down classes.

The terrorist clowns are throwing pillows at each other. Yeah, that clown terrorism. I won't pay attention to it. I've been reading about it they call it clown terrorists or whatever and i won't click on the stories because i'm really afraid of clowns like drag queens i'm afraid of both i won't click on them i can't watch it it gets me scared but you know you go real housewives of melbourne glad to see alex's face is doing some good in the world yeah so alex i have to say just a macro we should probably start

moving through these notes because we're on like minute two and i will talk about alex's face for like 20 but alex i have to say as a macro great job i mean he's hilarious in this he finally loosened up where he's calling all of them equally because last year i feel like he really only tortured gina which wasn't fair this year he really tortured every single one of them equally because last year i feel like he really only tortured gina which wasn't fair this year he really tortured every single one of them and then when he got pissed he was like shut the fuck up shut up you stupid imbeciles when you talk like a bunch of ninnies at the same time like he was freaking out like that's what I want to see from Andy Cohen, just losing his fucking mind.

And then sitting back down, like, all right, everything's great. Let's throw again, shall we? Yeah, I think the difference is that Andy Cohen loves when they yell at each other, even when he acts like he doesn't. Because for him, it just means more money. And I think with Alex Perry, he's just like,

listen, I'm just trying to get back to Outback tonight, all right'm waiting for my blooming onion and the more i have to see him listen to you the less time i have my blooming onion okay it's like i literally am not getting paid for this right now yeah i got paid for the first eight hours we're going into hour 37 all right so gamble's talking about her wedding and uh she's saying that she and Wolfpup, they bought a house together. They were wedding before, but now they have their own house. So everyone, sex parties. They're starting up again. Finally, we can get Spam on something and not worry about a mate's survival.

I love Gamble's whole attitude on her prenup. He was trying to give her shit about her prenup because she said so many stupid things about it over the season. But I liked it. She said, I actually really like Wolfpack and I don't want him to think I just did it for his money. The best thing when you're

in an alpine is to know where you're going to land. You make no sense, but I love you. And also when she said, Oh, Luke, my little son, he's like my little weapon. He's a bitch. And it's someone filing a housewife who's like, Yes, I do use this person as a weapon.

Get over it, okay? And Janet's like, Oh, am I out of the freezer now? I don't know. I'm still doing Gamble Boys, but whatever. Those are two rough ones to do outside each other. Yeah, it's hard,

but Janet's like, isn't that fantastic? Am I out of the freezer now? Or is it still me with some frozen chicken? Oh, children, aren't they wonderful? Putting old people in freezers. Congratulations, darling. Chicken! Oh, children, aren't they wonderful?

Putting old people in freezers. Congratulations, darling. So what I was impressed with is how quickly this re-entered and moved from topic to topic, even if it was in a totally disorganized way, because they very quickly got into the celebrity apprentice gate. And going into this whole thing, like, Gina, and I also like to add, they did not get to the bottom of anything. Yeah, Alex just, I mean, they didn't even just bring it up.

Alex is just totally a bitch out the gate. His first question to Gina is, oh, Gina, glad you could be here, even though you're so busy. And everyone started cackling. These bitches are so funny. And she's, like, trying not to punch him already. And he's like, well, it seemed jener was too busy for anybody but herself like that's the intro to the montage yeah and he's like jener do you hear mariah carey moments and she's like no i work harder than anyone i know and like we work hard and like or and she's like said, anyone that I know, they're like, you know us.

Chica is like, did you not notice what was happening in the United Emirates, dear? Perhaps you didn't see the dessert trays that went on for three kilometers. I worked hard on that with Chessie. Gina, so all these clips of Gina. I haven't got time to scratch or do wardrobe and now I've got to learn how to marry people.

Here's what I've done. And then she starts going down her list of things she's done. She's like, I've done the celebrity apprentice. I've done a bit of acting on the neighbours. I've done a hair ad. I also combed my eyebrows today. I took a speed walk with Josh. Went to the store.

I sent an email to Lionel Richie via my psychic. It was more of like a mental email. So I was on Neighbours, but I also performed a little skit for my Neighbours. I'm sort of like a town clown, if you will. Also, to one Neighbour on my right, I'm a Neighbour. But to the Neighbour on my left, I'm a neighbor, but to the neighbor on my left, I'm also a neighbor, which gave me triple neighbor duty

at the end of the day. It's like this list of crazy things. Chica is just all upset. I love that the only things that can really make Chica mad are when something random that we still don't know is said about Brucie or calling her not

the hardest worker in the bunch because that's really all she has yeah i mean chica does work hard i mean i feel like they it seems like they really do some like massive events i mean when she said that they did a dessert like a dessert buffet that was a kilometer long i was like what the hell is that and what's a kilometer long i'm like what the hell is that and what's a kilometer just kidding yeah we're all ignorant is that like five feet they have a mind to take it back chica it's a foot in australia um gina this question was is gina's ego out of control now that she's a brand he's such a bitch and then he tells her are you an idiot or is it all in the editing jener and she's like it is in the editing in that mate for example

in that meeting with gamble about her wedding with the celebrant it wasn't the sum they just showed me scrolling through my phone and he's like so actually the celebrant said it was accurate are you calling calling the celebrant a liar she's like well yeah i mean i was scrolling but we also talked about lots of things like what kind of table i would use if i was getting married on the celebrity apprentice and then it's around here where gamble starts you know she starts yelling at gina she starts trying to say something about how like you know like you like you have not been a good friend for me or whatever and so she starts and gina's

course shutting her down so then that's when gamble's like let me make my valid point you you mow me down all the time and gina's like do i when do i gamble you're doing it right now am i or you're just being a crazy bitch like she doesn't even have to have anything to say she'll just talk over everybody which i mean it's actually a good weapon because they ended up leaving her alone and she admitted to nothing well i mean gina like gamble just should know not to go up against you know because when she finally says whatever she needs to say, Gina's just like, this is the wounded pigeon routine we get occasionally.

Wounded pigeons sit all over the place and then act like it's your fault for not giving them more of your crust. Let me ask you this, Gamble. Why don't pigeons ever have nests? Where are the nests? Where do the pigeons come from? I don't know.

