Watch What Crappens - #3354 The Valley S3E06: Park of Unamusement

Episode Date: May 7, 2026

It’s a San Diego weekend for The Valley. Janet tries to convince everyone she’s just a perk bubbly fun lover, which triggers Kristen. Meanwhile, Danny tosses away any viewer support he might have had into the gutter when he gets mad at his wife for being…too nice. To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and get ad free listening, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, hello and welcome to watch what crapans. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben over there. Hello, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? Good. How are you?

I am like beyond great right now. Wow. How are you? Wow. Beyond great. Well, because I spent basically two and a half seasons of the valley saying that there's pools of darkness in Danny's eyes. And finally,

finally he showed him his true self and I'm like I get to be Ronnie today I can say I did it I saw it I saw it he was a little asshole oh my god that guy's pretty much irredeemable at this point F that guy God yeah I told you

I said last season he's being protected I said last season he's being protected and now Jacks isn't there so now they're showing it all meish Well, we'll get into that. It is the Valley Day today on Watch What a Cropins. We're doing a cabaret in New York. A musical. A Bravo musical. It's going to be on June 3rd and June 5th in New York City at Club 42, okay?

The tickets are sold out for the first two shows. We added a show on June the 5th at 9.30 p.m. So that's our last one. It's going to be super fun. So come see that. If you want to live stream the show, there are tickets for all three nights to like. So you can join us that way if you want to. Okay, who's going to stop you? Not me. So join us for that. Also, if you want this recap on video or you want bonus episodes or you want ad-free listening

or you want Discord server to talk to other listeners, all that good stuff, go to patreon.com. That's where you get that. And today, it's the Valley, Season 3, Episode 6, All Aboard. All aboard. Yes, we're going to San Diego. San Diego. You know, we should probably address one thing right at the top of this episode that, you know, last week, I know I personally was like, oh my God, this is so crazy. Michelle Lolly and Dr. Dre. Like, this is absolutely, I was like, because I was so amused that, that Michelle Lolly, like, has wound up with like a global superstar and icon. Like, like, where did that come from? I'm still very amused by that. But a lot of people DM me to remind me that, that Dr. Dr. Dre also has a horrific, terrible past as someone who's beaten up his wives and girlfriends. And so, like, I'm not making light of that at all whatsoever.

And it's also very scary. And I hope that that, like, Michelle will be okay and safe. But I didn't know address. I, if I didn't know, it just is something I just wasn't even thinking about. It wasn't coming up on my Dr. Dr. Google alerts. What can I tell you?

My doctor, my Dr. my Dr. Google Alert set. Yeah. But yeah, I didn't even know, but I looked it up and it's bad. I mean, yeah, he's an asshole. It even, you know, even beyond that stuff, like when you, what am I trying to say beyond? Like what's even worse than abuse?

I'm not trying to say that. I'm just starting aside. Maybe saying aside from. In addition to being an abuser, he's quoted as saying something like, well, so what? Like, you know. Like just blowing it off. Like, who cares? Like, she started it.

I'm like, oh, wow. Classy. Fucking classy. So, yeah, that guys are real pricks. So, yeah, it's a lot, it's a lot dornier. And maybe. Michelle's thinking there. But, uh, yeah.

Yikes. So, like, that was obviously not something that we were considering as we were just being snarky. It was just to me, of course, I'm always attracted to the shiny trinkets of fame. And I'm like, oh, my God. How hilarious that she's, you know, the only one. Apparently. Yeah.

I love the fact that, like, she went from Jesse Lolly to a superstar. And I was like, oh, oh my god that's so cool but obviously there's more than meets the eye so i just want to acknowledge that like we hear you all on that so uh it wouldn't be the valley without you know undertones of darkness and we have lots of that today so i know right like way to start it off everyone um so we're at lolo so it's the valley so of course someone's gonna you know date an abuser wouldn't be the first time on this show but what the fuck are you thinking michel you have a child Hello.

So, yeah, so now previously Tom went out. What were you going to say? I was just going to skip the previously because it starts with previously Tom, and I'm like, I'm just going to skip it. Previously. Previously stuff happening.

I will say I had kind of a very valley moment last night. I felt like I felt like it was, felt like a la-la moment, which is appropriate because it happened at a valet stand. So, you know, valley, valet is almost the same thing. And I was getting my car from the valet. and this girl walks right up to the ballet and goes, can I get my fucking car?

I've been waiting an hour, a fucking hour. And I was like, oh my God. I was like, it's all happening. An amazing moment at the ballet stand. And I was like, she looked like Lala. She was talking like Lala. I was like this. And the ballet was like horrified.

And then, and then she just started to laugh. She goes, I'm fucking with you, Dustin. I'm fucking with you. It's my birthday. She goes, I did a good job, right? And then I was like, yeah, you did a good job. He's like, yeah, I didn't know what the fuck was going on. I was like, you did a really good job.

She goes, oh, my God, thank you. I really committed. I said, I'm going to talk about it on the podcast. My podcast tomorrow. She goes, you are? Oh, my God. Thank you. So here it is, me talking about it.

But also, like, who the fuck does that? It's funny. Terrifying the poor valet. I love that. That's funny. So we start with Lala, speaking of. She's walking around the house while Sosa crawls behind her. And she's like, yeah, that's so good, suss.

Bye, girl. And Soss is like, bye, girl. Bye, girl. I think she just said, blah, la, la, wow. And they put on, bye, girl. But it was still pretty cute. Top of the morning. Top of the morning, Julia. And then we go to Michelle's house, and she's with Isabella. And she's like, I think you need to burn up some energy, Isabella. Do you want to practice a push-up? What? I feel like I've never heard a parent say that. Like, okay, normally it's like you need a timeout or do you want to draw?

You need, do you want a snack, but not do you want to practice a pushup for the president's physical fitness exam coming up? I would like you to hang from this bar for a little while and let a Z how that works out. Would you like to work on your floor routine? Yeah, she doesn't make her kid do push up. So Isabella's just writing her while she does push up. Oh my gosh, it's so cute. That Cokehead guy, big eyes, whatever his name was, is at home like, darn, now she's working out as much as I wanted.

So then Zach arrives at Tom Tom, and Tom himself is behind the bar. And Zach is like, oh, my God, since like, what are you behind the bar, sir? And he's like, oh, my God, Zach. So they go to the back because they have a big table out there. and Janet is Janet's there so because she now has like made some inroads with Zach so like she's really excited to be doing things like having drinks with a friend again

which she hasn't done all season she's like oh my god did you leave Brinney's house before us or after us? I left like slightly before you all oh my god. Just like oh my god best friend best friend you guys like left a little bit after us oh my god amazing. So Tom says he got them bloody marries but they're not bloody marries

or like vodka sodas. He's like oh well i wake a wicked bloody mary but you know this guy has a signature one i thought you dig i'm i'm like in my youthful phase now i'm like dating young people so i'm gonna say youthful things like dig a lot in this episode i dig her i dig this i dig his i dig his recipe youth am i right the kids are still saying that right i dig it yeah by the way i totally it's like you Let's have a peek behind the curtain. A lot of times I watch these shows. I watch them.

