Watch What Crappens - #342: 2016 Halloween Spook-tacular!

Episode Date: November 2, 2016

Do you feel that chill in the air? A creek in the attic? A bump in the night? Chances are you've been haunted by Bravo. Who you gonna call? Crappens-busters! On today's SPOOOOKY episode, we take on all our favorite gremlins: the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, the Real Housewives of Orange County, and the Real Housewives of New Jersey! Come listen... if you DARE! 00:08:28 - RHOBH Preview 00:20:14 - Crappens Superfight 00:30:10 - Real Housewives of Orange County Season Finale 01:34:59 - Real Housewives of New Jersey Season Finale Subscribe at https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Support us at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens Follow us at facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Visit us at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap happens? What happens? What happens?

Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? There's so much that crappens Oh, I mean, there's so much that crappens Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? setblog.com and the banter blender and joining me as always is the hilarious and wonderful and halloweened out ronnie carom from trash talk tv.com and the rose pricks bachelor podcast hey ronnie what's up hello benjamin you know we didn't officially have a halloween episode um of crappins because we forgot to. So I say that we do it Simpsons style and make today our spooky Halloween episode. Okay, I'm down. Which really

means nothing except the fact that we acknowledge that Halloween is something that happened. You hurt my children. A very spooky Real Housewives. My children were terrified when they heard that David beat me. How dare you?

How dare you? Which is not true. Well, to be fair, the night before Halloween, I did watch Gremlins. And, you know, if there's ever been a visual metaphor for the Real Housewives, it's Gremlins. You know? Don't get them wet. Otherwise, they multiply in dangerous ways don't feed them late and

just try not to expose them to harsh elements I mean let's face it Spike the Head Gremlin could be any number of Real Housewives it could be Vicky, it could be any number of Real Housewives. It could be Vicky. It could be Meghan King Edmonds.

But there's no gizmo. Like, there's never a gizmo. No, gizmo is season one Housewives, before the bitch flower blooms. Before they are splashed. Before they are given the metaphorical chicken sandwich after midnight. They're all cuddly and nice.

Singing songs, pretending like they're driving cars. Before you know it, you're blending them up just to shut them up. Exactly. Next thing you know, you're in a department store and Yolanda's coming at you with a chainsaw and a handgun.

Claiming it's like some offshoot of a disease. I need to get to the water fountain for the Lyme disease to clear the Lyme disease. Oh, it's the blender Lyme. Oh. I'm such a headache after I got blended up in the blender Lyme.

Let's face it. I need more water to multiply. Okay? Okay. Okay. Okay. I need more water to multiply, okay? Okay, okay, okay. It's like, oh no, Ramona. Ramona kind of does have the face of Spike. Yeah. And I can imagine her hiding in a Christmas tree waiting to attack you.

While Dorinda, like, drunkenly pets the Santas around the tree. Come closer, okay? drunkenly pets the Santas around the tree. Come closer, okay? Dorinda's, I think, the gremlin in the bar who has the earrings and the lipstick on, playing poker. Hey, hey, are you going to play your hand or what? Oh my god, the grams.

So anyway, welcome to Watcher Crappens, the only podcast about Bravo that somehow cross-pollinates with Gremlins. And Pride and Prejudice, if you listen to our bonus episode, which you can get by going to patreon.com forward slash watch what crappens, you can support the show. And when you support the show, you get access to things like a bonus episode. We just recorded one where we talked about Halloween and trying to be slutty for Halloween. But we also talked for about 25 minutes about Jane Austen and Pride and Prejudice. So go listen to that. Literary, okay. Literary.

I like to think that we're a high-low podcast, but I think we're more just like low, less low. just like low, less low. Go to watchacrappens.com to get all our social media links. Go to facebook.com forward slash watchacrappens and you can join in on the conversation

where we have like 7,500 plus people on that page all chattering away. It is super fun and that's basically it. I mean, what else do we have to promote? We ourselves really sounds good to me you know i love getting past those links i know you do i tried to go as quickly as possible but i got sidetracked by talking about gremlins

that was fun that didn't count gremlins never count but i dropped out i did drop out i was like i'll be dropping out until the links are sent. Why? I don't know. Well, to be fair, talking about gremlins is the same as talking about the Real Housewives. It is. The same as Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, one question always comes up, which is, where's Phoebe Cates? How is she not on this show? What happened to her? Who blended Phoebe Cates? And I am imagining now Lisa Vanderpump sitting on a little chair that goes

flying up a staircase and sending her out the way i'm making like very specific gremlins references because i just saw two nights ago and i know most people are like what lisa vanderpump would be the lady in that chair that's like except and then when she lands in the street, she's like, I'm sorry for trying to manipulate all the gremlins. It's my fault. It's my fault that you poured the water on the gremlins. She would. She'd have like a pool party and then be like, I'm sorry, darling. I didn't know this would happen with the gremlins.

Yes, you did, bitch. You had a pool party. Who does that? Oh, I'm sorry for trying to entertain my friends well i guess it's my fault that you decide to cook up so much chicken that you could serve it to five little gizmos it's my fault i'm sorry and then after everybody got murdered she still make jokes about it walking through the mall. She'd be like, look, darling, Brookstone, tons of gizmos. I'm just kidding, darling. Why are you mad?

Oh, I hear Mauricio's having sex with the lady gremlin, right? If you were to believe the tabloids. The gremlin inquirer. Oh, look, there's a gizmo that your husband can stick his fingers into, darling. Why are you so upset, darling? Listen, gizmo and I have had problems for many years, but we've worked hard to become friends again. You know, we had a rough patch where I poured water on her and she spawned a whole bunch of evil parasites. But, you know, we're friends now and, you know, I honor that and respect it.

Here, Gizmo, cheers to not talking shit about each other anymore. Ben, I feel like now that we're talking about stupid real housewives of Beverly Hills, we have to play the trailer. We were going to save the trailer for a bonus episode, but now we have to. Then we got into Pride and Prejudice.

I mean, what always happens, you're trying to watch a Housewives show, and then boom, you're reading Pride and Prejudice. We know. You've all been there. So wait, everyone just has to do it. So now I've closed the window with the trailer in it. So I'm opening it up again. My ad blocker isn't working properly, so we'll probably have to sit through an ad for kamala harris harris oh god damn her she's everywhere she's in our bonus episode my favorite part about her ad is that it's like she's like in like it's basically president obama is being being like

kamala harris is great blah blah blah blah and then she's like i approve this message like well go yeah of course you approve the message the president endorsing you kamala more like kamana all right so the little spinning things okay so it's a north face ad i can't advance it there's nothing i can do everyone i'm like really sorry i can't i know they made it that way now so you can't press fast forward or whatever i can't even press pause play button so okay you're ready it. It's okay. North Face. Okay, ready? Here we go. Lisa Rinna.

Pillow fights. Fun. Cars driving to Beverly Hills. Lisa Rinna dancing. Gondolas. Gondola. Erica's like an exploded gremlin, by the way. Gondola Price.

That was Erica. This is like living on a whole other level. It's a typical trailer where they show all the happy times first. Where's Mykonos, bitches? They're in Mykonos. Cheers. Welcome to Hong Kong. Cheers.

Hong Kong. Wow, they're going really international. You can contact him. Ask him if he has an Instagram. There's a cow. Welcome to Pun Kong. Cheers. Hong Kong. Wow, they're going really international. You can attack him. Ask him if he has an Instagram. There's a cow. Welcome to Punta Mita, Mexico. Oh, they're really traveling a lot this season. I've heard so much about you from Boy George.

Okay, here's... What a dump. That's Boy George. Boy George has now arrived on the show. He's a big part of the family. I mean, he lives here for crying out loud. Just so in awe of your father. There's Eden Sassoon.

I am Eden Sassoon. I have a legacy to carry on. I like the idea that I said, there's Eden Sassoon. I like the idea that I said, there's Eden Sassoon. She goes, I am Eden Sassoon. Music is getting a little bit more tense. Now here it comes. Oh, I think Doritza's not happy with Erica. Kim Richards is back. Winner. She loves going into Richard's. I will be a bitch.

Americans need to kind of take a deep breath. You're an American. You're born in Connecticut. You act like a total bitch. You are shown the door really quickly. You're inserting yourself into something that's not your business. I don't like bullshit. That's what I think you are.

Erica Jane is now showing some personality. What is your fucking problem? Stop coming after me. Lisa Rinna needs to sew her fucking lips it? that was it I feel great about this trailer I feel this is a really good trailer I feel like anybody could be close to death

and I'd be totally fine with it I'm sure it's Rinna talking about Kim Richards again she is close to the own it baby own death baby get a sickle and just own it. But that's like she must have made up with Kim or something because she wouldn't be standing up for her like that. Like you guys, leave her alone.

Kim is close to death. I don't think she's standing up for him at all. I think she's saying she needs help, baby. She is close to death, baby. She's close to death, baby. Like stating the obvious. We know know she's been there a while they won't take her hell was like we're busy my takeaways are that erica jane is giving us more which is all that we wanted we've er. Erica Jane opens this preview dressed like a splattered gremlin. She's

dressed in a dress. Just to take it back. Just that we opened with that, and that that's how they opened this. I think it's a sign that it's going to be a good season, because that was just green slime dress. That's going to be, her new song is going to be, it's going to sample the gremlins

theme song. How many gremlins theme song. How many, how many gremlins do I give? None. It's back to gremlin. I don't know why I'm thinking of inspector Gans. That's fine. It works too,

because I can also imagine Erica Jane, like having a propeller come out of her hat. We also know that Lisa Vanderpump will be making a cow joke at some point because we saw a cow on the streets you know she'll be like hey darling why don't you come hang out with us it's a group of cows over here something like that no that's coming carl why don't you give the cat one of your moomoos cow by arlene too there's a lazy susan in the pool which shows that this show can still compete with any other housewives show and win and i'm talking about real housewives of new york with their

food truck on the water they're like oh yeah actually got a bar in a pool darling and a lazy susan sad bar uh eden sassoon look she has crazy eyes she looks slightly like Brandy and she looks like if Brandy had a baby with Curious Sedgwick she looks to me a little like Eileen mixed with Sandra Bullock

with a fake British accent well let's hope for my mix of personalities and your mix of terrible dresses so let's hope for my mix of personalities and your mix of terrible dresses. So let's see. Eden, look crazy. Okay, so Rinna. So it looks like Eden's a big troublemaker because Rinna makes a joke.

I've never poured vodka into a smoothie, but I have put a Xanax. And then she's like, you guys, she put Xanax in her smoothies. That's like a palindrome. Own it, baby. Why is she bringing up gifts that go backwards? She gonna get me a race car too? Lisa, then they show Vanderpump just standing standing there letting out a long exhale of smoke which i don't know why i love that but it looks like everything is fine between the lisas because

one of the in the in the first part of the trailer when they're showing the good times there's like lisa vanderpump is like razzing lisa rena and they're like joking around so looks like things are good which is what i I hope for, because I do not like the Lisa's fighting. That was one of my least favorite parts of last season was when the Lisa's were not on the same side. I like Lisa's to be in a team together. Me too.

And also it just, it was such a tag on at the end of the season. Like it, the season had basically done itself and it's like, okay, now I'm going to fight with Vanderpump. What? Where'd that even come from? Stay with the game, darling. Kill the game this season, darlings. Also, Erika Jayne does do a lot more already in this.

And I think it's because they did that magical, magical thing where they cast someone her own age that she can actually fight with. Because you can't just throw someone, especially someone who has to respect her elder at home, you can't just throw them in with a group of old ladies and expect her to start yelling. She sees people that old and she's like, do you want to come to my library and see my pussy portrait? She knows how to respect old people.

So they brought people in her age to fight with. To be fair though, Erika's like no spring chicken. She's like 44, 45. excuse you i'm 41 and it is still spring up well you are saying like i am a chicken chicken darling um you're saying the implication when usually when you when we talk about these shows like someone her own age you think like we're talking about one of those like 32-year-old housewives. But like everyone else is in their, I would say, early 50s, late 40s. So America's not really that far beyond the standard deviation. When you're 50, 44 is not that far away.

But when you're 44, 50 is far away. Does that make sense? It does. It does. I think it's interesting because the trailer doesn't seem to acknowledge any of the acrimony that the last season ended on i mean the season ended on in like with everyone pretty much hating lisa vanderpump except for kyle and you know that's always like the cliffhanger of a reunion which is like how is this person going to even film with everyone else because things are so bad i mean that's how we ended last season of oc it's how we've had we pretty much end every

other season of beverly hills that way with lisa um so it's interesting that the trailer just sort of just gets into it like they're everything seems like it's fine which is how it should be because lisa's the queen well the rumor is is that lisa spent most of the season only shooting business stuff or she would shoot with kyle and then she would do the group scenes. She was like, none of this other – I will be taking no one on a private plane with a donkey, a midget donkey. That's for sure. Well, she's smart. I mean, the thing is what the other housewives just have to accept is that the audience is never going to turn on Lisa Vanderpump.