See? Rentals, just like i thought she keeps trying to change it around and then she's like well i was the celebrant at a wedding i didn't know that that meant i was a bitch i didn't call you a bitch she did later and then she's not looking at her so after all of this getting nowhere alex goes well how's your friendship now and camel goes it's much better now because it's a stronger friendship because we fought with each other.

And she goes, actually, no, that's not the truth. It's not stronger because I don't like fighting with my friends. And then she went, look at Gamble. I know. And before that even happened, what was amazing was that, like, here is Gamble just saying, like, I wish you'd been up front with me about the celebrity apprentice thing. And then Gina's the one who's like, well, I think if anyone who deserves an apology, it's me. She called me a bitch.

Like Gina who says the nastiest things about everyone. It's like, well, she called me a bitch. And then they asked Susie because Susie's not doing anything as usual. So Alex is like, Susie, what do you think about this? And she's like, well, I think that it's a new friendship. And I think that Gamble perhaps obligated Genie with too many wedding responsibilities. And Gamble's like, oh, now it's my fault again. And then I love when she does that.

Petty Fleur just goes, oh, don't do the me, me, me Gamble thing again. At which point Gamble just turns and goes, oh, shut up, Petty Fleur. And Alex goes, you can all shut up how about you shut up too i don't even care about that anymore what i care about is the relationship so stupid so then they started with fireworks which means sno... Susie. Snoozy. Snoozy. Snoozy time. Big news with Susie. She's got some goosebumps.

Here they come, the goosebumps. Oh, got the goosebumps. I got goosebumps. Oh, God, I'm going to make a pavlova. I'm going to call it goosebumps. And I got my new order of goosebumps from Amazon. I love those books. It's almost like the time I was about to make macaroons with actual flour instead of almond flour.

Goosebumps. I'll tell you, that's not just nuts. That's coconuts. Macaroons. I've never been more disappointed since I heard the term muffin top. Since when is that such a bad thing? I want to know. All this time I thought dancing the merengue meant that we're gonna make some egg whites

so her big thing was basically making pot tarts and uh then they get into the lydia thing so since they don't have 20 episodes he's like oh you enjoy baking awesome lydia called you the c word or whatever it is so it becomes this huge oh well first she had her her psychic thing you're right sorry about that yeah she talked about it wasn't it wasn't much she basically got invited to malibu at a jewish film producers yeah jackie's like you see the angel said and now she's been invited to a wedding in a miracle with a jewish producer who's producing possibly jewish things in jew town of hollabread so there you go jutan of hollabread

okay you're so right jackie so then it turns to lydia versus suzy dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun lydia you know what you can just suck on your own fucking head like oh best line of the best line of the year yeah um so it well it's like lydia versus suzy which sort of expands into lydia in general like the segments start they could they the the segments that they show the clip packages are like very long so it starts off with suzy griping about lydia but then just becomes how lydia is terrible in general so of course pedofleur has to weigh in. And she's like, you know, I gave Lydia my all, you know. Like when I ask for friendship, you know, what I expect from friendship is unconditional.

Friendship is unconditional. You can't put conditions on friends. And Jackie's like, well, except I always say that my friend has to have my back. That's a condition. I like that these women, even though they hate each other and will fight, they'll stick up for the things that they think is right, too, because they all hate pedophore. And so Jackie did that. And then Janet goes, yes, you can't just say that people have to stand with you no matter what. For example, if I'm friends with the murderer, I don't just automatically stand with the murderer.

And pedophore is like, yes, you do. Well, then you are a bad with the murderer. I don't just automatically stand with the murderer. And Petaflora's like, yes, you do. Well, then you are bad friend to murderer. Maybe they wouldn't have murdered someone if you stood by them in the first place. You could have saved their life by just being kind. You don't rewind, do you? Be kind. Rewind is what I always say to my friends. What about me?

What about my VCR? Everyone's DVD. But I still have VHS. What about me? I'm used to it. Oh, so Betamax is for nothing, then. Okay, poor me. I will be over here not being watched.

That's all right. What am I? I'm just standard definition right at least i'm cheaper on itunes no so she betty goes betty of course turning this all under herself is like well i've had more to deal with in my life than all seven women together so there they're all looking at her like Janet's like you realize that

my son caught on fire and almost died right well you know it's a rumor that my son is flaming so there did he break up with you after he got in fire? No, I didn't think so. I still have a moon in my living room waiting to be danced on.

Is your son flashing his girlfriend in front of your head in the $100,000 piano store? I didn't think so. A piano for your thoughts? A piano for your thoughts. So then we move on to the Shane Warren rumors, right? Unless I missed something. Yeah, it was basically Susie. Susie's still trying to fight, even though Petaflor has taken her whole thing.

And she's like, Susie tells the story of when she first got cast on the show. She was talking to one of her friends on the phone. And her friend was like, what a here i am sitting with lydia lydia would you like to say anything and lydia grabbed the phone and was like we're family and now that we're on the show together we'll take care of each other no matter what we're friends we stick together and then the minute she hung up, she said, I'm going to rip her apart. I believe it. And Susie's like, there were four witnesses. Yeah.

And then Susie's talking, like, they start talking about this wedding situation again, about how was Lydia at the wedding? Was she not at the wedding? Was Susie there? She's like, well, my parents were there. Wasn't there, whatever, and everything. And Susie's like, you're so condescending about the wedding. It's so condescending. And eventually Lydia just just winds up saying you're such an angry little shit yeah and again the women are all fighting in fights that aren't theirs but they're so strong like you hear gina from the side go she wasn't there

the ultimate judgment she's like she wasn't there the end i'm a bobby doll uh so the shane warren stuff was funny because susie says you said that i spread the rumors about shane warren and i would never do something like that and then gamble goes you did didn't you you mentioned it on tv so that's starting it. And Susie's like, oh, well, my feelings were hurt. Well, we'll get back to that idea of, excuse me, of what it means to

spread a rumor versus speak to a rumor, because that becomes a talking point. That becomes a boat of contention later with Jack, I have to say. Did you produce it or proliferate it? Or is it a profiteer role all right discuss i love gina's gina's way of just breaking down the world i know okay so past wedding stuff um then we have joanna joanna if you think lydia treats her friends badly and her

family badly try being her house friend family yeah so they show a whole segment like joanna's greatest hits and um including um including the part where uh uh lydia lydia says something to the effect so in america it's bleeped out when she's when um joanna is like the driving and lydia says something like ching ching or chong chong something like that they bleeped it out they bleep it out in in the american version oh lord oh yeah they can still say fuck you and fuck off oh well i guess i'm watching the australian by the way they they uh they forgot to bleep out one of the fucks i was watching and you hear jackie during one of the clips go oh fuck off or something like that i was like oh they forgot to bleep it well that's a rough catch on this show. It's like every other word. Yeah. But apparently it was – this was like a huge, huge deal both in Australia.