I like internalize them, but then I go through this like period of time where I forget anything that happened on the show for like the two hours leading up to this podcast. It's really weird. And then as we start to go through our notes, it all comes back to life for me. It's like a wilted plant that's being watered.

And I completely forgot about Tom's model friend. And oh my God, this girl, which she is so ridiculous. This girl, Keanu comes on. And I'm just remember. it now and I know like I'm jumping the gun here by talking about her before she's coming up. But I'm like, guys, this girl is so ridiculous. This girl is ridiculous. I was cracking out by her. Kiana. My friends Kiana and Rachel, they're so amazing. They're going to come. Yeah, I met this devastatingly. I don't know, beautiful woman. We met one of the last nights of shorts and Sandy's was

open, but you know, it's just like always platonic until, you know, she came in town and then we We went on a date and then it just was like it went exponential. Like I haven't introduced her to my friends yet because part of me just doesn't want to jinxed. I'm just so nervous. I'm just a boy. So then Tom was like, yeah, she's a model. She lives in New York, but she also has a place here. She's a baller.

Wow, Tom, how old is your lady friend? She's 27. The old perfect age. I know it's a little bit on the old end, but you know, I'm getting older and wise. So, you know, I just figured, why not date a geriatric? Yeah, 27. He's 43. So that's, you know, 16 years.

I guess in L.A., that's not so bad, you know. So he says they bumped into each other at a bar. And she approached him, of course, because, you know, he's on TV. Then she wouldn't date him. But now he's on TV again. So now she's dating him is how I'm taking all this. And Janet's like, so she's not your girlfriend. She's just a talking kind of friend.

Oh no, she's like my favorite person ever. She's like amazing. Oh, me? It's my, Britney. Oh, dear. I can't drink today, y'all. I gotta be sober. That guy.

Oh, my God. Y'all, she has to be sober from now until her surgery. It's insane. Yeah, I've got these tighties out and putting new ones back in. Basically, ran dressing on the left, has an island on the right. and Jason's like, oh, well, I didn't know you were doing that. Like, yeah, I'm getting a full mom bike over. Hey, let's look at what the doctor said a few days ago.

Flashback, please. These doctors, my goodness. Like, I'm coming in for some love handle work. And the doctor's like, all right, you want to go smaller with the boobs? All right, we'll also do some lip-bo here, lip-ball on your back, your flanks, your butt, your feet. We're going to take off your feet. We're going to replace your knee with an actual knee that's decent looking. Okay, you should be embarrassed to these things.

when he said we're going to like lipo your back and flanks the flanks was hilarious to be flanks we're also going to take out your sirloin and uh i don't know you want that rib eye in there too or should you just take the whole thing out one thing that's perfect on you your ham your ham's really good so um and then he goes don't worry we can get you in and out of here real quick okay First of all, is that true that you just go in and get all of that done and it's real quick. And second of all, I don't want to hear that. Like, you're about to redo my entire body. I don't want to hear how easy it is for you.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Take a long time, please. Yeah. So then Brittany sits down and then she's looking at Zach and Janet. And she's like, oh, this is amazing. You too. And Janet's like, I know.

I mean, look at my best friend of me. Look, isn't this funny? And Zach tells us, um, with Janet, I can. always have like a surface level meal with her but like i don't want her thinking that like one apology fixes everything like words mean nothing i need to see actions and uh but janet of course is like i actually think janet is just being tongue-in-cheek here uh but she's also kind of like i think she's also trying to annoy zach because she keeps on calling him her best friend over and over and over again and uh he is like gritting his teeth he's like no we're not this friends like excuse me

That's just Janet. You know, it's funny Janet. It's funny charming Janet. What are you going to do? Yeah, you know, the word breakthrough, it's a strong word. It's really a strong word. But, you know, I mean, it sounded like you had a heavy, healthy conversation. Yeah, we have the best conversation.

We're like besties now, right? Zach, me and Zach, my bestie. She says, yeah, Zach's my friend. And he can take a joke, you know, normally. And, like, we can play tennis with it. You know, me and go back and forth with that witty repartee. Like, I'm your bestie. No, you're not.

Yes, I am. I hate you. You want to come to my birthday? Wish you were dead. It's really fun. I'm glad to have this back. We had, like, one conversation where we didn't, like, try to kill each other just for once. And, like, that does not make us BFFs.

I'm her BFF. Apparently, she's not mine. It's a pretty big of good. Yeah, you know what? Well, San Diego, that means everything might be a little bit better, too. Oh, I'm, like, super excited. decided to take the train down. Oh, are we taking the try the two to?

Okay, do we have to shovel coal, coal into the burner? Like, how's that work? Are we going back in time? We're going forward in time. I don't know. We have to be 85 miles per hour, right? It's the best train.

The view is just like crazy cool. I do love that train. I love it too. Although we had that terrible experience once where we took the train down to San Diego for a show and then we're going to take the train back up to L.A. for our show that night. and then we had to the train was canceled because it hit someone so we had to that was like traumatic especially for the person and uh are you blaming the train for hitting the person that is that is not

fair that was not cool the person was to blame in that one the train is going on a very specific route i know the train did not just come out of nowhere i know i agree and then we had to take an uber all the way from San Diego to L.A., which was very expensive, and we had a driver who talked the entire time. And I don't even remember what you said, talked about at this point, but it was, it was terrible. Yeah, I blacked that part of it out. I blacked the Uber part of it out.

It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappence commercial. So, um, now, um, guess who's here, guys? Kiana, um, what a dork. This chick is such a lose. Okay. So she comes in wearing sunglasses and refuses to take them off and then just like keeps pulling them down. Yeah.

She like keeping them on the tip of her nose to look at people and then put some right back up. So I'm thinking either she's just a weirdo or she's just a daytime cokehead. What do you think? She is a weirdo. I feel like she's someone who saw modeling on TV and I was like, I'll be that. I'll be Gigi. I know how to do it because she obviously, she looks like a model. She's like a model for sure.

She's not not a model. but like her whole demeanor is so bonkers. With those sunglasses, she spans half the scene with them perched on the very tip of her nose. Like she's in a beer commercial from the 80s, like checking out like a hot girl in a bikini. And she's like, hey guys, like what's going on? I'm like, either take them off or keep them on,

but like this up and down, up and down was like driving me nuts. And she also sort of like came in with a vibe like, hey, I'm like I've been part of this friend group for a long time. Like she just was already up and big. And she's like, I'm here, real, hey, everyone. Hi, I'm Keanu. Everyone, okay, hi, what's going on. Okay, oh my God, what a day, right, guys?

Like, I'm going to sit at the head of the table. That's where the models sit normally. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. There's my friend Naomi Campbell over there. Hi, hi. It's model talk. Sorry.