They've tried really hard. And if after last season, the audience is still on Vanderpump's side. And I know there are some people who turned and were like, no, but by and large, everyone's still on Vanderpump's side. So even if she murders someone, we'll be like, well, he probably deserved it. You know? Well, hopefully they're doing this year what everybody should do every single season when they come on this show and that is go after kyle okay i'm not saying go after her in the

way that carlton did but if anyone deserves it it's kyle and if she doesn't deserve it some of the time it's because she's behaving her damn so it's like vicky you know they're nothing alike but in the way that vicky is always wrong, she does awful things. She's manipulative and terrible, but I still love her and I'm glad that she's on the show. That's how I kind of feel about Kyle. I don't want Kyle to ever be gone from the show. But what an obnoxious asshole. Please attack Kyle every season.

I don't think that Kyle necessarily deserves to be attacked. But I think they should go after Kyle because Kyle is actually at her best when she's in a full-on fight. Because when, and I say this every year, multiple episodes, when Kyle does let her inner bitch out, she's really vicious, and she becomes more likable.

Because it's just like she's being true kyle she is like she will take kyle will actually destroy you and she has kept that shit in very well over the past several seasons season one though she was on a rampage against camille grammar and every now and then it comes out again when when she gets into a fight kyle will see red and she she can fight and i've always maintained that the best part about kyle richards is that she can be very relatable she when she's fighting she's an uber bitch but then there's other things that she can do which makes her feel which are very very relatable and that back and forth between having this hot and cold side of her personality is very relatable ultimately but when she just keeps it all inside and it's just like

nice it's it's not as relatable which is why i think that you have these like i think it's why one of the things that drives you nuts about her i know you have several things but that's probably one thing and i think that she's more real when she lets out her mean side. I like Kyle when she does things like when they were on the bus in the United Emirates or wherever and she looked out the window and she's like, can we wear burkas all the time?

And they said, no. I mean, we have to wear tight clothes. We're not dressing like this. And she goes, yeah, tight clothes keep us in check. Kind of to herself as she looked at all the women. Like, I'm sorry that I will have to wear tight clothes again.

Sorry, my own body. Anyway. We could talk about Kyle, like, literally for 10 hours, but we're going to have another, what, 23 hours of that coming up soon. Yes, I think Beverly Hills starts in december or so so in the meantime why don't we uh should we check in on our super fight should we do should we do that sure let's check in on our being let's fight this of course is the crap and super fight where we pit two Bravo stars against each other with special powers as dictated by the party game super fight. So our latest thing is that we have Catherine Dennis of Southern Charm, a three-story tall Catherine Dennis throwing bears versus a radioactive Kristen from Vanderpump Rules armed with a puppy musket.

So Kristen's throwing puppies. Catherine's throwing bears. Kristen's radioactive. Catherine's three stories tall. Who could possibly win this fight? I don't know. Well, luckily... So where were our points last week?

I honestly don't remember. I think our belief was that Kristen never loses. That you can try to – you can smush her and you can do whatever, but she always comes crawling back. So we – Actually, one thing I think I'm remembering saying is that Catherine will always win because she lost in real life. Because she lost Thomas. He tricked her into taking a drug test. Or it was a surprise drug test,

but he tricked her into doing drugs right before, allegedly, from the internet. Got the kids taken away. Then she was fired from the show. It was not looking good for her. But then, in the week, we not only found out that there was going to be a Southern Charm Savannah spinoff. Oh, yeah, we didn't talk about that, yeah.

Yeah, but that Catherine is also back on Southern Charms. So I don't know what happened between her drunken Instagram quit job, but she is back. So Ivory said she did not lose and she could keep her job as long as Kristen. Who knows? Yeah. So why don't we defer to our listeners? We have four responses on this one this week. So I'll kick it off.

I'll just read them in order. Delazadee says, So of course Kristen kicks things off by bellowing a supercharged radioactive Seriously? when she spots the three-story high Catherine approaching in the distance. She rolls her eyes and starts shooting puppies at Catherine while yelling, Look at me, I'm a catch. Catherine becomes confused.

I'm like a catch sorry i hope you can i'm a catch what i'm throwing thank you by the way delizity for resurrecting that quote i actually forgot how when kristin said that she's a catch so katherine becomes confused as the radioactivity starts to penetrate the air and here's the word cat so she drops the bears and starts catching the puppies. The exposure eventually overcomes her and she falls to the ground whimpering Tommy has come back. Kristen hears the name Tom and becomes distracted and starts looking around for Tom and Ariana

but doesn't realize her voice has incited aggression in the bears and they find her and attack. Lots of twists and turns. That's good. Yeah. That was twisty. Okay. So wait. who won? I think that means, I think actually Catherine won because the bears, they both get distracted and the bears actually pounced. Okay, so this is Michael Horn. I think Kristen would win.

While Catherine's walking towards Kristen throwing bears, Kristen is all like, oh, seriously, who does that? Kristen would then try throwing puppies at Catherine, but accidentally hit Tom Sandoval instead. Tom then yells, Kristen, Kristen, why would you throw that puppy at me, Kristen? And Kristen goes, oh, sorry, Tom, I was just too busy focusing on killing the game with my new t-shirt line. Catherine mishears Kristen and goes, Thomas, where are you, Thomas?

Don't see you. Catherine forgets she was fighting with Kristen and leaves to go try to find Thomas, who was never actually there in the first place. This has been Alexis Bellino reporting for Fox 5. Thank Jesus everyone is safe. I was offered this job before Gretchen. I like that we have two scenarios in a row where Catherine hears something incorrectly and loses the fight as a result of it. She's very tall, but her ears remain very small.

Mike Bowman, he says, First of all, can Landon manage to somehow survive the last super fight crossfire, but then get mauled by puppies? Anyway, Kristen wins. Kristen will use her masterful improv skills, tell Catherine to suck a dick, and Catherine will run down a pier, break it under her master's eyes, and be weighed down by her giant statement necklace.

The now radioactive bears eat the rest of her Southern Charm cast. That kind of is an amazing thought, just puppies mauling Landon's face off. Like, aren't they cute? I feel like every week Mike is going to request that Landon actually be resurrected

from the last time he killed her and have her die in the new scenario. So, yes. So this, the last answer is from Benjamin Cohen. I think Kristen wins because this fight will not get physical. It'll be a battle of wills. Kristen will fuck, not sleep

with, fuck Thomas. Catherine will find out before the fight via gossip. I'd like to think she would find out from Whitney during an unrelated fight. Thomas will be rendered sterile from Kristen's radioactive coochie popper. Ha, I got you to say coochie popper. That was the emoji

that Heather Dubrow hates. Since Catherine is sober, Kristen will press her advantage of being a drunk mess and make katherine storm off in a huff to shep's bar the one that didn't burn down well i think it's pretty clear that kristin wins this one yeah kristin won this uh three to i mean she won hands down right katherine did he i I mean, Michael Horn started off with her winning, but then by the end of his pair, gosh, she lost again. Well, congratulations.

So I guess that means we have to find a new, a new person for Kristen to fight. So let me pull from the box. And Kristen's new opponent will be Shannon Bedore, who we love. And Shannon's special power, her first one is that she shoots lightning. Okay. And her second one is she's made of paper. Okay.

Okay. She's made of paper. Okay. Okay. So basically an origami Shannon Bedore shooting lightning at a radioactive Kristen shooting puppies. Oh, my God. Okay. I think Kristen wins this one, hands down.

And mostly, I don't even think Shannon would have to even get into the battle to lose. I think she'd walk up and she'd be like, oh, look at that woman. That radioactive woman throwing puppies. Is she throwing puppies? Yup. I will not fight her. She will fold herself up into a tiny little paper airplane and fly away because she's terrified of

radioactivity, obviously. I mean, she can't even have a damn normal light bulb in her house without worrying about what kind of cancer we're going to give her and shooting puppies are these like you know allergy free puppies are these from like what kind of rescue you get them puppies from because they're coming out of kristen you know they're some broke ass street wandering puppies these are not like hypoallergenic puppies okay and yeah they're not the cute ones having that yeah she will shannon will get so much psychological debris up her ass that she will

just implode and like fold into a little you know paper piece of poop i think shannon's just gonna catch her own paper on fire with her lightning she's like ow ow ow that's that's gonna be she's just not even gonna be able to she's just not even i love your short ass answer that's amazing why even why even have the fight because you know she's gonna be on fire she's not even the truth is she's also she's not even gonna engage in the fight the first thing she's gonna do is she's just gonna run to david and be like okay david you understand that people because those people are that guy is that no this husband is no they're being horrible to me all right beer beer beer she's gonna try to turn everyone against kristin she'll be like well you know i mean she's if i never have to talk to that waitress Kristen. She'll be like, well, you know, I mean, she's, if I never have to

talk to that waitress ever again, I will be happy. First she tried to serve me meat with sugar on it at a gastropub, and then she throws a puppy at me, and the puppy's not even hospital grade. Puppy's a radioactive. Do I like this puppy? No. Do I like this waitress? No.

Sorry, Miss Pretty Girl. Where's Alfredo? Heather's just inserting herself into the super fight. Yeah. Heather just comes in and points her finger at Kristen. Stop throwing puppies right now. Stop it. I feel bad for her parents. Oh, my God.

So, you guys, this fight is won or lost by you. So if you want to play, go on to patreon.com slash watchitcrappens and comment your answer on the Super Fight post. Yeah, again, it's Radioactive Kristen shooting puppies or a paper Shannon Medore shooting lightning. Shut up. You're stupid. Yep. That's... Also today, we'd like to thank our sponsors. Our super premium sponsor, Miss Madonna Hines,

Madge with a sexy J. We'd also like to thank the gorgeous Christy Doherty and Mia Hansen. Aloha! Mm-hmm. If they were made of paper, I would fold them into a heart because that's what they represent to me.

Pepper hearts. Pepper hearts. Pepper, pepper hearts. Ben, what show would you like to get on with first? We've got The Real Housewives of Orange County and The Real Housewives of New Jersey, both having season finales on the same week. I personally would like to start with the Real Housewives of Orange County, which is the far superior show these days. Oh my gosh.

Far superior. Far subs. Far subs. Far subs. Far subs. Although you wouldn't know it. I'm using my S because. Tamra batch. Farsips. Although you wouldn't know it. I'm using my S because Tamra Batch. Tamra Batch.

You wouldn't know this is the far superior show if you based everything on the opening scene in St. Louis. Taking on like a cell phone as Meghan King Edmonds is trying to find out the gender of her unborn baby. Knowledge. Justice. This is going to be so fun, Jimim because the doctor has been working with a bakery here in st louis and he's made a cake and then when we open it the inside i think he's gonna tell us if it's a boy or a girl justice justice so brian moylan who was once a guest on this podcast and who we desperately needed to have back because he is beyond funny i was reading his recap today and

you know he's just like he's like this stupid woman like she didn't even do the cake thing wrong it's not supposed to be the color of the frosting on the inside supposed to be the color of the cake color of the cake and i was seeing the same thing i was like aren't you supposed to so when they when they slice into the cake i'm jumping a little ahead when they jumped the slice in the cake and i saw it was yellow cake i was like the stupid baker i was like they didn't even say what what gender it was and then i was like oh it's the frosting but they did it wrong also and i know this because of my my gay prank my gay friend parents my gay parent friends my friends who are parents who are also gay you know they're the ones who are like is our little boy a boy or a girl i'm like it's a boy

i know but what is it gonna identify as like oh it has a penis it's a boy okay maybe in the teenage years if your kid wants to identify it or whenever whenever whenever how about we let the baby learn to shit on a toilet first before we let it pick you know a different thing it's gonna pee out of i mean come on so um uh so anyway so uh met they're in st the uh jim's other home in st louis megan's there her sister's there her mom is there jim is there bored out of his mind and like the mom shows up with the cake and jim's ready to get into the cake. And Megan's like, stop it, Jimmy. We have to wait for everyone. It's special.

So then Megan's like, hey, Dad. Wow, look. Look, Megan, this is what you're going to look like when you're pregnant. Yeah. And he starts feeling up like Megan's dad. At first, it was like a little pat on the stomach, which was a little strange. But then he was just like, he was really like rubbing it and the camera was lingering i was like you know this is going on a beat too long it's also her dad i don't know something was weird i feel like megan's entire

storyline this season can be summed up with that sense a beat too long so then they get so they pull out the cake and it's time to cut it and of course jim's like cut it down the middle at least i told you you gotta hold it with your hand stupid stupid idiot girl hope this baby comes out smarter than you dumbass stupid cake cutter like you're so romantic you know that's just the way jimmy is he works really hard so he just expects you know with the cake to be cooked right because he's just a perfectionist that's just the way Jimmy is. He works really hard, so he just expects, you know, the cake to be cooked right, because he's just a perfectionist. That's all. Also, he has a better house than you. Sorry.