And our lovely friend Nick, who we met at the Podfest, he said that in England it was a big uproar that Lydia said this. So when they came out of the segment, Gamble basically accused Lydia of being racist. She was racist she's like that's a casual racism and lydia's like how could it be how could it be racist i mean she's she's a china woman she doesn't even know what how to speak english it's literally called i-ching what why are people mad at me i just said it two times in a row or it soothes the bonds and the noblesse mad at me i just said it two times in a row or it soothes the bonds and the noblesse because what she said when she's like do you know you're left and right am i gonna have to teach you those do you know those chong chong ding ding ding chong chong army to me it's all the same you know so bad so lydia though it's like so lit i know so so her so then suzy how could you be so degrading and then

gina says uh look what uh yes you know what i would find even more degrading is that joanna was yours first yeah it's how degrading is that she's like you owned joanna before she did yeah apparently joanna was suzy's housekeeper first and it wasn't that joanna was just like found on the street she was like referred to uh referred to lydia and she's like if i had even known how terrible you'd be to poor sweet joanna my first daughter then i never would have recommended her it's so shady because they show the clip of lydia saying i just met her on the street and saved her life and then they show suzy saying lydia was at my house and joanna just happened to be cleaning so lydia who doesn't know suzy at all was just there to steal a mane the show's so shady i love it it's

so shady so there's apparently a twitter account of Joanna the house slave, it's called. And Alex is like, listen to this wacky treat from Joanna the house slave. It says, Lydia has made me clean all the cupboards so that I don't ask her real questions at the reunion. I'm like, oh, Jesus, you lame-ass fake tweet account. At least do something good. Yeah. Then for some reason, Shane Warren comes up again, right? Because I thought we had moved past Shane Warren, but then it comes up again.

Alex goes, Lydia, darling, we're not done hating on you yet. Sorry, love. Next, Lydia and Shane Warren. And I love that he just gave her that. Like, girl, it ain't over yet. You got a whole other segment coming. Yeah. So then he asks if, he basically asks, like, are you guys, did you guys have an affair?

Are you guys still, are you guys still friends? And Lydia's like, yes, we are absolutely 100% still friends. And that's when Susie's like, no, you're not friends. He told me. I can safely say you're%. Still friends. That's when Susie's like, no, you're not friends. He told me. I can safely say, you're no longer friends. Okay. She's keen. She's keen.

So, no one shows the text, but supposedly he's told everybody they're no longer friends. And she's no longer on the board of ambassadors. Why is that she's like well the foundation was closing down i had already come and i thought it's time to it's time to have a have a go around with the car dealer they're like okay let's move on it's like you know i was very upset being on the board of ambassadors that i never got a free hotel room like no that's that's embassy suites that's not has nothing to do with being on the board of ambassadors i kept pulling out my buns because it was called the board of assiders and they kept telling me to cover up and i said this isn't a

board i can be behind right follow the rules i always thought it was rather insulting that they kept calling me a fish like no no not i am bass. It's ambassador. Where is the I? Are we ambassadors? I am ambassador? I need a more descriptive title. So Gamble is like, You're all jealous because she's hot. And Janet, so this goes into Janet's booty call, supposedly, that she got.

And Alex says, oh, really? Because I've got the text from Shane Wong to prove it. And she's like, no! She freaked out. Yes, she did. She's like, I won't show you what I said, did it? Oh, no! She lunged for that card.

Chicken! So he doesn't read the text, but she does tell us, He won't talk to me anymore. Oh, now I know what chicken went through. So Petty and herself. So the next montage is alex is like they're not the only ones in relationship petty floor had a wonderful new relationship this year with herself and it was just clips of better like oh yes you're gorgeous is anybody more beautiful than me if you got it rock it okay who begs to differ who begs to differ and alex says why are you why are you so obsessed with yourself pediflu and she goes i work for it

and it's all natural and you can judge me if you want and then gamble goes that is not natural and all the women just start cackling which makes me love this show even more yeah they all every time pedophilus says something they just all they're either they either laugh at her or scream at her she just cannot be taken seriously idx bit idx bit they're all falling down laughing like ben literally bending over, cackling. And she's like, well, what, you think this is a natural? And they're like, you got new cheekbones. Like, how is that? You have literally a different face right now.

Chica tries to bring it down by saying, well, I think that it's because pediflora lost weight and it made her face possibly look different. And Janet's like, you've had your cheeks done and your lips are bigger. that it's because pedoflora lost weight and it made her face possibly look different and janet's like you've had your cheeks done and your lips are bigger and pedoflora says i swear on my life and i very rarely to never swear on my life but this time i swear on my life i've never had my face done jack is like uh you also swore on your life that you'd never had a drink when you were drunk yeah she's like i swear my life i've never life that you'd never had a drink when you were drunk. Yeah. She's like, I swear my life, I've never been drunk. And again, they all laugh at her and Janet throws a pillow at her.

I was like, I'm surprised it's actually taken so long for a pillow to be thrown at a reunion. And that this is what did it. Yeah. And then Petaflor takes the pillow and she's like, oh, your beaches, your beaches, your beaches. And you deserve to have the beaches thrown at you. So she throws the pillow back at Jackie and they're still falling all over the floor. Like, what about your stomach?