What's going on with you, non-models? Yeah, I was saying they're 16 years apart, which isn't that bad for L.A., but you really see it in this scene. Because she's like, oh, my God. Hi, I'm a model. I'm in sunglasses. I'm in L.A. I'm wearing sunglasses.

is on the tip of my nose. So sorry, I can't look at you guys. What I got the head of the table? Me, Karen, the model. Hilarious, you guys. Hilarious. Yeah, I'm here in L.A., but I'm also in New York. You guys totally travel all the time. Guess what? Traveling to London on Monday. That's right. Yeah, I'm at the head of the table. I'm flexing. I travel a lot. I'm a young model. So where you guys going? Oh, San Diego? That's great. I'm sure they have a huge high fashion scene. I'm going to to like New York and London because like that's what models do. Oh my God. It's like I just got back into town. But like is it count as back into town if you already live here? Is you just like, you're just in town all the time because your house represents you? I don't know. It's crazy

being a model. Yeah, I'm like back and forth like once a week. I leave on Tuesday. And Janet says, oh, wow. So the miles. You must have a lot of miles. Am I right? Do you follow the points guy? Jason loves the points guy. We're best friends. How high is the hood over your stove? The joke of a day. It's the joke I tell. You're very tall. I don't think you could come to my house. You may have a head injury if you come to the kitchen.

You're a model. Your model. That's really cool. Do you have a ball pit in your house? No. Didn't think so. So then Zach is like, I wish I could be as cool as Keanu. I mean, I don't know if I look good in glasses, though.

Like, do I have it? Do I have it down? Like, who are better? Me or Keanu. I wish I were skinny as her, though. Like whatever. Hey, hey, so, Giana and Tom, how many dates have you guys been on? Have you been to Buffalo Wildlings yet?

Because that's where all the supermodels go, I heard. Okay, calm down, relax over there, crazy lady. Oh, geez. Oh, yeah, Brittany, what are you a journalist or something? Well, it's just I've known Tom for years and just seeing him like, oh goody, he just made me laugh. Like that. It's just so cute. Look at his face.

So give you so love. You guys love. Y'all gonna have babies. You're gonna have baby right now, aren't you can't? That baby. Oh, baby. And to answer your question, I'm a journalist for your cool guy, quarterly. So Jason is...

You're a cool guy. You're a cool guy. You're a cool guy. You're a cool guy. So, uh, Zach is like, Tom, how about you go get drinks at the front of the bar with Keanu because the producer said we have to shoot you away. He's like, oh, great.

So Tom and Keanu. go to the bar and this was such a gratifying moment for me and I think you know exactly why because they sit on the bar stools at the bar and Keanu's like uh what the fuck I'm a model this is way too low and he's like oh gosh the only complaint we ever get here is that this tools are too low and that is 100% correct the first time I went to Tom Tom I sat on those bar stools And they are like, they're like, um, chair height, not bar height. And bar height is a different height, like a bar stool is higher than a chair, as I think we all know. Yeah.

For anyone who's ever sat on a stool versus a chair. And so when you sit on them, you literally the bar comes up to your clavicle. And you feel like you're in some like movie where there's an adult playing like a kid and they put them in a low chair. So that way they look smaller. And I just like when you, when you, you can't like rest your arm. arms on the bar because it's so high up and you're like what is going on here and i love tom sitting here saying acknowledging it first and foremost but then i got mad because i'm like if this is the only complaint you get and this bar's been open for almost seven years if not more why have you guys

not changed your bar stools like this is you guys literally just renovated your entire bar you opened up a whole second section of it and you can't get new bar stools i am like furious now because now you have acknowledged that you know about the problem and you're you're not doing anything about it. Get standard size bar stools enough already. It's on purpose, man. That's why they don't get rid of it. It's a design choice because it's Tom Tom and every man needs to go into that bar

and sit down and feel like a little boy. Because I'm just a boy. I'm in just a boy. I want to bring a fucking booster seat next time I go into Tom Tom. And he goes, I'm sorry my friends are so embarrassing. She goes, why? This is like LMS. A-O.

Oh, God, when she said that, I forgot. This is L-M-F-A-O. Oh, my God. So Tom's like, well, yeah, but people love the food. They love the drinks. They love the vibe. And they're like, why is the seat so low? Yeah, get a booster seat.

Oh, my God. Ben on the podcast just said that. And now he's embarrassed. Like, Keanu said the same thing, too. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. go to phone book, but you don't even know what that is, because you're just a little baby.

So she's like, yeah, let's not go there. And he says, cheers. And she says, cheers, I contact. Hold on. Let me pull my, to pull down my classes. Yeah, eye contact. Okay, they're back up. They're back up now.

Yeah, they're all conspiring me to get set up on dates and everything. And I was just like, well, I do have a crush. Oh, God. I believe I just saw that. Oh, a little little kindergarten crush. gosh. Oh, my gosh. You're not there.

I didn't say that to anybody. Oh, my God, you're there. Oh, my God. You're there. Oh, my God. You're there. Are you playing peekaboo with me? Could you please stop playing peekaboo? But that's what you're doing with your glasses, isn't it?

Yeah. And then she's like, oh, so what does your crush look like? Oh, she's tall. She's funny. She's ridiculously good looking. And her nose can really hold a good sunglass on it. Oh, wow. That sounds like me.

Yeah, and she's got a rakish whid. Oh, well, thank you. I mean, so we, uh, we, so, so we talk to no girls seriously. Uh, no. What, what's happening? Gosh, I haven't had this feeling in quite some time and I don't know. There's a part of me that's like extra precious with this one. Cause as we get older, the girls stay younger.

Ha, remember that joke? I don't want to fuck it up. I don't know how many more chances I have at love. Well, you have to first take a chance at love to get a chance at love. love. I'm sure this is going to work out great. Yeah. This seems like a real chance at love.

Kiana with the sunglasses. Yeah. I was like, I guess we have a crush on each other. And she's like, yeah, I guess. She goes, well, I want you to know, I'm strict. And goes, yeah, you're strict. I love that.

Alpha. I love that. I like a short leash. She's like, you like a short leash? Okay. Say less. She'll get a short leash. Oh, please, Tom.

You do not like a short leash. What are you talking about? Fire this man from this show. This is evidence. This is enough right here. Fire this man. It's just not interesting. It's too annoying.

It's too stupid. Like just get him out. Like keep him as a friend of. Friend of is fine. But like we do not need to see these scenes anymore. This is a creative failure on part of, on the part of Bravo and Alex Baskin and whoever else is like the caterer, everyone everyone involved.

The Uber driver who got him here. Everyone failed. So now we go over to everyone, every single person. Kristen. Meeting up with Lacey and Nia, the costume store. So first of all, this was so cruel because this store is on Hollywood Boulevard, which means that meant that they dragged all these people over to Hollywood for the scene.

Are there no costumes in the valley? I mean, it's a famous costume store for sure in the city. But poor Nia, having to drive all the way down from Santa Clarita to go to this dingy part of Hollywood Boulevard. And you know she was not, she walked in all smiling. She's like, like, cameras are on, got a smile. You know, she was like, Daniel, they're making me walk on the ball. Hollywood Walk of Fame. I'm scared.

She immediately covers the baby's face. She did. She did. I don't want the baby to see anything in here. I mean, because there were scary things, but also it's a baby. I mean, that baby wakes up to Danny's face every day. That baby's about to wake up to you guys having sex tonight, by the way. Spoiler alert, according to the rest of the episode.

So, Kristen, like, here's our baby sleeping. Well, probably not anymore. Geez, Kristen. The werewolf just ran into the back room. Like, what was that? She's like, wow, this place is special, huh? But I guess we need costumes for San Diego. Because, you know, like, I don't know.