The St. Louis house is so much nicer. So much nicer. I love the St. Louis house. It was so homey, you know? It was so nice. That kitchen, oh my god. He apparently knows more gays in St. Louis than they know in Tennessee.

Okay, so now the dad, they find out it's a girl, right? And she's like, I felt it. I knew the whole time it was going to be a girl. Like, it was going to totally be a girl. I mean, I really did want to give Jimmy a boy so he could have a prodigy to play in the big leagues. I found that really sad. I feel like there won't be baseball in 20 years well i have a baseball game i have a board game called baseball highlights 2045 so i

beg to differ it's about playing baseball in the year 2045 and there'll be robots and cyborgs i feel like people are gonna be like ew people are running or they're gonna be like i have to be outside everyone's gonna basically be me in 20 years in my mind they're gonna be like i have to be outside everyone's gonna basically be me in 20 years in my mind they're gonna be so lazy and like why am i even looking at anything really i should just be sitting in my house in the air conditioning watching tv well um so then megan of course she's like gushing to us in the interview and she's like now i'm going to be called mommy by a little person and you know what's funny i wrote down a note and then i saw on our watcher crappins page you posted a picture and we were on the exact same wavelength because the moment she said i'm

gonna be a mommy to a little person a little thing came on screen that said trolls that was hilarious it was like three of the little troll dolls rolling into the thing and it was like trolls that's just not nice because you know somebody did that on purpose exactly i'm gonna have a baby it's like little trolls not cool it was an ad for the movie trolls although also simultaneously in my head i did hear the gremlins music that's what's anyway the dad's like congratulations on being pregnant with a little troll i remember when you were born honey are you from graystones are you from graystones that's what the baby's gonna say when it comes out are you from graystones

are you a real doctor? You from Grace House? Can I see the medical record? So over at Brianna's new house, I wrote Vicky and Gina. Yay. Me too. For another finale. Me too. And then I was like, oh, it's not Gina. Sorry to be fat.

Or bangists. Bangsists. Every time I look at myself in the mirror, I'm like, Gina. Sorry to be fattest. Or bangest. Bangest. Every time I look at myself in the mirror, I'm like, Gina? Oh, it's just me. Oh, I wish I wasn't so fattest. Well, you know, you can't be too hard on yourself, you know? You know, sometimes people just look like people. That's just the way it is.

Sometimes people say what they're going to say, and there's nothing you're going to do. So, you know what you might as well do? don't say anything thank you gina thank you for coming by and shame on real houses of orange county for putting gina in the first episode of the season and making us believe that was gonna be like a gina kiyo comeback season and we never saw her again well gina doesn't make an effort like she shows up some some terrible lace dress and then you know she took like to-go home boxes it's just like well you know i gotta bring food to frankie in the garage you know you don't mind it i brought one of those styrofoam ice chests it's it's just uh waiting on the bow of the boat well you know my daughter and i have to go to trump rally so you know we're busy so vicky and gina and brianna at brianna's new

house and um it looks very nice in there really enjoying the uh the uh plastic wood floors what do you call this the laminates laminate because you know that laminate yeah because i got in my place boo yes girl love it I know but I don't mean to diss you I just mean to diss the OC in general Vicky's like I gave her five dollars for this come on spend a little people yeah

the big the big dramatic moment in the scene was that we learned that Brianna will not be having bar stools because there's not enough room where's the will not be having bar stools because there's not enough room. Where's the island? Where are the bar stools? Where's the caliente sign?

Where's your little ceramic chef that holds cookies? Where's the poster for Paris? Like, how do I know how worldly you are in your kitchen? Hey, where's the who in this who? All I see in this house right now is a who. Is there going to be a who? Because no one wants to live with just a who. Where's your martini glass that says diva?

Where's your margarita glass That has a little pink boa attached to it? Brianna's like I wish my mom would just sit back and let me do this on my own But it is all of her money Yeah You should be so lucky that you're able to do a home You know, renovation And your first home When it's, you should be so lucky that you're able to do a home, you know, renovation. And your first home when it's, you know.

You should be lucky. Girl, be thankful. Oh, she, I mean, she kind of is. She's like putting up with her mom's shit. And also she has someone on her side now. And I'm not saying that her husband isn't on her side. But, look, no one's going to move in with Ryan and then just feel comfortable in at home because you know I mean that fucker is moody

and nasty when he's on camera could you imagine him just coming home especially when his back hurts yes it's got to be horrible there just have to be no Ottomans anywhere because if feet are up and sore tempers they don't even

we won't even know if there's laminate because there's just going to be welcome mats everywhere it's going to be like no one's going to be able to put their feet on anything ever there's probably like a little welcome mat covering their shower they've probably got one of those things that you step on in the shower yeah yeah so speaking of happy marriages should we we go to Shannon and David? Yeah, I just wanted to put it wasn't until the end of the scene that I wrote, that's not Gina. That's my bad.

I wrote down fake Gina. Her name was like Heidi. I was like, what? That's wrong. Now, Shannon with a crackpot. I'll tell you who's a crackpot. That Vicky. What a liar. Huh? She must be a smoking pot. What a crock.

She's probably smoking pot. David? David? David, do you want to? David always likes my slow cooking, doesn't he, David? This is the we're so happy tour. Yes. He's like, oh, crockpot.

And David comes in. He's like, oh, hello, dear. What a morning. Hurdley, durdley morning to you. Hurdley, durdley morning. And then he kisses her. And he's like, oh, dear, your lipstick is very sticky. It's on my lips.

Uh-oh. I don't want to be called gay now by anyone. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh, David, everyone knows you cheat with young women, not young men. So happy with my straight husband. We can joke about it now. It is a joke, David, right? It is a joke, right? Here lies Shannon Bedore, killed by 3,000 jokes that have finally come to full boil in the slow cooker.

I'm making dinner for my husband. Straight, non-beating husband. Oh, God. So she's telling us, uh... If I had my wish, Kelly and Vicki wouldn't even be able to come to this party, but well, I'll have to invite them because it's the finale, and I'm on a TV

show. I like how she refers to Vicki as... She's like, well, unfortunately, I have to invite one very not very truthful woman named Vicky Gunvalson. Well, dear, I'm not excited to have her in my home, even this used ugly one. Well, it doesn't have hospital

gray hair, so hopefully she'll catch the Ebola or the Zika, David. Well, the producer said it was either Vicky or Mother Donna, so, you know, I was pushed into a wall. Not a very nice wall, because it's from a Z, God damn it. Well, the producer said it was either Vicky or Mother Donna, so, you know, I was pushed into a wall. Not a very nice wall, because it's from a rental, but, you know, a wall nonetheless. Well, dear, personally, I think that she's the devil,

but I will do my best to be a gentleman and not hit her. Not funny, David! Not funny, but very funny that we could joke because we're in a happy, renewed marriage. Ha! I will be slapping you on the ass and then going upstairs.

Whoa! Slap me on the ass? Better. Better. Call the cops, right, David? Ha! David never used to hit me on the ass. Did he learn that over Gmail?

David? David? So, let's see here. So then it's like actually time for the party. Like we go to commercial, we come back. And so that's always a great sign. When it's 15 minutes into the show and people are already getting ready for the big party of the episode. So I'm already very excited.

You know, I knew not to be excited. I knew it would be a letdown because who has a party of the episode so i'm already very excited uh you know i knew not to be excited i knew it would be a letdown because who has a party in the daytime at a finale party hello you clearly do not remember season was it maybe four or so when tamra and simon got divorced on the way on the way to the season finale party during the day and also cake battle was during the day i mean it did turn night eventually. I don't even think they let it turn night in this one, did they? Did it turn night by the end? Yes, it did, actually, the very end.

Yeah, Tamara's Babsons. Well, never mind. Okay, never mind. As a great song by Pajama Party went, Day or night, yo no se. Oh my god, Pajama Party, the musical? Hey there, you with the stars in your eyes? Oh no, no,

Pajama Party, the band. Day or night, yo no se, oh, oh. Remember that song? No, but I do remember doing the Pajama Game when I was 12 years old in Dallas, Texas. Thank you. Thank you, everybody. Sit down, sit down. The Pajama Game was

a production at the John Jay High School 1997 musical theater, whatever. Basically, we put it on in my high school. Mine was in about 89, 90, so we beat you. I played the janitor. You're welcome. Tell your friends.

Yeah, we... I will say I was not in the pajama game because at that point I had decided to remove myself from musical theater after playing, always getting a small part. And I decided after I played the role of Mr. Archie Beaton in Brigadoon, that it was time for me to hang up my kilt and leave musical theater. I feel like a lot of people quit the theater after doing Brigadoon. I didn't really quit the theater. It's just that I decided I was only going to do musical theater once every 12 years. You're like, the rest of the time, I will be a small actor. Because there are no small actors, only small actors.

So everybody's getting ready for this party. Shannon. Are you serious? I don't know why I wrote that. Kelly and the husband. Kelly is nice to the husband because she has literally nobody to talk to. She's like, wow, so romantic.

Her giant boobs. She has this dress that has a zipper up front that determines how much cleavage that she's going to him. She's like, wow, so romantic. Her giant boobs, she has this dress that has a zipper up front that determines how much cleavage that she's going to show. And so she's just trying to zip her up, zip her down. She's like, I don't want to have it all the way up because that's like ganging up on my boobs. I'm ganging up on my boobs. I don't want that.

Everyone's ganging up on my boobs. Hey boobs, you want a shot of tequila? You see? Then we cut over to Tamara getting spray tan on her dress. And I just thought, oh, good. You're lucky there's no Vanderpump on this show. Because Adrian Maloof still has not lived that one down. Yes.

Then we cut to Vicky. She's like, oh, hey, Brianna. I'm almost ready to go. I'm just ready to let her to Tamara and share it. Very Pride and Prejudice. Yes, very, like, totally filled out both sides and the back.

Basically, Vicky is Mr. Darcy writing a letter to Shannon, who is Lizzie, trying to explain her bad behavior to be taken back. Sorry, call back to the bonus episode. Slash 200 years ago. Yeah, then we see Troy just run by with the water episode. 200 years ago. Yeah. Then we see Troy just run by with the water guy.

He's like, what a guy! What a guy! I love that kid. Yeah, he's cute. So Kelly and the husband. Now we'll go into their little... Oh, I guess... Why do you keep going back and forth? I don't like all this fast cutting.

It was cutting back and forth. So Kelly is now making a little cheese plate and Megan comes over and she what's cool about what I like about not what I like about Megan what I was excited about was that Megan was a little

annoyed at Heather because Megan did not like the way Heather was whispering about Kelly on the bus in Ireland. Oh girl. Heather fucked that up when she tried getting all snotty with Megan over that lunch. Megan is done with her now. Megan don't give third chances, okay? Exactly.

But it's a little too late, unfortunately. I was hoping it was going to turn into more of a thing, but as we see later on, it doesn't really become a thing, and now the season's over. Because I have another little baby inside of me, that's why. Justice. Baby Justice. Oh, my God. Everywhere Megan goes, she's announcing, are you no tool? Because I have a little baby inside of me, that's why. Justice. Baby Justice. Oh my god, everywhere Megan goes,

she's like announcing, are you an O'Toole? Because I have a little girl in me. I have a tiny O'Toole in me. Like, the ATM is like, how can we help you? I don't know, because I've got a little girl in me, ATM. I mean, to be fair, I wouldn't fuck with Heather either. That's a lot of claw hands coming

at you when you're pregnant. Heather is a force to be reckoned with. She's intense. She's a horse to be reckoned with. Whoa! Okay! Claw hands! Claw hands! I think it's because we were talking about Kristen earlier, so I've got horse face on the mind.

Be quiet right now, Ronnie, and sit down and shut up! You just need to behave yourself um so uh let's see i wrote down shannon's getting makeup done still talking about vicky it's the same it's all it's all the usual it's all the usual nothing was really happening it was just like a lot of back and forth of like well i'm certainly not looking forward to seeing vicky but i'm gonna be civil because that's what i'm do i'm shannon mcdowell um me And Megan shows up to Kelly's house for like a little pre-party.

Right. And she's dressed, I mean, she looks like. Wrapping paper. She looks like a party city, you know. And then she's got this huge pearl necklace. I don't know. I don't know why I was obsessed with it, but it was disturbing me. I was like, being pregnant does not give you this excuse it's like she had lady gaga's bubble dress

wrapped around her neck um so the thing was i was like i don't know if i should make fun of megan's dress or not because to me it does look like a carnival but i'm sure it's one of those things where someone says don't make fun of that that's diane van furstenberg because that always happens to me i'm like look at that craziness and someone's like ah that's dvf so don furstenberg needs to make pashminas like that's really all i need to see out of her okay i know your history speaking of designers over at tamra's place eddie um eddie gets her i think it's to because she did so well with with the fitness competition or just because of i don't know what but he he got think it's because she did so well with the fitness competition or just because of... I don't know what, but he got her...