What about your knees? They're all new! And she's like, don't go there, beach. Don't go there, beach. I've had three cesareans in my knees. How dare you? I've had three freaking cesareans. Don't go there. Don't go there. I freaking cesareans don't go there don't go there i'm like i don't think anyone wants to go near your v-rut to be honest meanwhile i don't think

alex has ever looked more scared than when that pillow was flying around he was like oh no my sunglasses they get knocked off they get knocked off they're tied to my mask face it'll all come crashing down i thought one of the shining moments of this segment and perhaps the reunion was when chica called pedoflur self-absorbed and pedoflur's response was oh that's a big statement given that i have never ever asked any of your opinions at all they just burst out laughing like do you realize what self-absorbed means, Petaflur? I don't know how you can deny it by defining it. She's like, I cannot believe you would say that.

I don't care what anybody here thinks about anything. Like, that's the point. How could you say I'm self-absorbed when I never even ask you about anything? I would say this much. If I were a moisturizer, I would use it on myself like uh kind of the proof uh just because i call myself a human tampon does not mean i'm a self-absorbed person it is external absorption oh i like this because they're trying to pin her down on how mean she is to everybody which you can't because she doesn't know and she doesn't care like you there's no winning here but they they bring up huge things like chica's like yes one time at a press event you even called me frumpy

that's the like you're talking about pedoflora that's the worst thing you could do and janet goes well she told me i'm a two and she's a ten oh my god it's so they just laugh at her i mean and the funny thing is it's kind of an like an indictment on human nature right because pedofleur she's always trying to prove herself because she's always been the girl who's been laughed at and the more she tries to prove herself the more they laugh at her and that's just the way it is it's like i was telling um i was telling uh my boyfriend earlier about how whenever i play games people always think i'm like really sneaky and up to something and i can't and there's there's nothing i can do people that's

just whatever i put something out there that i'm just like sneaky and like i'm up to no good and uh i understand pedoflora a little bit because i can try to change that image as much as i want but it's innate in me and that's just who i am and people will always laugh at pedoflora just they'll always think i'm sneaky you'll be a good poker player i know i'm the worst i'm the worst but if you know that like if you actually find the rules like when you can make people thinking you're just fucking with them you can take all their money bean no i'm telling you when i was playing secret hitler over the weekend uh and i was trying to get a a liberal policy passed so that way no one would know that i'm secretly a fascist and then my cohort passed a

fascist policy instead of a liberal policy my jaw dropped and i was like oh and then my cohort passed a fascist policy instead of a liberal policy my jaw dropped and i was like oh and then everyone said ben what was it and i said that's exactly what was supposed to be a fascist i don't know what it was just it doesn't really make sense if you can't see my face or know what the game is but i know your sneaky face the problem is that when i talk my eyebrows go up like one at a time and that looks so sneaky it's like a disney villain so no one trusts me what's your talent yeah i have that's your advantage one day we'll go to the casino i'll show you darling darling okay show me everything teach me teach me so um anyway gamble and pedoflora start fighting again. And it becomes this whole thing about like Petaflora has been writing things about the cast on her blog, on her website, which is like switchthebitch.com or something like that.

And they don't like being written about on the website. Never mind that all these women talk shit about each other on like television that's broadcast internationally but somehow being on pedoflora's blog is more damning and um i guess pedoflora wrote something about luke at one point i forgot what it was but uh gamble like i think she just mentioned like luke is like defending like gamble or being a parrot for campbell or something like that and gamble gets all defensive she's like i don't want lu. She's like, I don't want Luke on a bitch website. I don't want him on a website that has a bitch in the name. And she starts wagging her finger like a little old lady.

It was amazing. I love when they all go crazy on stupid shit. So this was her big yelling thing. Like she's standing up for Luke, who I think has threatened to behead every single housewife. It's not like he's some innocent little queen, you know? Yeah, and by the way, secretly, you know he loves it. He loves it. Yes. I would. Yeah, and by the way, secretly, you know he loves it. He loves it.

I would. Yeah, I'm sure he does. He's also not four years old, by the way. And how they all put it, like, It's your blog, Leigh. It's different. We kind of defend ourselves on your blog. Do you not have a commenting account?

Of course you could. Or you could start your own blog. I mean, WordPress is free. Do it, bitch. Or how about you don't complain about the blog and give it free traffic? Yeah, exactly, because I'd never heard of that. So the other fun screaming about nothing thing was Janet. She was getting herself so worked up over pedoflora, and she goes,

Well, what about in the United Emirates when you apologized? Was that just nothing? in the United Emirates when you apologized. Was that just nothing? And she's like, I only apologized to Janet because she was desperate. And so I just wanted her to shut up. And Janet goes, I believe that apology. You're a scum. You're a pfft.

That's when she starts spitting. And she goes, you're worse, worse than a hair on an asshole. And Gina goes, you mean an ass hair? And Petaflur goes, oh, isn't that what Gina said? You just did that from Gina now? And then Janet just flips her off. It's like, I love this stupid show. And at some point, Jackie said something.

Jackie started getting into it with Petaflur, and Petaflur just goes, you're a disgusting angel! And Jackie goes, oh! Like, the idea that there could be a disgusting angel and that she was it you are the bloody devil i beg your pardon and jackie goes stop putting people down that's what you do you put people down just speak your truth girl i'm like well that is her truth okay yeah and then at some point they're all at this point they're all screaming over each other right oh i love the term you're going off on a tanty yeah you're having tanty you're going off on a tanty now i don't even know what you're talking about i love that term it basically gets

everything it's like i don't know if she's referring to a tangent or a tantrum but tanty sort of hits them both and And so I'm in, I'm going to be using that. So this was when Alex has his fit and he's like, shut up. This is all third fucking series. Jesus. What's the matter with you?

And Gina goes, well, we're women. It happens. I love that. I wrote that down also so now we're on a racism thing with pedoflora because she kept calling jackie a stupid bogan and or when she said she's a bogan on steroids and they're like hey dare you call someone a bogan chica's like i don't approve of that i was like

well yeah good for saying something, Chica. Yeah. By the way, I also have to say, Jackie, there was a clip that they – like preceding this Bogan thing, there was a clip of Jackie freaking out. And she was talking about Petaflora, and she's like, I think what you see in others you see in yourself. I think Petaflora's an idiot. I'm like, so does that mean – are you saying that you're an idiot then? You can't say that you see in other, like what you see in others, you see in yourself and then call pedophilic an idiot. That made me laugh so fucking hard. Also this part, because she's like, that's racist to say bogey like that with that tone of voice.