I have a thing plan. It's going to be so fun. You know, we're going to, you know, because I was a beauty pageant girl. Well, so now first, Lacey comes in before we figure out what's going on. And she's like, hi. Hi, everybody. Wow. I don't know if I'm even going to go to San Diego because.

I don't love spending time with people that I don't want to be around. Well, that's understandable. You know, I understand what Janet. No, Jesse. I don't want to be around him. Really? You didn't want to go so bad that you came all the way here from Newport. I guess she's probably staying with Jesse overnight or something.

Yeah, by the way, that's the other thing. Like, I mean, even like Santa Clarito's farm, Newport to this stupid costume shop and just to get some tiaras. Excuse me. Yanks. This is so cruel. So is it Michelle you don't want to be around? No, I find Michelle fine. Any issue I've had with Michelle in the past really derived, in my opinion?

I thought she was going to say from Jesse because it's from Jesse. She's like, but it's from Janet. Because Jesse's told Michelle and Janet how badly it hurt my feelings. And Janet never even attempted to apologize. Dot, dot, dot. So. No. I'm sorry.

That's a stretch. You cannot blame Janet. for why you dislike Michelle. Like, that's crazy. It's Jesse. No, Michelle. Yeah. Wait.

You can't blame Janet for the reason you've had problems with Michelle. Yeah, yeah, I see. I'm sorry, you can't. Like, the thing was, you served a season to assist to Janet. And now you're going to be like, I don't want, like, I'm mad at her now. I mean, yeah, sure, you don't want Janet talking about you on TV. Fine. But that can't be the reason why you have issues with Michelle.

I'm sorry. That's not it. It's because Jesse has told you all the worst parts of Michelle. And now, though, you realize it poofs you to be nicer to Michelle because Michelle's being a little nicer and it's like a bad look. So it's just like, just throw it on to Janet because she's like the punching bag. I mean, deservedly so. You know, not saying like, does deserve, not literally a deservedly so, but more like Janet causes a lot of shit. So a lot of people get annoyed at her. So like I understand why people get annoyed. But I feel like this is a weird. This feels like

a stretch even for this show. I'm all for it. So Lacey's like, well, she was reaching out to people I know, like trying to find things out, Ben. See? So it's more than just what Michelle did. She was investigating me. It's weird to me when somebody has screenshots of like my HOA fees and there's Reddit threads about me and her phone. Like, I feel like she's looking for a smoking gun, but my life is pretty transparent.

It's more like you should be spending your time in a more efficient way. So like, you're going to need a little more spice here. Yeah, you need to be like, you need to spend more time fixing your low range. The smoking gun is in my doomsday bunker, which I will never say where it is. Something. So, Nia, Nia's like, Lacey and I do have a lot in common. I don't really want to be around Janet ever for the rest of my life. So Lacey says, it's more like that mean girl mentality of like,

she just wanted to gang up on me and maybe I'll go, I don't know, maybe. And Chris goes, well, I would love for you to go and hang out with me. It's like, yeah, hang out with us. It'll be fun. Just the three of us having a big fun personality time. Yeah, so much fun. Come join us. That's these two.

Lots of fun. Chris and the Mia, lots of fun right now. So Michelle is packing for San Diego and everyone's packing. It's a packing scene. And Zach's like, oh my God, I'm sorry. So glad we got safari outfits for this trip. It's going to be amazing. And why are they acting like San Diego is some glamorous faraway destination?

It's hilarious, especially when Michelle's like, I cannot believe we are going to go to my home down of San Diego. Everyone will Z where I am from. We've all been to San Diego, Michelle. It is funny. They really are acting like it's an exotic place. to go to and it's like it's nice San Diego's nice but like you're not going to the Seychelles. So Nia

is like I really hope I can get I hope we can get our daughter on the bottle before we leave. Yeah because she's laughing because she thinks that's funny. She's saying no no no safari Safari Park right whatever so they're just like packing and Danny

really wants to bring ripped jeans and she's like Rip jeans are over no no ripped jeans and then they show like 10 pictures of Danny only wearing ripped jeans everywhere he goes. I mean, listen, I love an actor wearing jeans with no material over the knees because it just shows how hard they work to get where they are. This is hard.

So now, Kristen and Luke are packing and everything and Luke is like, this is the time to wear my cargoes, isn't it? See, I guess that's all he really needed was just to wear some cargo short. once in a while. She's like, you could absolutely wear your cargoes. You can't just bring a ton of t-shirts. You know,

I'm bringing a ton of t-shirts. You bring your cargoes. Let's go wild in San Diego. Yeah, all the men want on this show is to just wear terrible pants. They're like, so we're on vacation.

I get freedom to wear the terrible pants of my choice, right? Yes, you do. So then she's like, by the way, did you hear any of the conversation with Zach yesterday because we went to Tom Tom?

So like, yeah, here's what happened. I said, how are you and Janet? And he was like, she's totally delusional. She thinks like we're best friends now. And he's like, I don't trust her.

She's crazy. Cuckaw. I mean, yesterday, Zach calls me and he's like, I'm not friends with Janet. And it's like, Zach, if you're giving like her an inch, she's going to take a mile. Like, what version are you giving her? Oh my God, I can't believe that Zach talked to Janet. She's like spiraling about this conversation. She's like, yeah, he's been like really flip floppy.

And she also told Zach that she thinks her and I are good. And I was like, what the fuck planet do you live on, Janet? Fuck. Yeah. And you said like, um, like, um, like, um, um, Oh, wait, sorry. Sorry, that was me doing my exact impersonation. Kristen, you're like, it was very convincing.

Yeah, so you said, she said something about like a piece pipe. Was there, but there was no conversation. Yeah, no, like, whatever. Like, we both were like smoking weed. It's like, whoa, wow, we got something in common for like five minutes. We'll smoke weed. Like, there's no piece pipe, bitch. Jeez.

Kristen just said, if you give her an inch, she'll take a mile. You gave her a piece pipe or you gave her a pipe. That was the inch. Yeah. That was the inch. That was it. commercials Here comes one right now

So Michelle and Brittany arrived at the train station And Michelle's like Oh my God, I can't believe you have two suitcases That was a great A pretty impersonation Michelle So

Why are we both doing that today Because we're deranged So Britney's like I've never been here before That's why I've never been to San Diego This is so cool Wait she's never been to San Diego She's never been to this train station.

She must mean this train station. The train station. I've never seen this little train station either, right? I always go to the Grand Central thing. Yeah, there's one in the valley. Like, if you want to get on Amtrak, you don't have to go down to Union Station. There is a place in the valley. But it's kind of funny because it's the one at Union Station is like, Union Station is this old historic building.

It's beautiful. And it's just you walk in. You're like in an old-timey station and they shoot a lot of movies there. you probably actually have seen it in one of your favorite movies maybe. But then like, then you go to like the where they have to go, which is like, I don't know,

I don't know if it's like Burbank or like bad nyes, but they're just like standing next to gravel. Just out there, the sun beating down on them. And they're all just sitting there on these like rusted over iron benches. And only bring me. And just feel like it's so this show. I love it.