It's like, look, babe, I'm not gay. Here's some shoes. Here's some Louboutin. Here's some really expensive gay guy shoes for you. Christian Louboutins. And they could also possibly be phallic symbols because they're giant spikes

that are really thick and black. So, you know, I love my big thick black phallic symbols bed. Enjoy. I read about them in Vogue, babe. I wrote about them in Vogue. I like that he would actually write about them in Vogue. Hey, this is Eddie. I actually wrote a letter to Vogue.

Hey, this is Eddie from Cut Fitness, where we have the best award floors in orange county i just want to say lubitans are awesome and they're not gay at all love eddie totally feel good in my cornhole i mean we're so bad you're really bad then i was writing down i was writing down it's gonna be a strap-on you know which is like so obvious because he's like hey babe got your present i was like oh here comes the strap-on, you know, which is so obvious. Because he's like, hey, babe, got you a present. I was like, oh, here comes the strap-on. And then he took two big black dicks out of there.

Oh, good. Come on. So she's like, oh, my God, bitch. I love shots. And then she's like, I'm going to go to this party. I don't even care about Bicky Gumbelson things. I'm your ass, and I'm the Chris-tana. I was like, okay.

That's great, Tamara. So then they're all heading over, and while Heather and Terry are heading to the party, we learn that Heather had ordered what was supposed to be some sort of, like, wedding cake made out of donuts, but she was very mad because instead, the Krispy Kreme people

made a tower of donuts, which is different. And furthermore, this tower had very precarious engineering behind it, and it fell over while it was being put up. So Heather was already mad. And she was trying to laugh it off, and she's like,

you know what? I think that me and cakes just don't go together. three times a charm or not a charm. I'm just not going to do cake again. I'm like, yeah, you're laughing it off now. But we all know you yelled at Alfredo for a good 15 minutes. Oh, my God. That poor Krispy Kreme lady got a new asshole. Okay.

Yes. You know she did. She did not look happy. Yeah. asshole okay yes you know she did she did not look happy yeah and we know from jeff lewis on his twitter that heather's a batch to service yeah heather was probably like we did not build an entire room for cake towers to have our cake tower fall apart from wondery this is black history for Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History?

Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less, and a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Harold,

a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at the list on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of.

But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus.

This is like 9-10. I was coming here so excited and then 9-11 happened and now I'm miserable. Thanks a lot everybody. Tower is falling. Oh, my God. Never too soon. Never too late.

People are ganging up on her. That's a joke. I like when she said that she was complaining about Kelly. She's like, oh, yeah, we're ganging up. That woman's a joke. And then it cuts to everybody like, well, we'll take four tequilas. Okay, 18. 18 tequilas.

Yeah, seriously. everybody like well we'll take four tequilas okay 18 18 tequilas yeah seriously meanwhile megan is telling the pink cake story to kelly again god this was funny though because she's like hey good to see you let me tell you about this wait who is she telling she's telling kelly at this point she tells the story over and over and over again poor kelly kelly is so bored you know i know that megan is the one who should be more mortified that she got paired up with kelly for the season but poor kelly is so bored when she has to listen to stupid megan store stupid mega stories she's just doing that polite smile like uh-huh oh the cake with the icing wow uh-huh kelly's just waiting for a chance to use her new word interloper hey i learned a word from my calendar word of the day

it's interloper so i need to use it as quickly as possible before everyone gangs up on me and she's like uh well i haven't told oh she goes have you told all the girls wait who said this i think kelly was like have you told all the girls about the sex of your baby? And Megan's like, I haven't told Vicky. Like, I don't think Vicky knows. No one cares. Okay. Making a list of everyone she's talked to.

So anyway, in another rented limo, Vicky is in the car with Brianna and Steve, who does does the best boyfriend he makes the best boyfriend move he just stays quiet he just stays quiet and watches her act crazy with the kid because i mean talk about someone with no self-awareness okay yeah has he never watched his show she's like whipping out the card she's like well i'm reading the code a bit so okay i'll read it to you guys i read it to you guys this is the card i wrote like that guy how is he ever gonna get a boner i don't even know i really don't but then vicky reads this uh apology thing which is like i just want to apologize for anything i did you know i know i put everything i put you guys girls do everything and i pray that we can just hit the reset button i'm like you've hit the reset button so much it's like when i used to have a vcr and you have to hit reset a million times just to get

the tracking to work it does make sense though because the america just the america america did that whole thing with russia we're like can we just press the reset button putin and look how that turned out so you know i like how this kind of dovetails with current events. Yes. Yes. I'm like, I'm going to take it to VCR. I'm going to take it to world politics. Go in different directions with our metaphors.

I mean, this is Tamara and Vicky we're talking about. If you can't bring terrorism and or Putin in here. Or old technology that doesn't work anymore. I would also accept a dusty Nintendo cartridge. They have to blow into, put it in, and press reset five times until the gray screen goes away. Girl, I'll even go with the donut tray. You know, all those old, hobbled messes of donuts just all over the ground. Reset. Reset, David.

Hey, I'll even go to all those gremlins in the movie theater just cackling at the screen. I'll go there too. This show has everything. It just depends on how you look at it. So, Vicky, I love how Vicky is claiming

that she's going to take responsibility for any hurt, but that Shannon takes no responsibility whatsoever. And I was like, wait, what did shannon do to you again i can't even remember she the only thing that shannon that i can remember doing was she didn't visit you at the hospital that's what it was not that well i mean that was bad yeah is

that do you think that that's what she's thinking yeah because up until that point vicky had been like i just want to i want to make things right. I apologize, apologize. But then when Shannon didn't visit in the hospital and then sent a text so much later, that's when Vicky was like, no, you need to apologize. Now you've done things. You've hurt me now. You've hurt me. I've apologized. Now you've hurt me.

Oh, God. And actually, she did apologize. She was like, I'm sorry. I did not know how bad it was. Otherwise, I would have probably not gotten to see how bad it was otherwise i would have i don't probably not going to see you but maybe sent you something i don't know i don't know what i would have done i'm sorry about that but thank you thank you for that well what did you really hurt me that hurt yeah that hurt that hurt um the thing is that actually vicky is apologizing for last year

but she already apologized for that she's really supposed to be apologizing for spreading rumors or even just betraying Shannon's confidence to Kelly. That's what she should be apologizing for, which is a pretty big deal. You know, honestly, I don't, I mean, what Shannon did was bad, but I don't, I think this is worse. Well, we'll get to the whole thing, but I mean, I think, you know, regardless of whether David is a wife beater or not, and apparently he did at one point because he had an issue with the law as a result of it. It's still like if they were trying to keep that quiet, I think I would respect that. Yeah. Although, to be fair, Vicky was. She should be pissed at Vicky.

She's got a right to be pissed at Vicky. It's just, I don't know. Look, I can never argue in Vicky's favor. I mean, Vicky was. She should be pissed at Vicky. She's got a right to be pissed at Vicky. It's just, I don't know. Look, I can never argue in Vicky's favor. I mean, Vicky's horrible. Yeah, but at the same time, it is a little gray because Vicky was respecting it. She told Kelly, and she probably told Kelly before she really realized how crazy Kelly was. Because Kelly was the one who spouted it off. It wasn't Vicky.

I don't know. It's a real gray. Well, she was hanging out with Kelly because the one who spouted it off. It wasn't Vicky. I don't know. It's a real great... Well, she was hanging out with Kelly because no one would talk to her. So she was putting a bunch of shit in Kelly's head to use her as a weapon so then Kelly could bring it up and then use that against Shannon later and Vicky could sit back and pretending she was all clean. Unfortunately, Kelly, you know, just

said, she said it. Vicky said it. So yeah, it kind of backfired as it She said it Vicky said it So yeah, it kind of backfired, as it usually does with Vicky Oh, the endless fun year after year I would have to say That if I had to compare The two wrongs Of which there is no right

I think that Vicky's Is worse than Shannon's in this situation For sure, the Vicky telling Kelly about the beating because it actually, you know, I'm usually loathe to say that whenever they say, but my children, my children. But in this case, I actually do think this is bad because there are kids involved. But you could actually

just take a step back and say, you know what? Shannon probably should have never come on this show because she does have kids. She has a husband who cheated on her that aired across the country. You know, she has a husband who cheated on her that aired across the country you know she has a flood also ruined her kids concert by going haywire and eat shit on their fucking grandmother i mean she's so tacky this lady like i don't my thing with shannon as much as i love her it's like don't don't say for the kids you've humiliated your kids so many times you've talked about david cheating on you

like do you don't you think they don't have to listen to that shit you made him like grovel for years you don't think they don't have to hear about that at school yeah that's that's the thing that's why i start to be like but then you know you can't go on reality tv and not expect all the secrets to come out they they just will and then even if you don't especially when you tell they especially when you tell vicky when she's been like heavily out she's been heavily documented and even if it weren't vicky you have to know you're telling someone on a tv show where people are incentivized to create drama you just know it's going to come out so it's a loony tune but you know vicky is a terrible person so like what are you gonna do? And I love them both.

You can't pick. And by the way, I love them both. And that's why they're both good housewives. Anywho. They do piss me off even more because, of course, Vicky and Kelly come in. And Vicky is that girl who's just trying way too hard with everybody. She's like, he shouted. Oh, wow.

What a lovely hope. Wow. Here's a present. Oh, so great to see you. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Shannon. Oh, wow. What a lovely hub. Wow. Here's a present. Oh, so great to see you. Woo-hoo. Woo-hoo, everybody. Woo.

Woo, Shannon. Woo. Shannon. Woo. Even before Vicky comes in. So they're all chatting. And of course, Tamara is totally gossiping about Vicky and talking about how shitty she is and everything. And she's like, yeah.

Vicky sent me a video from the fitness competition where Eddie came and gave me a hug and we had a big hug and it's like, hashtag not so gay, bitch. Yeah, she said, it said precious moment on it. I was like, not gay, bitch. I'm like, you know what is a really good way to bolster gay rumors? Is a guy married to a girl who says things like hashtag

not so gay bitch and i told eddie and he was like she better step off so then so then kelly and vicky arrive and then they're all quiet you know they're like and they're it's all awkward they're all just pretty much like trying to run away from from v Vicky wherever they can. Well, you know, here's a gift to the card. You want to read the card? You can read the card. Well, whatever you want to read it. There's a card there. I wrote it. So whatever you

want to read it, it's great. Okay. Well, you want to read the card? Nope. Don't want to read the card? Okay. Oh, hey, Shannon. Thanks so much for having me. Well, I'll just be over here in the kitchen. Yeah. And i like that shannon has this logic of like well if vicky has something to say to me say it to my face not on a letter i'm like well i i get that say it to my face but actually it's i think writing it in a

letter is a really good way to say something where it doesn't get misconstrued i actually would appreciate a letter if things get really bad i think a letter is really good yeah i mean at least it's something yeah exactly beggars can't be choosers um so they were all super mean so vicky gets dissed by shannon so she walks over to tamra and she's like woohoo tamra woohoo hey tamra did you see the video i sent you? And she goes, um, no, my phone's messed up. And I was like, I was like, why, why this? Why is this the deception?

You're going to, you're going to go, you're going to go with Tamara. Like, you're going to just be like, yeah, thanks. Because I didn't get you being nice before.

So I don't have to be nice to you. That's exactly what that was. Very Christian. It's like this five year old with a, you know, 90 year old hamster face. And then she's like this five-year-old with a 90-year-old hamster face. And then she's like, I'm being called a were. Sorry.

She's like, thanks so much for calling me a were. It was so awkward. And she's literally talking to Topiary. She's like, anything to get away from Vicky. Oh, yeah. I can talk to Topiars now. I can talk to Bushes. So every time Vicky comes in everybody's running away so she's

like well look at that i whack it they all scatter that's really nice so megan uh finally kelly and megan come and slaps vicky's ass classy kelly so yeah hey um yeah so now so now megan's sitting with tamra and she's like hey did i tell you i'm having a girl and tamra's like great batch and vicky's like hey i heard you were having a girl that's such exciting news girl like trying like to party too hard she's hugging her and tamra just rolls her eyes and walks off yeah and megan tells vicky she's like yeah jim and i think about naming our daughter callow like what like isn't callow like that's not a good thing i mean you just read pride and prejudice i feel like that word is in there yeah it means immature and inexperienced and in fact brian moylan also in his recap was like, this is a terrible, terrible name for someone. Why would you do that to your child?

I mean, is that a name for anyone? I don't get it. Maybe she meant caros, you know, like the restaurant, like the restaurant also. Yeah, she's like, if you named it with an apostrophe you're like here's my baby carol's if it was gonna be a boy would have been bennington's claim jumper lives down the street they're friends we're gonna get her a pet red lobster oh my god she would hang out with your kid but i really don't want her to be around the chilis megan i mean kelly sorry megan kelly's my favorite news broadcaster she's so callow kelly's like interloper so megan and kelly are talking and uh sh Shannon's like, Kelly's here! Kelly!

Coco! Coco! Bird landing! Coco! Coco! Coco! She's in the bushes waving a little leaf around. Kelly's here! Everyone, retreat to the back table!