But then they cut to Jackie in the United Emirates trying on a turban and she's like, now I look like pedophilic. So that's better. Jackie's such a dodo bird i know yeah yeah they were all they were all jackie's like uh defense of anything they throw at her it's like well you know what i'll clean floors again because i've cleaned fools and i'll do it again it's like uh okay but you still have to fight like in this argument no i'll clean the floor then hey you want me to scrub a toilet i'll do it because that's the kind of girl i am i don't mind i'll clean the toilet the angels love a mop and then somewhere in the middle here pedofloor goes i'll be the first one to own up i'm like please you've never owned up to anything i own more than anybody here damn it and uh when she goes like it's awful calling

someone a bogan but why would you do that she goes where the whole country thinks that you cannot get rid of pedofloor ever no never sociopath yeah she's she's a crazy lady crazy then this goes on to the rumor fight of is it worse that lydia said all these things behind everybody's back off camera or is it worse that jackie brought them all up on camera which kind of threw everybody under the bus when Lydia never did. Exactly. So Lydia, of course, Lydia, of course, denies even making up a rumor. She's like, I never started a rumor.

I never started it. I think she's repeated it. She's like, I didn't start the rumor that Brucey was gay. Some guy who gave him a blowjob on a truck stop started it. What do you want me to do? Apologize for everybody at a truck stop started it what do you want me to do apologize for everybody to truck stop yeah um they yeah she she didn't seem to understand that like if you repeat things to someone you're spreading a rumor it's not merely that you're just like giving it's not as simple as oh i'm just giving an update on what i heard i'm not really spreading room i'm just talking about some gossip i heard and telling it to other people and

telling them to speak to other people yeah so it became the fight of like what's worse starting it or just talking about it and gene is like listen they're starting a rumor there's perpetuating a rumor i mean look the rumor about brucey being gay was started but is it more the person who started that rumor or the white tight jeans that perpetuate it? Who are we going to see at the end of the day? And then Janet was getting all feisty. Janet was mad about the rumor that Lydia had allegedly made up

about affairs and stuff. She's like, I want to know how you found out about the rumor. And then Lydia just kept on denying and denying and denying. And finally Janet's like, I'm asking you a question, you dumb fat bitch. And Chica, I don't think that was good to call a fight. It wasn't. It was too much.

I don't care. And then everyone was getting mad at Chica because Chica and Lydia are making baby steps. And then they're mad, like, we're trying to have you. – we're fighting on behalf of you and then you're not even mad. Like I don't understand this. I'm like, you guys should be happy they're making baby steps. That's like a good thing that people are trying to actually be friends again. Yeah, she got all mad. Janet gets mad because people are forgiving.

So beautiful. I'm trying to figure out what I'm saying here. But the question is something to Lydia. Like, what do you think you've done wrong? And Lydia goes, I've learned that when people get angry, we say nasty things. And you tend to project those things. Like, do you even know what you're saying? You're basically saying you're cheating, your husband's cheating, possibly gay, and you're a sex addict.

Like if that's all you projecting your own issues, girl, just be quiet over there. Yeah. So then we go to a Jackie segment showing how Jackie got also unhinged this season. And Jackie starts denying that she was spreading rumors because, as you said before, Lydia's saying, no, Jackie, you spread the rumors because you brought it up. And she's like, no, I didn't spread rumors because I said what i'd say right to your face that's not spreading a rumor i'm like but you talked about it in front of tv cameras and so you did spread a rumor because you spread it to all the viewers yes and alex was good on this point as well he called her on it but didn't it didn't seem unfair to me because he says, yes, but these rumors, don't you feel bad that you brought them to the table and gave them oxygen?

And then Jackie knows that she's been caught. So she's like, she starts fake crying. She's like, I just cracked when she said I had bad energy. That's about my business. My business is my energy with angels. It's like if she said you're a you're a one-winged angel who's gonna pay for me then and i cracked and there i said it but now i feel terrible girls because it was me who brought it up and now i feel just like a terrible person

what the hell is going on on this it was that it was it was so bizarre but But it's funny because it's the second season in a row where these women have gotten so enraged over whether something was a rumor or gossip or rumor mongering or not. Because last season was all about Janet. Was Janet gossiping about spreading rumors about Gamble? And Janet was like, no, I was just saying that's something I heard. It wasn't Gamble. So it's like basically the same thing again um and i love at one point lydia said something to janet that was so like um incendiary that they had to bleep it out it was like a call back to beverly hills season three and lydia's like you were the one who said being a or something and

it sounded like it was to pediflore so it was pediflores something which i mean i'm guessing they're talking about sun because that's that's all we see is uh something i was searching pediflore sun gay porn model because that was my guess and then pediflore is like oh if, if you said this, this is like beyond. Well, that was the best part because after that big bleepy part, that was when Jackie freaked out. And then she got that look on her face and goes, bitch, you pardon? Which I rewound and watched ten times in a row. Real Housewives of Melbourne, goddammit, I'm going to miss you people.

And I hear that next year Chica's not coming back back so this was our final chica disapproving nod oh i like chica i actually i actually really i think she seems like a good person and she seems um accomplished and she uh seems like she's good at what she does and i respect her i'm gonna miss you chica let's take a little break before below shall we yeah sounds great and we're back with a little below dick yes i loved this episode by the way loved it fun times uh never look back here the same way again oh no no definitely not uh yeah i really enjoyed this all sorts of anybody who doubts that we ever came from apes um watch this episode yes yes this will this will teach kansas to update their uh core curriculum yes every if anybody needs proof of evolution this is it well it both proves that we've evolved and proves that

we've never evolved some of all some of all more quickly than others you know yes maybe physically we've evolved and mentally perhaps not yeah the apist can make the most money while just sitting down you know the apist people make more money in this five minutes that we've talked than you have in your entire life you idiots yeah douchiest guests of all time terrible terrible terrible so i just started off my notes with previously homely people got horny yeah pretty much there's your catch-up for the guys. Yeah. Joining us. So, uh, Sierra,

um, she is, she, she had a rough episode last week cause she had to help out with something and Ben yelled at her and she's like, I can't be around negativity. So, um,

I'm really positive in the summer around negativity. Yeah. So I love how like the next morning Kate was telling Ben, like, you know, you really just like, you know, you have to be supportive of her. Be sure to tell her she's great and everything. And I was like, this is so strange for Kate to be so encouraging of a stew.