How glamour is. this is so cool so yeah they're just all waiting for that train and everyone arrives and they're all just standing there with their bags and Michelle's like it feels kind of strange but exciting to go back to where I grew up because I have a lot of great memories of my family living in San Diego so it's super cool

that we get to go to San Diego and people get to see a little piece of me and I'm excited for when I get them all on the pommel horse who's never been on a train before anybody I've been on one in Canada but never this one wait, we're in Canada is Canada

I've been in like I'm sorry what a funny distinction to make has anyone ever been on a train well I went out one of those Canadian trades but they're not the same as American trains right is that

Grisden's Nidner's that she is bringing with her Yeah, it's Chris and Fran, but she's really good with the baby. So she's going to come. She's going to come with us. You should have like a drink on the train, Michelle. She's like, you can drink on the drain? Yeah, you could do anything you want on a train. Airport rules.

Yes, airports. The place known where the place that I famously think of as a ruleless space. When I go to an airport, I go finally, no more rules at the airport. So Jesse is asking Kristen how she is. She's stressed. I mean, it's just hard to be with like the baby and all this stuff and making sure she's happy. And then, you know, she should have been down for enough like 45 minutes ago. Jesus Christ.

Everyone knows I'm anxious when I travel and I'm kind of a hot mess express. I for this trip, have a baby. So then we see some classic shots of Kristen being a mess on Banner Pump rules. I wish they had shown her falling over in the lobby of that hotel or her chomping on the flower she picked from a traffic median. After she fell down in the median. She fell down in the median and came back eating a flower. Yeah. They missed an opportunity here for sure.

So Lacey is coming, but she's going to be driving guys because it doesn't make sense to go from Newport to Burbank to the train. You know, so she's willing to go from Newport to the costume shop to Newport to Burbank to the train. train, but, you know, this really fucked it up. I feel like she should have just got on, couldn't she have boarded the train from Orange County because it's going to go through there, right? Pick it up and San Juan Capistrano get wild. Maybe that's what he's saying. I don't know.

So, um, they all get on the train and the conductor, I guess they're like getting some kind of influence or whatever for this train because they really sell the train. conductors are like, good morning. It's train 770, southbound Pacific surfline service in the glamorous San Diego. Welcome aboard. Look out the window at the gorgeous scenery as we chew-choo past Los Angeles. Smoke bomb. Was there ever a conductor here in the first place? Hey, where'd that person go? Just Lisa doing illusions. So Tom So Tom's like Jesse, don't fall asleep yet.

Nobody's falling asleep. Let him fall asleep so he doesn't talk. And Zach is like, oh my God. Like this is what like I'm living for a vacation, Michelle, like snooky Michelle. And then Danny is, he tells us because yeah, trips have definitely changed before children when Nia and I would go on trips. There's not much responsibility. We have the freedom to do whatever we want, whenever we want.

And that's just not the case when you've got kids. Also, it's a time when you can get drunk and she won't get mad as mad as you. So I'm ready to get boogeing, okay? If I don't get to that alcohol, shoot enough, I'm going to get real cranky. Okay, everyone, yes. Hey, Danny, Danny, would you hold her for a little minute for it so I can eat and then I'll take her? And he's like, well, I'm going to go get a coffee. Well, do you want to put her in her carrier then?

I'm going to go down and get a coffee. Did you hear me? Oh, hell no. Excuse me, sir. Excuse me. No one asked you to have 30,000 children. You can help your wife and take the fucking kid with you. Why is it her responsibility to hold that thing all the time?

You were the one who put in the request for this child, by the way. We saw you put the slot in the suggestion box and say, I'd like another baby. And she said, I don't want to have another baby. And you pushed it. You pushed for the baby and for Santa Clarita. And now you don't even want to hold the baby for one second. There was a comment saying that she was the one that wanted to have the baby and that we're forgetting our history. I think that they both wanted another baby, but she was saying, if we're going to have another baby, we need to have it now because I want my body back.

I don't want to wait a couple of years. Like we're going to have it right now if we're going to have this baby. Fine. So, but still, still, you guys could have, you know, slowed down. You guys made the, you did this, Danny. This is your sperm, grown up and snotting all over her all fucking day. You can do this. And he is still asking for babies because he wants a brother for Asher as if like you can just do that.

You can just request the gender necessarily. So I guess you kind of can. But like I think the way they're doing it, I don't. That's they're doing it like old fashioned. You can't do it the cheap way. Yeah, you can't do it the cheap way for sure. But the point is that. You have to bring science into it, which I don't know that we believe in.

So I'm just going to say that right now. He cares more about holding that coffee than he does about holding that baby. And like there's a million other friends on the bus. us or on the train, you can have someone else get you your coffee. But maybe he wants to get coffee with a little thing, little spike in it, you know, off camera. But he gives her a whole lot of attitude. And I was like, this is, this is it. I'm telling you, dark eye Danny.

Be careful. Be careful with this man. That's what they called him last year, right? Dark side Danny. So, Janet's like, I think this weekend we should bunk together. Me and Zach, what about a Jack and Jill bathroom situation? and Zach, because we're best friends now, right? We can come see each other in the morning.

It's going to be so funny. He goes, um, the first thing that I see when I wake up in the morning cannot be your face. But like, how good of an idea is this? Like, you want a big birthday party? It's like the same week as Jason and Danny and Schwartz. So we could do like a Zach and the three unwise men party. And we, he could be like Jesus in this situation too. And Jasmine's like, oh, great.

Love it even more. And Zach's like, um, do you see what she's doing right here? Do you see how she's doing this? Like, oh, no, I'm just planning a birthday. party because they told me like the best friends always plan the birthday party Zach. It's like, stop it. Stop saying we're both friends. Okay, baby steps. Baby steps. They're called baby stops. And you're like Olympic jumping right now. So Kristen's all pissed off. And she's like, oh my God. I did not know that that many people on the train are dying for attention.

This is classic Kristen where she's like very mad about a social dynamic. So Janet, She's mad at somebody. You're supposed to be mad at somebody with her. And if you are not as mad as she is about the person, she is going to lose her shit on you. It's Christian. It's classic. That's what she's always been,

always been for over 10 years. So then Janet's asking Zach and Benji if they want to have babies. And Zach, yeah, it's like a non-negotiable for Bungee. Like, yeah, and like it's great because he can take care of both me and a child. Like, it's like two kids. It's fine. Jack goes, oh my God. Just let me know when you need a uterus.

Stop, stop offering your uterus out. Disgusting. I didn't want to think about it. I just saw Kristen's vagina last week. Jason's like, yeah, could we not maybe offer your uterus to every day you're trying to impress? Okay. That would be nice. Well, I'm just not sure if Zach's ready for me to be planning his birthday, but he's probably also not ready for me to carry his child.

But a girl can dream, right? hilarious Janet. Funny Janet on the scene. So Jesse's like, are you guys best? best friends. Now, yeah, we're best, best friends. Oh, I'm so mad at this. So then Jack is like, I can feel Kristen's death stare like the eye of Siren is on the side. So it's Sauron, sorry not siren. And just like staring directly on me into my soul like, oh, you shall not pass to San Diego. So Kristen and he are watching this. What is happening? Well, he won't look at me.