Back table! Around the corner of the house hello kelly welcome to my home help yourself please okay bye and she walks away yeah so they're slapping butts and kelly's like i don't understand why these women can't just be nice it isn't hard like they just can't be nice like still kind of on your side just because you legit got screwed last time, but you didn't legit get screwed the other 30 times. Yeah, exactly. So you don't win yet. Well, I love...

So Shannon's thing is like, well, how long has it been since we got back to Ireland? It's been 15 days. 15 days. Has it been 14 days? No. Has it been 30 days? No.

15 days. And no apology, David. If these days were in Mexico, they would have had a quinceañera today. Assuming it was like, you know, a housefly who only lives a few days. You know. Unbelievable. No one has called me. Has anybody called me?

No. Is it wrong that I've got hair on my chin? Why the hell is she going to call you? Yes, I get that she screamed on the bus that your husband beat you. And that you have hair on your chin. You did try and pie her with alcohol, make her look stupid, and you totally got caught on camera doing it. And I don't know if you know that yet, but you are so screwed. And she'll probably still deny it.

Yeah, she will. So while the women are all talking, Shannon's dismissing all these, quote unquote, conspiracy theories that Kelly has about how they set her up. All these conspiracies. Everyone worked together, conspired against her. Oh, well, did I? Do I know Elvis? Was I responsible for JFK dying, too? Oh, well, I guess. Well, if JFK died because someone kept forcing tequila shots down his throat, then possibly.

But I don't know why you, you know, putting the two together. And I hate to rain on your parade, Shannon, but it was just two years ago that you two were spouting all sorts of conspiracy theories about how Heather Dubrow was going around town telling everyone about how you and David were having troubles. And it was a conspiracy between you and Tamara and you guys were going and they were going everywhere. So like you know, I think you can relax. You know, your memory seems to be failing you a little

bit on that department. I love you, but your memory's not good. But you meant. And Heather's like, well, I'm sorry you didn't get your apology apparently i'm not even owed an apology about being an unfunny jew because i guess i'm just an unfunny jew i'm like you're literally an unfunny yeah you are literally an unfunny jew how about you apologize to jewish people yeah okay i guess what she said wasn't very nice but what did she really say?

Heather? Like, you're going to carry this around like your big racism cross. Please have a seat. Gerbil face. Yeah. And it's not anti-Semitic to say that Heather is an unfunny Jew because she's Jewish and she's unfunny.

It's just that it's just that it's just, it's one of those funny things where the word Jew seems to be used by anti-Semites a lot. Like, you Jew! So now it feels weird to say Jew. But it's okay. You can say Jew. I'm Jewish.

It's okay. You can say Jew. And Heather's an unfunny Jew. Well, there are unfunny Christians as well. You're surrounded by them, Heather. Yes. You do live in Orange County. So Kelly and Vicky, the click is clicking.

So they're over there clicking. So whatever. And she's like, well, yeah, but how could they be like this to us? Nah, nah, nah. And Vicky goes, I don't want to do it. Look, I don't want to say anything bad. I just want to be good. I just want to be good.

There's donuts over there. I've got a husband here. Like, everything is good. Brianna's house is almost finished. I just want to sit here and not be sprayed in the face with a water gun. For five minutes. Water gun! Damn it. Okay, it's ruined. Do whatever you need to do.

Let's just tell everyone about CAC. Kill all cancer. Kill all cancers and liability for everything that happened last year. Please don't start a fight because I brought a chance to tell people about CAC. and liability for everything that happened last year. Please don't start a fight because I brought a chance to tell people about Keck.

So meanwhile, Megan's also sort of confronting Heather. She's like, well, Heather, you really did meddle on the bus, but nothing really came of it. It's just like, oh, okay. Which is sort of the entire story of Megan's season. Nothing really ever comes of anything she does this season. Yeah, Megan basically called everybody out. She's like, well, you were getting her drunk to make her crazy.

And you were being really mean to her. And you guys were yelling at her. And you were trying to, like, you know, gaslight her or whatever. And Heather's like, oh, really? Because that was after she called me Jewish. And that's your friend? You like her talking about your hair on your chin? It's so vile.

Vile. Yeah, so vile. But I do have a sense of humor. But that was vile. So Terry, we should also mention that in the middle of Heather's screed, Alfredo showed up and she was like trying to do her speech. She's like, yeah, I'll have some champagne, please. Alfredo.

It's so good to see you again. He's like, I don't know who you are. Oh, so see Alfredo. He's always joking like that. I do have a sense of humor. I'm a funny Jew. Give me my five dollars or I never fill up your water again. Talk about this later, Alfredo.

He's like, my name is John. We get this cut. It's a very quick cut to Terry talking to the other guys. And he's like, whoa, guys, you have to see my house. It's sick. There's a movie theater with 21 seats. It's like, God, you are just as fucking insufferable as your wife. You're just more fun about

it. So you're forgiven. And I will come to your house to watch, not Pride and Prejudice, but something maybe a little more modern. Just Prejudice. The story of Kelly Dodd. It's about the Jews! It's like, I am inviting everyone over for screening

night of our first screening ever of Schindler's List, another movie full of non-funny Jews. Are you happy, Kelly? There. There's a lot of diversity in our people. Helen Keller

will be patty-caking in the backyard afterwards. And if anyone laughs... I don't know if Helen Keller was Jewish though, to be fair. Anne Frank! Oh, Anne Frank. Sorry. We actually have a special attic for Anne Frank in our giant house.

We have so many rooms. We actually recreated her hiding place in incident. I love any time we can morph from talking about how stupid people are to being the dumbest people on the internet. It just feels so good. I like also saying things that feel

offensive, but they really aren't. But I feel like we're getting right up there. Patty cake is not offensive at all. I'm Jewish, people. I just feel like I have to reiterate this about 10 more times before this podcast is over. I'm Jewish. And I do feel like

Kelly made an ass of herself. But it was hilarious. Because I am a Jew that thinks these are funny. I am Jewish. And I also shaved my chin. So there. Um,

okay. So now Tamara's like, guys, I got guests batch. And she has all these black bags and they're basically t-shirts, uh, of everybody getting arrested in Ireland. It's like their mugshot.

And then under it says what their crime was. And she tells Kelly, yeah, I got this for you, botch, because remember when I pushed you in Ireland and the cops almost came? Look at this shirt! Kelly's like, ha, that's so funny.

It says public drunkenness. That is hilarious,unkenness that is hilarious tamra that is hilarious tamra i don't know what t-shirt shop she's going to in the mall but the only shirt she ever buys are like those string white beater shirts remember when she got brianna the one at the beginning of the season like the size small it's like god mom i think tamra has a side business making those hats and making those shirts i think they just never they just didn't put that on the show this season. Didn't someone say that or was it Megan who did those hats? I don't know.

Well, I mean it looks like it's Tamara because she's screen printing every damn thing. It's like hashtag not gay. Here, Eddie. Happy birthday. It's a new cap for you. So like everything – so Tamara, she loves a good passive aggressive gift i mean let us not forget the evil eye from season whatever it was that she gave to gretchen so um so she's giving these gifts that are like everyone's like a criminal and then the one that

she gives to vicky says charge lying so vicky is like laughing you know she's cracking up high fives oh that's so funny that'sives. Oh, that's so funny. That's just – that's so funny, Tamara. Oh, you really got me, Tamara. And then Vicky is trying to act like she's totally cool with it. But then she's like looking at someone else's shirt. She's like, oh, is that one – oh, see, that's in good fun. See, mine is actually damaging.

Ha, ha, ha. Mine is actually damaging. I'm glad that shirt is not going to hurt you to wear because mine will hurt. It will hurt my business. It will hurt my community because it's damaging it's damaging oh thank you tabra for the damaging shirt thanks thanks tabra so much for that okay great she's trying so hard to still be all happy and fun but uh not working so then comes the part of the episode that we get pretty much every week which is uh is Kelly apologizing to someone. So this time it's Shannon.

She's like, oh, you know, Shannon, you know, I'm sorry. You know, in Ireland, you know, you and I had a miscommunication. I'm like, that's putting it mildly. The opening to this talk is beautiful because Tamara is lurking around, you know, because she has to be in every goddamn fight. So Kelly's like, Shannon, you know, we should talk be in every goddamn fight so kelly's like shannon you know we should talk there's an elephant in the room and tamra goes you shouldn't say that because you know it's gonna make her feel like she's fat i'm like all seriousness yeah she says that she says stupid what a shit stirrer too she's like okay let me try to get shannon mad right now

so then sh Shannon goes into her new thing of the day, which she's going to say about 20 times. She's like, Now, we had a good time. We had a good time together in Ireland. Remember? I was wearing a sparkly green shirt. I was saying, top of the morning two years. It was great.

Everyone thought we were fun. Do you remember my hat? It was great. And then you said the most disgusting. And she goes, well, It was great. And then you said the most fire. Disgusting! And she goes, well, I didn't mean it to you, Shannon. I didn't mean to say it to you. It wasn't directed at you. She goes, oh, so

when you said I had hair on my chin? Hmm? Yeah, wasn't it me? No, no. You see, you were wearing that green sparkly shirt, so I thought you were a real leprechaun. That's all. I'm sorry. It just came out That's all. I'm sorry. It just came out of my mouth. I'm sorry.

On day 15! Day 16, you'll be able to get your driver's license. And I worry about the world. You know what movie I bet you love 28 days later? Because that's probably how long it takes for you to normally apologize unless we were here. That's 15 days for us. By the way, that's 28 days for everyone else. Sandra Bullock could come in here with a houseplant

and apologize for you, and it would still be not okay. Well, Sandra Bullock would apologize after two and a half weeks, but, you know, I'm confused. I stopped watching Grey's Anatomy. I'll tell you one thing. Kim Basinger takes her nine and a half weeks. I'll never trust her again.

Takes forever for her to apologize. David and I once tried to watch that movie. In fact, we dip strawberries into each other's mouths every single night because we're so happy. But we don't keep the refrigerator door open because that Freon. I can't think of anything with numbers. I don't know any other movies with days or weeks. I'll tell you one thing. I wish Beaches was called like Beaches 57 because I would love a good Beaches reference right about now.

Alas, didn't happen. I'll tell you one thing. Charlize Theron, she apologized after two days, but you have to be up in the valley for that. Fifty dates! A hundred cigarettes later, you apologize. You know what? Johnny Depp though He's good he'll always apologize in the nick of time

So The thing she's most offended about Is that she said she had hair on her chin And then once that's out of the way She's like oh well what about you saying My husband beat me When I have children She's like no i didn't say that

shannon i said that vicky said it don't you see yeah i mean shannon's like why you put it out in the universe and that but then kelly gets her back and is like well what about what you did at the 70s party when you set me up i was like yes you set me up to be a cheater and make me look like shit when i have children as well. And she's like, and then Heather's like, that was different. We were in wigs. It was like Malibu country. And then Kelly got to whip out her favorite word of the day.

Why are you such an interloper, Heather? Listen, just because Shannon dressed like Mrs. Roper doesn't mean you can be an inter-roper, okay? If I had a gun, I'd shoot you, you inter-looper. What do you do? Go back in time, Miss Inter-Looper? So, let me see here. That's right, We've gone on an interloper run. Wait, what were you going to say? I said we went on an interloper run, everyone. We did it.

On the heels of a 28 days later, two and a half weeks, nine and a half weeks, nick of time. Things that rhyme. We're just taking the game down to things that rhyme now. We're not killing the game. Yeah things that rhyme now okay we're not killing the game yeah um so where are you gonna love her she's like I don't talk about you Heather I do not talk

about you and Heather's like look you are clearly very insecure about your own situation which is why you have to talk about other people and she goes um what are you talking about why is heather after me you know what heather you're after me because you're insecure about your own situation why don't you be an outer loper instead of an interloper oh geez why don't you

lope along bunny loper hey hop l hop lope. Lope hop, bitch. If you like interloping so much, why don't you marry it real quickly? You can interlope your interloper. Just when you thought English was beating the face in half, Heather goes, You lash out and you apologize and that's your algorithm. No, I'll go to my own rhythm. Thank you. She goes, by the way, I really wanted to like you.

Oh, gee. So sorry to disappoint. That should really be Heather's new tagline. I really wanted to like you. BTW, I really wanted to like you. Isn't that what America says about Heather all the time? Like, BTW, I really wanted to like you. Isn't that what America says about Heather all the time?

Mine would, if I was at Heather's party, I'd just wear a t-shirt that said, I tried, I can't. Also what Heather says regarding cakes. And then Eddie would pass by with those, like, juicy jogging pants, except on his butt would say, it would be screen printed, exit only. He's like, that's right, patch! So then in the midst of all this, Vicky's like, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. And that's when he goes, don't move. And the music's like,

You don't tell me whether I can move or not, Miss Heather Dubrow. She's like, yes, I just did. You must stand here. And She's like, yes, I just did. You are staying here. Claw hands. I love how that was like the dropping of the mic for her. Claw hands.