What's wrong with Kate? Well, she can, I mean, other than burning the sheets at time, she actually enjoys ironing and doesn't complain about things. So I think you could really have two heads be listed on megan's list and i don't know be a murderer and kate would still like you as long as you did your damn chores with a smile on your face um so i love how ben's like he's like yeah it's like all right i'll i'll give a little pep talk. And when he finally runs into her, he's just like, we've all been there. We don't have to chat about it. I guess that is English for a pep talk.

Good talk. I can't tell you how many times I've been there, darling. She's like, okay. And she calls her mom. And I really love good reality moms because it's very rare that you hear one. You know, usually they're telling them to make the worst decisions and you understand where these idiots come from. But Sierra calls her mom crying. She's like, I can't be positive in a storm of negativity.

Her mom's like, put on your rain boots. It's like, I love you. She's like, get over it. All right. Now, here's what we say. Yes, mom. Yes, mom. All right. Got to go. Jeopardy's on. Click. you she's like get over it all right now here's what we say yes mom yes mom all right gotta go jeopardy's on click it was definitely an improvement from roxy last year being like

i sort of miss it oh oh rocky for a minute i call it Yeah, you said Roxy, and it made me think of Chicago. That would make an amazing season. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. A little Bob Fosse on the dick. Yeah. So, Breakfast. Oh, yeah, that's her talk.

Okay, so. So, Rocky. This is the episode where poor Lauren is like, well, I think he likes me. Nico and I, we have such a great relationship. Like, he'll tell a fart joke and i'll be like that was hilarious and then i'll pretend that i'll smell it and like i'm gonna fall down we're gonna get married one day and nico's like oh man it's so fun not ever having to fuck a girl like being able to talk to a girl that you never have to worry about getting it up for. I'm like, oh, no, this poor girl.

I know. Poor Lauren. She, oh, man. You could see it falling apart for episodes, but now it's coming to a head. So, like, yeah, so the guests go to the shore to go to some bar. And Captain Lee's like, yeah, you guys can go. Well, Kate's like, do they have permission to go swimming? Captain Lee's like, yeah, you guys can go swim. Well, Kate's like, do they have permission to go swimming? And Captain Lee's like, yeah, go swimming.

So she goes, guys, I will let you swim. And then she tells us, it makes me crazy when people can't see how lenient I am. And her deadpan face, you can never really tell. Yeah, she's like, I'm going to go sort some pebbles now. So they're swimming, and I was like, oh, poor Rocky. She probably is crying somewhere. I just want to be in the water. No one's doing this with a tail around their legs.

Inhibiting them. I could have done it. I could have done it. So when the guests come back onto the boat, they decide to have – the fat guys decide to have a push-up contest. It's basically the hairy – the back hair Russian dude versus like the Uncle Fester one. And they decide they're going to have a push-up contest, and whoever loses has to get like some chest hair waxed off uh which is just like i'm like why are we being subjected to this why like no matter who wins the uh stews lose yeah can can i do some push-ups and maybe get uh taken out of this contest thank you at least sierra's keeping things positive.

She's like yammering about it. She's like, it's an old wives' tale that people respond to you better when you put lavender oil in your hair. I'm like, what old wives ever said that? I'm not going to let Ben get to me. I'm going to drink lavender water. Okay.

I love old wives tales that originate in Jamba Juice when they tell Kate about the spa party she goes okay sounds great she's just like priming up some good old insults she's like this will be great

she looks fucking miserable. And while they're doing the push-ups, the guys are like, it's like watching Walrus's wit. It's like watching Walrus's mate. Except not as graceful. So they had to wax the really... Well, actually

both of them ended up getting waxed and it was just disgusting. And Emily's like, one of them says something like, why did they say, can we see your V? So, yeah, basically, so they're doing this waxing thing, and they're actually bad at doing it. So the woman, you know, you're supposed to rip it off, and she doesn't do it right, so it rips halfway,

and then you can see the hair tugs back. Oh, my God. I actually, for for one second i felt bad for this guest um and now the thing is i think basically the russian guy was like oh yeah so you know give me a back hair of these they're doing they're making v patterns and that's when one of like there was like one guy who was not getting his hair waxed and he was like emily can we see your v so disgusting it's really quite demeaning it's normal for a woman though whether it's a car honk on the street or an old drunk man asking to see your v it's just part of being a woman yeah a car honk on the street i love just picturing emily walking down the street and a car honking and being like well

that was disrespectful to womanhood. But cheerio, on with my day. It is funny to me that these guys are just like falling over themselves for Emily. She doesn't seem interested in them at all. And, you know, she's cute. But I mean, like, I think they're just like really into the accent or something. They're acting like she's Cindy Crawford, which I guess me making this comment is in and of itself sort of demeaning to her also, like that she's not hot enough to be to be to be fought over. Sorry, ladies.

Well, hey, it's like being on The Bachelor or something. People get hotter as the other people get kicked off. It's just how it is. It's true. You like what you can't have. So then it's nighttime, which gave us a chance to see Kate with some evening pebbles. And then they are all gathering for dinner and again that obnoxious guy who asked about emily's vagina um there there he is

obnoxious again because kate's talking about wines that they have he's like well she's like no we have some other wines if you'd like to try and he goes i'll try you too disgusting disgusting um the best to me was kate laminating that guy's back hair here's his gift yeah it's the perfect gift she is good for a past progressive parting gift and he act they all sign his back hair laminate poster so let's see here what happens talking drama some more some more romance with lauren i love this is another romantic scene with lauren and nico they're sitting down having breakfast or something and she's like yeah you know we're on from we we just take the scabs off because we all get their scabs and we just eat them they're like it's like scab cornflakes nico's like uh it's like you're such a great friend tell me that story yeah please sit across

the table from me please move away yeah so then they come into dock and there's some sort of issue and nico jumps off the boat and it's like like nico don't jump off the boat so this makes me look really bad because like when you jump off the boat like i might as well have jumped off the boat okay dark drama dark drama as usual fenders cables nico jumping so they actually got a pretty decent tip on this one um which is nice and then we get to the new guest. Mark and Heidi. Yeah. With drunk daughters.