I mean, look, he won't even make eye contact because he knows. It's just such a different tune on the phone, then he was singing on the phone 24 hours ago. It's not really, though. I mean, he's telling her, stop pretending we're best friends. We're supposed to be taking baby steps. What is this supposed to do? He's trying to be polite, Kristen. No, seriously, 24 hours ago, he was singing a totally different tune. I believe it went in something like this, because baby, you're a firework. I was like, stop it. Stop singing Katie Barry to me. 24 hours ago he was telling me how fucking crazy she is that she could ever think that they're friends wow this is really bonkers you know what zach i actually really like you i'm so glad we're best

friends now i cannot hey zach we're talking about you okay i'm going to go back and um you know my my five minutes away from the baby is over so i'm going to go back over there don't say one thing Zach and then do another. I'm not. Your conversation with me yesterday was polar opposite of this. You're making choices on your own. You are. I told you there's consequences for all your choices and repercussions for your actions. And so, Kristen's, I mean, it's entertaining though, right? No, say what you mean what you say. That's all. Oh, God. So now they get to San Diego and they go to their rental and, you know, they're getting out of the car. It's typical like parents getting out of the car. okay, I'm going to go with the baby and then Daniel, can you get everything?

He's like, God damn it. So Jesse's like, uh-oh, housewives, housewives room fight. So he runs in to find, uh, Zach and Jesse run in to find their rooms. That's not really fair when people are carrying babies. It's not fair. It's not fair at all. And I feel like Jesse is getting a real pass of the villain edit this season because he's really not getting a villain edit.

He's just sort of getting an average edit. But like Jesse is a villain, people. do not forget this. And so he goes in and he takes the biggest room in the house, even though this is Michelle's trip that she planned. So Michelle's like, hold on, Jesse. No, you cannot take that room. You can't take this room by yourself. And he's like, ah, it's not myself. Lacey's coming. And so then Lala comes and she's, are you kidding to me? Are you? Okay, like, okay, this is no, no. This is you cannot take this room. No, no. We're taking this room. I love a bathtub. Yeah. So it's our room. He's like, no, you're not. Yes.

it is. I'm taking it. He's like, well, good luck with that. And she's like, we're taking this room, Jesse, okay? I need a bedroom that I'm accustomed to. Which is like, and he's like, well, I need a bedroom that I'm accustomed to. They're fighting. Meanwhile, this house is kind of a dump. Can we just be honest?

It's large. It's not a cute house. They're fighting over a bathroom that was like last touched in the 80s. She's like, I need something that I'm accustomed to. Yeah. And they're just like they're all arguing. And basically Jesse will like not refuse to leave this room, but Lala's just like, no, you've got to go.

You can't go. Like, I'm moving in. I'm moving in. I can't wait. It'll be so fun. It's like, it will be fun. And I'm not leaving this room so you guys can go wherever you want. And it's like, well, Michelle and I, well, I can't be here with, here without, with you guys. So you're just going to have to deal with it. And it's basically, Lala's like, yeah, I'm going to, he, Michelle doesn't have the stamina to deal with this bullshit, but I do. And he's not going to win. So, um, there's one house with Kristen, Luke Danny and Nia, that's the baby house. Jasmine and Melissa have their own little suite, like honeymoon suite in the back.

And the main house is going to be everybody else. So Jason's like, wow, this place is bigger on the inside than on the outside. It's like huge in here. So now we see me and Danny talking behind a closed door. And she's like, oh, please come all the way in and close the door. He's like, hey, could you put Adelaide down for me? He's like, what do you mean put Adelaide down? She's tired.

she's ready to sleep. So could you put her down? He's like, he's like, God. What I have to? He's shocked at this idea. He's like miserable fist. But he has to put down his child.

That's his child. His. So then in the other house, Jesse is now like given up. So now he's like, he's pretending like he doesn't realize there's other rooms. He's like, oh, wait, there's another room.

Okay, I can go in there. So he moves out of that room that he's being a dick about. And then they start, like, talking about tequila and, like, getting drinks ready and let's do some shots and everything. And then we go back down to Nia. And Nia is, like, eating a sandwich in this, in her house. And Danny comes out with Adelaide. And he's like, Nia, no, my gosh.

She's like, what? I need a swaddle. I'm like, you need a muzzle is what you need around your face. No kidding. You need a spank. You need a switch on the back of your butt is what you need. And she's like, well, where's our suitcase? I keep getting her, I can't, I keep getting her down, but I need to swaddle.

And every time I get her down, her eyes are waking up because I don't have a swaddle. Do you not know how to open up your briefcase or your suitcase? Are your arms broken? Like, what the fuck, dude? Yeah. Go get it. And it's, it's annoying because she said when they were getting on the train, can you hold the baby while I eat something really quick? And then he refused to do it so he could go.

So did she not get to eat something? Because now she's trying to shove down a sandwich. Yeah, I think she was like, I don't remember if she was eating on the, on the train or not, but she definitely had her hands full on that train. And by the way, every time we see Mia, there's a baby attached to her boob because this is what she's doing all the time. She is like full time feeding this human. And then like for one second, she wants to feed herself and like have like a little sandwich. And Daniel's like, oh gosh, where's the swaddle? I can't even get her to go to sleep.

Where's a swaddle? It's like, open your stupid bag and find it or ask nicely and be like, hey, sorry to interrupt. Do you know where the swaddle is because the baby keeps on waking up? And just the whole situation because she's sitting with a sandwich and then she puts her ear pods in her AirPods in to just try and have five minutes. You know, like you have no time. She's like, okay, I'm going to take this five minutes and really just like try and have a moment to myself. Put some AirPods and eat a sandwich. God damn it, we're swaddle.

That's got a piece of shit. So he tells us, I'm wondering why NEAS put me in the situation when we have a babysitter. So, you know, that's where the frustration is. You know, what's the point of bringing a babysitter here if we're not going to let the babysitter sit the baby? No, that's not the point of frustration. The point of frustration is that everyone else is up in the main house doing shots and you're down here and you're not doing shots. And you're jealous and you want to be part of it and you want to get drunk. And that's exactly where his annoyance is coming in right now.

I guarantee it. And in fact, we know it because later on he sort of says something to that effect. So she comes in with the swaddling. He's like, oh, God, you're eating a sandwich? She's like, well, I'm sorry that you're mad at me for eating food, not checking in when I've tried to put her down three times. And her just keep popping up when I put her down. Okay, well, thank you for that. Wow, thank you.

He's like, you're welcome. Oh, God, this guy is such an asshole. Danny. Oh, what are you doing? You were such an idiot. You had the audience, like, supporting you last year and all this shit against Janet. And what do you do? You just come shit it all away.

What a dumb. Yeah, no, he's a brat. He's a little brat. I mean, he's honestly, the way he is acting is not unlike the way Jacks acted to Brittany. Sorry. I'm not saying it's the same degree, but I should say the way he talks to Nia is the way that Jacks would talk to Brittany. And it was unacceptable then. And to me, it's unacceptable now.