And again, for anyone who's new to the podcast, we always say claw hands because Heather Dubrow talks like she has little claw hands that she opens and closes like a little lobster. She's not pointing her witch finger in your eyeball. She's making claw hands. This is the worst organized fight I've ever seen. Heather's like, everyone stay. And no one has anything to say. And Vicky is not

going to fight. So Tamara's like, Becca, the thing you need to do is stop talking about people bitch and vicky goes well likewise yeah good to be too talking about somebody else as well the mirror has two faces and they both face at you tamra so um tamra's like you spread vicious rumors about people and you don't care what they're about but what i loved i think it was here that the producers or maybe it was after what you said the producers then showed a montage of all the shit that tamra talks and i was like you know what's great about that whenever producers

do that it shows what side they're on and i i thought that was great because tamra is the queen of spreading vicious rumors she does it every single season. She does it all the time. She's always pitting everybody against each other. And, you know, What's-Her-Bun said, there goes Heather, the puppet maker face again. There she goes, puppet making faces

again, or whatever. But it's really Tamara, and Tamara even tells Heather who to hate. I guarantee that if Tamara knew about David Bedore's domestic violence past, she would not only be the one to say it, but she would make sure to say it on camera. And she would do that thing where she's like, I don't know how to say this, but I feel like I have to share it with you. Like, this is what happened. You know, she would do that. And she would do that crying thing of like, it's a moment of Jesus. say this like i but i feel like i have to share it with you that like this is what happened you know she would do that and she would do that crying thing of like it's a moment of jesus and

i just i don't i feel like i'm burdened with this information i should tell you tamra has done it you're in you're out you know i'm gonna do what jesus did i'm gonna take the cross off my back and i'm just gonna tell somebody how i feel it's like you know have you gotten to the end of the bible yeah she just stopped like a chapter in. I really got mad when God made them all wear clothes. I was like, what? Batch. She's only gotten like three verses in.

She's like, wow, we all get to live in a great garden. So great. I love the Bible. Like who would eat an apple anywhere? Batch. Apples are gross. It's all carbs. It's like a little sugar pack.

So anyway, yeah. So Tamara forgets that she's a rumor monger herself, which is what we love about her. And she's also, by the way, it's like, Tamara, maybe you forgot about everything you ever said about Gretchen Rossi. Perhaps you forgot about the reunion where you went and told everyone about the situation with Gretchen and Jeff and all that. Maybe you forgot about those days too. Yeah, she handily does. She always forgets stuff when it comes to her.

She's one of the worst housewives of all time. I am enjoying her lately, but she's the worst. She's like on the Kyle boat with me. She's like on the Jill Zarin... No, Jill Zarin I didn't enjoy as much okay never mind i'm going down a path i don't need to be going down but tamra is sober i guess and she's doing that thing where she does she knows she wants to fight she's been getting herself ready for it all day but she doesn't really have anything to say so she's like okay the thing you need to do is stop talking about people. Likewise. Well, you're insecure because you're dated on.

You just dated a douchebag, bitch. So you're just like insecure because you dated a douchebag, okay? Vicky's like, I know. He was a douchebag. Do you have anything else to say? This is your finale rant. You suck, Tamara. Vicky was actually kind of brilliant this episode because she agreed with everything everyone said.

She was like, he was a douchebag. He was a douchebag. He was an evil, evil man. He was an evil, evil man. You ate McDonald's the other day. I did eat McDonald's the other day. She's like, ah. So finally Tamara's just like, shut the fuck up.

So I was like, okay, well, I guess that Christianity is really working out well for you. Where's Mia during all this, by the way? Mia was probably just like melted into a pile of goo. She's like, the devil has found me. I cannot. I think Mia is like literally sitting on top of the donut tower. She's just like, oh, just trying to get as many up inside of her as she can before this party is over. It's a cheat day.

That donut tower is no more, and we know this partially because Vicky decides she's going to leave, and she just randomly has a pedestal in her hand. She's like, okay, I'm going to leave with a donut pedestal. Shannon's like, not so fast! Did you notice that, that she had the pedestal? Where did this come from?

Shannon's like, that's true. She totally had a pedestal in her hand. I don't know if it was the... It may not have been the donut that's true. She totally had a pedestal. I don't know if it was the, it may not have been the donut pedestal, but she was definitely a pedestal. So Shannon's like, that shit is hilarious. Yeah.

Shannon's like, not so fast. I want to talk. I want an apology. And Vicky's like, I wrote one. No, I want it.

I want, I want you to say it to my face. My really, very happy face. I'm going to try to read the card to you. It'd face. My really, very happy face. I'm a vagina. Read the card to you. It'll be a vagina card-a-log. It's backseat on the cover.

It's backseat. Oh, Lord. So Shannon had the same terrible fight. Like this whole thing. It's another season where we're all gonna fight with vicky and that's how we're gonna end this season just the same as last year and it worked just about as well you'd think these bitches would learn yeah but vicky knows it's coming you can't do that with her you have to completely surprise vicky or she will win every single time and she

did this time you know she totally won she started she started with that whole um well my children were calling you aunt vicky aunt vicky she she does the aunt way she calls aunt aunt aunt vicky it's like well there's a peasant with a kite so yeah just read the kite and what the best is that she's like my kids used to call call you, I'm Vicky. And Vicky goes, I'm sorry for that. And we're just like, I thought we were doing well. And then I realized I was in bed with the devil. I worry about you. I'm worried about you.

I'm sorry. But when you said things about my husband. But I'm worried about you, you know. I mean, I've got some beer support in my purse just in case. Damn it, Vicky. You know what? We are done. Fine.

I have an extra neck brace to feed it. Actually, if you open the gift, you would see that it's a neck brace. It's used. I don't know. But I figured you'd be okay with it because you never saw me in it. There's also a gel ice pack that you can put in the freezer. And if you ever need it, I'm not saying you will because I'm worried about you, but you know, if you ever

need it, you can take it out and put it on your face. It'll make the bruises go down. Okay, well thanks for having me over. Thanks for this pedestal. Yeah, Shannon could not get a rise out of Vicky if she tried. Everything was like, fine. It's fine. That's fine.

I'm fine. Woohoo. I'm God. I only have one more who with me. And if anybody here tries to woo, I'm going to woo. And it's going to turn into boo-hoo. So I'm going to go to the car. I wish you'd just die.

Well, I'm immortal. So, you know, I'll try. Well, should I just eat my throat at your husband? Maybe he can punch it. Something like that so brianna comes in she's like oh my mom forgot the other cake pedestal but um now that i'm here tamra do you want to come talk to her because like i feel bad well before that we saw we started to see the little light there with the wrap-ups so it was

like oh sorry so we saw heather heather moved into her light there with the wrap-ups. So it was like, Oh, sorry. So we saw Heather moved into her house, but she's still fussing with it, so she's not allowing people over yet. And we saw that Kelly and Michael, they want to renew their vows, which means they're gonna have a really boring arc for next season. Shannon, Shannon, feels like a newlywed now.

I'm so happy, newlyweds. What's chicken on the sea? Is it a chicken? I feel closure, David. Those rumors hurt my children. And now she's gone. I feel like I've taken out the garbage, David. Garbage.

Garbage. I love trash! I feel like a newlywed. We are solid. I'm a newlywed. I just got remarried to my husband. I'm in a new home with possibly dirty air.

So much closure. I would just like to see Shannon hyperventilating to end the season that's just her like happy so happy and then megan she's like i don't know i don't know if i want my child who which i'm having it's a girl did you know i'm having a girl i don't want my little girl to be exposed to all these things in Orange County. I don't know. This is an example for my baby.

I don't want my baby wearing cutouts. So I want to go to St. Louis. You know, where there are things like police riots. At least they fight like men. So she is going to move to St. Louis, I guess, and not, I think, I think, I think they're saying the reason why she's not coming back. The official reason is that she's moved back to St.

Louis, but I think it's really because she was born this season. And so then she also needs to get her ass to St. Louis. She was only living here so she could be on the show. Right. And so Haley could finish school. And honestly,

she should be in St. Louis because her family's there. His work is there. They've got a nicer house. I think they'll be much happier, in all honesty. She'll certainly have more fun gay friends. Yeah. So then...

Who knew? Jim really likes cooking brunch. So then Tamara's like, I am done with that bitch. And it looks like she's about to get, like, her little square with me. And then Tamara's like... And then all of a sudden she turns around. She's talking about like, Vicky, she's a cut fitness. I am done with her.

And then she turns around and Brianna's like right there. And the music is like record scratch. And then Brianna's like, so can you talk to my mom? Because I love you two together. And then it was like, commercial break. I was like, whoa. This is like the first time that like the little, at least that I can remember, that we got like the little epilogue moments before the final commercial break. Yeah, they're like, well, the boring shit is over, but we still have good things to get to.

So it comes back and Tamara's like, I will talk to her for you because I love you, bitch. She's like, thanks. So she goes out there and Brianna's like, well, my mom's never really taken responsibility for hurting anybody. So hopefully she'll just say sorry. And it starts off well. Hi. Hi. Oh, hey.

Just wait for my care here. Stay there, dear Lord. Hi. Vicky loves ending a season waiting for a car. So Vicky, she's like, you know, I'm sorry. I should not have repeated the rumor. But I didn't start start it but i know i know there's a difference i apologize you know and so tamra's like you spread vicious lies vicious it seems like it's going well tamra's letting it out vicky's taking it and she's like you said that david beat shannon and that's when vicky's like

it's really bad i worry about shannon. It's like, you know what? Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah, bitch. David doesn't beat Shannon. And you're a boop, which I think was cut fitness. Which with Tamara ending with a cut fitness and then going, yeah, bitch. Bitch. Like if she walked in, I was like, yes, bitch.

I do have to point out that when she goes, you were talking about me and you said I can't be trusted. And my husband is gay, bitch. I do have to point out that when she goes, you were talking about me and you said I can't be trusted and my husband is a dead bitch. And Vicky goes, what? It was a rumor. And you know what? I know. Gossip is bad. It's not biblical.

It's not biblical. And Tamara's wearing a pashmina of skulls. What is happening here? It's perfect. And Tamara says, I've learned that you have people who come into your life for a reason, and people who come into your life for a season. I'm like, I think that only applies to a very select group of people,

and they have to be on a TV show. I don't have seasons in life. Mia's taking baby steps on Bible study and just reading off, like, bumper stickers to Tamra. She's like, well, when she can remember a bumper sticker, I'll tell her something from the real Bible. Tamra's like, you know, like the Bible says, sometimes you win them, sometimes you're in them.

Actually, it's not from the Bible at all. Sometimes, as the Bible says, coexist out of symbols from other religions. Right, bitch? I don't know. I'm giving her like Heather Dubrow voice. It's hard not to, especially when they're all mad at the end. So then at the very end, the little epilogue is that Tamara hasn't spoken to Vicky

for six months, and that Vicky and Steve are still together, and oh, by the way, Brianna has lupus. I was like, oh, okay. That's sad. They're like, dun-dun-dun-dun-dun Brianna has lupus. Dun-dun oh, okay. That's sad. They're like, Brianna has lupus. It was. I was like, Oh, okay.

Vicky, I started bubbing this season, but I apologize. This group of women has showed their true colors. You know, I can't have this negativity in my life.

Okay. see you next year, bitch. The best. The best. Fun final episode, I have to say. Full of all sorts of hypocrisy and fighting and bitchiness.

I think it is time to go to New Jersey. Jersey Jersey Jersey Real Housewives of New Jersey season finale wow what a finale what a finale it was yeah so

it starts off with the last episode left off which is Dolores in the car with Siggy yapping about Jacqueline how Jacqueline was accusing her of setting her up to look like a no-show at her at her fitness event um and dolores is back off she better back off now she's done she okay she said it now she's done she better back off and ciggy's like enough is enough now when this scene i mean i don't have to pay much attention to this because it was like five

minutes of something we've already seen which is how well this show is doing this year but uh as they drive we're going into the next scene and getting shots of new jersey and we get a close-up on a billboard that says the real disaster i was like it's a melissa scene and sure enough yep it's the envy fashion show run through and they're all there and theresa shows up and so derek the manager has like a total gay boner his mouth like that is him that's so that's the sound effect of his face um melissa did this thing this episode a few times where she's she really is trying to become tree so i love that she has a story called envy because she keeps doing tree squeals her

like no no melissa no we all watch the show we see it happening stop it yeah so while they're there just chattering about oh my god fashion show uh jacqueline is still homesick um she's still suspicious of dolores um and she's like talking sort of like talking to chris about it kind of because she's sick and chris is just like you know some of your friends are not really your friends i'm like listen all the lords did was call to check in to see how you were doing. That's what friends do, you dumbass. Yeah, he's too much. And I respect a husband who will stand by his wife no matter what. But your wife's an asshole.