It's like the drunk family with four daughters from each has daughters from the previous marriages. And they're just both wasted. And we also get both sides are wasted, I mean. And then we get our new deckhand. Yes. Kyle. Kyle. Hello, Captain. Great to be here. get our new deckhand yes kyle kyle hello captain right me well uh what's your experience what all right well whatever here's your sponge good luck luck. Well, yeah, this guy. But before he came on

board, there was all sorts of interesting stuff that was going on because Kate was talking about Ro and how happy she was being with Ro. And I like it when

I guess at some point either Kate said it or Ben said it that like when they look into your eyes and say I love you. Oh, that's Ben. He said when they look into your eyes and tell you I love you, that's when he can tell you've been bugged. And that's when you know – then Kate goes, that's when you know it's all about to go downhill fast. I'm like, oh, Kate. Those are your words, not ours. Your words, Kate. Go downhill fast.

And also, by the way, I don't know if you noticed, at one point, Captain Lee totally checked out Emily. He, like, looked her up and down, checked out her ass. He fully wants to jump on the Emily train, too. Well, hey, they're not the only ones stuck in prison. I've been over here wearing these sockless loafers. Has anybody said a thing to me? Nope.'m here just waiting ladies don't you dare turn him into shannon mador um he had that voice before shannon mador was even cast okay that's true and then uh kelly you know kelly and nico they're both vying for emily and um you know nico is like nico is like being really

aggressive and trying to hit on emily and and kelly is like listen nico's coming in hot with emily but i'm gonna play the long game instead i'm like i bet you will kelly we've seen the pictures oh yeah you you wear your long game every day yeah you were blessed with a long game love it love your long game so um uh there's all this stuff that's happening there's all this oh yeah because nico i'm looking oh kyle hasn't okay so yeah we skipped way ahead there's all this stuff that happened before kyle arrived because that's when they go out drinking but the night before kyle arrives So they go out drinking. And Lauren is basically receding into herself. Because she's starting to realize that her feelings for Nico are definitely one way. Poor girl.

Poor girl. Nico never even realized. It took Ben to tell him that. Yeah. She's all upset. And then she tries doing that thing where she's like well i'll just be mad at him and then he'll see that i'm mad at him and then he'll come rush up and say don't be mad i love you and no that's not really how that works usually guys are like ew gross yeah if

anything it actually made me like nico more because she was like really sad and he kept on like checking in on her he's like i just want to make sure you're okay. Like, are you okay? He was the one who was picking up on all this stuff. And she was just like, no, no. I can't be around. I can't look at you. I can't look.

No. I was like, Lauren, you can't throw the hissy fit. You can't go off on a tanty. I like when Nico bends like, listen, kid, can you not see the sign? She likes you. Like, kid, can you not say the sign? She likes you. Like, she really likes you. And he goes, I feel so bad for her that I don't have those feelings. I feel so bad for her that she's in love with me.

Happens all the time. But then, so they're all out drinking you know lauren has decided to go off to a beach like and sit there alone um nico is coming on coming on hot on emily and kelly though oh so crap that he's like hey nico you got you got to take care of your girl nico like lauren's over there feeling bad you got to go check in on her so nico goes off to look after lauren and that's of course when kelly immediately goes in on emily yeah he's like oh yeah getting wasted is great huh man i wish i could wake up to ramen noodles tomorrow and she goes vomit he's like no ramen you know like the noodles she goes oh ramen well he's quite interesting he's a quite interesting fellow

yeah she's not having it but so then kelly is like all right well this isn't working so let me try something else you know that nico has a girlfriend right yeah he's like poor guy you know he's out here with his girlfriends at home well that is quite disrespectful of womanhood she is i love that she is the object of everyone's affection because she's the least sexual person i think yeah like she comes across as just not having that vibe at all you know yeah well isn't that a knitting night with nana like oh that's bad right no i meant sounds like a party so then um they all return to the yacht nico is wasted and uh he corners sierra and basically tries to kiss sierra and she just laughs i mean that lavender oil really is working america's like Googling lavender oil right now. So when Sierra walks off, when Sierra just laughs in his face, that's when Nico then corners Emily and is like,

I just have to say, you're like really attractive and like we should be boyfriend and girlfriend and like kissing the vagina and penis right now. Well, if you were a banklo, you would be disapproved. Sorry, stamp. it's like clear it's like i do not approve of gentlemen coming on to ladies when they've already got a gentleman lady at home i don't even know what it is but someone's at home and it's not me that's disrespectful heavens if this were an evite he wouldn't even be a maybe. He would just be a taken. So polite. Yes. So then it's the next morning, and everyone's cleaning, and now Kyle arrives.

And I love how, like, the captain's first comment is like, well, I like a beer to be short and trimmed and well-groomed. So, good job. I can do that. That's all I can do today i'll be like what's your experience i bet it's some blonde fleeting trawlers getting overseas getting back on the street trawler it's a very dangerous job

y'all need swimming on it and i'm not gonna die glad to be here he's like all right well rule number one is do not run by the pool so let's see how you do with that one baby steps kid baby steps well you can put a bottle of clover on a poop but you can't put a poop in a bottle of clover and if you ever get some buckled vol you get the bell clover it's just like a snake you know it's like but you bought big pepper

and sierra's like sierra's like into him immediately I don't know what you're saying Is that lavender? So Kate, this guy in his picture Was holding an apple With a bite taken out of it And Kate said That's either an extremely intelligent Funny person or a psychopath And so she walks up to him and she's like here's

an apple for you he's like uh all right all right what apple she's like uh it's because it was in the photo that you took and it's like oh well it's because i was stuck in a picture and i saw an apple and i said that would look quite good in the picture. So I took a picture with the apple. She's like, oh, darn. B. Sierra's like, that's a great story. That's wonderful. Have I told you about my ambitions in the juicing industry? Kyle, we learn, went on a pub crawl and basically shacked up with a lady and got a daughter out of it.