So Michelle is upstairs. He's like, you know what? I am like deathly. afraid of birds like since I was a little girl what are you afraid of Tom? It's like oh I'm afraid of mayonnaise

because by the way they're at like a petting zoo that's on this property like looking at an alpaca or something or a llama and she goes shut up mayonnaise I am I have a phobia of it it just seems like something that would come out of a pimple or something and people put on their sandwich

and spread around it's gross and then they just do a hard cut to Kristen's wording mayo all over a sandwich. Like a ton of it. She's like, I just want to lay down. Well, 9.30 is the best case scenario. So like if you're fine staying with her, she'll be happier in bed before then.

So they're just telling the nanny how to take care of the kid and stuff. And so Kristen's like, I don't want to go because I'm like bleeding out everywhere. After you have a baby and you have your first period, it's possible that you like gush and I'm gushing. Okay, so it's called mommy diapers and not feeling like the hottest version of myself right now. So, ugh. I feel bad, Kristen, she really is going through it. She's, I feel bad that she has to like go through this and know that she's like on camera and has to like sort of be on.

You know, I mean, part of it is that she is sharing her journey and her experience. And I think it's actually pretty helpful for someone like me who doesn't know a lot about about these things. but I also feel bad because I'm sure she probably just wants to just sort of be inside and recuperate and heal and come back up to speed before she goes back on camera and said she's like I'm in a baby diaper right now

I'm bleeding, I'm miserable, I'm unhappy and I've got a camera in my face caca. Yeah, she's like God, stupid, your enormous bloated elephant with terrible cramps, blah. So now Brittany's taking a video to send her And she's like, hey, since I just want you to know when you were leaving. Me says you need to be a little bit more time.

So we'll just meet you there. Love you. Take time. Feel better. So they all leave. By way, that video, Brittany's like little video to Kristen, it was like a cameo. Like she clearly went into cameo. She was like, Hey, Christine.

Love to see you. I'm a big, I love that. Happy birthday. I hope you're having a great time. I'm so glad you watch the show. We will be going to the amusement park. We will see you there and thanks again for watching. I'm like, just text your friends saying,

catch you at the amusement park. So they leave and me and Danny wait for Kristen and Luke. And so Mia's like, well, Carr's out front. All right, Mia. Well, we can't put her in until Kristen's ready to walk out the door. I mean, I can't do that to her. He's like, oh, God, we'll just go and set up and there. No, because she'll start crying.

Like, it has to be the last second, Danny. Yeah, so like, because they know that like Kristen is still so like emotional. She basically is trying to be a good friend to Kristen. And Danny, all he wants to do is get in that car, join up with everyone else and start drinking. And so Nia is like, I feel like there are certain times where Daniel and I just aren't really attuned as much as I'd like us to be. And yeah, I just don't know. I feel off with it. So they finally get to the car.

And Nia's like, do you know how to rodeo a cow? And he's like, oh my gosh, it's called Lassau, dude. I mean, come on, please hop with a car sheet. It's like, bro, she's just trying to bring some, like, celebrity to this tense situation. I hate him. So now they go to Belmont Park. And Tom's like, wow, for me, Belmont Park is the quintessential park.

You imagine I remember going to as a child. So I'm so excited to share this with everyone because I don't think everyone else has been here. Belmont Park. So, Jesse's like, oh my God, look how ratchet that ride is.

So I was like, my childhood memories, Jesse's like, what is this place put together with fucking tape? I'm not going on these rides. Yeah. So they are,

but they decide that they're going to go on this roller coaster and Jesse's like, no, I'm going to stay back and be the lone survivor. I'm not terrified over roller coasters. I am terrified of heights.

Never been able to overcome it. I don't know what it is. And I don't know what it is. I don't care if you call me a little bitch, because I am a little bitch. Even though my hair may look like a roller coaster, I will not go on one. Oh, poor little guy. So they want to do it again.

They have the best time on the brother thing. So Kristen and Nia get to the park. And Danny's like, Nia, get the diaper bag. Obviously, Daniel. I hate him. Can we just have a ride where we pound Danny in the head over and over again? Just give everybody wiffle bats or something. And let them just start hitting him in the head.

because he is terrible. Yeah, he is, he really is awful. And I'm, I guarantee this is the true Danny, you know, on the reunion, he'll say, yeah, it was just a rough day. I was really going through it. And it's not my best. And we all mess up sometimes. And I wasn't there for my wife.

And I do apologize. But, you know, what can I say? I'm human and I'm work in progress. I'm doing the best I can. And sometimes you just have an off day. You'll say that verbatim at the reunion. But I'm going to say, he is an actor. And I think he's been very presentational to,

all of us. And I think, I think this is more of who he really is. I really do. So he's being able to, Mia's trying to, you know, be positive to like get him in a good mood. So she's like, oh my God, Daniel, I'm so excited. We're going to go on every single ride. And he just ignores her. Did you even hear me? Of course I did. Well, would you do that right? Hell no. Imagine what your boobs would be doing in that. Probably falling out. Huh. Right. Wow. I'm so excited to get time away from our kids. Yeah. This is so fun. Oh, there's Zach. He's trying to say hi to us. Let's go to, I didn't see Zach because I'm focused on being with you on a roller coaster, nothing else. And I feel like maybe you're being a little critical of me. No, I just feel like you're being performative,

Nia, okay? Literally, this is how my natural demeanor is without children, because I'm always with kids. Well, we're not doing that. What you want to do? What do you, what would you like to do? She's like, I want to go on a roller coaster. Well, where's the roller coaster, bro? Just like look up like you normally have to do. So Nia's like, she's like, that's right there. And he's like, okay. But where's the entrance though?

I'm with you. I don't know. Honey, I don't know where I'm going. I was just looking for a ride. I know. But you were like running trying to be like a fine thing. So I'm just following you. I've never been here before.

So don't put it on me. I'm like, he is being such a fucking. He's literally. the worst. And so then, so it's really awkward. And then she starts doing this thing where she's like trying to appease him, like being even nicer and it's making me fucking crazy. She's like, oh my love, I just want to reiterate that, you know, my demeanor when I don't have children, which you never see in me in that space, but this is just my natural demeanor. I'm not being fake or performative. Oh, God. But then he, so they walk away from him. Just fucking walk away from him.

Don't try to appease this little loser. It's just making me nuts. And then they like turn a corner and she's like, oh, wow, should we see if the others want to join us? It looks like they're just eating. And he goes, they're not eating. They're drinking. And he says it in a way like, see, they're having fun.

They're doing the, this is what I've been waiting to do. Like, look what we've been missing out on. They're not just sitting there eating hot dogs. They're drinking. And we've just been wandering around, not drinking. Thanks a lot. I think that's like that's what I took from the tone of his voice and the fact that he made that strange delineation between what they were doing. I was like, you are mad that you were not drinking.

Now he will do this whole thing of like, I have a high stress job. I'm doing so much and I don't. I have a high stress job. Yeah. Well, this is what he said every year. You know, I'm, I've been really good about not drinking. And so this is a vacation. It was a time for me to release and I really wanted to.

And instead we're sticking around the thing. And I get that. I know the frustration of like, you just want to get to the fun time on a group trip or something and you're stuck because someone's taking a long time or someone had to like broke their car broke down. You're saying they're twirling your thumbs. You just want to be with the group. You want to be with the group. You want to be with the group. But like, ultimately, he just wants to get shit faced.