And if you're going to stand by her, then that makes you an asshole too. So you're just going to have to get used to that for now, okay? Yeah. And meanwhile, Teresa is talking about Jacqueline. And she's like, yeah, yeah. You know, all she does is she just plants bombs everywhere. You know, she's like Osama bin Laden. I love

Teresa's idea of terrorism. She's like, she just goes around and puts bombs in places and she waits for people and then sometimes people will come and then boom, they go off. She's like Osama. Like, I'm not sure that's really quite how it works.

I think maybe a better thing would be like maybe you know soldiers in world war ii planting landmines but oh teresa oh terry so let's see robin shows up looking all cute i wonder how much of robin they had to show or how much of robin they had to cut from this show because until very recently it was reported that she was a full-time cast member wow someone was like well they got in a physical altercation so they had to cut a lot of it out which really sucks because that means jacqueline got her way at the end of all of this so the wikileaks come to this thing, and Rich is like, oh, hey, Teresa. And she's like, oh, hi, Rich.

He's like, huh, I haven't seen you in, what, a year and a half? I don't even know. Should I shake your hand? What should I do? Like, what am I supposed to do? She's like, what, you don't know how to greet someone? Yeah, which is kind of funny because he's being tacky, although she's acting like she's taking the higher realm,

where if she had her way, she wouldn't have even said hi to him in the first place. So it's funny that she says, you don't know how to greet someone? Yeah, it's like, I'm down with my cousin. I don't wish him ill wheels. I just want to be left alone. Like, if you're going to have bad wheels, do it over there. Yeah. So then Dolores pulls Kathy aside and is like, you know what?

I have to tell you about Jacqueline. You know what? I got a lot on my plate. I got boo. I got the gym. I got Maz. I know what? I got a lot on my plate. I got Boo. I got the gym. I got Maz. I got Frank. I got a kitchen renovation. I got so many. The light's not working anymore. I gotta get a new light bulb. I gotta get a new asparagus. The last thing I need is Jacqueline,

you know? You know, it's an unprovoked attack. And Kathy's like, well, you know, she feels left out. What do you mean left out? That's why I called her, so she wouldn't feel left out. Now it's my fault? Now I'm a bad person for talking to her? And Kathy's like, look, here's the question. Are you willing to talk with her?

And then Teresa approaches. She's like, ah, who you talking about, Jacqueline? She's evil. She's the devil. She's satanic. That girl's like fungus on the cheese. You're like, oh, I love cheese, and now there's a fungus on it, you know? You know what I'm saying?

Kathy goes, you know she's not evil, Tariq. You know that. And Dolores is like, whatever. And she walks away and Tariq goes, well, she walked away so I'm gonna walk away too. Good luck with your life. Kathy just stands there all wonky-eyed like, why am I wearing this

to a fashion show? Can anybody anybody tell me and why is this considered a fashion show i don't know like why am i in polyester pants and a and a black and white striped sweater anybody still more fashionable than anything we see in this episode um so then siggy's like you know what i want to get to the bottom of what's going on with jacklyn so So I want everyone to come over for lunch. And we're going to get to the bottom of this. I'm like, Siggy, you've tried to get the bottom of everything. You just have to come to terms with the fact that certain things you can't come to the bottom of with. There is no bottom.

It's just a shallow, shallow situation. And let's just move on. The only bottom here is Joe Gorga. And that's how we like it okay theresa's like i'm hiding in your house you got insurance which i love that siggy takes everything so seriously because she's like that girl had a point and decides to not have it at her house after all so no one can mess up her house i know i'm not gonna have this at my house. I mean, have you seen my house?

I'm like, yes, it looks perfect for a luncheon. So let's see here. Meanwhile, Mel is telling the models, find your Sasha Fierce, your Tyra Banks, your Angeline. You like no one model. Literally, the models are looking through bags trying to find cds are there free cds well she did have gift bags there's like laffy taffies yeah well it was actually there's a cute cutaway to um antonia like looking in her gift bag and finding something whatever it was and she was like oh my god it was cute. Little girls love a slap bracelet. That's true. So then the fashion show starts.

And I have to give Envy credit because as fashion shows on Real Housewives of New Jersey go, this one looked at least semi-professional. There was an actual runway and not just a path between tables at an Italian restaurant. It also didn't look like an italian restaurant and the fashions i don't know enough about fashions to know if they were fashion forward but they were definitely better than what we've seen at posh i know that much the fashion were like totally jersey secretary like slutty secretary like it's a secretary but with a cutout like tow truck dispatcher but fancy chic with a cutout. Like tow truck dispatcher. But fancy. Tow truck dispatcher chic.

Yeah. I felt bad for Melissa because nobody was taking notes. You know, fashion show, there's always people sitting in the front like, oh, Jevon pencil dress. Jevon. Jevon, Jevon, Jevon, Jevon pencil. Well, it was just basically like you know siggy crying

it reminds me of the schmata i used to wear in israel before i left it they had never returned um rich there's a she can't get all the models dressed fast enough so there's like a pregnant pause in the middle of the show and Rich goes, is it over now? Can I go? And to be fair, it wasn't that you couldn't get them dressed fast enough. It was that the models were hanging out in the corner chatting. I'm like, yep, Jersey models.

And Melissa running around the back, Coco! We need Coco! Coco! And then all of a sudden a vampire walked down the runway yeah and Coco's like I can't go out there I can't find the bottoms she's like no that's the whole outfit just go

like the sluttiest clothes ever so Melissa finally gets to give a speech oh well she finishes and she comes out and she's like yes yes yes Melissa finally gets to give a speech. Oh, well, she finishes, and she comes out, and she's like, Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh, my God. You're not Teresa. And who wants to be Teresa, especially now? That's not a goal. Get a better goal.

Aim higher, darling. Yeah, so she does a speech, and she's like, and it was nice. She thanked her family, and she's like, Last night, I felt a tug on my pillow and i thought okay i'll check that out tomorrow and then i got a text my mom being like it was 20 years since your dad died and i thought oh the pillow you know it was sort of silly but also i can see it was it was nice um and then joe's like i'm proud i'm proud of her she turned

a crumb into cake i'm like i don't think that's an expression i don't think that's the way crumbs work either she created a crumb to a cake. That was his actual quote. It's like, I'm going to have to actually write that quote down. He's like, she made a crumb cake. It was delicious. Is there any coffee from a cake? She went from coffee to cake.

I guess I'm going to have to make the coffee now, huh? What am I, a woman? I'm gonna have to make the coffee now, huh? What am I, a woman? I'm a man! So Siggy invites Melissa to lunch, blah blah blah. Okay, now this part was really good, because Siggy is having this boring conversation, this boring fake conversation. And there's this lady standing in the middle of them, but not in the conversation. And she is just giving Melissa this look. She is like staring at her shoes and she's like let's look on her face she's like she's giving her shoes whatever she's wearing the biggest shade and i was like oh that that was a funny little one second thing

and then she just stood there staring at melissa like that for the whole scene died well you know people people on New Jersey, the background people always do that. They always will just walk right up. They're just like fans. They walk right up and they just stand and they smile. It's like that scene in Soap Dish when Sally Field is having a conversation,

I think with Rose. She's having a fight, or maybe she's having a fight with Laurie, and they're having a fight, and there's a woman just standing there smiling, and she like i love you and it's like i love you too and it goes back to the fight well yeah they had that actual lady in this one too she walked right up and then she looked right into the camera and she just kind of moved her shoulders like and then walked away and then she cleared the way for the homely lady who was just staring at Melissa's shoes. This show.

So after the fashion show, Dolores and Frank go to lunch at like, in some castle somewhere. And he's dressed like he's fresh out of Dick Tracy. I mean, he's got the full on like old school pinstripe suit. And it's just a chance for Dolores to talk more about

how she has confidence. She's like, you know i now you know what i discovered is to have more confidence i need to renovate my house and start a business i'm like is that really what like oh new counters i feel like i can approach the world now frank goes i ever tell you what your dad said to me She goes ah Frank it could have been lots of things Be specific Frank Good morning good afternoon Your dad told me look here Shit happens But you don't turn your back on your family

She's like ah That's nice Alright I'm gonna pay for this bill Cause it's the Olive Garden You can get the next one I'm like you know that's his MasterCard. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

Dedicate this garden salad to Boo. I don't need your MasterCard anymore. I got a MazdaCard, man. A MazdaCard. You know, it's weird sitting here talking because we have a good relationship. What, you want me back now, Frank? Listen, I can't go back to you. I got a new kitchen.

I got to cook in the kitchen. I got to run. Frankie, I only got like one more year with Frankie. He's driving around all over town. I don't know where he is at any given time. You know, he could be anywhere. Maybe he's going to the gym. I got a new kitchen. I got a cook in the kitchen. I got Frankie. I only got like one more year with Frankie and he's driving around all over town. I don't know where he is at any given time. You know, he could be anywhere. Maybe he's going to the gym. I should be at the gym. I'm never at the gym. God, this woman. It's like your kitchen

is done. Let it go. So Tree and her house lawyer. Oh yeah. So I was excited because I was like, oh, they're introducing a new lesbian character, but it turns out it's just James Leonard. So she's saying, ah, this is just cool. I was doing yoga.

Which is hilarious because all of Tree Checks In was the entire family waiting and waiting and waiting for her to call. And then it'd be on the phone. And now she's like, oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah yeah doing yoga I'm getting certified Teresa teaching yoga oh my god don't worry if you fight it's

normal so they start talking I mean who cares like this is like some boring scene she's so sad okay so Dolores and her mom here we go in Dolores' fucking kitchen. And then Siggy brings over her mom. And Siggy's like, yeah, hey, ma, we brought meatballs.

Because they got, no, they got master balls. We bring, what the fuck am I trying to say? They got meatballs. We got master balls. Yeah. And the mom's like, we're from a different generation, you know? We care about the cooking and the passing along the thing. And Val's like, yeah, you know, we just pass things along.

That's what we do. So he's like, oh, the wisdom. All I want from you is for you, instead of being selfless, I want you to be selfish, ma. And Val's like, you know what? I dreamed I was on a plane. It's good enough for me. What if I dreamed that I want to cook for you?

Oh, my! Listen, I just want to go to Carvel. That's it. So Ziggy's like, I understand where Teresa's coming from. Before my family went to Israel, I went over to the Cherry Tree Mall, and I just started grabbing things off the rack. I was like, I want these pants. I just stole all these.

I stole all these things. I go to the judge. I go to the judge. And my mom's sitting there in the back of the court probably making me a sandwich or something because that's the kind of woman she is. And he says, what is this, a size two or size six? What size are you? And I said, I don't know. I don't want to go to Israel.

And he said, you know what? I'm not going to press charges. What kind of world do you live in that people even talk like that? Well, she's like, yeah. He looked at me and says, you're not a criminal. Case dismissed. I said, and that, everyone, is a lesson in white privilege. Congratulations.

We learned something. I still got the pants meanwhile you know that jacqueline is in a new feud with ciggy and dolores now because they made an antipasti antipasti platter without her i can't believe you'd roll up prosciutto without me all i want are friends that don't do things like that why would you do that it hurt my my feelings. So, speaking of Jacqueline, Siggy starts talking about her, and then Dolores goes back to her favorite metaphor. She's like, you know what? You're walking over to where

it says, do not feed the animals. Watch what happens. You know, it's a zoo. Get it? It says, wrong side of the park. I don't think Siggy's been in the zoo before. I don't think she's ever seen a zoo. You know what? Because there's zoos in Israel and she didn't go to Israel. But you know what, though?

If she hung out with Frankie, maybe Frankie would take her to the zoo because he's driving everywhere these days. I don't even know his name anymore. I mean, like, Frankie, what's your name? Frankie, man. I don't even know what zoo he goes to anymore. I've called all the zoos. Staten Island Zoo, Bronx Zoo. I called a zoo over in Kansas.

They don't have Frankie. I don't know anymore. I asked for a zoo in the sky just so i could say goodbye to my poor boot one more time but apparently there's no operator in heaven wrong part of the zoo for me every morning i call z100 z morning zoo they don't know where frankie is either so then of course it turns into oh that was a good story now let's talk about the girls. So then the next scene is Joe and Melissa at home. Who cares? They're so fake. They're stupid.

It's like I bought dinner to make you feel better about being a woman. And I'm a man. And it was the most obvious thing, right? Because all season long, they had these contrived scenes where he's like, I'm a man. I'm supposed to be bringing in the I'm not supposed to be here putting clothes on our kids. I'm the man. And she's be I'm not supposed to be here putting clothes on our kids I'm the man and she's like but I need to be independent and now he's like you know what I've come to realize

that you are good at what you do and I can do I can pick up the slack at home I realized that crumbs and cakes and cakes and crumbs and such she's like no Teresa sorry you're still not Teresa this whole episode I don't know what it was.

Usually there's one or two. But this episode, there were like five moments of this. Yeah. So now after all this bullshit, it's time for Siggy's lunch. But because it's not happening at Siggy's house, it's happening at Rails. Rails. The hottest steakhouse in all of New Jersey. This is like our tenthth scene at Rails.