And now watches this girl eat raisins for 10 minutes a day. pub crawl and basically shacked up with a lady and got a daughter out of it and now uh watches this girl eat raisins for 10 minutes a day i was on a pub crawl met my lady my ex lady had a baby i got to watch her eat grapes for 10 minutes today so that was good no watch raisins every day i call it raisin tv that's really i'm raising child it's raisins oh um uh but kyle he is very quirky he was like ironing a like a like a rag and kate's like oh you know that we can do this he's like oh but i have to say by the way kate i have the same iron and i love it the rowenta it's great it's fabulous i knew i liked k. We have the same iron. Not that she bought that iron, but still, I like to think that we – now whenever I iron, I'm going to feel like I am Kate.

Not like the reality show, but I am Kate Justine. The talk with Kate and Ben, he's saying, do you think the stalking Niko has gone down since last night? She's like, yes, well well he made out with everybody so um to be fair you did give him too much credit to begin with so it makes sense to be fair he was overvalued to begin with on your side um yeah so great so then they tried to apologize to the girl wellika tried to apologize to the girl. Well, he tried to apologize to Emily. He's like, I'm really sorry. Like, you know, I was just like drunk.

So sorry. I'd like to apologize for my actions last night. Which is so someone who's recently lived with their mother. You know, it's like they know exactly how to apologize. And she says, I just felt that it wasn't fair to come after all of us and make us feel like you're trying to win the easiest one. He's like, I know I should not have done that. But, you know, I was just like really drunk and I was just trying to get away from Lauren.

That's all. I found it quite respectful that he apologized for what he'd done, even on top of the disrespect of feeling like a slut. Because it could have been worse. It could have been Trevor. Blank. Wonky. like a slut yeah because it could have been worse it could have been trevor blank wonky by the way i did a private i google last week trying to find some hair modeling pictures of trevor there are none i have seen so many hairstyles from the 80s and that stupid paul mitchell catalog no offense paul mitchell but i've looked through way too much and i never saw trevor and i tried. So sorry, everybody. Sorry.

Yeah, I think, like, volunteering to, like, get your hair cut by students is not the same as being a hair model. But their names were Paul and Mitchell. It took two of them. My bangs were amazing. He's like, I volunteered to get my hair cut on season two of Sheer Genius, but, like, I don't know. Is that what the name of the show sheer genius yeah he's like well i'm the smartest one here i mean i've been on a show called sheer genius so get in line girls this like australian woman yelled at me the entire time i don't know

i think her name was tabitha or something um so then the guests come on keep the guests come on board kate gives a tour she's like this boat's been like recently renovated everything's brand new here are the pebbles and here are the seashells and here are the crystals we'll be using one for different every different meal of the day um those daughters they started to get drunk i i thought that i thought that so those were fun drunk like why would i want an olive in my drink hey why do i want to eat my cocktail? Anybody? He's like, oh, yes.

Now this is a family trip. That's how we do it, too. We're like, let's go wasted. To me, that was like fun drunk passenger. Those were fun drunk passengers. You know, they were just like. It's always fun the first hour. That's true.

That's true. Kyle and Sierra start to flirt. I like how Kyle described it. He was like, oh, she has the Alaskan face, you know, very cold weather, Norwegian. You know, I like that. I like that. I like the girl who looks like a husky with a husky voice. That girl looks like she can build an igloo. I'm all for it.

That's the kind of girl you settle your luggage on the back. I just want to strip some snowshoes on her and go walk in the rain somewhere. That girl looks like a cold weather car She wants one of those commercials With a SUV They come to a river And then the woman with the sled Has the dogs They have to blow the dogs into the SUV

And they drive across the river I like that I like that woman I like a woman who can Load it into a car You can make sweet love to it at night And in the daytime You can sell rides on the back It's a strong woman With a strong cold weather face woman who could load it into a car you can make sweet love to it not and in the daytime you can

sell rides on the back it's a strong woman with a strong cold weather face i like a woman that you have to take a helicopter to there's no roads to her oh gosh um so everybody loves kyle because even if he's saying fuck you to their face no one really can tell but you know he's good with a swiffer so they're like you can stay yeah it sounds like the audio is constantly being dropped out of his mic so like well we only hear every third syllable and we like it and that's pretty much where we end right well he's flirting with sierra him and sierra fall in love over talking about nothing he's like it's dumb on the She's like, before I felt like I was dying and I couldn't survive on the oxygen of negativity.

But then you came on and you're very positive. He's like, what? Who will defy us? She's like, I don't know what that is, but it sounded like poetry. Yeah. And then they put out the Critter free pool and he's diving around and then he comes up and he's like flopping And then he comes up, and he's, like, flopping around.

And his arm is weird. And they're like, Kyle! Kyle! Oh, my God. What's wrong with Kyle? It's like, dun-dun-dun. Hey, critter. Move.

Poo. It's supposed to be a critter free pool, but I'm a critter down there. I'm a critter bit. I'm a bit critter. He brought a critter with him. Hey. Didn't anybody check Kyle for critters? This is what happens when you let your beard grow too long.

Hey, this is why Alien got a sequel, huh? So we have to wait until next week to find out what happened with Kyle in the critter-free pool. Only on this show. Only on this show. What happened to Trevor's critter arm? Next week on this show. Only on this show. What happened to Trevor's critter arm? Next week on Below Dick. Oh yeah, Kyle. If you can't handle a free pool,

hang a hand on the fender when we come into dock. That's what I want to do. Everybody, thanks so much for listening to Watch What Crappens. We love you. If you want our bonus episodes, etc., go over to patreon.com slash watch what crappens and go to facebook.com slash watch what Crappens. We love you. If you want our bonus episodes, et cetera, go over to patreon.com slash watch what crappens. And go to facebook.com slash watch what crappens to talk crap with the other listeners throughout the week. And, of course, for all those links, just head on over to watch what crappens.com.

Okay? Okay. Bye, everybody. Bye, everyone. Have a great weekend. I love it. everyone. Have a great weekend.