And, uh, and he's been trying. I feel like he's been trying to put on this whole persona like, well, I'm like, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm like he's, I've always felt like he was a bad drunk. And he's, it's always. always like an excuse like, I'm not a bad drunk. I'm just, you know, I'd like to release once in a while. And I'm like, I don't know.

I just think this guy is, I think this guy's fake. And I think he's up to no good. This guy sucks for sure. So she's like, yeah, Danny, you know, I mean, I'm just happy to be with you and I have kids on me. Don't you remember me before children? You know, I'm not being extra. I'm just being the OG me. And he goes, well, I certainly can't wait to see OG you tonight.

She's like, oh, geez. stop. So of course. He's like going to be an asshole and they'll be like, I get to fuck you tonight, right? Yeah, exactly. So, um, she's like, uh, no, the baby's sleeping in our room. He goes, no, she ain't. And Lala's like, send us sexy times. He goes, oh, yes, there's going to be. Yeah, you're being real fucking charming, Danny. God. Well, because in his mind, he thinks he deserves it. Jesus. For what? He hasn't done one thing without bitching about it all day long. Oh, well, that's his thing is that like, I had to do this. I had to do this. And instead of, like, having fun with the friends and getting drunk, I missed out on all of it. So yeah, what you owe me is

that you owe me sex because I miss out on my fun times, which is like so demented that he would think that, like, why would you think you would ever deserve sex after you've been so rude and so nasty and so passive, aggressive to your wife who's been taking care of your child this entire time? Sex is not a right. It's a privilege, sir. That's right. And you were not earning it. So now, Lacey arrives. Yay, it's about to get real fun. Nia, Kristen, Danny, go on the roller coaster, and everyone plays games and checks out the beach and stuff.

When Lacey arrives, this is when I noticed something about Zach. Zach goes to hug Lacey, and I realize, oh, Zach hugs like a toddler because he goes over and he sticks, like, one hand, like, up and then one hand down and just, like, walks to you with these hands stretched out. It's like, ooh! And I'm like, that's how toddler's coming from. It's like, ah!

He's like right along the leg. So Lala, Tom, Michelle and Britt are all hanging out talking. And Michelle's like, this is my verse dime. I'm on my own again since working with Jesse. We were a dean for almost 10 years, but a lot of people would not work with us because they did not like him, but they liked me. And now I do not have that problem.

And I'm selling real estate without Jesse driving me down. So she's talking about how her business is going really well. She's doing well. And so they asked Tom how he's doing and he's just so happy because I'm hanging out with someone. I really enjoy spending time with again. And yesterday we were hanging out and she was like, are you going to still be hooking up with other people? And I was like, I'm not planning on it. Because she asked you that.

She goes, well, maybe I said it. Okay, it's a revision. It was me. It was me. Just put him on the Ferris wheel, press play and then just throw away the key. Can we just keep them up there going around in circles while we do the rest of the show? I just, I can't. I'm just so deeply uninterested in his storylines.

Yeah. I mean, really all of them right now. I'm like, what is this? It's just like watching people be depressed with babies. What are they doing on the show? In an amusement park, which is what's so funny about it. I don't know. Really, I'm enjoying it.

I don't know. It's not as riveting as the past seasons, but I'm oddly enjoying this season. But I know everyone else can't stand it. it's depressing. It is a depressing dark season for sure. Oh, God. So then Michelle's like, well, what did you say? What did you say?

He's like, you look so fine right now. That's not what you're saying. No, I was like, listen, I love hanging out with you. And then I was like, are you still planning on dating or like hooking up with other people or I don't know? And then we were both like coyly like, I won't if you won't. And then I was like, what does that mean? Are we dating? Like, oh, my God.

I'm like smoother in person, guys. But like, it. probably seems like abrupt, but like it's actually been like a year and a half since I dated anyone. A lot of people say this I beg to me about Brandon, but I've known him for like almost 20 years. So that's like my giggly way of saying, shut the fuck up. I'm not making mistakes. He's my boyfriend. So Lola's like, why is nobody single with me except Michelle? It's like ridiculous. And so Lala's like, yeah, it's like you're very open to getting married. Like you want to have kids and you don't want to be and old dads.

And so, like, the best two relationships have been, like, with girls in the mid to late 20s. So are you thinking about that once? And Janet's like, yeah, has she given any indicators if she feels like she wants to be a mom or like Zach's best friend? And he's like, well, she was my friend before we started dating. And she's like, yeah, I want to have kids by the time I'm 30. I believe I'm, I believe in love. I really do.

I'm a romantic. But I'm like, every relationship I've been in so far started similar and, like, didn't work out. I've been surrounded by so much divorce. I'm just like, every relationship's just going to be like three or four years and then five years and then just be done. And Lala goes, probably, yeah. Do not say that, Lala. I mean, I think that do sometimes. But Michelle, I was going to ask you, aren't you scared?

It happened to you. I mean, you got to the point you were finally ready and you opened yourself up to that Coke dealer. And then boom. Let me see a flashback to Aaron. Yeah. Sometimes I'm just scared. I'm a little boy who's scared to get to that point and have it like not work out again. But I know you can't live your life in fear, even though that's the only way I have lived my life.

Oh my God. The only thing I'm, the only thing I'm afraid of is women I'm dating aging. How you're okay, Schwartz. Everyone loves you. You know what? We just want to see you happy. Oh, yeah. Janet, what do you think?

Yeah, same thing. We just want to see you happy and doing all the things you want in life because you deserve the world. You deserve the world because you've done absolutely nothing to deserve anything. And you just coasts on pretty privilege. So here, have something else on a silver platter. Yeah, and don't be scared. You ain't going to end up like me, okay? If that's what you're worried about.

Because I'm a bad bitch and I'm taking care of my house and my son and everything by myself. I'm good, okay? Like, oh, no, no, no. I want some leftover buffalo dip I brought some. So then we go to, now we go to, like, actually pretty serious sort of CODA for the episode. Michelle and Lala go out on the beach. It's pretty serious. It's actually a remarkably moving scene where they talk about losing their, like, what's like to lose a parent?

Because Michelle lost her mom six months prior, and Lala lost her father seven years earlier. And so basically the episode ends. with Michelle sharing memories of her mother and what it's like to be in this fresh stage of grief. And the show really treats it very sensitively and very beautifully and very kindly. And they really spend a lot of time kind of being pensive. Like they show like a lot of images and videos of Michelle's mom in a way that we really not seen before when cast members have gone through something like this. and I basically was like crying.

I was like, I was literally crying. I was like so moved by it and I was so sad. And I thought it was actually really touching beautiful scene, but for both women and on that sunset on the beach. It was like there was nothing funny to say about it. It's just like I was literally moved to tears. Yeah, it was sad. And then we get a preview for next week. And it's standing being an asshole.

So we have that forward to. Back back. to it. Back to it. All right, everybody. Well, thanks so much for being with us today. We will be back a little bit later with some Southern Hospital. We'll talk to you next time. Bye. Watch what Crappins would like to thank its premium sponsors. She answered the call. It's Adia Paul. Ain't no thing like Allison King. Our way is the Amber Way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Charlie Clap. Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. She's not just a Sheila. She's a

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