I hope someone gets a Railtini. I hear they're good. So she's taking all the knives off the table, which is hilarious. She's like, I can't have these knives on the table. Someone help me get these in the drawer. Not on my table. And so Teresa and Mel are driving over, and Teresa's like, Yeah, this is the thing. Dolores knows the real Jacqueline. and Mel are driving over and Teresa's like, uh...

Yeah, this is the thing. Dolores knows the real Jacqueline. I can't wait for her to come out because she's going to see that because Jacqueline is toxic and miserable and evil and psycho. She's nuts. She's that part of the poop that you need to flush first. And you're like, she just kept going

off on Jacqueline. She's a terrible human being. She's a piece of trash. She's a slay. She's a burglar. That girl's a hamburglar. Tell Melania to hamburglar. Melania will stab her if she ever sees her again. Don't try to take a burger. Yeah.

She's a burglar. She's a hamburglar. Listen, I told Grimace, I said, stay away, but Grimace hangs out with her all the time grimace i like that she's like listen i'm just coming for a nice lunch i don't give two shits about jacklyn i was like well if you're coming for a nice lunch i i'm sorry to tell you you're going to rails it's not gonna happen melissa's like what's with this rails? So let's see. Siggy brings in security guards. She actually brings in security guards.

One of them is like, if someone uses their hands, I want them stopped. Unless it's to rip a chicken apart because I took away the knives. So they might have to use their hands for that. I couldn't have the lunch at my place because my place is too nice for what might happen. Was there a paintball fight that I missed? But yeah, I love how the security guards, one is like off from work at the Apple store. And the other is like Adrian Barba. I don't know what was going on with these security guards.

One of them was like one of those loss prevention specialists. Like, look, I know that guy ain't running. He's like, just because they're big doesn't mean they can do anything. It's like, what are you going to do when they start running at you with a knife? Nothing. You just stand there. Like, I don't know. Work on it, Ross.

Stress for less. Yeah. So Teresa is saying she's talking about, like, I think this is when they were there already. And she's like, you know, I know how it feels to be that person in the middle that's trying to bring everyone together. I'm like, since when, Teresa, have you ever tried to bring people together? You're never in the middle. You're always diametrically opposed to one person on this show at all times. That's true.

Maybe she was talking about at camps. Yeah. So now Jacqueline – soqueline actually gets there first and she's telling she's saying that melissa was intimidated that theresa and jacqueline were becoming friends again and i'm like okay so i get the argument and i believe the argument that jacqueline was intimidated because melissa and theresa were getting close But I didn't see anything that like... If Melissa was getting intimidated by Jacqueline and Teresa's relationship, what did Melissa do? Melissa did nothing.

She didn't act out. She didn't attack Jacqueline. I've never been a Melissa fan. But Melissa did nothing to Jacqueline. Melissa did nothing. Nothing. She was not intimidated at all. I think Melissa was happy.

Made her life easier. intimidated at all i think melissa was happy yeah her life easier their only issue is when jacqueline started yelling at her because she felt like she was standing up for people who weren't even there i mean it was so weird or jacqueline was fighting for kathy she wasn't even fighting for herself she was fighting about kathy and rosie who theresa already had the discussion with and then melissa is like well maybe we can be calm how dare you yeah yeah jacqueline is totally deranged and so jacqueline's there and dolores comes in and i love i love a i love how dolores walked in because it's it's how so many housewife fights could be fixed but i also love because it's so dolores she goes you know what i'm sorry i'm sorry you know what i'm sorry i was cranky i'm sorry too

the end and it's like that's the end of that whole fight yeah meanwhile theresa's still walking up with melissa and she's like jackie she hurts people she's a miserable woman she doesn't even leave the house oh i want one of those mailboxes from my house and also she's uh uh she's a cuckoo bird and an alien. I liked, though, that when Dolores and Jacqueline were hugging, that Siggy was like, Siggy starts to cry. And she's like, this is called class. First time ever uttered at Rail Steakhouse. I don't know why I go in on rails so much. It's probably a perfectly fine restaurant.

Because it's called rails. And they serve a rail teeny. So then Dolores and Jacqueline are now in the afterglow of their fight. And Dolores is like, I kind of like our little fight. It's nice to have a fight. Yeah, because, you know, I like I called you a bitch and stuff. And, like, maybe I even told you fuck you or whatever. Yeah. No, you actually said fuck you

bloop second text so jacqueline has now developed this huge sense of entitlement she feels like she's doing everyone a favor for being for being there at rails and she tells the girls ahead of time she's like i'm only going to talk to people one-on-one because i don't want to be ganged up on blah blah blah blah blah so sure enough i don't want another situation like vermont where i can't be heard i'm like really because vermont everybody was being quiet except for you who is screaming and yelling and flicking people in the face and screaming about their blowjobs and then screaming through the restaurant and ruining

everybody else's night what the fuck kind of world do you live on? They could hear you in Montpellier. Montpellier. So the girls are kind of putting up with this, but she's ready to start yelling and screaming. So Teresa and Jacqueline come in, and Siggy, right before they come in, Siggy's like,

look, since Teresa's been back from the camps, she's been very sincere. And Jacqueline goes, if she's so sincere, then why did she take the first opportunity to end our relationship? That was you, Jacqueline. This is all you, bitch. Yeah, that was you. That was you. Remember when you made a big stink about New Year's?

Remember when you invite her over and then started yelling at her? Remember when you started yelling at her in Vermont? Remember how you're the crazy one now? Sorry, Jacqueline. I screamed criminal at her and then laughed like you're the worst. So Teresa and Melissa walk in and Jacqueline goes, Teresa, can I have you sit here?

And Melissa, can you leave? I'm like, oh my god, what a cut fitness. I say it all the time about how immature she is, but it really reminded me of like sixth graders trying to resolve an issue in like a faux adult way. And you're just like, no, bitch, that's not how it works. Yeah. Teresa's like, you got the hallway key, you gotta go outside.

Yeah. And then Tree goes, you don't call the shots. And Jackson's like, well, I'm calling the shots today. Like, no, you're, what? Since when do you call the shots? Siggy's calling the shots, if anyone. Tree's like well i'm calling the shots today like no you're what since when do you call it siggy's calling shots if anyone tree's like i didn't come out of her vagina so jacqueline's like i have a ride waiting for me right outside and uh siggy's like i think we're talking about this wrong she's just trying to say she wants to have a one-on-one with you teresa and teresa goes yeah one-on-one we could do that in the same room all together like no that's the exact opposite of

the definition and she goes that's stupid and jacqueline goes i don't like that word stupid she goes how about the word stupid bitch well she goes she goes well did she i thought she's no no she goes uh tree says that jacqueline is acting like a teacher like and this is stupid so then jacqueline goes i don't like that word which i think she's alluding to stupid but then theresa misconstrues it goes oh sorry miss teacher is that better and then that's when jacqueline goes is bitch better and then tree goes is cut fitness better and then jacqueline goes is bitch better and then tree goes is cut fitness better and then jacqueline goes that's so classy i'm like you're the one who called her a bitch bitch all right you're the one who took it down that path i hate that when people do that

theresa goes you're an evil person and jacqueline says if you can't face me one-on-one she stands up she's like i'm your one-on-one right now yeah she's not afraid of you or that saying she won't talk jacklyn's just screaming and yelling yeah jack you jacklyn for putting me on theresa's side yeah i mean you really like the whole season you are really off your rock you're really off the rails as it were yeah i'm on theresa's side good rails linger yeah seriously seriously jacqueline you've done something that has never happened in the history of jersey which has put me on teresa's side i've never been not even from season one i've always been on the other side and jacqueline

you have pushed me to the other side okay and honestly when when when jacqueline said i think you're uh when tree said i think you're an evil person to the core jacqueline goes you're describing yourself i'm like god you i mean there's a lot of immaturity on these shows. And our podcast really is the most immature podcast on the internet. But you're making us look like we are having a high-minded conversation about this because you are so – It feels like we're hosting Meet the Press sometimes talking about this. Well, I love Dolores. So her way of handling the situation, she goes, okay,

you know what? We need to speak softly to each other. Let's try it. It's something new for all of us. Come on now. Like Dolores, I think you're the one who's in the wrong side of the zoo now. And Jacqueline's like,

you can't talk one-on-one. You need a backup. And Teresa starts hugging everybody. Yeah, I need a backup. I need a backup. You're evil to the quest. My security's here.

And Jacqueline goes, why did I think I could come here and talk to these animals? Cut to Melissa going, what are we, animals? Yeah. Well, I mean, I know that, like, we wear every single animal print there is. I mean, I've got an okapi shawl on right now, but still, not actually animals. So Jacqueline's like, fine, I'm leaving! So she leaves, and Teresa told Melissa in the car, eh, she'll be there for five minutes, and then she'll run away or something,

which she, of course, does. And Siggy goes, maybe! Did she leave? Maybe, maybe go get Jack so I can talk to her! And Tree goes, she's a sick and twisted bitch, you hear? Sick and twisted bitch, you hear? Siggy tries to look like, whoa, that was harsh, but she kind of laughs under her breath. Like, you people are fucking ridiculous.

Like, what is wrong with you? So Siggy and Dolores go take her. I also want to mention, by the way, that during this fighting, our two renter cops are standing there not sure if they should do anything. And if they do do anything, what they actually should be doing. They're sort of like lingering, coming in, coming out. He's protecting all the ceramic chefs. So they go chase out Jacqueline. He's had Chris waiting in the car ready to speed off.

So he's in the car already. She's in the passenger seat just waiting for someone to come out, by the way. And I love this. They go running out of the restaurant. And Dolores goes darting first. You know, she used to be a cop. She can do this. And she's like, wait, I just got a pedicure because they're taking off their shoes.

And Dolores goes, I don't care. It was like running in the street like this. What if there's a piece of glass or something she's like then you just pick it out later yeah it was actually so amazing that moment because it was like a revival of those great 80s movies where two women like outrageous fortune or something else were like in total thrown into an adventure and they're both like city women and they have to step outside of like their their comfort zones and so one is like oh no but my my new shoes and was eh get over it already we got a train to catch you know i was like this is really dredging up something that's making me

so happy yeah ciggy was basically shelly long in the scene yeah so they go out there and jacqueline's just waiting and she opens the door and she goes and then they speed off yes you know which is i'm sure looking so good for their popcorn company the little colonel little getaway car the tiniest colonel in the world yeah so basically siggy and dolores decide fuck it they're done with all of this the season's over anyway they can go back to you know, not having to pretend that they actually have lives worthy of filming. But inside, when they go back,

Teresa's like, I told you she'd be here for five minutes. And so they start doing their ending. Beep, beep, beep. Before the ending, I just want to point out that one of our listeners, Elisa Davis, on Twitter tweeted us and said, did you notice that the car driving Jacqueline away had New York license plates? So perhaps it wasn't Chris. Perhaps it's some other shady co-conspirator. Oh, yeah.

You never know. I don't know who's hanging out with Jacqueline. But I like that when they're doing their – they're having casual conversation. Then we freeze frame on their face. Their conversation was about Teresa buying a dildo. I mean, this show. And their updates were really so dull. It was like,

Siggy's still hosting dinners for her family. And it's like, Dolores is running a gym. And Envy is going well. And Shrita's staying zen with Danielle Staub. And Jacqueline just wants to be a good glamour but the funny thing was the jacqueline update they didn't even give her a good shot they just they just showed her from a distance poking her head out of the range rover

and it just says jacqueline has not spoken to anybody in six months like these editors hate her so jacqueline and tamra looking troublesome for you next year well tamra will be fine because Tamra played her cards right, but Jacqueline just was annoying. Jacqueline should just be... Honestly, Tamra's... What Tamra does, you say, ugh, that bitch. Can't wait to see her next season. But Jacqueline's like, ugh.

Let's just get rid of her. She doesn't bring anything. You know, this is the first season I've really disliked Jacqueline, I think, to this extent. I mean, this year she's just an idiot. I've... I normally like her. I think, to this extent. I mean, this year she's just an idiot. I normally like her. I mean, she doesn't do that much. I normally dislike her, but I dislike her with like – and I'm always like, I don't know why they keep her on their show.

She doesn't really have like a big personality, and she doesn't have an interesting personality. She's just sort of whiny and immature. But this is the first time I'm like, yeah, they should just get rid of her now. Like she's not bringing – like she does not she brings nothing yeah well we're gonna have a whole month left of these shows because of reunion oh yeah but until then that wraps us up a bean it certainly does um everyone god bless y'all. Thanks for listening. Thanks for enduring our wacky, wacky podcast. Go check out WatchYourCrapIs.com.

Come to our Facebook page, which is awesome. Support us on Patreon. Subscribe on iTunes. And guess what? We'll see you later this week when we discuss Below Deck and Million Dollar Listing Los Angeles. Bye, everyone. Bye, suckers.